My roommate gave me a candy from a STRANGER... then called me paranoid for refusing! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP3079-1

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Ayo, it's Riley here.
00:00:01
Speaker 2: And this is Angie, your favorite OK Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.
00:00:06
Speaker 3: But before we read these crazy stories, we have a tuna break from the sponsors that keep the show alive.
00:00:13
Speaker 1: My roommate gave me candy from a stranger and then called me paranoid for refusing.
00:00:18
Speaker 4: Strangers always have the best candy.
00:00:20
Speaker 1: Are you kidding? Me, 24 female, and my two roommates work in the same company. Today, I worked from home while they were at the office. My male roommate came home first and handed me a package I needed him to grab for me, and there was a lollipop inside. I asked about it, and he said it was sent to me by a secret admirer? I asked what in the world this guy's talking about, but he refused to elaborate since he promised not to say anything. I asked if I even knew the person, but he didn't say anything. My female roommate came home... a couple hours ago, and I asked her if she knew anything about the lollipop, but she said she didn't know what I was talking about. So I put the lollipop inside a container in the middle of the table that has a couple of candy and mints and said I wasn't eating it. Both asked why, and I said I have no idea where it came from and I'm not gonna risk poisoning myself or something. By the way, this comes from WormsOnTheMoon.com. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I am Dakota.
00:01:18
Speaker 5: I'm Savannah.
00:01:19
Speaker 1: I'm Riley. We're going to read this here story about this here lollipop. We're going to have our thoughts and you get to have yours. in the comments where we can read them. Now, both of them are calling me insane and paranoid and that I've been watching too much TV. Am I? Also, my male roommate has been openly J with a G since before I knew him. And also, I threw it out. It was really funny to see people pressed because I'm risking the safety of imaginary house guests. And there's an update. First, I want to thank everyone for reassuring me I wasn't crazy because I needed it after today. This morning I came into the office and behold, there was a mini Snickers on my desk. I asked around and a co-worker, not my roommate, said it was from my secret admirer. I didn't say anything. I took the Snickers and tossed it in the trash next to my desk. Before lunchtime, a woman from another department, Kay, came and asked me if my roommate had given me the candy. I was really confused, and Kay said she had brought Christmas candy for everyone, but since I wasn't there, they had saved me some. My roommate just said she tossed it in the trash because she doesn't take food from strangers. I was so embarrassed and apologized to Kay and told her if I had known who it was from, I would have eaten it. She left, and I could see she was really confused. I confronted my roommate. And apparently this is what happened. Kay brought the candy. They saved the two leftover pieces for me. I'm pretty sure your roommates are just goofing you like super hard. Like I'm pretty sure they knew you would be the kind of person who would do this. And so they did this to you.
00:02:40
Speaker 4: I agree. And now look who is stupid.
00:02:44
Speaker 1: Under that context, if it's like your secret admirer, it's like it adds that vector of like, yeah, this person could be a creep. Who is this person?
00:02:52
Speaker 5: I don't think that.
00:02:53
Speaker 1: Everyone says Secret Meyer.
00:02:54
Speaker 4: I'm like, what do they like about me?
00:02:55
Speaker 3: Okay, let's think about Savannah's type. Savannah likes dudes that look like they haven't showered in a couple of weeks.
00:03:01
Speaker 1: It is true.
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Speaker 6: Can we really trust her judgment?
00:03:03
Speaker 1: There was that one guy.
00:03:06
Speaker 6: He's gone now.
00:03:07
Speaker 1: He looked like a... Oh my. He was probably a nice young man. On the inside. He looked like a newt. Who? Newt boy.
00:03:14
Speaker 5: I don't know who.
00:03:15
Speaker 1: A newt had hair.
00:03:17
Speaker 6: Oh, this is great.
00:03:18
Speaker 1: Or roommate is the secret admirer, but they said that roommate is J with a G. Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm just like, y'all are annoying. Apparently, all six of my coworkers, including my roommate, thought it was a great idea to make up the secret admirer thing and to save the other one for me to find the next day. I straight up told them that was a crap thing to do, and they embarrassed both me and Kay. They took it as a joke and told me, did you really think you had a secret admirer in the company? And I just said that there are many weirdos out there. I went to apologize personally to Kay, and I'm currently on ice mode with everyone, but at least I know there weren't any suspicious substances on that lollipop or Snickers. Yeah, see, now you wasted them. You're a weirdo for that. To feel the need to go direct okay, I'm so sorry that I said that thing to you that you didn't understand. I'm so sorry. I know that was so bad of me. Don't worry, though. I'm not talking to anyone in the office anymore. Yeah, how about we just don't do any of that? How about we just go, ah, you guys. You guys are so annoying. And go on with our life.
00:04:11
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
00:04:12
Speaker 1: Because that's how much weight that should hold. It'd be different if they were like, no, eat it, eat it, eat it. And they're like, put it in your mouth.
00:04:20
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:04:20
Speaker 1: Now I'm like, dude, don't talk to me. Don't touch me. Get away from me. Invaded my personal space. It was just like a little joke. And they knew it would get you right.
00:04:27
Speaker 2: In the goat.
00:04:28
Speaker 1: And it did.
00:04:29
Speaker 6: Freak.
00:04:30
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're going to read the next one.
00:04:32
Speaker 4: My roommate refused to pay every bill. So I got my name off the lease.
00:04:38
Speaker 6: As you should.
00:04:39
Speaker 4: My significant other's little sister's boyfriend has been nothing more than a scathing leech on everyone in his life since I've known him. Jobless, penniless, couch cruising from significant other's family members until he's worn out his welcome and constantly dodging any and all responsibility and claiming himself the victim no matter what. With that out of the way... The latest escapade. Significant other's little sister equals Jill. Little sister's boyfriend equals Jack. Jack was sick for a bit and having trouble staying at work and calling out a lot. Serious enough for his HR to put him on FMLA. FMLA comes to a point for him to either extend it or go back to work. Jack decides to go back. Upon arriving at work, starts to feel sick again, calls out, and while waiting for his relief to get there, emails his boss a resignation for him to effectively quit immediately. Of course, his job fires him. Meanwhile, Jill had missed out on a lot of work because Jack would refuse to go to the hospital or doctor without her coming with him. Jill gets fired. By the way, this comes from Skellington9270, and if you want to submit your own stories, get onto the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.
00:05:45
Speaker 6: I'm Hot Patty.
00:05:46
Speaker 7: Eh!
00:05:46
Speaker 5: And we're here to give.
00:05:47
Speaker 4: Some good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only tell you what we would do. Let us know what you would do down in the comments. Jack, at that point, had been living with me for seven months as a roommate. I wasn't like the rest of my significant other's family. Jack was on the lease with me, so he was locked in and liable. Bills all in my name so I could cut and run if.
00:06:07
Speaker 5: I need beat.
00:06:08
Speaker 4: I was sick of living with Jack. never cleaned anything, no dishes, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, picking up after himself, nothing. Two weeks before she lost her job, I ran the idea by Jill. that she could take over my half of the lease for $ 50, move out of her mom's, and have her own place with no security deposits for anything. Just transfer all my crap to them. Clean cut. Wash my hands of the mess. Flash forward, Jill had been living there for a week, and I had moved all of my stuff out when she lost her job. She had allegedly been fighting with her boss on getting her pay stubs for the apartment application for weeks. But now that's out, cause no job. So I'm still tied to the lease. My significant other and I agreed to give them two-thirds rent till they get their jobs, thinking a month at most. This is already a book, so I'll skip a little crazy crap and get to the juice. Fast forward four weeks. My significant other and I had paid two-thirds rent and my significant other's mom paid one-third. The apartment at that time had Jack, Jill, and one of Jack's friends living there. Everyone gets their stimulus checks on the 15th. Jack and his friend get their tax refunds. Jill gets a job. Jack's friend has had one. Jack is trying to get his job back to no avail. His boss called me where friends told me he'd never hire him again and I told Jack this. Didn't phase him. Told them that all expenses were on me for the remainder of the lease end of June. I told all three of them, significant other tells Jack and Jill, significant other's mom tells Jack and Jill. Flash forward to yesterday. Me and my significant other have been out of our old apartment for over two months. We've been living at significant other's mom's house to save up money to move out of state. It's been amazing being more or less on our own and away from all the drama. I have been asking Jack about bill money, seeing that they are in my name and due date is coming up. No response. Jack and Jill show up to the house to grab some of Jill's stuff she left behind. Jack walks up to me working in the garage and asks, have you paid your half of the rent yet?
00:08:04
Speaker 5: Me, uh, what?
00:08:05
Speaker 4: Significant other. We told you four weeks ago that it was on.
00:08:08
Speaker 6: You, Jack. Crap!
00:08:09
Speaker 4: We are effed! We are straight effed!
00:08:12
Speaker 5: Jack exits stage left.
00:08:13
Speaker 4: My face when those three A-hats had $ 5, 800 between the three of them four weeks ago and don't have enough to scratch up $ 770 for rent now. The dude straight up gets pissed, saying that we promised to pay for their expenses till the end of the lease.
00:08:29
Speaker 6: Where? When did I say that? Bring that up.
00:08:31
Speaker 5: Yeah.
00:08:32
Speaker 4: That they lost their jobs due to the ronin. That we were attempting to take advantage of him for being nice and allowing us to move out. I told him that I didn't know what we were going to do. Significant other ain't giving them anything. Significant other's mom isn't either. As for me, my name is on the lease and rent is due today. So I don't know. Any advice? You have to take your name off and put it into them.
00:08:53
Speaker 5: Like, I don't know.
00:08:54
Speaker 7: If they weren't responding to your messages, I would have just covered any and every angle they could have just been like, oh, we didn't know.
00:09:01
Speaker 6: Someone's got to pay this.
00:09:02
Speaker 4: After posting this, I decided to cut off the internet. Jack had been texting me that day, trying to tell me and my significant other that any and all discussions of the apartment should go through him and no one else. You know, the only person not paying to be there. He hadn't messaged me for over an hour, leaving me on read.
00:09:17
Speaker 1: Within.
00:09:18
Speaker 4: Five minutes of me getting off the phone with the internet company, he texts me asking if I had paid the internet, when it's due, and how to reset the router.
00:09:26
Speaker 6: This guy's really sly.
00:09:28
Speaker 7: This guy just knows how to just work his way around the questions here, the real questions. He said, you texted him, I cut the internet. So how are you going to pay for the internet and how do you reset the router?
00:09:36
Speaker 4: I can't think of it. There's a song in Spongebob and also in the Ravioli song. But they sing the Bikini Bottom, we love you.
00:09:43
Speaker 5: And it's the.
00:09:45
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm gonna really, oh, I'm gonna be really upset about that. Significant other was getting food with their mom for Jill. They get back to the apartment to drop off said food and Jill asked them if I had cut it off and significantly said yes. And all three of them were laughing, Jill saying, hopefully this will be a wake-up call. She could not have been further from the truth. I never messaged him back and turned off the message notification so he couldn't see if I read them or not. He blew up my phone, seven missed calls and multiple messages saying, I thought we would be civil. That's some petty bullcrap, bro. I waited a bit and told him that if he couldn't afford rent, he didn't need internet and that he had no control over my actions. Him saying, I don't need the electric being out. arbitrarily turned off based on a decision made entirely on your own. You don't pay for anything.
00:10:31
Speaker 2: So, shh.
00:10:31
Speaker 4: I don't know where he comes up with this crap. Without any notice or sense of decency in discussing with or even notifying us. Like, really, dude? Am I breaking the Geneva Convention by taking away your bidet, James? I'm not mad you turned off the internet. It's that you did it without saying anything at all. And maybe I'm wrong in saying this, but I feel like you avoided even talking about it with me even afterwards. I responded with the sense of decency has been entirely absent during this entire process. Breaking the lease is an option. I'm looking at all options that remove my involvement from the apartment. I'm saying that I want out. You don't have control over whether the electric stays on or not. I'm telling you that it will stay on until my name is off the lease. I don't feel the same. I don't think you have tried your best and that everything that I have done has been in my best interest to do so. I absolutely avoided you after disconnecting the internet. I know that you and Jack's friend both were extremely upset, so I gave you time to calm down. This is all snippets of a five hour long conversation. But he went on to talk about human decency and respect. I told him I was fed up and he got super defensive saying, F'd up about what exactly? Me being sick and in incredible pain? Also, Jill was still paying one third until she lost her job and what would have happened been better? Potentially paying $ 1, 000 in a lease break while also paying for two thirds rent. So you don't have an eviction notice in an apartment you don't even live in. or being responsible for three-thirds rent, so all the rent, until July.
00:11:55
Speaker 6: This guy's a moron.
00:11:57
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:11:57
Speaker 7: I would talk to significant other and be like, why is your little sister dating this moron?
00:12:03
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd be pretty annoyed at this point.
00:12:06
Speaker 6: I has no money. I expect everything to be given to me free.
00:12:09
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, cool.
00:12:10
Speaker 6: That's how it works, right?
00:12:11
Speaker 4: Apparently, we can add math to things he cannot do. I responded with, you mean going to the hospital multiple times a week, begging for pain meds, and then checking yourself out when they outright refused? the 20 plus showers a day, the constant noise of dry heaving and screaming. Yeah, I was fed up with that. I understand and know that you were in genuine pain, but that takes its toll on everyone, not just you. If I knew that it would take you more than two months to get a job, I would have broken it when I moved out. Pay between $ 756 to $ 1, 256 and be done. If I had stayed- it would have been $ 3, 800 before bills. Or what you were expecting, where we pay two-thirds until the end of the lease. That's $ 2, 560 plus whatever you can't cover. The cheapest route. was and still is breaking the lease, but that would be inhumane. I have already told you that I was exploring any and every possible avenue for getting my name off the lease. You didn't and don't need to know about it. It only takes one signature from one resident to break it. I feel like you have been acting like this is affecting others and that you don't care. Jack, between you, Jill, and Jack's friend, You had at minimum $ 2, 400 three weeks ago and two of you have jobs. How did you all spend more than $ 2, 000 in less than a month? This whole scenario has taken its toll on me, Jill, significant others, significant others' mom, my dad, probably even Jack's friend too. I know that it isn't just me and significant other. but it seems like we're the only ones who are going to care about us. He blew up saying, I do not need to know about it because it would make me homeless. Case in point of not considering others.
00:13:48
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:13:48
Speaker 6: Thanks for proving your point or proving my point.
00:13:50
Speaker 1: I don't know.
00:13:51
Speaker 6: What does that have to do with anything?
00:13:53
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:13:53
Speaker 4: I don't know. He's like that.
00:13:54
Speaker 6: He tried to do a reverse cycle.
00:13:55
Speaker 5: I don't know.
00:13:56
Speaker 6: What was that supposed to do? You really swayed me.
00:13:59
Speaker 4: Don't know.
00:14:00
Speaker 5: Don't know.
00:14:00
Speaker 4: That just proved I even tried helping the kid, asking if I did break the lease, would it be my fault? A bit back and forth of him saying it would absolutely be my fault and a horrible thing to do. No human decency the whole nine, ending with, well, I suppose it is my fault that I didn't know that it only took one person to break the lease that had two signers on it. and i sincerely mean that i told him that it was crazy how he will pull the pin and jump on every grenade he can to cry victim and to have a nice night of course he had to get the last words in by quoting some of my texts at me and i left it alone the next day i talked to the leasing office and explained everything again the night before they had 500 to put towards rent but now only had 320 It cost $ 175 to open up with a new internet account with crappy credit around here, and I guess $ 5 for a Happy Meal.
00:14:51
Speaker 6: Just take your name off the lease. You know he's not gonna budge.
00:14:54
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then it's just his, it's his thing.
00:14:56
Speaker 6: It's his problem.
00:14:57
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:14:57
Speaker 7: And it saves you such a big headache, which you're already getting. It's giving me a headache how dumb this guy is.
00:15:03
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's dumb. This is so stupid.
00:15:05
Speaker 7: Yeah.
00:15:06
Speaker 4: I told the office that.
00:15:07
Speaker 7: She laughed.
00:15:08
Speaker 4: I told her that any and all money was coming from them alone. If they were behind or not paying to let me know and that I'd be breaking a lease. I also typed up a legal notice stating that under no circumstances would I renew or open up a new lease there in the next 12 months. Because I guarantee Dirtbag would do that to me. I haven't heard from him since. Since then, Jill has gotten a second job, and Jack has an interview today to try to get on at Jill's second job.
00:15:34
Speaker 1: Girl, no.
00:15:36
Speaker 7: It got to the point where you made your girlfriend get a second job because, one, you can't get a job, anything, to help pay for any of the bills.
00:15:43
Speaker 6: You really do suck.
00:15:45
Speaker 4: Of course, because he has to be stuck up Jill's butt constantly. It only took him three months since he's gotten better. To get a job. Jill has come over a few times to get away from Jack and told me Jack was trying to psych up Jack's friend to come meet with me man to man. The night all of that went down. Or more like man and man to man. That's the end of the series. In the end, the shatter was fine and Bilbo and Frodo floated off with the elves and all was happy in Middle Earth.
00:16:13
Speaker 1: The end.
00:16:14
Speaker 4: Just kidding.
00:16:15
Speaker 6: Opie's a little dork and I love it. I love you, Opie.
00:16:17
Speaker 4: I'm just kidding here because there isn't a second update.
00:16:20
Speaker 6: Oh no.
00:16:21
Speaker 7: I don't know.
00:16:21
Speaker 4: I'd just be done with it. Just get your name off the lease.
00:16:24
Speaker 5: There's my advice.
00:16:25
Speaker 6: This guy's such a headache.
00:16:26
Speaker 7: I would not give him any time of day or anything because after the first month, I would have been like, I'm done.
00:16:31
Speaker 6: I'm done.
00:16:32
Speaker 5: Update two.
00:16:33
Speaker 4: More than two months later. So I had cleared everything with the leasing office and they said they wouldn't hold me liable for anything. Jack has been handling everything with the bills and leasing office since then. And Jill and Jack's friend have been taking his word for it. A month ago, I got a text from Jill asking if the electric bill was still in my name. I confirmed it was. Apparently, Jack had told her he switched it the day he started up his own internet account. Asked if I've been paying and told her he sends me the money whenever it's due. She confronts him. And he tries telling her more lies, then finally comes clean after a day of squabbling. They go to start a new account, and due to their poor credit, are required to put down a $ 250 deposit, which they can't afford. Try to borrow from Jill's mom. She ain't having it. So they decide to start an account anyway and put the deposit amount on their first bill. As you do, my account is auto-closed due to their starting. So it isn't my problem anymore.
00:17:31
Speaker 6: Should have been like that from the very get go.
00:17:34
Speaker 5: No, literally.
00:17:34
Speaker 4: First bill comes out and surprise, they can't afford it. So Jack decides to not pay rent on time and not tell the office, as you do. This triggers an eviction warning because they aren't having it either. Jill sees this and goes up to the office herself instead of telling slash letting Jack handle it. She's informed that they have racked up $ 500 in late fees and incorrect payments. Jack got it in his head that the rent is $ 750 instead of $ 770. Never checked with the office and has been throwing away the notices before anyone else saw them for months. I mean, like, throwing that away isn't doing anything.
00:18:13
Speaker 1: Like, still there.
00:18:15
Speaker 5: Still gonna get evicted.
00:18:16
Speaker 4: Just because, you know, oh, I'm gonna throw away the paper.
00:18:19
Speaker 5: No more eviction!
00:18:20
Speaker 7: I just want to hear his excuse now of why it came to this or why he didn't know.
00:18:27
Speaker 6: Who's he going to point the finger at? Better be the mirror. Not your problem anymore. Thank goodness.
00:18:32
Speaker 4: Jill calls me and confirms the $ 770 rent. and I can hear him in the background whining to stop talking to me and that he's right. So she goes back up to the office and calls me later asking if I was still on the lease and I said yes. Jack had told her that he handled it and was under the impression that they were on a new lease that had been extended. When she found out about the lies, the lease was up in less than a week. It was never renewed or canceled or anything. I called the office the day the lease ran out and the conversation watered down when we good.
00:19:05
Speaker 5: Yeah, we good.
00:19:06
Speaker 4: So now they're on a month-to-month lease, whether they know it or not. That's $ 1, 000 a month with $ 250 plus in fees. Wanting to leave, but Hey, the internet is still on. My hands are clean and that's all I care about. I knew that this would end up being a trilogy. I could finally sleep soundly.
00:19:26
Speaker 5: Yeah.
00:19:27
Speaker 4: Yeah, he definitely was some type of.
00:19:30
Speaker 6: Yeah, Jack wasn't... Regular use guy. Truly.
00:19:33
Speaker 4: He was using something.
00:19:34
Speaker 6: I would try and talk to Jill and be like, Jill, what is he doing for you?
00:19:38
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:19:38
Speaker 6: Other than making your life miserable and stressful.
00:19:41
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like you... What are you getting out of this?
00:19:43
Speaker 6: Other than stress.
00:19:45
Speaker 4: It's really not worth it, in my opinion. I'd be done with it.
00:19:48
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're going to read. the next one my brother hooked up with my sister-in-law my wife found it hilarious that is hilarious i am 28 male at home now and my wife 28 female is in the other room on her tablet earlier this evening i drove by my folks place to drop off some floor tiles i got for my father He and my mother are celebrating their anniversary and are out of state on vacation. Anniversary floor tiles. There was like a house party going on on the same street, and it forced me to have to park a bit further away than usual due to all the cars, and I don't have access to my folks' garage door opener.
00:20:23
Speaker 5: Dang it.
00:20:24
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from user... Miserlew Loves Company and if you want to submit your own stories go to the r slash ok story time subreddit I'm Dakota.
00:20:32
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia I'm Riley and we.
00:20:35
Speaker 1: Are going to read this here story maybe have a little bit of advice to give maybe not who knows but you can tell us all of your thoughts in the comments stream of consciousness style no.
00:20:44
Speaker 2: One wants the owls I'm not taking offense to it but I am offended I don't even care wow that's a tough crowd I don't even freaking care.
00:20:53
Speaker 1: So I park in front of a different house and walk a little way I go into the house through one of the side doors to get at the garage. When I get in the house, I'm immediately struck with the sounds of baby making. I am grossed out and confused. At first, thinking it's my parents. Gross. They're both in their 60s.
00:21:11
Speaker 5: Gross. They can't do that anymore.
00:21:14
Speaker 1: Before that image can settle, I pass through the door in the house that connects to the garage and my brother's car is parked in there. He's 23, male. He doesn't live with my parents. For a second, I'm like, okay, creepy. He took a date back to my folks' place, but I reasoned it's because he has a messy apartment. Not wanting to cause a scene or ruin his fun, I duck out thinking I'll come back tomorrow.
00:21:34
Speaker 4: What?
00:21:34
Speaker 7: Uh-oh.
00:21:34
Speaker 1: What? I haven't said anything to the wife yet. Part of me is like, keep your mouth shut and pretend you saw nothing. And the other part knows I ought to tell my wife. What the heck do I do?
00:22:14
Speaker 4: Tell your wife. Tell your wife.
00:22:16
Speaker 5: And then she has to deal with it.
00:22:19
Speaker 2: And you are not alone in this moral conundrum.
00:22:23
Speaker 5: Your wife's in it now. You're in it together.
00:22:26
Speaker 1: Are you going to cry? Okay, we've got comments. OP says, I've decided to do as someone suggested and drive by my folks tomorrow around the same time and see if the car is there. I'm going to ask my brother why he's doing specific things in my folks' house. I'm then going to ask him directly if it was her because her car was there.
00:22:49
Speaker 5: This is what you do. You take him into a room. There's only one light. He's seated down.
00:22:54
Speaker 1: There are no windows or doors.
00:22:55
Speaker 2: There's no windows or doors. There's only one light. It's one of those like really small lights. It's directly pointed at him. He can't even see you. It's so dark in there. He can't see you. Light's shining right into his face.
00:23:04
Speaker 5: He's gone. You pass over a document and you say, is this you? He opens it.
00:23:09
Speaker 2: It's him lying on the bed. And then you say, who's the woman in the picture? And he goes, what's going on?
00:23:15
Speaker 1: Where am I?
00:23:15
Speaker 5: You say, answer the question. Who's the woman in the picture? He looks down. He goes, sister-in-law.
00:23:21
Speaker 7: Nope.
00:23:21
Speaker 5: He goes, boys, we got him. Take him away. And then brother goes, no, no, please, please.
00:23:27
Speaker 1: That's good. I was really hoping for a twist though.
00:23:29
Speaker 5: Brother says, no, no, please, please. They take him away. It's the president.
00:23:38
Speaker 1: The president of Gahool. They've hit the tree. Metal beak hit the tree.
00:23:42
Speaker 5: They've hit the tree.
00:23:44
Speaker 1: Based on his answers and how truthful I think he's being, I'll go to my wife about it. No sense in embarrassing my brother too much if he just had a random girl at the house. Opie also says, it's a new day, a different day. If I drive down there and her car is still there, it's obviously cheating. And there's an update two days later.
00:24:01
Speaker 4: Oh boy.
00:24:02
Speaker 1: Well, I had the day off today and it was still gnawing at me. Well, today I went to drop off the tiles and neither car was there. I neglected to mention any of this to my wife and decided to just talk to my brother first to see what was going on. As he wasn't there, I figured I'd go pick up a case of briskies and drive over to see him. Make up some story about being in the neighborhood. As I'm on the way to do this, I get a call from my wife who sounds a little distraught. She informs me that she just got off the phone with her sister and that she's apparently getting divorced. Sister-in-law and her husband actually haven't been living in the same apartment for like A week now. What? Hearing this, I expected her to tell me that sister-in-law got caught cheating, but it was actually the opposite.
00:24:41
Speaker 4: What?
00:24:42
Speaker 1: The guy I thought I'd be helping, well, it turns out he's been having a six-month affair with their kid's former preschool teacher.
00:24:49
Speaker 5: What?
00:24:50
Speaker 2: So sister-in-law's husband was having an affair with the preschool teacher, and so sister-in-law was not cheating when she was having the spicy sleep with the brother.
00:24:58
Speaker 4: What?
00:25:00
Speaker 1: Sister-in-law had been despairing for a week having to tell anyone about this because she's ashamed of it. So I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that if I had stumbled on what I stumbled on, at least there was no real wrongdoing there. No shenaniganry. Tomfoolery or underhandedness. I still kept it from my wife and opted to talk to my brother. I don't usually show up out of the blue, so he was a little anxious that I was there. I told him about me and what I heard and he apologized profusely. I then asked him about sister-in-law's car and he got quiet. Well, It turns out sister-in-law wasn't telling my wife the whole truth. Apparently, sister-in-law has known about her husband's affair for several months now, but didn't confront him until just recently. Waiting for the opportune moment to strike.
00:25:46
Speaker 7: Ow!
00:25:46
Speaker 1: While worrying about who to talk to about all this, she bumped into my brother at a gas station. He told me that she basically broke down crying over it, and for the last few months, he's been letting her confide to him. and he's kept quiet about it. They next started meeting up and having coffee together, and as my brother has depression, he was recommending a few good therapists. There was never any major flirting in their meetups. They actually talked about their kids. My brother has a daughter from a previous relationship, so he talked about her. Sister-in-law's husband, who did not know his infidelity had been discovered, began to grow suspicious of my brother and sent him a message asking about what is going on with his wife. Why are they suddenly liking each other's posts so much? and texting. When sister-in-law learned of the messages she saw read and finally confronted her husband and he walked out. That was last week. Folks, what is going on?
00:26:33
Speaker 6: What's going on?
00:26:34
Speaker 1: More and more people in this country are walking out of their marriage. Simply because your husband slept with a preschool teacher. It's just a big brain activity right now.
00:26:43
Speaker 4: Wow, that's pretty funny.
00:26:45
Speaker 5: Seeing as we're not even funding the preschools.
00:26:48
Speaker 1: I find that kind of funny.
00:26:50
Speaker 4: Seeing as.
00:26:50
Speaker 3: It's a real mega mind kind of thing.
00:26:54
Speaker 1: You feel me?
00:26:56
Speaker 5: Oh, make a mind.
00:26:57
Speaker 1: That takes us to yesterday. They went out for coffee again. Sister-in-law mentioned being worried about how to tell her folks and her husband's folks about his affair, but said she was feeling much better with him not in the house. She kept giving him signs talking about her passed away bedroom, talking about being lonely.
00:27:14
Speaker 2: She said, my bedroom is so lonely.
00:27:19
Speaker 1: She's like, ah, I haven't been touched.
00:27:21
Speaker 5: My husband's F-ing the preschool lady.
00:27:24
Speaker 1: She's talking about spastic frustrations, and my brother took the bait and took it to my folks' place, and the rest is history. When asked why he chose my folks' place, he said it's because they have a better TV, and he had left his guitar there and needed to pick it up anyway.
00:27:38
Speaker 5: I don't know. Like, why sleep there? My guitar was there.
00:27:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, home is where the girl who wants to bang me is, bro. What are you talking about?
00:27:45
Speaker 2: Duh.
00:27:45
Speaker 1: I told my wife when I got home and she turned from being sad and nervous for her sister to quite playful about everything. So it's looking like my kids might have double cousins at some point. Whoa, that's crazy. And that is the end of that story. Hey, this is Riley, the new Californian here.
00:28:02
Speaker 3: We're going to get back to these stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
00:28:06
Speaker 2: My father said presents proved they cared about us while criticizing my husband.
00:28:10
Speaker 1: Criticize, criticize, criticize.
00:28:14
Speaker 2: My younger sister just came for a visit. My husband and I moved across the country from most of my family after getting married. For reasons that will likely become clear as you.
00:28:22
Speaker 5: Continue to read. And it was a disaster.
00:28:25
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Curiousa and Curiousa. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time separate it.
00:28:31
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia. I'm Dakota. I'm Riley.
00:28:34
Speaker 5: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do.
00:28:37
Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments. Oh, P says, I was so excited to share that I'm newly pregnant with her. But basically from the moment she got here, she harped on my husband who had advocated for her visit and even offered to pay part of her way, encouraged her to stay longer prior to her getting here. Anyway, she was staying with us and eventually I snapped and told her she wouldn't be welcome if she kept talking like this about my husband to me and to his face. She toned it down, but was obviously offended by this. For context, the main issue is that the dishes were piled up. My husband works full-time hours, but odd times. 10 to 16 hour days, sometimes starting at 5 a.m. Dang.
00:29:14
Speaker 5: Sometimes working until midnight.
00:29:15
Speaker 2: Dang. So he has days off midweek, which has been so helpful. Had a physically demanding job and has always been the main cook. Sometimes like once a month, maybe. I make a salad or a simple side dish, but otherwise he cooks everything. So dishes and other housework are primarily my responsibility. This is how we divided housework from the get-go and it works well for us. He's been trying and overall succeeding. To pick up the slack since I've been horribly sick this whole pregnancy. And the smell of doing dishes specifically has been making me nauseous. But they were already behind because of me prior to the pregnancy. So it wasn't even his fault, which I just kept telling her. I was happy I got a prescription that worked well enough that I had the energy to vacuum and clean the bathroom properly before she came. The kitchen, unfortunately, just wasn't something I could fully tackle.
00:30:02
Speaker 1: Of course you can't tackle a kitchen. It's a room. Not a person?
00:30:05
Speaker 5: I can't tackle it. It was just too big.
00:30:07
Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm Mr. Literal now.
00:30:09
Speaker 5: He's Mr.
00:30:09
Speaker 4: Literal.
00:30:10
Speaker 5: Call this guy Amelia Bedelia.
00:30:12
Speaker 1: Call me Pepper Ann.
00:30:13
Speaker 2: And so, while still very much livable, it wasn't up to my normal standard with some clutter around and far too many dishes in the sink. She kept saying how useless he is and how I need to address the issue with him. Again, despite the mess quite literally being from my own uselessness.
00:30:28
Speaker 5: Not really. I also work and I have had some crazy weeks recently.
00:30:31
Speaker 2: Dishes aren't exactly my favorite chore and they wound up piling up a little longer than usual. Then pregnancy nausea hit and it got really backed up. I think her feelings about the kitchen needing to be cleaner for her as a guest were justified on some level. That's how I was raised. My husband disagrees and thinks she doesn't get an opinion when she's staying somewhere for free.
00:30:52
Speaker 1: I mean, like, she still gets an opinion. How much weight does it hold?
00:30:57
Speaker 2: But how she addressed it as some major failure on my husband's part was wholly unacceptable. Additionally, because I've been unwell from the pregnancy, it also definitely wasn't the trip either of us were looking forward to. I couldn't really take her to the local or- I could barely leave the house and I was so exhausted I fell asleep on her multiple times and had to take naps every day, leaving her to her own devices. She's pretty introverted and brought college work and a huge book to read. She had things she had planned to do on her own, but I feel bad about it anyway. I've struggled setting boundaries with my parents my whole life. Knowing I'm going to have a child to care for and protect has definitely emboldened me to set firmer boundaries with them. One of them being they will not get a relationship with my children if they're going to talk badly about their dad.
00:31:42
Speaker 5: Our relationship, parenting style... etc.
00:31:45
Speaker 2: regardless of whether they are doing so in front of the kid or not. I want to be clear that it's not about not accepting constructive criticism or feedback. It's about them making comments about how my husband doesn't love me, doesn't treat me right, isolated me from them, calling him stupid and other outright baseless lies or insults.
00:32:03
Speaker 5: Yes, it's that bad.
00:32:05
Speaker 2: Usually it's insinuated rather than said outright. But there's no mistaking it. I haven't told them about the pregnancy yet. I was waiting for my sister to visit so I could surprise her in person and my nervousness to address this with them came up. My sister and I talked about this at length and she was supportive of that boundary but proceeded to speak down to my husband and about him negatively to me. Basically any chance she got. We had a rocky relationship as kids. We were pitted against each other from the moment she was born. But the past few years, we've really made so much progress and I thought mostly repaired that relationship. She's already talking about her next visit. Initially, I asked her to come instead of my mom around the time of the birth. But now that I've seen her attitude on full display in her home, at this moment, I am so beyond drained and no longer want that. It's exactly what I expect and want to avoid from my mom. And I just expected more of my sister. I don't have family here. And while there are friends who I know I can count on, at least for some things. I really wanted some measure of family support during the pregnancy and now feel like this happy thing is going to be a struggle I go through alone. Oh, obviously I know it can count on my husband. He has been a saint trying so hard to cook healthy meals I can stomach when nothing sounds good and waiting on me hand and foot when he's home while balancing work, his normal housework, and a lot of my usual chores on top of it all without a single complaint.
00:33:27
Speaker 1: Dude, cool husband alert.
00:33:28
Speaker 4: Sounds great.
00:33:30
Speaker 1: Sounds great. Sounds like he's awesome.
00:33:32
Speaker 2: He is a trooper and has put up with this ridiculous attitude from my family our entire relationship. I tried to play mediator at first, but when my parents and sister base their feelings on absolutely nothing and he just keeps on putting up with it, I just get more and more sick of it.
00:33:47
Speaker 5: And we've got an update. But do you have any thoughts?
00:33:49
Speaker 4: I like your husband.
00:33:50
Speaker 5: Yeah, your husband seems cool, man.
00:33:52
Speaker 1: I can't imagine a more overwhelming place to be. Being pregnant and... Yeah. Everyone around you is annoying except your husband. Yeah. And demanding.
00:34:03
Speaker 5: And they're near you. Sounds like a nightmare.
00:34:04
Speaker 1: I think we should invent a system of underground networks where pregnant people can take a capsule into a bubble society so that they can be sheltered from the nonsense.
00:34:17
Speaker 2: Whenever a pregnant woman gets annoyed, it just goes... And they go into their little capsule.
00:34:22
Speaker 1: It's like a life alert thing where it's around their neck and they just press a button and it... Like it unfolds like an Iron Man, Tony Stark suit.
00:34:29
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:34:30
Speaker 1: And it's like just a, and then it just, it just drills down into the earth.
00:34:34
Speaker 5: I like that. I like that. I think we've got sharks.
00:34:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude. Sharks.
00:34:39
Speaker 5: But we got some updates. Our little baby boy is here. Almost a month old. Happy and healthy.
00:34:45
Speaker 2: We moved to another city still on the other side of the country from my immediate family at the start of November as we both had friends here and my husband found a job with better opportunities, benefits, hours, and we're thriving!
00:34:56
Speaker 5: Yay!
00:34:57
Speaker 2: I had a really difficult pregnancy. Thankfully, postpartum and the newborn stage have been really quite enjoyable for me. My husband is amazing with the baby and such a good supportive partner, making sure I prioritize eating and rest. Something I honestly struggle to do at times. It's funny, I was so worried when I made the last post about not having my mom or sister as support in the delivery room, and there were one or two moments when I mourned what could have been. But I didn't realize just how wonderful it would be to just be my husband and I. And it really was special. On to the main reason for the update. We are no contact with my parents right now. It has not been easy emotionally to make that decision, but things came to a head this fall. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible, but man, there are a lot of things to tell. Part of why we moved here is that I knew people who lived in my hometown, and I grew up with people who know and are friends and friendly with my parents and my husband also knew a couple with kids around our age who are here my parents came here a few years ago for the wedding of one of our mutual friends and made more friends while they were here even met the couple who know my husband we all happen to be part of the same community and it can be very small world we have been given such an amazing welcome by all and feel right at home here In December, someone here told me about some comments that they had heard either directly from my mom or repeated by someone she talked to at various points in the last few years. Uh-oh. Comments that, according to them, made them worried about me and led them to go to the couple my husband knows and ask about his character.
00:36:21
Speaker 5: Come on, what's this mom saying? Shut up.
00:36:24
Speaker 2: That was very upsetting to me. I cried to my husband about it all night. I felt like the people who had welcomed us, particularly people who were friends with my parents, who I could only assume mom would have said some of these things to, were silently watching and judging our relationship. To be clear, these friends of my parents have been very good friends to me and have since reassured me that they are judging my husband on his own merit and take what my mom has said to them with a grain of salt, and I trust that. I felt talked about. I felt betrayed. I felt that what she said about my husband reflects what she thinks about me. Like she thinks I'm so stupid and desperate that I married the first boy to give me any attention. It's actually pretty much exactly what my grandmother told me the day after we got engaged.
00:37:07
Speaker 6: Yikes.
00:37:10
Speaker 1: That's a lot to chew on.
00:37:12
Speaker 5: Grandma sucks.
00:37:13
Speaker 2: Not exactly on great terms with her either for obvious reasons, but that is a story for another time. I felt as though I can't trust my mom around my child. If she hates his father this much, who he will likely look and act like, and who he is named after, how do I trust she won't treat my child just as bad? How do I trust she won't badmouth or undermine her father in front of him? Add on to this that back in March of last year, at a family funeral, I had multiple aunts and cousins asking how I was doing. one in particular asking in a way that made me feel as though they thought I was unhappy and in trouble.
00:37:45
Speaker 5: It's my mom's family.
00:37:47
Speaker 2: Where would they get this idea other than from my mom, who I know had bad-mouthed my husband in the past? Add on to this the awfulness I suffered from my mom growing up and how it has had a real toll on me this pregnancy when I thought about the kind of mother I would be. I made the decision that night that we were going no contact with my mom, at least for the time being.
00:38:05
Speaker 5: My parents had visited us.
00:38:06
Speaker 2: In October, so only two months prior of My husband and dad had a good talk then. I was prepared to have a talk with my mom about certain behaviors and boundaries, but she was surprisingly well-behaved, so rather than sour the trip, I decided to leave it alone. And we felt that we'd finally turned a corner. Because of this, the betrayal felt deeper. But it also made my husband feel he should reach out to my dad and speak to him first to get some of their side and let him know where we were at, especially as I was so worked up. According to him, that conversation also went well. My dad seemed to take what he had to say seriously, acknowledge our feelings about it, and respect the decision.
00:38:42
Speaker 5: Well, when I spoke with him later on, he completely backtracked.
00:38:46
Speaker 2: He said that he'd never heard my mom say anything as bad as we were making it out to be. My reply was that she said to my face bad things about my husband. So she absolutely is capable of saying that sort of thing.
00:38:57
Speaker 5: It's clearly what she thinks.
00:38:58
Speaker 2: He apologized for that and said he didn't know, but what she'd say to me isn't what she'd say to just anyone, which I don't know if that's really true or not. He said that they had bought us things. He said that they had bought us things!
00:39:08
Speaker 1: Genie of the lamp, is she saying all of this stuff to everybody or just me? And then the genie comes out and goes, that's the dumbest... Wish I've ever gotten.
00:39:18
Speaker 2: This was proof that they were trying to be supportive and choosing to cut mom off was so ungrateful. He's like, yeah, your mom is talking about you behind your back, but she's buying you stuff.
00:39:26
Speaker 1: So like, yeah so you should let her let her do that she's.
00:39:31
Speaker 2: You know here comes the mommy with all the money mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy money money It was confused. I didn't have a reply for that in the moment, but it felt really disgusting. Like they were buying the right to a relationship with us, regardless of how they treated us. We had a second conversation where he said that we were compromising our relationship with God.
00:39:51
Speaker 5: We are very religious.
00:39:52
Speaker 2: My response was that this choice is something we talk to people in the church about, and we were given scriptures that actually backed our decision. One example is Proverbs 26 20, which basically says there's no fire without wood. There's no bad mouthing without a bad mouther. I'm summarizing. That's not a direct quote, lol. And I thought about David and Saul, literally his father-in-law. Even when Saul offered peace, David kept his distance. And it turned out was right to do so because Saul kept hunting him.
00:40:18
Speaker 1: Well, clearly Proverbs has never heard of that. I don't know what country it's in, but there's a fire that's been burning underground for, I don't know. You can have fire without wood. That's my point. I can't even do it. You can get fire with that too. I don't know. Read the Bible.
00:40:33
Speaker 2: He also said that anything they may have said to me about him in the past was out of love and concern for me. Yet when my mom was verbally and emotionally awful towards me in the past, I guess the love and concern about awfulness only counts when it's not my mom. The straw that broke the camel's back has been how she talks about my husband, but how she treated me growing up is absolutely coloring my feelings. Basically, every time my dad and I interacted after it, felt like he wasn't just minimizing her actions. He was manipulating my already high emotions to get the result he and my mom wanted. It was way harder to make the choice with my dad because he'd always been the safe parent. But we decided that we couldn't reasonably be in contact with him either after this. We have decided that this is hopefully not a long-term thing Though I don't think at this point the relationship can ever quite be what they want, as I still don't think I can ever truly trust how they'd be alone with my kid. I realize many people decide for no contact to be permanent, and I see the argument for it, but my husband and I agree that if we see any reason for it, we will be open to a relationship with them in the future. One thing I mentioned to them was that while I obviously can't force my mom into therapy or meds or anything.
00:41:40
Speaker 5: Her.
00:41:40
Speaker 2: Taking steps to address her mental health, whatever those steps may be, would likely help me to feel better about our relationship. And my sister has told me that she's been looking for a therapist.
00:41:49
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:41:49
Speaker 5: At least you got sister.
00:41:51
Speaker 1: At least you got someone on your team, right?
00:41:54
Speaker 2: Out of kindness, my mom is extremely anxious and this is their first grandkid. I reached out to tell them when baby was born that we were all healthy and I sent them a Part of me hopes that we can let this go and try to rebuild. Part of me is so relieved not to have the stress that I didn't even realize a relationship with my mom was giving me right now while figuring out motherhood myself.
00:42:13
Speaker 5: On to my sister.
00:42:14
Speaker 2: When I made the decision to go no contact with my mom, I also made the decision for my sister not to come out for the birth. We both cried when we talked about it, but she understood and apologized for her behavior on the trip last year.
00:42:25
Speaker 5: Huge, huge, love that.
00:42:27
Speaker 1: Big, big moves, big moves, big changes.
00:42:31
Speaker 5: Any thoughts? Just one will do.
00:42:34
Speaker 1: Trees. Eh, that's good. If I'm honest, I'm on OP's side. If I'm being real, totally on her side.
00:42:43
Speaker 2: I believe OP and your mom is stinky. And at least your sister apologized. We had a good talk.
00:42:48
Speaker 5: And are mending the hurt.
00:42:50
Speaker 2: She may come out to meet her nephew sometime later this year, but no plans are set yet. My husband still holds some hurt over the visit, which is totally justified, especially given the past few months with the drama with my parents. She knows she cannot stay with us when she comes this time, but I hope that with time this can be resolved as well. I also started seeing a therapist after the decision to go no contact was made, and I'm feeling pretty good these days. Slowly but surely, I'm getting the hang of motherhood. a good headspace and I have support for my husband and friends both here and far away. As negative as the most of this update has been, I'm so thankful for that. My adorable son is already growing so fast and I'm really enjoying getting to soak in this season of his life.
00:43:26
Speaker 4: And that is the end.
00:43:28
Speaker 1: Life does move in seasons, does it not?
00:43:30
Speaker 5: Seasons of love.
00:43:31
Speaker 1: Season one, season two, season three, season four.
00:43:35
Speaker 5: Season five.
00:43:36
Speaker 1: No way for me. And that's the end of this story. We're going to read the next one.
00:43:42
Speaker 7: My wife secretly applied to school, then demanded I approve her loan.
00:43:47
Speaker 1: Oh, well, uh, what, you don't want your wife to be smart?
00:43:52
Speaker 6: Well, here's a fun start.
00:43:53
Speaker 7: My wife and I have had a rocky relationship over the last few years.
00:43:57
Speaker 6: We have two young kids under six.
00:44:00
Speaker 7: We are going to our second marriage counselor now and have been making progress on removing resentment and communicating better. I am the breadwinner in the relationship. My wife tends to want to spend any money that she has access to and believes I care too much about money. She's not involved with any of the bills and gets stressed out if I try and have a serious conversation.
00:44:20
Speaker 6: About budgets with her. Oh boy, what a lovely start.
00:44:25
Speaker 1: Maybe she should go to school to learn about finance.
00:44:29
Speaker 7: She has a bachelor's degree and has been bouncing around doing different jobs related to her degree. She never seems to be content with doing what she's doing and is always looking to change something. She has brought up going back to school for a different degree for a number of years now. I have tried to be open-minded and understand where she's coming from, but considering our young family, our current financial responsibilities, and the fact that she already has a great degree that she can do a lot with, it has been hard for me to be supportive of her ideas. Yeah.
00:44:59
Speaker 1: Life sucks when you're put in a position where you have to sacrifice the thing that you want, do the right thing in the context of what's already going on. And if you yeah, if you have like a family and two kids under six that you got to support now, now is not the time to delete your income and go back to school. when you have a degree that you can use to get jobs.
00:45:24
Speaker 7: Obi continues saying, we were fortunate enough to save up some money over the last year and were able to completely pay off her school loans.
00:45:31
Speaker 6: The next day, she's let me know that she.
00:45:33
Speaker 7: Wants to quit her job, maybe work part-time to still bring in some money and go back to school to take out a 60K in a school loan.
00:45:40
Speaker 1: Oh no.
00:45:41
Speaker 6: What are we doing? We just paid them off. You just like spending money on nothing.
00:45:46
Speaker 1: If there were no kids, I'd be like, I guess you could do that. It's better to do it now than to wait. But you already have kids.
00:45:53
Speaker 6: I go, honey, where's the 60K coming from? Honey, where's the 60K coming from?
00:45:57
Speaker 1: If you had no degree, it'd be like, okay. But I don't know. What level of compensation are you able to bring in?
00:46:05
Speaker 6: I don't know.
00:46:06
Speaker 2: But.
00:46:07
Speaker 6: I do know that this story comes from user ThrowIt12234. And if you want.
00:46:11
Speaker 7: To submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.
00:46:15
Speaker 6: I'm Keon.
00:46:15
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
00:46:16
Speaker 7: And we're here to give good advice goofily. We do not have all the answers. We only know what we do. Let us know what you do in the comments down below. As OP says. We had a discussion about what she wants to go for, how childcare would work, a few of my concerns, and she had some good ideas and had put a good amount of thought into it. When it came to asking for a timeline, she admitted that she had already applied, been accepted, and is waiting for my approval to sign the school loan acceptance.
00:46:44
Speaker 1: Okay. I mean, none of that's necessarily wrong. It's just like, you'd think that you would ask about the most important part, which is, Can we financially do this before you do all of that work?
00:46:58
Speaker 7: She then let me know that it was in the ballpark of $ 60, 000.
00:47:02
Speaker 6: For this degree.
00:47:04
Speaker 7: As soon as I mentioned any apprehension to that financial and time commitment, I was told that I care more about money than my family.
00:47:11
Speaker 6: I'm divorcing her. I'm sorry.
00:47:13
Speaker 7: If this is your idea and how you do the argument every time is you care about money more than family.
00:47:18
Speaker 1: It's like I care about the money that provides for our family.
00:47:22
Speaker 7: Obi continued saying, I found this truly hurtful as I have worked hard to be where I am to be able to provide a comfortable life for my family. Family.
00:47:31
Speaker 6: Q and Vin Diesel.
00:47:33
Speaker 7: I do hold resentment for sacrifices I had to make at the threat of her breaking up our family in the past. As soon as the conversation got tougher about going back to school, she told me our values are too different, that I hold money above everything else, and that she will do this without me if I'm not on board.
00:47:50
Speaker 6: She's just threatening you. These are just empty threats.
00:47:52
Speaker 1: You hold money above everything else. Hey, why are you going back to school?
00:47:55
Speaker 6: Also, who's paying for everything?
00:47:58
Speaker 1: Are you going back to school so that you can get a better job that makes more money, or are you going back to school just so you can get a different job that you don't hate?
00:48:04
Speaker 6: So I can spend more money.
00:48:05
Speaker 1: Because I have a sneaking suspicion you're going to go to school to get that degree, to get the job, you're going to get to the job, and you're not going to like it.
00:48:13
Speaker 7: The conversation is not resolved, and I feel very hurt, and I am convincing myself more and more that this is not a right for a spouse to hang over their partner's head. My wife suffers from depression, has been seeing her own therapist, and has not been improving. Any obstacle she experiences, her first reaction is to quit, Dakota. She goes, that's too hard. That's too tough.
00:48:34
Speaker 1: I give up. And you know what? You should, girly pop.
00:48:38
Speaker 7: Regardless of what's at stake, I am not free of fault, as I have made my own mistakes as well over the relationship. We have another marriage counseling session tonight, and I am losing motivation right now to try and fight for this relationship, besides trying to give my kids the best life possible. My question for you, fellow Redditors... Do I bend over and fake a smile in hopes that this new career and life path brings my wife the fulfillment she thinks she's looking for? Or do I call her bluff and tell her she's doing this on her own if she wants to burden herself with such a debt and time commitment while agreeing to.
00:49:11
Speaker 6: Break up my family? We have an update.
00:49:14
Speaker 7: I don't know, OP, what which one sounds better over there you get bent over and just keep doing the cycle and her lying to you and making you feel like the.
00:49:23
Speaker 1: Bad guy honestly there's we're missing like what i would consider all of the most important pieces of information to determine how out of pocket either of these people are being namely like how much income you're both pulling in, how long she's been in the field she's in, what the nature of her work is, the nature of the works that she wants to do by getting a degree, where you live, what does it cost to be in your house? Is it paid off? Is it not? Do you have a mortgage? What's going on? Without all that information, it's really impossible to say what's right. or who's right, but it definitely feels like, based on what you've said, this is not going to end with your wife getting another degree and then getting that job. It's just going to move the problem down the line.
00:50:08
Speaker 6: I don't know.
00:50:09
Speaker 7: If my partner kept saying, all you think is about money over your family, and I go, I'm the only one who's been working a consistent job providing for the family, and you want to go play make-believe or the reset button, no, this is life. We have two kids now. You know, like I get it.
00:50:27
Speaker 6: You don't.
00:50:27
Speaker 7: Sometimes a job does suck, but it's not. It hasn't been one to two jobs or three jobs. It's been like any obstacle she gets, anything that's tough. She goes, I know how to make it easier. Don't tackle it. Don't go head on.
00:50:39
Speaker 6: Go backwards.
00:50:40
Speaker 1: I don't know, man.
00:50:41
Speaker 6: We have an update. Opie says, just got.
00:50:44
Speaker 7: Done with our marriage counseling session. The counselor was on my wife's side and did not care or want to hear about any ultimatum. I'm supposed to be more compassionate to my wife's feelings and desires and need to support her on this decision. Basically, I was given the same scenario by the counselor. If I want to stay in this marriage, then this is something my wife has to do.
00:51:05
Speaker 1: I don't know. It just, I can, I can, again, we just don't have enough info to make it go one way or another, in my opinion, because if I had a partner and they were miserable in their job and we were financially secure enough for her to explore a different career path, then I'd do it. But I don't know. I guess if that were the case, you wouldn't have to sign a loan. You'd just pay for it out of pocket. So maybe that is evidence enough that that's not the case.
00:51:32
Speaker 7: Up to continue saying, I will still be looking into protecting myself and consulting a lawyer. Thank you to everyone who responded and provided their advice and opinions. We have a second update. We're going straight into it. So After the original post, I was preparing for the end of my marriage. I was a mess and had a number of very weak moments. I will give my wife credit. She did see how hurt and distraught I was, and she did provide comfort and support. As mad as I was at her, it was needed and allowed us to be vulnerable enough to admit some things that were hard to hear. Our first couples counseling after the incident seemed like a joke when discussing our situation. But reflecting and talking it out like adults with my wife, I have learned a number of things. First, my wife agreed to not pursue furthering her college until we had looked over all the options and tried to figure it out together. She felt like she had to try to have conversations about her furthering her education and thought at this point her only option was doing it alone behind my back.
00:52:28
Speaker 6: I have been very.
00:52:29
Speaker 7: Dismissive of the idea and it causes a lot of stress and anxiety to me about the financial and emotional burden that it comes with. This is partly my fault for not listening and understanding what she was feeling and what she needs in her life. Looking back on it now, I was upset that my wife and marriage counselor were not concerned about me giving an ultimatum about our relationship unless I allow my wife to burden us with more debt and disrupting our lives for her benefit. It was not fair of me to be the decision maker on what her life looks like, but is both our faults for not communicating better over the last few years?
00:53:03
Speaker 6: Dakota?
00:53:04
Speaker 1: I don't know it sounds like it could be be better like I said like I don't know I really don't I can't have a horse in the race because all of the most important information is left out it's like all of the information that would make me decide one way or another on who is more like justified in their stance here snanced it's completely missing.
00:53:28
Speaker 7: Yeah I'm just I'm just afraid that OP's partner is just to keep doing this cycle of I'm not happy with my job I'm not happy with my job I need a new job I don't like what I'm doing I need new degree or I need to do something else.
00:53:43
Speaker 1: It's like maybe you just need something outside of your job like a hobby all that stuff matters in terms of like like is OP like a nurse and they're like I can't handle it anymore you know like that makes sense so like an incredibly stressful job but it's like yeah if they're just they have a communication degree And they're bouncing around from job to job. But that also makes sense because it's like I want a job that does more and makes more and means more. It's like a lot of people feel that. It really just all comes down to can you financially– how much does it hurt? And for her to try to just do it behind your back and then be like, well, it's already all done. You just have to say yes. It's like, well, it's clearly a little manipulative or trying to be. Yeah. But we have a new understanding now, so I guess that's better.
00:54:29
Speaker 6: Let's go ahead and finish up this story.
00:54:30
Speaker 7: Our marriage is not fixed by any means, but we have agreed to give it six months to a year to see if we can figure it out and fix what is broken. In the almost two weeks since I had made the original post, we had a number of very nice moments and have communicated and gotten along better than we have in years. We have learned things about each other that we didn't even know and have enjoyed each other's company. This could and may be short-lived, but I am naively optimistic that we can keep our family together. I am still preparing for my backup plan in case things do not work out. Thank you to everyone who gave their opinions on the situation. And that's the end of that story. I hope it all works out, and I hope things go smooth for the rest of your time and your families. All peachy and good, OP, but I think this is a sign that as long as you can put in the work and the effort, And communicate, I think it should be fine.
00:55:24
Speaker 6: But who knows?
00:55:25
Speaker 7: This is a fresh phase. It's a new start, technically. And I hope it works out for you.
00:55:30
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're going to read the next one.
00:55:33
Speaker 4: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fashion host here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
00:55:41
Speaker 1: My wife and I are paying for our wedding, but the guests are demanding we change it.
00:55:47
Speaker 6: Don't come to my wedding.
00:55:48
Speaker 1: We aren't going to change our wedding. I'm not looking for advice. I'm just venting.
00:55:54
Speaker 6: Oh, these are my favorite. I love that. We're going to have so much fun with this one.
00:55:57
Speaker 1: We are going to have a 10 or 15 minute ceremony at sunset. Afterwards, we'll have dinner and a reception. The two of us plan to take most of our photos before the ceremony. Only a few with our families will be needed after the ceremony. Additionally, all guests must be above the legal drinking age, so no one under the age of 18 is allowed inside. This is the policy of the venue, not ours. I would like to think we are being reasonable to our guests. The ceremony and reception will be four to four and a half hours long. If any guests want to leave earlier, it's not a problem. We'll be providing transportation to and from the venue for anyone who wants it. The wedding will be on a Saturday, so no one we're inviting will need to take time away from their jobs. By the way, this comes from Wedding Absurdity 96. If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Dakota.
00:56:53
Speaker 6: I'm Keon.
00:56:54
Speaker 1: We're going to read this story. We're going to put our thoughts out there. You can put your thoughts in the comments. We know everything. Listen to us all the time. We know better.
00:57:04
Speaker 6: Two plus two is five.
00:57:05
Speaker 4: See?
00:57:06
Speaker 1: We know better. You think I'm being serious? You don't belong on the internet, OP says. The wedding is local and all of the people we're inviting live here. No one has to travel or pay for a hotel. None of our guests will have to pay for their food or drinks or transportation, which I've heard of that happening. And we've told everyone we don't expect gifts. There's no pressure for that.
00:57:31
Speaker 6: It sounds like a very just chill wedding.
00:57:34
Speaker 1: Their problem is going to be like, why is it so chill? It should be less chill.
00:57:37
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:57:38
Speaker 1: And, of course, we obviously can't force anyone to attend. If anyone declines our invitation, we won't bother them about it. The two of us are paying for our entire wedding ourselves. But everyone seems to think we want their opinion.
00:57:54
Speaker 6: Who wants what? Is it in-laws?
00:57:57
Speaker 1: Let's find out. Who are these people? Do you walk by them on the street?
00:58:01
Speaker 6: Hey, what do you think about our wedding?
00:58:02
Speaker 2: Hate it.
00:58:05
Speaker 1: You smell like you're getting married.
00:58:07
Speaker 6: Smells like a scam.
00:58:09
Speaker 1: The biggest complaints are about children not being invited because of the age policy of the venue. So many people are upset and say we need to get married somewhere else so their babies or kids can come. Other people say the wedding is too formal and they don't want to dress up or have more formal dinner like what the venue offers. What are you talking about?
00:58:27
Speaker 6: It's a wedding. Dress up.
00:58:28
Speaker 1: No one wants a nice dinner.
00:58:30
Speaker 6: Everyone wants to come in like sandals and swim trunks.
00:58:32
Speaker 1: The two of us would never tell anyone what to wear. But people are reacting to the venue because it's a more upscale place.
00:58:41
Speaker 6: You don't have anything nice and proper to wear? Don't come.
00:58:44
Speaker 1: Also, many of the same people who are complaining about children not being invited say our wedding is too formal or too late in the day. They want us to move the time and have a less formal atmosphere.
00:58:55
Speaker 7: I'm starting to have these people making demands saying, no, no.
00:59:00
Speaker 1: I would ask them, do you think we're going to change it? You know what?
00:59:06
Speaker 6: You asked so nicely. We are going to change everything for you.
00:59:09
Speaker 7: Really? No.
00:59:10
Speaker 1: It's like we want your wedding to be less nice and we want all our kids to run around.
00:59:17
Speaker 7: Also, change the time for us. The kids get a little tired around sunset anyway.
00:59:22
Speaker 1: Again, this is, and I'll always say this, weddings are for you. Weddings are for you and your partner. Who cares? It's like I understand to some level if it's like, yeah, you want the people that you love in your life to be able to celebrate this, you know, momentous occasion.
00:59:37
Speaker 6: But do that later.
00:59:38
Speaker 1: Do it exactly how you want to do it first. Just you guys. And then do the next one. Then do the one that costs money and you got to have people and you got to have the venue and you got to do this and you got to do that. And then if everyone goes, we don't like it. We want it to be worse. You can go, well, whatever. We're already married and we had our perfect marriage. We had our perfect wedding, just the two of us. So we'll do whatever they want because we don't really have to care that much.
01:00:01
Speaker 6: Yeah, honestly, no, I won't say it. Keep going.
01:00:04
Speaker 1: We've had people, which mainly are both sets of parents, offer to pay for the wedding so they can change things to what they want. It is not just one person complaining, it is several, including some siblings. All of it is maddening. We have told them all we are not changing the wedding. We don't want to elope, so please don't suggest it or give any advice. We were clear that if anyone doesn't like what we're doing for the ceremony or reception, they can just decline our invitation. I just can't believe how entitled some people are. I would pass away out of embarrassment if I ever tried to tell someone they had to change their wedding to what I wanted it To be. I didn't think our wedding would be so controversial, but here we are. I'm just here to vent about how entitled some people are. It's our wedding. If we want to have a formal wedding at sunset, that's what we'll do. There's nothing wrong with a couple having the wedding they want if they're paying for it. People have some nerve telling others to change their wedding. What do you guys think? Easy.
01:01:03
Speaker 7: I said all the time, your wedding, your rules. Oh, you don't like my rules? Don't play the game. Don't come to the wedding.
01:01:10
Speaker 1: It's pretty normal, dude. Why don't you want to elope? I've heard the excuse. Not the excuse. I've heard the reasoning.
01:01:17
Speaker 6: I like OP. They're like, OP and his partner are like, no. Oh, you have a problem with us?
01:01:22
Speaker 2: No.
01:01:23
Speaker 6: Oh, your parents want to pay for this? My parents want to pay for this? Cool.
01:01:27
Speaker 7: Pay for their wedding. If they want to have another wedding. To do it at this time, at this venue. To dress up that way. This is our wedding.
01:01:34
Speaker 6: No.
01:01:36
Speaker 1: Love it.
01:01:36
Speaker 6: I love it. The advice is, keep doing what you're doing, OP. Stay on your ground.
01:01:41
Speaker 1: Seven months later, my wife and I did not budge and we had the wedding we wanted. I couldn't believe that anyone would get so angry about someone else's wedding. It wasn't just one person or a handful of people. There were a lot of complaints. And my wife and I were surprised at how entitled some people were being. We just got back from our honeymoon and some people are still upset with us.
01:02:05
Speaker 6: That's crazy. Be like, cool.
01:02:06
Speaker 7: We just got married, had a honeymoon. Hey, you know, it's over now, right?
01:02:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can let that go. We ignored anyone who complained or decided not to come to our wedding, but we are both glad we didn't cave to the pressure and kept things the way we wanted. It was the perfect day, and we have no regrets. We had our ceremony at sunset. It took less than 15 minutes. Then we had dinner and a short reception. Our entire wedding, the ceremony, dinner, and reception lasted four and a half hours. We got married locally, so no one had to pay for flights or hotels. We hired a taxi service to provide free transportation to and from the wedding for anyone who wanted it. We had an open bar and free food.
01:02:47
Speaker 6: That's all you need to provide for me? I'm happy.
01:02:50
Speaker 7: People are complaining like, oh my gosh, sunset wedding, fun venue, free food, open bar.
01:02:57
Speaker 6: I'm still going to complain.
01:02:58
Speaker 1: I have a feeling, and I hope that it's true, that you didn't say that to all of them. Because you knew that they would just go, oh, yeah, okay, whatever. If there's free food and free drinks, I'll come. So you just wanted to have the people who actually wanted to show up for your wedding there. That's the move.
01:03:15
Speaker 6: That's a very good move.
01:03:17
Speaker 1: We got married on a Saturday, so none of our guests would have to take time off work. My wife and I nearly had all our photos taken before the ceremony. So we only needed to do a couple of photos with our families. And there wasn't a delay between the ceremony and dinner. We told our family and friends we didn't want gifts. We didn't pressure anyone to attend if they didn't want to. We thought we were being relaxed about things, but it wasn't enough for some people.
01:03:42
Speaker 6: This is great.
01:03:44
Speaker 1: Honestly, I think I've unlocked, we've all collectively unlocked the new wedding technique.
01:03:49
Speaker 6: Of Don't tell anyone what's happening.
01:03:51
Speaker 1: Just don't tell them that the food and drink is free.
01:03:54
Speaker 7: Yeah, I like that idea. You know what, to the people who didn't complain, this is our treat to you. or didn't want to come, our treat to you.
01:04:02
Speaker 1: The complaints were related to the venue having a policy that all guests had to be above legal drinking age, the venue being upscale and formal, and the wedding being so late in the day. People were upset that they couldn't bring their children because the venue only allows people who are 18 and older. People were upset about having to dress up. People thought the late time and formal dinner were not child-friendly.
01:04:23
Speaker 7: Gee, I wonder effing why. Wait, you mean to tell me the childless venue is not child-friendly?
01:04:29
Speaker 2: Oh!
01:04:30
Speaker 1: It's like, is there no universe in which you can have your kids watch for four and a half hours? Six hours of babysitting?
01:04:40
Speaker 7: Really?
01:04:41
Speaker 1: It's just like fully impossible?
01:04:43
Speaker 6: Anything's possible if it's Popsicle.
01:04:45
Speaker 1: We had so much pressure to get married somewhere else or have the wedding earlier in the day. I still can't believe how entitled people were about our wedding. How do you tell someone else what to do for their own wedding? And that is the end of that story.
01:04:58
Speaker 6: Dumb. Shut up.
01:05:00
Speaker 1: Honestly, yeah. You go... Hey, passive aggressive group chat. Everyone needs to stop with the opinions. Our wedding is happening the way we want it. We don't care if you don't like it. Don't come. Thank you.
01:05:13
Speaker 6: Those all sound like wonderful ideas for your wedding.
01:05:17
Speaker 1: Go hang out with your kids and watch Caillou if you want. And that's the end of the story.