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Episode 7
Navigating Masculinity Part 1
From Anger to Understanding — A Journey of Growth
Guest: Andrew ‘Bernie’ Bernard — speaker, author and educator
Episode Description
Andrew ‘Bernie’ Bernard has spent nearly two decades working with young people on masculinity, equality, domestic abuse and men’s mental health. He’s delivered keynotes at Parliament and spoken to over 170,000 people in schools and organisations across the country. But before any of that, he was an angry young man from Aylesbury who got arrested on Oxford Street, smashed up a pub, and left school with an E and a U at A level.
In the first of a two-part conversation, Bernie traces the journey from that angry teenager to the man he is today. He talks about what was driving the anger — entitlement, a chaotic home, a grammar school that felt wrong, and an adoption he found out about at 17. About the moment a friend called him in rather than called him out, and how that changed the way he thought about women. About the college principal who gave him one last chance. And about what it took to finally allow himself to believe he was clever.
This is a conversation about masculinity and what it actually means to grow up in a man, not a boy.
You can find Bernie as "What Makes A Man" on Instagram
Timestamps
02:27 Why Was He Angry? Grammar School, Entitlement and Resentment
03:44 Getting Arrested, Smashing Up a Pub, Wrecking His A Levels
05:21 Finding Out He Was Adopted at 17
07:35 Feeling Lost — Cycling, a Stolen Bike and More Resentment
09:28 Leaving Aylesbury and Reinventing Himself
11:40 The Friend Who Called Him In Rather Than Called Him Out
13:05 How Long It Took for His Behaviour to Change
15:25 The College Principal Who Gave Him One Final Chance
16:45 The Lecturer Who Believed in Him
18:17 When Do You Think You Were a Fully Formed Man?
19:06 Becoming a Father — and the Man Box Around Caregiving
20:37 Active Dad but Not Taking the Mental Load
21:52 Val as the Initiator — Learning to Follow Her Lead
24:13 Kids Need Boundaries and Care
26:37 Banter, Friendship and Knowing When to Check In
29:34 Setting Up a Support Group for Friends After Mike’s Death
30:50 How Do You Deal with Grief?
32:03 The Man Box, Justifiable Rage and Not Accessing Feelings
34:08 The Feelings Wheel and Processing Emotions
35:58 What Took Him Into Schools
37:48 Enterprise Soapbox — 170,000 Young People
37:59 Torque Ten — Quickfire Questions with Bernie
39:58 Dom’s Closing Reflection
Lines From This Episode
"Inside, this little boy had got completely lost in all of that."
"He took me to one side and said — you’re better than this. I know you’re better than this."
"No one learned anything through shame. Only to be quiet and never say anything again."
"I allowed myself to believe I was actually clever. I’d spent so long thinking it wasn’t cool to be clever."
"We spend so much of our time worrying about what we look like. We don’t consider much about our character."
"We can make ourselves as busy as we want. But sometimes we just have to go — how can I help?"
PREVIOUS EPISODES -
From Patrol To Podium - Torque | Acast
Debunking Sleep Myths - Torque | Acast
Lessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | Acast
Diving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | Acast
Do You Feel Frozen Out? - Torque | Acast
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Original music composed and used with permission from Alex Tilley
Video Editing for Socials assistance provided by Lily O'Connor
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