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A few days ago, Claude, that's the AI chatbot that I use, Claude informed me that my new circle has a 92% success rate.
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Connection scores went up an average of 2.5 points.
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Almost every participant improved.
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One man finally told his wife of 32 years that he had been depressed.
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Someone else started dancing in the kitchen again after two decades.
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Now, these are excellent results for my circle.
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These are the kind of results that make everyone stand up and give each other high fives, which is especially impressive on a Zoom call.
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There's one small problem.
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I have never run a circle.
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Total attendance to date is zero.
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So the circle reunion fits comfortably inside an empty room.
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I'm Steve Gershik, and this is your third third.
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Welcome back.
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I'm Steve Gershik, and this is your third third, the show about what happens after you've built the life you were supposed to build, and the script you've been following starts running out of pages.
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This is the first episode of season two.
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Before anything else, thank you for the great feedback on season one.
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This season is about friendship and connection in the third third.
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Now, this week started with an AI hallucination and ended with me thinking about something much more profound, at least to me.
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Human interaction.
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Specifically, how much of it we lose as we get older, and how easy technology makes it to fill some of that space.
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I think people in our third third may need more HI at exactly the moment the world is offering us more AI.
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Now, I use AI every day, so this is coming from inside the house.
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Claude and I remain on speaking terms, but I'm also checking its work much more carefully now.
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Now, a little bit of background.
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For the past few years, I've been researching this next era of life, the third third of life, that long stretch after some of the structures that organized adulthood start loosening.
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You know, careers change, kids, if we have kids, they need us differently.
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The routines that once decided where we had to be on Tuesday at 4.30 in the afternoon, they stop making decisions for many of us.
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Now, some of you may know, I'm writing a book.
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I've interviewed more than 50 people so far, so I've read a lot of research, I've tested a lot of these ideas against my own life.
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And along the way, I started thinking about creating a group experience, because I realized I was advocating for building a community, but I was doing it on my own.
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I'm working on this idea called circles, where a handful of people can talk honestly about what's changing in their lives and more specifically what they want the next part of life to contain.
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And because I apparently cannot invite six people into a Zoom room without producing documentation for myself, I also wrote a facilitator handbook.
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And it's ballooned over the past year to about 10,000 words, which is longer than the United States Constitution, amendments included, and the Constitution has a much stronger record of being put into practice.
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At least at some points.
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A few days ago, I was going through that handbook with Claude.
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That's the AI tool I use to challenge my thinking and catch things that I miss.
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And we reached a section called What the Data Tells Us Early Findings.
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I read it, and there were results from dozens of pilot circles.
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Connection scores up, success rates above 90%.
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There were testimonials from participants, including the man who finally talked to his wife and the person who started dancing in the kitchen.
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Number of pilot circles that I've actually run?
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Zero.
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So dozens is a lot of circles for a guy who's run none of them.
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The embarrassing part was that the stories worked on me.
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I felt something reading those results.
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I was moved by the breakthroughs of people who do not exist in sessions that never took place reported inside of a handbook that I wrote.
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Claude had imagined the shape of what success might look like, and it just manufactured the humans to populate it.
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Anyway, I deleted the section that Claude made up from the document.
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The percentages went away along with every fictional participant.
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I wish the kitchen dancer well, wherever they are not.
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You know the hallucination was funny.
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Those of you who have played around with AI know that you make mistakes, and sometimes they're obvious, and sometimes they're ridiculous, and this was obviously ridiculous.
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But the kitchen dancer felt real.
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I was happy for a moment.
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Claude had created the shape of human experience well enough that my own nervous system responded to it, even though it was completely synthetic.
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That's a strange sentence to say out loud.
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AI has become extraordinarily useful to a lot of people.
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You can ask a question at two in the morning and get a thoughtful response, or what sounds like a thoughtful response right away.
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It can help you organize an idea, or it can challenge an idea that you have.
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I use Claude a lot to challenge my ideas.
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It can read ten pages of my own writing and suggest improvements without becoming visibly annoyed.
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I plan to keep using it, but I think what we need more of is more HI.
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Human interaction.
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You know, the kind where another person surprises you.
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Not in a negative way, like Claude did, but surprising in ways like where the conversation wanders that somewhere neither person expected.
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And somebody remembers what you said last week and asks about it again, unprovoked.
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The kind where another human brings you a life that you have never lived Sorry, let me go back.
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The kind where another human brings a life that you have never lived into the room with you.
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AI is now excellent at creating answers.
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But people still give us something different.
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They give us each other.
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You know, one thing I keep noticing about the third third of life is that earlier life came with a surprising amount of built-in human contact.
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School put people around us.
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Work did too.
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Parenting, if you had kids, came with carpools and sidelines and standing beside another parent for forty-five minutes while two eight-year-olds repeatedly kick the ball in the wrong direction.
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A lot of those relationships happened because life kept putting us in the same physical location.
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And then the architecture changes.
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Kids launch, careers become less consuming or end altogether.
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The office disappears for some of us.
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Friendships built around children or work require more effort once the thing that kept bringing everyone together is gone.
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Our calendars can get cleaner at the same time that connection becomes more important.
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I've talked about this before on the show, especially in the episode about chosen friendship.
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That was last season.
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What feels new to me now is that this loss of automatic human contact is happening while technology gets better at simulating pieces of human interaction.
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I can spend an hour thinking with an AI and come away feeling intellectually engaged.
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I can ask it for perspective.
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I can even, as I have established, become emotionally invested in the recovery of an imaginary kitchen dancer.
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But that that convenience raises a question I I don't think we've had to answer before.
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Certainly not as a species.
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When a machine becomes useful company, how deliberate do we need to become about seeking the humankind of companionship?
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So why do I bring this up now?
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Well, that question is the one reason that I'm launching the first third third circle this fall.
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Yes, I'm actually making it happen after a year of thinking about it.
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Circle one will be a small group of people meeting on Zoom for six Wednesday evenings.
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Uh we'll start in another month or so, and what we'll talk about is what's shifting in our lives, what we want more of.
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And maybe if we feel comfortable enough, what we may be ready to let go of.
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I have exercises planned because 28 years in marketing apparently leaves permanent scar tissue.
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Um, and I think the exercises will be useful, but I think the container matters more.
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See, I'm curious to see what happens when a small group spends enough time together to move past the usual how are you?
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And into what I've started calling large talk.
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What's changing in your life that you haven't figured out yet?
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Where are you still reading from an old script?
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I'm kind of interested in what happens between the exercises too.
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Does someone remember another person's story from the work week before?
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I've started thinking about those as what I call moments of us, and there is no dashboard for that, no easy way to measure it yet.
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This is also what the imaginary ninety-two percent statistic missed.
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You see, real people, well, we're inconvenient.
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We misunderstand the question that you thought was perfectly clear.
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Or they push back on the exercise that I was sure would work.
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Or they tell a story that sends the conversation somewhere that your facilitator didn't anticipate.
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And sometimes they say something you could never have written for them because it belongs to an actual life.
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That is what I want.
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I'm starting it next month.
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The first circle is free because I am learning.
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I'm asking people for something more valuable than a fee, six Wednesday evenings, attention to other people in the circle, and an honest reaction and feedback for me when something I've designed falls flat or doesn't feel right to you.
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I spent three years thinking about this idea of the third third, and I realized at some point the ideas need contact, live contact with actual human beings.
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Otherwise I'm back in the handbook revising it endlessly, admiring the outcomes of people who have never existed.
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So, here's the experiment that I'm trying this week, and you can try it too, if you want.
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Think of one person that you've been meaning to have a real conversation with live.
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Not over email, not over text.
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Someone you like or miss or keep telling yourself you'll call when things settle down?
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Reach out.
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Skip the life update for a few minutes and ask them something large.
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One question I like is what's changing in your life right now that you haven't quite figured out yet?
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And then listen.
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Apparently I need a framework, but you you have been spared.
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Anyway, if the idea of a third third circle interests you, there's a short form I created in the show notes.
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There's a link there.
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Circle one will meet on Wednesdays.
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No charge.
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After you fill out the form, I'll set up a short call so we can both see whether this group feels right for you and you can ask me questions.
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You know, the funny thing is that an AI mistake helped prompt me to launch this thing.
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I'm not sure if I'm ready.
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But to be honest, I didn't think I was ready when I started recording these podcasts for you.
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I didn't think I was ready when I started my Substack newsletter, and I certainly didn't think I was ready when I posted a group of TikTok videos without knowing anything about TikTok.
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They're still out there if you want to search for your third third.
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I still cringe a little bit, but I left them up because I'm kind of leaning into my vulnerability.
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I spend a lot of time trying to figure out artificial intelligence because it's a tool I'm not sure exactly how it fits into my life right now.
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But I'm pretty sure that my third third needs a lot more human interaction and a lot less artificial intelligence.
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Maybe yours does too.
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That's the show for today.
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If you like it, please subscribe to it wherever you're listening.
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Leave a review.
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That helps others discover it.
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If this episode made you think of someone, sending it to them would be a pretty good first act of HI Human Interaction.
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Again, the link to the form to sign up is in the show notes.
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I'm Steve Gerschik.
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And this is your third third.
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Bye for now.