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Everything in your life looks good on paper, so why don't you feel good? The study's going well, the job's stable, and your calendar's full. You can explain exactly where your stress comes from and what sets it off, yet actually feeling it is a different story.
This week I'm joined by psychologist Edy Xie to talk about high achievers who are functioning but not well, why understanding a problem isn't the same as feeling it, and what that looks like when you're struggling to say no.
Things Discussed:- How Edy found his way into psychology after biomed, a love of cooking, and a quarter-life crisis
- Growing up in a migrant family where mental health wasn't talked about, and the stigma that kept him from getting support sooner
- Why it's worth trying again if your first therapist or first session didn't click
- Why progress in therapy is often slower than people expect, and the tennis metaphor Edy uses to explain it
- Why insightful people can explain their problems perfectly but get stuck when asked how they feel
- Trying to fix an emotion like it's a logic problem
- Working with high-achieving young people who look like they're thriving but feel anxious, self-critical, burnt out, and lonely
- What happens when someone finally checks in on the capable one
- Perfectionism, the 95% finished assignment and a few therapy bloopers
- Why Edy doesn't try to get rid of perfectionism, and how curiosity helps instead
- What ISTDP (intensive short-term dynamic psychotherapy) is and how it works
- Struggling to say no, tolerating someone else's disappointment and noticing your defences in real time
- Edy's experience of trying to be the perfect client in his own therapy
- Why being productive isn't the same as being well
Timestamps:
0:00 Introduction
0:50 How Edy found his way into psychology
2:50 Stigma and talking about mental health at home
4:10 Why it's worth not giving up after your first therapist
5:00 When people don't come back after the first session
7:00 The gym, the physio and the tennis metaphor
8:15 When you can explain it but can't feel it
9:15 Trying to fix an emotion
10:50 Working with high-achieving young people
13:30 When nobody checks in on the capable one
15:05 Perfectionism and the 95% finished assignment
17:30 Therapy bloopers
18:40 Working with perfectionism without fighting it
20:40 What is ISTDP?
22:05 Struggling to say no and tolerating disappointment
26:20 Being the perfect client in your own therapy
29:50 Functioning isn't the same as being well
Book an Appointment:If something in this episode feels close to home and you'd like some support, you can book an appointment with Edy or one of the team at The Therapy Hub in Footscray: Book Here
Keep the Conversation GoingGot a question or a topic you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Send it through here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
About Edy XieEdy Xie is a psychologist who works with clients across a range of ages, including a lot of high-achieving young people and young adults. He works at The Therapy Hub in Footscray and has a particular interest in ISTDP, which he's experienced in his own therapy as well as using it with clients. Before psychology, Edy studied biomed and spent time working in cafes, chasing his childhood dream of being a chef.
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