Finally Finding Total Autonomy in Your 40's

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Hey guys, how's it going?
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I'm coming at you live from my job.
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I was having technical difficulties with my laptop, so I brought it to work and got uh tech support and got some help.
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But I wanted to do an intro for the most recent episode of my podcast.
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First of all, I want to thank you guys all for being so patient and being willing to just hang out and wait for me to get my shit together so I can get back on track.
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Some of you know that I've been through a lot of transition and change and grief and loss and all kinds of stuff and working through it.
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I'm doing really well and I appreciate you checking in and uh just being patient and waiting for this thing to happen.
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So thank you so much.
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Uh, without further ado, I cannot wait for you guys to watch this episode.
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It's gonna be another two-part series, and this is with my friend Lynette, who just happened to be my mom's hospice nurse and was absolutely amazing.
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This woman has such a servant's heart, and her story is one of courage, and one of I want to make a difference in this life, and I want to find what feeds my soul.
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I'm not gonna tell any more about it.
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I just love her story, and so thank you guys.
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Make sure you follow me everywhere you can.
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Subscribe, just find us and follow us, and thank you guys for your support.
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I'll see you soon.
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All right, I am so excited that you're here.
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This has been something that you and I talked about a few months ago or so, and uh I just I'm so excited.
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So thank you for joining me.
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So, Miss Lynette, and please remind me how to say, because see, when I we found out that I bought a car that belonged to you, isn't that weird?
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Like it was crazy.
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Yeah, a couple years-ish ago.
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Well, it would have been in 22.
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That long ago?
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Yes.
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Holy cow.
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So I thought your last name was Bueller.
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It it was okay.
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So I have you in my phone as the car lady as Lynette Bueller, like Ferris Bueller.
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Okay.
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So anyway, I uh it's such a small world, and I only dealt with your daughter.
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I only talked to you via text, right?
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Yeah, and then remember I we met you though in the parking lot at Flying J.
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That's where we did the switch or root.
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Oh my god, that's right.
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It you know what?
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That time of my life was such a chaotic moment because that was welcome.
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You did the game.
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I know, right?
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So I have memory lapses, yeah.
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But you're absolutely right.
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That's right.
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How weird.
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And then I didn't recognize you when we got reconnected later.
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And so we'll go into that.
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But anyway, where everybody's like, what the where are you guys going with this story, right?
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I know.
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Hey, this is my show, I'll do what I want.
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So, welcome to the next chapter with Tiffany, Miss Lynette.
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So, thank you for joining me, and I'm so excited to finally get to chat with you.
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And there's so much here that I can't wait for you to talk about.
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There's so many things in your life that fascinate me as to where you were, which I didn't realize where you came from, and then where you are now.
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And that being said, I want you to kind of start us off in telling us a little bit about yourself, and then we'll just we'll just roll right into it if you're okay with that.
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That sounds great.
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Okay, I love it.
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It's my pleasure to be here.
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I have never done this.
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I have a little TikTok where I kind of say little things about my life, but in just a full story, this is my first.
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So a little bit about me.
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I am um 40.
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I always think I'm 38, but I'm not anymore because I think I'm like 48 now.
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I'm 38 too.
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Yeah, something happened.
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I don't know.
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And so I'm a hospice nurse, I'm a life coach.
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More importantly, I'm a mom and a wife.
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And I just am a lover of life.
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And that's that's beautiful.
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I love that because you and I connected in one of the most emotional, vulnerable, and raw moments in a person's life, and that's through fortunately for us, you being my mom's hospice nurse.
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And I want you uh to go back in time and tell us about you know, not only what brought you to being a hospice nurse, but for you to get to that point, you have quite a journey way before that.
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Oh, yeah.
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So I want you to go back and tell me more, like where you grew up.
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Tell me about your childhood, tell me about you.
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Okay, okay, so so good.
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Oh man, I say if anybody is ever blessed, like I just feel like that's me.
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Like growing up, I was born into a Mennonite home that my parents are Mennonite on my dad's side, Mennonite from the beginning.
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I think blue bloods.
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I say I had all the right last names attached, and uh, but then my mom, I'm gonna call her a proselyte.
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Have you ever heard that word?
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No, somebody who joins the faith from the outside.
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Gotcha.
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So, like a gentile to a Jew type of thing.
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So my mom, uh yeah, her family, the the Mennonite set up a little mission in Phoenix in the 60s, I think it was, and my mom's family joined, and then my dad came to visit, they fell in love, ended up moving to he moved to Phoenix, which is unusual.
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Usually a couple will move to wherever the the guy is from.
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So grew up around my mom's family through that time.
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My mom, a lot of my mom's family left the church.
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So, and we would still, we still had a lot to do with them.
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That my mom's Hispanic, my dad uh Ukrainian.
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I know that was amazing when my dad told me that.
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I was like, really?
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That's where we come from.
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Okay.
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So very white and then Hispanic.
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And you know what?
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The best of both worlds.
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The best.
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I had the best cousins, and like the Hispanic culture, so family-oriented, you know, and I'm so glad I grew up in that environment.
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Oh, let me tell you a funny story.
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Yeah, my mom, thank God for her, she would leave us with my uh my cousins, my uncles and aunts.
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Well, they went to members-only meetings at the church.
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Well, they would introduce us to all kinds of things.
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We would watch TV.
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Man, we loved it.
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My aunt would sit there with her boyfriends and smoke weed.
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Woo!
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Yes.
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Um, my other, my cousin, well, this would have been in the 80s, he was what they called a transvestite.
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Did you ever hear that word?
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Yes, of course.
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That's what they called them back in the day.
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Yes, yes.
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He was a gay transvestite.
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He was talking about a world opening up to you.
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Yeah.
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So that was, but that was what we grew up around, too.
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You know what I mean?
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So we weren't like these little Mennonite kids that grow up where both families are just that wasn't us.
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Okay.
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So we had some influence.
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My uncles and my cousins at family deals, they'd be out there drinking because they wouldn't bring it in the house because my my Nana was Mennonite too.
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Um, and then they would pay us a dollar to go inside and get them a plate of food.
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Yeah, but I had so I feel like I feel like from that perspective, I had a view of both worlds.
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And then when I turned 13 in 1990, we moved to Mississippi, and there's a huge Mennonite community along.
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We we moved to the east side of Mississippi, northeast Mississippi, and so left all that kind of stuff, really delved into the whole Mennonite world.
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I mean, that was it was a whirlwind then.
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I had so much fun.
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I my best friend had two older brothers who were already youth age.
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So I was, let me say, I was 13.
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My friend was 13, but she had older brothers.
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Those guys would take us to youth deals, even though we were too young, and we would have so much fun at the Mennonite youth deals, and it's a good life.
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You know, it's a good life.
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Like if you're willing to color inside the lines and that's the kind of person you are, it's a good life.
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It's family-oriented.
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For the most part, people are not mean.
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I'm sure there are some out there.
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I don't know.
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I just feel like the universe is always looking out for me.
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I didn't encounter them.
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I just had fun, had so much fun, had a great youth life.
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Uh, when I turned 18, um, I thought I wanted to be a CNA, so my parents let me go to California to live with a cousin for what was it, four months.
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And I got my CNA license at a little Mennonite nursing home there.
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Came back to Mississippi, ended up falling in love, never did anything with my CNA license, and yeah, just fell in love, got married, and started to have babies.
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I was 19 when I got married.
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My ex was 21.
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Yeah.
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And then what I did, I just did little house jobs with my mom, you know, bumped along and had my first baby when I was 22 and my last baby.
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I think I was 28 when I had my last baby.
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I had three babies, and then we adopted one.
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Oh so I have four children all together, three biologicals and one adopted.
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Okay, and it was a good life.
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It was a good life in 26.
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Yeah, my baby was three months old, my littlest.
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We moved to Ubeldi, Texas, and moved there to do construction.
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Loved Texas, because what I loved about it was that Mexican culture was so much like what I had grown up with with my mom's family.
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So just the Mexican food and and yeah, just the culture was lovely.
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Loved it.
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Things were rocky there for us in the church.
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My husband was incredibly my ex-husband now, but he was incredibly successful in the building business.
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And I don't know if that was some of the animosity, and I think too, the fact that we weren't saying we weren't just dyed in the wool, blue, like we colored outside the lines a little.
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Yeah, you know, and that's been exposed to a lot of different things.
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But was that community?
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That was that community in Texas, was it more just kind of like you said, within the lines and very kind of rigid where you had been exposed?
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Yeah.
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So a lot of yes.
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When we left Phoenix, we kind of left that outside influence.
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When we got to Mississippi, it was all Mennonite.
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We were, that was it.
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You know what I mean?
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We just very uh saturated with Mennonite life.
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Anyway, got so Texas, yeah, it was rough spiritually.
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I didn't understand some of the things that happened there with we call okay, so the preachers, the deacons, we call it the staff.
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So when I say the staff, that's who I'm talking about.
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Okay.
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So there was some some sort of animosity between us and the staff, and I I don't know why.
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I don't know why.
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Because you had been you probably had, I bet you, this is my observation, and I don't mean to interrupt you, but my mind is going 100 miles an hour when you're talking.
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I would think that they could tell and judge somebody that's been influenced a little more worldly.
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You probably carried energy in a different way that it was visible to the rigid, to the to the, you know, this.
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I bet you, because that would be plus, you're an outsider, you're coming in.
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I mean, that's what I instantly thought of was before you even finished, I'm like, I bet they judged her.
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I bet I know.
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You know, outsider.
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I think there was something to that, something about that energy part.
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I love, I love the thought of that.
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I guarantee.
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I remember one time this big famous Mennonite preacher came to Ubeldi to give a talk.
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And I I knew his daughter, even though she was years older than me.
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So I just wanted to get to know him and chatted, went and chatted away with him.
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And so he was sitting by a deacon, and oh man, we just had the best conversation.
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And I remember this preacher turned to that old deacon.
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He's like, She could just about preach, couldn't she?
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And I was like, Oh, it felt like such a compliment, you know.
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But I felt like he appreciated the way I articulated myself.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yep.
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Have you found that that women?
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I'm gonna plug this in real quick because I forgot to.
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Have you found that dyed in the wool, straight up, 100% raised rigidly Mennonite women don't have that kind of worldly energy?
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I think that gives gives us more confidence as well when you have more life experiences, more exposure to reality, more like, wow, that's cool.
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But then you chose to come back into the fold and go straight up Mennonite.
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Do you think that that that is something that is very palatable?
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If they put you in a room up against a die hard, raised straight up, you could tell the difference.
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I believe so.
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Because you can tell with my mom, you know, my mom had the same energy, like she she didn't grow up Mennonite, and she's just, I mean, people are so drawn to her, just loved loved to be her friend.
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That's beautiful, yeah.
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So uh it was rough, it really was rough for a few years uh in Uvalde.
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There were things even between my ex and I that were rough, and you know, I remember one time we were making phenomenal money, like crazy good money in the building business.
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And I remember my mom, I don't know, I was complaining about life, I think a little.
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And she's like, Why are you complaining?
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You have it so good.
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And I'm like, Mom, there's stuff, there are things in life that when you have money, you realize that there's other issues that it would be easier to deal with the lack of money than to deal with some of the things that we're dealing with.
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Wow.
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Like, and it was rough.
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Yeah, yeah.
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You can always go make money, but you know, sometimes when relationships are hard, you know what I mean when I say, but you can't control the other person in a relationship, and that makes it really hard.
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So yeah, I left Uvaldi in 2013.
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We moved here in January of 2013, and uh man I'll tell you what, here Idaho here.
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Here Idaho, okay.
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Yes, we moved here to Idaho in 2013, and how that happened was um a friend, we had gone to a family reunion together, and one of the cousins sat down across from us, and he had just moved to Ontario.
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And he's like, I love it.
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You guys should come check it out, it's great.
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Oh anyway, so yeah, we moved here in 2020.
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But uh, so I want to talk a little more about growing up.
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Like growing up was beautiful, beautiful.
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Like my parents loved each other, they rarely argued, I think just enough to show us that you could be fussy with each other, you know.
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My dad, so gentle, so kind.
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Like he was, he would, he, my dad drove trucks and he would uh come home in the evening, we would have dinner, and he would lay down in the living room on the floor with us and read to us because we didn't have TV, we didn't have radio, you know.
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Mennonites very uh my dad comes from a very studious family, so we read, he read and read and read to us.
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And my parents were social, we had company all the time, they loved people, and people loved them.
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So, as far as uh a childhood, I had a great, I had a beautiful childhood.
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You know, it was me and my two sisters, I was the oldest, uh, and I wanted to give that to my children, you know, yeah just that very sweet, yeah, loving anyways.
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No, that's beautiful.
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Yes, loving.
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Speaking of your children, how old were your kids and they were being raised within the Mennonite church?
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So they had the little dresses and they had the little what do you what do you call that?
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Head covering.
00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:54.720
The heading that's just the head covering, it's nothing fancy.
00:17:54.960 --> 00:17:55.920
Nothing fancy.
00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:58.720
I was waiting for some like it's a super blah blah.
00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:01.039
You know, I was waiting for something really cool.
00:18:01.279 --> 00:18:03.759
No, no, no, just your head covering.
00:18:04.079 --> 00:18:09.440
Okay, so and then usually how that works, like I'll give you a little glimpse into Mennonite life.
00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:10.880
So thank you.
00:18:11.599 --> 00:18:28.240
The way the Mennonites believe is that a child is born innocent and is innocent up until the time when God calls them, and that is up to God, man has no control over that.
00:18:28.480 --> 00:18:41.759
And they say usually how a child will know is they begin to realize that oh, like telling a lie is wrong, and I shouldn't tell a lie, you know, like things like that.
00:18:42.000 --> 00:18:57.759
And so even though a child will understand that, oh, this is right and this is right or wrong, it's not necessarily that, well, God will call them until they have maybe a fuller understanding.
00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:02.880
So that's often 12, 13, 14, 15, 15 months.
00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:10.559
Um I I feel like God called me when I was 12 years old.
00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:14.880
And how that worked was she's like, what's going on here?
00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:16.079
Hi, poo-poo.
00:19:17.279 --> 00:19:18.240
Okay, Ivy.
00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:20.640
Yes, I love you too.
00:19:20.799 --> 00:19:23.759
We call it a conversion experience or born again.
00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:31.839
Okay, so how mine worked was there were some things I knew I had done that were not nice, you know, and they're very vanilla things.
00:19:31.920 --> 00:19:33.680
I'm sure I can't even tell you what they were.
00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:41.920
But I was just tormented with this thought that the world was gonna end and I was not gonna be saved.
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:50.240
And so I went to my mom and dad's bedroom one night, and I'm like, I just feel like if if Jesus came, I would be lost.
00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:53.440
And okay, well, do you want us to pray with you?
00:19:53.519 --> 00:19:54.880
And yes, I do.
00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:56.400
So I remember that.
00:19:56.559 --> 00:20:00.880
Me and my mom and dad, we all knelt down there in my mom and dad's bed and they prayed.
00:20:01.039 --> 00:20:08.480
And oh, I was just so free and happy after that, like the next day, just like that burden had rolled away.
00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:11.599
I knew that if Jesus came back, I was gonna be saved.
00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:13.039
I was okay.
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:19.599
Um, so then it took about a year after that before I was baptized.
00:20:19.759 --> 00:20:23.440
So I was baptized when I was 13 years old.
00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:29.279
And that's when once you're baptized, the girls put on their head covering.
00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:31.200
Oh, that's when it happens.
00:20:31.759 --> 00:20:32.079
Yes.
00:20:32.720 --> 00:20:33.039
Yes.
00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:37.839
So if somebody is wearing a head covering, you know that they have been baptized.
00:20:38.079 --> 00:20:42.720
That's how the Holdeman Mennonites, that's the denomination I was born into.
00:20:42.960 --> 00:20:44.240
Holdeman Mennonite.
00:20:44.319 --> 00:20:45.599
And that that's how they do it.
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:48.880
We wore the black cap, the girls wear the dresses.
00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:50.160
Black cap?
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:52.480
Black, yes.
00:20:52.720 --> 00:20:57.279
So you'll see like around Payette, you see some of the Mennonites, but they're wearing the white cap.
00:20:57.440 --> 00:20:58.000
Yes.
00:20:58.319 --> 00:20:59.680
We call them white caps.
00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:01.200
I don't know what they are.
00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:02.960
Interesting.
00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:05.440
White cap, but we call them white cap Mennonites.
00:21:05.519 --> 00:21:07.519
And I think they call themselves white cap Mennonites.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:08.079
I don't know.
00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:09.440
Anyway, we're Holdeman.
00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:12.160
We were Holdemans and we wore a black cap.
00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:22.160
Okay, that that makes me go, okay, so if you know what are the differences besides the names and the colors?
00:21:23.039 --> 00:21:37.839
That's a really hard one for me to say, because I don't know if the white caps do the whole born-again experience, or if they do more like a what is it called with the Catholics, where they do like a little booklet.
00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:39.680
I I don't know.
00:21:39.839 --> 00:21:41.599
Like I just know of christening.
00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:42.559
I don't know what it's called.
00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:44.799
No, I am definitely not a Catholic.
00:21:45.039 --> 00:21:47.759
I think with the uh Catechism?
00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:48.720
Catechism?
00:21:48.799 --> 00:21:49.599
Is that what it is?
00:21:49.839 --> 00:21:50.160
I don't know.
00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:50.880
I just remember that.
00:21:51.039 --> 00:21:59.759
Or they do more like a uh Bible study, and then they're yeah, I think I know that some of the white caps believe like that, where they don't have to have this.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:01.680
Born-again experience.
00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:02.400
Okay.
00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:03.200
Yeah.
00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:03.680
Interesting.
00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:04.319
Okay.
00:22:04.559 --> 00:22:04.799
Yeah.
00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:07.680
I did not, I don't know if I've ever seen one with a black.
00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:11.519
I'm sure I have, but you know, I'm I'm sure you have.
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:12.079
You have.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:13.599
You just haven't recognized it.
00:22:13.839 --> 00:22:14.079
Okay.
00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:14.640
Didn't you have to do that?
00:22:14.799 --> 00:22:19.680
Now that I say you'll probably be like, when you see a black cap, you'll be like, oh, that's one that was talking about.
00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:20.880
That's a hold of man.
00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:21.440
Yay.
00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:21.680
Yeah.
00:22:23.039 --> 00:22:26.240
You know, that's that is I was just gonna say real quick.
00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:51.440
I don't know if you in with you know being raised that way, you guys, of course, everybody mostly knows how to sew and how to make things and all that the treasure valley before, especially around Payette, where all of a sudden I see a Mennonite woman down an aisle with the most beautiful dress on that is obviously handmade, gorgeous dress.
00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:55.440
And I will go up and I will say, I'm sorry, excuse me, ma'am, did you make that?
00:22:55.519 --> 00:22:56.880
And like, oh yes, I did.
00:22:57.039 --> 00:22:59.119
Oh my gosh, that this is gorgeous.
00:22:59.279 --> 00:23:00.400
I mean, wow.
00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:13.279
And that I wish that more conservative, old school, disconnected kind of life was more how we are today.
00:23:13.519 --> 00:23:14.160
I wish so.
00:23:14.319 --> 00:23:22.480
Because those skills, those things, that type of culture that they have and they've honed and they grew up with, and that's just the way it is.
00:23:22.799 --> 00:23:37.680
We today, society, it's most of the people don't have an inkling of what it's like to have any type of talent to build, to make things still, to churn butter, to do whatever, to slaughter their own animals, to do whatever they do, you know.
00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:50.079
Nobody, it's like a lot, not nobody, but a lot of people in today's society, especially the younger generation, couldn't couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag, let alone make something, you know?
00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:51.279
Seriously.
00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:55.039
So that is that something, is that a skill that you have?
00:23:56.240 --> 00:23:57.359
Yes, definitely.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:24:01.119
So man, I was so in my own dresses when I was 12 years old.
00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:02.480
I loved it.
00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:04.640
I loved the creative part of it.
00:24:04.720 --> 00:24:13.440
It was so much fun to take patterns and pick fabric and all that stuff, even though it's just the the conservative dresses, but still fun to do, you know.
00:24:13.680 --> 00:24:14.240
Absolutely.
00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:19.920
I mean, something that is an absolute skill and to to say, I made this, you know.
00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:22.319
I mean, at that age, that's beautiful.
00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:24.000
Anyway, I just yeah, it was fun.
00:24:24.079 --> 00:24:24.640
It was fun.
00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:28.480
I canned, I never turned butter, I gotta be honest.
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:38.480
We had electricity, it was interesting because like electricity cars, really the women don't have jobs outside of the home.
00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:40.400
I mean, that's kind of their job.
00:24:40.559 --> 00:24:41.359
Let me see.
00:24:41.599 --> 00:24:45.119
I know I was thinking about arranged marriages, things like that.
00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:46.880
I haven't thought about that and asked.
00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:47.200
Yeah.
00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:51.039
Okay, so yeah, no, marriages are not arranged.
00:24:51.279 --> 00:24:54.160
So I'll tell you what what my experience was, okay?
00:24:54.400 --> 00:24:54.720
Okay.
00:24:54.960 --> 00:25:02.720
Um, I met my ex-husband at volleyball games because I lived in the congregation just south of where he lived.
00:25:02.799 --> 00:25:04.480
So we're about 20 miles apart.
00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:08.400
So the congregations, the youth, very social, very social.
00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:12.000
They would get together on Friday nights to play volleyball together.
00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:20.240
That's a big Mennonite sport or baseball, either one, and uh have supper together and and just, you know, socialize.
00:25:20.400 --> 00:25:20.799
Yeah.
00:25:21.119 --> 00:25:23.039
So that's how I met him.
00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:33.119
And, you know, it was just kind of a deal where we just talk back and forth, and yeah, there was a mutual respect there, and we enjoyed each other's company.
00:25:33.279 --> 00:25:39.279
So then when he went to propose for me, this is very standard that or how it used to be.
00:25:39.680 --> 00:25:46.319
So he went to his preacher and said, Hey, I would like to take a proposal to Lynette.
00:25:46.559 --> 00:26:01.599
And so then his preacher goes to my preacher, and my preacher goes to comes to my parents and to myself and says, Hey, we have a proposal from this young man, and do you want what do you think?
00:26:01.759 --> 00:26:08.480
And it's a discussion with the preacher and and my parents and myself, and we knew it was coming, you know.
00:26:08.640 --> 00:26:11.680
I mean, it's not like a big old secret, like, oh my gosh, I can't believe it.
00:26:12.640 --> 00:26:13.440
We knew it was coming.
00:26:13.519 --> 00:26:16.799
So, and me and my mom, we had talked about it and stuff like that.
00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:30.079
In fact, that's a little funny story because I remember one Sunday night, right before this happened, one Sunday night, I'm outside of church with the rest of the youth, and I see the preacher go to my dad, and I'm like, oh bomber, am I in trouble?
00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:32.160
Yeah, that's it.
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:33.519
Yep.
00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:34.880
Am I in trouble?
00:26:35.039 --> 00:26:40.240
So anyway, and then my dad just turned abruptly and went to the car and didn't say anything.
00:26:40.400 --> 00:26:50.720
But my mom, all week, my mom's like, hey Lynette, like, you know, hypothetically speaking, if you were to get a proposal, like, wah, she wanted to talk about wedding stuff.
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:54.000
I'm like, oh, mom's like, oh, come on, you know.
00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:57.599
Well, then later in the week, all of a sudden the phone rings and I answered it.
00:26:57.680 --> 00:27:01.920
It happened to be the preacher, and he's like, Hey, Lynette, we'd like to come over and visit with you and your parents.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:02.960
And I'm like, okay.
00:27:03.119 --> 00:27:11.200
Well, then I find out later the preacher had gone to my dad because they're cut they're cousins, and was like, hey, Bill, we have a proposal.
00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:13.440
We'd love to come to sit down and chat.
00:27:13.519 --> 00:27:15.759
Would it work for us just to come over now after church?
00:27:15.839 --> 00:27:20.720
And my dad's like, no, I gotta go home and go to bed because I got to get up in the morning and go to work.
00:27:20.799 --> 00:27:23.759
So that's why my dad just turned around and beat up for the vehicle.
00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:26.079
He didn't want to hear nothing about this.
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:27.680
I'm not ready.
00:27:27.759 --> 00:27:28.079
Yeah.
00:27:28.319 --> 00:27:29.039
I'm not ready.
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:29.839
I'm not ready.
00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:33.039
So, anyway, I was his oldest, first one to get married.
00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:34.880
But generally that's how it works.
00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:43.200
Okay, and then we play, we uh wow, the weddings are usually two to three months out from the time you get the proposal.
00:27:43.440 --> 00:27:47.680
And our wedding was over 500 people.
00:27:49.119 --> 00:27:51.119
Yeah, it was big.
00:27:51.519 --> 00:28:06.799
And you provide well, the the groom's family provides uh supper for the Saturday night before the wedding, and then the the bride's family provides the mill, the the wedding mill.
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:08.240
And yeah.
00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:09.440
Wow.
00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:12.240
Yeah, it was so it's a party.
00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:22.240
And does that mean does that mean that it's it's that big because of the Mennonite traditions, or you guys knew everybody?
00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:23.920
We did not know everybody.
00:28:24.079 --> 00:28:31.519
In fact, I remember so they held a separate youth deal for all the youth to go have dinner at another place.
00:28:31.759 --> 00:28:36.559
And so after we were done with the family dinner, we we went over there and we walk in.
00:28:36.640 --> 00:28:38.880
There's 250 youth kids there.
00:28:39.039 --> 00:28:40.559
And he's like, You know these people?
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:42.079
I'm like, No, do you?
00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:44.480
So, how like I said again, it's social.
00:28:44.559 --> 00:28:49.599
So the kids are all like, Hey, I'm going to this wedding this weekend, you know, you want to ride along?
00:28:49.839 --> 00:28:50.960
That kind of thing.
00:28:51.279 --> 00:28:52.240
Like, who's getting married?
00:28:52.400 --> 00:28:53.200
Hell if I know.
00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:54.400
Let's go to the party.
00:28:54.640 --> 00:28:56.079
Let's go apart.
00:28:56.480 --> 00:28:57.039
Yes.
00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:58.640
Von ball free food.
00:28:58.960 --> 00:28:59.599
Free food.
00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:03.119
You will stay with somebody at the men at the wedding, you know.
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:04.079
It'll be a great.
00:29:04.319 --> 00:29:06.640
I did plenty of that in my youth and loved it.
00:29:06.799 --> 00:29:08.960
Met so many great friends that way.
00:29:09.599 --> 00:29:12.079
I had no idea that they were so social.
00:29:12.559 --> 00:29:14.000
I very social.
00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:14.480
Very.
00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:16.000
That's really cool.
00:29:16.240 --> 00:29:16.559
Yeah.
00:29:16.799 --> 00:29:17.279
Wow.
00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:18.480
A big party.
00:29:18.640 --> 00:29:23.680
Okay, so that being said, what it's not the traditional wedding dress and all that.
00:29:23.920 --> 00:29:24.480
No, no.
00:29:24.720 --> 00:29:30.960
So I had a lovely pale, pale pink wedding dress.
00:29:31.119 --> 00:29:38.880
It had just kind of little old-fashioned, had a little collar, pointed collar, and then these little tiny buttons that were real close together.
00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:41.200
They were covered buttons, same fabric.
00:29:41.359 --> 00:29:47.119
Yeah, it was just, and uh yeah, just a regular Mennonite dress.
00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:51.039
Only I know back in the day we didn't wear white.
00:29:51.279 --> 00:30:00.079
We had to wear a little off color, but I've heard now, like maybe they're there, it's leaning more towards the whitish or maybe more creamish colors.
00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:03.200
And I don't know why, but yeah, it's just kind of a little rule.
00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:05.279
What what do the men wear?
00:30:05.599 --> 00:30:07.279
They wear a suit, just a suit.
00:30:07.519 --> 00:30:08.400
Oh, just a just a suit.
00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:10.240
Not a tux, no, just a suit.
00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:21.440
And then how that works, then too, like, so we got we have a little choir that will sing a set of songs, and it's the singing is beautiful.
00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:23.839
Like, I miss the singing.
00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:37.119
It's a cappello, we don't have instruments, and yeah, and then a little uh sermon and some the wedding vows and a little more singing, and everybody goes down for the milk.
00:30:37.440 --> 00:30:50.079
Wow, yeah, but how how fun though, because what happens nowadays, it's all like overblown, over budget, over expensive, overkill, competition, you know, fighting.
00:30:50.160 --> 00:30:52.640
Uh, I don't want this person there, I don't want this person there.
00:30:52.799 --> 00:30:58.799
It sounds so beautiful yet simple, and it's just a like a fun.
00:30:59.039 --> 00:31:02.319
Everybody participates, whether you know each other or not, it's a big part of it.
00:31:02.640 --> 00:31:05.599
Celebrate the union and have fun.
00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:06.720
I could see how that would go.
00:31:07.039 --> 00:31:08.160
So much fun.
00:31:08.319 --> 00:31:08.799
Yeah.
00:31:09.039 --> 00:31:15.440
And that's how kids meet each other and form relationships and more weddings happen, you know.
00:31:17.039 --> 00:31:23.119
Okay, that that being said, relationships, what is the view on premarital sex?
00:31:23.279 --> 00:31:24.160
I have to ask.
00:31:24.400 --> 00:31:26.640
Absolutely no go, zero.
00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:28.319
Double goose sayings, right?
00:31:28.480 --> 00:31:29.119
No, double.
00:31:29.839 --> 00:31:31.599
I could have guessed, I could have guessed that.
00:31:31.680 --> 00:31:32.480
I just wanted to know.
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:33.200
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:34.640
No, that's you're right.
00:31:34.720 --> 00:31:35.119
You're right.
00:31:35.359 --> 00:31:40.559
Okay, the expectations of a young woman within the Mennonite community.
00:31:41.039 --> 00:31:46.079
So you mentioned how when it is their, what did you call it?
00:31:46.240 --> 00:32:00.640
Not calling, what did you call it when they're like, okay, it's time for she had this realization, she uh realized this is optimal behavior, or you like you started asking questions about my fear of not getting to heaven.
00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:02.559
This is time for you to become baptized.
00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:12.079
So the difference between pre-baptismal Lynette and post-baptized Lynette is the expectations.
00:32:12.160 --> 00:32:13.119
Are they different?
00:32:13.279 --> 00:32:18.720
What changed for you from that moment on when you were baptized?
00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:24.000
Expectations, that's interesting.
00:32:24.240 --> 00:32:32.400
I wonder if I would say okay, so then once you're baptized, you're starting I started to wear the head covering.
00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:40.960
So the expectation is to act in a way that uh respects the church.
00:32:43.359 --> 00:32:46.960
The dress shows submission to God and the church.
00:32:47.039 --> 00:32:48.400
I think that's a good way to put it.
00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:49.440
Okay, okay.
00:32:49.759 --> 00:32:51.519
Yeah, that makes sense.
00:32:51.759 --> 00:32:54.240
Because that is a heavy thing to step into.
00:32:54.480 --> 00:33:05.920
There's responsibility that goes along with that, that you didn't have before because you were a young, a young girl, and then all of a sudden you get baptized and it's a whole different responsibility.
00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:06.640
Right.
00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:22.160
But also uh I can see how that may feel to step into a different role of well, now that that's open, then it's my responsibility not only to behave a certain way, respect the church, the the head covering, represent.
00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:29.359
But then now I need to start educating myself a little more because I have taken on the responsibility.
00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:37.759
I'm baptized, that puts me into a position where I need to seek a little bit more and and or maybe your parents.
00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:42.000
So we always had Bible study growing up.
00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:48.160
Then we we we always had Sunday school devotions, we called it family devotions.
00:33:48.319 --> 00:33:57.599
We would always have family devotions where my dad would read to us in the evening from the Bible, and then we would have a family prayer together before we all went to bed.
00:33:58.480 --> 00:33:59.440
I love that.
00:33:59.920 --> 00:34:10.719
And then, you know, suddenly you okay, which I wore a dress my whole life until I wore the head covering, anyways, but like once you wear the head covering, oh, I mean you're easily identified, you know.
00:34:11.039 --> 00:34:17.280
People know where you belong more than likely, and if you're doing things you should or shouldn't be doing.
00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:26.159
So yeah, you're not gonna see a Mennonite, you know, smoking a cigarette on the corner with a with a bunch of hoodlum teenagers, you know.
00:34:26.400 --> 00:34:27.039
No, exactly.
00:34:27.119 --> 00:34:29.679
And and if you do, come tell me because I want to know.
00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:33.119
Yeah, we'll be sitting there going, did you see that?
00:34:33.280 --> 00:34:34.159
You did look at that.
00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:38.159
I got I got it on video, check it out.
00:34:38.320 --> 00:34:40.320
Yeah, that would be really weird.
00:34:41.519 --> 00:34:46.320
So yeah, just yeah, honoring the head covering.
00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:50.000
They believe like that, it represents the power.
00:34:50.159 --> 00:34:52.000
This is what we were always told.
00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:58.719
The power of the angels over us, and that that was a certain protection.
00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:01.280
You know.
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:14.719
Yeah, that's that's heavy in a way that again that that word responsibility keeps popping into my head because of what you stepped into.
00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:24.559
It's like, okay, now you are expected to live a certain way, think a certain way, read certain things, absorb certain things, speak a certain way.
00:35:24.719 --> 00:35:40.320
All these things are an expectation that is brought upon you not only by the staff, elders, whatever, and your parents, but also if you're serious about it, it's all brought upon by you yourself at the same time.
00:35:40.559 --> 00:35:46.239
Like I take this very seriously, I'm going to represent in the right way because it's my responsibility.
00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:58.159
I could see how that would be very heavy, but yet when you're proud of that, it's not heavy burden-wise, it's just heavy as in I take this seriously and I pack it all the time.
00:35:58.320 --> 00:35:59.679
It's it's how I roll.
00:35:59.920 --> 00:36:06.320
You're you definitely are a minority in certain areas because they're mostly, aren't they mostly into farming and and construction?
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:10.880
Most it's getting diverse now, but yes, it used to mostly be that.
00:36:11.199 --> 00:36:11.519
Okay.
00:36:11.679 --> 00:36:18.480
And that was your background when you were talking about you and your husband in the first stages of your life, was he was a builder.
00:36:19.519 --> 00:36:19.840
Okay.
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:22.559
And then we moved here to farm.
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:26.559
Okay, that's what I was thinking that you went into farming.
00:36:26.800 --> 00:36:27.119
Okay.
00:36:27.599 --> 00:36:27.920
Okay.
00:36:28.400 --> 00:36:33.840
Because, well, growing up, him growing up in Mississippi, it's dry land farming.
00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:37.760
So they would put their crops in the spring and take them out in the fall.
00:36:37.920 --> 00:36:44.400
And then in the summer and the winter, his dad, my father-in-law, had been a builder in California.
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:51.360
So then they would usually get a little building project going for the summer and the winter there in Mississippi.
00:36:51.440 --> 00:36:54.400
So they were busy, just always doing something.
00:36:54.800 --> 00:36:56.719
So tell me, let's fast forward.
00:36:56.960 --> 00:37:00.079
We talked a little bit about your your kids being raised in that.
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:03.440
You're still living in Idaho, you guys are farming.
00:37:03.599 --> 00:37:07.199
And when did you realize it's I'm done with this?
00:37:07.360 --> 00:37:12.239
I mean, tell me a little bit about all of that in progression.
00:37:13.360 --> 00:37:19.440
Okay, so we moved, let me see, we moved in 2013 and bumped along farming.
00:37:19.599 --> 00:37:21.360
Um it was terrible.
00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:25.679
I mean, it was a learning curve, this farming, you know.
00:37:26.000 --> 00:37:31.519
And it just felt like every year we just dug ourselves deeper into a financial hole.
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:35.679
And I think it was 2017, an onion shed.
00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:38.239
We contracted our onions with them.
00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:43.280
They took all the onions, paid us our first check, and then filed bankruptcy.
00:37:43.599 --> 00:37:47.360
So we lost hundreds of thousands on that.
00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:48.639
My gosh.
00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:52.320
Yes, and then there was another situation with another crop.
00:37:52.880 --> 00:38:01.360
We had contracted in the spring, we had contracted our grain with a company, and they ended up filing bankruptcy.
00:38:01.519 --> 00:38:03.280
So we lost that contract.
00:38:03.599 --> 00:38:14.079
And so all of a sudden, when we lose that contract and come back and, like, okay, we got to recontract grain, grain had taken a nosedive from what we had contracted it at.
00:38:14.159 --> 00:38:16.239
So we lost so much money that year.
00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:20.559
So much money, so much so that the bank's like, okay, you're gonna have to put your place on the market.
00:38:20.800 --> 00:38:22.800
Girl, that was so hard.
00:38:22.960 --> 00:38:34.000
I mean, the day the realtor had come to take pictures of the house, I just like tried to stay out of her way while she took pictures, and I had house so clean and ready for her.
00:38:34.159 --> 00:38:37.280
But man, I was like crying in my sleeve.
00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:39.679
I didn't want to cry in front of her, you know.
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:44.800
But just like it was so hard to know that this was happening.
00:38:45.440 --> 00:38:53.840
Anyway, interestingly enough, though, I had this little inner voice as and it just told me, this house is not gonna sell.
00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:55.360
You're gonna stay here.
00:38:55.519 --> 00:38:58.239
And I'm like, okay, I don't know how.
00:38:58.719 --> 00:38:59.360
Right, I know.
00:39:00.639 --> 00:39:02.400
Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be a miracle.
00:39:02.559 --> 00:39:07.519
Anyways, so put our house on the market, and then I'm like, I need by that time, okay.
00:39:07.679 --> 00:39:11.280
So my kids, they helped their dad on the farm mostly.
00:39:11.440 --> 00:39:14.400
The girls, they went and worked at a little greenhouse too.
00:39:14.559 --> 00:39:25.199
My youngest was still in school, but my three older ones, they were doing their thing, and I found myself with so much time on my hands that I was bored.
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:33.119
Like, I mean, yeah, I mean, I sewed our clothes and did our laundry and you know, made three meals a day and took care of my little garden.
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:37.519
But it was like I needed more.
00:39:37.920 --> 00:39:38.800
I needed more.
00:39:39.199 --> 00:39:45.840
We were facing this financial crisis, so I got the girls and I some little volunteer gigs.
00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:49.039
We went and volunteered for Heart and Home Hospice.
00:39:49.280 --> 00:40:03.760
We would go there every Tuesday and put together bouquets for the hospice patients, and then we would also go once a month to the Ronald McDonald house in downtown Boise and we would make treats for uh the people staying there.
00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:06.239
And I loved it, I loved it.
00:40:06.480 --> 00:40:10.719
And I loved the whole volunteer thing over at Heart and Home.
00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:13.599
And I was like, man, I would love to be a hospice nurse.
00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:17.440
Anyway, so I go to my ex and I'm like, hey, like, I need more purpose.
00:40:17.599 --> 00:40:21.599
Like, what do you think if I would try to go to school to be an RN?
00:40:21.679 --> 00:40:24.800
He's like, I don't care, like, just go push on doors, see what happens.
00:40:25.039 --> 00:40:26.559
Like, okay, so I did.
00:40:26.719 --> 00:40:28.239
I mean, hilarious.
00:40:28.480 --> 00:40:34.239
The other day I came across my card, my student ID card that I got.
00:40:34.480 --> 00:40:38.719
Went and sat down with a student advisor, and I remember her saying, This was in 2018.
00:40:38.800 --> 00:40:46.000
She's like, Okay, this is your the plan for you to get your RN license, and it's gonna be four years.
00:40:46.079 --> 00:40:48.639
And I'm like, Oh my gosh, four years.
00:40:48.880 --> 00:40:51.360
Except I'm sure I didn't say gosh in my little men and I brain.
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:53.360
I probably said, oh my goodness.
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:54.559
Geez.
00:40:55.039 --> 00:40:58.559
Oh dear, this is gonna be a long, I mean, four years.
00:40:58.800 --> 00:41:01.840
Okay, you know, well, they're gonna pass whether I do this or not.
00:41:02.000 --> 00:41:05.280
So yeah, let's what does this take to get me started?
00:41:05.440 --> 00:41:13.199
And our financials were so bad from the farm that like I got 100% government funding for my schooling.
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:19.119
So started to go to school, and gosh, I loved it.
00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:24.239
Oh my goodness, Tiffany, like just learning, it was so much fun.
00:41:24.480 --> 00:41:28.880
And you know, I was I was often the oldest one in all the classes.
00:41:29.119 --> 00:41:30.960
And a little man and I, lady to boo.
00:41:31.199 --> 00:41:33.679
Yes, and an overachiever, I'm sure, right?
00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:35.199
Yes, oh yes, oh yes.
00:41:35.360 --> 00:41:37.280
You had a you had a point to prove, right?
00:41:37.760 --> 00:41:39.119
Yes, I really did.
00:41:39.280 --> 00:41:40.800
Yeah, and I had so much fun.
00:41:40.880 --> 00:41:41.519
I loved it.
00:41:41.679 --> 00:41:42.159
I loved it.
00:41:42.239 --> 00:41:46.880
I had one professor, he's like, I had him in three different math classes because man, I had to start.
00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:52.000
Thank God, when I had turned 16, I had gone and gotten my GED.
00:41:52.239 --> 00:41:57.679
Because then I just had to take a placement test to get uh to get signed up for courses.
00:41:58.000 --> 00:42:02.159
But I started like, I mean, I went to eighth grade.
00:42:02.320 --> 00:42:04.800
I left school when I was 13 years old.
00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:09.280
I hadn't added fractions since the day I left, you know?
00:42:09.599 --> 00:42:09.920
Wow.
00:42:10.159 --> 00:42:12.880
So yes, I have to get back into the whole swinging.
00:42:12.960 --> 00:42:15.920
So like I started a felt like ground zero.
00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:19.119
I think there was one math class below the one I had to start at.
00:42:19.440 --> 00:42:22.559
But it was just like figuring it out again.
00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:34.719
So one one of the math teachers, I think I'd had him there at the little Treasure Valley Community College in Ontario, three different classes, and he's like, Lynette, you just make every class you're in smarter.
00:42:34.880 --> 00:42:42.320
He's like, honestly, he said the whole class scores better when you're in it, just because you are not afraid to ask questions.
00:42:43.039 --> 00:42:45.599
And I'm like, oh my gosh, thank you.
00:42:45.760 --> 00:42:49.360
I mean, I felt very honored to have him tell me that.
00:42:49.519 --> 00:42:56.960
Anyway, so all in that, I had to take electives, and I chose um religious electives.
00:42:57.119 --> 00:42:58.800
I don't know, like what was I thinking?
00:42:58.960 --> 00:43:12.000
Was this like my heart crying out for something, or was it like me trying to play it safe and be like, I know I'm kind of bending, I'm kind of bending the rules by going to college, so I'm gonna be play it safe, I'm gonna take religious courses.
00:43:12.159 --> 00:43:29.840
And why I say bending the rules is because, well, I've found this out the hard way, but so I guess you're supposed to go to the staff when you want to seek higher education, they will discuss it amongst themselves and decide if you have the approval to go or not.
00:43:30.159 --> 00:43:31.599
I didn't do that.
00:43:32.719 --> 00:43:34.880
Well, golly gee.
00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:36.000
I know.
00:43:36.320 --> 00:43:39.119
You know, you may you may not have been approved, you know.
00:43:39.519 --> 00:43:41.280
You're very you're very right.
00:43:41.440 --> 00:43:42.639
I don't think I would have been.
00:43:42.800 --> 00:43:44.800
I don't think that I would have been.
00:43:45.280 --> 00:43:48.559
So I had just kind of slid under the radar and did my own thing.
00:43:48.639 --> 00:43:56.639
And probably the reason I did that is because we had go we were going to Ontario Congregation, which was a new congregation.
00:43:56.800 --> 00:43:59.599
So it didn't have, it wasn't an old.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.280
Established congregation.
00:44:01.440 --> 00:44:04.159
This is still a new baby congregation.
00:44:04.320 --> 00:44:09.280
Maybe I didn't feel a heavy sense of responsibility to the band who's our preacher or something.
00:44:09.360 --> 00:44:09.760
I don't know.
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:10.960
Right, yeah.
00:44:11.360 --> 00:44:15.119
Anyway, I learned a word.
00:44:15.519 --> 00:44:17.519
I learned a word at college.
00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:19.840
I had never heard this word before.
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:22.239
This little word, it was autonomy.
00:44:22.400 --> 00:44:24.000
And I'm like, what's that?
00:44:24.800 --> 00:44:25.360
Yeah.
00:44:25.760 --> 00:44:27.440
What's autonomy?
00:44:28.639 --> 00:44:30.320
And they're like, what?
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:35.119
That's you have control over your own life.
00:44:35.760 --> 00:44:37.119
And I'm like, I do.
00:44:37.360 --> 00:44:37.679
What?
00:44:37.840 --> 00:44:38.400
Yeah.
00:44:38.719 --> 00:44:42.400
You have control over the decisions you you make for your life.
00:44:42.480 --> 00:44:46.719
And I'm like, I never knew that.
00:44:47.199 --> 00:44:47.840
Wow.
00:44:48.159 --> 00:44:51.920
I never knew that I could make decisions for myself.
00:44:52.159 --> 00:44:58.559
I can make choices for my life on a on like a life-changing scale.
00:44:59.440 --> 00:45:01.599
That I can decide who I wanted to be.
00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:05.440
Then I and then I started taking those little religious courses.
00:45:05.760 --> 00:45:08.800
I took American religion.
00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:12.000
I took primal religions.
00:45:12.079 --> 00:45:13.519
That one was super interesting.
00:45:13.679 --> 00:45:25.760
I took uh world religions, which talks about like Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, all the different religions were in this book, and it was great.
00:45:25.840 --> 00:45:27.440
I loved that one too.
00:45:27.679 --> 00:45:34.719
Um, in taking these courses, though, I began, like my mind just started opening up to different ideas.
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:50.320
And I remember in one book, it said, I believe this was in the world religions book, God's light shines through each of us like sunlight through a stained glass window.
00:45:50.960 --> 00:45:54.639
And each piece is cut and colored differently.
00:45:55.280 --> 00:46:05.199
And I'm like, Yeah, yes, then why are they trying to force me to be the same?
00:46:05.519 --> 00:46:08.079
Why are they trying to force us all to be the same?
00:46:08.320 --> 00:46:11.599
If we're in actuality, we're different.
00:46:12.239 --> 00:46:12.880
Wow.
00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:23.440
And we had no, like, yes, I mean you can pick your own fabric and whatnot, but there's not a lot of ways for Mennonite women to express individuality.
00:46:24.159 --> 00:46:24.719
You know?
00:46:25.519 --> 00:46:26.719
You're not supposed to.
00:46:27.119 --> 00:46:31.679
No, and then there was oh oh, it was in the primal religions.
00:46:31.760 --> 00:46:35.039
Oh my goodness, girl, that stuff was crazy.
00:46:35.840 --> 00:46:51.519
It was uh creation stories from other groups, like indigenous people around the world and what they believed about creation, and some of them were wild, and I was like, this is crazy stuff.
00:46:51.760 --> 00:46:53.119
I mean, how could you believe this?
00:46:53.280 --> 00:46:58.159
And then I'm like, okay, wait, let me think about my own creation story.
00:46:58.320 --> 00:47:14.320
I mean, there's this God, there's this devil, the world's created in six days, and I know it's all like, I don't know how literal we should take the Bible, but I started to see like the Bible from a different perspective.
00:47:14.480 --> 00:47:18.639
Like, what if I just placed it alongside these other stories, you know?
00:47:18.880 --> 00:47:20.480
And how would it compare?
00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:24.960
Somebody else would be like, he created men and women out of what?
00:47:25.199 --> 00:47:28.000
The dust, the dart, he blew in that what?
00:47:28.159 --> 00:47:29.840
Like, yeah, my goodness, you know.
00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:37.679
Anyway, so just starting to step back and take an objective view of everything I had been taught.
00:47:38.719 --> 00:47:40.880
And you're not allowed to do that.
00:47:41.519 --> 00:47:42.480
I can't imagine.
00:47:42.559 --> 00:47:53.280
That's why you need to take your ideas of going to college to somebody that's above you, because that's going to cause you to start thinking and questioning.
00:47:53.760 --> 00:47:54.000
Yes.
00:47:54.239 --> 00:47:56.159
I totally see why they want you to do that.
00:47:56.400 --> 00:48:00.559
Because you never, you never would have made it to the where you were never.
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:01.679
Never.
00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:04.719
In fact, let me tell you a little story of something that happens.
00:48:05.039 --> 00:48:08.239
So with we're going through this financial difficulty.
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:13.920
And so, you know how when you're going through something hard, people are like, Oh, just have faith it's gonna work out, just have faith.
00:48:14.079 --> 00:48:17.760
And you're like, I'm like, okay, okay, what is faith?
00:48:18.000 --> 00:48:18.719
Tell me.
00:48:18.960 --> 00:48:23.920
So we're in turmoil, and so I tell my ex-husband, I'm like, you know, why don't you?
00:48:24.159 --> 00:48:26.480
I really would like to talk to the preacher about this.
00:48:26.800 --> 00:48:28.800
Like, I'm just having a faith crisis.
00:48:28.880 --> 00:48:32.480
Like, yeah, we're just supposed to have faith, but this is hard.
00:48:32.559 --> 00:48:33.280
This is financial.
00:48:33.440 --> 00:48:34.880
Our farm, we could lose our farm.
00:48:34.960 --> 00:48:37.280
I don't know where I might be living in six months.
00:48:37.519 --> 00:48:40.880
And people are just like, just have faith, you know?
00:48:41.119 --> 00:48:41.440
Yeah.
00:48:41.679 --> 00:48:43.039
So he he set it up.
00:48:43.199 --> 00:48:45.440
We went to the preacher's house, sat down with them.
00:48:45.599 --> 00:48:48.880
And so the preacher's like, You have some questions, Lynnette.
00:48:49.119 --> 00:48:52.079
I'm like, Yeah, I just want to know what is faith.
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:54.239
It was honestly, Tiffany.
00:48:54.480 --> 00:49:04.639
My whole premise for this discussion was what is faith when I am faced with the fact that I might not know where I'm living in six months.
00:49:04.800 --> 00:49:05.199
Right.
00:49:05.360 --> 00:49:05.519
Yeah.
00:49:05.760 --> 00:49:08.320
With this financial disaster, what is faith?
00:49:08.400 --> 00:49:09.599
I that's where I need.
00:49:09.760 --> 00:49:11.920
However, they didn't take it that way.
00:49:12.000 --> 00:49:17.760
And so I get all this, it goes around the little grapevine.
00:49:18.000 --> 00:49:26.639
So this preacher, he calls my preacher in West Point, the one who brought me my proposal, my dad's cousin, talks to him.
00:49:26.800 --> 00:49:29.039
Oh, Lynette's questioning her faith.
00:49:29.840 --> 00:49:32.880
We're gonna have to we're gonna have to ask her to quit school.
00:49:33.039 --> 00:49:34.639
Yeah, she's questioning her faith.
00:49:34.800 --> 00:49:37.199
It had nothing to do with that.
00:49:38.400 --> 00:49:39.679
Interesting.
00:49:40.079 --> 00:49:40.480
Yeah.
00:49:40.719 --> 00:49:41.039
Wow.
00:49:41.199 --> 00:49:59.599
So that's how you know how closed off their thought processes are because it's all about the religious side of things and not just the life and questioning the real life crisis that you guys were going through.
00:49:59.920 --> 00:50:00.719
How sad.
00:50:01.199 --> 00:50:02.000
Very sad.
00:50:02.159 --> 00:50:14.400
Very so I I could still I see myself sitting at that kitchen table, had my school books put out in front of me, and my aunt messages me and she's like, Oh, you know what?
00:50:14.480 --> 00:50:18.960
I just heard that they're gonna ask you to quit school because you're questioning your faith.
00:50:19.199 --> 00:50:24.079
And I remember I was sitting there, I'm like, the hell they are because I know a little word.
00:50:24.159 --> 00:50:27.119
It's called autonomy, and knowing nobody tell me shit now.
00:50:27.920 --> 00:50:30.320
I will tell myself what I am doing.
00:50:30.880 --> 00:50:32.000
Good for you.
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:32.800
Yeah.
00:50:33.440 --> 00:50:35.679
So yeah, that was rough.
00:50:35.840 --> 00:50:36.639
That was rough.
00:50:36.960 --> 00:50:44.559
And the other thing, the another thing that happened is we would often have people, we would socialize with our friends on the weekends.
00:50:44.880 --> 00:50:53.679
My ex-husband, he's like, hey, like, I would like you not to discuss what you're learning at school when we're with our friends.
00:50:53.760 --> 00:50:56.159
Like it just makes everybody uncomfortable.
00:50:56.800 --> 00:50:59.360
Like, Jeffany, that was my whole life.
00:50:59.840 --> 00:51:00.880
Well, that's my whole life.
00:51:03.039 --> 00:51:03.679
I know.
00:51:04.239 --> 00:51:06.800
Bam! And how did you not talk about it?
00:51:06.960 --> 00:51:09.199
Yes, I was learning so many things.
00:51:09.360 --> 00:51:15.679
I was studying amazing concepts and just, you know, and then it's like, don't talk about it.
00:51:16.079 --> 00:51:16.559
Wow.
00:51:16.800 --> 00:51:19.920
So everywhere you looked, somebody's pushing you down, pushing you down.
00:51:20.400 --> 00:51:21.199
Just be quiet.
00:51:21.280 --> 00:51:23.760
Don't do this, don't do that, don't do this, don't do that.
00:51:24.079 --> 00:51:24.400
Yes.
00:51:24.960 --> 00:51:26.800
There's no autonomy in that.
00:51:27.039 --> 00:51:28.000
None, none, none.
00:51:28.239 --> 00:51:29.679
It's like whackable, you know.
00:51:29.760 --> 00:51:33.039
It's like every time I tried to pop up, they're boom, boom, nope.
00:51:33.119 --> 00:51:34.960
You're not gonna say that, and you're not gonna do that.
00:51:35.199 --> 00:51:38.320
You're not gonna have an original thought, you're not gonna ask questions.
00:51:38.559 --> 00:51:40.159
See, that's that's sad.
00:51:40.400 --> 00:51:44.559
Don't question what the bishop says, the preacher says, the blah, blah, blah.
00:51:44.639 --> 00:51:45.760
I don't agree with that at all.
00:51:45.840 --> 00:51:46.559
So good for you.
00:51:46.880 --> 00:51:47.440
Good for you.
00:51:47.840 --> 00:51:53.840
Yeah, so it was rough, and I started to feel myself separating from my community.
00:51:54.000 --> 00:51:56.000
Yeah, and it made me so sad.
00:51:56.559 --> 00:52:01.840
It made me sad inside because I wasn't fitting into their box anymore.