WEBVTT
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Make some noise if you're giving birth.
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Make some noise if you've been burned.
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Make some noise if you're going through a rebirth.
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Are there mamas in the house?
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Hey mamas in divine timing.
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Welcome.
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Welcome to postparty.
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I'm so excited for you all to be here.
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I know that getting a postpartum parent out is arguably one of the most challenging demographics to get out on a Friday night.
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And you all did it.
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You're here.
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The baby is with a trusted caretaker or a father.
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So give yourself a round of applause.
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Woo! And for the fathers in the house tonight, make some noise.
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Our allies knowing what's up.
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Being here for all the postpartum jokes, never the butt of the jokes.
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We're always going to be laughing with you.
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It is a consensual experience.
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So I'm so excited for you all to be here today.
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I myself am seven months postpartum.
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I feel like in 20 years I'll still be like, Spencer, that's not fair.
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I'm 4,000 weeks postpartum.
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But it is one of my favorite excuses and badges of honor.
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And it's also my first Powerful Stuff Live back since having a baby.
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Atlas is with our nanny right now.
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Didn't check the nanit before because trusting he's having a very easeful bedtime, just drifting into Dreamland.
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But Powerful Stuff Live is created as a way to deepen connection with each other and ourselves through humor.
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Because I like to argue that self-amusement is actually an advanced form of self-awareness, is an advanced alchemy, and being able to have some humor through journeys of insane identity shifts like pregnancy and postpartum actually makes us feel less alone and actually helps us feel more empowered in our story.
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So more than anything, tonight, my hope is that all of you leave with a new insight, a new laugh, a new friend in the pregnancy or postpartum or pre-pregnancy world for the non-pregnant people in the audience.
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Be careful, pregnancy is contagious, so they say.
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So use protection tonight, metaphorically, or if you're going out after to Lexi said at OA.
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But how it'll work is we'll start with a little meditation.
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We'll go into some connection because I believe everyone at these events should have a voice, not just the people who are on stage with the microphones.
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So we'll we'll have our sets then after we'll have a moment to kind of co-create something together, and I will guide us through that.
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Okay, so before we get started, let's just take a moment to ground, shall we?
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I always joke semi-seriously that if we don't take our breaths or do our meditations, the Venice spiritual police will bust through the door and arrest us.
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So we'll go ahead and take a deep breath in, breathing in all of the fertile energy of tonight.
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Exhale, sending it throughout your body, through your womb, or the male genitalia equivalent into the earth.
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And then breathing in, releasing any anything you don't want to get bring into the night.
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Maybe it's feminine rage, anger toward your husband, your postpartum hairline, whatever it is, just releasing.
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And then third and deepest breath in, clenching and then unclenching any postpartum hemorrhoid that's still lingering.
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And just exhale, letting that shit go.
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Just taking a moment inward as you kind of reflect on your own journey.
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And if you haven't been pregnant, maybe it's through an identity shift.
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Or if you're a dad, maybe it's through the experience of going through this with your wife.
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But just your most recent metamorphosis and just noticing internally what shifted.
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Who were you before that catalyst moment?
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And who are you on the other side?
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Maybe you feel the energy differently and how you think about things.
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Maybe there's new liquids coming out of different parts of your body that you didn't know were possible.
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But whatever it is, starting to feel gratitude for that identity shift, for that rebirth, allowing it to root like a flower slowly blossoming, expanding out to the other people in this room, knowing that as your flower blossoms, so does the roots under you touch the person next to you, allowing their flower to blossom, helping all of us be each other's doulas in this new beautiful rebirth.
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Taking one more breath in, breathing in all of the energy, the collective power of tonight.
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Exhale, sending it out to everyone around you.
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Ah wow, Aleaky was holding space in the back, doing some boo breaky on you all.
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That is powerful stuff.
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So, okay, welcome to the post party.
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So, yay! I know, but we're still doing it before 10 p.m.
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because we all have babies or bedtimes or both.
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Um, but I call it the postparty because back in the day, you know, in a pre-baby life at 3 a.m., we were doing bumps, and now at 3 a.m.
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we're doing cumps.
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Um, except uh the the difference is now the white stuff is liquid.
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Um and I feel like all of postpartum and birth has been such a huge um identity shift for me, and birth was really the catalyst for all of it, and so being the ceremonial Venice folk that Spencer and I are, we're like, let's go to a coach ahead of birth to really get in alignment, get on the same team.
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So we went to this elusive Santa Monica coach who doesn't have an Instagram, he's just kind of word of mouth, and I was sharing with him, you know, I'm a little worried about the birth.
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I'm worried that Spencer is gonna show up in a way that leads me to resent him after.
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And Peter looks at Spencer and he looks at me and he goes, Well, look at him, he's an idiot.
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And Spencer and I are like, What?
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I was like so confused that we both started laughing.
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And then Peter goes, and I'm an idiot, and all men are idiots, but he's your loyal idiot, and you have to allow for a margin of error in the birth.
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The birth is between you and the baby, he's your loyal idiot in the background, and I was like, Well, that is certainly an interesting perspective that I will that I will sit with.
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Um then a few weeks later, I was at a friend's house not very far from here when I lost my mucus plug at 9 p.m.
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in the toilet.
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And um, I came home and I told Spencer I think labor is starting, and he's like, I Child GPT told me it could be at least 72 hours.
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He's like, I think we should get a good night's rest.
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I could tell he really wanted to lock in on that aura score before our sleep patterns change forever.
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And so I labor alone for a little bit, but then I wake him up, I'm like, it's picking up.
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I really think tonight's the night, and all I crave right now is some harmless harvest coconut water.
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Those electrolytes just feel so refreshing to me, and I want them in my mouth.
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And so Spencer goes to the store and I continue laboring at home, things are picking up, and he comes back and he hands me the coconut water during a contraction or a surge, as they say in the hypno-birthing world, and um, and I taste it, and I'm like, this tastes a little sour.
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And I look at it and it's coconut milk.
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And in that moment, I want to take the coconut milk and hurl it at Spencer's face and be like, You had one fucking job.
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But then I remember Peter's voice in the background being like, he's your idiot.
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And I was like, you know what?
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I'm not gonna die on this hill.
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I'm gonna let this one go.
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We ended up having a very joyful birth, but I will say that he did step up in the postpartum and no coconut milk was lost.
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He did use it to make me hot chocolates postpartum, which I'm really grateful for.
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So thank you, Spencer, for that.
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All of that's to say though, I think the margin of error really helped us out a lot postpartum, or helped me out.
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Because are you really postpartum if you don't go from one minute adoring your husband to the next having a full body ache toward him, to the next going back to adoring him again?
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So that was me.
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You know, one moment I was calculating the invisible labor, um, the pump times, why am I in charge of the wake windows?
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Um, I leave the house, I come back.
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He told me he gave Atlas a bottle at two instead of three.
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Now he's uh gonna be too hungry for dinner time at seven, and the whole night is fucked.
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And then he's like, What?
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I did what you asked, and I said, Not like that.
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Um then he'll walk in with my favorite air one smoothie, or give me a foot rub or make me a morning matcha, and all is forgiven.
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But to his credit, he did come with me to my six-week OBGYN appointment.
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Shout out to the dads here who have come to the appointments with the ladies.
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Woo!
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She was checking everything out down there, and she's like, so the good news is you can start back with some light yoga.
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She's like, however, I would wait to have sex until the stitches finish dissolving, and I could see the hope leave Spencer's body.
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And I honestly feel like that was the hardest part of birth for Spencer, but you know, he did it like a champ, no epidural, completely unmedicated, so brave.
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I'm very proud of you.
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I know that wasn't easy.
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And it's funny because we truly are a team, though.
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Like we're both tracking Atlas' wake windows.
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When did he burp?
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When did he poop?
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Does he need a nap?
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And it's funny because we're always using this litmus test of fussiness, um, of if Atlas is settling well, and I've never used the word fussy more in my life.
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And it gives you the vision of just holding a little baby lion that cries in your care.
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And the interesting thing is, why don't we do it for ourselves when we're being fussy parents?
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Because I'll wake up after four hours of sleep, what I like to call actually a sleep progression, because I believe that here in LA we know words cast spells.
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It's not a regression, but a progression.
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Our sleep is maturing.
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But after this sleep progression, I'm snapping at Spencer and I'm spiraling, and I'm like, is this gonna be how it ends?
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Over a dishwasher.
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Well, I guess that's that.
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And then it hits me.
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Little Meredith needs a fucking nap.
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And no one's tracking my wake windows.
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Little Meredith is a little fussy.
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And you know what?
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I honestly also would like to be burped.
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And I would also like my booty padded, and I'd also like to be swaddled and told that I'm safe.
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And I'm constantly telling Atlas, you're safe, mommy's here, you're safe.
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And then why do I feel like I'm being chased by a lion?
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Um, who's telling me I'm safe?
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You know, it's like a little music.
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I'm like, am I being hypocritical or in alignment for Atlas?
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Should we start tracking our own naps on Huckleberry?
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Maybe then it would give us our most optimal nap times and uh and fussiness.
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But I feel like my biggest word for postpartum has been permission.
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Um, who can relate?
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Permission, permission to change my mind, permission to uh let motherhood look differently than I thought, permission to have more child care, permission to dial it back and have less childcare, just not letting anything be set in stone.
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And you know what?
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We did actually with that give ourselves a lot of permission in our in our quest to find the perfect nanny.
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So I'm grateful that we Spencer and I have good help now.
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But all of that's to say, in this child care expedition, we also tried a nanny share.
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A few of you are in the audience tonight who we were exploring this possibility with.
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But I realized in LA, and nanny share is kind of like an orgy.
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Everyone talks about wanting to do it.
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But when push comes to shove and the calendars and logistics come out, uh, it becomes a lot less sexy than you think it would be.
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So that didn't work out.
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But um, but we did find our perfect nanny, and it it really helped me be able to relax and soften back into some of the professional pursuits that I was doing and allowed me to be here tonight.
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With that though, there was some different identity shifts I noticed even within pregnancy and into postpartum.
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And when I was pregnant, I honestly felt like a celebrity, and my friend Christy talked about this as well.
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I don't know if any of you got free coffees while you were pregnant, or you go to a class class, and they're like, Mama, you are amazing.
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And you're just like, Oh my gosh, am I like Taylor Swift?
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And then you birth the baby and the bump disappears, and now no one no longer knows you're with the child.
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And I went back to Barry's boot camp four and a half months postpartum, and I went with my pregnant friend who's in the audience tonight, who's a very strong mama, by the way.
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But it was so funny because being on the other side of the portal, I was like, Wow, I'm back on the treadmill.
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I just pushed my son out of my vagina four and a half months ago.
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Can you believe it?
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And the instructor like goes up to my pregnant friend, he's like, You're looking amazing, mama.
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And then, like, two minutes later, he comes up to me and he's like, This girl looks angry, right?
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She has like a scowl on her face.
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And I wanted to be like, I just gave birth.
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Where's my gold star?
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Um, but you know, the great thing is that when you're pregnant, you get it from everyone in the world, but then when you're postpartum, you're initiated into a very supportive crew of other postpartum women who know what's up and they help support you postpartum.
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Many of you did that for me here.
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And the other identity shift that happens postpartum is you kind of feel like when you're socializing again, you've been cracked open.
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And I don't know about you guys, but I was normal with my friends postpartum.
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But when I was meeting new friends, it almost felt like after COVID when you're learning how to interact again.
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And I went on a new friend date with these two girls, and um at the end of the workout, things were going well, and I hugged them each goodbye.
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You know, that could have been it, like clean exit, stick the land, and crushed it.
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And then something happened in me, like a full body glitch, and I turned back to the first girl and I go, one more hug for you.
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And then my mind is like freaking out because I'm like, well, I can't just give her one more hug.
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And so I turned to the other girl and I go, and one more for the road.
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And I like double hugged them both within the span of 20 seconds, and they both were just kind of startled, like, oh, okay.
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And I was like, anyway, see you guys later.
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And I get in my car and I dude what any normal person would do, which is scream, is I immediately consult ChatGPT.
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And ChatGPT was like, Meredith, if the tables were turned, do you really think you would go home to your husband Spencer and be like, I just had the weirdest interaction.
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This girl double hugged me.
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And I thought about it and I was like, I probably fucking would.
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I'd be like, do we think she's okay?
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Um I have seen one of those girls since, so I'm curious if uh they remember the double hug that I that I so deeply have etched in my brain.
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But with this identity shift, I'm lucky because I have had a great coach through it all.
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As a coach, it's important to have our own coach.
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And this coach has really been with me through the darkest of nights during the days.
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Sometimes they trigger me, sometimes I don't like it, but they've really taught me how to surrender in this whole experience and more than anything have acceptance.
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They're they're actually in the audience with us tonight.
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I'd like for you guys to make some noise for my spectra.
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My greatest teacher.
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And um and the spectra has taught me more than anything that the more you stress, actually, the the less milk comes out.
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And uh the more you the more you want the ounces to flow, the less they will.
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And you really can't be attached to outcome because similar to an orgasm, oxytocin makes the milk flow.
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So you have to actually let go to let down, or turn down for what, as uh that rapper whose name I forget says.
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So it allowed me to really like let go to let down, and and just sometimes let the milk flow, sometimes not.
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But I realized that my my boobs were kind of being like my shadows, like the first part of the postpartum journey, the milk was coming out so fast, it was choking my son.
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I was like, You guys are being psychotic, you need to stop.
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This is crazy.
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And then now I'm like, the right boob is carrying the whole team, like step it up, you know.
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But then I end up coming back to grace for them like I would my own inner child, and I do what any Venice woman would do, and I go to each boob and I say, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me.
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Thank you.
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And to the other one, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me.
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Thank you.
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And yeah, for all you pregnant women, hopefully this is helpful in your lactation journey.
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Because the oxytocin helps the milk flow, the lactation consultants oftentimes tell you to look at photos of your baby, because looking at photos of your baby triggers the letdown if you're pumping, if you're away from your baby.
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And so I like to kind of call it lactation porn because I'll just be in a dark room being like, show me the photo of my cute baby again, and then the milk just like starts flowing.
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Um all of that's to say, with that, it's been a constant journey of surrender and of growth.
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And something that I've been practicing in this postpartum journey is uh gentle parenting.
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Does anyone else dental parent here?
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Not yet.
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Okay, some head nods.
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So I've I've been dental parenting um with Spencer, and uh, once you learn the framework, you can't unsee it.
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He's like, he's crying, so I tried to give him a bottle.
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And I'm like, right after his meal time, sweetheart, do we check for other reasons?
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Did we go through the checklist?
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Was it diapers?
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Was it gas?
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Was he overstimulated?
00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:21.279
We don't just throw a bottle at every feeling.
00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:26.640
Um and honestly, you know, I gentle parent myself too.
00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:28.640
Um, big feelings are okay.
00:19:28.799 --> 00:19:30.400
My husband is learning.
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:33.039
My husband is not giving me a hard time.
00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:35.440
My husband is having a hard time.
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:39.759
But I'm also very focused on secure attachment with Atlas.
00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:44.720
I'll let him know like mommy's back, mommy's not abandoning you, mommy just went to Pilates.
00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:49.680
It's more just for me keeping little Meredith secure in the end.
00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:53.519
But what's made all of this bearable is going through it with community.
00:19:53.839 --> 00:19:59.920
You instantly meet other pregnant or postpartum's, hopefully, like all of you have met with each other today.
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:03.759
And by the end of the coffee, you know about each other.
00:20:49.519 --> 00:20:50.559
Yeah, a little bit.
00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:20.640
And if all of our movements think we all an out of birth thing well, maybe we would have an all of that today, you know.
00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:31.519
So we meet other moms, and instantly we know about each other's marriages or the thing that your husband does that makes you want to disappear and start making our consulty or loving women.
00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:43.839
Meanwhile, if Hunter goes to another house of another man whose wife I know who's also postpartum, he'll come back and I'll be like, What are you gonna talk about?
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:45.279
And he's like, not much.
00:21:45.359 --> 00:21:49.200
And I'm like, Well, you know, how how is he doing with the new baby?
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:52.240
And he's like, Oh, it didn't really come up.
00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:56.480
And then I'm like, Well, what did you talk about?
00:21:56.640 --> 00:22:02.559
And he's like, Well, we just kind of played video games and showed each other our But you know what?
00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:07.279
Who am I to say that either form of healing is different?
00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:12.160
Women process through talking and men process through systems.
00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:15.119
And sometimes that's equally important.
00:22:15.440 --> 00:22:17.519
It's their own catharsis.
00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:20.480
But everybody's healing, and that's the most important thing.
00:22:20.640 --> 00:22:28.559
Our husbands in our postpartum journey and our postpartum journey in general can keep us humble, but babies also have a way of keeping us very humble.
00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:38.559
The second that somebody gives a slightly cocky answer of like, oh yeah, my baby sleeps through the night, the baby gods will come down and fuck it all up.
00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:49.839
So you can think it and you can quietly appreciate it in your heart or in a locked room, or you can just bottle it up in a little glass bottle and put a cork in it and throw it in the ocean.
00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:53.599
But if you say it out loud, you actually have summoned them.
00:22:53.839 --> 00:23:01.839
I told my sister two months ago, who's in the audience tonight, two months ago, I said, sure, come stay with us.
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:04.000
You can sleep in Atlas' room.
00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:05.680
He sleeps through the night.
00:23:05.839 --> 00:23:11.119
He might wake up for a second to like babble, but he'll just like be linking his sleep cycles.
00:23:11.200 --> 00:23:12.640
Like it's totally fine.
00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:14.000
Enjoy yourself.
00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:21.680
And so she gets in the room, and the next morning, because I slept great, I'm like, how was it?
00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:25.200
And she was like, Well, he woke up at 3:30 a.m.
00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:35.119
and I did what you said, and I didn't disturb him because it sounded like he was babbling, but then he babbled for an hour and turned until it turned into a full-blown crying.
00:23:35.279 --> 00:23:38.240
So I checked his diaper and it turned out he pooped himself.
00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:42.240
And I was like, Whoa, he hasn't done that since he was a newborn.
00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:43.200
That's crazy.
00:23:43.359 --> 00:23:45.119
I'm like, that is a total fluke.
00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:56.720
And then it's like the baby gods heard that again, and the next night he as well woke up at 3:30 and started babbling, and she's like, Well, she British said it was a fluke, so I won't do anything.
00:23:57.039 --> 00:24:00.240
And then it turned out he pooped himself again.
00:24:00.559 --> 00:24:03.920
So, well, see what the baby gods do.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:11.519
Karen already last night handled a night wake with Atlas being here a second time, probably because I put this joke in my stand-up.
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:20.240
Um, but I like to say the quickest way to change your baby schedule is to tell people your baby finally has a schedule.
00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:23.680
Um, and similar story to a leaky here.
00:24:23.759 --> 00:24:38.799
I was just kind of feeling myself on this side of postpartum a few months in, and then I just had a week where my milk supply was collapsing, my marriage in that moment felt like it was collapsing, and I felt really behind on everything.
00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:44.480
And I said, Wow, postpartum is really doing me a doozy this week.
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:54.799
And I go to the bathroom and I pulled on my underwear, and I see that first drop of blood, and I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm so relieved.
00:24:55.039 --> 00:24:58.799
I'm not just postpartum now, it's also luteal.
00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:02.720
Turns out I'm not crazy, I'm just in my luteal phase.
00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:08.319
And this was both a relief and a reminder that this now also comes back every month.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:13.279
Because for two years I've had a trump card with my husband for everything, as Spencer can tell you.
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:18.480
The first one was I'm pregnant, and the second one was I'm postpartum.
00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:24.400
Now, six months later, I'm putting my favorite classic back in rotation, which is I'm Ludeal.
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:29.759
And we talk about our cycles with the girls, we all know each other's cycles.
00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:42.160
Um, you know, if men talked like this to each other, they would finally realize we're not crazy, we're just postpartum or pregnant or luteal or women in general.
00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:52.400
Um, but all of that's to say, you know, postpartum, we do go through the single most hormone drop of our entire life, which is bigger than pute puberty, in 72 hours.
00:25:52.640 --> 00:26:08.799
And so I feel like we should get a little grace because even at our most hormonal, the worst we usually do is cry in the car or the room or send an angry text or tell our husbands we should chat about the house or mount the bookshelf, cough, cough before the baby starts crawling.
00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:14.960
But that's why men need each other to hold space for each other because when they come to us, it's hard for us.
00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:20.799
I do know that Spencer does a lot, and I love taking care of him when he's sick, as I know he does the same for me.
00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:26.240
And it's always a dance of parenting each other's inner children because we're like step parents for each other's inner children.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:27.920
So I always try to remember that.
00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:45.119
So, you know, postpartum has been learning to love something that I can never fully control, like my baby or my boobs, or the sleep, or the marriage, and somewhere learning to love someone you can never fully control either, which isn't just your baby, but also the person that you're becoming.
00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:47.200
Matrescence is a word that I love.
00:26:47.359 --> 00:26:53.039
They say it's like reforming your identity to be even more you within and beyond being a mom.
00:26:53.279 --> 00:26:58.160
And as anything newly formed, the foundations do get shaken.
00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:03.680
Things must be shed, old identities, old hairlines to rebuild something brand new.
00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:11.200
So I spend all day making sure Atlas feels safe, that he feels held or burped, congratulating him for taking a big poop.
00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:13.200
I try to do that with all my friends too.
00:27:13.680 --> 00:27:15.680
Regular bowel movements are so important.
00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:26.640
But this whole journey has reminded me to do the same for little Meredith: like tracking her wake windows, allowing for her margin of error, letting her be slow or letting her double hug.
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:31.119
And if any of you want a double hug after the experience magic later, just let me know.
00:27:31.279 --> 00:27:37.279
And turns out I didn't just birth a baby through many cycles of ick and adoration and late night pumps.
00:27:37.359 --> 00:27:39.359
I became my own secure attachment.
00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:43.119
And now we'll have our own post party after this.
00:27:43.279 --> 00:27:45.839
Um, clothing optional BYOB.
00:27:46.079 --> 00:27:47.440
Bring your own boob.
00:27:48.000 --> 00:27:49.119
Thank you guys.
00:27:49.279 --> 00:27:49.680
Woo!
00:28:05.680 --> 00:28:06.559
Hey you.
00:28:06.799 --> 00:28:09.599
Thank you for coming on this powerful journey with me.
00:28:09.759 --> 00:28:13.599
I hope it was as powerful for you as it was for me.
00:28:13.759 --> 00:28:23.200
And if it was, it would mean the world to me if you rate, review, and subscribe to powerful stuff so I can keep bringing you the goods.
00:28:23.359 --> 00:28:25.920
We can keep going on this transformative journey together.
00:28:26.079 --> 00:28:34.799
And if there's powerful stuff that you want to share with me, with the powerful stuff community, tag us on Instagram at that's powerful stuff or the Meredith Baker.
00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:38.559
And I look forward to seeing you next week for more powerful stuff.
00:00:03.839 --> 00:00:06.320
Make some noise if you're giving birth.
00:00:07.280 --> 00:00:09.599
Make some noise if you've been burned.
00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:12.800
Make some noise if you're going through a rebirth.
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:14.400
Are there mamas in the house?
00:00:14.720 --> 00:00:18.239
Hey mamas in divine timing.
00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:19.199
Welcome.
00:00:20.320 --> 00:00:22.559
Welcome to postparty.
00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:25.600
I'm so excited for you all to be here.
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:35.759
I know that getting a postpartum parent out is arguably one of the most challenging demographics to get out on a Friday night.
00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:36.799
And you all did it.
00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:37.520
You're here.
00:00:37.679 --> 00:00:41.439
The baby is with a trusted caretaker or a father.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:43.920
So give yourself a round of applause.
00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:49.920
Woo! And for the fathers in the house tonight, make some noise.
00:00:50.079 --> 00:00:52.079
Our allies knowing what's up.
00:00:52.320 --> 00:00:55.840
Being here for all the postpartum jokes, never the butt of the jokes.
00:00:55.920 --> 00:00:59.119
We're always going to be laughing with you.
00:00:59.840 --> 00:01:02.560
It is a consensual experience.
00:01:03.280 --> 00:01:05.599
So I'm so excited for you all to be here today.
00:01:05.760 --> 00:01:08.560
I myself am seven months postpartum.
00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:14.319
I feel like in 20 years I'll still be like, Spencer, that's not fair.
00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:17.280
I'm 4,000 weeks postpartum.
00:01:19.040 --> 00:01:22.879
But it is one of my favorite excuses and badges of honor.
00:01:23.120 --> 00:01:27.680
And it's also my first Powerful Stuff Live back since having a baby.
00:01:28.079 --> 00:01:30.079
Atlas is with our nanny right now.
00:01:30.239 --> 00:01:36.239
Didn't check the nanit before because trusting he's having a very easeful bedtime, just drifting into Dreamland.
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:44.319
But Powerful Stuff Live is created as a way to deepen connection with each other and ourselves through humor.
00:01:44.560 --> 00:02:05.120
Because I like to argue that self-amusement is actually an advanced form of self-awareness, is an advanced alchemy, and being able to have some humor through journeys of insane identity shifts like pregnancy and postpartum actually makes us feel less alone and actually helps us feel more empowered in our story.
00:02:05.359 --> 00:02:17.439
So more than anything, tonight, my hope is that all of you leave with a new insight, a new laugh, a new friend in the pregnancy or postpartum or pre-pregnancy world for the non-pregnant people in the audience.
00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:20.560
Be careful, pregnancy is contagious, so they say.
00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:27.599
So use protection tonight, metaphorically, or if you're going out after to Lexi said at OA.
00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:30.960
But how it'll work is we'll start with a little meditation.
00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:37.840
We'll go into some connection because I believe everyone at these events should have a voice, not just the people who are on stage with the microphones.
00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:43.840
So we'll we'll have our sets then after we'll have a moment to kind of co-create something together, and I will guide us through that.
00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:49.120
Okay, so before we get started, let's just take a moment to ground, shall we?
00:02:51.120 --> 00:03:00.960
I always joke semi-seriously that if we don't take our breaths or do our meditations, the Venice spiritual police will bust through the door and arrest us.
00:03:01.520 --> 00:03:08.479
So we'll go ahead and take a deep breath in, breathing in all of the fertile energy of tonight.
00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:18.639
Exhale, sending it throughout your body, through your womb, or the male genitalia equivalent into the earth.
00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:24.560
And then breathing in, releasing any anything you don't want to get bring into the night.
00:03:24.639 --> 00:03:34.159
Maybe it's feminine rage, anger toward your husband, your postpartum hairline, whatever it is, just releasing.
00:03:34.719 --> 00:03:42.719
And then third and deepest breath in, clenching and then unclenching any postpartum hemorrhoid that's still lingering.
00:03:43.199 --> 00:03:45.840
And just exhale, letting that shit go.
00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:52.319
Just taking a moment inward as you kind of reflect on your own journey.
00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:57.759
And if you haven't been pregnant, maybe it's through an identity shift.
00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:02.879
Or if you're a dad, maybe it's through the experience of going through this with your wife.
00:04:03.599 --> 00:04:09.680
But just your most recent metamorphosis and just noticing internally what shifted.
00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:12.800
Who were you before that catalyst moment?
00:04:12.879 --> 00:04:14.639
And who are you on the other side?
00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:22.160
Maybe you feel the energy differently and how you think about things.
00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:29.040
Maybe there's new liquids coming out of different parts of your body that you didn't know were possible.
00:04:33.759 --> 00:05:02.879
But whatever it is, starting to feel gratitude for that identity shift, for that rebirth, allowing it to root like a flower slowly blossoming, expanding out to the other people in this room, knowing that as your flower blossoms, so does the roots under you touch the person next to you, allowing their flower to blossom, helping all of us be each other's doulas in this new beautiful rebirth.
00:05:03.199 --> 00:05:07.360
Taking one more breath in, breathing in all of the energy, the collective power of tonight.
00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:10.000
Exhale, sending it out to everyone around you.
00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:16.639
Ah wow, Aleaky was holding space in the back, doing some boo breaky on you all.
00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:18.399
That is powerful stuff.
00:05:18.639 --> 00:05:21.120
So, okay, welcome to the post party.
00:05:21.439 --> 00:05:25.040
So, yay! I know, but we're still doing it before 10 p.m.
00:05:25.199 --> 00:05:27.680
because we all have babies or bedtimes or both.
00:05:27.759 --> 00:05:36.560
Um, but I call it the postparty because back in the day, you know, in a pre-baby life at 3 a.m., we were doing bumps, and now at 3 a.m.
00:05:36.800 --> 00:05:38.160
we're doing cumps.
00:05:38.480 --> 00:05:42.959
Um, except uh the the difference is now the white stuff is liquid.
00:05:43.199 --> 00:06:03.759
Um and I feel like all of postpartum and birth has been such a huge um identity shift for me, and birth was really the catalyst for all of it, and so being the ceremonial Venice folk that Spencer and I are, we're like, let's go to a coach ahead of birth to really get in alignment, get on the same team.
00:06:03.920 --> 00:06:15.040
So we went to this elusive Santa Monica coach who doesn't have an Instagram, he's just kind of word of mouth, and I was sharing with him, you know, I'm a little worried about the birth.
00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:20.879
I'm worried that Spencer is gonna show up in a way that leads me to resent him after.
00:06:21.360 --> 00:06:31.439
And Peter looks at Spencer and he looks at me and he goes, Well, look at him, he's an idiot.
00:06:32.800 --> 00:06:35.439
And Spencer and I are like, What?
00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:38.800
I was like so confused that we both started laughing.
00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:51.839
And then Peter goes, and I'm an idiot, and all men are idiots, but he's your loyal idiot, and you have to allow for a margin of error in the birth.
00:06:52.079 --> 00:07:01.759
The birth is between you and the baby, he's your loyal idiot in the background, and I was like, Well, that is certainly an interesting perspective that I will that I will sit with.
00:07:02.160 --> 00:07:10.560
Um then a few weeks later, I was at a friend's house not very far from here when I lost my mucus plug at 9 p.m.
00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:12.160
in the toilet.
00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:21.759
And um, I came home and I told Spencer I think labor is starting, and he's like, I Child GPT told me it could be at least 72 hours.
00:07:22.000 --> 00:07:24.000
He's like, I think we should get a good night's rest.
00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:29.120
I could tell he really wanted to lock in on that aura score before our sleep patterns change forever.
00:07:29.759 --> 00:07:35.600
And so I labor alone for a little bit, but then I wake him up, I'm like, it's picking up.
00:07:35.680 --> 00:07:40.720
I really think tonight's the night, and all I crave right now is some harmless harvest coconut water.
00:07:40.800 --> 00:07:44.959
Those electrolytes just feel so refreshing to me, and I want them in my mouth.
00:07:45.040 --> 00:08:02.000
And so Spencer goes to the store and I continue laboring at home, things are picking up, and he comes back and he hands me the coconut water during a contraction or a surge, as they say in the hypno-birthing world, and um, and I taste it, and I'm like, this tastes a little sour.
00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:05.680
And I look at it and it's coconut milk.
00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:14.720
And in that moment, I want to take the coconut milk and hurl it at Spencer's face and be like, You had one fucking job.
00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:21.600
But then I remember Peter's voice in the background being like, he's your idiot.
00:08:21.839 --> 00:08:23.839
And I was like, you know what?
00:08:24.079 --> 00:08:26.079
I'm not gonna die on this hill.
00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:27.839
I'm gonna let this one go.
00:08:28.000 --> 00:08:35.919
We ended up having a very joyful birth, but I will say that he did step up in the postpartum and no coconut milk was lost.
00:08:36.159 --> 00:08:40.480
He did use it to make me hot chocolates postpartum, which I'm really grateful for.
00:08:40.720 --> 00:08:42.399
So thank you, Spencer, for that.
00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:48.799
All of that's to say though, I think the margin of error really helped us out a lot postpartum, or helped me out.
00:08:49.039 --> 00:09:00.320
Because are you really postpartum if you don't go from one minute adoring your husband to the next having a full body ache toward him, to the next going back to adoring him again?
00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:01.840
So that was me.
00:09:01.919 --> 00:09:09.039
You know, one moment I was calculating the invisible labor, um, the pump times, why am I in charge of the wake windows?
00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:11.360
Um, I leave the house, I come back.
00:09:11.519 --> 00:09:14.559
He told me he gave Atlas a bottle at two instead of three.
00:09:14.720 --> 00:09:19.039
Now he's uh gonna be too hungry for dinner time at seven, and the whole night is fucked.
00:09:19.120 --> 00:09:20.559
And then he's like, What?
00:09:20.720 --> 00:09:23.759
I did what you asked, and I said, Not like that.
00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:32.240
Um then he'll walk in with my favorite air one smoothie, or give me a foot rub or make me a morning matcha, and all is forgiven.
00:09:32.399 --> 00:09:37.200
But to his credit, he did come with me to my six-week OBGYN appointment.
00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:41.039
Shout out to the dads here who have come to the appointments with the ladies.
00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:42.080
Woo!
00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:50.240
She was checking everything out down there, and she's like, so the good news is you can start back with some light yoga.
00:09:50.399 --> 00:10:00.240
She's like, however, I would wait to have sex until the stitches finish dissolving, and I could see the hope leave Spencer's body.
00:10:00.480 --> 00:10:11.840
And I honestly feel like that was the hardest part of birth for Spencer, but you know, he did it like a champ, no epidural, completely unmedicated, so brave.
00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:13.519
I'm very proud of you.
00:10:13.600 --> 00:10:15.200
I know that wasn't easy.
00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:18.559
And it's funny because we truly are a team, though.
00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:21.600
Like we're both tracking Atlas' wake windows.
00:10:21.679 --> 00:10:23.039
When did he burp?
00:10:23.120 --> 00:10:24.080
When did he poop?
00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:25.600
Does he need a nap?
00:10:25.759 --> 00:10:36.240
And it's funny because we're always using this litmus test of fussiness, um, of if Atlas is settling well, and I've never used the word fussy more in my life.
00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:41.279
And it gives you the vision of just holding a little baby lion that cries in your care.
00:10:41.440 --> 00:10:46.960
And the interesting thing is, why don't we do it for ourselves when we're being fussy parents?
00:10:47.120 --> 00:10:56.320
Because I'll wake up after four hours of sleep, what I like to call actually a sleep progression, because I believe that here in LA we know words cast spells.
00:10:56.399 --> 00:10:58.879
It's not a regression, but a progression.
00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:00.480
Our sleep is maturing.
00:11:00.639 --> 00:11:08.399
But after this sleep progression, I'm snapping at Spencer and I'm spiraling, and I'm like, is this gonna be how it ends?
00:11:08.639 --> 00:11:09.840
Over a dishwasher.
00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:11.679
Well, I guess that's that.
00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:14.159
And then it hits me.
00:11:14.399 --> 00:11:16.960
Little Meredith needs a fucking nap.
00:11:17.519 --> 00:11:19.919
And no one's tracking my wake windows.
00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:22.240
Little Meredith is a little fussy.
00:11:22.639 --> 00:11:23.840
And you know what?
00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:26.159
I honestly also would like to be burped.
00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:31.519
And I would also like my booty padded, and I'd also like to be swaddled and told that I'm safe.
00:11:31.759 --> 00:11:36.639
And I'm constantly telling Atlas, you're safe, mommy's here, you're safe.
00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:40.559
And then why do I feel like I'm being chased by a lion?
00:11:40.720 --> 00:11:42.799
Um, who's telling me I'm safe?
00:11:42.960 --> 00:11:45.039
You know, it's like a little music.
00:11:45.200 --> 00:11:48.159
I'm like, am I being hypocritical or in alignment for Atlas?
00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:50.799
Should we start tracking our own naps on Huckleberry?
00:11:50.879 --> 00:11:56.399
Maybe then it would give us our most optimal nap times and uh and fussiness.
00:11:56.559 --> 00:12:02.000
But I feel like my biggest word for postpartum has been permission.
00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:03.519
Um, who can relate?
00:12:04.559 --> 00:12:18.080
Permission, permission to change my mind, permission to uh let motherhood look differently than I thought, permission to have more child care, permission to dial it back and have less childcare, just not letting anything be set in stone.
00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:19.120
And you know what?
00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:25.519
We did actually with that give ourselves a lot of permission in our in our quest to find the perfect nanny.
00:12:25.679 --> 00:12:28.320
So I'm grateful that we Spencer and I have good help now.
00:12:28.559 --> 00:12:35.279
But all of that's to say, in this child care expedition, we also tried a nanny share.
00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:40.480
A few of you are in the audience tonight who we were exploring this possibility with.
00:12:40.879 --> 00:12:44.639
But I realized in LA, and nanny share is kind of like an orgy.
00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:47.360
Everyone talks about wanting to do it.
00:12:48.159 --> 00:12:56.480
But when push comes to shove and the calendars and logistics come out, uh, it becomes a lot less sexy than you think it would be.
00:12:56.720 --> 00:12:59.039
So that didn't work out.
00:12:59.279 --> 00:13:11.360
But um, but we did find our perfect nanny, and it it really helped me be able to relax and soften back into some of the professional pursuits that I was doing and allowed me to be here tonight.
00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:17.519
With that though, there was some different identity shifts I noticed even within pregnancy and into postpartum.
00:13:17.919 --> 00:13:23.279
And when I was pregnant, I honestly felt like a celebrity, and my friend Christy talked about this as well.
00:13:23.600 --> 00:13:30.879
I don't know if any of you got free coffees while you were pregnant, or you go to a class class, and they're like, Mama, you are amazing.
00:13:31.440 --> 00:13:36.320
And you're just like, Oh my gosh, am I like Taylor Swift?
00:13:36.639 --> 00:13:43.360
And then you birth the baby and the bump disappears, and now no one no longer knows you're with the child.
00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:53.120
And I went back to Barry's boot camp four and a half months postpartum, and I went with my pregnant friend who's in the audience tonight, who's a very strong mama, by the way.
00:13:53.279 --> 00:13:58.720
But it was so funny because being on the other side of the portal, I was like, Wow, I'm back on the treadmill.
00:13:58.799 --> 00:14:02.240
I just pushed my son out of my vagina four and a half months ago.
00:14:02.399 --> 00:14:03.440
Can you believe it?
00:14:03.679 --> 00:14:08.639
And the instructor like goes up to my pregnant friend, he's like, You're looking amazing, mama.
00:14:08.960 --> 00:14:13.200
And then, like, two minutes later, he comes up to me and he's like, This girl looks angry, right?
00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:15.360
She has like a scowl on her face.
00:14:17.679 --> 00:14:21.120
And I wanted to be like, I just gave birth.
00:14:21.440 --> 00:14:23.120
Where's my gold star?
00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:38.559
Um, but you know, the great thing is that when you're pregnant, you get it from everyone in the world, but then when you're postpartum, you're initiated into a very supportive crew of other postpartum women who know what's up and they help support you postpartum.
00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:40.320
Many of you did that for me here.
00:14:40.559 --> 00:14:50.080
And the other identity shift that happens postpartum is you kind of feel like when you're socializing again, you've been cracked open.
00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:54.320
And I don't know about you guys, but I was normal with my friends postpartum.
00:14:54.480 --> 00:15:00.080
But when I was meeting new friends, it almost felt like after COVID when you're learning how to interact again.
00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:12.480
And I went on a new friend date with these two girls, and um at the end of the workout, things were going well, and I hugged them each goodbye.
00:15:12.639 --> 00:15:17.120
You know, that could have been it, like clean exit, stick the land, and crushed it.
00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:25.519
And then something happened in me, like a full body glitch, and I turned back to the first girl and I go, one more hug for you.
00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:30.879
And then my mind is like freaking out because I'm like, well, I can't just give her one more hug.
00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:34.960
And so I turned to the other girl and I go, and one more for the road.
00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:44.080
And I like double hugged them both within the span of 20 seconds, and they both were just kind of startled, like, oh, okay.
00:15:44.240 --> 00:15:46.639
And I was like, anyway, see you guys later.
00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:56.399
And I get in my car and I dude what any normal person would do, which is scream, is I immediately consult ChatGPT.
00:15:56.960 --> 00:16:05.919
And ChatGPT was like, Meredith, if the tables were turned, do you really think you would go home to your husband Spencer and be like, I just had the weirdest interaction.
00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:07.519
This girl double hugged me.
00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:11.120
And I thought about it and I was like, I probably fucking would.
00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:14.399
I'd be like, do we think she's okay?
00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:23.519
Um I have seen one of those girls since, so I'm curious if uh they remember the double hug that I that I so deeply have etched in my brain.
00:16:23.679 --> 00:16:29.120
But with this identity shift, I'm lucky because I have had a great coach through it all.
00:16:29.279 --> 00:16:31.840
As a coach, it's important to have our own coach.
00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:36.240
And this coach has really been with me through the darkest of nights during the days.
00:16:36.399 --> 00:16:45.840
Sometimes they trigger me, sometimes I don't like it, but they've really taught me how to surrender in this whole experience and more than anything have acceptance.
00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:48.320
They're they're actually in the audience with us tonight.
00:16:48.480 --> 00:16:51.279
I'd like for you guys to make some noise for my spectra.
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:53.440
My greatest teacher.
00:16:54.240 --> 00:17:03.600
And um and the spectra has taught me more than anything that the more you stress, actually, the the less milk comes out.
00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:08.160
And uh the more you the more you want the ounces to flow, the less they will.
00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:15.359
And you really can't be attached to outcome because similar to an orgasm, oxytocin makes the milk flow.
00:17:15.599 --> 00:17:25.119
So you have to actually let go to let down, or turn down for what, as uh that rapper whose name I forget says.
00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:32.960
So it allowed me to really like let go to let down, and and just sometimes let the milk flow, sometimes not.
00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:42.880
But I realized that my my boobs were kind of being like my shadows, like the first part of the postpartum journey, the milk was coming out so fast, it was choking my son.
00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:45.519
I was like, You guys are being psychotic, you need to stop.
00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:46.960
This is crazy.
00:17:47.200 --> 00:17:52.400
And then now I'm like, the right boob is carrying the whole team, like step it up, you know.
00:17:52.640 --> 00:18:06.240
But then I end up coming back to grace for them like I would my own inner child, and I do what any Venice woman would do, and I go to each boob and I say, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me.
00:18:06.480 --> 00:18:07.119
Thank you.
00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:11.759
And to the other one, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me.
00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:12.880
Thank you.
00:18:13.119 --> 00:18:17.599
And yeah, for all you pregnant women, hopefully this is helpful in your lactation journey.
00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:30.000
Because the oxytocin helps the milk flow, the lactation consultants oftentimes tell you to look at photos of your baby, because looking at photos of your baby triggers the letdown if you're pumping, if you're away from your baby.
00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:40.480
And so I like to kind of call it lactation porn because I'll just be in a dark room being like, show me the photo of my cute baby again, and then the milk just like starts flowing.
00:18:40.720 --> 00:18:46.480
Um all of that's to say, with that, it's been a constant journey of surrender and of growth.
00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:51.039
And something that I've been practicing in this postpartum journey is uh gentle parenting.
00:18:51.200 --> 00:18:53.680
Does anyone else dental parent here?
00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:54.799
Not yet.
00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:56.559
Okay, some head nods.
00:18:56.720 --> 00:19:04.480
So I've I've been dental parenting um with Spencer, and uh, once you learn the framework, you can't unsee it.
00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:07.440
He's like, he's crying, so I tried to give him a bottle.
00:19:07.599 --> 00:19:12.960
And I'm like, right after his meal time, sweetheart, do we check for other reasons?
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:14.640
Did we go through the checklist?
00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:15.839
Was it diapers?
00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:16.880
Was it gas?
00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:18.480
Was he overstimulated?
00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:21.279
We don't just throw a bottle at every feeling.
00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:26.640
Um and honestly, you know, I gentle parent myself too.
00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:28.640
Um, big feelings are okay.
00:19:28.799 --> 00:19:30.400
My husband is learning.
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:33.039
My husband is not giving me a hard time.
00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:35.440
My husband is having a hard time.
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:39.759
But I'm also very focused on secure attachment with Atlas.
00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:44.720
I'll let him know like mommy's back, mommy's not abandoning you, mommy just went to Pilates.
00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:49.680
It's more just for me keeping little Meredith secure in the end.
00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:53.519
But what's made all of this bearable is going through it with community.
00:19:53.839 --> 00:19:59.920
You instantly meet other pregnant or postpartum's, hopefully, like all of you have met with each other today.
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:03.759
And by the end of the coffee, you know about each other.
00:20:49.519 --> 00:20:50.559
Yeah, a little bit.
00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:20.640
And if all of our movements think we all an out of birth thing well, maybe we would have an all of that today, you know.
00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:31.519
So we meet other moms, and instantly we know about each other's marriages or the thing that your husband does that makes you want to disappear and start making our consulty or loving women.
00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:43.839
Meanwhile, if Hunter goes to another house of another man whose wife I know who's also postpartum, he'll come back and I'll be like, What are you gonna talk about?
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:45.279
And he's like, not much.
00:21:45.359 --> 00:21:49.200
And I'm like, Well, you know, how how is he doing with the new baby?
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:52.240
And he's like, Oh, it didn't really come up.
00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:56.480
And then I'm like, Well, what did you talk about?
00:21:56.640 --> 00:22:02.559
And he's like, Well, we just kind of played video games and showed each other our But you know what?
00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:07.279
Who am I to say that either form of healing is different?
00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:12.160
Women process through talking and men process through systems.
00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:15.119
And sometimes that's equally important.
00:22:15.440 --> 00:22:17.519
It's their own catharsis.
00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:20.480
But everybody's healing, and that's the most important thing.
00:22:20.640 --> 00:22:28.559
Our husbands in our postpartum journey and our postpartum journey in general can keep us humble, but babies also have a way of keeping us very humble.
00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:38.559
The second that somebody gives a slightly cocky answer of like, oh yeah, my baby sleeps through the night, the baby gods will come down and fuck it all up.
00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:49.839
So you can think it and you can quietly appreciate it in your heart or in a locked room, or you can just bottle it up in a little glass bottle and put a cork in it and throw it in the ocean.
00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:53.599
But if you say it out loud, you actually have summoned them.
00:22:53.839 --> 00:23:01.839
I told my sister two months ago, who's in the audience tonight, two months ago, I said, sure, come stay with us.
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:04.000
You can sleep in Atlas' room.
00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:05.680
He sleeps through the night.
00:23:05.839 --> 00:23:11.119
He might wake up for a second to like babble, but he'll just like be linking his sleep cycles.
00:23:11.200 --> 00:23:12.640
Like it's totally fine.
00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:14.000
Enjoy yourself.
00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:21.680
And so she gets in the room, and the next morning, because I slept great, I'm like, how was it?
00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:25.200
And she was like, Well, he woke up at 3:30 a.m.
00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:35.119
and I did what you said, and I didn't disturb him because it sounded like he was babbling, but then he babbled for an hour and turned until it turned into a full-blown crying.
00:23:35.279 --> 00:23:38.240
So I checked his diaper and it turned out he pooped himself.
00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:42.240
And I was like, Whoa, he hasn't done that since he was a newborn.
00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:43.200
That's crazy.
00:23:43.359 --> 00:23:45.119
I'm like, that is a total fluke.
00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:56.720
And then it's like the baby gods heard that again, and the next night he as well woke up at 3:30 and started babbling, and she's like, Well, she British said it was a fluke, so I won't do anything.
00:23:57.039 --> 00:24:00.240
And then it turned out he pooped himself again.
00:24:00.559 --> 00:24:03.920
So, well, see what the baby gods do.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:11.519
Karen already last night handled a night wake with Atlas being here a second time, probably because I put this joke in my stand-up.
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:20.240
Um, but I like to say the quickest way to change your baby schedule is to tell people your baby finally has a schedule.
00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:23.680
Um, and similar story to a leaky here.
00:24:23.759 --> 00:24:38.799
I was just kind of feeling myself on this side of postpartum a few months in, and then I just had a week where my milk supply was collapsing, my marriage in that moment felt like it was collapsing, and I felt really behind on everything.
00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:44.480
And I said, Wow, postpartum is really doing me a doozy this week.
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:54.799
And I go to the bathroom and I pulled on my underwear, and I see that first drop of blood, and I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm so relieved.
00:24:55.039 --> 00:24:58.799
I'm not just postpartum now, it's also luteal.
00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:02.720
Turns out I'm not crazy, I'm just in my luteal phase.
00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:08.319
And this was both a relief and a reminder that this now also comes back every month.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:13.279
Because for two years I've had a trump card with my husband for everything, as Spencer can tell you.
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:18.480
The first one was I'm pregnant, and the second one was I'm postpartum.
00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:24.400
Now, six months later, I'm putting my favorite classic back in rotation, which is I'm Ludeal.
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:29.759
And we talk about our cycles with the girls, we all know each other's cycles.
00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:42.160
Um, you know, if men talked like this to each other, they would finally realize we're not crazy, we're just postpartum or pregnant or luteal or women in general.
00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:52.400
Um, but all of that's to say, you know, postpartum, we do go through the single most hormone drop of our entire life, which is bigger than pute puberty, in 72 hours.
00:25:52.640 --> 00:26:08.799
And so I feel like we should get a little grace because even at our most hormonal, the worst we usually do is cry in the car or the room or send an angry text or tell our husbands we should chat about the house or mount the bookshelf, cough, cough before the baby starts crawling.
00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:14.960
But that's why men need each other to hold space for each other because when they come to us, it's hard for us.
00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:20.799
I do know that Spencer does a lot, and I love taking care of him when he's sick, as I know he does the same for me.
00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:26.240
And it's always a dance of parenting each other's inner children because we're like step parents for each other's inner children.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:27.920
So I always try to remember that.
00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:45.119
So, you know, postpartum has been learning to love something that I can never fully control, like my baby or my boobs, or the sleep, or the marriage, and somewhere learning to love someone you can never fully control either, which isn't just your baby, but also the person that you're becoming.
00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:47.200
Matrescence is a word that I love.
00:26:47.359 --> 00:26:53.039
They say it's like reforming your identity to be even more you within and beyond being a mom.
00:26:53.279 --> 00:26:58.160
And as anything newly formed, the foundations do get shaken.
00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:03.680
Things must be shed, old identities, old hairlines to rebuild something brand new.
00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:11.200
So I spend all day making sure Atlas feels safe, that he feels held or burped, congratulating him for taking a big poop.
00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:13.200
I try to do that with all my friends too.
00:27:13.680 --> 00:27:15.680
Regular bowel movements are so important.
00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:26.640
But this whole journey has reminded me to do the same for little Meredith: like tracking her wake windows, allowing for her margin of error, letting her be slow or letting her double hug.
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:31.119
And if any of you want a double hug after the experience magic later, just let me know.
00:27:31.279 --> 00:27:37.279
And turns out I didn't just birth a baby through many cycles of ick and adoration and late night pumps.
00:27:37.359 --> 00:27:39.359
I became my own secure attachment.
00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:43.119
And now we'll have our own post party after this.
00:27:43.279 --> 00:27:45.839
Um, clothing optional BYOB.
00:27:46.079 --> 00:27:47.440
Bring your own boob.
00:27:48.000 --> 00:27:49.119
Thank you guys.
00:27:49.279 --> 00:27:49.680
Woo!
00:28:05.680 --> 00:28:06.559
Hey you.
00:28:06.799 --> 00:28:09.599
Thank you for coming on this powerful journey with me.
00:28:09.759 --> 00:28:13.599
I hope it was as powerful for you as it was for me.
00:28:13.759 --> 00:28:23.200
And if it was, it would mean the world to me if you rate, review, and subscribe to powerful stuff so I can keep bringing you the goods.
00:28:23.359 --> 00:28:25.920
We can keep going on this transformative journey together.
00:28:26.079 --> 00:28:34.799
And if there's powerful stuff that you want to share with me, with the powerful stuff community, tag us on Instagram at that's powerful stuff or the Meredith Baker.
00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:38.559
And I look forward to seeing you next week for more powerful stuff.
