ANNA PASHUTA: Can You Be Feminine and Successful? | EPISODE 23

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Hello, beautiful people.
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Welcome to the basic show.
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Another week, another episode.
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Today we have a special episode, a bonus episode that I'm very, very excited about.
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As a guest, I have my sister, Anna Pasciuta.
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Welcome, Anna, to the basic show.
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Hello, thank you so much for inviting me again.
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Always, always um excited to have you because you do have very um unique, I don't say honest, raw opinion.
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You never sugarcoat things, and that's what I love about you.
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So today's episode, I want to touch upon a few things.
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And I know like last time we just dived into different rabbit holes and you know uh dive deep.
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So today I think we should speak about things that um have maybe a different perspective.
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Maybe, maybe, maybe many people will agree, maybe some people will not, but who cares?
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We're gonna share our opinion today.
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Exactly.
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So, what is it?
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What you got for me today?
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All right, so let's talk about modern dating and let's talk about masculine versus feminine roles in relationship.
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And I want to dive deep um on feminine qualities and masculine qualities that are important in a man and feminine qualities that are important in a woman um while dating.
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Okay.
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So um where do we freaking start in with this topic?
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I know it's quite deep.
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Okay, of course it's it's uh maybe I can start.
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Sure, yeah, go.
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So I can start, I can start again from my personal experience.
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I have a lot of women amongst my acquaintances who are very successful and they have a hard time finding a partner because they work hard, they have crazy schedules, they're very successful, they're busy.
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And in order to find a partner that matches their intellect on the intellectual level, maybe meeting their financial expectations, it's hard to find a partner like that.
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And on the other side, they also cannot be with extremely successful male partners because that usually comes with control, manipulation, and you know, restrictions in their freedom, because most of these women like to be independent, they like to make money, they like to be successful.
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So let's talk about that a little bit, about the qualities, feminine qualities that successful women lost or maybe should reacquire or what should they do to kind of you know get get back to that feminine side of them?
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Before we get there, I have a question for you.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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So do you uh like I'm asking, but I already know the answer, but you know, we're still gonna go through this.
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Um do you enjoy hanging out with a person who you feel like um is less experienced than you, um who is um, you know, who is maybe you 20 years ago, who is male or female?
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Doesn't matter.
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No.
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Yeah, okay, that's what I thought.
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So this is like a uh funny thought for me to comprehend that yeah, we do not really enjoy I don't know, maybe some people do, but I also enjoy hanging out with the person who uh i is opening new kind of I don't know, horizons.
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Not horizons, right, but new new perspectives for me, right?
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Like who who can teach me things, who can show me something I haven't seen before, because I think both you and me have seen a lot of things, we had a lot of experiences.
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I think we try to have this, you know, uh vibrant life.
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And so when you meet a person who hasn't gone through all of that uh and does not have desire to even experience more, do more, it's kind of a little difficult.
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Like it it can be a conversation, right?
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But it's it's not like a uh amazing experience.
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And so the uh thought it is like a little unpleasant to internalize is that when uh all these successful women are trying to find male partners, uh they're looking for a man who is better than them.
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Oh God.
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You know, and it's like it I think it's very, very old school thought.
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And uh now probably it has evolved that uh I don't know, in 50s.
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But let's let's break it down so it's not arrogant, right?
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Because I think for the thing is I I swear I I know a lot of men listening, they were like, oh, you know, they're too snobby, they're you know, they think too too good of themselves.
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But let's break it down, right?
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So, like you said, if a woman, right, worked hard and went through challenges because she had to, right?
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She had goals, she had aspirations, she traveled, she met different people, right?
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So her horizon spiritually, intellectually is way wider, you know, than in a partner that might be next to her that she's trying to date, right?
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Because obviously the partner that's on the same level probably is, you know, making money somewhere, climbing the Everest.
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Maybe he's pursuing his goals that are not um, you know, are not in the physical um um proximity of that woman, right?
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So going back to the feminine quality, right?
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So if we kind of stick to that topic, going back to feminine quality, I guess the question, let me paraphrase it, the question is can we still be feminine and be aspirational and successful and aim for our goals?
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I think absolutely, yes, yes.
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Just because we don't see it, it doesn't mean we cannot envision and create it and practice it.
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Um I've seen uh women in Europe, so I think generally in Europe um women give birth earlier and they still have their careers.
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And I have never seen uh uh all of these aspects being the reason why they would be losing their femininity.
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They would still dress up, they would still have fun, they would still be playful with their partner, um, and they still pursuing careers, having children.
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So it's it is very, very possible, it's just a different way of thinking about life.
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Um here, I think um whatever Lake, United States, there is the boss pitch, babe, whatever uh persona.
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Why did you whisper?
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I don't know.
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Boss pitch There was in parentheses.
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Um so there's this persona that is uh being normalized for us women that we see, okay, this is what I I supposed to aspire to, this is what I need to be.
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Uh and uh when I sometimes encounter those personalities, uh not too impressive to me because I feel like it uh a lot of characteristics are borrowed.
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Woman borrows from something, so but and you know, borrows from male characteristics.
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Um and I think that women who are in high positions, who are bosses, they have their own place, the place of you don't have to be, for example, I think, okay, controversial opinions, whatever.
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Yeah, let's talk specifics.
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Like uh for men, I think it's normal to be you know like uh males, male bosses.
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You you have a presence, you are aggressive, you can lead with intimidation, right?
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As a uh male boss, you come in, there's intimidation, sure.
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You can be bigger than a female, you know, s it can be already like, oh, okay, you know, some sign of authority, our brain recognizes it as oh, authority, somebody's bigger than me, whatever.
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Right?
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And this is how men lead, which is fine, whatever, we need that, right?
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We need we need both.
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Uh and when women are trying to do that, and this is it's uh I think it's a learned behavior.
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They try to do that, and I think it's uh a little bit disappointing to me because women do not lean in more into their qualities that uh I think are very grateful leadership, like uh, and I find it in myself, but I see sometimes at uh my workplace it's inconvenient because it might be a little bit more time consuming.
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But for example, trying to teach somebody to be better at their job so they can get better at their job, take a higher position, right?
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It's it's part of nurturing too.
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Right?
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So you you teach them, you uh give them feedback, you guide them.
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Sometimes you push them a little bit.
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So this is I had a um situation with a colleague.
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Uh we were working, and I think she was a very, very hard worker.
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And I think automatic response in the workplace is kind of a bit of an exploitation.
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It's like we're not paying for for you to do all of this, but you're gonna still do it because that's your personality.
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And I see it and I see how valuable she is in the company, and I told her, you have to ask for a raise.
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Like the time is coming in the year, you have to ask for a raise.
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And of course, the response is like, oh no, no, no, no, I don't want to.
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Like, no, I said like, no, no, no.
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And I'm scared too, I would be scared to ask for a raise as well.
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But how do you go around that?
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You you learn, right?
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You learn how do you ask for that?
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So people have less confidence, yeah, uh, to really to ask for more what they deserve, right?
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Yeah, so you saw that in your colleague and you encouraged her.
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So that's your nurturing uh behavior as a as a female in power.
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As a female leader, yes.
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I encouraged her, she and I told her how, right?
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Because you cannot just say, Oh, go, go be bold.
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Told her, go watch YouTube videos, go read a couple of blogs, what words to say, how to bring it up, be professional, be nice, because you have the value, they should pay more.
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And uh a few days later she comes comes back to me and she's like, all excited, oh I gotta do it.
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I did it, she did it, yeah.
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So it's like you know, one of the examples of how uh, you know, instead of being intimidating and uh trying to like lead with this authority and your stature, whatever, you lead with something else, right?
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And I think this is a female characteristic, which is as valuable as just being intimidating just because maybe you're a bigger, right?
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Right.
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We need we need both, right?
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But let's go back to the dynamic in a relationship, right?
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So that's a real valid point in the workplace, right?
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Or in a society.
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So let's go back in the dynamic between uh you know romantic relationship.
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Uh I've been thinking about it, and I came to the conclusion that femininity really comes with truly, uh honestly be happy and uh exude happiness.
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I think uh men and women are attracted, right, to happiness, to joy, right?
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And that again goes back to our previous conversation: find your life purpose, be uh know thyself, right?
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Know your interests, no, no, no uh uh what do you like, have hobbies, right?
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So going back to that, being happy, nobody wants to have uh or be attracted to uh you know uh contraceptive face, you know, or how do you say what do you mean by that?
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Can we do dig in?
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You know, the contraceptive pill.
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You have a contraceptive face.
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Uh-huh.
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So a face that you can be the most beautiful, gorgeous girl in the room, but if you don't exude joy, happiness, sense of humor, playfulness, you're not gonna be attracted to men, right?
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You're not gonna be attractive.
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Attractive, sorry, attractive to men, right?
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Because they are attracted to a happy woman, a healthy, happy woman, nurtured woman who has a sense of humor.
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And most women lack that because they always put that mask on, right?
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I have to be strong, I have to be independent, I know my worth.
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You know why women put the mask on.
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I think a lot of women learn early on if you're an attractive, right?
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Like conventionally attractive woman, a lot of men, good or bad, will be approaching you.
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So you learn to just be cold and mean to them from the get-go.
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And only those who have so much confidence to come back again and again will get your attention.
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But usually uh these I think it's a learned behavior of like I just try to live my life, and there would be men approaching, and most men wouldn't be, you know, a good match.
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So of course, that's a really good look, that's a really good point.
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Speaking about men being attracted to a woman, if we go back to the dating apps, right?
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Men usually swipe like, okay, she's pretty, that girl is pretty.
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They just swipe, or they might be just swiping because they're bored, right?
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In real life situations, if they're in a club or an outing, they will only approach a woman who's their type.
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And every single man has a type, either they want to admit it or not.
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Certain men have a specific type, right?
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Either it's looks or personality.
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I mean, let's talk mostly probably about the looks, right?
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And therefore, it's very important to go out and meet somebody in person, go on either first date or meet somebody for the first time, you know, whenever they're doing some kind of sports or activity or whatever, so that person would be truly attracted to you, not just because, hey, we matched, now we have to make things work because we think we have some kind of chemistry or attraction, but deep inside that might not be a true match.
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So for women, uh and for men, it's very important to go on the first date as soon as possible rather than dragging texting for months and weeks, right?
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To see in person that you know the first thing.
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Even like before before first dates, you know, people just need to be out more.
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And people need to relearn um how to just be social with strangers that that you like and that you don't like, right?
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So like you I I think it would be quite sad if people would only approach people that they find sexually attractive.
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Sometimes it's funny.
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You like you know just to have a human interaction.
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Yeah, just to to, you know, some come to some grandma with the cool hat that said something like no, I always have better conversations with the little folks because they have life stories to share.
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Older people are amazing.
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Yeah, sense of humor, right?
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And I feel like younger generation obviously they grew up on the phones, they grew up, you know, with the internet, you know, with their tablet on the phone.
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Like as soon as they're a few months old, they already have a tablet, right?
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They have a phone, yeah, which is sad.
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So you don't learn how to read social cues from their face and make it.
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Even eye contact is important.
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I was actually talking about this with another friend uh the other day.
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How it's important to be able to maintain sustained eye contact.
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I would ask our audience to, you know, uh maybe have a little homework or a little test.
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When you go next time to the gym or uh walking down the street, you know, look at the other person in there.
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You know, it was so tough.
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I tried to do like trust me, I'm a social person, right?
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I'm like, okay, I'm in the gym, I'm gonna look both, not just men, men and women, and have the eye contact.
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And it was so difficult because the second I have that eye contact, they look away, right?
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And and oh, I look away.
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I'm like, oh my man, it's so it's so difficult.
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So once I started to practice that and exchange that energy, right?
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You're like, okay, you're gaining that confidence, you're gaining back those social skills.
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I mean, it sounds ridiculous, but you think it's it's the same thing for men and women, like doing eye contact?
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Well, the thing is nowadays, of course, if the girl looks at the guy, it kind of sends the signal, hey, you know, I like you, but it shouldn't be that way, right?
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It's just the no I think it should be because uh, you know, as a woman, you just go about your day, you're doing your thing, creating things, having fun.
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And if somebody caught it catches your attention enough, long enough for you to meet eyes, it means like, oh, you are an interesting thing.
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Well, you have to smile also.
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So okay, let's let's let's break it down.
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If you just have an eye contact with the person, it means you acknowledge, it's like dogs, right?
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They they're coming to each other, tugging their tails and like saying hello.
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It's kind of like hello, I acknowledge you there, you're human, I recognize you, right?
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I'm not on my phone, I'm present.
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If you have an eye contact and you uh you you add a you know a smile, which is the next level?
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I know it's hard.
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I don't know.
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I'm the obviously I'm always smiling on the middle person.
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Like he will never even get to the point where you smile.
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He was like right away, we'll look away.
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I think it's it's the danger for women that you again will attract a man that you didn't mean to attract.
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So I think for Yeah, which can be scary.
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Well, you see through, right?
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Obviously, you'll if you are attractive and you're happy, you're gonna attract all kinds of men.
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Wait, is that the purpose to attract the guy?
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Well, let's say if you're interested in somebody, right?
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And you are in the outing, like you're in the bar, uh, you cross, you have an eye contact with somebody, you smile, that's kind of a signal for the guy to approach and offer like a drink or start a conversation.
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So so you're going by um male looks, which I think.
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What do you mean?
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Okay, so you look at the room, you don't know.
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You scan the room, you don't know anybody's level of education, you don't know how clean their apartment is.
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You already have your standards so high.
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You have to lower them a little bit nowadays, okay?
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Lower a little bit your standard, you just need to start a conversation because well the thing is like, look, you that's the thing.
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So with apps, you know right away their religion, their political views, are they smoking, they're using drugs, like you know, all of that, right?
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It's kind of you're already going through a catalog, right?
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Without knowing the person.
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We're talking about if you meet somebody in a social outing and you have that kind of chemistry, you know that a woman, I think it takes about seven seconds for a woman to know if she likes the man, if she's compatible with him, if she wants to continue.
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Right?
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So we need those seven seconds in person to really know is it a match or not in person, right?
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Okay.
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So you wouldn't know all of the other things.
00:17:39.279 --> 00:17:43.119
That's why the whole purpose of dating is to get to know each other, right?
00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:46.799
The whole purpose of dating is okay, we have the level of attraction, okay.
00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:49.359
First date we have that chemistry, but guess what?
00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:51.440
Now we get to the next stage.
00:17:51.599 --> 00:17:56.720
Now we're dating with the purpose, surprise, to get to know each other.
00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:58.880
And how do you get to know each other, right?
00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:00.559
Through different activities.
00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:04.799
Men are all about action and women all about reaction.
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:07.519
They usually say woman is a mirror of a man.
00:18:07.599 --> 00:18:12.240
If the man treats a woman with respect, with kindness, with sweetness, woman will reciprocate.
00:18:12.559 --> 00:18:18.880
If the guy's already cautious, oh, I don't know this type of girl, or she might be this, she might be promiscuous, or I don't know.
00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:27.920
If you're already careful, if you already have this kind of second thoughts, you're not gonna let you're not gonna provide that safe space for women to open up and trust you.
00:18:28.079 --> 00:18:33.599
And especially nowadays, I feel like women are already so guarded and it's so hard for them to open up.
00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:40.160
So men should kind of provide that comfortable space for a woman to show her true, right?
00:18:40.319 --> 00:18:41.279
Her true self.
00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:51.440
So then a woman needs a man to show her true self to be to be the feminine, to be feminine.
00:18:51.599 --> 00:18:53.039
Is that what you think you're saying?
00:18:53.279 --> 00:19:03.759
Well, the reason I'm saying it, because from my experience, even though you have your own character, personality traits, with every man, a woman would feel different, right?
00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:18.960
You're still the same woman, but one guy can provide more safety, more, you know, if he jokes, if he makes you feel beautiful, you know, if he does little things for her, she will open up, she'll be more open and reciprocate to gestures, she'll be more playful, she'll feel more relaxed, right?
00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:24.480
And with another guy, she'll be more uh cautious, she'll like try to pretend.
00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:29.920
Have you ever seen like the thing if you first date the girl is like joking and awkward, and like that means she likes you.
00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:40.720
If the girl is like too pretentious, quiet, trying to be somebody she's not, it means she doesn't feel comfortable enough to be herself, uh, to be uh relaxed enough with that man, right?
00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:45.759
So what I'm saying is she could be feeling different with every man.
00:19:46.079 --> 00:19:47.680
So is femininity different?
00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:54.400
She's still staying her feminine, but I'm saying she wouldn't open to the guy that she's not comfortable with.
00:19:55.839 --> 00:19:56.480
Hmm.
00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:58.720
So it doesn't mean she's less feminine.
00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:03.759
It it still sounds to me that femininity just has to be okay, or I'll speak for myself, right?
00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:07.440
Like femininity is very costly in the modern society.
00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:09.839
Costly personally for a woman.
00:20:10.559 --> 00:20:17.440
Because to be that person that is traditionally, I guess, or not even traditionally, modernly feminine, right?
00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:19.359
We're not talking about like uh I don't know.
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:20.480
1950s.
00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:22.640
Yeah, I'm not gonna list things that I think, yeah.
00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:24.480
But so modernly feminine, right?
00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:26.880
Like you you look a certain way, you feel a certain way.
00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:38.160
Um it's it's costly because it means you have to be at peace, you had some relaxing moments, um, you didn't have to play boss bitch at work.
00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:40.480
I'm gonna say it louder, right?
00:20:40.640 --> 00:20:43.519
You didn't have to pretend to be somebody else at work, right?
00:20:43.599 --> 00:20:45.200
So it's it's very costly.
00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:51.200
So right now in the modern world, if you are an ambitious woman, you will be doing a lot of things.
00:20:51.359 --> 00:21:02.559
And you can also kind of pretend to be feminine by being like you have a very strict routine, you're going to the gym, you're doing everything right, you are on time, you did your hair perfectly, your nails is on time.
00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:09.680
So to me, when you already put a female in the structure like this, it uh loses the femininity aspect of it.
00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:11.680
Because to me be like water.
00:21:12.079 --> 00:21:20.160
Yeah, so so so feminine nature to me is like, yeah, you are imperfect, you're a little crazy, you are playful, you are the child spirit.
00:21:20.400 --> 00:21:24.960
You create, you experiment, you probe, you trigger, all right.
00:21:25.039 --> 00:21:26.079
You you are cheeky.
00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:34.000
You are not just this uh uh humanoid female that somebody created with the perfect butt at the gym and everything is perfect on you.
00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:40.000
This is uh when you're perfect and you're restricted like this, you're not creating much, you're just stamping, right?
00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:42.880
Like you it's a what is it called, traffarit, right?
00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:44.480
Like, yeah, like a um stamp.
00:21:44.960 --> 00:21:45.440
Stencil, right?
00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:46.160
Is that stencil, yeah.
00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:46.880
Yeah, whatever, right?
00:21:47.039 --> 00:21:51.920
You just uh you just like uh replicating whatever has been replicated for you on social media.
00:21:52.160 --> 00:21:58.720
But I think uh the true feminine energy is it has this uh dis disturbance in it, right?
00:21:58.799 --> 00:22:00.960
So there's nature is feminine, right?
00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:03.519
It's imperfect, but it's it captivates it.
00:22:03.759 --> 00:22:05.599
But it's like a beautiful flower, right?
00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:10.400
The thing is you can destroy it, you know, or you can nourish it, like from the guy's perspective, right?
00:22:10.559 --> 00:22:25.200
So have you seen a relationship where the woman was, you know, nurturing, happy, joyful, and then she gets into the toxic relationship where you know the guy is sucking out of her energy, you know, he doesn't treat her right, he puts her down with small little gestures.
00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:27.839
You can see how even her looks dim, right?
00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:29.759
Her eyes stop sparkling, right?
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:31.519
She's not as confident anymore.
00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:35.279
So women are very gentle creatures that need to be nourished, right?
00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:40.319
Need to be, I'm not saying like taken care of, but men should be appreciative, right?
00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:43.279
They should be, you know, admiring your woman, right?
00:22:43.359 --> 00:22:52.480
If you don't so in in a in a relationship, if the man is not admiring the woman and if the woman is not respecting her man, this is where the balance gets off.
00:22:52.640 --> 00:23:01.359
It should be a healthy balance where a woman with the man that she respects, uh, that she, you know, is proud of, um, and she always supports.
00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:07.680
And man is a woman who he adores, who he wants to do things for her, which I call unconditional love.
00:23:07.839 --> 00:23:12.960
In modern dating, I hear all the time, oh, um, it's too expensive to take a girl on a date.
00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:17.200
It's like two, three hundred, six hundred dollars for dinner.
00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:23.039
And I'm thinking, well, obviously, you do not take every girl, 20 girls, to that special one date.
00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:29.119
You only take that one special woman who you have special connection for that special date.
00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:37.359
And, or if you cannot afford to take your woman to a nice uh place, then be creative, you know, you know, plan a date.
00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:39.519
Show your woman that you can plan.
00:23:39.599 --> 00:23:44.640
Because if a man cannot plan a date, how can a man plan his life with you?
00:23:44.880 --> 00:23:57.039
So if a man cannot plan and figure out where to take your woman, uh organize the date, pick her up, or offer to pick her up, or make sure she gets home safe, you know, take care of that first date, make you feel good.
00:23:57.200 --> 00:24:02.240
Then with his actions, he shows the woman that he's the partner she can rely on.
00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:04.319
Then the woman gets safe and confident.
00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:07.279
Of course, now we're getting back to the duel.
00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:12.960
Uh um uh you know, somebody can argue saying, okay, there's a lot of ungrateful women, and I agree with that.
00:24:13.200 --> 00:24:15.920
Women forgot how to be grateful, right?
00:24:16.079 --> 00:24:19.279
They need to be grateful for the good gestures that men do for them.
00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:24.240
Is it ungrateful women or people just are not finding their match?
00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:33.599
Okay, so um to me, like I've as you're talking, I'm thinking about the oh the the classic take a woman for expensive dinner.
00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:41.759
So I haven't even thought about this concept until I started, I guess, exploring the dating scene here.
00:24:42.559 --> 00:24:51.359
Just like even bringing up money is uh just you you have to be polite around that topic and with women especially.
00:24:51.519 --> 00:25:00.880
But anyhow, so for some people, money um and all of that um you know showing off status is important, right?
00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:09.279
So I I envisioned there would be these people who high pain, stressful jobs, they're like all around money, they're all about looks, um, this is important for their jobs.
00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:13.440
Like my friends need to see me in this super expensive restaurant.
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:25.920
Um somehow I feel like um I want to associate these people with a little less soul, because in order to make that much money, you have to be able to disregard other people's emotions to kind of push your your own agenda and your business.
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:28.160
You think so?
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:30.000
I think a lot, but bring it on.
00:25:30.319 --> 00:25:31.359
Uh let's talk about it.
00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:32.480
Let's continue with that.
00:25:33.279 --> 00:25:38.480
So um I feel like there's a little bit less soul, but there would be a match for that person, right?
00:25:38.559 --> 00:25:41.759
So if you're uh a woman, let's start sure with the woman.
00:25:41.839 --> 00:25:57.519
Like if you're a woman and you enjoy things for show, you have to look for the man who has the same values as you, who likes the uh very, very expensive restaurants with little food and maybe food quality is not too good, not too tasty.
00:25:57.839 --> 00:26:00.960
But you can take beautiful Instagram pictures, but you can take beautiful pictures there.
00:26:01.200 --> 00:26:03.039
Yeah, so just find your match.
00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:06.720
Because so when I think about myself, what do I prefer?
00:26:06.799 --> 00:26:16.559
Like what would show me more in a man if he took me to a super expensive restaurant, or if he provided me an experience.
00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:18.799
Like, I don't know what is happening to me.
00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:22.799
He thought about everything, and this is like a key thing, I think, for women.
00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:25.119
Ability to plan in a man.
00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:29.359
Um so he planned uh something uh like an adventure, right?
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:31.599
Like a picnic on the beach, exactly.
00:26:31.759 --> 00:26:33.119
Or maybe like a beautiful hike.
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:35.359
He found a really romantic hike that you can go and see.
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:37.039
Yeah, and there's like maybe the whole day, right?
00:26:37.119 --> 00:26:43.440
We eat here and then we go there, and then we see this, and it's fun and it's light, and then we're gonna finish on time on time, you get to know each other.
00:26:43.519 --> 00:26:44.160
Yeah, right.
00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:50.000
And like you you finish on time, you're not like exhausted, like, oh my god, it's been 15 hours and I'm too polite to tell him stop.
00:26:50.640 --> 00:26:51.200
Right.
00:26:51.599 --> 00:26:59.440
So like his sense says, so that thought that the person is like you were important enough for me to prepare prepare in advance to worry about this in advance.
00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:06.000
Honestly, that would be more um thoughtful for me, like more impressive than just taking me to a super expensive restaurant.
00:27:06.319 --> 00:27:10.480
Because in my mind, personally, I wouldn't be thinking, oh my god, this restaurant is so expensive.
00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:13.839
I would be thinking about like, where are the sourcing the ingredients?
00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:16.160
Why is there not enough salt or sauces don't match?
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:19.440
Yeah, but then you have another extreme where the guys, oh well, just have coffee, right?
00:27:19.519 --> 00:27:25.279
To me, again, it's also just to see if I like you enough to minimum people.
00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:34.160
Like this is people who have placed themselves in the position that they have encountered hundreds probably of people and they didn't take time to connect.
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:35.680
And I think it's impossible.
00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:40.960
Yeah, they got uh they got disappointed, it's impossible to get to know that many people, right?
00:27:41.119 --> 00:27:45.599
And then they're like, you know, they're exhausted, they're like, okay, let's just go for coffee.
00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:46.079
Right?
00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:51.440
And women don't really look too well on it because they do not take into account that, yeah, the dude is exhausted.
00:27:51.519 --> 00:27:56.160
He's been buying dinners since 1995, he's exhausted, he just wants coffee now.
00:27:56.400 --> 00:28:02.640
You know, they see it as an extremely low effort thing that you know he can how many coffees can you have per day?
00:28:02.799 --> 00:28:07.119
Like you can squeeze in 16 coffees with 16 different women.
00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:09.839
So somehow for a woman's more like a conveyor, right?
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:10.880
Obviously, yes approach.
00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:11.119
Yeah.
00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:18.720
And so uh I don't know if you uh think about things this way, but in my mind I'm always like thinking, what is the ideal case scenario?
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:22.319
Well I want to go back well, I want to go back a little bit before I lose my thought.
00:28:22.480 --> 00:28:22.640
Okay.
00:28:23.039 --> 00:28:28.559
Um to uh, you know, it's when you mentioned it's not the right match, right?
00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:39.519
For example, the guy could complain, uh, you know, um I did everything for this girl, I bought her car, I helped her with her education, I help her, you know, in her life, I did all of that.
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:42.240
And in in return, she used me, right?
00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:47.039
Or she didn't supported me when I was weak or when I was sensible, I I needed her help.
00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:50.640
Then I go back and ask, okay, what type of woman was that woman?
00:28:50.880 --> 00:29:07.440
Was it a beautiful, gorgeous girl that you just want to be, you know, a trophy wife, a girl you uh would be so proud to take with you and showcase to your friends, then if that's the type of woman you pick who only cares about her look, about her appearance, then that would be her value.
00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:12.160
So we go back to the basics saying, okay, you need to find your match.
00:29:12.400 --> 00:29:16.640
And going back, you need to find what are your values, what's important to you, right?
00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:19.279
If But it's so difficult when somebody is hot.
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:20.240
Exactly.
00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:24.480
Well, the thing, that's why you that's why many men are getting hurt, disappointed.
00:29:24.640 --> 00:29:28.240
That's you, you know, it just That's why dating apps should just die.
00:29:30.079 --> 00:29:36.559
So, I mean, they should because in a sense, imagine imagine the world where none of the dating apps work from tomorrow.
00:29:36.799 --> 00:29:45.759
Imagine people's eyes like, oh my god, I have to go out and plan and meet somebody and start a conversation and be consistent.
00:29:46.160 --> 00:29:46.720
Yeah, let's do that.
00:29:46.799 --> 00:29:48.160
You know, let's overcome that feeling.
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:49.519
You know, let's do that for a week.
00:29:49.920 --> 00:29:51.119
It's a very uncomfortable feeling.
00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:55.200
It's it's it's a feeling of fear, fear of rejection, I think for men, right?
00:29:55.279 --> 00:29:57.279
But the thing is, men should think this way, right?
00:29:57.440 --> 00:29:59.839
Even if the girl rejected you, that's fine.
00:30:00.480 --> 00:30:02.480
You know, you don't have high expectations.
00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:04.799
You practice your charisma.
00:30:04.880 --> 00:30:07.519
You practice your conversation skills.
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:12.960
Because the thing is, I've heard someone which was really funny said, never ask a really handsome guy how to get girls.
00:30:13.039 --> 00:30:16.799
Because all he has to do is just stand in the club in the bar and all the girls will come to him.
00:30:16.960 --> 00:30:20.720
Ask a freaking ugly hobbit guy how to get the girls.
00:30:20.799 --> 00:30:21.680
And he will have.
00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:31.039
And I bet you will have crazy funny stories because he needs to be funny, he needs to be witty, he needs to pay attention to them.
00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:34.160
And I'm sure he will know how to have a conversation with the woman, right?
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:50.559
And that the fear, yeah, the sphere of rejection is uh if you put uh all stakes on that rejection, like this is the only thing that matters in my life, like this woman, what she says, and this is like so important, it totally defines my values, a human being.
00:30:50.799 --> 00:30:55.440
If you put all that pressure on the situation, yeah, it's like it's pretty tough.
00:30:55.599 --> 00:30:59.599
Uh but um I always advocate for knowing more people.
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:06.720
If you know more people, you will gravitate towards one of these people more, and you don't have to worry about you know rejection and blah.
00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:17.680
But if you if you have to like uh be asking girls out, right, it's like it it's not uh uh because maybe you'll hate the girl when you start talking to her as well, right?
00:31:17.759 --> 00:31:18.240
You don't know.
00:31:18.640 --> 00:31:18.880
Right?
00:31:19.039 --> 00:31:24.960
So it has to be a game, and the game of flirting is really fun and really forgotten art, right?
00:31:25.119 --> 00:31:27.039
And it's flirting is probing.
00:31:27.200 --> 00:31:39.279
So if we talk about the classic scenarios, I don't know, again, if like modern people still go to bars and drink and like approach people there, but like to me, this this is what it is like you approach somebody and you probe, right?
00:31:39.359 --> 00:31:43.039
You you don't necessarily like come in, okay, I'm here to marry you, do you accept or not?
00:31:43.200 --> 00:31:45.440
And it's like no, okay, bye, bye, okay.
00:31:45.599 --> 00:31:46.960
It's you you come in and you probe.
00:31:47.200 --> 00:31:47.920
Oh hi, oh hi.
00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:51.200
You know, you ask something and you see like how the girl is responding.
00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:56.160
And guys, like the girl has to be less approachable, like it's part of the job.
00:31:56.400 --> 00:31:58.079
So if you have to work for it a little bit, right?
00:31:58.480 --> 00:32:01.759
If you think that she rejected you because she's like, Oh, I don't drink.
00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:04.640
Well, you're like, Oh, you can I buy a drink, and she's like, I don't drink.
00:32:04.799 --> 00:32:07.599
If you think this is a rejection, come on, it's part of the technical.
00:32:07.839 --> 00:32:08.960
You know what I want to point out?
00:32:09.039 --> 00:32:14.240
That if you really, if the man really, really likes a woman, he's not gonna take a no for an answer.
00:32:14.480 --> 00:32:15.279
Except at the bar.
00:32:15.440 --> 00:32:16.160
At the bar day.
00:32:16.319 --> 00:32:16.720
Well, at the bar.
00:32:16.960 --> 00:32:17.359
Actually, no.
00:32:17.519 --> 00:32:20.400
We had that too, the guys who try to approach us and we would be like, no, no, no.
00:32:20.559 --> 00:32:24.799
And how many times a no, no, no, so many times, and still they would keep up the conversation, right?
00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:26.079
Because they're really into you.
00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:28.480
So and I And it's a game, and I think it's fun.
00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:29.200
This is what we want to do.
00:32:29.440 --> 00:32:29.680
You know what?
00:32:29.759 --> 00:32:37.279
Don't forget that the harsh reality, I'm sorry to voice it out, but it's not about oh, he's not committed or he's not consistent, consistent.
00:32:37.440 --> 00:32:38.720
He's just not that into you.
00:32:38.880 --> 00:32:42.640
The thing is, I think this is the harsh reality that most people cannot accept.
00:32:42.880 --> 00:32:48.720
They think, oh, he ghosted me, or he didn't respond to me, or um, you know, he wasn't consistent, or he wasn't ready.
00:32:48.880 --> 00:32:56.240
Trust me, if the guy meets his type and he's really into the woman and he feels there's something going on, he will be persistent.
00:32:56.400 --> 00:33:02.079
He will not give up a year from now, a month from now, he will still get back to that woman because he feels there's something special.
00:33:02.480 --> 00:33:08.000
If there's a rejection, it means like, okay, he just got an affirmation that okay, he's just not good enough because he didn't put in enough.
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:08.960
He wasn't that interested.
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:10.480
He wasn't that interested, right?
00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:21.680
And I think that's a harsh reality to accept for many that even though we have the illusion of so many choices, is just we're still in search of that perfect match.
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:26.319
And when you find that match, you're gonna do anything and everything, compromise.
00:33:26.880 --> 00:33:28.720
Hold on, is is that is that the point though?
00:33:28.880 --> 00:33:32.400
Is that the point to find a perfect match?
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:36.559
And this is an issue, hold on, this is an issue that's been on my mind for a while, right?
00:33:36.640 --> 00:33:40.319
Yeah, to me, perfect match sounds like a very instantaneous thing.
00:33:40.480 --> 00:33:44.640
You see somebody, like um when you are when it's passion, right?
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:47.759
Okay, this is where you're like, or lust, sorry, lust, right?
00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:51.279
You can see, wow, this person is just blowing my mind.
00:33:51.440 --> 00:33:52.799
Wow, this is a match, right?
00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:55.440
And they respond to it, this is a match, bang, right?
00:33:55.759 --> 00:34:07.519
Um or is the purpose to be like, it's impossible to go through all the available people and find the best match out of them all?
00:34:07.759 --> 00:34:12.400
Because eventually you will run out of time because you will die, right?
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:19.920
Or there's just like, you know, some people will move to a different country and you're not gonna get to that sample, right?
00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:24.880
So eventually there's gonna be limitations, or like you will lose interest, something will happen, right?
00:34:25.039 --> 00:34:35.760
So maybe the point isn't to find the perfect match, but the point is to find a person who is willing to participate in this fun uh project of life, right?
00:34:35.920 --> 00:34:38.639
This is I think this is where the values part to me is, right?
00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:44.159
You find a person who is as willing to participate in life as you are, and as invested.
00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:45.599
As invested, right?
00:34:45.840 --> 00:34:50.960
And then they can be a completely different person from what you think your type is or whatever that is.
00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:58.079
And the true art of this, you know, life and relationship is to figure out, because I personally love the challenge, right?
00:34:58.159 --> 00:35:02.960
But you you figure out how to make the best life with this with this human, right?
00:35:03.039 --> 00:35:10.239
So instead of just like waiting, waiting, waiting, and then you like you went through 10,000 men, women, and then finally this is the one.
00:35:10.400 --> 00:35:11.440
And guess what?
00:35:11.840 --> 00:35:17.440
Seven years later, you're like, oh my god, you never changed your toothbrush or something, right?
00:35:17.599 --> 00:35:20.239
Like you find out something crazy about them that it took a lot of things.
00:35:20.400 --> 00:35:21.599
Okay, there's I agree.
00:35:21.679 --> 00:35:23.679
So let me voice out the four steps.
00:35:23.840 --> 00:35:28.000
I mean, there's a theory, there's four steps to a happy, fulfilling relationship.
00:35:28.159 --> 00:35:28.400
Okay.
00:35:28.639 --> 00:35:32.800
Step number one is the one-sided chemistry, right?
00:35:32.960 --> 00:35:40.239
You like somebody, you're attracted to them, you know, you you want to get to know that person better, you want to be with that person.
00:35:40.639 --> 00:35:43.519
Step number two, it's a mutual attraction.
00:35:43.679 --> 00:35:51.599
So both people in the bar, in the in the university, at the school, at the environment, they meet and they're both attracted to each other.
00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:55.679
Many couples stay on this two stages, right?
00:35:55.760 --> 00:36:04.079
Okay, we're attracted, you know, we're having amazing sex, we have great chemistry, but this is where it ends for most couples.
00:36:04.400 --> 00:36:06.960
Stage number three, it's commitment.
00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:18.320
It's when both partners either they voice it out or you know, unspoken, saying we're gonna be exclusive, we want to move in, or we want to be in a relationship, or we want to get married.
00:36:18.480 --> 00:36:22.639
Uh, this is the decision they make that they want to commit to each other.
00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:25.840
They decide that that's what they're gonna do.
00:36:26.239 --> 00:36:31.039
Again, most of the couples stay in this stage, but yet guess what?
00:36:31.199 --> 00:36:35.840
They are not considered in a happy, fulfilled relationship because the fourth one.
00:36:36.079 --> 00:36:39.199
So the fourth one is called compatibility.
00:36:39.840 --> 00:36:48.400
Once you get married or once you're together, this is where you find out does he change her, does he change his toothbrush, you know, once for seven years?
00:36:48.960 --> 00:36:53.679
You know, this is where you find out does he also like to wake up early as you, right?
00:36:53.760 --> 00:36:56.400
Or he is an owl and you're early bird, you know.
00:36:56.559 --> 00:37:00.079
Does he is of the same religion as you is important to you?
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:08.320
What you know how he's gonna treat your parents when they, you know, uh pass away, how he's gonna treat your friends, you know.
00:37:08.480 --> 00:37:13.360
This is this is where compatibility compatibility comes into place if you're on a vacation.
00:37:13.599 --> 00:37:23.920
Do you just want to read a book and lay it back and just sant and or you want to freaking get the ball, go play, you know, be active and go hiking, and the other person's like, look, I just want to relax in the hotel.
00:37:24.079 --> 00:37:29.360
And that's where you start arguing because one person wants to do one thing, another person wants to do another thing.
00:37:29.519 --> 00:37:36.800
You know, all these different dynamics, that's where these four stages come in place where you kind of go through attraction chemistry, right?
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:39.039
Like we talked about finding a perfect match, right?
00:37:39.199 --> 00:37:51.360
But again, yet if both people in the same stage of life, let's say both people want to be in a relationship, not like, oh, I don't know where I want to be right now, I haven't found myself, or I'm not ready for this, right?
00:37:51.519 --> 00:37:54.159
So both, let's say, partners want the same thing.
00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:56.239
And once they do, it's not enough.
00:37:56.480 --> 00:38:00.480
Now, this is how they test, well, life test them, right?
00:38:00.639 --> 00:38:01.920
Are they truly compatible?
00:38:02.079 --> 00:38:07.599
And those people who are willing to a little bit compromise are truly in a happy, fulfilling relationship.
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:13.840
Because, for example, you know, uh, the wife likes likes to sleep a little bit longer and husband wakes up at 6 a.m.
00:38:14.320 --> 00:38:20.639
It could be an argument, it could be like, you know what, honey, I'm gonna make you a latte later, you know, relax, enjoy your time.
00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:25.679
But then then when he comes from work, she's like, you know what, honey, I know you work so hard, I made dinner for you.
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:31.599
And it's appreciative, and the husband makes an action and the wife, you know, expressing gratitude.
00:38:31.679 --> 00:38:33.280
So that's compatibility in a sense.
00:38:33.440 --> 00:38:36.239
But if one person's like, you know what, it's too much for me to change.
00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:51.119
It means that they just don't want to put any effort, it's too much for them uh to you know, to sacrifice uh or sacrifice the freedom, what they may think, right, um, to make these little steps to be in those fulfilling relationships.
00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:52.159
You know what I mean?
00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:56.320
So, how the hell are we supposed to get through all of that through the dating apps?
00:38:56.800 --> 00:39:08.079
Well, no, look, okay, dating apps, I guess this is just like you are in a secondhand shop and you browsing through different things, different things, use things.
00:39:08.320 --> 00:39:22.480
You need to put the quote reference or something, you know, bad things, and then you find that one amazing item that you like, unique, vintage, exclusive, like the color you like, the shape you like, you know, you're attracted to that, you find that.
00:39:22.800 --> 00:39:23.840
And guess what?
00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:26.079
That's just the one small step.
00:39:26.239 --> 00:39:28.079
And after that small step, guess what?
00:39:28.239 --> 00:39:30.079
You need to start getting to know each other.
00:39:30.239 --> 00:39:35.199
But again, if both uh partners are on the same, in the same stage in life, right?
00:39:36.079 --> 00:39:38.639
Then they go out, they get to know each other.
00:39:38.719 --> 00:39:42.079
And the best way again to get to know each other is through some actions, right?
00:39:42.320 --> 00:39:46.480
Go to a museum, then go to go out, maybe go into the nature.
00:39:46.639 --> 00:39:52.079
I think the best way to challenge and test an early relationship is go on the short trip.
00:39:52.239 --> 00:39:53.280
I think two-day trip.
00:39:53.599 --> 00:39:56.320
I wouldn't go with a guy I don't know with a short trip.
00:39:56.639 --> 00:39:59.360
Well, of course, not the stranger, you get to know them through other.
00:40:00.159 --> 00:40:02.000
I mean, this is obviously we're not talking about the first day again.
00:40:02.159 --> 00:40:05.280
I know we have we have uh like um I'm saying to how do you get to know somebody?
00:40:05.760 --> 00:40:07.760
Yeah, we have different uh approaches to the case.
00:40:08.079 --> 00:40:09.039
I think, yeah, okay.
00:40:09.360 --> 00:40:17.519
This is I guess goes back to what I was saying that my brain works into like envisioning what is the ideal case scenario and trying to think how to get there.
00:40:17.840 --> 00:40:23.360
So all of these things of uh understanding what kind of person they are, right?
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:32.800
Because I think even going to things doing things that you don't normally do, like going to a museum to get your stuff like this, it will show you something about the person, but they will still try to show you their best, right?
00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:35.039
So there's like it's it's tricky.
00:40:35.280 --> 00:41:18.800
So I uh in my mind, ideal case scenarios would it be possible to get to know uh to get to know this person uh without the pressure of uh telling them that they are potentially a candidate for a relationship, and to me, to uh like how to create that situation is when you have a lot of people, and I think very important to have um mixed genders, mixed whatever group of friends, this is the opportunity to get to know a person without the pressure of them, uh you know, like you potentially worked years before the dating apps, which is have you heard I married my best friend, right?
00:41:18.960 --> 00:41:21.679
So I guess the point recreate that.
00:41:21.760 --> 00:41:27.519
So I guess the point is to recreate, become friends before you are sexually engaged with each other, right?
00:41:27.599 --> 00:41:29.679
Or romantically engaged with each other, right?
00:41:29.760 --> 00:41:32.880
So become friends first, but how to become friends first, right?
00:41:32.960 --> 00:41:36.559
You need to do you know personal responsibility, personal responsibility.
00:41:36.880 --> 00:41:46.159
Who who else, if not you, is gonna create the group of friends of I don't want to use the word high value, but the value that is matching your friend groups, right?
00:41:46.320 --> 00:41:49.679
And then you're either gonna wait for somebody else or uh it's fine, right?
00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:51.679
Not everybody is a leader, right?
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:55.840
The the people who are leaders among us, they're the ones who like organizing stuff, right?
00:41:55.920 --> 00:41:58.800
And there are people who are leaders and there are people who are supporters, right?
00:41:58.960 --> 00:42:06.320
So if you are not the leader to organize things, be a very great supporter to a person who has put in an effort to do that, right?
00:42:06.400 --> 00:42:09.039
It's it it means show up, bring value.
00:42:09.199 --> 00:42:14.159
Look for other people who are also interesting and great and bring them into your friend group, right?
00:42:14.559 --> 00:42:16.719
But see, we're looking for instant gratification.
00:42:17.039 --> 00:42:18.159
How is it instant gratification?
00:42:18.639 --> 00:42:19.199
Uh no, no, no.
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:21.440
I'm saying uh in opposite what you were saying.
00:42:21.599 --> 00:42:31.360
Let's say if you don't invest in friendships, so you're looking for instant gratification, just meet a person as many people as possible to see if you match, to see if you have chemistry, right?
00:42:31.679 --> 00:42:33.760
And you're looking for that instant uh result.
00:42:34.239 --> 00:42:36.639
Because people don't want to invest their time.
00:42:37.119 --> 00:42:38.800
Maybe people just don't know.
00:42:39.519 --> 00:42:43.199
Maybe people just don't know that that's what it takes.
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:52.000
So to me, yeah, I think uh the few times that I fell in love, it was by knowing a person first.
00:42:52.159 --> 00:42:56.239
So first it's just this random person that I have encountered in my life.
00:42:56.480 --> 00:43:04.159
And somehow it happens that we see each other several times, and uh it would be like you get to know the person like anybody else, right?
00:43:04.239 --> 00:43:07.599
Okay, we're eating together or something, we're dancing together, doing things.
00:43:07.840 --> 00:43:12.960
And there would be this moment where it's like hold on a second.
00:43:13.199 --> 00:43:14.480
Because there was no pressure, right?
00:43:14.559 --> 00:43:18.400
There was no pressure, you need to find your match, you need to like be in a relationship right now.
00:43:18.639 --> 00:43:20.079
You think because of the timing-wise?
00:43:20.320 --> 00:43:25.920
No, no, because there was no pressure, meaning like you are looking a relationship with this specific person, right?
00:43:26.000 --> 00:43:27.119
You're just enjoying it tonight.
00:43:27.519 --> 00:43:28.400
That's how it's supposed to be, right?
00:43:29.920 --> 00:43:30.880
That's how it's supposed to be.
00:43:31.039 --> 00:43:32.719
And it's like it's within reach people.
00:43:32.800 --> 00:43:35.840
Come on, we can just, you know, this is how you spend your time.
00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:38.239
And it's not like once a year you go out to a party.
00:43:38.400 --> 00:43:39.119
This is yeah, you do.
00:43:39.519 --> 00:43:47.599
Yeah, but let's speak about unsocial people who don't have many friends, who let's say I personally don't like to hang out thanks.
00:43:48.079 --> 00:43:54.639
No, no, like you I don't like to like go to this, you know, high crowded events or go like to social events.
00:43:54.719 --> 00:43:55.840
I'm more private, right?
00:43:55.920 --> 00:43:57.360
I'm more a little bit of a loner.
00:43:57.519 --> 00:43:59.599
So to me And there's a lot of people like you.
00:43:59.840 --> 00:44:00.079
Right.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.199
So what do we do?
00:44:01.360 --> 00:44:03.679
The the the the the loners, right?
00:44:03.760 --> 00:44:06.239
Who also want to find companionship, right?
00:44:06.400 --> 00:44:13.199
To want to find the right person, but we're not uh intentionally looking for those activities, right?
00:44:13.280 --> 00:44:19.519
We're not intentionally looking, okay, like I'm gonna play, you know, volleyball or you know, I'm gonna go to like a book club, right?
00:44:19.599 --> 00:44:24.400
Or things I might like, I know, for example, like my potential partner wouldn't be like sitting in a library, right?
00:44:24.559 --> 00:44:25.760
I like to go to bookstores.
00:44:25.840 --> 00:44:28.480
I don't think they would be, you know, say a match for me.
00:44:28.639 --> 00:44:34.800
Yeah, but here's the thing that the idea is you have to expose yourself to uh as many people as possible.
00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:40.960
And it's not intentional, it's just I think it's part of the joys to have this option in life to be exposed to a lot of different people.
00:44:41.119 --> 00:44:46.960
And we should utilize that option because people are great, people are interesting, there's a lot going on in each person.
00:44:47.119 --> 00:44:52.800
You need to have a little bit of patience, there's you know, but a lot of people have a lot of interesting things about them.
00:44:52.960 --> 00:44:57.519
And I think just you know, having your mindset like this that, oh, let me explore people, right?
00:44:57.679 --> 00:44:59.039
It's already very helpful.
00:44:59.199 --> 00:45:09.360
And so again, are you providing value to humanity, to you know, everybody around you, or are you just sitting at home thinking uh I'm by myself, I want a partner, right?
00:45:09.599 --> 00:45:18.320
And uh I I kind of um would want to uh my opinion, right, to discourage just going for uh speed dating, right?
00:45:18.559 --> 00:45:26.480
Events specifically meant to meet the singles because it takes away the right, the cool thing of how we met, right?
00:45:26.800 --> 00:45:33.760
But instead, like so I went to uh do um tree planting with uh You went tree planting?
00:45:33.920 --> 00:45:34.239
Yes.
00:45:34.719 --> 00:45:37.599
Yeah, that was a while ago, so it's not like I didn't tell you.
00:45:37.679 --> 00:45:39.119
It was like okay, when was that?
00:45:39.360 --> 00:45:43.440
Maybe a couple of years ago, but because uh it started with what is it that I like?
00:45:43.599 --> 00:45:44.880
What is it that I love doing?
00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:48.320
And I love plants, I love nature, and trees are great.
00:45:48.480 --> 00:45:52.719
And I was looking for, well, wow, there's opportunity to plant more trees, I want to be part of it.
00:45:52.960 --> 00:45:55.199
So I found a group that plants trees in the city.
00:45:55.360 --> 00:45:58.000
It's like to me, it was you know super great thing.
00:45:58.159 --> 00:46:02.320
And so uh I went to do it, and there's a lot of people who are doing the same thing.
00:46:02.480 --> 00:46:13.920
And you just like I met uh all these cool humans who are also interested about like on their native plants shortage in California, and there's all these native plants you can plant, there's all these websites, and I was like, oh wow.
00:46:14.079 --> 00:46:15.119
So I learned a lot, right?
00:46:15.280 --> 00:46:16.719
But I met people too.
00:46:16.880 --> 00:46:23.280
And um, this was these these were women that I met, and uh I didn't, you know, nothing happened uh out of that, right?
00:46:23.519 --> 00:46:29.840
Again, it's like up to us what we do with people that we encounter, but this is your gateway to meeting more other people.
00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:32.400
So if you have a full connection, right?
00:46:32.559 --> 00:46:36.320
To me, it would be like, I don't know, text the girl and be like, so what was that website you told me about?
00:46:36.480 --> 00:46:38.880
Native plants, or are you doing any other plant events?
00:46:39.039 --> 00:46:40.239
And you hang out with this person, right?
00:46:40.320 --> 00:46:45.679
You have a connection, and then this person one day will be like, Oh, you know, I'm having a birthday party with my friends, you want to come over?
00:46:45.840 --> 00:46:49.599
And you come over and then you meet all kinds of different people that you can encounter, right?
00:46:49.679 --> 00:46:52.880
That it's I hate to say, but it can be your potential partner, right?
00:46:53.039 --> 00:47:00.320
So it's not necessarily going to an event that will result, will be so fruitful and result what you find in your other half.
00:47:00.480 --> 00:47:03.280
It is an event that will open doors for other things.
00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:10.559
Well, to summarize, we're gonna give again a little assignment to our listeners and viewers.
00:47:10.800 --> 00:47:16.000
Number one, maybe go out with intention, meaning plan, right?
00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:21.360
Plan the activity, uh, plan the activity with other people to socialize, right?
00:47:21.599 --> 00:47:23.679
So get yourself out of the house.
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:25.199
That is a great plan.
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:26.320
Do do what you like.
00:47:26.480 --> 00:47:27.199
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:28.079
No, I'm serious.
00:47:28.239 --> 00:47:32.800
So I feel the sarcasm in that is a great plan that you do.
00:47:33.199 --> 00:47:38.239
Let's let's stay away from uh useless things that you will never do again, like a one-time thing.
00:47:38.400 --> 00:47:39.599
Okay, let's give just one step.
00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:40.320
Okay, one thing.
00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:41.519
What is that one thing?
00:47:41.840 --> 00:47:47.599
Uh let's say for those who feel lonely and then you know they want to socialize, what's the first thing?
00:47:47.920 --> 00:47:50.400
Okay, maybe maybe uh maybe I'll say this, right?
00:47:50.480 --> 00:47:53.920
So this is a public announcement to men, right?
00:47:54.079 --> 00:47:55.760
So it's all on you guys.
00:47:55.920 --> 00:47:56.800
It's all on you.
00:47:57.199 --> 00:48:12.159
If if you want a woman who is feminine, right, that you will enjoy company with, you have to go out and approach women, different kinds of women, and approach them not to seduce them, approach them to um make them have a fun little time, right?
00:48:12.239 --> 00:48:17.599
Because that small talk, the little joke, the conversation, the little compliment, it's a little interaction, and it's great.
00:48:17.760 --> 00:48:22.480
And it normalizes amongst people to socialize in real life.
00:48:22.639 --> 00:48:25.840
So I think I would kind of emphasize that.
00:48:26.320 --> 00:48:32.559
No, I think this is actually you um outdid me with this uh closing note.
00:48:33.599 --> 00:48:36.239
You outdid me with the closing notes because that's true.
00:48:36.320 --> 00:48:52.079
We encourage men to go out and not be fearful to approach women, to have a conversation, pleasant conversation, treat them nicely, and the little message to women be grateful, be respectful, be kind, you know, uh take care of yourself.
00:48:52.320 --> 00:48:55.920
And um, yeah, we have high hopes for the humanity.
00:48:57.679 --> 00:49:02.639
Well, on this note, we will um wrap up this episode of the basic show.
00:49:04.239 --> 00:49:05.039
I know, I know.
00:49:05.199 --> 00:49:09.280
Well, I've hopefully if you guys stay till the end, we thank you so much.
00:49:09.360 --> 00:49:15.760
It will really help if you subscribe, if you comment, um, if you follow our channel, that'll be huge help.
00:49:15.840 --> 00:49:18.239
So please stand by for the next episodes.
00:49:18.320 --> 00:49:24.159
Um, let us know in the comments if you have any other topics you would like us to discuss and share with you.
00:49:24.320 --> 00:49:26.000
We will be more than happy to do that.
00:49:26.159 --> 00:49:30.559
And I had my sister Anna Pashutan as my special guest today in the basic show.
00:49:30.800 --> 00:49:33.199
Thank you for coming and sharing your experience with us.
00:49:33.360 --> 00:49:33.679
Thank you.
00:49:33.760 --> 00:49:34.559
Thank you for that.