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What if the child who's hardest to teach is telling you something important? In the last week before half-term, psychotherapist and neurodiversity practitioner Ashley Costello asks one question that changes how we respond to behaviour.
She explores the iceberg beneath what we see, why "attention-seeking" is often connection-seeking, and what to do in the moment when you have no idea why a child is struggling. This six-part series is for primary teachers, teaching assistants, SENCOs, and pastoral staff. It draws on Ashley's new book, An Educator's Guide to Raising Resilient Learners.
In this episode:
- One question that changes everything: "What is this behaviour telling me?"
- The iceberg model, and why rewards and sanctions bounce off a flipped lid
- Joe and the book on the floor: attention-seeking or connection-seeking?
- Children do well if they can: behaviour as a lagging skill
- Before the storm: the relational bank account and early warning signs
- Try it tomorrow: the iceberg pause, and a four-step response for when you don't know why
When you don't know why: four steps
- 1. Calm voice: slow it down, take a breath, drop your shoulders
- 2. Fewer demands: in the storm, ask less, not more
- 3. Stay close, but not too close: get down to their level, slightly to the side
- 4. Name what you see, without judgement: "Something feels really hard right now, and I'm here"
Next week: Calm is contagious. Co-regulation, practical tools for breathing, movement and calm corners, and a half-term look at your own wellbeing.
Find out more & Links:
• Hand model of the brain video: https://youtu.be/5i9tZ5jtiTI
• An Educator's Guide to Raising Resilient Learners (Waitlist): https://theresilienthub.co.uk/educators-guide-waitlist
• The Resilient School training and consultancy: https://theresilientschool.co.uk/trs-services
• A Parents' Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid: https://amzn.eu/d/0196zmiI
• Newsletter sign-up: https://theresilienthub.co.uk/newsletter-signup
• Main website: https://theresilienthub.co.uk/
Follow us on Social Media:
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkiduk
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkid
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkid
• Email: ashley@theresilientkid.co.uk
"Children do well if they can" and lagging skills draw on the work of Dr Ross Greene.
The Resilient Kid Podcast is produced by Chantelle Venter at maddatu.com on behalf of The Resilient People, trading as The Resilient Kid, The Resilient Teen and The Resilient School.
