Master Your Mind, Master Your Life: Dandapani on Awareness, Energy, and the Real Root of Anxiety

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Thank you so much for taking the time.

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Of course.

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Appreciate you.

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I appreciate being here.

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So,

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in terms of opening questions, I just wanted to-

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Yep

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... wide open question, attention in today's world.

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Yep.

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I know everyone talks about struggling with it.

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There is an epidemic of lack of focus.

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Absolutely.

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So you always say, "Where awareness goes, energy

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flows."

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Yep.

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Can you elaborate in the simplest terms on what that actually

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means-

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Yeah

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... in practically day-to-day life?

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Yeah.

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So

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I'll keep it as concise as I can.

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In understanding the mind, we have to look at the mind as two things.

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There's the mind, and there's awareness.

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And you can look at the mind as having different areas of happiness, joy,

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food, technology, and awareness as a glowing ball of light, you can

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imagine. So the mind doesn't move, but awareness moves within the mind, and

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wherever that awareness goes within the mind, it experiences that area of the mind.

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And where awareness goes, that's where energy flows.

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So as awareness

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recurringly goes to the anger area of the mind, that's where energy's flowing, and

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that area becomes strengthened. So similarly, externally,

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when our awareness goes to one thing

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repeatedly, that's where our energy is going.

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And we build a energetic connection with that particular thing.

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And energy has no ability to discriminate between what's positive and

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negative. So if my awareness is always going to an upset area of the mind or always

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going to my phone, I'm building an energetic connection to

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that phone. So you can imagine like a energy tube that connects me with my

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phone, and the more it goes there, the

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stronger that connection gets and the harder for me it is to

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become detached from it. And that's how we build attachments with people and things

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in our life.

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So the goal ultimately is to really control where awareness

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is going, so you can control where energy's flowing, and you can control

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what you're building connections with and what you're nurturing in your life.

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Perfect. So in the neuroscience terms, it's-

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Yeah

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... the neurons that are firing together, they're wiring together.

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So you're creating a circuit that-

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Like that, yep.

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Perfect.

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Yep.

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And just a little bit on-

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And just to go back on the phone thing, if you gave me your

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phone without the case

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and you asked me to drop it from five feet, I'd happily

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do it

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on the floor. I have no attachment to it.

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But if you asked me to hold my phone five feet off the floor and drop it, I

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wouldn't do it.

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True.

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Because I'm attached to it.

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Yes.

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And there was a attachment test you can do.

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It's just grab something, hold it over the toilet, and see if you'll open your

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fingers. It shows you how attached you are to those things.

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And it's our energetic connection that builds these attachments.

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I have no energetic connection with your phone.

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So for me,

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if it falls and breaks, I don't care.

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So-

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Yeah

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... in other words-

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Yeah

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... have these phones become an extension of our mind?

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Absolutely, yes.

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So they have.

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Yes. Everything happens in the mind first.

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Everything is created in the mind before it's created in the physical form.

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If I'm sitting on the couch, I go like, "I'd like some ice cream."

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Then you're like, "Ah, couldn't be bothered." Keep watching the show for another 15

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minutes. I think again, "Really want some ice cream."

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"Eh." And then another 10 minutes go by, I get up and go get some ice cream.

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Everything starts in a thought form, gets repeated over and over again, gets

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strengthened, and then appears,

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manifests physically. So even with the phone, it's an

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extension of our mind because that's the area of the mind awareness is going to.

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And it's addicted. It's created these pathways and deposited energy

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that's become so magnetic that it has the ability to pull awareness

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there perpetually all the time.

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So in today's day and age-

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Yeah

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... I hear this all the time: "I can't meditate." It's almost become an

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identity statement.

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Yes.

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Why do you think is that?

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Because the Western world has approached meditation in the wrong way.

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In Hindu philosophy, there's eight steps to enlightenment.

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Step six is concentration, and step seven is meditation.

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Everybody in the West teaches meditation first, and they don't teach concentration.

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What's one and two?

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One and two is lifestyle design because if you don't have your lifestyle

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set up, how then could you have an environment that supports

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you

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to grow?

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You don't have enough money, you don't have proper housing,

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medical care, and all of these things, and all of that come under one

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and two of lifestyle design. The first critical step

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towards any form of growth, whether it's inward or personal growth, is to have your

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environment set up. You need to have sufficient amount of money.

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You need to have a home, food on the table, and not be worrying

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about these things. Only then can you actually begin a journey inward.

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So does that mean you have to chase material first for spiritual

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attainment?

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You could probably do it in parallel, potentially-

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Okay

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... if you're mature enough and have the ability to.

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But if not, yes, material things would have to go first.

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Because if I can't pay my rent every month, how do I sit down in the morning and

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meditate for an hour or even 10 minutes?

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When I sit down, I'll be going, "I can't pay my daughter's school fees today, this

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month."

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So what are those eight steps, just for our listeners?

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Yeah.

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Just if someone was to walk this path-

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Yeah

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... they just want to plan the road.

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Step one is restraint.

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Mm-hmm.

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How do I prevent the hemorrhaging of energy?

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And we talked about today in your symposium.

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We all have energy inside of us, and most people focus on building

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energy by eating well, sleeping well, exercising,

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meditating, but they're not looking at where they're hemorrhaging

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energy. So if we used analogy of a bucket, if I want to fill a bucket with

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water, I need to make sure it doesn't have any holes in it.

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So similarly, step one is what are the guidelines I put in place in my

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life, five to 10 guidelines that prevent me from losing

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energy?I surround myself with uplifting

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people.

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What are other things? I consume only content that uplifts me or that's

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neutral, and a series of guidelines.

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Then step two is, now that I have energy contained,

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step two is how do I refine that energy?

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Right. So what are the practices I can do to refine that energy that I've contained

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from hemorrhaging?

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Meditation, journaling,

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chanting, breathing techniques.

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Step three is

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yoga, as it's known in the Western world, or asana posture practice.

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So I have energy in my body. Now I want energy to flow through my body, and

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it flows through the nervous system.

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You can look at your nervous system like garden hose.

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If you've ever watered the garden and see water trickling out, there's probably a

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kink in your hose. As soon as you straighten the hose, water flows out.

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And the nervous system is the same way.

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As we go through our day, we build emotional clogs in our

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nervous system from encounters we have, challenges we have.

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The act of stretching is almost like straightening the nerves, like the

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garden hose that allows energy to flow through nicely.

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So first step, containing energy, second step, refining energy, third step,

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getting the hoses, the nervous system straightened out.

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Step four, harnessing that energy.

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Because now that we have good roads on the highway and cars

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are speeding, we need to put speed signs, speed bumps, traffic lights.

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If not, cars would just fly through the highway.

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Mm-hmm.

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So step four is harnessing it. Step five is withdrawing it.

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So you want to withdraw it to a central location. Step six is focus.

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When you have a meeting with your team, you dedicate a space

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to meet.

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You can't just say, "We're having a meeting at 10:30." "We're having a meeting at

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10:30 in meeting room number two on the second floor, and this is our

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agenda." So pulling all our energy into our spine, which is our central

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location, that is focusing. Step seven is

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meditating on that energy, concentrated

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energy, and step eight is

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becoming one with that concentrated energy.

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But it's a systematic, sequential step

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towards experiencing your pure energy inside of you, which

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has never been created or destroyed.

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But in the West, we like things that are sexy and fun.

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Let me do an ayahuasca retreat or a Vipassana retreat.

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No one wants to do the hard work of taking it step by step,

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but that's the only way to assure sustainable

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progress and growth.

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Perfect. And

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we talked a little bit about-

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Yeah

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... anxiety and stress.

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Yes.

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So in your terms, in the terms of focus and energy-

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Yeah

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... can you explain how we drive ourselves into anxiety and

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stress? So if someone comes to me tomorrow and say, "You know what?

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I am really stressed," how do I break it down to him

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and say, "Okay, this is your way out"?

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Yep.

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There is no quick fix, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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And I would take a methodical approach of first

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teaching them about awareness in the mind, and then teaching them what

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is the movement of awareness in the mind that

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results in stress, and then how do I prevent awareness from

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doing that? Because awareness is moving in a particular way within the mind

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that's creating the outcome of anxiety, that's creating the outcome of fear

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or stress. Now I just need to prevent awareness from doing that.

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And that's really where the teaching, the

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sequential teaching should be. See, most people approach

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stress and anxiety as, "Okay, let me learn how to breathe.

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Let me meditate." I never recommend those because those are patches at the

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end of the day. I'm not understanding that what's the mechanics of

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what is happening inside that's resulting in this.

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If I eat mushrooms and my stomach bloats,

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and then I take medicine to deal with the bloating, I'm not

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solving the problem.

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If my awareness is doing something in my mind that results in

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anxiety and then I meditate,

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it's exactly the same thing like the mushroom example.

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I just need to stop eating mushrooms.

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Mm.

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My awareness needs to stop jumping from one unfinished thing to

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another, to another, to another in an uncontrolled way that results in anxiety.

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And we're trained to do that with digital devices and social media.

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Because I love gardening and plants, but when I go on Instagram,

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Instagram shows me

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a plethora-

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Right

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... of things that takes me from being upset to being

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fearful, being concerning, to happy, to laughter,

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silliness, all within a space of a couple of minutes.

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Think of the impact it's doing emotionally on our mind.

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Our mind's not built to

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go rapidly between all of these emotions.

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If you look at life 100 years ago, you may have a crisis and then maybe in a state

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of fear or worry or sadness for a period of time of a few

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days. But never will we ever been put

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in a position where we would go to extreme areas of the mind within

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such short spectrums of time. And when you repeat the process,

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it results in anxiety and stress. So the short answer to

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your question is that

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take a systematic approach in educating the client.

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Teach them about awareness in the mind.

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Help them understand what awareness is doing in the mind that results in stress,

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that results in anxiety, that results in fear, or that results in worry.

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So in practical terms, if someone is living in a future problem-

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Yep

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...

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the real practice would be to anchor them in the present to that-

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To bring awareness back. Because whatever they're thinking about in the future,

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it's the example that I gave with my guru when he was seven years old coming back

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in the car and it was snowing really heavily.

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00:11:51.860 --> 00:11:55.720
This was in 1934, and he thought they were going to get stuck in the snow

255
00:11:55.760 --> 00:11:58.860
and miss their radio program. He saw his awareness going into the future,

256
00:11:59.460 --> 00:12:03.010
creating a situation that hasn't happened in his mind, where they were stuck in the

257
00:12:03.140 --> 00:12:06.832
snow. Now awareness came back to the present and he's goingWe're stuck.

258
00:12:06.972 --> 00:12:08.972
I'm going to miss my show. I'm not going to hear it.

259
00:12:09.072 --> 00:12:10.132
There's not going to be another episode.

260
00:12:10.181 --> 00:12:12.612
And then going through that whole cycle of emotions.

261
00:12:13.392 --> 00:12:16.732
And when he realized that what he was worrying was only

262
00:12:16.792 --> 00:12:20.742
future-based and hasn't even happened yet, he was able to bring his

263
00:12:20.792 --> 00:12:23.812
awareness to the present and go, "I'm all right, right now.

264
00:12:23.852 --> 00:12:27.692
We're not stuck in the snow. It hasn't happened yet." Which gives me the choice

265
00:12:28.192 --> 00:12:29.552
to actually do something about it.

266
00:12:30.532 --> 00:12:34.512
And if most people could look at the things that they were worried or feared about

267
00:12:34.692 --> 00:12:37.232
on a daily basis, "Oh, I might fail my exam.

268
00:12:37.392 --> 00:12:41.032
What if I don't get good enough grades?" Well, it hasn't happened yet,

269
00:12:41.532 --> 00:12:41.652
right?

270
00:12:41.742 --> 00:12:41.742
Right.

271
00:12:41.742 --> 00:12:43.132
And you can see what awareness is doing.

272
00:12:43.172 --> 00:12:45.882
It's going to the future, creating a situation in your mind,

273
00:12:45.882 --> 00:12:49.832
thinking, "I didn't get good grades." Well, the exam's

274
00:12:49.872 --> 00:12:51.112
still three months away.

275
00:12:51.172 --> 00:12:51.501
Right.

276
00:12:51.532 --> 00:12:54.862
And the repeated process-- What were you saying about neutrons and the thing?

277
00:12:55.332 --> 00:12:55.992
What was the phrase?

278
00:12:56.572 --> 00:12:57.952
It's the neurons that-

279
00:12:58.112 --> 00:12:58.122
Yeah

280
00:12:58.372 --> 00:13:00.212
... that fire together, they wire together.

281
00:13:00.452 --> 00:13:03.722
Yeah. They fire together, wire together. I like that. So it's the same thing.

282
00:13:03.792 --> 00:13:07.672
So imagine if my exam is three months from now, and every day,

283
00:13:07.792 --> 00:13:11.022
five times a day, I thought, "What if I fail or don't get the grades to get me into

284
00:13:11.052 --> 00:13:11.392
college?"

285
00:13:12.532 --> 00:13:16.432
How much firing and wiring together am I doing five times a

286
00:13:16.512 --> 00:13:18.422
day, every day for three months?

287
00:13:19.852 --> 00:13:23.832
So the control of awareness prevents us from allowing us to do that.

288
00:13:24.272 --> 00:13:26.372
So I'm just going to perseverate on this for-

289
00:13:26.382 --> 00:13:26.482
Yes

290
00:13:26.482 --> 00:13:27.492
... maybe one more minute.

291
00:13:27.652 --> 00:13:28.022
No, of course.

292
00:13:28.092 --> 00:13:28.432
And

293
00:13:29.272 --> 00:13:29.432
so

294
00:13:30.352 --> 00:13:31.432
I get this pushback

295
00:13:32.512 --> 00:13:35.272
in talking to someone, I'd get this pushback.

296
00:13:35.832 --> 00:13:37.232
Oh, it's easy to say,

297
00:13:38.212 --> 00:13:41.432
but it's really hard to do. And I can understand, like you said, if you've

298
00:13:41.452 --> 00:13:45.122
practiced distraction for years, or if you've practiced to live in anxiety or

299
00:13:45.272 --> 00:13:46.312
stress for years-

300
00:13:46.352 --> 00:13:46.432
Yeah

301
00:13:47.032 --> 00:13:50.812
... what's your first step to walk out of it in the practical terms?

302
00:13:50.852 --> 00:13:54.772
What do I go home and tell them, "Okay, start doing this." Like, the reason

303
00:13:54.812 --> 00:13:56.142
people talk about breathing is-

304
00:13:56.192 --> 00:13:56.672
Yeah

305
00:13:56.682 --> 00:13:57.632
... it's okay.

306
00:13:57.652 --> 00:13:57.882
It's doable.

307
00:13:57.882 --> 00:13:59.452
It's very doable, it's practical-

308
00:13:59.552 --> 00:13:59.562
Yeah

309
00:13:59.562 --> 00:14:01.532
... and yes, you slow down your body.

310
00:14:01.632 --> 00:14:03.911
The mind has to follow a little bit on that.

311
00:14:04.032 --> 00:14:04.122
Yeah.

312
00:14:04.492 --> 00:14:05.862
It doesn't stay that way, but-

313
00:14:06.042 --> 00:14:06.042
Yeah

314
00:14:06.042 --> 00:14:08.272
... you're going to get relief. So what do I tell them?

315
00:14:08.372 --> 00:14:10.232
Okay, you can do the breathing, but

316
00:14:11.192 --> 00:14:13.372
this is the actual treatment.

317
00:14:13.812 --> 00:14:13.952
Yes.

318
00:14:14.052 --> 00:14:14.852
Where do we start?

319
00:14:17.632 --> 00:14:21.612
The honest answer, I think you have to look at each individual and go,

320
00:14:21.772 --> 00:14:23.212
how mature are they?

321
00:14:23.221 --> 00:14:23.412
Mm-hmm.

322
00:14:23.452 --> 00:14:25.752
And how badly do they want to get out of it?

323
00:14:25.812 --> 00:14:28.712
Because the less mature soul is not willing to do

324
00:14:29.852 --> 00:14:30.392
the treatment.

325
00:14:30.632 --> 00:14:31.732
So the desire has to be there?

326
00:14:31.872 --> 00:14:32.122
The desire-

327
00:14:32.182 --> 00:14:32.442
Number one

328
00:14:32.442 --> 00:14:32.952
... has to be there.

329
00:14:33.072 --> 00:14:34.432
So we established desire.

330
00:14:34.592 --> 00:14:34.692
Yeah.

331
00:14:34.732 --> 00:14:35.312
Now?

332
00:14:35.432 --> 00:14:39.052
You have to establish and evaluate at what scale the desire is, right?

333
00:14:39.152 --> 00:14:43.092
How badly do I want to fix this? People want to solve problems at the

334
00:14:43.152 --> 00:14:44.052
height of the problem,

335
00:14:45.172 --> 00:14:47.781
and then after that, they couldn't care less about dealing with it.

336
00:14:47.792 --> 00:14:47.972
Mm-hmm.

337
00:14:48.072 --> 00:14:49.272
Everyone comes and sees me

338
00:14:50.112 --> 00:14:53.702
when at the peak of whatever they're going through, whether it's a marriage crisis,

339
00:14:54.112 --> 00:14:58.032
"I just sold my business. I have no identity of who I am as

340
00:14:58.072 --> 00:15:01.642
an entrepreneur." Then they come and see me, and once they've gone past that,

341
00:15:02.012 --> 00:15:02.862
haven't solved the problem,

342
00:15:03.912 --> 00:15:04.992
then they don't need me anymore.

343
00:15:05.072 --> 00:15:06.091
We just need a Band-Aid.

344
00:15:06.112 --> 00:15:09.632
We just need a Band-Aid. So I think for a less mature soul, the breathing, the

345
00:15:09.672 --> 00:15:13.632
meditation is helpful. For a more mature person that has a greater

346
00:15:13.692 --> 00:15:17.622
desire of, "I want to actually recalibrate my

347
00:15:17.712 --> 00:15:21.632
mind and sustain that change," then the treatment is

348
00:15:21.652 --> 00:15:25.422
the way to go forward. And that's why, when I work with professional athletes and

349
00:15:25.492 --> 00:15:28.792
entrepreneurs, these are individuals that are driven to make

350
00:15:29.632 --> 00:15:33.442
concrete changes. That desire has to be there, and if it's not-

351
00:15:34.152 --> 00:15:35.082
Then it's not going to work

352
00:15:35.152 --> 00:15:38.152
... it's not going to work. And that's why these motivational speakers work so

353
00:15:38.172 --> 00:15:41.582
well. It's a patch, right? You inspire them, you get them motivated-

354
00:15:41.662 --> 00:15:41.662
Right

355
00:15:41.662 --> 00:15:44.672
... they do it for a little while, and then it just fades and...

356
00:15:44.702 --> 00:15:45.232
Perfect.

357
00:15:45.312 --> 00:15:45.732
Yeah.

358
00:15:45.792 --> 00:15:47.732
So for someone who can't focus-

359
00:15:48.012 --> 00:15:48.022
Yeah

360
00:15:48.022 --> 00:15:51.352
... this is another thing I hear all the time in today's world. I'm sure you do.

361
00:15:51.572 --> 00:15:51.692
Yeah.

362
00:15:52.512 --> 00:15:54.212
I can try, but I can't focus.

363
00:15:55.052 --> 00:15:58.932
Is it the same remedy for that, that you're going to have to-

364
00:15:59.872 --> 00:15:59.922
You have to-

365
00:15:59.922 --> 00:16:01.372
... where do you start training your awareness?

366
00:16:01.632 --> 00:16:04.572
You have to learn. You have to learn the mechanics. Do you drive a stick shift car?

367
00:16:05.232 --> 00:16:06.432
I have, but not right now.

368
00:16:06.462 --> 00:16:06.462
No.

369
00:16:06.472 --> 00:16:07.452
But I have, yes.

370
00:16:07.492 --> 00:16:07.732
You have.

371
00:16:09.232 --> 00:16:12.432
What are the key ingredients you need? You got three pedals, right?

372
00:16:12.492 --> 00:16:15.092
You got the clutch, the brake, the accelerator, and you got the gears.

373
00:16:15.102 --> 00:16:18.372
Steering wheel, left, right, hold it straight, go forward.

374
00:16:18.532 --> 00:16:22.412
Once you know how the clutch and the accelerator work together with

375
00:16:22.452 --> 00:16:25.532
the gear, all three things at the same time, you can drive the car.

376
00:16:25.572 --> 00:16:25.582
Mm-hmm.

377
00:16:25.592 --> 00:16:28.692
You don't need to know about the fuel injection, how the carburetor works, none of

378
00:16:28.752 --> 00:16:29.172
that stuff.

379
00:16:29.992 --> 00:16:33.592
So I think in a fundamental, basic way, we need to give people understanding that

380
00:16:34.052 --> 00:16:36.412
you've got the mind, you've got awareness. The mind doesn't move.

381
00:16:36.512 --> 00:16:39.802
Awareness moves within the mind. And depending on what awareness is doing,

382
00:16:40.492 --> 00:16:44.432
it's creating distraction, focus, anxiety, stress, fear, worry.

383
00:16:44.972 --> 00:16:48.852
And by understanding the mechanics of that, all I need to know is I define

384
00:16:48.932 --> 00:16:51.852
focus as my ability to keep my awareness on you.

385
00:16:51.912 --> 00:16:53.372
If it shifts away, I'm getting distracted.

386
00:16:53.432 --> 00:16:56.092
My ability to hold it on you is my ability to focus.

387
00:16:56.672 --> 00:17:00.302
And when you can break it down and keep it that simple, and people can understand,

388
00:17:00.372 --> 00:17:02.632
they can begin the process of learning to focus.

389
00:17:03.372 --> 00:17:07.272
I think what I realized, Dr. Sandhu, is that I left the monastery about 16 years

390
00:17:07.312 --> 00:17:11.113
ago or something like that, and in the first few years was very observant on

391
00:17:11.152 --> 00:17:14.792
where the world was. I lived in a monastery in a

392
00:17:14.873 --> 00:17:18.672
very high intense training. We were training people

393
00:17:18.692 --> 00:17:18.912
for-

394
00:17:19.252 --> 00:17:19.422
Mm-hmm

395
00:17:19.472 --> 00:17:20.302
... excellence.

396
00:17:20.552 --> 00:17:20.782
Right.

397
00:17:21.292 --> 00:17:23.502
And then what I saw is that

398
00:17:25.113 --> 00:17:27.542
what sells, what generates revenue,

399
00:17:28.353 --> 00:17:29.492
not the stuff I'm teaching.

400
00:17:30.532 --> 00:17:32.212
Because no one wants to do the hard work-

401
00:17:32.352 --> 00:17:32.422
Mm-hmm

402
00:17:32.452 --> 00:17:33.912
... of learning awareness in the mind.

403
00:17:34.372 --> 00:17:38.352
If I taught about meditation and different breathing techniques

404
00:17:38.452 --> 00:17:42.332
I learned as a monk, and how to wrap my leg around my neck and breathe

405
00:17:42.372 --> 00:17:45.232
out of my left nostril while chanting this ancient mantra,

406
00:17:46.132 --> 00:17:47.652
I'd sell 20,000 courses.

407
00:17:48.052 --> 00:17:48.312
Yes.

408
00:17:48.372 --> 00:17:52.252
If I tell people, all you need to do is learn about awareness in the mind, they go

409
00:17:52.292 --> 00:17:54.272
like, "Oh, that's not good enough. That's too simple.

410
00:17:54.352 --> 00:17:57.072
Give me something a little bit more exciting."

411
00:17:57.672 --> 00:18:01.372
A little more... I get it. This is the era we live in, right?

412
00:18:01.452 --> 00:18:05.222
It is. And people don't want to do the basic work, and it's not

413
00:18:05.272 --> 00:18:08.391
complicated. It's so simple. You have to do it.

414
00:18:08.432 --> 00:18:09.812
You have to understand it, and you have to do it.

415
00:18:09.852 --> 00:18:13.772
And nothing I've shared here on this podcast is complicated.

416
00:18:14.032 --> 00:18:14.112
No.

417
00:18:14.132 --> 00:18:16.092
I've talked about a ball of light moving in the head.

418
00:18:17.392 --> 00:18:21.356
My daughter, who was five at one time, could understand thatHer friends could

419
00:18:21.376 --> 00:18:22.016
understand that.

420
00:18:22.376 --> 00:18:23.076
No, absolutely.

421
00:18:23.336 --> 00:18:26.976
So your goal is to hold the ball of light on one thing, and we have to practice

422
00:18:27.016 --> 00:18:27.176
this.

423
00:18:27.476 --> 00:18:29.116
And if it moves away, bring it back.

424
00:18:29.296 --> 00:18:29.306
Yes.

425
00:18:29.326 --> 00:18:29.936
It's doing the reps-

426
00:18:30.336 --> 00:18:31.616
It's doing reps, yes

427
00:18:31.626 --> 00:18:32.016
... again and again.

428
00:18:32.316 --> 00:18:34.306
Yes. You don't need to learn a thousand things.

429
00:18:34.356 --> 00:18:37.216
You need to learn a few things and go really deep in it.

430
00:18:37.366 --> 00:18:40.616
And I talk about going narrow and deep as opposed to shallow and wide.

431
00:18:40.626 --> 00:18:43.116
And we live in a society where we want to go shallow and wide.

432
00:18:43.126 --> 00:18:43.126
Right.

433
00:18:43.156 --> 00:18:47.016
We want to touch the surface of a thousand things so we can say

434
00:18:47.036 --> 00:18:49.936
we've read this book, we've done this course, I've done that retreat.

435
00:18:51.276 --> 00:18:52.036
Can you practice it?

436
00:18:52.396 --> 00:18:52.876
Exactly.

437
00:18:53.176 --> 00:18:53.196
Yeah.

438
00:18:53.206 --> 00:18:54.316
How does it change my life?

439
00:18:54.796 --> 00:18:58.496
Yes. My mom can cook amazing South Asian

440
00:18:58.536 --> 00:18:58.876
meals.

441
00:18:59.706 --> 00:19:03.216
She's practiced it for decades, and she's fed her family. Right?

442
00:19:03.956 --> 00:19:05.976
But she hasn't done

443
00:19:07.336 --> 00:19:10.636
100 different cooking classes. She learnt a few recipes,

444
00:19:11.256 --> 00:19:15.216
and she's mastered the techniques, and now is an

445
00:19:15.276 --> 00:19:15.936
excellent cook.

446
00:19:17.596 --> 00:19:20.616
That's the mastery that you want to get to.

447
00:19:21.306 --> 00:19:24.236
You want to pick a few things and go narrow and deep on those.

448
00:19:24.296 --> 00:19:25.256
Be really good at those.

449
00:19:25.396 --> 00:19:28.406
Be really good at that. But these are fundamental things, right?

450
00:19:28.836 --> 00:19:31.816
Everybody should learn to focus because it helps us in our relationship,

451
00:19:33.156 --> 00:19:37.136
whatever it is we're pursuing. It's a fundamental, basic skill every human

452
00:19:37.196 --> 00:19:37.556
needs.

453
00:19:38.996 --> 00:19:39.516
Perfect.

454
00:19:39.816 --> 00:19:39.876
Yeah.

455
00:19:39.916 --> 00:19:41.536
So we live in a world where

456
00:19:42.616 --> 00:19:45.036
one thing we keep talking about, "I don't have time."

457
00:19:47.296 --> 00:19:49.836
How do you connect time and energy?

458
00:19:50.236 --> 00:19:54.156
Now, which one comes first? So if I say, "I don't have time," is

459
00:19:54.196 --> 00:19:58.056
it really I'm expending too much time or energy on one thing?

460
00:19:58.116 --> 00:19:58.226
Yeah.

461
00:19:58.296 --> 00:19:59.156
How do you differentiate?

462
00:19:59.996 --> 00:20:03.796
Well, I think, too, with the time thing, when people say they don't have time,

463
00:20:03.896 --> 00:20:06.796
it's not that they don't have time, they just have misguided priorities,

464
00:20:07.936 --> 00:20:09.196
and they're just doing too much.

465
00:20:10.536 --> 00:20:14.096
If I did 100 things in my life going on at the same time,

466
00:20:14.936 --> 00:20:18.356
I can't divide that into 24 hours. But if I had

467
00:20:18.576 --> 00:20:21.416
five things that were focused on in my life,

468
00:20:22.496 --> 00:20:24.596
I can have time for those five things.

469
00:20:24.656 --> 00:20:27.416
The key is simplification of our life.

470
00:20:27.456 --> 00:20:28.956
We are just doing way too much.

471
00:20:29.956 --> 00:20:33.816
So people feel anxiety and stress because they're perpetually needing to shift

472
00:20:33.856 --> 00:20:37.656
from one thing to another. And

473
00:20:37.716 --> 00:20:41.636
how's that related to energy? We talked about the concept of where

474
00:20:41.696 --> 00:20:43.136
awareness goes, energy flows, right?

475
00:20:43.256 --> 00:20:43.476
Mm-hmm.

476
00:20:44.876 --> 00:20:47.996
So let's look at a very, very simplified view of time management.

477
00:20:48.556 --> 00:20:51.496
I sleep eight hours a day. I work eight hours a day.

478
00:20:52.076 --> 00:20:55.936
I dedicate two and a half hours for family, and then other things for

479
00:20:56.236 --> 00:21:00.136
personal care, whatever. And part of the two and a half hours for family, I

480
00:21:00.536 --> 00:21:02.516
lock in there every day. I write it down in my book.

481
00:21:02.896 --> 00:21:05.116
I'm going to spend 45 minutes having dinner with my family.

482
00:21:05.796 --> 00:21:09.616
So as long as I physically sit at a dinner table with my family for

483
00:21:09.776 --> 00:21:13.616
45 minutes, I can literally check off the time management box because I've

484
00:21:13.696 --> 00:21:14.896
clocked 45 minutes.

485
00:21:15.645 --> 00:21:15.645
Right.

486
00:21:15.676 --> 00:21:16.776
I've fulfilled the time management.

487
00:21:17.336 --> 00:21:21.156
My question is, where's your awareness during those 45 minutes?

488
00:21:21.736 --> 00:21:24.516
Because if I'm having dinner with you and you're my family, I'm having dinner with

489
00:21:24.616 --> 00:21:28.196
you, and as you're talking to me, my awareness is drifting and going somewhere

490
00:21:28.276 --> 00:21:30.276
else, that's where my energy's flowing.

491
00:21:30.676 --> 00:21:30.896
Right.

492
00:21:30.976 --> 00:21:34.476
So even though I'm physically present, I can check the time management box,

493
00:21:35.216 --> 00:21:37.116
energetically, you don't feel my presence.

494
00:21:37.476 --> 00:21:37.656
True.

495
00:21:37.796 --> 00:21:38.916
You know Dad's here

496
00:21:40.056 --> 00:21:43.796
sitting in front of you. You see him, but mentally, energetically,

497
00:21:43.956 --> 00:21:44.496
he's absent.

498
00:21:44.816 --> 00:21:46.536
So that's what people perceive as disconnect.

499
00:21:46.856 --> 00:21:49.816
As a disconnect. So when people say, "I feel a disconnect,"

500
00:21:50.996 --> 00:21:53.956
they're not physically disconnected, they're energetically disconnected.

501
00:21:54.656 --> 00:21:58.036
And that's the world we live in today, where when you're having coffee with

502
00:21:58.096 --> 00:22:01.756
someone, their awareness cannot be on you for an

503
00:22:01.796 --> 00:22:04.836
extended period of time. It's always going somewhere else.

504
00:22:04.936 --> 00:22:07.976
So if you think you have coffee with someone for an hour,

505
00:22:09.636 --> 00:22:13.556
out of that one hour, how many minutes truly was energy

506
00:22:13.576 --> 00:22:15.976
actually flowing towards you and not somewhere else?

507
00:22:16.696 --> 00:22:18.696
I think that would just be fascinating to find out.

508
00:22:19.316 --> 00:22:19.996
Absolutely.

509
00:22:20.516 --> 00:22:20.616
Yeah.

510
00:22:20.676 --> 00:22:23.196
So you said we are doing too many things, right?

511
00:22:23.996 --> 00:22:24.006
Yes.

512
00:22:24.056 --> 00:22:27.776
So how do I know what are my top

513
00:22:27.856 --> 00:22:29.296
five priorities in life?

514
00:22:30.236 --> 00:22:32.936
I have every shiny thing, okay, attracts you.

515
00:22:33.196 --> 00:22:33.656
Yep.

516
00:22:33.716 --> 00:22:37.536
And this is the world we live in, so a lot of us have different options in front of

517
00:22:37.615 --> 00:22:37.815
us.

518
00:22:38.196 --> 00:22:38.356
Yep.

519
00:22:38.476 --> 00:22:41.115
So how would I know what's my core

520
00:22:42.256 --> 00:22:42.956
top priority?

521
00:22:43.156 --> 00:22:43.896
Yep.

522
00:22:43.946 --> 00:22:47.616
And then, okay, one, two, these are my top five in order, and

523
00:22:47.656 --> 00:22:50.956
everything else I can sort of give up. How do I figure that out?

524
00:22:54.896 --> 00:22:58.616
One thing to touch about the shiny thing, then I'll circle back to this, is that I

525
00:22:58.656 --> 00:23:01.956
have a saying that goes, "Opportunities are not opportunities if they're not

526
00:23:01.996 --> 00:23:02.916
aligned with purpose."

527
00:23:03.966 --> 00:23:04.556
Because I get a lot of-

528
00:23:04.636 --> 00:23:04.646
True

529
00:23:04.646 --> 00:23:05.776
... opportunities coming my way.

530
00:23:05.976 --> 00:23:06.065
Right.

531
00:23:06.116 --> 00:23:09.976
And I go like, "Wow, this sounds like an amazing idea or

532
00:23:10.056 --> 00:23:12.916
opportunity, and can make money from it," or whatever it is.

533
00:23:13.436 --> 00:23:17.116
And then I go, "Is it aligned with my purpose in life?" If it is not,

534
00:23:17.176 --> 00:23:20.196
then that's part of something that I need to let go.

535
00:23:21.096 --> 00:23:21.276
So

536
00:23:22.936 --> 00:23:26.496
when we can learn to focus as a fundamental step one 101,

537
00:23:27.296 --> 00:23:30.836
then we can be in a state of self-reflection long enough

538
00:23:31.296 --> 00:23:34.276
to actually understand what it is we want in our life.

539
00:23:34.836 --> 00:23:37.896
So we've met for the first time physically.

540
00:23:37.936 --> 00:23:38.146
Mm-hmm. Right.

541
00:23:38.156 --> 00:23:39.336
We've spoken on the phone before.

542
00:23:40.196 --> 00:23:44.156
If I wanted to get to know you, and if I lived here in Bakersfield, and just say

543
00:23:44.216 --> 00:23:45.016
every Friday

544
00:23:46.576 --> 00:23:50.556
at 3:00 PM, we went out for a glass of wine or a cup of coffee or something for two

545
00:23:50.616 --> 00:23:50.916
hours,

546
00:23:51.736 --> 00:23:54.656
and we did this religiously every week.

547
00:23:55.086 --> 00:23:57.356
After six months, we'd get to know each other really well.

548
00:23:57.496 --> 00:24:00.956
Initially, our conversation's a very surface level. You're married, you got kids.

549
00:24:01.036 --> 00:24:01.206
Mm-hmm.

550
00:24:01.256 --> 00:24:02.916
How long you been a doctor? All that kind of stuff.

551
00:24:03.406 --> 00:24:03.406
Right.

552
00:24:03.416 --> 00:24:07.336
As time went on, you know what drove me, what inspired

553
00:24:07.396 --> 00:24:09.096
me, what are my passions are, what are my struggles.

554
00:24:09.196 --> 00:24:10.396
Similarly, I would know about you.

555
00:24:10.976 --> 00:24:14.596
But the only way I would get to know you is by spending quality

556
00:24:14.676 --> 00:24:15.456
time with you.

557
00:24:15.696 --> 00:24:15.896
Right.

558
00:24:16.416 --> 00:24:19.996
When was the last time an individual spent quality time and

559
00:24:20.096 --> 00:24:23.884
self-reflection with themselves?Now people will say to me and push back and go

560
00:24:23.924 --> 00:24:27.664
like, "Oh, when I walk my dog at night, that's my alone time." I'm like, "No,

561
00:24:27.784 --> 00:24:31.684
that's walking your dog, picking up poop on the sidewalk, avoiding traffic." "When

562
00:24:31.764 --> 00:24:34.304
I am at the gym, that's my alone time." No, that's lifting weights.

563
00:24:34.704 --> 00:24:38.224
When have you sat in a room by yourself, no music,

564
00:24:38.684 --> 00:24:42.624
no podcasts, no books, it's just you, like you and

565
00:24:42.664 --> 00:24:44.804
me having a conversation going, how am I?

566
00:24:45.744 --> 00:24:47.984
Am I happy? What do I want in life?

567
00:24:48.424 --> 00:24:49.704
Why are we so afraid to do that?

568
00:24:51.304 --> 00:24:55.293
Because most people live in the conscious mind, and as soon as

569
00:24:55.364 --> 00:24:58.034
you go past the conscious mind, you come to the subconscious mind,

570
00:24:58.904 --> 00:25:01.444
and the subconscious is the storehouse of the past.

571
00:25:01.924 --> 00:25:03.484
So you see everything that's in there.

572
00:25:04.404 --> 00:25:08.224
I spent 10 years living as a celibate Hindu

573
00:25:08.284 --> 00:25:10.444
monk in a cloistered traditional monastery.

574
00:25:10.544 --> 00:25:13.944
So three meals a day, waking up at 4:00 in the morning, going to bed at 9:00 at

575
00:25:14.004 --> 00:25:14.244
night.

576
00:25:15.224 --> 00:25:18.384
Initial years, I spoke to my parents twice a year on the phone, no emails, no

577
00:25:18.464 --> 00:25:21.244
letters. Never spoke to any of my friends again.

578
00:25:21.964 --> 00:25:25.714
People would ask, as a young 20-something years old, "What was the

579
00:25:25.744 --> 00:25:27.124
hardest part? Was it being celibate?

580
00:25:27.204 --> 00:25:30.904
Was it living in the monastery, eating only three meals a day?" I said, no.

581
00:25:30.944 --> 00:25:34.904
The hardest part was every night I would go back to my hut, which was 10

582
00:25:34.944 --> 00:25:38.504
feet by 10 feet, and there was no electricity, no plumbing,

583
00:25:38.904 --> 00:25:40.274
no internet, no phone, nothing,

584
00:25:41.184 --> 00:25:42.764
and it was just me by myself.

585
00:25:44.384 --> 00:25:45.384
And who did I get to know?

586
00:25:46.324 --> 00:25:46.524
Me.

587
00:25:47.384 --> 00:25:51.324
And that was the most painful, difficult thing because I had nothing to

588
00:25:51.364 --> 00:25:54.104
escape to. Today when you see someone on the

589
00:25:54.144 --> 00:25:58.024
platform waiting for the subway to come, they'll pick up their phone and look

590
00:25:58.084 --> 00:26:01.934
at it. Because if not, they'd have to sit there with their own

591
00:26:01.984 --> 00:26:02.344
thoughts.

592
00:26:02.544 --> 00:26:02.594
Right.

593
00:26:02.594 --> 00:26:06.464
And that's difficult. So people don't want to spend time with themselves in

594
00:26:06.524 --> 00:26:07.344
self-reflection.

595
00:26:08.384 --> 00:26:11.714
Two reasons. One is I don't think people are ever taught to even do that-

596
00:26:11.884 --> 00:26:12.144
Right

597
00:26:12.184 --> 00:26:16.084
... as a child. Second is, as you look inward, you're going to see the wonderful

598
00:26:16.124 --> 00:26:18.924
things about you and the not so wonderful things about you.

599
00:26:19.744 --> 00:26:20.594
Which means now

600
00:26:21.424 --> 00:26:23.254
you're either going to do something about it or-

601
00:26:23.784 --> 00:26:24.383
Not do something

602
00:26:24.394 --> 00:26:28.204
... not do something about it. So it's better to just go external and get

603
00:26:28.244 --> 00:26:32.144
engrossed with everything else. But if you don't look inward, how then would you

604
00:26:32.164 --> 00:26:33.514
know what your priorities in life are?

605
00:26:34.184 --> 00:26:37.794
The answers are not external, and I'm not trying to be philosophical or

606
00:26:38.164 --> 00:26:39.024
spiritual here.

607
00:26:39.104 --> 00:26:39.644
Right.

608
00:26:39.684 --> 00:26:39.864
Right?

609
00:26:40.764 --> 00:26:43.404
Look at it this way, right? If I had a business

610
00:26:44.404 --> 00:26:48.244
and my business is growing, and I feel like I need to brand my business, so I hire

611
00:26:48.284 --> 00:26:50.784
a branding company to brand my company.

612
00:26:52.144 --> 00:26:56.064
They would come and not immediately arrive at my doorstep and tell

613
00:26:56.104 --> 00:27:00.024
me what my company brand is. They would interrogate me, for lack of a better word.

614
00:27:00.184 --> 00:27:00.364
Right.

615
00:27:00.424 --> 00:27:04.124
They'd ask me questions, they ask my leadership team questions, get all that

616
00:27:04.164 --> 00:27:07.324
data, go back, process it, come back with that

617
00:27:07.364 --> 00:27:11.144
information, have another round of interviews, might go on for three, four

618
00:27:11.184 --> 00:27:14.284
months. And after about four or five months, they'd come back and go, "Your color

619
00:27:14.324 --> 00:27:17.964
is blue, and the hex code is A43156."

620
00:27:18.464 --> 00:27:18.514
Mm-hmm.

621
00:27:18.574 --> 00:27:22.064
"And here's the font that you need to use, and these are the sizes, and these are

622
00:27:22.084 --> 00:27:25.804
the only colors you can use. And here's your tagline," and this and that.

623
00:27:26.144 --> 00:27:26.324
Right.

624
00:27:27.044 --> 00:27:31.033
You spending time with yourself, not in meditation, but in self-reflection and

625
00:27:31.084 --> 00:27:33.744
inquiry, is you branding yourself.

626
00:27:34.324 --> 00:27:38.284
And you can't come out with a brand identity, which is your purpose and

627
00:27:38.324 --> 00:27:41.704
your sub-purposes, without actually

628
00:27:41.744 --> 00:27:43.804
having that conversation.

629
00:27:45.204 --> 00:27:48.144
Perfect. That's actually helpful, and I think

630
00:27:49.504 --> 00:27:51.264
if we go a little further into it-

631
00:27:51.324 --> 00:27:51.414
Yeah

632
00:27:51.484 --> 00:27:53.264
... you work with high performers.

633
00:27:53.444 --> 00:27:53.544
Yeah.

634
00:27:53.584 --> 00:27:54.164
Quite a few of them.

635
00:27:54.464 --> 00:27:54.564
Yeah.

636
00:27:55.084 --> 00:27:57.724
How do you tell them to manage their energy or time?

637
00:27:58.464 --> 00:27:58.554
Yeah.

638
00:27:58.584 --> 00:27:59.984
Or does one come before the other?

639
00:28:01.844 --> 00:28:04.824
I think a lot of them come to me because they've heard about the energy.

640
00:28:04.864 --> 00:28:07.064
They're very disciplined about their time already.

641
00:28:07.084 --> 00:28:07.264
Mm-hmm.

642
00:28:07.904 --> 00:28:11.744
What they're new to is the concept of energy and the

643
00:28:11.764 --> 00:28:13.864
concept that where awareness goes, energy flows.

644
00:28:14.084 --> 00:28:14.313
Mm-hmm.

645
00:28:14.504 --> 00:28:14.904
I had

646
00:28:15.884 --> 00:28:19.144
the good fortune many years ago working with one of the best soccer players in the

647
00:28:19.184 --> 00:28:22.374
world for three seasons, and he had approached me and said,

648
00:28:23.024 --> 00:28:26.844
"When I'm at home, I have my phone, my iPad, and the TV

649
00:28:26.904 --> 00:28:27.864
on at the same time."

650
00:28:29.684 --> 00:28:30.533
And I realized that-

651
00:28:31.544 --> 00:28:33.224
It's a more common scenario than we think

652
00:28:33.764 --> 00:28:37.224
... and here he is playing at the highest level of soccer.

653
00:28:37.804 --> 00:28:40.164
And he goes, "I realize I can't concentrate.

654
00:28:40.964 --> 00:28:44.824
And when we're one-nil down at halftime, we're just about to go back for the second

655
00:28:44.884 --> 00:28:48.324
half of the game, and our coach is telling us, 'Okay, guys, we're one-nil down.

656
00:28:48.364 --> 00:28:49.484
We've really got to focus.'

657
00:28:51.424 --> 00:28:54.864
How do we do it? No one's ever taught us how to focus." They've told us to focus,

658
00:28:55.404 --> 00:28:57.064
and sports seem to do this all the time, right?

659
00:28:57.504 --> 00:28:59.104
In basketball, you see a little timeout.

660
00:28:59.244 --> 00:28:59.274
Mm-hmm.

661
00:28:59.294 --> 00:29:02.304
Everyone gets off to the court. Coach is scribbling on the board.

662
00:29:02.994 --> 00:29:05.644
"Okay, guys, go back out there. Let's just get focused."

663
00:29:07.024 --> 00:29:09.964
What does that mean? How do you actually focus?

664
00:29:11.724 --> 00:29:15.444
And how can you focus if you've not spent any time practicing

665
00:29:15.504 --> 00:29:15.864
focus?

666
00:29:17.524 --> 00:29:21.414
There's so many high, top-level professional athletes, I'm talking at

667
00:29:21.444 --> 00:29:23.164
the toppest, highest level,

668
00:29:24.104 --> 00:29:27.444
that in their bus going to the stadium

669
00:29:28.164 --> 00:29:29.044
are on social media.

670
00:29:30.204 --> 00:29:31.784
What does it mean?

671
00:29:33.204 --> 00:29:37.184
Why do I say on social media? Because when they're on social media, their

672
00:29:37.204 --> 00:29:39.364
awareness now is jumping to different areas, right?

673
00:29:39.384 --> 00:29:39.524
Mm-hmm.

674
00:29:39.764 --> 00:29:43.684
You're scrolling through your feeds, you're going to a happy area, unhappy area,

675
00:29:43.764 --> 00:29:47.004
sad area, funny area, laughing area, whatever different areas of the mind.

676
00:29:48.324 --> 00:29:50.584
You're training awareness to jump all around your mind.

677
00:29:50.664 --> 00:29:53.264
If the bus ride's 30 minutes, that's what you're training.

678
00:29:53.424 --> 00:29:57.124
So now when you go on the field to perform, what has your

679
00:29:57.134 --> 00:29:59.584
awareness been trained to do? Jump all over the place.

680
00:29:59.764 --> 00:29:59.964
Right.

681
00:29:59.994 --> 00:30:02.284
What's it going to be good at doing? Jumping all over the place.

682
00:30:02.804 --> 00:30:05.324
When you sit with your family, what's awareness going to be doing?

683
00:30:05.684 --> 00:30:09.144
Jumping all over the place. So even though I'm here with you at the dinner table,

684
00:30:09.824 --> 00:30:13.284
my awareness has been trained not to be at one place at a

685
00:30:13.344 --> 00:30:17.194
time. It's been trained to move every 10 seconds,

686
00:30:17.244 --> 00:30:21.074
15 seconds to any area of the mind. And that

687
00:30:22.184 --> 00:30:25.894
stress of awareness moving around the mind creates this

688
00:30:25.894 --> 00:30:29.814
anxiety and the stress, and that eventually feeds into the body and

689
00:30:29.864 --> 00:30:32.294
every part of people, and they just start to break down.

690
00:30:33.312 --> 00:30:34.852
So in real terms-

691
00:30:34.912 --> 00:30:34.992
Yeah

692
00:30:35.032 --> 00:30:36.562
... if I want to train my awareness-

693
00:30:36.692 --> 00:30:36.732
Yes

694
00:30:36.752 --> 00:30:38.682
... say, an exercise to train my awareness-

695
00:30:38.832 --> 00:30:38.932
Yes

696
00:30:38.952 --> 00:30:40.342
... to focus, where would I start?

697
00:30:41.372 --> 00:30:43.652
Really simple, which most people can't do.

698
00:30:44.532 --> 00:30:46.032
Practice doing one thing at a time.

699
00:30:48.392 --> 00:30:48.672
If

700
00:30:49.952 --> 00:30:53.252
there's the mind and there's awareness, and awareness moves within the mind, and

701
00:30:53.272 --> 00:30:56.032
the mind doesn't move, and I repeat myself a lot as you can hear-

702
00:30:56.092 --> 00:30:56.102
Right

703
00:30:56.102 --> 00:30:57.772
... because it's the only way people are going to learn.

704
00:30:58.772 --> 00:31:02.752
If I made it my only practice throughout the day to keep my

705
00:31:02.812 --> 00:31:03.752
ball of light on you-

706
00:31:04.112 --> 00:31:04.152
Mm

707
00:31:04.192 --> 00:31:07.952
... on whoever or whatever it is I'm engaged with, and when it drifts away,

708
00:31:08.772 --> 00:31:09.352
I bring it back.

709
00:31:09.612 --> 00:31:09.672
Mm.

710
00:31:09.732 --> 00:31:11.172
It drifts away, I bring it back.

711
00:31:12.052 --> 00:31:15.872
And if you could just do that, you'll start getting better at

712
00:31:15.932 --> 00:31:19.652
focus. And what you'll notice is that the duration it drifts away,

713
00:31:20.372 --> 00:31:24.212
and before you become conscious that you're no longer paying attention, becomes

714
00:31:24.232 --> 00:31:28.192
shorter and shorter. So I'm talking to you, you respond, my awareness drifts away.

715
00:31:28.212 --> 00:31:30.292
It could drift away for a minute, two minutes even.

716
00:31:31.252 --> 00:31:33.972
But the more I practice this, that duration goes away.

717
00:31:33.992 --> 00:31:37.651
It goes from two minutes to 90 seconds, to 60 seconds, to 30 seconds, to 15

718
00:31:37.692 --> 00:31:41.092
seconds, to eventually you even see yourself starting to

719
00:31:41.112 --> 00:31:44.932
drift and bring it back. And then eventually it just doesn't go

720
00:31:44.992 --> 00:31:47.472
anywhere because you become good at what you practice.

721
00:31:47.752 --> 00:31:49.002
So you're rooted in present. Right?

722
00:31:49.032 --> 00:31:51.591
You're rooted in the present. I don't have to try to focus.

723
00:31:52.132 --> 00:31:53.872
Not because I was a monk or

724
00:31:54.772 --> 00:31:57.092
I'm anybody special, it's what I practice.

725
00:31:57.732 --> 00:32:01.322
The same way the soccer player is really good at playing soccer because it's what

726
00:32:01.332 --> 00:32:01.932
he's practiced.

727
00:32:02.362 --> 00:32:02.402
Right.

728
00:32:02.412 --> 00:32:04.972
He sucks at playing basketball. He's never practiced it.

729
00:32:05.592 --> 00:32:09.532
I've practiced keeping awareness on one thing at a time so I can be

730
00:32:09.552 --> 00:32:13.152
completely present with you. But if you practice allowing awareness to go

731
00:32:13.212 --> 00:32:16.672
everywhere, and you do that 10 hours a day, you'd be a master at it.

732
00:32:17.172 --> 00:32:18.822
So in practical terms, the analogy-

733
00:32:19.192 --> 00:32:19.252
Yeah

734
00:32:19.262 --> 00:32:23.112
... like you gave is your day-to-day repetitive things.

735
00:32:23.372 --> 00:32:23.672
Yes.

736
00:32:23.792 --> 00:32:27.612
Try to stay present with them when you're talking to your spouse

737
00:32:27.732 --> 00:32:28.692
or eating food.

738
00:32:28.932 --> 00:32:29.232
Yes.

739
00:32:30.092 --> 00:32:32.352
Just the whole act of eating food can be pretty magical.

740
00:32:33.292 --> 00:32:33.772
Amazing.

741
00:32:34.652 --> 00:32:37.992
Just take a moment to share with you.

742
00:32:39.292 --> 00:32:42.832
I was on a four-and-a-half-week tour around the world speaking and running my

743
00:32:42.852 --> 00:32:45.972
retreat, and at one point I ended up in Sri Lanka at this resort.

744
00:32:46.012 --> 00:32:49.972
I spoke at an event. I went to have dinner, and I sat at dinner, and the

745
00:32:50.032 --> 00:32:52.952
table next to me there was this Asian couple.

746
00:32:52.962 --> 00:32:55.432
They had three plates of food in front of them, husband and wife.

747
00:32:55.452 --> 00:32:56.652
They had their phone in front of them,

748
00:32:57.772 --> 00:33:01.502
and they never talked to each other for the half an hour I sat at the table next to

749
00:33:01.512 --> 00:33:05.372
them. And he would pry his awareness, it's an

750
00:33:05.412 --> 00:33:08.712
amazing study of awareness and the mind, pry his awareness from his food, move it

751
00:33:09.432 --> 00:33:13.252
from the phone to the food. He'd open his mouth, grab the chopstick,

752
00:33:13.472 --> 00:33:16.812
stuff enough food in his mouth, then he almost looked like he

753
00:33:16.852 --> 00:33:20.592
disconnected his jaw to open his mouth even bigger, shoved more

754
00:33:20.652 --> 00:33:24.472
food in there. I swear to God, this was the most fascinating thing I saw on

755
00:33:24.532 --> 00:33:28.172
my whole trip. Turned around and then just chewed his

756
00:33:28.252 --> 00:33:31.992
food for four or five minutes and on the phone till he

757
00:33:32.052 --> 00:33:35.572
realized at some point he had no food left, turned around, did that,

758
00:33:35.952 --> 00:33:39.332
and he took literally five, six seconds to shove as much food as he could in his

759
00:33:39.372 --> 00:33:41.992
mouth, and then go back to his phone. And he and his wife never talked.

760
00:33:42.832 --> 00:33:44.132
Didn't see what he was eating,

761
00:33:45.312 --> 00:33:46.122
didn't communicate,

762
00:33:47.292 --> 00:33:50.562
but this is the level of addiction that people are-

763
00:33:51.412 --> 00:33:53.472
So we see so much of this day-to-day life-

764
00:33:53.552 --> 00:33:53.692
Yeah

765
00:33:53.702 --> 00:33:56.122
... in households. People are becoming distant from-

766
00:33:56.122 --> 00:33:56.122
Yes

767
00:33:56.122 --> 00:33:57.652
... each other, from their kids.

768
00:33:57.692 --> 00:33:57.792
Yeah.

769
00:33:57.852 --> 00:34:00.272
So this is the disintegration we are seeing.

770
00:34:00.352 --> 00:34:00.462
Yeah.

771
00:34:01.352 --> 00:34:05.042
What's the right way? If I want to say,

772
00:34:05.112 --> 00:34:09.013
"Okay, I'm seeing it in front of me," how do I address

773
00:34:09.072 --> 00:34:11.112
it for someone I love? Oh. Okay.

774
00:34:11.592 --> 00:34:11.872
Yeah.

775
00:34:11.892 --> 00:34:14.932
Phones have become these new shiny objects-

776
00:34:15.092 --> 00:34:15.292
Yeah

777
00:34:15.303 --> 00:34:17.232
... that hijack our awareness.

778
00:34:17.412 --> 00:34:20.132
Yes. Thank you for using the right term. I really appreciate that.

779
00:34:20.632 --> 00:34:24.572
Perfect. So how do I prevent that

780
00:34:24.712 --> 00:34:26.712
phone from hijacking my awareness?

781
00:34:27.832 --> 00:34:31.252
I train the people around me, the people that matter most to me, my family, my

782
00:34:31.292 --> 00:34:33.332
close friends. They never pull out their phone.

783
00:34:34.432 --> 00:34:36.372
I was in Santa Monica yesterday when I flew in.

784
00:34:37.592 --> 00:34:40.553
I spent two and a half hours with a really close friend, had breakfast with him,

785
00:34:40.592 --> 00:34:41.533
went for a walk on the beach.

786
00:34:42.612 --> 00:34:45.172
Not once did he pull his phone out in front of me,

787
00:34:46.132 --> 00:34:47.953
and I'm sure he might do that with other people.

788
00:34:48.013 --> 00:34:51.272
With me, he's trained not to do that. It's just not allowed.

789
00:34:52.332 --> 00:34:53.712
You pick me or you pick the phone.

790
00:34:54.582 --> 00:34:55.882
My time is precious, right?

791
00:34:56.212 --> 00:34:56.493
Right.

792
00:34:56.612 --> 00:34:57.702
I am going to die one day-

793
00:34:57.872 --> 00:34:57.882
Yes

794
00:34:57.882 --> 00:35:00.122
... and if I'm going to give you a few minutes of my time,

795
00:35:00.312 --> 00:35:04.232
then be present at least. So I've trained the

796
00:35:04.272 --> 00:35:05.822
people around me, and then

797
00:35:07.552 --> 00:35:11.322
that's the approach I take. And part of training them is

798
00:35:11.372 --> 00:35:11.842
telling them,

799
00:35:12.992 --> 00:35:13.932
"I love you.

800
00:35:14.732 --> 00:35:18.592
I value you. You matter in my life. I want to be completely

801
00:35:18.632 --> 00:35:22.252
present here with you, give you my energy, my time,

802
00:35:22.332 --> 00:35:24.392
listen to everything you have to share with me.

803
00:35:24.532 --> 00:35:26.172
I'm not doing this for a selfish reason.

804
00:35:26.252 --> 00:35:28.732
I truly love and care with you."

805
00:35:29.632 --> 00:35:33.532
And that act of doing that tells the other person, and they feel how

806
00:35:33.572 --> 00:35:37.332
much you love them. My guru was the first person to teach that to me, and he

807
00:35:37.392 --> 00:35:41.332
taught that by being a role model. Every time he spent time with me,

808
00:35:41.492 --> 00:35:43.172
he gave me his undivided attention.

809
00:35:43.702 --> 00:35:47.572
I felt the intensity of his love

810
00:35:47.612 --> 00:35:51.162
and presence that filled me with so much love and

811
00:35:51.252 --> 00:35:54.752
care and support that I go, "What a gift

812
00:35:55.492 --> 00:35:56.492
to give someone else,"

813
00:35:57.572 --> 00:36:01.282
the gift of presence. But you can only do that by being focused

814
00:36:02.012 --> 00:36:05.652
because presence is a byproduct, it's an outcome of

815
00:36:06.272 --> 00:36:10.112
the ability to focus. You don't practice being present, you practice being focused.

816
00:36:11.312 --> 00:36:13.412
How do I get muscle? I lift weights.

817
00:36:13.652 --> 00:36:13.832
Right.

818
00:36:13.952 --> 00:36:17.312
Right. I focus on lifting weights. The muscles come as a byproduct.

819
00:36:17.712 --> 00:36:21.552
You want to be present, you learn to focus, and it's one of the greatest

820
00:36:21.632 --> 00:36:22.712
gift of giving someone,

821
00:36:23.612 --> 00:36:25.222
showing someone that you care, that they matter.

822
00:36:25.632 --> 00:36:29.092
So it'll be fair to say, if I want to get better at anything

823
00:36:29.132 --> 00:36:33.021
in life, I've got to do a lot of reps on this

824
00:36:33.072 --> 00:36:33.852
thing called focus.

825
00:36:34.312 --> 00:36:35.548
Yes.Absolutely

826
00:36:35.648 --> 00:36:37.048
And it'll translate to every other skill.

827
00:36:37.468 --> 00:36:38.248
To every other skill.

828
00:36:39.308 --> 00:36:41.688
My guru gave this beautiful analogy once.

829
00:36:42.028 --> 00:36:46.008
I went up to him in his office, and in a conversation, he reached to

830
00:36:46.048 --> 00:36:47.878
his Kleenex box, and he grabbed a tissue,

831
00:36:48.808 --> 00:36:50.388
and he put it on the table, and he laid it out.

832
00:36:51.688 --> 00:36:54.348
And I'll use that same example, but in the case of focus.

833
00:36:54.388 --> 00:36:58.208
Focus is in the middle. If I uplift focus and get better at

834
00:36:58.268 --> 00:37:00.068
focus, and I lift the middle of the tissue,

835
00:37:01.028 --> 00:37:04.908
every corner of the Kleenex gets uplifted

836
00:37:04.968 --> 00:37:08.688
as well. As you work on increasing focus, you

837
00:37:08.728 --> 00:37:11.977
build better relationships with people because people feel your

838
00:37:11.988 --> 00:37:15.528
presence. You're better at every skill that you do, whether it's

839
00:37:15.748 --> 00:37:18.388
medicine or sports or anything that you do.

840
00:37:18.808 --> 00:37:19.868
You can perform it better.

841
00:37:21.428 --> 00:37:25.078
The high cost of distraction is awareness has to engage

842
00:37:25.268 --> 00:37:29.157
with A, disengages with A, goes to B, engages with

843
00:37:29.168 --> 00:37:33.038
B for a few seconds, disengages with B, comes back

844
00:37:33.068 --> 00:37:37.028
to A, has to find out where it got disengaged, reconnect with

845
00:37:37.088 --> 00:37:37.388
that,

846
00:37:38.188 --> 00:37:41.888
do that for a few seconds, disengage with A, go to C now, start

847
00:37:42.028 --> 00:37:43.928
C for a few seconds, or you know.

848
00:37:44.768 --> 00:37:48.328
Then disengage with C, go to B, find out where it left in B.

849
00:37:48.788 --> 00:37:52.308
Think of how taxing that is on the mind and how much

850
00:37:52.348 --> 00:37:54.568
energy it consumes.

851
00:37:54.948 --> 00:37:55.868
Absolutely, even in-

852
00:37:56.008 --> 00:37:57.308
Just talking about it is exhausting.

853
00:37:57.648 --> 00:38:01.067
Exactly. And even in neuropsychology, that's what is

854
00:38:01.828 --> 00:38:04.688
task switching. It expends so much energy.

855
00:38:05.008 --> 00:38:05.378
So much.

856
00:38:05.548 --> 00:38:06.888
Your brain gets way tired-

857
00:38:07.048 --> 00:38:07.308
Yes

858
00:38:07.368 --> 00:38:07.848
... that way.

859
00:38:08.068 --> 00:38:09.698
Absolutely. And if you look at life, Dr.

860
00:38:09.868 --> 00:38:13.238
Sandhu, is we have a finite amount of energy each day. And why do I say that?

861
00:38:13.308 --> 00:38:16.348
Because at some point tonight, we're going to be exhausted, and you're going to

862
00:38:16.408 --> 00:38:19.778
say, "I'm done. I'm going to bed." Depending on how well you sleep, your energy

863
00:38:19.828 --> 00:38:20.458
builds back up,

864
00:38:21.308 --> 00:38:24.168
and then you spend it throughout the day till you have no energy left.

865
00:38:24.718 --> 00:38:28.088
So, if you only have a finite amount of energy, why would you perform

866
00:38:28.168 --> 00:38:31.608
tasks that are high energy-consuming? You wouldn't.

867
00:38:32.268 --> 00:38:35.938
Our whole goal in society is to find more energy-

868
00:38:36.428 --> 00:38:36.688
Right

869
00:38:36.748 --> 00:38:40.448
... LED lights, lamps, light bulbs because they consume less

870
00:38:40.488 --> 00:38:42.308
energy than the old incandescent-

871
00:38:42.648 --> 00:38:42.808
Right

872
00:38:42.848 --> 00:38:46.108
... light bulbs, or cars that use less fuel

873
00:38:46.448 --> 00:38:48.108
than the old ones.

874
00:38:49.688 --> 00:38:51.988
But then yet, when it comes to mentally,

875
00:38:53.268 --> 00:38:56.068
we're doing the complete opposite. We've gone the other way.

876
00:38:56.768 --> 00:39:00.018
We're doing tasks in our mind that consume so much energy

877
00:39:00.688 --> 00:39:04.468
that leads to mental stress, mental health, physical

878
00:39:04.548 --> 00:39:04.908
aging

879
00:39:06.428 --> 00:39:10.088
because of all our life forces being sucked up

880
00:39:10.168 --> 00:39:10.437
into

881
00:39:11.588 --> 00:39:11.988
our mind.

882
00:39:12.768 --> 00:39:13.708
So, I just want to-

883
00:39:13.768 --> 00:39:13.858
Yeah

884
00:39:13.948 --> 00:39:17.618
... hone in a little more on one point because I do see that question coming

885
00:39:17.688 --> 00:39:21.217
up. So, I can tell someone, "Okay, we need to spend time with ourselves

886
00:39:21.308 --> 00:39:22.698
to know ourselves better."

887
00:39:23.788 --> 00:39:26.368
Now, the pushback that I'm going to get is,

888
00:39:27.448 --> 00:39:30.748
"I'm so busy. I have job. I have this.

889
00:39:30.988 --> 00:39:34.168
I do this. And then I have kids at home, and then I have family.

890
00:39:34.208 --> 00:39:38.058
And if I go and close the room and sit with myself, I'm doing injustice to my

891
00:39:38.088 --> 00:39:41.468
family who's been waiting for me all day." How do you reconcile that?

892
00:39:41.508 --> 00:39:41.688
Okay.

893
00:39:42.928 --> 00:39:44.928
I have a simple question for your audience.

894
00:39:46.268 --> 00:39:50.098
If my task for you is that you wake up in the morning,

895
00:39:50.628 --> 00:39:53.598
and as soon as you open your eyes and before you reach over and touch the one that

896
00:39:53.628 --> 00:39:55.268
you love the most, your phone-

897
00:39:57.148 --> 00:39:59.098
Unfortunately, that's true for a lot of us, right?

898
00:39:59.148 --> 00:40:02.828
It totally is. You don't reach and caress your spouse. You caress your phone.

899
00:40:02.848 --> 00:40:06.508
You sit there and you just go, "Hi, baby. How did you sleep last night?

900
00:40:06.588 --> 00:40:08.368
Look at, you've been active all night."

901
00:40:10.668 --> 00:40:14.608
And don't touch your phone. Get up, answer the call of nature, find a quiet corner

902
00:40:14.648 --> 00:40:18.308
in your house or a room, and spend five minutes, not in meditation,

903
00:40:19.428 --> 00:40:22.588
in conversation, asking yourself, same way I would have a conversation with you,

904
00:40:23.548 --> 00:40:26.048
how am I feeling? Am I happy? What do I want out of life?

905
00:40:26.088 --> 00:40:27.968
And you may not have answers, but that's the practice.

906
00:40:28.068 --> 00:40:29.468
Do that every day for five minutes.

907
00:40:30.068 --> 00:40:33.937
Now, the pushback is, "I don't have time for that. I've got a busy life.

908
00:40:34.008 --> 00:40:34.838
I got family. I got kids."

909
00:40:35.728 --> 00:40:39.638
Now, those people that push back, just say Joe pushes back on me on

910
00:40:39.688 --> 00:40:42.108
that, and I call Joe and I say, "Hey, Joe, you want to catch up for dinner

911
00:40:42.168 --> 00:40:44.908
tomorrow?" He says, "I can't tomorrow, but next Thursday I'm free.

912
00:40:45.128 --> 00:40:48.888
Let's get together." So, I go and have dinner with Joe on

913
00:40:48.988 --> 00:40:52.528
Thursday for two hours, get a nice meal, couple of drinks. We enjoy.

914
00:40:52.537 --> 00:40:54.907
We had a great conversation. Now, let me ask you this question.

915
00:40:55.407 --> 00:40:58.328
How many five-minute segments are there in two hours?

916
00:40:59.108 --> 00:41:02.838
24. So, which means if I skip the dinner, I could have

917
00:41:02.968 --> 00:41:06.668
sat with myself for five minutes each day for 24 days straight.

918
00:41:06.728 --> 00:41:07.688
Did I do the math right on that?

919
00:41:07.768 --> 00:41:08.628
Absolutely.

920
00:41:08.708 --> 00:41:12.668
So, I'll say yes to dinner, but I'll say no to five minutes with myself.

921
00:41:12.888 --> 00:41:12.898
Why is that?

922
00:41:12.948 --> 00:41:13.828
So, it's what we value.

923
00:41:14.008 --> 00:41:17.388
It's what we value, what we prioritize. We don't want to know who we are.

924
00:41:18.268 --> 00:41:20.408
I'll say yes to dinner. I'll go out for three-hour dinner.

925
00:41:20.508 --> 00:41:24.188
How come you can find time to go out for a three-hour dinner with your friend,

926
00:41:24.748 --> 00:41:27.508
but yet if I ask you to spend five minutes with yourself,

927
00:41:28.608 --> 00:41:29.008
you couldn't do it?

928
00:41:30.368 --> 00:41:32.788
Have you been out for a three-hour dinner with friends, family?

929
00:41:33.308 --> 00:41:35.998
Happens to all of us. You're having a good time, you forget time, right?

930
00:41:36.048 --> 00:41:36.568
That's-

931
00:41:36.608 --> 00:41:39.668
Three hours. That's 36 five-minute segments.

932
00:41:39.708 --> 00:41:43.628
That means you could sit with yourself every day for more than a month if

933
00:41:43.648 --> 00:41:45.908
you skip that one dinner. Priorities.

934
00:41:46.608 --> 00:41:47.808
All our priorities are skewed.

935
00:41:48.468 --> 00:41:51.788
And those five minutes will make me better with my family-

936
00:41:52.408 --> 00:41:52.828
Absolutely

937
00:41:52.928 --> 00:41:54.048
... and everything else that I value.

938
00:41:54.288 --> 00:41:56.368
Yes, because you better know yourself, right?

939
00:41:58.128 --> 00:41:58.888
You run a business.

940
00:41:59.588 --> 00:41:59.748
Mm-hmm.

941
00:41:59.788 --> 00:42:02.288
Don't you want to study who your

942
00:42:03.408 --> 00:42:05.608
clientele is, your audience, your market?

943
00:42:06.108 --> 00:42:09.108
And the better you understand that, doesn't your business do better?

944
00:42:09.468 --> 00:42:09.988
Absolutely.

945
00:42:10.208 --> 00:42:10.328
Right?

946
00:42:10.718 --> 00:42:10.808
Yep.

947
00:42:11.488 --> 00:42:14.648
You don't go sell lawn mowers. You go your niche.

948
00:42:14.788 --> 00:42:17.588
The narrower and deeper you go in your business, and the better you understand the

949
00:42:17.628 --> 00:42:21.168
niche and who you are and what your company is about and what

950
00:42:21.288 --> 00:42:24.628
services you provide and who are your ideal target

951
00:42:24.688 --> 00:42:28.618
clients that really can value your work and are happy to pay you for

952
00:42:28.668 --> 00:42:29.088
your work,

953
00:42:30.098 --> 00:42:32.148
the better you do. It's no different.

954
00:42:32.388 --> 00:42:33.888
The more I get to know me,

955
00:42:34.708 --> 00:42:38.568
the better I can serve the people and things that I love.

956
00:42:38.648 --> 00:42:40.218
I bet I can serve my business

957
00:42:42.716 --> 00:42:46.296
So that five minutes that I'll spend with myself, just to reiterate for our

958
00:42:46.336 --> 00:42:46.796
listeners-

959
00:42:46.856 --> 00:42:47.716
Yep

960
00:42:47.726 --> 00:42:50.576
... that will be the act of highest love to my family.

961
00:42:50.676 --> 00:42:54.366
Yes, simple way of this,

962
00:42:54.516 --> 00:42:58.176
version 2.2 of you can serve your family better than version 2.1 of you.

963
00:42:58.856 --> 00:42:59.896
Well said.

964
00:43:00.396 --> 00:43:01.126
iPhone 18-

965
00:43:01.776 --> 00:43:01.816
Yes

966
00:43:02.106 --> 00:43:04.576
... probably does a better job than iPhone 11. No one would argue.

967
00:43:04.736 --> 00:43:08.056
So why wouldn't version 18 of you do better than version 11 of you?

968
00:43:09.276 --> 00:43:09.856
That's so true.

969
00:43:10.236 --> 00:43:10.796
Yeah.

970
00:43:10.836 --> 00:43:11.856
So I want to shift a little bit-

971
00:43:11.886 --> 00:43:11.886
Yeah

972
00:43:11.886 --> 00:43:12.606
... shift gears here.

973
00:43:13.676 --> 00:43:14.256
Social media-

974
00:43:14.556 --> 00:43:14.996
Yes

975
00:43:15.006 --> 00:43:15.496
... is a big

976
00:43:16.936 --> 00:43:17.956
change in our society.

977
00:43:18.036 --> 00:43:18.216
Yeah.

978
00:43:20.116 --> 00:43:24.016
What is it doing to our awareness and energy, and how do I go about

979
00:43:24.076 --> 00:43:25.096
it? Should I not even

980
00:43:26.036 --> 00:43:28.096
touch social media? Not practical for some jobs.

981
00:43:28.356 --> 00:43:28.436
Yeah.

982
00:43:28.456 --> 00:43:29.576
How do I go about it?

983
00:43:30.376 --> 00:43:32.216
I think you define the relationship with it.

984
00:43:32.476 --> 00:43:35.536
I lived in New York for 11 years before I moved to Costa Rica.

985
00:43:36.616 --> 00:43:40.426
And I lived in an apartment with my wife, and I

986
00:43:40.456 --> 00:43:41.356
never owned a shovel.

987
00:43:42.676 --> 00:43:43.776
Didn't need a shovel.

988
00:43:43.856 --> 00:43:44.096
Mm-hmm.

989
00:43:44.196 --> 00:43:47.796
I moved to Costa Rica, I have 33 acres of land, I have

990
00:43:48.136 --> 00:43:50.716
beautiful gardens that we have planted 9,000 trees and plants.

991
00:43:51.596 --> 00:43:55.256
I have a big shed with multiple shovels and garden

992
00:43:55.316 --> 00:43:55.656
tools.

993
00:43:56.576 --> 00:44:00.476
When I want to plant a tree, I take the shovel out, I dig a hole, I plant

994
00:44:00.516 --> 00:44:01.836
the tree, I put the shovel back.

995
00:44:03.196 --> 00:44:07.076
My phone, I've defined a relationship with my phone

996
00:44:07.156 --> 00:44:07.656
as a tool.

997
00:44:08.636 --> 00:44:09.816
I need it for my business,

998
00:44:10.996 --> 00:44:13.356
and occasionally I use it to entertain myself,

999
00:44:14.376 --> 00:44:18.076
or find news or whatever it is. And when I'm done with the

1000
00:44:18.136 --> 00:44:21.396
tool, I put the tool back. And I think when we can define our

1001
00:44:21.436 --> 00:44:25.356
relationship with the phone and what its purpose, its role in

1002
00:44:25.376 --> 00:44:26.096
our life is,

1003
00:44:27.516 --> 00:44:29.676
then I think we can have a better relationship with it.

1004
00:44:30.476 --> 00:44:34.426
For me, it's a shovel. I don't carry my shovel around in Costa Rica all day.

1005
00:44:34.706 --> 00:44:36.736
I only pull it out when I need to dig a hole.

1006
00:44:37.596 --> 00:44:38.526
So for me, my phone,

1007
00:44:39.376 --> 00:44:41.396
if I don't need to post

1008
00:44:42.276 --> 00:44:44.556
or do anything, I don't use the phone.

1009
00:44:45.116 --> 00:44:47.796
The phone is there specifically to fulfill certain task,

1010
00:44:48.776 --> 00:44:52.736
and then it's completely out of sight when I'm

1011
00:44:52.775 --> 00:44:53.656
with my family,

1012
00:44:54.716 --> 00:44:58.476
especially with my daughter. I want my daughter to know that when I'm with

1013
00:44:58.516 --> 00:45:01.266
her, she has my complete undivided attention.

1014
00:45:01.776 --> 00:45:03.096
She feels the entire

1015
00:45:05.256 --> 00:45:08.996
force of my love and energy coming through my undivided

1016
00:45:09.016 --> 00:45:10.676
attention to her, so there's no phone.

1017
00:45:11.596 --> 00:45:12.236
So in today's-

1018
00:45:12.316 --> 00:45:13.896
And just to one point-

1019
00:45:14.036 --> 00:45:14.065
Mm-hmm

1020
00:45:14.255 --> 00:45:14.255
...

1021
00:45:15.476 --> 00:45:19.016
a few days ago, I was at home and we were in

1022
00:45:19.336 --> 00:45:23.196
my office, and my phone was there on the table, and it binged.

1023
00:45:24.396 --> 00:45:26.456
And I was playing with my daughter, and then it binged again.

1024
00:45:26.496 --> 00:45:28.896
My daughter got up to pick up the phone to see.

1025
00:45:28.956 --> 00:45:32.086
I think she said, "Dad, someone's trying to text you." And I go, "It doesn't

1026
00:45:32.116 --> 00:45:32.376
matter."

1027
00:45:33.416 --> 00:45:35.756
She goes, "Don't you want to see who it is?" I said, "No, I'm with you.

1028
00:45:36.876 --> 00:45:40.176
Why would I want to see who else is trying to reach me?"

1029
00:45:40.916 --> 00:45:43.116
So then she came and sat down, and we just kept playing.

1030
00:45:43.836 --> 00:45:45.306
It's clear in her mind now

1031
00:45:46.116 --> 00:45:46.896
who's number one.

1032
00:45:47.056 --> 00:45:47.666
What's priority.

1033
00:45:47.756 --> 00:45:48.926
What's priority. For me, it's her.

1034
00:45:50.116 --> 00:45:50.426
And-

1035
00:45:50.496 --> 00:45:51.116
Yeah

1036
00:45:51.156 --> 00:45:53.326
... so in today's day and age-

1037
00:45:53.456 --> 00:45:53.526
Yeah

1038
00:45:53.556 --> 00:45:57.276
... a lot of us are sort of, there's no better word to say,

1039
00:45:57.356 --> 00:45:57.996
but addiction.

1040
00:45:58.356 --> 00:45:58.616
Yes.

1041
00:45:58.816 --> 00:45:58.996
Okay.

1042
00:45:59.036 --> 00:45:59.636
Absolutely.

1043
00:46:00.606 --> 00:46:02.406
So if you're not doing anything every two minutes-

1044
00:46:02.896 --> 00:46:02.916
Yeah

1045
00:46:02.926 --> 00:46:04.316
... you got to pick up the phone.

1046
00:46:04.856 --> 00:46:05.936
It's the cigarettes of the-

1047
00:46:05.946 --> 00:46:06.876
Look at something

1048
00:46:06.886 --> 00:46:07.826
... of the '90s, right?

1049
00:46:08.096 --> 00:46:08.776
Exactly.

1050
00:46:09.076 --> 00:46:12.785
And the social media companies are the tobacco companies of the '80s and '90s.

1051
00:46:13.116 --> 00:46:13.616
Exactly.

1052
00:46:13.625 --> 00:46:13.625
Yeah.

1053
00:46:13.636 --> 00:46:16.496
So how do we wean people off this? Where do I start?

1054
00:46:17.676 --> 00:46:20.896
By being a role model. I think it has to be top-down.

1055
00:46:20.936 --> 00:46:24.306
I think if you're trying to target the bottom market of everybody, it's not going

1056
00:46:24.316 --> 00:46:24.556
to work.

1057
00:46:25.496 --> 00:46:29.406
The honest answer, it really comes down to the evolution

1058
00:46:29.436 --> 00:46:33.366
of a person. How mature is someone, and how receptive are

1059
00:46:33.396 --> 00:46:37.196
they to seeing it? Right. And most people, like the gentleman and his

1060
00:46:37.256 --> 00:46:39.046
wife at the restaurant,

1061
00:46:40.356 --> 00:46:40.996
why even bother?

1062
00:46:42.756 --> 00:46:46.136
Nothing I say would even make a difference.

1063
00:46:46.756 --> 00:46:48.836
So for me, I role model it to people.

1064
00:46:49.216 --> 00:46:52.696
I role model it to my family, to my friends, to all the people that matter to me.

1065
00:46:53.336 --> 00:46:56.236
So like I'm having breakfast with my friend and walking with him, he never pulled

1066
00:46:56.256 --> 00:46:58.016
his phone out once because he knows

1067
00:46:59.136 --> 00:47:00.915
I'm not upon him to see it.

1068
00:47:01.915 --> 00:47:05.896
So now he may want to take it back and go and give it to his loved ones or

1069
00:47:05.936 --> 00:47:08.056
to his other close friends that I don't know.

1070
00:47:08.116 --> 00:47:09.136
So it's dripping it down-

1071
00:47:09.216 --> 00:47:09.246
It's-

1072
00:47:09.256 --> 00:47:10.086
... from someone you love.

1073
00:47:10.316 --> 00:47:14.166
Yes. Yeah, exactly. And then within companies, it needs to start with leadership.

1074
00:47:15.206 --> 00:47:18.336
The company owner and the leadership team need to adopt it

1075
00:47:19.496 --> 00:47:23.076
for it to spread down the company. Because if you talk about the task shifting and

1076
00:47:23.096 --> 00:47:27.026
how much energy consuming, think if you had 50 employees or 100 employees,

1077
00:47:27.396 --> 00:47:30.736
and everyone is distracted. How much energy are they wasting?

1078
00:47:31.216 --> 00:47:31.616
What if you

1079
00:47:32.556 --> 00:47:35.296
adopted a model where you paid employees

1080
00:47:36.176 --> 00:47:38.516
only for the time that they're actually focused?

1081
00:47:40.196 --> 00:47:41.216
Think how much money you would save.

1082
00:47:41.476 --> 00:47:43.096
This is California. We'll be in trouble.

1083
00:47:46.336 --> 00:47:47.076
You know what I'm saying?

1084
00:47:47.956 --> 00:47:48.086
It's true.

1085
00:47:48.116 --> 00:47:50.896
Yes. No, it is true, and we are all guilty-

1086
00:47:51.196 --> 00:47:51.266
Yep

1087
00:47:51.376 --> 00:47:52.736
... to a certain extent.

1088
00:47:52.776 --> 00:47:52.826
Yep.

1089
00:47:53.216 --> 00:47:56.236
So the kids, let's come to teens and kids-

1090
00:47:56.276 --> 00:47:56.286
Yep

1091
00:47:56.286 --> 00:47:57.416
... and they want phones.

1092
00:47:57.876 --> 00:47:57.976
Yep.

1093
00:47:58.226 --> 00:48:00.996
And as parent, you're faced with this crossroads.

1094
00:48:01.056 --> 00:48:02.356
Okay, my kid has a phone.

1095
00:48:03.596 --> 00:48:07.516
Do I restrict them? "Okay, you can't do this," or, "You can't have

1096
00:48:07.556 --> 00:48:10.556
the phone from this to this hour." Or teach them awareness?

1097
00:48:11.536 --> 00:48:14.996
I think teach them. With my daughter, she doesn't have a phone.

1098
00:48:15.176 --> 00:48:18.496
She's seven, and I just gave her a phone two months ago.

1099
00:48:18.616 --> 00:48:20.816
It's one of my old employee's iPhone,

1100
00:48:21.716 --> 00:48:23.336
I don't know, 10 or whatever it is.

1101
00:48:23.636 --> 00:48:23.836
Mm-hmm.

1102
00:48:24.196 --> 00:48:27.296
And so she has wifi at home, and she has an Apple

1103
00:48:28.216 --> 00:48:29.756
email ID, so she gets iMessage.

1104
00:48:30.696 --> 00:48:34.616
She doesn't use her phone. So when I was traveling for four weeks in Europe

1105
00:48:34.636 --> 00:48:38.266
and Asia and everywhere, I kept messaging her, and then I talked to her one night.

1106
00:48:38.286 --> 00:48:40.276
I was like, "Why haven't you checked your messages?" Like, oh.

1107
00:48:42.396 --> 00:48:44.976
So because I don't care about my phone

1108
00:48:45.748 --> 00:48:46.308
She's learning

1109
00:48:46.668 --> 00:48:48.308
She's learning it doesn't matter.

1110
00:48:48.688 --> 00:48:52.578
I'd rather watch my favorite show on TV or play with

1111
00:48:52.628 --> 00:48:55.438
my friends or do something else. It's

1112
00:48:56.608 --> 00:48:57.248
not important.

1113
00:48:58.208 --> 00:48:59.688
But we have to role model it, right?

1114
00:48:59.848 --> 00:49:03.788
I can't tell you, look, Sandeep, how many parents come up to me and say,

1115
00:49:04.228 --> 00:49:07.248
"Can you teach my children how to focus?" I'm like, "You can't focus."

1116
00:49:08.208 --> 00:49:08.508
Right.

1117
00:49:09.368 --> 00:49:13.048
So how can you ask your child to do something that you're not doing yourself?

1118
00:49:13.908 --> 00:49:14.038
If

1119
00:49:15.128 --> 00:49:17.308
you, not you you, but the general you-

1120
00:49:17.608 --> 00:49:17.788
Mm-hmm

1121
00:49:17.867 --> 00:49:19.218
... are addicted to your phone,

1122
00:49:20.068 --> 00:49:22.578
then how do you expect your children not to be addicted to your phone?

1123
00:49:23.328 --> 00:49:27.188
So you have to set the precedence. You have to set the role model of

1124
00:49:27.228 --> 00:49:29.048
saying, like, "Hey, my phone doesn't matter to me.

1125
00:49:29.888 --> 00:49:33.108
When I need to work or I need to do something, I pick it up, but if not, it's out

1126
00:49:33.128 --> 00:49:33.588
of sight."

1127
00:49:34.408 --> 00:49:37.148
And you're here, and I'm completely with you.

1128
00:49:37.768 --> 00:49:41.548
I think parents want their kids to be something that

1129
00:49:41.608 --> 00:49:43.068
they're not willing to be themselves.

1130
00:49:43.928 --> 00:49:46.048
So the message doesn't look like the messenger,

1131
00:49:47.028 --> 00:49:47.688
and the kids see.

1132
00:49:47.788 --> 00:49:50.947
Absolutely. You put it succinctly and perfectly.

1133
00:49:51.048 --> 00:49:53.298
So in terms of social media-

1134
00:49:53.588 --> 00:49:53.698
Yeah

1135
00:49:54.208 --> 00:49:56.248
... the kids will have some exposure to it at some point.

1136
00:49:56.288 --> 00:49:56.948
Yeah.

1137
00:49:57.008 --> 00:49:58.468
It is the Wild West out there.

1138
00:49:58.548 --> 00:49:58.748
Yes.

1139
00:49:59.248 --> 00:50:02.068
And it affects their sense of self-worth, self-esteem.

1140
00:50:03.788 --> 00:50:03.798
Yes.

1141
00:50:03.848 --> 00:50:04.218
How do we

1142
00:50:05.188 --> 00:50:08.648
train kids for that? We can't totally shield them all the time.

1143
00:50:08.708 --> 00:50:08.788
No.

1144
00:50:09.548 --> 00:50:11.388
So they are going to head into that world.

1145
00:50:11.488 --> 00:50:13.768
How do I best prepare my kid for that, my teen?

1146
00:50:15.048 --> 00:50:16.968
By you doing the work on yourself first.

1147
00:50:17.808 --> 00:50:20.468
By you spending the time to discover who you are,

1148
00:50:21.468 --> 00:50:25.188
what your purpose in life is, what your priorities in life are,

1149
00:50:25.608 --> 00:50:29.488
simplifying your life to your purpose and your

1150
00:50:29.568 --> 00:50:33.308
priorities, and being a role model to them about it.

1151
00:50:33.748 --> 00:50:37.328
Because now you're showing them that-- When my daughter looks at me,

1152
00:50:37.788 --> 00:50:38.288
she goes,

1153
00:50:39.288 --> 00:50:40.348
"Yeah, Dad has

1154
00:50:41.728 --> 00:50:44.908
multiple social media accounts, a following and everything, but he obviously

1155
00:50:44.928 --> 00:50:48.668
doesn't care about it. He's more interested in me, Mom,

1156
00:50:49.888 --> 00:50:53.158
our dogs, the gardens, and a bunch of other things."

1157
00:50:54.088 --> 00:50:57.318
So I'm role modeling to my daughter what's

1158
00:50:57.368 --> 00:51:00.208
important. I'm not telling her social media is bad.

1159
00:51:01.288 --> 00:51:02.828
I'm just showing her to

1160
00:51:04.168 --> 00:51:07.748
help her define where I put my priorities and where I'm

1161
00:51:07.788 --> 00:51:10.078
investing my time and energy. Because I

1162
00:51:10.908 --> 00:51:14.788
think if we take the approach going, "Social media is bad, we need to block times,"

1163
00:51:15.428 --> 00:51:17.088
we're kind of missing the point.

1164
00:51:17.168 --> 00:51:17.498
Right.

1165
00:51:17.648 --> 00:51:21.348
What about if we took the time to help our children

1166
00:51:21.368 --> 00:51:23.108
discover what their purpose is in life is?

1167
00:51:23.948 --> 00:51:27.647
If your son loves playing tennis and that's his passion, if he's

1168
00:51:27.748 --> 00:51:31.388
so absorbed in that, why would he care about

1169
00:51:31.488 --> 00:51:34.548
anything else in life? And that's the approach I take.

1170
00:51:34.608 --> 00:51:38.468
I need to get clear what I want in life and show role

1171
00:51:38.588 --> 00:51:40.528
model it to my daughter and others that

1172
00:51:41.748 --> 00:51:43.988
there's a whole world outside the screen.

1173
00:51:44.988 --> 00:51:47.057
And just a sub-part to that question-

1174
00:51:47.188 --> 00:51:47.308
Yeah

1175
00:51:47.548 --> 00:51:49.648
... social media can be filled with toxic comments.

1176
00:51:49.868 --> 00:51:50.068
Yes.

1177
00:51:50.148 --> 00:51:51.968
And you see this, unfortunately-

1178
00:51:52.408 --> 00:51:52.508
Yeah

1179
00:51:52.548 --> 00:51:56.488
... in the society that we live in. And sometimes kids are on the receiving end

1180
00:51:56.548 --> 00:51:56.938
of it and-

1181
00:51:57.088 --> 00:51:57.368
Yes

1182
00:51:57.378 --> 00:52:00.958
... sometimes the kids can be, I mean, it's hormonal, it can be pretty mean about

1183
00:52:00.988 --> 00:52:01.128
it.

1184
00:52:01.328 --> 00:52:01.748
Absolutely.

1185
00:52:02.228 --> 00:52:03.958
How would you tell your kid to handle that?

1186
00:52:13.048 --> 00:52:15.048
I know I sound repetitive.

1187
00:52:15.588 --> 00:52:16.468
Yes. I'm

1188
00:52:17.408 --> 00:52:18.908
sorry I'm belaboring this, but-

1189
00:52:18.948 --> 00:52:19.648
No, I-

1190
00:52:19.738 --> 00:52:20.558
... I want to kind of-

1191
00:52:20.988 --> 00:52:21.428
Yes

1192
00:52:21.438 --> 00:52:22.438
... drive this point home-

1193
00:52:22.968 --> 00:52:22.978
Yeah

1194
00:52:22.978 --> 00:52:26.888
... because this is a question that I feel, as a parent, I think

1195
00:52:26.948 --> 00:52:30.748
about it, and I'm sure there's a lot of other parents who are thinking the same

1196
00:52:30.828 --> 00:52:31.048
thing.

1197
00:52:31.818 --> 00:52:34.568
And why I'm being repetitive is because

1198
00:52:37.628 --> 00:52:41.378
I made a promise to myself that I would not go out there

1199
00:52:41.378 --> 00:52:42.708
and patch people's problems.

1200
00:52:43.048 --> 00:52:43.268
Mm-hmm.

1201
00:52:43.448 --> 00:52:44.868
That I would show the treatment.

1202
00:52:45.228 --> 00:52:45.468
Mm-hmm.

1203
00:52:46.028 --> 00:52:47.888
And not everybody's going to buy the treatment.

1204
00:52:48.228 --> 00:52:48.408
Right.

1205
00:52:48.488 --> 00:52:52.428
But long-term, that's going to create the biggest impact in the world.

1206
00:52:52.488 --> 00:52:56.068
So with my daughter, and she goes to school, and she has kids saying

1207
00:52:56.568 --> 00:53:00.427
things to her, and I think it's more prevalent with girls than with boys.

1208
00:53:00.508 --> 00:53:01.868
I think boys just go out and punch somebody-

1209
00:53:01.888 --> 00:53:01.958
Right

1210
00:53:02.008 --> 00:53:02.928
... and then that's over.

1211
00:53:03.228 --> 00:53:03.298
Right.

1212
00:53:03.568 --> 00:53:04.147
There's not much-

1213
00:53:04.608 --> 00:53:06.287
That's physically handled very quickly.

1214
00:53:06.748 --> 00:53:07.608
Physically handled very quickly.

1215
00:53:07.647 --> 00:53:09.688
Whereas with girls, it's very emotional and verbal.

1216
00:53:10.468 --> 00:53:12.608
So I go back to with her, it's like, okay,

1217
00:53:13.768 --> 00:53:15.568
first obviously expressing empathy and

1218
00:53:16.468 --> 00:53:19.748
compassion and love and then the next day asking her,

1219
00:53:19.808 --> 00:53:23.228
"Where did so-and-so take your awareness to?"

1220
00:53:24.048 --> 00:53:27.548
"She took my awareness to an upset area of the mind or a sad area of the mind."

1221
00:53:28.058 --> 00:53:30.048
"And why do we allow our awareness to go there?"

1222
00:53:31.598 --> 00:53:35.408
"Because I didn't control it." And I go back to the mechanics of it.

1223
00:53:35.448 --> 00:53:38.448
Because ultimately what I want to do is empower my daughter to

1224
00:53:41.028 --> 00:53:44.888
understand that she can't control her environment around her or what happens

1225
00:53:44.928 --> 00:53:48.868
to her, but she can always choose how she responds to

1226
00:53:48.948 --> 00:53:52.738
everything. But if I focus on trying to cut off things

1227
00:53:52.828 --> 00:53:54.048
that might harm her,

1228
00:53:55.168 --> 00:53:56.168
it's a fruitless task.

1229
00:53:56.388 --> 00:53:56.608
Right.

1230
00:53:56.728 --> 00:54:00.708
It's unending. What I want to train her is show her that

1231
00:54:00.748 --> 00:54:03.768
she can choose how she responds to each and everything in her

1232
00:54:03.808 --> 00:54:05.378
life. And

1233
00:54:06.528 --> 00:54:10.308
how do I do that? By training her about awareness in the mind, and then it's her

1234
00:54:10.348 --> 00:54:11.028
practicing.

1235
00:54:11.908 --> 00:54:13.908
And I used to be reactive to things.

1236
00:54:14.808 --> 00:54:15.068
Now,

1237
00:54:16.468 --> 00:54:16.928
hardly.

1238
00:54:17.488 --> 00:54:18.128
Could that be the

1239
00:54:19.128 --> 00:54:20.068
one way of saying free will?

1240
00:54:20.868 --> 00:54:24.008
Free will, right. I get to choose. I get to choose how I respond.

1241
00:54:24.808 --> 00:54:28.778
I can't choose what happens to me or what is said to me, but I can

1242
00:54:28.868 --> 00:54:32.008
always choose how I respond. And that, ultimately, is the

1243
00:54:32.708 --> 00:54:35.868
treatment. And I think parents are taking the approach of patching.

1244
00:54:36.708 --> 00:54:40.228
Social media only certain times, you're not allowed to go on these feeds,

1245
00:54:40.628 --> 00:54:43.128
you're not allowed to subscribe to this. You're patching the problem.

1246
00:54:43.168 --> 00:54:45.078
You're not teaching them how-

1247
00:54:45.488 --> 00:54:46.288
The fundamental

1248
00:54:46.468 --> 00:54:49.398
... the fundamental things. Because it's not social media, but what if they go to

1249
00:54:49.468 --> 00:54:52.248
school tomorrow and something else happens, someone says something, or if they go

1250
00:54:52.348 --> 00:54:54.908
to the store and the shopkeeper's rude to them,

1251
00:54:55.708 --> 00:54:56.408
it's endless.

1252
00:54:57.328 --> 00:54:58.768
So one final question-

1253
00:54:58.868 --> 00:54:58.878
Yeah

1254
00:54:58.878 --> 00:55:02.728
... I want to come to isWe touched up a little bit on that,

1255
00:55:02.848 --> 00:55:05.368
but so I'm a doctor.

1256
00:55:05.568 --> 00:55:05.708
Yep.

1257
00:55:05.748 --> 00:55:07.467
So I see a lot of patients every day.

1258
00:55:07.688 --> 00:55:07.848
Yeah.

1259
00:55:08.328 --> 00:55:11.308
And there's a lot of professionals like this, doctors, nurses, lawyers.

1260
00:55:11.428 --> 00:55:11.528
Yeah.

1261
00:55:11.568 --> 00:55:15.548
A lot of professionals. They don't really have a choice as to who

1262
00:55:15.568 --> 00:55:17.067
they interact with sometimes.

1263
00:55:17.148 --> 00:55:17.328
Yes.

1264
00:55:17.367 --> 00:55:19.888
And some days you're going to see people on their worst days.

1265
00:55:20.088 --> 00:55:20.238
Yeah.

1266
00:55:20.238 --> 00:55:21.008
It's not their fault.

1267
00:55:22.168 --> 00:55:25.498
How do I, from the concept of someone

1268
00:55:26.448 --> 00:55:28.218
basically being an energy vampire for you-

1269
00:55:28.568 --> 00:55:28.838
Yeah

1270
00:55:28.838 --> 00:55:30.608
... when I don't have a choice professionally

1271
00:55:31.448 --> 00:55:33.368
to choose, okay, I get to walk away here.

1272
00:55:33.628 --> 00:55:33.728
Yeah.

1273
00:55:33.768 --> 00:55:36.488
But I have to deal with everyone and try to help them the best I can.

1274
00:55:36.728 --> 00:55:36.868
Yeah.

1275
00:55:37.708 --> 00:55:39.068
How do I protect my energy?

1276
00:55:40.108 --> 00:55:42.108
By being affectionately detached.

1277
00:55:42.528 --> 00:55:45.368
By controlling awareness and controlling your compassion.

1278
00:55:46.208 --> 00:55:49.918
If I allow my awareness to go and get

1279
00:55:49.968 --> 00:55:53.588
absorbed in your problem, now I'm in your area of the

1280
00:55:53.628 --> 00:55:56.288
mind, and I'm experiencing what you're experiencing.

1281
00:55:56.298 --> 00:55:56.348
Mm.

1282
00:55:56.408 --> 00:56:00.077
But if I can hold my awareness where I am in my center, wherever that

1283
00:56:00.077 --> 00:56:03.448
center is, and still express empathy and

1284
00:56:03.488 --> 00:56:05.748
compassion but not get involved,

1285
00:56:06.728 --> 00:56:07.498
then

1286
00:56:08.928 --> 00:56:12.288
I can still help you. It's almost like I'm walking down the sidewalk, I stop in

1287
00:56:12.308 --> 00:56:16.128
front of a store, I look in through the window, and I tell the shop

1288
00:56:16.208 --> 00:56:19.148
owner that something's about to fall off the shelf.

1289
00:56:19.608 --> 00:56:23.108
It's very different than going in the store and helping him to

1290
00:56:23.168 --> 00:56:25.148
put the thing back on the shelf again.

1291
00:56:25.968 --> 00:56:27.228
So as a priest,

1292
00:56:28.308 --> 00:56:30.588
very few people come and tell me about their wins.

1293
00:56:30.728 --> 00:56:30.738
Right.

1294
00:56:30.738 --> 00:56:34.368
Most people come and tell me about their problems, and it's not usually

1295
00:56:34.468 --> 00:56:35.348
small problems.

1296
00:56:35.548 --> 00:56:35.708
Right.

1297
00:56:35.948 --> 00:56:39.928
These are very emotionally charged, childhood trauma or

1298
00:56:40.188 --> 00:56:42.788
sexual trauma or this, or family or marriages.

1299
00:56:43.788 --> 00:56:47.468
If I allowed my awareness to get engaged in their problem, I would be completely

1300
00:56:47.508 --> 00:56:51.368
depleted. So I hold my awareness where I am, I create that

1301
00:56:51.408 --> 00:56:53.738
separation of energetically, and

1302
00:56:55.008 --> 00:56:58.988
then I can listen. I can express empathy and compassion to a certain

1303
00:56:59.068 --> 00:57:00.988
point, and

1304
00:57:02.608 --> 00:57:04.608
then I don't get emotionally involved.

1305
00:57:05.448 --> 00:57:08.348
It's an art, but it comes from learning to control awareness again.

1306
00:57:08.508 --> 00:57:10.548
So it's just bringing your awareness back to you-

1307
00:57:10.728 --> 00:57:10.808
Yes

1308
00:57:10.828 --> 00:57:11.908
... as you're in the situation?

1309
00:57:12.027 --> 00:57:15.728
Yes, exactly, and not getting emotionally involved, which

1310
00:57:15.788 --> 00:57:17.628
means emotion is energy,

1311
00:57:18.648 --> 00:57:21.988
and where awareness goes, energy flows, and if I allow my awareness to go and get

1312
00:57:22.028 --> 00:57:24.088
involved in that problem, then I don't.

1313
00:57:24.928 --> 00:57:28.418
So I keep my awareness with me, and I respond with kindness, with

1314
00:57:28.508 --> 00:57:30.508
gentleness, with empathy and compassion.

1315
00:57:32.428 --> 00:57:34.858
So, do we have five more minutes? What's our time?

1316
00:57:34.868 --> 00:57:36.548
About three minutes.

1317
00:57:36.588 --> 00:57:36.948
Okay.

1318
00:57:37.208 --> 00:57:37.288
Yeah.

1319
00:57:37.588 --> 00:57:37.988
Three minutes?

1320
00:57:38.148 --> 00:57:38.288
Yeah, yeah.

1321
00:57:38.348 --> 00:57:38.808
Make it short.

1322
00:57:39.108 --> 00:57:39.448
Yeah.

1323
00:57:39.508 --> 00:57:41.228
So I'll just do a rapid fire.

1324
00:57:41.388 --> 00:57:41.528
Yeah.

1325
00:57:41.628 --> 00:57:44.348
Five questions. Most impactful daily habit?

1326
00:57:45.688 --> 00:57:47.808
Controlling awareness, keeping awareness on one thing at a time.

1327
00:57:48.988 --> 00:57:50.348
Modern habit destroying clarity.

1328
00:57:52.028 --> 00:57:54.568
Consuming too much information all the time.

1329
00:57:55.848 --> 00:57:55.928
So-

1330
00:57:55.968 --> 00:57:57.508
Can I just elaborate on that really quickly?

1331
00:57:57.608 --> 00:57:58.097
Yes, please. Yes.

1332
00:57:58.268 --> 00:57:59.838
Imagine I'm creating a house. In

1333
00:58:00.748 --> 00:58:03.068
my house, there's one room dedicated to being a library.

1334
00:58:03.128 --> 00:58:06.298
Every day I put 10 books in there. I don't index or categorize them.

1335
00:58:06.388 --> 00:58:09.948
After a year, I get 3,650 books. Will I ever be able to find anything?

1336
00:58:10.708 --> 00:58:10.828
No.

1337
00:58:10.928 --> 00:58:11.008
No.

1338
00:58:11.128 --> 00:58:14.828
Right? Think of the average person and how much information an average

1339
00:58:14.888 --> 00:58:17.308
person consumes. They're on the toilet, they're scrolling.

1340
00:58:17.648 --> 00:58:19.708
They're on the bus, in the car, they're listening to a podcast.

1341
00:58:19.808 --> 00:58:23.128
They're in the gym, they're listening to something. They're never disconnected.

1342
00:58:23.608 --> 00:58:27.408
You're putting 1,000 books in your subconscious every single day.

1343
00:58:28.248 --> 00:58:31.808
After six months, you've got tens of thousands of books of

1344
00:58:31.908 --> 00:58:35.868
information in there. None of it is organized, categorized,

1345
00:58:36.048 --> 00:58:39.228
indexed in any form. You've not reflected on how you're storing.

1346
00:58:40.028 --> 00:58:43.448
You haven't eliminated any information. You've got information overload.

1347
00:58:43.528 --> 00:58:46.728
You try to go into the library now to pull a book out,

1348
00:58:47.408 --> 00:58:50.568
and you can't make a decision because you can't find anything,

1349
00:58:51.548 --> 00:58:54.618
and that's the problem we live in, and that's why most people can't make decisions

1350
00:58:54.668 --> 00:58:54.928
today.

1351
00:58:55.388 --> 00:58:57.888
So discipline in what we consume information-wise.

1352
00:58:57.968 --> 00:58:58.188
Yes.

1353
00:58:59.148 --> 00:58:59.648
You have a kitchen?

1354
00:59:00.088 --> 00:59:00.308
Mm-hmm.

1355
00:59:00.428 --> 00:59:00.888
Kitchen sink?

1356
00:59:01.188 --> 00:59:01.358
Mm-hmm.

1357
00:59:01.408 --> 00:59:03.148
Do you have a strainer that stops stuff from going-

1358
00:59:03.248 --> 00:59:03.388
Right

1359
00:59:03.588 --> 00:59:07.408
... into to clog the drain? Why do you protect your kitchen drain

1360
00:59:07.888 --> 00:59:08.928
but don't protect your mind?

1361
00:59:10.228 --> 00:59:10.628
Fair point.

1362
00:59:11.048 --> 00:59:13.488
Yeah. We're so protective of our kitchen drain-

1363
00:59:13.828 --> 00:59:14.008
Right

1364
00:59:14.048 --> 00:59:15.728
... not letting stuff go in there and clog it.

1365
00:59:16.128 --> 00:59:19.968
Yet we have so indiscriminate, we don't have a filter to prevent

1366
00:59:20.028 --> 00:59:22.887
what's going into our mind. Start by having a filter.

1367
00:59:24.128 --> 00:59:24.568
Fair enough.

1368
00:59:24.668 --> 00:59:26.948
And the filter is driven by your purpose and priorities.

1369
00:59:27.468 --> 00:59:29.168
If it's not aligned, don't let it in.

1370
00:59:31.208 --> 00:59:34.068
So what is the false belief about happiness today?

1371
00:59:35.088 --> 00:59:36.328
Have we defined happiness wrong?

1372
00:59:40.608 --> 00:59:40.868
I

1373
00:59:42.568 --> 00:59:43.808
don't know how to answer the question.

1374
00:59:43.888 --> 00:59:47.848
I would say, the more aligned we can live our life with

1375
00:59:47.928 --> 00:59:51.688
our purpose and our priorities, the happier we will be.

1376
00:59:51.768 --> 00:59:55.168
Everything else, I think, gives a sense of happiness that is

1377
00:59:55.248 --> 00:59:58.688
fleeting. But what's fundamentally fulfilling and

1378
00:59:58.768 --> 01:00:02.498
rewarding is living in alignment with what

1379
01:00:02.568 --> 01:00:06.388
truly matters to us and who truly matters to us.

1380
01:00:07.088 --> 01:00:09.228
One skill if I could teach every child in the world.

1381
01:00:09.448 --> 01:00:09.728
Focus.

1382
01:00:10.728 --> 01:00:11.878
Training awareness.

1383
01:00:12.228 --> 01:00:16.178
Training awareness in the mind. If this was the last conver-- If

1384
01:00:16.228 --> 01:00:19.228
aliens were sitting outside their star waiting to take me to their planet, and this

1385
01:00:19.268 --> 01:00:22.648
is the last thing I could say to you, I would say learn about awareness in the mind

1386
01:00:23.268 --> 01:00:26.088
and practice controlling awareness and doing one thing at a time.

1387
01:00:26.678 --> 01:00:28.688
That would be my last final message.

1388
01:00:30.388 --> 01:00:33.818
And so the podcast is, of course, Next Phase Human.

1389
01:00:34.368 --> 01:00:35.648
So humans have evolved-

1390
01:00:35.948 --> 01:00:36.048
Yep

1391
01:00:36.308 --> 01:00:39.508
... come to a certain stage where we are in the

1392
01:00:40.348 --> 01:00:41.428
era of human evolution.

1393
01:00:41.688 --> 01:00:41.888
Yep.

1394
01:00:42.608 --> 01:00:46.428
So the next phase human is how do we better ourselves

1395
01:00:46.888 --> 01:00:48.388
physically, mentally, spiritually.

1396
01:00:49.348 --> 01:00:53.268
So in your mind, from your philosophy, what would be the

1397
01:00:53.308 --> 01:00:54.128
next phase human?

1398
01:00:56.028 --> 01:00:57.928
What would the next phase of human look like?

1399
01:00:58.128 --> 01:00:58.368
Yes.

1400
01:01:01.248 --> 01:01:04.868
We've gone from the instinctive area of the mind for millennials-

1401
01:01:05.088 --> 01:01:05.328
Mm-hmm

1402
01:01:05.468 --> 01:01:07.028
... to an intellectual area of the mind.

1403
01:01:07.288 --> 01:01:07.688
Mm-hmm.

1404
01:01:09.520 --> 01:01:12.310
The next phase of human would be a human that

1405
01:01:12.380 --> 01:01:16.100
has a good, solid understanding of the

1406
01:01:16.120 --> 01:01:20.080
intellect. And then the third phase, which is the final phase, is they start to go

1407
01:01:20.100 --> 01:01:23.120
into an area of the mind called the superconscious, where they become intuitive,

1408
01:01:23.700 --> 01:01:25.720
which is very different than the intellect.

1409
01:01:26.700 --> 01:01:30.460
That would be the subsequent phases of now

1410
01:01:30.700 --> 01:01:34.320
getting a good, solid understanding of the mind and the intellect, which we don't.

1411
01:01:34.360 --> 01:01:37.280
Right now, it's filling the library, and then eventually we realize that our

1412
01:01:37.320 --> 01:01:40.220
library is too full and we need to organize it, and that's the next phase human.

1413
01:01:40.810 --> 01:01:44.110
The third phase human, the final phase, is we go into this intuitive area of the

1414
01:01:44.160 --> 01:01:47.700
mind where creativity, deep spiritual insights, and

1415
01:01:47.740 --> 01:01:50.620
experiences lay for us to experience.

1416
01:01:50.700 --> 01:01:52.340
But we just need to go there sequentially.

1417
01:01:52.780 --> 01:01:56.740
We need to go from instinct to intellect to intuitive, and we're moving into the

1418
01:01:56.760 --> 01:02:00.190
intellectual phase now with the advent of schools and

1419
01:02:00.920 --> 01:02:03.680
books and digital devices and education.

1420
01:02:03.880 --> 01:02:07.320
So what does the path from intellectual to superconscious look like?

1421
01:02:07.960 --> 01:02:11.880
An organized subconscious, because superconscious works through a

1422
01:02:11.900 --> 01:02:15.300
clarified subconscious. If you look at it as a three-story building, the

1423
01:02:15.320 --> 01:02:18.920
instinctive mind at the bottom, the intellectual in the middle, and the intuitive

1424
01:02:18.980 --> 01:02:20.460
on top. For intuition to

1425
01:02:21.280 --> 01:02:24.580
reach the conscious mind at the bottom, the ground floor, it needs to go through

1426
01:02:24.620 --> 01:02:28.140
the subconscious. If the subconscious is cluttered with too much information,

1427
01:02:28.260 --> 01:02:32.020
unresolved emotional past, intuition can't come through.

1428
01:02:32.500 --> 01:02:35.680
But intuition is always present, even in the worst of human beings.

1429
01:02:36.220 --> 01:02:39.840
We all have these states of mind. So how do we organize the

1430
01:02:39.960 --> 01:02:42.340
subconscious so that intuition can work through?

1431
01:02:42.820 --> 01:02:45.200
And intuition works through a clarified subconscious.

1432
01:02:45.740 --> 01:02:49.420
In the monastery, contrary to what people think of pursuing the superconscious,

1433
01:02:49.920 --> 01:02:51.700
our goal was to work with the second floor.

1434
01:02:52.840 --> 01:02:54.040
To clean up the second floor.

1435
01:02:54.360 --> 01:02:55.780
Yeah. How can I get to the third floor?

1436
01:02:56.400 --> 01:02:57.570
The third floor wants to come down,

1437
01:02:58.440 --> 01:03:00.160
but once I organize the second floor...

1438
01:03:00.800 --> 01:03:01.920
Imagine, I'll take

1439
01:03:02.780 --> 01:03:03.280
30 seconds.

1440
01:03:04.340 --> 01:03:05.140
Imagine Earth,

1441
01:03:05.940 --> 01:03:09.730
the ground that we walk on is the conscious mind, the clouds in the

1442
01:03:09.820 --> 01:03:13.580
sky, the sky is the second floor, and the sun

1443
01:03:13.860 --> 01:03:15.340
is the third floor, the intuition.

1444
01:03:15.940 --> 01:03:19.800
The sun's rays are always there, but if the sky is filled with

1445
01:03:19.860 --> 01:03:21.520
clouds, sun's rays don't get through.

1446
01:03:21.530 --> 01:03:22.020
It's not going to get through.

1447
01:03:22.040 --> 01:03:24.400
But if I poke a hole in the cloud, you'll see a ray coming through.

1448
01:03:24.900 --> 01:03:27.100
So intuition, superconscious, is always there.

1449
01:03:27.160 --> 01:03:31.120
It's just we have such a muddied and cluttered subconscious mind

1450
01:03:31.860 --> 01:03:33.180
that intuition can't come through.

1451
01:03:33.700 --> 01:03:36.940
So it's knowing myself is where it'll start cleaning the second floor.

1452
01:03:36.980 --> 01:03:40.360
Yes. So as soon as you dull,

1453
01:03:41.120 --> 01:03:44.540
harness the conscious mind by closing your eyes, regulating your breath, sitting

1454
01:03:44.660 --> 01:03:48.480
still, which is the start of meditation, you get to the second

1455
01:03:48.560 --> 01:03:52.540
floor, and now you go like, "What a mess." And then you stop the job and you don't

1456
01:03:52.580 --> 01:03:56.520
go further. But the work is with the second floor, because once I can organize the

1457
01:03:56.580 --> 01:04:00.300
second floor and get to know myself and organize all of that, I can move

1458
01:04:00.460 --> 01:04:03.680
awareness through the second floor into the third floor, into the superconscious

1459
01:04:03.720 --> 01:04:06.670
area of the mind, and experience higher states of consciousness.

1460
01:04:07.080 --> 01:04:10.500
And the deeper I go, and the more my ability to focus and hold

1461
01:04:10.560 --> 01:04:14.500
awareness in a superconscious area of the mind for an extended period of time, the

1462
01:04:14.540 --> 01:04:18.240
more I experience it. The more time we spend together, the more you experience each

1463
01:04:18.320 --> 01:04:18.590
other.

1464
01:04:18.680 --> 01:04:19.100
Right.

1465
01:04:19.120 --> 01:04:22.980
But if I go to the superconscious only for 0.1 second, what would I experience?

1466
01:04:23.260 --> 01:04:27.120
Not much. But my ability to have unwavering focus

1467
01:04:27.440 --> 01:04:31.160
and hold awareness in the superconscious mind for an extended period of

1468
01:04:31.260 --> 01:04:32.900
time, the deeper I see

1469
01:04:34.220 --> 01:04:35.360
who I truly am.

1470
01:04:35.940 --> 01:04:39.790
So in terms of your analogy, if I know really these 10 books is what I want-

1471
01:04:40.080 --> 01:04:40.300
Yes

1472
01:04:40.860 --> 01:04:43.180
... and the rest is not aligning with my purpose-

1473
01:04:43.580 --> 01:04:43.890
Then that's what you study

1474
01:04:43.890 --> 01:04:45.460
... those are the 10 books I'll focus on.

1475
01:04:45.520 --> 01:04:49.440
Exactly. I rarely read because I only read books that are aligned with my

1476
01:04:49.480 --> 01:04:53.200
purpose. I don't need to learn 10,000 different things.

1477
01:04:53.280 --> 01:04:56.150
I just want things that can help me go down my path to where I'm

1478
01:04:56.160 --> 01:05:00.100
going. Carpenter doesn't need to learn about lawnmowers.

1479
01:05:00.600 --> 01:05:01.120
Fair enough.

1480
01:05:02.160 --> 01:05:04.120
Well, this has been very insightful.

1481
01:05:04.300 --> 01:05:05.109
Thank you. Thank you for having me.

1482
01:05:05.109 --> 01:05:05.920
I thank you so much-

1483
01:05:06.160 --> 01:05:06.660
You're most welcome

1484
01:05:06.720 --> 01:05:07.760
... for your gift of time.

1485
01:05:07.820 --> 01:05:08.200
Yes.

1486
01:05:08.220 --> 01:05:08.620
Thank you.

1487
01:05:08.910 --> 01:05:08.910
Thank you.

1488
01:05:08.920 --> 01:05:09.500
Appreciate you.