00:00:14
Speaker 1: Hello, it's I Do Part two. I'm Jenny Garth that I'm here with the beautiful, lovely Janna Kramer.
00:00:20
Speaker 2: My friend.
00:00:21
Speaker 1: He This is gonna be a fun chat because we have a newly I think not so newly, but a single man a coming on and we are going to just get to the bottom of what it's like to be a single guy.
00:00:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, because we always hear a lot from the single women m M exactly, so it'll be nice to hear from him and what, you know, how things have been going, from his divorce and everything that he's been going through. So it's a little a man's perspective, because.
00:00:51
Speaker 1: A man's perspective. We need it because I don't know. I certainly don't know what a man's looking for out there, and I'm sure a lot of women can relate if you're not out there, you know, dating and going through the apps and all that stuff. I'm so curious. Yeah, absolutely, let's bring him in. Okay, let's do it today. We're going to chat with someone who is in their own I Do Part two era. You got to know this guy back on Season seven of the Bachelorette when he proposed to and married Ashley but like most of us on this podcast, he got divorced a few years ago, and we're going to catch up with him and hear what's going on. Please welcome JP Rosenbaum Podcast. Hey, hey, okay, let's give our listeners a little background, if he would, in case they aren't huge Bachelor Nation fans and they live under a rock like me. You were a contestant on Ashley's season of The Bachelorette. Tell us a little bit about how long you guys were married and your sort of family as it turned out.
00:01:53
Speaker 3: Sure, so we met in twenty eleven on the show. We got married end of twenty twelve. We were married for about seven and a half years, happily had two kids who are now ten and a half and eight and a half.
00:02:09
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:02:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were living up in Jersey for a little bit, in New York for a little bit, moved down to Miami in the summer of twenty fourteen. And then I'm going to skip over a few years, but about about two weeks before COVID hit, we decided to get divorced.
00:02:27
Speaker 1: So, oh wow.
00:02:28
Speaker 3: February of twenty twenty. Is that about right? It's all a.
00:02:33
Speaker 1: Blurb, but yeah, what happened for COVID. Then if you guys, right before COVID you decided, did you guys separate and have two houses?
00:02:41
Speaker 3: That kind of thing. So that was the tricky thing, right, So the kids were coming back from school, how are we going to sell the house? There were all these things, all these unknown questions that we just kind of had to navigate. So no, I ended up moving into the guest room for six months on a place. We sold the house, I moved out, I found a place, and so, you know, it was it was an interesting year.
00:03:08
Speaker 2: But that was before because you guys, didn't you do a GMA about your I don't want to mispronounce the Giambret. Yeah, that was that was before so then because I'm like, you guys were still technically married at that point, right, because it was did you guys get back together or what was that?
00:03:29
Speaker 3: So that was right before. So I we were away for our anniversary in December that in nineteen when I had gotten sick, and so you know, it was obviously it was downward spiraling, but before that, but so I got sick and then two months later, three months later, we decided to get divorce. So it was it was a rough year, Like my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I had Giambaret, Like we decided to get divorced. It was a rough couple of years.
00:04:01
Speaker 2: So what do you think, because Johnny and I were just talking about this, what do you think was the hardest year of marriage for you? Obviously the end was hard, but like when you can kind of look back, was like, was it the first year? Was it the second year? Like what was what was the hardest that you're like, this is maybe you.
00:04:17
Speaker 3: Know, yeah, I think twenty nineteen, you know, the last year just because of everything that was going on in our lives. You know, we we were happy, but you know, kids came around and made things more difficult and we stopped talking, we stopped communicating, and that permeated every aspect of the marriage. And so, you know, the last year with with my mom, with my illness, then deciding to get divorced, it was and then and then COVID it was all. The last year to two was certainly the hardest, just because of the you know, the special circumstances of those two years.
00:04:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting too because you say the seven and a half, it's like that seven year itch that like that statistic. I don't even know what the statistic is around it. I was just going to google it. But so many people it's like, all right, that's where it's the breaking point of their communication or the breaking point of what things are. It's like that, it's interesting.
00:05:16
Speaker 3: Wow, we've heard about that recently really.
00:05:22
Speaker 1: Like, of course, why did you guys stop talking? Like, what do you think from your perspective, was the initial like the communication breakdown? Why does that happen?
00:05:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is very I have so much perspective now. You know, in the moment, you don't know why. You know, you just know that things are not working. You know that you start resenting each other and you start just just everything just starts breaking down. So, now that I've had time to reflect and heal, and you know, I've done my own self healing and certainly spoken to therapist and read a lot and way too many podcasts and gone down the Instagram rabbit holes, I think that, you know, the the baseline of it all is that we are very different people. We have very different perspectives on life and so many aspects of life. We have different love languages, we have different just we are just very different and that doesn't really mesh. And when you start butting heads on those things that don't mesh, it becomes very frustrating and you don't know how to get past it, even if you're supposed to get past it, like you don't know how to process it. You don't know how to accept the other person's perspective, you don't how to understand the other person's perspective, and you just start butting heads and it becomes like, oh, here we go again, and we're not going to get anywhere, and you know and yeah, and it just goes around and round and round. And unless you are both the types of people that understand what's going on, understand the problems, are motivated to fix the problems, I think it can just spiral out of control. Then it becomes like I don't really care what you have to say because I know what you're going to say anyway, and I don't want to understand it because you don't understand me, and it just spirals into every aspect of the marriage.
00:07:25
Speaker 2: What I find so interesting about that, though, is even when you go into the next relationship, you have to still I mean, yeah, you know more things, you know more tools, and you know, you hopefully do the work individually, but then when you go into a new relationship too. I mean, just like we were talking about with you know, our husbands, it's like, you know, you still there's still things that come up. So it's like, what work are you going to put into to help with the communication, right because our styles are so different or we're both so stubborn and to go all right? Because the love is still there. So I wonder when you look back and go, now that I know all this, you know, do you think you guys have because to my knowledge, I don't remember there ever being some big scandal like that, namely cheated or there was like something really bad. So it's like, is the love still there? Would that have been maybe fixed?
00:08:10
Speaker 3: That's such a hard question to answer because at the core of it, like I said, we're just different and I don't know, you know, if if the me of today were the me of ten years ago, would it be different? Would she see things differently? Would I react differently? Like that is an endless thought cycle that I stopped thinking about years ago because there I hate not having an answer something that can't be answered, right, can't answer that, Like I definitely would have been more prepared to deal with it, and I certainly would have done more on my end, knowing what I know now, But would it have changed any result? I have no idea. You know, that's a tough one to answer.
00:09:00
Speaker 1: How are you guys doing now? Your co parenting, which is a whole another type of relationship. I think Jane and I both know a lot about that, and it's not easy. It's not easy. How are you guys doing today? And how are you handling co parenting? And what would you tell somebody out there who's listening, who's in your position and trying to co parent with somebody that is very different than they are.
00:09:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're actually in a really great place right now, really great, And I will admit it took me a long time to get there.
00:09:34
Speaker 1: Like how long?
00:09:35
Speaker 2: What was taking you so long to get there?
00:09:37
Speaker 1: We have questions about what was it? How long?
00:09:40
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I was in a definitive like funk where it's like I'm mad, I resent.
00:09:50
Speaker 2: Her, like a defensive stance, all of.
00:09:53
Speaker 3: It, all of yeah, and even things where I didn't need to say no to her on I would do it by like I was in a really bad place. She started dating something someone that got you know, that made things even worse, And so I had my own going on, and so it was very difficult for me to get to that next place where I don't want to speak for her, but she was seemingly there much quicker than I was, And so I would say it took me a good at least two years. I mean at least, you know, even when it came to dating. But that's a whole, other, whole other discussion. So it took me a few years to get there. And you know, now we are at a place where I harbor no anxiety for it, no resentment. I'm not mad, I am I'm in a I'm in I'm in a really great place. When it comes to her and.
00:10:48
Speaker 1: She and I, do you think, what do you think it was though that made you be able to switch to this.
00:10:53
Speaker 2: You turn the anger off? I guess yeah, I don't know.
00:10:57
Speaker 3: I mean, look, I have, like, I've done a lot of healing, right, I've spoken to therapists, I have read, I have listened to podcasts, I have reflected I have you know, I've changed my perception of it all and what everything that I'm holding onto, what is it is? Any of it really hurt or is it all just me? And unless I learned to let go of all that, I'm never going to feel any better. And so it wasn't as if I woke up one morning and I was like, oh, I'm all better. You know. It was definitely the biggest cliche of them all time, like but time. You know, Yeah, I wish I could go back and tell me of three years ago, like, look, look where you are in three years from now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, Like you don't need to feel all this and just know that it will get better.
00:11:45
Speaker 1: So, yeah, I just have to go through it. You have to, you have to wage your way through it. But I think everybody's different.
00:11:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's hard when there is someone else too, like another man around your kids, and you know, I'm it's hard for the woman too, and there's another woman around the kids, and so I think that adds a whole other element. But then when you start to separate and go okay as long as they're loved, but if there's issues within that, then it just adds more complication.
00:12:11
Speaker 3: Yeah. I remember when they first started dating, I was like, I don't want him to come to any baseball games. I don't like no, no, no, no, no, ye, I will make a scene like I was. It was ridiculous, you know. Now, like they've been together for for a while and he's you know, the kids love him and his family's nice to the kids, and like it's a it's a good dynamic. So but but two three years ago, man, like no, I was you Yeah, but.
00:12:36
Speaker 2: I think that's a great place to be to be because it's like I have, you know, I know also that feeling of just being so angry. But then and another friend too that's dealing with it as well. That's like what is that actually doing for us? Like that's not good for us. And there's no anything that I say to my act isn't going to change. He's not going to ever. He didn't understand me when we were married. It's not he's gonna understand me now post divorce, you know. So it's it's like, what why am I wasting my energy on something where it's like what is the point?
00:13:04
Speaker 4: Right?
00:13:04
Speaker 3: No, I totally agree, Like I've explained it to some people who are like that, you know, the triggers are still there. She's still her I just give less of a now, and you know, and that's not going to change. So I just have to change. I just have to think about it differently and process it differently, and I can only control how I react, you know.
00:13:22
Speaker 2: So I like to do a lot of unsent messages and emails, Like I just wrote one the other day where it was just an email. I end up not sending it, but I needed to just say it out loud because I know that what if I pressed and he wouldn't care what I said, right, it doesn't it doesn't matter, but it mattered to me to get it out. Wait can you wait?
00:13:38
Speaker 1: Can you unsend emails?
00:13:40
Speaker 2: I'm so curious what I'm saying, like, so I don't actually press that. I just kind of write like a note, you know. I wish I could actually it's like a five appreciate Yeah, but that's these are we're talking years ago. I'd like to get rid of that evidence of anger.
00:13:55
Speaker 3: No, I think you're screwed.
00:13:57
Speaker 1: Thanks thanks a lot. Speaking of screw do are you dating anyone?
00:14:04
Speaker 3: Thank you? No? No, I I.
00:14:08
Speaker 2: You know there was a pause because it's a no no.
00:14:11
Speaker 3: It's like I'm the team, but it's not there's no one serious. You know, I'm going through the motions of dating.
00:14:20
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, so this is exciting. You're dating? Are you on any apps?
00:14:25
Speaker 2: Because I have to be Yeah, but which apps are you on? I'm curious?
00:14:30
Speaker 1: Why are you getting red?
00:14:31
Speaker 3: Because it sucks, like I feel, I.
00:14:34
Speaker 2: Just every guy says this, by the way, it does. Yeah, really do you prefer hinge to bumble or bumble the hinge?
00:14:39
Speaker 3: I'm indifferent. I don't care. I think they are equally triggering. They trap you, Like it's like nobody's serious. You know, there's fake profiles, like everyone really endless options, so like no one really pays attention. So you kind of got to sift through the haystack to find the needle. And you know, every once in a while you meet someone that that that you know makes sense and then you can date. It is it's exhausting and it sucks. And not being from South Florida, from Miami, I don't exactly have a huge network and the age of at I don't exactly have a new huge network of friends and single friends. I want to set me up with friends and it's not like I'm going out to bars. I'm not you know, meeting people organically. I would love to do that.
00:15:27
Speaker 2: Well, it's also you're kind of limited to It's not like you can move, right, So it's like I always when I started dating Alan, it's like I he lived in England, Like I can't move. I have to stay in Nashville. So that was kind of where when I was, you know, dating, it's like it if it doesn't make sense, like why continue on? You know, because it's like if this person is landlocked there and I'm landlocked here, what is actually the point?
00:15:47
Speaker 3: Right? Totally?
00:15:48
Speaker 2: You know, So it's like when you're on there, it's like how you know, it's like you obviously wouldn't move from your kids there at a beautiful fun age, like you wouldn't move.
00:15:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, not until college.
00:15:59
Speaker 1: Right, that's a while. That's a while.
00:16:01
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:16:01
Speaker 2: How old are the kids?
00:16:02
Speaker 3: Ten and a half and eight and a half?
00:16:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're stuck there for a while. So you don't have a lot of friends that are setting you up, so talk to us. I don't know, Jane, have you ever been on a dating app?
00:16:13
Speaker 2: I was on Riyah. You're on Riah Okay, yeah, but that app was ridiculous, ridiculous.
00:16:18
Speaker 1: It was just a funny Riya story. My ex husband, Peter uh Was, I was told was on Ria and his age whatever range that he was looking for was also the age range of his oldest daughter. So she they came, she came across him on her thing. Stop. Yeah, no, okay, So what's your what's your age limit? I don't know how it.
00:16:52
Speaker 3: Works, so I'm pretty be honest.
00:16:57
Speaker 1: After that story, you can ask me anything.
00:17:00
Speaker 3: I'm an open book. I'm thirty two to my age I'm forty eight, so I'm all over the place, but only because it's a needle in a haystack. And you know, technically, if you make the haystack bigger than needles.
00:17:17
Speaker 1: Do you believe the age is just a number? Do you date older women? These are two questions.
00:17:24
Speaker 3: Let's attack the first one. So it depends where you are in life, right. I think that you can certainly fall in love with with with a woman that's you know, significantly younger. But you know, if she hasn't been through a lot from a relationship standpoint, if she wants a family, if she doesn't have her career is not getting going yet, like there's there. It depends where you are, Like the timing has to be right, and then age is but a number if that makes sense.
00:17:54
Speaker 2: Would you like the person to be a mom or does that not?
00:17:58
Speaker 3: I think it helps, but it's not a prerequisite. Like I think it helps.
00:18:03
Speaker 1: What have you met somebody that had like five kids?
00:18:07
Speaker 3: Do I have to support them? Because if I have to support them, then it's probably a hard no. But it depends on the dynamic too. Right is she a full time mom? Does she has the all five kids the entire time? Is it fifty to fifty? So there are so many factors, Like I don't want to rule people out, but that's I mean a single moms are the hardest working people I know. And so if the father's not in the picture and she doesn't have help, like that's hard to navigate, right, you know, Like how is she ever going to have enough time for us when she has that? So there are so many factors And I don't like to pigeonhole and I don't have checklists and I don't have any of that. It's kind of you have to play it by year and see see who this person really is and what they can offer and what.
00:18:54
Speaker 1: We talked about younger, But you didn't talk about older yet JP, I'm waiting.
00:18:58
Speaker 2: I mean, I think he said to his age, right, how do you that's my age forty eight?
00:19:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, but would you date older?
00:19:05
Speaker 3: I don't know. Again, I think it's it's not a no. Look, I don't I don't rule anything out because people are people. I like if I'm exposed to an older woman and we click, like sure, but there's not much much exposure to it given I guess how I'm meeting people, and you know, I'm not in a position where I'm meeting, you know, a fifty five sixty year old woman. It just doesn't happen. So am I opposed to it? I don't like to say no, but you know, you never know.
00:19:36
Speaker 1: I guess I feel a little excited because I feel like we've got a lot of listeners out there who are looking for love.
00:19:43
Speaker 2: Maybe there's also a lot of people too in the you know, Miami Ish area.
00:19:48
Speaker 3: It's a disaster, really disaster.
00:19:51
Speaker 2: What makes it exact because I'm like, man, there's so many people that go there that you could that well, let's.
00:19:57
Speaker 3: Just put it this way. It's the only fans capital of the world. There's a lot of that around. Like I'm not a Miami beach guy either. I'm in the suburbs. I'm on the mainland, so I don't know. I feel like there is a lot more. And I'm sure every major city has this, but i just feel like there's a lot more superficial bullsh to navigate in Miami. So it's not as easy as one might think.
00:20:25
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's get to the nitty gritty. We need this info straight from a man. What gets you to swipe right on someone's page?
00:20:35
Speaker 3: How am I supposed to make a decision based upon five photos and a pr set up bio that like is or is not how the person really is in real life. For me, it's as long as obviously I'd like to be attracted to or so some level of attraction and something witty I'm swiping because again, and I'm sure you've heard this before, it's kind of all about the numbers, Right, You're gonna swipe thirty times, and how many times are you really going to match? And so if there's something there that's intriguing and and that just you know, I don't have like a formula. If I'm attracted and they say something kind of funny and you know, it gives.
00:21:21
Speaker 2: You what gives you the ick? On dating apps.
00:21:25
Speaker 3: Do so so on dating apps.
00:21:29
Speaker 2: Like that they that they would do in their profile, Like for me, I if a guy had a mirror selfie and like you're out, like no mirror selfies we or selfies you do you.
00:21:37
Speaker 3: Look back ass shot in a bikini? Like no, stop like stop.
00:21:41
Speaker 1: Wait you don't want any ass photos?
00:21:44
Speaker 3: Well not like if not if that's how you're attracting men, like of course you're gonna get a million swipes, right, Like I'm not like that is it nice eventually? Sure, but like that's not that's that's not gonna cause me. It doesn't give me the ick, but it's like you're gone. You're gone, You're gone because they're looking for.
00:22:01
Speaker 2: Also adat to you know what I mean?
00:22:03
Speaker 4: Like that right all that, Yeah, you know there are people that and again I don't know if these are fake bios or not, but they'll be like, you know, not vaccinated, Like.
00:22:15
Speaker 3: Why are like is that important today? Like why is that so important that you're limited space in your bio?
00:22:21
Speaker 2: You're gonna put not vaccinated a lot like a warning.
00:22:27
Speaker 3: It does like you're you're you're ruling out a whole lot of people on one thing, and is it really that important to you today? I don't know. There are little trigger things. I'm not a political guy, but you know, no trumpers like okay, like is that that important to you? Or you're not going to meet someone so they are. I guess I just want to meet cool people that I click with and we get along and you know that at the end of the day we make each other laugh. I can see being their best friend and you know we're in it for the long All that stuff matters. But does it do?
00:23:04
Speaker 1: You said?
00:23:05
Speaker 3: No?
00:23:05
Speaker 1: Ask pictures? What kind of pictures make you swipe? I got I really need to give our listen. Yes, let's see it. Let's see who's in your feed? Am I using the right terminology because I've never been on an app. I'm trying to see it, that's right, because is it a feed?
00:23:20
Speaker 3: I'm trying to see if there's an obvious of course, I'm not going to come up with any I'm trying to see if there's an obvious one where it was like, this is what I'm talking about. This is what you get A lot of.
00:23:31
Speaker 1: You're likes you? Yeah, who's liking you? Do you liking.
00:23:35
Speaker 2: I'm curious with being on the apps too, because I when I thought about doing Hinge for a second because it seems, you know, kind of cool or whatever. But uh and I really was did not like Riya. But is it hard for you when the people recognize you? Do you have anything about Bachelor on yours?
00:23:56
Speaker 1: Yeah?
00:23:56
Speaker 2: Okay, I would hope that, I mean, but like yeah, but like do you do you like it when people don't know who you are?
00:24:04
Speaker 3: Yeah? Like the anonymity, yeah yeah, and the kind of like yeah, because they've already got something in their brain as far as like who I am. And yes, but it's been so long now, I mean we're talking fourteen years ago, so people either forgot like oh you look so familiar, but it doesn't get there.
00:24:22
Speaker 2: Certainly thirty year olds probably wouldn't know. The forty year olds know.
00:24:26
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, true, true. So it happens.
00:24:29
Speaker 1: Have you let anybody like flip out and be like, oh my god, I met you that then they finally meet you and like you're on the Bachelor.
00:24:36
Speaker 3: No, I haven't had that happen. I mean I've had a couple where they didn't know and then after like the second or third date, they're like, oh, what's your Instagram? Was like mmmm, okay, and then they're like wait a second, and then it clicks and it's kind of it's a funny conversation, but it's never it's never in the way, and it's never in your face, and it's never you know, anyone crazy about it. It's kind of like, Oh, that's a fun story, and you move on.
00:25:03
Speaker 1: Show us your app.
00:25:04
Speaker 2: Jenny's living vicariously through you.
00:25:05
Speaker 1: I want to see. I want to know what what it is you're swiping on.
00:25:09
Speaker 3: Oh, you want to see my matches.
00:25:11
Speaker 1: Everybody's listening. They want to know, like, how could I match with something like JP.
00:25:16
Speaker 2: If you live in the Florida Miami area.
00:25:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, let me see.
00:25:21
Speaker 1: I feel like if I ask you a question, it's going to distract you. So I'm trying to just give you know.
00:25:26
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm holding my question.
00:25:28
Speaker 3: I haven't spoken to her, but this is someone where the pictures were not Miami, right, there was like normal pictures in the wild, like kind of like this is terrible word to use, but normal, right. So I don't like sunglass pictures because I think that's kind of a cop out.
00:25:45
Speaker 1: But don't wear sunglasses. You guys, okay, don't wear sunglasses.
00:25:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like she's adventurous. Oh that's yeah, she's beautiful, normal.
00:25:53
Speaker 1: Pretty like bikini in your face.
00:25:57
Speaker 3: He with a bikini shot.
00:25:59
Speaker 1: Like there and she's out of nature.
00:26:01
Speaker 3: But Miami, I mean you will see. I mean it is. It is.
00:26:06
Speaker 1: It's like the bathing suit capital of the world.
00:26:08
Speaker 3: It's absurd.
00:26:09
Speaker 1: I've just titled it. Yeah, yeah, sounds out buns out. I get it.
00:26:14
Speaker 3: So I have to take breaks from the apps too, just because.
00:26:19
Speaker 2: It affects your mental health. I really does, Yes, I one thousand percent. I talked to a girlfriend who's on the apps and she's and I remember what it does. It affects you, know, your your mood and has to pass out. Does it make you feel like, oh I'm not good enough or no, It's just it's kind of an endless pit of just yeah out, like I can't even know. I mean, it's just that that aren't your person, and so it kind of gets defeating and yeah.
00:26:48
Speaker 3: You feel yeah, agreed. I mean you know, I'll swipe and swipe and then like twenty minutes ago by I'm like, what am I doing? Like I just like I got to get my brain a break, and you know it's I don't know how successful they really are and define success from it, but like it's you know, they're just seemingly an endless supply and nobody cares, and like it certainly is a self esteem killer.
00:27:15
Speaker 1: You know, what's your like first date? When you do find a match and you set up that first encounter, what is it? Is it a coffee date? Are you going out to get a drink?
00:27:28
Speaker 3: It depends, Like I've had so I don't want to waste anyone's time, their time, my time, you know. I think that if you're if there's witty banter and you're talking, you're texting, and you meet up for the first time. I don't really drink these days, so going for a drink is not ideal. But coffee or a walk on the beach or grab a smoothie, or it's something where it's enough time to get to know them. But you know, you're not stuck three three hours on a dinner date with someone that you don't really know if you want to be around, I think you can tell a lot. You know, you can certainly gauge in that first hour, no matter what you're doing whether you want to spend more time with this person. I'm not saying they have to be the one, but like, oh that was cool, she's fun. I'd see her again, you know. So it varies, but simple coffee smoothie walks just.
00:28:19
Speaker 1: To like test the water, yeah, and find out if there's an attraction there at all, like in person. Because have you ever gone and met somebody and they look entirely different than their pictures?
00:28:28
Speaker 3: That's never happened.
00:28:29
Speaker 1: Okay, good.
00:28:30
Speaker 3: I have never been catfished. I have had a couple where I was like, oh, you know, let's let's go grab a coffee. Like I don't do coffee, but you can take me for dinner. I'm like you like you.
00:28:43
Speaker 1: Like no, So if they want you to buy them dinner, they're out.
00:28:48
Speaker 3: It wasn't like why don't we go for dinner? It was like buy me dinner? And I was like, look, I I would like, I'm not going to let you pay, but how do you where do you how do you have the balls to say that to somebody? We're like I'm not going to meet you coffee, but you can buy me dinner.
00:29:06
Speaker 1: Like now, well, maybe she doesn't like coffee. First of all, and maybe she knows her worth and she's like, I'm worth more than.
00:29:14
Speaker 2: I would also say if she ended it with a winky, I would say that like my personalities like I don't I actually don't drink coffee, but I'll take dinner if you winky like that.
00:29:22
Speaker 3: So that's it's different. And personality is very hard to gauge in a text unless you're over emoji, right, So this was not There was no winki, no smiley face, none of that. It was like I received it as that serious, like I don't do coffee, but you can buy me dinner. That's how I share.
00:29:38
Speaker 2: So it's interesting all for self worth, Yeah, but like.
00:29:45
Speaker 3: This is these are two people here, like we're we're in this together, and I'm not saying you're worth any less because I don't want to commit to three hours with somebody I don't know that, we don't even know if we're gonna like each other, Like why would you want to do that? So once we know that there's something there, like I will make it known how what you're worth, like like I will recognize your worth. But I don't agree with the self worth analysis off of the first date. Like the first encounter.
00:30:24
Speaker 2: Do you want to get married again?
00:30:27
Speaker 3: So I would? I don't have to. I want everything that comes with it, the legal side of it. If she does, great, if she doesn't, great. I want the partnership, the friendship, the love, the you know, I want everything that comes along with it. But it doesn't have to be legally bound.
00:30:46
Speaker 2: From all the things that you've listened podcast wise and read books on that, you've learned from your previous relationship, what would make you be like I would be a good husband because I'm you know, great at this, Like that you've learned that maybe you weren't the best with Ashley.
00:31:07
Speaker 3: I am. It's a good one. I was not the best listener. I was not the best. Not only was I not the best listener, but I would also judge based upon somebody else's perspective that wasn't my own, Like no, you're going wrong, Like how do you not see it my way? I have done a complete one ad on that, so I know when to listen. I know when to shut up. I know when to you know, I know when to when when my advice is desired. You know, I've dated a woman where she just wanted to vent and like it took me a while to understand, like she didn't want me to try and fix it, but I was able to communicate to get to the point to know what she really wanted for me. So I think my communication and listening has gotten night and day better.
00:32:05
Speaker 1: You know, that's good. That's good. That's such an important quality because a lot of them think that. A lot of men think they want me to fix it, and then you get frustrated and then you get angry, and you know, it just is this unhealthy cycle.
00:32:16
Speaker 3: And I used to be like that, I can fix it. I can fix it, and that's not necessarily what needs to happen.
00:32:21
Speaker 1: So so you've learned to be a better listener.
00:32:25
Speaker 2: I've learned to be a better I love that listener. Yeah, that's great, and that's an amazing quality in a man.
00:32:31
Speaker 1: So you do you think chivalry is dead? Are you a chivalrous guy?
00:32:37
Speaker 3: Totally open doors? And you know, like I am all about manners and it's how I was raised, you know, I think, And I think it's about how you pass it on to your kids too, so it but for me it's not. I mean, I'm all about that.
00:32:53
Speaker 2: So do you have a a a timeline of when you would introduce something like have you ever introduced someone to the kids, and then what would that timeline be, Yeah, I haven't.
00:33:05
Speaker 3: I haven't yet.
00:33:07
Speaker 4: You know.
00:33:07
Speaker 3: Initially I was like, no, you know, no one's meeting my kids unless this is going somewhere and this is serious. And so for a few years it was like, well, they haven't met anybody, And I think it's important. You know, I'm glad that Ashley's in a relationship where the kids see her, you know, social with a partner, and I think that's important for the kids. But I do think it's important for them to see that I am happy that you know that I can't that that I date. I'm more open to having them meet someone earlier now than I was years ago, because I think it's important for them to see that it doesn't necessarily have to be this is my girlfriend. It could meet a friend at the park and she just happens to be there and they go, oh, this is my friend, so and so. So I am more open to it these days than I have ever been. I was pretty guarded, and you know, I wanted to shield them from it, and so I feel differently today than I did back then makes.
00:34:06
Speaker 1: Sense, But can we get a specific again for a second. I want people to really understand what a guy is looking for, Like you like, what a guy like you was really looking for? What?
00:34:18
Speaker 2: Like?
00:34:18
Speaker 1: What what does she look like? What are you attracted to physically?
00:34:23
Speaker 3: I have dated the spectrum, so I honestly, at this stage of my life like the attraction comes with the personality. So you know, just because twenty years ago maybe I had a type.
00:34:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have a type anymore.
00:34:41
Speaker 3: I really don't. I really have dated the spectrum, ethnicities, heights, I mean, you name it, like, I've dated the spectrum. And I'm big on personality. I like when there's banther. I like when there's sarcasm. I like that we you know that she can make fun of me and I can make fun of her, and you just kind of keep going. And you know, I like when you can tell that somebody is engaged in a conversation and wants to know more about you and asking questions and so I try to skip precipitate and do the same. And so I'm looking for that flow.
00:35:15
Speaker 1: And yeah, emotional intelligence sounds important.
00:35:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, look, I yes, I have to be physically attracted to them, but that also can evolve too, you know, because in twenty years from now, like that's all gone for both of us, and it's like, you know, we're left with the other person. And I think the way you communicate and the way you.
00:35:36
Speaker 1: You make that sound so awful. I'm just gonna say what you said twenty years ago. Face in twenty years it's all gone and just.
00:35:46
Speaker 3: Five years old. And I don't look the way that I look right now, and I guess she doesn't look the way she looks right now, like you know.
00:35:54
Speaker 1: Sorry, No, I'm married to a younger man, so I get.
00:35:58
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, Look, so it was a terrible way of paying play. It looks fade, like you know, and the attraction just comes on many levels. So I'm I'm attracted to the personality type and that's that's what I'm looking for.
00:36:16
Speaker 1: That sounds very mature, you very evolved. I know when I got divorced. I don't know, Jane if this happened to you, but one of the times I got divorced, I started dating all different types of guys like short, tall, big, little, like it was people were so confused. It was like whiplash because each one was so different than the next one. But I had to do that because I didn't I didn't know. I didn't know. And I also was like, you know what, their body doesn't really matter to me. It's what's inside and what's what that connection is that stimulates me. So yeah, I hear you.
00:36:56
Speaker 3: I agree. I mean, look, I ultimately like, yes, you want them to take care of themselves and like make an effort and you know, be active, because that's what I want to do. And so your your interests also need to align and lifestyle, right, thank you, That's what I meant to say. So that's all important. But I am I am so tired of all the noise that is out there with regards to like, you know, red flags and like like they didn't respond to via text, and like I can't overanalyze anymore. I can't overthink. I can't I can't do any of that. I can't handle. Oh my god, there's too much out there, and so and it creates a sense of me not being me, and so I've I'm back to just really me being me, and I know what clicks and what works and feels good and and I'm just going to focus.
00:37:51
Speaker 2: On that love that. How is your health too, is it something where does that syndrome? Does it ever come back? Or is it.
00:37:59
Speaker 3: A one time Yes, so there is a chronic condition that you can get. I don't have that, So for me, it was a one time thing in like two hundred thousand people get it or something like that. So I've had no you know, ever since I learned how to walk in button buttons again, and I've been fine.
00:38:17
Speaker 1: That's like terrible.
00:38:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, I heard you mention something about alcohol too, as your relationship changed with that.
00:38:25
Speaker 3: I mean I was never a big drinker to begin with, but I had dated someone for four or five months where she was sober for five years, and so whenever we hung out and went out like, we never drank. And then I was like, holy, like I feel great, Like I don't need this to connect with anybody. I don't need this to have fun. And I wake up the next morning after a great night's sleep and I feel fantastic. I was like, wow, like what do I really want this for? So from that point I just really stopped.
00:38:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean agree, I'm the same way. I rarely drink now just because I don't want to feel like crap the next day, and it's it doesn't just it's not just one day. It lingers on for for weeks, you know. So I'm just like, what for what reason? And I've got a little so I'm just like, I don't want to be tired. No, But I feel like there is more conversations about alcohol. I don't know if it's just us in our forties, you know, and plus but or if it's but I feel like I've heard that it's that's dropping a little bit too.
00:39:23
Speaker 1: Definitely, definitely.
00:39:24
Speaker 2: Oh I'm forty. I'm gonna be forty two in December.
00:39:28
Speaker 1: Every birthday. Wait, okay, so if the opportunity came around, would you be open to finding love or even getting married in your case on TV, like if.
00:39:40
Speaker 2: They did like a forty like if they did like a golden because.
00:39:45
Speaker 1: We're gold gold sparkling, sparkling.
00:39:51
Speaker 2: You guys are shimmering, okay, a shimmering bachelor in paradise. Would you do it?
00:39:56
Speaker 3: So I never say no, right, I don't want to closed doors. But I'm in the stage of my life where I have kids to think about, I have a career, like I can't put any of that on told to go on a reality show, right, so I never say no, But I think odds are low slim. You know, I'm I'm about I'm all about opening doors and never know unless you do it. You know, you don't know. I don't know, but there are there are different factors at play today than there were when I went on the show, you know, fourteen years ago or whatever it's been. So never say never, never, I've got other priorities right now.
00:40:39
Speaker 1: This is so exciting because if someone is listening right now and they're and they're maybe interested, what, how could could they slide into your DMS? Do you do that?
00:40:49
Speaker 3: It's happened, you know it's happened. But if look this is the silliest cliche, but like I, you got to shoot your shot, right, even if you get shot down. So if there's no other way that we're ever going to meet other than doing that, I would say, yeah, do it now? You know, am I going to answer? Am I going to be open to it? Are you get?
00:41:12
Speaker 4: Like?
00:41:12
Speaker 3: I don't know? But uh, you know, I would say, you've got to create opportunity if none exists, so go for it.
00:41:19
Speaker 2: So there's that everyone JP Rosenbaum. I mean DM I'm on Instagram. Give him a slide in its forty eight years old, lives in Miami, Florida, real estate developer, father of two, So like, let's let's look our friend up here.
00:41:32
Speaker 3: I'm not flying on that, but thank you.
00:41:36
Speaker 1: We'll see what we can do it.
00:41:38
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:41:40
Speaker 1: I love matchmaking, so I'm going to really keep my mind open.
00:41:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're out in LA though, so right yeah, right, and you're in you're still in natural right.
00:41:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep.
00:41:52
Speaker 1: There's this is a thing called airplanes.
00:41:54
Speaker 3: So I've heard of that.
00:41:55
Speaker 2: There is, I've heard it.
00:41:57
Speaker 1: I think, what do you think about a long distance relationship? Would do that? Would you be open to it?
00:42:01
Speaker 3: I think there has to be an endgame, right, I think to just do that indefinitely, And like Johanna said earlier, like you live here, if no one's moving but no potential for us to live together, that's that's hard to do. I don't want to waste time on.
00:42:16
Speaker 2: That, right Yeah.
00:42:17
Speaker 1: So yeah, well we have to say goodbye. Oh but this has been fun and really interesting to get inside at the head of a single man in his boardies what he's looking for. So thank you.
00:42:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're doing the work and doing awesome and you know, like you're a great dad and though just you deserve a great love within all of that.
00:42:38
Speaker 3: Thank you, so thanks for having me on guys. I appreciate it. Thanks. Thanks.
00:42:42
Speaker 2: JP so sweet, he's really sweet. Do you have someone you think would make a great fit for JP? Are you interested in JP? We'll shoot your shot, Email us or call us. All the infos in the show notes and we're going to put some info about JP up on our socials. Follow us on socials, make sure to rate and a review the podcast I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
Speaker 1: Hello, it's I Do Part two. I'm Jenny Garth that I'm here with the beautiful, lovely Janna Kramer.
00:00:20
Speaker 2: My friend.
00:00:21
Speaker 1: He This is gonna be a fun chat because we have a newly I think not so newly, but a single man a coming on and we are going to just get to the bottom of what it's like to be a single guy.
00:00:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, because we always hear a lot from the single women m M exactly, so it'll be nice to hear from him and what, you know, how things have been going, from his divorce and everything that he's been going through. So it's a little a man's perspective, because.
00:00:51
Speaker 1: A man's perspective. We need it because I don't know. I certainly don't know what a man's looking for out there, and I'm sure a lot of women can relate if you're not out there, you know, dating and going through the apps and all that stuff. I'm so curious. Yeah, absolutely, let's bring him in. Okay, let's do it today. We're going to chat with someone who is in their own I Do Part two era. You got to know this guy back on Season seven of the Bachelorette when he proposed to and married Ashley but like most of us on this podcast, he got divorced a few years ago, and we're going to catch up with him and hear what's going on. Please welcome JP Rosenbaum Podcast. Hey, hey, okay, let's give our listeners a little background, if he would, in case they aren't huge Bachelor Nation fans and they live under a rock like me. You were a contestant on Ashley's season of The Bachelorette. Tell us a little bit about how long you guys were married and your sort of family as it turned out.
00:01:53
Speaker 3: Sure, so we met in twenty eleven on the show. We got married end of twenty twelve. We were married for about seven and a half years, happily had two kids who are now ten and a half and eight and a half.
00:02:09
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:02:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were living up in Jersey for a little bit, in New York for a little bit, moved down to Miami in the summer of twenty fourteen. And then I'm going to skip over a few years, but about about two weeks before COVID hit, we decided to get divorced.
00:02:27
Speaker 1: So, oh wow.
00:02:28
Speaker 3: February of twenty twenty. Is that about right? It's all a.
00:02:33
Speaker 1: Blurb, but yeah, what happened for COVID. Then if you guys, right before COVID you decided, did you guys separate and have two houses?
00:02:41
Speaker 3: That kind of thing. So that was the tricky thing, right, So the kids were coming back from school, how are we going to sell the house? There were all these things, all these unknown questions that we just kind of had to navigate. So no, I ended up moving into the guest room for six months on a place. We sold the house, I moved out, I found a place, and so, you know, it was it was an interesting year.
00:03:08
Speaker 2: But that was before because you guys, didn't you do a GMA about your I don't want to mispronounce the Giambret. Yeah, that was that was before so then because I'm like, you guys were still technically married at that point, right, because it was did you guys get back together or what was that?
00:03:29
Speaker 3: So that was right before. So I we were away for our anniversary in December that in nineteen when I had gotten sick, and so you know, it was obviously it was downward spiraling, but before that, but so I got sick and then two months later, three months later, we decided to get divorce. So it was it was a rough year, Like my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I had Giambaret, Like we decided to get divorced. It was a rough couple of years.
00:04:01
Speaker 2: So what do you think, because Johnny and I were just talking about this, what do you think was the hardest year of marriage for you? Obviously the end was hard, but like when you can kind of look back, was like, was it the first year? Was it the second year? Like what was what was the hardest that you're like, this is maybe you.
00:04:17
Speaker 3: Know, yeah, I think twenty nineteen, you know, the last year just because of everything that was going on in our lives. You know, we we were happy, but you know, kids came around and made things more difficult and we stopped talking, we stopped communicating, and that permeated every aspect of the marriage. And so, you know, the last year with with my mom, with my illness, then deciding to get divorced, it was and then and then COVID it was all. The last year to two was certainly the hardest, just because of the you know, the special circumstances of those two years.
00:04:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting too because you say the seven and a half, it's like that seven year itch that like that statistic. I don't even know what the statistic is around it. I was just going to google it. But so many people it's like, all right, that's where it's the breaking point of their communication or the breaking point of what things are. It's like that, it's interesting.
00:05:16
Speaker 3: Wow, we've heard about that recently really.
00:05:22
Speaker 1: Like, of course, why did you guys stop talking? Like, what do you think from your perspective, was the initial like the communication breakdown? Why does that happen?
00:05:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is very I have so much perspective now. You know, in the moment, you don't know why. You know, you just know that things are not working. You know that you start resenting each other and you start just just everything just starts breaking down. So, now that I've had time to reflect and heal, and you know, I've done my own self healing and certainly spoken to therapist and read a lot and way too many podcasts and gone down the Instagram rabbit holes, I think that, you know, the the baseline of it all is that we are very different people. We have very different perspectives on life and so many aspects of life. We have different love languages, we have different just we are just very different and that doesn't really mesh. And when you start butting heads on those things that don't mesh, it becomes very frustrating and you don't know how to get past it, even if you're supposed to get past it, like you don't know how to process it. You don't know how to accept the other person's perspective, you don't how to understand the other person's perspective, and you just start butting heads and it becomes like, oh, here we go again, and we're not going to get anywhere, and you know and yeah, and it just goes around and round and round. And unless you are both the types of people that understand what's going on, understand the problems, are motivated to fix the problems, I think it can just spiral out of control. Then it becomes like I don't really care what you have to say because I know what you're going to say anyway, and I don't want to understand it because you don't understand me, and it just spirals into every aspect of the marriage.
00:07:25
Speaker 2: What I find so interesting about that, though, is even when you go into the next relationship, you have to still I mean, yeah, you know more things, you know more tools, and you know, you hopefully do the work individually, but then when you go into a new relationship too. I mean, just like we were talking about with you know, our husbands, it's like, you know, you still there's still things that come up. So it's like, what work are you going to put into to help with the communication, right because our styles are so different or we're both so stubborn and to go all right? Because the love is still there. So I wonder when you look back and go, now that I know all this, you know, do you think you guys have because to my knowledge, I don't remember there ever being some big scandal like that, namely cheated or there was like something really bad. So it's like, is the love still there? Would that have been maybe fixed?
00:08:10
Speaker 3: That's such a hard question to answer because at the core of it, like I said, we're just different and I don't know, you know, if if the me of today were the me of ten years ago, would it be different? Would she see things differently? Would I react differently? Like that is an endless thought cycle that I stopped thinking about years ago because there I hate not having an answer something that can't be answered, right, can't answer that, Like I definitely would have been more prepared to deal with it, and I certainly would have done more on my end, knowing what I know now, But would it have changed any result? I have no idea. You know, that's a tough one to answer.
00:09:00
Speaker 1: How are you guys doing now? Your co parenting, which is a whole another type of relationship. I think Jane and I both know a lot about that, and it's not easy. It's not easy. How are you guys doing today? And how are you handling co parenting? And what would you tell somebody out there who's listening, who's in your position and trying to co parent with somebody that is very different than they are.
00:09:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're actually in a really great place right now, really great, And I will admit it took me a long time to get there.
00:09:34
Speaker 1: Like how long?
00:09:35
Speaker 2: What was taking you so long to get there?
00:09:37
Speaker 1: We have questions about what was it? How long?
00:09:40
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I was in a definitive like funk where it's like I'm mad, I resent.
00:09:50
Speaker 2: Her, like a defensive stance, all of.
00:09:53
Speaker 3: It, all of yeah, and even things where I didn't need to say no to her on I would do it by like I was in a really bad place. She started dating something someone that got you know, that made things even worse, And so I had my own going on, and so it was very difficult for me to get to that next place where I don't want to speak for her, but she was seemingly there much quicker than I was, And so I would say it took me a good at least two years. I mean at least, you know, even when it came to dating. But that's a whole, other, whole other discussion. So it took me a few years to get there. And you know, now we are at a place where I harbor no anxiety for it, no resentment. I'm not mad, I am I'm in a I'm in I'm in a really great place. When it comes to her and.
00:10:48
Speaker 1: She and I, do you think, what do you think it was though that made you be able to switch to this.
00:10:53
Speaker 2: You turn the anger off? I guess yeah, I don't know.
00:10:57
Speaker 3: I mean, look, I have, like, I've done a lot of healing, right, I've spoken to therapists, I have read, I have listened to podcasts, I have reflected I have you know, I've changed my perception of it all and what everything that I'm holding onto, what is it is? Any of it really hurt or is it all just me? And unless I learned to let go of all that, I'm never going to feel any better. And so it wasn't as if I woke up one morning and I was like, oh, I'm all better. You know. It was definitely the biggest cliche of them all time, like but time. You know, Yeah, I wish I could go back and tell me of three years ago, like, look, look where you are in three years from now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, Like you don't need to feel all this and just know that it will get better.
00:11:45
Speaker 1: So, yeah, I just have to go through it. You have to, you have to wage your way through it. But I think everybody's different.
00:11:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's hard when there is someone else too, like another man around your kids, and you know, I'm it's hard for the woman too, and there's another woman around the kids, and so I think that adds a whole other element. But then when you start to separate and go okay as long as they're loved, but if there's issues within that, then it just adds more complication.
00:12:11
Speaker 3: Yeah. I remember when they first started dating, I was like, I don't want him to come to any baseball games. I don't like no, no, no, no, no, ye, I will make a scene like I was. It was ridiculous, you know. Now, like they've been together for for a while and he's you know, the kids love him and his family's nice to the kids, and like it's a it's a good dynamic. So but but two three years ago, man, like no, I was you Yeah, but.
00:12:36
Speaker 2: I think that's a great place to be to be because it's like I have, you know, I know also that feeling of just being so angry. But then and another friend too that's dealing with it as well. That's like what is that actually doing for us? Like that's not good for us. And there's no anything that I say to my act isn't going to change. He's not going to ever. He didn't understand me when we were married. It's not he's gonna understand me now post divorce, you know. So it's it's like, what why am I wasting my energy on something where it's like what is the point?
00:13:04
Speaker 4: Right?
00:13:04
Speaker 3: No, I totally agree, Like I've explained it to some people who are like that, you know, the triggers are still there. She's still her I just give less of a now, and you know, and that's not going to change. So I just have to change. I just have to think about it differently and process it differently, and I can only control how I react, you know.
00:13:22
Speaker 2: So I like to do a lot of unsent messages and emails, Like I just wrote one the other day where it was just an email. I end up not sending it, but I needed to just say it out loud because I know that what if I pressed and he wouldn't care what I said, right, it doesn't it doesn't matter, but it mattered to me to get it out. Wait can you wait?
00:13:38
Speaker 1: Can you unsend emails?
00:13:40
Speaker 2: I'm so curious what I'm saying, like, so I don't actually press that. I just kind of write like a note, you know. I wish I could actually it's like a five appreciate Yeah, but that's these are we're talking years ago. I'd like to get rid of that evidence of anger.
00:13:55
Speaker 3: No, I think you're screwed.
00:13:57
Speaker 1: Thanks thanks a lot. Speaking of screw do are you dating anyone?
00:14:04
Speaker 3: Thank you? No? No, I I.
00:14:08
Speaker 2: You know there was a pause because it's a no no.
00:14:11
Speaker 3: It's like I'm the team, but it's not there's no one serious. You know, I'm going through the motions of dating.
00:14:20
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, so this is exciting. You're dating? Are you on any apps?
00:14:25
Speaker 2: Because I have to be Yeah, but which apps are you on? I'm curious?
00:14:30
Speaker 1: Why are you getting red?
00:14:31
Speaker 3: Because it sucks, like I feel, I.
00:14:34
Speaker 2: Just every guy says this, by the way, it does. Yeah, really do you prefer hinge to bumble or bumble the hinge?
00:14:39
Speaker 3: I'm indifferent. I don't care. I think they are equally triggering. They trap you, Like it's like nobody's serious. You know, there's fake profiles, like everyone really endless options, so like no one really pays attention. So you kind of got to sift through the haystack to find the needle. And you know, every once in a while you meet someone that that that you know makes sense and then you can date. It is it's exhausting and it sucks. And not being from South Florida, from Miami, I don't exactly have a huge network and the age of at I don't exactly have a new huge network of friends and single friends. I want to set me up with friends and it's not like I'm going out to bars. I'm not you know, meeting people organically. I would love to do that.
00:15:27
Speaker 2: Well, it's also you're kind of limited to It's not like you can move, right, So it's like I always when I started dating Alan, it's like I he lived in England, Like I can't move. I have to stay in Nashville. So that was kind of where when I was, you know, dating, it's like it if it doesn't make sense, like why continue on? You know, because it's like if this person is landlocked there and I'm landlocked here, what is actually the point?
00:15:47
Speaker 3: Right? Totally?
00:15:48
Speaker 2: You know, So it's like when you're on there, it's like how you know, it's like you obviously wouldn't move from your kids there at a beautiful fun age, like you wouldn't move.
00:15:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, not until college.
00:15:59
Speaker 1: Right, that's a while. That's a while.
00:16:01
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:16:01
Speaker 2: How old are the kids?
00:16:02
Speaker 3: Ten and a half and eight and a half?
00:16:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're stuck there for a while. So you don't have a lot of friends that are setting you up, so talk to us. I don't know, Jane, have you ever been on a dating app?
00:16:13
Speaker 2: I was on Riyah. You're on Riah Okay, yeah, but that app was ridiculous, ridiculous.
00:16:18
Speaker 1: It was just a funny Riya story. My ex husband, Peter uh Was, I was told was on Ria and his age whatever range that he was looking for was also the age range of his oldest daughter. So she they came, she came across him on her thing. Stop. Yeah, no, okay, So what's your what's your age limit? I don't know how it.
00:16:52
Speaker 3: Works, so I'm pretty be honest.
00:16:57
Speaker 1: After that story, you can ask me anything.
00:17:00
Speaker 3: I'm an open book. I'm thirty two to my age I'm forty eight, so I'm all over the place, but only because it's a needle in a haystack. And you know, technically, if you make the haystack bigger than needles.
00:17:17
Speaker 1: Do you believe the age is just a number? Do you date older women? These are two questions.
00:17:24
Speaker 3: Let's attack the first one. So it depends where you are in life, right. I think that you can certainly fall in love with with with a woman that's you know, significantly younger. But you know, if she hasn't been through a lot from a relationship standpoint, if she wants a family, if she doesn't have her career is not getting going yet, like there's there. It depends where you are, Like the timing has to be right, and then age is but a number if that makes sense.
00:17:54
Speaker 2: Would you like the person to be a mom or does that not?
00:17:58
Speaker 3: I think it helps, but it's not a prerequisite. Like I think it helps.
00:18:03
Speaker 1: What have you met somebody that had like five kids?
00:18:07
Speaker 3: Do I have to support them? Because if I have to support them, then it's probably a hard no. But it depends on the dynamic too. Right is she a full time mom? Does she has the all five kids the entire time? Is it fifty to fifty? So there are so many factors, Like I don't want to rule people out, but that's I mean a single moms are the hardest working people I know. And so if the father's not in the picture and she doesn't have help, like that's hard to navigate, right, you know, Like how is she ever going to have enough time for us when she has that? So there are so many factors And I don't like to pigeonhole and I don't have checklists and I don't have any of that. It's kind of you have to play it by year and see see who this person really is and what they can offer and what.
00:18:54
Speaker 1: We talked about younger, But you didn't talk about older yet JP, I'm waiting.
00:18:58
Speaker 2: I mean, I think he said to his age, right, how do you that's my age forty eight?
00:19:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, but would you date older?
00:19:05
Speaker 3: I don't know. Again, I think it's it's not a no. Look, I don't I don't rule anything out because people are people. I like if I'm exposed to an older woman and we click, like sure, but there's not much much exposure to it given I guess how I'm meeting people, and you know, I'm not in a position where I'm meeting, you know, a fifty five sixty year old woman. It just doesn't happen. So am I opposed to it? I don't like to say no, but you know, you never know.
00:19:36
Speaker 1: I guess I feel a little excited because I feel like we've got a lot of listeners out there who are looking for love.
00:19:43
Speaker 2: Maybe there's also a lot of people too in the you know, Miami Ish area.
00:19:48
Speaker 3: It's a disaster, really disaster.
00:19:51
Speaker 2: What makes it exact because I'm like, man, there's so many people that go there that you could that well, let's.
00:19:57
Speaker 3: Just put it this way. It's the only fans capital of the world. There's a lot of that around. Like I'm not a Miami beach guy either. I'm in the suburbs. I'm on the mainland, so I don't know. I feel like there is a lot more. And I'm sure every major city has this, but i just feel like there's a lot more superficial bullsh to navigate in Miami. So it's not as easy as one might think.
00:20:25
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's get to the nitty gritty. We need this info straight from a man. What gets you to swipe right on someone's page?
00:20:35
Speaker 3: How am I supposed to make a decision based upon five photos and a pr set up bio that like is or is not how the person really is in real life. For me, it's as long as obviously I'd like to be attracted to or so some level of attraction and something witty I'm swiping because again, and I'm sure you've heard this before, it's kind of all about the numbers, Right, You're gonna swipe thirty times, and how many times are you really going to match? And so if there's something there that's intriguing and and that just you know, I don't have like a formula. If I'm attracted and they say something kind of funny and you know, it gives.
00:21:21
Speaker 2: You what gives you the ick? On dating apps.
00:21:25
Speaker 3: Do so so on dating apps.
00:21:29
Speaker 2: Like that they that they would do in their profile, Like for me, I if a guy had a mirror selfie and like you're out, like no mirror selfies we or selfies you do you.
00:21:37
Speaker 3: Look back ass shot in a bikini? Like no, stop like stop.
00:21:41
Speaker 1: Wait you don't want any ass photos?
00:21:44
Speaker 3: Well not like if not if that's how you're attracting men, like of course you're gonna get a million swipes, right, Like I'm not like that is it nice eventually? Sure, but like that's not that's that's not gonna cause me. It doesn't give me the ick, but it's like you're gone. You're gone, You're gone because they're looking for.
00:22:01
Speaker 2: Also adat to you know what I mean?
00:22:03
Speaker 4: Like that right all that, Yeah, you know there are people that and again I don't know if these are fake bios or not, but they'll be like, you know, not vaccinated, Like.
00:22:15
Speaker 3: Why are like is that important today? Like why is that so important that you're limited space in your bio?
00:22:21
Speaker 2: You're gonna put not vaccinated a lot like a warning.
00:22:27
Speaker 3: It does like you're you're you're ruling out a whole lot of people on one thing, and is it really that important to you today? I don't know. There are little trigger things. I'm not a political guy, but you know, no trumpers like okay, like is that that important to you? Or you're not going to meet someone so they are. I guess I just want to meet cool people that I click with and we get along and you know that at the end of the day we make each other laugh. I can see being their best friend and you know we're in it for the long All that stuff matters. But does it do?
00:23:04
Speaker 1: You said?
00:23:05
Speaker 3: No?
00:23:05
Speaker 1: Ask pictures? What kind of pictures make you swipe? I got I really need to give our listen. Yes, let's see it. Let's see who's in your feed? Am I using the right terminology because I've never been on an app. I'm trying to see it, that's right, because is it a feed?
00:23:20
Speaker 3: I'm trying to see if there's an obvious of course, I'm not going to come up with any I'm trying to see if there's an obvious one where it was like, this is what I'm talking about. This is what you get A lot of.
00:23:31
Speaker 1: You're likes you? Yeah, who's liking you? Do you liking.
00:23:35
Speaker 2: I'm curious with being on the apps too, because I when I thought about doing Hinge for a second because it seems, you know, kind of cool or whatever. But uh and I really was did not like Riya. But is it hard for you when the people recognize you? Do you have anything about Bachelor on yours?
00:23:56
Speaker 1: Yeah?
00:23:56
Speaker 2: Okay, I would hope that, I mean, but like yeah, but like do you do you like it when people don't know who you are?
00:24:04
Speaker 3: Yeah? Like the anonymity, yeah yeah, and the kind of like yeah, because they've already got something in their brain as far as like who I am. And yes, but it's been so long now, I mean we're talking fourteen years ago, so people either forgot like oh you look so familiar, but it doesn't get there.
00:24:22
Speaker 2: Certainly thirty year olds probably wouldn't know. The forty year olds know.
00:24:26
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, true, true. So it happens.
00:24:29
Speaker 1: Have you let anybody like flip out and be like, oh my god, I met you that then they finally meet you and like you're on the Bachelor.
00:24:36
Speaker 3: No, I haven't had that happen. I mean I've had a couple where they didn't know and then after like the second or third date, they're like, oh, what's your Instagram? Was like mmmm, okay, and then they're like wait a second, and then it clicks and it's kind of it's a funny conversation, but it's never it's never in the way, and it's never in your face, and it's never you know, anyone crazy about it. It's kind of like, Oh, that's a fun story, and you move on.
00:25:03
Speaker 1: Show us your app.
00:25:04
Speaker 2: Jenny's living vicariously through you.
00:25:05
Speaker 1: I want to see. I want to know what what it is you're swiping on.
00:25:09
Speaker 3: Oh, you want to see my matches.
00:25:11
Speaker 1: Everybody's listening. They want to know, like, how could I match with something like JP.
00:25:16
Speaker 2: If you live in the Florida Miami area.
00:25:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, let me see.
00:25:21
Speaker 1: I feel like if I ask you a question, it's going to distract you. So I'm trying to just give you know.
00:25:26
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm holding my question.
00:25:28
Speaker 3: I haven't spoken to her, but this is someone where the pictures were not Miami, right, there was like normal pictures in the wild, like kind of like this is terrible word to use, but normal, right. So I don't like sunglass pictures because I think that's kind of a cop out.
00:25:45
Speaker 1: But don't wear sunglasses. You guys, okay, don't wear sunglasses.
00:25:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like she's adventurous. Oh that's yeah, she's beautiful, normal.
00:25:53
Speaker 1: Pretty like bikini in your face.
00:25:57
Speaker 3: He with a bikini shot.
00:25:59
Speaker 1: Like there and she's out of nature.
00:26:01
Speaker 3: But Miami, I mean you will see. I mean it is. It is.
00:26:06
Speaker 1: It's like the bathing suit capital of the world.
00:26:08
Speaker 3: It's absurd.
00:26:09
Speaker 1: I've just titled it. Yeah, yeah, sounds out buns out. I get it.
00:26:14
Speaker 3: So I have to take breaks from the apps too, just because.
00:26:19
Speaker 2: It affects your mental health. I really does, Yes, I one thousand percent. I talked to a girlfriend who's on the apps and she's and I remember what it does. It affects you, know, your your mood and has to pass out. Does it make you feel like, oh I'm not good enough or no, It's just it's kind of an endless pit of just yeah out, like I can't even know. I mean, it's just that that aren't your person, and so it kind of gets defeating and yeah.
00:26:48
Speaker 3: You feel yeah, agreed. I mean you know, I'll swipe and swipe and then like twenty minutes ago by I'm like, what am I doing? Like I just like I got to get my brain a break, and you know it's I don't know how successful they really are and define success from it, but like it's you know, they're just seemingly an endless supply and nobody cares, and like it certainly is a self esteem killer.
00:27:15
Speaker 1: You know, what's your like first date? When you do find a match and you set up that first encounter, what is it? Is it a coffee date? Are you going out to get a drink?
00:27:28
Speaker 3: It depends, Like I've had so I don't want to waste anyone's time, their time, my time, you know. I think that if you're if there's witty banter and you're talking, you're texting, and you meet up for the first time. I don't really drink these days, so going for a drink is not ideal. But coffee or a walk on the beach or grab a smoothie, or it's something where it's enough time to get to know them. But you know, you're not stuck three three hours on a dinner date with someone that you don't really know if you want to be around, I think you can tell a lot. You know, you can certainly gauge in that first hour, no matter what you're doing whether you want to spend more time with this person. I'm not saying they have to be the one, but like, oh that was cool, she's fun. I'd see her again, you know. So it varies, but simple coffee smoothie walks just.
00:28:19
Speaker 1: To like test the water, yeah, and find out if there's an attraction there at all, like in person. Because have you ever gone and met somebody and they look entirely different than their pictures?
00:28:28
Speaker 3: That's never happened.
00:28:29
Speaker 1: Okay, good.
00:28:30
Speaker 3: I have never been catfished. I have had a couple where I was like, oh, you know, let's let's go grab a coffee. Like I don't do coffee, but you can take me for dinner. I'm like you like you.
00:28:43
Speaker 1: Like no, So if they want you to buy them dinner, they're out.
00:28:48
Speaker 3: It wasn't like why don't we go for dinner? It was like buy me dinner? And I was like, look, I I would like, I'm not going to let you pay, but how do you where do you how do you have the balls to say that to somebody? We're like I'm not going to meet you coffee, but you can buy me dinner.
00:29:06
Speaker 1: Like now, well, maybe she doesn't like coffee. First of all, and maybe she knows her worth and she's like, I'm worth more than.
00:29:14
Speaker 2: I would also say if she ended it with a winky, I would say that like my personalities like I don't I actually don't drink coffee, but I'll take dinner if you winky like that.
00:29:22
Speaker 3: So that's it's different. And personality is very hard to gauge in a text unless you're over emoji, right, So this was not There was no winki, no smiley face, none of that. It was like I received it as that serious, like I don't do coffee, but you can buy me dinner. That's how I share.
00:29:38
Speaker 2: So it's interesting all for self worth, Yeah, but like.
00:29:45
Speaker 3: This is these are two people here, like we're we're in this together, and I'm not saying you're worth any less because I don't want to commit to three hours with somebody I don't know that, we don't even know if we're gonna like each other, Like why would you want to do that? So once we know that there's something there, like I will make it known how what you're worth, like like I will recognize your worth. But I don't agree with the self worth analysis off of the first date. Like the first encounter.
00:30:24
Speaker 2: Do you want to get married again?
00:30:27
Speaker 3: So I would? I don't have to. I want everything that comes with it, the legal side of it. If she does, great, if she doesn't, great. I want the partnership, the friendship, the love, the you know, I want everything that comes along with it. But it doesn't have to be legally bound.
00:30:46
Speaker 2: From all the things that you've listened podcast wise and read books on that, you've learned from your previous relationship, what would make you be like I would be a good husband because I'm you know, great at this, Like that you've learned that maybe you weren't the best with Ashley.
00:31:07
Speaker 3: I am. It's a good one. I was not the best listener. I was not the best. Not only was I not the best listener, but I would also judge based upon somebody else's perspective that wasn't my own, Like no, you're going wrong, Like how do you not see it my way? I have done a complete one ad on that, so I know when to listen. I know when to shut up. I know when to you know, I know when to when when my advice is desired. You know, I've dated a woman where she just wanted to vent and like it took me a while to understand, like she didn't want me to try and fix it, but I was able to communicate to get to the point to know what she really wanted for me. So I think my communication and listening has gotten night and day better.
00:32:05
Speaker 1: You know, that's good. That's good. That's such an important quality because a lot of them think that. A lot of men think they want me to fix it, and then you get frustrated and then you get angry, and you know, it just is this unhealthy cycle.
00:32:16
Speaker 3: And I used to be like that, I can fix it. I can fix it, and that's not necessarily what needs to happen.
00:32:21
Speaker 1: So so you've learned to be a better listener.
00:32:25
Speaker 2: I've learned to be a better I love that listener. Yeah, that's great, and that's an amazing quality in a man.
00:32:31
Speaker 1: So you do you think chivalry is dead? Are you a chivalrous guy?
00:32:37
Speaker 3: Totally open doors? And you know, like I am all about manners and it's how I was raised, you know, I think, And I think it's about how you pass it on to your kids too, so it but for me it's not. I mean, I'm all about that.
00:32:53
Speaker 2: So do you have a a a timeline of when you would introduce something like have you ever introduced someone to the kids, and then what would that timeline be, Yeah, I haven't.
00:33:05
Speaker 3: I haven't yet.
00:33:07
Speaker 4: You know.
00:33:07
Speaker 3: Initially I was like, no, you know, no one's meeting my kids unless this is going somewhere and this is serious. And so for a few years it was like, well, they haven't met anybody, And I think it's important. You know, I'm glad that Ashley's in a relationship where the kids see her, you know, social with a partner, and I think that's important for the kids. But I do think it's important for them to see that I am happy that you know that I can't that that I date. I'm more open to having them meet someone earlier now than I was years ago, because I think it's important for them to see that it doesn't necessarily have to be this is my girlfriend. It could meet a friend at the park and she just happens to be there and they go, oh, this is my friend, so and so. So I am more open to it these days than I have ever been. I was pretty guarded, and you know, I wanted to shield them from it, and so I feel differently today than I did back then makes.
00:34:06
Speaker 1: Sense, But can we get a specific again for a second. I want people to really understand what a guy is looking for, Like you like, what a guy like you was really looking for? What?
00:34:18
Speaker 2: Like?
00:34:18
Speaker 1: What what does she look like? What are you attracted to physically?
00:34:23
Speaker 3: I have dated the spectrum, so I honestly, at this stage of my life like the attraction comes with the personality. So you know, just because twenty years ago maybe I had a type.
00:34:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have a type anymore.
00:34:41
Speaker 3: I really don't. I really have dated the spectrum, ethnicities, heights, I mean, you name it, like, I've dated the spectrum. And I'm big on personality. I like when there's banther. I like when there's sarcasm. I like that we you know that she can make fun of me and I can make fun of her, and you just kind of keep going. And you know, I like when you can tell that somebody is engaged in a conversation and wants to know more about you and asking questions and so I try to skip precipitate and do the same. And so I'm looking for that flow.
00:35:15
Speaker 1: And yeah, emotional intelligence sounds important.
00:35:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, look, I yes, I have to be physically attracted to them, but that also can evolve too, you know, because in twenty years from now, like that's all gone for both of us, and it's like, you know, we're left with the other person. And I think the way you communicate and the way you.
00:35:36
Speaker 1: You make that sound so awful. I'm just gonna say what you said twenty years ago. Face in twenty years it's all gone and just.
00:35:46
Speaker 3: Five years old. And I don't look the way that I look right now, and I guess she doesn't look the way she looks right now, like you know.
00:35:54
Speaker 1: Sorry, No, I'm married to a younger man, so I get.
00:35:58
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, Look, so it was a terrible way of paying play. It looks fade, like you know, and the attraction just comes on many levels. So I'm I'm attracted to the personality type and that's that's what I'm looking for.
00:36:16
Speaker 1: That sounds very mature, you very evolved. I know when I got divorced. I don't know, Jane if this happened to you, but one of the times I got divorced, I started dating all different types of guys like short, tall, big, little, like it was people were so confused. It was like whiplash because each one was so different than the next one. But I had to do that because I didn't I didn't know. I didn't know. And I also was like, you know what, their body doesn't really matter to me. It's what's inside and what's what that connection is that stimulates me. So yeah, I hear you.
00:36:56
Speaker 3: I agree. I mean, look, I ultimately like, yes, you want them to take care of themselves and like make an effort and you know, be active, because that's what I want to do. And so your your interests also need to align and lifestyle, right, thank you, That's what I meant to say. So that's all important. But I am I am so tired of all the noise that is out there with regards to like, you know, red flags and like like they didn't respond to via text, and like I can't overanalyze anymore. I can't overthink. I can't I can't do any of that. I can't handle. Oh my god, there's too much out there, and so and it creates a sense of me not being me, and so I've I'm back to just really me being me, and I know what clicks and what works and feels good and and I'm just going to focus.
00:37:51
Speaker 2: On that love that. How is your health too, is it something where does that syndrome? Does it ever come back? Or is it.
00:37:59
Speaker 3: A one time Yes, so there is a chronic condition that you can get. I don't have that, So for me, it was a one time thing in like two hundred thousand people get it or something like that. So I've had no you know, ever since I learned how to walk in button buttons again, and I've been fine.
00:38:17
Speaker 1: That's like terrible.
00:38:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, I heard you mention something about alcohol too, as your relationship changed with that.
00:38:25
Speaker 3: I mean I was never a big drinker to begin with, but I had dated someone for four or five months where she was sober for five years, and so whenever we hung out and went out like, we never drank. And then I was like, holy, like I feel great, Like I don't need this to connect with anybody. I don't need this to have fun. And I wake up the next morning after a great night's sleep and I feel fantastic. I was like, wow, like what do I really want this for? So from that point I just really stopped.
00:38:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean agree, I'm the same way. I rarely drink now just because I don't want to feel like crap the next day, and it's it doesn't just it's not just one day. It lingers on for for weeks, you know. So I'm just like, what for what reason? And I've got a little so I'm just like, I don't want to be tired. No, But I feel like there is more conversations about alcohol. I don't know if it's just us in our forties, you know, and plus but or if it's but I feel like I've heard that it's that's dropping a little bit too.
00:39:23
Speaker 1: Definitely, definitely.
00:39:24
Speaker 2: Oh I'm forty. I'm gonna be forty two in December.
00:39:28
Speaker 1: Every birthday. Wait, okay, so if the opportunity came around, would you be open to finding love or even getting married in your case on TV, like if.
00:39:40
Speaker 2: They did like a forty like if they did like a golden because.
00:39:45
Speaker 1: We're gold gold sparkling, sparkling.
00:39:51
Speaker 2: You guys are shimmering, okay, a shimmering bachelor in paradise. Would you do it?
00:39:56
Speaker 3: So I never say no, right, I don't want to closed doors. But I'm in the stage of my life where I have kids to think about, I have a career, like I can't put any of that on told to go on a reality show, right, so I never say no, But I think odds are low slim. You know, I'm I'm about I'm all about opening doors and never know unless you do it. You know, you don't know. I don't know, but there are there are different factors at play today than there were when I went on the show, you know, fourteen years ago or whatever it's been. So never say never, never, I've got other priorities right now.
00:40:39
Speaker 1: This is so exciting because if someone is listening right now and they're and they're maybe interested, what, how could could they slide into your DMS? Do you do that?
00:40:49
Speaker 3: It's happened, you know it's happened. But if look this is the silliest cliche, but like I, you got to shoot your shot, right, even if you get shot down. So if there's no other way that we're ever going to meet other than doing that, I would say, yeah, do it now? You know, am I going to answer? Am I going to be open to it? Are you get?
00:41:12
Speaker 4: Like?
00:41:12
Speaker 3: I don't know? But uh, you know, I would say, you've got to create opportunity if none exists, so go for it.
00:41:19
Speaker 2: So there's that everyone JP Rosenbaum. I mean DM I'm on Instagram. Give him a slide in its forty eight years old, lives in Miami, Florida, real estate developer, father of two, So like, let's let's look our friend up here.
00:41:32
Speaker 3: I'm not flying on that, but thank you.
00:41:36
Speaker 1: We'll see what we can do it.
00:41:38
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:41:40
Speaker 1: I love matchmaking, so I'm going to really keep my mind open.
00:41:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're out in LA though, so right yeah, right, and you're in you're still in natural right.
00:41:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep.
00:41:52
Speaker 1: There's this is a thing called airplanes.
00:41:54
Speaker 3: So I've heard of that.
00:41:55
Speaker 2: There is, I've heard it.
00:41:57
Speaker 1: I think, what do you think about a long distance relationship? Would do that? Would you be open to it?
00:42:01
Speaker 3: I think there has to be an endgame, right, I think to just do that indefinitely, And like Johanna said earlier, like you live here, if no one's moving but no potential for us to live together, that's that's hard to do. I don't want to waste time on.
00:42:16
Speaker 2: That, right Yeah.
00:42:17
Speaker 1: So yeah, well we have to say goodbye. Oh but this has been fun and really interesting to get inside at the head of a single man in his boardies what he's looking for. So thank you.
00:42:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're doing the work and doing awesome and you know, like you're a great dad and though just you deserve a great love within all of that.
00:42:38
Speaker 3: Thank you, so thanks for having me on guys. I appreciate it. Thanks. Thanks.
00:42:42
Speaker 2: JP so sweet, he's really sweet. Do you have someone you think would make a great fit for JP? Are you interested in JP? We'll shoot your shot, Email us or call us. All the infos in the show notes and we're going to put some info about JP up on our socials. Follow us on socials, make sure to rate and a review the podcast I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
