Crocs, Jibbitz and The Noodle Trafficker

Fall is here, the hayrides are apparently trying to kill us, working comedians are fighting for their royalty checks, Clownvis is hanging out in Maynard James Keenan’s orbit, and somebody wants to throw a completely dry wedding. Somehow King Scott had a dry wedding and that’s not even all we get into.

We kick things off with fall in St. Louis and the realization that haunted hayrides have always been wildly sketchier than anyone wants to admit. Lern remembers childhood hayrides involving masked dads hiding in the woods and firing guns into the air — because Southern Illinois apparently considered “basic firearm safety” optional during Halloween. That leads to a story about a New York hayride accident where a tractor and trailer overturned, injuring multiple people and reminding everyone that maybe sitting on loose hay behind farm equipment traveling at questionable speeds isn't the safest fall tradition.

The internet isn’t doing much better. We get into social media challenges, influencers making terrible decisions for engagement and whether 20-year-old guys actually know better — or whether they’re just teenagers with adult privileges and access to tuxedos.

Then National Taco Day turns into the Great Taco Debate. Hard shell versus soft shell, cilantro, black olives and whether a soft taco is basically just a burrito that quit early. We also discuss a lawsuit from a man who says he became seriously ill after several Taco Bell visits, with shredded lettuce identified in the lawsuit as a common ingredient in his orders. Congratulations, lettuce. You finally found a way to become the scariest thing on the menu.

Things get more serious when Rafe explains a controversy in the stand-up comedy world involving SiriusXM’s changes to its comedy programming. According to the discussion, hundreds of working comics lost rotation — including Rafe — potentially taking away royalty income that can make a real difference for comedians trying to survive between gigs. The crew debates whether major platforms have any responsibility to support smaller artists and whether Sebastian Maniscalco, whose name is attached to the new channel, could use his influence to help working comics get back into rotation.

We also raise money for Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital, put Batman’s detective skills on trial, and watch Rafe lose the football picks badly enough to earn National Anthem Week. Four days. Four performances. One man forced to sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” because he trusted the wrong football team. America remains beautiful.

Then Clownvis enters the picture — and apparently he’s become buddies with Maynard James Keenan thanks to Maynard’s wife being a huge fan. Honestly, good for Clownvis. Networking advice from this show is now officially: dress like Elvis, become a clown and wait for Tool to call.

We also discuss a woman accused of stealing roughly $500 in donations intended to help pets receive critical medical care from a veterinary clinic, which immediately earns her a nomination for Worst Person of the Morning.

Listener emails bring us the essential St. Louis debate of pork steak versus pork chop, with Rafe declaring the pork steak the “working man’s ribeye.” Unfortunately, Rafe still hasn’t actually cooked anything on his new grill. He HAS done a mostly naked photo shoot with it, though, so the grill is already earning its keep.

Then the Rizzuto Show Help Desk tackles a relationship dilemma: a listener’s girlfriend wants their future wedding and receptions completely alcohol-free, partly because her father has been sober for years. The listener wants booze, wonders whether this disagreement could actually be a deal breaker, and asks the crew to settle it. Moon and Rafe offer their perspectives as sober guys, compromises are proposed, and somehow Jesus turning water into wine eventually gets submitted as supporting evidence.

Finally, Megan Little from the St. Louis Blues stops by to preview the home opener and the season’s promotional nights, including the new Rizz Show Night jacket. Unfortunately, we discover Rizz Show Night is getting absolutely destroyed in ticket sales by Fourth Wing Night.

Dragons. Spicy fantasy romance. Morning radio.

We never stood a chance.

From hayride horrors, tacos and social media stupidity to comedy-industry drama, Clownvis, charity thieves, pork steaks, dry weddings and our humiliating defeat at the hands of dragon literature, it’s another completely normal episode of The Rizzuto Show.

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• 14 Injured After Hayride Carrying Several Children Flips Over and Ejects Passengers
• Florida teen getting haircut in middle of road for TikTok video seriously injured when pickup involved in crash strikes him
• Philadelphia cheesesteak-throwing suspect turns himself in, faces harassment citation
• Crocs says Five Below copied its famous clog design

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