WEBVTT
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It was such a treat to get to see you on Saturday.
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And now, like two days later, I get to see you again.
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I know.
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How was your Sunday?
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What did you guys get up to?
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Let's see.
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I went to church with the family for the first hour, and then I went to work from 12 to like 7.15.
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I got home at 7.15.
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Damn, that's a very long Sunday.
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It was a long day.
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And it was a really stressful, like high energy and high stress clients.
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So was it the same client all day long or was it multiple clients?
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Two different ones.
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Okay.
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So yeah, then I went home and got in the hot tub with a family and de-stressed, and it was perfect.
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Oh, nice.
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Okay.
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I bet that was like such a nice reset for your nervous system.
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Yeah, it was.
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It was perfect.
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Okay, good.
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Well, hopefully we'll carry on some good vibes.
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And hopefully, as we move into this episode, we'll continue to reset that nervous system.
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Exactly.
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Hopefully, we'll leave you better off than when you walked in.
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Always.
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Welcome to messy as hell with Krista and Kim.
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No filters, no fixes, just real life.
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All right.
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Welcome to Messy as Hell.
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I'm Krista.
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I'm Kimberly.
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And we're so happy you're here with us today.
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Today, we are going to talk about body image.
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I know it's every woman's probably least favorite topic.
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It's just one of those things that's on your mind from the time, some women from the time you're a child, others from the time you're a young adolescent.
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And we felt it was highly relatable and something that really provides an opportunity for us to be vulnerable with each other.
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Absolutely.
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So that's the topic for today.
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But as always, before we get started with that, we're going to start with our messy moments.
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I'm going to have you go first, Kim.
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Okay.
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This one I just had within like the past few hours.
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This is hot off the press, then.
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Hot off the press.
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So we have not had a lot of fall weather.
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So this morning when I woke up, it was really cold.
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I'm like, oh, it's awesome.
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I'm going to wear a sweater, put some boots on, like finally bust out the fall clothes.
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Well, I love it too.
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Your outfit is so chic.
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I'm a huge fan.
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Thank you.
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So it was a really busy morning, ran out the door with the kids, you know, worked all the things, but then it got a lot warmer today.
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And I went and I toured this spectacular$10 million home that's coming on the market.
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Lovely.
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It's I mean, I'm the first.
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He's like, You're the first one in.
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I'm like, I love you.
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Thank you.
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Anyways, it's a VIP treatment.
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Yes.
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It was magnificent.
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So I was touring it for some clients.
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And then when he said, like, you know, as I'm leaving, he's like, You're the first one in.
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I'm like, I love you.
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You're the best.
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Thank you.
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You know, as a friend, I went and I gave him a hug.
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And when I raised my arm, I could smell myself.
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Oh, I forgot to put on deodorant.
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And it was one of those moments where it's like, fuck.
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It smells so bad.
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And I'm giving it a hug.
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And he's like, he's not very he's like my height.
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Yes.
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So he can super smell.
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I'm like, I didn't say anything, but I just, as I'm walking away, I'm like, damn it, I forgot to put on deodorant.
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No, it's all right.
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Maybe it was like those natural pheromones and it was like a nice one.
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It wasn't that.
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No, I have I have bad BO.
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Like it's stinky.
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And so like as I'm driving, then I'm like, no, I'm okay.
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Really quick, before we go into my messy moment, then I am curious.
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Do you feel like you can tell a difference between your BO when you are stressed versus when you are working out?
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Because I have colleagues that swear by the fact that stress BO smells way better than like working out and just activity.
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You know what?
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Probably because when I work out, I don't really notice it.
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Yes.
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Because like I went to Pilates the other day and I I did not have it on because it was like a last minute thing.
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And I was fine.
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Yeah, I was fine.
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So that's interesting.
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Cause this today I am like absolutely.
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I think I need to think about this movie horde because I've actually thought that too.
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Because by and large, I don't usually notice myself.
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And I obviously I do always wear a deodorant, but sometimes I'll be going to like a city council meeting and I've got my deodorant on and I'm like, I can smell myself.
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This is horrifying.
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And I'm like, oh, but maybe that's because those are moments where I'm more stressed or anxious, just because I'm always worried that I'm gonna say something stupid.
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Yeah, you know, and embarrass myself.
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And so there is always some low-lying stress there.
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And so now I'm like, okay, I need to like start anecdotally paying attention because I am curious if there is a difference between like stress sweat and activity sweat.
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So anyway, just something I'm putting on your radar that is not important whatsoever.
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Thank you.
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I appreciate it.
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Now let's get into yours.
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No, I mean mine was just like this absolutely ungraceful moment.
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So I call it the trail tax.
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So I run and I run every day, and I love to run on trails.
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So that's where you can most often find me.
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I drop the kids off at school and then I go find a trail to run.
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That's why I'm always wearing my athleisure clothes when you see me at school drop-off.
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But so yesterday I went for a run and I was not feeling it to begin with.
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Like my legs were tired.
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They felt kind of heavy, which is probably why I fell because I probably wasn't lifting my feet high enough and my toe caught the edge of a rock.
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And as you were saying, we haven't really had nice fall weather yet.
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It's been really hot.
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So the trails are super dry and unforgiving because the dirt is so hard.
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It hasn't been softened by rain or any moisture.
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So I took a fall and it hurt so bad.
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And I just kind of like tried to catch myself.
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I could feel it coming.
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So I did a little bit of a tuck and roll.
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So I rolled a little bit so I didn't fall with any like huge force on one area.
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It was able to spread it out throughout the body a little bit.
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But I just kind of laid there for a second.
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I looked around to make sure there wasn't anyone else who had just seen me or anyone coming.
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And I was like, fuck it.
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I'm not gonna get up straight away.
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I'm just gonna lay there.
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That's a moment of embarrassment.
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Yes.
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And my phone or my watch.
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Because you know, the new iWatch is not new, but newish.
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They all have the like fall detector.
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Oh.
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So they can tell if you fall.
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And so my watch starts alarming.
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It's like, it seems like you took a fall.
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Are you okay?
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Should I call nine more?
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Yes.
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It was like a fall alarm.
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That's exactly what that.
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And you know, it's great that they have that for our older, you know, community members.
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But I was like, yes, I took a fall.
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No, you don't need to call EMS.
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I'm okay.
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I'll get up in a minute.
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So I just lay there.
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I was so dusty.
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I was a mess.
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Thankfully I didn't like cut myself or sprain anything.
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Sure.
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But it was just one of those like really undignified moments where I was so grateful no one was around.
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Because I have definitely fallen plenty of times in front of people and it's horrifying.
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Yeah.
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And you know, it's just it's the name of the game.
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You hit you fall at some point, and I was long overdue.
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I can't remember the last time I fell.
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So what do you call it?
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I call it the trail tax.
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I like that.
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Yeah.
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Every now and then you have to pay the piper.
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So hopefully hopefully I'm good for a little while and put that into the world.
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I do not need to fall anytime soon.
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But anyway, so let's go ahead and launch into our main topic, which is body image.
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And this is something that's been on my mind for a while because it's on my mind basically all the time, to some degree in the back of my mind.
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It's there when I'm making decisions about what I'm gonna eat.
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I think, like, oh, should I eat that?
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Is that gonna make me feel bloated?
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Is that gonna make the scale go up?
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It's in the back of my mind when I'm dressing myself and I'm putting on clothes.
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I'm like, does that outfit look okay today?
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Is that too tight?
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Do I have, you know, weird creases sticking out?
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So I think it's on my mind even more than I realize.
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And that might not be true for everyone, and that might be true for a lot of people.
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So I just thought that this was something that we could have a conversation about, kind of talk about the progression of it through our lives, where we are now versus where we were when we were adolescents.
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Yeah, that's so interesting.
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Cause as you talk, I kind of wonder, is it never in our mind?
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Is it like always there in the back of your mind?
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Because it's like you get dressed in the morning and you think, like, what is this gonna look on me?
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How does this look?
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Like this morning, I was getting ready and I like put my face closer to the mirror and I was just like, God, no, or maybe it was last night.
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I can't even see this is my this is how you know you're getting old.
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Yep.
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But I just looked at my hair, I'm like, God, there's so many great hairs coming and then perimetopause, so it's like thinning, you know, but you just you become so aware and you just constantly think about these things, and you're like, oh man, like what are people seeing?
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You're right.
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Is it never not in our minds?
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So that I actually don't know.
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Now it's almost something I almost want to be aware of.
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Exactly.
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Like, yes, I didn't think of that, I didn't criticize myself for the last.
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How do we get to the point where I give zero fucks?
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Well, yes, and that's exactly it.
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So that's kind of where we'll start the conversation is was there ever a time when you were younger, maybe in your adolescence, maybe in your 20s, when body image was really front and center in your life, and you thought, one day I'll outgrow this, or one day I will be a full-grown woman who doesn't think about this anymore.
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Yeah, I mean, I became very aware of it like at a young age, like really young.
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I was in second grade.
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We had just moved from Canada to Carmel.
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And so we had family coming to fly to visit us for our first Christmas.
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And so my uncle Joe was coming, and this is back in the day when you could like go meet people like inside the airport, like at the carousels and everything.
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Yep.
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We're meeting him like at the baggage area.
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And remember standing there and he walked up to me, like super excited to see me.
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He goes, Oh, Kimmy, so great to see you.
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You know, oh man, look at that nose.
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You could ski off that thing, that thing's so big.
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Oh my gosh.
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I was in second grade.
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And I was so unaware of like the way I looked to people.
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Yeah.
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And in that moment, I was like, as a second grader, should be.
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Yeah, I was like, Oh, do I have a big nose?
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And then ever since then, as a child, like since just being a child, I've always been like, wow, I've got a big nose, right?
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And then people would make jokes as like, even my siblings from then on was like, oh, Kimi's got a ski off nose, right?
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And so as a child growing up, and especially as plastic surgery became like a thing, I always was like, Oh, I'll get plastic surgery someday.
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Okay.
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I mean, I've I've never done it thankfully, but I will say it's you know, it's always been one of those things where like as a child growing as a teenager, yeah, that was my thought process.
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I will outgrow it and die.
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That's how I'm gonna fix it by fixing it in mind.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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You know, it's interesting.
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I, when I was younger, I did kind of take solace in the fact I remember being in high school and it being so hard because I just did not have that, you know, because there are a lot of girls in high school that are like super skinny.
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It's pretty standard.
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And I was never that kid.
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And so I remember thinking, like, oh, this sucks, but this is just an era.
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And one day I'll go to college or I'll be a grown-up and this won't be as big of a deal.
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Yeah.
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Unfortunately, here I am at almost 40, and I am still thinking, like, oh man, I am not the ideal body type, or I am not X, Y, or Z.
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You know, so I thought I would outgrow it.
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I didn't.
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And that's why we're here, talking on messy as hell about it.
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And so you already kind of answered my first question that I was gonna bring up.
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And we can just all answer it.
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And then if you want to talk a little bit more about it, that works too.
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But my question was, and this, you know, listener, you answer this for yourself as well.
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Is when you were younger, as an adolescent or as a child, did you have one particular thing that you were insecure about?
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I mean, and it sounds like it was definitely your uncle put your nose.
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Yeah, front and center.
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But then, but then when I was younger, I got, you know, as kids do, you grow and you gain some weight and then you expand or you get taller.
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But then towards like end of fifth grade, beginning of sixth grade, I started to get like a little not heavier, just like I was I was gaining weight.
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And my mom, you know, she did the best she could because her mom always had her like on a diet.
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My mom was anorexic and bulimic most of her like you know, childhood to being like leaving the house.
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It was, and she was on diets and all the things and and diet pills, whatever it was.
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So she always struggled.
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And so in her mind, that is what you did as a mother.
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And so, like fifth and sixth grade, like end of fifth, beginning of sixth, rolled around, and that was like where the those like fenfen pills were coming out.
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And so they were doing them.
00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:30.399
And so she's like, You need to go on these.
00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:40.480
And then I would come home from school every day, and she had a treadmill, and so she would make me run on the treadmill right after she did, and I had to reach anywhere from three to five miles every day after school.
00:11:40.720 --> 00:11:47.120
And so between both of those, I was very aware, like that I and I, you know, I dropped weight, you know, and like within six months.
00:11:47.200 --> 00:11:48.480
And so that made me feel good.
00:11:48.559 --> 00:11:49.759
Like, oh my, oh, I feel good.
00:11:49.840 --> 00:11:56.399
While my brother Tyler, she had no expectations for it, and and he was a chunky kid at school and he would get made fun of.
00:11:56.799 --> 00:11:59.679
And so I was just like, Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be this way, right?
00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:02.960
Like society tells you, like, you have to be thin in order to be liked.
00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:07.039
Yep, and in order to not get made fun of, in order to keep yourself off everyone's radar.
00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:07.759
Exactly.
00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:09.200
Yeah, that's so tough.
00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:21.600
And I I feel like that's a discussion we need to get into later is the what our expectations and our moms placed on us and how we kind of break those expectations for our daughters so they don't feel that same pressure from even within the home.
00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:21.919
Yeah.
00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:24.000
Because it was definitely, I feel like a generational thing.
00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:30.080
I feel like there's a whole generation of moms that felt that way themselves and then kind of put that on their daughters.
00:12:30.399 --> 00:12:32.480
But mine, I am Latina.
00:12:32.559 --> 00:12:33.200
I've mentioned that before.
00:12:33.279 --> 00:12:34.240
I'm very short.
00:12:34.399 --> 00:12:35.840
I'm five foot or five one.
00:12:35.919 --> 00:12:40.480
I always thought I was five two, and then one day at the children's hospital, my colleague was like, let's measure ourselves.
00:12:40.639 --> 00:12:45.679
I'm definitely not five, two, which was actually really a kind of sad little blow to my ego.
00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:50.159
But I'm short and I'm a little bit of a thicker Latina.
00:12:50.240 --> 00:12:54.559
I've got, I'm, I mean, yeah, I've just got, I've got big thighs, I've got kind of a big booty.
00:12:54.639 --> 00:13:05.360
And so my thighs were always an issue for me growing up because all the girls I went to school with, beyond being taller, they also had these like very slender thighs that didn't touch, that didn't rub together.
00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:06.720
And mine always did.
00:13:06.799 --> 00:13:09.120
I mean, I don't know if you remember when thigh gaps were a thing.
00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:09.759
Yeah, yeah.
00:13:09.919 --> 00:13:17.120
But I remember when that term thigh gap came out, I was so discouraged because I would look at myself in the mirror and think, like, oh my gosh, my thighs will never not touch.
00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:20.000
There is nothing I can do to make my thighs not touch.
00:13:20.240 --> 00:13:22.559
And that was always just such a big thing for me in high school.
00:13:22.639 --> 00:13:26.399
I never wanted to wear shorts, I never wanted to wear short skirts.
00:13:26.639 --> 00:13:37.519
I hated it when Abercrombie and Fitch and Hollister were such a big trend because those jeans never ever fit me because they were made for skinny girls without butts and thighs.
00:13:37.679 --> 00:13:40.480
And I just wanted to be on trend like everyone else.
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:45.679
I just wanted to be able to go into those stores with my friends and buy the same jeans that they were buying, but I could not.
00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:50.159
If I got it to fit on my thighs, it would not fit my waist or my leg length at all.
00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:52.559
You know, it was so discouraging.
00:13:52.799 --> 00:14:01.120
And it's funny because I have this one memory that was actually just a boy being a boy, but actually has stuck with me.
00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:03.519
What is it, 20, 25 years later?
00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:05.039
And it's a good one, actually.
00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:10.000
So I was in high school and I had this friend who was a boy, not a boyfriend, but a friend that was a boy.
00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:13.600
We would go to the gym together in high school because there wasn't a lot to do in my small town.
00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:16.480
So we would go to the gym and we'd all lift weights together, which was fun.
00:14:16.879 --> 00:14:22.399
And so he and I were there one day working out, and we were watching these other girls work out.
00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:27.519
There was a bunch of my friends from high school, and I were telling him, like, oh my gosh, I wish that my legs looked like theirs.
00:14:27.679 --> 00:14:31.840
I wish I could wear those shorts that they're wearing and had those like perfect legs.
00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:40.159
And he looked at me and he kind of like gave my leg a poke with his finger and he was like, No, Krista, like guys actually like girls with a little meat on them.
00:14:40.639 --> 00:14:42.720
He was like, This is actually a thing for guys.
00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:49.440
He was like, I know you have this idea in your mind that you need to look like this, but that's not like reality for everyone.
00:14:49.519 --> 00:14:56.320
He was like, I promise you, if you asked a guy if he was into thighs and a booty, he would 100% say yes.
00:14:56.399 --> 00:15:02.000
And it was so funny because it was this, you know, 17-year-old high school boy just kind of objectifying women.
00:15:02.159 --> 00:15:02.320
Yeah.
00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:06.080
But at the same point, he was saying it to be sweet, and it was actually so sweet.
00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:13.200
I remember sitting there thinking, like, okay, I've got this image in my mind, but that's not the same image that everyone else has.
00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:15.679
Like, I don't need to be so hard on myself.
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:16.399
And it's so funny.
00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:26.159
So sometimes even to this day, when I'm thinking about my big thighs and how I can't run without them chafing, I can't wear cute shorts when I run because my skin's gonna get all chafed and fucked up.
00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:27.679
I think, you know what, it's okay.
00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:28.080
Yeah.
00:15:28.240 --> 00:15:29.840
Men like women with a little meat on them.
00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:30.559
Absolutely.
00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:38.159
And also to combat that, I don't know if you remember this, but I think I mean it was around because social media was coming around that time too.
00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:41.120
Or it this came out eventually, like on social media.
00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:45.440
But I remember seeing this where you know, I mean, everyone has their phone while they're on the toilet.
00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:45.759
Yes.
00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:54.000
And there was this thing where like the person had no thigh gap, and there was like, thank God I have no thigh gap because my phone didn't drop in the toilet, kind of a thing.
00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:57.120
And I was like, I love that because it's self-deprecating, right?
00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:00.399
But like also it lets people know that like it's okay.
00:16:00.639 --> 00:16:02.799
There doesn't have to be like one box fits all.
00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:04.320
These are real bodies, right?
00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:16.720
But also then at the same time, I don't know if you've had this as you've grown, but I mean, you have the friends or you know the people, or or you kind of develop a different thought process where they are in your mind, they look the ultimate, right?
00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:25.360
They've had the plastic surgery or they've always been the most beautiful, but then you talk to them and they are just as self-conscious about things as like we are.
00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:27.120
And you're like in your mind, you're like, How?
00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:30.559
But then you realize they've grown up in the same society as we have.
00:16:30.720 --> 00:16:35.440
And so it's like, how could you and it's a never-ending cycle exactly where you could always be better, exactly?
00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:36.240
You know, yeah.
00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:36.720
Yeah.
00:16:36.799 --> 00:16:46.000
Well, so then that kind of leads me into my second question, which is that insecurity that we just talked about, or those insecurities as an adult now, yeah, nearing 40.
00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:48.879
Are you still thinking about those same things?
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:50.639
Are they still on your mind?
00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:57.759
I would say, like if you asked me that question a few years ago, I would say absolutely a hundred percent.
00:16:58.159 --> 00:17:05.519
Now I would say when you were talking about that, that made me realize it's always slightly in the back of my head.
00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:16.400
But then because I've done a lot of really great ketamine therapy, truly, like, and I admit that that has helped make me give no fucks about so many things.
00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:18.160
So you just don't give it air to breathe anymore.
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:18.559
Yeah.
00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:19.599
So I mean it will enter.
00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:24.480
And like, so when I was looking at my gray hair, I was like, oh, but then I was also like, this was earned, who cares?
00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:24.720
Yeah.
00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:25.599
And I walked away.
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:26.160
Exactly.
00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:32.160
So, you know, it's not something I want to see, but then it's also was like, I also think that silver can be so sexy.
00:17:32.319 --> 00:17:36.640
I see some women rocking silver and I'm like, yes, queen, you look amazing.
00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:42.480
They're they're coming in, but you know, and I do try to dye them, but you know, they like I said, they keep coming back.
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:49.759
I feel like if if I was gonna give a percentage, I'm probably like 25% because it comes in and then I push it away, and it comes in and I pushed it away.
00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:51.920
So I feel proud that I've gotten to that point.
00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:52.160
Yep.
00:17:52.319 --> 00:17:56.160
I love for it to go away fully, but I don't know that I can because of society.
00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:58.160
Yeah, I just don't know that it ever will go away.
00:17:58.240 --> 00:17:58.400
Yeah.
00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:03.279
I mean, so for me with my thighs, it has definitely been a lifelong struggle.
00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:14.000
I will say the one time I really felt like I felt confident about it was when I finally got into a gym and started doing serious, not serious, but like more serious weightlifting.
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:19.039
I hired a coach for myself and he and I worked worked together three to four times a week.
00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:23.680
I had an era of about a year when I worked with him really seriously because I really wanted to do pull-ups.
00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:25.440
And so he was helping me get to pull-ups.
00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:29.599
And once we got to the pull-ups, he was like, Okay, will you let me focus on other parts of your body now?
00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:35.839
We've been doing a lot of back work, but like, let's look at shoulders and arms and legs because you're really missing an opportunity with your legs.
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:37.119
Those are huge muscle groups.
00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:37.359
Yeah.
00:18:37.440 --> 00:18:38.880
Like, let's do a little bit of work there.
00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:40.480
And so I said, okay, fine.
00:18:40.559 --> 00:18:45.279
And I let him start putting me on squats and doing like the leg press.
00:18:45.519 --> 00:18:55.680
And when I started doing that more regularly and seeing how strong my legs were getting and actually like seeing the definition of my legs for the very first time in my entire life, and that was in my 30s.
00:18:56.160 --> 00:18:57.519
I appreciated my thighs.
00:18:57.599 --> 00:19:00.640
And I was like, wow, look how strong they can be.
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:01.920
Look how toned they can be.
00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:03.759
Like, this is actually a vibe.
00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:07.200
But I guess I am okay with this, but it took me into my 30s.
00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:07.599
Yeah.
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:15.519
Now, unfortunately, that still waxes and wanes because I don't always work out my legs routinely because sometimes it makes me too tired and then I can't run.
00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:18.079
So that is the day that I am most likely to skip.
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:28.720
And I find that when I fall off of leg date for a while, I start to kind of back slip with my legs and think, okay, well, now, you know, they look a little jiggly or they just look a little extra large.
00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:30.880
And I get in my head again.
00:19:31.119 --> 00:19:35.599
But then it motivates me to say, okay, you know, go back to the gym, tone them up a little bit, work hard.
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:38.640
And I'm to the point now where like I wear shorts.
00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:39.279
I don't care.
00:19:39.359 --> 00:19:40.400
I'm gonna wear shorts all the time.
00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:41.599
I want to be comfortable.
00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:52.960
And I have been running every day for almost seven years, and I'm like, I want to be proud of these legs because these legs have carried me through a very long run streak, and it would be a shame to not be proud of them.
00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:55.279
Yeah, you know, and to not put them out there.
00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:58.319
So I'm not like flaunting it, but I will wear shorts now.
00:19:58.480 --> 00:20:03.039
I still am aware of them because I can't wear shorts for a long run because I still will chafe.
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:05.119
Because again, I will never have a thigh gap.
00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:09.519
They will always rub, but now I would say I more just think about it functionally.
00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:12.400
Like, okay, what do I need to wear that's gonna work with this body?
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:12.960
For sure.
00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:14.000
For sure, for sure.
00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:20.720
And I think I don't know if I mean I'm sure this is the same for you, but I think what also helps me that push it out of my mind is I'm married.
00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:22.240
I have a great husband that loves me.
00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:23.440
He married me the way I am.
00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:24.960
Yeah, and he's into it.
00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:25.359
Yeah, exactly.
00:20:25.599 --> 00:20:26.160
He's totally into it.
00:20:26.640 --> 00:20:31.759
He thinks I'm beautiful, he thinks I'm getting more beautiful with age, which I think is hilarious, but I'm so grateful for.
00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:32.720
No, it is true.
00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:34.400
So, you know, I don't know.
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:35.359
So that helps.
00:20:35.440 --> 00:20:37.359
And then my kids, you know, I my kids love me.
00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:37.920
You know what I mean?
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:40.240
I'm like, those are the only people I really give fucks about.
00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:40.799
That's right.
00:20:41.119 --> 00:20:43.440
Yeah, and you know, I do try and tell myself that a lot too.
00:20:43.519 --> 00:20:47.759
And I will say having a loving partner is a total confidence booster.
00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:51.839
It is because I'm like, my husband is into this, he loves me.
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:54.480
And like after all these years, he's genuinely into it.
00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:57.200
Like he'll tell me he's like, no love, like I am into you.
00:20:57.279 --> 00:21:00.000
Like, I still think you're gonna be exactly.
00:21:00.160 --> 00:21:01.440
And I'm like, you know what?
00:21:01.599 --> 00:21:04.000
If that's not a boost to your confidence, I don't know what it is.
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:06.640
And I'll take it because I'm not putting this out there for everyone.
00:21:06.799 --> 00:21:07.599
I'm putting it out there for him.
00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:11.839
One person that matters picking up what I'm putting up, then fantastic.
00:21:14.079 --> 00:21:20.480
Well, and so now looking back to our younger selves, you know, have you ever looked back at a picture of yourself?
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:28.960
And maybe it was a time, like a particularly hard time when you were really being hard on yourself, and you look back at that picture now and you're like, you were so beautiful.
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:30.960
Why were you so hard on yourself?
00:21:31.200 --> 00:21:32.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:37.920
I so that's the funny thing is I actually don't have a lot of childhood photos since I don't have a relationship with my family.
00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:45.920
But I do have a few, and then recently, because of you know, kind of reconnecting with family, there have been a few photos that have been sent out.
00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:50.240
So I'm looking at photos of myself and I'm sharing them with my daughter, and she's like, Oh, you're so beautiful.
00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:55.200
How cute! But it's interesting because I actually look a lot like Natalie, like or she looks a lot like me.
00:21:55.839 --> 00:21:56.480
Adorable, yes.
00:21:56.720 --> 00:22:05.279
There's a lot of like overlapping, and I just like it for me, it made me just like a Look at it differently and be like you, like I wish I could just tell myself, like you are beautiful.
00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:06.400
You are so beautiful.
00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:06.880
Yeah.
00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:11.519
And now when you see it looking at your daughter and seeing this little mini mirror, like she's gorgeous.
00:22:11.759 --> 00:22:14.079
She's so beautiful and perfect, you know?
00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:17.279
And if only you could have given yourself that much embrace.
00:22:17.680 --> 00:22:18.559
Well, I think that's too.
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:19.920
And I sorry, I don't mean to cut you off.
00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:34.079
I was just gonna say that also is a big reason why I try to lean into all of me and not not do any type of surgery or anything or alterations to what I look like because I want her to know that I am confident in what I look like and I love who I am.
00:22:34.160 --> 00:22:40.799
And that's not judgment on anyone else who that does whatever they do, but that's just more me, what I want from my daughter in our house.
00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:44.880
And you want that to be what she can move forward with is being confident in who you are.
00:22:45.119 --> 00:22:45.680
Exactly.
00:22:45.920 --> 00:22:50.160
Yeah, when I think about this, this a very particular story comes to my mind.
00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:53.839
And it's I have this girlfriend that we have worked together for years.
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:58.160
We've been friends for about 12 years now, and we knew each other before kids.
00:22:58.319 --> 00:23:06.799
And we used to spend a lot of time, our quality time would be going on hikes or going on bike rides, and it was, and it's not funny, but it's true.
00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:13.680
We together would talk about weight loss a lot because it was always on our minds when we were in our mid-20s.
00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:17.039
We she's similar to me, she's also kind of shorter.
00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:20.400
She also has figure, you know, she's also got curves.
00:23:20.559 --> 00:23:23.119
And so for us in our minds, we were never thin enough.
00:23:23.359 --> 00:23:24.960
You know, we always wanted to be thinner.
00:23:25.119 --> 00:23:26.799
We always wanted to have that.
00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:30.960
I mean, you remember in the 90s when like heroin chic was what was in.
00:23:31.279 --> 00:23:36.319
We never wanted to be that thin, but we wanted to get more towards what society said was the goal.
00:23:36.960 --> 00:23:52.079
And it's funny because about two years ago, after we'd had kids and after our bodies had started to change into our 30s, she found a picture of us from a bike ride that we had gone on and she sent it to me and she said, Look at this picture that I found from like eight years ago.
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:59.839
I remember us thinking that very week we had talked about how we wished we could lose five pounds and how we wished our arms were a little smaller.
00:23:59.920 --> 00:24:03.920
And she's like, And now I look at this picture and I look at us and I think we looked great.
00:24:04.079 --> 00:24:04.240
Yeah.
00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:09.440
Look how good and tone our arms look, look how thin we look, look how athletic we look.
00:24:09.680 --> 00:24:12.640
And I think, why didn't I give myself credit back then?
00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:13.920
Why didn't I realize it then?
00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:16.720
I'm looking at this picture now and I would like to kill for that body.
00:24:16.799 --> 00:24:16.960
Right.
00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:19.039
And I looked at it, I'm like, you're so right.
00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:19.440
Right.
00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:21.279
Why could we not see it then?
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:21.680
Yeah.
00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:23.680
It was kind of like a hard pill to swallow.
00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:33.839
But it was actually that that kind of then put it in my mind of like, okay, if now at 30 I'm looking back at this picture from 25 and I'm thinking of how great I looked then.
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:39.839
One day when I'm 50, I'm gonna look it back at my pictures from when I was 35 and I'm gonna say, you were smoking hot.
00:24:40.079 --> 00:24:41.200
Look how great you looked.
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:42.960
Look how youthful your face looked.
00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:43.440
Absolutely.
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:54.480
So now I make a big point to take pictures of myself with my kids and just say, I might not be feeling my very best today, but I'm gonna take this picture because I bet Krista 10 years from now is gonna see this photo and say, Damn, you looked good.
00:24:54.640 --> 00:24:55.359
Oh, absolutely.
00:24:55.599 --> 00:24:56.400
I wish I still looked good.
00:24:56.640 --> 00:24:57.119
Have you?
00:24:57.359 --> 00:24:59.119
There was, I can't remember what movie.
00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:08.160
Oh, I think it was Shits Creek, where the mom says, like, take a ton of nudes because someday when you're older, you're gonna wish you had that body.
00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:08.480
Yes.
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:14.880
And there's been, I have had I've had a few friends who've made like calendars for like their uh spouses or like them photos.
00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:19.680
And part of me has wanted to do that because I'm like the boudoir photo shoot.
00:25:20.079 --> 00:25:20.319
Exactly.
00:25:20.480 --> 00:25:22.000
Because I'm just like, I want to remember.
00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:25.599
I mean, you actually, this is not great because this is post-poor children.
00:25:25.839 --> 00:25:26.720
Oh, I think it's smoking.
00:25:27.039 --> 00:25:29.440
But later on in life, I will think it was great.
00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:30.079
Yes, right.
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:32.799
And so I have like all my insecurities now.
00:25:32.960 --> 00:25:36.000
But like I said, he loves me for the way I am now.
00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:39.200
And so I think, you know, maybe that is for time.
00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:41.519
So funny because I totally remember when that was a thing.
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:50.160
I had a lot of girls, maybe five to ten years ago with the girls I worked with, they were all making the boudoir like photo books for their husbands for like their wedding, you know.
00:25:50.799 --> 00:25:54.480
That I mean, you gotta find a good photographer for that.
00:25:54.799 --> 00:25:57.920
Maybe we should get Kendra's ears and do like a game together.
00:25:58.319 --> 00:26:00.799
Hey, friend, do you want to see me in some nasty launder?
00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:08.160
Yeah, it's gotta be so it's either gotta be someone very professional that you don't know at all or someone that you really love and trust.
00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:09.599
That's too funny.
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:12.079
Well, continuing the conversation.
00:26:12.319 --> 00:26:15.119
So now we we talked about what it was like when we were younger.
00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:27.039
And now, as we've gotten older, you know, one thing that I think that can be so hard for women is just when you start to feel confident or just when you start to feel like maybe you've got a hold on it, the goalpost moves.
00:26:27.200 --> 00:26:27.519
Oh, yeah.
00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:30.960
You know, there's forever-changing trends, just like I was talking about earlier.
00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:33.440
Like in the 90s, there was the heroine chic.
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:42.400
And then I don't know, there was having big boobs and a flat stomach, you know, or then there was then big butts were actually again, but you had to have a big butt with a flat stomach.
00:26:42.720 --> 00:26:44.079
Kim Kardashian said that for.
00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:45.759
Oh my goodness, I know.
00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:50.880
What was that picture that broke the internet of her like butt with her pouring champagne into the cup?
00:26:51.839 --> 00:26:52.720
I'm sure.
00:26:52.960 --> 00:26:53.680
I'm sure.
00:26:53.920 --> 00:26:54.559
Oh man.
00:26:54.799 --> 00:27:05.039
So it's like there's so many trends and so many eras that come through that it's like one minute you're actually confident of yourself because you're on trend, but then the next minute it changes.
00:27:05.119 --> 00:27:05.279
Yeah.
00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:06.880
It's like, how are you supposed to keep up?
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:08.880
And I think honestly, we're not supposed to keep up.
00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:09.279
No.
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:12.079
But how do you not care when everyone around you cares?
00:27:12.480 --> 00:27:13.200
That's the question.
00:27:13.359 --> 00:27:15.519
That is, I mean, that is on point.
00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:18.240
How do you not care when everyone else is caring, right?
00:27:18.319 --> 00:27:21.279
Because trends are trends and you want to fit in naturally.
00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:27.279
Yes, that's one of the things that's really hard for me because where we are thin is really back in right now.
00:27:27.359 --> 00:27:30.559
And I think it has a lot to do with GLP ones and their accessibility.
00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:30.880
Yeah.
00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:39.039
I think Ozempic coming onto the market and all of its little brothers and sisters has really changed the model for everyone again.
00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:47.920
And it's really hard because I was starting to get really into myself because of working out of the gym and feeling like, okay, I'm really happy.
00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:50.400
I'm more solid than I've ever been.
00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:55.119
I'm definitely more thick, I you know, for lack of better words, than I've ever been.
00:27:55.200 --> 00:27:58.640
But that's okay because it's also a gym body and it's also muscle.
00:27:59.599 --> 00:28:03.839
But then Ozempic came along and thin came along again.
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:07.440
And it's like, how do you keep that noise out of your head?
00:28:07.839 --> 00:28:16.720
It's so interesting, you know, because I know so many people that have done Ozempic and that are doing, I should say, because this is a lifetime kind of thing.
00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:20.160
Some of them truly needed it and it's been transformational.
00:28:20.559 --> 00:28:23.680
It is a life, I don't want to say life-saving, but it is kind of like a life-saving vegetation.
00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:25.680
Life changing for a lot of people.
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:26.640
Absolutely.
00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:34.240
But then I've known some where I really question, and it's not my place to question, but I do wonder because they are very thin.
00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:40.160
And so I'm wondering, is there, I haven't looked into this, but I'm like, are there other reasons why you would take it, right?
00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:46.640
But then I also think to myself, if this makes them feel better, then I'm really happy for them, right?
00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:49.759
So I think sometimes people, I know I do it.
00:28:49.920 --> 00:28:55.599
Sometimes you pick the things that are the noise that make you feel better because they're so constant, right?
00:28:55.839 --> 00:29:01.440
And so if it's for somebody, they do the GLP one because they're so self-conscious and it's just all the time.
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:01.839
Yes.
00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:05.359
But then they lose weight and they feel so much better and they have all the other things.
00:29:05.519 --> 00:29:07.839
I think that's great if they feel better with whatever they do.
00:29:08.079 --> 00:29:09.680
I think it's similar to like a boob job, right?
00:29:09.759 --> 00:29:09.920
Yeah.
00:29:10.079 --> 00:29:14.559
Like I have had girlfriends at work who are so flat that they're like, I just want to feel like a girl.
00:29:14.799 --> 00:29:14.960
Yeah.
00:29:15.119 --> 00:29:25.920
You know, I just want to get boobs so that I can wear the clothes they make for women, so that I can wear a swimsuit, so that I can go out and not be constantly self-conscious by the fact that I have a flat chest.
00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:26.319
Tony.
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:32.559
And it's like, so some of these alterations you just need to make for your well-being and for your general comfort.
00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:32.799
Yeah.
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:33.279
You know?
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:38.799
So I think the the question is like, when do you make a change for you because it gives you confidence?
00:29:39.119 --> 00:29:44.240
And when do you make a change because of the noise that's coming at you that you just can't ignore?
00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:48.960
And I think that's kind of like the question for me is that's I love that.
00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:50.559
How do you not let the noise get to you?
00:29:50.799 --> 00:29:55.279
Because there are things that I would do for me, and I'm like, no, I will do this with confidence because it's gonna make me feel better.
00:29:55.440 --> 00:29:56.000
I love that.
00:29:56.079 --> 00:29:57.039
Cause I think so.
00:29:57.119 --> 00:29:58.880
That's such like an amazing point.
00:29:59.039 --> 00:30:04.319
So I don't think maybe people do, but I don't ever think people are judging me on my chest.
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:08.400
Like if a very small chest, but it's not like non-existent, it's not something I'm insecure about.
00:30:08.559 --> 00:30:13.279
I'm insecure about it for me because they're so deflated from my children.
00:30:13.599 --> 00:30:17.920
So I feel like if I were to ever do anything, I would do it for me.
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:20.240
It wouldn't not be my nice pointy big nose.
00:30:20.319 --> 00:30:25.039
It would probably be my chest if like I were to do anything because I would just and I wouldn't want a boob job.
00:30:25.200 --> 00:30:28.559
I would just want them lifted and like I want the extra skin gone.
00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:28.960
Yeah.
00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:31.119
That would be, but I would do that for me.
00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:34.480
Like my I know my husband, like he said so many times, I love you just the way they are.
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:38.319
Like all of the things, but I would do it for me because they bother me so much.
00:30:38.559 --> 00:30:40.799
I would love to pull them up to where they belong.
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:41.200
Yeah.
00:30:41.359 --> 00:30:44.880
You know, I hate because then you could how we talked last time how you could go braless.
00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:45.039
Yes.
00:30:45.279 --> 00:30:48.000
Like if mine were up where they belonged, I could go braless.
00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:50.960
But like sometimes I have a dress that I wear that I go braless in.
00:30:51.039 --> 00:30:51.200
Yeah.
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:53.759
And thankfully it's got kind of a noisy floral print.
00:30:53.920 --> 00:31:03.680
So you can't really notice where my boobs are, but like it is a lot of chest and then boob down almost by like, I mean not quite by my belly button, but you know, they're lower than they should be.
00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:03.920
Yeah.
00:31:04.079 --> 00:31:05.440
And so that's why I want the bra.
00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:07.119
Because I'm like, they lift it up.
00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:07.359
Yeah.
00:31:07.519 --> 00:31:08.880
And so yeah, I can totally see that.
00:31:08.960 --> 00:31:17.359
I would say that uh a breast augmentation is definitely the one thing I've considered my whole life, even when I was in high school, I was a very late bloomer.
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:20.319
I did not start getting breasts until I was like 17 years old.
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:20.960
It was horrible.
00:31:21.440 --> 00:31:23.839
So I wore a padded bra for a while.
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:35.440
And then I remember my mom even telling me, like my junior, senior year high school, if this is a big issue for you before you go to college, we can talk to a doctor and we can look at it if you're just not developing.
00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:37.440
But we didn't do it.
00:31:37.759 --> 00:31:40.160
I eventually became like a B.
00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:41.440
I've never been big.
00:31:41.599 --> 00:31:47.599
I'm probably back down to an A now, because unfortunately, I was not one of those women who got to keep my big boobs after breastfeeding.
00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:50.559
They just went right back down and even went a little negative.
00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:50.960
Yeah.
00:31:51.279 --> 00:31:56.000
But it's always been in the back of my mind thinking like, okay, one day I'd like to get a boob job.
00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:59.440
One day I'd like to get them lifted and just be a full B again.
00:31:59.519 --> 00:32:01.839
You know, I don't even need to upgrade that much.
00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:03.839
I just want to fill out a swimsuit.
00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:04.319
Yeah.
00:32:04.559 --> 00:32:06.480
But then I started the run streak.
00:32:06.799 --> 00:32:13.519
And I I know it's so silly, but in a lot of ways I live by the run streak because I'm like, okay, well, will I be able to get my run in?
00:32:13.599 --> 00:32:15.279
Is this gonna interrupt my running?
00:32:15.759 --> 00:32:17.359
And if I got a boob job, it would.
00:32:17.519 --> 00:32:24.079
And so this is something I've come back to a few times from like, if I get a boob job, I'm gonna have to end the streak because you cannot run afterwards.
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:26.319
You have like some strict limitations.
00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:26.720
Yeah.
00:32:26.880 --> 00:32:29.519
And so that's been having me keep it happily at bay for now.
00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:35.680
So maybe one day if I have to end the streak, I'll take the opportunity to give my boobs to pick me up.
00:32:35.920 --> 00:32:39.759
That's the way I feel because every time I go to it, it's like I have small kids.
00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:42.960
I don't want to really go under an anesthesia for a selfish reason.
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:44.000
So I don't want to do that.
00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:48.079
And then also I like- You don't even have to call it selfish because it's not selfish.
00:32:48.400 --> 00:32:49.359
Well, it's a selfish, yeah.
00:32:51.039 --> 00:32:52.240
Well, for just personal reasons, right?
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:56.480
Just it feels to me, it just feels unnecessary to do it, at least for me, right?
00:32:56.640 --> 00:33:06.000
And then also when I do look at them and I have that kind of more negative thought, then I switch it and I'm like, these were so earned, and I these were they're such a powerful portion of my body.
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:10.559
So then I'm like, no, I'm gonna leave them the way they are because Nate likes them the way they are.
00:33:10.960 --> 00:33:12.000
So I don't know.
00:33:12.079 --> 00:33:13.039
Like I said, it's hard.
00:33:13.279 --> 00:33:25.519
My whole point was just that I super support if women need that to make themselves feel better and it and it helps quiet that noise because we live in a world where that noise is impossible to escape.
00:33:25.759 --> 00:33:28.400
It is, and it's it's always there.
00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:32.319
And I think it's not I think I know it's even worse with social media.
00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:39.759
Oh, which makes me so worried for young women in this time because at least when we were growing up, we didn't have social media.
00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:40.160
Yeah.
00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:46.400
Now you have it, and I I'm not an avid user, but I'm definitely on Instagram a couple times a day.
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:58.319
And I watch shows on Hulu or Netflix that have ads, and I swear, like the GLP ones, it must have keyed into the fact that I'm a woman of a certain age because it just hits me from all angles all the time.
00:33:58.559 --> 00:34:01.279
And again, like there's so many people that need it.
00:34:01.359 --> 00:34:03.119
There's so many people that it's so beneficial to.
00:34:03.279 --> 00:34:10.320
But for me, it just feels like a constant barrage of telling me, like, you're not quite good enough.
00:34:10.639 --> 00:34:11.840
You could be better.
00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:15.519
And it's tough because weight is always something that's on my mind.
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:17.679
I always wish I was five pounds lighter.
00:34:17.840 --> 00:34:26.639
And it is one of those things that I am always, you know, kind of being mindful of what I'm eating, being mindful of how much exercise I'm getting because the number on the scale is always there.
00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:33.440
And so at moments when I'm at my lowest, if one of those ads hits me, I'm like, gosh, should I go on Ozempic?
00:34:33.760 --> 00:34:38.960
Should I take this thing that's always kind of there and help get rid of it?
00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:47.119
And it it is hard because sometimes I wonder, do I want to try Ozempic because I feel like it would make me feel that much better?
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:53.760
Or do I want Ozempic because I feel like it's just being told to me every day that it's available and I need it?
00:34:53.920 --> 00:35:06.800
You know, and so that's one of the hard things that I have to tease out and feel like I think that it's just that it's there, being kind of told to me again and again every single day, that now it's on the forefront of my mind.
00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:13.920
And how is anyone supposed to be able to silence that or ignore that when that's what's coming at them all the time?
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:17.119
And I am bringing up Ozempic because that's what's big right now.
00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:20.719
But it's so much of that throughout our whole lives, right?
00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:22.559
If it's not Ozempic, it's Botox.
00:35:22.639 --> 00:35:22.719
Yeah.
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:25.280
If it's not Botox, it's the Brazilian butt lift.
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:25.519
Yeah.
00:35:25.599 --> 00:35:27.440
It's a BBL, it's something, you know?
00:35:27.679 --> 00:35:28.000
Yeah.
00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:34.800
There's always something that's being pushed at us and how it's like when can you just say, okay, enough?
00:35:34.960 --> 00:35:37.199
This is I just want to be happy with who I am.
00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:40.480
This is definitely a conversation for another time, another podcast.
00:35:40.719 --> 00:35:49.119
But I think it would be so interesting if we did a lot of research to see what gender owns the companies from like the start, right?
00:35:49.199 --> 00:35:52.559
So like pharmaceutical companies that started like Ozempic, right?
00:35:52.639 --> 00:35:57.199
Like from the top down, certain things like that kind of where they originated from.
00:35:57.440 --> 00:36:02.559
Because so much, I feel like of this woman, like truly, like would we go out?
00:36:02.719 --> 00:36:11.119
Like, women aren't gonna naturally be like, I mean, maybe we would, but I think the percentage would go down drastically if we didn't feel like we had to look this way for a man, right?
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:13.760
Like we had to change this because there was this expectation.
00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:14.880
I feel like that would go down.
00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:15.280
I don't know.
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:15.920
I think that's where it's like.
00:36:16.239 --> 00:36:20.079
Expectations on women are just so yeah, they're so great.
00:36:20.239 --> 00:36:23.280
Yeah, you know, and and I don't mean great, I mean great as in vast.
00:36:23.679 --> 00:36:30.719
Like there are so many expectations on us to look a certain way, yeah, to act a certain way, to feel a certain way.
00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:39.440
And it it is really hard to break that mold, yeah, to be able to just kind of free yourself from that.
00:36:39.599 --> 00:36:40.000
Yeah.
00:36:40.239 --> 00:36:48.159
You know, I kind of brought it up we with this conversation of talking about Ozempic and how, you know, the number on the scale is always kind of in my mind.
00:36:48.320 --> 00:36:50.000
And I know I can't be the only one.
00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:57.280
I know that when we talk about body image or insecurities, what comes to mind for a lot of women is that number that they see on the scale.
00:36:57.760 --> 00:36:58.639
I I have that problem.
00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:04.159
Yeah, and I'm curious, and I think that's something you and I can just like both talk about from personal experience and listener at home.
00:37:04.239 --> 00:37:05.440
You know, just think for yourself.
00:37:05.679 --> 00:37:06.800
Has this been an issue for you?
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:07.840
And maybe it hasn't been.
00:37:07.920 --> 00:37:13.920
And if it hasn't been, I'm so happy for you because that has to be a much freer place to be.
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:19.519
But I don't know, do you want to start or I mean when it when it starts so young, I think it's a really hard habit to break.
00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:20.000
Yes.
00:37:20.239 --> 00:37:23.679
I'm like three pounds away from what I was like before I ever had kids.
00:37:24.079 --> 00:37:26.960
So, you know, and I'm I'm not I'm not a big person, right?
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:28.800
I feel like I'm you're a petite woman.
00:37:29.039 --> 00:37:29.440
Yes, yeah.
00:37:29.679 --> 00:37:36.480
So I would say I find it very annoying for myself that I feel the need to weigh myself every day.
00:37:36.559 --> 00:37:38.960
And then sometimes like I'm like, oh, should I eat that?
00:37:39.199 --> 00:37:40.719
Because right.
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:44.320
And I think for me, it's something I'm definitely trying to break.
00:37:44.480 --> 00:37:50.320
So I try to only weigh myself like three times a week instead of daily because I used to weigh myself morning and night.
00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:57.920
Oh wow, which was like obnoxious, but it was something I was like a this habit that was built because of certain things in my life.
00:37:58.480 --> 00:38:02.320
But it's definitely still something that's in my mind that I'm just let it go.
00:38:02.800 --> 00:38:04.719
Just letting you go.
00:38:04.880 --> 00:38:10.639
But it's because society tells us that you should be a perfect 120 pounds, five foot five, right?
00:38:10.719 --> 00:38:12.639
Or five foot six, and you should have blonde hair.
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:22.480
I haven't been 120 pounds since I was in college, and Eric and I broke up, and I think I ate like yogurt and toast only because I was so depressed.
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:24.079
But that's you know what I mean?
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:26.079
That's no, I know exactly what you mean.
00:38:26.400 --> 00:38:29.440
You have a number, I'm sure, in your mind that you feel that you're supposed to get down to.
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:34.159
But I I think as the years have gone on, I've thought, like, you know what?
00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:37.280
This is such an unrealistic number for me and my body type.
00:38:37.440 --> 00:38:42.320
Stop torturing yourself and just move the number to 125, you know, just like move it up.
00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:42.639
Yeah.
00:38:42.960 --> 00:38:43.119
Yeah.
00:38:43.199 --> 00:38:50.559
It's funny how that's kind of more, you know, for me, I will say anytime I weigh myself, it I don't know.
00:38:50.639 --> 00:38:54.239
I guess I would say it doesn't usually serve me good to weigh myself.
00:38:54.400 --> 00:38:56.480
And it has always been a challenge.
00:38:56.559 --> 00:39:04.800
And I think, again, these are things that are kind of, I don't want to say put on us by our moms because I I don't feel like in all instances our moms intentionally meant to do this.
00:39:04.960 --> 00:39:05.280
Oh, I know.
00:39:05.599 --> 00:39:07.599
You know, but you model what you see in the home.
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:11.039
And I will say, like for my mom, she was always very weight conscientious.
00:39:11.119 --> 00:39:13.360
She was always very conscientious about what she was eating.
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:18.480
And a lot of times that's like really good because it can help foster healthy habits, the healthy eating anyway.
00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:26.239
But I think the awareness of the scale and always just being so aware of what your weight is and talking about it, then it really ingrains it in your kids.
00:39:27.280 --> 00:39:29.360
So weight has always been on my mind.
00:39:29.440 --> 00:39:32.559
And it's like if you're below a certain weight, you're good.
00:39:32.719 --> 00:39:34.480
If you're above a certain weight, you're bad.
00:39:34.559 --> 00:39:40.079
And it's hard because it's like you should not be taking any self-worth or self-value from a number on the scale.
00:39:40.400 --> 00:39:43.920
But for so long, that was like my measure of success.
00:39:44.079 --> 00:39:44.239
Yeah.
00:39:44.480 --> 00:39:45.519
Was my weight on the scale.
00:39:45.679 --> 00:39:48.400
If the number was good, then I overall am successful.
00:39:48.559 --> 00:39:56.320
And it's like, that is unfortunately for myself, anyway, such a flawed way of thinking because I am so much more than that number on the scale.
00:39:56.559 --> 00:40:00.880
And it took me well into my 30s to just kind of stop weighing myself.
00:40:01.119 --> 00:40:02.960
So I can't even remember the last time I weighed myself.
00:40:03.039 --> 00:40:03.519
It's been weeks.
00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:09.199
And so I try to not weigh myself until my clothes don't fit the way I want them to.
00:40:09.360 --> 00:40:10.159
So I love it.
00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:12.159
In general, I just don't weigh myself.
00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:18.159
But if I start finding that, like, okay, my clothes are feeling tight, I'll put something on and when I'm not on my period.
00:40:18.239 --> 00:40:22.639
Because when I'm on my period, I just give myself a ton of grease because there's all that fluid.
00:40:22.719 --> 00:40:23.039
Yeah.
00:40:23.199 --> 00:40:32.239
But if just like on a normal week, I'm trying on my pants and they're not working, then I think, okay, I should probably weigh myself to just check in and see where I am.
00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:36.480
Because I find that if I weigh myself more regularly, it's just not serving me any good.
00:40:36.719 --> 00:40:42.079
No, that's and I know that I will probably at this point in my life never be happy with the number I see.
00:40:42.239 --> 00:40:46.719
Because right, because the number I really would want to see is 10 pounds lighter than I am.
00:40:47.039 --> 00:40:53.599
And just with how where I am, I have found that's kind of unless I did something like a GLP one, that's not a realistic number for me.
00:40:53.679 --> 00:40:57.280
Because I run every day and I go to the gym three times a week.
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:57.599
Yeah.
00:40:57.760 --> 00:41:03.519
You know, so I feel like unless I'm making a huge change to my diet, yeah, that number's not gonna change.
00:41:03.679 --> 00:41:09.599
So as long as I'm happy and confident in the clothes that I'm wearing and the clothes that I own, that's kind of what I use as my indicator.
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:11.920
I was gonna say, so just like a thought.
00:41:12.079 --> 00:41:19.360
Yeah, I think maybe maybe you've already done this, maybe you just change the number to what you are now.
00:41:19.599 --> 00:41:22.079
I mean, yeah, you are exercising so much.
00:41:22.239 --> 00:41:25.039
You're so healthy, you look amazing, by the way.
00:41:25.199 --> 00:41:25.440
Thank you.
00:41:25.519 --> 00:41:25.920
I appreciate it.
00:41:26.079 --> 00:41:27.440
I think you look beautiful.
00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:34.000
I think if we just change our expectations of like this is the number, and I'm fine with this because I know how healthy I am.
00:41:34.159 --> 00:41:35.679
I know I feel great, right?
00:41:35.840 --> 00:41:41.360
And then then you're not trying to like mentally, you're just not the like fancy acrobatics.
00:41:41.599 --> 00:41:42.559
Yeah, exactly.
00:41:42.880 --> 00:41:44.719
Yeah, you know, that is actually such a good point.
00:41:44.800 --> 00:41:46.480
Why not just say, okay, this is what I weigh now?
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:47.199
This is a good way to do that.
00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:48.480
Well, your body's putting you there.
00:41:48.719 --> 00:41:49.840
Like this is a healthy place.
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:50.719
You're a healthy person.
00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:51.119
Yeah.
00:41:51.199 --> 00:41:58.000
And I mean, I would say that it also really helped when I was at the gym and I was working with a coach because he would weigh me occasionally, not a lot.
00:41:58.239 --> 00:42:02.639
And when we would weigh in, he would just say, Okay, this is good and this is fine.
00:42:02.719 --> 00:42:05.599
Like, don't be worried about this number because you are building muscle.
00:42:05.760 --> 00:42:06.000
Exactly.
00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:07.679
And muscle weighs more than that.
00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:12.559
He was like, What I'm really happy about is that like you're doing pull-ups now and you're happy about that.
00:42:12.719 --> 00:42:16.719
Your numbers on what you can lift, like when you're doing a leg price, has like doubled.
00:42:17.039 --> 00:42:19.360
So that's the indicators you really need to look at.
00:42:19.519 --> 00:42:25.039
He said, We can use weight sometimes if you're really training hard and you've really got a goal of what you want to get your muscle mass to.
00:42:25.119 --> 00:42:28.159
He was like, But other than that, I wouldn't really worry about it too much.
00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:30.480
And so that was really helpful when I was like, you know what?
00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:32.639
Even if the scale does go up a little bit, exactly.
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:35.920
It's okay because I'm making muscle and I can see my leg definition now.
00:42:36.159 --> 00:42:42.079
So yeah, and I'm happier with my body sometimes when it's heavier if I'm working out than I am when I'm lighter.
00:42:42.239 --> 00:42:42.400
Yeah.
00:42:42.639 --> 00:42:43.039
It's funny.
00:42:43.119 --> 00:42:46.320
I saw this hilarious Instagram reel.
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:47.519
It was the best.
00:42:47.679 --> 00:42:51.199
I loved it so much, and I refer back to it sometimes when I'm feeling low on myself.
00:42:51.440 --> 00:42:56.320
And it's this woman who's a bodybuilder, and people tease her because she looks a lot like Sabrina Carpenter.
00:42:56.480 --> 00:43:00.559
They call her like swole Sabrina Carpenter because she looks so much like her.
00:43:00.719 --> 00:43:04.400
And she did this hilarious video where she was like, Oh, can you believe it?
00:43:04.559 --> 00:43:08.079
I was just out, and some man thought that I weighed 130 pounds.
00:43:08.239 --> 00:43:11.920
And then she's like flexing in the video, like flexing her butt, like flexing her arms.
00:43:12.000 --> 00:43:13.039
And she was like, please.
00:43:13.360 --> 00:43:14.800
She was like, Have you seen me?
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:16.639
I am a cool 165.
00:43:16.800 --> 00:43:20.880
She was like, Because I am a I am a slice, I am a piece of cake.
00:43:21.039 --> 00:43:24.800
She was like, I cannot believe that man thought I was only 130.
00:43:24.880 --> 00:43:29.360
She was like, These are hard-earned muscles, and there's no way I could, you know, be that light.
00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:32.239
And she was just like totally celebrating it.
00:43:32.320 --> 00:43:34.800
And she was like, This is what a fit woman looks like.
00:43:34.960 --> 00:43:37.679
This is how much you weigh to be a foot woman like this.
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.960
And don't try and put me in a box and say that, oh, you look fit and strong.
00:43:41.039 --> 00:43:42.960
So therefore, your number must be down here.
00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:43.920
It was amazing.
00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:48.639
I'm gonna find it and send you because it's it's just hilarious, also because her raw confidence.
00:43:48.800 --> 00:43:51.679
Yeah, she's just dripping in confidence, and I'm like, I love that.
00:43:51.760 --> 00:43:56.719
Yes, and like also a way to normalize a healthy body weight.
00:43:56.800 --> 00:43:56.960
Yeah.
00:43:57.119 --> 00:43:59.760
And way to normalize that it's okay to put your number out there.
00:44:00.400 --> 00:44:04.719
And not be ashamed of it because these we all have different bodies and we're all gonna have different weights.
00:44:04.800 --> 00:44:05.039
Yeah.
00:44:05.199 --> 00:44:06.000
And that's okay.
00:44:06.320 --> 00:44:08.079
We need so much more of that out here.
00:44:08.239 --> 00:44:08.639
We do.
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:09.599
So much more.
00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:10.880
So much more of that.
00:44:11.119 --> 00:44:11.360
Yeah.
00:44:11.599 --> 00:44:18.480
I know it's just like one of I'm like, I wish I could show this to my daughter, but she's too young and I don't even need to put weight in her mind yet, you know.
00:44:18.559 --> 00:44:21.119
But one day I'll just keep this tucked away.
00:44:21.599 --> 00:44:24.320
So one day I can say, no, baby girl, this is a healthy woman.
00:44:24.480 --> 00:44:24.639
Yeah.
00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:26.159
This is a healthy weight.
00:44:26.480 --> 00:44:32.480
And she's scoffing at the fact that someone thinks that she should be lighter or that she even is lighter, you know?
00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:33.039
Yeah.
00:44:33.199 --> 00:44:34.400
So I don't know.
00:44:34.559 --> 00:44:36.320
Just a lot of things to think about.
00:44:36.559 --> 00:44:36.960
For sure.
00:44:37.119 --> 00:44:37.519
All the time.
00:44:38.000 --> 00:44:38.559
Absolutely.
00:44:38.719 --> 00:44:39.280
Constantly.
00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:44.800
But as we start to wrap up, there was one thing that I wanted to, and I, you know, it's funny.
00:44:44.880 --> 00:44:48.239
I think that this conversation is probably one that we could have again.
00:44:48.559 --> 00:44:52.880
And maybe we would because there's just so many different elements of it.
00:44:52.960 --> 00:44:58.320
And so as things come up, as questions come in, as we think, like, man, we could have talked more about that.
00:44:58.719 --> 00:45:00.320
You may see us come back to this.
00:45:00.559 --> 00:45:07.039
And I think that's okay too, because we're women and women love to talk and women process things through talking.
00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:10.239
So don't mind us if we revisit this.
00:45:10.559 --> 00:45:16.559
You know, but for now, for today, to wrap this up, I want to leave you, listener, with a question.
00:45:16.639 --> 00:45:26.239
And then I want, you know, me and Kim to also answer this question is if you could talk to your 20-year-old self about her body, what would you tell her?
00:45:26.719 --> 00:45:37.360
Oh, I think I would tell her that she's beautiful just the way she is, and to just love her and not be so hard on her.
00:45:37.599 --> 00:45:38.079
Yeah.
00:45:38.559 --> 00:45:38.960
Yeah.
00:45:39.119 --> 00:45:55.360
You know, I think that would be pretty similar for me because in my 20s, early 20s, I was still in college, and I remember that was kind of the one time in my life when I most struggled with that, you know, kind of control bulimia, where I would binge eat and then vomit.
00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:59.280
And I struggled with that for a few years, I would say three to five years.
00:45:59.360 --> 00:46:01.199
And it was in that window of time.
00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:09.039
And I remember just feeling so low on myself and just feeling like, why can't I just be thin like everyone else?
00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:09.440
You know.
00:46:09.840 --> 00:46:16.400
But now when I look back at pictures of that 20-year-old girl, I'm like, wow, she was so young, she was so beautiful.
00:46:16.719 --> 00:46:22.880
Look at how gorgeous her hair was, you know, look at how fresh her face was, how much her eyes shine.
00:46:23.119 --> 00:46:30.559
And I think very similar to you, I would tell her, Krista, you look so young and healthy.
00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:34.000
And think about how much your body can do right now.
00:46:34.159 --> 00:46:39.840
You can run wherever you want, you can hike wherever you want, you have energy for days.
00:46:40.079 --> 00:46:40.400
Yeah.
00:46:40.639 --> 00:46:42.559
And focus on that.
00:46:42.800 --> 00:46:49.039
Think about how much your body does for you and just be so confident and grateful in that.
00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:57.199
You know, especially now that I'm older and I start to have the aches and the pains and the areas where I feel like I'm not slowing down and everything.
00:46:57.280 --> 00:47:00.320
But, you know, I wake up with a a little bit of a backache.
00:47:00.400 --> 00:47:00.880
Oh, for sure.
00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:03.920
You know, and I'm like, oh, to be 20 again.
00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:04.159
Yeah.
00:47:04.480 --> 00:47:08.639
To have that body that was seemingly bursting with energy.
00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:09.119
Yeah.
00:47:09.280 --> 00:47:14.480
Well, it's interesting, you know, because when you asked me that question, I really like I just thought about like knowing I would be hard on my body.
00:47:14.639 --> 00:47:17.119
But then I went back to like when I was 20.
00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:22.400
I was so hard on myself because I mean, I got married young, right?
00:47:22.480 --> 00:47:23.760
I got married at 19.
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:28.800
But shortly after I got married, I found out that my ex-husband was like very unfaithful the whole time, right?
00:47:28.960 --> 00:47:31.519
And he he also had a really big porn addiction.
00:47:31.760 --> 00:47:40.079
Anyways, so for me, that destroyed my self-confidence as like a woman because I was like, why am I not enough?
00:47:40.239 --> 00:47:40.480
Right.
00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:42.480
Obviously, I it was nothing to do with me.
00:47:42.960 --> 00:47:44.079
He just had huge problems.
00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:45.679
But at 20, you didn't know that.
00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:46.960
No, I had no idea.
00:47:47.119 --> 00:47:56.159
And so I felt, and then he also had a child previously with somebody else, and she was this beautiful, thin, like just she was fantastic.
00:47:56.320 --> 00:47:58.000
I mean, in terms of the way she looked.
00:47:58.559 --> 00:48:04.559
So to your point, like I went through this period of like bulimia and anorexia, just trying to like, and I was 120 pounds.
00:48:05.440 --> 00:48:05.679
Yeah.
00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:08.079
But I felt like I was not enough.
00:48:08.159 --> 00:48:11.119
And I lived in the Middle East in Qatar, so I was stuck.
00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:14.639
So I yeah, there's like if there's a whole backstory there, yeah.
00:48:15.519 --> 00:48:18.239
Anyways, so but I was so hard on myself, Krista.
00:48:18.480 --> 00:48:23.199
Like, so I wish if I could turn back time, there's so much I would tell her.
00:48:23.280 --> 00:48:23.599
Yeah.
00:48:23.840 --> 00:48:29.119
Because you get in that space when things like that happen to you, you just feel so low.
00:48:29.599 --> 00:48:34.559
So I'd say if anyone is listening in this situation, you are so enough.
00:48:34.719 --> 00:48:37.039
Like absolutely 1000% enough.
00:48:37.119 --> 00:48:38.559
And that has nothing to do with you.
00:48:39.360 --> 00:48:39.840
Well, yeah.
00:48:39.920 --> 00:48:45.360
And I think just as like we're talking now and looking back at ourselves then and thinking, like, what a beautiful woman.
00:48:45.519 --> 00:48:59.920
I think that's kind of what I would tell my 20-year-old self, too, is you are gonna look back on yourself in 10 years and you are gonna see your value and you are gonna see your beauty, and you are gonna just see what a perfect, complete woman you were.
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:00.480
Yeah.
00:49:00.639 --> 00:49:03.360
And I wish for you that you could feel that now.
00:49:03.519 --> 00:49:03.760
Yeah.
00:49:03.920 --> 00:49:10.559
And that's what I try to kind of affirm for myself now at almost 40, is I tell myself, you're a badass.
00:49:11.199 --> 00:49:13.280
You are a healthy, beautiful woman.
00:49:13.360 --> 00:49:18.800
And you might not see it now, but 60-year-old Krista is gonna see it and she's gonna look back and see it.
00:49:18.960 --> 00:49:21.199
And so take that makeup free picture.
00:49:21.360 --> 00:49:21.760
For sure.
00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:28.480
Take the picture on your not best day because you yourself will look back at this and you will see the beauty that was there.
00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:29.440
You know, absolutely.
00:49:29.519 --> 00:49:31.360
So on the days when you're the most tired.
00:49:31.440 --> 00:49:33.599
It's like you look in the mirror, it's like, bitch, you are thriving.
00:49:33.679 --> 00:49:34.320
You lost this.
00:49:34.719 --> 00:49:35.039
Exactly.
00:49:35.199 --> 00:49:37.440
So let's try and channel that for ourselves now.
00:49:38.320 --> 00:49:39.199
This is the day.
00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:40.000
Yeah.
00:49:41.039 --> 00:49:43.840
But anyway, I'm so happy you were able to sit down with me.
00:49:43.920 --> 00:49:45.360
I always feel so much better after talking to you.
00:49:45.519 --> 00:49:46.719
I always leave with a big smile on my face.
00:49:47.360 --> 00:49:48.159
It's always so nice.
00:49:48.239 --> 00:49:52.880
I hope that people are able to listen to this and just feel more confidence in themselves.
00:49:53.039 --> 00:49:56.320
You know, I feel like as women, it's it's a struggle every day.
00:49:56.480 --> 00:50:01.119
And we are we are beautiful people with so much like power in our bodies and who we are.
00:50:01.440 --> 00:50:04.639
And also to realize that we don't have it figured out.
00:50:04.719 --> 00:50:04.880
Yeah.
00:50:05.119 --> 00:50:07.840
None of us have it figured out, and we are all just doing the best we can.
00:50:08.079 --> 00:50:08.320
Absolutely.
00:50:08.559 --> 00:50:15.519
And so if there's ever a moment that you feel isolated or that you're not enough, confide that in a friend because the chances are they probably feel similarly.
00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:22.000
And then at least now you'll have a hype woman in your corner who can tell you, no, you are killing it.
00:50:22.239 --> 00:50:24.159
And yes, Queen, you are enough.
00:50:24.239 --> 00:50:24.559
Yeah.
00:50:24.719 --> 00:50:25.199
You know?
00:50:25.440 --> 00:50:28.400
So anyway, we hope that you have a good day.
00:50:28.639 --> 00:50:30.079
Have a good rest of your week.
00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:31.440
We will see you next time.
00:50:31.679 --> 00:50:32.000
Bye.
00:50:32.320 --> 00:50:32.800
Bye.
00:50:33.360 --> 00:50:35.440
Thanks for listening to Messy as hell.
00:50:35.599 --> 00:50:38.000
Until next time, stay messy.
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:02.479
It was such a treat to get to see you on Saturday.
00:00:02.560 --> 00:00:04.879
And now, like two days later, I get to see you again.
00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:05.519
I know.
00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:06.480
How was your Sunday?
00:00:06.559 --> 00:00:07.519
What did you guys get up to?
00:00:07.679 --> 00:00:08.240
Let's see.
00:00:08.320 --> 00:00:13.839
I went to church with the family for the first hour, and then I went to work from 12 to like 7.15.
00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:14.960
I got home at 7.15.
00:00:15.119 --> 00:00:16.399
Damn, that's a very long Sunday.
00:00:16.719 --> 00:00:17.199
It was a long day.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:20.320
And it was a really stressful, like high energy and high stress clients.
00:00:20.480 --> 00:00:24.320
So was it the same client all day long or was it multiple clients?
00:00:24.879 --> 00:00:25.359
Two different ones.
00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:25.760
Okay.
00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:30.480
So yeah, then I went home and got in the hot tub with a family and de-stressed, and it was perfect.
00:00:30.640 --> 00:00:31.120
Oh, nice.
00:00:31.199 --> 00:00:31.359
Okay.
00:00:31.440 --> 00:00:34.159
I bet that was like such a nice reset for your nervous system.
00:00:34.479 --> 00:00:34.880
Yeah, it was.
00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:35.439
It was perfect.
00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:36.320
Okay, good.
00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:39.280
Well, hopefully we'll carry on some good vibes.
00:00:39.439 --> 00:00:43.280
And hopefully, as we move into this episode, we'll continue to reset that nervous system.
00:00:43.600 --> 00:00:43.759
Exactly.
00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:46.159
Hopefully, we'll leave you better off than when you walked in.
00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:46.880
Always.
00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:50.000
Welcome to messy as hell with Krista and Kim.
00:00:50.159 --> 00:00:53.039
No filters, no fixes, just real life.
00:00:53.600 --> 00:00:53.920
All right.
00:00:54.240 --> 00:00:55.520
Welcome to Messy as Hell.
00:00:55.679 --> 00:00:56.159
I'm Krista.
00:00:56.399 --> 00:00:57.200
I'm Kimberly.
00:00:57.520 --> 00:00:59.439
And we're so happy you're here with us today.
00:00:59.840 --> 00:01:03.439
Today, we are going to talk about body image.
00:01:03.679 --> 00:01:06.959
I know it's every woman's probably least favorite topic.
00:01:07.040 --> 00:01:13.519
It's just one of those things that's on your mind from the time, some women from the time you're a child, others from the time you're a young adolescent.
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And we felt it was highly relatable and something that really provides an opportunity for us to be vulnerable with each other.
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Absolutely.
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So that's the topic for today.
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But as always, before we get started with that, we're going to start with our messy moments.
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I'm going to have you go first, Kim.
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Okay.
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This one I just had within like the past few hours.
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This is hot off the press, then.
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Hot off the press.
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So we have not had a lot of fall weather.
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So this morning when I woke up, it was really cold.
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I'm like, oh, it's awesome.
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I'm going to wear a sweater, put some boots on, like finally bust out the fall clothes.
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Well, I love it too.
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Your outfit is so chic.
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I'm a huge fan.
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Thank you.
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So it was a really busy morning, ran out the door with the kids, you know, worked all the things, but then it got a lot warmer today.
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And I went and I toured this spectacular$10 million home that's coming on the market.
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Lovely.
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It's I mean, I'm the first.
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He's like, You're the first one in.
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I'm like, I love you.
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Thank you.
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Anyways, it's a VIP treatment.
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Yes.
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It was magnificent.
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So I was touring it for some clients.
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And then when he said, like, you know, as I'm leaving, he's like, You're the first one in.
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I'm like, I love you.
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You're the best.
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Thank you.
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You know, as a friend, I went and I gave him a hug.
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And when I raised my arm, I could smell myself.
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Oh, I forgot to put on deodorant.
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And it was one of those moments where it's like, fuck.
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It smells so bad.
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And I'm giving it a hug.
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And he's like, he's not very he's like my height.
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Yes.
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So he can super smell.
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I'm like, I didn't say anything, but I just, as I'm walking away, I'm like, damn it, I forgot to put on deodorant.
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No, it's all right.
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Maybe it was like those natural pheromones and it was like a nice one.
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It wasn't that.
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No, I have I have bad BO.
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Like it's stinky.
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And so like as I'm driving, then I'm like, no, I'm okay.
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Really quick, before we go into my messy moment, then I am curious.
00:02:53.919 --> 00:02:58.960
Do you feel like you can tell a difference between your BO when you are stressed versus when you are working out?
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Because I have colleagues that swear by the fact that stress BO smells way better than like working out and just activity.
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You know what?
00:03:08.319 --> 00:03:10.960
Probably because when I work out, I don't really notice it.
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Yes.
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Because like I went to Pilates the other day and I I did not have it on because it was like a last minute thing.
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And I was fine.
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Yeah, I was fine.
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So that's interesting.
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Cause this today I am like absolutely.
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I think I need to think about this movie horde because I've actually thought that too.
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Because by and large, I don't usually notice myself.
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And I obviously I do always wear a deodorant, but sometimes I'll be going to like a city council meeting and I've got my deodorant on and I'm like, I can smell myself.
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This is horrifying.
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And I'm like, oh, but maybe that's because those are moments where I'm more stressed or anxious, just because I'm always worried that I'm gonna say something stupid.
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Yeah, you know, and embarrass myself.
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And so there is always some low-lying stress there.
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And so now I'm like, okay, I need to like start anecdotally paying attention because I am curious if there is a difference between like stress sweat and activity sweat.
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So anyway, just something I'm putting on your radar that is not important whatsoever.
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Thank you.
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I appreciate it.
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Now let's get into yours.
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No, I mean mine was just like this absolutely ungraceful moment.
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So I call it the trail tax.
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So I run and I run every day, and I love to run on trails.
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So that's where you can most often find me.
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I drop the kids off at school and then I go find a trail to run.
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That's why I'm always wearing my athleisure clothes when you see me at school drop-off.
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But so yesterday I went for a run and I was not feeling it to begin with.
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Like my legs were tired.
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They felt kind of heavy, which is probably why I fell because I probably wasn't lifting my feet high enough and my toe caught the edge of a rock.
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And as you were saying, we haven't really had nice fall weather yet.
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It's been really hot.
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So the trails are super dry and unforgiving because the dirt is so hard.
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It hasn't been softened by rain or any moisture.
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So I took a fall and it hurt so bad.
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And I just kind of like tried to catch myself.
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I could feel it coming.
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So I did a little bit of a tuck and roll.
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So I rolled a little bit so I didn't fall with any like huge force on one area.
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It was able to spread it out throughout the body a little bit.
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But I just kind of laid there for a second.
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I looked around to make sure there wasn't anyone else who had just seen me or anyone coming.
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And I was like, fuck it.
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I'm not gonna get up straight away.
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I'm just gonna lay there.
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That's a moment of embarrassment.
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Yes.
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And my phone or my watch.
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Because you know, the new iWatch is not new, but newish.
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They all have the like fall detector.
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Oh.
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So they can tell if you fall.
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And so my watch starts alarming.
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It's like, it seems like you took a fall.
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Are you okay?
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Should I call nine more?
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Yes.
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It was like a fall alarm.
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That's exactly what that.
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And you know, it's great that they have that for our older, you know, community members.
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But I was like, yes, I took a fall.
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No, you don't need to call EMS.
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I'm okay.
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I'll get up in a minute.
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So I just lay there.
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I was so dusty.
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I was a mess.
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Thankfully I didn't like cut myself or sprain anything.
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Sure.
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But it was just one of those like really undignified moments where I was so grateful no one was around.
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Because I have definitely fallen plenty of times in front of people and it's horrifying.
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Yeah.
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And you know, it's just it's the name of the game.
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You hit you fall at some point, and I was long overdue.
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I can't remember the last time I fell.
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So what do you call it?
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I call it the trail tax.
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I like that.
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Yeah.
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Every now and then you have to pay the piper.
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So hopefully hopefully I'm good for a little while and put that into the world.
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I do not need to fall anytime soon.
00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:27.279
But anyway, so let's go ahead and launch into our main topic, which is body image.
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And this is something that's been on my mind for a while because it's on my mind basically all the time, to some degree in the back of my mind.
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It's there when I'm making decisions about what I'm gonna eat.
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I think, like, oh, should I eat that?
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Is that gonna make me feel bloated?
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Is that gonna make the scale go up?
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It's in the back of my mind when I'm dressing myself and I'm putting on clothes.
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I'm like, does that outfit look okay today?
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Is that too tight?
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Do I have, you know, weird creases sticking out?
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So I think it's on my mind even more than I realize.
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And that might not be true for everyone, and that might be true for a lot of people.
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So I just thought that this was something that we could have a conversation about, kind of talk about the progression of it through our lives, where we are now versus where we were when we were adolescents.
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Yeah, that's so interesting.
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Cause as you talk, I kind of wonder, is it never in our mind?
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Is it like always there in the back of your mind?
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Because it's like you get dressed in the morning and you think, like, what is this gonna look on me?
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How does this look?
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Like this morning, I was getting ready and I like put my face closer to the mirror and I was just like, God, no, or maybe it was last night.
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I can't even see this is my this is how you know you're getting old.
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Yep.
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But I just looked at my hair, I'm like, God, there's so many great hairs coming and then perimetopause, so it's like thinning, you know, but you just you become so aware and you just constantly think about these things, and you're like, oh man, like what are people seeing?
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You're right.
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Is it never not in our minds?
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So that I actually don't know.
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Now it's almost something I almost want to be aware of.
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Exactly.
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Like, yes, I didn't think of that, I didn't criticize myself for the last.
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How do we get to the point where I give zero fucks?
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Well, yes, and that's exactly it.
00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:21.920
So that's kind of where we'll start the conversation is was there ever a time when you were younger, maybe in your adolescence, maybe in your 20s, when body image was really front and center in your life, and you thought, one day I'll outgrow this, or one day I will be a full-grown woman who doesn't think about this anymore.
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Yeah, I mean, I became very aware of it like at a young age, like really young.
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I was in second grade.
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We had just moved from Canada to Carmel.
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And so we had family coming to fly to visit us for our first Christmas.
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And so my uncle Joe was coming, and this is back in the day when you could like go meet people like inside the airport, like at the carousels and everything.
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Yep.
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We're meeting him like at the baggage area.
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And remember standing there and he walked up to me, like super excited to see me.
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He goes, Oh, Kimmy, so great to see you.
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You know, oh man, look at that nose.
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You could ski off that thing, that thing's so big.
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Oh my gosh.
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I was in second grade.
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And I was so unaware of like the way I looked to people.
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Yeah.
00:09:04.240 --> 00:09:06.639
And in that moment, I was like, as a second grader, should be.
00:09:06.720 --> 00:09:08.960
Yeah, I was like, Oh, do I have a big nose?
00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:14.399
And then ever since then, as a child, like since just being a child, I've always been like, wow, I've got a big nose, right?
00:09:14.639 --> 00:09:19.759
And then people would make jokes as like, even my siblings from then on was like, oh, Kimi's got a ski off nose, right?
00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:27.200
And so as a child growing up, and especially as plastic surgery became like a thing, I always was like, Oh, I'll get plastic surgery someday.
00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:27.440
Okay.
00:09:27.919 --> 00:09:37.840
I mean, I've I've never done it thankfully, but I will say it's you know, it's always been one of those things where like as a child growing as a teenager, yeah, that was my thought process.
00:09:37.919 --> 00:09:39.279
I will outgrow it and die.
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That's how I'm gonna fix it by fixing it in mind.
00:09:42.639 --> 00:09:42.799
Yeah.
00:09:42.960 --> 00:09:43.200
Yeah.
00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:44.080
You know, it's interesting.
00:09:44.159 --> 00:09:54.159
I, when I was younger, I did kind of take solace in the fact I remember being in high school and it being so hard because I just did not have that, you know, because there are a lot of girls in high school that are like super skinny.
00:09:54.240 --> 00:09:55.679
It's pretty standard.
00:09:55.759 --> 00:09:57.200
And I was never that kid.
00:09:57.279 --> 00:10:00.960
And so I remember thinking, like, oh, this sucks, but this is just an era.
00:10:01.279 --> 00:10:05.360
And one day I'll go to college or I'll be a grown-up and this won't be as big of a deal.
00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:05.840
Yeah.
00:10:06.000 --> 00:10:14.159
Unfortunately, here I am at almost 40, and I am still thinking, like, oh man, I am not the ideal body type, or I am not X, Y, or Z.
00:10:14.399 --> 00:10:16.240
You know, so I thought I would outgrow it.
00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:16.879
I didn't.
00:10:17.039 --> 00:10:20.159
And that's why we're here, talking on messy as hell about it.
00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:24.080
And so you already kind of answered my first question that I was gonna bring up.
00:10:24.240 --> 00:10:25.519
And we can just all answer it.
00:10:25.600 --> 00:10:27.759
And then if you want to talk a little bit more about it, that works too.
00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:32.639
But my question was, and this, you know, listener, you answer this for yourself as well.
00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:40.480
Is when you were younger, as an adolescent or as a child, did you have one particular thing that you were insecure about?
00:10:40.720 --> 00:10:44.240
I mean, and it sounds like it was definitely your uncle put your nose.
00:10:44.559 --> 00:10:45.519
Yeah, front and center.
00:10:45.840 --> 00:10:51.919
But then, but then when I was younger, I got, you know, as kids do, you grow and you gain some weight and then you expand or you get taller.
00:10:52.159 --> 00:10:59.519
But then towards like end of fifth grade, beginning of sixth grade, I started to get like a little not heavier, just like I was I was gaining weight.
00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:06.000
And my mom, you know, she did the best she could because her mom always had her like on a diet.
00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:10.960
My mom was anorexic and bulimic most of her like you know, childhood to being like leaving the house.
00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:14.639
It was, and she was on diets and all the things and and diet pills, whatever it was.
00:11:14.799 --> 00:11:16.080
So she always struggled.
00:11:16.159 --> 00:11:18.720
And so in her mind, that is what you did as a mother.
00:11:19.360 --> 00:11:27.039
And so, like fifth and sixth grade, like end of fifth, beginning of sixth, rolled around, and that was like where the those like fenfen pills were coming out.
00:11:27.440 --> 00:11:28.559
And so they were doing them.
00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:30.399
And so she's like, You need to go on these.
00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:40.480
And then I would come home from school every day, and she had a treadmill, and so she would make me run on the treadmill right after she did, and I had to reach anywhere from three to five miles every day after school.
00:11:40.720 --> 00:11:47.120
And so between both of those, I was very aware, like that I and I, you know, I dropped weight, you know, and like within six months.
00:11:47.200 --> 00:11:48.480
And so that made me feel good.
00:11:48.559 --> 00:11:49.759
Like, oh my, oh, I feel good.
00:11:49.840 --> 00:11:56.399
While my brother Tyler, she had no expectations for it, and and he was a chunky kid at school and he would get made fun of.
00:11:56.799 --> 00:11:59.679
And so I was just like, Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be this way, right?
00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:02.960
Like society tells you, like, you have to be thin in order to be liked.
00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:07.039
Yep, and in order to not get made fun of, in order to keep yourself off everyone's radar.
00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:07.759
Exactly.
00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:09.200
Yeah, that's so tough.
00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:21.600
And I I feel like that's a discussion we need to get into later is the what our expectations and our moms placed on us and how we kind of break those expectations for our daughters so they don't feel that same pressure from even within the home.
00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:21.919
Yeah.
00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:24.000
Because it was definitely, I feel like a generational thing.
00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:30.080
I feel like there's a whole generation of moms that felt that way themselves and then kind of put that on their daughters.
00:12:30.399 --> 00:12:32.480
But mine, I am Latina.
00:12:32.559 --> 00:12:33.200
I've mentioned that before.
00:12:33.279 --> 00:12:34.240
I'm very short.
00:12:34.399 --> 00:12:35.840
I'm five foot or five one.
00:12:35.919 --> 00:12:40.480
I always thought I was five two, and then one day at the children's hospital, my colleague was like, let's measure ourselves.
00:12:40.639 --> 00:12:45.679
I'm definitely not five, two, which was actually really a kind of sad little blow to my ego.
00:12:46.399 --> 00:12:50.159
But I'm short and I'm a little bit of a thicker Latina.
00:12:50.240 --> 00:12:54.559
I've got, I'm, I mean, yeah, I've just got, I've got big thighs, I've got kind of a big booty.
00:12:54.639 --> 00:13:05.360
And so my thighs were always an issue for me growing up because all the girls I went to school with, beyond being taller, they also had these like very slender thighs that didn't touch, that didn't rub together.
00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:06.720
And mine always did.
00:13:06.799 --> 00:13:09.120
I mean, I don't know if you remember when thigh gaps were a thing.
00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:09.759
Yeah, yeah.
00:13:09.919 --> 00:13:17.120
But I remember when that term thigh gap came out, I was so discouraged because I would look at myself in the mirror and think, like, oh my gosh, my thighs will never not touch.
00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:20.000
There is nothing I can do to make my thighs not touch.
00:13:20.240 --> 00:13:22.559
And that was always just such a big thing for me in high school.
00:13:22.639 --> 00:13:26.399
I never wanted to wear shorts, I never wanted to wear short skirts.
00:13:26.639 --> 00:13:37.519
I hated it when Abercrombie and Fitch and Hollister were such a big trend because those jeans never ever fit me because they were made for skinny girls without butts and thighs.
00:13:37.679 --> 00:13:40.480
And I just wanted to be on trend like everyone else.
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:45.679
I just wanted to be able to go into those stores with my friends and buy the same jeans that they were buying, but I could not.
00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:50.159
If I got it to fit on my thighs, it would not fit my waist or my leg length at all.
00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:52.559
You know, it was so discouraging.
00:13:52.799 --> 00:14:01.120
And it's funny because I have this one memory that was actually just a boy being a boy, but actually has stuck with me.
00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:03.519
What is it, 20, 25 years later?
00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:05.039
And it's a good one, actually.
00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:10.000
So I was in high school and I had this friend who was a boy, not a boyfriend, but a friend that was a boy.
00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:13.600
We would go to the gym together in high school because there wasn't a lot to do in my small town.
00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:16.480
So we would go to the gym and we'd all lift weights together, which was fun.
00:14:16.879 --> 00:14:22.399
And so he and I were there one day working out, and we were watching these other girls work out.
00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:27.519
There was a bunch of my friends from high school, and I were telling him, like, oh my gosh, I wish that my legs looked like theirs.
00:14:27.679 --> 00:14:31.840
I wish I could wear those shorts that they're wearing and had those like perfect legs.
00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:40.159
And he looked at me and he kind of like gave my leg a poke with his finger and he was like, No, Krista, like guys actually like girls with a little meat on them.
00:14:40.639 --> 00:14:42.720
He was like, This is actually a thing for guys.
00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:49.440
He was like, I know you have this idea in your mind that you need to look like this, but that's not like reality for everyone.
00:14:49.519 --> 00:14:56.320
He was like, I promise you, if you asked a guy if he was into thighs and a booty, he would 100% say yes.
00:14:56.399 --> 00:15:02.000
And it was so funny because it was this, you know, 17-year-old high school boy just kind of objectifying women.
00:15:02.159 --> 00:15:02.320
Yeah.
00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:06.080
But at the same point, he was saying it to be sweet, and it was actually so sweet.
00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:13.200
I remember sitting there thinking, like, okay, I've got this image in my mind, but that's not the same image that everyone else has.
00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:15.679
Like, I don't need to be so hard on myself.
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:16.399
And it's so funny.
00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:26.159
So sometimes even to this day, when I'm thinking about my big thighs and how I can't run without them chafing, I can't wear cute shorts when I run because my skin's gonna get all chafed and fucked up.
00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:27.679
I think, you know what, it's okay.
00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:28.080
Yeah.
00:15:28.240 --> 00:15:29.840
Men like women with a little meat on them.
00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:30.559
Absolutely.
00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:38.159
And also to combat that, I don't know if you remember this, but I think I mean it was around because social media was coming around that time too.
00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:41.120
Or it this came out eventually, like on social media.
00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:45.440
But I remember seeing this where you know, I mean, everyone has their phone while they're on the toilet.
00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:45.759
Yes.
00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:54.000
And there was this thing where like the person had no thigh gap, and there was like, thank God I have no thigh gap because my phone didn't drop in the toilet, kind of a thing.
00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:57.120
And I was like, I love that because it's self-deprecating, right?
00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:00.399
But like also it lets people know that like it's okay.
00:16:00.639 --> 00:16:02.799
There doesn't have to be like one box fits all.
00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:04.320
These are real bodies, right?
00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:16.720
But also then at the same time, I don't know if you've had this as you've grown, but I mean, you have the friends or you know the people, or or you kind of develop a different thought process where they are in your mind, they look the ultimate, right?
00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:25.360
They've had the plastic surgery or they've always been the most beautiful, but then you talk to them and they are just as self-conscious about things as like we are.
00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:27.120
And you're like in your mind, you're like, How?
00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:30.559
But then you realize they've grown up in the same society as we have.
00:16:30.720 --> 00:16:35.440
And so it's like, how could you and it's a never-ending cycle exactly where you could always be better, exactly?
00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:36.240
You know, yeah.
00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:36.720
Yeah.
00:16:36.799 --> 00:16:46.000
Well, so then that kind of leads me into my second question, which is that insecurity that we just talked about, or those insecurities as an adult now, yeah, nearing 40.
00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:48.879
Are you still thinking about those same things?
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:50.639
Are they still on your mind?
00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:57.759
I would say, like if you asked me that question a few years ago, I would say absolutely a hundred percent.
00:16:58.159 --> 00:17:05.519
Now I would say when you were talking about that, that made me realize it's always slightly in the back of my head.
00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:16.400
But then because I've done a lot of really great ketamine therapy, truly, like, and I admit that that has helped make me give no fucks about so many things.
00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:18.160
So you just don't give it air to breathe anymore.
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:18.559
Yeah.
00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:19.599
So I mean it will enter.
00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:24.480
And like, so when I was looking at my gray hair, I was like, oh, but then I was also like, this was earned, who cares?
00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:24.720
Yeah.
00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:25.599
And I walked away.
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:26.160
Exactly.
00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:32.160
So, you know, it's not something I want to see, but then it's also was like, I also think that silver can be so sexy.
00:17:32.319 --> 00:17:36.640
I see some women rocking silver and I'm like, yes, queen, you look amazing.
00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:42.480
They're they're coming in, but you know, and I do try to dye them, but you know, they like I said, they keep coming back.
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:49.759
I feel like if if I was gonna give a percentage, I'm probably like 25% because it comes in and then I push it away, and it comes in and I pushed it away.
00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:51.920
So I feel proud that I've gotten to that point.
00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:52.160
Yep.
00:17:52.319 --> 00:17:56.160
I love for it to go away fully, but I don't know that I can because of society.
00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:58.160
Yeah, I just don't know that it ever will go away.
00:17:58.240 --> 00:17:58.400
Yeah.
00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:03.279
I mean, so for me with my thighs, it has definitely been a lifelong struggle.
00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:14.000
I will say the one time I really felt like I felt confident about it was when I finally got into a gym and started doing serious, not serious, but like more serious weightlifting.
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:19.039
I hired a coach for myself and he and I worked worked together three to four times a week.
00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:23.680
I had an era of about a year when I worked with him really seriously because I really wanted to do pull-ups.
00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:25.440
And so he was helping me get to pull-ups.
00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:29.599
And once we got to the pull-ups, he was like, Okay, will you let me focus on other parts of your body now?
00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:35.839
We've been doing a lot of back work, but like, let's look at shoulders and arms and legs because you're really missing an opportunity with your legs.
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:37.119
Those are huge muscle groups.
00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:37.359
Yeah.
00:18:37.440 --> 00:18:38.880
Like, let's do a little bit of work there.
00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:40.480
And so I said, okay, fine.
00:18:40.559 --> 00:18:45.279
And I let him start putting me on squats and doing like the leg press.
00:18:45.519 --> 00:18:55.680
And when I started doing that more regularly and seeing how strong my legs were getting and actually like seeing the definition of my legs for the very first time in my entire life, and that was in my 30s.
00:18:56.160 --> 00:18:57.519
I appreciated my thighs.
00:18:57.599 --> 00:19:00.640
And I was like, wow, look how strong they can be.
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:01.920
Look how toned they can be.
00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:03.759
Like, this is actually a vibe.
00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:07.200
But I guess I am okay with this, but it took me into my 30s.
00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:07.599
Yeah.
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:15.519
Now, unfortunately, that still waxes and wanes because I don't always work out my legs routinely because sometimes it makes me too tired and then I can't run.
00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:18.079
So that is the day that I am most likely to skip.
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:28.720
And I find that when I fall off of leg date for a while, I start to kind of back slip with my legs and think, okay, well, now, you know, they look a little jiggly or they just look a little extra large.
00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:30.880
And I get in my head again.
00:19:31.119 --> 00:19:35.599
But then it motivates me to say, okay, you know, go back to the gym, tone them up a little bit, work hard.
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:38.640
And I'm to the point now where like I wear shorts.
00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:39.279
I don't care.
00:19:39.359 --> 00:19:40.400
I'm gonna wear shorts all the time.
00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:41.599
I want to be comfortable.
00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:52.960
And I have been running every day for almost seven years, and I'm like, I want to be proud of these legs because these legs have carried me through a very long run streak, and it would be a shame to not be proud of them.
00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:55.279
Yeah, you know, and to not put them out there.
00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:58.319
So I'm not like flaunting it, but I will wear shorts now.
00:19:58.480 --> 00:20:03.039
I still am aware of them because I can't wear shorts for a long run because I still will chafe.
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:05.119
Because again, I will never have a thigh gap.
00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:09.519
They will always rub, but now I would say I more just think about it functionally.
00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:12.400
Like, okay, what do I need to wear that's gonna work with this body?
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:12.960
For sure.
00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:14.000
For sure, for sure.
00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:20.720
And I think I don't know if I mean I'm sure this is the same for you, but I think what also helps me that push it out of my mind is I'm married.
00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:22.240
I have a great husband that loves me.
00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:23.440
He married me the way I am.
00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:24.960
Yeah, and he's into it.
00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:25.359
Yeah, exactly.
00:20:25.599 --> 00:20:26.160
He's totally into it.
00:20:26.640 --> 00:20:31.759
He thinks I'm beautiful, he thinks I'm getting more beautiful with age, which I think is hilarious, but I'm so grateful for.
00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:32.720
No, it is true.
00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:34.400
So, you know, I don't know.
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:35.359
So that helps.
00:20:35.440 --> 00:20:37.359
And then my kids, you know, I my kids love me.
00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:37.920
You know what I mean?
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:40.240
I'm like, those are the only people I really give fucks about.
00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:40.799
That's right.
00:20:41.119 --> 00:20:43.440
Yeah, and you know, I do try and tell myself that a lot too.
00:20:43.519 --> 00:20:47.759
And I will say having a loving partner is a total confidence booster.
00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:51.839
It is because I'm like, my husband is into this, he loves me.
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:54.480
And like after all these years, he's genuinely into it.
00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:57.200
Like he'll tell me he's like, no love, like I am into you.
00:20:57.279 --> 00:21:00.000
Like, I still think you're gonna be exactly.
00:21:00.160 --> 00:21:01.440
And I'm like, you know what?
00:21:01.599 --> 00:21:04.000
If that's not a boost to your confidence, I don't know what it is.
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:06.640
And I'll take it because I'm not putting this out there for everyone.
00:21:06.799 --> 00:21:07.599
I'm putting it out there for him.
00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:11.839
One person that matters picking up what I'm putting up, then fantastic.
00:21:14.079 --> 00:21:20.480
Well, and so now looking back to our younger selves, you know, have you ever looked back at a picture of yourself?
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:28.960
And maybe it was a time, like a particularly hard time when you were really being hard on yourself, and you look back at that picture now and you're like, you were so beautiful.
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:30.960
Why were you so hard on yourself?
00:21:31.200 --> 00:21:32.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:37.920
I so that's the funny thing is I actually don't have a lot of childhood photos since I don't have a relationship with my family.
00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:45.920
But I do have a few, and then recently, because of you know, kind of reconnecting with family, there have been a few photos that have been sent out.
00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:50.240
So I'm looking at photos of myself and I'm sharing them with my daughter, and she's like, Oh, you're so beautiful.
00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:55.200
How cute! But it's interesting because I actually look a lot like Natalie, like or she looks a lot like me.
00:21:55.839 --> 00:21:56.480
Adorable, yes.
00:21:56.720 --> 00:22:05.279
There's a lot of like overlapping, and I just like it for me, it made me just like a Look at it differently and be like you, like I wish I could just tell myself, like you are beautiful.
00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:06.400
You are so beautiful.
00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:06.880
Yeah.
00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:11.519
And now when you see it looking at your daughter and seeing this little mini mirror, like she's gorgeous.
00:22:11.759 --> 00:22:14.079
She's so beautiful and perfect, you know?
00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:17.279
And if only you could have given yourself that much embrace.
00:22:17.680 --> 00:22:18.559
Well, I think that's too.
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:19.920
And I sorry, I don't mean to cut you off.
00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:34.079
I was just gonna say that also is a big reason why I try to lean into all of me and not not do any type of surgery or anything or alterations to what I look like because I want her to know that I am confident in what I look like and I love who I am.
00:22:34.160 --> 00:22:40.799
And that's not judgment on anyone else who that does whatever they do, but that's just more me, what I want from my daughter in our house.
00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:44.880
And you want that to be what she can move forward with is being confident in who you are.
00:22:45.119 --> 00:22:45.680
Exactly.
00:22:45.920 --> 00:22:50.160
Yeah, when I think about this, this a very particular story comes to my mind.
00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:53.839
And it's I have this girlfriend that we have worked together for years.
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:58.160
We've been friends for about 12 years now, and we knew each other before kids.
00:22:58.319 --> 00:23:06.799
And we used to spend a lot of time, our quality time would be going on hikes or going on bike rides, and it was, and it's not funny, but it's true.
00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:13.680
We together would talk about weight loss a lot because it was always on our minds when we were in our mid-20s.
00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:17.039
We she's similar to me, she's also kind of shorter.
00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:20.400
She also has figure, you know, she's also got curves.
00:23:20.559 --> 00:23:23.119
And so for us in our minds, we were never thin enough.
00:23:23.359 --> 00:23:24.960
You know, we always wanted to be thinner.
00:23:25.119 --> 00:23:26.799
We always wanted to have that.
00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:30.960
I mean, you remember in the 90s when like heroin chic was what was in.
00:23:31.279 --> 00:23:36.319
We never wanted to be that thin, but we wanted to get more towards what society said was the goal.
00:23:36.960 --> 00:23:52.079
And it's funny because about two years ago, after we'd had kids and after our bodies had started to change into our 30s, she found a picture of us from a bike ride that we had gone on and she sent it to me and she said, Look at this picture that I found from like eight years ago.
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:59.839
I remember us thinking that very week we had talked about how we wished we could lose five pounds and how we wished our arms were a little smaller.
00:23:59.920 --> 00:24:03.920
And she's like, And now I look at this picture and I look at us and I think we looked great.
00:24:04.079 --> 00:24:04.240
Yeah.
00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:09.440
Look how good and tone our arms look, look how thin we look, look how athletic we look.
00:24:09.680 --> 00:24:12.640
And I think, why didn't I give myself credit back then?
00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:13.920
Why didn't I realize it then?
00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:16.720
I'm looking at this picture now and I would like to kill for that body.
00:24:16.799 --> 00:24:16.960
Right.
00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:19.039
And I looked at it, I'm like, you're so right.
00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:19.440
Right.
00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:21.279
Why could we not see it then?
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:21.680
Yeah.
00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:23.680
It was kind of like a hard pill to swallow.
00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:33.839
But it was actually that that kind of then put it in my mind of like, okay, if now at 30 I'm looking back at this picture from 25 and I'm thinking of how great I looked then.
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:39.839
One day when I'm 50, I'm gonna look it back at my pictures from when I was 35 and I'm gonna say, you were smoking hot.
00:24:40.079 --> 00:24:41.200
Look how great you looked.
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:42.960
Look how youthful your face looked.
00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:43.440
Absolutely.
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:54.480
So now I make a big point to take pictures of myself with my kids and just say, I might not be feeling my very best today, but I'm gonna take this picture because I bet Krista 10 years from now is gonna see this photo and say, Damn, you looked good.
00:24:54.640 --> 00:24:55.359
Oh, absolutely.
00:24:55.599 --> 00:24:56.400
I wish I still looked good.
00:24:56.640 --> 00:24:57.119
Have you?
00:24:57.359 --> 00:24:59.119
There was, I can't remember what movie.
00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:08.160
Oh, I think it was Shits Creek, where the mom says, like, take a ton of nudes because someday when you're older, you're gonna wish you had that body.
00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:08.480
Yes.
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:14.880
And there's been, I have had I've had a few friends who've made like calendars for like their uh spouses or like them photos.
00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:19.680
And part of me has wanted to do that because I'm like the boudoir photo shoot.
00:25:20.079 --> 00:25:20.319
Exactly.
00:25:20.480 --> 00:25:22.000
Because I'm just like, I want to remember.
00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:25.599
I mean, you actually, this is not great because this is post-poor children.
00:25:25.839 --> 00:25:26.720
Oh, I think it's smoking.
00:25:27.039 --> 00:25:29.440
But later on in life, I will think it was great.
00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:30.079
Yes, right.
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:32.799
And so I have like all my insecurities now.
00:25:32.960 --> 00:25:36.000
But like I said, he loves me for the way I am now.
00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:39.200
And so I think, you know, maybe that is for time.
00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:41.519
So funny because I totally remember when that was a thing.
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:50.160
I had a lot of girls, maybe five to ten years ago with the girls I worked with, they were all making the boudoir like photo books for their husbands for like their wedding, you know.
00:25:50.799 --> 00:25:54.480
That I mean, you gotta find a good photographer for that.
00:25:54.799 --> 00:25:57.920
Maybe we should get Kendra's ears and do like a game together.
00:25:58.319 --> 00:26:00.799
Hey, friend, do you want to see me in some nasty launder?
00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:08.160
Yeah, it's gotta be so it's either gotta be someone very professional that you don't know at all or someone that you really love and trust.
00:26:08.400 --> 00:26:09.599
That's too funny.
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:12.079
Well, continuing the conversation.
00:26:12.319 --> 00:26:15.119
So now we we talked about what it was like when we were younger.
00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:27.039
And now, as we've gotten older, you know, one thing that I think that can be so hard for women is just when you start to feel confident or just when you start to feel like maybe you've got a hold on it, the goalpost moves.
00:26:27.200 --> 00:26:27.519
Oh, yeah.
00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:30.960
You know, there's forever-changing trends, just like I was talking about earlier.
00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:33.440
Like in the 90s, there was the heroine chic.
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:42.400
And then I don't know, there was having big boobs and a flat stomach, you know, or then there was then big butts were actually again, but you had to have a big butt with a flat stomach.
00:26:42.720 --> 00:26:44.079
Kim Kardashian said that for.
00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:45.759
Oh my goodness, I know.
00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:50.880
What was that picture that broke the internet of her like butt with her pouring champagne into the cup?
00:26:51.839 --> 00:26:52.720
I'm sure.
00:26:52.960 --> 00:26:53.680
I'm sure.
00:26:53.920 --> 00:26:54.559
Oh man.
00:26:54.799 --> 00:27:05.039
So it's like there's so many trends and so many eras that come through that it's like one minute you're actually confident of yourself because you're on trend, but then the next minute it changes.
00:27:05.119 --> 00:27:05.279
Yeah.
00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:06.880
It's like, how are you supposed to keep up?
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:08.880
And I think honestly, we're not supposed to keep up.
00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:09.279
No.
00:27:09.440 --> 00:27:12.079
But how do you not care when everyone around you cares?
00:27:12.480 --> 00:27:13.200
That's the question.
00:27:13.359 --> 00:27:15.519
That is, I mean, that is on point.
00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:18.240
How do you not care when everyone else is caring, right?
00:27:18.319 --> 00:27:21.279
Because trends are trends and you want to fit in naturally.
00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:27.279
Yes, that's one of the things that's really hard for me because where we are thin is really back in right now.
00:27:27.359 --> 00:27:30.559
And I think it has a lot to do with GLP ones and their accessibility.
00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:30.880
Yeah.
00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:39.039
I think Ozempic coming onto the market and all of its little brothers and sisters has really changed the model for everyone again.
00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:47.920
And it's really hard because I was starting to get really into myself because of working out of the gym and feeling like, okay, I'm really happy.
00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:50.400
I'm more solid than I've ever been.
00:27:50.559 --> 00:27:55.119
I'm definitely more thick, I you know, for lack of better words, than I've ever been.
00:27:55.200 --> 00:27:58.640
But that's okay because it's also a gym body and it's also muscle.
00:27:59.599 --> 00:28:03.839
But then Ozempic came along and thin came along again.
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:07.440
And it's like, how do you keep that noise out of your head?
00:28:07.839 --> 00:28:16.720
It's so interesting, you know, because I know so many people that have done Ozempic and that are doing, I should say, because this is a lifetime kind of thing.
00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:20.160
Some of them truly needed it and it's been transformational.
00:28:20.559 --> 00:28:23.680
It is a life, I don't want to say life-saving, but it is kind of like a life-saving vegetation.
00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:25.680
Life changing for a lot of people.
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:26.640
Absolutely.
00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:34.240
But then I've known some where I really question, and it's not my place to question, but I do wonder because they are very thin.
00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:40.160
And so I'm wondering, is there, I haven't looked into this, but I'm like, are there other reasons why you would take it, right?
00:28:40.400 --> 00:28:46.640
But then I also think to myself, if this makes them feel better, then I'm really happy for them, right?
00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:49.759
So I think sometimes people, I know I do it.
00:28:49.920 --> 00:28:55.599
Sometimes you pick the things that are the noise that make you feel better because they're so constant, right?
00:28:55.839 --> 00:29:01.440
And so if it's for somebody, they do the GLP one because they're so self-conscious and it's just all the time.
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:01.839
Yes.
00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:05.359
But then they lose weight and they feel so much better and they have all the other things.
00:29:05.519 --> 00:29:07.839
I think that's great if they feel better with whatever they do.
00:29:08.079 --> 00:29:09.680
I think it's similar to like a boob job, right?
00:29:09.759 --> 00:29:09.920
Yeah.
00:29:10.079 --> 00:29:14.559
Like I have had girlfriends at work who are so flat that they're like, I just want to feel like a girl.
00:29:14.799 --> 00:29:14.960
Yeah.
00:29:15.119 --> 00:29:25.920
You know, I just want to get boobs so that I can wear the clothes they make for women, so that I can wear a swimsuit, so that I can go out and not be constantly self-conscious by the fact that I have a flat chest.
00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:26.319
Tony.
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:32.559
And it's like, so some of these alterations you just need to make for your well-being and for your general comfort.
00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:32.799
Yeah.
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:33.279
You know?
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:38.799
So I think the the question is like, when do you make a change for you because it gives you confidence?
00:29:39.119 --> 00:29:44.240
And when do you make a change because of the noise that's coming at you that you just can't ignore?
00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:48.960
And I think that's kind of like the question for me is that's I love that.
00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:50.559
How do you not let the noise get to you?
00:29:50.799 --> 00:29:55.279
Because there are things that I would do for me, and I'm like, no, I will do this with confidence because it's gonna make me feel better.
00:29:55.440 --> 00:29:56.000
I love that.
00:29:56.079 --> 00:29:57.039
Cause I think so.
00:29:57.119 --> 00:29:58.880
That's such like an amazing point.
00:29:59.039 --> 00:30:04.319
So I don't think maybe people do, but I don't ever think people are judging me on my chest.
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:08.400
Like if a very small chest, but it's not like non-existent, it's not something I'm insecure about.
00:30:08.559 --> 00:30:13.279
I'm insecure about it for me because they're so deflated from my children.
00:30:13.599 --> 00:30:17.920
So I feel like if I were to ever do anything, I would do it for me.
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:20.240
It wouldn't not be my nice pointy big nose.
00:30:20.319 --> 00:30:25.039
It would probably be my chest if like I were to do anything because I would just and I wouldn't want a boob job.
00:30:25.200 --> 00:30:28.559
I would just want them lifted and like I want the extra skin gone.
00:30:28.720 --> 00:30:28.960
Yeah.
00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:31.119
That would be, but I would do that for me.
00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:34.480
Like my I know my husband, like he said so many times, I love you just the way they are.
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:38.319
Like all of the things, but I would do it for me because they bother me so much.
00:30:38.559 --> 00:30:40.799
I would love to pull them up to where they belong.
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:41.200
Yeah.
00:30:41.359 --> 00:30:44.880
You know, I hate because then you could how we talked last time how you could go braless.
00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:45.039
Yes.
00:30:45.279 --> 00:30:48.000
Like if mine were up where they belonged, I could go braless.
00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:50.960
But like sometimes I have a dress that I wear that I go braless in.
00:30:51.039 --> 00:30:51.200
Yeah.
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:53.759
And thankfully it's got kind of a noisy floral print.
00:30:53.920 --> 00:31:03.680
So you can't really notice where my boobs are, but like it is a lot of chest and then boob down almost by like, I mean not quite by my belly button, but you know, they're lower than they should be.
00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:03.920
Yeah.
00:31:04.079 --> 00:31:05.440
And so that's why I want the bra.
00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:07.119
Because I'm like, they lift it up.
00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:07.359
Yeah.
00:31:07.519 --> 00:31:08.880
And so yeah, I can totally see that.
00:31:08.960 --> 00:31:17.359
I would say that uh a breast augmentation is definitely the one thing I've considered my whole life, even when I was in high school, I was a very late bloomer.
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:20.319
I did not start getting breasts until I was like 17 years old.
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:20.960
It was horrible.
00:31:21.440 --> 00:31:23.839
So I wore a padded bra for a while.
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:35.440
And then I remember my mom even telling me, like my junior, senior year high school, if this is a big issue for you before you go to college, we can talk to a doctor and we can look at it if you're just not developing.
00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:37.440
But we didn't do it.
00:31:37.759 --> 00:31:40.160
I eventually became like a B.
00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:41.440
I've never been big.
00:31:41.599 --> 00:31:47.599
I'm probably back down to an A now, because unfortunately, I was not one of those women who got to keep my big boobs after breastfeeding.
00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:50.559
They just went right back down and even went a little negative.
00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:50.960
Yeah.
00:31:51.279 --> 00:31:56.000
But it's always been in the back of my mind thinking like, okay, one day I'd like to get a boob job.
00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:59.440
One day I'd like to get them lifted and just be a full B again.
00:31:59.519 --> 00:32:01.839
You know, I don't even need to upgrade that much.
00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:03.839
I just want to fill out a swimsuit.
00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:04.319
Yeah.
00:32:04.559 --> 00:32:06.480
But then I started the run streak.
00:32:06.799 --> 00:32:13.519
And I I know it's so silly, but in a lot of ways I live by the run streak because I'm like, okay, well, will I be able to get my run in?
00:32:13.599 --> 00:32:15.279
Is this gonna interrupt my running?
00:32:15.759 --> 00:32:17.359
And if I got a boob job, it would.
00:32:17.519 --> 00:32:24.079
And so this is something I've come back to a few times from like, if I get a boob job, I'm gonna have to end the streak because you cannot run afterwards.
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:26.319
You have like some strict limitations.
00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:26.720
Yeah.
00:32:26.880 --> 00:32:29.519
And so that's been having me keep it happily at bay for now.
00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:35.680
So maybe one day if I have to end the streak, I'll take the opportunity to give my boobs to pick me up.
00:32:35.920 --> 00:32:39.759
That's the way I feel because every time I go to it, it's like I have small kids.
00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:42.960
I don't want to really go under an anesthesia for a selfish reason.
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:44.000
So I don't want to do that.
00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:48.079
And then also I like- You don't even have to call it selfish because it's not selfish.
00:32:48.400 --> 00:32:49.359
Well, it's a selfish, yeah.
00:32:51.039 --> 00:32:52.240
Well, for just personal reasons, right?
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:56.480
Just it feels to me, it just feels unnecessary to do it, at least for me, right?
00:32:56.640 --> 00:33:06.000
And then also when I do look at them and I have that kind of more negative thought, then I switch it and I'm like, these were so earned, and I these were they're such a powerful portion of my body.
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:10.559
So then I'm like, no, I'm gonna leave them the way they are because Nate likes them the way they are.
00:33:10.960 --> 00:33:12.000
So I don't know.
00:33:12.079 --> 00:33:13.039
Like I said, it's hard.
00:33:13.279 --> 00:33:25.519
My whole point was just that I super support if women need that to make themselves feel better and it and it helps quiet that noise because we live in a world where that noise is impossible to escape.
00:33:25.759 --> 00:33:28.400
It is, and it's it's always there.
00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:32.319
And I think it's not I think I know it's even worse with social media.
00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:39.759
Oh, which makes me so worried for young women in this time because at least when we were growing up, we didn't have social media.
00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:40.160
Yeah.
00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:46.400
Now you have it, and I I'm not an avid user, but I'm definitely on Instagram a couple times a day.
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:58.319
And I watch shows on Hulu or Netflix that have ads, and I swear, like the GLP ones, it must have keyed into the fact that I'm a woman of a certain age because it just hits me from all angles all the time.
00:33:58.559 --> 00:34:01.279
And again, like there's so many people that need it.
00:34:01.359 --> 00:34:03.119
There's so many people that it's so beneficial to.
00:34:03.279 --> 00:34:10.320
But for me, it just feels like a constant barrage of telling me, like, you're not quite good enough.
00:34:10.639 --> 00:34:11.840
You could be better.
00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:15.519
And it's tough because weight is always something that's on my mind.
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:17.679
I always wish I was five pounds lighter.
00:34:17.840 --> 00:34:26.639
And it is one of those things that I am always, you know, kind of being mindful of what I'm eating, being mindful of how much exercise I'm getting because the number on the scale is always there.
00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:33.440
And so at moments when I'm at my lowest, if one of those ads hits me, I'm like, gosh, should I go on Ozempic?
00:34:33.760 --> 00:34:38.960
Should I take this thing that's always kind of there and help get rid of it?
00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:47.119
And it it is hard because sometimes I wonder, do I want to try Ozempic because I feel like it would make me feel that much better?
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:53.760
Or do I want Ozempic because I feel like it's just being told to me every day that it's available and I need it?
00:34:53.920 --> 00:35:06.800
You know, and so that's one of the hard things that I have to tease out and feel like I think that it's just that it's there, being kind of told to me again and again every single day, that now it's on the forefront of my mind.
00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:13.920
And how is anyone supposed to be able to silence that or ignore that when that's what's coming at them all the time?
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:17.119
And I am bringing up Ozempic because that's what's big right now.
00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:20.719
But it's so much of that throughout our whole lives, right?
00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:22.559
If it's not Ozempic, it's Botox.
00:35:22.639 --> 00:35:22.719
Yeah.
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:25.280
If it's not Botox, it's the Brazilian butt lift.
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:25.519
Yeah.
00:35:25.599 --> 00:35:27.440
It's a BBL, it's something, you know?
00:35:27.679 --> 00:35:28.000
Yeah.
00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:34.800
There's always something that's being pushed at us and how it's like when can you just say, okay, enough?
00:35:34.960 --> 00:35:37.199
This is I just want to be happy with who I am.
00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:40.480
This is definitely a conversation for another time, another podcast.
00:35:40.719 --> 00:35:49.119
But I think it would be so interesting if we did a lot of research to see what gender owns the companies from like the start, right?
00:35:49.199 --> 00:35:52.559
So like pharmaceutical companies that started like Ozempic, right?
00:35:52.639 --> 00:35:57.199
Like from the top down, certain things like that kind of where they originated from.
00:35:57.440 --> 00:36:02.559
Because so much, I feel like of this woman, like truly, like would we go out?
00:36:02.719 --> 00:36:11.119
Like, women aren't gonna naturally be like, I mean, maybe we would, but I think the percentage would go down drastically if we didn't feel like we had to look this way for a man, right?
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:13.760
Like we had to change this because there was this expectation.
00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:14.880
I feel like that would go down.
00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:15.280
I don't know.
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:15.920
I think that's where it's like.
00:36:16.239 --> 00:36:20.079
Expectations on women are just so yeah, they're so great.
00:36:20.239 --> 00:36:23.280
Yeah, you know, and and I don't mean great, I mean great as in vast.
00:36:23.679 --> 00:36:30.719
Like there are so many expectations on us to look a certain way, yeah, to act a certain way, to feel a certain way.
00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:39.440
And it it is really hard to break that mold, yeah, to be able to just kind of free yourself from that.
00:36:39.599 --> 00:36:40.000
Yeah.
00:36:40.239 --> 00:36:48.159
You know, I kind of brought it up we with this conversation of talking about Ozempic and how, you know, the number on the scale is always kind of in my mind.
00:36:48.320 --> 00:36:50.000
And I know I can't be the only one.
00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:57.280
I know that when we talk about body image or insecurities, what comes to mind for a lot of women is that number that they see on the scale.
00:36:57.760 --> 00:36:58.639
I I have that problem.
00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:04.159
Yeah, and I'm curious, and I think that's something you and I can just like both talk about from personal experience and listener at home.
00:37:04.239 --> 00:37:05.440
You know, just think for yourself.
00:37:05.679 --> 00:37:06.800
Has this been an issue for you?
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:07.840
And maybe it hasn't been.
00:37:07.920 --> 00:37:13.920
And if it hasn't been, I'm so happy for you because that has to be a much freer place to be.
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:19.519
But I don't know, do you want to start or I mean when it when it starts so young, I think it's a really hard habit to break.
00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:20.000
Yes.
00:37:20.239 --> 00:37:23.679
I'm like three pounds away from what I was like before I ever had kids.
00:37:24.079 --> 00:37:26.960
So, you know, and I'm I'm not I'm not a big person, right?
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:28.800
I feel like I'm you're a petite woman.
00:37:29.039 --> 00:37:29.440
Yes, yeah.
00:37:29.679 --> 00:37:36.480
So I would say I find it very annoying for myself that I feel the need to weigh myself every day.
00:37:36.559 --> 00:37:38.960
And then sometimes like I'm like, oh, should I eat that?
00:37:39.199 --> 00:37:40.719
Because right.
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:44.320
And I think for me, it's something I'm definitely trying to break.
00:37:44.480 --> 00:37:50.320
So I try to only weigh myself like three times a week instead of daily because I used to weigh myself morning and night.
00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:57.920
Oh wow, which was like obnoxious, but it was something I was like a this habit that was built because of certain things in my life.
00:37:58.480 --> 00:38:02.320
But it's definitely still something that's in my mind that I'm just let it go.
00:38:02.800 --> 00:38:04.719
Just letting you go.
00:38:04.880 --> 00:38:10.639
But it's because society tells us that you should be a perfect 120 pounds, five foot five, right?
00:38:10.719 --> 00:38:12.639
Or five foot six, and you should have blonde hair.
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:22.480
I haven't been 120 pounds since I was in college, and Eric and I broke up, and I think I ate like yogurt and toast only because I was so depressed.
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:24.079
But that's you know what I mean?
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:26.079
That's no, I know exactly what you mean.
00:38:26.400 --> 00:38:29.440
You have a number, I'm sure, in your mind that you feel that you're supposed to get down to.
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:34.159
But I I think as the years have gone on, I've thought, like, you know what?
00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:37.280
This is such an unrealistic number for me and my body type.
00:38:37.440 --> 00:38:42.320
Stop torturing yourself and just move the number to 125, you know, just like move it up.
00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:42.639
Yeah.
00:38:42.960 --> 00:38:43.119
Yeah.
00:38:43.199 --> 00:38:50.559
It's funny how that's kind of more, you know, for me, I will say anytime I weigh myself, it I don't know.
00:38:50.639 --> 00:38:54.239
I guess I would say it doesn't usually serve me good to weigh myself.
00:38:54.400 --> 00:38:56.480
And it has always been a challenge.
00:38:56.559 --> 00:39:04.800
And I think, again, these are things that are kind of, I don't want to say put on us by our moms because I I don't feel like in all instances our moms intentionally meant to do this.
00:39:04.960 --> 00:39:05.280
Oh, I know.
00:39:05.599 --> 00:39:07.599
You know, but you model what you see in the home.
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:11.039
And I will say, like for my mom, she was always very weight conscientious.
00:39:11.119 --> 00:39:13.360
She was always very conscientious about what she was eating.
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:18.480
And a lot of times that's like really good because it can help foster healthy habits, the healthy eating anyway.
00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:26.239
But I think the awareness of the scale and always just being so aware of what your weight is and talking about it, then it really ingrains it in your kids.
00:39:27.280 --> 00:39:29.360
So weight has always been on my mind.
00:39:29.440 --> 00:39:32.559
And it's like if you're below a certain weight, you're good.
00:39:32.719 --> 00:39:34.480
If you're above a certain weight, you're bad.
00:39:34.559 --> 00:39:40.079
And it's hard because it's like you should not be taking any self-worth or self-value from a number on the scale.
00:39:40.400 --> 00:39:43.920
But for so long, that was like my measure of success.
00:39:44.079 --> 00:39:44.239
Yeah.
00:39:44.480 --> 00:39:45.519
Was my weight on the scale.
00:39:45.679 --> 00:39:48.400
If the number was good, then I overall am successful.
00:39:48.559 --> 00:39:56.320
And it's like, that is unfortunately for myself, anyway, such a flawed way of thinking because I am so much more than that number on the scale.
00:39:56.559 --> 00:40:00.880
And it took me well into my 30s to just kind of stop weighing myself.
00:40:01.119 --> 00:40:02.960
So I can't even remember the last time I weighed myself.
00:40:03.039 --> 00:40:03.519
It's been weeks.
00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:09.199
And so I try to not weigh myself until my clothes don't fit the way I want them to.
00:40:09.360 --> 00:40:10.159
So I love it.
00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:12.159
In general, I just don't weigh myself.
00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:18.159
But if I start finding that, like, okay, my clothes are feeling tight, I'll put something on and when I'm not on my period.
00:40:18.239 --> 00:40:22.639
Because when I'm on my period, I just give myself a ton of grease because there's all that fluid.
00:40:22.719 --> 00:40:23.039
Yeah.
00:40:23.199 --> 00:40:32.239
But if just like on a normal week, I'm trying on my pants and they're not working, then I think, okay, I should probably weigh myself to just check in and see where I am.
00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:36.480
Because I find that if I weigh myself more regularly, it's just not serving me any good.
00:40:36.719 --> 00:40:42.079
No, that's and I know that I will probably at this point in my life never be happy with the number I see.
00:40:42.239 --> 00:40:46.719
Because right, because the number I really would want to see is 10 pounds lighter than I am.
00:40:47.039 --> 00:40:53.599
And just with how where I am, I have found that's kind of unless I did something like a GLP one, that's not a realistic number for me.
00:40:53.679 --> 00:40:57.280
Because I run every day and I go to the gym three times a week.
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:57.599
Yeah.
00:40:57.760 --> 00:41:03.519
You know, so I feel like unless I'm making a huge change to my diet, yeah, that number's not gonna change.
00:41:03.679 --> 00:41:09.599
So as long as I'm happy and confident in the clothes that I'm wearing and the clothes that I own, that's kind of what I use as my indicator.
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:11.920
I was gonna say, so just like a thought.
00:41:12.079 --> 00:41:19.360
Yeah, I think maybe maybe you've already done this, maybe you just change the number to what you are now.
00:41:19.599 --> 00:41:22.079
I mean, yeah, you are exercising so much.
00:41:22.239 --> 00:41:25.039
You're so healthy, you look amazing, by the way.
00:41:25.199 --> 00:41:25.440
Thank you.
00:41:25.519 --> 00:41:25.920
I appreciate it.
00:41:26.079 --> 00:41:27.440
I think you look beautiful.
00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:34.000
I think if we just change our expectations of like this is the number, and I'm fine with this because I know how healthy I am.
00:41:34.159 --> 00:41:35.679
I know I feel great, right?
00:41:35.840 --> 00:41:41.360
And then then you're not trying to like mentally, you're just not the like fancy acrobatics.
00:41:41.599 --> 00:41:42.559
Yeah, exactly.
00:41:42.880 --> 00:41:44.719
Yeah, you know, that is actually such a good point.
00:41:44.800 --> 00:41:46.480
Why not just say, okay, this is what I weigh now?
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:47.199
This is a good way to do that.
00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:48.480
Well, your body's putting you there.
00:41:48.719 --> 00:41:49.840
Like this is a healthy place.
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:50.719
You're a healthy person.
00:41:50.960 --> 00:41:51.119
Yeah.
00:41:51.199 --> 00:41:58.000
And I mean, I would say that it also really helped when I was at the gym and I was working with a coach because he would weigh me occasionally, not a lot.
00:41:58.239 --> 00:42:02.639
And when we would weigh in, he would just say, Okay, this is good and this is fine.
00:42:02.719 --> 00:42:05.599
Like, don't be worried about this number because you are building muscle.
00:42:05.760 --> 00:42:06.000
Exactly.
00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:07.679
And muscle weighs more than that.
00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:12.559
He was like, What I'm really happy about is that like you're doing pull-ups now and you're happy about that.
00:42:12.719 --> 00:42:16.719
Your numbers on what you can lift, like when you're doing a leg price, has like doubled.
00:42:17.039 --> 00:42:19.360
So that's the indicators you really need to look at.
00:42:19.519 --> 00:42:25.039
He said, We can use weight sometimes if you're really training hard and you've really got a goal of what you want to get your muscle mass to.
00:42:25.119 --> 00:42:28.159
He was like, But other than that, I wouldn't really worry about it too much.
00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:30.480
And so that was really helpful when I was like, you know what?
00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:32.639
Even if the scale does go up a little bit, exactly.
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:35.920
It's okay because I'm making muscle and I can see my leg definition now.
00:42:36.159 --> 00:42:42.079
So yeah, and I'm happier with my body sometimes when it's heavier if I'm working out than I am when I'm lighter.
00:42:42.239 --> 00:42:42.400
Yeah.
00:42:42.639 --> 00:42:43.039
It's funny.
00:42:43.119 --> 00:42:46.320
I saw this hilarious Instagram reel.
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:47.519
It was the best.
00:42:47.679 --> 00:42:51.199
I loved it so much, and I refer back to it sometimes when I'm feeling low on myself.
00:42:51.440 --> 00:42:56.320
And it's this woman who's a bodybuilder, and people tease her because she looks a lot like Sabrina Carpenter.
00:42:56.480 --> 00:43:00.559
They call her like swole Sabrina Carpenter because she looks so much like her.
00:43:00.719 --> 00:43:04.400
And she did this hilarious video where she was like, Oh, can you believe it?
00:43:04.559 --> 00:43:08.079
I was just out, and some man thought that I weighed 130 pounds.
00:43:08.239 --> 00:43:11.920
And then she's like flexing in the video, like flexing her butt, like flexing her arms.
00:43:12.000 --> 00:43:13.039
And she was like, please.
00:43:13.360 --> 00:43:14.800
She was like, Have you seen me?
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:16.639
I am a cool 165.
00:43:16.800 --> 00:43:20.880
She was like, Because I am a I am a slice, I am a piece of cake.
00:43:21.039 --> 00:43:24.800
She was like, I cannot believe that man thought I was only 130.
00:43:24.880 --> 00:43:29.360
She was like, These are hard-earned muscles, and there's no way I could, you know, be that light.
00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:32.239
And she was just like totally celebrating it.
00:43:32.320 --> 00:43:34.800
And she was like, This is what a fit woman looks like.
00:43:34.960 --> 00:43:37.679
This is how much you weigh to be a foot woman like this.
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.960
And don't try and put me in a box and say that, oh, you look fit and strong.
00:43:41.039 --> 00:43:42.960
So therefore, your number must be down here.
00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:43.920
It was amazing.
00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:48.639
I'm gonna find it and send you because it's it's just hilarious, also because her raw confidence.
00:43:48.800 --> 00:43:51.679
Yeah, she's just dripping in confidence, and I'm like, I love that.
00:43:51.760 --> 00:43:56.719
Yes, and like also a way to normalize a healthy body weight.
00:43:56.800 --> 00:43:56.960
Yeah.
00:43:57.119 --> 00:43:59.760
And way to normalize that it's okay to put your number out there.
00:44:00.400 --> 00:44:04.719
And not be ashamed of it because these we all have different bodies and we're all gonna have different weights.
00:44:04.800 --> 00:44:05.039
Yeah.
00:44:05.199 --> 00:44:06.000
And that's okay.
00:44:06.320 --> 00:44:08.079
We need so much more of that out here.
00:44:08.239 --> 00:44:08.639
We do.
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:09.599
So much more.
00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:10.880
So much more of that.
00:44:11.119 --> 00:44:11.360
Yeah.
00:44:11.599 --> 00:44:18.480
I know it's just like one of I'm like, I wish I could show this to my daughter, but she's too young and I don't even need to put weight in her mind yet, you know.
00:44:18.559 --> 00:44:21.119
But one day I'll just keep this tucked away.
00:44:21.599 --> 00:44:24.320
So one day I can say, no, baby girl, this is a healthy woman.
00:44:24.480 --> 00:44:24.639
Yeah.
00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:26.159
This is a healthy weight.
00:44:26.480 --> 00:44:32.480
And she's scoffing at the fact that someone thinks that she should be lighter or that she even is lighter, you know?
00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:33.039
Yeah.
00:44:33.199 --> 00:44:34.400
So I don't know.
00:44:34.559 --> 00:44:36.320
Just a lot of things to think about.
00:44:36.559 --> 00:44:36.960
For sure.
00:44:37.119 --> 00:44:37.519
All the time.
00:44:38.000 --> 00:44:38.559
Absolutely.
00:44:38.719 --> 00:44:39.280
Constantly.
00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:44.800
But as we start to wrap up, there was one thing that I wanted to, and I, you know, it's funny.
00:44:44.880 --> 00:44:48.239
I think that this conversation is probably one that we could have again.
00:44:48.559 --> 00:44:52.880
And maybe we would because there's just so many different elements of it.
00:44:52.960 --> 00:44:58.320
And so as things come up, as questions come in, as we think, like, man, we could have talked more about that.
00:44:58.719 --> 00:45:00.320
You may see us come back to this.
00:45:00.559 --> 00:45:07.039
And I think that's okay too, because we're women and women love to talk and women process things through talking.
00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:10.239
So don't mind us if we revisit this.
00:45:10.559 --> 00:45:16.559
You know, but for now, for today, to wrap this up, I want to leave you, listener, with a question.
00:45:16.639 --> 00:45:26.239
And then I want, you know, me and Kim to also answer this question is if you could talk to your 20-year-old self about her body, what would you tell her?
00:45:26.719 --> 00:45:37.360
Oh, I think I would tell her that she's beautiful just the way she is, and to just love her and not be so hard on her.
00:45:37.599 --> 00:45:38.079
Yeah.
00:45:38.559 --> 00:45:38.960
Yeah.
00:45:39.119 --> 00:45:55.360
You know, I think that would be pretty similar for me because in my 20s, early 20s, I was still in college, and I remember that was kind of the one time in my life when I most struggled with that, you know, kind of control bulimia, where I would binge eat and then vomit.
00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:59.280
And I struggled with that for a few years, I would say three to five years.
00:45:59.360 --> 00:46:01.199
And it was in that window of time.
00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:09.039
And I remember just feeling so low on myself and just feeling like, why can't I just be thin like everyone else?
00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:09.440
You know.
00:46:09.840 --> 00:46:16.400
But now when I look back at pictures of that 20-year-old girl, I'm like, wow, she was so young, she was so beautiful.
00:46:16.719 --> 00:46:22.880
Look at how gorgeous her hair was, you know, look at how fresh her face was, how much her eyes shine.
00:46:23.119 --> 00:46:30.559
And I think very similar to you, I would tell her, Krista, you look so young and healthy.
00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:34.000
And think about how much your body can do right now.
00:46:34.159 --> 00:46:39.840
You can run wherever you want, you can hike wherever you want, you have energy for days.
00:46:40.079 --> 00:46:40.400
Yeah.
00:46:40.639 --> 00:46:42.559
And focus on that.
00:46:42.800 --> 00:46:49.039
Think about how much your body does for you and just be so confident and grateful in that.
00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:57.199
You know, especially now that I'm older and I start to have the aches and the pains and the areas where I feel like I'm not slowing down and everything.
00:46:57.280 --> 00:47:00.320
But, you know, I wake up with a a little bit of a backache.
00:47:00.400 --> 00:47:00.880
Oh, for sure.
00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:03.920
You know, and I'm like, oh, to be 20 again.
00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:04.159
Yeah.
00:47:04.480 --> 00:47:08.639
To have that body that was seemingly bursting with energy.
00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:09.119
Yeah.
00:47:09.280 --> 00:47:14.480
Well, it's interesting, you know, because when you asked me that question, I really like I just thought about like knowing I would be hard on my body.
00:47:14.639 --> 00:47:17.119
But then I went back to like when I was 20.
00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:22.400
I was so hard on myself because I mean, I got married young, right?
00:47:22.480 --> 00:47:23.760
I got married at 19.
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:28.800
But shortly after I got married, I found out that my ex-husband was like very unfaithful the whole time, right?
00:47:28.960 --> 00:47:31.519
And he he also had a really big porn addiction.
00:47:31.760 --> 00:47:40.079
Anyways, so for me, that destroyed my self-confidence as like a woman because I was like, why am I not enough?
00:47:40.239 --> 00:47:40.480
Right.
00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:42.480
Obviously, I it was nothing to do with me.
00:47:42.960 --> 00:47:44.079
He just had huge problems.
00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:45.679
But at 20, you didn't know that.
00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:46.960
No, I had no idea.
00:47:47.119 --> 00:47:56.159
And so I felt, and then he also had a child previously with somebody else, and she was this beautiful, thin, like just she was fantastic.
00:47:56.320 --> 00:47:58.000
I mean, in terms of the way she looked.
00:47:58.559 --> 00:48:04.559
So to your point, like I went through this period of like bulimia and anorexia, just trying to like, and I was 120 pounds.
00:48:05.440 --> 00:48:05.679
Yeah.
00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:08.079
But I felt like I was not enough.
00:48:08.159 --> 00:48:11.119
And I lived in the Middle East in Qatar, so I was stuck.
00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:14.639
So I yeah, there's like if there's a whole backstory there, yeah.
00:48:15.519 --> 00:48:18.239
Anyways, so but I was so hard on myself, Krista.
00:48:18.480 --> 00:48:23.199
Like, so I wish if I could turn back time, there's so much I would tell her.
00:48:23.280 --> 00:48:23.599
Yeah.
00:48:23.840 --> 00:48:29.119
Because you get in that space when things like that happen to you, you just feel so low.
00:48:29.599 --> 00:48:34.559
So I'd say if anyone is listening in this situation, you are so enough.
00:48:34.719 --> 00:48:37.039
Like absolutely 1000% enough.
00:48:37.119 --> 00:48:38.559
And that has nothing to do with you.
00:48:39.360 --> 00:48:39.840
Well, yeah.
00:48:39.920 --> 00:48:45.360
And I think just as like we're talking now and looking back at ourselves then and thinking, like, what a beautiful woman.
00:48:45.519 --> 00:48:59.920
I think that's kind of what I would tell my 20-year-old self, too, is you are gonna look back on yourself in 10 years and you are gonna see your value and you are gonna see your beauty, and you are gonna just see what a perfect, complete woman you were.
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:00.480
Yeah.
00:49:00.639 --> 00:49:03.360
And I wish for you that you could feel that now.
00:49:03.519 --> 00:49:03.760
Yeah.
00:49:03.920 --> 00:49:10.559
And that's what I try to kind of affirm for myself now at almost 40, is I tell myself, you're a badass.
00:49:11.199 --> 00:49:13.280
You are a healthy, beautiful woman.
00:49:13.360 --> 00:49:18.800
And you might not see it now, but 60-year-old Krista is gonna see it and she's gonna look back and see it.
00:49:18.960 --> 00:49:21.199
And so take that makeup free picture.
00:49:21.360 --> 00:49:21.760
For sure.
00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:28.480
Take the picture on your not best day because you yourself will look back at this and you will see the beauty that was there.
00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:29.440
You know, absolutely.
00:49:29.519 --> 00:49:31.360
So on the days when you're the most tired.
00:49:31.440 --> 00:49:33.599
It's like you look in the mirror, it's like, bitch, you are thriving.
00:49:33.679 --> 00:49:34.320
You lost this.
00:49:34.719 --> 00:49:35.039
Exactly.
00:49:35.199 --> 00:49:37.440
So let's try and channel that for ourselves now.
00:49:38.320 --> 00:49:39.199
This is the day.
00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:40.000
Yeah.
00:49:41.039 --> 00:49:43.840
But anyway, I'm so happy you were able to sit down with me.
00:49:43.920 --> 00:49:45.360
I always feel so much better after talking to you.
00:49:45.519 --> 00:49:46.719
I always leave with a big smile on my face.
00:49:47.360 --> 00:49:48.159
It's always so nice.
00:49:48.239 --> 00:49:52.880
I hope that people are able to listen to this and just feel more confidence in themselves.
00:49:53.039 --> 00:49:56.320
You know, I feel like as women, it's it's a struggle every day.
00:49:56.480 --> 00:50:01.119
And we are we are beautiful people with so much like power in our bodies and who we are.
00:50:01.440 --> 00:50:04.639
And also to realize that we don't have it figured out.
00:50:04.719 --> 00:50:04.880
Yeah.
00:50:05.119 --> 00:50:07.840
None of us have it figured out, and we are all just doing the best we can.
00:50:08.079 --> 00:50:08.320
Absolutely.
00:50:08.559 --> 00:50:15.519
And so if there's ever a moment that you feel isolated or that you're not enough, confide that in a friend because the chances are they probably feel similarly.
00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:22.000
And then at least now you'll have a hype woman in your corner who can tell you, no, you are killing it.
00:50:22.239 --> 00:50:24.159
And yes, Queen, you are enough.
00:50:24.239 --> 00:50:24.559
Yeah.
00:50:24.719 --> 00:50:25.199
You know?
00:50:25.440 --> 00:50:28.400
So anyway, we hope that you have a good day.
00:50:28.639 --> 00:50:30.079
Have a good rest of your week.
00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:31.440
We will see you next time.
00:50:31.679 --> 00:50:32.000
Bye.
00:50:32.320 --> 00:50:32.800
Bye.
00:50:33.360 --> 00:50:35.440
Thanks for listening to Messy as hell.
00:50:35.599 --> 00:50:38.000
Until next time, stay messy.