Nervous System, Happiness, and the Healed Hustle, A Recap I Christine Howe & Bekah Bernard

Christine Howe: Welcome to Hyper Focus and High Performance with Christine Howe, where we explore how you can work with your brain, build your dreams, and live on purpose with more clarity, creativity, and presence. Okay, welcome, Becca, back to the podcast. I'm so happy that you're here. And we're going to recap three episodes today. Thank you for coming. Sure. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be back. These are some really, really great. guest that you had on some great conversation. So we're gonna have some fun. I'm so excited. Let's start with the first one. Is it your nervous system or your space? And this conversation with Beatrice, I know that at least one person who the information traveled back to me, listened to this episode, applied it the same day, told their friend that episode changed my life. And so I don't really feel like that's the typical podcast feedback that people give. Like I listened to one episode, applied it that day, changed my life. my goodness. So this episode is so critical and so important. What stood out to you about it? I loved the her approach to just meeting people with their exact needs and thinking about the individual person and the fact that she tailors what she does to helping the person exactly where they are. She had seemed to have some general rules of thumb of like, These kinds of things will work for everyone, but why they work is different. And her specific recommendations that she makes to people is different based on their needs. And I thought that was really cool because one of the things that we didn't grow up with, I feel like in the generations like, you know, in the past decades was this understanding that everyone has individual personal sensory needs. So I think that this approach makes sense. But I think it would also be really helpful for those of us who maybe are just starting to understand our own sensory needs, but then also understanding the needs of all the people in the family. If we're raising kids, if we have older adults that we're caring for, even that they might have sensory needs that are different from ours. It really gives you the perspective of hey, there's some small shifts that we could make that could help everyone in the family or in the spaces that we're in. I thought that was really cool. How about you? man, I love that. It's so true because so often how much does one person's design take over the whole home. And actually there are a lot of people living in the home. So how can we create those zones? The zones, that's where my mind was blown. I was just like, okay, so so my child who needs to blow up a room if it gets clean, there's a reason why and we can maybe add some visual excitement to the wall that we don't have to pick up. You know, let's put some colors on that wall. Or we can create an art zone or we can be free to make that mess in the art zone. I just loved it. And the customization was really cool to me, but for me, the impact was actually the two big categories of like I'm an under stimulated person or I'm an overstimulated person. I really like this background right now because it's like gosh, you know, there are two different kinds of processing. And so and then again, how do you do that in your own home? I think the other thing I really appreciated as a mom is the emphasis on movement for children. So much of our design is focused on sitting, on not breaking things, on almost like inactive spaces, really. The way that we think of a Pinterest design board, it's like we are here to sit at the table. And really family life is much more active than that. So designing a space to incorporate movement but not chaos, I thought was really a beautiful ad. Yeah. Well, the best thing I can say is to go listen to that episode because there's something there for everyone. Her one thing that she said that stuck with me is even though some people will intentionally clutter rooms because they might be understimulated, they might be looking to like stimulate their brains by having things to look at. She said clutter is good for no one, whether it seems to be helping us or not. And I was like, Okay, I could take that with me. That's a good that's a good last takeaway that I heard from her. So Definitely a great conversation and worth going back to listen to for everyone. Yes. And if may I add one more insight to this one? The visual piece was profound for me because I know how much using the visual field has changed my goal achievement. But the absorbing of the visual space that we're doing every day is going to lead to more structure or my chaos in our lives. And I naturally clutter spaces. And that is just my natural go-to is I just leave things, drop things, and I I walk away and then I look back and I want it to be neat and tidy, but then it's not. And so that visual clutter has been really helpful for me. And I've gotten a lot better at decluttering and getting rid of things over time. But I'll tell you what, this last weekend, I have a lot of black bags in my car as a result of last weekend and my trash can was just overflowing because I'm realizing like the visual input coming in. is just so much. And then constantly as a mom of six, like there's just always stuff to get rid of. Like there's so much coming in every day. And it just needs to have an exit strategy too. So this is not a decluttering episode. This is a an eye-brain connection episode, a visual field to how you feel inside. So if you've not considered how your visual spaces are impacting your emotions, your ability to focus your sense of calm and peace and safety in the world, if your nervous system is on edge and you can't find the answer, you're taking supplements, you're doing these things. Listen to Beatrice and see if this could be that last thing that unlocks your peace. Okay, I know you don't want another book. You don't want another course. You don't want to have to follow through on anything and turn assignments in. You're tired of trying things that don't work for your brain. And you definitely don't want to spend time or money on one more thing. That you're not sure is gonna work. That's why I created the 30-day free trial. Come on in, try neuroplanning with us. 30 days free, no commitment. Seriously, set an alarm on day 29 if you want. No questions asked. I understand where you are, and I understand how hard it is to try one more thing. Wanna make it easy for you. So just show up to the live sessions, see how it feels in your actual life. 30 days free on me. Go to thinkdash time.com, click start my 30-day free trial. I can't wait to see you on the inside. So Tia Graham, I love this. This was actually the first episode that I recorded. All of them, Tia did not know this, but she was my guinea pig and she carried the conversation. She was a fabulous guest. And she's a founder of Arrive at Happy and the Feel Good Club, which is a community for working. moms and she addresses head on this weight that so many working women feel and especially working women of neurodivergent kids. So I mean she just takes it like my audience, you're listening, you're here. This is Tia is your person for feeling happy when you are under the weight Of all you're carrying as a regular mom. And then you've got these extra questions of like, Am I there for my kid? Am I showing up in the best way? And she shows you the most high impact things that you can do to impact not only your piece, but also your family's piece. There's a lot here. So I'll give you a couple threads and then you pull you can tie them together here. But there's a few things I heard from Tia that are really relevant to our audience of think time and People using the planner and people thinking about joining the membership. One is the importance for her of going for outside support to a coach when she was feeling like she needed something, like she kind of hit the end of what she was capable of managing and she was wise enough to go get some support. And that person was able to not give her magic answers, but ask her really good questions. And it turned out she had a lot of the answers already waiting. So that was a big piece for me. So the support. Getting the coach, taking the action. And sometimes that people get stuck in that taking the action piece because whether they don't trust themselves, whether they don't trust other people, whether they don't trust their own wisdom to make a financial decision, like there's a lot of reasons people will hesitate. But for her, getting over that piece and getting the help was a big first step, right? That's so true. And she was a very, very, very competent person. What I'm finding is the highest achievers reach out faster for that kind of help when they find the gap between what they can do themselves and where they want to be at. I really think that the higher the achiever, the faster the turnaround in getting that help, filling that gap. The lower the accomplishments, the lower the achievers like, I'm noticing the gap. I don't know what to do with the gap. I'm not really sure. I'm going to hesitate and procrastinate and pull back. And then maybe let that gap define me. I don't know. But like I I really think that she typifies like a high achiever who takes action, who solves the problem. And she was having a problem. She was a person who was usually happy. She came into motherhood and was miserable. And so I love that she reached out, solved the problem, and I love that her coach guided her to say, Hey, well, let's do it. Like I love the vision that her coach said, like seeing someone. absolutely miserable in front of her, but then being able to bring out the person behind the miserable person. Like this is a season. This isn't who you are. This is a moment in time. This isn't going well. But you wanted to research happiness. You wanted to teach people how would you do that? It's that imagination piece that gets you out of your present moment to say, well, what if you were that person who could help people be happy? How would you go about doing that? And so then she started doing the research. As if she were the kind of person to help people become happy. And she wasn't that person yet. But she took the step. The coach is genius. I love that. Yeah. I think it also points to something that we often feel like, okay, we have this lack in ourselves. And we're like, well, I'm not good at this thing. Well, sometimes that drives us to become the expert at that thing. So, you know, I look at you, you're someone who's, you know, your thought. Well, I'm just disorganized. I'm just late. I'm just not good at organizing and planning and managing all the things. Meanwhile, your commitment to that space and understanding the neuroscience and understanding the people and understanding what was already out there and understanding how it could be done better, like the work that you've put in over years and years and years now has made you an expert in that field of something you felt like you weren't good at. So That piece comes out in her story as well, where it's like, no, I'm just unhappy. Like, that's just how it is. And she fought back against that. And she's like, Well, what if I could become someone who helps people be happy? What am I gonna have to do to get there? And she did the work to get there. And so I'd love when that story is there because we often want to define ourselves by these lacks that we see. But, you know, this is where my faith comes into play. I have this strong belief. It's that where we see this lack. And this space of like the gap, that's where God's like opportunity lies. Like if we're willing to let him support, let other people support, we're willing to learn, we're willing to humble ourselves and move forward, that's all opportunity, actually. It's not a lack, it's not something that is a like that weakness is actually our opportunity. That's where the growth can happen. So just a little, a little twist on that. But I love that piece of her story where she went from feeling so unhappy that she just felt like, well, this is just hopeless, to being the person who helps people find true happiness and helps them in those spaces. I thought that was so cool. As you're talking, of course, all the lights start flying in my head. I'm like, that's a good point. That's a good point. But what I what I love about what you said is she noticed what she wasn't good at. And I really believe it takes a level of humility to say To kind of lean into that and admit it verbally, like she told her coach, I'm miserable. I'm unhappy. I always wanted to be happy and I'm I've always been happy. I'm not happy. And I think one of the things that's standing out to me in my observations of the world and of life right now is just there are people who don't know what they don't know. And the way that we interact with the fact that we don't know what we don't know, it defines our future. Like either we're gonna hunker down and say, I know enough. I don't need to learn anymore. Anything outside of what I already know, I'm not interested in, which is called pride. And there's some spiritual things that can go into that conversation from our faith. Yes, there's one person who really opposes people who are prideful. And then like if we're looking at God and spirituality, which I'm going to, but like God opposes the proud. And so this is again, if you're not a Christian, that's totally fine. But I'm going to speak from my vantage point. I'm a very wide audience, so I hope that you'll indulge me here for a minute. But for thousands of years, many people have read these ancient scriptures, and it is God opposes the proud. And so there's that choice of like when we are dealing with what we don't know, we can Hide it from ourselves, we can hide it from others, or we can do what's called be humble and say, I don't know what I don't know, and open ourselves to learn. And I am shocked, absolutely baffled and frankly horrified by how many people I've interacted with this year who fall on this camp over here, who are like, I don't want to know anything. I know everything I need to know. And honestly, it's It's offensive that you would suggest that I don't know something. Like I'm like, you don't want to learn. I and it and this is I think a common ADHD leader struggle because ADHD leaders are we're all about learning and growing. And so it's like, How could you not want to know this beautiful thing? And then people are like, No, not interested. And then on this other camp, what happens is a beautiful connection with other people who are humble. we're down in the dirt, we're saying, I am miserable like Teagram was. But when you can say that and you can look at it and then you can bring it into a relationship like a coach, a counselor, a friend go on a walk and say, This is not going well, then all of a sudden the answers start to come, the solutions, like all of the bubbling up and like, I know a person. Here you can talk to this person, or this is a book and this is a resource. And then all of a sudden the growth happens in that area and it becomes a beautiful like garden of growth and beauty that serves others. When you build that kind of beauty, it's hard not to share it. So a lot of these do become brands. Like Tia's did. It became a brand. I'm going to help others with this. For me, it became a brand. It's like I can't not share this. This was it was terrible. I hid it for so long. I masked. I tried to like shove stuff under the bed and show up and say, I'm a housewife. You know, like I know we're going to just Not pretend and say this is really hard and I'm feeling sad. I'm feeling angry. I'm feeling lonely. I've hurt freight, all the feelings. We're gonna lean into that moment, bring it into relationship, and then find that healing. So the two things you need when you have a that gap, one is a path and one and the other is a person. Without a path or a person, that healing and that growth is not gonna happen. And that's where the membership fits in for us. Like if your struggle is the ADHD struggle. the time management, the overwhelm, just so many options. That's where you have people and you have a path. And that's the think time membership. For Tia, if you are a mom of a neurodivergent kid and you're like, this is so hard. It is harder than I ever thought. She's got a path and she's got a membership. And you can go be with other moms who get it. So if this is you, check out this episode. It is called I was miserable. So we started a happiness company. Christine Howe and Tea Graham. Check that episode out. It was on August sixth. Awesome. All right. Our next one that we want to talk about is the opposite of relapse's connection. And that was your interview with Adam Cruz. So why don't you just kick us off? Tell us like what really stood out to you, what you like about Adam, you know, what really surprised you about the podcast that you did with him. Yeah, I met Adam at an event and I did not expect to have a connection. I just thought, okay, this is a random person in front of me. Started talking with him and I was like, wow, this is a powerful story. You've got to come on the podcast. This is so fantastic. So Adam spent a decade planting churches and then another decade building tech companies. Quietly underneath, he had an addiction. And it was just something that he was keeping. Down underneath. And, you know, he covered it with busyness. He covered it with all the things you cover it with. You know, like every addiction, you can't keep it down. It's going to eventually bubble up and blow up your world. And so for him, that happened. He and his wife went through a season of just working on their relationship, but it wasn't a relationship problem. It was his addiction problem. And so his addiction was impacting their relationship. And He had to figure out like what is the difference for me in connecting with people and he had so many different things he said. It was so great. But his issue wasn't what he was doing. He was pastor, right? That's great. But why was he doing that? Fill in a hole. He was trying to fill a hole. Why did he need to have successful tech companies that he started again and again? Prove his worth. So, you know, I feel like we're in this season of life right now where we're just stripping it down. Successful. unsuccessful. The thing I love about his message is that He strips it down to the why behind the what. And you know, you can be doing all the right things, and things can still it can be a complete collapse. And it is truly that inner work, that depth. And it comes down, it always comes down to love, you guys. Every flipping episode, I'm like, there it is again. It's love. And it's, you know, the ultimate in the spiritual realm. You know, that's why. Being unconditionally loved is such a gift, both in your relationships and in your spiritual walk with your creator. That sense of I'm safe, I'm enough, I'm wanted, I'm loved. These are questions that are answered, you know, deep, deep, deep down. And often, you know, the whole first couple years of our lives in the attachment system, you know, they're designed to answer those questions. I belong to this family. I'm loved and responded to. I'm safe here. And I am all I need to be to be in this world and be loved and accepted and safe. And so, like, you know, a lot of us may have had some of that go well in our development, but we may have had some gaps. And eventually those gaps and the understanding come out over life. And whether it comes out in hustling for your worth, whether you're trying to numb the pain, whatever path you choose. Numbing through hustling, numbing through addiction, the numbing eventually doesn't work anymore. And we're at that stage of life where like, yeah, it might have worked in the 20s or 30s. You're winning at work, you're you're numbing out your pain. You you can keep it going, but there's a time where that just stops working. And often underneath, we just find that we just have some deep heart needs that need to be met in a deeper way. And so Adam's story is beautiful. And I love that it intersects with the church. I love that it intersects with solid business practices. Who, you know, the people that you see when you're going to church, the people that you see in your business, this could be happening right under your nose with one of them too, if it's not you. So I really recommend this episode. What did what stood out to you, Becca? Hmm. There's a lot from what you said. I'm thinking about how it relates really well to what we face every day, like as people are showing up in the membership, as we're working through the day to day and the week to week and the month to month. you know, there's a lot of people like Adam who are in some phase of recovery from something. So whether we're recovering from a dysfunctional childhood or we're recovering from an addiction ourselves or recovering from some type of codependency with, you know, someone who was in an addiction, or we're recovering from something a physical thing that we're that we're working on, or we're recovering from an emotional setback, or we're coming out of grief. Like we're As humans, we are constantly either like going through something or recovering from something. Those are cycles of life and they're pieces of reality. And what I love about Adam's story and about people like him is that he's willing to show up and share vulnerably the hard pieces and the hope and the encouragement for other people. And I think it's so important. And that's what I like about getting into community with people because. What we see in the membership are that is that as people get comfortable over time to share a little bit of what they're struggling with, but we also share our wins. And so we'll have weeks where people are maybe not feeling the best. And instead of isolating in that, they're able to just say, Hey, I had a tough week and we're all like, Hey, we're cheering for you. We hope that it gets better next week and thanks for being here. There's that piece of support. And so instead of it having to be this giant, Hill that you're climbing all the time, the peaks and valleys can get a little bit less severe because we're doing the showing up on a regular basis. We're asking questions like what's working and what's not working. We're noticing the habits that we're trying to build and maybe not losing track of them as quickly because we have the support of the community and we have it written down and we have some of the important things in mind. It's not that having these solutions fixes everything overnight. It's not a magic wand, but Having these rhythms and these consistency can give us just a better grip on reality, better tools to face it. I think that's the piece that I heard when Adam was talking about it is that oftentimes if we're raised without that full toolbox of tools to be able to manage reality and manage life, the only thing we have to lean on are the coping mechanisms that we learn as kids. And at some point as adults, we have to be willing to consider. letting go of the things that are no longer working for us, like maybe leaning into a substance or an addiction or something, and be willing to learn some new tools and be willing to maybe like expand the toolbox a little and be willing to find ways to cope with life in a healthy way because reality doesn't change, but we our way of managing it, our way of approaching it, our way of dealing with it, that can change. And so a lot of people don't spend time thinking about that. We do. That's like our favorite thing to look at is how do we support people so they can show up and face their lives and they can make their life a good one even in difficult circumstances. And so anyway, those are my takeaways. There's probably lots more we could talk about there, but that's a really good one to go listen to. If someone is struggling with something themselves or they have others in their lives that are struggling, this is definitely a good place to go and some resources that they could look into. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I really like that he focuses on the person who looks really great out there and is succeeding, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And when you're talking about the work that people are doing and really looking at it in a deep way, I'm just gonna highlight like the more of less of tool. It's like, what do you want more of? What do you want less of? It hints to just like where am I today? And you just simply it's just on every week. Simple question, but when do you ever ask, what do I want? You know, that question for me is transformative, and that's why it's in here. Secondly, you're talking about healing and growth and the different paths. The to be cloud is something where we can mind map and brainstorm every week. What am I investing into my growth, my energy, me being a human being? And then so we have like the to-do and the to be. And so I think Adam found himself doing, doing, doing, doing, and just not really noticing that, I have personal needs and things that that fill me up. And so over time it collapsed over time. So there are little things you can do like refueling your energy and brainstorming and mind mapping. Like what are all the ways that we can rejuvenate and build into that deeper self and that Having that as a parallel strategy to the performance, I think is really key for high performance. Like it's fine to go get things done and have a productivity system. You can definitely check off a list. But this is going to be more about really what Adam's talking about, which is he calls it the healed hustle. And I just love, I was like, how did you do that title? That's so beautiful. You know, like the healed hustle. It is kind of that you're working in a really measured way, and then you're healing as you're going. And so That's why I loved his method is very aligned with what we do at think time. And if you're looking for a coach who is like Adam, he's truly a special person because he does have the acumen in business, he has acumen in ministry, he has acumen as a healed person who's helping others. So I really recommend this podcast, recommend touching base with Adam if you can, if if he resonates with you as well. I love highlighting people who do the work in slightly different ways because Sometimes you'll want to work with Becca as a coach or me as a coach, but other times it's going to be really looking at somebody else that we bring along and say, this is also a really cool person and they vibe with you as well. So yeah, I think these episodes were fabulous. Is there anything that you want to leave everybody with about all three episodes? Final thoughts that are popping in your mind? Yeah, I think that people don't need our permission, but sometimes they do need to give themselves permission. to just go out and try getting support for different things and realizing that as we change and grow, our needs for support and or coaching or a membership or, you know, what books we're gonna read or what kind of counsel we're gonna see, those needs can change. And so I just want to give people like just that reminder that they have agency that when they notice things aren't working anymore, they can change it. When they notice they have a new need for support, they can go seek that out. And you don't need to stick with old solutions, whether they're healthy or unhealthy, that no longer are working for you. You always have that authority and that agency to go, hey, you know what? I'm noticing. I might need something new. And that is a sign of growth. It's a sign of maturity. It's a sign of feeling safe in your own life and in your own body that you can say, Hey, I notice this need and I'm not going to try to ignore it or fill it. by myself, even though I don't have the expertise or the knowledge to be able to do that. I'm going to maybe, you know, for me, I might pray about it first. I might do some research. I might ask some people. But a lot of times we stay stuck. We feel stuck in a problem because we don't even have like hope for a solution. Because we figure if we don't know about it, it must not exist. And I wanna say that unfortunately, that's a false assumption. There is help for almost every problem that you could think of, you're probably gonna find someone who's been through it and who will be willing to help you through it. But sometimes it's easier to believe that what that lie, let's call it out for what it is, that we're alone in this and no one would understand and no one would be willing to help me. And people might judge me and that's not true. There are people out there struggling with all kinds of similar things and we can just ask for that willingness to maybe be open to receiving some kind of support or help when we find ourselves in those moments. I just feel like that's an important thing to say. I love that. I love that. And these are three people who are there with specific help to give. And then we'll we'll come back with more people. So Becca and I are here and we're here with the think time support. And I always think of think time like a dashboard. Like it's the place where you go to kind of Say this is where I'm gonna go here. I'm gonna do this and and kind of you you bring all of the therapies into think time and then decide what you're gonna do. Think of all the options. Okay, when is it gonna fit in my life? How is it gonna work out? I call it the gateway tool to personal growth. It's truly like it opens the door and and so maybe it's gonna be this quarter you're working on your space, and then next quarter you're gonna work on your happiness, and then in the next quarter you're like, man, I gotta heal my hustle. You know, who knows? But There are options. So whenever you're looking for that dashboard, that's where Becca and I come in. And we can do the planning sessions as a group are super effective for people, just in the regular baseline membership and or getting just the planner and using the planner itself has been able to be that dashboard for people. And then when you go want to go deep into a specific area, that's going to be the experts that we're bringing in. So all right, Becca, thank you so much for being here on this episode of Hyper Focus and High Performance. I will see you in the next one. Thank you. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and isn't a substitute for individualized medical, mental health, or professional care. Every brain is different. Results will vary. Thank you for listening to Hyper Focus and High Performance. If today's conversation helped you think differently about how your mind works, I invite you to take the next step. Visit think dash time.com slash podcast and grab my free training. Why can't I find a planner that works for me? If you've ever felt frustrated, judged, even by yourself, overwhelmed, or simply wondered why everyone seems to be able to follow a system that simply doesn't work for you, you're not alone. In this free training, you'll discover how your brain naturally approaches focus, planning, and productivity, and why many traditional systems were never designed for minds like yours, and whether neuroplanning could help you increase your opportunity to experience more. Clarity, calm, confidence, creativity, and meaningful progress. With peace, not pressure. And if this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review so more brilliant, creative ADHD visionaries can discover what's possible. Remember, you don't have to become someone else to do what only you can do. Because only you can be who only you can be, and otherwise There will be a hole in history. The path forward is clear. Love your design. Then dream, decide, do, review. I'll see you next time.