How to Heal From Cheating and Betrayal

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Welcome to Coping with Ghosting, the podcast that provides hope, healing, and understanding for anyone who's been hurt in a relationship.
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So if you've been ghosted, betrayed, I'm your host, Gretta, and I am a certified post-betrayal transformation coach.
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And today my guest and I are going to discuss cheating and dating, love, and intimate relationships.
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My guest is Janice Formicella, a breakup coach and host of the podcast Sex in the Solo Girl and Breakup's Broken Hearts and Moving On.
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She's passionate about helping people from all backgrounds to beat their breakup, overcome loneliness, and to make the end of a relationship the start of a powerful new beginning.
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Welcome, Janice.
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Thank you so much.
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I still smile when I hear my bio because yes, I am very passionate about what I do.
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And thank you for having me.
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It's my pleasure.
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I'm so glad you're here to discuss a really heavy topic: cheating.
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And if you're open to sharing, I'd be curious to hear about any personal experience that you've had with betrayal and how that journey has shaped the work that you do today.
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Well, I have definitely had experiences with betrayal.
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It might not be though what you're expecting to hear.
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I actually lived overseas for quite a few years, and I got into a relationship, a professional relationship with someone I had previously just been friends with.
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And it turned into a very, very highly they ended up sponsoring me, a work sponsorship, excuse me.
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And the situation and the relationship ended up becoming so scary almost and toxic and very hostile, workplace, a lot of workplace bullying.
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Um it ended up, I ended up pressing charges actually against them.
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And so I felt very betrayed by these people who I thought were my friends.
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And then subsequently, because I did know them socially before this, I ended up losing a lot of friends who I thought were really, really close to me because of, you know, their social clout and other things.
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I mean, one of my best friends actually um kind of turned against me, and that was a very serious betrayal for me.
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Um, it still actually hurts a little to talk about.
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Um, and so I had these people who I thought were close to me um treat me very poorly.
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And after that, I kind of hit rock bottom.
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And like we're going to talk about after some of these things happen, you it shatters you.
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You don't trust yourself, you don't want to even be around people.
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And I felt for a long time like I didn't want to make new friends because I was scared, yeah, of getting hurt again.
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Um, and so I ended up taking a lot of time to myself where I didn't date, I didn't socialize much.
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Um, but it made me into the strong, confident person who is sitting before you today and um yeah, taught me a lot about recognizing red flags and how I wanted to form relationships in the future.
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So it was, yeah, that that betrayal had huge impact on my life now and why I wanted to work as a breakup coach.
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Wow.
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Thank you for sharing that.
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And as you were speaking, I relate to a lot of the elements in the story too, the sudden kind of psychological earthquake, the realization that the people you love and trust and cared for and who you told all your secrets to are and they did end up kind of using things that they knew about me against me.
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And, you know, this particular friend who ended up kind of turning her back on me.
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Um, I mean, she was like one of the closest people to me.
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And yeah, it made me super skittish about even forming friendships for for a long time.
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And yeah, yeah, I can completely understand because I've been in that boat.
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I've shared these stories on this podcast.
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I'm gonna be talking about it more.
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And so my heart goes out to you for what you experienced.
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I wish I could have been there, known you, helped you, but it sounds like it all worked out.
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Yeah.
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Um yeah, the trauma, and it was, I would say, probably trauma with a capital T because it was so severe.
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Um, it stayed with me for a long time.
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Even still today, um, just like with cheating, I know, I know it wasn't my fault, but still some of the memories of what I went through, I I still kind of haunt me a little bit.
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And so I understand how something like cheating can can stay with you, but I also understand how you can build yourself back up from it.
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Had lots of clients as a breakup coach who have either experienced cheating or cheated themselves, who have come to me.
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And so I've also gotten a really close inside look um in into cheating and how to recover from it from both sides.
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That's important.
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And we'll get into that.
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I wanted to share my story a little bit with listeners and viewers on YouTube as well.
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I was dating a man who ghosted me, and it was probably one of the biggest shocks of my life because I had trusted him and I didn't see this coming at all.
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And I a couple of months later found out that he was engaged because of his social media.
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He was posting pictures of himself and his brand new fiance.
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And so I did the math quickly in my head.
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Okay, it's like a couple of months after being intimate with me.
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So clearly, I mean, most likely, I don't really know for sure, but I'm going to these days.
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Um yeah, people don't typically go that quickly.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I'm pretty sure he was with me and her at the same time, and I had no clue, no idea.
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Yeah.
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So that that's my experience with a cheating, a potentially cheating ghost, because I can't I can't assume anything, but probably that Yeah, that sounds crazy making.
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Yeah.
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It was it was a lot of what why is she better than me?
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What does she have that I don't?
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And it was just, yeah, I I don't play the comparison game anymore.
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That's a fruitless game, but that's what I did back then.
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So this is a big painful topic.
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And I too have a lot of clients that have both situations going on.
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So here's what I mean by that: a situation like me, where they were ghosted and then later found out that they were being cheated on, or a situation where perhaps they were intentionally dating somebody who was cheating on their partner.
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So I have, for example, a female client who met her significant other on Ashley Madison.
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Well, and this man then ghosted her.
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And so I just want to say that as a coach, I'm not in a place to judge, and I am in a place to care and serve and support, right?
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And so for me, I see her feelings of being ghosted, and it's it's her feelings are valid.
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And so, you know, the coaching process looks different for somebody like her who's intentionally being with somebody who she knows beforehand is unavailable.
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But it's still like if you're in that situation, this show is for you because we're not here to judge or criticize, we're here to help, right?
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So that's what I wanted to share.
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Yeah, let's and let's do it.
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And for full transparency, um, and I I shared this with you previously.
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I have um uh been with someone um who was married, and so I do also understand how your friend or how your client, excuse me, can get roped into being in a relationship um with someone who's married, um, because they really have a way of roping you in.
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And so I've been on that side of it as well.
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Which is hard for me to admit publicly, but um it it happened.
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I learned a lot from it.
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And also it allows me to not be judgmental of people, really hardly at all.
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Really, my whole entire perspective has shifted to one of empathy and compassion.
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And I know that you wouldn't do that again now.
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Like we all go through different identities as we grow and evolve.
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You know, I've ghosted somebody before, I'm not proud of it, and I have a whole show about healing from ghosting, but I this is behavior that I don't think is appropriate, but it's something that I've done.
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So I think listeners, like if you have something in your past that you feel that's niggling at you, that you regret, like know that you you're not the same person that you were then.
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Yep.
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Yep.
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And I don't judge myself.
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Um, I remember very clearly how the whole thing happened and feeling um, you know, feeling almost like it was meant to be.
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Um, and so I don't I don't judge myself uh for it.
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And you are absolutely right.
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This is nothing I would do again.
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Um, but um at at the time it made sense to me.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And I think you were you, okay, the whole the whole phrase of you were doing the best you could with the tools and the information that you had at the time, like looking back and giving yourself that kindness and that grace and that forgiveness.
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And I really appreciate that you brought that piece here.
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So thank you for sharing that.
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You're very welcome.
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So this is a big question, and I know there's not just one answer, but why do what's your take on this?
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Why do people cheat?
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So, from my experience with with this man, but more so with my clients who have been the cheater, and you'd be surprised.
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People, people have come and fully admitted this um to me.
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Um, in both instances, there's often, and this might be an unpopular opinion, but there's really something that's um they feel is lacking that maybe they find elsewhere.
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And this is not take responsibility off them because if you are in a relationship and you feel something is lacking, that's your responsibility to address.
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But it's sometimes as simple as meaningful conversations.
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Um, yes, sex, I think, plays a huge role in it.
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Um passion um can sometimes be lacking in a long-term relationship.
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And we start to crave these things, and rather than addressing them or doing the proper thing inside of an exclusive relationship or one that is supposed to be exclusive, um, you know, go out and selfishly get them elsewhere because sometimes um addressing them and confronting them is um challenging.
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A lot of people don't want to go through divorce.
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A lot of people completely lack communication skills, which I would say plays into this a lot.
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Some couples don't know how to communicate um at all and just let things get worse and worse.
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And then on the other side of things, um it is true that some people are just selfish and bad and bad partners and and don't try.
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So I I've seen it go both ways.
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Some people, yeah, I mean, not everyone is a good partner, and some people really have a void in their life.
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I did a little teeny bit of research into this as well.
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And I think to me, the most upsetting thing that I read was that um people cheat on pregnant women in the days leading up to having the baby, and then also postpartum.
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That's a really fragile time for the whole entire family.
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But fathers to be are I think I read a statistic uh that said 10% of fathers to be will cheat on their pregnant partner.
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However, that was questioned, and so that's why I'm not citing any sources there because it was just like a statistic that I read about.
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Okay, then I went down a rabbit hole and I looked at celebrities who have been cheated on while pregnant, and there was like a huge laundry list of that, and it really upset me.
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Well, and that would be a stressful time for the for the father, and so yeah, instead of having an outlet um of how to express and process and deal with stress, yeah, they're they're going and doing, you know, the selfish thing.
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And so, I mean, even that is a void.
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That's someone who, you know, lacks support and has a void of knowing how to deal with a stressful situation.
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And especially during a pregnancy, I mean, that would be just kind of like a ripe time to connect with your partner and work through that.
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Um, but yeah, some some people don't want to put that investment in.
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Yeah.
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Are there like hallmarks of cheaters?
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Do they have a specific type of attachment style or personality disorders?
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Like, what's the profile?
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So obviously, someone with narcissistic traits is going to be more likely because they're just thinking about themselves and you know their own gratification.
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Um, so I, you know, I think that's kind of an obvious answer.
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However, from my experience, um it everybody does it.
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Um, I've, you know, people from all backgrounds.
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Um, I've seen um really successful women um who do it.
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Um it's yeah, yeah, I I've seen um people misbehave from all different backgrounds.
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And as far as attachment goes, and I do a lot of content around around attachment.
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Um, in fact, both of my podcasts are about helping people become more securely attached.
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And through my work, um I have not been able to make actually any correlation.
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Someone who is anxious is just as likely to do it as someone who's avoidant.
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Um, a lot of people would think that avoidance, avoid people who have avoidant attachment tendencies would be more likely to cheat.
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And that's not what I've seen at all.
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I've had clients who are very anxious who have cheated partially because they find themselves kind of falling for someone, and um that's why they end up cheating because they're they become you know so attached.
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So um, this is just kind of a an invitation to everyone listening and watching to, you know, do better, learn how to communicate better, try to be a better partner, um, and you know, just show up better or get out of the relationship if you're unhappy.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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Use your voice, speak up, try to get help for the and um, you know, people of um all different types of attachment um backgrounds and tendencies um can are you know can learn to communicate better.
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I mean, that's one of the hallmarks of all different types of attachment styles is that it's the communication um skill that's that's lacking.
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And so therefore you are just as prone to make bad decisions as as another person.
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And so becoming securely attached will uh uh I think prevent a lot of this, but that takes so much, so much work.
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Learning to communicate that is intentional and that takes time and practice and discomfort.
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And a lot of people aren't equipped to do that or want to do that.
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It's so true.
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And there's this heavy burden of self-blame that often falls upon the person who has been cheated on.
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And so maybe they're feeling right now like, well, did I do enough to communicate to get the cheater to stay?
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Like, what's why am I not enough?
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And so what words would you have for them?
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Um, first of all, if that's how you're feeling, I'm I'm sorry.
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Um, being cheated on is just you know so painful and shattering.
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And I think it's really, really easy to to internalize it.
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And um I I suppose when it comes to feeling like you're not enough, and that's why this happened, uh, that has nothing to do with it, like I've you know, already said.
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And um, I don't want to sound crass at all, but if I was coaching someone who was recovering from being cheated on, I would definitely work with them to try and understand that or accept that even bad things happen for a reason in relationships.
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Um, definitely they do.
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I mean, the relationship you were in with the cheater, it it wasn't working.
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Um, all relationships end because there's it's there's something that's d dysfunctional about them.
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And this is obviously what's dysfunctional about this relationship is that you were with um a cheater.
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And so, you know, remind yourself that this, you know, the breakup um needed to happen because, yeah, like I said, it wasn't, it wasn't working.
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And also, um, if the cheating does lead to a breakup, which I think that's partially the assumption um that I'm speaking from at least, um it the recovery is um painful, um, but I really do believe that all breakups are a chance for a fresh start and a new beginning and to look after yourself and to get to the point where you can even look forward to that new chapter in your life.
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Beautifully said.
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Thank you.
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I'm in alignment with that too.
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And I really think for the listener who's been cheated on, maybe ghosted and cheated on, who knows what your situation is.
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But if you're hurting right now, know that their cheating isn't about you.
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And I know you've said that, and and I think it just bears repeating as many times as we need on this show because you are enough.
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And this is about the cheaters' lack of ability to communicate that there is an issue in the relationship or that they need they want to be with somebody else instead.
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It's about their lack, but their lack is not about you.
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Yeah, thank you.
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Yeah.
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So when you do have clients that come to you and they're completely blindsided and baffled and just in shock, what how do you help them to begin to kind of get out of that state and back onto their feet again?
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Well, I do have an entire methodology as far as how I help people to recover from a breakup.
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And I think the initial stages when you've been blindsided are so shattering and destabilizing.
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And so it needs to be addressed.
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You know, your healing journey um takes intention and it needs to begin.
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And I'm lucky that, you know, the people who come to me realize that it's time to get support and realize that this is going to take help and support.
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And so that's that that's a blessing.
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I mean, no one hires a breakup coach who isn't, you know, ready to do some amount of work.
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Um, when you're blindsided and you feel like you can't function and you're in survival mode and not sure what to do.
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Um, I would just remind your yourself or um that recovering in the initial stages of all of this, it's allowing space for your grief and probably your anger as well.
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So we allow space for that so that we can start to process it.
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And so it doesn't come up maybe in our next relationship or even at work.
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Um, so we're allowing space for that, but then we're also combining that with some like healthy distractions so that we don't allow too much space for it and it you know completely overwhelms us because that's when you can really, really, really start to get stuck or do things that you might regret, such as maybe staying with this person who you know has treated you so poorly.
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Um, and so that's how you can kind of get out of survival mode is being um intentional about your healing.
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Um, I know how angry.
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And hurt this can make people.
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And so, like, let's address it and and get it out of the way.
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And then, um, second to this, uh, you know, you're gonna want to get to the point where you are um kind of happy with your new life, and like I just mentioned, be uh glad that this happened and that you know you can be your own best partner and make space um for someone who's not gonna treat you this way.
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So kind of a combination of of addressing it and you know, letting yourself um see the blessings that getting away from a cheater is gonna give you.
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Yeah, exactly.
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I remember when I went through a breakup and I wasn't being cheated on, but it was a regular breakup, and it was just I was a hot mess.
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I was so messed up.
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Oh my gosh.
00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:59.039
I I was like, I know I was like, okay, so I was so sad that I thought I want to hire a nanny for myself.
00:22:59.039 --> 00:23:01.759
Like I want I want somebody to take care of me.
00:23:01.759 --> 00:23:04.960
I was like, I just want somebody to make all my meals so I could just be embedded.
00:23:04.960 --> 00:23:06.559
They could just bring them to me embedded.
00:23:06.559 --> 00:23:07.920
I could just cry over them.
00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:09.839
Like I know, I know the feeling.
00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:28.880
I I really, really know the feeling of um having a hard time recovering from a breakup, feeling like you can't do anything for yourself, but also um being devastated, you know, for other reasons is also something that's kind of found me in bed and um yeah, wishing that I had um someone to cook for me.
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:30.480
Yeah.
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:33.119
And so I was I was telling my friend about this.
00:23:33.119 --> 00:23:38.799
This was a long time ago, and she's like, Well, you know, just know, just hold this image in your mind.
00:23:38.799 --> 00:23:42.000
In six months, you're gonna be like, this is the best thing that ever happened to me.
00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:44.319
And I was like, If you allow it, yeah, right?
00:23:44.319 --> 00:23:46.000
And I was like, that's not true.
00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:49.680
And six months later, I was like, she was right.
00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:52.799
I'm so happy that I'm not with this person anymore.
00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:59.039
Well, and it takes a little bit of faith to um believe that you will get there.
00:23:59.039 --> 00:24:03.519
I've also gone through a breakup where I told people, I will never get over this.
00:24:03.519 --> 00:24:15.279
Uh, so I know the feeling, and you don't have to completely um believe or be glad that it happened, but have the faith that you will eventually.
00:24:15.759 --> 00:24:19.359
Yes, the belief is very important, the knowing.
00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:20.160
Yeah.
00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:29.519
So, and I've seen so many people that want to give up on dating completely for the rest of their lives because they've been ghosted or they've been cheated on.
00:24:29.519 --> 00:24:42.240
And what words do you have for people who are feeling that way, who who are in the protection mode, but what words would you give them so that they can feel like, ah, okay, I can move back to connection?
00:24:42.559 --> 00:24:43.039
Yeah.
00:24:43.039 --> 00:24:47.680
Um, well, also, like I've already said, I'm sorry that you feel this way.
00:24:47.680 --> 00:25:02.960
And I think that that really comes from a lack of self-trust that can develop after a lot of breakups, especially something like this, where you you just think to yourself, how did I allow this to happen?
00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:05.599
How did I make such poor decisions?
00:25:05.599 --> 00:25:09.119
And that can completely destroy your self-trust.
00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:16.160
And also cheating naturally affects our confidence.
00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:32.400
And that can also make us scared to, or completely unable to meet people and to um, you know, want to approach someone or have a conversation with someone new or even go on a dating app.
00:25:32.400 --> 00:25:34.960
Yeah, this can just completely shatter all of that.
00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:41.759
Um so I will say if a relationship is something that you would like in the future, and some people don't.
00:25:41.759 --> 00:25:46.880
I mean, some people after a breakup decide they want to stay single because they love it.
00:25:46.880 --> 00:26:14.720
Um, but if connection is something that you really want, my top advice is to stay single for now and get to the point where you honestly enjoy being single and you've built up your self-love to the point that you enjoy spending time on your own and it is a good lifestyle.
00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:24.799
And then if you're still craving companionship, that's the foundation from which you should uh do it.
00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:45.440
And this is because if you want connection, the happier you are with yourself, the more likely you will be to make good decisions, to recognize the red flags, and to get to a point where you can have an authentic, healthy connection.
00:26:45.440 --> 00:27:11.519
You will be um able and willing to walk away from a relationship that has a less likelihood of thriving, or a walk away from someone who you have an intuition that they might mistreat you or they actually do, if you're single and happy, because you know you don't really have anything, anything to lose because you're gonna be just fine.
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:17.200
So um, yeah, take your time, embrace the single life, and then go from there.
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:20.079
Um, and you don't have to do it all at once.
00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:24.079
Um, also, I'm not single, but being single is awesome.
00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:25.599
I I promise you.
00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:30.880
I know that our listeners are gonna get so much out of that because that was really great advice.
00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:32.079
So thank you for that.
00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:35.759
Um promising you it works.
00:27:35.759 --> 00:27:42.319
And if you that if that's something you really crave, um it it's there for you, but you got to do this first.
00:27:42.960 --> 00:27:44.720
Yeah, I totally agree with that.
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:45.759
I think that's brilliant.
00:27:45.759 --> 00:28:03.039
Uh another concern that I think people are facing now at this point after being cheated on, and maybe they're like, well, okay, I want to pick somebody to compliment my life now, I'm ready, but I don't feel like I can trust this.
00:28:03.039 --> 00:28:05.119
Like my kicker is off.
00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:08.319
Historically, I've been with people who have ghosted me, cheated on me.
00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:15.599
How does somebody begin to repair their relationship with their own intuition?
00:28:16.240 --> 00:28:28.319
Well, again, it goes back to developing the self-trust that can come with with being with being single and um learning to listen to your intuition.
00:28:28.319 --> 00:28:34.319
I think that a lot of people don't really even know what that means and what that feels like.
00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:51.680
And so practice doing that in your day-to-day and something as simple as when you go to the store thinking about what you want to buy and going slow and just listening to what your gut tells you.
00:28:51.680 --> 00:29:02.799
Um, you can get so good listening to your intuition that you might even start to have different bodily sensations that will help you make uh better, better decisions.
00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:04.880
And so be intentional.
00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:18.480
Maybe that's the um word of the episode, uh, be intentional about taking time to listen to yourself when you make just small decisions uh in in your life.
00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:27.440
Um, even as you are single, just taking a moment to think um, what would I most like to make for dinner?
00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:34.480
Or where would I most like to go, what restaurant, and then leaning into that.
00:29:34.480 --> 00:29:43.200
And so, yeah, start with small decisions, um, and then you'll you'll build up your intuition and that will help you make um better choices.
00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:51.599
If you feel that you do have a broken picker, that can be, you know, your picker can be repaired.
00:29:51.599 --> 00:30:05.920
It just takes a lot of effort and it takes the willingness to ac to to act upon red flags when you see them.
00:30:05.920 --> 00:30:22.720
And that's why I advocate I advocate being single because some people want so badly to be in a relationship that they will stay even though they see something that they that they don't like, and they will either ignore it or just go along with it.
00:30:22.720 --> 00:30:27.359
And you know, that's how we typically end up in unhealthy relationships.
00:30:27.359 --> 00:30:32.720
Um, so many people will ask themselves, why did I ignore this or that in the beginning?
00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:39.440
Um, and and being single and developing the intuition will help you not not to do that.
00:30:39.440 --> 00:30:55.839
Um, and I will also say something that I've had to learn how to do is always, always, always putting my own needs and wants and desires first, um, even inside of relationships.
00:30:55.839 --> 00:30:59.680
Um, because like I said, it helps you to make better decisions.
00:30:59.680 --> 00:31:04.559
Um, and it's it's not selfish, it's a way of life, really.
00:31:04.559 --> 00:31:13.680
And also, if you're going through any of this, uh, I would suggest getting support um from one of us.
00:31:13.680 --> 00:31:16.960
That can really, really, really help.
00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:18.079
I agree.
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:22.640
And for me, building my intuition is a lifelong thing.
00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:48.079
And I started doing like some guided meditations just a couple of minutes a day, even just to kind of make sure that that mind-body connection is there, that I'm really listening to my gut, that to me has been a huge game changer in just the way I function every day and my relationships, taking some time, even if it's just to deep breathe for five minutes a day or three minutes a day.
00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:52.960
I think that can be the foundation of cultivating that intuition.
00:31:52.960 --> 00:32:08.240
And then also when you are single after you have gone through the breakup or whatever, when you're single, writing a list of what you know you want and deserve in a relationship, writing out your boundaries, writing out your standards.
00:32:08.240 --> 00:32:20.400
And then if somebody is, you know, going outside of these things and something feels off to you, now you have like this written list of what are my standards, what are my boundaries?
00:32:20.400 --> 00:32:27.119
So, like an example is let's just say you don't want to be with somebody who's actively doing lots of drugs.
00:32:27.119 --> 00:32:27.440
Okay.
00:32:27.440 --> 00:32:43.359
And so you have on your list of standards, I'm not gonna be with somebody who's doing drugs, but then let's say that person doesn't come home for three days and you think they're ghosting, but they're really on like a drug trip and they've been hospitalized and all this stuff.
00:32:43.359 --> 00:32:45.839
And like, is that somebody you want to continue dating?
00:32:45.839 --> 00:32:53.119
If you've written it down kind of as a promise to yourself, as your standard, this is not what I want, and now it's happening.
00:32:53.119 --> 00:32:55.839
These two things are out of alignment.
00:32:55.839 --> 00:33:16.000
And so I would just think that that's a way to really like make a concrete promise to yourself that you are going to trust yourself when things that are breaking your needs for a healthy relationship where somebody's actually present for you.
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:23.519
Um if that if they're breaking it, then that's that's not the right fit for you for your lifestyle if that's what you choose.
00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:28.160
Yeah, be be prepared with what you with what you want and what you're looking for.
00:33:28.160 --> 00:33:32.559
And there's lots of various ways that you can do that um with a coach.
00:33:32.559 --> 00:33:33.200
Exactly.
00:33:33.200 --> 00:33:35.920
Um I will also give a little plug.
00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:38.880
Um, I am a teacher on Insight Timer.
00:33:38.880 --> 00:33:44.559
It's one of the world's uh most uh you know um most popular uh meditation apps.
00:33:44.559 --> 00:33:46.079
I'm a teacher over there.
00:33:46.079 --> 00:33:49.599
Um and they do have a free version that is remarkable.
00:33:49.599 --> 00:34:00.960
And I actually have a um track that I have made with the free version, and it's about developing self-trust after a breakup.
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:05.119
And I have a number of affirmations that I walk people through.
00:34:05.119 --> 00:34:12.559
So if you are experiencing any of this, um go over there and download, yeah, my self-trust uh meditation.
00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:14.639
I love this.
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:18.000
I didn't realize that, and I'm a huge fan of Insight Timer.
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:25.039
I've mentioned it many times on this podcast, and so I will link to that in the show notes because that's really exciting.
00:34:25.039 --> 00:34:26.159
I had no idea.
00:34:26.159 --> 00:34:26.800
Yeah.
00:34:26.800 --> 00:34:36.800
Well, is there anything else you feel that's essential for people who have experienced cheating to know, especially if they're in the thick of it?
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:41.280
I think it's important to really attempt not to internalize it.
00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:56.079
And if you are to do the work to get out of that, of that mindset, I will also again encourage you to believe that this breakup has happened for a reason.
00:34:56.079 --> 00:35:03.199
You are going to be better off either by yourself or with someone who will not do this to you.
00:35:03.199 --> 00:35:15.840
And I also just want to say how sorry I am and how real and natural and normal your your grief or your anger is right now.
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:20.239
And also I believe in you too, to rise above it.
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:23.440
Yes, you're not alone in this.
00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:26.559
You can heal, you can get better.
00:35:26.559 --> 00:35:28.320
It's going to take intention.
00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:30.639
It's just do it one day at a time.
00:35:30.639 --> 00:35:31.280
Yep.
00:35:31.280 --> 00:35:31.840
Yes.
00:35:31.840 --> 00:35:33.280
You've got this.
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:34.559
Yes, you got it.
00:35:34.559 --> 00:35:38.079
So, how can listeners connect with you?
00:35:38.559 --> 00:35:41.599
Go over to my website, janiceformicella.com.
00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:45.599
I'm actually giving free first coaching sessions right now.
00:35:45.599 --> 00:35:49.360
I do breakup coaching and I also do dating coaching.
00:35:49.360 --> 00:35:52.639
So come over there, schedule a free session with me.
00:35:52.639 --> 00:35:55.199
And I'm also on Instagram at Janice Formicella.
00:35:55.199 --> 00:35:57.519
Ooh, and actually go to my YouTube.
00:35:57.519 --> 00:35:59.920
That is really taking off right now.
00:35:59.920 --> 00:36:03.280
I've got a lot of really, really fun content over there.
00:36:03.280 --> 00:36:06.559
And again, that, and that is also Janice Formicella.
00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:08.320
Come and let's hang out online.
00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:12.800
Um, I would love to support you if you can relate to any of this.
00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:18.079
I I I know that my coaching works and I would love to be there for you.
00:36:18.719 --> 00:36:19.360
Thank you.
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:23.119
I am so grateful that you took the time today to be here.
00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:26.480
Your words, I know, are going to help so many people.
00:36:26.480 --> 00:36:27.360
So thank you.
00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:28.239
Yeah, yeah.
00:36:28.400 --> 00:36:32.320
Thank you so much for having me and for doing such important work.
00:36:32.880 --> 00:36:33.599
Thank you.
00:36:33.599 --> 00:36:34.320
Yeah.
00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:37.199
And to the listeners, to the viewers, please follow me.
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:40.960
I'm at Coping with Ghosting on all social media channels.
00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:43.760
And I also have a free Facebook group you can join.
00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:45.199
It's called Coping with Ghosting.
00:36:45.199 --> 00:36:45.920
Surprise.
00:36:45.920 --> 00:36:52.639
And finally remember uh no matter what you're going through, no matter what you're facing, you're not alone.
00:36:52.639 --> 00:36:58.559
And you're worthy of care and connection, and you deserve the best.