ABOUT THIS EPISODE
The first thing Katie told me was that she now finishes her workout at the time her family used to have to be in the car.
That one detail told me a lot had changed.
Katie Harris, my former co-host, came back on so we could catch up. The last time we talked was in May. She was working at the college and asking herself everything. Should I keep working when Talon starts his job? Should I go part-time? What am I even doing?
So here's where she landed.
Talon had close to three months off between residency and his first attending job, and he spent most of it as the lead parent. Katie is honest that it was harder than either of them expected. She had to let go of the reins. He had to pick them up. And she got texts at 10:00 in the morning that said, "This is crazy." (Any of us who have been the default parent for years know that feeling.)
Meanwhile, at work, she noticed something. She spent her breaks listening to podcasts about raising kids. The minute she was away from them, she wanted to learn more about them.
She walked into her boss's office ready to quit. Her boss's first question was, "When are you leaving us?" Then she offered Katie a single adjunct course to keep her on, which is very Katie. Nobody wants to let her go.
The bigger shift happened inside, though. Katie described the years before as feeling "so trapped... like I was in a box." She had been telling herself that her spouse couldn't do this without her, and that story made home feel like a ball and chain.
Then she said the line I keep thinking about: "I could have always chosen it."
She had to step out of the box to see that the door had been open the whole time.
I know that feeling well. My husband's training was so long that I hung all my hope on the end of it. When this ends, then everything will be different. Some things did end. Then life handed me new challenges. I don't know of anywhere a person gets to live without hard things. New hard seasons keep coming.
Katie's answer to that was simple. She tends to make a hard day mean more than it does, as if it will be like this forever. Now she tries to let it wash over her and keep moving.
We also talked about Talon's new rhythm: a four-day week, home by 6:30, phone off at night. He has delivered 100 babies, and for now he's setting that part of his career down with gratitude. And we talked about what Katie is doing for herself now. Exercise came back first. She volunteers in a school garden, runs with women from church, and paints watercolors she's cutting into postcards to send to friends. Every day she sets one anchor point where she connects with someone.
If you've been feeling the walls of your own box lately, I think this conversation will help you breathe a little easier.
What You'll Learn (with Timestamps)
- [01:00 - 02:00] What happened when Talon became the lead parent for the summer, and why letting go was harder than expected
- [08:30 - 11:15] How Talon's summer at home made their partnership easier once he went back to work
- [11:30 - 12:30] Katie's "anchor point" habit and why it makes her days happier
- [15:00 - 17:15] Feeling trapped vs. choosing to be home, and why Katie had to step away to see her own agency
- [18:00 - 19:45] Why trying something new is always worth it, even if it only lasts ten months
- [20:45 - 22:15] Letting go of the "when this ends, everything will be better" story
Resources Mentioned
- Both Things Are True, by Kate Holbrook (the book Katie read this summer)
- Flexible Work for Physician Spouses with Dr. Brittany Bankhead (Episode 37)
- The Cost of Being the Strong One (free assessment)
Your Next Steps
- Schedule a Complimentary Consultation to see if coaching is right for you
- Take the "Are You in Survival Mode?" Assessment
- Learn more about coaching with Kendra
- Connect on Instagram: @supportingphysicianspouses and @kendra_itgetsbetternow
- Listen on Apple Podcasts
- Listen on Spotify
