Transform Your Limiting Beliefs!

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It is about your response.
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The whole world can be against me.
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My internal world can be a beautiful one as long as I believe in myself.
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And I think that is also important to realize, because if we realize it's ultimately about our internal world and our perception of the world around us, that is when we can really start to change, and by changing our perceptions and I use Psyche for that we start to manifest a different world around us, maybe just by having a new look on the world, or maybe by taking action steps.
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Welcome to the podcast Emotional Intelligence your greatest asset and key to success.
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I'm your host, dr Jamie Carlaccio, coming to you from the Greater New Haven, connecticut area, as an emotional intelligence, or EQ coach.
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I'm committed to helping people develop both emotional intelligence and mental fitness.
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That is, you'll come to regard problems as situations that help.
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Thank you in between, please subscribe to this podcast and tap the like button so more people can enjoy the benefits of EQ.
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And now here's the show.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome, good morning, good afternoon, good evening everyone, wherever you are, whether you're watching or listening, this is the podcast Emotional Intelligence, and I am excited to be with you today because we are going to talk about something revolutionary in terms of helping you learn to think differently and therefore to be differently in the world.
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And I have a wonderful guest.
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His name is Martine Lemons.
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Hello, thank you for coming.
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Thank you very much, Jamie.
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Thanks for having me as your guest.
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Yes, it's my pleasure.
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So for those of you who do not know Martijn, I'm going to give you just a little bit of background about him.
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He is a seasoned business consultant with over 30 years of experience, including 20 years at a top professional services firm, and he has a unique blend of professional and personal development expertise.
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His corporate career he successfully navigated the rigorous demands of business leadership, ultimately achieving a prestigious promotion during the most challenging time of the COVID-19 pandemic, and his journey was significantly influenced by the thing that we are going to talk about today Psych K.
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It's a transformational methodology that he uses and teaches.
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His professional journey is characterized by his ability to balance his analytical demands of business and emotional intelligence.
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That's required for effective leadership, and that's something I think we all need.
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Whether you're in business or something else, anything coupled with emotional intelligence is going to spell success, and at his firm, he was recognized for his ability to integrate feedback swiftly, a skill that he attributes to his deep engagement with Psyche K, and that method has helped him to break through personal and professional barriers, which has led to an enhanced presence and ownership in his roles.
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But beyond his corporate achievements, martine has a rich background in personal development, including education in neuro-linguistic programming, and we'll say maybe a few words about that, martine, so that the people who are not familiar with that will understand what that is, because that's also transformational, transactional analysis and provocative coaching.
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So these diverse skills have helped him to support everyone from business leaders to individuals outside the corporate world and their personal growth and their self-realization journeys.
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And his approach is holistic, focusing on the inside-out transformation to handle external challenges more effectively.
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So thank you again for coming.
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I'm excited to talk about all of these things.
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Thank you very much.
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Thank you, Jamie.
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First things first.
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Okay, so I mentioned that some people may not understand what neurolinguistic programming is.
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So let's talk a little bit about what that means and how that translates into emotional intelligence, and then maybe we can segue into psych k I.
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I say psych k, you say psych kay, you say psych-ay right, yes?
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psych-ay correct.
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So you want me to.
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I'm asking you about neuro-linguistic programming.
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So for those people who are watching and listening, who don't know a lot about it, can you say a few words about it and how that translates into emotional intelligence?
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Yes, I suppose neuro-linguistic programming, or NLP, as people pronounce it in short, is a psychological approach that explores the connection between neuro-logical processes, language and behavioral patterns, language and behavioral patterns.
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It is a to me at least.
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I've done the practitioner of NLP.
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It is a process and a method that teaches you about the various parts that you consist of, that make up you as a whole human being.
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So it is a method that helps you understand yourself better and therefore also helps you grow, because once you understand yourself better, you can start working on your transformation.
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Yeah.
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So when I was training as a coach, we did do a little bit of neuro-linguistic programming training, and one of the things that stood out to me was this idea of really self-forgiveness, for instance.
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We know what we know when we know it.
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So helping you understand that, what you might've done when you were 18, you did the best you could with what you had at that time.
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You did what you knew, and so to look back at it at, say, 30 years old or older, and to sort of castigate yourself or criticize yourself isn't very helpful.
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A it's not an emotionally intelligent response to how we have relationships with ourselves.
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And so the other thing is, since it's called linguistic programming, there's an element of talk, right, there's an element of how do we talk to ourselves, how do we talk to other people, what is the language that we use, and what comes to my mind is this idea of quote unquote problems.
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One of the things that I focus a lot on is not thinking of things as problems but as situations that demand a response.
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So can you respond to any of that?
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Yeah, I think that's all beautiful.
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For me, it has been quite some time ago that I had those initial courses around NLP.
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What I remember very much from it is that it was indeed about language, but it was also looking at yourself as the various parts.
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Like you have your critical part, or there you go.
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Remember one beautiful exercise about um I, I had this craving for candy, and in an exercise you could, you could just put something on the floor that was then, uh, your part of craving for candy, and by switching between those floor anchors that you had put out there, you could explore how your craving for whatever it was in my case it was candy was influencing you and why you needed that and the language that came with that.
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And then, as you said, forgiveness, understanding, so that you could instead, instead of staying critical, you could change that position that you had about that specific part of you.
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Oh, that makes perfect sense and that leads me into a perfect segue to talk a little bit about positive intelligence and emotional intelligence and our saboteurs.
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Because if we have a critical judge the inner critic, the judge, whatever you want to call it and that's dictating how we think about ourselves, how we interact with other people, how we approach life, and the judge has accomplices.
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So we have the people pleaser, we have the controller, you know.
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We have the hyper vigilant person, we have the hyper rational person and hyper achiever, and so on.
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You know the avoider, someone who avoids conflict.
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So any one of those parts can be dominant at any given time and running the show if we're not aware of it, and running the show if we're not aware of it, correct.
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So I would say these are all subconscious parts that play up in any situation around you.
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When the stress gets a bit higher in certain work situations, there is learned patterns, the judge, as you call them.
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I prefer personally the word inner critic because I always hear that critical voice that is and it's our voice right yes, exactly, and the ventriloquist yes, and it is almost as if you can talk to it, but it's not.
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There is another person in my head.
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I mean, I am just one person and and you are one person and we are all one person, so ultimately it is us.
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So, whether it's the judge or the inner critic, it is a part of us, but it is a subconscious part and that means that it is running the show typically because it is in control 95 of the day, whereas our conscious mind that is usually happy and creative and wants to explore new things, that is only in control about 5% of the day.
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So it will always lose from that huge inner critic or inner judge that we have.
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But there's hope because if we can bring to the forefront of our consciousness these subconscious parts that have been kind of running unchecked, you know, and the space between our ears, that's where I think some of the real work happens.
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You know, I know for myself, and in my coaching training I learned that as soon as I could recognize that the voice of the judge or the inner critic wasn't actually real or that I could change that narrative, I could change the dialogue, I could change the script and I could say, oh, my people pleaser is coming out.
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I wonder what's going on with that.
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Maybe there's some trauma response or some learned behavior that got me through a situation in the past where I needed to be a people pleaser.
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But that behavior and that attitude and that talk doesn't serve me anymore exactly.
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The first step is always that you know that it's there, that you recognize, and then the next step is maybe to cope with it, so to maybe try to change your behavior.
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Ultimately, it's, of course, what we really want is that we can change it so that that whole critical voice just stops talking, that we don't have it anymore, that my perfectionism isn't there anymore because I'm just completely okay with not being perfect, or exactly.
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It all starts with acknowledging, knowing that you have these parts inside of you that you start to recognize when they play up, when they take over, and then it's all about and how can we now change that?
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And that is sometimes what the challenge is, because we can, of course, develop coping strategies, like if, if I have to work on my anger management, maybe I learn how to count to 10 or take a deep breath, or, when I have fear for speaking in public, I take three deep breaths and then go on to the stage.
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And that is a good first step.
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But ultimately it's not yet transforming, and I suppose the ultimate holy grail or the end goal where I would like to work towards is that we actually transform those inner voices and those parts of us that were very important, as you said, in certain parts of our time, but now that we're grownups are maybe not that important anymore.
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Right, right.
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And so one thing that that struck me as you were talking about acknowledging that they exist is I have often talked about kind of befriending them.
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I know it sounds awfully strange to say you want to befriend your inner critic or you want to, you know, befriend your people, pleaser.
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But when we can acknowledge them and say thank, you helped me get through XYZ, or you really helped me when I was eight, say thank you, you helped me get through xyz, or you really helped me when I was eight, or you really helped me when I was 22, or whatever, acknowledging and thanking them for the work that they did do, because they have helped you up to this point.
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But then there comes a time when it crosses a line right, and then it becomes really sabotaging.
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And so one thing that I struggle with is anxiety, and so I acknowledge my anxiety and I say hello to it.
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Oh, hello, anxiety.
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Here you are.
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What are you teaching me today?
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What am I here to learn today?
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And it diffuses the tension between me not wanting to feel anxious and the fact that the anxiety is there.
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You know there is a beautiful poem from a Sufi mystic from a couple of centuries ago.
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His name is.
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I love that.
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Yes, go ahead.
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It's called the Guest Heart.
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Yes, yes, and it's so beautiful because he already wrote invite them all in.
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Whether it's grief, whether it's sorrow, whether it's fear, invite them in.
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They are only here to give you a message, and once you've learned the whole message, they can disappear.
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So I think that's beautiful, jamie, exactly.
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Yes, and there's actually also there.
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In the Zen Buddhist tradition there's a story, and I've told it on here before, but it is along the same lines A yogi was a cave dwelling.
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Yogi was out gathering firewood one day and he left the cave and when he came back, all these demons and monsters were swarming around through his cave.
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And when he came back, all these demons and monsters were swarming around through his cave.
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You know there was greed and envy and lust and anger and all the negative emotions, all the negative things that you can think of, were represented by these demons.
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And he tried to shoo them out Shoo, shoo, get out, get out, get out.
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And they just kind of looked at him like dude, we're not leaving.
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And so he thought, okay, I'm going to teach him the Dharma.
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So he sat them all down and he started teaching the Dharma and they just stared at him with these bug eyes and he said, okay, clearly they're not leaving, they're not going to learn the Dharma, and I'm just going to have to accept that.
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They're all here.
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So we said, okay, okay, you're here.
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All but one of them left.
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They all just kind of trickled on out the door and the one that left was, of course, the biggest, the baddest demon, and eventually he said okay, you're here, I accept that you're here.
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He opened the demon's mouth and put his head inside, as if to say, all right, you've got me, not in a kind of lose the battle kind of a way, but as in an acceptance kind of a way, and he just gave himself up to that and then the demon went away.
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And so that's what Rumi is saying, too right.
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Yes, exactly Now.
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Although that might be a beautiful way, I've not been able to put my head in the demon's mouth yet because I'm not seeing them.
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There are technologies, there are methodologies that we can use to, as I would say, reprogram our subconscious mind, because ultimately it's all subconscious messages.
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Our life script is being written in the first seven to eight years of our lives.
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That is what psychologists agree on and that means that we're fully open.
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But it's also the time where we learn a lot.
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That is positive, but we also take certain decisions based on the things that happen around us that maybe later on are not so useful anymore.
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So if, as a small child, you see that like the people pleaser, if you see that when you are very nice and you don't cry and you help, and then your parents are nice to you, you think, oh, this is the way that gives me the most benefit.
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And now, if that happens once, that you need it, it's okay.
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But if it happens a thousand times, you will instill that as a way of being.
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But pleasing people when you're 30 or 40 or 50 without ever maybe pushing back or setting boundaries for yourself, that is not healthy anymore and that is what we have to reprogram, because my experience, jamie, is also that when I know I'm a people pleaser and I was, maybe I still am, but just knowing it and acknowledging it is giving me rest inside but it doesn't yet change my behavior.
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I keep pleasing people.
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I just now know it.
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Exactly Very very important point.
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Yes, you can acknowledge it and say, oh yeah, now I know it.
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But where does the change occur?
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And that's probably where Psyche comes in.
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Well, exactly when I first encountered Psyche and it was my wife who had done a course or had done a workshop, and she came home and she wanted to practice.
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And I'm very skeptical with new methodologies and new methods Prove yourself first before I believe.
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But she practiced with me and I saw change in my life.
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I saw that in various fields in my life that my behavior started to change, it started to shift, it started to, in my words, become better.
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Maybe the people around me sometimes they had to deal with that too.
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They had to deal with that too, because when I please mass people around me see a different person, uh, on the other side of the table when they worked with me or when we were at events or whatever, yeah, so it really helped me to have less stress, to change all kinds of parts of myself, that inner critic, that judge, and whether it was very practical situations like on the tennis court where I had this behavior of letting other people win because otherwise they wouldn't like the game, and they would get mad on themselves.
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And I was a people pleaser, so then I let them win.
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Because and I was a people pleaser, so then I let them win because, hey, better to be friends than to have a fight on the court Wow, because I transformed my perfectionism, which helped me delegate my work to my team better, and suddenly I had time left to support them, as before, where I was always so busy and they were not that busy or not as busy as I was.
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So, whether it's well, I would say, in any aspect of your life, you can actually change that judge, that inner critic, because it's all based on subconscious beliefs.
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And that is what Psyche is a method to change limiting subconscious beliefs into supporting beliefs so.
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So the question now is we talked about a lot of the self-awareness and there's a methodology and you learn it what do you actually do or not do in order to really affect the change that you want?
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yes, um, in psyche, we work with a process.
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I always call it the four-step process when you want to work on a certain thing, um, let's say I, I want to work on um, my perfectionism, and I realize that I'm a perfectionist, and then I ask myself but what do I want instead?
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Well, maybe my answer and this is really the internal searching for the answers.
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Maybe my answer is something like I want to relax when I make mistakes.
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Well, that is what I want, so that's the desire.
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But then we change it into a goal statement, like I relax when making mistakes, or I am allowed to make mistakes, or I embrace the mistakes I make.
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So it's a positive goal statement about what it is we actually want, instead of that limiting behavior.
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And then we do a balance process, and the balance process is is we use the balance for kind of an exercise, a psyche exercise, and there is a few dozens of exercises that we can do.
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But in the basic workshop, where you learn Psyche, you learn two beautiful processes, two beautiful balance processes.
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And by doing those on this positive goal statement, we programming, program it into our subconscious mind and the idea is that if you program the supporting beliefs, that the limiting beliefs are overwritten.
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Okay, how long does this take?
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Yeah, well, that's a great question A balance process yeah a balance process takes a couple of minutes A session to work on a certain topic.
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Yeah, that can take.
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Well, if I have one-on-one sessions with my clients, for example, they typically take 90 minutes and during a session we do between five and eight balance processes because the time mostly goes into.
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Yeah, but what is it really that we want, so many of us?
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When you ask people what is it you really want, they will still tell you what they don't want.
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I don't want to be a perfectionist.
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I don't want to be shy, I don't want to be to have so much fear, but really daring to express what it is you do want.
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That is usually what takes the time.
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I love that and I need to stop there just for a second, because that is so important.
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I think you're right.
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We're so conditioned to know what we don't want that we don't spend enough time really digging into what we do want.
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And I wonder too if there isn't some fear associated with that, because we're not often used to getting what we want, because we often get what we don't want and so our mind has been magnified on the thing we don't want and and it spends time on resisting.
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But to really dig into and say what exactly do I want and what does this look like?
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That seems to be where the work is.
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Exactly so.
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I remember a beautiful example from my practice.
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While you were talking, it was this client that I was working with doing a psyche session and she was talking about her hesitation to step up and suddenly she said something like I always put everybody around me and we were talking about the work.
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So, my colleagues, I always put them on a pedestal.
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I put everybody on a pedestal and I then said, well, what is it you want instead?
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And what she said is I don't want to put them on a pedestal.
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And I asked again yeah, that's what you don't want, and what is it you do want?
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And then she really did the work inside and and that came in motion and she said what I really want is in my life, I want to put me on my own pedestal because I'm worth it yeah and then we did a pedestal, and I don't sorry.
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Then we did a balance and I don't know remember what the exact goal statement was, but it was something like I deserve my own pedestal or I am worthy to stand on my pedestal.
00:25:21.568 --> 00:25:34.028
And it was beautiful because it was a huge change, because suddenly she leveled up with the other people in her mind, so from inside she said, yeah, but we're all equal, we're colleagues, we're working together.
00:25:34.028 --> 00:26:02.730
I don't have to hold myself back, I'm allowed to step up and I'm sure that at her work later, back at her work, she, she will see you change, because when you look at your colleagues, you see other people with their own challenges in life and with their own behaviors that are great or that are maybe limiting, instead of always holding yourself back, feeling small and looking at the rest of the world.
00:26:02.730 --> 00:26:10.432
And they are all big and and and stronger than yourself yeah, so I I'm hearing some really important things there.
00:26:10.553 --> 00:26:14.727
One of them is is really adopting a healthy self-assessment.
00:26:14.727 --> 00:26:32.492
You know, when we put other people first or put up a pedestal or downplay our own achievements or our own abilities or our own knowledge, we're really denying who we really are on some level.
00:26:32.492 --> 00:26:42.631
And maybe we learned it as a kid, maybe we learned it on the playground, maybe we learned it at home, but we learned it and it was internalized.
00:26:42.631 --> 00:26:49.509
And, as you said, we, we developed basic scripts in the first seven years of our lives.
00:26:49.730 --> 00:27:05.545
And so, when we've internalized certain things that we've interpreted maybe incorrectly, our ego said this is what I have to do to be safe, this is what I have to do to make friends, this is what I have to do to get ahead in the world.
00:27:05.545 --> 00:27:15.451
Then, all of a sudden, you're 3540 years old and you're doing these things at work and sabotaging your success, and you're not sure why.
00:27:15.451 --> 00:27:17.334
You're like, why am I doing this thing?
00:27:17.334 --> 00:27:22.839
And even just getting this woman to say ah, here's what I really want.
00:27:22.839 --> 00:27:32.548
I want to feel and believe that I'm on an equal footing with everybody exactly, exactly, and she probably had homework to do, right?
00:27:32.608 --> 00:27:48.087
I mean, it'd be great if she sort of left your office and was sparkling new, but she probably had to work on that yeah, what I, what I truly love about psyche is that, well, the fact that you can transform your at the subconscious level.
00:27:48.228 --> 00:27:50.459
But I spoke about that four-step process.
00:27:50.459 --> 00:27:52.984
So step one is is how are you now Step?
00:27:53.005 --> 00:27:54.469
two is what you want instead.
00:27:54.469 --> 00:28:06.205
Step three is do a balance for what it is you want, and that is like a little circle and you go through it until you feel like, how is it now with my perfectionism?
00:28:06.205 --> 00:28:07.681
Oh, I feel at ease.
00:28:07.681 --> 00:28:12.185
The fourth step is then an action step in the outside world.
00:28:12.185 --> 00:28:20.346
Because it's beautiful if we do all kinds of exercises, psyche balances, and we feel very nice inside and very strong.
00:28:21.115 --> 00:28:25.482
But then you get back to the outside world and what it is is you want to see change.
00:28:25.482 --> 00:28:37.097
You don't want to be in my practice, do nice work and then do not see any change in your outside world, because that is where your life happens ultimately.
00:28:37.097 --> 00:28:51.922
So just feeling good inside is very nice, but a psyche session always ends with define a small action step in the outside world, something that you always wanted to do but you were not able to or you were very nervous about.
00:28:51.922 --> 00:28:57.538
And with that action step it's like a domino stone.
00:28:57.538 --> 00:29:03.299
You know those contests whereby you push over one domino stone and then all the others fall.
00:29:03.299 --> 00:29:11.701
If you do the first action step, your subconscious afterwards will help you do the rest of your steps and then the change comes.
00:29:13.663 --> 00:29:16.607
And then it's reinforced because a change comes.
00:29:16.607 --> 00:29:21.138
You get this positive reinforcement for the change and then you do it again.
00:29:21.138 --> 00:29:30.282
It's our brain's reward system at play, and I cannot help but put this into positive and emotional intelligence terms.
00:29:30.282 --> 00:29:49.299
One of the things we do is we learn to look within, and oftentimes there we need to develop a little bit of empathy for ourselves and have more of an adequate self-assessment, you know, not the critical one, but the adequate one, the one that's a little bit more measured and balanced.
00:29:49.299 --> 00:29:54.675
And then one of the other things is this explorer measured and balanced.
00:29:54.695 --> 00:29:57.342
And then one of the other things is this explorer right, you know, our inner sage has an explorer power.
00:29:57.342 --> 00:30:03.038
So this is where you come in and help the client explore what is it that you don't want?
00:30:03.038 --> 00:30:05.265
And now, what is it that you do want?
00:30:05.265 --> 00:30:06.627
And then navigate right.
00:30:06.627 --> 00:30:07.277
How are we going to?
00:30:07.277 --> 00:30:11.406
What is this going to look like, you know, and what steps do I need to take?
00:30:11.406 --> 00:30:14.806
And then activate, you know, and maybe innovate.
00:30:14.806 --> 00:30:20.435
Right, there's something new that you might need to do, or a place you need to go, or people you need to meet.
00:30:20.435 --> 00:30:26.167
Maybe you're not in the right place for the things that you want to do in your life.
00:30:27.494 --> 00:30:38.851
Exactly, but yeah, and small steps lead to huge results if you just allow that the process to happen, correct.
00:30:40.436 --> 00:30:44.106
So there's a there's an element to a sincere belief.
00:30:44.106 --> 00:30:45.842
Like I believe in this process.
00:30:45.842 --> 00:30:47.922
I know it works.
00:30:47.922 --> 00:30:52.386
You know you can certainly bring your belief into the interaction with the client.
00:30:52.386 --> 00:31:08.006
You know and you can certainly bring your belief into the interaction with the client, but ultimately, their willingness to do this work and believe that it works and believe in you helping them to achieve that goal is also part of it.
00:31:08.006 --> 00:31:13.361
Right, I don't know if you've ever dealt with skeptics that have turned some skeptics into believers, or do people kind of come to you and say, all right, I'll do whatever it takes, change, Help me change.
00:31:14.836 --> 00:31:18.586
I've seen everything on that front, Jamie, exactly.
00:31:18.586 --> 00:31:20.260
I was a skeptic myself.
00:31:21.155 --> 00:31:25.944
And by doing a few balances, with my wife facilitating, and then I saw change in my life.
00:31:25.944 --> 00:31:33.867
I thought, oh, wow, something is happening and I wanted to have more because I have always trusted my own experiences.
00:31:33.867 --> 00:31:47.383
And of course, there are people in my practice who have been sent by somebody else, who have done everything already to change and they weren't able to Some become believers.
00:31:47.383 --> 00:31:50.785
They see that it works, just like I have seen that.
00:31:50.785 --> 00:31:57.882
I have also people who are in my practice who constantly say Martijn, this is hocus pocus, how can this be?
00:31:57.882 --> 00:31:58.644
How can this be?
00:31:58.644 --> 00:32:02.138
I don't understand it, but I see change in my life.
00:32:02.138 --> 00:32:06.228
So I keep coming because I do want to change my life.
00:32:08.296 --> 00:32:23.208
And of course, there is very objective people who only believe in what scientists say and that something is proven, and they probably don't end up in my practice at all because they think that there is only one path in life.
00:32:23.208 --> 00:32:24.759
And that's fine too.
00:32:24.759 --> 00:32:36.977
We all, as we spoke about this poem of Rumi, we all are responsible for inviting the guests into our guest house and we all can do that in the way we want.
00:32:36.977 --> 00:32:43.057
And some people follow the psyche path, some people follow other paths, and that's fine.
00:32:43.057 --> 00:32:45.766
We are all in control of our own life.
00:32:46.894 --> 00:33:06.103
Right, right, and I guess the thing to remember is that we actually have the power to make those decisions and it's kind of on us to own up to that, like, yes, I made this decision, I chose this or I chose not to do that, as opposed to this happened to me.
00:33:06.103 --> 00:33:19.569
You know, I hear and I see victim mentality all around me, as if somebody did something to so-and-so, because then that absolves you of responsibility.
00:33:19.569 --> 00:33:22.398
You don't have to do anything If somebody did something to you.
00:33:22.398 --> 00:33:31.464
I heard somebody talking about violating parole and he said he violated me.
00:33:31.464 --> 00:33:35.905
And I said no, no, he didn't violate you.
00:33:35.905 --> 00:33:40.066
You violated your parole and you got caught.
00:33:40.066 --> 00:33:43.282
So he did not violate you.
00:33:43.935 --> 00:33:49.015
But the way that he said it he violated me made it sound like he'd done absolutely nothing.
00:33:49.015 --> 00:33:53.263
And this big bad parole officer violated him.
00:33:53.263 --> 00:34:28.659
But but that kind of thinking of he violated me is going to keep this person in that constant victim mode and he's not going to be in a position to change the things that he says he wants to change yeah, that brings me actually to another unique element of the psychic processes, which is that partner, the one you work with as a facilitator is always in control Partner knows what they want to change and they have the change inside of them already.
00:34:29.141 --> 00:34:31.282
It is just about extracting the change.
00:34:31.282 --> 00:34:37.811
So I never think that I am changing other people anymore.
00:34:38.014 --> 00:34:47.447
In the past, when I was coaching people, it always felt like a heavy burden on my shoulder, like I have to do this and I have to have a result and I have to help somebody.
00:34:47.447 --> 00:34:57.847
And these days when somebody enters my practice and they say, I understand, you can help me, I always tell them well, let's work on you helping yourself.
00:34:57.847 --> 00:35:02.139
And I smile with that because I'm like, yeah, that's how we were raised.
00:35:02.139 --> 00:35:04.465
You go to the doctor, the doctor cures you.
00:35:04.465 --> 00:35:10.445
But what if you go to the doctor for a bit of help so that you can cure yourself?
00:35:11.447 --> 00:35:11.648
Yes.
00:35:11.755 --> 00:35:24.458
Really becoming responsible and accountable for your own actions in your own life right that sounds to me more powerful and more the life that I actually want to live right.
00:35:24.637 --> 00:35:54.728
right and when we feel empowered and we make those choices a, we can confront the parts of ourselves that have been making maybe bad choices or not so good choices, and as soon as we can own up to that, like, oh yeah, I made that choice, I made that choice, or I made the choice not to do something or whatever it is, whether it's eating certain foods or not exercising or, you know, pursuing a path that isn't right for you.
00:35:54.728 --> 00:35:59.079
Whatever that is, we do have a lot of choice.
00:35:59.079 --> 00:36:15.528
Now, that isn't to say that there are life circumstances that kind of limit what we can do and where we can go and so on, but within those boundaries we always have choices exactly, exactly.
00:36:15.688 --> 00:36:43.420
And people can get depressed because their environment is putting stuff on top on them or because they can't control the weather, or because their balls is ugly to them, but you always control your inner world yes I think that is what what your story that you told was about about the demons and that's also what that poem is about it is about your response.
00:36:44.101 --> 00:36:45.907
The whole world can be against me.
00:36:45.907 --> 00:36:51.402
My internal world can be a beautiful one as long as I believe in myself.
00:36:51.402 --> 00:37:20.025
And and I think that is also important to realize, because if we realize it's ultimately about our internal world and our perception of the world around us that is when we can really start to change, and by changing our perceptions and I use Psyche for that we start to manifest a different world around us, maybe just by having a new look on the world, or maybe by taking action steps to get away from where we are.
00:37:21.108 --> 00:37:22.311
Right, right.
00:37:22.311 --> 00:37:28.496
So it's about, you know there's a saying awareness, acceptance and action.
00:37:28.496 --> 00:37:47.648
So we need to become aware of what's going on, that we want to change, accept that here's what's going on, here's the thing, and accept our responsibility, or accept that we have the power to change it to some extent, and then taking the action.
00:37:47.648 --> 00:37:49.648
And I just love this.
00:37:49.648 --> 00:38:16.509
I love this conversation so much because you know what we're going to be playing a song that you chose about miracles and, on some level even though Psyche K could be said to be, you know, doing the next right thing to achieve the result you want, on level, it feels like a miracle.
00:38:16.509 --> 00:38:31.204
It feels like a miracle because the shift can be so profound yes, it can um I see miracles all the time so do I, so do I in myself and in others.
00:38:31.505 --> 00:38:43.414
And I think since I became a positive intelligence slash, emotional intelligence coach, I have seen seismic shifts in my life, and they have come in the form of miracles.
00:38:43.414 --> 00:38:50.324
They've come in the form of, you know, kind of living a life of my wildest dreams.
00:38:50.324 --> 00:39:03.438
You know, things I didn't even know were possible have come into my life as a result of my shift in my thinking about who I am in the world and how I can contribute to society.
00:39:03.438 --> 00:39:17.699
You know, it's easy to complain about politics, it's easy to complain about other people, it's easy to complain about your job, but I think you would agree with me that we have the power to change a lot of that Now.
00:39:17.699 --> 00:39:38.150
I can't change my boss, I can't change the building where I work, I can't change who the president of the United States is or whatever, but I can choose how to respond within that and there's always a way to do it in a positive way exactly always.
00:39:39.958 --> 00:39:41.041
Yes, I fully agree.
00:39:41.041 --> 00:39:50.581
So, yeah, can't add anything there, jamie, because, um, it's ultimately all about our own perception of the world around us, and about ourselves right.
00:39:51.443 --> 00:40:00.478
Right, and so let's just play a snippet of a song by Sarah McLachlan that you found for us, and I'm just going to pull it up.
00:40:02.021 --> 00:40:06.063
It's just another ordinary miracle.
00:40:06.063 --> 00:40:19.704
Today the sky looks well, it's time to snow.
00:40:19.704 --> 00:40:23.063
Don't need to teach a seed to grow.
00:40:23.063 --> 00:40:28.164
It's just another ordinary miracle today.
00:40:31.076 --> 00:40:50.125
So copyright rules prevent me from playing too much of the song, but the idea is that if we can live our lives according to this idea that every day can be a miracle, even little ordinary things, just imagine how much brighter our outlook would.
00:40:50.125 --> 00:40:51.347
Be right, or is?
00:40:56.635 --> 00:40:57.918
our, our outlook would be right or is?
00:40:57.938 --> 00:41:01.686
yes, our life would be much richer much more, much more at peace as well.
00:41:01.686 --> 00:41:05.215
Yes, um, thank you so much for coming on and sharing about site k today.
00:41:05.215 --> 00:41:09.586
Is there anything, any kind of parting thoughts you want to leave us with before we go?
00:41:12.023 --> 00:41:21.327
well, I suppose the only one is is if there's any listeners or viewers that want to know more, um, send me a whatsapp message, give me a call, send me an email.
00:41:21.327 --> 00:41:31.284
I love talking about the topic of self-realization by changing our subconscious mind.
00:41:31.965 --> 00:41:33.108
Yes, absolutely.
00:41:33.108 --> 00:41:45.179
Martijn's information will be in the show notes and, as always, if you want to learn more about emotional intelligence and positive intelligence coaching, my information is in the show notes.
00:41:45.179 --> 00:41:46.965
I hope this resonated with you.
00:41:46.965 --> 00:42:01.923
I hope that you feel like there is the distinct chance that, if you want to change your life, you can and we will see you all at the Emotional Intelligence Gym Exercise that emotional intelligence muscle.
00:42:01.923 --> 00:42:06.500
Please like and subscribe to this podcast and until next time, we'll see you later.
00:42:06.500 --> 00:42:07.663
Thank you.
00:42:09.567 --> 00:42:09.987
Thank you.