Third Comeback: Lucy Waide’s Story of Survival and Strength Pt 1

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Welcome to Embracing Continuous Behaviour Change for Anger Management, the podcast that
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helps you to calm your emotions and communicate effectively.
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And I'm your host Clare Bradley, the Anger Management Coach.
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In this podcast I'll bring you expert interviews, inspiring stories and practical advice on
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calming your emotions and living a more peaceful and fulfilling life. So sit back, relax and
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get ready to master your emotions.
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OK, so good morning. It's foggy where I am.
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Where are you?
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I'm in Wigan.
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Oh, I'm in Rossendale.
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You're not that far then. It's foggy where you are.
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It's very foggy where I am.
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We should have a round there too.
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We should. We could have done this in a nice coffee shop somewhere.
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We could have done this in a nice coffee shop somewhere.
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Next time.
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Absolutely. So good morning to our listeners.
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As you can hear, we have another guest for you this morning.
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We have the lovely Lucy Wade with us this morning.
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Lucy, thank you so much for joining us.
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Thank you for having me on. Been looking forward to this one.
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Brilliant. You know, that's what I like because I just like it to be just chilled out and relaxed.
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And we've had a quick chat before we've pressed record and for it to just be everyday people coming in and talking about what's gone on in life.
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Because our listeners are everyday people who are going through things in life or have been.
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And so for me, it's about just it being relaxed and chilled and just a talk.
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Yes, absolutely.
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So I think, did I put it out on be a guest or and I'm going to put this out very, very early on.
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We are both in a book collaboration together.
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Aren't we? Yes, we are excited.
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Yeah. So that's it actually in a month.
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And I can't remember if I actually put it on the book collaboration that if anyone wanted to come on a podcast, it might have been there.
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I think you did. But also Mel, Mel, she's in a message and said, but yeah, I think I saw it in there.
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But yeah, we're a member of all sorts of things now, aren't we?
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But it's very exciting this book collaboration. Absolutely. Look at us two authors.
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I know. Well, I wrote a book about 20 years ago about being a teacher, a bit anecdotal, a bit tongue in cheek.
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But I haven't written anything since. So it's very exciting to do it.
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Absolutely. It's my first one.
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And I remember, so you're right, it was Mel that put us that connected us. And I remember and I've written it down, your email response back was it's been a very tumultuous two years after rather lengthy tumultuous decade.
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And then your end day, I'm just on my third comeback.
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Yeah. And I knew Sniggered when you said that. And I read it as a snigger, adding that she's saying that so light heartedly.
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Yeah.
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But even writing the word tumultuous, you know that that hasn't been light hearted and you know that hasn't been easy.
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No, no, not at all. And there's been. So I what I like to do now is I very much like to use the negatives and turn them into positives.
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And I found that I'm quite naturally doing that anyway. I can say I wrote a book 20 years ago.
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When I was a teacher, I was an English teacher in a very big school and I and I was being bulleted as a teacher by staff.
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So, you know, and it was like nobody tells you this, nobody tells you this.
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The Holy Grail teachers are the moral I ground. Teachers know everything and teachers people and some people are horrible.
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And I wrote a book off the back of that when I was feeling very down and very disappointed and questioning my my judgment in people and and and like my understanding of the world basically.
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Yeah.
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So wrote a book off it. So I've been doing that kind of positive response.
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I've done that kind of automatically, but I've recognised very recently that I now need to really work hard at that quite quickly, not not have it get so dark so long.
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And I need to inject the positivity a lot earlier than I was doing.
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That's really good that you can see that because I mean, I don't know if that's from a place of depression, but I suffer with depression and having gone through a really bad stage of depression.
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I, you know, previously when I wouldn't even open the curtains.
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Oh, yeah.
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Yeah.
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You know, I was I lived in a village and there was a village shop, but if I wanted milk, I would get in my car and drive to the nearest big Tesco and buy my milk from there rather than just walk through the village to get the milk.
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Yeah, because people people who know you.
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Yeah, it's not like that.
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So, so it's interesting what you said is that now when you can kind of see that you need to put those positives in place.
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You're able to do it quicker.
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Yeah, so I mean 10.
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What was it 2016.
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I'd had a half endometriosis.
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And I did have adenomyosis.
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And that meant I had lost my teaching career in 2013.
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So I started my own chocolate business, which became very successful with supplied foods and supplied restaurants and bars in Manchester.
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I opened up my own cafe with the with the profits of that I bought myself a car with the profits of my own business very proud of it.
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And then I lost all three based of the same month.
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And I'd also been told due to the endometriosis, I was quarter of the way through IVF and then I was told, you have to stop this because if you get pregnant, you'll rip yourself apart.
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So that was in that was all in August 2016.
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And I just I just wanted to go just wanted to end it and kind of planned it.
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My husband was working away.
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I am I am still on quite a lot of medication now as I'm more than and because I used to take 20 tablets a day.
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And when you have to take so many in one go, you learn how to neck them.
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So even now I can take 10 tablets in one go. It's not, you know, it's not a party trick.
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It's the darkest party trick ever.
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But yes, but I could do that.
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So I thought, right, my husband's working away.
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I live quite far away from my family.
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Nobody's checking in on me anyway.
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I felt utterly, utterly pointless as a woman, bizarrely, and it's not even like I've ever had a huge want for kids, dogs, kids.
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But I think having it taken away from me, it was like, right, so you're not even you can't be a proper woman.
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You can't be a proper wife.
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And I just felt, well, that's the only reason you're here. Surely that's the only reason you exist as a woman is to procreate.
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And your mind tells you, I call it the voice is called dickhead.
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Okay, you give it a voice.
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Yeah. And then it gets very loud sometimes.
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But this one night I decided to do something about it.
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And I was stood in front of my dressing table and I just emptied my docket boxes into my hand.
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And I took about two handfuls and as I'm taking a swig of water, I catch my dogs looking at me.
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And I just thought, shit, I've got to get up for you.
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I've got to get up in the morning for you.
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Yeah.
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Your wire has to get up in the morning.
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Yeah.
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And they're your kids.
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They were the reason I had to get up. I thought I had no reason that I had to get up in the morning.
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It was as black and white as that. I was a worry to everyone.
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In my head, I completely made sense of yes, people will be upset once, but then I won't be a worry as I am all the time now.
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And I won't be moaning to everyone all the time now.
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So for me, it made perfect sense to just, I'll just go, I'll go, you know, rip the bandaid off, I'll go.
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But catching my dog's eyes, proper just looking at me under the under their frames.
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And it just, it cut the thread, I call it.
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Yeah.
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It cut the thread.
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So my dogs are little lifesavers.
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But I think I was at the doctors the morning after anyway.
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And I was in CBT therapy a couple of weeks after that.
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Yeah.
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I like to say gaining my superpowers.
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Fantastic.
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Because my CBT therapist K was just, yeah, save life saving, you know.
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So going from that darkness and then from that, I rebuilt my business and I had a chain of shops.
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I was very proud of it again.
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And then, and then my husband decided to have an affair in October.
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Well, but the affair wasn't in October.
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The affair was God knows how long.
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Yeah.
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But I found out in October and there's a chocolate here.
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That is a really bad time.
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That sounds really like shallow, doesn't it?
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But I was the one bringing in the money.
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Yeah.
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So it was like, right, well, I need to leave you, but I need to fix my business for Christmas.
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So yeah, 2018 was another one and I moved in with my parents.
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I'm still there to be honest.
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I'm still with them.
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But the thing is with endometriosis, it does keep coming back.
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So you kind of have, every time you have an operation, I kind of have about five years of feeling okay.
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So I came to an end in 2022 where I just started hemorrhaging and I was in the middle of a children's party, which is not the timeline for that kind of horror show.
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But yeah, so I was in the middle of a children's party and I thought I was just hot and sweaty.
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But yeah, it was the beginning of the endometriosis, which is where growths happen within the muscle wall of the uterus.
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So it started growing to the size of a sort of a four month old baby.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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So I was told that to have surgery.
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I then thought that was going to be in a couple of months.
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So I thought, right, well, I'll, I'll close the shop down because I'll leave it on a really good high.
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You know, the reputation of the business was fantastic in our local town.
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I've turned it more into a lifestyle business.
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I've got rid of two of the shops.
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We only had one shop left and it was, I loved it.
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I loved it.
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So I thought, right, we'll close the shop as if when I come back in a few months, say 10 months, I'll pick it back up again.
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But the operation, that was, that was January 2022.
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June 2022, I closed the shop thinking I'd be back by Christmas.
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And I had the operation in April this year.
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No.
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Yeah.
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So I, but I'd saved about 10 grand because I thought, right, I need to know that I can, I can be off and I can just not have to worry.
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And my nephew was working for me and he was about to go to university.
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So it just made sense, right?
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We'll close it down.
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But I didn't, I just didn't account for two, two years with no income at all.
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So I ended up on benefits last October, which is the most humbling thing I've ever done because I've always found a way.
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I've been eating cereal for tea and, you know, copying up and selling whatever I could get my hands on out of my house to pay bills.
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I've always found a way.
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This time I couldn't.
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And, and I was lucky enough to be living with my parents anyway.
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So, yeah, going on benefits, 380 pound a month I got.
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Wow.
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And I'd been earning about seven grand a month with the shop.
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So, yeah.
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But, and then I went on PIP because the endometriosis just got so bad.
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And that, oh my God, I don't know if you know anyone who's had to go through the PIP process.
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Well, I've heard it's absolutely atrocious because, well, for many, many reasons.
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I have.
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I mean, I'm an educated woman.
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I've got degrees and, you know, whatever.
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Oh, the way that that woman spoke to me was absolutely disgusting.
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And I wrote a letter of complaint afterwards because you have to go through your mental health and everything.
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And I told her about the night that I wanted to, you know, commit suicide.
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And, and she said, and have you felt like that again recently?
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I said, to be honest, yeah, I've felt like that probably about a week ago.
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I had very scary thoughts.
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But, and then straight away without like a hit.
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So can you chop a vegetable?
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And I was already hysterical.
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So I was telling her how, you know, it's been very, very dark place.
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And then can you chop a vegetable?
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I was like, what?
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Yeah, just a little carrot.
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I said, what?
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I don't understand why you're asking me that.
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Are you refusing the question?
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I don't, I just don't know why you're asking what.
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I said, I've just told you that I was, I was practically suicidal.
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I don't know why you're asking me this question.
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So you can't chop a vegetable.
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Oh, my God.
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I have arms.
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So you can chop a vegetable.
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I think, I think so.
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But why would I be chopping a vegetable if I'm unable to get out of bed?
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But you can chop a vegetable.
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Oh, really?
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Wow, that's awful.
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It was awful.
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And then I got the report through and she put that I refused to answer the question.
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Oh, wow.
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So, and there were a couple of those, like how many minutes does it take to get to the bathroom?
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And I said, well, on my worst day, I have to be carried.
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And she said, and if you ever timed that.
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Oh, gosh, that's like, no, I haven't timed it.
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Well, can you guess?
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I don't know.
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I said the toilet is a couple of doors down from where my bedroom is.
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So if I have to be carried that short distance, then it's not good to see.
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So you're refusing the question.
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Oh, wow.
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I don't know.
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I said, I'm not going to give something up.
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So you're refusing the question.
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It was awful.
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And it's like, and I'm like, I like to think that my CBT therapy has done quite well for me, but God help somebody else who's, um,
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that's really struggling.
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Yeah.
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But yeah, I mean, I was, I wasn't in a great place after that.
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But yeah, so that was, um, that was last year.
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Um, and like I said, I did get go through another time when I had to get rid of everything that I'd bought everything that I owned for the chocolate business.
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I had to sell what I couldn't sell.
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I had to get rid of because I couldn't afford the storage anymore.
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00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:36,880
So I remember the day driving back from waste management, just tipping everything into the back of that.
225
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:41,880
I remember driving back from there and a car pulled out and I didn't, I didn't break.
226
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,880
Um, I didn't speed up, but I didn't break.
227
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:44,880
And I just thought, whatever.
228
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,880
And that, that scared me.
229
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:53,880
So I drove straight straight to my sister and told her and she said, right, but you're telling me so it's okay, isn't it?
230
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:54,880
Yeah.
231
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:55,880
And I said, yeah, yeah.
232
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,880
It's, if it's out my mouth, it's not going to happen.
233
00:16:58,880 --> 00:16:59,880
It's, it's when I go quiet.
234
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,880
That's when it's, yeah, something is scary.
235
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:08,880
But I was, you're telling yourself that or was that actually how you felt?
236
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:09,880
What do you mean?
237
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:14,880
So when you said that your sister had said to you that you're telling me so it's okay.
238
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:19,880
And, and then you said, yeah, okay, because I'm telling you that means it's okay.
239
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:20,880
Yes.
240
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,880
What's actually okay.
241
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,880
Um, no, I wasn't, but I knew I wasn't going to do anything.
242
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:26,880
Okay, right.
243
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:27,880
I knew it wasn't going to do anything stupid.
244
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,880
So I did go to the doctors and I just spoke to them.
245
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:31,880
Yeah.
246
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:37,880
My GP was absolutely amazing because I sat down and, um, I said, what, it wasn't even my GP.
247
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,880
So what can we do for you today?
248
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,880
And I just said, um, I don't know.
249
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,880
No, I don't know, but I don't feel right.
250
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:49,880
My head, I said, it's exhausting battling this, this feeling that I just want to stop.
251
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:50,880
Yeah.
252
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,880
And he said, do you think he's suicidal?
253
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:57,880
And I said, well, I don't think he'll do anything, but I just want to stop.
254
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:58,880
I want it to stop.
255
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,880
I want a brain from my, my head.
256
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,880
Um, and he just talked to me if he, he can't speak.
257
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,880
And I thought the person after me won't have been very happy because he knocked it on,
258
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,880
gave me a double appointment.
259
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:10,880
Yeah.
260
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:15,880
Um, but I just felt better for talking about it because I think that needs, this is exactly
261
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:16,880
what I'm doing now.
262
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:20,880
I am talking about it.
263
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:28,880
And I know it sounds, sounds a bit, um, obvious, but just words coming out of my mouth rather
264
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,880
than me saying it in my head is helpful.
265
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:37,880
And if anybody else who's gone, like the whole reason of what you're doing is to get to your
266
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,880
listeners, to get to people with other people's stories, see, see how other people have handled
267
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,880
things or going through things to know you're not on your own.
268
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:51,880
That is literally what's helped me in the last 10 years is hearing the little nuggets of other
269
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:57,880
people or the little sayings that other people have had that have just made me have that little
270
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:02,880
different perception on something, but a bit different perspective that has made me be able
271
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:03,880
to find joy.
272
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:09,880
And if I can do that by sharing my story, if somebody else can think, oh, right, well,
273
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,880
I could try thinking like that.
274
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:16,880
No, that's, I'm going to say that to myself because there's a, there's a, I've forgotten
275
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:22,880
a name note, but she says, um, let them, you know, when somebody's annoying you, when somebody's
276
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:29,880
putting you up in traffic or when somebody's just doing something that you, you know, I've
277
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:34,880
told them, I've told them so many times that let them, just let them.
278
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,880
I stay by that mantra as well.
279
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:37,880
Yeah.
280
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:44,880
Just let them, because it's easier to let that go than to hold on to it.
281
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:45,880
Yes.
282
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:46,880
And why are you holding on to it?
283
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:47,880
Exactly.
284
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:48,880
Who you helping?
285
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:49,880
They're not helping.
286
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:50,880
Exactly.
287
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,880
They're not.
288
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:58,880
And if it was somebody who genuinely cared, they wouldn't be doing it in the first place.
289
00:19:58,880 --> 00:19:59,880
Exactly.
290
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:00,880
Exactly.
291
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:05,880
So it's all that, what you can change, change, what you can't change, get over and get on
292
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:11,880
with, you know, it's, um, but yeah, that, just that, let them, every now and then I've got
293
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:16,880
to remember, even, even like say, somebody cuts you up in traffic and you could be like,
294
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:17,880
oh, absolutely.
295
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:18,880
You know, whatever.
296
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:19,880
Yeah.
297
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:20,880
Absolutely.
298
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:30,880
And I think, so I've got to like this ripe old age, whereas I can now let them, I can
299
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,880
just get over it.
300
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,880
Whereas I'm not sure about yourself.
301
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:40,880
Whereas when I was in my 20s, 30s and 40s, I probably couldn't let them.
302
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,880
And not only couldn't let them, didn't want to.
303
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:46,880
Yeah.
304
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:51,880
So you'd get into a gaggle of friends and you'd all feed each other's annoyance.
305
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:52,880
Absolutely.
306
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,880
Like saying, oh, did you see that?
307
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:55,880
Yeah.
308
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:56,880
Oh, did you see that?
309
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:57,880
Yeah.
310
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,880
I can't believe she's done that and she did that and that and that.
311
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,880
And you feed each other's annoyance.
312
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:02,880
Yeah.
313
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,880
So it's almost like you want to be annoyed.
314
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,880
And it's like, yeah.
315
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:12,880
And it's kind of almost like, I guess that's it.
316
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:20,880
When you get older, we're more kind of, we're not in that close, that close group with a
317
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,880
lot of other people.
318
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:27,880
Well, not with people who, I've definitely found my tribe.
319
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:28,880
Yeah.
320
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,880
And that's literally in the last three years.
321
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:32,880
Yeah.
322
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:33,880
Absolutely.
323
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,880
I'm 46, but I've just found my tribe.
324
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,880
I think I've been myself.
325
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,880
Talk, exactly how I want to talk.
326
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:44,880
I'm a bit swearing, but I can absolutely be myself 100%.
327
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:45,880
And you accepted.
328
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,880
And that's what's amazing, isn't it?
329
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:56,880
Is I think I wish I could have been this laid back in my 20s and 30s because it would have
330
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,880
just made life so much easier.
331
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,880
Oh, yeah.
332
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:05,880
But then, then I don't know whether or not I'd be this confident now.
333
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,880
You know, it's even little things like this, this haircut.
334
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:09,880
This haircut's very new.
335
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:10,880
I love that.
336
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,880
Last month, they used to have quite long hair, but I've always wanted this hair.
337
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:15,880
Okay.
338
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:16,880
Or is this that?
339
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,880
I'll grow back.
340
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,880
I mean, they did cut it a little bit too short.
341
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,880
This is eight weeks of growth, to be honest.
342
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:23,880
Okay.
343
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,880
They cut it very short.
344
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:31,880
But, but again, the only people I showed the photograph to of where it was really short
345
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:32,880
was my tribe.
346
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:33,880
Yeah.
347
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,880
My friends that I've got now, because I knew they wouldn't show it around.
348
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,880
But I said, so this is the haircut.
349
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,880
And my face is like this.
350
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,880
But it's just, it's so, it's really short.
351
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:48,880
And it was sort of, so you can see that there.
352
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,880
That was shaved all the way up to the top.
353
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:52,880
Oh, wow.
354
00:22:52,880 --> 00:23:02,880
You know, like when you see films of World War One and they've just shaved up to the
355
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,880
top and they've got a tiny bit of hair at the front.
356
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,880
And I thought, you, did you look like you just signed up?
357
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:09,880
Definitely.
358
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:10,880
Definitely.
359
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,880
And I'm four foot eight.
360
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:13,880
I was four foot nine.
361
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,880
They took an inch off me last month.
362
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,880
But I'm only four foot eight.
363
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,880
So I need, I need a bit of hair.
364
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:23,880
I love it.
365
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:24,880
Thank you.
366
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:25,880
I love it now.
367
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:30,880
And like clothes, the clothes are, I love baggy clothes, but they make me look short, but
368
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:31,880
I'm not bothered.
369
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:32,880
Exactly.
370
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:33,880
Who cares?
371
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:39,880
I just, just rock up, be you and your tribe will accept you.
372
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:40,880
Yeah.
373
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:47,880
But like you say, can, there's no way I would have had the confidence to, to just go for
374
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:53,880
exactly what I wanted in my twenties or even in my thirties and a little bit in my thirties.
375
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,880
But no, not like now, not like now.
376
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,880
I mean, like I say, I am, I'm 46.
377
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:05,880
I am in the middle of a divorce, which has been five years in the making.
378
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:06,880
Wow.
379
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:07,880
Ridiculous.
380
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:11,880
I am, you know, I've, I've just had a history up to me.
381
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,880
I'm in my fourth menopause, final menopause, my fourth menopause.
382
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:16,880
Wow.
383
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,880
I've lost my business.
384
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:22,880
I have, I'm on benefits still.
385
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,880
So I'm still unemployed, living with my parents.
386
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,880
My dogs are 10 years old now.
387
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,880
My dad's just come out of hospital.
388
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:30,880
He's 18.
389
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,880
I'm proper daddy's girl.
390
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,880
But I'm happy.
391
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:36,880
I'm happy.
392
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:42,880
You know, I've got a tiny little studio in Barry Ford where I do my artwork, which my,
393
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:46,880
my superhero dad has paid for.
394
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,880
And I go there and I call it pissing about with pink.
395
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,880
That's what I do.
396
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,880
But that's fantastic, isn't it?
397
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,880
It's about obviously your, your space.
398
00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:58,880
Yeah.
399
00:24:58,880 --> 00:24:59,880
Yeah.
400
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,880
Because I am back at home, you know, I have my old room.
401
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,880
I have my old mum and dad's room actually.
402
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,880
But I'm, like I said, I'm used to having a house.
403
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,880
You know, I had a three bedroom house with garden.
404
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:15,880
I mean, I'm now in, still in the three bedroom house, but it's not mine.
405
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,880
I have a room.
406
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,880
So yeah, that space is really important.
407
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:25,880
And also, like I say, this, this collaboration that we're doing, things like that.
408
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:31,880
I don't think I'd have had the confidence to do because I remember the first time I wrote
409
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:38,880
my book and when 20 years ago, I didn't tell anyone until I'd signed with Bloomsbury because
410
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,880
I just knew they'd be like, what is it?
411
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,880
So if you're going to my room, I just knew.
412
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:56,880
So whereas now, and I'm Mandy, who's our leader, who's the main author on this book, you know,
413
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,880
she's giving us all the confidence as well to know, go shout about it.
414
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:00,880
Absolutely.
415
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:01,880
Yeah.
416
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:02,880
Absolutely.
417
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,880
And that's so amazing, isn't it?
418
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:12,880
Is that, I mean, my story is like something that I've never told my friends and I've literally
419
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:18,880
only recently put it out there on Facebook and completely owned it.
420
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:19,880
Yeah.
421
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:24,880
So there I was writing a chapter in a book thinking, yeah, I'm just going to tell the world who
422
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:25,880
cares.
423
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,880
Then then thinking, you've not even told your best mate this, Claire.
424
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:29,880
I know.
425
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:30,880
You know.
426
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:31,880
I know.
427
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:39,880
But how is it to think that it's easier to tell the world than it is to tell your closest
428
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:40,880
friends?
429
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:45,880
Because we know it's going to hurt them to know how hurt we've been.
430
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:46,880
Yeah.
431
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,880
I hadn't thought about it that way.
432
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:50,880
And I haven't told my mum.
433
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:56,880
In fact, I've sort of told my mum and dad they might not want to read it.
434
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:57,880
Okay.
435
00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:58,880
Because they don't know.
436
00:26:58,880 --> 00:26:59,880
They don't know that.
437
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:00,880
They know that I've been in a dark place.
438
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:01,880
They don't know the details of it.
439
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:06,880
And I'm not sure whether or not that's helpful for my mum to see.
440
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,880
I don't know.
441
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:10,880
My sister knows.
442
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,880
My sister's my sister's one of my best friends.
443
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,880
He's the one that I do go to.
444
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:19,880
And I say, yeah, at the very moment was about to do something stupid, but I'm not now because
445
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:20,880
I'm coming telling you.
446
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,880
So brilliant that you can do that.
447
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:23,880
Yeah.
448
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:29,880
You've got to, and now I say this group that I have women and men that I've met.
449
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,880
People think it's a cult.
450
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:33,880
It's very much not a cult.
451
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:38,880
It's just an amazing group of business owners who just want to help each other.
452
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:39,880
It's not.
453
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:44,880
And that was a massive turning point in my life is meeting this group.
454
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:48,880
It is, they are business owners, but the business owners that look like you and me.
455
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:49,880
You know what I mean?
456
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:50,880
Yeah.
457
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:51,880
They're not in the suits.
458
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,880
They're not in the pinstripe.
459
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,880
They're not in power suits.
460
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,880
They're not, you know, arrogant.
461
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:03,880
They're ordinary people who want to make a difference in the world and they've gone out on their
462
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:04,880
own to try and do it.
463
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,880
And we just, we just love talking about business.
464
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:12,880
We're just being geeky and talking about business and helping each other fix those problems.
465
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:18,880
But after time, we just sit around chatting and because, but because we're business owners,
466
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,880
you've got to find the right people to have the right conversations with.
467
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:27,880
So like you've just said, you couldn't tell your best friend about something incredibly
468
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:32,880
difficult you've gone through, but you could tell somebody.
469
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:33,880
Yeah.
470
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:34,880
And that's what's important.
471
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:39,880
You just have to have somebody to be able to get that, get that out because it has to
472
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:40,880
come out.
473
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:41,880
It cannot stay in your head.
474
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:46,880
The more I talk about it, and I've done a couple of speaking things now with women's
475
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:53,880
groups, the more I talk about it, the more matter of fact I can talk about it.
476
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:59,880
And, and like I don't cry about it when I do talk about it, which is what I want to get
477
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:00,880
to.
478
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:01,880
Yeah.
479
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:02,880
I did last Tuesday.
480
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,880
I practised it.
481
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:05,880
I hadn't cried.
482
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:10,880
And then when I did it in front of this group of women, I could feel the tears coming.
483
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,880
I was like, oh, yeah, a bit emotional.
484
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:19,880
But yeah, I didn't want to get emotional about it because it's like I said, it's a scar.
485
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:20,880
Yeah.
486
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,880
In my past that every now and then gets a bit, a bit itchy.
487
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,880
And, and I think that's a lovely way of looking at it is that it's a scar.
488
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:28,880
It gets itchy.
489
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,880
It reminds you of how far you've travelled.
490
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,880
It's like putting pins in maps, isn't it?
491
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:35,880
It's like, I've been there.
492
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:36,880
I've been there.
493
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:37,880
I've been there.
494
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:38,880
I might like to go back there.
495
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:39,880
Definitely not going there.
496
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:41,880
That is so good.
497
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:42,880
Yeah, it is.
498
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:43,880
You visited it.
499
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:44,880
It was awful.
500
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:49,880
And, you know, you don't want to go back there.
501
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:51,880
You have to drive through it sometimes.
502
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:52,880
You're not stopping.
503
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:53,880
Absolutely.
504
00:29:53,880 --> 00:30:00,880
And that's really weird, you know, I, so talking back to the village that we mentioned earlier
505
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:10,880
is I drove through that village with Jen, my partner last week and it took me up until
506
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:16,880
from, from leaving that village, it took me two years before I could drive through that
507
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:21,880
village again because I was going through so much turmoil.
508
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:26,880
And the only way I could drive through it again was in a rental car.
509
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,880
So they didn't know it was my car.
510
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:30,880
Oh, my God.
511
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:36,600
I rang a friend at the start of the village and said to them, I'm just letting you know,
512
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,880
I'm just going to drive through this particular village.
513
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:46,880
I'll ring, if I ring you in the next 10 minutes, you need to be getting to me.
514
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:48,880
Can we get me?
515
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:49,880
Yeah.
516
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:54,880
And then, and so when I got out of the other end, I rang them and said, I'm out now.
517
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:55,880
Fine.
518
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:56,880
Don't panic.
519
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:58,880
But I, yeah.
520
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,880
But I knew I had to do that.
521
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:02,880
It was awful, awful.
522
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:08,880
But like you say, sometimes you have to drive through things and I physically did, went
523
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,880
through it last week with my partner in my partner's car.
524
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:16,880
So again, it was a different car, but hey, we are, however many years.
525
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,880
So still, it's still quite traumatic for you.
526
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,880
Is it driving through the village?
527
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,880
He quite well-known in the village.
528
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:24,880
I used to be the village Bobby.
529
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:26,880
So very well known.
530
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,880
Yeah.
531
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:33,880
And we're kind of going off onto me, but I came out with being, yeah.
532
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:34,880
And you know what?
533
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,880
I am to be fair because it is, we're just having a chat about life.
534
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:39,880
Yeah.
535
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,880
I came out as being gay in that village.
536
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:47,880
Well, I didn't so much come out to them as my ex-husband told the world.
537
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:48,880
Yeah.
538
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,880
Because it's that kind of man.
539
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:52,880
Yeah.
540
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:57,880
And then a car pulled up and they tried to put my windows through at four o'clock in the morning.
541
00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:58,880
Oh my God.
542
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:02,880
So yeah, so you can understand why I didn't really want to be in that village anymore.
543
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:07,880
This is in, this is in 2000 and what, 20?
544
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:12,880
No, that would have been in around about, how old was my son?
545
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:14,880
That would have been about 2003.
546
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:15,880
But still.
547
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:16,880
Yeah.
548
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:27,880
And well, it's amazing, isn't it that the, the, the pretend that everybody is welcoming and everybody is very PC.
549
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,880
And, and they literally just pay lip service to it.
550
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:32,880
That's all.
551
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:33,880
Absolutely.
552
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:34,880
Don't pay lip service to it.
553
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:35,880
Live it.
554
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:40,880
You know, because if you just pay lip service to it, you might as well just say the things that you mean.
555
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:41,880
And I'd probably rather that.
556
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:42,880
Yeah.
557
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:47,880
And I'd probably pretend that you're all right and try and put me in some false sense of security that it's going to be all right.
558
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,880
And meanwhile, behind the scenes, you're doing that.
559
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:51,880
Yeah.
560
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:52,880
Wow.
561
00:32:52,880 --> 00:33:04,880
Who it was, it was the, the, a group of local teenage boys that were the people that turned up to throw the bricks at the house.
562
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:06,880
And I get, and I know.
563
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,880
Did they know you?
564
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:09,880
Did they?
565
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:10,880
Did they know?
566
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,880
Well, as a police officer.
567
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:13,880
Yeah.
568
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:14,880
I had dealt with them.
569
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:18,880
They were, they weren't like the nice kids of the village, obviously.
570
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:19,880
But do you know what I mean?
571
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:24,880
It's like, you would have thought the younger generation would have been more accepting.
572
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:37,880
It's a well, unfortunately, this is what I mean by we know that there's this pretend that nowadays that nowadays there's obviously a lot more tolerant, which is just a disgusting way to have to use anyway.
573
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:38,880
Oh, you tolerate me.
574
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:39,880
Thank you.
575
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:40,880
Yeah.
576
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:51,880
But the, the reality is that in bread discrimination is still rife.
577
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:52,880
Absolutely.
578
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,880
And, you know, God, I was 2003.
579
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,880
So I'm half Asian and I was a teacher.
580
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:03,880
And one of my year nine lads was at the other end of the, and I just taught him.
581
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:09,880
We'd, you know, we got on quite well, but he was with some other lads and he just started singing.
582
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,880
We're going pecky bashing.
583
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,880
Oh, I'm like, what?
584
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:16,880
What?
585
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:17,880
I've literally just taught you.
586
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:18,880
Yeah.
587
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:20,880
We've had a lovely conversation.
588
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:24,880
And, and then like 1340.
589
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,880
It's just got there.
590
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:27,880
So that's come from home.
591
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:29,880
It has to have come from home.
592
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:33,880
He has to have heard that from adults.
593
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:34,880
Yeah.
594
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:40,880
So that's that generation buggered because that's been in, in built there.
595
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,880
So I could just imagine that happening.
596
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:45,880
So in so many households.
597
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:46,880
Yeah.
598
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:54,880
And it's just, it must just be the ones who educate themselves and have, have a pure soul,
599
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:58,880
I think, because I think some people are just evil.
600
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:02,880
Some people are just lovely, no matter what backgrounds they've got.
601
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:07,880
And, and we just have to hope that those voices will start to get louder and louder.
602
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:08,880
Yeah.
603
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:15,880
And, but you can't change people's thoughts, but you can change people's behavior.
604
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:16,880
Absolutely.
605
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:22,880
And that's kind of like what I try to do in, in not that I try to do, but try to help
606
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:30,880
people do in my business is change those behaviors, you know, of if that's a negative behavior,
607
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:31,880
then let's move forward.
608
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,880
What positive do you want?
609
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:39,880
And like you said at the very, very start is that you now look to get the positive out
610
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,880
of the negative things that have happened.
611
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:42,880
Yeah.
612
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:43,880
Yeah.
613
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:44,880
What's the other choice?
614
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:45,880
What's the option?
615
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:46,880
Yeah.
616
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:47,880
Absolutely.
617
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:48,880
It's a life of misery, isn't it?
618
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:49,880
Yeah.
619
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:54,880
But it must be so difficult for you though, living in such a small village that it's easy
620
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:55,880
to said them done, isn't it?
621
00:35:55,880 --> 00:36:00,880
To be like, well, you know, stop them, not going to, not going to let them get to me.
622
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:02,880
It's easier said than done when you're faced with it.
623
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:03,880
Absolutely.
624
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:09,880
Every day you walk out your door, like you say, going to your own local shop to get milk
625
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,880
becomes a horror show.
626
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:13,880
And it's,
627
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:14,880
It's literally when that's your job.
628
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:19,880
Like you said, being a teacher, you've still got to do your job, but you're faced with
629
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:20,880
the discrimination.
630
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,880
How am I supposed to do that?
631
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:24,880
Yeah.
632
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:25,880
Yeah.
633
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,880
So I was teaching in Oldham when the Oldham Riot.
634
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:28,880
Oh, really?
635
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:29,880
Oh, wow.
636
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:30,880
Yeah.
637
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,880
So I actually kept my ethnicity quite quiet.
638
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:33,880
Yeah.
639
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:38,880
Because I knew that it would be, it was failed with schools.
640
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,880
So one side was rich, big houses.
641
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:42,880
Another side was, was council estate.
642
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:48,880
And on either side, we had both categories of nice and horrific children and parents.
643
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,880
But the, yeah, the, the rights were going on.
644
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:57,880
So I made a decision that I wasn't going to be very open about who I was.
645
00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:58,880
Yeah.
646
00:36:58,880 --> 00:36:59,880
Well, you can imagine.
647
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:00,880
Yeah.
648
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:02,880
Because literally I would judge your life.
649
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:06,880
I can't, I can't believe that I allowed myself to do that.
650
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:07,880
How crazy is that?
651
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:09,880
You know, it's almost like that.
652
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:10,880
Well, it is not almost.
653
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,880
It's self preservation, isn't it?
654
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:14,880
It is.
655
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:15,880
It is.
656
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:20,880
And it is like easy said and done because somebody else would say, like I'd say to anybody,
657
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:24,880
Oh, it's not them, but you say, well, that's easy said and done.
658
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,880
It's like dealing with a bully or stand up to them.
659
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,880
Well, that's not always the easiest thing to do.
660
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:36,880
It's, yeah, it's, it's easier on the outside.
661
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,880
And I know you deal with domestic abuse as well.
662
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:43,880
And, you know, that's something I've experienced.
663
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:49,880
And again, somebody from the outside can vary pragmatically and logistically,
664
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:50,880
tell you how to do it.
665
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:53,880
Logically say, you know, let's get out.
666
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:54,880
Yeah.
667
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:55,880
Just get out.
668
00:37:55,880 --> 00:38:00,880
So I imagine, did you have quite a few friends telling you to, well, just go out.
669
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:02,880
Don't bother about them.
670
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:08,880
No, to be fair, I think at the time, I think, well,
671
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:15,880
I think I just isolated myself from everybody because then it isn't just about what's going on in the village.
672
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:17,880
It's what's going on up here.
673
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:22,880
And then it was like complete isolation.
674
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:30,880
So I don't know what you do when your mental health is bad, but for me, I isolate myself.
675
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:32,880
I take myself completely away.
676
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,880
I become quiet and like you do.
677
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,880
That's the dangerous time.
678
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:38,880
Yeah.
679
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:42,880
It's not these people that are shouting out saying, I'm going to kill myself or message in you.
680
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,880
I think I'm going to talk myself.
681
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:47,880
They're not the ones who are going to do it.
682
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:52,880
The ones who are probably more likely to do something daft are the ones that have retreated, like you say.
683
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:59,880
They've taken themselves away from all situations to do with other people and they've retreated.
684
00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:01,880
They're the ones to check on.
685
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,880
They're the ones to really pester with them.
686
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:10,880
And you're right because you need to interrupt that thread because it's easier to step down into the darkness, isn't it?
687
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:11,880
Absolutely.
688
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:14,880
And step up into the light.
689
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,880
It was always easier to walk down or then uphill.
690
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:25,880
And that is the scary thing of, like you said, you have people who will come to you with their opinion of, well, just do this.
691
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:27,880
Well, you're not living it.
692
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,880
You're not living my life.
693
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:37,880
And so you do go further down into that darkness, into that hole of, well, I'll get away from them because I don't need that.
694
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,880
And it isn't helpful.
695
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:40,880
No.
696
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,880
Sometimes you just, I love Simon Sinek as well.
697
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:45,880
I don't know whether you've heard of Simon Sinek.
698
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:46,880
I haven't heard of him.
699
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:50,880
Oh, I have a bit of a girl crush on him.
700
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:59,880
But he's somebody who just likes to inspire others to do the things they inspire, they're inspired to do.
701
00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:00,880
That's what he says.
702
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,880
And he says something where sometimes people just want you to sit in the mud with them.
703
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:05,880
Yes, absolutely.
704
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:07,880
Sometimes they don't need a hand up.
705
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:13,880
They just want you to sit there in the mud with them and moan about how muddy it is.
706
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,880
I love that.
707
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:16,880
Isn't that great?
708
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:17,880
It's true though, isn't it?
709
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:21,880
Sometimes it's like, do you need a hug or do you need help?
710
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,880
Because they're two very different things.
711
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:34,880
And if you are in tune with, or maybe if you've gone through it yourself, you are a little bit more in tune with it, then you can recognise the time when somebody just doesn't need you telling them what to do.
712
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,880
And they just need to say, I can't believe you're going through that.
713
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:38,880
I am so sorry.
714
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:39,880
Yeah, absolutely.
715
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:41,880
So we just need to have a brew.
716
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:42,880
Yeah.
717
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:43,880
Yeah.
718
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:46,880
And that is all, you know, words are helpful.
719
00:40:46,880 --> 00:41:10,880
But sometimes the silence is more impactful, like you say, that arms around you, that being held, yeah, is so much of what that person wants whilst they are dealing with it themselves in their own mind, that you're at least there, whether you've got physical contact with them or you're just sitting in, like you just said, the mud.
720
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:11,880
I love that.
721
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:15,880
You know, I just, it was on a tic-tac because I do follow him.
722
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,880
I'm not obsessed, but I do follow him.
723
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:18,880
Of course not.
724
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,880
Have you got posted to my room?
725
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:22,880
I'm sure I can see a post dropping at the back.
726
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,880
Might be Garibarl.
727
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,880
My room used to be filled with Garibarl.
728
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:40,880
But yeah, so, but find him on tic-tac if you can, or even on Facebook, Simon Sinick, because he has these nuggets, which are just, that is exactly how everybody should be.
729
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:41,880
Yeah.
730
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:51,880
But it's definitely, and like I say, the people that I'm about with now in the business thing, the whole point of what we do is somebody comes with a problem.
731
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:59,880
We are not allowed to tell them how to fix it until we have asked questions.
732
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:04,880
So somebody comes with a problem and you have to ask questions.
733
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:07,880
So how did things like, what have you tried?
734
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:08,880
Have you tried that?
735
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:09,880
Have you done this?
736
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,880
How did that make you feel?
737
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:20,880
And that's sometimes just a way to get somebody's mind away from the depth of mud they're in.
738
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:21,880
Yeah.
739
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:22,880
Do you know what I mean?
740
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:28,880
So it's just engaging the brain and thinking about the situation, not thinking about fixing it.
741
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:29,880
Yeah.
742
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:30,880
Just thinking about the situation.
743
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:31,880
So I love that.
744
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:33,880
I love that sort of way.
745
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:45,880
And as an English teacher, you do that anyway as part of active listening and directional questioning, where it should be, somebody comes to you with a problem.
746
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,880
Don't just tell them what to do, because you don't know what they've already done.
747
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:49,880
Exactly.
748
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:52,880
You don't know what solution is going to fix them.
749
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:54,880
You don't know what solution they need.
750
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:55,880
Yeah.
751
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,880
Don't just think, I'll do that.
752
00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:58,880
Yeah.
753
00:42:58,880 --> 00:42:59,880
Exactly.
754
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:05,880
And then it becomes so infuriating when they're saying, do this, do that, do that, and you think I've done all of that.
755
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:10,880
And every time I keep saying to you, I've done it, then you give me something else that I've done.
756
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:11,880
Yeah.
757
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:16,880
And now I just feel like you're just, I don't know, picking at me.
758
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:17,880
Yes.
759
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:19,880
You say, ask me the questions.
760
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:20,880
I'll tell you what I've done.
761
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:21,880
And then give me a...
762
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:22,880
Yeah.
763
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:23,880
...what to answer.
764
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,880
Or no, or.
765
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:27,880
It's okay if you don't know what to say.
766
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:28,880
Yeah.
767
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,880
It's absolutely okay if you don't know how to fix it.
768
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:32,880
It is fine.
769
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:41,880
I mean, you know, when somebody loses a parent or when somebody loses their partner, what on earth do you think you can say...
770
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:42,880
Yeah.
771
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:44,880
...to make that situation better?
772
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:45,880
Nothing.
773
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:46,880
And that's okay?
774
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:47,880
Yeah.
775
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:49,880
Just sitting in the bloody mud, William.
776
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:50,880
And that's it.
777
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:56,880
At times like that, how many times do we hear that people don't go near you because they don't know what to say?
778
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:57,880
Yeah.
779
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,880
You're not expected to say anything, just be there.
780
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:01,880
Yeah.
781
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,880
Turn up and say, I don't know what to say.
782
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:04,880
Yeah.
783
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:07,880
And that's as helpful as you can be.
784
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:08,880
Yeah.
785
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:09,880
Just be there.
786
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:11,880
Be normal with me, please.
787
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:12,880
Yeah.
788
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:13,880
Just be normal.
789
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:14,880
Have a cup of tea and be normal.
790
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,880
Let's talk about some shit or let's just watch some crap on telly and sit with me.
791
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:19,880
Yeah.
792
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,880
You know, and like you say, people do, they stay clear, don't they?
793
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:23,880
Yeah.
794
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:24,880
You do?
795
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:25,880
No.
796
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:29,880
It is, it's, God, we're complicated humans, aren't we?
797
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,880
We absolutely are.
798
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:32,880
We are, but when...
799
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:33,880
Please, friend.
800
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:34,880
Sorry, come.
801
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:38,880
I think I was about to agree with you about whatever you were about to say.
802
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:45,880
We are, but if you are giving time to that person, it's not actually that complicated,
803
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:46,880
is it?
804
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:47,880
No, it's not.
805
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:53,880
And I was about to say, we are complicated, but look how amazing we are because our body
806
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:58,880
tells us time after time that we need things before we even know we need it.
807
00:44:58,880 --> 00:44:59,880
Yeah.
808
00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:00,880
Yeah.
809
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:01,880
Yeah.
810
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,880
I call it stop looking, listen.
811
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,880
Do you remember that program?
812
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:06,880
Yeah, I do.
813
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:07,880
You know?
814
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:08,880
Showing our age.
815
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:09,880
Oh, I know.
816
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:14,880
I know I put it out on LinkedIn a while ago and some of my friends are like, that's that.
817
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:17,880
It's that off, you were born in too late.
818
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,880
So I call it stop looking, listen.
819
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:21,880
Stop.
820
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:22,880
Stop what you're doing.
821
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:24,880
I'm bloody hamster wheel.
822
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:30,120
And when people say, oh, I haven't got time, I tell you now, there will be a time in two
823
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:34,880
weeks that you categorically know you can take an afternoon off or a morning off or
824
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:38,880
two hours, whatever, you know, in two weeks, there'll be a time you can do that.
825
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:39,880
So book that out.
826
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:40,880
Don't touch it.
827
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:41,880
And just stop.
828
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:47,880
Go somewhere where there is quiet, go sit in a chair somewhere, go and have a coffee,
829
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:48,880
whatever.
830
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:53,720
Look at where you are, what you're doing, what you want to do and listen to your gut,
831
00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:54,720
listen to your heart.
832
00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:55,720
Yeah.
833
00:45:55,720 --> 00:45:59,180
Because again, this is a Simon Sinek thing where he goes into the biology of what the
834
00:45:59,180 --> 00:46:00,720
gut is and it's not your gut.
835
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:03,880
It's part of the limb, part of the brain anyway.
836
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:04,880
Yes.
837
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:06,880
It's the, so the three brains, isn't there?
838
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:07,880
Yes.
839
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,880
Head brain, your heart brain and your gut brain.
840
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:11,880
Yeah.
841
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:18,560
And, and he says that part of the brain is where all decisions are made, but it has no
842
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,280
power of communication.
843
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:27,200
So that part of the brain is where the true decision is made in your gut, but the part
844
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:34,360
of the brain that actually acts on the decision is the part that wants instant gratification.
845
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:38,880
So that's listening to your gut, listening to your gut.
846
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:39,880
Yeah.
847
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:40,880
Because it's right.
848
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:44,000
I'm an M bit coach and that is what that's all about.
849
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:45,920
So it's three brains.
850
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,920
It's your head brain, your gut brain and your heart brain.
851
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:52,480
And I was trained in it probably last year.
852
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:54,600
I've not used all that stuff.
853
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:55,600
Pardon?
854
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:56,920
I love all that stuff.
855
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:59,600
I think it's absolutely amazing.
856
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:03,800
And it's about talking to the different brains and seeing what they need.
857
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,880
And I think your gut brain talks about your identity.
858
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:07,880
Yeah.
859
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:11,880
So you know when you're doing something and suddenly you have this feeling in your gut
860
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:16,280
and it's like, oh, I don't like that, then that's around what is going on for you in
861
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:17,760
your identity wise.
862
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:25,720
There's other reasons as well, but it's mainly about how it makes you personally feel.
863
00:47:25,720 --> 00:47:27,880
That makes so much sense, doesn't it?
864
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:28,880
Yeah.
865
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:29,880
Feel it in your gut.
866
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:34,400
I wonder if that's why when we get older, we listen to our gut a bit more because we
867
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,600
know our identity a bit better.
868
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:37,600
Yeah.
869
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:38,600
And our values.
870
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:40,600
I mean, I'm a stickler for values.
871
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:41,600
Yeah.
872
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:45,640
And that's why I was drawn to you with your thing because I think values are a big thing.
873
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:46,640
Absolutely.
874
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:51,760
I think if you share values with somebody, you kind of drawn to them.
875
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:52,760
Yes.
876
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:57,720
But yeah, and that's kind of how I like to choose to spend my time now is with people
877
00:47:57,720 --> 00:47:58,960
who share my values.
878
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:05,080
But I haven't spent time with somebody anymore.
879
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:09,080
And you know, that's again, boundaries so important.
880
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:14,120
I started, I think before we started talking, I was telling you about how I'd bought my
881
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:19,320
podcasting mic in January because I'm going to be broadcasting and then I put it away.
882
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:22,000
What I also decided at New Year was boundaries.
883
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,720
That is my word of the year.
884
00:48:24,720 --> 00:48:27,400
And I love boundaries now.
885
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:31,560
I'm just popping out boundaries left, right and centre.
886
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,680
It makes it a lot easier.
887
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:38,960
So when you put your first boundary in, did you find that the response wasn't as
888
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,160
negative as you thought it was going to be?
889
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,680
So that's why you came up with more boundaries.
890
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:45,080
No.
891
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:54,880
So I put the boundaries in and the boundaries have been the people don't like the boundaries.
892
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:56,520
But that speaks volumes.
893
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:57,520
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
894
00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:58,520
Exactly.
895
00:48:58,520 --> 00:48:59,520
Yeah.
896
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,720
Because if you don't like the boundaries, you're not my person.
897
00:49:02,720 --> 00:49:03,720
Exactly that.
898
00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:04,720
Exactly that.
899
00:49:04,720 --> 00:49:05,720
And it's...
900
00:49:05,720 --> 00:49:06,720
It whittles them out, doesn't it?
901
00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:07,720
Whittles out.
902
00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:08,720
Yeah.
903
00:49:08,720 --> 00:49:11,320
And it's saying, I don't want that.
904
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:12,320
I don't like that.
905
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:13,320
I'm not having it.
906
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:14,960
I'm not prepared to.
907
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:19,720
And they kind of push back on it because that's how they are.
908
00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:20,720
Yeah.
909
00:49:20,720 --> 00:49:26,320
So they still want to be close to you or near to you, but they don't know how to, like you've
910
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:31,320
said, actually change that or not make it as difficult.
911
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:32,320
Yeah.
912
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:33,320
And I'm the problem.
913
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:36,440
Well, I'm all right with that.
914
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:37,440
Exactly.
915
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:42,640
And why is it that we only realise that when we get older?
916
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:43,640
Exactly.
917
00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:44,640
I hate that.
918
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:47,840
It's like, why couldn't you have taught me this when I was 20?
919
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:53,560
I do try telling my nephew's 21 and the other one's about to be 18.
920
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:58,560
And my stepdaughter is 22 this week.
921
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:01,040
And they all have really good heads on their shoulder.
922
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:06,840
And I do constantly tell them, I mean, I've been my stepdaughter's stepmom since she was
923
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:07,840
five.
924
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:12,320
And her mom's an amazing, strong woman as well.
925
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:15,080
So she's got a really good head on her shoulders.
926
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:21,680
And I remember when she was being bullied at school, high school, and she just said,
927
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:22,680
not bothered.
928
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:23,680
Not bothered.
929
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:24,840
They're obviously just not very nice people.
930
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:25,840
Oh.
931
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:27,840
They're the people that I find nice.
932
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:28,840
Oh, God.
933
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:29,840
Yeah.
934
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:30,840
How fantastic.
935
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:31,840
I was being an amazingly healthy human.
936
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:35,240
She did go through a bit of a blip, to be honest, when she was 18, 19.
937
00:50:35,240 --> 00:50:39,440
It was a very dark time, but that was not as a dark.
938
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:44,640
But there's hope in the future generation, I think.
939
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:45,640
Absolutely.
940
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:50,160
I think that, I'm going to smoke up my own ass, but when there's people like those around
941
00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:57,480
and my sister and my stepdaughter's mom, when there's women like that around especially,
942
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:02,680
because that's who I think children listen to more.
943
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:07,280
When they're younger, they possibly listen to their, look at what their dad's doing,
944
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:10,600
but they actually respect their mom's a lot.
945
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:11,600
Their mom.
946
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:12,600
Yeah.
947
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:19,840
And I think they can see themselves in their mom, or they can see what mom's been through.
948
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:21,600
That's exactly what's happened.
949
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:25,560
That is exactly what's happened, especially with Manifews.
950
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:31,280
They've just realised, and because she's given them the space to realise she's not
951
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:34,920
like pressed it on them, she's just given them unconditional love.
952
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:37,240
She's given them utter support.
953
00:51:37,240 --> 00:51:42,720
They've got an amazing network of support around them.
954
00:51:42,720 --> 00:51:48,240
Because of that, they've come to the realisation themselves, in which case they believe it.
955
00:51:48,240 --> 00:51:51,320
Not somebody's told them this has happened in the life, whatever.
956
00:51:51,320 --> 00:52:00,000
They actually completely believe it with the heart, and it's just made more of a stronger
957
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:01,000
relationship.
958
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:02,000
Same with my stepdaughter.
959
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:08,840
I've not been with her dad for, gosh, six years now, and we're still incredibly close.
960
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:09,840
Absolutely.
961
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:10,840
Yes.
962
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:11,840
So nice.
963
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:12,840
It's a beautiful feature.
964
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:13,840
Yeah.
965
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:17,960
I feel like we've absolutely got a second part to this podcast.
966
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,160
Oh my God, it's 11 o'clock.
967
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:22,560
Oh my God, I was meant to be somewhere.
968
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:23,560
Oh, sorry.
969
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:25,080
I'm calling you back.
970
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:27,560
Right, well, I've had such a lovely time.
971
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:29,400
Honestly, I could turn her away.
972
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:30,400
No, I haven't.
973
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:36,360
Well, no, don't be apologising, because we've talked about the strength that you've had
974
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:37,360
to get through.
975
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:38,880
In fact, we've talked about both of our strengths.
976
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:43,480
It's been just been a really nice chat about life.
977
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:49,080
So I would love it if you'd come back and be a guest again, just to say, right, that's
978
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:51,040
what I went through.
979
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:55,080
This is how I've, the resilience that I've shown and where.
980
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:56,080
Would you do that?
981
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:57,560
Oh yeah, lovely.
982
00:52:57,560 --> 00:53:00,560
And I think because we are quite close, we can rendezvous.
983
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:02,720
Absolutely, that would be fab.
984
00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:04,080
We can have that coffee.
985
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:09,040
It might be a silent podcast and just know we started together after the brew.
986
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:10,040
Yeah.
987
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:11,040
Yeah.
988
00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:14,120
Thank you so very much, Lucy.
989
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:17,840
It's been absolutely brilliant talking to you.
990
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:18,840
I love it.
991
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:24,040
And if I could do this more, I've no idea how to do that, but I love it.
992
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:25,040
Absolutely.
993
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:28,040
So, we'll do the next one and I'll show you how to do it.
994
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:29,040
Brilliant.
995
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:30,040
Thank you very much.
996
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:32,720
Lovely to chat with you and I will see you soon.
997
00:53:32,720 --> 00:53:33,720
You will do.
998
00:53:33,720 --> 00:53:34,720
Thank you.
999
00:53:34,720 --> 00:53:35,720
See you.
1000
00:53:35,720 --> 00:53:37,720
Thank you for listening.
1001
00:53:37,720 --> 00:53:42,520
I hope you enjoy listening to the episode and learn some tips on how to manage your
1002
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,920
emotions in a healthy way.
1003
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:49,600
If you've been affected by anything in the podcast or if you want to share your feedback
1004
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:56,640
or questions, please email Claire at AngerManagementCoach.co.uk.
1005
00:53:56,640 --> 00:54:02,720
Thank you for listening and do remember you have the power to calm your emotions and communicate
1006
00:54:02,720 --> 00:54:19,760
effectively.