Things I Was Wrong About

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Things that I was wrong about.
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Cause yeah, your girl is wrong.
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Now that I'm in my later twenties, there's so many things that I used to think about life in my early twenties, about life or about whatever that I you know, you go through shit and you realize, oh yeah, I was wrong.
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And then I'm sure in my 30s in a few years, there's gonna be so many other things that I'm really thinking right now.
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And I was like, Yeah, girl, you are wrong.
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Welcome to Casually Spiraling with me, Julie Bishop.
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Just a tall girl in this world trying to make sense of life, dating, money, relationships, identity, culture.
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You know all the things.
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I learned that my thoughts don't always land with the people around me, so I'm here to break it all down, talk it out, probably over share, and maybe find some who don't think I'm totally crazy after all.
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Hi everyone.
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Welcome back to Casually Spiral.
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We are back for another week.
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I think this is episode 30.
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We made it to the 30s.
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I'm so excited.
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Thank you guys so much for coming back and staying tuned and listening.
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Um, what have I been doing this week?
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What have you been doing this week?
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I'm recording at nighttime right now.
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I usually do a morning record, um, but my schedule changed, so I had to record after work today.
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And yeah, so different vibe, different mood.
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Um, my boyfriend Jacob came into work today.
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Jacob Alordi.
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Uh, he is just so beautiful.
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He comes into where I work regularly, and oh my god, you guys, he's just so hot.
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Like hot take, Jacob Lordy's hot, but no, like in person, so much more.
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And he's so tall and he's so friendly and nice.
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And like other famous people that come in just like you know, act famous and like you know who I am, kind of thing.
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But he just comes out and she's like, Hey, table for two, and we're just like, yeah, me and my coworker were just like, let's just play it cool.
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We're like, Oh, hey, yeah, we can suit you.
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Um, oh, but he's just such a cutie.
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Anyway, uh, so yeah, I just got off of work and I'm here.
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Recently, I have been booking so many trips.
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I'm very excited.
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I'm very, very excited.
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I love having trips in the books, but I do not have the money for these trips.
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I definitely need more money for all the trips that I'm planning, but what can I say?
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People keep reaching out to me, wanting to book trips with me.
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What can I say?
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Your girl's popular.
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Just kidding.
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No, but I I can't wait.
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I'm really excited to um do more things, see more places.
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I uh I love a trip and I always think the memories and trips are worth it.
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Um, getting to go somewhere and do things versus staying home.
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So yeah, that's what I've been up to this week.
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Um, but today, this episode, I wanted to talk about things that I was wrong about.
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Because yeah, your girl is wrong.
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Your girl can be wrong a lot, and it just happens.
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Um, but no, I think, you know, it's underrated thing to do, admit that you're wrong.
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I think it's a good thing, you know, and not just in an argument, but like about life.
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And I think now that I'm in my later 20s, there's so many things that I used to think about life in my early 20s, about life or about whatever that I, you know, you go through shit and you realize, oh yeah, I was wrong.
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And then I'm sure in my 30s in a few years, there's gonna be so many other things that I'm really thinking right now.
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And I was like, Yeah, girl, you are wrong.
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So this episode really could do every few years.
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Um, but yeah, so I thought it'd be fun because so much changes during these formated years.
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I feel like in your 20s and 30s, so much changes.
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You go through stuff, you learn a lot.
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So I thought it'd be fun to go back on some things that I really thought about and held my hand, held my hands high on, and now I'm like, oh girl, look, life is tough, and maybe you weren't so right.
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But yeah, just our lives, thoughts, beliefs.
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I think if we're in our later 20s right now, are probably a lot different than when we were 20.
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Even in your 20s, just like 20 to 25, a few years makes a big difference.
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So, right now, going from like 20 to 28, I think there are things that I was just fucking wrong about.
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So let's go through them.
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Okay, let's see.
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The first one that I want to talk about.
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First thing I used to think was that love is enough.
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Oh, I was and I am still a big hopeless romantic, okay?
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Growing up as a kid and then entering my first relationships, you know, when you get into high school in your early 20s, you just think nothing else matters.
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You know, you're in love, everything else will fall in place, you'll figure out everything else.
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It's a fairy tale, the best feeling in the world, you're so strong, yada yada yada.
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And then, you know, I think everyone just goes through that one relationship where it's like, oh yeah, yeah, other stuff does matter.
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You know, I think that's just one of the biggest myths growing up we see in movies and TVs, rom-coms, anything.
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You know, I used to watch so many shows, and I still do, and you ship characters together, and you're like, oh my god, they can get through anything, all they love each other, that's all that matters.
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It's so cute, and you just want that.
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And if you love someone enough, everything should work out, right?
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Unfortunately, unfortunately, that's not always the case.
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Of course, I'm still a big lover girl, and I love love, and that's important.
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But what I've learned over the years is that values, morals, logistics, even just some logistical things, they all have to align too.
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Because love without those things then just creates kind of a painful gap between, you know, you're feeling something real and deep, and then this gap between it actually being able to work and work out, you know?
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And it's a hard truth, it's not a nice saying, it doesn't sound nice, you know, because you can love someone so completely and be like, but we're still not right for each other, and that sucks.
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And I think that's one of the hardest things to deal with it.
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But it's harsh, it sounds harsh, but it is reality.
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And sometimes two people just look at life a little differently, or their lives just don't match up, or you know, there could be these small things that come up regarding this in the beginning of a relationship, and you think like, oh, like that doesn't matter.
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We're good, we love each other, yada yada yada.
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But then as you know, you go through time, these things kind of can build, and you realize, oh, builds, builds, builds, maybe grow some resentment here and there, and you realize, okay, these things that we thought might not have mattered because we still love and respect each other, they do unfortunately matter in your partner.
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They do.
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Um, and it won't always take you to the end.
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And I think this is something that you kind of have to go through yourself to actually start believing, you know, someone can tell you this, like me, myself, right now, and you can hear it and be like, yeah, whatever.
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That's not true though.
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I think you really have to like go through an experience to be like, oh yeah, I see what you mean.
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I see what you mean.
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Experience it at least once, and then you can take that in the future and be like, look, you're great.
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I love you, but I have these lists of other things that I need to check off and make sure we align on.
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Start that from the top before you even get to love.
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Make sure those other things are important to you and whatever it may be.
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Logistics, where you live, where you want to live, how many kids you want.
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Do you want kids at all?
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You can love someone and one person may want kids, the other don't.
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You're not gonna, you're gonna end up, someone's gonna end up resenting it.
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You're not gonna each have what you want, you know, stuff like that, or beliefs about life and family and politics and this and that, so many, so many things, you know.
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So I think after you go through it once, then you're like the next like relationships you go through, you're like, okay, I want to figure this shit out from the top because I don't want to fall in love with you and then realize all these other things that are important don't align, you know?
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So it's a tough one, but I think it's an important important important, sorry, important lesson that a lot of people go through, um, especially maybe in their 20s.
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But love is real and it matters, it just is not enough on its own, you know?
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It's really cute, we love it, but at least needs those other things to be, you know, full.
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And that can be, you know, one of the hardest, hardest things to learn, but then it's very helpful going forward.
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And you kind of just have to go through it yourself and be like, ah shit, I see, I see, and I'm putting it together now.
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But yeah, that was one of the one things that I was wrong about for sure.
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The next thing that I was wrong about is, you know, you just think like, yeah, you try and be friends with everyone.
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Definitely not, definitely do not need to try and be friends with everyone, you know.
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This is what I used to believe.
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You know, you're just in a circumstance, if someone is trying to be your friends, then you're just trying to be theirs.
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You know, everyone is not meant for everyone.
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That is what I've learned.
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And it just because someone is trying to be your friend, if they're not the type of person that you want to have around or you want to be friends with, you don't have to make them your friend.
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I think growing up, we were in school, right?
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And it was always just based off of proximity.
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These people are around you.
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You invite your class to your birthday party, you are friends with the people in your class, you know, it's just kind of was a natural thing growing up.
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But then you get older out of school and in your 20s, and you really have autonomy on who you choose to have in your life.
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And just because someone expresses interest to be your friend doesn't, or just because they're in your proximity, like you work together or this or that, doesn't mean if they are not like the type of person that you want to surround yourself with and your energy, you don't have to, of course.
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Be nice, respectful, professional, whatever it may be.
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You don't have to be a bitch or anything, but you can be very intentional on where you put your energy.
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Because, you know, as we talked about, getting older, things get busy, life gets hectic.
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So your energy is very important.
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And where you put that, you want it to matter.
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You don't want to feel like you're wasting your time on something you don't seem as genuine to you.
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I used to just think like, be, you know, you be likable and you're meant to make everyone like you, and that you should always try to make things work with everyone.
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And don't question it, you know, you just go with whoever is trying to be friends with you.
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But, you know, that's not it.
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That's not it.
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You know, it really has made my current, like real, genuine, selective friendship so much stronger when I am selective about the energy I surround myself with, because then, you know, I I can put more into those and build on those.
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And yeah, and then they fill my cup and make me happy and make me a more positive, happy person.
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I think not everyone is meant for everyone, you know, we're not all meant for each other.
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And I think one of the most important and biggest lessons I've learned, and this goes for friendships and relationships, is why would you ever want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you?
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And same for a relationship.
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Why would you ever want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
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Okay, lock in, lock in, look in my eyes, I'm looking at you, okay?
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This is important.
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I'm gonna repeat it.
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Because you mean everyone needs to get this through their heads, I think.
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Some people still struggle with this.
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Why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you?
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And why would you want to be with someone relationship-wise, who doesn't want to be with you?
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It just makes no sense, but I think it's one of the biggest and most important lessons to learn, and that I've definitely had to learn because there have been times where I was trying to be certain people's friends and they didn't want to be my friend, and vice versa.
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And it just is like if I know who I am and I appreciate who I am and I know my morals and values, I know you know I'm being nice or this or that, whatever it may be.
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If someone doesn't want to vibe or rock with that, why would that be the type of person that then I would want to be friends with, you know?
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They're that that's not gonna mesh.
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That just doesn't make sense.
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If someone doesn't appreciate you, why would you keep trying and trying and trying and trying to be their friend?
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You know?
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And then relationship-wise, if someone tells you they don't want to be in a relationship with you or they're not looking for a relationship, or you know, they don't want anything serious or whatever, and you keep trying, trying, trying, why is that someone you would want to be in a relationship with?
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Wouldn't you want to be with someone who very appreciates you, shows and tells you that they want you and it's reciprocal?
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You know, that it just would be an immediate, immediate no for me, which it can be tough, but I've literally have seen people, they've lit like people literally have told people they don't want to be with you, and they keep trying, trying, trying.
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I'm like, if they're not appreciating you and they don't see the value that you bring and your worth, why is that someone that you would then want to be with?
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You know?
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It's an a po it's one you really need to let sink in, and but it's an important one, and it it's very practical, friendships and relationships-wise, and I think it's very, very important to stand on that, you know.
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Stop chasing these connections that aren't mutual and just put it into the ones that are.
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Don't waste your energy somewhere that you don't want it to be, or that they don't want it to be.
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It you can, again, always be nice, respectful, whatever to whoever, but that doesn't mean you have to be friends with everyone or go after everyone or this or that, you know?
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If someone is not is like a negative person and doesn't share my morals and values, that's not someone I want to put so much energy into.
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Quality over quantity is so real.
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It beats it every time.
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You know, a small circle that is genuine beats a wide surface level quality group of people every single time.
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Every single time, because those people are not gonna make you feel good.
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You're gonna go hang out with someone you don't want to, and you're gonna come back being like, Oh, why did I do that?
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I wish I stayed home.
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I didn't enjoy what we talked about, I didn't agree with them, they didn't feed into my energy, they didn't add to my life, you know?
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Okay, you know, just the moment that I stopped trying to make everyone a bestie and a friend was when my real friendships got better and a weight was lifted off my shoulder.
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Okay, take that pressure off for you because you don't gotta be friends with every single person.
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Everyone is not meant for everyone.
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Okay next one number three.
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This is a little fun one to switch it up.
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Um, something that I doubly believed in my early 20s was that I will never drink.
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Not that I will never ever, but I am not a caffeine person.
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I don't need caffeine, and I will never be a coffee drinker, or I will never, I would never need it.
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I'm a water girl only.
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Look, I was convinced that was me, that was my way of life, that was my flex amongst flexes, never going to happen.
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I hate caffeine, it's so bad for you.
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I don't like the taste of coffee, or this or that.
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She was so full of energy.
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Oh, that girl, that young girl was so full of energy, was spring out of bed, only drink water, nothing else, and go after it, you know, and it would not take her down.
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So now what you may say is Julie, what changed?
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How did we get here?
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When did it happen?
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Was there a specific moment, or did it slowly creep in?
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Ugh, let me tell you.
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I know you're asking and you're wondering.
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Um, yeah, I did used to only drink water.
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I didn't grow up drinking caffeine.
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I don't like soda, I still don't drink soda, this or that.
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But you know, you get older and life gets tough, and you get very tired.
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You that tiredness, that energy starts to go a little bit.
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You get older, you get more busy, you get more tired, and you realize it's okay.
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If something helps that, it's okay.
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Let it in, let it in, let it have it.
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If it helps you and it makes you more positive and more happy, it's okay.
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You know, let her in, let it have it.
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But no, I used to, it kind of started back in my Atlanta days when I was working a lot of jobs and I was not sleeping very much.
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I was opening at LA Fitness at 4 a.m.
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and then working a restaurant job at night to close till 2 a.m.
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So yes, that only gave me two hours of sleep.
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And yes, when I came in at 4 a.m.
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at LA Fitness, I sure was not gonna be able to just sit at that front desk and not fall asleep without caffeine.
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And then that restaurant job turned into my Starbucks job where I was working that at night instead, and then it it was free.
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This little boost to energy was now free to me.
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And you know, the thing is I don't like the taste of just plain coffee.
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I used to not like lattes, but now I do, it's crazy.
00:18:21.359 --> 00:18:25.039
You really get addicted, and then you really start to like it and you change your taste buds.
00:18:25.200 --> 00:18:37.920
But the thing is, I have a huge sweet tooth, and what I really want is a very sweet latte or sweet coffee, you know, but I rather eat my sugar than drink it, if that makes sense for the day.
00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:41.680
So it's tough, it's a tough game, and it was a tough game.
00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:48.799
Um, but you know, now I just do those Alani energy drinks or Celsius.
00:18:48.960 --> 00:18:51.039
Now I only do half a day at a time.
00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:54.559
I don't do a full one, so I am I'm still not too crazy.
00:18:54.720 --> 00:19:01.200
I do a half of one, I split a cam between two days, and then one day a week I'll have a fun sweet treat latte.
00:19:01.839 --> 00:19:04.400
So yeah, I've changed.
00:19:04.559 --> 00:19:05.599
I'm a changed woman.
00:19:05.759 --> 00:19:10.240
I thought it would never happen, but I guess never say never, bitch.
00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:11.759
Here you are now.
00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:19.839
Okay, the next thing that I was just wrong about is okay, this one.
00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:20.880
Custody.
00:19:22.079 --> 00:19:26.319
You have to work out six days a week, no matter what.
00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:27.759
Dun dun dun.
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:32.240
Yeah, no, no, girl, no, let me give her a hug.
00:19:32.400 --> 00:19:34.400
No, she was burning herself out.
00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:36.720
No, uh, oh my gosh.
00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:50.079
I used to believe that discipline meant never missing a workout and skipping a social plan and this or that and this routine came before everything else.
00:19:50.319 --> 00:19:51.599
Everything else.
00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:56.559
But it actually ended up costing me social plans I missed out on.
00:19:56.720 --> 00:20:05.119
Uh, I would have a lot of guilt on the one rest day that I had, or if for some reason I couldn't get that six day in, there was a lot of guilt there.
00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:20.319
And then I was tying myself to this whether I hit the gym or not, and this unhealthy mindset, and then oh my god, six days a week, every single week, burn out, get so burned out, and then I would end up hating the gym and hating being there.
00:20:20.559 --> 00:20:32.559
When no, that's not what you need to do, and what's actually better for you, and what I've learned is one missing a workout to live your life is not a failure, okay?
00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:36.799
We need to live our lives, and it's about balance.
00:20:37.119 --> 00:20:48.799
I'm sustainable the like four or five days a week that I do go so that I can feel free and comfortable to live my life, you know, and enjoy my life.
00:20:49.039 --> 00:20:54.640
And if I need to miss a day because something comes up, it's not gonna ruin my world.
00:20:54.720 --> 00:20:56.079
Nothing is gonna change.
00:20:56.240 --> 00:21:04.079
I work hard when I am at the gym so that I have the freedom to not go if I need to not go, or this or that.
00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:15.119
And now that I'm not burning myself out, forcing myself to go six days a week, making my muscles incredibly tired and fragile and fatigued.
00:21:15.359 --> 00:21:28.480
Now I enjoy it and I like it and I look forward to it, and I feel so much better than when I was forcing myself and had this unhealthy mindset and was like, oh my god, I can't say a social plan because I have to go to the gym.
00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:30.000
Oh my god, I missed a day.
00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:30.799
What can I do?
00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:34.400
Oh girl, calm down, please.
00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:53.519
It's too exhausting, it's too exhausting to worry about it like that and have that mindset and that guilt, you know, it's just not worth it, you know, and the sustainability of that four or five days, whatever your schedule may be, frees you up when you're not there.
00:21:53.680 --> 00:21:56.799
So you don't have to worry about it, doesn't have to be on your mind.
00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:59.519
You know, a good, strong.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:06.880
Four or five days is going to beat a burnt out six days every time.
00:22:07.279 --> 00:22:13.839
You don't even give yourself time to recover, so then you aren't showing up your best self the next workout, you know.
00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:20.880
But when you recover, then you can actually show up to your workouts even better and you can perform better and do better.
00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:31.119
Anyway, that is a major thing that can be such a weight, especially on society's pressures of body image and this or that.
00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:33.759
So no, it's too much, it's too exhausting.
00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:45.519
I definitely learned to have a healthier mindset and the bigger picture of your relationship with fitness should add to your life, not hold you back, not hold you hostage.
00:22:45.680 --> 00:22:56.559
It should ease your mind and it should make you feel better instead of being exhausted and wasting so much energy worrying about it in an unhealthy way and a training way.
00:22:56.640 --> 00:22:59.519
And oh, I was just so pressed and hard on myself.
00:22:59.599 --> 00:23:02.160
Like, ill, ill, no, thank you.
00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:03.039
No, thank you.
00:23:03.119 --> 00:23:03.920
We don't have time for that.
00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:04.400
Okay.
00:23:05.119 --> 00:23:08.880
I used to think discipline meant never bending, always the same thing.
00:23:09.039 --> 00:23:17.200
Now I'm like, okay, real discipline is building something that you can actually maintain, something that's sustainable long term.
00:23:17.359 --> 00:23:21.119
You know, that was not that was not doing it for me long term.
00:23:21.279 --> 00:23:29.599
And why I work so hard when I'm there is so that I can have my balanced life and enjoy it and feel confident in the days that I'm not there.
00:23:29.759 --> 00:23:30.079
Okay.
00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:34.240
Okay, so don't beat yourself too up too.
00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:36.480
Oh my gosh, guys, I can't talk.
00:23:36.640 --> 00:23:38.319
This is why I don't record after work.
00:23:38.400 --> 00:23:41.039
Um, don't beat yourself up too much.
00:23:41.359 --> 00:23:42.559
Big thing I learned.
00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:50.960
And yeah, healthy violence over that unhealthy mindset and relationship with your body and the fitness, fitness into your life.
00:23:51.200 --> 00:24:01.359
Okay, the next thing that I was wrong about is um writing someone off for lack of instant physical attraction.
00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:15.759
Okay, used to think, you know, spark had to be immediately there, physical, crazy attraction had to be immediately there, and if you weren't, there was an instant, nothing's gonna happen.
00:24:16.160 --> 00:24:42.559
But, you know, one of the I think a difference between men and women that's actually really fucking annoying is that I think for men, like physical attraction is there or it's not, but for women, it tends to be able to thing that can grow, you know, because I think personality, at least for me, and I think uh in my experience, from talking to other people and women, is what makes someone very attractive.
00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:54.319
So it can once you genuinely get to know someone, if you stay open to it, then that grows your attraction to them physically.
00:24:54.799 --> 00:25:06.160
And how someone treats you, if they're respectful, how they make you feel, how you feel around them, if you can be yourself around them, all these things I think contribute to how attractive they are.
00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:13.440
So that first instant physical type, I think it can grow and it can change.
00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:19.599
And that just seems to be something that, yeah, happens for women, maybe not for men.
00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:20.079
I don't know.
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:22.240
Let me know if it does for you too.
00:25:22.559 --> 00:25:27.759
But now I think there's a flip side, and physical traction is important in a relationship, you know.
00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:31.119
You want to get spicy, you want to get steamy with your partner.
00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:33.200
Um, but so caution.
00:25:33.279 --> 00:25:35.599
I think this is one you use that caution, you know.
00:25:35.839 --> 00:25:41.279
I don't think there's any point of forcing anything that is not actually there.
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:44.960
Um, and it's not growing and it's not there.
00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:52.720
But just I've learned to be a little more open because I've realized how much personality means for me.
00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:53.599
So much.
00:25:53.759 --> 00:26:00.640
Someone can be so hot stereotypically, but if their personality is the worst, they are so not hot anymore.
00:26:00.880 --> 00:26:01.359
You know?
00:26:01.599 --> 00:26:02.799
You know what I mean?
00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:05.839
So definitely use that one in caution, you know.
00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:11.200
You don't want to be stuck in something that in hopes of it growing, but it never does.
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:15.279
It's just being open to, you know, oh, oh, look at this.
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:17.759
I I feel a little more attracted to them.
00:26:17.839 --> 00:26:18.799
Oh, is that something?
00:26:18.880 --> 00:26:24.480
Is it because I'm getting to know them and their personality and seeing how they act and move in the world and are as a person?
00:26:24.720 --> 00:26:27.920
Um, yeah, so just being a little more open.
00:26:28.240 --> 00:26:37.119
Maybe this is why dating apps wasn't for me, because yeah, personality is so huge, and dating apps is really all you see is the physical.
00:26:37.359 --> 00:26:43.039
You don't really know them as a person, so things just weren't working for me on there.
00:26:43.519 --> 00:26:46.880
Um, and that approach wasn't working for me.
00:26:47.119 --> 00:26:49.759
So yeah, how this has changed now.
00:26:49.839 --> 00:26:57.839
I definitely try to have a little bit more of an open mindset, um and just not forcing anything.
00:26:58.079 --> 00:27:06.880
But hey, oh, if something grows or tickles your fancy that it didn't in the beginning, okay, maybe be open to it, stay open to it.
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:22.799
Because yes, instant chemistry is exciting, it can be so exciting, but I don't know, some of the most attractive people that I've been attracted to, maybe it's not wasn't instant, and it grew, and it became more and more the more I got to know them.
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:28.240
And I I know some of like the best couples that I know this was the case for.
00:27:28.400 --> 00:27:44.079
They've um told me, you know, it wasn't an instant, oh my god, hot physical attraction from the beginning, but it grew, and now they're like, Oh my god, I'm obsessed, I'm obsessed because they got to know their person and who they are, and it grew.
00:27:44.319 --> 00:27:51.680
So, you know, definitely a little change, staying more open to that, having that mindset a little more open.
00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:54.559
Okay, let's go to the next one.
00:27:54.799 --> 00:28:04.240
Okay, this one is that has changed that I was wrong about judging people for staying too long in like a relationship, you know.
00:28:04.480 --> 00:28:11.839
What I used to like be, and look, this is this is a tough one, but it used to just seem like, oh, it's simple.
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:16.799
Like, if those things are wrong and they're treating you like that, it's not working, why don't you just leave?
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:17.920
Why are you still in it?
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:19.359
Why do you keep going back to them?
00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:22.880
It's just so easy to judge from the outside, right?
00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:24.720
So, so easy.
00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:31.599
Situations can look so bad, and you can so fully not get it unless you're in it.
00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:39.039
And I think that was a big thing that I did learn is like it's so easy to have rose colored glasses on when you're in it.
00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:46.000
And being from the outside, you don't actually know what someone's like relationship is like unless you're in it.
00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:52.559
There's a lot more that goes on when you're in it than just viewing it from the outside that makes things a lot more complicated.
00:28:53.039 --> 00:28:54.880
For example, you know what?
00:28:55.039 --> 00:29:01.200
I think all of America is asking and yelling at Melanie on Love Island, of course.
00:29:01.519 --> 00:29:03.039
To not be with sincere.
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:09.920
We're like, Melanie, please! There's so many brands posting like girl, we'll give you free shit if you leave that man.
00:29:10.079 --> 00:29:12.160
We why are you taking him back?
00:29:12.480 --> 00:29:13.920
Why, why, why?
00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:16.480
Everyone, and look, that's me too.
00:29:16.799 --> 00:29:18.000
But who knows?
00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:21.359
Maybe Melanie is playing it smart on the inside.
00:29:21.599 --> 00:29:30.720
I think she knew no more bombshells were coming in, and if she didn't take him back, she would be off the show.
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:32.319
So, you know, who knows?
00:29:32.400 --> 00:29:34.000
We'll see what's to come.
00:29:34.240 --> 00:29:41.200
But Girlie may know this, and from the inside she may be like, Look, what am I supposed to do?
00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:45.279
No other bombshells are coming in, and it's the last week or two.
00:29:45.519 --> 00:29:54.319
If I want to make it to the end of this show and possibly win that money, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, okay?
00:29:54.559 --> 00:29:57.759
Even with her family telling her, girl, leave this man.
00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:00.799
And look, she should, and hopefully she does.
00:30:01.039 --> 00:30:05.200
But it's so much easier to judge that on the outside than from the inside.
00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:10.640
There's so much more emotion and stuff that keeps people on from the inside.
00:30:10.960 --> 00:30:17.920
That now what I've learned is try to not judge so much, and I know I really don't know anyone's relationship from the inside.
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:20.720
I only have my outside perspective from it.
00:30:20.799 --> 00:30:23.680
It's you can never know someone's relationship from the inside.
00:30:23.920 --> 00:30:26.400
Rose colored glasses are a huge thing.
00:30:26.559 --> 00:30:39.440
It's why I've gone through that and I've learned that why I'm so picky now because I never want to be caught with rose colored glasses on again, and then you're get into whatever thing, and they finally get lifted later on, you know.
00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:41.680
I it that it's tough.
00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:42.319
It's tough.
00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:49.279
So I look, there are certain situations where it's like, girl, you're being treated so poorly.
00:30:49.440 --> 00:30:54.240
I don't want you to be in that, and you need to get out.
00:30:54.480 --> 00:30:58.079
And I like still have those feelings of wanting to be like, why?
00:30:58.240 --> 00:30:59.759
Why are you doing this yourself?
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:04.640
But I definitely have learned to remind myself look, no one knows what it's like from the inside.
00:31:04.799 --> 00:31:09.920
There are all these other things and emotions that you never see unless it's you two in the couple.
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:19.759
So I just learned to try not to judge it as much because your girl has been there now, and it took her a minute to realize, but she figured it out.
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:21.119
She figured it out.
00:31:21.359 --> 00:31:28.799
What everyone else sees of two people, it can be really different realities, you know, for what people are saying and what it actually is.
00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:33.119
So, you know, I'm I I've learned to try to be a little more empathetic.
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:37.759
And you know, staying is not always doesn't make you weak, you know, it just means you're human.
00:31:37.920 --> 00:31:39.359
We all go through this.
00:31:39.599 --> 00:31:41.440
Feelings are very complicated.
00:31:41.759 --> 00:31:48.000
Walking away from something is very, very hard and very, very difficult and takes a lot.
00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:50.000
So I get it now.
00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:50.799
I get it.
00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:52.319
I try to be less judgmental.
00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:54.079
Melanie, leave sincere, please.
00:31:54.160 --> 00:31:55.519
We're begging you, though.
00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:58.559
Get your bag and then dip.
00:31:58.640 --> 00:32:00.319
You know, you know when the right moment is.
00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:01.440
I think you know, girl.
00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:02.799
I think she knows.
00:32:03.039 --> 00:32:04.799
Um, but anyway, yeah.
00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:08.480
So this is one thing that I was a little bit wrong about.
00:32:08.720 --> 00:32:14.240
Um, yeah, it's just so easy you just say leave when you're from the outside and you have no feelings involved.
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:22.400
But when you're in it and you got your feelings all up in there and your history and your hope of the future and this or that, it's not that simple.
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:23.519
And I get that now.
00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:25.119
Okay, I get it.
00:32:25.359 --> 00:32:31.920
Let's go on to the next thing that I'm wrong about, which would be that money doesn't matter.
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:34.079
Yep, I said it.
00:32:34.319 --> 00:32:35.279
I said it.
00:32:35.759 --> 00:32:37.519
I said it again.
00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:56.000
Um, yeah, I definitely was like, you know, it doesn't matter as long as you're happy, this or that financial stability and caring about that, you know, gets a label of being shallow or materialistic.
00:32:56.400 --> 00:32:58.559
But life will really hit ya.
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:13.440
You know, I went into college and with my dreams that are really tough and don't pay money, and I'm I look, I'm I'm would never change any of this because it's still what I would do, and I still do think happiness is more important.
00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:20.400
But what I've learned is that money does matter and it does play a factor into these things, you know.
00:33:20.480 --> 00:33:30.319
So even though I would never change anything and the path I'm going down and what I'm pursuing and going after what actually makes me happy instead of regretting never trying, would never change that.
00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:44.480
But I think my perspective on money, and I was a little naive before, you know, and then life hits you post-grad post like school and reality, or whenever it hits you, um, it comes in fast.
00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:46.640
Comes in fast.
00:33:47.279 --> 00:33:52.880
Rent, groceries, insurance, car payments, this and that.
00:33:53.440 --> 00:34:07.359
And you definitely learn that okay, feeling financially secure is an important thing, and um it can impact a lot, and it could be a thing to aspire to.
00:34:07.599 --> 00:34:10.400
It for sure is a thing to aspire to and want.
00:34:10.559 --> 00:34:14.320
It's okay if that's what you want, if that is what someone's want.
00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:15.199
I get it now.
00:34:15.280 --> 00:34:15.760
I get it.
00:34:15.840 --> 00:34:21.280
Like you want to not have that stress in your life, and then you can just live your life outside of it.
00:34:21.519 --> 00:34:22.480
I get it.
00:34:22.639 --> 00:34:36.800
Um, it's an adult reality that kicks in because also you could be at a place where even though everything's okay now with like your money situation, but you know you want certain things in the future, possibly.
00:34:36.960 --> 00:34:52.960
If you're this someone, you know, like, oh, one day I would like to buy a house or I would like to be able to pay for a wedding, or this or that, and those things, those things really kick in, and you really start to realize, okay, I like pursuing what makes me happy, and that is the life goal, and this or that, and I love that.
00:34:53.199 --> 00:35:03.039
But these other things are important, and they can affect your stress, they can affect if you're stressed about your finances, it can affect so many other things.
00:35:03.440 --> 00:35:12.400
Um, me and my one sister who did go down the route of you know, pursuing something that maybe doesn't pay so much and is very tough industry.
00:35:12.639 --> 00:35:17.440
Um, but we knew it's what would make us happy, and we definitely started college with that.
00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:20.000
Ah, mindset, look at me.
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:25.039
And now we definitely can find each other and be like, who made these decisions?
00:35:25.119 --> 00:35:26.079
Why are we stressed now?
00:35:26.159 --> 00:35:28.159
We're like, we're so broke, and this or that.
00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:28.880
How'd we get here?
00:35:28.960 --> 00:35:29.840
Why are we stressed about that?
00:35:29.920 --> 00:35:35.519
And we're like, oh yeah, bitch, you put yourself in this, you made these decisions, and it's like, damn, you're right.
00:35:35.679 --> 00:35:37.599
I did, we did, you know.
00:35:39.119 --> 00:35:46.159
But you know, it really, it really kicks in you realize, okay, that is something that I want and it is an important thing.
00:35:46.320 --> 00:35:52.159
Um, money isn't everything, and it people say it doesn't buy happiness, but I do think somewhat it does.
00:35:52.239 --> 00:35:54.239
I don't fully believe that it doesn't.
00:35:54.400 --> 00:36:02.400
But the absence of it and the stress of it is a very specific kind of stress that can affect everything else in your life.
00:36:02.559 --> 00:36:07.039
So when you are trying to pursue things that makes you happy, this is a factor of it, right?
00:36:07.280 --> 00:36:09.119
A factor that brings it to your happiness.
00:36:09.280 --> 00:36:26.719
They actually say in like acting in the acting industry, um, you should be financially secure separate because if you go into any audition with the desperate need of this to be able to pay your rent, this paycheck, then you that desperate, that desp what's the word?
00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:30.960
Desper that desperate that desperateness is going to show.
00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:37.440
It's going to come off, and you're not gonna perform well, and it's not gonna actually end up getting you the job.
00:36:37.679 --> 00:36:47.039
So it's so important to have financial stability outside of at least for me personally, what they say in acting, outside of it so that you can do your best inside of it, you know?
00:36:47.280 --> 00:36:53.199
Because that stress will really show and it will really, really change you and how you act and how you move.
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:53.679
You know what?
00:36:53.840 --> 00:36:56.719
I still I still would not change anything, of course.
00:36:56.800 --> 00:37:14.159
I still will go to that on the route of pursuing my dreams and what makes me happy and pushing through that by any means, but your girl is not bringing in no big bucks, and I'm just saying that that that hits ya and pret pretending that like really m money doesn't mean anything.
00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:25.760
It was a little naive, and that you know, I think as you go through your 20s, you get a little more real about it, and it seems very less shallow, and it's just an honest thing.
00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:28.719
Like, yes, your grill is manifesting.
00:37:28.880 --> 00:37:33.519
I am open to financial success, and money is flowing into my bank account.
00:37:33.599 --> 00:37:34.400
Yes, yes, yes.
00:37:34.480 --> 00:37:35.760
Those things would definitely help.
00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:37.119
They definitely do help.
00:37:37.440 --> 00:37:45.679
So wouldn't change it, wouldn't change my pursuits, but definitely something that I've learned, and it's definitely something that hits you like a truck.
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:50.000
Okay, okay, okay, and those were just a few things.
00:37:50.079 --> 00:37:55.440
I think we went through like six or seven things there that I was wrong about.
00:37:55.760 --> 00:38:03.760
Your girl was wrong, and you know, being wrong just means, you know, it doesn't mean you're not paying attention or whatever.
00:38:03.840 --> 00:38:12.239
It just means you lived something, you've gone through experiences and you've changed and you've grown and you have other perspectives.
00:38:12.400 --> 00:38:16.400
You know, it's not embarrassing, it's just growth, and we all go through it.
00:38:16.639 --> 00:38:31.280
I think you learn a lot in your 20s, and then same in your 30s, and every decade or every five years, you really think you know everything, and then a few years later, you're like, oh my god, I really thought I was so old, I really thought I knew everything.
00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:34.719
Crazy how much changes, and I think you go through that every few years.
00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:38.159
So there's just gonna be more and more of these lessons to come.
00:38:38.400 --> 00:38:46.480
But that's what makes life fun and exciting, and it's good to acknowledge them so you can take what you learned into your present day and into your future.
00:38:46.719 --> 00:38:50.800
What is something that you maybe were super wrong about?
00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:53.280
Fun, small, big, let me know.
00:38:53.440 --> 00:38:54.320
I want to hear it.
00:38:54.480 --> 00:39:08.719
Um, maybe we share some of the same, but yeah, I want to hear something from you that you were completely wrong on and maybe completely have reversed on um now that some time has passed or you've grown a little bit older.
00:39:08.960 --> 00:39:16.320
So DM me, email me, slide into my DMs into the comments of this podcast.
00:39:16.480 --> 00:39:17.119
Let me know.
00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:18.159
I want to hear it.
00:39:18.400 --> 00:39:21.280
Um, yeah, so please follow along.
00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:24.559
That's all I have for this week.
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:27.119
Episode 30, I think.
00:39:27.679 --> 00:39:31.199
I think, unless last week's was, but we're right around 30.
00:39:31.519 --> 00:39:33.679
We made it to 30, and I'm gonna keep going.
00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:35.199
Okay, I love you.
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:41.119
Um, we got some funny videos popping off on the social media on Instagram.
00:39:41.360 --> 00:39:45.840
So follow the social medias, follow the podcast, please subscribe.
00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:48.800
It's so many people listen, but don't subscribe.
00:39:48.880 --> 00:39:54.239
So please subscribe on the platforms that you listen to, and yeah, all the things.
00:39:54.320 --> 00:40:00.400
And I love ya, and I had so much fun with you today, and I hope you have a very amazing rest of your week.
00:40:00.559 --> 00:40:02.159
Okay, bye for now.