Kaitlin Olson

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From 11 a.m.
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Wostock slash subject to availability, participation varies.
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Hi, my name is Caitlin Olson and I feel apprehensive
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about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
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Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm
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the aforementioned Conan O'Brien, joined by some obsession, Matt Gorley.
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And we're just.
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I feel like we're already rocketing through 2025.
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Really?
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Yeah. Just rocketing through it.
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What do you mean?
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Just rocketing through.
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Could you explain what the hell you're talking about?
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Time accelerates is what I'm telling you. The more experience
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you've had in life, the less each single moment registers
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in your brain. So time actually accelerates. By the time
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I'm done speaking, we'll all be dead. I don't want
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to die with you. No offense. That's the worst thing
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anyone's ever said to me. What a terrible thing to say.
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I'm sorry.
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It's just my wife, my daughter. Oh, come on. They've
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seen enough of you. You may be the death of me. Yes.
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There you go. No, I just think 2025, man.
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Yeah, man.
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Love it. Yeah. We did it. We did it. We
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did it. We're just starting. We haven't done anything.
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Oh, okay.
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Just starting.
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2025.
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Yeah.
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A quarter of the way into this century.
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That's crazy. That's madness.
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We're in like a sci-fi year.
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2025 sounds like a future year.
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Doesn't it?
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Yeah.
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You know, I used to think that the year 2000
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sounded like a long time. This is when I was
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a kid. People would talk about the year 2000. And
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then we did a bit, Robert Smigel, he came up
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with this idea for a bit called Year 2000, which
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we did in 1988 at the Victory Garden Theater in Chicago.
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And then a couple of years later, when I got
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the late night show, we did it on the late
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night show in the year 2000. And still in 1993,
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it's getting a little squirrely then, but the year 2000
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did feel like this kind of funny distant future. And
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then I'll never forget, it was 1999 and we were
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getting close to the year 2000 and we're doing the
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bit in the year 2000. And we didn't know what
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to do. I remember this. We didn't know what to do.
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And we were thinking, what do we do? And we
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were thinking maybe La Bamba could sing.
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In the distant future. Oh, weird.
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And we were like, no. And then we said, we're
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just going to stick with in the year 2000. And
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you talked.
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About this on the show, right? Because I remember watching this.
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And then, sure enough, you know, Sting would be on
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the show and it would be 2005. And I'd say.
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You know, hey, maybe we should look to the future.
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And Andy had left at that point. So Sting, I'd
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do it with like whoever the celebrity was. And Sting
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would come through the curtain and go, the future, Conan?
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And I'd say, yes, Sting, all the way to the
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year 2000. And it's 2005. Talk about, we just didn't
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deal with it. And so, but I remember when I
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was a kid, there was a show on starring Martin Landau.
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And I think his co-star was Barbara Bain. I think
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it was a show that was made in England and
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it was called Space 1999. And it was the same
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thing where it was the 70s and this syndicated show
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would come on. And this is back when nothing was
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on television. And so whenever something came on, you watched it.
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And I remember thinking, oh, wow, Space 1999. And everyone
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on that show wore what looked to be like what
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they'd give you to wear on first class if you
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were going on a transatlantic flight. Everybody, and I thought-
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Somehow mixed with tennis leisure. Yes, yes, exactly. So I
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just thought in the future, we're all going to be
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very comfortable and we're going to live on the moon.
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And the future, of course, came along and really the
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big cars kind of looked pretty much the same. They
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didn't rust, but They kind of operated the same. There's
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still a steering wheel. You're still driving on the same roads.
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You're not up in the air like they told us
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they would be. The real difference is that radio just
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turned to podcasting. Yes, exactly. The only thing that really changed,
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all this stuff they told us, ray guns. We're going
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to be living on different planets. None of that happened.
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No one talked about you'll have a personal computer in
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your pocket. That's a big one. And it will also be. Yes,
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but none of us thought of. And if you were told.
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Star Trek kind of did.
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They had their little like, you know.
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Oh, Spock had a tricorder. Well, famously, I'm a Star
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Wars guy. Okay, well, I'm a Star Trek guy. And
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what I love is that Spock had- Neither one guy.
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Spock had- I'm a not nerd guy.
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Spock had what looked like maybe an AM FM radio,
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but it had a little screen on it. And whenever
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they would go on the planet, it was a device
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that just did everything called a tricorder or something. And
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he would just be like, they'd be like, Spock, what's up?
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And he'd be like, well, according to this, my tricorder,
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we're going to have a conflict with a major character
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in about eight minutes, you know, or, I mean, basically
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it could tell you what you're having for lunch. It could,
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it could supply whatever the writers needed it to supply.
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Have you ever heard about in the Phantom Menace, you know,
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the first Star Wars prequel, Qui-Gon Jim, played by Liam Neeson,
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has this.
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Little- First of all, I could have finished this whole
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sentence for you. But yeah, Qui-Gon Jim, played by Liam Neeson.
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Qui-Gon Jim.
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What?
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It's Qui-Gon Jim.
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Yes.
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Even I know that. Isn't it- There's no normal names
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in any of the names.
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It's Qui-Gon Jim. It's Qui-Gon Jim.
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Who's popping the cores?
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Meet Glimglorp Henry. And Scullyabalow Sally.
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Oh, he has this little machine to test Anakin's midichlorian count.
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Don't get into it. And it's made from a woman's
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shaving razor. Oh, wait a minute. So George Lucas just said,
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we need a device. And they just, I just took
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this from my wife's shower.
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Basically.
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Yeah. Wow. No. Yeah. Okay. That's pretty great. Huh?
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Um, what year was back to the future? The future.
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When year was that?
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Happened recently. Blay. You've got it.
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You've got to know what? When he goes to the
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future and back to the future, what year is that?
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It just happened not too long ago.
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I do think it's 2023, maybe. But I wanted to
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bring up, there's another thing, the sonic screwdriver. Nobody here
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is a Doctor Who fan, right? Because I'm a Doctor
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Who fan.
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Sonic screwdriver. I wish Harrison Ford was here right now
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to tell you to shut the fuck up. You just
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took us down. That's also a thing that does everything. Eduardo?
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It was 2015. 2015 was when we were supposed to
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have hoverboards?
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Come on, we really dropped the ball.
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No, no, I think there should be a Senate investigation
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into why we're not flying around.
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Blade Runner's also happened time-wise too, right? Because they had
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flying cars in that.
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No, every future sci-fi movie, I mean, now they're smart
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enough to say, In the year 4572, they've picked a
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time when clearly humans will no longer be on the planet.
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Alien was always good about that. They were far, far
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into the future.
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Right. Early sci-fi, if you listen to old radio shows
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that were made in the 1930s, they'll say, by 1948.
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And my favorite is- I listened to one once where
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they called- Robot was still a new word. And they
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called it rubbit. Rubbit.
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Yeah.
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Rubbit. There'll be a rubbit. And the rubbit. We'll be
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a mechanical man named Qui-Gon Jim, named Qui-Gon Jim, who
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will open the mayonnaise can for you. It was all
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very pedestrian.
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I will say, Eduardo just looked up the movie Her,
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which is everybody has an AI girlfriend, takes place this year, 2025.
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And we kind of do all have AI girls.
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We're finally getting a mistress then.
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Really?
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Oh.
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What?
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Wow. What are you talking about? Don't talk about her
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that way. It's a victimless crime. Yeah.
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What do you mean?
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What are you talking about?
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He had a really special relationship with that AI.
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Yeah, but he didn't cheat on any, but not with
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another person. And that's allowed, the Bible allows an exception
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if it's an AI girlfriend. Oh, come on. The Bible
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doesn't say thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's AI image.
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The Bible, we got around the Bible finally. I can
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cover it all I want. As long as it's made
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of pixels and hexels. Oh, God. What, did I get
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something wrong? Yeah, hexels? Did that cover it? What is
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a hexel? Mixels and glaxels? Let me just refer. you
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to this rap sign. Look at that. It's handwritten. How quaint. Clearly,
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you've not visited the year 2000. Oh, no. I was
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in haste. All right, let's get into it. My guest
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today is a terrific actress you know from It's Always
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Sunny in Philadelphia. and hacks. There were many years, Sona,
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where I would pass you at your desk and I
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couldn't get you to do a goddamn thing because you
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were watching It's Always Sunny on your computer.
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Yes, I was.
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Well, now she stars in the hit series High Potential,
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which releases new episodes Tuesdays on ABC and next day
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on Hulu. We're thrilled she's here today. We adore her.
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Caitlin Olsen, welcome. I've been acting like a fool since
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you came in the building.
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Yeah, a lot of dad jokes so far.
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I don't remember that from the podcast. That was my
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A material. Oh, no. From 70 years ago. No, I've
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been so goofy around you for a reason. I'm a
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massive fan, and I got giddy. And so then this
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tall drink of water comes walking in, and I'm like,
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Doing schtick left and right. And I've made a complete
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fool of myself. You really did. And you know what?
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I apologize, but it came from a place of great
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admiration and some drinking about an hour ago.
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I'll allow it.
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I like that.
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I like the explanation.
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I'm thrilled you're here. And I want to start by
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acknowledging you have a crazy stalker fan here. Oh. In
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the form of Sonam Obsessia.
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Why would you do that to her?
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Say it like stalker fan. I'm a fan. I don't
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stalk you. That's okay.
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I haven't seen her peeking around in my bushes.
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Oh, okay.
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But not of mine. But not your stalker. That's fine.
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I'm fine with both. Only Don Cheadle. It's true. It's
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just the guy I'm throwing in on the audio lately.
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The point is that a number of years ago, I
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was aware of Always Sunny when it was first starting up.
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And I would catch the show here and there. And
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I always think this is really funny. I like these people.
245
00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:11.909
I like what they're doing. But a lot of other
246
00:12:11.929 --> 00:12:13.990
stuff is going on. And then I would come to
247
00:12:14.190 --> 00:12:18.200
work and Sona's desk, Sona, my assistant, was a shrine
248
00:12:18.220 --> 00:12:21.120
to always sunny.
249
00:12:21.139 --> 00:12:22.409
Just let him do it. I like it.
250
00:12:22.409 --> 00:12:24.230
I had a picture of the cast.
251
00:12:24.409 --> 00:12:26.049
You talked about it all the time.
252
00:12:27.110 --> 00:12:29.309
You're making me sound like a creeper.
253
00:12:29.330 --> 00:12:32.070
I had a picture of the cast, and sometimes I
254
00:12:32.110 --> 00:12:34.809
would watch it at work when I should have been
255
00:12:34.850 --> 00:12:35.669
doing things for him.
256
00:12:35.690 --> 00:12:38.169
So he's a little resentful about it.
257
00:12:38.200 --> 00:12:40.659
But that's what got me more into the show because
258
00:12:40.700 --> 00:12:42.799
I would be asking Sona, you know those pills I
259
00:12:42.840 --> 00:12:46.279
need for my heart to keep me alive? And she'd say... Whatever.
260
00:12:46.559 --> 00:12:48.419
I'm busy. And then I would see that she was
261
00:12:48.460 --> 00:12:50.720
watching Always Sunny at work. Right.
262
00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:51.240
Important.
263
00:12:51.460 --> 00:12:51.720
Yeah.
264
00:12:51.960 --> 00:12:52.159
Yeah.
265
00:12:52.679 --> 00:12:52.970
Right.
266
00:12:53.259 --> 00:12:58.490
So then we flash forward to my children, my son
267
00:12:58.509 --> 00:13:00.809
and my daughter get to a certain age. And I
268
00:13:00.870 --> 00:13:02.990
will say this about my kids. I don't brag about
269
00:13:03.029 --> 00:13:09.539
them much because I'm not a fan. But they have excellent, excellent,
270
00:13:09.860 --> 00:13:14.559
excellent comedy taste. And they started... from the beginning and
271
00:13:14.580 --> 00:13:17.960
they started binge watching Always Sunny and then they pulled
272
00:13:18.019 --> 00:13:20.879
Liza and I into it. And as a family, we
273
00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:25.460
started from the beginning and we knew that soon, like
274
00:13:25.500 --> 00:13:29.220
they're both going off to college. We watched all of them.
275
00:13:30.059 --> 00:13:33.379
All of them. I have not missed a one. And
276
00:13:33.740 --> 00:13:38.350
I was delighted because it's such an original comedic voice
277
00:13:39.330 --> 00:13:42.870
and voices. It's just coming at everything from a different angle.
278
00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:48.409
And it's just delightful. And so that's where a lot
279
00:13:48.450 --> 00:13:52.370
of my giddiness came from today. That's so sweet. It's true.
280
00:13:52.470 --> 00:13:57.649
It's absolutely 100% true. And then if you'd have the
281
00:13:57.710 --> 00:13:59.600
gall to go on and have all this other success
282
00:14:00.240 --> 00:14:03.240
outside of Sunny, I think it's too much.
283
00:14:03.659 --> 00:14:05.059
Oh, too much success. Yeah.
284
00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:06.679
I thought you had, I mean, you hit it out
285
00:14:06.700 --> 00:14:07.019
of the park.
286
00:14:07.039 --> 00:14:07.139
Right.
287
00:14:07.580 --> 00:14:11.149
Just be the girl on the one funny show. Go
288
00:14:11.169 --> 00:14:12.190
home and take care of your kids.
289
00:14:12.409 --> 00:14:13.210
Exactly.
290
00:14:13.230 --> 00:14:13.960
I get it.
291
00:14:14.149 --> 00:14:19.379
But then you're on Hacks and you're fantastic on that show. Thanks.
292
00:14:19.409 --> 00:14:23.179
Although your name on that show is eerily similar to J.D. Vance.
293
00:14:23.220 --> 00:14:26.720
God, that was so, we were like, are you? First
294
00:14:26.759 --> 00:14:27.620
of all, I came along first.
295
00:14:27.980 --> 00:14:28.340
You were first.
296
00:14:28.360 --> 00:14:29.220
I'd never heard of this man.
297
00:14:29.440 --> 00:14:29.620
Right.
298
00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:32.299
I could not believe it.
299
00:14:32.340 --> 00:14:33.440
Your first and you're DJ Vance?
300
00:14:33.460 --> 00:14:33.919
DJ Vance.
301
00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:36.519
Oh my God. And anyone who's watching it later is
302
00:14:36.539 --> 00:14:39.500
going to go, oh, what a corny take on JD Vance.
303
00:14:39.559 --> 00:14:39.799
Nope.
304
00:14:40.139 --> 00:14:40.379
No.
305
00:14:41.039 --> 00:14:41.259
No.
306
00:14:41.570 --> 00:14:42.970
It stands for Debra Jr.
307
00:14:43.190 --> 00:14:43.350
Yeah.
308
00:14:43.690 --> 00:14:45.129
And yeah.
309
00:14:45.490 --> 00:14:47.710
Well, his name is Jebra Jr. Oh.
310
00:14:47.730 --> 00:14:49.370
Well, then we did copy him.
311
00:14:49.409 --> 00:14:49.649
Yeah.
312
00:14:50.379 --> 00:14:55.710
And then we're going to discuss your new show, which
313
00:14:55.789 --> 00:14:59.809
I watched yesterday, which is getting insane over the top reviews. Again,
314
00:14:59.850 --> 00:15:03.730
something I resent. Didn't seem unmentioned to me anywhere on
315
00:15:03.750 --> 00:15:06.210
these reviews because I'm not in the show and I'm
316
00:15:06.250 --> 00:15:10.289
not involved in any way. But High Potential, which is
317
00:15:10.330 --> 00:15:14.529
an adaptation of a French show. It's a great idea
318
00:15:14.710 --> 00:15:16.250
and you're fantastic in it.
319
00:15:16.250 --> 00:15:16.769
Thank you.
320
00:15:16.950 --> 00:15:19.370
And what I like about it is that it is
321
00:15:19.389 --> 00:15:22.960
a Good. Someone I was trying to think about after
322
00:15:22.980 --> 00:15:25.740
this was like, it's I wouldn't say it's a comedy.
323
00:15:25.879 --> 00:15:30.580
It's a it's a funny and at times very funny show.
324
00:15:30.620 --> 00:15:33.210
That's a very good crime show and really smart.
325
00:15:33.370 --> 00:15:33.870
Thank you.
326
00:15:34.139 --> 00:15:38.210
And I thought everyone wants to label something now and say, well,
327
00:15:38.549 --> 00:15:40.230
my wife said to me afterwards, she's like, is it
328
00:15:40.250 --> 00:15:42.509
a comedy? And I said, it's not a comedy. It
329
00:15:43.730 --> 00:15:46.600
is not. It's definitely not a comedy. But you get
330
00:15:46.649 --> 00:15:49.799
to be very funny in it. And some of the
331
00:15:49.820 --> 00:15:54.220
situations are very funny, but it's also an excellent kind
332
00:15:54.259 --> 00:15:56.950
of one of those crime shows that is building a
333
00:15:56.990 --> 00:15:59.049
Rubik's Cube and solving it in front of you, which
334
00:15:59.090 --> 00:16:00.110
was really cool. Yeah.
335
00:16:00.210 --> 00:16:00.590
Thank you.
336
00:16:00.690 --> 00:16:03.809
I appreciate that. That was the goal, was to really
337
00:16:04.350 --> 00:16:07.210
make sure that you believed the world and bought into
338
00:16:07.230 --> 00:16:11.220
the fact that there was something urgent and bad happening.
339
00:16:11.720 --> 00:16:13.240
And that wasn't going to happen if the rest of
340
00:16:13.259 --> 00:16:14.179
the world was funny.
341
00:16:14.500 --> 00:16:15.120
So, yeah.
342
00:16:15.500 --> 00:16:17.159
And also, I was like, only I get to be
343
00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:17.899
funny on this show.
344
00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:18.000
Yeah.
345
00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:20.759
You want me to do it? Only I will utter
346
00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:21.320
funny things.
347
00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:24.039
I have made that rule here at the podcast many times.
348
00:16:24.059 --> 00:16:25.620
They're breaking it. And it just doesn't seem to happen. No,
349
00:16:25.620 --> 00:16:27.379
they are breaking it. Yeah. I got to come up
350
00:16:27.419 --> 00:16:30.149
with more good shtick at the top. There were a
351
00:16:30.139 --> 00:16:32.370
couple of things that I realized about you today that
352
00:16:32.429 --> 00:16:34.490
I didn't know before, which is that you lived on
353
00:16:35.070 --> 00:16:38.629
Vashon Island. I did. My wife is from Seattle. Oh,
354
00:16:38.950 --> 00:16:39.429
she is?
355
00:16:39.490 --> 00:16:39.769
Yes.
356
00:16:39.970 --> 00:16:44.809
And so I have... Wandered those islands and spent time
357
00:16:44.889 --> 00:16:48.250
on Vashon. And that's a very and also Portland. That's
358
00:16:48.289 --> 00:16:51.129
a very special, specific part of the country.
359
00:16:51.169 --> 00:16:54.720
Yes, it's very Pacific Northwest. My parents were hippies. My
360
00:16:54.759 --> 00:16:58.240
mom's an herbalist. We like went fishing for salmon on
361
00:16:58.480 --> 00:16:59.460
the island for dinner.
362
00:16:59.480 --> 00:17:00.500
Yeah.
363
00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:02.679
And then we moved to like outside. You say Portland,
364
00:17:02.700 --> 00:17:05.009
which is like that was the big city 20 minutes away.
365
00:17:05.029 --> 00:17:08.569
We lived in Tigard, Oregon. And if you were hungry,
366
00:17:08.589 --> 00:17:12.049
you went outside and, you know, grabbed some whatever was ripe.
367
00:17:13.670 --> 00:17:14.779
Wash it off with the hose.
368
00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:17.759
Yeah. So when I.
369
00:17:17.799 --> 00:17:20.400
We were very, you know, it was just the four
370
00:17:20.440 --> 00:17:21.880
of us living off the land.
371
00:17:22.940 --> 00:17:27.140
When I met my wife, she had moved to New
372
00:17:27.180 --> 00:17:32.299
York and she'd grown up in Seattle. And, you know,
373
00:17:32.599 --> 00:17:35.279
she'd only been in New York a short time. And
374
00:17:35.299 --> 00:17:38.579
we start dating and then I'm going to, oh, we're
375
00:17:38.599 --> 00:17:41.200
invited to an event. I'm doing the late night show
376
00:17:41.259 --> 00:17:44.480
and I invite, you know, this new woman I've met
377
00:17:44.509 --> 00:17:45.849
who I'm in love with, like, oh, I'm going to
378
00:17:45.980 --> 00:17:49.190
bring her to this event. And she would say, okay,
379
00:17:49.210 --> 00:17:54.349
let's go. And she only had fleece. And you should
380
00:17:54.369 --> 00:17:55.730
be like, I've got this.
381
00:17:55.769 --> 00:17:56.329
Patagonia.
382
00:17:56.349 --> 00:17:58.730
Yeah, I've got this. My Timberland boots. I can put
383
00:17:58.789 --> 00:18:01.390
on this nicer fleece. And I'm like, it's kind of
384
00:18:01.470 --> 00:18:05.200
black tie, like. I'm wearing a tux. And she's like,
385
00:18:05.220 --> 00:18:08.519
I've got sandals. Yeah, I can put on the good sandals.
386
00:18:08.640 --> 00:18:11.140
And it was, there was a moment where I was like,
387
00:18:11.180 --> 00:18:15.440
we need to, we need to talk about the fleece only.
388
00:18:15.460 --> 00:18:18.390
Not everything's a fleece vest and a baseball cap.
389
00:18:18.430 --> 00:18:19.250
Yeah, that's right.
390
00:18:19.390 --> 00:18:23.170
But the other thing too was, I would say I'm
391
00:18:23.470 --> 00:18:27.269
Irish Catholic Boston. So everything for me, and Sona's witnessed
392
00:18:27.289 --> 00:18:28.930
this many times, which is I need to eat a
393
00:18:29.089 --> 00:18:31.359
massive ham sandwich. I've tried to change. I think I
394
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:35.390
have changed, but. My go-to was always a meal involves
395
00:18:35.490 --> 00:18:41.289
a massive piece of ham and potato and mayonnaise. And
396
00:18:41.789 --> 00:18:43.859
it has to be this big thing that you then
397
00:18:43.930 --> 00:18:46.160
sit around and digest like a bank vault in your stomach.
398
00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:47.299
That was Rob too.
399
00:18:47.500 --> 00:18:47.740
Yeah.
400
00:18:47.799 --> 00:18:48.359
I retrained him.
401
00:18:48.559 --> 00:18:48.799
Yes.
402
00:18:50.200 --> 00:18:53.099
So my wife, I'd show up at the time, she's
403
00:18:53.140 --> 00:18:54.720
my girlfriend, and I would show up at her tiny
404
00:18:54.759 --> 00:18:55.960
apartment and I would say, hey.
405
00:18:56.160 --> 00:18:56.880
I brought a ham.
406
00:18:56.920 --> 00:19:00.549
And I'd say like, yeah, I'd say I'm wearing a ham.
407
00:19:01.509 --> 00:19:03.170
I had a hat that was made that just had
408
00:19:03.210 --> 00:19:05.450
hams around it. I would show up in her apartment
409
00:19:05.470 --> 00:19:09.380
and say like, hey, Eliza, I'm really hungry. Are you hungry?
410
00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:11.150
And she'd say, I ate. And I'd say, oh, you ate?
411
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:14.680
And she'd be like, yep. I had half a pear
412
00:19:15.240 --> 00:19:18.349
and then I had some walnuts. And then I had
413
00:19:18.410 --> 00:19:20.990
some antioxidant juice. Oh, yeah.
414
00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:22.420
I got to meet this lady.
415
00:19:22.940 --> 00:19:23.900
Pacific Northwest.
416
00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:27.299
I bet her gut health is just top shelf.
417
00:19:27.440 --> 00:19:29.349
Well, she's a massive fan of yours, so she would
418
00:19:29.369 --> 00:19:33.990
be thrilled to meet you someday. But You say that
419
00:19:34.029 --> 00:19:37.630
you had to, you had to retrain Rob. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
420
00:19:37.950 --> 00:19:40.380
He, it was just all, first of all, I don't
421
00:19:40.420 --> 00:19:43.539
know that they, that fresh vegetables existed on the East Coast.
422
00:19:43.559 --> 00:19:45.849
I think it was just all cans and frozen stuff, apparently.
423
00:19:45.940 --> 00:19:49.960
I never saw a vegetable, I think, until after Reagan was.
424
00:19:50.029 --> 00:19:50.470
in office.
425
00:19:50.690 --> 00:19:50.910
Right.
426
00:19:51.549 --> 00:19:53.789
I didn't believe him. I was like, that's not possible.
427
00:19:54.950 --> 00:19:57.839
But no, it was all, they had like, you know,
428
00:19:58.170 --> 00:20:01.819
lima beans and steak and always a potato of some kind.
429
00:20:01.859 --> 00:20:02.380
Yes, yes.
430
00:20:02.819 --> 00:20:05.960
God forbid you leave the potato out. Meat, a potato,
431
00:20:06.140 --> 00:20:08.220
and some bagged, rewarmed vegetable.
432
00:20:08.579 --> 00:20:09.079
Yeah. Yeah.
433
00:20:09.470 --> 00:20:11.690
We, uh, that's interesting. And so how long did it
434
00:20:11.750 --> 00:20:12.769
take to retrain?
435
00:20:13.190 --> 00:20:13.509
Not long.
436
00:20:13.529 --> 00:20:15.809
Cause I love cooking. And he was like, Oh, what's this?
437
00:20:15.910 --> 00:20:16.009
Oh.
438
00:20:16.170 --> 00:20:18.150
And one time I asked if he liked eggplant. Cause
439
00:20:18.190 --> 00:20:19.589
I was going to do like an eggplant Parmesan. He
440
00:20:19.609 --> 00:20:21.329
was like, Oh no, I was going to do some
441
00:20:21.369 --> 00:20:24.210
eggplant thing that wasn't eggplant Parmesan. And I just ruined
442
00:20:24.230 --> 00:20:26.849
the whole story. Um, and he was like, yeah, I, I,
443
00:20:27.029 --> 00:20:28.539
I love eggplant. I was like, great. So I made,
444
00:20:28.579 --> 00:20:30.319
so I don't remember what it was. We were still dating.
445
00:20:30.960 --> 00:20:32.759
It was 800 years ago.
446
00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:35.380
Um, yeah, it was before the printing press.
447
00:20:35.420 --> 00:20:39.500
Yeah, that's right. And, uh, He ate it and he
448
00:20:39.539 --> 00:20:41.700
just wasn't eating it. I was like, you don't like eggplant.
449
00:20:41.720 --> 00:20:44.410
He was like, I swear this is not what eggplant
450
00:20:44.470 --> 00:20:46.369
tasted like when I was growing up. And he had
451
00:20:46.410 --> 00:20:49.049
eggplant parmesan. It was like beaten to a pulp and
452
00:20:49.089 --> 00:20:50.490
just mostly fried breading.
453
00:20:50.529 --> 00:20:50.750
Yes.
454
00:20:50.910 --> 00:20:52.210
It's breading and cheese. Yeah.
455
00:20:52.269 --> 00:20:53.750
I was like, that's not the eggplant part.
456
00:20:54.339 --> 00:20:55.119
Yeah. No, no, no.
457
00:20:55.500 --> 00:20:56.619
That's the heart attack part.
458
00:20:56.759 --> 00:21:00.420
If you hit a vegetable in heart attack sauce, I
459
00:21:00.440 --> 00:21:03.460
was fine with it. You know, everyone is. Yeah, everyone is.
460
00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:06.680
But it's just now he loves a fresh vegetable, I
461
00:21:06.720 --> 00:21:07.059
will say.
462
00:21:07.319 --> 00:21:10.759
Oh, and I've completely changed. It's the same. I mean,
463
00:21:10.779 --> 00:21:13.200
this is interesting. I was I wanted to talk about
464
00:21:13.220 --> 00:21:16.359
this initially just for saying because it I realized we've
465
00:21:16.599 --> 00:21:20.619
had a similar experience. But I had the same thing
466
00:21:20.700 --> 00:21:23.990
happen to me, which is now I'm like, I would
467
00:21:24.009 --> 00:21:24.910
like a salad, please.
468
00:21:25.029 --> 00:21:26.069
Your opposite. Yeah.
469
00:21:26.109 --> 00:21:26.470
Him, too.
470
00:21:26.690 --> 00:21:29.769
He's like he'll look at what his friends back east eat.
471
00:21:29.849 --> 00:21:32.289
And he's just like. How are they not all dead?
472
00:21:32.349 --> 00:21:35.299
And why are they wondering why I look good and
473
00:21:35.339 --> 00:21:39.960
they don't? They all look like 75-year-old men.
474
00:21:41.140 --> 00:21:41.599
Doughy.
475
00:21:42.700 --> 00:21:43.180
I love them.
476
00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:46.599
I want to make that clear. I love all of them.
477
00:21:53.579 --> 00:21:57.049
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already use nicotine.
496
00:22:56.319 --> 00:22:58.930
What's the best way to pay you back? ZipPay. ZipPay?
497
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Yeah, in your banking app.
498
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We're not with the same bank.
499
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Doesn't matter whether you're with AIB, Bank of Ireland, or PTSB.
500
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ZipPay makes sending money as easy as texting a mate.
501
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It's that simple.
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Eligible personal customers only. Minimum age limit supply. Terms and
503
00:23:10.630 --> 00:23:12.970
conditions apply. Allied Irish Banks PLC, Bank of Ireland, and
504
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Permanent TSB, PLC, Tradings, PTSB are regulated by the Central
505
00:23:15.819 --> 00:23:16.259
Bank of Ireland.
506
00:23:22.779 --> 00:23:24.779
Can I geek out on It's Always Sunny for a
507
00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:28.829
Second and ask, How much improvisation are you guys doing?
508
00:23:29.609 --> 00:23:31.670
First of all, it's the 17th season.
509
00:23:32.809 --> 00:23:34.430
Really weird. Really strange.
510
00:23:34.609 --> 00:23:38.950
Because it all began so improbably. And I know you've
511
00:23:38.970 --> 00:23:41.779
talked about it a million times, but you literally just
512
00:23:41.880 --> 00:23:45.099
went out, which is my favorite comedy is Let's Make
513
00:23:45.160 --> 00:23:48.059
Ourselves Happy. And now it's 17 years later. Yeah.
514
00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:54.769
That's a good life lesson. That philosophy goes towards auditioning, too.
515
00:23:54.809 --> 00:23:57.730
I was always auditioning before that, you know, reading the
516
00:23:57.769 --> 00:23:59.829
description of the character and trying to figure out exactly
517
00:23:59.869 --> 00:24:02.569
what they wanted and going in and doing an audition
518
00:24:02.609 --> 00:24:05.150
that I hoped that it was what they were looking for.
519
00:24:05.170 --> 00:24:07.650
It doesn't work like that. You got to go and
520
00:24:07.690 --> 00:24:10.250
like do your best version of whatever you think it
521
00:24:10.369 --> 00:24:14.049
is and make yourself like I might. It turned into
522
00:24:14.210 --> 00:24:16.609
my only goal rather than like going over the lines
523
00:24:16.650 --> 00:24:18.569
in my head eight million times was just have fun.
524
00:24:18.769 --> 00:24:20.539
Just have fun. Do you say a couple of different words?
525
00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:20.859
Who cares?
526
00:24:20.940 --> 00:24:21.539
It's fine. Just have fun.
527
00:24:21.900 --> 00:24:23.180
It's the only way it works. And then I started
528
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:26.380
booking stuff because you didn't really make other people happy.
529
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:28.910
It doesn't, that's not possible. There's too many of them.
530
00:24:29.309 --> 00:24:32.690
We all start out in that situation where we're trying
531
00:24:32.710 --> 00:24:38.049
to make someone happy and you're told, yeah, they, someone,
532
00:24:38.069 --> 00:24:40.509
it went to someone else and you think it's a
533
00:24:40.569 --> 00:24:43.990
judgment on you when it really isn't.
534
00:24:44.250 --> 00:24:44.650
Not at all.
535
00:24:44.799 --> 00:24:48.079
Because in this town, in this business, I was trying
536
00:24:48.099 --> 00:24:52.710
to explain to people, They're seeing 10,000 people and you
537
00:24:52.750 --> 00:24:54.829
might have come in and nailed it in some way.
538
00:24:54.990 --> 00:24:55.569
Absolutely.
539
00:24:55.630 --> 00:24:57.950
But you're a little taller.
540
00:24:57.970 --> 00:25:01.910
Or more often than not, they've already offered it to
541
00:25:01.950 --> 00:25:02.369
someone else.
542
00:25:02.670 --> 00:25:02.849
Yeah.
543
00:25:02.930 --> 00:25:06.109
You're going in and... spending days working on this thing,
544
00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:09.900
blow drying your hair, putting makeup on, driving to that lot,
545
00:25:10.299 --> 00:25:13.339
walking across the lot in 100 degree heat. You look
546
00:25:13.359 --> 00:25:15.359
like shit by the time you get there. You do
547
00:25:15.400 --> 00:25:17.400
your best. And all the while, they're just waiting to
548
00:25:17.500 --> 00:25:19.180
get a phone call that the person they offered to
549
00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:21.680
is accepting or rejecting. And then they've got backups and
550
00:25:21.700 --> 00:25:23.849
they're going to keep offering it. And then if no
551
00:25:23.910 --> 00:25:25.990
one accepts it, then they're going to turn to these auditions.
552
00:25:26.130 --> 00:25:27.009
It's crazy.
553
00:25:27.390 --> 00:25:29.609
There were so many auditions where I was like, I
554
00:25:29.650 --> 00:25:32.230
felt so good about that. And plenty of auditions that
555
00:25:32.349 --> 00:25:35.509
I I hated because I just I would get anxious
556
00:25:35.569 --> 00:25:37.779
and be weird. That's not what I was meaning to do.
557
00:25:39.059 --> 00:25:39.279
Yeah.
558
00:25:39.319 --> 00:25:41.480
But now being on the other side of it, I'm like, oh, yeah,
559
00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:42.619
you've already offered it to someone else.
560
00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:47.539
We auditioned like thousands of people to be Conan O'Brien
561
00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:50.460
on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend when we knew all
562
00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:51.420
along it was going to be me.
563
00:25:52.029 --> 00:25:54.670
That's so mean. Everybody had to do their hair like that?
564
00:25:54.849 --> 00:25:57.650
And I was behind a one-way mirror, and I was
565
00:25:57.670 --> 00:25:59.819
just laughing. Yeah.
566
00:26:00.039 --> 00:26:02.859
We were earnestly trying to replace you, though.
567
00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:06.779
I was just laughing and drinking caramel out of a
568
00:26:06.819 --> 00:26:11.160
big pitcher. Warm caramel and laughing, and it was running
569
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:13.170
down my face. Bring in the next one.
570
00:26:13.190 --> 00:26:13.269
What?
571
00:26:13.630 --> 00:26:20.049
Why? I don't know. I'm broken inside. Caramel or caramel? Caramel.
572
00:26:20.730 --> 00:26:23.359
I'm a caramel person. What did you say?
573
00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:24.460
Caramel. Caramel.
574
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:25.640
Is anybody caramel?
575
00:26:25.720 --> 00:26:28.099
I think I say caramel unless I think about it.
576
00:26:28.180 --> 00:26:29.200
No, that's a city.
577
00:26:29.240 --> 00:26:29.819
I think I know.
578
00:26:30.059 --> 00:26:31.980
I think I even say that. But if I think
579
00:26:32.019 --> 00:26:34.599
about it, I'll say it right. Same with crayon and crayon.
580
00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:36.019
Oh, no, I'm caramel.
581
00:26:36.359 --> 00:26:37.000
No idea.
582
00:26:37.099 --> 00:26:38.670
I'm caramel. No, no, no.
583
00:26:38.700 --> 00:26:40.769
I'm not the city. I'm the candy.
584
00:26:40.930 --> 00:26:43.069
I'm the toffee. Wait a minute. You're saying it correct.
585
00:26:43.349 --> 00:26:45.509
I understand what you're saying. I don't know what's happening
586
00:26:45.529 --> 00:26:48.670
with you. You're saying, I say caramel.
587
00:26:48.730 --> 00:26:49.829
No, he wants caramel.
588
00:26:49.869 --> 00:26:50.269
Caramel.
589
00:26:50.450 --> 00:26:52.970
There we go. I don't even hear the difference.
590
00:26:52.990 --> 00:26:53.849
He says caramel.
591
00:26:53.869 --> 00:26:56.180
I don't think I'm saying that because I'm conscious of it,
592
00:26:56.190 --> 00:26:57.440
but I say what you say.
593
00:26:57.880 --> 00:26:59.720
And that goes for life. You know what? This is
594
00:26:59.740 --> 00:27:02.500
going to end up being the, this will be the
595
00:27:02.539 --> 00:27:03.240
moment that trends.
596
00:27:04.180 --> 00:27:06.319
You're going to get a lot of feedback. By the way,
597
00:27:06.599 --> 00:27:09.140
I have a strong feeling I'm wrong. I think it
598
00:27:09.160 --> 00:27:09.950
might be caramel.
599
00:27:10.009 --> 00:27:11.529
It's caramel. It's caramel.
600
00:27:11.549 --> 00:27:11.890
All right.
601
00:27:12.029 --> 00:27:13.630
Or it's caramel. Everyone's nodding.
602
00:27:13.650 --> 00:27:15.769
Maybe it's probably an East Coast thing.
603
00:27:15.829 --> 00:27:16.569
Oh, East Coast, West Coast?
604
00:27:16.589 --> 00:27:17.329
I say caramel.
605
00:27:17.650 --> 00:27:18.190
Caramel.
606
00:27:18.289 --> 00:27:18.930
That's weird.
607
00:27:19.089 --> 00:27:19.690
I'm upset.
608
00:27:19.789 --> 00:27:20.809
I think we're done. Caramel.
609
00:27:20.869 --> 00:27:21.569
I think I should go.
610
00:27:21.589 --> 00:27:22.789
Am I saying that weird?
611
00:27:22.809 --> 00:27:23.630
No, you sound great.
612
00:27:23.710 --> 00:27:25.309
I say things weird.
613
00:27:25.410 --> 00:27:25.990
You sound great.
614
00:27:26.009 --> 00:27:27.690
Weirdly. Weirdly.
615
00:27:27.769 --> 00:27:28.230
Thank you.
616
00:27:29.869 --> 00:27:33.119
I say things weirdly. Like I have a hard G
617
00:27:33.180 --> 00:27:34.160
at the end of my words.
618
00:27:34.220 --> 00:27:34.819
Yeah.
619
00:27:34.839 --> 00:27:35.599
Do you say everything?
620
00:27:35.960 --> 00:27:36.799
Everything. Oh.
621
00:27:37.059 --> 00:27:37.440
Everything.
622
00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:38.140
Everything.
623
00:27:38.549 --> 00:27:38.730
Yeah.
624
00:27:38.890 --> 00:27:39.230
Everything.
625
00:27:39.289 --> 00:27:39.630
Everything.
626
00:27:39.829 --> 00:27:42.390
Wrong. Wrong. She says, oh, you're wrong-ga.
627
00:27:42.690 --> 00:27:42.809
Oh.
628
00:27:42.890 --> 00:27:45.730
And it just drives me crazy. Because first of all,
629
00:27:45.750 --> 00:27:46.329
I'm never wrong-ga.
630
00:27:46.349 --> 00:27:47.369
Right, because you're never wrong-ga.
631
00:27:47.450 --> 00:27:49.450
It's wrong to say wrong-wrong-ga.
632
00:27:49.470 --> 00:27:49.730
Okay.
633
00:27:49.750 --> 00:27:51.930
All right, listen. Let's just move on. I hate everybody.
634
00:27:51.950 --> 00:27:53.779
As the captain, I have to pile us back into
635
00:27:53.799 --> 00:27:55.420
safer waters. Okay, thank you. Thank you, Captain.
636
00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:57.700
Give me the next Conan O'Brien.
637
00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:03.299
I do think that there is a beautiful lesson to
638
00:28:03.420 --> 00:28:08.859
It's Always Sunny, which is like-minded people got together- And said,
639
00:28:08.900 --> 00:28:11.019
we're going to make something that doesn't fit any mold.
640
00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:13.920
We are going to please ourselves. I don't think this
641
00:28:13.980 --> 00:28:16.779
is going to work, but we like doing this. And
642
00:28:17.019 --> 00:28:20.279
it became, and the other thing is, it cannot be copied.
643
00:28:20.660 --> 00:28:20.849
Right.
644
00:28:21.309 --> 00:28:23.849
No one else can do what you guys are doing.
645
00:28:24.049 --> 00:28:27.950
And there's so many different levels to it. It's, I mean.
646
00:28:28.089 --> 00:28:31.390
Because it's Rob, Charlie, and Glenn. I mean, it's just like, and.
647
00:28:31.920 --> 00:28:34.000
I just feel like I absolutely hit the jackpot on
648
00:28:34.019 --> 00:28:36.190
that show. It's exactly what you said is how I feel.
649
00:28:36.210 --> 00:28:39.049
I mean, we, we go in there, we have directors
650
00:28:39.150 --> 00:28:41.390
and a lot of them are our friends and they're wonderful.
651
00:28:41.430 --> 00:28:43.589
But at the end of the day, somebody else cut
652
00:28:43.690 --> 00:28:46.809
and we just gather and like what we like and
653
00:28:46.849 --> 00:28:49.049
you keep that and you keep that and I'll do this.
654
00:28:49.150 --> 00:28:50.009
And then we go again.
655
00:28:50.029 --> 00:28:50.730
Yeah.
656
00:28:51.099 --> 00:28:52.619
And it's, it's great.
657
00:28:52.980 --> 00:28:56.910
Well, my, as I said, my kids, uh, they have
658
00:28:56.970 --> 00:29:01.480
superb comedy taste. Clearly. No, no, they really, no, I mean,
659
00:29:01.500 --> 00:29:03.900
I could list all the shows they like and it's their,
660
00:29:04.400 --> 00:29:10.480
they take it really seriously. They don't watch my stuff.
661
00:29:10.700 --> 00:29:14.779
Which again, they're batting a thousand, but they, there's so
662
00:29:14.799 --> 00:29:17.519
many things that just kill them. One was that I
663
00:29:17.539 --> 00:29:20.589
think you guys, the gang had some idea of, And
664
00:29:21.109 --> 00:29:24.420
one of you said, who's it against? Yeah, yeah. And
665
00:29:24.700 --> 00:29:27.759
it wasn't against anybody. We couldn't take that. None of
666
00:29:27.819 --> 00:29:30.559
you can understand the idea of it's not against somebody.
667
00:29:30.579 --> 00:29:31.920
Whose face are we shoving it into?
668
00:29:32.099 --> 00:29:35.109
Yes, exactly. And it's, I don't know, it's such a funny,
669
00:29:35.470 --> 00:29:38.670
I know those characters so well now, and it is
670
00:29:38.789 --> 00:29:42.740
such a funny conceit. that they're they will unite to
671
00:29:42.839 --> 00:29:44.799
defeat and humiliate someone else.
672
00:29:44.839 --> 00:29:45.079
Yeah.
673
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:47.220
But someone could have a brilliant plan where you guys
674
00:29:47.259 --> 00:29:49.819
make a billion dollars. But if it's not against somebody,
675
00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:50.440
no one's in.
676
00:29:50.500 --> 00:29:51.599
It's not interesting.
677
00:29:51.660 --> 00:29:51.940
Yeah.
678
00:29:52.500 --> 00:29:56.740
So so stupid. I love it so much. I'm very
679
00:29:56.799 --> 00:29:59.500
impressed with your kids. And I have a 14, newly
680
00:29:59.500 --> 00:30:02.210
14 year old now who's been sneaking scripts and reading
681
00:30:02.269 --> 00:30:06.769
them for years. And we will pull up clips that
682
00:30:06.809 --> 00:30:09.609
he can watch, but he's so, and now he's just like.
683
00:30:10.029 --> 00:30:12.799
I mean, he's 14, so now he's seen probably half
684
00:30:12.839 --> 00:30:16.299
the episodes. He's completely obsessed. But not mature enough to
685
00:30:16.319 --> 00:30:18.259
be able to, like, go out into the world and
686
00:30:18.339 --> 00:30:22.910
speak like that. So he'll say things, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
687
00:30:23.190 --> 00:30:23.670
Oh, boy.
688
00:30:23.690 --> 00:30:26.009
We will fine-tune this, and one day you will be
689
00:30:26.029 --> 00:30:29.250
so funny, but that's not something to say at school.
690
00:30:29.690 --> 00:30:30.009
So.
691
00:30:31.029 --> 00:30:35.990
Dennis, please... Yeah, let me explain. He's probably a rapist
692
00:30:36.049 --> 00:30:40.630
and murderer. But it's funny because, oh, God.
693
00:30:43.009 --> 00:30:46.579
Yeah, there's just like times where... It's not even explained
694
00:30:46.599 --> 00:30:50.500
what something will happen and Danny DeVito's character will like
695
00:30:50.660 --> 00:30:51.859
a gun will drop out.
696
00:30:51.980 --> 00:30:53.940
And you're like, why did he have a gun?
697
00:30:53.980 --> 00:30:56.230
And it's not addressed why he had a gun.
698
00:30:56.960 --> 00:30:59.200
It's not necessary. No, it just fell.
699
00:31:00.380 --> 00:31:04.500
Yeah, there's so many different layers there. And I do
700
00:31:04.559 --> 00:31:07.339
think I had this thought a long time ago when
701
00:31:07.420 --> 00:31:11.640
I was as the old man here, when I was young,
702
00:31:11.700 --> 00:31:14.119
the show that really lit me up was SCTV because
703
00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:17.640
they put You know, SNL was the big thing. And
704
00:31:17.700 --> 00:31:20.900
then SCTV was this other show that they really crafted.
705
00:31:21.480 --> 00:31:23.660
And it had all these different layers. And they put
706
00:31:23.720 --> 00:31:27.609
all these little smart, weird runners in there that you
707
00:31:27.650 --> 00:31:29.789
had to pick up on. And they didn't even know
708
00:31:29.809 --> 00:31:32.170
that anybody in America was watching it. We only saw
709
00:31:32.210 --> 00:31:35.369
it because it bounced off of an antenna in Buffalo,
710
00:31:35.410 --> 00:31:37.470
New York. And we managed to get it at my
711
00:31:37.519 --> 00:31:40.900
grandfather's little cottage in Misquamacut. And my brothers and I
712
00:31:40.920 --> 00:31:43.200
would watch it and go, this is It's something that
713
00:31:43.240 --> 00:31:45.559
Always Sunny does and certain shows do it where they
714
00:31:45.599 --> 00:31:48.220
put these little things in there. And I think they're
715
00:31:48.259 --> 00:31:49.299
talking to me. Yes.
716
00:31:49.839 --> 00:31:50.339
Yeah, they are.
717
00:31:50.359 --> 00:31:54.140
Yeah, exactly. And it's a conversation. You guys are having
718
00:31:54.180 --> 00:31:56.779
a conversation with me as a viewer. And I feel
719
00:31:57.220 --> 00:31:59.500
not only respected, but like you're pulling me in on
720
00:31:59.519 --> 00:32:00.019
the secret.
721
00:32:00.099 --> 00:32:00.359
Yeah.
722
00:32:00.420 --> 00:32:02.440
Which is a beautiful thing. Yeah. I love that.
723
00:32:02.519 --> 00:32:04.680
Charlie does that a lot. We'll just improvise some kind
724
00:32:04.700 --> 00:32:07.880
of throwaway thing that's like a current event thing that...
725
00:32:08.839 --> 00:32:10.779
it's just so funny and it gets left in there
726
00:32:10.799 --> 00:32:12.140
and we don't ever explain it has nothing to do
727
00:32:12.180 --> 00:32:14.400
with the episode. And it's just, that's what I think
728
00:32:14.460 --> 00:32:16.369
of when I, when you say that it's like, someone's
729
00:32:16.390 --> 00:32:18.970
going to pick up on that and understand what he's
730
00:32:18.990 --> 00:32:21.089
talking about, or he'll just make a quick reference to
731
00:32:21.150 --> 00:32:24.390
something from 60 seasons ago that somebody like some people
732
00:32:24.430 --> 00:32:26.819
will get. But the intelligent part I think is what's
733
00:32:26.839 --> 00:32:28.400
so great. Cause there are a lot of comedies that,
734
00:32:28.799 --> 00:32:30.839
that make me laugh, a lot of character driven stuff that,
735
00:32:31.059 --> 00:32:33.470
you know, I admire the character someone's doing, but The
736
00:32:33.609 --> 00:32:35.730
writing is so smart. And I can tell when someone
737
00:32:35.769 --> 00:32:37.769
hasn't seen it if they have something negative to say
738
00:32:37.809 --> 00:32:40.730
about it, usually online, because they didn't get it. Like,
739
00:32:40.750 --> 00:32:42.910
it's like, no, no, no, you watched a clip and
740
00:32:42.930 --> 00:32:44.960
you think you know what it is. Because we're making
741
00:32:44.980 --> 00:32:46.680
a commentary.
742
00:32:46.700 --> 00:32:47.079
Yes, yes.
743
00:32:47.440 --> 00:32:52.119
A bunch of dumb, narcissistic psychopaths. But the writers are
744
00:32:52.160 --> 00:32:54.920
making a commentary. So either you're too dumb or you
745
00:32:54.940 --> 00:32:55.910
didn't watch the episode.
746
00:32:56.230 --> 00:32:59.210
I think it's cool to get to a place, which
747
00:32:59.230 --> 00:33:03.650
you've clearly gotten to, where you can... You've you can
748
00:33:03.690 --> 00:33:05.970
have your cake and eat it, too. I mean, between
749
00:33:05.990 --> 00:33:10.269
Hacks and Always Sunny and this, I mean, you've you've
750
00:33:10.289 --> 00:33:13.990
gotten to really own this comedy space. And then there's
751
00:33:14.029 --> 00:33:16.690
some part of you that said, I'd like to do this.
752
00:33:17.210 --> 00:33:20.609
That is not it's not a comedy. You're I don't
753
00:33:21.430 --> 00:33:24.529
you can't not be funny in things. And you are. Yes,
754
00:33:24.549 --> 00:33:26.569
character is funny, but it all comes off the character.
755
00:33:26.690 --> 00:33:27.650
Yeah, she's human.
756
00:33:27.849 --> 00:33:28.329
She's human.
757
00:33:28.569 --> 00:33:28.769
Yeah.
758
00:33:28.970 --> 00:33:33.299
And and the other characters I play really aren't. I mean,
759
00:33:33.319 --> 00:33:37.619
they're not multifaceted characters. This is just a there's a
760
00:33:37.640 --> 00:33:43.480
way to still be a grounded, hardworking woman with children
761
00:33:43.500 --> 00:33:44.400
and be funny.
762
00:33:44.660 --> 00:33:47.690
I think I can I can quickly set up. It's
763
00:33:47.750 --> 00:33:50.289
a terrific idea for show. I know it's it's it's
764
00:33:50.329 --> 00:33:54.329
adapted from this French show, but the the series and
765
00:33:54.349 --> 00:33:56.470
this isn't giving away too much, but it opens with
766
00:33:56.529 --> 00:33:59.480
you getting up it. four in the morning. We don't know.
767
00:33:59.500 --> 00:34:01.799
We don't know what you do. It's clear you don't
768
00:34:01.839 --> 00:34:05.440
have a lot of money. You go to work and
769
00:34:05.799 --> 00:34:09.380
you're getting dressed and you're getting a big trash can
770
00:34:09.460 --> 00:34:11.719
and cleaning supplies. And it's clear that, oh, you're a
771
00:34:11.739 --> 00:34:14.510
woman who cleans up in the middle of the night.
772
00:34:15.219 --> 00:34:17.710
And then it's revealed. It's clear that you're cleaning up
773
00:34:17.929 --> 00:34:21.070
at a bullpen, a bullpen and a police station. And
774
00:34:21.110 --> 00:34:23.289
then you knock into a box and all this stuff
775
00:34:23.309 --> 00:34:26.369
spills over And you're just cleaning it up.
776
00:34:26.849 --> 00:34:27.780
Jerk the headphones off.
777
00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:28.340
Music stops.
778
00:34:28.360 --> 00:34:30.219
Jerk the headphones off. And you're just going to clean
779
00:34:30.260 --> 00:34:33.400
up this stuff. And it's evidence. And your character has
780
00:34:33.440 --> 00:34:36.760
a gift. You're cleaning. But you also need to make
781
00:34:36.820 --> 00:34:39.909
sense of things. And you're highly intelligent. And you start
782
00:34:39.949 --> 00:34:43.250
just quickly. And it basically leads to your character is
783
00:34:43.349 --> 00:34:46.130
very good and is kind of a savant at seeing
784
00:34:46.170 --> 00:34:50.019
these patterns. And you start to help the police out.
785
00:34:51.239 --> 00:34:52.199
Kind of against their will.
786
00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:54.260
Oh, yeah. Get up and go to their caseboard and
787
00:34:54.340 --> 00:34:57.440
cross off suspect and right victim under one woman's picture.
788
00:34:57.599 --> 00:35:00.789
Yeah. I always think pilots are next to impossible. They're
789
00:35:00.809 --> 00:35:03.230
so hard. Because in a pilot episode, you need to
790
00:35:03.730 --> 00:35:07.110
lay out so much information that there's so many times
791
00:35:07.130 --> 00:35:10.480
that I've watched pilots and it's... Ding dong. Hello. Hi,
792
00:35:11.079 --> 00:35:11.559
I'm here.
793
00:35:11.579 --> 00:35:12.989
I'm your neighbor. Remember me?
794
00:35:13.170 --> 00:35:15.070
Yeah, I'm your neighbor. And guess what?
795
00:35:15.090 --> 00:35:17.510
We don't like each other, you know?
796
00:35:19.630 --> 00:35:21.639
I don't like you since that time you stole that,
797
00:35:22.639 --> 00:35:24.619
you know, whatever, because you know how you like to
798
00:35:24.659 --> 00:35:33.760
steal things. I guess I'm the stealer. And then music. No,
799
00:35:33.780 --> 00:35:35.440
but that's a show I actually wrote.
800
00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:36.920
Oh, I'm sorry.
801
00:35:37.079 --> 00:35:38.739
She was laughing because she thought it was so funny.
802
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:43.769
It's funny, right? Ran nine years on WB slash UPN.
803
00:35:44.070 --> 00:35:49.050
But anyway, when they were united, I made hundreds of
804
00:35:49.090 --> 00:35:57.730
dollars on The Stealer. But this pilot is a very
805
00:35:57.809 --> 00:35:58.690
good episode.
806
00:35:58.769 --> 00:36:00.989
I wanted people to want to come back. I tune
807
00:36:01.010 --> 00:36:02.900
into stuff all the time where I'm like, yeah.
808
00:36:03.550 --> 00:36:03.860
It was great.
809
00:36:04.280 --> 00:36:06.369
And then I don't have a desire to come back
810
00:36:06.429 --> 00:36:08.630
for whatever reason. And I wanted you to really fall
811
00:36:08.670 --> 00:36:11.909
in love with this woman and who she is and
812
00:36:12.110 --> 00:36:15.170
be compelled to figure out because I drop a thing
813
00:36:15.190 --> 00:36:16.969
at the end of the first episode. And I want
814
00:36:16.989 --> 00:36:18.090
people to buy into.
815
00:36:17.969 --> 00:36:20.010
That and figure out what is that all about?
816
00:36:20.050 --> 00:36:20.429
Yeah.
817
00:36:21.030 --> 00:36:22.820
And I have to say, Drew Goddard wrote that script
818
00:36:22.940 --> 00:36:25.099
and I was not interested when they came to me.
819
00:36:25.730 --> 00:36:28.869
I wanted to have lunch. I was like, ABC, hour-long drama. No,
820
00:36:28.909 --> 00:36:30.929
thank you. And my agent was like, no, you're going
821
00:36:30.949 --> 00:36:32.079
to go have lunch with them. And I was like,
822
00:36:32.179 --> 00:36:34.280
what did you just say to me? He was like,
823
00:36:34.360 --> 00:36:35.699
it's good. You're going to read it and you're going
824
00:36:35.719 --> 00:36:37.059
to have lunch. I'm going to make you because I
825
00:36:37.099 --> 00:36:38.940
think you're going to really want to do it. I
826
00:36:38.980 --> 00:36:41.460
just had no interest in... First of all, working for
827
00:36:41.480 --> 00:36:44.460
a network. I'm very spoiled on FX. They let us
828
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:46.880
do whatever we want and say whatever we want. And
829
00:36:46.900 --> 00:36:51.280
I have a hard time with executives who aren't creatives
830
00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:55.920
telling me what I can and can't do because I... again, it's,
831
00:36:55.980 --> 00:36:58.760
it goes back to, it's all fine and it works.
832
00:36:58.840 --> 00:37:00.920
And a lot of people are fine with that. I just,
833
00:37:01.039 --> 00:37:02.739
I'm so blessed to be in a position where I
834
00:37:02.780 --> 00:37:05.099
want to show up and have fun with my life.
835
00:37:05.280 --> 00:37:07.030
That's at home and at work. I don't want to
836
00:37:07.340 --> 00:37:10.590
do something that is, um, I just want everything to
837
00:37:10.630 --> 00:37:13.570
be great or just I'll wait and, and wait until
838
00:37:13.590 --> 00:37:15.750
something comes along that I can make special. So I
839
00:37:15.789 --> 00:37:17.869
was very gun shy. And then I read his script
840
00:37:17.909 --> 00:37:20.269
and was like, Oh, I'm, I'm, I think I'm in.
841
00:37:20.650 --> 00:37:22.809
And then I have to point out that Alethea Jones
842
00:37:22.909 --> 00:37:27.050
directed that episode and she was Absolutely incredible. So one
843
00:37:27.070 --> 00:37:29.530
of the ways that you see my character solve things
844
00:37:29.630 --> 00:37:31.769
is what we call Morgan vision and kind of these
845
00:37:31.869 --> 00:37:33.949
like flashes of what she's putting together in her brain.
846
00:37:33.969 --> 00:37:36.190
I was really nervous about those because I was like,
847
00:37:36.690 --> 00:37:38.989
my mind went to like a horrible reenactment on a
848
00:37:39.030 --> 00:37:41.969
bad A & E crime show where there's like someone
849
00:37:41.989 --> 00:37:44.260
who kind of looks like the murderer walking up. I
850
00:37:44.300 --> 00:37:46.179
was like, oh God, I just was very scared of
851
00:37:46.219 --> 00:37:48.260
the Morgan vision stuff. And I told her that and
852
00:37:48.280 --> 00:37:50.079
she was like, that's the stuff I'm most excited about.
853
00:37:50.099 --> 00:37:52.820
And I was like, okay, walk me through that. She
854
00:37:52.880 --> 00:37:55.579
just did such a tremendous job with that pilot.
855
00:37:55.619 --> 00:37:57.989
Also, some of the imagined recreations are really funny.
856
00:37:58.090 --> 00:37:58.360
Yeah.
857
00:37:58.590 --> 00:37:58.769
Yeah.
858
00:37:58.889 --> 00:37:59.150
You know.
859
00:37:59.170 --> 00:38:00.690
Because it's just what's going on in her head.
860
00:38:00.989 --> 00:38:01.250
Yeah.
861
00:38:01.429 --> 00:38:04.389
Your mind, you're thinking of serious things like how a
862
00:38:04.429 --> 00:38:06.750
murder happened. Yeah. But then there are these asides where
863
00:38:06.769 --> 00:38:09.550
you're thinking of other possibilities that are actually really good
864
00:38:09.670 --> 00:38:11.030
sight gags that are funny.
865
00:38:11.150 --> 00:38:11.570
And they're quick.
866
00:38:11.710 --> 00:38:12.190
Just like quick pop-ups.
867
00:38:12.210 --> 00:38:12.670
Yeah, really quick.
868
00:38:12.869 --> 00:38:15.420
It's interesting to me because I would think what you
869
00:38:15.460 --> 00:38:18.039
want to do, it's that old phrase like you're playing
870
00:38:18.059 --> 00:38:18.719
with house money.
871
00:38:18.739 --> 00:38:19.199
Mm-hmm.
872
00:38:19.500 --> 00:38:22.449
And I think sometimes in sports, if a team has,
873
00:38:22.889 --> 00:38:25.650
if they know that they've got it, if they know
874
00:38:25.710 --> 00:38:27.630
that they're going to the Super Bowl or something, they
875
00:38:27.690 --> 00:38:32.130
play differently because they, or conversely, if they feel like
876
00:38:32.170 --> 00:38:33.170
we got nothing to lose.
877
00:38:33.369 --> 00:38:33.550
Yeah.
878
00:38:33.989 --> 00:38:35.889
And it's nice probably to be in a part of
879
00:38:35.909 --> 00:38:37.610
your career where you feel like, yeah, I want to
880
00:38:37.650 --> 00:38:39.929
have fun. Yes. I want to have a good time. Mm-hmm.
881
00:38:40.349 --> 00:38:44.780
Yeah, it's there's a quite a freedom in having knowing
882
00:38:44.820 --> 00:38:48.619
that I really would walk away if it was not
883
00:38:48.719 --> 00:38:50.960
up to the quality that I wanted to put out there,
884
00:38:51.500 --> 00:38:53.960
because that's not like a threat. It's just really like, no, thanks.
885
00:38:53.980 --> 00:38:55.219
I mean, thank you so much for thinking of me,
886
00:38:55.260 --> 00:38:57.880
but I don't I don't. Yeah, yeah, it feels.
887
00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:00.010
It would be perfect if you walked out on this
888
00:39:00.050 --> 00:39:02.159
podcast right now. Oh, yeah.
889
00:39:02.199 --> 00:39:04.789
I should have done that. And away from my TV show.
890
00:39:04.849 --> 00:39:06.849
And guess what? This is not up to my.
891
00:39:06.869 --> 00:39:07.469
Yeah.
892
00:39:07.610 --> 00:39:11.050
It's not too late. And then we could put in
893
00:39:11.090 --> 00:39:14.449
a car starting noise. Oh, yeah. Tires screeching.
894
00:39:14.469 --> 00:39:15.409
Me calling my agent.
895
00:39:17.570 --> 00:39:19.670
It's interesting because when you put something out in the
896
00:39:19.710 --> 00:39:22.550
world and you're seen a certain way, fans react to
897
00:39:22.610 --> 00:39:25.760
you in a certain way. And for so many years
898
00:39:25.780 --> 00:39:29.079
as D, people know you a certain way. Oh, yeah.
899
00:39:29.460 --> 00:39:32.219
And that is not who you are. No, but I
900
00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:37.530
but I heard this anecdote once that the Three Stooges,
901
00:39:37.849 --> 00:39:41.590
the actual people who were the Three Stooges that, you know,
902
00:39:41.610 --> 00:39:43.699
the Moe Howard and Larry and what a when they
903
00:39:43.719 --> 00:39:45.800
would go out in the world, people who were fans
904
00:39:45.820 --> 00:39:48.639
would come up and... Slap them? Slap them, hit them,
905
00:39:48.719 --> 00:39:50.059
and do the eye poke.
906
00:39:50.199 --> 00:39:52.619
Get your fingers away from my eyes.
907
00:39:52.639 --> 00:39:55.090
Because they were like, no, no, I love you. Hey, Curly,
908
00:39:55.110 --> 00:39:57.949
I love you. And they would jab them in the eyes,
909
00:39:58.050 --> 00:40:02.250
and it was a huge problem for them. But I'm
910
00:40:02.289 --> 00:40:06.389
thinking if you're... There's part of... Dee, I mean, you're
911
00:40:06.409 --> 00:40:09.420
this very attractive, cool actress.
912
00:40:09.500 --> 00:40:09.920
Thanks, Conan.
913
00:40:09.940 --> 00:40:11.480
Well, you know what I mean. I do now. I
914
00:40:11.500 --> 00:40:18.519
don't know where Rob is right now. Feels like he's
915
00:40:18.559 --> 00:40:22.949
not showing you the proper attention. I just I'm sorry.
916
00:40:22.969 --> 00:40:25.949
That's right. Put it on Rob. Yeah. He's off somewhere
917
00:40:26.030 --> 00:40:26.769
eating a potato.
918
00:40:26.869 --> 00:40:27.269
I know.
919
00:40:27.630 --> 00:40:29.769
And I'm here talking to you about how attractive you
920
00:40:29.909 --> 00:40:32.849
are and talented as an actor and what a career
921
00:40:32.869 --> 00:40:36.170
you've had. And I don't know. I don't know if
922
00:40:36.210 --> 00:40:39.090
you have that syndrome where people come up to you. Oh, yeah.
923
00:40:39.130 --> 00:40:40.670
D's a bird. Shut up bird.
924
00:40:40.789 --> 00:40:41.250
A lot.
925
00:40:41.369 --> 00:40:43.409
A lot of shut up bird. Mostly shut up.
926
00:40:44.110 --> 00:40:44.300
Yeah.
927
00:40:45.099 --> 00:40:45.980
On a daily basis.
928
00:40:46.019 --> 00:40:47.239
And you're like with your kids.
929
00:40:47.480 --> 00:40:47.679
Yeah.
930
00:40:48.239 --> 00:40:51.619
They love it. They think it's the best thing in
931
00:40:51.639 --> 00:40:51.860
the world.
932
00:40:51.880 --> 00:40:53.099
I bet you've done that.
933
00:40:54.019 --> 00:40:55.159
Have you screamed shut up bird?
934
00:40:55.219 --> 00:40:57.199
I was going to yell, hey bird, shut up bird
935
00:40:57.219 --> 00:40:59.260
when you walked in. I was like, I shouldn't.
936
00:40:59.440 --> 00:40:59.699
I see.
937
00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:00.039
I love it.
938
00:41:00.059 --> 00:41:00.760
I wasn't going to do that.
939
00:41:00.780 --> 00:41:02.340
The most fun is when people do it in the
940
00:41:02.400 --> 00:41:04.579
comment section of whatever social media. And then I have
941
00:41:04.679 --> 00:41:06.659
so many fans jump on it and be like, you
942
00:41:06.679 --> 00:41:08.889
think she hasn't heard that before? You know, she's other
943
00:41:08.909 --> 00:41:12.760
things that I'm like. I find it hilarious. It doesn't
944
00:41:12.780 --> 00:41:14.760
bother me at all. Calling someone a bird is so
945
00:41:14.820 --> 00:41:15.599
not an insult.
946
00:41:15.679 --> 00:41:16.559
It's the stupidest.
947
00:41:16.579 --> 00:41:18.400
Don't you love it when people come to your defense
948
00:41:18.460 --> 00:41:20.929
on social media for something that didn't need defending? Yes!
949
00:41:20.980 --> 00:41:22.519
I'm like, they're calling me a bird.
950
00:41:22.539 --> 00:41:23.800
Who cares?
951
00:41:24.500 --> 00:41:27.139
But I was very worried. Very worried is maybe a
952
00:41:27.139 --> 00:41:29.119
little strong, but I did have a lot of thoughts
953
00:41:29.179 --> 00:41:32.610
about like, oh, I bet this show, this show might
954
00:41:33.110 --> 00:41:35.949
let a lot of my Sonny fans down or my
955
00:41:35.989 --> 00:41:38.480
The Mick fans down who just want me to do
956
00:41:38.599 --> 00:41:39.059
hard comedy.
957
00:41:39.079 --> 00:41:40.119
Balls to the wall kind of.
958
00:41:40.119 --> 00:41:40.340
Yeah.
959
00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:43.539
Just tell dick and ball jokes all day long and
960
00:41:43.559 --> 00:41:46.179
set people on fire. You know, that's all anyone wants
961
00:41:46.199 --> 00:41:46.460
from me.
962
00:41:46.800 --> 00:41:47.079
Right.
963
00:41:47.599 --> 00:41:49.619
Um, and have men yell at me and call me
964
00:41:49.639 --> 00:41:53.329
a bird. Um, so I was like, oh, or I
965
00:41:53.349 --> 00:41:55.130
don't know how Pete, like the general public is going
966
00:41:55.150 --> 00:41:56.949
to receive this. I feel like I've got the moms
967
00:41:56.989 --> 00:42:00.829
and grandmas with this one. Um, but people are really liking.
968
00:42:00.550 --> 00:42:02.170
It, which I'm very happy about.
969
00:42:02.190 --> 00:42:02.449
Yeah.
970
00:42:02.530 --> 00:42:03.210
Yeah.
971
00:42:03.250 --> 00:42:03.840
They really have.
972
00:42:04.389 --> 00:42:09.230
And it's okay. I guess we're all human. So when you're.
973
00:42:09.110 --> 00:42:12.269
Waiting around- We need to take a shit.
974
00:42:12.610 --> 00:42:14.909
Why do you always take us into the gutter? There's
975
00:42:14.949 --> 00:42:17.510
something for the old fans. There you go, guys. There
976
00:42:17.530 --> 00:42:19.889
you go. And they're like, hey. There, she's back. It
977
00:42:19.909 --> 00:42:21.760
started to get real serious there, but then it was
978
00:42:21.820 --> 00:42:22.579
okay again.
979
00:42:22.599 --> 00:42:26.079
Dee is back.
980
00:42:26.739 --> 00:42:31.199
No, but you know, there's this, the uninitiated or people
981
00:42:31.239 --> 00:42:33.920
who wouldn't know would say, oh, by this point, you know,
982
00:42:34.440 --> 00:42:36.559
You wouldn't worry what people would say. Of course you would.
983
00:42:36.619 --> 00:42:37.420
Of course I would.
984
00:42:37.820 --> 00:42:40.639
Oh, yeah. Well, you must be very happy because people
985
00:42:40.679 --> 00:42:41.150
are loving it.
986
00:42:41.440 --> 00:42:41.719
I was.
987
00:42:42.059 --> 00:42:45.860
Oh, yeah. Even filming the pilot, between filming the pilot
988
00:42:45.920 --> 00:42:48.239
and watching it, when I got it, I didn't watch
989
00:42:48.280 --> 00:42:50.360
it right away. I was so nervous. I was just like,
990
00:42:51.239 --> 00:42:54.539
I really enjoy being in control. And I felt very
991
00:42:54.679 --> 00:42:56.960
out of control with this one because it's a different
992
00:42:57.019 --> 00:42:59.960
genre and just a lot of trust. And like I said,
993
00:43:00.019 --> 00:43:01.840
I mean, I'm just used to 17 seasons on a
994
00:43:01.860 --> 00:43:04.119
show where we're all doing it together. This was me
995
00:43:04.199 --> 00:43:07.190
just trusting this woman. And I'm very glad that I did.
996
00:43:07.250 --> 00:43:11.409
She was incredible. But yeah, I care. I care very much.
997
00:43:11.530 --> 00:43:13.570
And I was scared to show it to Rob. Rob's
998
00:43:13.610 --> 00:43:16.150
the harshest critic I've ever met in my life. And
999
00:43:16.190 --> 00:43:18.530
when he liked it, I was like, we did it, guys.
1000
00:43:19.769 --> 00:43:20.429
We did it.
1001
00:43:20.510 --> 00:43:23.510
Now with Rob, okay, this is interesting because this is
1002
00:43:23.550 --> 00:43:28.130
someone who is your comedic partner, but also your life partner.
1003
00:43:28.150 --> 00:43:30.389
Brutally honest.
1004
00:43:30.909 --> 00:43:31.530
Brutally honest?
1005
00:43:31.570 --> 00:43:33.170
Brutally honest. Doesn't matter if we're married.
1006
00:43:33.389 --> 00:43:33.550
Yeah.
1007
00:43:33.889 --> 00:43:36.849
He wouldn't be cruel about it, but he'd say something like,
1008
00:43:36.869 --> 00:43:38.849
you know what he would do? He would give me
1009
00:43:38.869 --> 00:43:42.030
a million notes, even though it was already finished and edited.
1010
00:43:42.630 --> 00:43:43.929
He would give me so many notes.
1011
00:43:43.949 --> 00:43:45.929
You're like, no, we're watching it on television.
1012
00:43:45.949 --> 00:43:46.949
We're watching it on television right now.
1013
00:43:46.949 --> 00:43:48.920
It's airing on ABC right now. He's like, no, no, no, no,
1014
00:43:48.940 --> 00:43:49.539
just trust me.
1015
00:43:49.559 --> 00:43:50.360
Just call the editor.
1016
00:43:50.380 --> 00:43:52.039
For reruns.
1017
00:43:52.139 --> 00:43:52.960
Yeah.
1018
00:43:53.000 --> 00:43:55.300
That's right. Never give up.
1019
00:43:56.820 --> 00:43:58.039
That's a fascinating dynamic.
1020
00:43:58.079 --> 00:43:58.800
It's very true.
1021
00:43:58.949 --> 00:43:59.679
Yeah. Yeah.
1022
00:43:59.889 --> 00:44:00.369
But he liked it.
1023
00:44:00.599 --> 00:44:03.119
When I show my wife things that we're going to do,
1024
00:44:03.400 --> 00:44:05.909
I mean, she wouldn't say, oh, that's bad. But I
1025
00:44:05.929 --> 00:44:06.429
can tell.
1026
00:44:06.449 --> 00:44:06.969
She'd smile and nod.
1027
00:44:06.989 --> 00:44:10.230
She's got very, you know, Liza has these beautiful big eyes.
1028
00:44:10.710 --> 00:44:11.489
And sometimes.
1029
00:44:11.949 --> 00:44:13.010
They get sad.
1030
00:44:13.170 --> 00:44:17.090
There's a little sadness in them, even though she's smiling.
1031
00:44:17.309 --> 00:44:19.989
And I'm like, no, this isn't good. And then she
1032
00:44:20.010 --> 00:44:22.239
goes to her closet and pulls out one of 70
1033
00:44:22.239 --> 00:44:26.360
fleeces she has now. Because she's rolling in dough. Yeah.
1034
00:44:28.449 --> 00:44:31.809
All she did was go get, yeah, it's my Gucci fleece.
1035
00:44:34.980 --> 00:44:36.019
I love Liza.
1036
00:44:36.099 --> 00:44:39.460
Gucci fleece. Liza's great, yeah, yeah. She flies to Paris
1037
00:44:39.619 --> 00:44:42.420
and has fittings and then comes back and it's still
1038
00:44:42.480 --> 00:44:47.409
a fleece vest. And she puts the Patagonia label over
1039
00:44:47.469 --> 00:44:48.409
the Gucci label.
1040
00:44:48.869 --> 00:44:49.989
Just smells like perfume.
1041
00:44:50.010 --> 00:44:50.710
Yeah, yeah.
1042
00:44:50.730 --> 00:44:52.989
And then she says, let's go get some cured salmon.
1043
00:44:54.010 --> 00:44:55.150
Hang out by the water.
1044
00:44:55.170 --> 00:44:57.300
Sounds great.
1045
00:44:57.489 --> 00:44:57.639
Yeah.
1046
00:44:58.489 --> 00:45:00.889
Well, that's that is amazing that you have figured that
1047
00:45:00.929 --> 00:45:02.090
you two have that dynamic.
1048
00:45:02.219 --> 00:45:04.019
Yeah, it's he's he's he's.
1049
00:45:04.039 --> 00:45:05.440
Can you do it with him? Can you look at
1050
00:45:05.480 --> 00:45:07.699
his stuff? Can you look at Rob's stuff and say, yeah.
1051
00:45:08.739 --> 00:45:15.610
Oh, good question. This is going to sound super lame.
1052
00:45:16.409 --> 00:45:19.349
I think Rob's got incredible taste. So there's not really
1053
00:45:19.369 --> 00:45:21.590
anything he's made that I haven't liked. But no, that's
1054
00:45:21.610 --> 00:45:24.449
not my personality. I think I would. find things. I
1055
00:45:24.469 --> 00:45:26.070
do that thing where you go see a friend in
1056
00:45:26.110 --> 00:45:27.849
a play and you have to find things that you
1057
00:45:28.070 --> 00:45:31.030
liked about it because their acting sucked. And then you
1058
00:45:31.050 --> 00:45:31.989
just give them those things.
1059
00:45:32.010 --> 00:45:33.280
I do that.
1060
00:45:33.300 --> 00:45:35.019
I hope you've seen more than one person in a
1061
00:45:35.059 --> 00:45:37.019
play because they're going to know.
1062
00:45:37.059 --> 00:45:38.260
I've only seen one play in my life.
1063
00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:39.679
Oh, no.
1064
00:45:41.260 --> 00:45:43.300
Yeah. It was three weeks ago.
1065
00:45:43.320 --> 00:45:44.110
I only have one friend.
1066
00:45:44.159 --> 00:45:45.929
And it was her best friend in the world.
1067
00:45:46.070 --> 00:45:46.650
Oh, no.
1068
00:45:46.730 --> 00:45:46.989
Yeah.
1069
00:45:48.079 --> 00:45:53.880
Jenny Tyler is Gandhi. Jenny. Jenny.
1070
00:45:53.920 --> 00:45:55.119
I shaved my head.
1071
00:45:55.199 --> 00:45:55.579
What else?
1072
00:45:55.659 --> 00:45:57.239
You have a very round.
1073
00:45:57.030 --> 00:46:03.329
Head, Jenny. That part where you're not eating was really good.
1074
00:46:03.349 --> 00:46:04.710
Probably really good for your diet.
1075
00:46:04.730 --> 00:46:08.269
Yeah.
1076
00:46:08.489 --> 00:46:10.250
Jenny Tyler is Gandhi.
1077
00:46:10.329 --> 00:46:15.900
Well, she is. Playing on Highland. Go see it. Don't
1078
00:46:15.920 --> 00:46:21.579
see it. At the Coronet Theater. Check it out. Well,
1079
00:46:21.780 --> 00:46:25.579
it is a delight. It's a delight. It's my favorite
1080
00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:27.679
thing is when I'm, and I've said this a million times,
1081
00:46:27.739 --> 00:46:30.500
but there are days where I'm coming in to talk
1082
00:46:30.539 --> 00:46:34.489
to somebody who I am a big fan of and
1083
00:46:34.550 --> 00:46:37.769
kind of giddy to see. And I also know that
1084
00:46:38.190 --> 00:46:40.269
first thing I'm going to be doing when I get
1085
00:46:40.329 --> 00:46:44.179
home is texting someone you know, my kids and saying,
1086
00:46:44.219 --> 00:46:46.409
guess who I was with today? And then I get points.
1087
00:46:46.840 --> 00:46:49.610
Oh my God, that's the best compliment. Seriously.
1088
00:46:49.630 --> 00:46:51.849
Yeah, and you know what? The show probably premiered before
1089
00:46:51.909 --> 00:46:53.110
Beckett was even born.
1090
00:46:53.150 --> 00:46:58.780
Well, that's the other thing too, is that my daughter's 21,
1091
00:46:58.780 --> 00:47:03.980
my son is newly 19, and I always liked evergreen comedy.
1092
00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:07.300
I always liked comedy that doesn't live off of this
1093
00:47:07.380 --> 00:47:10.530
happened today and we're commenting on it. That was my
1094
00:47:10.590 --> 00:47:12.750
favorite stuff. And I always wanted to make stuff that
1095
00:47:12.969 --> 00:47:16.920
maybe would be funny if someone found it 30 years later. Definitely,
1096
00:47:17.019 --> 00:47:21.039
it's always sunny. The fact that my kids are binge-watching
1097
00:47:21.159 --> 00:47:24.489
it and know every single twist and turn. What's the
1098
00:47:24.570 --> 00:47:27.130
family you guys have the rivalry with?
1099
00:47:27.150 --> 00:47:27.630
McCoyles.
1100
00:47:27.789 --> 00:47:28.150
Yes!
1101
00:47:28.329 --> 00:47:29.110
Oh, my God.
1102
00:47:29.130 --> 00:47:30.230
The best.
1103
00:47:30.489 --> 00:47:34.110
It's the best when it's real. The episodes where you
1104
00:47:34.130 --> 00:47:39.900
realize at the end it's them and they just run away. Anyway, this, okay.
1105
00:47:40.539 --> 00:47:41.699
None of this adds up.
1106
00:47:41.760 --> 00:47:42.559
So stupid.
1107
00:47:42.579 --> 00:47:46.219
It's so stupid, but... My life has been spent trying
1108
00:47:46.260 --> 00:47:48.900
to prove to people that there is an intersection between
1109
00:47:49.380 --> 00:47:50.219
stupid and smart.
1110
00:47:50.280 --> 00:47:50.579
Yes.
1111
00:47:51.019 --> 00:47:54.340
And it's it comes and goes and it's hard to find.
1112
00:47:54.980 --> 00:47:57.619
And it's like the Northwest Passage. You know, many lives
1113
00:47:57.639 --> 00:47:59.489
have been lost looking for it. But I believe in
1114
00:47:59.510 --> 00:48:00.389
it with all my heart.
1115
00:48:00.409 --> 00:48:00.670
Yeah.
1116
00:48:00.730 --> 00:48:01.730
And it's hard to do.
1117
00:48:01.750 --> 00:48:01.829
Yeah.
1118
00:48:02.389 --> 00:48:04.530
And so when you find it, it's it's special. So
1119
00:48:04.570 --> 00:48:05.829
that's a big compliment. Thank you.
1120
00:48:06.869 --> 00:48:07.010
Well.
1121
00:48:07.670 --> 00:48:11.949
Congratulations on your new show, High Potential. And I watched
1122
00:48:12.010 --> 00:48:12.829
it on Hulu.
1123
00:48:13.010 --> 00:48:14.170
Yeah, you should.
1124
00:48:14.650 --> 00:48:17.260
And is Hulu the one or it's also on ABC?
1125
00:48:17.320 --> 00:48:18.440
ABC and Hulu the next day.
1126
00:48:18.500 --> 00:48:18.619
Yeah.
1127
00:48:18.719 --> 00:48:22.800
It's just very smart and fun to watch and fun
1128
00:48:22.820 --> 00:48:27.360
to watch your character who is also very funny, but
1129
00:48:28.260 --> 00:48:32.179
grounded in reality, figuring all this stuff out. And I'm
1130
00:48:32.260 --> 00:48:35.030
a true I'm a crime fan. So. When you were
1131
00:48:35.050 --> 00:48:37.030
putting down these true detective shows.
1132
00:48:37.269 --> 00:48:37.590
Yes.
1133
00:48:37.650 --> 00:48:39.550
These recreation shows. I live off of those.
1134
00:48:39.610 --> 00:48:40.840
Good, good, good, good.
1135
00:48:40.889 --> 00:48:41.199
Same.
1136
00:48:41.840 --> 00:48:45.380
And one of my it really is my favorite compliment,
1137
00:48:45.639 --> 00:48:47.320
which is happening a lot now because we're in our
1138
00:48:47.340 --> 00:48:51.480
17th season where grownups will come and say, my kids
1139
00:48:51.539 --> 00:48:54.599
are now old enough to watch Sonny and we watch
1140
00:48:54.639 --> 00:48:56.579
it together as a family. And it's it's our show
1141
00:48:56.599 --> 00:48:58.309
that we watch as a family. And now that my
1142
00:48:58.329 --> 00:49:00.090
kids are 12 and 14, I'm like, oh, I get it.
1143
00:49:00.090 --> 00:49:03.119
I feel like there's only a couple more years left
1144
00:49:03.179 --> 00:49:05.579
where we will all want to watch stuff together. And
1145
00:49:05.619 --> 00:49:07.880
you're just holding on to it. And I'm like, whatever
1146
00:49:07.920 --> 00:49:10.440
show you guys want, yes, let's get popcorn and watch
1147
00:49:10.480 --> 00:49:12.139
it on the couch together.
1148
00:49:13.119 --> 00:49:18.449
I was shocked because my wife, who is an amazing mom,
1149
00:49:18.489 --> 00:49:22.639
did an incredible job, was so... sensible and really careful about, no, no,
1150
00:49:22.940 --> 00:49:25.460
they can't eat this because I did read that it
1151
00:49:25.480 --> 00:49:26.599
has a little bit of zinc in it.
1152
00:49:26.610 --> 00:49:28.130
She and I really need to be best friends.
1153
00:49:28.150 --> 00:49:29.210
Yeah, yeah. But.
1154
00:49:29.989 --> 00:49:30.309
But.
1155
00:49:30.750 --> 00:49:34.690
And she also... But she very quickly said, no, Always Sunny.
1156
00:49:35.010 --> 00:49:38.980
The kids can watch Always Sunny. It's fine. And then she...
1157
00:49:39.269 --> 00:49:43.949
Without my knowledge or permission, she hyper jumped to Veep.
1158
00:49:45.030 --> 00:49:45.170
Oh.
1159
00:49:45.230 --> 00:49:47.230
And I come home and she and my daughter and
1160
00:49:47.250 --> 00:49:50.219
my son are watching Veep. Without you? Well, yeah, I
1161
00:49:50.260 --> 00:49:53.159
wasn't there. I was doing something. I was out alley catting,
1162
00:49:53.179 --> 00:49:53.699
you know me.
1163
00:49:53.840 --> 00:49:54.860
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1164
00:49:54.940 --> 00:49:56.400
I'm a guy with needs.
1165
00:49:56.420 --> 00:49:57.340
I understand.
1166
00:49:57.579 --> 00:49:58.780
A man, you know, whatever.
1167
00:49:58.800 --> 00:50:01.250
She's out there talking about minuscule levels of zinc.
1168
00:50:01.409 --> 00:50:01.630
Yeah.
1169
00:50:01.929 --> 00:50:02.909
It's very unattractive.
1170
00:50:02.949 --> 00:50:03.250
Yeah.
1171
00:50:03.590 --> 00:50:06.090
So anyway, I'm out doing what a guy does.
1172
00:50:06.110 --> 00:50:06.250
Yep.
1173
00:50:07.519 --> 00:50:10.880
And Rob knows what I'm talking about. And so, cause
1174
00:50:10.960 --> 00:50:12.159
I see him at the same time.
1175
00:50:12.179 --> 00:50:12.980
Sure, sure.
1176
00:50:13.500 --> 00:50:17.719
We high five. And no, but I come on there
1177
00:50:17.739 --> 00:50:21.820
watching and Veep, Veep is, there's whole runs in Veep,
1178
00:50:21.860 --> 00:50:24.340
which is like, I'm going to take your balls and
1179
00:50:24.420 --> 00:50:28.179
shove them up your asshole so far that you choke
1180
00:50:28.300 --> 00:50:32.289
on the cum. that comes out your ears and dribbles
1181
00:50:32.349 --> 00:50:35.760
down your umbilical, you know, it's like insane. And she
1182
00:50:35.780 --> 00:50:38.650
was like, yeah, but it's funny. And I'm like, it
1183
00:50:38.730 --> 00:50:42.050
is funny. But I told Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who I know,
1184
00:50:42.070 --> 00:50:43.909
I told her, like, you know, why is this letting
1185
00:50:43.929 --> 00:50:45.380
the kids watch Veep? And she's like, what?
1186
00:50:45.659 --> 00:50:46.099
I know.
1187
00:50:46.119 --> 00:50:47.440
I know.
1188
00:50:47.460 --> 00:50:51.019
Veep is another step beyond. It's a step up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1189
00:50:51.099 --> 00:50:53.960
Well, listen, you opened the floodgates with Sunny. What was
1190
00:50:53.980 --> 00:50:54.650
she supposed to do?
1191
00:50:54.679 --> 00:50:55.599
I think you guys were.
1192
00:50:55.619 --> 00:50:56.219
The starter show.
1193
00:50:56.260 --> 00:50:57.380
You guys were the drug.
1194
00:50:57.400 --> 00:50:58.500
Mm-hmm.
1195
00:50:58.800 --> 00:51:00.969
A very good drug, by the way. Oh, yeah. An
1196
00:51:01.139 --> 00:51:04.610
excellent drug that gave them a powerful but safe high. Mm-hmm.
1197
00:51:04.849 --> 00:51:06.210
And then she went on to crack.
1198
00:51:06.230 --> 00:51:06.909
She went to fentanyl.
1199
00:51:07.090 --> 00:51:10.489
Yeah, she went to fentanyl. Thank you so much for
1200
00:51:10.530 --> 00:51:12.309
coming in. Thanks for having me. An absolute joy to
1201
00:51:12.369 --> 00:51:12.750
see you.
1202
00:51:12.769 --> 00:51:13.030
So fun.
1203
00:51:13.250 --> 00:51:17.309
And my best to Rob and to the gang that's
1204
00:51:17.349 --> 00:51:19.909
making the show and tell them I say hello.
1205
00:51:19.929 --> 00:51:20.110
I will.
1206
00:51:20.130 --> 00:51:22.469
And thank you so much for going down into the
1207
00:51:22.530 --> 00:51:25.349
mines and making such good stuff for all of us.
1208
00:51:25.380 --> 00:51:28.619
You're the best. I'm not leaving. Let's just do another hour.
1209
00:51:29.000 --> 00:51:33.920
Okay. Hour number two. We talk about what's going on
1210
00:51:34.000 --> 00:51:36.800
in the world. and it gets really dark.
1211
00:51:37.260 --> 00:51:38.159
I gotta go.
1212
00:51:39.420 --> 00:51:41.400
Okay, no hour or two. Thank you so much for
1213
00:51:41.420 --> 00:51:41.619
being here.
1214
00:51:41.639 --> 00:51:42.460
Thank you for having me.
1215
00:51:47.590 --> 00:51:51.070
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fresh mustard and tomato. Available until the 29th of September.
1238
00:53:03.869 --> 00:53:08.429
Take a side mission to McDonald's. From 11am Wastock Slash.
1239
00:53:08.469 --> 00:53:09.329
Subject to availability.
1240
00:53:09.349 --> 00:53:10.170
Participation varies.
1241
00:53:16.489 --> 00:53:18.909
I was cleaning out some stuff in my office the
1242
00:53:18.949 --> 00:53:21.530
other day, and I found that I had this CB dictionary.
1243
00:53:21.550 --> 00:53:25.159
Oh, my God. I'm not surprised at all. CB. Yeah.
1244
00:53:25.840 --> 00:53:28.340
It sounded a little bit like CD for a second. Oh, CB.
1245
00:53:28.420 --> 00:53:30.800
Citizens Band Radio, which is the way people talk like
1246
00:53:30.860 --> 00:53:33.010
truckers and smoking the band. You know, we've talked about
1247
00:53:33.030 --> 00:53:33.760
that movie before.
1248
00:53:33.780 --> 00:53:34.230
Yeah.
1249
00:53:34.250 --> 00:53:38.210
And not just the movie. I remember very clearly there
1250
00:53:38.250 --> 00:53:41.829
was a, the CB fad was huge.
1251
00:53:41.849 --> 00:53:41.929
Yeah.
1252
00:53:42.500 --> 00:53:45.789
In the late 70s, and there was a song called Convoy.
1253
00:53:45.809 --> 00:53:47.989
That's right. Remember that song? I do. Yeah.
1254
00:53:48.050 --> 00:53:50.849
We got a little old convoy.
1255
00:53:49.909 --> 00:53:52.670
Running through the night. We got a great big convoy.
1256
00:53:52.750 --> 00:53:55.989
Ain't she a beautiful sight? Convoy. Sona, where are you going?
1257
00:53:56.050 --> 00:53:57.739
What's going on? Oh, I'm sorry. I was just trying
1258
00:53:57.780 --> 00:53:59.940
to leave the room. It was a big deal, and
1259
00:53:59.960 --> 00:54:04.800
I remember that one of my grandparents passed away. And
1260
00:54:04.880 --> 00:54:07.079
some of us, why don't you wrinkle pages even louder?
1261
00:54:07.099 --> 00:54:07.960
What are you?
1262
00:54:08.059 --> 00:54:09.019
Oh, my God.
1263
00:54:09.039 --> 00:54:11.159
Look at him. He's right. This is the guy who
1264
00:54:11.199 --> 00:54:12.059
produces the podcast.
1265
00:54:12.079 --> 00:54:12.519
I edit this.
1266
00:54:12.579 --> 00:54:14.900
I cut my mic. You don't need to worry about it,
1267
00:54:14.900 --> 00:54:17.059
you weirdo. Look at this. Look at this. What are you,
1268
00:54:17.099 --> 00:54:19.559
Kris Kringle? Anyway.
1269
00:54:19.599 --> 00:54:22.340
Why'd you laugh so hard? That wasn't that funny.
1270
00:54:22.429 --> 00:54:22.679
It was.
1271
00:54:22.699 --> 00:54:25.090
I thought it was good. Kris Kringle? It was funny.
1272
00:54:25.130 --> 00:54:26.869
Kris Kringle's not good. You heard of Kris Kringle? This
1273
00:54:26.889 --> 00:54:32.590
guy's Kris Kringle. Louder, Blay. Louder. There you go. Suck up.
1274
00:54:32.630 --> 00:54:35.849
So anyway. One of my grandparents passed away and we
1275
00:54:35.869 --> 00:54:38.829
were all like kids and we were, for some reason
1276
00:54:38.869 --> 00:54:42.800
it got switched around. So we were in the funeral procession,
1277
00:54:42.820 --> 00:54:48.280
you know, funeral procession. What's it called? In the cars.
1278
00:54:48.400 --> 00:54:50.780
Is it the funeral procession with the cars? I think so. Okay.
1279
00:54:51.119 --> 00:54:51.440
Anyway.
1280
00:54:51.460 --> 00:54:55.320
It's a convoy. Hearst was driving with one of my
1281
00:54:55.340 --> 00:54:58.070
grandparents in it. I can't remember which one. And then
1282
00:54:58.190 --> 00:55:01.610
other cars. And our cool cousin was driving the station
1283
00:55:01.650 --> 00:55:04.360
wagon that my brothers and I, my sisters and I
1284
00:55:04.400 --> 00:55:07.340
were all jammed into. And we're headed to the graveyard
1285
00:55:07.400 --> 00:55:10.369
when the song Convoy came on. And my cousin reached
1286
00:55:10.530 --> 00:55:13.760
over and turned it up all the way. And there's
1287
00:55:13.780 --> 00:55:15.159
a part of the song where they go, so let
1288
00:55:15.239 --> 00:55:17.989
them tuckers roll 10-4 because we got a great thing.
1289
00:55:18.010 --> 00:55:20.650
And we were all rocking out. And I love my granddad.
1290
00:55:20.670 --> 00:55:24.230
And it felt sacrilegious, but also great at the same time.
1291
00:55:24.250 --> 00:55:26.329
I think he wouldn't have wanted that. No, he wouldn't
1292
00:55:26.349 --> 00:55:27.110
have liked that at all.
1293
00:55:28.929 --> 00:55:31.090
Well, I thought I could quiz you guys on CB
1294
00:55:31.150 --> 00:55:33.489
lingo and see if you can figure it out. Because actually,
1295
00:55:33.530 --> 00:55:35.869
speaking of Hearst, there is a CB term for Hearst.
1296
00:55:36.170 --> 00:55:38.829
Anybody know what it is? Is it called an old
1297
00:55:38.969 --> 00:55:39.710
rolling pine?
1298
00:55:39.730 --> 00:55:41.130
The dead guy thing.
1299
00:55:44.440 --> 00:55:48.139
The dead guy. The dead guy. The dead guy. No, yeah,
1300
00:55:48.179 --> 00:55:50.650
let's see. I remember that. Well, obviously a Smokey is
1301
00:55:50.769 --> 00:55:51.889
a policeman. Yeah, so we'll go over it.
1302
00:55:51.989 --> 00:55:54.130
First of all, a hearse is called a bone box.
1303
00:55:54.230 --> 00:55:56.349
Bone box. We got a bone box. Here are just
1304
00:55:56.369 --> 00:55:57.469
some of your regular things.
1305
00:55:57.510 --> 00:55:59.590
Like the police are called, you could call them a
1306
00:55:59.630 --> 00:56:00.690
Smokey or a bear.
1307
00:56:00.909 --> 00:56:04.170
Smokey the bear. CB radio are your ears. Got my
1308
00:56:04.210 --> 00:56:06.230
ears on. A bear in the air. A bear in
1309
00:56:06.250 --> 00:56:10.940
the air is a whirly gig. It's a helicopter with
1310
00:56:11.000 --> 00:56:12.719
the cops inside. A police helicopter.
1311
00:56:12.739 --> 00:56:13.059
Yeah.
1312
00:56:13.679 --> 00:56:16.969
Oh, my God. Is that a police helicopter?
1313
00:56:17.179 --> 00:56:23.489
Can we back up? A helicopter with police inside. It's
1314
00:56:23.550 --> 00:56:28.769
a helicopter, but instead of a citizen contained within, at
1315
00:56:30.130 --> 00:56:32.010
the core of it are police.
1316
00:56:33.079 --> 00:56:36.000
This is what truckers say to each other when they're
1317
00:56:36.019 --> 00:56:37.019
driving like.
1318
00:56:36.739 --> 00:56:38.800
Long range semi drivers.
1319
00:56:38.840 --> 00:56:38.960
Yes.
1320
00:56:39.119 --> 00:56:39.420
Okay.
1321
00:56:39.619 --> 00:56:39.920
Okay.
1322
00:56:39.960 --> 00:56:42.489
Like a bear in the bush. Bear in the bushes. Oh,
1323
00:56:42.750 --> 00:56:44.750
that would be a smoky that's hiding out trying to
1324
00:56:44.769 --> 00:56:47.570
catch people on a speed trap. Yeah, that's exactly right. Okay, so...
1325
00:56:48.130 --> 00:56:49.750
Now I'm going to quiz you guys. Those are kind
1326
00:56:49.789 --> 00:56:53.170
of the easy ones. Go ahead. Here we go. Blood box.
1327
00:56:53.489 --> 00:56:57.440
Blood box would be... Ambulance. That's right. One for Sona. Okay.
1328
00:56:57.619 --> 00:57:00.340
Bed bug hauler. Bed bug hauler. It would be a motel,
1329
00:57:00.519 --> 00:57:01.360
like a cheap motel.
1330
00:57:01.380 --> 00:57:02.800
I think it's a furniture truck.
1331
00:57:03.159 --> 00:57:05.880
A moving van. I'll accept that. Oh, my God. I'm
1332
00:57:05.900 --> 00:57:06.599
crushing it.
1333
00:57:06.619 --> 00:57:08.239
I just learned what this was.
1334
00:57:08.460 --> 00:57:11.440
Bikini state. Bikini state is Florida. That's right.
1335
00:57:11.820 --> 00:57:12.300
Oh, wow.
1336
00:57:12.500 --> 00:57:14.320
I just know because I'm a bikini inspector. Are you
1337
00:57:14.340 --> 00:57:16.630
looking at the thing? No, I was not looking at it.
1338
00:57:16.619 --> 00:57:18.739
I was not. I don't have my glasses on either.
1339
00:57:18.820 --> 00:57:24.969
Breaking wind. Breaking wind. Speeding. Breaking wind.
1340
00:57:25.190 --> 00:57:26.789
Going downhill.
1341
00:57:27.090 --> 00:57:29.730
I'm sorry, neither of you. It's the first seabeer in
1342
00:57:29.769 --> 00:57:31.730
a convoy. Okay. They're breaking the wind.
1343
00:57:31.969 --> 00:57:32.269
All right.
1344
00:57:32.670 --> 00:57:35.269
Brush your teeth and comb your hair. That's something you'd say.
1345
00:57:35.289 --> 00:57:37.610
What does that mean? That's just, I mean, good hygiene.
1346
00:57:37.789 --> 00:57:38.050
Yeah.
1347
00:57:38.309 --> 00:57:40.150
I think that means I need to rest.
1348
00:57:40.599 --> 00:57:40.739
No.
1349
00:57:41.019 --> 00:57:42.809
Say it again. Brush your teeth and comb your hair.
1350
00:57:43.030 --> 00:57:45.360
How can you think of it like, 10-4, good buddy.
1351
00:57:45.429 --> 00:57:48.119
Brush your teeth and comb your hair. Be a good,
1352
00:57:48.139 --> 00:57:52.750
see you around. Brush your teeth and comb your hair.
1353
00:57:52.909 --> 00:57:54.130
There's a smokey up ahead.
1354
00:57:54.329 --> 00:57:55.170
What?
1355
00:57:55.369 --> 00:57:55.570
What?
1356
00:57:55.610 --> 00:57:58.050
Look good. There's a smokey up ahead. Oh, that's stupid.
1357
00:57:58.090 --> 00:57:59.329
See you around.
1358
00:57:59.670 --> 00:58:01.750
Just say there's a smokey up ahead. Why brush your
1359
00:58:01.769 --> 00:58:03.530
teeth and comb your hair? Well, that's the whole point.
1360
00:58:04.329 --> 00:58:05.690
They could be listening, right?
1361
00:58:05.730 --> 00:58:07.630
Yeah, but a policeman doesn't. When they pull you over
1362
00:58:07.670 --> 00:58:10.429
for speeding, they don't care about your attire and how
1363
00:58:10.469 --> 00:58:11.360
well coiffed you are.
1364
00:58:11.369 --> 00:58:13.969
No, the smokeys are listening in on the CB radio.
1365
00:58:13.989 --> 00:58:14.449
Got it.
1366
00:58:14.449 --> 00:58:16.050
And then they hear you. If you say, hey, there's
1367
00:58:16.090 --> 00:58:19.239
a smokey, they'll be like, oh, the convoy is smart.
1368
00:58:19.480 --> 00:58:19.719
Yeah.
1369
00:58:20.039 --> 00:58:21.809
I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out.
1370
00:58:21.929 --> 00:58:23.769
What are California turnarounds?
1371
00:58:24.449 --> 00:58:24.949
On ramps.
1372
00:58:25.489 --> 00:58:25.670
No.
1373
00:58:25.849 --> 00:58:28.949
Off ramps. Way stations.
1374
00:58:29.590 --> 00:58:33.579
Conan? California turnaround. Yeah. That's when you hit the state
1375
00:58:33.619 --> 00:58:35.699
of California because you've made your drop and then you're
1376
00:58:35.719 --> 00:58:38.599
headed back the other way. Not really. Yes, it is.
1377
00:58:38.619 --> 00:58:40.280
They're benzos or speed.
1378
00:58:40.579 --> 00:58:42.619
Because if you're going as far as California, you got
1379
00:58:42.639 --> 00:58:44.539
to take some of those to go there and back.
1380
00:58:44.960 --> 00:58:49.070
Oh, I see. You mean like a Benny or a big... Yes,
1381
00:58:49.110 --> 00:58:52.219
I said benzo speed. Yeah. Benny. Yeah, Benny or a
1382
00:58:52.260 --> 00:58:52.659
Jub Jub.
1383
00:58:53.099 --> 00:58:53.989
You guys are real hip.
1384
00:58:54.110 --> 00:58:57.289
Those are called a green squanto, yeah. Choke and puke.
1385
00:58:57.469 --> 00:58:59.670
Choke and puke. Let's see.
1386
00:58:59.969 --> 00:59:00.449
Tighten her up.
1387
00:59:00.489 --> 00:59:02.869
That's in Smoking the Bandit. They use that a lot.
1388
00:59:02.969 --> 00:59:03.670
Choke and puke.
1389
00:59:03.730 --> 00:59:03.949
Yeah.
1390
00:59:04.230 --> 00:59:06.630
I'm going to choke and puke. Going to a choke
1391
00:59:06.650 --> 00:59:06.989
and puke.
1392
00:59:07.070 --> 00:59:08.349
Going to a choke and puke.
1393
00:59:08.389 --> 00:59:10.570
Like a bad diner. It's a restaurant, but I'll give
1394
00:59:10.610 --> 00:59:13.860
it to you. Thank you. Christmas card. Just like a
1395
00:59:13.900 --> 00:59:15.599
way to wish people well.
1396
00:59:15.980 --> 00:59:17.219
Use it in a sentence, please.
1397
00:59:17.579 --> 00:59:19.699
I'm doing double nickels on the I-5 and I got
1398
00:59:19.760 --> 00:59:20.860
myself a Christmas card.
1399
00:59:20.880 --> 00:59:22.579
I'm going to have to pay that come Tuesday.
1400
00:59:23.260 --> 00:59:23.860
Traffic ticket.
1401
00:59:23.880 --> 00:59:26.449
That's right. But why was it called a Christmas card? Well,
1402
00:59:26.570 --> 00:59:29.690
it's just- These guys suck. It's CB poetry. I'm sorry.
1403
00:59:30.030 --> 00:59:32.769
I'm glad. You know what? There's a reason this died out.
1404
00:59:33.030 --> 00:59:35.949
You know what I mean? They had bad terms. I'm sorry.
1405
00:59:35.989 --> 00:59:37.869
Oh my God. I'm fine. I don't even know though.
1406
00:59:37.889 --> 00:59:39.170
Now we're going to get into some of the more
1407
00:59:39.210 --> 00:59:39.869
colorful ones.
1408
00:59:39.889 --> 00:59:40.349
What's the score?
1409
00:59:40.670 --> 00:59:41.679
Huh? What's the score?
1410
00:59:41.889 --> 00:59:42.159
I'm winning.
1411
00:59:42.179 --> 00:59:45.829
I'm winning. It's three, Sona, Conan, two. Also, we don't
1412
00:59:45.869 --> 00:59:48.429
know that this died out. There's truckers all over this
1413
00:59:48.449 --> 00:59:50.269
great country. Yeah, but why don't they just email each other?
1414
00:59:50.289 --> 00:59:51.690
Or text?
1415
00:59:51.710 --> 00:59:54.090
Because you don't want to be on your phone while
1416
00:59:54.150 --> 00:59:54.730
you're driving.
1417
00:59:54.750 --> 00:59:56.349
Of course they can be on their phone. They have
1418
00:59:56.369 --> 00:59:59.590
devices that handle all kinds of things while they're driving.
1419
00:59:59.610 --> 01:00:03.840
Let's get to that. What do you think VacuSuck is for? Well,
1420
01:00:03.860 --> 01:00:07.980
I have one. I'm using it now. Oh, man! What
1421
01:00:08.000 --> 01:00:10.909
does it mean? Three AA batteries takes care of old
1422
01:00:10.989 --> 01:00:12.170
Captain Jack down there.
1423
01:00:12.190 --> 01:00:13.750
Jesus.
1424
01:00:14.710 --> 01:00:15.929
Captain Jack.
1425
01:00:16.429 --> 01:00:20.090
What does abuse it mean? Well, okay.
1426
01:00:20.389 --> 01:00:21.880
Abuse it.
1427
01:00:22.260 --> 01:00:25.480
Just say it. Well, I don't want to.
1428
01:00:25.559 --> 01:00:26.199
Masturbate.
1429
01:00:26.260 --> 01:00:28.820
That's right. I gave that to Sona because I didn't
1430
01:00:28.860 --> 01:00:29.300
want to offend a lady.
1431
01:00:29.320 --> 01:00:30.619
You didn't want to say masturbate?
1432
01:00:30.699 --> 01:00:31.460
I didn't, no.
1433
01:00:31.699 --> 01:00:33.679
You just called your dick Captain Jack.
1434
01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:37.239
Yeah, he's in the army. That's his rank. You just
1435
01:00:37.260 --> 01:00:38.119
did a whole vacuum suck thing.
1436
01:00:38.139 --> 01:00:38.880
He's his rank.
1437
01:00:41.219 --> 01:00:43.280
I got a vacuum suck for Captain Jack. He did
1438
01:00:43.300 --> 01:00:43.960
his time.
1439
01:00:44.079 --> 01:00:46.000
Well, you don't want to say masturbate, but- He was
1440
01:00:46.059 --> 01:00:46.920
in Vietnam.
1441
01:00:48.139 --> 01:00:49.119
What's a douche job?
1442
01:00:49.719 --> 01:00:50.219
Oh, man.
1443
01:00:50.280 --> 01:00:51.260
Don't get me started.
1444
01:00:51.280 --> 01:00:55.750
A douche job is when- Why did you.
1445
01:00:55.690 --> 01:00:58.050
Put two fingers up very specifically?
1446
01:00:58.070 --> 01:01:00.650
Car wash. Yes, that's right. Okay.
1447
01:01:01.110 --> 01:01:03.150
I was going to say an actual anal thing.
1448
01:01:03.719 --> 01:01:11.510
No. An actual anal. Okay.
1449
01:01:11.550 --> 01:01:13.650
Some of these have crossed over into popular culture, but
1450
01:01:13.710 --> 01:01:14.710
what's a beaver?
1451
01:01:15.110 --> 01:01:16.750
A vagina. Well, no. No.
1452
01:01:16.809 --> 01:01:17.250
I mean, it is.
1453
01:01:17.289 --> 01:01:18.849
It's a woman driving a truck. It's just a woman.
1454
01:01:18.889 --> 01:01:19.550
Yeah. Okay.
1455
01:01:19.849 --> 01:01:23.809
Bra buster. What is it? Bra buster? Bra buster. Oh, man.
1456
01:01:23.869 --> 01:01:30.449
Talk about it. Excuse me? Talk about a bra buster.
1457
01:01:30.769 --> 01:01:35.780
Bra buster is a woman who is real tough.
1458
01:01:36.599 --> 01:01:38.239
No. Bra buster is a speed bump.
1459
01:01:38.739 --> 01:01:39.119
No.
1460
01:01:39.139 --> 01:01:40.909
You go over it too fast. It's going to bust
1461
01:01:40.929 --> 01:01:44.130
your bra. No, it's just a large rested woman. Well,
1462
01:01:44.150 --> 01:01:46.409
wait a minute. I thought they have to relate to
1463
01:01:46.469 --> 01:01:49.699
trucking somehow. Now you're going to get into, yeah, that's
1464
01:01:49.719 --> 01:01:52.780
an old itchy face. What's that? A guy with a beard. Well,
1465
01:01:53.280 --> 01:01:54.860
why are they talking in code?
1466
01:01:54.900 --> 01:01:56.320
No one's changing the goalposts.
1467
01:01:56.360 --> 01:01:58.980
No, if I'm driving a truck and I see, you know.
1468
01:02:00.500 --> 01:02:03.679
Lady with the titties? I go, hey guys, bra buster,
1469
01:02:03.739 --> 01:02:04.179
coming right up.
1470
01:02:04.199 --> 01:02:06.239
That beaver's a real bra buster. Yeah, but that's not,
1471
01:02:06.360 --> 01:02:07.639
it's not coded enough.
1472
01:02:08.090 --> 01:02:08.219
Oh.
1473
01:02:08.329 --> 01:02:09.489
It's still, do you know what I mean? Some of
1474
01:02:09.510 --> 01:02:10.349
them are, some of them aren't.
1475
01:02:10.409 --> 01:02:13.090
I mean, this just evolved with the language. It's not
1476
01:02:13.110 --> 01:02:14.269
like somebody sat down.
1477
01:02:14.130 --> 01:02:15.710
At a council. No, but there's a more clever way
1478
01:02:15.750 --> 01:02:18.519
to do that if there's a large-breasted woman. Well, maybe
1479
01:02:18.539 --> 01:02:19.380
they're not.
1480
01:02:19.179 --> 01:02:21.719
Like, They're doing it on the radio, but the woman
1481
01:02:21.739 --> 01:02:24.079
doesn't hear it. They're just like, hey, guys, heads up.
1482
01:02:24.139 --> 01:02:25.920
Those are some big knobs on the radio.
1483
01:02:25.940 --> 01:02:26.010
Yes.
1484
01:02:26.099 --> 01:02:28.380
You know what I mean? Something like that. That's nice.
1485
01:02:28.440 --> 01:02:32.510
You know, high beams on. Do you know what I mean?
1486
01:02:32.530 --> 01:02:37.510
Something they could do better. The twin pillars of society.
1487
01:02:37.530 --> 01:02:39.630
There's so many different ways to do it. But Brabus
1488
01:02:39.690 --> 01:02:42.530
are just being unimaginative. Another reason why CB culture has died.
1489
01:02:42.880 --> 01:02:45.619
All right. So this is a tiebreaker. And the last one.
1490
01:02:46.000 --> 01:02:49.599
Coffee break. Coffee break. Oh, tell me about it. I'm
1491
01:02:49.619 --> 01:02:54.340
just trying to use up time. Coffee break. Coffee break.
1492
01:02:54.679 --> 01:02:55.420
Coffee break.
1493
01:02:55.460 --> 01:02:58.760
Now, this doesn't, like, necessarily have a one-to-one for what
1494
01:02:58.800 --> 01:03:00.909
the name is to what the thing is. So you
1495
01:03:00.929 --> 01:03:03.260
just have to think creatively. Remember, we're in the kind of, like,
1496
01:03:03.639 --> 01:03:05.179
you know, sexual section.
1497
01:03:05.199 --> 01:03:05.889
Oh, we are.
1498
01:03:06.389 --> 01:03:09.769
Oh, coffee break. Does it have anything to do with...
1499
01:03:10.610 --> 01:03:15.840
This one's anal. Oh, my God. You're obsessed. And again,
1500
01:03:15.880 --> 01:03:17.900
they have a device for that, too. Why?
1501
01:03:18.000 --> 01:03:19.260
Because coffee's dark?
1502
01:03:19.280 --> 01:03:21.619
Because coffee's dark. Oh, God.
1503
01:03:21.860 --> 01:03:24.679
No, not only are you not right, you're disqualified.
1504
01:03:24.699 --> 01:03:29.789
Thank you. Coffee break. I don't know. It's just a
1505
01:03:29.829 --> 01:03:33.750
visit with a prostitute. But why? I'm taking a coffee break.
1506
01:03:33.809 --> 01:03:36.489
You can't get upset. I can get upset. They're on
1507
01:03:36.530 --> 01:03:39.630
the road for a date. I want these to be rewritten.
1508
01:03:39.849 --> 01:03:41.909
Well, the good news is I've only gone through A
1509
01:03:41.949 --> 01:03:44.769
through D. So we've got lots more to do.
1510
01:03:45.250 --> 01:03:47.449
Oh, my God. That's okay. I think this is our
1511
01:03:47.469 --> 01:03:50.070
last visit to CB. What made you, why do you
1512
01:03:50.130 --> 01:03:51.269
have a CB dictionary?
1513
01:03:51.289 --> 01:03:52.289
That was my question.
1514
01:03:52.329 --> 01:03:53.590
Yeah. I don't know.
1515
01:03:53.650 --> 01:03:55.030
Maybe someone gave it to me as a gift or
1516
01:03:55.070 --> 01:03:55.679
I bought it.
1517
01:03:55.699 --> 01:03:57.429
You know, I love the movie Smoke and the Bandit.
1518
01:03:57.449 --> 01:04:00.980
It's one of my favorite movies. Okay. And so I
1519
01:04:01.000 --> 01:04:01.380
wanted to.
1520
01:04:01.360 --> 01:04:03.579
Be able to speak the patois.
1521
01:04:03.800 --> 01:04:04.699
Oh, God.
1522
01:04:04.719 --> 01:04:05.519
Jesus Christ.
1523
01:04:05.539 --> 01:04:05.679
Okay.
1524
01:04:06.199 --> 01:04:06.420
Well.
1525
01:04:06.699 --> 01:04:09.039
Hope you're happy. If you're cornered around saying coffee break.
1526
01:04:09.510 --> 01:04:11.710
Or Bra Buster. I just, I can't know you.
1527
01:04:11.719 --> 01:04:13.019
I do think some of these could be better. Well,
1528
01:04:13.059 --> 01:04:16.039
I'm 10-10 in the shade Pickle Park and TaylorMade, so. See,
1529
01:04:16.360 --> 01:04:18.840
that sounds good, but some of these just weren't very good.
1530
01:04:19.159 --> 01:04:21.449
I'm going to be honest. Coffee break for a prostitute.
1531
01:04:21.469 --> 01:04:22.909
There's a better way to do that, right?
1532
01:04:22.969 --> 01:04:24.590
I think coffee break, I think coffee break is cool.
1533
01:04:24.610 --> 01:04:26.710
But what if you want a coffee break? It's a euphemism.
1534
01:04:26.730 --> 01:04:29.400
But what I'm saying is that's a bad idea because-
1535
01:04:29.889 --> 01:04:33.760
Coffee is a regular part of what a trucker would
1536
01:04:33.780 --> 01:04:36.900
be drinking. So is prostitution. No, that's not. That's a
1537
01:04:37.019 --> 01:04:38.119
terrible thing to say.
1538
01:04:38.320 --> 01:04:41.179
Why are you telling other people that you're going on
1539
01:04:41.199 --> 01:04:43.460
a coffee break? Like, why are you telling the other
1540
01:04:43.500 --> 01:04:45.719
people on the radio that you're going to see a prostitute?
1541
01:04:45.780 --> 01:04:46.679
Why don't you just do it?
1542
01:04:46.760 --> 01:04:48.900
I think you guys got to put yourself in the
1543
01:04:48.940 --> 01:04:51.519
mindset of the 70s and the American South, and you're
1544
01:04:51.539 --> 01:04:53.659
just talking to your buddies on a CB radio going,
1545
01:04:54.119 --> 01:04:56.079
I'm going to go on a coffee break, 10-4, come back.
1546
01:04:57.219 --> 01:04:59.840
I'd say I'm going to go hire a prostitute. And
1547
01:04:59.860 --> 01:05:03.230
then I'm going to have some coffee afterwards with said prostitute.
1548
01:05:04.269 --> 01:05:05.550
My old college.
1549
01:05:05.289 --> 01:05:06.710
Roommate, Tom Crow.
1550
01:05:06.750 --> 01:05:09.380
Jesus. Who's that? He came out of nowhere. His sister. Hey,
1551
01:05:09.389 --> 01:05:12.980
what's your handle there, good buddy? Is this shut the
1552
01:05:13.000 --> 01:05:13.840
fuck up? Snowcap.
1553
01:05:13.920 --> 01:05:14.280
Yeah, no.
1554
01:05:14.820 --> 01:05:15.719
Snowcap.
1555
01:05:15.780 --> 01:05:18.780
My old college roommate, Tom Crow, his sister, her job
1556
01:05:18.920 --> 01:05:22.510
is coordinating long haul truckers. I can ask her how
1557
01:05:22.570 --> 01:05:24.670
much of these are still in use today because she
1558
01:05:24.690 --> 01:05:25.389
talks to a lot of truckers.
1559
01:05:25.409 --> 01:05:26.730
That sounds good. Yeah, find out if there are a
1560
01:05:26.730 --> 01:05:28.590
lot of truckers out there taking coffee breaks. And you
1561
01:05:28.610 --> 01:05:31.820
know what this segment really wants? A follow-up segment. Okay. Yeah,
1562
01:05:31.949 --> 01:05:34.699
it screams follow-up. Sorry. And ask her about vacuum suck.
1563
01:05:34.780 --> 01:05:38.219
Is that the actual name? Is that the actual name?
1564
01:05:38.260 --> 01:05:40.360
From the guy who won't say masturbate.
1565
01:05:40.659 --> 01:05:41.079
Okay.
1566
01:05:41.539 --> 01:05:44.139
No, I can't do it myself, but with machinery.
1567
01:05:51.769 --> 01:05:55.550
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian,
1568
01:05:55.789 --> 01:05:59.889
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1569
01:05:59.949 --> 01:06:03.650
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1570
01:06:03.690 --> 01:06:06.829
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1571
01:06:06.869 --> 01:06:08.429
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01:06:12.070 --> 01:06:15.239
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1573
01:06:15.260 --> 01:06:18.980
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1574
01:06:19.059 --> 01:06:23.019
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01:06:23.039 --> 01:06:26.239
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01:06:26.260 --> 01:06:28.829
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01:06:28.869 --> 01:06:31.409
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1578
01:06:31.789 --> 01:06:36.230
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01:06:36.250 --> 01:06:39.179
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01:06:39.219 --> 01:06:41.719
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01:06:41.800 --> 01:06:45.940
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01:06:46.000 --> 01:06:49.119
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01:06:49.179 --> 01:06:52.900
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