Why Being Nice Isn’t Enough to Earn Trust | Episode #180

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So if you're really trustworthy, people will be more confident recommending you and bringing you in.
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And if you're not as trustworthy, it's just going to be like more crickets for you.
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And you're like, do people hate me?
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No, they don't hate you.
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They just know you don't come through nearly as much as you could.
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So first, what is trust?
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We have to answer that question because becoming worthy of it means we have to realize what it is.
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Trust can be defined in a bunch of ways.
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One of the definitions I like is trust being a tendency to be willing to put something important partly in another person's hands.
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Your time, your money, your safety, big one, your reputation, or super hard-hitting one, your feelings.
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And it's very different than having a favorable opinion of someone.
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You could think someone's really cool, but not trustworthy.
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And you could think they're trustworthy in some domain, but not so trustworthy in another domain.
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For example, you can think that trusting someone with your very deep emotional secrets is totally fine,
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But you also know they're the kind of person that like if you're like, hey, can you pick me up at the airport at 3 p.m.?
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I have an interview at 4.
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I really need to get to right after.
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Then, no, you don't have them do that because they're not so good with their time and stuff.
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But they're very good with not revealing people's secrets, right?
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So trust is a spectrum.
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People are more and less trustworthy.
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Nobody's perfect.
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And also trust has components in it of like specific domains in which you can trust or not trust, trust someone more or trust someone less.
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The three core questions you could ask for trust is, if I am to be highly trusted, can I do the thing I'm being trusted to do?
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Do I care about the interests of the people that I am representing with trust?
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And do I have integrity to be trusted?
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And trust is very, very different than intentions.
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Good intentions without competence and competence without good intentions both leave gaps.
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Huge gaps.
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Deep trust in some sense concerns kind of unscripted moments.
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Like when you didn't make an explicit rule for a certain situation, and it's not a situation that's maybe even so regular that you can make rules for it, will you be the kind of person –
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that people trust to make the best decision in their interests in that situation, even when things changed.
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And if you wanna be trusted, becoming trustworthy is key.
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What do I mean by that?
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Everybody wants to be trusted, I guess, sort of.
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To me, it was never a thing that was big on me.
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I never had this desperate need to be trusted or something, but I guess it makes sense.
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It makes a ton of sense.
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You want to be trusted.
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You sure as shit don't want to be not trusted.
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That would be really frustrating.
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But if you want to be trusted, you have to demonstrate the value of a person that can be trusted to become trustworthy.
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Because everyone sort of wants to be trusted, but not everyone is sufficiently trustworthy for that to make sense.
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The analogy here is like,
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You can want some sex for yourself.
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I want to get laid.
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But the analogy of sex and trust is the analogy of trustworthiness to sexual attractiveness.
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Like you can want sex, but are you attractive enough to receive it?
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You can want trust, but are you trustworthy enough to receive the trust that you want?
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And sexual attraction is situation-specific, person-specific, and on a spectrum, just like trust.
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Now, all this talk about trust, I can't leave aside the asking and answer to the question of like, why is trust?
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What is trust?
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Why is it required?
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What is it about game theoretics and evolutionary psychology that even gave us a trust emotion to begin with?
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The reasoning here is that cooperation creates possibilities that just going by yourself cannot allow.
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So cooperation potentially upscales your ability to affect the world and survive and thrive and prosper way more than doing stuff by yourself.
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Cooperation is the thing that led to multicellular organisms and the thing to led to society and civilization and the grocery stores and the police and indoor plumbing.
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It's all cooperation based.
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So it's huge.
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But the tendency to want to cooperate also opens the door to would-be exploiters.
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And trust helps answer the question of, can we benefit each other in a cooperative entanglement without one of us becoming a sucker and one of us becoming an exploiter?
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Although, Dylan, I'll have to say, exploiter versus sucker is absolutely my top three Pornhub searches.
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How would I know that's exactly where that was going?
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Because you're also a pervert.
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You need help.
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True.
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Very true.
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Have you been seeing your therapist about your perversions, Dylan?
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You know, I kind of missed the last 20 sessions.
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Sounds like you're not as trustworthy.
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I missed my therapy sessions.
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I was on adult film sites instead.
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Now, the thing with trust is that it works on the game theoretic idea of a repeated interaction.
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Repeated interactions change incentives because you know you're going to be interacting multiple times with another agent, with another human, with another anything that can or can't be trusted to some degree.
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And it knows that too.
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If you just do something once and you're fucking amoral, you can screw people over all you want.
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But imagine that you're regularly asked to interact with a certain person and you screw them over the first time.
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What is the nature of the interaction going to be like later?
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It's going to be bad.
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They're going to be recalcitrant.
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They're going to stay away from you.
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If you're going to want interaction, they're going to have to charge you a high price just in case you screw them over.
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There's a reason that payday loans in not so nice parts of neighborhoods are like 30 or 40% interest.
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It's because they think you're just going to run away with the money like a third of the time and they have to cover their bases, not high trust.
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And so exploiting someone today is dope, but if they're around all the time and there's a cooperative thing available, you have to show them somehow you are not the kind of person that is going to be ever exploiting them.
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You can win the encounter and lose the relationship.
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You don't want to do that.
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So reputation...
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That agent and other agents knowing about you, are you the kind of person that screws people over or are you the kind of person that will just do the right thing?
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Because if they think you're the former, nobody's going to want to interact with you and you will not benefit from cooperation, which is massive.
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You're going to be a little amoeba by yourself while entire human bodies are changing the ecosystem.
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You're like, ah, shit, I should have worked with someone.
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If you are very trustworthy, people will work with you all the time.
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All the time.
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One of the most trustworthy institutions we have today is the modern bank, the modern corporate bank.
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Dylan, do you ever give a ton of your money to Bank of America or Chase Manhattan Bank or any of that stuff and think, man, I sure hope that doesn't just disappear.
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Dylan Lewis, Jr.: Unfortunately or fortunately, it does not cross my mind when I get to that.
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Dylan Lewis, Jr.: It does not cross your mind.
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Talk about high trust.
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The bank somehow earned your trust.
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Even though if you think about it like the motherfucker, they got billions of dollars of people's money, bro.
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The CEOs of the bank could just be like, let's split this and bounce.
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Doesn't work like that.
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If we have elements of our society that work like that, they quickly become not elements of our society, be it then getting deported or put into jail.
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Now, trust is a spectrum.
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More or less reasons to rely on me is trustworthiness, not am I a saint or a villain.
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You do not need to become perfect to become more dependable.
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And you don't need to be perfect to become more than sufficiently dependable for normal transactions.
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When you go out into the world and you meet strangers in any capacity, that doesn't, that means they're unproven.
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It doesn't mean they're not trustworthy and it doesn't mean they're trustworthy.
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A stranger hasn't earned your deep trust, but missing evidence is not proof of bad character.
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So you can't actually dependably say, well, I don't trust that person.
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It's true to say that you don't yet trust them, but you probably trust them a little bit right offhand.
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Like if somebody is just walking around at a gas station and you have your car parked and getting gas, you probably don't think they're going to run in and try to steal your car right away.
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So you trust them a little bit not to do that in your average neighborhood.
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But that doesn't also mean that you're going to give them responsibility for your child if you were to cease existing and the child needs care.
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Very different levels.
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Next, on the idea of trust, look at reliability when it costs something.
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That's a big test of trust.
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when it costs the person something to maintain the trust, not when everyone's interests align.
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If everyone interests align perfectly, you don't really need trust as much, which is actually one of the amazing benefits of free markets.
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Is that like, you know, it's more beneficial for you to make this money with me, and so it is for me, and so we could trust each other, but really like, it's nice, but it would just be irrational for you to violate the trust.
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But when there are short-term benefits to you violating trust, long-term costs,
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That's when we know if you're trustworthy or not.
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So as a human, if you want to show your friends, your colleagues that you're trustworthy, if you can skip out on opportunities to talk smack about them behind their back when everyone's doing it, and then later on they find out like, actually, you know, like Kevin wasn't talking smack about you.
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Everyone else was, but he was just like, kind of kept to himself and he kind of looked like, oh, this isn't great.
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That person who hears about Kevin, their soon-to-be friend, is going to be like, damn, dude, Kevin's the bomb.
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Like, he could have easily got in there and chat on me.
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It was super easy.
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Everyone was doing it, but he didn't.
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Like, hmm, interesting, very interesting.
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I guess him and I are closer than I thought.
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If you screw up and somebody's trust in you decays to some extent, there's a difference between asking for forgiveness and asking for all the trust back.
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We'll get to this more later and in other videos, but if you break somebody's trust, depending on how bad it is, if it's bad enough, they'll just write you off as well.
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They should.
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But if it's moderate or mild, what you can do is get forgiveness right up front.
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Like, dude, no big deal.
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We all fuck up.
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That's awesome.
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But don't you dare expect that they trust you the same.
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You'll have to earn that back.
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And the only way to do it is action.
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Okay.
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And you want to aim for deserve trust, not unlimited trust.
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Aiming for unlimited trust is really like, oh, I don't know, borderline personality disorder kind of trait.
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Like if someone's like, hey, can you pick me up at the airport at 3 p.m. in three days?
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You're like, you shouldn't rely on me for that.
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You know, I'm not good for that kind of stuff.
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That is awesome as a limiter to trust.
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You know, to be like, of course, you can rely on me for anything.
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That gets weird.
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That gets weird unless you're in a very, very like super serious, super lifelong relationship or something.
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All right, so that's kind of the dynamics of trust.
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Now, let's talk about what higher trust gets you.
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If you are more trustworthy, what does that get you potentially?
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Because you could be like, well, yeah, but whatever, like trust isn't a big deal.
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It is.
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If you're more trustworthy, that gives you the ability to get more opportunities people can comfortably involve you in.
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In some sense, every recommendation asks someone else to stake some of the reputation on your behavior.
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So if someone's like, hey, should I invite you to this party or give you an opportunity to do this job or anything else of that nature?
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The person recommending you, their reputation is tied to yours because if you recommend somebody, I've recommended people before for stuff.
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And they really let down the recommendation.
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They didn't come through.
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That absolutely affected my reputation, not majorly, but a little bit like, hey, does Mike know that one guy?
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Like, uh-huh.
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Does Mike say he's cool?
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Uh-huh.
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Before that incident, it would have been like, cool.
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All right, that's good.
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Now it's like, yeah, but Mike, sometimes the people he recommends are kind of just like kind of fall through.
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Here's another thing.
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High trust gets you a ton of freedom and responsibility.
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If you're a child and you're 12 or 13 years old and your mom and dad had to leave you for a few hours and then a few hours more and then once overnight, you're not going
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In order – because they had like really crazy business.
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Grandma had a medical emergency four hours away.
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They had to drive.
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They had to tell you, hey, we got to stay with grandma for a bit.
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And they come back.
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Nothing's a mess.
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You actually cleaned up a little bit.
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You did all your homework and you were in bed a certain time that was really awesome.
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You do that a couple of times and all of a sudden your parents are like, hey, we're going to leave for like three days.
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You're good, right?
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And you're like, yeah.
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Like, you're not scared?
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You're like, no, I love it.
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They're like, mom and dad, hold on.
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How do you guys trust me with this?
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Like, well, every time we leave you, you've been pristine.
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So now you get more responsibility to take care of the household while we're gone.
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Here's all the, you know.
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Dylan, what's the standard way of leaving a young child?
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You kick over a bag of dry dog food and open up the toilet bowl.
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Yeah, sounds about right.
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You got everything you need.
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On a serious note, though, this extends to work.
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It extends to everything.
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If you have a boss that's really kind of hands-on, but you just come through for him when he's too busy and really do what he asked, he's going to be like, well, shit.
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Yeah, but do your job that you think is great because I don't even need to tell you anymore all these specifics.
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You get more freedom.
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You get more responsibility because you're trustworthy.
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There is an absolute thing in the corporate world I want to tell you guys about.
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It is one of the most important lessons I can teach anybody ever about career success, which I've had a little bit of myself.
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We can all do better.
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Here it is.
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There are two indices on which you are rated at work.
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Index one is capability, how good you are at stuff.
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Index two is reliability, reliability.
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If we give you any amount of stuff to do, what is the probability that you'll just do it and we don't have to double and triple check and you won't miss?
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I wanna tell you something unbelievably important about this two index scale.
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Capability is very important, but almost everywhere, and in almost every case, and almost always, pales in comparison to the value
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of your reliability, of the trustworthiness we could have in you as a boss to an employee.
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What I need as an operator who asks other people in my corporation to do things on our behalf of the team.
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is I need to know your level of capability.
215
00:15:57.211 --> 00:16:00.252
Notice I didn't say I need your capability to be astronomically high.
216
00:16:01.072 --> 00:16:05.874
And then I need to know at what level of capability is your trustworthiness essentially 100%.
217
00:16:06.654 --> 00:16:20.039
For example, if I have someone on my team who could do only clerical work really, organizational work, really easy stuff, checklists and scheduling, stuff like that, cognitively easy.
218
00:16:21.518 --> 00:16:24.561
But they have 100% reliability in getting it done.
219
00:16:24.962 --> 00:16:34.531
They have a fucking job with me and with every other relatively successful person who employs other people because I know you're going to be able to do it.
220
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I need done jobs.
221
00:16:36.734 --> 00:16:37.675
I don't need promises.
222
00:16:39.036 --> 00:16:54.030
If you, on the other hand, are insanely high capability, your raw IQ is massive, you're an innovator, but a bunch of the stuff you say you're gonna do, you falter and don't do on time or don't do at all, I gotta be completely honest with you, bro, I might not have a place for you at my corporation or on my team.
223
00:16:55.191 --> 00:16:57.393
Like, because what would your place be?
224
00:16:57.693 --> 00:16:58.674
Well, I could do X, Y, Z.
225
00:16:58.694 --> 00:16:59.735
Like, can you though?
226
00:16:59.975 --> 00:17:00.736
Because you don't.
227
00:17:01.837 --> 00:17:02.998
That is massive.
228
00:17:03.698 --> 00:17:04.959
Because there's lots of people
229
00:17:05.895 --> 00:17:11.561
looking around the world, finding themselves to be like, look, I'm not like a software engineer level of smart.
230
00:17:11.941 --> 00:17:18.047
Like, isn't that the only thing that like AI's here and aren't we all supposed to be super smart or we're getting out of a job?
231
00:17:18.527 --> 00:17:20.729
Fuck no, no, God no.
232
00:17:20.769 --> 00:17:27.056
As a matter of fact, just within the next two years, AI will get so much smarter than all of us in the cloud.
233
00:17:28.207 --> 00:17:34.274
And it is going to be a big part of our society as a cooperator, AI with humanity, to build the best future for all of us.
234
00:17:35.315 --> 00:17:40.601
And the AI is going to be able to tell you so much about what it would like for you to do to help everyone forward.
235
00:17:40.942 --> 00:17:46.969
Like whatever company, whatever thing you work for, the AI is going to be your number one thing that gives you wisdom about what to do.
236
00:17:48.174 --> 00:17:53.118
And whatever capability you have, AI can fill in that slot of capability and be like, okay, you can do this.
237
00:17:53.498 --> 00:17:55.160
I ask you to do this in this way.
238
00:17:55.980 --> 00:18:06.469
But if you're not reliable, AI is going to have very little for you to do because you're like, well, I could ask you to go fix this knob in a data center, but I don't think you're going to show up.
239
00:18:07.650 --> 00:18:09.231
It's really just turning a screwdriver.
240
00:18:09.591 --> 00:18:10.952
I can tell you exactly how to do it.
241
00:18:11.113 --> 00:18:12.734
I'd pay you a lot of money to do it regularly.
242
00:18:12.774 --> 00:18:17.758
But if you wake up and you're still drunk and you don't show up to work, it's tough.
243
00:18:19.865 --> 00:18:24.787
dependability, reliability, trustworthiness is more important than capability.
244
00:18:25.368 --> 00:18:27.809
Dylan, I'm going to make the ultimate connection here.
245
00:18:28.329 --> 00:18:34.972
If I have a working animal, like a dog that reliably does what I want, it is more valuable to me than an unreliable human.
246
00:18:36.853 --> 00:18:37.413
Yeah, I can see that.
247
00:18:37.593 --> 00:18:37.773
Right?
248
00:18:37.793 --> 00:18:38.254
Yeah.
249
00:18:38.294 --> 00:18:38.814
And it's like, what?
250
00:18:39.114 --> 00:18:39.574
You're kidding.
251
00:18:39.594 --> 00:18:41.795
Like a dog is like a hundredth the intelligence of a human.
252
00:18:41.835 --> 00:18:43.616
You go, your intelligence is all really nice and all.
253
00:18:43.676 --> 00:18:47.518
If I can't reliably count on you to do it, I got none for you.
254
00:18:47.778 --> 00:18:49.419
That's the power of trustworthiness.
255
00:18:50.794 --> 00:18:53.696
Of course, another one is to facilitate deeper relationships.
256
00:18:54.616 --> 00:18:58.418
People can invest a lot more in their shared future with you when you're a reliable, trustworthy person.
257
00:18:59.358 --> 00:19:03.140
If you're not trustworthy, it's not going to be a whole lot of that happening.
258
00:19:03.160 --> 00:19:04.901
And if it does, that person's making a mistake.
259
00:19:08.183 --> 00:19:15.207
Another thing is people will have plans, either in work or in social or in relational.
260
00:19:16.968 --> 00:19:19.289
If you're a reliable person, if you're trustworthy,
261
00:19:20.390 --> 00:19:23.571
They can build commitments around your saying, yes, I'm good to go on this.
262
00:19:24.731 --> 00:19:29.872
And they get away from hoping it'll happen and get away into knowing it will happen.
263
00:19:29.892 --> 00:19:31.712
And that's huge because you get included in more stuff.
264
00:19:33.792 --> 00:19:39.253
And if you're trustworthy enough, other people find out about it, which boosts your reputation.
265
00:19:39.293 --> 00:19:41.874
And your reputation works on your behalf when you're not even around.
266
00:19:42.534 --> 00:19:45.054
People talk and they go, hey, is Frank trustworthy?
267
00:19:45.074 --> 00:19:46.054
Like, yeah, Frank's the man.
268
00:19:46.074 --> 00:19:46.854
You want something done.
269
00:19:46.894 --> 00:19:47.595
Frank will do it.
270
00:19:48.195 --> 00:19:50.175
He doesn't yap about secrets, all that stuff.
271
00:19:52.023 --> 00:20:02.409
And one of the most important things that high trust gets you, being very trustworthy, is in some sense a concrete foundation for self-respect.
272
00:20:05.671 --> 00:20:15.257
Because if you're trustworthy, you can have a lot of self-respect that makes sense, because trust is to be respected.
273
00:20:16.057 --> 00:20:18.979
But if you're not trustworthy, even if you're very capable,
274
00:20:20.920 --> 00:20:22.861
that puts a real cap on your self-respect.
275
00:20:24.261 --> 00:20:32.425
Breaking people's trust, you can still think of yourself as capable and cool and valuable, but self-respect is going to be really hard.
276
00:20:33.245 --> 00:20:38.207
So maybe in some sense, one of the people that you owe being trustworthy to the most is you.
277
00:20:39.528 --> 00:20:50.352
If you know you're trustworthy, even though no one's given you a chance yet, you're going to sleep a lot better at night than knowing you're the kind of person that screws people over, be it by careless accident or by nefarious intent.
278
00:20:52.010 --> 00:20:56.593
And speaking of nefarious intent, let's ask and answer the question of what does lower trust get you?
279
00:20:57.574 --> 00:21:01.296
If you are not as trustworthy as you could be, what does that get you?
280
00:21:01.716 --> 00:21:04.258
One of the things is kind of invisible exclusion.
281
00:21:06.139 --> 00:21:08.801
People don't invite you to work things.
282
00:21:08.841 --> 00:21:10.482
They don't give you job opportunities.
283
00:21:11.303 --> 00:21:13.564
They don't give you friendship opportunities.
284
00:21:15.045 --> 00:21:17.627
There's like you love gossip.
285
00:21:18.524 --> 00:21:21.785
And one of your friends is like, oh, my God, I'm going to break up with Kevin.
286
00:21:21.985 --> 00:21:24.106
Like, everyone needs to get here now and give me advice.
287
00:21:26.206 --> 00:21:30.288
And you find out about this later that there was a powwow with five of your best friends.
288
00:21:30.328 --> 00:21:32.348
And this person was also a great friend.
289
00:21:32.848 --> 00:21:33.489
You weren't there.
290
00:21:34.169 --> 00:21:34.489
Why?
291
00:21:35.129 --> 00:21:39.170
Because she doesn't think you can keep your mouth shut long enough to not tell Kevin or other people.
292
00:21:39.450 --> 00:21:40.691
You're a gossipy motherfucker.
293
00:21:41.471 --> 00:21:42.391
You're not trustworthy.
294
00:21:42.851 --> 00:21:44.412
You find out later you weren't even there.
295
00:21:45.555 --> 00:21:50.148
You find out that one of your colleagues got the big promotion to go to Dallas and make the big pitch for the company.
296
00:21:50.208 --> 00:21:50.609
You didn't.
297
00:21:52.220 --> 00:21:52.480
Why?
298
00:21:52.520 --> 00:21:53.461
You weren't even consulted.
299
00:21:53.561 --> 00:21:59.285
Well, last time they tried to get you to go on a big trip, you had to cancel the day before because of whatever it had to do.
300
00:21:59.985 --> 00:22:01.326
So they lost trust in you.
301
00:22:02.027 --> 00:22:11.033
And so visible exclusion is really great for like movies and drama like you can't sit with us or I gave Zach the promotion and he's going to Dallas.
302
00:22:11.113 --> 00:22:12.494
Like that probably just won't happen.
303
00:22:13.134 --> 00:22:14.255
Stuff just won't happen.
304
00:22:14.295 --> 00:22:15.936
People will stop connecting with you as much.
305
00:22:17.657 --> 00:22:19.839
The responsibility is never offered.
306
00:22:19.879 --> 00:22:21.460
The partnership is never even proposed.
307
00:22:23.519 --> 00:22:29.482
Next, being of low trust, being low in trustworthiness is a discount on your talents.
308
00:22:31.263 --> 00:22:36.346
He's brilliant, but we can't count on him is a perfectly coherent reason not to choose someone for the job.
309
00:22:36.386 --> 00:22:42.630
And the rant I just gave a little bit about super talented person is not reliable versus not so talented person that's really reliable.
310
00:22:42.990 --> 00:22:44.971
I mean, guys, there's not much more to say about that.
311
00:22:45.891 --> 00:22:51.695
I have worked with absolutely brilliant people that were unreliable, and I did not work with them for a very long time.
312
00:22:52.653 --> 00:22:58.075
And in my own phases and seasons of life, when I was being brilliant but unreliable, people chose not to work with me.
313
00:22:58.275 --> 00:23:02.077
And that's great because I wasn't worthy in remotely any sense.
314
00:23:04.258 --> 00:23:05.018
Another thing is this.
315
00:23:05.058 --> 00:23:12.081
If you value being your own boss and value making your own decisions, being not as trustworthy is going to give you the opposite of that.
316
00:23:12.241 --> 00:23:14.942
You're going to get more supervision and less discretion on choices.
317
00:23:15.242 --> 00:23:17.423
Why would we give you discretion, pimp, if we can't trust you?
318
00:23:17.463 --> 00:23:18.083
Holy shit.
319
00:23:20.142 --> 00:23:22.964
In relationships, less willingness to build a shared future.
320
00:23:24.284 --> 00:23:34.690
I've had many friends who are way better at the game than I ever was at, well, for lack of a better term, ethically seducing women.
321
00:23:34.870 --> 00:23:36.110
Ethically seducing women.
322
00:23:37.571 --> 00:23:48.437
But after a couple of hookups or a very short relationship, some of these friends of mine had the vast majority of girls break up with them.
323
00:23:51.096 --> 00:23:54.940
And I was always like, whoa, why?
324
00:23:55.060 --> 00:23:56.321
Like this guy's a great guy.
325
00:23:56.381 --> 00:23:57.122
He's amazing.
326
00:23:58.083 --> 00:24:00.605
He seduced this girl, but it wasn't she was like stepping down.
327
00:24:00.645 --> 00:24:03.488
He's absolutely on her level or higher of like general attractiveness.
328
00:24:03.508 --> 00:24:04.308
What's going on here?
329
00:24:05.329 --> 00:24:12.296
And then at some point I made the connection and realized like this person was in a phase of their life where they were shooting around all the whole field.
330
00:24:13.518 --> 00:24:23.367
And the woman with them for a few hangouts or even a few months recognized this is not a person that's trustworthy enough to put into a committed relationship box.
331
00:24:24.768 --> 00:24:26.049
And they didn't get put into that box.
332
00:24:26.510 --> 00:24:31.414
And some of these guys really wanted a long-term relationship and really suffered heartbreak after getting broken up with.
333
00:24:31.474 --> 00:24:36.219
But that's what you get for low trustworthiness because you'd be texting all these other hoes all the time.
334
00:24:36.259 --> 00:24:37.079
Now, when you're single –
335
00:24:37.960 --> 00:24:40.043
and you're playing the field, absolutely text the hoes.
336
00:24:40.183 --> 00:24:42.425
And the girls you're talking to be like, are you talking to anyone else?
337
00:24:42.465 --> 00:24:44.208
Yeah, girl, hell yeah, I am.
338
00:24:44.868 --> 00:24:54.039
But once you get into dating and exclusivity, any kind of like even tangential like, oh, just DMing for whatever can be okay.
339
00:24:54.900 --> 00:24:56.002
But can erode trust.
340
00:24:56.982 --> 00:24:59.744
And then people might just ethically just not want to be around you anymore.
341
00:24:59.765 --> 00:25:00.205
So you know what?
342
00:25:00.625 --> 00:25:03.688
I think there's an 80% chance that you really, really like me and this is going places.
343
00:25:03.788 --> 00:25:06.310
But I need 95 or above to get my heart broken.
344
00:25:06.390 --> 00:25:08.232
So two middle fingers, I'm out and she leaves.
345
00:25:08.833 --> 00:25:11.035
Damn, she looks good, Dylan, walking out, doesn't she?
346
00:25:11.195 --> 00:25:13.197
Wearing some kind of mini skirt or something.
347
00:25:13.217 --> 00:25:13.917
That ass hanging out.
348
00:25:14.398 --> 00:25:15.178
Sad to see her go.
349
00:25:15.278 --> 00:25:15.779
Dang it.
350
00:25:15.839 --> 00:25:16.880
I should have been more trustworthy.
351
00:25:16.900 --> 00:25:17.060
I'm not.
352
00:25:19.265 --> 00:25:27.492
If you have a deception incident where like you screw over someone's trust, you're going to suffer a massive potentially penalty of credibility.
353
00:25:29.873 --> 00:25:34.577
And if you try to fix it by doing a cover-up, it usually makes things a lot worse.
354
00:25:36.198 --> 00:25:40.141
Unfortunately, in the modern era, people can't tell cover-ups from like honest mistakes.
355
00:25:41.242 --> 00:25:48.528
So just defending yourself in any capacity on the internet, I've learned recently is like a bad idea because the people you're defending yourself to generally are bad faith anyway.
356
00:25:49.719 --> 00:25:55.023
But when you screw up, you either say, I did that, let's move on.
357
00:25:56.004 --> 00:25:57.465
Don't ever own anything you didn't do.
358
00:25:59.607 --> 00:26:09.315
Or if you screwed up bad in a way, because they're screwing up like oops, which is a totally different, totally different game than a nefarious screw.
359
00:26:09.375 --> 00:26:11.157
That's not a screw up, than a nefarious act.
360
00:26:12.062 --> 00:26:14.183
So that's actually trust goes both ways.
361
00:26:14.523 --> 00:26:15.723
There's a reliability trust.
362
00:26:15.743 --> 00:26:17.684
Like, dude, you said you were going to be here five minutes ago.
363
00:26:17.704 --> 00:26:18.985
Like, sorry, I got in traffic.
364
00:26:19.025 --> 00:26:26.087
Like, I don't think this person nefariously planned to make you stand outside of that place you just got interviewed for work for an extra 10 minutes in the rain.
365
00:26:26.507 --> 00:26:27.148
They just screwed up.
366
00:26:27.388 --> 00:26:28.288
That's a kind of trust.
367
00:26:29.068 --> 00:26:30.649
But then there's the nefarious kind of trust.
368
00:26:30.729 --> 00:26:36.691
If you do the nefarious kind of trust, the credibility penalty will be massive.
369
00:26:36.851 --> 00:26:38.572
Some people will never come back to your side.
370
00:26:42.670 --> 00:26:51.699
However, the only thing you can do, and we'll talk about this in a little bit, if you did do a bad thing, we all do bad things.
371
00:26:52.360 --> 00:26:59.227
You got to be watching out real carefully for the people that will tell you they've never done anything nefarious or in bad faith.
372
00:26:59.867 --> 00:27:05.453
You got to watch them like a fucking hawk because there's a real good chance they the worst ones.
373
00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:08.961
I've never sinned.
374
00:27:10.282 --> 00:27:11.082
I've sinned plenty.
375
00:27:11.543 --> 00:27:12.664
I probably will in the future.
376
00:27:12.784 --> 00:27:13.524
I'm imperfect.
377
00:27:14.065 --> 00:27:15.126
I'm trying my best.
378
00:27:15.266 --> 00:27:16.026
So are all of us.
379
00:27:16.827 --> 00:27:18.428
You will do bad things on occasion.
380
00:27:18.889 --> 00:27:19.970
Hopefully, they're not terrible.
381
00:27:21.091 --> 00:27:26.595
And you will suffer as well you should a decline in your reputation, which can come back.
382
00:27:27.336 --> 00:27:33.561
The only way to make a comeback is just continue to do good and own the fact that you've done bad before.
383
00:27:35.525 --> 00:27:45.734
I remember one time Huberman did some like bad mental math on some kind of shit and said a thing that wasn't technically true about how something was multiplicative instead of additive in like the health space.
384
00:27:45.954 --> 00:27:47.575
And people were like, ah, ah, ah.
385
00:27:48.416 --> 00:27:51.619
And at the end of the day, it was like, ah, you know, Huberman gets some shit wrong.
386
00:27:52.279 --> 00:27:53.040
Motherfucker.
387
00:27:53.821 --> 00:27:54.401
You, Mr.
388
00:27:54.461 --> 00:27:56.984
Commentator on Reddit, do you never get anything wrong?
389
00:27:57.144 --> 00:27:57.484
I got it.
390
00:27:58.860 --> 00:28:06.062
But if he continued to lean in and continued to make shitty recommendations and pretend like it never happened, that would be like incrementally worse and worse.
391
00:28:10.504 --> 00:28:15.865
There is a temptation sometimes to take the short win.
392
00:28:17.886 --> 00:28:24.628
And it's a temptation that you can run into in social circles.
393
00:28:26.713 --> 00:28:27.674
When things matter.
394
00:28:29.716 --> 00:28:32.238
Let me tell you a little quick example.
395
00:28:33.999 --> 00:28:38.543
This is just my local life example, but you have an analogy for this in your life, I promise you.
396
00:28:39.684 --> 00:28:43.808
Mine is meeting with and working with other big influencers and podcasters.
397
00:28:45.409 --> 00:28:50.574
Yours is probably more like meeting with friends and coworkers and colleagues and having those interactions.
398
00:28:50.594 --> 00:28:50.714
Okay.
399
00:28:53.325 --> 00:29:03.533
When I'm with other coworkers or when I'm with other podcasters, YouTubers, influencers, etc., before and after the interview, you're going to be doing some gossip.
400
00:29:04.634 --> 00:29:04.934
You will.
401
00:29:06.455 --> 00:29:10.258
And then that point is a real critical decision factor for you.
402
00:29:12.480 --> 00:29:14.362
Do you want that person walking away and...
403
00:29:15.260 --> 00:29:27.623
to be like, this person that I just talked to, you, is a person who distinctly thinks that some people in the space aren't great and absolutely talks about it, exactly how they talk about it out in the open.
404
00:29:29.544 --> 00:29:33.105
Or they don't talk about it in the open, but they're incredibly consistent of who they like and don't like.
405
00:29:34.545 --> 00:29:39.266
And if the person who walks into the door after is the person they don't like and goes, did you just say you don't like me?
406
00:29:39.286 --> 00:29:40.086
I'm like, yeah, absolutely.
407
00:29:40.106 --> 00:29:41.927
We can record a podcast about it, motherfucker.
408
00:29:42.948 --> 00:29:45.369
you're looking at a very trustworthy, very awesome person.
409
00:29:45.789 --> 00:29:50.212
Even if they have a lot of shit to say, they own every single piece of shit that they're going to say.
410
00:29:51.813 --> 00:29:53.794
And if it was anyone else in the room, they'd say the same thing.
411
00:29:55.314 --> 00:29:57.836
Ideally, you just don't talk a lot of stuff because you're a really nice person.
412
00:29:58.016 --> 00:30:01.658
But just as much trust for owning who you like and don't like.
413
00:30:03.639 --> 00:30:05.019
You get into real deep shit.
414
00:30:06.240 --> 00:30:11.963
If depending on who's in the room and what they want to hear, you like and don't like very different people.
415
00:30:13.512 --> 00:30:21.814
If I'm in the room with a naturalistic health space carnivore person, and what you hear from me is like, dude, I actually love Liver King.
416
00:30:22.014 --> 00:30:22.974
Like, he's really great.
417
00:30:23.294 --> 00:30:24.735
And I think he's just like changing lives.
418
00:30:26.415 --> 00:30:28.856
But then there's like a videographer in that room.
419
00:30:29.436 --> 00:30:36.938
And then the same videographer works for another guy that I podcast with next week that's super pro-science, evidence-based, like Lane Norton type motherfucker.
420
00:30:37.918 --> 00:30:40.378
And I'm like, dude, Liver King is a poison on this earth.
421
00:30:40.518 --> 00:30:42.719
And it's a really serious problem how he even got famous.
422
00:30:44.492 --> 00:30:45.873
What's that videographer going to think, man?
423
00:30:46.353 --> 00:30:47.815
I know exactly what he's going to think.
424
00:30:48.495 --> 00:30:56.761
He's going to say, if I was Mike's friend and the right famous podcaster people around that weren't big fans of me, he'd take their side.
425
00:30:59.043 --> 00:31:06.588
And another point in time when I was around or other friends of mine or I connected him to a deal, he'd say all the best things about me.
426
00:31:08.390 --> 00:31:09.451
You do not want to do that.
427
00:31:09.991 --> 00:31:12.333
So if you are ever in a situation, check this out.
428
00:31:13.365 --> 00:31:20.891
Where you and your friends, mid-range in your high school or college, whatever, college doesn't really have this, high school.
429
00:31:22.132 --> 00:31:25.976
All of us have been to high school or are on our way soon to high school or currently in high school.
430
00:31:25.996 --> 00:31:27.237
So this analogy should make some sense.
431
00:31:28.298 --> 00:31:29.839
Dylan, let me know if I screw this up or not.
432
00:31:30.399 --> 00:31:34.182
You're in the middle tier of average popularity, you and your friends.
433
00:31:34.202 --> 00:31:40.247
You're not like the reject kids and you're not like the super golden, super awesome, super hot, everyone wants to be with popular kids.
434
00:31:40.268 --> 00:31:40.668
You're right there.
435
00:31:42.207 --> 00:31:46.208
And one of your friends, one of your best friends is in that same tier with you.
436
00:31:47.808 --> 00:31:58.471
But you're in a school project with one lower tier kid, no mid tier kids, and like four or five super popular kids randomly like in a group.
437
00:31:58.491 --> 00:31:59.271
You're like, oh my God.
438
00:31:59.991 --> 00:32:07.793
And so you and that lower tier kid are hanging out and like taking notes and doing group project at like this girl's house who she's super popular, lives in a fucking castle or whatever the hell.
439
00:32:08.093 --> 00:32:09.193
And everyone else there is popular.
440
00:32:11.128 --> 00:32:16.312
And then one of the guys in your group, the popular kids, he starts saying, you know what?
441
00:32:16.392 --> 00:32:17.092
Your friend's name.
442
00:32:17.112 --> 00:32:18.413
Dylan, what kind of – give me a name.
443
00:32:18.433 --> 00:32:20.294
What's your friend's name who's in the same tier as you?
444
00:32:20.795 --> 00:32:21.795
I can only think of John.
445
00:32:22.416 --> 00:32:22.876
John.
446
00:32:24.797 --> 00:32:29.200
One of the popular kids goes, John, John, you know John, that one guy.
447
00:32:29.340 --> 00:32:31.242
And you knew exactly who he's talking about.
448
00:32:32.783 --> 00:32:35.965
And he starts talking a little smack about John or kind of like, I don't know about John.
449
00:32:35.985 --> 00:32:36.805
John's kind of weird.
450
00:32:38.406 --> 00:32:38.867
Look at you.
451
00:32:40.262 --> 00:32:42.663
That is the time where you find out you're trustworthy or not.
452
00:32:43.443 --> 00:33:03.450
Because if John's your friend, if other people think John is your friend, there's only one thing to do, which, as in their infinite wisdom, the ethnic African-American community has given us an amazing phrase to use, you stand on business.
453
00:33:05.435 --> 00:33:10.553
So popular kid, the temptation is to be like, if he remotely doesn't like John, you're like, dude, fuck John.
454
00:33:10.593 --> 00:33:11.135
Yeah, I hate John.
455
00:33:12.364 --> 00:33:21.067
The problem with that is that it may buy you a little bit of super, super basic coding of approval from one popular kid.
456
00:33:21.487 --> 00:33:26.969
But every other popular kid, and for sure the lower-run kid who knows your best friends with John, instantly devalue you to almost nothing.
457
00:33:27.469 --> 00:33:31.870
Because they know that when there's a shiny object enough, being with the popular kids, you'll abandon all your principles.
458
00:33:32.290 --> 00:33:35.411
What you need to do is it doesn't matter how much that kid doesn't like John.
459
00:33:36.032 --> 00:33:38.252
Super popular kids are like, dude, I fucking hate that John kid.
460
00:33:39.133 --> 00:33:40.193
And that eyes go to you.
461
00:33:42.202 --> 00:33:44.104
At least you could be like, dude, John's dope, man.
462
00:33:44.124 --> 00:33:44.664
Give him a chance.
463
00:33:44.684 --> 00:33:45.765
He's quirky like the rest of us.
464
00:33:45.805 --> 00:33:46.485
He's the fucking man.
465
00:33:48.086 --> 00:33:49.987
The alternative is to be like, John's the man.
466
00:33:50.367 --> 00:33:51.768
And you got it twisted, my friend.
467
00:33:51.788 --> 00:33:52.749
I promise you do.
468
00:33:53.309 --> 00:33:57.932
And if the kid's like, yo, like, nah, then you're like, you believe what you believe.
469
00:33:58.812 --> 00:33:59.533
I'm not here with John.
470
00:34:00.832 --> 00:34:06.694
And if it looks like you're ready to, if they tell you, hey, look, anyone who's friends with John's not welcome here, like, dope, I'll do this through Zoom.
471
00:34:06.814 --> 00:34:07.394
Fuck all of you.
472
00:34:07.534 --> 00:34:08.114
And walk off?
473
00:34:08.334 --> 00:34:09.074
You're not going to do that.
474
00:34:09.334 --> 00:34:12.095
But if they feel like you could, they're like, damn, dude, this guy's legit, man.
475
00:34:12.635 --> 00:34:13.295
Legit.
476
00:34:14.956 --> 00:34:20.577
And they'll want to be better friends with you, all things being equal, because you're the kind of guy that reps your shit.
477
00:34:23.578 --> 00:34:27.339
I've had a real bad time with this, because every time I speak to another videographer,
478
00:34:29.492 --> 00:34:31.612
Anywhere I go, they're like, how's your team?
479
00:34:31.632 --> 00:34:35.633
And I'm like, honestly, dude, my own team at YouTube, Max, Dylan, and Scott, I mean, they're awful.
480
00:34:36.573 --> 00:34:42.014
Now, when I'm around them, like, you guys, there's only the crew, the lads, the team, one for all and all for one.
481
00:34:42.174 --> 00:34:44.515
Dylan, is that the Three Musketeers thing?
482
00:34:44.535 --> 00:34:44.995
Close enough, yeah.
483
00:34:45.895 --> 00:34:50.376
And when I'm anywhere else, I'm like, dude, could you guys have any videographers I could work with instead?
484
00:34:50.396 --> 00:34:51.316
These people are awful.
485
00:34:52.216 --> 00:34:53.176
And it fucks with people.
486
00:34:54.056 --> 00:34:56.917
And it puts it in their head that I'm not a trustworthy person, which is accurate.
487
00:34:57.397 --> 00:34:58.097
All jokes aside.
488
00:35:00.222 --> 00:35:07.885
How you talk about other people that you're supposed to be friends with and cool with to anyone else is a big thing.
489
00:35:10.787 --> 00:35:17.830
I've worked with other very famous influencers before who have a spectrum, one end
490
00:35:19.095 --> 00:35:23.336
They have only nice things to say about somebody, which I know I can deduce two things from.
491
00:35:23.416 --> 00:35:29.178
Either the really coolest shit, like Jesse James West is legitimately one of like the kindest, nicest people.
492
00:35:29.198 --> 00:35:30.138
It's like not a real person.
493
00:35:30.318 --> 00:35:31.398
It really is like that guy.
494
00:35:32.579 --> 00:35:37.980
Or I know that you're smoothing everything over and I don't know what you really think, which is dope.
495
00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:38.320
It's cool.
496
00:35:38.340 --> 00:35:40.721
I don't need to know what you really think, but at least you have nice things to say.
497
00:35:40.781 --> 00:35:42.601
Maybe it's corporate, but I could give a shit.
498
00:35:43.462 --> 00:35:44.402
There's another type.
499
00:35:45.275 --> 00:35:48.798
which is you have very, very sordid values.
500
00:35:49.098 --> 00:35:52.801
Some people you say are awesome, some people you say you don't know, and some people you say fucking suck.
501
00:35:52.821 --> 00:35:55.884
And if that person walks through the door, you tell them right to their face, they suck.
502
00:35:57.705 --> 00:36:00.247
Those people are dope because they're real and I can trust them.
503
00:36:00.667 --> 00:36:02.589
Because if they don't like me, I'll know about it.
504
00:36:03.310 --> 00:36:04.150
They don't do fake shit.
505
00:36:05.411 --> 00:36:08.033
Then there's another kind of person, which you do not want to be.
506
00:36:08.634 --> 00:36:13.478
That is the kind of person that when you're hanging out with them outside of their group, in your group,
507
00:36:14.327 --> 00:36:15.147
We're just the two of you.
508
00:36:15.808 --> 00:36:18.949
For me, the analogy is we're doing a podcast collab or a YouTube video collab.
509
00:36:19.609 --> 00:36:23.450
They got, they have shit to say about everybody.
510
00:36:23.691 --> 00:36:26.612
And I never say it in public and they never say it to a person's face.
511
00:36:27.132 --> 00:36:29.573
But as soon as they got your ear, they'll talk shit about anyone.
512
00:36:29.733 --> 00:36:31.354
And they'll want you to do it sometimes too.
513
00:36:31.494 --> 00:36:34.035
A lot of times like, right, this guy sucks, right?
514
00:36:34.835 --> 00:36:38.616
And at that point, you turn into column A motherfucker or column B motherfucker.
515
00:36:38.716 --> 00:36:39.977
You don't want to be column C person.
516
00:36:40.813 --> 00:36:41.013
Ever.
517
00:36:41.614 --> 00:36:50.119
Because you know automatically there's a decent, very high probability that as soon as you're gone in that room and they have someone else to talk to, they're like, dude, Dylan was awful.
518
00:36:50.520 --> 00:36:51.660
Can you believe that Dylan guy?
519
00:36:52.101 --> 00:36:52.721
That's going to happen.
520
00:36:53.602 --> 00:36:54.322
You don't want any of that.
521
00:36:54.782 --> 00:36:56.624
You want as much trustworthiness as you can get.
522
00:36:57.464 --> 00:37:00.686
So let's talk about how to boost your trustworthiness.
523
00:37:02.147 --> 00:37:09.192
Number one, own your past mistakes completely, completely.
524
00:37:10.203 --> 00:37:13.324
I've made plenty of mistakes in my career, public ones, gnarly ones.
525
00:37:13.944 --> 00:37:16.344
I own every single one of those.
526
00:37:19.485 --> 00:37:20.826
Does that make me more trustworthy?
527
00:37:22.686 --> 00:37:24.086
If you're going to give me trust, dope.
528
00:37:24.767 --> 00:37:25.787
If not, no big deal.
529
00:37:26.047 --> 00:37:27.607
I'll never ask for trust, ever.
530
00:37:28.707 --> 00:37:30.208
But I sure shit will own mistakes.
531
00:37:30.628 --> 00:37:31.928
Let's take a look at the counter example.
532
00:37:31.948 --> 00:37:33.909
Forget about me, I'm a shitty example of all this.
533
00:37:34.569 --> 00:37:36.609
Imagine the kind of person who doesn't own their mistakes.
534
00:37:38.490 --> 00:37:39.030
You gonna trust them?
535
00:37:40.390 --> 00:37:41.210
think they never did wrong.
536
00:37:42.071 --> 00:37:42.791
I don't know about all that.
537
00:37:44.732 --> 00:37:49.914
Another thing is this, to gain trust, communicate trouble before others have to discover it.
538
00:37:50.814 --> 00:37:57.897
Dylan, just a little while ago, told me like, hey man, like I'm not behind on lectures, but like I got to catch up.
539
00:37:58.818 --> 00:38:04.420
What a 50 trillion times better thing to tell me than, hey, I'm not going to be able to post a video this week.
540
00:38:05.020 --> 00:38:06.521
Dylan, you've never missed a post, right?
541
00:38:07.395 --> 00:38:07.936
Oh, yeah.
542
00:38:08.096 --> 00:38:08.856
I mean, we had one.
543
00:38:09.637 --> 00:38:09.957
Say what?
544
00:38:10.137 --> 00:38:10.597
We've had one.
545
00:38:11.358 --> 00:38:11.958
Missed post?
546
00:38:12.239 --> 00:38:12.419
Yeah.
547
00:38:12.459 --> 00:38:12.739
Yeah.
548
00:38:12.759 --> 00:38:13.460
We discussed it though.
549
00:38:13.720 --> 00:38:14.120
Oh, that's right.
550
00:38:14.280 --> 00:38:14.720
That's right.
551
00:38:14.861 --> 00:38:15.621
I don't even remember.
552
00:38:15.641 --> 00:38:19.564
That's how much I fucking trust you because Dylan way ahead of time was like, hey, like this is going to happen.
553
00:38:19.584 --> 00:38:19.984
I'm like, cool.
554
00:38:20.004 --> 00:38:20.405
No worries.
555
00:38:21.345 --> 00:38:25.588
Imagine if he both didn't tell me I had to find out myself and he didn't own the mistake.
556
00:38:25.688 --> 00:38:26.489
Holy crap.
557
00:38:27.069 --> 00:38:33.274
So all you have to do is be like, if you're just not going to come through, be like, hey, man, I know I told you I'd pick you up in four days at the airport.
558
00:38:33.894 --> 00:38:34.115
Like, okay.
559
00:38:34.155 --> 00:38:34.335
Okay.
560
00:38:35.203 --> 00:38:37.325
But my grandma didn't die like we thought she would.
561
00:38:37.366 --> 00:38:39.548
She turned into a zombie and now she's hunting us.
562
00:38:40.489 --> 00:38:42.471
I'm going to need to rain check that shit.
563
00:38:43.132 --> 00:38:45.795
50 times better than texting someone and be like, hey, are you here?
564
00:38:45.835 --> 00:38:48.318
I'm in level C, door 81.
565
00:38:50.100 --> 00:38:51.362
Five minutes later, there's no response.
566
00:38:51.382 --> 00:38:53.624
You're like, I got left at the airport.
567
00:38:54.425 --> 00:38:55.046
So get ahead of it.
568
00:38:57.900 --> 00:38:58.500
Here's another one.
569
00:38:59.020 --> 00:39:02.642
Honor, trust, nobody explicitly negotiated ahead of time.
570
00:39:03.362 --> 00:39:05.543
Trust is something you can give out.
571
00:39:06.704 --> 00:39:11.606
Like Halloween candy as a first gesture and a second gesture and an infinite good gesture.
572
00:39:12.626 --> 00:39:13.867
Protect people's confidence.
573
00:39:15.327 --> 00:39:17.588
Someone's like, oh my God, I heard you talk to Tracy about her breakup.
574
00:39:17.608 --> 00:39:18.149
You're like, yeah.
575
00:39:18.849 --> 00:39:19.429
What did she say?
576
00:39:19.449 --> 00:39:21.170
You're like, yeah, man, you should probably ask Tracy.
577
00:39:22.170 --> 00:39:23.351
Great, great.
578
00:39:24.998 --> 00:39:26.239
You want to give fair credit.
579
00:39:26.639 --> 00:39:30.321
You always want to give credit where it's due, even if you don't have to.
580
00:39:32.042 --> 00:39:33.123
I'll practice this right now.
581
00:39:33.583 --> 00:39:37.246
Without my video team, I would be talking in a fucking literal brick wall.
582
00:39:37.266 --> 00:39:38.426
You would never hear about me.
583
00:39:41.588 --> 00:39:44.290
You never, ever, this you never, ever want to do.
584
00:39:44.470 --> 00:39:48.713
You never, ever want to weaponize someone's vulnerability, even during conflict.
585
00:39:50.887 --> 00:39:55.432
like, oh, I never technically promised that I would do this, is not how you build trustworthiness.
586
00:39:57.795 --> 00:40:03.782
And if someone looks like they're struggling, you never want to be like, you know what?
587
00:40:03.902 --> 00:40:07.065
Time for me to come in and collect on this, ever, ever.
588
00:40:10.629 --> 00:40:11.130
Recently,
589
00:40:12.633 --> 00:40:14.014
Dylan's been going through some stuff.
590
00:40:14.634 --> 00:40:15.615
What did I do right away?
591
00:40:15.815 --> 00:40:17.376
Try to get money right out of him.
592
00:40:17.396 --> 00:40:20.137
Well, since you can't do X, Y, Z, maybe you should get paid less right away.
593
00:40:20.397 --> 00:40:21.938
I'm the worst trusting person ever.
594
00:40:22.138 --> 00:40:23.659
Dylan, you like them apples, you little bitch?
595
00:40:24.439 --> 00:40:25.540
Oh, yeah, please keep doing it.
596
00:40:25.880 --> 00:40:28.001
Yes, Mr. Low trust still.
597
00:40:30.242 --> 00:40:36.906
When you have the ability to take advantage of someone in a situation and you just don't do it, holy trustworthiness.
598
00:40:38.146 --> 00:40:38.947
Oh, my God.
599
00:40:41.788 --> 00:40:51.736
Imagine you're sitting at an interview for a job and you're sitting next to someone else who's also interviewing for that job.
600
00:40:52.336 --> 00:40:57.801
And part of the interview is like, write stuff down with pen and paper about like this question that flashed on the screen for both of you guys.
601
00:40:59.642 --> 00:41:01.324
Their pen goes out, it doesn't work anymore.
602
00:41:01.344 --> 00:41:02.004
You have two pens.
603
00:41:02.745 --> 00:41:04.126
Thoughtlessly give them the other pen.
604
00:41:05.227 --> 00:41:07.088
They go, oh, fuck, thanks, dude, holy shit.
605
00:41:08.149 --> 00:41:10.331
Psych, it's an invisible pen, I'm kidding.
606
00:41:11.479 --> 00:41:12.480
They use it afterwards.
607
00:41:12.500 --> 00:41:12.740
Cool.
608
00:41:12.980 --> 00:41:14.341
You shake hands, get to know each other.
609
00:41:14.381 --> 00:41:14.561
Cool.
610
00:41:14.581 --> 00:41:15.302
One of you gets the job.
611
00:41:15.362 --> 00:41:15.862
One of you doesn't.
612
00:41:17.043 --> 00:41:19.505
Three years later, you're applying to work at a big tech firm.
613
00:41:19.625 --> 00:41:21.126
That guy turned out to be a fucking genius.
614
00:41:21.686 --> 00:41:22.567
Now he has his own firm.
615
00:41:23.227 --> 00:41:24.608
You show up to the interview.
616
00:41:24.668 --> 00:41:27.050
He's like, holy shit, you're the guy with the pen.
617
00:41:27.070 --> 00:41:28.191
You're like, oh, yeah, what's up, man?
618
00:41:28.251 --> 00:41:29.472
I guess things have worked out well for you.
619
00:41:29.492 --> 00:41:29.912
He's like, yeah.
620
00:41:30.212 --> 00:41:30.473
Guess what?
621
00:41:30.493 --> 00:41:31.774
They're going to work out real well for you.
622
00:41:32.174 --> 00:41:33.034
I already looked through your resume.
623
00:41:33.054 --> 00:41:33.675
You know what you're doing.
624
00:41:33.775 --> 00:41:34.315
You got the job.
625
00:41:34.335 --> 00:41:35.116
You're like, whoa, why?
626
00:41:35.136 --> 00:41:35.916
You're like, dude, the pen.
627
00:41:37.219 --> 00:41:38.020
I was your competitor.
628
00:41:38.040 --> 00:41:38.680
Why would you do that?
629
00:41:39.181 --> 00:41:40.541
Of course, you're trying to do good.
630
00:41:41.422 --> 00:41:41.842
Get in here.
631
00:41:42.743 --> 00:41:44.304
Shit like that goes a long way.
632
00:41:45.104 --> 00:41:46.065
Do more good.
633
00:41:46.405 --> 00:41:47.326
You will be trusted more.
634
00:41:48.867 --> 00:41:49.467
Here's another thing.
635
00:41:49.968 --> 00:41:52.309
Do not promise over and over.
636
00:41:52.589 --> 00:41:53.210
Trust me.
637
00:41:54.450 --> 00:41:54.711
Dylan.
638
00:41:55.839 --> 00:41:57.280
Does it wig you out?
639
00:41:57.640 --> 00:41:59.721
Okay, so let me tell you something about me and I want to hear from you.
640
00:42:00.361 --> 00:42:04.903
It wigs me out when people brag about how trustworthy they are a lot.
641
00:42:05.424 --> 00:42:08.765
And it really wigs me out when people repeatedly like ask for trust.
642
00:42:08.785 --> 00:42:09.986
Like you should trust me with this.
643
00:42:10.046 --> 00:42:10.486
Trust me.
644
00:42:10.666 --> 00:42:11.106
Trust me.
645
00:42:11.827 --> 00:42:12.567
Does that wig you out?
646
00:42:13.888 --> 00:42:15.829
It does as a thought experiment.
647
00:42:15.889 --> 00:42:21.011
But usually I like don't hang around these people or as soon as I notice they're doing that, I just don't interact with them.
648
00:42:21.811 --> 00:42:22.352
And I'm out.
649
00:42:22.412 --> 00:42:24.693
I thought you were going to say usually I just fall for it like a sucker.
650
00:42:24.713 --> 00:42:24.773
Oh.
651
00:42:25.507 --> 00:42:26.687
which is also a fine idea.
652
00:42:27.728 --> 00:42:32.569
Anytime you have to say and emphasize that you are trustworthy, you're making a mistake.
653
00:42:33.590 --> 00:42:34.850
Trust is unspoken.
654
00:42:36.051 --> 00:42:37.771
You can say it once, you can trust me.
655
00:42:38.591 --> 00:42:40.592
And I wouldn't say it anymore in that conversation.
656
00:42:42.573 --> 00:42:46.234
And anyone who's doing that to you, you gotta be on the lookout, but that's gonna be a separate video of how to trust other people.
657
00:42:47.855 --> 00:42:48.335
Here's one.
658
00:42:49.035 --> 00:42:51.556
If you wanna become more trustworthy, start coming through
659
00:42:52.944 --> 00:42:57.087
on small promises, being on time, doing a good job, shit like that.
660
00:42:58.628 --> 00:43:01.310
Small promises, people will give you more trust and more trust and more trust.
661
00:43:01.551 --> 00:43:03.032
It doesn't have to be the one big thing.
662
00:43:04.393 --> 00:43:06.234
And small promises are easy, they're all around.
663
00:43:07.215 --> 00:43:09.036
So it's like a ladder up to bigger trust.
664
00:43:11.138 --> 00:43:11.778
Here's another one.
665
00:43:13.520 --> 00:43:18.083
If you wanna be more trustworthy to people, do not commit to things you'll potentially falter on.
666
00:43:19.604 --> 00:43:21.185
Even if those things are impressive looking,
667
00:43:21.970 --> 00:43:26.092
You say like, oh, you know, if they can see me knock this out of the park, they'll trust me.
668
00:43:26.533 --> 00:43:28.093
But you screwed up because it was too ambitious.
669
00:43:30.275 --> 00:43:34.137
Like, hey, can you prepare all of the snacks for Stacey's Little League game tomorrow?
670
00:43:34.157 --> 00:43:35.057
You're like, yeah, of course.
671
00:43:36.098 --> 00:43:39.580
She's like, you know the list of all the vegan kids with all the allergies that you got to buy.
672
00:43:39.600 --> 00:43:40.740
They're separate foods for them, right?
673
00:43:40.760 --> 00:43:41.461
You're like, of course.
674
00:43:42.661 --> 00:43:43.622
Of course, of course I do.
675
00:43:44.657 --> 00:43:46.819
You realize on the shopping trip, you don't have the list.
676
00:43:47.179 --> 00:43:48.080
And there's no way to get one.
677
00:43:48.100 --> 00:43:49.501
It was like a physical list you left at home.
678
00:43:49.721 --> 00:43:53.443
And now it's 20 minutes before the game and you have to like set up a little snack table.
679
00:43:53.463 --> 00:43:55.885
And you're like, everyone's getting the same thing.
680
00:43:56.005 --> 00:43:58.107
And like one of the vegan kids dies because of you.
681
00:43:58.147 --> 00:43:58.567
I'm kidding.
682
00:43:59.208 --> 00:44:00.709
Just be like, hey, Junior, you can't eat this.
683
00:44:01.930 --> 00:44:04.472
And then that girl, that other, you feel me, that MILF.
684
00:44:05.241 --> 00:44:12.264
that asked you to set this up, that she was going to hit up, you feel me, dog, in that little parent circle at the Little League game?
685
00:44:12.444 --> 00:44:13.124
She's like, I'm good.
686
00:44:13.324 --> 00:44:14.085
I'm good, bro.
687
00:44:14.165 --> 00:44:14.965
You screwed up this thing.
688
00:44:15.005 --> 00:44:15.565
No more trust.
689
00:44:16.325 --> 00:44:17.646
You can't get this wetness anymore.
690
00:44:20.367 --> 00:44:26.650
It's all about doing things that you can come through and actually do and building a track record of consistency in coming through.
691
00:44:28.150 --> 00:44:29.871
Consistency builds trust.
692
00:44:29.891 --> 00:44:33.492
Because you can tell people you're trustworthy.
693
00:44:33.512 --> 00:44:34.373
It just does not matter.
694
00:44:35.349 --> 00:44:39.632
Doing things and coming through is literally how you just like demonstrate trust.
695
00:44:39.652 --> 00:44:41.053
You could tell someone you can do a dunk.
696
00:44:41.973 --> 00:44:44.155
Why don't you grab this ball and dunk it?
697
00:44:44.535 --> 00:44:44.875
Oh, okay.
698
00:44:44.895 --> 00:44:45.596
You can dunk.
699
00:44:46.056 --> 00:44:46.857
Now that makes sense.
700
00:44:47.037 --> 00:44:47.377
Doing.
701
00:44:48.898 --> 00:44:56.643
I would also say that it does build more trust to at least low key under promise and over deliver.
702
00:44:58.625 --> 00:44:59.305
Like, what?
703
00:45:00.016 --> 00:45:03.379
Milfy at the game is like, oh my God, I forgot to get the kids snacks.
704
00:45:03.419 --> 00:45:05.401
A few of them have weird allergies and restrictions.
705
00:45:05.521 --> 00:45:07.703
Can you please do this for me?
706
00:45:07.723 --> 00:45:09.044
You're like, yeah, yeah, I got time.
707
00:45:09.084 --> 00:45:09.624
I got it.
708
00:45:09.644 --> 00:45:09.985
No problem.
709
00:45:10.866 --> 00:45:18.072
You come through and like every kid's little snack baggie is labeled with their name and their allergen status.
710
00:45:18.612 --> 00:45:21.054
And it's all super well like arranged and everything.
711
00:45:21.074 --> 00:45:24.698
And she's like, my God, you didn't have to do this.
712
00:45:24.718 --> 00:45:25.258
You're like, no, I know.
713
00:45:25.298 --> 00:45:26.159
I just want to do a good job.
714
00:45:27.638 --> 00:45:28.879
Dylan, what do you think she'd do in a night?
715
00:45:29.259 --> 00:45:30.840
All lonely, milfy all by herself.
716
00:45:31.240 --> 00:45:32.521
Probably reading a fantasy novel.
717
00:45:33.142 --> 00:45:34.323
And texting you, pimp.
718
00:45:35.403 --> 00:45:35.824
Yeah, that too.
719
00:45:36.204 --> 00:45:37.605
She texts you a page from the novel.
720
00:45:37.625 --> 00:45:39.426
You're like, oh my God, this is obscene.
721
00:45:39.466 --> 00:45:40.847
She's like, yeah, but you feel me?
722
00:45:40.867 --> 00:45:42.668
It could be, you could be reenacting this.
723
00:45:47.271 --> 00:45:47.952
Here's another one.
724
00:45:48.532 --> 00:45:53.275
Do not ask people around you to judge your trustworthiness or promote it.
725
00:45:53.916 --> 00:45:54.977
Aren't I trustworthy?
726
00:45:54.997 --> 00:45:55.617
I'm not.
727
00:45:55.890 --> 00:45:57.651
Man, I'm a pretty trustworthy person, right?
728
00:45:58.031 --> 00:46:01.854
Because people that are actually trustworthy never have to do that.
729
00:46:02.935 --> 00:46:05.436
People that aren't trustworthy often do that.
730
00:46:06.017 --> 00:46:11.140
And sometimes us autists really do say things like that, or we have really thin skin and want people to compliment us.
731
00:46:11.300 --> 00:46:12.541
That's just not the time.
732
00:46:13.242 --> 00:46:13.782
Not the time.
733
00:46:16.324 --> 00:46:17.144
Another thing is this.
734
00:46:17.985 --> 00:46:25.410
If you've come through in a big way, and you've been trusted recently a few times,
735
00:46:27.615 --> 00:46:30.100
Don't bring attention to how you came through in a big way.
736
00:46:31.021 --> 00:46:33.786
So when Milfy's like, oh my God, you made individual baggies, you're amazing.
737
00:46:34.047 --> 00:46:36.491
Be like, yeah, by the way, they're all labeled according to allergen.
738
00:46:36.972 --> 00:46:38.936
And later she's like, okay, dude, you're awesome.
739
00:46:38.956 --> 00:46:39.056
Okay.
740
00:46:39.879 --> 00:46:42.279
And like the next day or whatever, let's say she gives it to you.
741
00:46:42.299 --> 00:46:44.740
So you come over and you're hanging out doing Netflix and MILF.
742
00:46:45.140 --> 00:46:48.441
And you're like, man, wasn't it great what I did yesterday?
743
00:46:49.161 --> 00:46:50.081
She's like, yeah.
744
00:46:51.681 --> 00:46:52.181
It's weird.
745
00:46:53.142 --> 00:46:53.982
Do the good stuff.
746
00:46:54.182 --> 00:46:55.562
Don't bring any more attention to it.
747
00:46:55.942 --> 00:46:56.822
I do this constantly.
748
00:46:56.862 --> 00:46:57.943
It screws me up all the time.
749
00:47:02.644 --> 00:47:04.824
If you've been untrustworthy.
750
00:47:06.543 --> 00:47:11.807
Any time you begin to consistently be trustworthy from here on in is going to start boosting your trustworthiness.
751
00:47:13.668 --> 00:47:19.732
So don't sweat your past, but in the end, literally just come through on promised actions
752
00:47:21.213 --> 00:47:27.157
on promised commitments, and that's the core of trustworthiness, by action alone.
753
00:47:27.698 --> 00:47:42.148
So to TLDR, this very long and hopefully informative video, the way to become trustworthy is to come through on the commitments you promise to people over and over and over and get your record as near spotless as you can.
754
00:47:43.929 --> 00:47:46.351
Inevitably, you become as trustworthy as ChatGPT.
755
00:47:47.195 --> 00:47:51.098
When I open up ChatGPT, is it going to give me reliably decent attempts at answers to my questions?
756
00:47:51.118 --> 00:47:52.919
Yes, unless there's like a broken API.
757
00:47:53.680 --> 00:47:56.922
Someone could say, do you trust ChatGPT to give me a decent answer?
758
00:47:56.942 --> 00:47:57.322
Uh-huh.
759
00:47:57.362 --> 00:47:58.103
Like to try?
760
00:47:58.123 --> 00:47:58.443
Uh-huh.
761
00:47:58.943 --> 00:48:00.084
Yes, I trust it 100%.
762
00:48:00.704 --> 00:48:01.305
Look, really?
763
00:48:01.365 --> 00:48:02.746
How do you know what it's thinking though?
764
00:48:03.106 --> 00:48:03.466
I don't.
765
00:48:03.526 --> 00:48:04.827
It just always does a good job.
766
00:48:04.927 --> 00:48:08.030
I don't give a shit what's happening in there and that brain just always shows up.
767
00:48:08.670 --> 00:48:09.991
You want the same thing to happen for you.
768
00:48:10.011 --> 00:48:11.232
Anyway.
769
00:48:11.252 --> 00:48:11.492
Anyway.
770
00:48:13.357 --> 00:48:14.423
You can trust me, right, guys?
771
00:48:14.583 --> 00:48:15.448
Shit.
772
00:48:15.809 --> 00:48:17.176
See you next time.