Quick Start

WEBVTT
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Welcome to Get Big Out Loud Radio, where we explore
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living the complex, funny, and beautiful ride of life with me,
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Keri Knutson, and Dr.
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Pat on TransformationTalkRadio.com. Are your thoughts keeping you small? Are
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you ready to get big?
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I will offer you ideas to transform what you are
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thinking into conscious action. Explore what is keeping you small
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and how to shift your behaviors in.
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Order to get big. Learn what is possible for you.
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Get ready to get big and live life out loud
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starting now.
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Oh boy, everybody, I'm Dr.
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Pat.
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We've got a goodie for you today because I was
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just at the gym yesterday, Carrie, and it's so interesting
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about the quick start buttons, right? And I especially love
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them for Linda because, you know, you put that screen
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in front of her and she's figured it out. But
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the quick start button is the thing you start and
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you could immediately get going. You almost don't have to think.
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So today we're going to talk about the quick start.
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What if life, that's like the whole thing, the whole life,
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had a quick start button, like the machines? Could you
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get moving towards your goals? Could you actually even maybe
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write your goals? Do you have a plan? Do you
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need to have a plan? Or do you just get
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on that machine, hit quit and start and have no
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idea how long you're going to be on there or
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how that's going to do anything to improve what you're
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trying to get done. But this is a great topic because,
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you know, part of this is. we really are almost
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demanding quick start left, right, upside down. I mean, isn't
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that the whole AI movement? Don't people look at AI
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like quick start?
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But it's interesting when you say that quick start was
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with something getting to you fast, I think is different.
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Like if I put, if you put something in AI
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and you want an answer in five.
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Seconds or Google search or whatever, versus the quick start
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button is more about an internal motivation to do something.
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And just like you said, you were at the gym recently.
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I was too.
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And I was, sitting on the stationary bike, I think
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I sat there for probably two or three whole minutes
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deciding like, which, which should I do?
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Moderate or intense? Which, let's know, how much time do
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I have?
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I don't know if I, what I want, I was,
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I was spending so much time and then I just
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laughed at myself because I'm like, I could have been
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working out the whole time I was planning my workout.
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And it's just that quick start button caught my eye.
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And I'm like, just start already. And that's when it
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led to this whole idea.
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Of like, oh my gosh, in my own life, where
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do I hem and haw? Where do I delay? And
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why do I procrastinate on things?
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And what would it be like if mentally I had
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my quick start button at my disposal?
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And it made me think about the whole thing.
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Internal motivation to start things and how much of our
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lives is spent either planning or hoping or dreaming or
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saying why we can't or whatever, kicking the can down
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the lane a little bit.
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And so that's why I wanted.
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This episode I wanted to discuss, you know, this episode,
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how can we think about a quick start button, you know,
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internally in our minds?
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And what would that look like?
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You know what I love about this? Because I watch
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myself and, you know, if I'm on a machine, but
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it was so interesting because I was, you know, watching
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Linda on the sit down bike thing where you get
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her going on quick start. And it used to be
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really a conundrum for her. Like, I don't know the button.
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I don't Okay, now it's like you hit the quick
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start and then she automatically knows how to raise the
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intensity now, what to do. So the quick start gets
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you on there. But then let's talk about how the
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quick start actually could be a motivation for keep going.
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I mean, look at you. What did you do at
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the gym with the pedaling?
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Oh, my gosh. Well, it was so funny because by
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the time I just hit quick start, I was like,
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get out of your head, Carrie.
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Just start. And it was so interesting.
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Once I started, then I just started, and then I
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looked at the clock after I started.
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I'm like, okay, I have 25 minutes. I have to go. Okay,
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five-minute warm-up, 15-minute workout, five-minute cool-down. Okay.
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And then I started messing with the buttons and stuff
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as I felt like doing it, but I didn't do
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a program, a preset program, because I was like, oh,
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I don't have 30 minutes.
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But I have 25.
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Okay.
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So you can still make it work. Right. But the
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preset programs are like for 30 and above.
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So it was funny that as I just got going
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and then I felt like, oh my gosh, look what
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I did in that 25 minutes without delaying it because I,
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my plan wasn't perfect. And I actually planned in the
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moment when I, when I started, then I could plan. Okay.
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Now I have 25 minutes. What intensity do I want?
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And so again, it just made me think about how
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you can, most people can relate to that with exercise, right?
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As long as you start and you did it and
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you finished. And I felt good at the end. And
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I'm so glad I did 25 minutes rather than zero, right?
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Which is what I would have done had I just
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been like, oh, I don't have time to do the
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preset program.
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Oh, which one should I do?
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Blah, blah, blah.
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And I think mentally, it also gave me the idea
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of like, Just start, Carrie. And I don't know why
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that particular day I was so in my head, but
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I think sometimes we get in our heads about things
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like overcomplicating it, thinking we don't have enough time, wondering
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how it's all going to turn out, feeling like our
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plan isn't perfect. And all the things are like, won't
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just start till I get this going. And I think
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that day on the bike just hit me how sometimes
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you just just start To get going and then you
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can make your plan.
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But part of it is just starting.
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And for a lot of us, I think that's difficult
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because we pre-plan our start. And if everything of the
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conditions aren't perfect, we can't just go for it. There's
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a lot of barriers that come up, which I think
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like that's pretty common for most people to think we procrastinate.
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We say why we can't do something and then we
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just don't do it.
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But then we don't feel good later.
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Right.
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We don't feel proud of ourselves later.
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So part of the act of doing it, doing something
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also feeds into that. Oh, I'm, I'm proud of myself.
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Or that was, that felt good.
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Or I.
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Didn't have to do everything to do something that kind of,
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and not all or nothing thinking.
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And you know what I love about this? You could
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take it and apply it to that, but I had
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a big decision. So let's just talk about how this
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whole quick start thing transfers over to many things. You know,
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I mean, How many times have you, well, maybe you haven't.
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Maybe you take control of your kids, your kitchen, your dinner, right?
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But I've watched parents walk in and say, oh, kids,
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what do you want for dinner? Oh my God, it's
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like 50 million conversations about what they want for dinner.
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I would have already had it cooked, right? And yet
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I understand that sometimes you have to be clear about
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what you're starting to But here's an example, and I'm
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not sure if I want to call it procrastination for myself,
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but maybe I do. And we transferred our company out
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of Washington State to Wyoming. And, you know, part of that,
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if we leave our lives up to other people, like
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if you're at the gym and you think that the
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fitness person on call is going to come over and
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hit your start button for you, come on now, think again.
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It's not going to happen. And there are so many
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times in life where we count on other people to
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do things that really we need to take the bull
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by the horns and do. And that's one of those
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gaps between knowing what we have to do and then
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actually doing something. So, you know, your work on emotional intelligence,
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let's talk about that. Because sometimes maybe you don't want
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to just hit that start button at the gym. You've
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never been on the machine before. Maybe you're afraid. Maybe
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you don't know is start mean. I'm going to be like,
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you know, I mean, have you ever seen somebody on
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a treadmill for the first time?
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Oh my gosh.
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I would like to say, have you ever seen me
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on a clip in bike for the first time? Like
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I took one of those classes where it was like
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a soul exercise.
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Class where you're supposed to clip in and stuff. And
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I completely didn't know everyone came in. They adjusted their
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bike seats. They knew how to clip on their thing.
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They were like in the mood. It was dark even.
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And people kind of were starting to warm up. And
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I know I couldn't even adjust the machine, Dr. Pat.
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And then my shoes weren't right. And then I can't.
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And everyone is like, and my mind was super cool.
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They had everything together and I'm like flailing. I actually
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got my shoes on, but then couldn't get them in
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the thing. And the instructor starting like, click up your
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bike and do this.
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And now stand up, sit. And I was like, Oh,
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my God.
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I know, right?
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It's so embarrassing sometimes when you're doing something for the
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first time.
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Like, there's so many things you just don't know. And
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even as, like, I.
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Think it's a good analogy to use riding a bike. Like,
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you could just ride a bike, right?
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No. Or you could just walk on a treadmill. No.
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If you haven't seen the layout of the machine before
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and you bring up a good point, like, doing something
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for the first time or doing something we're not, we
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know we're not going to be good at or something
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we're not familiar with, especially as adults.
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I think this is what comes into play. We want
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to do the thing.
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And then we juxtapose that with like, how embarrassing will
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it be if I'm not good at it?
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What will happen if people judge me? I'm this old.
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I should know this by now. Whatever we kind of
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story we have about that. I should be blah, blah, blah,
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but I'm not. So it's kind of getting into our
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minds about like, why we shouldn't or shouldn't do something.
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And then my whole thing is sometimes you have to
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have an experience to gain confidence to do the thing.
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But we wait to have confidence first. We're like, when
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I have confidence, I'll do the thing. And that's what's
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so important to think about your mindset. Sometimes it's actually,
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in my opinion, all the time, confidence is as a
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result of taking action.
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It's the result. Confidence doesn't come first. Or else it
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wouldn't be scary.
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If we're already confident to do something and take the action,
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that can build confidence, I guess, but you already have
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it because you.
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Were willing to take the action. So I think sometimes
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I'm like, how can I build my confidence? Do the
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thing and then survive it. And then realize you did,
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and then you'll do better. So this is an example
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of this.
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I work a lot of times with people who want
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to improve their speaking skills or become speakers or they
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have this idea. And I can't tell you how many
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times people will call me and be like, I'm getting
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ready for my keynote.
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I'm like, okay, who's the audience? When is it? What's
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the date?
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And they're like, no, I don't have it yet, but
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I'm going to write my whole thing. And I'm like,
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there's not enough pressure to write.
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Who are you writing it for? How long will it be?
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Where's the pressure of having to do it? So you
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can spend lots of time thinking about it, writing of
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it until you have to perform. There's to me, there's
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not enough pressure to build confidence, actually do it. And
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so sometimes we're like, you have to have a gig,
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do the gig, survive the gig, learn from the gig
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and then realize, oh my gosh, look what I did
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to have confidence. And so I feel like in speaking
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that happens to me like all the time when, especially
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depending on the stakes of the gig or like how
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experienced I am with a group or not, whatever, like
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You can't wait to have confidence before you do the thing.
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Doing the thing gives you confidence.
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And that's kind of the start button mentality. Like I'm
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going to do the thing and it might not be pretty.
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I might have to ask for help. I might not
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get through the way I thought I did. I might not.
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What ever been the exercise class in my first stationary bike?
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The instructor had to get off her bike to come
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help me. And I was so embarrassed because then she's,
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you know, still on her mic trying to smack me.
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But at the end, I mean, I got through the
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class and I thought no one's even talking about that
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girl who couldn't figure out her clips. No one is
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because they were all in their own life. But and
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also that instructor, that's part of her job to help people. OK,
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so like I had to like talk myself down after
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the fact. But in the beginning, it's mortifying. And sometimes
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we have to process our feelings like I might.
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Be mortified. I might be scared.
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It might make me anxious. It might not work out right.
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And we have to contend with those feelings. It doesn't
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mean don't do it. It means that's a normal reaction
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to trying something new.
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And so, okay.
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It is, you know, let's talk about the bike thing.
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And then I want to talk about situations, right? Okay.
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So I love to do the bike thing. I really
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do because it's a level of intensity, but I have
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to be very careful when I do that now. However,
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getting on the bike and putting my feet, I learned
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not to wear big old fat sneakers when you're doing that.
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They just don't fit in that metal thing. But I
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remember the last time I ever did this because I
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was so embarrassed. It wasn't that I couldn't get on.
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I couldn't get off. I had somehow, oh my God,
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it was like my shoelace got tangled in something and
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I'm sitting there and I couldn't pedal anymore because my
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shoelace somehow, hello, I didn't double knot. It was all
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tied up like in a knot on the bike. And
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I remember not knowing what to do because you're in
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a class. It's high intensity. Everybody's like pedaling away. And
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you're right. It's dark. I don't know. I guess they
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make it dark so you can see a screen. But
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I'm sitting there and.
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I'm not pedaling.
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45 minutes. I don't raise my hand. I'm just like
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not pedaling. And all I kept thinking about is, oh
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my God, what do these people think about why I'm
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not pedaling? Do they think I'm tired? Do they think
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I'm too old? What do they think? And at the
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same time, I'm trying to yank my foot out of
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the bike thing, right? Just try to yank my shoe out.
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45 minutes passes, everybody leaves and the instructor is up there.
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And she looked at me and said, you must really
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like being on the bike. I said, you know what?
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I have been sitting on here for 45 minutes and
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my shoelace is tangled in there. And I didn't want
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to disrupt the class. I didn't want to disrupt the class.
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So she said, you're not disrupting the class. That's what
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we're here for.
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And it was.
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So interesting about that because I learned a lot about myself.
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But let's talk about situations when you go to do
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a keynote. Oh yeah.
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You gotta be ready.
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You gotta be like putting that start button. Oh yeah.
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And you have to be ready and prepared, but sometimes
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the thing is your best preparation. Sometimes, you know, there's
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a quote that says preparation and when preparation meets opportunity,
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there's something about being prepared and the opportunity.
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Will be there for you. But I think it's interesting.
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Sometimes you can prepare and, And then what the opportunity
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presents to you is something totally different.
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And I feel like it's interesting in your mindset.
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I think you do need a quick start when you're
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about to do something, especially like give a keynote or
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give a speech, give any kind of talk.
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You have to like, I'm the train has left the station.
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Here we go. But then what happens is if you
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can't be present in the moment, what you miss out
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on is the audience reaction to things.
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So sometimes you'll say something in the audience, you'll see them.
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Respond or laugh a little longer than you thought, or
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like not respond in a way you thought.
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And then you have to be able to pivot in
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that moment, but you have to be present to do it.
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And if you're so much.
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In your head, I think a lot of times we
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get into our, like, like, you know how you were
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frozen on the bike.
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Like I just sit there for 45 minutes and not
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ask for what I need. It's because you're in your head, right?
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You get in your head about what are other people
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think what's happening, what's going on, what's your thing. And
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so sometimes it's even just a mindset of like, there's
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a beautiful quote that I use a lot from Viola Spolin.
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She's the mother of improv. And what she said was
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out of your head and into the space.
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And, and to do improv, you have to be like
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in the moment because it's just, you know, in the
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moment theater essentially.
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But I love that because sometimes we get in our heads.
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Like I was in my head when my, when I
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was spending five minutes, what a workout should I do?
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And then you're in your head, like, what are people
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thinking about me? I'm going to spend 45, I'd rather
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sit here for 45 minutes and ask for help.
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Right.
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And then if you're speaking and you're in your head,
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what happens is you miss out on the people that you're.
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In front of.
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And sometimes again, things in presentations, I can't, I can
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tell you more wrong things than right things that have happened.
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Like with, let's say you prepare for.
368
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An hour and someone takes 30 minutes of your time
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to do introductions and awards and you have 30 minutes
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and you have to, you have to keep going.
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Let's say you have a problem with your slides. If
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you have a problem with your clicker, let's say you
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plan for a hundred people. This is true. I planned
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for a hundred people and three people showed up.
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Because the company had some kind of emergency or you
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plan for 20 people and 150 show up and you're like, okay,
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or the room isn't the way you want it or, or,
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I think this is interesting too. I showed up to
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one place and they're like, oh, didn't anyone tell you we're.
380
00:16:58.700 --> 00:17:02.480
Actually at this other facility today? Oh, my God.
381
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And then the biggest thing was that I'll tell you,
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for me, the pinnacle of what happened to me was
383
00:17:08.569 --> 00:17:10.420
I was giving a presentation once and in the middle
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of the presentation, the lights completely went out in the
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entire conference center.
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All the electricity went out.
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No PowerPoint, no slides. You can't see anything. No handout,
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no microphone whatsoever. And I'm up on the stage and
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00:17:22.210 --> 00:17:25.410
I'm like, oh my God. And the crazy thing about
390
00:17:25.450 --> 00:17:29.329
that situation is some part of me, one part said, Carrie,
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00:17:29.349 --> 00:17:31.839
just dismiss everyone because the lights are out and this
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is awkward.
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You know, it's not okay. And then another part of
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me is like, why can't you just keep going? Like,
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00:17:38.700 --> 00:17:40.950
and it was a... kind of a strange juxtaposition.
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00:17:41.509 --> 00:17:43.369
And what I said in that moment, I just, I
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00:17:43.369 --> 00:17:44.829
don't know where it came from, but it just came out.
398
00:17:44.890 --> 00:17:46.990
It was like, I said, Hey everyone, if you need
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00:17:47.009 --> 00:17:49.049
to go seek light and.
400
00:17:48.970 --> 00:17:50.710
You need to be out of a dark room, please
401
00:17:50.769 --> 00:17:51.930
make your way to an exit.
402
00:17:52.369 --> 00:17:54.829
And then I said, but if you stay, I can
403
00:17:54.930 --> 00:17:57.789
promise you, this will be the best presentation you have
404
00:17:57.890 --> 00:17:58.529
never seen.
405
00:17:58.549 --> 00:18:01.569
Yeah. And then everyone laughed. And you know what I did?
406
00:18:01.690 --> 00:18:03.869
I just went to the center of the room because
407
00:18:03.910 --> 00:18:06.029
I had no mic. So I went to the center
408
00:18:06.109 --> 00:18:09.259
so I could project everything. And someone passed me a
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00:18:09.619 --> 00:18:13.299
phone with their flashlight on. And so I gave the
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00:18:13.339 --> 00:18:15.180
presentation with the flashlight on my face.
411
00:18:15.460 --> 00:18:18.359
And I was like, welcome to EQ at night or
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00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:21.240
in the dark or something. And then the most amazing
413
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:24.680
thing is I went on with the presentation. And what
414
00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:26.920
was so incredible is it forced me.
415
00:18:27.720 --> 00:18:29.779
It forced me to realize I don't need my PowerPoint
416
00:18:30.319 --> 00:18:31.759
because I have it in here. I don't need my
417
00:18:31.799 --> 00:18:34.589
handout because I have it here. And I don't need
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00:18:34.740 --> 00:18:40.200
to command anything. the space other than with my words
419
00:18:40.339 --> 00:18:44.509
and my energy. It doesn't matter like the stage and
420
00:18:44.529 --> 00:18:47.289
the extra bells and whistles. And at the end of
421
00:18:47.329 --> 00:18:50.529
that presentation was so incredible is right as I was ending,
422
00:18:50.589 --> 00:18:52.180
I said, let's.
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Get out of here and see each other. Let's get
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through this thing, whatever. And I said, and then the
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lights came on and we cheered and we hugged. And
426
00:18:59.569 --> 00:19:01.970
it was like the most amazing experience.
427
00:19:02.589 --> 00:19:04.789
And I think that moment really set me up to
428
00:19:04.829 --> 00:19:07.789
be like, sometimes you have to go through the unknowable,
429
00:19:07.849 --> 00:19:11.819
the unplannable, the unthinkable and survive it to then have confidence.
430
00:19:11.859 --> 00:19:15.039
Because now I feel like if I got through that,
431
00:19:16.619 --> 00:19:20.579
Pretty much everything else is like, okay, if I survived that.
432
00:19:20.619 --> 00:19:23.220
And it gave me confidence because even though I didn't
433
00:19:23.539 --> 00:19:25.240
plan it, I survived it.
434
00:19:25.299 --> 00:19:27.480
And I didn't quit. I didn't give up. I kept going.
435
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:30.460
And it proved something to me. So sometimes in your life,
436
00:19:30.500 --> 00:19:32.779
you have to think about those moments. You're not happy
437
00:19:32.819 --> 00:19:35.400
that you went through them. You wouldn't wish them on people.
438
00:19:35.740 --> 00:19:37.779
But if you can look back and be like, whoa,
439
00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:42.579
I made it. I survived that. What did I learn?
440
00:19:42.670 --> 00:19:45.220
How can that help give me confidence for next time?
441
00:19:45.259 --> 00:19:46.579
And I feel like it's kind of building up our
442
00:19:46.619 --> 00:19:49.769
confidence in our minds to be like, if I could
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00:19:49.809 --> 00:19:49.950
do that.
444
00:19:50.619 --> 00:19:53.740
I can do this. And again, not because we planned it,
445
00:19:53.769 --> 00:19:54.880
because we survived it.
446
00:19:55.730 --> 00:19:58.490
Oh, I had a perfect example of this the other day,
447
00:19:58.529 --> 00:20:00.349
and I didn't think about it till we were doing this.
448
00:20:00.369 --> 00:20:04.519
So let's talk about two things equally important, I think,
449
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:09.000
starting and finishing. We have to talk about both. We've
450
00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:14.880
got to take a moment here. Everybody breathe. Breathe. Because
451
00:20:15.380 --> 00:20:21.109
you know and I know that starting sometimes is great.
452
00:20:21.890 --> 00:20:27.150
But what happens if you start like Carrie just shared
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00:20:28.150 --> 00:20:32.910
and you're not quite thinking about the end game? You
454
00:20:32.930 --> 00:20:34.009
understand what I'm saying?
455
00:20:34.950 --> 00:20:35.109
Yes.
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00:20:36.089 --> 00:20:39.670
If you're in the middle of something and all of
457
00:20:39.730 --> 00:20:43.849
a sudden it goes longer, are you so back to
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00:20:43.930 --> 00:20:46.930
back that the start of the new thing will suffer
459
00:20:47.170 --> 00:20:49.390
and the end of the thing you're working on? So
460
00:20:49.490 --> 00:20:51.869
it's kind of like, if you don't think about both,
461
00:20:52.930 --> 00:20:56.450
then in our busy schedules, we're always in deficit motion.
462
00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:01.079
And that is hard when we're always, cause I, I
463
00:21:01.119 --> 00:21:03.819
tend to get into that. I like, then I'm always failing.
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00:21:04.440 --> 00:21:07.660
Because if I can't start and finish, then I'm just failing.
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00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:09.380
And then you kind of have a list of your failures.
466
00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:11.390
And now I'm failing again. I'm failing. Look, I didn't
467
00:21:11.410 --> 00:21:13.769
succeed in this. I didn't. And that, again, lives in
468
00:21:13.849 --> 00:21:14.430
our mind.
469
00:21:14.970 --> 00:21:17.009
And then the outcome shows in the things that we do.
470
00:21:17.470 --> 00:21:19.029
And so part of it is we have to make
471
00:21:19.079 --> 00:21:25.420
a distinction between starting and finishing and what is essentially worthwhile.
472
00:21:26.150 --> 00:21:27.430
Because I think sometimes.
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00:21:27.150 --> 00:21:29.910
We're like, oh, I won't start unless I can finish
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and finish perfectly. And also the goal around finishing and completion,
475
00:21:35.769 --> 00:21:37.730
we love to have our to-do list and check it off.
476
00:21:37.789 --> 00:21:38.470
I did the whole thing.
477
00:21:38.970 --> 00:21:41.710
But part of staying in like I'm always failing mode
478
00:21:41.750 --> 00:21:43.990
is that I can't check off the thing.
479
00:21:44.190 --> 00:21:46.650
Because I didn't do the whole thing. And that's hard
480
00:21:46.730 --> 00:21:50.789
on our self-esteem. It is. And it's really difficult. And
481
00:21:50.829 --> 00:21:52.130
I know like I get into that.
482
00:21:52.150 --> 00:21:53.930
And you said you did too, right?
483
00:21:53.950 --> 00:21:56.390
Like it's kind of a human thing. condition.
484
00:21:56.509 --> 00:21:59.869
So part of the thing is just making a distinction
485
00:21:59.890 --> 00:22:02.910
between starting and finishing. But sometimes you're like, I might
486
00:22:02.930 --> 00:22:05.990
not have time to finish, but do I have time
487
00:22:06.039 --> 00:22:08.839
to start? And one of the things I wanted to
488
00:22:08.880 --> 00:22:11.259
bring up with my idea of quick start is sometimes
489
00:22:11.299 --> 00:22:14.779
you only have, let's say, let's say you have 10
490
00:22:14.779 --> 00:22:16.460
minutes and I want to clean up the whole entire kitchen.
491
00:22:16.779 --> 00:22:18.660
I have the whole kitchen is a mess. I don't
492
00:22:18.700 --> 00:22:19.960
have 10 minutes, right?
493
00:22:20.299 --> 00:22:22.220
So I won't even start because I look, well, I
494
00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:25.130
can't finish it. But then I'm just dragging, oh, God,
495
00:22:25.150 --> 00:22:26.269
the kitchen's still a mess.
496
00:22:26.329 --> 00:22:27.190
Oh, my God.
497
00:22:27.210 --> 00:22:27.950
My next thing. Right.
498
00:22:28.529 --> 00:22:31.150
So part of that is I developed this thing. And
499
00:22:31.190 --> 00:22:32.849
it's a friend of mine told me about it. She's like,
500
00:22:32.890 --> 00:22:35.349
just set a time for 10 minutes. If that's all
501
00:22:35.369 --> 00:22:37.589
the time you have set it for 10 minutes because
502
00:22:37.630 --> 00:22:39.650
it's a small enough hill.
503
00:22:40.349 --> 00:22:42.150
You know, you can climb it and then tell yourself
504
00:22:42.210 --> 00:22:45.019
you don't have to finish. You just have to start.
505
00:22:45.500 --> 00:22:47.400
And would it be a success if you did something
506
00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:49.480
for 10 minutes? And I'm always.
507
00:22:49.240 --> 00:22:51.200
Surprised if I set a timer because to me it's
508
00:22:51.220 --> 00:22:53.559
like a go button and you have to focus. You
509
00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:55.609
only have 10 minutes and you have permission to stop
510
00:22:56.410 --> 00:23:00.210
without it being complete. But part of me feels like,
511
00:23:00.250 --> 00:23:01.569
so let's say the kitchen, for example.
512
00:23:01.589 --> 00:23:04.410
I don't have time to clean the whole thing, but man,
513
00:23:04.410 --> 00:23:06.839
10 minutes, you can empty the dishwasher, wipe down the counters,
514
00:23:07.160 --> 00:23:09.859
maybe even get to sweeping. It takes so much less
515
00:23:09.920 --> 00:23:11.880
time than you think when you look at it. You're like, oh,
516
00:23:11.880 --> 00:23:12.420
I don't have time.
517
00:23:13.869 --> 00:23:15.970
And then sometimes if the timer goes off, I know
518
00:23:15.990 --> 00:23:17.970
to go off to my next thing. I've had a
519
00:23:18.029 --> 00:23:21.450
little bit of success because I started and I'm not
520
00:23:21.509 --> 00:23:23.089
making completion the goal.
521
00:23:23.109 --> 00:23:26.450
I'm making starting the goal. Exactly.
522
00:23:26.809 --> 00:23:29.410
You know, look, what we're talking about is how we
523
00:23:29.470 --> 00:23:33.460
trick ourselves into what I call, you know, a deficit loop.
524
00:23:33.779 --> 00:23:36.259
That's what I call it. Because the minute that you
525
00:23:36.319 --> 00:23:39.740
start out with thinking about, I only have 10 minutes,
526
00:23:39.799 --> 00:23:41.819
therefore I'm not going to do anything because I'm not
527
00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:45.049
going to finish now. Clearly, I'm not talking about things
528
00:23:45.069 --> 00:23:48.259
that have to be started and finished. If you're going
529
00:23:48.279 --> 00:23:51.630
to put the pasta sauce on, you got to start it.
530
00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:54.779
You need to finish it. Or like my grandma used
531
00:23:54.799 --> 00:23:57.220
to do, leave it out all night. But if you
532
00:23:57.259 --> 00:24:01.400
start it, you have to have an end game. Let's
533
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:03.769
talk about this. When you and I are sitting by
534
00:24:03.829 --> 00:24:05.829
ourselves and we're in a gym, we don't have other
535
00:24:05.869 --> 00:24:09.009
people counting on us. But if I go to the
536
00:24:09.089 --> 00:24:12.130
gym and I'm there with somebody else, or it doesn't
537
00:24:12.170 --> 00:24:16.150
matter what I'm doing, if other people are involved, you
538
00:24:16.190 --> 00:24:21.240
have to gauge that. You know, I knew that I
539
00:24:21.299 --> 00:24:25.339
had to go get my driver's license here in New Jersey.
540
00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:27.859
And I did all the forms and I did everything.
541
00:24:27.880 --> 00:24:30.460
And I made an appointment at the DMV.
542
00:24:31.490 --> 00:24:31.809
Right.
543
00:24:32.170 --> 00:24:34.789
So I went and I had the appointment. And you
544
00:24:34.809 --> 00:24:40.009
know what? They took me on time. However, they don't
545
00:24:40.089 --> 00:24:42.490
tell you that we take you on time. Then you
546
00:24:42.519 --> 00:24:44.220
got to go sit out there and you got to
547
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:48.140
wait for your number to be called. So intuitively, I
548
00:24:49.579 --> 00:24:53.220
blocked out three hours for the DMV. And you know,
549
00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:56.079
it took up every minute of three hours. They took
550
00:24:56.119 --> 00:24:59.059
me on time. So I got started right away. But
551
00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:01.500
if I didn't add in that I was going to
552
00:25:01.539 --> 00:25:07.140
be number 2043 and we were on 1500, if I
553
00:25:07.160 --> 00:25:11.569
didn't build that in, right, I would have been problematic.
554
00:25:12.190 --> 00:25:14.269
And I think we have to think a little bit
555
00:25:14.369 --> 00:25:19.569
about not just the conditions we're in, but who else
556
00:25:20.309 --> 00:25:25.289
might be around us that impacts our start and our finish.
557
00:25:25.670 --> 00:25:26.609
And it's not everything.
558
00:25:27.450 --> 00:25:30.029
No, but you make a really good distinction because this is, again,
559
00:25:30.609 --> 00:25:33.210
being more conscious about how we think about things.
560
00:25:33.869 --> 00:25:34.710
And I think the.
561
00:25:34.710 --> 00:25:37.690
Deficit you're talking about is so important because most people,
562
00:25:39.150 --> 00:25:41.829
I feel like, maybe I'm not supposed to say myself,
563
00:25:42.849 --> 00:25:44.849
and then people can decide for themselves, but I feel
564
00:25:44.910 --> 00:25:47.230
a sense of guiltiness about not getting it all done.
565
00:25:47.329 --> 00:25:48.009
Absolutely.
566
00:25:48.069 --> 00:25:51.750
And who's getting, you know, and who's getting... the benefit
567
00:25:51.769 --> 00:25:54.099
of our work or not. And again, people are counting
568
00:25:54.150 --> 00:25:55.440
on us and we can't do all the things.
569
00:25:55.480 --> 00:25:58.039
And then, and I sometimes feel like they'll get into like, I'm.
570
00:25:57.980 --> 00:26:00.440
Failing at everything because I didn't get these things done.
571
00:26:00.460 --> 00:26:03.099
I didn't get these things done turned into I'm failing
572
00:26:03.140 --> 00:26:05.920
or I'm a failure. And that's where we have to
573
00:26:05.960 --> 00:26:09.329
be really careful because first of all, it's not true.
574
00:26:09.420 --> 00:26:12.109
But second of all, the idea is if we're always
575
00:26:12.150 --> 00:26:15.829
running in a deficit and you can't win, it's.
576
00:26:15.710 --> 00:26:19.089
Hard to feel like, of winning.
577
00:26:19.630 --> 00:26:22.150
So if you're always like falling behind and always, and
578
00:26:22.170 --> 00:26:23.930
then you don't feel good about yourself or feel good.
579
00:26:23.950 --> 00:26:25.869
And that's why sometimes the quick start button, like I
580
00:26:25.890 --> 00:26:26.750
can't do everything, but I.
581
00:26:26.730 --> 00:26:28.750
Can do something. I don't know how it's all going
582
00:26:28.769 --> 00:26:30.130
to end, but I know how it's going to begin.
583
00:26:30.150 --> 00:26:33.460
And I feel like planting that seed too is so
584
00:26:33.539 --> 00:26:36.259
important because you have to like come from a place,
585
00:26:37.019 --> 00:26:39.319
even if it's not of a win, I feel like
586
00:26:39.359 --> 00:26:40.799
it's more of a neutral, at least I'm.
587
00:26:40.700 --> 00:26:41.880
Not failing at everything.
588
00:26:42.180 --> 00:26:43.779
And I think in our society, what we do is
589
00:26:43.839 --> 00:26:47.480
we equate our productivity with our worthiness and And as
590
00:26:47.519 --> 00:26:49.220
long as I'm being productive and look at all the
591
00:26:49.240 --> 00:26:50.460
things I get done, and as long as.
592
00:26:50.440 --> 00:26:54.380
I'm busy, then I'm worthwhile. Like then I have purpose.
593
00:26:55.059 --> 00:27:00.259
But there's a difference between being busy and being productive
594
00:27:01.019 --> 00:27:01.960
and taking action.
595
00:27:03.069 --> 00:27:05.509
And sometimes we get busy doing things that actually aren't
596
00:27:05.549 --> 00:27:07.609
related to taking action on the things we want to do.
597
00:27:07.670 --> 00:27:11.210
So don't confuse busyness with action and don't confuse productivity
598
00:27:11.230 --> 00:27:13.710
with worthiness. And there's a quote that I always say
599
00:27:13.730 --> 00:27:18.569
to myself too. We are human beings, not human doings.
600
00:27:18.789 --> 00:27:21.210
And all those things come into play with what you're
601
00:27:21.230 --> 00:27:21.569
talking about.
602
00:27:22.190 --> 00:27:24.410
And the distinction you make is really good. What if
603
00:27:24.430 --> 00:27:27.309
someone's counting on us to get something done? Okay, we
604
00:27:27.369 --> 00:27:29.109
might have to take something to the finish line because
605
00:27:29.170 --> 00:27:31.210
other people are counting on us.
606
00:27:31.680 --> 00:27:35.819
And at the same time, though, can we be more nuanced?
607
00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:39.079
Is everything an emergency? Is everyone counting on us all
608
00:27:39.099 --> 00:27:39.359
the time?
609
00:27:39.420 --> 00:27:41.460
Or like, when do I get to when?
610
00:27:42.039 --> 00:27:45.519
At being productive. And like your bike example too, you
611
00:27:45.579 --> 00:27:49.019
not asking for help didn't serve the instructor or the class, right?
612
00:27:49.380 --> 00:27:51.940
And all you did was lose out on 45 minutes
613
00:27:51.960 --> 00:27:54.319
that you could have been having a different experience, right?
614
00:27:54.740 --> 00:27:56.619
And you also, in your mind, part of that is like,
615
00:27:57.140 --> 00:27:58.640
I'm not worthy of asking for help.
616
00:27:59.740 --> 00:28:02.079
Yeah. And the other part of my mind is, I
617
00:28:02.099 --> 00:28:05.759
think this is a $ 4, 000 bike. Did I just break it? And,
618
00:28:05.980 --> 00:28:09.359
you know, so the bottom line is I'm sweating like
619
00:28:09.460 --> 00:28:11.940
everybody else, but I am not moving. But part of
620
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:14.279
what we're talking about is so important. I was working
621
00:28:14.319 --> 00:28:16.200
with somebody once, Carrie, I want you to touch upon
622
00:28:16.240 --> 00:28:19.099
this for a minute. You know, you must begin in
623
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:24.519
order to understand what is it about me? Is this
624
00:28:24.619 --> 00:28:27.779
something I'm afraid of? Is this harder than I thought?
625
00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:28.049
Is it?
626
00:28:28.900 --> 00:28:31.269
I was working with someone a bunch of years ago
627
00:28:31.289 --> 00:28:35.450
and I don't use the word procrastination because I think
628
00:28:35.490 --> 00:28:38.390
there's an understanding we have to have about different people.
629
00:28:39.509 --> 00:28:39.829
And one.
630
00:28:41.349 --> 00:28:44.690
Understanding is, Dr. Pat, I don't open my mail. I
631
00:28:44.710 --> 00:28:47.599
don't want to open my mail because it takes long
632
00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:50.099
for me to open my mail, read my mail, and
633
00:28:50.140 --> 00:28:54.839
then file it. And I said, okay. I said, well,
634
00:28:55.279 --> 00:28:56.220
what about just opening?
635
00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:56.619
Oh, no.
636
00:28:57.200 --> 00:28:59.259
I can't just open my mail. I got to open
637
00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:01.609
my mail. Then I have to read it all. Then
638
00:29:01.619 --> 00:29:04.150
I have to go right to filing my mail. Now,
639
00:29:04.250 --> 00:29:07.569
I'm a quadruple Sagittarius. Filing my mail is the last
640
00:29:07.609 --> 00:29:10.470
thing that comes to mind. I like, yeah, rip open
641
00:29:10.509 --> 00:29:12.529
the envelope, find out if it's a bill. If it's
642
00:29:12.569 --> 00:29:14.549
not a bill, if it's something interesting, I put it
643
00:29:14.609 --> 00:29:18.170
on the table, drives Linda crazy, of course. But think
644
00:29:18.259 --> 00:29:20.640
about that. You have to have a little compassion for
645
00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:25.400
people that have to complete everything. Yes, but that's to
646
00:29:25.420 --> 00:29:25.839
the point.
647
00:29:26.359 --> 00:29:28.160
Because that's around self-awareness, though.
648
00:29:28.279 --> 00:29:31.089
Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom, is a
649
00:29:31.309 --> 00:29:32.089
quote from Aristotle.
650
00:29:32.630 --> 00:29:36.549
Knowing yourself. So when you're in that mindset, that's really
651
00:29:36.670 --> 00:29:37.650
all or nothing thinking.
652
00:29:38.309 --> 00:29:39.970
Like I'm either doing everything or I'm doing everything.
653
00:29:40.039 --> 00:29:42.039
Nothing and I won't start and I have to do
654
00:29:42.079 --> 00:29:42.680
this this way.
655
00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:44.839
So for that example of the person who's like, I
656
00:29:44.839 --> 00:29:46.940
need to open the mail, read the mail, file the
657
00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:48.359
mail to feel good.
658
00:29:48.859 --> 00:29:50.539
Part of it is like, okay, then when in your.
659
00:29:50.420 --> 00:29:52.240
Day do you choose to do that as you're rushing
660
00:29:52.299 --> 00:29:54.680
out the door, as you're rushing home before dinner?
661
00:29:54.740 --> 00:29:54.980
No.
662
00:29:55.380 --> 00:29:57.210
Maybe then for you, if you're a person that you
663
00:29:57.230 --> 00:30:00.759
really care about that piece of your productivity.
664
00:30:01.240 --> 00:30:03.099
You schedule it and be like, well, the time that
665
00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:03.480
I have.
666
00:30:03.400 --> 00:30:06.720
To do that is on Sunday morning or Sunday afternoon.
667
00:30:07.019 --> 00:30:09.559
So I'm going to let it pile up because I
668
00:30:09.599 --> 00:30:10.960
know when I want to do that project.
669
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:12.859
I want to do the whole thing.
670
00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:13.640
Okay.
671
00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:15.779
Do that that way. I mean, if that's how you think,
672
00:30:15.799 --> 00:30:17.000
but we all have different things too.
673
00:30:17.039 --> 00:30:18.680
Like for me, I'm not going to let the kitchen
674
00:30:18.700 --> 00:30:21.109
stay messy for days just because I don't have time.
675
00:30:21.150 --> 00:30:22.150
That's going to be clean.
676
00:30:22.349 --> 00:30:25.410
Well, it's interesting what becomes a priority, right? And it's
677
00:30:25.450 --> 00:30:28.789
not necessarily something we want to do, but it's something like.
678
00:30:28.910 --> 00:30:31.079
I like the results. Like I've never motivated to clean
679
00:30:31.099 --> 00:30:33.779
the kitchen ever. I've never like, I can't wait. I'm
680
00:30:33.819 --> 00:30:35.779
motivated for the results of a clean kitchen.
681
00:30:36.299 --> 00:30:38.299
I also want our family to be able to function
682
00:30:38.380 --> 00:30:40.680
and for things not to get gross or dirty or whatever.
683
00:30:40.720 --> 00:30:44.529
So like I make that a priority. The interesting thing is.
684
00:30:44.589 --> 00:30:47.930
Permission to stop or permission to do some of it,
685
00:30:47.930 --> 00:30:49.450
which is why it changed. Like it used to have
686
00:30:49.470 --> 00:30:51.390
to be all or nothing with the kitchen. And I'm like,
687
00:30:51.430 --> 00:30:53.349
if the dishes are put away and the counters.
688
00:30:53.049 --> 00:30:55.269
Cleaned up, maybe I don't sweep till later.
689
00:30:56.309 --> 00:31:00.309
Maybe something like, so when you think about just growing
690
00:31:00.349 --> 00:31:03.019
in your own mind, growing in your own thinking, in
691
00:31:03.059 --> 00:31:04.779
your own mindset, sometimes it can.
692
00:31:04.680 --> 00:31:06.569
Be really important to be like, Let me think.
693
00:31:06.470 --> 00:31:09.109
About how I'm thinking about this, what rules I made
694
00:31:09.150 --> 00:31:11.970
about it, who's judging me or not, why this.
695
00:31:11.890 --> 00:31:14.130
Is or isn't.
696
00:31:14.269 --> 00:31:15.369
We get on autopilot.
697
00:31:15.710 --> 00:31:17.470
This is the way I think. This is what I know.
698
00:31:17.490 --> 00:31:20.490
This is how I've always operated. This is the truth.
699
00:31:20.589 --> 00:31:23.150
And again, sometimes I think the truth, like, why do
700
00:31:23.190 --> 00:31:25.089
you have to do it that way? That's your truth.
701
00:31:25.170 --> 00:31:27.609
It's not the truth. It's just your, and that's okay.
702
00:31:28.210 --> 00:31:28.970
You have your perspective.
703
00:31:28.990 --> 00:31:32.250
We all have different standards, but sometimes If you don't
704
00:31:32.450 --> 00:31:35.829
ask yourself these questions and self-reflect, it can be incredibly
705
00:31:35.869 --> 00:31:39.369
difficult to make changes. And why I brought this up
706
00:31:39.490 --> 00:31:42.559
is because sometimes the pain point is I'm operating in
707
00:31:42.599 --> 00:31:47.559
a certain way and it's not the way I wish.
708
00:31:47.460 --> 00:31:49.440
It could be or how I know I could do better,
709
00:31:49.500 --> 00:31:50.500
but I don't know how to change.
710
00:31:51.339 --> 00:31:54.079
And so the whole way I offer this up is,
711
00:31:54.160 --> 00:31:57.029
is there something in your life where you wish you
712
00:31:57.049 --> 00:32:00.640
could change your thinking is there another way to think
713
00:32:00.680 --> 00:32:03.200
about it? Is there another way to approach it? Is
714
00:32:03.220 --> 00:32:06.000
there another perspective on it? And that's why sometimes I'm like, well,
715
00:32:06.019 --> 00:32:07.180
I'm just going to do what I've done the way
716
00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:10.099
I've always done it. But are you getting what you want? Yeah.
717
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:11.579
Is the outcome what you want?
718
00:32:11.640 --> 00:32:13.940
And so this is like an invitation, a way to
719
00:32:13.960 --> 00:32:16.200
be like, is there a pain point? Is there something
720
00:32:16.220 --> 00:32:18.420
that you want to change? Are you always feeling like
721
00:32:18.460 --> 00:32:19.029
you're failing?
722
00:32:19.609 --> 00:32:22.730
Could it be you're like hemming and hawing or procrastinating
723
00:32:22.789 --> 00:32:26.109
or just not getting started on the important things because of,
724
00:32:26.410 --> 00:32:28.970
and then fill in the blank, And is there another
725
00:32:29.009 --> 00:32:32.490
way to just get you started without having to feel
726
00:32:32.509 --> 00:32:35.990
like you have to finish to feel productive, to know
727
00:32:36.049 --> 00:32:38.250
it all, to be good enough, and to be like,
728
00:32:38.309 --> 00:32:39.130
do it perfectly?
729
00:32:39.150 --> 00:32:42.250
I know. It lives in your mind, not anywhere else.
730
00:32:42.309 --> 00:32:44.089
It lives in all of our minds. Exactly.
731
00:32:44.130 --> 00:32:46.349
Let's talk about the mind for a minute, because I
732
00:32:46.390 --> 00:32:50.450
got a message from a client today. And it was
733
00:32:50.490 --> 00:32:53.809
a little bit like, I've sent a bunch of emails,
734
00:32:53.890 --> 00:32:59.640
I've texted, and I'm like, Okay, I know I get
735
00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:02.880
bogged down with working with multiple clients, but rarely do
736
00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:05.690
I not check texts. And I go to look at
737
00:33:05.730 --> 00:33:10.829
the message on my phone. And it was like Sunday. No,
738
00:33:10.849 --> 00:33:17.890
I don't do the work text app. The only thing
739
00:33:17.910 --> 00:33:20.319
I look on Sunday in my messages is for my
740
00:33:20.380 --> 00:33:25.240
table tennis coach or something else. But I just don't
741
00:33:25.279 --> 00:33:29.130
have the mindset. But what happens with that? I started
742
00:33:29.150 --> 00:33:31.569
work with a client and I'm not doing a good
743
00:33:31.609 --> 00:33:34.349
job of finishing. You see, that's the other dynamic here.
744
00:33:34.690 --> 00:33:36.509
You see, I don't think we just want to start
745
00:33:36.549 --> 00:33:40.849
and finish. Most of us have a standard. Like, I'm
746
00:33:40.990 --> 00:33:45.220
sure for me, there are some days that I'll wash
747
00:33:45.299 --> 00:33:49.359
a dish or I'll do something like that. But that's
748
00:33:49.400 --> 00:33:52.700
not my job. I have a phobia that I got
749
00:33:52.779 --> 00:33:58.579
from recovery. 36 years in recovery. I never thought in
750
00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:03.529
my lifetime that watching a toilet bowl get even the
751
00:34:03.619 --> 00:34:07.660
slightest bit of dirty would cause me to obsessively clean it.
752
00:34:08.349 --> 00:34:11.489
And it's funny about it because it's like, well, wait
753
00:34:11.530 --> 00:34:13.019
a minute, we're going to clean the whole house. No,
754
00:34:13.030 --> 00:34:14.510
we're going to clean this now. I'm going to do
755
00:34:14.550 --> 00:34:16.590
this now. Well, but we're going to do that. No,
756
00:34:16.610 --> 00:34:18.190
I got to do it. And it hit me the
757
00:34:18.230 --> 00:34:22.159
other day. Why? Because in my first month of sobriety,
758
00:34:22.610 --> 00:34:27.599
that was my task. And the sponsor I had said,
759
00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:30.340
you are to start this and you are to finish it.
760
00:34:31.099 --> 00:34:33.320
You are to start it. And that's what they build
761
00:34:33.409 --> 00:34:37.909
into your mind sometimes. So it's very interesting that most
762
00:34:37.929 --> 00:34:41.469
of my life, I live in the fungible world. I'm
763
00:34:41.510 --> 00:34:45.090
very adaptable. You know, I can change, you know, I
764
00:34:45.130 --> 00:34:48.260
can move around. I can juggle six clients in one day.
765
00:34:49.460 --> 00:34:51.460
Six clients in an hour is a little tough, but
766
00:34:51.539 --> 00:34:55.239
I can do that juggling. However, There are some things
767
00:34:55.300 --> 00:34:57.349
that if I started, I am going to finish it.
768
00:34:58.360 --> 00:34:59.119
Which is great.
769
00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:03.320
It's just this weird thing, but who leaves their bathroom
770
00:35:03.380 --> 00:35:04.920
half cleaned people.
771
00:35:06.820 --> 00:35:08.039
And this is good to know Dr.
772
00:35:08.059 --> 00:35:09.900
Brett. Cause sometimes you're like, if I'm going to do
773
00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:11.280
that thing, I'm going to make sure I have time
774
00:35:11.300 --> 00:35:11.920
to start and finish it.
775
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:13.139
Cause it's important to me.
776
00:35:13.340 --> 00:35:14.019
It's important.
777
00:35:14.719 --> 00:35:17.460
And that's about your priorities. And the question though, if you,
778
00:35:17.539 --> 00:35:18.960
if you kept talking to me and said, and you're like,
779
00:35:19.239 --> 00:35:20.900
and this is also a priority and this is also
780
00:35:20.920 --> 00:35:21.119
a priority.
781
00:35:21.139 --> 00:35:24.820
And it's like, The word priority is like one thing,
782
00:35:24.880 --> 00:35:26.159
the thing that's at the top.
783
00:35:26.480 --> 00:35:28.460
And so when you have a priority, it's pretty easy
784
00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:30.900
to go from start to finish, like in most things.
785
00:35:31.000 --> 00:35:32.780
Like if this is my priority, I'm going to see
786
00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:34.820
it through. But what I think people do is they
787
00:35:34.860 --> 00:35:37.300
have multiple competing priorities.
788
00:35:37.860 --> 00:35:40.000
And then you get back to the thing, I can't
789
00:35:40.039 --> 00:35:42.480
win now because I can't finish anything. And then I
790
00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:44.199
won't start because I'm so overwhelmed because I didn't finish
791
00:35:44.219 --> 00:35:46.679
the last thing. And so again, it's like, I love
792
00:35:47.139 --> 00:35:49.820
your example though, is like, what is the one thing
793
00:35:49.880 --> 00:35:51.639
you need in your life to start and finish? And
794
00:35:51.699 --> 00:35:52.880
it's your quirky, weird thing.
795
00:35:52.900 --> 00:35:53.619
We all have them.
796
00:35:53.699 --> 00:35:55.099
Quirky, weird thing.
797
00:35:55.360 --> 00:35:57.889
What's your quirky, weird thing? We'd have so many things.
798
00:35:57.929 --> 00:36:01.150
Like to me, I can't have a dish in the
799
00:36:01.190 --> 00:36:05.110
sink overnight. Like I can't leave them. I can't, it
800
00:36:05.150 --> 00:36:08.579
makes me, I just feel like, I know other people
801
00:36:08.619 --> 00:36:10.260
can just leave their dishes out or whatever. I was like,
802
00:36:10.280 --> 00:36:13.000
I just can't sleep until like, The dishes are done
803
00:36:13.119 --> 00:36:15.820
and everything's away and it's.
804
00:36:15.039 --> 00:36:16.300
Finished, right? That's my thing.
805
00:36:16.340 --> 00:36:18.380
And for whatever, we don't have to trace back the why.
806
00:36:18.460 --> 00:36:21.659
We just have certain priorities, right? And to me, if
807
00:36:21.679 --> 00:36:23.719
the bathroom got clean, I'm like, oh, do we do
808
00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:24.639
it this week?
809
00:36:24.699 --> 00:36:26.380
Sunday's coming. We'll do it on Sunday, whatever. Like, you
810
00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:28.219
know what I mean? It's not that big. But for you,
811
00:36:28.280 --> 00:36:30.420
it's like, no, that will happen. So again, that's not
812
00:36:30.460 --> 00:36:33.320
the thing itself. It's our attachment to it.
813
00:36:33.429 --> 00:36:36.710
And it's also kind of, I would say, thinking about
814
00:36:37.230 --> 00:36:41.369
multiple competing priorities and Is that part of the reason
815
00:36:41.409 --> 00:36:43.090
it's difficult to finish things?
816
00:36:43.130 --> 00:36:46.010
Because there's too many multiple competing priorities. We have to
817
00:36:46.050 --> 00:36:48.150
do everything. It has to be perfect. And the idea
818
00:36:48.190 --> 00:36:50.690
of perfectionism, that only serves us.
819
00:36:50.650 --> 00:36:54.130
For things we can absolutely control. Like you can clean
820
00:36:54.150 --> 00:36:56.909
that toilet. You can control pretty much how you're cleaning, right?
821
00:36:56.949 --> 00:36:58.809
Like you can control that. So that's a great thing
822
00:36:58.829 --> 00:36:59.809
to have perfectionism around.
823
00:37:00.329 --> 00:37:01.989
And you're willing to do it. You're not telling Linda
824
00:37:02.010 --> 00:37:04.030
to do it. You have pretty much complete control.
825
00:37:04.590 --> 00:37:07.849
What happens is when you don't have control and you
826
00:37:08.050 --> 00:37:13.159
expect perfectionism, Then we get involved with other people, their
827
00:37:13.179 --> 00:37:15.840
ability to do things, our desire. Does it have to
828
00:37:15.860 --> 00:37:18.920
be perfect to get done? And there's another quote I
829
00:37:18.940 --> 00:37:20.710
like to say, perfect is the enemy of good.
830
00:37:21.130 --> 00:37:23.869
Some things are good enough. And it has to be.
831
00:37:23.949 --> 00:37:26.409
That's an interesting distinction, though, because what's good enough for me,
832
00:37:26.429 --> 00:37:27.449
like in a presentation.
833
00:37:27.670 --> 00:37:28.289
Exactly.
834
00:37:28.949 --> 00:37:34.440
I have high standards for that. Organizing my garage, less standards.
835
00:37:35.260 --> 00:37:38.079
My standards on design. It can be just OK. But again,
836
00:37:38.119 --> 00:37:41.719
that's our self-awareness. Sometimes it's good enough.
837
00:37:42.719 --> 00:37:45.900
And even to me, that 15 minutes on the bike
838
00:37:45.940 --> 00:37:49.199
the other day when I had that time, I was like.
839
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:52.090
It was good enough. Should it have been a half hour?
840
00:37:52.139 --> 00:37:53.360
Should it have been an hour? Should I have done
841
00:37:53.389 --> 00:37:53.760
a bigger workout?
842
00:37:53.780 --> 00:37:54.130
I don't know.
843
00:37:55.070 --> 00:37:56.769
It was good enough to get me to get me
844
00:37:56.829 --> 00:37:59.010
say I did some exercise that day. Right.
845
00:37:59.230 --> 00:38:01.690
And sometimes we have to think in our lives is
846
00:38:01.789 --> 00:38:04.250
am I doing good enough? And again, it's that mental
847
00:38:04.329 --> 00:38:06.769
load that we carry of I'm always failing. I'm never
848
00:38:06.809 --> 00:38:09.510
doing it right. I'm always being wrong. I'll never get
849
00:38:09.550 --> 00:38:09.909
it done.
850
00:38:10.190 --> 00:38:12.909
And most of us live in that space, which is
851
00:38:12.989 --> 00:38:16.210
why I want to counter that with like, okay, was.
852
00:38:16.090 --> 00:38:16.670
It good enough?
853
00:38:17.349 --> 00:38:20.039
Did I at least get started? Did I, did I
854
00:38:20.079 --> 00:38:22.440
stay clear on my priorities for the day? And, and
855
00:38:22.500 --> 00:38:25.699
did I control what I can control? Like that's, that's
856
00:38:25.739 --> 00:38:28.139
a good, I mean, to me, splitting the difference.
857
00:38:28.800 --> 00:38:31.960
Let's talk about something you just said, though. This is
858
00:38:32.019 --> 00:38:36.889
the tricky one. I love that you, you didn't say perfection, right?
859
00:38:37.670 --> 00:38:40.130
I mean, I'm not saying I do the cleaning perfectly,
860
00:38:40.289 --> 00:38:45.579
although I was raised by Grandmama Balella. And Grandmama, like,
861
00:38:45.619 --> 00:38:47.980
got you on the floor with your toothbrush to get
862
00:38:48.019 --> 00:38:53.099
that Italian grout clean. But she made it fun, right?
863
00:38:53.179 --> 00:38:56.190
I mean, there's work, but Grandma always made it fun.
864
00:38:56.849 --> 00:38:59.110
You know, we could be doing that kind of thing,
865
00:38:59.170 --> 00:39:02.530
and she'd be singing and laughing and just weird stuff, right?
866
00:39:03.010 --> 00:39:03.769
That was fun.
867
00:39:04.329 --> 00:39:06.659
And what it did is we kept scrubbing the tile.
868
00:39:07.329 --> 00:39:12.500
With the toothbrush, right? But here's the thing I want
869
00:39:12.519 --> 00:39:17.340
to ask you, because we are acutely aware of what
870
00:39:17.380 --> 00:39:22.019
we're doing and not doing. We are acutely aware. And
871
00:39:22.119 --> 00:39:26.809
sometimes you have to bite the bullet, especially if you're
872
00:39:26.849 --> 00:39:31.190
waiting for somebody else to do things. And you have
873
00:39:31.250 --> 00:39:33.869
to hit the start button for yourself. I just went
874
00:39:33.889 --> 00:39:37.110
through this. I've been working with a company that I
875
00:39:37.159 --> 00:39:41.380
thought transferred my corporation in Wyoming. I find out they
876
00:39:41.420 --> 00:39:44.219
didn't do it. I'm still trying to push the boulder
877
00:39:44.300 --> 00:39:46.480
uphill for them to do it. I finally said no.
878
00:39:47.159 --> 00:39:50.070
I hired another company and we transferred it on our own.
879
00:39:50.530 --> 00:39:53.250
But it took me eight months for that. You understand?
880
00:39:53.690 --> 00:39:57.239
Because there was a benefit to me in procrastinating about it.
881
00:39:58.110 --> 00:40:01.230
Well, and have you ever done that before? It's probably
882
00:40:01.250 --> 00:40:02.690
the first time. First of all, it's huge.
883
00:40:03.070 --> 00:40:05.050
First, you're not used to doing it every day. It's
884
00:40:05.090 --> 00:40:07.590
also highly emotional. It's related to your business, right?
885
00:40:07.610 --> 00:40:07.909
Yeah.
886
00:40:08.269 --> 00:40:10.210
There's some level of denial that a lot of us
887
00:40:10.250 --> 00:40:12.550
get into. Like I hired a professional. They're supposed to
888
00:40:12.590 --> 00:40:15.030
take care of it. I can't believe that in the first.
889
00:40:14.849 --> 00:40:16.650
Place, but then I believe that someone will.
890
00:40:17.150 --> 00:40:19.590
And sometimes it takes us a while to go, oh,
891
00:40:19.829 --> 00:40:22.510
that person isn't going to help me. Or I can't
892
00:40:22.570 --> 00:40:26.090
just allow these decisions to be made by other people.
893
00:40:26.429 --> 00:40:28.309
I have to get in it. And maybe I'm not
894
00:40:28.409 --> 00:40:30.050
used to making these business.
895
00:40:29.730 --> 00:40:32.090
Decisions or dealing with finances this way, but I got
896
00:40:32.110 --> 00:40:32.820
to figure it out.
897
00:40:33.489 --> 00:40:33.670
Right.
898
00:40:33.730 --> 00:40:35.590
And so for you, I think it took taking eight
899
00:40:35.630 --> 00:40:39.989
months is a little bit of the cycle around denial, hope,
900
00:40:40.190 --> 00:40:43.130
also giving up our power to other people because we
901
00:40:43.170 --> 00:40:46.289
just don't feel confident or competent in.
902
00:40:46.250 --> 00:40:48.389
The thing we want to do. Right. And then we
903
00:40:48.409 --> 00:40:50.530
don't want to the stakes are high, so we can't
904
00:40:50.570 --> 00:40:52.420
afford to fail. So better to give it to someone else.
905
00:40:52.820 --> 00:40:54.780
And in the end, you had to take it over anyway.
906
00:40:55.539 --> 00:40:55.800
Right.
907
00:40:55.860 --> 00:40:58.460
And that's hard lesson in life to be like, oh,
908
00:40:58.480 --> 00:41:00.139
should I have just done this from the beginning? But
909
00:41:00.300 --> 00:41:01.039
isn't that a lesson?
910
00:41:01.139 --> 00:41:01.920
Exactly.
911
00:41:02.079 --> 00:41:02.860
It is a lesson.
912
00:41:03.239 --> 00:41:05.389
You know, this is something that you and I are
913
00:41:05.429 --> 00:41:07.750
talking about that shows up in every part of our lives.
914
00:41:07.769 --> 00:41:10.269
I want to switch gears for a minute because if
915
00:41:10.329 --> 00:41:14.190
you work and you're working, you work for a company,
916
00:41:14.250 --> 00:41:19.090
a corporation, whatever the work is, there are expectations about
917
00:41:19.190 --> 00:41:24.469
beginning something and finishing something. It is, I mean, anybody
918
00:41:24.570 --> 00:41:29.190
that has ever worked in corporate America, even the hot
919
00:41:29.250 --> 00:41:31.510
dog selling job I had, there was a beginning and
920
00:41:31.530 --> 00:41:34.070
there was an end. And you had to do things
921
00:41:34.170 --> 00:41:37.159
in an order. You had to do things right. But
922
00:41:37.860 --> 00:41:42.119
sometimes we feel the pressure of that. And I want
923
00:41:42.159 --> 00:41:45.460
to ask you, why do we feel the pressure of that?
924
00:41:45.880 --> 00:41:49.679
And there's a reason. This showed up yesterday or Saturday.
925
00:41:49.699 --> 00:41:53.269
This showed up Saturday where we go to group coaching
926
00:41:53.309 --> 00:41:57.769
and it starts at 2 and it ends at 4.
927
00:41:59.030 --> 00:42:01.550
So I'm playing with a coach on a table, but
928
00:42:01.610 --> 00:42:08.030
everybody else walks off four minutes before four. And my
929
00:42:08.130 --> 00:42:12.050
coach is saying, where is everybody going? It's not four o'clock.
930
00:42:12.230 --> 00:42:17.219
Four minutes, mind you. For her, we were not done.
931
00:42:18.360 --> 00:42:23.179
And in her mind, four minutes of practice is 100 shots.
932
00:42:24.219 --> 00:42:28.929
So she continued to play. She didn't care that everybody
933
00:42:28.989 --> 00:42:33.130
else walked off with the general manager guy. She looked
934
00:42:33.210 --> 00:42:36.599
at the clock. I looked at the clock. She said,
935
00:42:37.360 --> 00:42:42.269
we're not done. We're not finished. And she finished it.
936
00:42:43.059 --> 00:42:47.030
Sometimes you have to push to finish something.
937
00:42:47.550 --> 00:42:47.769
Mm-hmm.
938
00:42:49.110 --> 00:42:52.659
But let's talk about what the cost is of doing that. Now,
939
00:42:52.719 --> 00:42:55.099
in this case, there was no cost. I mean, she
940
00:42:55.139 --> 00:42:57.199
was not going to not finish. She was not going
941
00:42:57.219 --> 00:42:59.719
to not go up to the exact hour because I
942
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:02.280
know her. She's like, we can do 100 more shots
943
00:43:02.340 --> 00:43:06.800
in here. But we go through this all the time,
944
00:43:07.480 --> 00:43:12.820
this idea of beginning and finishing, beginning and finishing. And
945
00:43:13.360 --> 00:43:18.070
talk about what the dilemma is, if you could. That
946
00:43:18.150 --> 00:43:20.929
happens when we don't start. And I know we're talking
947
00:43:20.969 --> 00:43:24.090
about building confidence, but when we don't start, we're chipping
948
00:43:24.170 --> 00:43:25.929
away at our confidence, aren't we?
949
00:43:26.190 --> 00:43:28.349
Yes, oh, 100% when we don't start.
950
00:43:28.429 --> 00:43:32.300
And we say like, I can't because, or, and then
951
00:43:32.380 --> 00:43:33.639
look at their example of the time.
952
00:43:33.679 --> 00:43:35.820
Look at the time, there's only four minutes. Or, hey,
953
00:43:35.860 --> 00:43:38.039
there's four minutes. Again, it's all in percent.
954
00:43:38.059 --> 00:43:40.880
There's only four minutes or there's four minutes. And that's
955
00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:44.019
also around our expectations for things. And like, I feel
956
00:43:44.059 --> 00:43:47.889
like most times in life, you have to thread the
957
00:43:47.949 --> 00:43:50.769
needle a bit between getting started and not doing it perfectly.
958
00:43:51.130 --> 00:43:53.949
Also knowing what you absolutely need to finish and how
959
00:43:53.989 --> 00:43:55.070
you're going to get to the finish.
960
00:43:54.829 --> 00:43:55.449
Line of one piece.
961
00:43:55.570 --> 00:43:59.449
And sometimes what I think is we, what we do
962
00:43:59.489 --> 00:44:01.150
is if I can't do it perfectly, I'm not going
963
00:44:01.170 --> 00:44:03.510
to start or I'm, I'm going through it and I'm,
964
00:44:03.650 --> 00:44:06.659
it's chipping away at my confidence because I'm not doing things,
965
00:44:07.510 --> 00:44:09.820
taking action that build the confidence. Like I'm going to
966
00:44:09.860 --> 00:44:11.599
get this to the finish line. I'm like, it's like
967
00:44:11.619 --> 00:44:12.820
you controlling your business thing.
968
00:44:12.860 --> 00:44:15.380
Nope. I'm taking over now. I got to do something different. Like,
969
00:44:15.699 --> 00:44:18.909
building your confidence through action, right?
970
00:44:18.989 --> 00:44:20.969
And like some things do have a finish line that
971
00:44:20.989 --> 00:44:22.449
we need to get to, or some things we just
972
00:44:22.590 --> 00:44:26.250
want to. Sometimes there's external pressure to finish, but sometimes
973
00:44:26.309 --> 00:44:26.909
it's internal.
974
00:44:26.969 --> 00:44:29.179
And I'm thinking about right now, like I have my
975
00:44:29.199 --> 00:44:32.380
storage room was a total disaster. I was just like,
976
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:33.199
I can't handle it anymore.
977
00:44:33.519 --> 00:44:37.360
I hired someone, an organizer, and I'm like, I'm blocking
978
00:44:37.500 --> 00:44:38.539
off my day.
979
00:44:38.559 --> 00:44:40.320
I'm hiring another person.
980
00:44:40.340 --> 00:44:42.420
So I have accountability and And she will come to
981
00:44:42.460 --> 00:44:44.139
my house and we will take everything out of the
982
00:44:44.159 --> 00:44:45.960
storage room, box it up.
983
00:44:45.980 --> 00:44:47.460
We will look at it because to me, there's some
984
00:44:47.480 --> 00:44:48.460
things I can do on my own.
985
00:44:49.179 --> 00:44:51.210
That was like a project that got bigger and bigger,
986
00:44:51.250 --> 00:44:52.769
but I needed a finish line because we have to
987
00:44:53.369 --> 00:44:54.269
use the storage room.
988
00:44:54.969 --> 00:44:55.150
Right.
989
00:44:55.570 --> 00:44:58.110
So sometimes we have to ask for help along the way.
990
00:44:58.130 --> 00:45:00.309
Sometimes we have to admit, like, I can't do this
991
00:45:00.369 --> 00:45:03.000
all myself or, and that's the most amazing thing about
992
00:45:03.019 --> 00:45:04.119
this organizer that came over.
993
00:45:04.139 --> 00:45:08.079
Her name is Erin. And I said, okay, I just
994
00:45:08.099 --> 00:45:09.500
feel like so guilty.
995
00:45:09.519 --> 00:45:12.179
I have to ask for help for stupid storage room,
996
00:45:12.219 --> 00:45:14.949
you know, like to get her stuff. But she looked
997
00:45:14.969 --> 00:45:18.230
at me and she was like, I don't know about you,
998
00:45:18.269 --> 00:45:20.050
but she's like, I don't go and speak all the
999
00:45:20.090 --> 00:45:22.590
time in front of audiences and raise two kids and
1000
00:45:22.889 --> 00:45:25.050
like function in this house and like do all the
1001
00:45:25.090 --> 00:45:28.050
things and like, like, do you think you're doing some
1002
00:45:28.090 --> 00:45:30.179
other things too, that this either isn't a total priority
1003
00:45:30.239 --> 00:45:30.500
or do.
1004
00:45:30.440 --> 00:45:32.949
You have to be good at everything? And I was
1005
00:45:32.989 --> 00:45:34.769
like a positive. I'm sorry for this. She's like, don't
1006
00:45:34.809 --> 00:45:36.570
be sorry. This is just what it is. And then,
1007
00:45:36.610 --> 00:45:38.369
you know what she did? She hit her own quick
1008
00:45:38.389 --> 00:45:38.710
start button.
1009
00:45:38.730 --> 00:45:42.500
She grabbed the first box and then pretty soon it
1010
00:45:42.519 --> 00:45:43.840
doesn't take as long as you think. And I was like,
1011
00:45:44.019 --> 00:45:47.469
her attitude helped my attitude, but notice how I started.
1012
00:45:47.489 --> 00:45:50.610
I am less than I failed. I'm sorry for this
1013
00:45:50.949 --> 00:45:51.730
I'm it's bad.
1014
00:45:51.590 --> 00:45:53.710
That I need help I can't I should be able
1015
00:45:53.730 --> 00:45:57.110
to do everything always great and then she juxtaposes like
1016
00:45:57.170 --> 00:45:59.269
why should you be good at this why is and
1017
00:45:59.309 --> 00:46:01.210
this is obviously not a priority and today it is
1018
00:46:01.269 --> 00:46:03.130
so today we're gonna get it done right so some
1019
00:46:03.150 --> 00:46:05.210
things move to the top of the list but sometimes
1020
00:46:05.230 --> 00:46:08.880
you ask for help and sometimes you also take imperfect
1021
00:46:09.090 --> 00:46:13.360
action to gain confidence so like picking up the phone
1022
00:46:13.400 --> 00:46:15.139
just like I need an organizer to help me like
1023
00:46:15.219 --> 00:46:18.610
that's A small start, and it's also an ego thing,
1024
00:46:19.000 --> 00:46:21.260
but then showing up for the appointment and following through
1025
00:46:21.519 --> 00:46:22.300
and then seeing.
1026
00:46:22.079 --> 00:46:26.199
The results and being like, and really feeling like, I
1027
00:46:26.219 --> 00:46:27.860
got it done. I got it done.
1028
00:46:28.199 --> 00:46:30.619
And that didn't look like how I thought it should
1029
00:46:30.639 --> 00:46:33.059
look like me doing it all by myself, right?
1030
00:46:33.159 --> 00:46:34.909
And who's giving me a parade for that, by the way?
1031
00:46:35.179 --> 00:46:37.329
Who's like, good job, you did it all by yourself.
1032
00:46:37.769 --> 00:46:42.500
Good job, you did it. Like nobody cares, you know,
1033
00:46:42.519 --> 00:46:44.559
but I think it's funny. And that's just a simple,
1034
00:46:44.659 --> 00:46:47.409
small example. But then I think another bigger example in
1035
00:46:47.429 --> 00:46:51.159
my own business, like. doing things out of my comfort zone.
1036
00:46:51.500 --> 00:46:53.260
I can speak and speak and speak all day, but
1037
00:46:53.280 --> 00:46:56.710
then running a program online, I'm like, Oh my gosh.
1038
00:46:56.750 --> 00:47:00.369
And I'm like noticing my own resistance to the things
1039
00:47:00.449 --> 00:47:03.070
I say I want to do, but because I'm really
1040
00:47:03.150 --> 00:47:06.429
competent in one area and unexperienced, and I label that
1041
00:47:06.469 --> 00:47:07.590
as incompetent.
1042
00:47:07.130 --> 00:47:08.550
In another area, then I'm like, no.
1043
00:47:08.570 --> 00:47:10.320
And then there's all sorts of things that come up,
1044
00:47:10.360 --> 00:47:12.400
excuses of why I can't delays.
1045
00:47:12.760 --> 00:47:17.559
And then again, what am I really resisting? Is it,
1046
00:47:18.550 --> 00:47:20.980
Is it the journey? Is it that I'm resisting the journey?
1047
00:47:21.039 --> 00:47:22.679
Am I resisting that? I don't want people to judge me.
1048
00:47:22.760 --> 00:47:24.920
Am I resisting the need to ask for help? So
1049
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:26.079
that's what we have to get in our.
1050
00:47:26.019 --> 00:47:28.980
Own minds and like tap into that a bit because
1051
00:47:29.469 --> 00:47:32.170
that's where there's power. And also knowing, is this an
1052
00:47:32.289 --> 00:47:35.949
internal pressure or an external pressure? And then you can
1053
00:47:36.010 --> 00:47:39.820
also identify how you need to manage it because you, you,
1054
00:47:39.909 --> 00:47:41.679
like you said, you react differently.
1055
00:47:41.380 --> 00:47:42.980
To external pressures than you do internal.
1056
00:47:44.219 --> 00:47:46.940
But I want to make sure that people know that
1057
00:47:46.980 --> 00:47:49.780
what we're talking about, we're not just chit-chatting. You are
1058
00:47:49.820 --> 00:47:53.929
a coach that helps people navigate these waters. And this
1059
00:47:54.010 --> 00:47:57.389
is the kind of thing, you said it. No, I'm
1060
00:47:57.489 --> 00:48:00.690
not really good at organizing my storage. So you hire somebody.
1061
00:48:01.050 --> 00:48:02.969
But yet when it comes down to us, for those
1062
00:48:03.030 --> 00:48:05.929
of you listening, you know whether you're able to start
1063
00:48:06.269 --> 00:48:09.469
or finish. But if you're not and you want help,
1064
00:48:10.139 --> 00:48:13.739
And it's an enormous burden on your shoulders to be
1065
00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:17.179
carrying that around, those things that you think you should
1066
00:48:17.219 --> 00:48:19.940
have started or you think you should have figured, you know,
1067
00:48:19.980 --> 00:48:24.510
finished out. But sometimes it really does require hiring somebody,
1068
00:48:24.550 --> 00:48:27.449
getting a coach to help you. Now, you're a multiple
1069
00:48:27.510 --> 00:48:31.409
faceted coach. Clearly, people that want to speak and have
1070
00:48:31.429 --> 00:48:34.510
been talking about it for three years, they should probably
1071
00:48:34.590 --> 00:48:36.969
pick up the phone and call you or go to
1072
00:48:36.989 --> 00:48:40.699
your website. There are others that may be thinking, I
1073
00:48:41.500 --> 00:48:44.440
do need some help with this. I don't plant my
1074
00:48:44.500 --> 00:48:48.769
bulbs in my yard because one, I'm not sure I'm
1075
00:48:48.789 --> 00:48:50.530
going to get them done by the end of the year.
1076
00:48:50.630 --> 00:48:52.650
So therefore, I'm not going to plant 20 of them
1077
00:48:52.690 --> 00:48:55.110
that I know that I can get done now. It
1078
00:48:55.150 --> 00:48:58.409
doesn't matter what it is. That feeling of stuckness is
1079
00:48:58.510 --> 00:49:01.409
very painful. So how do people work with you, Carrie?
1080
00:49:01.510 --> 00:49:02.280
What can they do?
1081
00:49:02.920 --> 00:49:05.480
Well, and it's interesting you bring up the idea of stuckness.
1082
00:49:05.599 --> 00:49:09.469
Sometimes you can totally figure out why you're stuck and
1083
00:49:09.570 --> 00:49:11.590
move on. There's plenty of things you figure out every
1084
00:49:11.590 --> 00:49:13.449
day on your own. There's plenty of insights you have.
1085
00:49:13.449 --> 00:49:14.949
There's plenty of ways you get motivated.
1086
00:49:14.949 --> 00:49:16.039
And then there's other things.
1087
00:49:16.039 --> 00:49:17.730
And I taught, when I talk to people and I say,
1088
00:49:17.739 --> 00:49:19.260
I can't believe I need help with this. I'm like,
1089
00:49:19.739 --> 00:49:21.300
do you know how many things you do already that
1090
00:49:21.340 --> 00:49:22.960
you don't need help with? Isn't it amazing that you
1091
00:49:22.980 --> 00:49:24.519
can say, Oh, there's some things that I do need
1092
00:49:24.539 --> 00:49:24.820
help with.
1093
00:49:25.059 --> 00:49:26.579
If you could have figured it out on your own,
1094
00:49:26.599 --> 00:49:28.900
you already would have. But sometimes we need help. I
1095
00:49:28.940 --> 00:49:31.079
need help. You need help. We all need help from
1096
00:49:31.119 --> 00:49:31.480
other people.
1097
00:49:31.519 --> 00:49:33.110
And so how I like to work with people is
1098
00:49:33.179 --> 00:49:37.730
either around coaching for personal growth, professional growth in some
1099
00:49:37.769 --> 00:49:39.730
way that related to emotional intelligence and.
1100
00:49:39.710 --> 00:49:40.670
How you're showing up in the world.
1101
00:49:41.090 --> 00:49:42.750
And then I do a lot of coaching for people
1102
00:49:42.769 --> 00:49:45.849
who want to improve public speaking and confidence and presence.
1103
00:49:46.150 --> 00:49:48.309
And I love the overlap of those two because I
1104
00:49:48.369 --> 00:49:52.050
find it's all very psychological. And because I'm doing the
1105
00:49:52.090 --> 00:49:55.599
work in both worlds, like through my work with emotional
1106
00:49:55.619 --> 00:49:58.860
intelligence and leadership and conflict and self-care and.
1107
00:49:58.840 --> 00:49:59.920
Mindful, all my topics.
1108
00:50:00.320 --> 00:50:02.659
And then I'm speaking so much and I'm constantly working
1109
00:50:02.699 --> 00:50:04.849
on my craft I feel like in those two.
1110
00:50:04.780 --> 00:50:06.690
Areas, my coaching's really coming together.
1111
00:50:06.829 --> 00:50:09.010
And I just want to tell you a quick story
1112
00:50:09.050 --> 00:50:11.590
too of someone that I'm coaching recently who's already been speaking.
1113
00:50:12.429 --> 00:50:13.690
And he came to me and he's like, I know
1114
00:50:13.750 --> 00:50:16.429
I'm doing a good job, but I know I could
1115
00:50:16.469 --> 00:50:19.059
do better, but I don't know how to get.
1116
00:50:19.260 --> 00:50:21.639
Better with the skills I have. And I thought that
1117
00:50:21.659 --> 00:50:24.119
was so insightful. I'm doing okay, but I know I
1118
00:50:24.159 --> 00:50:24.800
could be better.
1119
00:50:24.820 --> 00:50:27.440
And I was like, I love that because he's like,
1120
00:50:27.480 --> 00:50:30.480
I need an outside perspective, right? And then I'm working
1121
00:50:30.500 --> 00:50:33.960
with another person who actually is, who has, and this
1122
00:50:34.019 --> 00:50:36.940
is more on her interpersonal skills at work and being,
1123
00:50:37.000 --> 00:50:39.420
having presence and confidence in the work she does dealing
1124
00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:40.280
with imposter syndrome.
1125
00:50:41.119 --> 00:50:42.849
But all I did was offer her like.
1126
00:50:42.750 --> 00:50:45.440
A window up to herself to see herself in a,
1127
00:50:45.570 --> 00:50:47.050
in a way that I don't think she has before.
1128
00:50:47.090 --> 00:50:49.349
She has everything there. She doesn't, she just needs to
1129
00:50:49.409 --> 00:50:50.690
see herself in a different way.
1130
00:50:50.730 --> 00:50:52.869
And it's simply that the time together is more like
1131
00:50:53.030 --> 00:50:56.519
mirroring what I actually see her and her believing it
1132
00:50:57.000 --> 00:50:59.840
and her. And so I just love that sometimes we
1133
00:50:59.880 --> 00:51:03.239
can help each other grow in ways we just can't
1134
00:51:03.320 --> 00:51:05.480
on our own. And so that's how people find me
1135
00:51:05.500 --> 00:51:08.949
and work with me. And they find me through KnutsonSpeaks.com.
1136
00:51:08.989 --> 00:51:11.550
And there's a lot of information on my website about
1137
00:51:11.650 --> 00:51:13.210
the kind of things I speak on and then my
1138
00:51:13.250 --> 00:51:13.849
coaching work.
1139
00:51:14.210 --> 00:51:16.150
But everything at the heart of what I do is
1140
00:51:17.389 --> 00:51:17.929
based in.
1141
00:51:17.869 --> 00:51:21.500
That knowing yourself and building self-awareness so that you can
1142
00:51:21.519 --> 00:51:22.099
then take.
1143
00:51:21.960 --> 00:51:23.019
That out into the world.
1144
00:51:23.639 --> 00:51:25.619
To figure out, like, how can I make things better
1145
00:51:26.059 --> 00:51:27.519
with the things I want to do, with the people
1146
00:51:27.559 --> 00:51:29.420
I want to meet, with the impact I want to have?
1147
00:51:29.460 --> 00:51:30.599
Like, that's the goal.
1148
00:51:31.519 --> 00:51:33.619
And so part of, I love talking about this today
1149
00:51:33.659 --> 00:51:35.880
because everything I talk about is something.
1150
00:51:35.619 --> 00:51:36.239
I'm working on.
1151
00:51:36.260 --> 00:51:40.070
Yeah, me too. That's why I love the topic. And,
1152
00:51:40.090 --> 00:51:41.630
you know, one of the things you said, I want
1153
00:51:41.650 --> 00:51:46.190
to encourage people. We don't start, especially with getting help
1154
00:51:46.210 --> 00:51:49.670
from a coach, right? And I'm notorious for this. We
1155
00:51:49.710 --> 00:51:53.389
don't start because we think we already have the answers
1156
00:51:53.449 --> 00:51:55.539
before we pick up the phone and call somebody. And
1157
00:51:55.559 --> 00:51:57.039
then you pick up the phone and call them and
1158
00:51:57.079 --> 00:51:59.820
they say, why did you wait? You know, my coaches
1159
00:51:59.860 --> 00:52:01.480
talk to me like that. I'm sure you don't talk
1160
00:52:01.500 --> 00:52:05.780
to people, but you understand. Just start. Hit the start
1161
00:52:05.900 --> 00:52:09.639
button means you start. You pick up the phone. You
1162
00:52:09.699 --> 00:52:16.250
assess the situation as you move on. You know, look,
1163
00:52:17.289 --> 00:52:20.030
some days you go to the gym. And the piece
1164
00:52:20.090 --> 00:52:22.639
of equipment you thought you were going to really work
1165
00:52:22.800 --> 00:52:23.860
on is out of order.
1166
00:52:24.530 --> 00:52:26.059
Yeah. Yeah.
1167
00:52:26.239 --> 00:52:27.719
And sometimes you only, you thought we're going to have
1168
00:52:27.739 --> 00:52:29.340
this amount of time and you have that amount of time.
1169
00:52:29.599 --> 00:52:31.179
Sometimes the person you thought was going to do this,
1170
00:52:31.219 --> 00:52:33.900
didn't do the thing. Sometimes the gig goes to slant.
1171
00:52:33.940 --> 00:52:36.840
Sometimes it doesn't, right. That's life. And that's part of
1172
00:52:36.900 --> 00:52:38.519
being resilient in the face of that.
1173
00:52:38.719 --> 00:52:42.340
And saying like, sometimes I just have to start to
1174
00:52:42.360 --> 00:52:44.820
get better. Sometimes I have to start to gain my confidence.
1175
00:52:44.840 --> 00:52:46.550
Sometimes I have to start to make some progress. So
1176
00:52:46.570 --> 00:52:47.909
in my head, I'm like, I'm making progress.
1177
00:52:47.949 --> 00:52:48.570
I'm not failing.
1178
00:52:49.010 --> 00:52:52.389
And there's a quote that I sometimes say to myself,
1179
00:52:52.429 --> 00:52:54.449
you don't have to know how you'll get there.
1180
00:52:54.750 --> 00:52:57.710
You just have to know what you want. And I
1181
00:52:58.110 --> 00:52:59.750
love that idea of like, how's it all going to
1182
00:52:59.769 --> 00:53:00.070
turn out?
1183
00:53:00.110 --> 00:53:00.369
I don't know.
1184
00:53:00.409 --> 00:53:02.409
I just, I want to get started on this. I
1185
00:53:02.469 --> 00:53:05.969
want to hit the start button. So I like, again,
1186
00:53:06.030 --> 00:53:08.679
the simple act of just working out on that day,
1187
00:53:08.699 --> 00:53:11.480
I was like, if I had stayed wrapped up in
1188
00:53:11.519 --> 00:53:14.889
my head, I would not have had a workout. And
1189
00:53:14.929 --> 00:53:17.159
I thought it was so interesting to me hitting that
1190
00:53:17.199 --> 00:53:18.940
button and just starting and think, I didn't do a
1191
00:53:18.960 --> 00:53:21.920
huge workout, but I did something. And the goal, I
1192
00:53:21.940 --> 00:53:22.619
don't have to get there.
1193
00:53:22.639 --> 00:53:23.880
I just know what I want. I want to work out.
1194
00:53:24.559 --> 00:53:26.179
I want to clean up the kitchen a bit. I
1195
00:53:26.199 --> 00:53:27.500
want to clean up the storage room. I want to
1196
00:53:27.519 --> 00:53:30.179
start being a better public speaker. I want to update
1197
00:53:30.199 --> 00:53:33.440
my resume. So I'm going to just start with one section, right?
1198
00:53:33.539 --> 00:53:35.360
I want to have a networking meeting. So I'm going
1199
00:53:35.380 --> 00:53:38.019
to send, hit the send button on that email. I
1200
00:53:38.059 --> 00:53:39.219
want to go to I.
1201
00:53:39.179 --> 00:53:41.360
Don't know, a vacation in Spain. I'm going to Google
1202
00:53:41.920 --> 00:53:44.179
best places to go, right? Like you're just going to
1203
00:53:44.360 --> 00:53:47.480
start something and it could be anything.
1204
00:53:47.500 --> 00:53:48.900
I want to plant my bulbs. Do I need to
1205
00:53:48.920 --> 00:53:53.039
plant 20? Maybe plant three, right? Like the time you have.
1206
00:53:53.119 --> 00:53:55.019
So that's the whole goal is to like.
1207
00:53:55.539 --> 00:54:00.480
Not lower your standards, be reasonable about your standards and
1208
00:54:00.559 --> 00:54:04.760
don't recognize the difference between starting and finishing, recognize why
1209
00:54:04.800 --> 00:54:06.980
we don't start and don't lock.
1210
00:54:06.840 --> 00:54:09.269
Ourselves up in this whole idea of like, I have
1211
00:54:09.289 --> 00:54:12.469
to start and finish to be perfect. And it counts.
1212
00:54:12.750 --> 00:54:14.150
I like to say everything counts.
1213
00:54:14.630 --> 00:54:16.670
So like if I'm starting on something or doing something,
1214
00:54:16.909 --> 00:54:18.349
that in my mind is like, oh, look what I'm
1215
00:54:18.369 --> 00:54:18.789
doing something.
1216
00:54:18.989 --> 00:54:20.980
Look what I'm achieving. It gives me more energy.
1217
00:54:21.239 --> 00:54:21.460
Yeah.
1218
00:54:21.840 --> 00:54:22.480
Keep going.
1219
00:54:23.400 --> 00:54:25.820
Yeah. You know what I love about what you picked today?
1220
00:54:25.840 --> 00:54:29.320
In the gym, let's stay with the one thing to
1221
00:54:29.360 --> 00:54:33.710
wrap this up because this is most important. In the gym,
1222
00:54:34.130 --> 00:54:36.510
you don't just hit the start button. What does it
1223
00:54:36.570 --> 00:54:41.880
tell you to do? pedal. So what happens with that
1224
00:54:41.900 --> 00:54:44.409
is we hit the start button, but you have to
1225
00:54:44.469 --> 00:54:45.949
have forward motion.
1226
00:54:46.269 --> 00:54:46.949
Yes.
1227
00:54:47.030 --> 00:54:49.469
I don't know what equipment you're on, but the ones
1228
00:54:49.570 --> 00:54:54.650
I work on say hit the start button, but do something. Yes.
1229
00:54:54.769 --> 00:54:56.130
Or it's not going to work.
1230
00:54:56.750 --> 00:54:59.170
That's so perfect. Oh my gosh. I love that. Because yeah,
1231
00:54:59.190 --> 00:55:01.429
you have to pedal. You have to do something. You
1232
00:55:01.449 --> 00:55:03.130
hit the start. I think the start button is like
1233
00:55:03.150 --> 00:55:06.440
your mind being like, okay, I'm ready. And the pedaling
1234
00:55:06.460 --> 00:55:10.440
is taking some action. even if it's imperfect, even if
1235
00:55:10.500 --> 00:55:12.960
it's not, conditions aren't great. Even if you can go
1236
00:55:13.039 --> 00:55:15.579
somewhere towards your journey, it's a start. And I think
1237
00:55:15.940 --> 00:55:17.960
you have to start to get better. You have to
1238
00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:20.929
start to feel momentum. You have to start to gain confidence.
1239
00:55:20.969 --> 00:55:23.789
All the things that come from starting are the end things.
1240
00:55:24.090 --> 00:55:26.349
So we don't wait for those things before you get started.
1241
00:55:26.889 --> 00:55:28.769
So I love that. Hit the button and then you
1242
00:55:28.789 --> 00:55:29.469
got to pedal.
1243
00:55:30.650 --> 00:55:33.340
Yeah. You know, in today's world, for those of you
1244
00:55:33.420 --> 00:55:36.699
out there, There's nothing funnier than watching somebody get in
1245
00:55:36.739 --> 00:55:39.980
a car that has never had an automatic start button
1246
00:55:40.639 --> 00:55:42.489
where you have to have your foot on the brake
1247
00:55:42.530 --> 00:55:44.750
and they stare at the start button and they push
1248
00:55:44.789 --> 00:55:48.210
the button and the car don't start. Because nobody told
1249
00:55:48.269 --> 00:55:51.690
them there was a second motion and a second action. And,
1250
00:55:51.730 --> 00:55:54.710
you know, thank you for taking this topic today because
1251
00:55:55.610 --> 00:55:59.860
we have to stop beating ourselves up. And thank you
1252
00:55:59.880 --> 00:56:02.159
for laying out the plan. Carrie, give out your website
1253
00:56:02.219 --> 00:56:02.719
one more time.
1254
00:56:03.269 --> 00:56:08.530
You can find me at KnutsonSpeaks.com. It's K-N-U-T-S-O-N Speaks.com.
1255
00:56:08.840 --> 00:56:11.539
There you can find information about coaching, about the workshops
1256
00:56:11.599 --> 00:56:13.739
I do, about presentations, about my one-woman show.
1257
00:56:14.460 --> 00:56:17.260
Just reach out to say hi, anything on there. That's
1258
00:56:17.280 --> 00:56:19.070
how you can find me. I'm also on social media.
1259
00:56:19.510 --> 00:56:20.489
And thanks, Dr. Pat, for.
1260
00:56:20.920 --> 00:56:22.929
allowing me the platform because part of the work I
1261
00:56:22.949 --> 00:56:25.710
do is to get messages out around applied psychology and
1262
00:56:25.750 --> 00:56:28.050
how it can make our lives better and to lay
1263
00:56:28.090 --> 00:56:28.590
things out in.
1264
00:56:28.550 --> 00:56:31.789
Ways that are usable and things you can act on
1265
00:56:31.829 --> 00:56:34.349
and ways that we feel good about, realistic. I could
1266
00:56:34.389 --> 00:56:36.340
do that. I could think about that in a different way.
1267
00:56:36.429 --> 00:56:38.119
So thanks for giving me the platform to do that.
1268
00:56:38.139 --> 00:56:42.159
You bet. Carrie Knutson, everybody. I'm Dr. Pat. Thank you, Jessica.
1269
00:56:42.199 --> 00:56:43.420
We'll see you all next time.
1270
00:56:45.039 --> 00:56:48.489
You get big out loud radio where we explore the complex,
1271
00:56:48.670 --> 00:56:52.030
funny and beautiful ride of life with me, Carrie Knutson,
1272
00:56:52.250 --> 00:56:55.809
joining Dr. Pat live every second Monday at 10 a.m.
1273
00:56:55.829 --> 00:57:01.309
Pacific on Transformation Talk Radio dot com. I will help
1274
00:57:01.369 --> 00:57:03.880
you to know which thoughts are keeping you small in
1275
00:57:03.949 --> 00:57:07.059
order for you to get big, get big and live
1276
00:57:07.079 --> 00:57:10.900
your life out loud. For more information, visit Knutson Speaks
1277
00:57:11.159 --> 00:57:11.739
dot com.