Everything's Perfect Except...Family Secrets, Workplace Crushes & Bugs in Our Food

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The first two minutes, Donald's camera wasn't all.
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Trying to cut me out. Go to your one time
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and except for this, damn technology.
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Gets us every time.
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Our guest host, who also has a podcast that Natalie,
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was like, do you guys do this?
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Oh yeah?
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She was like.
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As I was like setting the cameras up, She's like,
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you do this by yourselves? Every time. I was like, yeah, girl,
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we sure do, we sure do? Hi? Hello, here we
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are again.
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I guess I should be in my microphone to my
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to my mouth, you.
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Know, wouldn't be a first. Okay, So how are you today?
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I'm good? Yeah, yeah, you know.
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I was reading phone of friends the other day. Uh huh,
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just because I was like, oh, what are we going
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to talk about today? There's one I'm trying to find
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it again. Uh. Siblings you feel me? Oh?
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I feel you?
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Boom love them? Do you ever wish?
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Oh my god, my bruh. I was acting so funny
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because my one of my nieces just had her one
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year old birthday okay, and I was like, I can't
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wait till she starts fighting with her sister because right
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now she just still looks at her and smiles. It's
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not like the fight stage yet, And I was like,
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because my brothers tormented me so bad when they could.
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My siblings used to tell me my older brother and sister,
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they used to try to tell me I was adopted
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all the time because I was the baby, just to
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upset me.
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Uh huh.
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The only thing was that I look exactly like my father,
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So I was like, and Kaylee and I look so
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much alike, and I was like, this should look the same,
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like I wish. But unfortunately, sometimes really I was like,
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don't tempt me with better genetics.
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See. I sometimes was like, I just know I was adopted.
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I can't be from this.
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Mess, from whatever, this whatever was happening here. I'm not
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a part of it.
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My brothers were just so disgusting. It's interesting because I'm
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the oldest, so there, I was mine in my business,
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and all of a sudden, these two assholes came along.
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I guess that's probably how Gayly and Bobby.
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I actually loved my brothers. I love that, but yeah,
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my brothers. Anyways, back to the sibling thing. The one
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thing that it's pretty unfair in hindsight, but my argument
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as the oldest was I didn't tell my parents to
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keep having kids. And so the house we grew up
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in was a three bedroom house. So by the time
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my youngest brother was born, my parents had a room,
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my two brothers had a room, and I had my
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own room. And so at one point later my mom
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was like, we're gonna to make it fair. Start rotating.
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Whoever said life is fair?
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I said, I don't think so. I didn't choose to
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have three kids, three bedroom house. Okay, you chose that
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after I was already here. I'm keeping my room. And
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she was like, okay, I got a point.
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Solid point. Yeah, Bobby always got his own room because
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he was the boy, so that does make sense. Obviously,
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Kaylee and I shared a room sometimes sometimes we didn't
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because you moved.
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How many houses did you live in growing up there? One? Yeah,
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you guys moved four.
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And then I went to live with my mom from there, Yeah,
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two more living with my mom.
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I have another question about your childhood. Did your dad
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have more than one restaurant or was it yes? Oh?
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Three? Wow, there was one that we refer to as Barbaden,
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So I guess there's a city in Ohio called Barbaden.
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So that was like I think that was before I
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was and or like I was a new born. That
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was his first one. I don't know, I'd never even
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seen a photo of that one. Then there was colin
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Wood that's where we grew up a lot that was
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our it was only to go. We lived above it.
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That was the most successful one. Then there was Mayfield,
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like on Mayfield Boulevard, and that was a sit down one.
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It did okay for a little bit, but it was
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like in a strip wall. It was hard, like harder
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to find.
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It's a hard business.
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Yeah, yeah, so yeah, three of them.
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Wow, it's so cool.
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And technically between Barbaden and opening up colin Wood, he
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sort of ran to go out of my grandma's basement
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because it was the eighties and you were allowed.
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And you could whip up a dish you can sell
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you could no.
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He would like all the local businesses, he would deliver
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pizzas and subs, and like the radio stations would talk
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about how good it was. And that's I think how
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we obviously like saved the money to get the rest
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like the first to go restaurant.
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That's so interesting.
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I know, slave labor put us to work.
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I know I'm taking a hard turn here, but I
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saw on Instagram, but I'm sure as on all the socials.
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But this guy who orders these meals off a Facebook marketplace.
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I've seen that people do this and I'm like, is it?
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And I love the videos because everyone follows this guy
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and he changes these people's lives like once he posts
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about them like this. This woman was like, I have
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a waiting list now, and it's just like really amazing
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for these people. But yeah, you should, you totally should.
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But it's just so interesting. I wonder if you. I
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wonder if like some places you're allowed to do that
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and some you're not, because I don't think you could
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just be selling food out of your house.
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I know, I wonder what that is because I actually
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know what you're talking about. That that's like a thing
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now and people will sell like baked goods or bread
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or stuff like that, and I'm like, well, how does
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that work for like food safety?
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Right cause you can't just be eating at anybody's house.
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Whenever I go to a potluck, I'm like, I have
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to turn my brain off because you know, I mean,
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not everyone's kitchen has kept the same.
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The world is crazy, so people be trying to do
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some crazy things. Scott only knows what you're buying.
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Also hair, animal hair, kid hair.
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We're all over the place right now. But so like,
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I went to the grocery store yesterday and I love
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baby bell peppers, like the sweet bell peppers. So today,
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after I unloaded twenty two hundred pounds of cans by myself, boss,
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I was like hungry. So I I had bought tuna
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salad from the grocery store and I bought many bell
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peppers and I go to take the bell peppers out
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of the package. Now I was gonna print them no
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matter what. But I pull it out and a freaking
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green worm falls into the sink alive. I washed them
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and obviously stillied them. I wasn't gonna waste especial because
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bought them at air one and that's just too expensive
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to throw away. But I was like, okay, I had
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the same thing turned my brain off because I was
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like Autumn, every vegetable that is in your fridge grew
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out in the dirt. It's had a worm on it.
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It's had a bug on it, Like, just wash him
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and eat him.
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I know. But the older I get, the more I
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just can't handle, Like across the board. But one time
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I got a cabbage at a beautiful had a cabbage
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at a farmer's market. I cut into that thing, and
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when I tell you the slug, I was like, ah,
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I screamed like I was afraid. I didn't know what
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to do with it. I bagged it and then I
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think I like cut the other side and there was
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another slug. I was like, two slugs. You got me? Fuck? No, oh,
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got back that thing. I threw it down my trash
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shoe at my apartment, and I was like, these slugs
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can live on this for a long time. Squash at the.
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Bone up a tea.
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Exactly do you remember?
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I don't. I think it was when you lived with
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me at the other Calabasa's house. I don't remember. I
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was in the kitchen and I opened the lettuce like
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the it was like the plastic container, and there was
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a giant grasshopper dead and like giant.
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No.
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No, this thing was like.
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I said, I know, it's so like you want organic,
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but then so do the organic Exactly. I'm like, can
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we give it a little almost a little spread, just.
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A little from the outside, like maybe not the whole grasshopper, right,
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just not a slug. I'm saying that's hard though, because
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it's inside the cabbage. So it's like there's no way
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to know, right, we have, we have, we sure have,
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We're here now. Yeah, that's it's discussed disgusting and then
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I feel.
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Bad for throwing food away, but it's just like it
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really gets it. But when I was a kid, to
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your point, my mom had a vegetable garden. The fact
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that I would just go or like in the corner
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where I'm sure our dogs literally pissed on this bush,
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there was a mint bush that we'd be like, look, guys,
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it's mint, and we'd eat the leaves and stuff. And
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when I think about this, if I did as a kid,
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I'm like, oh my god, I would never know. No.
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Okay, So I got, you know, the little things in
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life to make me happy. They and I got this
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like strainer off Amazon, and it's like a strainer and
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it sits inside another bowl, so it makes it really
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easy to wash your fruit. Huh. And you know, I'm like, okay,
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you know, I'll be honest. I'm the girl who's normally
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like Rinse Frinds friends, it's good. I was like, I
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really should do a better job of this. But you
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know in my mind, I buy organic at air one.
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It's clean.
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Yeah, Okay.
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I washed the strawberries and the blueberries the other day
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and I was like, what in God's name is what
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are we doing here? It was filth. The water was
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like murky. There was like little tiny bugs in it.
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I was like, first of all, how do you not?
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Like?
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How is it that we don't see that I know?
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And also when.
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I lived in Nashville early on, I worked on this
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farm for a couple of days, like like it was
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a week for a couple of weeks, but it was
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once a week and they didn't pay you. But if
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you work for four hours, you could get like a
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giant box and put all of the produce from the
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farm that you could fit in it in it. And
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it was crazy. I had a lot fit a lot
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of food in that thing. And I didn't have a
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lot of money. I just moved. It was the first
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time actually moving to another state. And one of the
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jobs that I had on the farm. One of the
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days was spraying all the vegetables and I did a
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really good job. So I prayed the water just like
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rinse them off really good, Okay, And so I always
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think to myself, these veggies are fine.
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But no, now we know our veggies are trying to
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kill us. There are there.
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Are in these bugs and you know they turned their eggs,
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probably turn into parasites.
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And don't you dare because right now everybody's bugs. I
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was like, don't eat the lettuce, and I'm over here
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like rolling the ice. Yeah you can silly vegetables. Maybe
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get some frozen ones or some canned ones at least, But.
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Like, I know, I'm bad about not washing my vegetables.
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I'm I'm getting I'm like way better about it now
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because for a long time there it's good for you.
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But these days.
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Dirt, Yeah you don't.
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Know what's an that dirt. So okay, so we did
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a little anyways again, let's you be back to siblings. Yeah,
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mine were awful to me. No, don't get me wrong.
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I love my brothers and scissors, but yeah, they tortured
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me growing up. They definitely told me I was adopted
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a lot. I used to cry when I was little
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and my dad would be like, you're crazy. You look,
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here's a photo of you when you were a baby.
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Then I was like, all right, I'm not adopted.
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Because you were the youngest.
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They picked on me because I'm awesome.
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I know they were jealous. They knew they hate you
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because they ain't you that I always neither of both
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my parents I think, were to their oldest siblings and
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somehow took it out on me because I was the oldest.
246
00:12:03.799 --> 00:12:07.279
I'm like, I'm still your child. But my brothers are
247
00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:11.279
pretty good. They mostly just took my things. Oh like
248
00:12:11.320 --> 00:12:15.039
they would take my clothes or go into my room
249
00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:17.399
and take stuff, and that drove me crazy.
250
00:12:17.759 --> 00:12:18.399
I'm listening.
251
00:12:18.519 --> 00:12:20.000
Other than that, it was pretty chill.
252
00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:25.879
Yes, I found it. It's a little lengthy, so I'm
253
00:12:25.879 --> 00:12:29.399
going to sum it up. Okay, So basically, this girl,
254
00:12:29.440 --> 00:12:32.399
she's thirty one years old. She has five brothers. They're
255
00:12:32.399 --> 00:12:36.960
a mix of full, half and step Her full brother
256
00:12:37.039 --> 00:12:41.320
who's eighteen months younger than her. She has a question
257
00:12:42.159 --> 00:12:45.960
about this brother. So basically she's under the impression it's
258
00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:48.360
her full brother, always has been. Her parents had a
259
00:12:48.440 --> 00:12:52.720
very toxic marriage. They got divorced. The mom always painted
260
00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:55.000
the dad as a bad guy. The dad never really
261
00:12:55.039 --> 00:12:58.360
said much, but come to find out, the mom was
262
00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:02.000
cheating on the dad, Like after I think the brother
263
00:13:02.159 --> 00:13:07.159
was born, never said anything Now the sister's like, I know,
264
00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:10.879
not all siblings like look alike, and she goes, but
265
00:13:10.879 --> 00:13:13.720
basically now she's like, the more I think about it,
266
00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:16.159
and I wonder, I wonder if he is my full
267
00:13:16.200 --> 00:13:19.919
brother or if he's my half brother, the brother who
268
00:13:19.960 --> 00:13:24.080
is eighteen months younger than different dad. Yes, and she
269
00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:28.960
is real tore up about whether or not she should
270
00:13:29.000 --> 00:13:35.399
tell him or ask their dad, And she said the
271
00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:38.679
only people she is no, I think she actually has
272
00:13:38.679 --> 00:13:40.840
asked the dad. Today. My dad was sending me old
273
00:13:40.840 --> 00:13:42.759
pictures of my brother and me, and out of nowhere,
274
00:13:42.759 --> 00:13:44.639
I had this thought, do my brother and I actually
275
00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:47.240
have the same dad? My dad and I were very close,
276
00:13:47.279 --> 00:13:49.159
so I called him. Okay, so she did ask the dad.
277
00:13:49.159 --> 00:13:50.759
I had called him and asked him point blank if
278
00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:54.039
he had ever suspected that my brother wasn't biologically his. Honestly,
279
00:13:54.120 --> 00:13:56.440
I was hoping he'd laugh, tell me I was overthinking it,
280
00:13:56.600 --> 00:13:58.960
and shut the whole idea down immediately. Instead, he told
281
00:13:58.960 --> 00:14:01.720
me that he has expected since my mom was pregnant
282
00:14:01.720 --> 00:14:04.559
that my brother might not be his, but he never
283
00:14:04.600 --> 00:14:07.200
got a DNA test to find out. Oh, and then
284
00:14:07.240 --> 00:14:10.240
she's like, cue the spiral. So She's asked her dad
285
00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:13.080
about it, she's talked to her husband about it. She
286
00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:17.200
has not mentioned it to her brother. Her brother's thirty,
287
00:14:17.759 --> 00:14:22.000
and she wants to know if we think, like she's like,
288
00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:24.639
am I crazy for letting this bother me? If you
289
00:14:24.679 --> 00:14:26.720
were in my shoes? What would you do? Should I
290
00:14:26.799 --> 00:14:29.000
just let it go? Yes?
291
00:14:29.879 --> 00:14:30.600
You would let it go.
292
00:14:31.519 --> 00:14:37.679
Yes, this is like a hard stop. Do not like
293
00:14:37.960 --> 00:14:41.360
you're about to explode a lot of lives. Nothing good
294
00:14:41.399 --> 00:14:43.000
is going to come from it. First of all, doesn't
295
00:14:43.000 --> 00:14:44.519
affect you. It has nothing to do with her.
296
00:14:44.679 --> 00:14:50.720
So if Bobby, who is your full brother, you found
297
00:14:50.759 --> 00:14:55.120
out was actually even though it's impossible because he also
298
00:14:55.679 --> 00:14:59.320
looks just like your dad, but found out that maybe
299
00:14:59.480 --> 00:15:02.480
had a different dad, you wouldn't bring it to him.
300
00:15:02.679 --> 00:15:03.720
You wouldn't say something.
301
00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:08.480
No, here's why. First of all, there is a situation
302
00:15:08.679 --> 00:15:13.759
similar to this mm hmm within my larger family dynamic.
303
00:15:14.039 --> 00:15:15.960
That's what I'm That's how I'm gonna leave it right now.
304
00:15:16.039 --> 00:15:20.240
So okay, so this is not this. It's actually so
305
00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:22.600
funny that this not funny, but that this topic came
306
00:15:22.679 --> 00:15:24.759
up because I was like, no, you keep your mouth shut,
307
00:15:25.559 --> 00:15:28.159
because you're gonna This is not a little kid. This
308
00:15:28.399 --> 00:15:31.679
he is thirty years old. So your dad is his dad.
309
00:15:31.720 --> 00:15:34.799
That's who raised him. That's his dad, whether or not
310
00:15:35.399 --> 00:15:40.080
biologically somebody else fothered him. Your dad raised him. That's
311
00:15:40.120 --> 00:15:42.679
his dad. So as long as there's no medical issues
312
00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:47.639
where like he needs bone marrow or whatever, Like what
313
00:15:47.960 --> 00:15:51.360
good is gonna come from being like, yo, bro, dad
314
00:15:51.519 --> 00:15:53.840
actually might not be your dad because mom's a cheating
315
00:15:53.919 --> 00:15:56.720
horror and like actually, I like, so you're gonna make
316
00:15:56.759 --> 00:16:01.480
him hate your mom. Then he's gonna feel some type
317
00:16:01.480 --> 00:16:04.000
of way, like, let's be honest, he's lied to. Yeah,
318
00:16:04.039 --> 00:16:08.039
he's been lied to. Then he's gonna be like, Okay,
319
00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:11.200
well this is dad, but now he's not my dad.
320
00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:12.759
And then he might be mad at his dad, like
321
00:16:12.759 --> 00:16:14.960
why didn't you know? And why didn't you do anything?
322
00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:17.399
And why didn't you find out if you suspected. So
323
00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:19.320
now he's mad at his mom, he's mad at his dad.
324
00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:21.279
He's gonna be pissed at the sister for bringing it
325
00:16:21.320 --> 00:16:25.480
to him because now his whole family dynamic just changed
326
00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:27.840
and now there's some random dude out there that is
327
00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:31.559
his dad. If that's the case, that does he find him,
328
00:16:31.600 --> 00:16:35.080
does he not find like what good comes from bringing
329
00:16:35.080 --> 00:16:36.440
it to him at thirty years old.
330
00:16:36.600 --> 00:16:40.120
I know, but also I think I might be on
331
00:16:40.159 --> 00:16:43.080
the other side of it than you, because I it's
332
00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:45.960
hard to know. You can only speculate what you'd feel.
333
00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:48.559
But I think i'd want to know. And so I
334
00:16:48.600 --> 00:16:50.679
think if Phil, I don't know how I would.
335
00:16:50.679 --> 00:16:55.000
There was a possibility that your dad wasn't your dad? Yeah,
336
00:16:55.039 --> 00:16:57.720
and here you are, full grown man. Your dad has
337
00:16:57.840 --> 00:17:02.279
raised you. Those are your memory. You love him. This
338
00:17:02.360 --> 00:17:04.640
is your whole family dynamic, your dad, your mom, your
339
00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:08.079
brother's dada, and all of a sudden, your dynamic in
340
00:17:08.119 --> 00:17:12.119
that family is about to be Now you're the black
341
00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:16.640
sheep asshole that came from the affair. Well, and I
342
00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:18.279
was saying that I'm being a little harsh right now,
343
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:21.359
I know because I don't mean that like how could
344
00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:23.359
feel but somebody could feel like that, like all of
345
00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:27.880
a sudden, now oh I am not part of the family, Yeah,
346
00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:30.279
like they could like I was not like I was.
347
00:17:31.000 --> 00:17:34.960
No, But but I still feel like maybe I would
348
00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:37.759
want to know. And if I one day found out
349
00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:42.119
that one of my siblings knew and didn't tell me.
350
00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:47.400
The difference is this girl doesn't know, she suspects.
351
00:17:46.599 --> 00:17:49.079
Right, and so I do feel a hair out.
352
00:17:49.200 --> 00:17:51.880
I do, well, I feel like that is sort of
353
00:17:51.920 --> 00:17:56.240
like let it go, you know, if he if your
354
00:17:56.240 --> 00:17:59.599
brother's not asking. But if if I think that, if
355
00:17:59.640 --> 00:18:03.440
my brother, I would want to know, and I don't
356
00:18:03.480 --> 00:18:05.319
know what I would do, I'm sure it would be
357
00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:08.279
like a total mind fuck, like I'd probably be in
358
00:18:08.319 --> 00:18:11.160
shock and not I probably wouldn't be able to sleep
359
00:18:11.240 --> 00:18:15.960
if I lay there, like who am I a problem?
360
00:18:16.480 --> 00:18:18.960
But I also think I'd want to know.
361
00:18:19.240 --> 00:18:21.720
I mean, I do understand that, like I do understand
362
00:18:21.759 --> 00:18:23.880
like wanting to know, because I can't say that I
363
00:18:23.880 --> 00:18:27.960
would necessarily feel different, like oh, I wouldn't want to know.
364
00:18:28.079 --> 00:18:33.359
But on the other hand, to blissfully not know and
365
00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:35.279
to get to keep loving your dad the way you
366
00:18:35.319 --> 00:18:37.079
love your dad and loving your mom the way you
367
00:18:37.079 --> 00:18:41.039
love your mom and not having you lied. You both
368
00:18:41.119 --> 00:18:43.519
lied to me my whole life, And now I have
369
00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:48.240
a different view that I can't un see.
370
00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:51.799
Maybe neither of them knew well.
371
00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:53.079
The mom knew well.
372
00:18:53.119 --> 00:18:54.599
She might have known that she had an affair, but
373
00:18:54.680 --> 00:18:58.880
she might have she might have just fingers crossed that
374
00:18:59.079 --> 00:18:59.480
it was.
375
00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:03.799
If if the mom suspected, and the dad suspected. Somebody
376
00:19:03.960 --> 00:19:08.799
probably should have said, let's figure this, let's at least
377
00:19:08.839 --> 00:19:11.920
find out so we know, let's not brush it under
378
00:19:11.960 --> 00:19:14.400
the rug and pretend like nothing.
379
00:19:15.720 --> 00:19:19.960
So I know a situation that I'm going to speak
380
00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:22.799
very vaguely about because it's because these are touching me.
381
00:19:23.880 --> 00:19:26.039
Want somebody to exactly decipher.
382
00:19:26.160 --> 00:19:31.880
But I did know someone in my life who didn't
383
00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:38.839
who I found out their dad wasn't their dad, And
384
00:19:39.480 --> 00:19:41.480
I had this feeling like, oh my god, I can't
385
00:19:41.519 --> 00:19:43.759
be the one to say something, but they should know.
386
00:19:46.519 --> 00:19:49.359
And I don't know to this day if they do.
387
00:19:51.519 --> 00:19:53.680
But but it how did you find out that?
388
00:19:55.799 --> 00:20:05.920
Because someone in my family knew and from the mom right,
389
00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:10.359
so like for sure knew. But and it was sort
390
00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:13.519
of like, you don't want to disrupt a whole situation,
391
00:20:14.599 --> 00:20:16.440
and there are other things happening in that family, and
392
00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:19.319
it's you don't want to add more difficult to a
393
00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:21.319
situation that they're feeling facing.
394
00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:27.480
But I just think if the brother isn't suspecting of anything, yeah,
395
00:20:27.960 --> 00:20:31.839
I guess you're just stern a pot. Maybe I don't know.
396
00:20:31.880 --> 00:20:35.160
I think I would ask. It depends like if he
397
00:20:35.279 --> 00:20:36.440
says stable, like.
398
00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:38.720
I also don't think it's a sister's place. She went
399
00:20:38.759 --> 00:20:42.359
to the dad. The dad has suspected uh huh, so
400
00:20:42.839 --> 00:20:46.720
the mom and dad are divorced. The dad, I would
401
00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:48.920
I would say it's up to the dad to tell
402
00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:52.680
to either. If anything, I guess this would be my thought.
403
00:20:52.720 --> 00:20:57.119
If anything, the dad and the sister could secretly try
404
00:20:57.160 --> 00:21:01.119
to find out. Get a hair samp, whatever.
405
00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:03.160
Let's go get some ice cream, grab the spoon.
406
00:21:03.400 --> 00:21:07.480
Seriously, whatever you gotta do, take a straw from a cup,
407
00:21:08.039 --> 00:21:11.720
send it in. Because here's the thing. If the dad
408
00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:16.400
is his dad, you just stirred up his world and
409
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:18.279
told him about his mom and all this stuff and
410
00:21:18.279 --> 00:21:21.759
put him through trauma for no reason. And now he's
411
00:21:21.799 --> 00:21:23.839
still going to have this feeling of like you didn't
412
00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:26.240
think I was a part of the family. So I
413
00:21:26.279 --> 00:21:28.759
would say, maybe try to find out for real first,
414
00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:32.000
because you don't even know for sure. Like if you
415
00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:36.039
knew for sure dad's not your dad, Okay, then I
416
00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:40.000
could see maybe being like you deserve to know. But
417
00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:42.680
if you don't know, then you're about to put the
418
00:21:42.720 --> 00:21:44.400
dad through it the mom through it. They apparently already
419
00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:48.200
hate each other the way the femail reads is like
420
00:21:48.240 --> 00:21:51.119
they did not have a good divorce, Like you're just
421
00:21:52.039 --> 00:21:54.160
you're just winding everybody up. Y'all still got to go
422
00:21:54.200 --> 00:21:56.359
to family events. People are gonna get married, babies are
423
00:21:56.400 --> 00:21:58.000
going to be born, like people got to be around
424
00:21:58.039 --> 00:21:58.400
each other.
425
00:21:58.599 --> 00:22:01.880
But I think I feel like there is human ends. Yeah, yes,
426
00:22:02.759 --> 00:22:07.039
maybe it's not this her place to say something to
427
00:22:07.079 --> 00:22:11.440
the brother, but there is this desire. I think that
428
00:22:11.440 --> 00:22:13.160
people have to know where they came from.
429
00:22:13.319 --> 00:22:14.720
I think your brother doesn't have it.
430
00:22:15.400 --> 00:22:20.440
Yeah he would if it was true. Let's just say
431
00:22:20.599 --> 00:22:25.160
if it were Let's say it's true and she knew, then.
432
00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:27.319
It's up to the parents to tell him. I don't
433
00:22:27.359 --> 00:22:30.119
think it's her play like your mom, like your parents.
434
00:22:30.119 --> 00:22:32.799
The parents are still alive. They need to be parents
435
00:22:33.720 --> 00:22:36.279
and own up and be like this is the truth.
436
00:22:36.359 --> 00:22:37.759
Why is the sister got to do it?
437
00:22:37.960 --> 00:22:41.839
Because siblings got like we also have this connection of
438
00:22:41.920 --> 00:22:45.440
like we both have had to survive our parents.
439
00:22:45.799 --> 00:22:48.599
And so that's the point I'm coming from. That guess
440
00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:53.319
it depends on like what's the dynamic already? Are you
441
00:22:53.359 --> 00:22:56.519
and your brother super duper tight and it's like, Okay,
442
00:22:56.599 --> 00:23:00.119
he's not going to take it as you being like.
443
00:22:59.200 --> 00:23:01.039
Like he's said or different.
444
00:23:01.160 --> 00:23:03.079
It's more like maybe if you and your brother already
445
00:23:03.079 --> 00:23:05.279
struggle a little bit, then I wouldn't rock that boat.
446
00:23:05.359 --> 00:23:08.079
I agree too. I like when I think about it
447
00:23:08.079 --> 00:23:11.039
with my brothers, I feel like it's something that we
448
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:14.839
would work through together very closely, if that if that
449
00:23:15.440 --> 00:23:21.359
was a thing. But you know, I think we actually
450
00:23:21.359 --> 00:23:23.240
have him usual. I don't think you'd care if I
451
00:23:23.319 --> 00:23:25.279
said his name, but just in case, I won't. But
452
00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:30.119
we both know someone who has who donated to a
453
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:32.519
sperm bank and now has.
454
00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:35.799
Had like like five kids, like several kids find him.
455
00:23:35.880 --> 00:23:40.039
Yeah, they're not asking for anything. But with social media
456
00:23:40.279 --> 00:23:42.440
it's a lot easier. Or with twenty like what is
457
00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:44.559
it called twenty three in me or whatever, now that
458
00:23:44.599 --> 00:23:50.039
people can do these DNA checks, you can like I think.
459
00:23:49.880 --> 00:23:52.519
That's so different though, Like he donated to a sperm bank.
460
00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:55.519
Yeah, so like Fidel, your mom went.
461
00:23:55.359 --> 00:23:58.000
And got sperm because she wanted to get pregnant, Like
462
00:23:58.279 --> 00:24:02.079
she picked that person, and now you're going, great, where's
463
00:24:02.119 --> 00:24:06.319
the other half of me who so like and obviously
464
00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:07.960
like a a sperm bank, Like you don't get to
465
00:24:07.960 --> 00:24:10.960
find out, Yeah, Like you don't get the phone number.
466
00:24:11.039 --> 00:24:13.000
So I get it. They're finding like and he thinks
467
00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:14.680
it's super cool, Like when they reach out to him,
468
00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:15.920
he's like, I got another kid.
469
00:24:16.319 --> 00:24:18.759
I know, it's so funny.
470
00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:21.319
He's also very happily married with two kids of his own.
471
00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:24.839
Huh. And they and and it's not disrupting from my
472
00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:29.680
understanding their their life. So that's great. Yeah, yeah, it's that.
473
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:32.599
That's a tough one for me. I get the same thing.
474
00:24:32.839 --> 00:24:35.839
Is what you're saying, like leave it alone, especially it's
475
00:24:35.880 --> 00:24:40.240
not you if the brother's not asking, like, don't stir
476
00:24:40.319 --> 00:24:42.440
the pot if it doesn't need to be stirred.
477
00:24:42.200 --> 00:24:47.000
Or find out before you, Yes, go have a conversation
478
00:24:47.079 --> 00:24:48.720
with your mom, because so far she's only talked to
479
00:24:48.759 --> 00:24:50.720
the dad. I think maybe she said she doesn't have
480
00:24:50.839 --> 00:24:53.079
as great of a relationship with the mom, but like, yeah,
481
00:24:53.160 --> 00:24:54.799
I just think before you go right to the brother
482
00:24:55.079 --> 00:24:57.559
and go, guess what, you might not be dad's child.
483
00:24:58.359 --> 00:24:59.960
Yeah you might.
484
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.200
I want to have a little bit more.
485
00:25:01.319 --> 00:25:12.559
You know, something happened, so my mom had a before
486
00:25:12.599 --> 00:25:15.119
I was born. Part of this is part of her set.
487
00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:17.160
The only reason I'm sharing it is because she shared
488
00:25:17.160 --> 00:25:21.680
this very publicly before and like church spaces and stuff
489
00:25:21.720 --> 00:25:23.480
like that, and it's something that she's felt a lot
490
00:25:23.480 --> 00:25:25.359
of guilt about but has been very open about that
491
00:25:25.400 --> 00:25:27.480
she had an abortion before she had me.
492
00:25:27.799 --> 00:25:34.200
Oh okay, and she was this with your dad or
493
00:25:34.279 --> 00:25:35.000
was it with somebody else?
494
00:25:35.039 --> 00:25:38.519
It was somebody else and anyways, so my identity was
495
00:25:38.519 --> 00:25:40.720
being the oldest. And when I was like, you know,
496
00:25:40.759 --> 00:25:42.480
when you're like ten, you're like, I'm the oldest. I've
497
00:25:42.480 --> 00:25:45.039
two younger brothers, blah blah, and someone came up to
498
00:25:45.039 --> 00:25:47.799
me and said, you're not the oldest, and.
499
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:49.279
Some rando from the church.
500
00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:53.559
No it was it was it was either like it
501
00:25:53.640 --> 00:25:55.799
might have actually been one of my older cousins, but
502
00:25:55.839 --> 00:25:57.920
it was someone who found out because they were sitting
503
00:25:57.960 --> 00:26:01.200
in the adult church. I was in the kids service
504
00:26:01.240 --> 00:26:04.160
at the church, and my mom gave her testimony because
505
00:26:04.200 --> 00:26:06.079
that was a big part of it at that time.
506
00:26:06.200 --> 00:26:07.240
Okay, and.
507
00:26:09.400 --> 00:26:14.319
She they she said, you're not the oldest. Your mom
508
00:26:14.759 --> 00:26:19.119
had someone had a kid before you, or like or
509
00:26:19.160 --> 00:26:21.839
it was pregnant before you, and you know, she said
510
00:26:21.880 --> 00:26:24.960
some very mean things. But my mom at the time
511
00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:29.400
was sharing the testimony as like something that she regretted doing.
512
00:26:29.480 --> 00:26:31.839
But God had grace for everyone, and so in her
513
00:26:31.880 --> 00:26:35.480
heart that she had that baby in heaven and she
514
00:26:35.559 --> 00:26:38.480
named her Grace because God's grace is how she was
515
00:26:38.480 --> 00:26:40.880
forgiven for making that decision. So that was the context.
516
00:26:41.119 --> 00:26:42.480
And someone was like, you're not the oldest. You have
517
00:26:42.519 --> 00:26:44.440
an older sister named Grace, And I was like, what
518
00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:50.319
the fuck? And it rocked my ten year old world.
519
00:26:50.880 --> 00:26:54.799
I was like, mom, And now, in hindsight, I feel
520
00:26:54.839 --> 00:26:56.599
so bad for my mom because it's something that she
521
00:26:56.759 --> 00:26:59.680
really had a lot of guilt about. And I called
522
00:26:59.720 --> 00:27:02.119
her there are probably people around. It was like a
523
00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:07.599
whole thing, and so I imagine, like it shifts your
524
00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:10.039
identity no matter what your age is. And they actually
525
00:27:10.119 --> 00:27:12.519
say the older you are, the harder it is to
526
00:27:12.599 --> 00:27:16.279
get news like that, and like, yeah, they say divorced parents,
527
00:27:16.279 --> 00:27:21.079
divorcing is harder on adult than like young children. So
528
00:27:21.359 --> 00:27:23.400
but I still I don't know. I still think if
529
00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:24.960
it was true, i'd want to know, But.
530
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:30.559
Lord LORDI help them. Drama, drama, drama. But yeah, So
531
00:27:30.640 --> 00:27:32.480
that was that was one of our phone of friends,
532
00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:34.519
which I thought was I just think that's like an
533
00:27:34.519 --> 00:27:39.000
interesting one to go, like it is interesting. Would you
534
00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:40.680
want to know or wouldn't you want to know or
535
00:27:40.680 --> 00:27:42.640
would you tell them or you know, listen, we're all
536
00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:44.440
out here doing the best we can in this world.
537
00:27:44.759 --> 00:27:48.319
And also parents don't always get it right, that is for.
538
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:54.720
Sure, and it is true like just even if that
539
00:27:54.799 --> 00:27:58.680
wasn't his biological dad, I think it's like important. It
540
00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:01.119
sounds like it is his dad though, And then like
541
00:28:01.319 --> 00:28:03.960
families are made out and the good thing about their
542
00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:06.440
family it sounds like they have that you know, with
543
00:28:06.519 --> 00:28:11.200
a number of siblings, maybe they have a closeeness even
544
00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:15.079
though it's not just like quote blood related, you know,
545
00:28:15.160 --> 00:28:18.440
and really families can be so much richer than just
546
00:28:19.240 --> 00:28:22.759
based on that, like that you're related because of your
547
00:28:23.279 --> 00:28:27.079
actual bloodline, like the person who raised you is your
548
00:28:27.240 --> 00:28:27.640
is your dad?
549
00:28:27.720 --> 00:28:30.519
That's your dad, yeah, or that's your mom or whatever.
550
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:33.799
But it doesn't mean that people won't feel some type
551
00:28:33.799 --> 00:28:38.319
of way when you get in my world.
552
00:28:38.599 --> 00:28:40.759
Yeah, but when all the shock wear it off, I'd
553
00:28:40.759 --> 00:28:44.079
be like, maybe would you go find my dad is
554
00:28:44.440 --> 00:28:48.519
the Prince of Monaco. And all of this has just
555
00:28:48.599 --> 00:28:51.960
led me to the yacht that I'm going to be saying.
556
00:28:51.240 --> 00:28:54.039
That I felt it in my buboard when she's like
557
00:28:54.039 --> 00:28:55.160
I don't belong here.
558
00:28:57.559 --> 00:28:59.480
I know I'm not for a different life than this.
559
00:29:00.599 --> 00:29:02.079
What is taking so long?
560
00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:04.440
It all makes sense now?
561
00:29:04.519 --> 00:29:10.880
Yeah, mom, oh dare you withhold it for me? It
562
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:14.759
is so hard to scroll our inbox because there is
563
00:29:14.799 --> 00:29:18.079
like three firms that just send us like seventeen million
564
00:29:18.119 --> 00:29:20.880
emails a day of like this would be a great guest,
565
00:29:20.920 --> 00:29:22.240
and this would be a great guest. And I'm like,
566
00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:24.480
do you even watch our podcast because we don't have.
567
00:29:24.799 --> 00:29:26.799
Pod gusts and we start having guests, there are gonna
568
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:30.000
be people we know. Yeah, we're gonna kick it off
569
00:29:30.039 --> 00:29:31.680
with like some friends of.
570
00:29:32.480 --> 00:29:35.200
So if you're watching, if you actually are watching, you
571
00:29:35.240 --> 00:29:38.559
please stop sending us your four hundred guests because we're
572
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:41.759
trying to sift through the actual phone a friend emails.
573
00:29:41.839 --> 00:29:44.720
And when you guy, when you send a phone a
574
00:29:44.799 --> 00:29:49.160
friend in the subject line, right, phone a friend, Yeah,
575
00:29:49.240 --> 00:29:51.559
it'll just make it so much easier to stand out
576
00:29:51.680 --> 00:29:54.640
because even if you put like advice or questions, sometimes
577
00:29:54.720 --> 00:29:58.240
that is someone like sending us a pitch for someone
578
00:29:58.279 --> 00:30:01.400
for the show. So yeah, throw that in the subject
579
00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:06.039
line because I love you like this one today. You
580
00:30:06.119 --> 00:30:07.359
never know what you're gonna get.
581
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:09.640
Okay, we have another phone of friend all right. This
582
00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:14.519
one's an interesting one. Hey, Adam and Donald. First, I
583
00:30:14.519 --> 00:30:16.200
have to say thank you for your podcast. I love
584
00:30:16.279 --> 00:30:19.000
listening every week, genuinely look forward to the new episodes.
585
00:30:19.039 --> 00:30:22.079
You bring such raw honesty to everyday life and whatever
586
00:30:22.200 --> 00:30:25.119
current chaos we're all trying to navigate, and somehow managed
587
00:30:25.119 --> 00:30:26.279
to make us laugh along the way.
588
00:30:26.519 --> 00:30:28.000
Oh thank you. Yeah.
589
00:30:28.079 --> 00:30:31.319
Okay, I've never emailed a podcast before, but something happened
590
00:30:31.359 --> 00:30:34.519
last week that I have replayed in my head approximately
591
00:30:34.519 --> 00:30:36.079
forty seven times. Just so you know, I feel like
592
00:30:36.119 --> 00:30:37.039
I'm half asleep right now.
593
00:30:37.759 --> 00:30:38.400
I'm perfect.
594
00:30:39.000 --> 00:30:41.440
I'm really trying to read this, Okay. I honestly don't
595
00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:43.079
know what to do with it, so I thought the
596
00:30:43.079 --> 00:30:44.839
two of you might be a safe place to get
597
00:30:44.839 --> 00:30:47.400
some advice and honest feedback. Here it goes. I work
598
00:30:47.400 --> 00:30:50.480
in a professional office with seven employees. Last week, as
599
00:30:50.559 --> 00:30:52.759
I was heading out the door, a coworker asked me
600
00:30:52.799 --> 00:30:55.400
to come into her office and close the door. Okay,
601
00:30:55.440 --> 00:30:57.559
I followed her under her office, I sat down, and
602
00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:00.359
she made direct eye contact with me before saying, you
603
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:02.880
know how beautiful I think you are. I always admire
604
00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:06.160
your clothes and your style, but those ginger wearing are
605
00:31:06.200 --> 00:31:08.680
doing nothing for you. They are a no go. I
606
00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:10.839
just thought you should know. I looked across the room
607
00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:15.039
and thought, whose butt is that? It certainly isn't yours, huh.
608
00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:17.079
I was so caught off guard that I immediately went
609
00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:19.880
into survival mode instead of saying what I was actually thinking,
610
00:31:19.880 --> 00:31:22.559
which was probably something along the lines of and what
611
00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:25.039
exactly was the purpose of this meeting. I thanked her
612
00:31:25.039 --> 00:31:26.920
for her honesty and told her I needed to leave.
613
00:31:27.480 --> 00:31:29.559
Then I walked out of the building and started processing
614
00:31:29.559 --> 00:31:32.440
what had just happened. And that's when the delayed reaction
615
00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:34.799
kicked in. First, I was annoyed with myself for not
616
00:31:34.799 --> 00:31:38.240
saying anything. Second, what a bitch. She is not my spouse,
617
00:31:38.279 --> 00:31:40.079
my sibling, or even one of my close friends. I
618
00:31:40.119 --> 00:31:42.640
understand giving a coworker our heads up if the zipper
619
00:31:42.680 --> 00:31:45.079
is down or they have spinach in their teeth, that's
620
00:31:45.079 --> 00:31:48.319
a public service. But calling someone into a closed office
621
00:31:48.359 --> 00:31:51.200
to critique their rear end that feels like a very
622
00:31:51.240 --> 00:31:53.759
different category. The more I thought about it, the more
623
00:31:53.799 --> 00:31:56.799
I realize this wasn't a one time thing. Over the years,
624
00:31:56.839 --> 00:31:59.400
she has made comments about what I order for lunch.
625
00:31:59.400 --> 00:32:01.680
I usually or or a salad with grilled protein. We
626
00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:04.079
are all adults and everyone gets to order whatever they want.
627
00:32:04.119 --> 00:32:06.000
But one day, when I decided to switch it up,
628
00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:08.880
I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich instead of my usual salad.
629
00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:12.480
She announced to the entire office. Oh my, I don't
630
00:32:12.480 --> 00:32:14.440
know if I should say her name. She didn't asked
631
00:32:14.480 --> 00:32:16.039
to be anonymous, but I'm gonna leave her name out.
632
00:32:16.319 --> 00:32:19.640
Oh my, so and so didn't order a salad. Thank
633
00:32:19.640 --> 00:32:22.200
you for the breaking news. Also, after one of our
634
00:32:22.200 --> 00:32:25.799
clients complimented me on my outfit and appearance, she responded with, yeah,
635
00:32:25.839 --> 00:32:28.240
I get to work next to that every day. Maybe
636
00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:30.720
I'm reading too much into it, but when you add
637
00:32:30.839 --> 00:32:33.400
up all these little comments, they start to feel like
638
00:32:34.680 --> 00:32:36.880
They start to feel less like harmless jokes and more
639
00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:39.680
like tiny digs wrapped in a smile. I have worked
640
00:32:39.720 --> 00:32:42.160
hard over the years to overcome body image issues and
641
00:32:42.160 --> 00:32:44.200
feel confident in myself and where I am today. But
642
00:32:44.279 --> 00:32:47.039
since that conversation, I have found myself standing in front
643
00:32:47.079 --> 00:32:49.319
of the mirror wondering if my clothes look okay. I
644
00:32:49.359 --> 00:32:51.920
even caught myself reaching for a sweater to tie around
645
00:32:51.960 --> 00:32:55.799
my waist, and just like that, I apparently back Oh
646
00:32:55.799 --> 00:32:58.319
Apparently I'm back in junior high. I'm old enough to
647
00:32:58.319 --> 00:33:00.880
know I shouldn't let someone else's opinion have that much
648
00:33:00.920 --> 00:33:03.720
power over how I feel. But I'm also human. Apparently
649
00:33:03.759 --> 00:33:05.839
my inner thirteen year old is still very sensitive to
650
00:33:05.960 --> 00:33:09.559
unsolicited comments about her butt. So am I overreacting? Was
651
00:33:09.559 --> 00:33:12.240
she trying to be helpful and just completely miss the mark?
652
00:33:12.359 --> 00:33:14.880
Or is this mean girl behavior disguised as I'm just
653
00:33:14.920 --> 00:33:17.440
being honest? And what do I do now? And not
654
00:33:17.519 --> 00:33:19.559
to mention, what if a guy said the same thing,
655
00:33:19.680 --> 00:33:22.039
should it be treated the same? Any advice or raw
656
00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:23.319
feedback would be appreciated.
657
00:33:23.519 --> 00:33:27.799
Okay, speaking of honest, Lesbie, honest, that's.
658
00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:28.759
What I was gonna say.
659
00:33:29.039 --> 00:33:32.720
I feel like it sounds like she keeps hitting on
660
00:33:32.799 --> 00:33:33.440
her Ki.
661
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:36.880
I think she's got a crush on her, Yeah, because
662
00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:39.119
she called her in the office and was like, you know,
663
00:33:39.200 --> 00:33:42.920
I think you're beautiful, yeah, and admire your.
664
00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:46.880
Style and then says whose butt is that? I know
665
00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:49.880
it's not hers, Like she's always staring at it, like.
666
00:33:49.799 --> 00:33:51.680
She knows exactly what your butt looks like. That to
667
00:33:51.680 --> 00:33:56.599
me is like a crush. Yeah, And then the comment, oh,
668
00:33:56.640 --> 00:33:59.319
I get to sit next to that every day? Like
669
00:33:59.440 --> 00:34:01.640
so many implemented you and then she's like, yeah, I
670
00:34:01.640 --> 00:34:03.960
get to sit next to that every day, right. I
671
00:34:03.960 --> 00:34:06.000
don't think she's being a mean girl. I think she's
672
00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:09.599
feeling you out to see if you want to come
673
00:34:09.639 --> 00:34:10.719
to the other side.
674
00:34:10.760 --> 00:34:12.960
That I mean, that's what it sounds like. Sounds like
675
00:34:13.400 --> 00:34:16.360
a little bit of a Hunting Wives situation could go
676
00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:23.239
down seriously okay, But for the record, it is totally
677
00:34:23.280 --> 00:34:28.159
out of line for her, like she absolutely first of all,
678
00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:33.159
I think it is. Maybe I'm wrong, but in my opinion,
679
00:34:33.679 --> 00:34:39.199
it is only okay to comment on someone's appearance when
680
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:42.840
you're complimenting them, and even then it actually is not
681
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:46.880
socially acceptable. I agree with Kelly Clarkson to say that
682
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:50.440
someone has like looks like they've lost weight or something
683
00:34:50.519 --> 00:34:50.920
like that.
684
00:34:51.559 --> 00:34:54.400
But if you say it in a nice way, like
685
00:34:54.519 --> 00:34:56.559
you look pute like you look great.
686
00:34:57.079 --> 00:34:59.880
But for the record, everyone is always welcome to say
687
00:34:59.880 --> 00:35:04.920
that to me saying but what, I don't what You
688
00:35:04.920 --> 00:35:10.119
should not comment on someone's clothes if you don't like them, right, Like,
689
00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:13.079
if you want to say something about someone's outfit, you
690
00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:15.760
can find something nice to say about it. But saying
691
00:35:15.800 --> 00:35:18.119
you don't like the way someone a pair of pants
692
00:35:18.119 --> 00:35:20.400
make someone's butt looks, and to say they're a no go,
693
00:35:20.679 --> 00:35:24.159
that's so rude. So if she is trying to like
694
00:35:25.159 --> 00:35:28.920
hit on her, she's the top. She's trying to tell
695
00:35:28.960 --> 00:35:30.440
her she is dress.
696
00:35:30.599 --> 00:35:34.159
Yeah, and you know, she asked the question. She was like,
697
00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:36.280
and what if what if a guy said that? Well,
698
00:35:36.280 --> 00:35:38.159
if a guy said that, you would think that he
699
00:35:38.320 --> 00:35:43.960
is obviously checking you out, hitting on you. And yeah,
700
00:35:44.079 --> 00:35:46.000
like you wouldn't take it as a guy being mean.
701
00:35:46.039 --> 00:35:47.800
You would take it as them beaming a little bit
702
00:35:47.800 --> 00:35:53.000
of a hitting It's inappropriate. Yes, So just because it's
703
00:35:53.039 --> 00:35:54.760
a girl, I kind of take it the same way
704
00:35:54.760 --> 00:35:57.199
of like, it doesn't come off mean, girl, it still
705
00:35:57.239 --> 00:35:59.880
comes off inappropriate size of you.
706
00:36:00.519 --> 00:36:02.920
I feel like the mean thing to do would be
707
00:36:03.920 --> 00:36:06.480
if she heard her telling other people in the office,
708
00:36:06.519 --> 00:36:08.440
oh my god, look how those pants make her butt look.
709
00:36:08.599 --> 00:36:10.519
I was like making fun of her. But the fact
710
00:36:10.519 --> 00:36:13.320
that they had this one on one borderline intimate.
711
00:36:13.039 --> 00:36:15.119
Eye contact eye contact or.
712
00:36:15.519 --> 00:36:18.719
You know, I think you're stunning, But those pants do nothing.
713
00:36:18.519 --> 00:36:20.880
For that up yea waiting for you to take them
714
00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:23.800
down like that? I was like, are we waiting.
715
00:36:23.519 --> 00:36:29.440
For like a so I would just say that to
716
00:36:29.559 --> 00:36:32.360
the person who wrote to us, I would encourage you
717
00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:38.599
to also do some deep dive into because it sounds
718
00:36:38.639 --> 00:36:41.559
like your insecurities could be making you think that this
719
00:36:41.639 --> 00:36:44.840
is something very different than it is. It's not a
720
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:48.079
negative thing. The comments that you shared with us sound
721
00:36:48.159 --> 00:36:51.000
to me like weird trying not to cross the line
722
00:36:51.079 --> 00:36:53.960
opportunities to compliment you.
723
00:36:54.519 --> 00:36:56.559
I mean, she obviously didn't give a compliment. She said
724
00:36:56.559 --> 00:36:59.079
those genes are a no go. She was trying to say.
725
00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:01.320
You're beautiful, and yeah, it's.
726
00:37:01.159 --> 00:37:03.400
Like a backhanded compliment. You're beautiful, but they're doing nothing
727
00:37:03.440 --> 00:37:06.639
for you. Which if somebody doesn't ask your opinion, keep
728
00:37:06.639 --> 00:37:09.159
it to you. And if they were to ask your opinion,
729
00:37:09.239 --> 00:37:12.079
maybe you try to be a little like nicer about it.
730
00:37:12.119 --> 00:37:15.679
Like I always think you look great. Maybe that wouldn't
731
00:37:15.679 --> 00:37:18.880
be my first choice of style, Like, but you always
732
00:37:18.880 --> 00:37:20.599
look great, you know what I'm saying, Like you could
733
00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:21.679
you could be nice.
734
00:37:22.599 --> 00:37:25.440
I mean, that is just so such common sense. And
735
00:37:25.559 --> 00:37:28.039
by the way, I do that with people, I'm not
736
00:37:28.119 --> 00:37:30.880
just co workers, Like, because you know the people closest
737
00:37:30.920 --> 00:37:33.119
to you you speak the most freely with. Now, will
738
00:37:33.159 --> 00:37:35.480
ask me if I like an outfit, and if I
739
00:37:35.519 --> 00:37:39.239
don't love the outfit that he has, I say, it's
740
00:37:39.360 --> 00:37:42.280
it's not my style. But if you like it, I
741
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:44.840
think I said it to you. I mean it's the
742
00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:47.199
thing like and I mean it.
743
00:37:47.199 --> 00:37:54.760
Too, and then whether for the opinion, yeah.
744
00:37:54.719 --> 00:37:59.199
But verbalizing it that way is totally inappropriate. And like
745
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:02.119
her saying instead of saying what I wanted to say,
746
00:38:02.199 --> 00:38:04.119
which was like and what was this meaning for? I'm
747
00:38:04.159 --> 00:38:07.519
like wanted to say, is fuck off? Bitch? Like you,
748
00:38:07.719 --> 00:38:09.519
I don't come to you for fashion advice.
749
00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:16.599
I would have just been like, what's happening here? Like, yeah,
750
00:38:16.679 --> 00:38:20.159
I don't understand. Did you really like I? Honestly, I
751
00:38:20.159 --> 00:38:21.679
will say this, I kind of feel for her because
752
00:38:22.159 --> 00:38:24.840
that's such a weird thing to like a weird situation.
753
00:38:24.920 --> 00:38:27.320
I don't know what I would say either, other than like,
754
00:38:28.000 --> 00:38:31.880
oh okay, I probably would have reacted the exact same way.
755
00:38:31.880 --> 00:38:33.960
I'd probably been like okay, thanks, and then I probably
756
00:38:33.960 --> 00:38:37.320
would have went and questioned, uh, huh does my ass
757
00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:39.639
look big? Does it look flat? Like? I would have
758
00:38:39.719 --> 00:38:43.519
had the exact same reaction. And you were saying earlier,
759
00:38:43.599 --> 00:38:45.840
like you know you were, I don't think you finished
760
00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:48.039
your thought because I'd like to talk over you. But
761
00:38:48.079 --> 00:38:50.800
you were saying, like, oh, if if she's having some insecurities,
762
00:38:50.840 --> 00:38:52.760
then that would be something to take a deeper dive on.
763
00:38:52.840 --> 00:38:53.840
I think that's what you were saying.
764
00:38:54.639 --> 00:38:57.360
Yeah, I just I think that I would encourage you
765
00:38:57.599 --> 00:39:00.840
her to look into that because taking her back to
766
00:39:00.920 --> 00:39:04.119
her high school. I forget what age she said self,
767
00:39:04.159 --> 00:39:07.440
a thirteen year old self feeling that that I feel.
768
00:39:07.719 --> 00:39:10.320
I hate to hear that because that's not what this is.
769
00:39:11.400 --> 00:39:16.000
This is like a very strange it's it's weird. For
770
00:39:16.039 --> 00:39:18.599
the record, it is weird, and it should feel weird
771
00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:22.840
for an adult coworker to comment on your outfit like that. Yeah,
772
00:39:23.000 --> 00:39:27.639
you know a negative that's so strange, Like she said,
773
00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:31.360
do you have spinach in your teeth or your ponytail's
774
00:39:31.400 --> 00:39:35.880
falling out? Like something that something that is not intentional
775
00:39:35.960 --> 00:39:38.000
that you would want to be made. But you put
776
00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:41.519
your pants on, like you you chose your outfit.
777
00:39:41.639 --> 00:39:43.880
Yeah, so you clearly felt good about what you chose
778
00:39:43.880 --> 00:39:47.159
to wear to work, So mind your business. Yeah, but
779
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:49.280
I would allo what I was going to say was
780
00:39:49.920 --> 00:39:53.960
coming from a woman's perspective. I feel like even like
781
00:39:54.000 --> 00:39:56.079
the most secure, like if you start, if somebody says
782
00:39:56.079 --> 00:39:57.639
to you like, oh my god, those pants are a
783
00:39:57.679 --> 00:40:00.840
no go, like they do nothing for your ass, We're
784
00:40:00.880 --> 00:40:02.840
all going to have a minute where we're like standing
785
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:04.159
in the mirror the next time we have to go
786
00:40:04.199 --> 00:40:07.920
b by that person at least and be like, did
787
00:40:07.920 --> 00:40:09.559
I miss it? Did I miss the mark? What didn't
788
00:40:09.599 --> 00:40:11.559
I see? Because I felt cute, That's obviously why I
789
00:40:11.639 --> 00:40:15.360
left the house in the outphit? And then somebody you know, like, yeah,
790
00:40:15.400 --> 00:40:17.840
I think we all still have those moments where like,
791
00:40:17.960 --> 00:40:19.920
if somebody says something like that to you, of course
792
00:40:19.960 --> 00:40:23.239
it's going to make you feel a certain type of way,
793
00:40:23.719 --> 00:40:26.119
even if for the most part you're secure about yourself.
794
00:40:26.760 --> 00:40:28.599
Yeah, I guess.
795
00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:32.000
Like if I was like, d cute, but maybe button
796
00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:33.280
up a button because you.
797
00:40:33.239 --> 00:40:36.920
Know, it wouldn't make me feel anything. You don't think, No,
798
00:40:37.039 --> 00:40:37.960
I know it wouldn't.
799
00:40:38.039 --> 00:40:40.800
I would be like, there's something not your titties if
800
00:40:40.840 --> 00:40:43.039
you're because we all know like you love your packs.
801
00:40:43.119 --> 00:40:46.079
If you if you were in a crop and.
802
00:40:46.000 --> 00:40:49.079
I was like or like a zipper down situation, Okay, no,
803
00:40:49.400 --> 00:40:49.960
a crop.
804
00:40:50.159 --> 00:40:52.320
If you were in a crop top and you were
805
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:54.159
feeling cute, and I was like boom. You know, I
806
00:40:54.199 --> 00:40:58.440
love you, but like your little role is hanging over
807
00:40:58.480 --> 00:41:02.679
your tummy or you're not that's not doing anything for you. Yeah,
808
00:41:02.719 --> 00:41:05.159
that wouldn't make you feel, even for a second some
809
00:41:05.280 --> 00:41:06.480
type of way feel bad.
810
00:41:06.840 --> 00:41:11.280
Yeah, but it would also make me think, like, by the.
811
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:13.960
Way, you don't have any role. No, I know, I'm
812
00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:15.760
just I'm trying to come up with an example that's
813
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:18.360
similar to her talking about her butt. Uh huh, because
814
00:41:18.360 --> 00:41:20.159
I don't think me commenting on your butt unless I
815
00:41:20.199 --> 00:41:21.679
was like, yo, man, your booty's about.
816
00:41:21.519 --> 00:41:23.119
To pop like that.
817
00:41:25.280 --> 00:41:28.159
Yeah, so I'm going with something that might make you
818
00:41:28.199 --> 00:41:29.760
feel like insecure about it.
819
00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:35.239
Yes, that would bother me. But like I for example,
820
00:41:35.519 --> 00:41:38.119
I have these sweatpants that I wear and sometimes they
821
00:41:38.159 --> 00:41:42.599
are the word they look from behind. Yeah, the butt
822
00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:44.880
just that I didn't mean it.
823
00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:47.199
I didn't even realize I was because guys in grace
824
00:41:47.199 --> 00:41:48.280
sweatpants a like.
825
00:41:48.920 --> 00:41:51.639
No, no legit. I have these gray sweatpants where my
826
00:41:51.679 --> 00:41:54.519
mom's like, your ass is sagging so much in those,
827
00:41:54.719 --> 00:41:57.199
and I'm like, yeah, but I still think they look cool. Yeah,
828
00:41:57.280 --> 00:42:00.480
you know, but it's just it's it's.
829
00:42:00.320 --> 00:42:02.519
Why I get that because my aviatornations are like that,
830
00:42:02.599 --> 00:42:04.599
Like I love my avia InterNations and the anytime I
831
00:42:04.639 --> 00:42:06.119
catch myself from the back, I'm like, it looks like
832
00:42:06.119 --> 00:42:08.239
I got a diaper on. Why am I wearing these exactly?
833
00:42:08.280 --> 00:42:10.360
But I'm like, but they're so comfortable, and it's.
834
00:42:10.199 --> 00:42:13.760
Like it's my vibe anyways, Like yeah, I feel I
835
00:42:13.760 --> 00:42:18.639
guess the thing is too for me. How I'm typically
836
00:42:19.440 --> 00:42:22.800
very aware of how I look, and if someone doesn't
837
00:42:22.880 --> 00:42:25.719
like my vibe, I sort of judge them more because
838
00:42:25.719 --> 00:42:27.679
I'm like, oh, wow, you don't have vision.
839
00:42:27.599 --> 00:42:31.719
And you don't you don't die. Yeah, so what you're
840
00:42:31.800 --> 00:42:33.239
saying is you're not my people.
841
00:42:33.639 --> 00:42:36.119
But I forget what her question was, like if she
842
00:42:36.280 --> 00:42:37.199
was just asking.
843
00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:39.599
Like is it inappropriate? What would be our advice on
844
00:42:39.639 --> 00:42:44.159
how to handle it? Because now how much time has passed?
845
00:42:45.079 --> 00:42:48.599
And should she go say something? I wouldn't.
846
00:42:48.760 --> 00:42:50.360
I think if it was me, I would just let
847
00:42:50.400 --> 00:42:52.039
it go. You all right?
848
00:42:52.079 --> 00:42:56.159
I just almost enough water. I don't know what that was,
849
00:42:56.480 --> 00:42:59.400
but like I swallowed and it did not go down.
850
00:42:59.280 --> 00:43:00.519
It's like.
851
00:43:02.440 --> 00:43:07.320
On this way background, I'm saying, ever think it's perfect
852
00:43:07.360 --> 00:43:08.480
except where we got indigestion.
853
00:43:09.159 --> 00:43:12.280
We're not doing great here, guys. It's one hundred degrees
854
00:43:12.320 --> 00:43:12.719
in the here.
855
00:43:13.880 --> 00:43:18.880
Yeah, to wrap this up, Yes, girl, it is inappropriate.
856
00:43:19.000 --> 00:43:23.199
I wouldn't say anything, but next time that happens, I
857
00:43:23.199 --> 00:43:27.440
don't know, because I'm also not good at confrontations, but I.
858
00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:29.119
Would say, okay, So here's what I would say. I
859
00:43:29.119 --> 00:43:31.199
would say, take a beat, like if that were to
860
00:43:31.239 --> 00:43:34.719
happen again in any type of capacity, I would take
861
00:43:34.800 --> 00:43:38.079
a split second to like just gather yourself, and I
862
00:43:38.079 --> 00:43:40.480
would be like, you know, that's not the first time
863
00:43:40.519 --> 00:43:44.000
you've made a comment like that to me, and I
864
00:43:44.039 --> 00:43:46.599
just want you to know it's not appreciated and it's
865
00:43:46.639 --> 00:43:48.800
not welcomed. So I would like that to be the
866
00:43:48.880 --> 00:43:50.519
last time you make a comment like that to me.
867
00:43:50.760 --> 00:43:52.559
That is the right way to handle it.
868
00:43:52.480 --> 00:43:56.360
Like, I feel like you could be firm, but not bitchy.
869
00:43:57.440 --> 00:43:59.400
You gotta be a little ballsy because you got to
870
00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:01.199
just say it, like, but you're a grown up, so
871
00:44:01.199 --> 00:44:02.599
you got to just say it like, that's not the
872
00:44:02.599 --> 00:44:07.760
first time you've actually it makes me really uncomfortable. And
873
00:44:07.880 --> 00:44:11.239
also it's not it's not warranted. I haven't asked for
874
00:44:11.320 --> 00:44:13.119
your opinions, so I would really appreciate it if you would
875
00:44:13.119 --> 00:44:15.199
just keep your opinions to yourself going forward.
876
00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:17.440
That's the right way to handle it and the mature way.
877
00:44:17.480 --> 00:44:19.079
But if you want to handle it a little bit
878
00:44:19.119 --> 00:44:23.360
less sure less, I would just meet it with a
879
00:44:23.360 --> 00:44:27.119
greater insult. I would say something like, I don't recall
880
00:44:27.159 --> 00:44:29.280
asking for fashion advice, and trust me, if I was
881
00:44:29.320 --> 00:44:31.480
going to ask for it, it wouldn't be from you. And
882
00:44:31.519 --> 00:44:33.360
then I would just say something like, send me a
883
00:44:33.400 --> 00:44:34.679
picture of her, and I'll give you a list of
884
00:44:34.679 --> 00:44:37.400
insults you can throw at her. Now, that's not the
885
00:44:37.480 --> 00:44:38.920
right way to handle it, not in a.
886
00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:40.840
Work environment where you're gonna have to keep being around
887
00:44:40.920 --> 00:44:43.159
the person and like it's already going to be awkward.
888
00:44:43.239 --> 00:44:45.559
So it's like, well, I mean, don't get me wrong,
889
00:44:45.599 --> 00:44:46.679
catch me on the wrong day.
890
00:44:47.079 --> 00:44:49.840
I mean, it just feels like like shutting someone down
891
00:44:49.960 --> 00:44:52.000
is giving them a taste of their own medicine, because
892
00:44:52.079 --> 00:44:55.639
having to say you know, that's inappropriate feels.
893
00:44:55.480 --> 00:44:57.320
Well, that's why I said it more firmly than that.
894
00:44:57.400 --> 00:44:59.199
I was like, that's not the first time you've said it,
895
00:44:59.400 --> 00:45:00.880
but it is going to be the last time that
896
00:45:00.920 --> 00:45:03.719
you say it. That's right, Like I feel like that's.
897
00:45:03.400 --> 00:45:05.519
Like it is going to be the last time you
898
00:45:05.559 --> 00:45:08.840
say it cameltoe, just a little stuff.
899
00:45:09.320 --> 00:45:13.920
Why I have to snatch you by that ratchet harriers like,
900
00:45:14.840 --> 00:45:17.760
But I guess it would depend on what comment like
901
00:45:18.119 --> 00:45:20.000
because obviously, like I said, I wouldn't go say it
902
00:45:20.039 --> 00:45:22.039
now like time has passed. So it's like, well, what
903
00:45:22.480 --> 00:45:25.719
if she says something again? Is it flirty like oh yeah,
904
00:45:25.719 --> 00:45:28.440
I get to sit next to that, or is it
905
00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:31.400
that doesn't do anything right? Like it's like what because
906
00:45:31.440 --> 00:45:34.159
it is It's not like she's being mean every time,
907
00:45:34.199 --> 00:45:38.840
she's yeah, sort of being like aggressively flirty.
908
00:45:39.440 --> 00:45:42.559
Also, I would I would pay attention because it sounds
909
00:45:42.559 --> 00:45:45.559
like you clocked it now thinking back, I would pay
910
00:45:45.559 --> 00:45:47.320
attention and see is it something that she does to
911
00:45:47.360 --> 00:45:50.280
other Is it does she commenting on everyone? Is that
912
00:45:50.360 --> 00:45:53.199
just this person who's like memo? And if it is,
913
00:45:53.239 --> 00:45:55.239
then I would feel a little bit more comfortable having
914
00:45:55.239 --> 00:45:58.880
a true conversation, Like you make a lot of comments
915
00:45:58.880 --> 00:46:02.679
about people's appearance, and it really just there's no reason
916
00:46:02.719 --> 00:46:04.559
to do that, And I'd like you to stop, at
917
00:46:04.639 --> 00:46:09.639
least stop about me. Yeah, but but if you're feeling cattie,
918
00:46:10.280 --> 00:46:11.000
I'll cheer you on.
919
00:46:12.159 --> 00:46:15.840
Also, we want to know if and when she says
920
00:46:15.880 --> 00:46:20.480
something again, and how you handle it? Yeah, do you
921
00:46:20.559 --> 00:46:25.880
take Donald's way? Do you take mine? You maybe find
922
00:46:25.880 --> 00:46:30.000
a little hybrid, depending, but definitely keep us up to
923
00:46:30.079 --> 00:46:32.199
date on that one, because, yeah, that's an interesting one.
924
00:46:32.239 --> 00:46:35.960
Like work situations, it's hard because you have to work
925
00:46:35.960 --> 00:46:36.599
with that person.
926
00:46:36.920 --> 00:46:38.679
It's not like a social circle you can just sort
927
00:46:38.679 --> 00:46:41.400
of exit from, so it's difficult.
928
00:46:43.000 --> 00:46:45.280
That was a good That was a good one. Yeah,
929
00:46:45.440 --> 00:46:47.559
all right, Well, I was.
930
00:46:47.559 --> 00:46:49.960
Just gonna say, you guys, we love these phone of friends.
931
00:46:50.079 --> 00:46:52.719
Hit us up with them. Whatever your situation is, whatever
932
00:46:52.719 --> 00:46:54.760
you want our advice on, you can let us know
933
00:46:56.239 --> 00:47:00.239
by emailing us at Everything's Perfect Podcast at gmail dot com.
934
00:47:00.440 --> 00:47:02.840
Just put phone a friend in the subject line.
935
00:47:03.239 --> 00:47:06.639
Otherwise you can find us on social Everything's Perfect Official
936
00:47:07.159 --> 00:47:09.880
on Instagram. One day down, a little updated. I promise,
937
00:47:10.079 --> 00:47:12.480
don't blame me. I don't have access to it. Maybe
938
00:47:12.480 --> 00:47:13.440
I'll hands off.
939
00:47:14.559 --> 00:47:17.159
Anyways, until next time, Thank you guys, we'll see it.
940
00:47:17.320 --> 00:47:26.400
Bye.