Singing Through Fire with Author & Former Federal Prosecutor Lara Silverman

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If you've ever struggled with fear, doubt, or worry, and wondering what your true purpose was all about, then this podcast is for you.
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In this show, your host, Sylvia Warsham, will interview elite experts and ordinary people that have created extraordinary lives.
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So here's your host, Sylvia Warsham.
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Hey Lightbringers, it's Sylvia Warsham.
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Welcome to Released Out Reveal Purpose.
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And today is Laura Silverman, and she's here to talk about grief and the suffering that she endured for the last eight years of immense testing.
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You know, when the Lord tests us, it feels like he's abandoned us.
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At least that's what I felt in years past.
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I just came out of a season of wilderness the last 90 days, and there were times I couldn't even breathe.
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And if I'm being brutally honest, for the first time in my life, I admitted to the Lord that I was very angry with him.
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And he was silent, silent for 90 days.
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It was terribly hard.
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And I'm sure Laura has a similar story to share with us.
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She's an attorney, cannot practice anymore, became an author to her latest book that was published last year, Singing Through Fire.
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And she details this experience of going through grief and suffering for eight years.
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So without further ado, Laura, thank you so much for joining us on release.review purpose.
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Oh my gosh, thank you so much, Sylvia.
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It's a pleasure to be on today.
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I'm curious.
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So do tell us if you would how you landed in this space from being an attorney, because that's a big jump from being an attorney and practicing as an attorney to becoming an author and talking about grief and suffering and surrender to the Lord.
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Oh my gosh.
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I mean, so first of all, thank you again so much for hosting my testimony.
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So my journey started eight years ago.
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I had just turned 30 and I had worked at a big law firm for many, many years.
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I was a Stanford law graduate, very type A.
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And I had always loved the Lord.
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I grew up a believer, but I would say I definitely didn't follow the false prosperity gospel.
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Oh, when we pray for whatever we want, the Lord gives us.
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But I think there was a sense in my heart of, Lord, if you love me, you will bless me.
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You know, I had just turned 30 and the Lord opened the door to my dream job as a federal prosecutor.
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I had prayed for it for years.
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I get this job.
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It's very competitive.
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It's like they pick three people out of a thousand applications.
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I waltz in there and I'm like, Lord, this is my calling.
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You've called me to be a courtroom lawyer.
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This has been my passion.
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I love public speaking.
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And on the second week of that job, Sylvia, I just fell extremely ill out of nowhere.
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I had been healthy as a horse the first 30 years of my life.
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I have a rare neurological disease, and we still don't have a proper diagnosis for it.
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It's been eight years, countless hospitalizations, 150 treatments, and you can't tell right now, but the whole world is turning around me.
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It has to do with a faulty connection between my ear and my brain, such that my brain can't tell where I am in space.
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Another way to call it is vertigo.
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So it's a very rare vertigo disorder.
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The point is the Lord calls me to resign from the job.
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For 10 months, we take a leave, and the U.S.
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attorney's office is like, oh, go heal, come back.
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And I am trying treatment after treatment, nothing works.
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And it came a point where it was like, Lord, what do you want me to do?
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What is up with your timing?
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I don't know why you're allowing this suffering.
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And the day before I had to tell the U.S.
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attorney's office, do I go back or not?
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My daily devotional featured this message, which was all about does it seem like the Lord opened a door and now he's closing it?
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You know, keep trusting, right?
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I'm getting chills every time I say I give this testimony.
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And I was bawling.
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My sister goes, This is for you.
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You need to resign.
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I mean, she wasn't like commanding me, but and so I resigned.
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And from there, things went from bad to worse.
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I don't know if I should keep to going or yes, please keep going.
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I'm intrigued.
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Yeah.
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So from there, I became completely bedridden for three straight years on the bed right behind me.
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And I'm talking on a literal bedpan with my mother nursing me, meaning I could not get up to go to the bathroom.
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Okay.
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And this is a type A, very prideful Lara.
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I had just turned 30.
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I'm going, what just happened?
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I was just a federal prosecutor and now I'm on a bed.
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I mean, what like well?
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It was like trauma to the max of the Lord never left me.
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You can tell he was with me with the job resignation.
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And we tried 150 treatments.
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I can't tell you every single drug made me worse.
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And my whole church was praying for me, Armenians all across California.
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I'm Armenian.
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We have a strong Christian community.
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And nothing worked.
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And there came a point, you know, I'll fast forward that I sensed the Lord because I was begging him and he was comforting me the whole way, you know, a timely devotional.
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My dad was reading the word to me in my room every night.
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I mean, God was speaking to me, but he wasn't giving me answers.
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And it was very much like this Job-like journey of what on earth is happening, Lord?
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Like I have, like, are you good?
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Who are you?
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I don't even know who you are anymore.
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Doctors are coming into our house.
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I am completely disabled.
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So basically, the Lord called me to acceptance after three years on that bed.
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And I said, What are you talking about?
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Acceptance?
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I thought that if we wait after a season, you know, because the first three years I was like, you know, Lord, like, okay, you're gonna heal me, you're gonna deliver me.
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But there came a point where he said, he said to me, This is like Paul's chronic thorn in the flesh.
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And it was like cold water on me.
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And I felt like, oh my gosh, Lord, you're asking me to surrender my health permanently.
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And this was very hard for me theologically.
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I didn't realize that God calls some of us to lifelong crosses.
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And, you know, again, I was not raised in the prosperity gospel.
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I mean, but even us who don't follow those false doctrines, we have this sense of, Lord, you know, after waiting, will you please give us the yes?
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Now, I will say that the Lord did it came to around the same time he called me to start trying to sit up again.
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So, because he said to me, I mean, just through prayer, he made clear he wanted me to try walking again.
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And every time I sit up to this day, it's been four years, I can walk now, but the world is still turning.
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So it was almost as if the Lord was saying, I'm not gonna heal you, but I'm gonna sustain you.
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Every morning I say, Lord, please help me, because I'm still bedridden about 70% of the day.
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You're seeing me sitting up right now, but I sit up for podcast appearances and then I slam back down.
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It's all by the Lord's grace.
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So, long story short, to get to the spicy stuff, right when the Lord calls me to acceptance, I am angry.
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Okay.
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At this point, I have no perseverance left.
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I don't even know if I'm a Christian anymore.
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I mean, I did because he was speaking to me, but I was very, very angry at the Lord.
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And I mean, you got to read my memoir because I was very honest about just the bitterness and all that.
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I don't want to waste your time.
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But the Lord brings me this huge surprise.
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I mean, can you even get can you guess what it is?
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I mean, you read my bio, but out of nowhere, Sylvia, God brings this man into my life.
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Okay, there was this guy, he was four years older than me.
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He was a biochemical engineering PhD, brilliant, a scientist, a cancer researcher, and a missionary to Haiti, who was also the lay youth pastor at our church.
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He would make devotionals for kids.
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He was the most Christ-like person I had ever met.
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So he calls my mom after three years on the bed.
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He says, Can I visit your daughter Lara?
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She's been isolated.
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COVID is sort of over now.
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Can I please come visit her, give her, encourage her?
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And the plot twist is he had just been diagnosed with his second cancer in his life, a terminal cancer at age 38.
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It was intestinal cancer.
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So he waltz into my bedroom.
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I'm on a bed.
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I'm so embarrassed that this guy is visiting me.
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And he starts giving me a solid theology of suffering.
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Why does the Lord allow it?
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What are his purposes if he doesn't remove it?
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I mean, just you can imagine.
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And I was just soaking it up like I was so thirsty for this.
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And long and short of it is, we fell in love.
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I mean, you can't even write this stuff up.
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I'm on a bed, I'm bedridden.
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He's, I mean, at this point, I was starting to go to the bathroom again with my mom's help.
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But he's in the middle of cancer and he cracks a joke, I crack a joke.
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We fell in love.
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And we started praying, like, what on earth?
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And he had been single his whole life.
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I had been single my whole life.
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And we prayed, and the Lord made clear take this joy in your mutual grief.
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And the long and short of it is I ended up being the bedrendon bride.
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We got married a year later.
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It was almost impossible for me to get in a car to the wedding venue.
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That's a whole other thing because I still can't do car rides today.
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Like every time I get in a car, it causes my brain extreme pain.
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So I can only do like two car rides a month to doctors.
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But the point is, we get married and then I'll just fast forward a year later.
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Matt dies.
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And you know, at that point I felt like Job.
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It was like, all right, Lord, you take the health, you take the career.
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Now you take the husband, the one gift you gave me.
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And it was really in gratitude because it I should have been grateful of what a miraculous love story God gave me while I'm literally bedridden.
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Like, I mean, you can't make this stuff up.
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But the Lord, again, He has been crooning at me, chiseling at me.
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I mean, I am just a totally different person today.
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And he called me to write this memoir, you know, after Matt died.
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It was very clear, the spirit, I mean, we can get into it if you want to ask specifically how.
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But and this memoir is a journey of how the Lord moved me from this prideful, you know, bitter, just sort of struggling with all this to where I am now, not that I'm like holier than thou, but just way more spiritually mature of surrendering to the Lord all my dreams.
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I mean, I wanted to be like, you know, the hot Christian wife with four kids and a hotshot lawyer.
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And here I am, a bedridden chronically ill widow.
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And the Lord has given me this platform to minister to other sufferers.
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And I'm still in the fire because I'm still bedridden most of the day.
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But you can't write this story up.
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God redeems suffering.
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He proved it to me through my book.
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I've had countless people write to me in tears saying, your story has encouraged me to persevere in my own trials.
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And I say that not to pump myself, but all glory to God.
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And then gracious people like Sylvia today, where I can just give my testimony on podcasts.
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That's all I can do in this bedroom.
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Like, I can't be a lawyer today.
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You know, I'm still in pain, but God gave me the ability to type this up on my bed.
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I mean, I literally wrote this book with my laptop on my knees.
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It took me eight months, and God did it through me, and here we are.
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So sorry, that was really long, but that's the whole worth it.
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Can I just say so worth it?
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You're a an enormously talented storyteller.
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So I bet your book is like flying off the shelves because it is a powerful testimony, especially in this day and age where we find ourselves in that people want the things now in this moment.
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And if you don't give it to me, God, I'm not gonna believe in you because then you're not real, because you're not giving me what I want, my my dopamine fix.
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Yeah.
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And that part is the one I think the young people are struggling with.
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They're turning to him, but they're struggling with that because that's how they grew up.
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Yeah, everything's fixed for them, everything is done for them, and you and I know differently.
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Now, I'm significantly older than you are, in that I just turned 52.
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So you're 38, but there's time between us, but the experiences that both you and I have had similar in that there have been pain and suffering in between.
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Now, yours takes the cake.
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I am not gonna say that I'm nowhere near you.
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You kind of do resemble Job, except Job, I think, was just like I think months, but not years, and you've had eight years of this.
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There's so many questions.
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Number one, how did you accept this?
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Because acceptance is a tough subject.
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Oh my gosh, Sylvia.
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I mean, it has taken me eight years and I still struggle.
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And it shows you, I mean, God has healed me in a lot of ways, but I'm being authentic because I just want someone out there who might be struggling for a very long time to know they're not the only one.
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I mean, God has had to chisel me and chisel me and use discipline, frankly.
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I mean, for example, when I was really struggling to come to acceptance after Matt died, the Lord grieved with me.
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He was so tender.
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But after a year, because it's been two years since he died, he kind of started being tougher on me in terms of like a coach, in terms of like, Lara, your grief is becoming idolatrous.
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You know, there's a place for grief, but you need to surrender this desire for marriage or desire for Matt.
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You need to turn to me.
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And so, for example, like one day I was on social media, I just kept seeing families everywhere, you know, Christian, the perfect Christian life, you know, like, and I what my my key sin, unfortunately, and I'm not even gonna identify with that, is jealousy.
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Okay.
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And because it was like, Lord, why are you blessing these other women?
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And why am I fleeced over here?
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Do you love me?
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You know, it was really like a heartbreak of, do you love me, Lord?
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Like, I don't know.
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And the Lord spoke to me and he gave me that verse.
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Do you remember where Peter is asking um Jesus, like, well, what about John?
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Is he gonna be crucified upside down?
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Like, what about his path?
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Is he gonna say and Jesus turns to him and said, What is that to you?
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You follow me.
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And God gave me that verse from four different directions right after I had balled for like two hours after seeing this Armenian family, this Christian woman who had her fourth child and they're Christians.
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And I was just, and it's so I'm I'm admitting this to you because you can see how the Lord has really started getting tough on me, but for my own good, to say, are you gonna trust that I am good or not?
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Are you gonna trust that I know what's best for you?
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And that phrasing in and of itself was hurtful to my pride, which is good because we want to get rid of our pride.
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But when the Lord told me, like, I know what's best for you, I was like, what do you mean you know what's best for me?
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Like, does that mean I would be a bad wife?
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Like, I don't, like, I mean, all the stuff.
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And some of this is from the enemy, right?
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Like he's giving you lies.
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And unfortunately, I succumbed to a lot of it for a lot of the journey.
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But through God's discipline, praise be to God, the last six months, I have really felt, and I'm telling you, it's supernatural because I was unable to do it myself.
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It is so true that God is the one who empowers us.
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I mean, we have to work out our salvation, we have to make the effort also.
00:14:29.039 --> 00:14:32.080
We have to renew our minds according to Romans 12, too.
00:14:32.240 --> 00:14:35.840
But the Holy Spirit is the one which empowers us if we surrender.
00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:39.679
And I think finally, this last six months, I have been surrendering.
00:14:39.840 --> 00:14:42.879
Every morning I get up, I say, I die to myself.
00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:46.080
I hate this, but Lord, I trust you.
00:14:46.159 --> 00:14:55.200
And it's like, you know, and I don't even say I hate this anymore because, you know, my point is you can see the growth, but acceptance is it took me eight years.
00:14:55.440 --> 00:14:57.120
And sometimes it takes longer.
00:14:57.200 --> 00:14:58.480
You know, I don't know how to explain that.
00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:04.639
Because, you know, you hear these testimonies where people come to Christ and all of a sudden God removes the lust addiction or the drug addiction.
00:15:04.879 --> 00:15:07.440
But then for others of us, the pruning takes a long time.
00:15:07.519 --> 00:15:10.000
And so sanctification is so mysterious to me.
00:15:10.080 --> 00:15:23.759
I was just texting my girlfriends this morning, like, because I've been begging Lord, release me of this jealousy, but I feel like the Lord is saying, No, I am calling you to the hard work of trusting me every single day, honoring me in that way.
00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:25.440
And it's easier said than done.
00:15:25.759 --> 00:15:35.440
To me, it sounds like he's making you to be the student so that then you can turn around and teach others on how to get out of there.
00:15:36.080 --> 00:15:52.480
Because it is something that I started to see in my mind's eye, like the I was part of an interview once as a guest, and she said, I just got a vision, and you went from being a host to a student.
00:15:53.360 --> 00:16:00.320
And so he's testing you, Sylvia, so that you can explain what trusting God's sovereignty looks like.
00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:03.679
And that's why I ended up in the wilderness the last 90 days.
00:16:03.919 --> 00:16:26.159
And that we get tested not because we're not learning the lessons, we get tested because we're having to trust and depend more and more on him, especially because of our previous roles, our ego identity, the the desires of our flesh are so strong within us.
00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:27.840
And the enemy knows that.
00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:30.480
He knows that he can twist and turn it around.
00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:36.720
That's why we have to be very intentional with what we speak out loud, because he's always prowling.
00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:39.840
We know that in Peter, the book of Peter, he talks about prowling.
00:16:40.159 --> 00:16:43.440
Job, the first couple of sentences is where have you been?
00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:44.879
I've been prowling the earth.
00:16:45.039 --> 00:16:49.039
So he's hearing everything we're saying because he can't hear our thoughts.
00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:53.440
Only the Lord can hear our thoughts, but Satan can hear our words spoken out loud.
00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:58.879
So we're intentional with how we speak to ourselves and to others.
00:16:59.039 --> 00:17:00.080
So he doesn't twist.
00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:03.519
So to me, it's you're becoming a student.
00:17:04.960 --> 00:17:24.799
And because you've lived it, you can explain it in a way that people like you with your type of personality will need to hear it in that way for them to get out of there and and become the person that God created them to be.
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:32.960
So to me, there's similarities here between you and I in that we're being tested.
00:17:33.200 --> 00:17:44.960
One, when the Lord tests us, it means that we have the strength within us to withstand it because we know through his word, he's not gonna give us something we can't do.
00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:55.839
So remember in 2 Timothy, I mean, like he talks about having a spirit of not of timidness, but of courage, of this of self-discipline and the power.
00:17:56.720 --> 00:18:10.400
We have power within us to step into these roles that he's calling us to because he's with us and he abides in us, and abide in me as I abide in you.
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:15.519
And you think of the vine and the branches and the relationship on a tree.
00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:17.119
We can't live without him.
00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:19.519
We depend on him fully.
00:18:19.759 --> 00:18:31.759
There's something that is gnawing at me though, that I really want to ask the concept of loving who he is versus what he gives us.
00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:35.119
Can you speak a little bit more about that through your journey?
00:18:35.599 --> 00:18:36.160
Oh, yeah.
00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:49.279
I mean, this is this is the whole crux of my inability to surrender, is for so long my pride prevented me from seeing that it is his will, you know, that I should be following, not my own will for my life.
00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:53.359
Because again, obviously Jesus is our model, not my will, but thine be done.
00:18:53.519 --> 00:18:55.759
And the problem was I was in this wrestling match.
00:18:55.839 --> 00:18:58.160
And honestly, like I was very double-minded.
00:18:58.240 --> 00:19:00.480
I don't want to paint this picture of this bitter Lara.
00:19:00.799 --> 00:19:04.880
I was very like, some days I was just like, yeah, Lord, like I am on fire for you.
00:19:05.039 --> 00:19:07.599
And then other days my emotions would get the best of me.
00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:09.599
And it was like, no, I don't like your will.
00:19:09.759 --> 00:19:17.119
And so unfortunately, I was double-minded, and that's what God wants us to get out of, you know, like that self-control over our emotions.
00:19:17.279 --> 00:19:24.880
And actually, that's what he's been telling me this last few months of I am growing the fruit of self-control, the Holy Spirit's fruit of self-control in your life.
00:19:25.119 --> 00:19:28.799
And for me, that is getting control over my emotions because I'm very passionate.
00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:31.359
I'm an actress, like I used to do musicals.
00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:35.839
So you can tell, like I was letting that side of me govern my vision of God.
00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:39.759
But to answer your question, I mean, this is the whole crux of the Christian life.
00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:44.160
Can we surrender to his will versus what we want from him?
00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:48.880
Are we going to love him for him, which is what he wants?
00:19:49.039 --> 00:19:55.119
And he's saying, seek ye the or what is the verse, seek the kingdom of God first, and then I'll add anything you need.
00:19:55.279 --> 00:19:57.359
If you don't need it, you're not gonna get it.
00:19:57.440 --> 00:20:03.119
And that's the part we don't like because we want all our wants, but he's only gonna give you all you need.
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:04.960
You know, do I want health right now?
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:05.279
Yes.
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:06.400
Do I want my husband?
00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:07.839
Do I want a husband right now?
00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:08.240
Yes.
00:20:08.480 --> 00:20:10.160
Do I want my legal career?
00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:15.599
You know, but the point is, he's gonna use you how he has destined from the beginning of time.
00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:17.759
I mean, I am a big God sovereignty person.
00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:18.960
It's all over the Bible.
00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:21.440
He has planned these good works for us to do.
00:20:21.599 --> 00:20:33.680
If it is his will for me to get out of law and to write this book to encourage other suffers, am I gonna surrender to that will or am I gonna keep complaining about I want these gifts over here, these shiny things that all the other women have?
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:36.960
So it comes to a place where you either are gonna surrender or not.
00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:41.920
And it is a process, but that's the key question in our whole Christian walk.
00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:44.400
I totally agree with you.
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:51.279
And one thing that I can relate to is I fell trapped to that envy during this wilderness season.
00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:55.279
It's easy to do because the enemy is yapping in the back of our mind.
00:20:55.359 --> 00:21:00.640
And if we don't stay in scripture, he totally takes over, like the mind chatter.
00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:06.799
And my rumination was on high during this last couple of months.
00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:17.440
But lo and behold, now I've kind of passed this certain wilderness, and I know it's there's always wilderness in our future.
00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:24.799
I think where most of us struggle is we think there's a journey to, and no, it's a journey within the journey.
00:21:25.039 --> 00:21:30.319
And so I have always been of the type of come back to center.
00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:32.000
What is my center?
00:21:32.240 --> 00:21:34.960
Well, he's my center, but what if I don't want to talk to him?
00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:40.640
Because in the last 90 days, there were times, if I was being honest, yeah, I didn't want to even look at him.
00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:46.079
And I had like uh a cross on my husband who is a very talented woodworker.
00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:51.440
He's an electrical engineer by trade, but he is phenomenal with his hands.
00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:55.039
And he had created this cross with Christ's image embedded.
00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:59.759
And so I could see him every morning with I have my coffee every day prior to all this happening.
00:22:00.559 --> 00:22:02.559
I I couldn't even sit in front of him.
00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:07.839
But I was honest about it, about who he was.
00:22:08.079 --> 00:22:12.720
And I went back to that in that verse that says, My grace is sufficient for you.
00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:14.319
I'm not gonna take the thorn away from you.
00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:15.440
You're gonna learn from this.
00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:16.400
Yeah.
00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:30.240
I think that there's so much power in in what you stated at the end of why are we loving him for who he is, for what he gives us?
00:22:30.720 --> 00:22:31.119
Yeah.
00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:35.359
And and he wants us to love him for who he is.
00:22:35.920 --> 00:22:38.319
And what who he is is in scripture.
00:22:38.400 --> 00:22:52.960
So if you're not getting into scripture for those listening, get into scripture so you understand the character of the Lord and his character of being self-controlled and of having patience, of having joy and love and all the fruits of the spirit.
00:22:53.119 --> 00:22:56.640
And if you want to learn more about that, read the book of Galatians.
00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:59.039
Paul explains it perfectly in Galatians.
00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:02.640
Yeah.
00:23:03.119 --> 00:23:09.680
And I'm curious to know what is in the works for you.
00:23:09.920 --> 00:23:19.680
Now that you've crossed some of these eight years and you're on these podcast interviews, what do you think the Lord is equipping you for?
00:23:21.759 --> 00:23:23.519
You know, it's a good question.
00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:34.480
I mean, he has encouraged me that he is using me, you know, like just with 1 Peter 1 verses 6 to 9, that, you know, like these trials are proving the genuineness of our faith.
00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:37.359
I mean, he has spoken sweet words to me through scripture.
00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:45.759
He's also given me 2 Corinthians 4.17 so many times about our light and momentary troubles are achieving an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all.
00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:49.920
So, like our temporary suffering is always creating an eternal weight of glory.
00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:53.279
We might not see it now, but I'm sorry, I know I'm not answering the question.
00:23:53.519 --> 00:23:59.119
I'm just trying to show you some of the comfort because I know a lot of this interview was sort of like, ah, why, Lord, this, that.
00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:06.559
But I want to show your audience like he has really been with me tenderly as well to say, hey, I've got eternal purposes in motion.
00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:10.960
When I am telling you I know what's best for you, I am working on an eternal timeline.
00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:11.440
Okay.
00:24:11.680 --> 00:24:15.440
Are you going to trust that I'm working for your eternal good, as mysterious as it sounds?
00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:27.440
But to answer your question, right now, actually, I, the Lord called me like two months ago, actually, to start writing a movie, a screenplay of my memoir.
00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:29.119
And it came out of nowhere.
00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:35.200
And, you know, I like I've said, I've I'm an actor, you know, before I was ill, I was in like 30 musicals growing up.
00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:37.440
And I don't know what he's gonna do with it.
00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:42.799
But I feel like if he's calling me to write this, maybe one day my testimony will be on the big screen.
00:24:43.039 --> 00:24:45.200
And so we'll see what God does with it.
00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:50.079
But you can see, I'm getting chills because you can see how none of my suffering was in vain.
00:24:50.160 --> 00:24:54.880
You know, when people say, like, oh, there's purpose in the paint, it feels all trite, like nothing is wasted.
00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:56.720
But look at my real life story.
00:24:56.880 --> 00:24:58.799
God didn't slap me on a bed for nothing.
00:24:58.880 --> 00:25:04.079
It's clear he's going to use my testimony to encourage others, maybe even on the big screen.
00:25:04.160 --> 00:25:06.400
So I'm kind of getting emotional talking about it.
00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:08.079
That's the direction I'm going now.
00:25:08.240 --> 00:25:09.440
I don't know when it will happen.
00:25:09.519 --> 00:25:12.240
I don't know what doors the Lord will open, but we'll see.
00:25:12.400 --> 00:25:14.880
So he never I'm excited for you.
00:25:15.039 --> 00:25:22.319
In all honesty, I'm really excited for you because being in bed, it can be very depressing.
00:25:22.480 --> 00:25:28.720
I can't imagine what you've gone through and the anger you must have felt, the rage towards them.
00:25:29.039 --> 00:25:34.799
How did you pull yourself out of these depressive states, Laura?
00:25:35.039 --> 00:25:37.359
Man, Sylvia, it's been an emotional roller coaster.
00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:41.519
Like the first three years when I was on a bedpan, when I couldn't move my head.
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:44.079
And we were, I was hospitalized, Stanford UCSF.
00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:46.160
I it was an emotional roller coaster.
00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:54.079
There were days I would just be bawling, but then like the Lord spoke, you got to read my memoir because then the Lord would speak to me through these timely devotionals.
00:25:54.160 --> 00:25:58.319
Like one, for example, the way that God got me out of the pit, I'll give you an example.
00:25:58.480 --> 00:25:59.920
Two examples, really quick.
00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:05.119
One was one night I told my dad, I said he was holding my hand while feeding me, literally with a spoon.
00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:07.440
I said, I feel like a prisoner in my own body.
00:26:07.599 --> 00:26:08.880
I cannot do this anymore.
00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:10.720
I am so tired of you, Lord.
00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:14.480
And my dad opens my devotional 10 minutes later in our Bible study time.
00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:15.359
And you know what it's about?
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:17.759
It's about the apostle Paul in prison.
00:26:17.920 --> 00:26:23.920
And it was all about how sometimes we feel like prisoners, but the Lord wants us to rejoice even in our prison.
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:25.680
I mean, you can't make this stuff up.
00:26:25.759 --> 00:26:28.559
Like God is hearing what I'm saying and responding to me.
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:31.039
Another day, it was my 33rd birthday.
00:26:31.119 --> 00:26:32.640
I had been bedridden for two years.
00:26:32.799 --> 00:26:34.640
I screamed out at the Lord in my room.
00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:37.039
I said, How have you abandoned me for two years?
00:26:37.119 --> 00:26:38.720
Uh, please heal me, heal me.
00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:40.400
And that and I said, Where are you?
00:26:40.559 --> 00:26:45.119
And later that night, we get this bouquet of 50 pink roses at my door.
00:26:45.279 --> 00:26:55.440
And it turns out this woman from my church who did not know it was my birthday, we opened the card and it says, Oh, Laura, I've been praying for months, asking God when to encourage you.
00:26:55.519 --> 00:26:57.200
You know, hope you're having a good week.
00:26:57.359 --> 00:26:59.200
She clearly had no idea it was my birthday.
00:26:59.359 --> 00:27:03.359
And she goes, I just, I felt like this was the time the Lord wanted to encourage you.
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:05.200
And my mom and I are bawling.
00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:07.839
We're like, oh gosh, Lord, you are with us.
00:27:07.920 --> 00:27:09.599
So these are just a sprinkling.
00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:10.079
Okay.
00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:15.599
This is how God sustained me mentally and psychologically, not to go to the deep end, you know.
00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:18.079
I mean, because it could have gone south very fast.
00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:24.880
But I'm also, and not to give myself credit, I'm also like, God gave me the tenacity through my comedic instincts.
00:27:24.960 --> 00:27:28.880
Like my dad and I just turned everything that was going upside down into comedy.
00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:30.559
I mean, you can see me on the bed.
00:27:30.640 --> 00:27:33.440
We're cracking jokes about when is the Lord gonna pull us out.
00:27:33.599 --> 00:27:36.400
I mean, you God, you know, God gives us gifts.
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:38.160
I'm not saying I'm some amazing comedian.
00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:40.720
I'm saying he will work with how he made you.
00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:42.160
You know I would sing on the bed.
00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:44.240
I mean, that's why my book is called Singing Through Fire.
00:27:44.319 --> 00:27:45.359
I'm a jazz singer.
00:27:45.599 --> 00:27:47.119
So God will sustain you.
00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:50.880
It's just sometimes it's very tough, but you have to know he's with you.
00:27:50.960 --> 00:27:52.880
You have to just keep turning back to him.
00:27:56.720 --> 00:27:59.039
Now I have to ask you to sing on the podcast.
00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:00.880
Oh, what do you want me to sing?
00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:02.000
I love jazz.
00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:04.400
If it rains, it rains.
00:28:07.599 --> 00:28:09.440
God, I don't remember the words, the rest of the words.
00:28:09.519 --> 00:28:11.200
I never sang that as a solo, but do you know that song?
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:14.880
No, not yet, but I'm trying to just pick your favorite one.
00:28:15.119 --> 00:28:17.680
Whichever, whatever you want to sing, I'm game.
00:28:18.880 --> 00:28:20.480
Oh Lord, give me a song.
00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:33.440
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings.
00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:37.839
These are a few of my favorite things.
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:39.920
I love that.
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:41.839
That's one of my favorite songs.
00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:43.200
I love the jazzy.
00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:50.400
In fact, I was playing it the other day, and my daughter's like, what is it that she's singing about?
00:28:50.559 --> 00:28:54.960
It's all her favorite things, and she was so positive and so much light.
00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:58.319
I want to end it here, if if I may.
00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:01.759
Do you want to share any last words of encouragement, Laura?
00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:04.160
And how can we purchase your book?
00:29:04.319 --> 00:29:05.599
Do you have a webpage?
00:29:05.839 --> 00:29:07.359
How can we contact you?
00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:08.559
Thank you so much.
00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:15.920
I think my encouraging words would be what the Lord gave me after he called me to acceptance of my illness, which was a very tough time for me.
00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:18.720
But he gave me 2 Corinthians 4, 17.
00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:20.960
I mentioned it earlier, but I'm going to say it again.
00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:27.519
Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all.
00:29:27.759 --> 00:29:31.039
Literally, it's it's sprinkled all through the scriptures.
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:35.039
Like there is great eternal reward in persevering faithfully.
00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:36.240
Take a tip from me.
00:29:36.319 --> 00:29:37.599
I don't make my mistakes.
00:29:37.759 --> 00:29:41.039
I was bitter for a lot of the path, and the Lord had to discipline me.
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:45.920
But if you trust in him, he is going to reward you for your faithfulness.
00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:53.920
The testing is difficult, but there is reward at the I mean, not that it's all about rewards, but I'm just trying to give some perspective of we're working on an eternal timeline.
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:55.440
There is glory at the end of this.
00:29:55.599 --> 00:30:02.240
Just like Jesus' cross led to his crown, all of every single one of our crosses are leading to our crown in heaven.
00:30:02.319 --> 00:30:03.359
So please trust him.
00:30:03.759 --> 00:30:05.200
You guys can find me at my website.
00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:11.920
It's larisilverman.com, L-A-R-A, and then Silverman-S-I-L-V-E-R-M-A-N.com.
00:30:12.079 --> 00:30:15.440
You'll find my podcast there, my book there, my audio book there.
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:16.960
I've got the Kindle version.
00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:18.240
You can find my podcast.
00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:22.319
It's called the Singing Through Fire Podcast, where I talk all things suffering.
00:30:22.400 --> 00:30:28.079
Every guest I interview is someone who has suffered deeply, just to give encouragement to other sufferers in Christ.
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:31.200
So thank you so much, Sylvia, for this beautiful opportunity.
00:30:31.680 --> 00:30:33.279
The honor has been mine, Laura.
00:30:33.440 --> 00:30:34.079
Really, it is.
00:30:34.240 --> 00:30:38.000
I'm privileged to have you on the show, to have your beautiful voice.
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I am going to say a prayer for you to have your happy ending to your undying faith, because this is in faith, you have thrived.
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I mean, that is the title of my book, In Faith, I Thrive, Finding Joy Through God's Master Plan.
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And it talks about the most painful turning points of my life.
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And it was not something I originally wanted to write about, but obviously the Lord had other plans and put that book in me, so I didn't have much of a choice, but to follow through.
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And I'm glad I did because it led me to be able to forgive my father for the trauma that had incurred.
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And it happened four years before he passed away.
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So I was able to have a really cool relationship with him at the end.
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And so that, you know, the Lord is always looking for our good.
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The honor was mine to have you on.
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And so the listeners have released that reveal purpose.
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Remember in Matthew 5.14 to be the light.
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Be the light like Laura's been the light.
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Know that he's with you every step of the way.
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Doesn't matter what you're going through.
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I mean, look at her testimony.
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Anybody would have already quit.
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And by quit, I mean like taking their life because it would have been so hard to persevere day in and day out and on a bed.
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Some of us can't do it for two days, let alone for eight years.
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That's a long time to give up your dreams, what you thought were your dreams, and what the Lord is now showing you was never your dream, should have been your dream alone because he created you to be someone totally different.
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Take it from both of us that have been through trials, that have been through uh testing, that it's best to release control to him.
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It's best to surrender to him and to accept his will.
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Once you accept his will, it's not that it becomes easier, but it's way faster to the fruit of the spirit than not.
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So take it from both of us.
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Step into it with faith, even if you can't see your path before you, but know that he's got you.
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If he's got Laura, if he's got me, he's got you too, because we're all the same.
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We are his body, we're his kids, and he treats us all the same.
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And he doesn't have favorites, you know, we're not his favorite children.
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Some of us get tested more than others, but it's because of his reasons.
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And and only he understands those reasons.
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I mean, if you go book to the book of Job, he never answered Job's questions.
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But Job understood at the end he wasn't the maker of the universe, he didn't know.
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And so he could he doesn't need to answer his questions, right?
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So even if your prayers aren't answered, even if your questions aren't answered, he still deserves your glory.
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He deserves your respect.
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He sent his one and only son to die on a cross in a very, very horrible way, so that we could have an eternal reward with him, eternally by our side.
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That's an amazing gift that we tend to take for granted.
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But in our trials and tribulations, that's what he's taught both Laura and I.
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So be the light, don't be afraid, borrow his courage if you need courage.
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And to the rest of the listeners, have a wonderful and blessed rest of your day.
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Bye now.
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So that's it for today's episode of Release Doubt Reveal Purpose.
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