The Faces We Hide: Functional Depression & Suicidal Ideation

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So, good morning, good morning, you guys.
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Welcome back to Couch Conversations for our next episode.
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And I just wanted to say that this is Mental Health Awareness Month.
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And so we're going to be diving into some really deep topics this month.
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So I just want to give a disclaimer, this could be a trigger for some people.
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We're going to be talking about some things that are really deep.
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Number one, we're going to be talking about functional depression and suicidal ideation.
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So a lot of people are not able to deal with talking about these subjects, and you know it can be a trigger.
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So my best advice is to probably not listen to this episode right now.
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Okay?
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So that is my disclaimer of it all.
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So today I have with me Miss Vernita and I have Anya, and I'm so proud to have y'all here.
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Miss Vernita, I want you to go ahead and introduce yourself and tell folks who you are, honey.
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I'm Vernita Edwards, owner of Simply Made Customs, and I'm happy to be here.
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I do branding for um all types of businesses and personal items as well.
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Thank you.
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Okay.
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And Miss Anya, welcome back.
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You've been here before, Boo.
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Let people know who you are.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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My name is Anya Lovis.
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I'm a drug and alcohol counselor, as well as a peer support through the state of California.
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Uh run a couple of not-for-profits, and my specialty is dealing with people with uh depression, suicide ideation, and then mental health as a whole.
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Thank you.
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Anya, why did you um think that you wanted to come back and talk uh on couch conversations about this subject?
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Oh my gosh, because mental health is likely, in my opinion, the most important part of your life.
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When your mental health is skewed, everything after that is skewed.
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Nothing is stable.
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When your mental health is stable, then you are able to make the best possible decisions you can make.
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So being sound is like paramount.
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Right.
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Right doesn't matter how much money you have, it doesn't matter what type of support you have, it doesn't matter your lineage, your gender, none of that matters.
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If your mental health is not stable, everything else is skewed.
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I agree.
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You you better you better say it.
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You better totally say it.
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And um, I I I can't even see how people, and I know I couldn't, I couldn't function um when my mental health was skewed.
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Even now when it goes up and down, in and out, right?
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Right.
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So yeah, so Renita, tell me like, why did you want to be a part of this this topic today?
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What brought you here?
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Because mental health really matters.
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I deal with mental health issues.
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People can look at me and and think that I don't, or I'm always got it together because of I'm very high functioning.
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Um with depression, I people don't know that I deal with it, and I think it's very important.
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Um, just like she said, um, if your mental health is not together, then nothing else is.
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And mental health really matters, and I'm glad we're talking about this topic because 20 years ago it was taboo.
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Now today, everybody's talking about you know mental health and how can we help people that are having these different mental health issues and things like that.
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And plus, you know, I deal with this every day.
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Right.
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Exactly.
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It it just I don't I really don't believe it go away.
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I think that we learn how to manage it.
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And so with that being said, what when you when when you talk about the word functional depression, what do you think that that actually means?
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What did that what does that look like?
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It means that you're hiding, like you you know how to go and do your day-to-day, like your job, dealing with your children.
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You could be crying when you get up in the morning about not being able to put food on the table, how I'm gonna get this bill paid, but you go to work and you leave it at the door, or you go to a kid's function or you deal with your children and be like, everything's okay.
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That's my function.
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Right.
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Yeah, it's a face.
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It's a face.
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And I I guess that's why I named this episode Faces We Hide, because you know, people look people look at me every day and think that I just have it together 100%.
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Girl, you a life coach.
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Girl, you a nurse.
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I don't have it together 100%, you know, and you know, and sometimes that that's difficult too because I mean, you know, there are people who's watching me.
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There are people who get their their strength from me, you know, but I'm human, you know.
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I I have my days just like anybody else.
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And I can remember there was a long time of a period when I was going through of I would call a functional depression.
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You know, and it's crazy because you do, you get up every day, you take a bath, you brush your teeth, you go to work, you pay your bills, you know, you take the kids to school, you are functioning, but people don't even realize that on the inside, like you are dying.
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You know, and why do you think people why do I why do you think people miss that?
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People miss what's going on with us.
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Oh, well, because they're into their own world.
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Yeah, they're they're into their own world, they don't know.
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Um, we do a good people that are depressed um and have other issues as well, not just depression, but we become very excellent hiders.
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We know what other people expect of us, and then we put that facade on and we go about it.
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And people are going about their daily lives, they're not paying attention to us, and it's no fault of theirs because we figured them out.
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We are the one that has something to hide.
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So we're looking at other people's character traits, ambitions, behaviors, attitudes, and we adjust to that because we're literally trying to hide something.
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So we do a good job at that.
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That's why they miss it.
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You know, they have to know you exceptionally well, like how you know me.
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You don't you wait in Ohio and something to be like, let me call her.
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You know what I'm saying?
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It was a time where I called my sister and um her voice sounds so different.
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And I was like, mm-hmm.
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When I hung up the phone, I told my husband, I was like, and we lived in Santa Ana, and uh she lived in Covina, and I said, you know, let's go out there.
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I went out there and her boyfriend was jumping on her.
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Right when we walked in, the door was ajar, and we walked in and he was whooping her ass right there, and I was like, oh my god.
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And it immediately turned into what social media would say viral.
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We immediately as soon as I walked in, me and my husband, like it it it was there was no time to prepare.
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And we just jumped in.
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We just, you know, so I knew something because I know her well.
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And her voice was like, Hey, how you doing?
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I'm doing okay, you know, but I just something didn't seem right.
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Yeah.
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So somebody has to really know you well to know that something is askew.
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But day in and day out, we're good hiders.
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Yeah.
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I agree, I agree with you because there's days that I I've struggled, you know, and I can remember when I first got married and I came to Ohio the first time.
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I was here for 10 months, and I felt like I was dying.
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But on the outside, everybody thought that, you know, like I was okay, you know, and I'm like, y'all don't see me over here dying inside.
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And it's so crazy.
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So, Renita, why do you think, why do you think that people like like why do they do that?
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Why do you, why I'm over here dying?
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Somebody say, How are you doing?
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and and and they they just be like, Well, I'm fine, you know, and just like Anya said, let me say this too, real quick.
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Just like Anya said, I think it's all about really knowing people and knowing your friends and knowing um the people that you deal with on a on a regular basis, you know, if they're really fine, even if they say they're fine, but why why do you feel like people don't say that?
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But if people say that they're fine and not let people know that you know they're really not doing well because they don't want everyone to know that they they have failures too, that they are not always okay, because there's a stigma behind that too.
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Yeah, if you really think that if people know that you're depressed, like, oh, don't go over there because um I don't want I don't want that to happen to me, or I don't want their burdens on me, or I don't want to feel like I'm interfering with their life and trying to tell them what to do when they're not gonna listen, anyways.
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People think that, like, why should I help you come out of whatever funk you're in?
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You're not gonna listen anyways.
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So people sometimes to me are afraid to help the other person, but they also don't know what to do.
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Who's out there teaching them?
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I was gonna say I was just gonna say that.
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I was just gonna say that.
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People some people do not have the wheelhouse to manage other people's emotions, even though it's not our responsibility to manage someone else's emotions.
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But some people like I'm an empath.
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I just learned from formal education how to manage myself.
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So I'm hence why I'm in mental health.
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So you know, you got an empath that's full blown into mental health.
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I mean, that's a recipe for disaster, you know.
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But I've learned because I want to help people, like I got help.
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I've learned through education and my own meditation at my higher source to manage and regulate my emotions so I can be there for other people.
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Right.
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Right.
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And I feel like sometimes you just need to sit and listen.
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Sometimes they don't need you to fix it for them or tell them how to fix it.
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Some especially with men.
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So I've learned this here recently.
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Men Sometimes when they vent, it sounds aggressive.
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They're trying to get out what they're trying to say, but most people will feel like, oh, he's trying to go off on me or da-da-da-da.
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When all they really need you to do is listen.
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So if people learn how to listen to what people are saying and let them get it out, and then do your rebuttal or say, well, how can I help you with this?
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Or what do you think would be a solution for this?
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And I found that that works because a lot of people, I talk to a lot of people, a lot of people.
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Um, and I have this thing where I can tell if somebody's not right.
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I don't know them like personally like that.
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I'm not all in their business, but I have I I call it a gift where I can tell if your body language is a third way or how you're talking if something's not right.
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And all I do is be like, so what's going on?
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And then they'll just talk.
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Yeah.
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And once they start talking, then you can say, Well, how can I help?
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Or what do you think?
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What if you try that?
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And then people are more apt to do that.
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And that's somebody that might be depressed, that's somebody that might be going through something at the moment where they just needed to get the information out.
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I think we need to start paying more attention to uh what people are saying and let people talk, and then try to help that way.
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Right.
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And there's a class for that.
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Yeah, that's true.
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And if I may add, if it's a partner or a loved one, family member or what have you, or friend, rather than taking things uh personal, even though personal things might be stated, but rather than taking it personal, suggest what my colleague just said is to take a moment and say, How can I help you?
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But we're too busy defending what they just said.
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And threatening that's where they get all off track.
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And and particularly like she said with men.
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W men obviously have way less words uh than use less words than we do.
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So the words that they have in their vernacular, they are going to use those words to express themselves.
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Whereas women, we have a plethora.
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I mean, we have so many words, and so we're able to articulate even in anger how we feel and make it clear.
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But women, we take it so personal when a man is saying something because we expect their brains to process information like art, and that's not accurate.
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No.
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There's there's so many men walking around here depressed, high functioning, like they're working out because that's what they do to ease their brain.
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They're going to work, they're expected to do X, Y, and Z.
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They can't talk if they're soft and you know something's wrong with them.
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Because it was told to me the other day, this is why men don't express how they feel, because us women take it as them being aggressive.
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So we as women also need to learn how to listen and not try.
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That's what that word says.
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Listen, we listen, but we don't judge.
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Exactly.
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And you know what's so crazy is that you find that a lot more in the men of color.
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Okay.
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I know, like, say for with my husband, I I am, I'm learning him.
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We've been together three years, and um, we've been married almost three years.
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And even though I've been knowing him almost 40 years, it's like um with on an intimate level, being married to him in the same home and everything, I had to relearn him.
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And I have to learn when my husband is not um functioning at his highest potential.
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And when he is in a funk or he is depressed, I used to, you know, talk, talk, talk, just like you said.
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Us women, we we just go to talking and sometimes just you know, they just want us to listen.
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So now I've learned, and I'm still learning, I'm still learning, you know.
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Bernita, you've been a wife a long time.
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But me, you know, I've been a wife several times and short times, but this time is it, you know, it's totally different.
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And I'm really trying to, you know, be present in my marriage 100%.
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So I know with my husband, you know, now I know to sort of just you know, allow him his space, because it does it comes off aggressive.
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It comes off aggressive, and so I I used to get offended.
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And matter of fact, we just had a big fight about that.
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Um, and I told him, I said, You I don't want you talking to me like a child.
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He was like, What are you talking about?
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And so I understand exactly what you're saying when you know about that, you know, they come off aggressive or whatever, but um, I've learned though to just sort of kind of allow him his space and just listen.
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And listen, it's different for us because you know, when uh when we in a in a funk, I pick up the phone and her beat.
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I'm here tell you, honey, I'll call her behind in the middle of the night.
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Sister, I need to talk.
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Right.
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Yeah, we be ready too.
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We yeah, we be ready.
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It's like a it's like a superpower or the ass signal goes up.
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We be ready, like what?
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What's up?
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I need a plane ticket.
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What I need, what I need to do, yeah.
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Yeah, but that's how women are, you know.
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So mental health, I agree again with my colleague here.
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Mental health looks so different for all of us, and I know that it's a lot of times it's not what's going on in our home, it's the social standards and what that expectation is.
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God created us, what the world molded us.
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So when when the Bible tells us to we need to die to self, we need to die to what we were molded to be here on this earth.
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All these standards, all these rules, regulations, policy, procedures, all this stuff molded us.
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He's trying to get us back to the way it should have been, or at least we get close to it.
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You know, so mental health has been an issue from day one.
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And that's what the Bible is not religion, but the spiritual teaching are the um the people in the medical field be it as lowest spirit support, like that health all the way to psychology and sociology, you know, and even drug and alcohol if I may.
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It's about trying to help people achieve the balance.
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If you want to like when my mom used to be on track in the 80s, I remember asking her now.
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I remember asking her why.
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What are you doing?
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And she said I like it.
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Um people are helping to do what they want to do until they cannot do it.
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But understand that your mental health until you can table everything else to you.
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And people are walking around here and you don't know.
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It's not my responsibility as a friend, as a girlfriend, sister to read it to check in on her life.
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Check on me.
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But you know what John does work.
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It's not my responsibility to keep my hand on the swivel and see if they okay today.
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You know, I'm supervising it, they driving him, they're doing stuff, you know, carrying a gun, being a police officer.
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You gotta check on people because they're what they do affect other people.
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But your responsibility as a human being is to show up wherever you are at a hundred percent.
00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:13.519
And if you ask not a hundred percent, stay the fuck home.
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:14.000
That's right.
00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:14.799
Stay home.
00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:16.480
Leave people alone.
00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:20.400
Because now you got me, my head on the swivel.
00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:23.599
You got me concerned that you going out with a gun.
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:27.599
You got me concerned that you operate this heavy equipment.
00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:29.359
You driving a school bus.
00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:31.200
Like, stay home, go home.
00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:31.519
Right.
00:19:31.759 --> 00:19:35.839
Because now you have drunk everybody else in on your mess.
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:38.160
But I gotta play devil's advocate to that.
00:19:39.039 --> 00:19:40.720
What if what if they can't stay home?
00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:50.640
What if they gotta go to work because they said, you know, if I don't show up one more time, if I miss one more day, I'm gonna lose my job, then I can't take care of my kids and this and that.
00:19:50.799 --> 00:19:56.480
I feel like each job should have something available to these workers.
00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:00.000
That's that's my job.
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:03.200
That's and I 100% agree with you.
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:07.119
So if you're not gonna stay home, you need to get yourself some help.
00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:10.880
Talk to your to your HR, because that's literally what I do.
00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:19.759
I am a wellness, I'm a wellness person, director, whatever you call me, at businesses where I set up wellness plans for them and their employees.
00:20:20.240 --> 00:20:22.720
But there's stigma, there's stigma with that too.
00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:24.400
There's stigma with that too.
00:20:24.640 --> 00:20:24.960
Exactly.
00:20:25.359 --> 00:20:28.480
But the the ceiling has been cracked, because you're right.
00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:49.440
But the ceiling has been cracked, and more and more people, such as myself, are uh doing this because businesses see uh one of my newest clients is a um a convalescent home where the old men are verbally and physically attracted to the female nurses and sometimes the male nurses.
00:20:50.000 --> 00:21:13.920
The female nurses are are um you know, so um I'm I'm meeting with uh the uh G O men over there and trying to come up with a wellness plan for her for the staff rather when I'm meeting with that individual employee to talk to her.
00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:27.519
But that stigma is a sickness, but it's being broken the glass, the ceiling has been cracked on that, and people like myself are getting in these businesses to have an out for their employees.
00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:31.119
So thank you so much for bringing that and pulling the devil's advocate.
00:21:31.200 --> 00:21:33.839
Because you're right, some people leave home to get away from the best.
00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:35.839
Exactly.
00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:37.519
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:40.079
Well, I'm just I'm glad the glass has been broken.
00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:48.480
I'm so happy the glass has been broken, it needs to be broken more places, and then yeah, it needs to be a comfortability thing for men.
00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:50.240
I I'm advocating for the men right now.
00:21:50.480 --> 00:21:59.839
So I thought about this to think about because they have to know that they can feel comfortable going like if I'm at work and I you know, I'm doing my job or whatever.
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:03.519
You know, uh, but I'm having a hard time.
00:22:03.759 --> 00:22:04.799
I don't like it here.
00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:09.359
So um I want to be doing something else, but you know, I gotta pay my bills.
00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:14.640
I gotta get to take care of who am I going to talk to that I'm comfortable with.
00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:23.359
Oh that's not gonna work that that's the mental health person because they must be putting their mind.
00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:26.000
Now I gotta watch them to make sure they're kind of covered.
00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:27.359
Bang, bang, bang.
00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:44.079
So we gotta we gotta have spaces even outside of work, maybe men's groups or you know, I know some here in Charlotte where they go out and they just it's a group of dads, they go out and they have dinner, and then they can talk to each other that way.
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:47.519
So I think there needs to be that it's gotta become the norm.
00:22:47.759 --> 00:22:48.960
It's gotta become the norm.
00:22:49.200 --> 00:23:01.119
Businesses need to put contact information on the website, um, put it through uh social media where you don't have to go through HR uh to obtain that information.
00:23:01.359 --> 00:23:19.279
When I was um doing drunk and alcohol for Calho um and doing peer support, um there were more females that called in, but too much to my surprise, there were a lot of men calling in um undercover.
00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:23.200
Man, I've had men call me sitting in their car in the garage.
00:23:23.519 --> 00:23:32.960
They can hear the drama going on in the house, and they're calling me while they're sitting in the car saying I I need to prepare to go in here because I already know it's gonna be some bullshit.
00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:35.519
In the car, in the car.
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:59.039
I've had a man, this one really shocked me, a young man that just got out of prison, did a couple of years, um, and his girlfriend um did not believe in his dream to get old to um start up a full truck, and and he's fresh out and he's got this idea, he's got a little muddy face, and he was he was bringing him down, and um, he was doing some kind of way.
00:23:59.279 --> 00:24:10.640
I actually hooked him up with a friend of mine, actually a colleague that did 26 years in prison and now has a not for profit that's helping uh men and women exit out.
00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:15.839
And I was hooked them up together, and now he was not with his girlfriend anymore.
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:17.680
Now his business is thriving.
00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:23.039
But she was dragging him down, and he was just really depressed and didn't know what he was gonna do.
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:25.680
He said, I don't want to go back to that life.
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:32.160
But she was there with me when I was down, but now she she's you know she's not of any support.
00:24:32.400 --> 00:24:33.839
You know, what do I do?
00:24:34.160 --> 00:24:40.240
And I told him I'm this is not my area of expertise, but I know somebody that can help you.
00:24:40.400 --> 00:24:42.559
And I hooked him up that night.
00:24:42.799 --> 00:24:44.559
That night, that kind of stuff.
00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:56.000
Yeah, so you gotta have, you know, in school, they teach you to have your own library of resources, regardless of where you work at.
00:24:56.160 --> 00:25:14.400
And I've carried that resource book with me from the time I started in this field to now and continue to add to it because your company or your organization, most of them have a really nice decent library of resources, but most of the time they don't want you taking with them.
00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:20.160
So you develop your own relationship, your own partnership, so you can refer anybody.
00:25:20.319 --> 00:25:24.079
I was on vacation and somebody asked me for some help.
00:25:24.319 --> 00:25:26.319
Not at work, I'm on vacation.
00:25:27.359 --> 00:25:30.880
In a dolphin pool and being asked for some help.
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:31.519
Wow.
00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:32.799
We yeah.
00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:43.279
So I have to pull up my phone and give her some information because her need was a higher caliber than I can manage myself and referred her out.
00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:55.119
So you gotta have your library and resources and know who to who to uh connect people with because everybody's not gonna connect with anybody, as the as my colleague has said, yes.
00:25:55.440 --> 00:26:01.039
So do you think that society has trained people to to hide the pain?
00:26:01.279 --> 00:26:10.000
And that's the reason why, um, like you said with the men, do you think that they've been trained to hide it?
00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:11.200
Not too.
00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:13.039
Do you think that's the reason why?
00:26:13.599 --> 00:26:20.240
Um, because you you you're told when you go to work, leave whatever you got going on, leave it at the door.
00:26:20.400 --> 00:26:22.160
Yeah, and come in here and perform.
00:26:22.400 --> 00:26:25.680
Yeah, leave it at the door.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:27.279
Come in here and perform.
00:26:27.440 --> 00:26:32.559
So in society, you still leave it in the car.
00:26:33.039 --> 00:26:39.279
Or you go in to have the time because you feel like I got it together.
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:42.880
Although you just in your car crying about whatever.
00:26:43.359 --> 00:26:48.799
I mean these tiers, get the specter on and go back and go in here and perform.
00:26:49.039 --> 00:26:49.839
Yeah, I agree.
00:26:50.160 --> 00:26:55.920
So, what do you think what do you think some of the kind of signs are of uh of functional distress?
00:26:56.240 --> 00:26:57.279
What would you be looking for?
00:26:57.599 --> 00:26:59.599
That should be going around looking for it.
00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:05.759
You know, what are some of the signs that you see in people with this functional depression?
00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:08.240
Their body language.
00:27:09.200 --> 00:27:10.559
I can look at I don't know.
00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:11.920
I can look at someone's face.
00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:17.200
Sometimes, you know, you might be smiling, but if you look in the eyes, the eyes tell it off.
00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:19.359
The body language tells it off.
00:27:20.640 --> 00:27:22.640
I see it every day.
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:23.279
Yeah.
00:27:24.400 --> 00:27:27.599
Yeah, where I sit at work, I can see when people come in.
00:27:27.759 --> 00:27:38.160
Um, you might come in a certain way, and then you might see some clients or whatever, and then your your whole face, the way your walk is, it changes.
00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:38.880
Yeah.
00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:40.240
I agree with you.
00:27:40.400 --> 00:27:55.279
I do but I believe I believe that there's some people who have um actually perfected walking around in functional depression where you can look in their eyes, come on, somebody.
00:27:55.599 --> 00:27:57.680
Okay, because this is good at it.
00:27:57.839 --> 00:28:01.279
Let me tell you, I'm gonna tell you this.
00:28:01.519 --> 00:28:05.519
Uh and and and Anya could probably attest to this too.
00:28:05.599 --> 00:28:14.000
There was a time I was married to this man, and on the outside, we appeared to be so happy and having things together.
00:28:14.160 --> 00:28:16.160
However, I was broken.
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:21.680
When I say broken inside, I was torn down on the inside, honey.
00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:22.480
I was.
00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:22.720
Yeah.
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:24.640
And I thought so well.
00:28:24.960 --> 00:28:27.119
People to tell me.
00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:29.839
I was living in the house.
00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:32.480
I was living in the house and didn't know.
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:38.079
When I and when I came home one day, I was like, What's what's going on, sister?
00:28:38.319 --> 00:28:40.720
And when she told me, I said, What?
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:42.720
I couldn't believe it.
00:28:43.359 --> 00:28:44.480
I had no idea.
00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:45.039
None.
00:28:45.200 --> 00:28:45.519
None.
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:49.759
I'm in the house, eating dinner, chit-chatting, going out.
00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:51.039
Had no idea.
00:28:51.200 --> 00:28:52.880
So we hide it well.
00:28:53.279 --> 00:28:58.160
And particularly people of color, because there's already a stereotype about us.
00:28:58.240 --> 00:29:12.559
We can go back to the days of slavery where we have to put on a fake face, you know, a fake disposition to be like we okay, you know, and including the um the Jewish people, if I may.
00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:24.640
Um, they were getting slaughtered for any given reason, but if you out there in the fields and you're not um in these camps, rather, and you don't look healthy, they're going to put you in the in the smoke room.
00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:47.440
So they were actually pricking their fingers to generate blood, to uh get blood, put it on their cheeks, so their cheeks can look a little rosy, so their lips can look because they were so em uh emassed it, um, that you know, they were deprived of food and obviously vitamins and nutrients.
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:56.960
So they have to figure out a way to put a smiling face on and look healthy when they look dead, just to not go to the chamber.
00:29:57.519 --> 00:29:58.160
You know?
00:29:58.559 --> 00:30:04.880
So we have been faking this for years, you know, and it's trickled down in our DNA.
00:30:04.960 --> 00:30:07.279
It's just habit and it's unfortunate.
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:11.039
And again, like my colleague said, it's a stereotype.
00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:13.279
You know, there's a stigma to it, rather.
00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:23.920
You know, but now it's becoming what I've noticed, and particularly in social media, to be drama, to be me too.
00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:25.200
I'm depressed too.
00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:27.920
And because you we want people to feel sorry for you.
00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:40.400
You want to think 15 minutes of fame or or whatever you want to be on the bandwagon to people lying about being, you know, raped and and um depressed just to get attention.
00:30:40.559 --> 00:30:42.240
People are exaggerating.
00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:47.759
You know, Tom Arnold did that when uh Roseanne Barr came out about her childhood.
00:30:47.920 --> 00:30:52.319
Couldn't find out he said he was too, but couldn't find out he was a damn lie.
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:54.559
None of that stuff happened to him.
00:30:54.880 --> 00:31:00.319
So, you know, if people want attention, and now you don't know who to believe and what to believe.
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:02.799
Yeah, yeah, and that's true.
00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:08.079
Uh, you know, and that's and that's whoo that's a sad shame.
00:31:08.319 --> 00:31:09.839
You know what's so crazy?
00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:17.519
Um I know that I uh this is not off the subject, but I was watching an interview with Ray J.
00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:21.680
Did y'all watch that interview?
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:31.759
I didn't crazy when I look at the face, the faces we hide, the functional depression, I I think about him.
00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:37.440
I looked at that interview and I was just very, very sad for him.
00:31:37.759 --> 00:31:41.119
You know, um, just you're right.
00:31:41.279 --> 00:31:47.359
I didn't think that about um uh what's his what's the one that was married to um Mariah Carey?
00:31:47.440 --> 00:31:48.160
What's his name?
00:31:49.039 --> 00:31:50.240
Oh, he came out and said it.
00:31:50.319 --> 00:31:51.599
Oh, he came out and said it.
00:31:51.680 --> 00:31:52.720
He talked about it.
00:31:52.880 --> 00:31:55.920
He said it was one of the reasons why he had a lot of children.
00:31:56.160 --> 00:31:57.359
Yeah, Nick Cannon.
00:31:57.680 --> 00:32:06.400
When I saw his interview and he was trying to defend, you know, having all those kids and this and that, this was before he admitted.
00:32:06.559 --> 00:32:07.519
I knew then.
00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:08.400
Yeah.
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:12.559
I knew I said he yeah, he he got the problem.
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:14.160
He got the problem.
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:21.680
The way he tried, and I'm not a quote, just because you got 10, 11, 12 children does not mean you got mental health issues at all.
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:24.000
Back in the day, that was a family staff.
00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:27.680
But when he went in there, you go.
00:32:27.920 --> 00:32:34.400
When you when he went in on explaining why, I said, okay.
00:32:35.279 --> 00:32:36.960
He's got some mental health issues.
00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:39.279
Yes, he's definitely he's definitely got some chance.
00:32:39.519 --> 00:32:44.559
And when he came out about it, I I I was like, Yeah, uh everybody knows, bro.
00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:47.200
You the emperor with no clothes on, okay?
00:32:47.279 --> 00:32:49.920
That's who you are, because everybody see you naked.
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:51.039
Right, right.
00:32:52.799 --> 00:32:53.440
Right.
00:32:53.759 --> 00:32:54.319
You're right.
00:32:54.480 --> 00:32:55.200
And you know what?
00:32:55.279 --> 00:32:58.559
That just goes to show you look, these are celebrities, right?
00:32:58.720 --> 00:32:59.759
These are celebrities.
00:32:59.920 --> 00:33:02.000
And this let's just say this.
00:33:02.240 --> 00:33:07.599
This is our opinion about what we feel, about you know, what we see about them.
00:33:07.759 --> 00:33:11.200
But of course, their lives are you know, it's out in the public.
00:33:11.359 --> 00:33:12.960
So we see this, these things every day.
00:33:13.119 --> 00:33:22.720
We're not judging or anything, it's just that this is an opinion that we have, like when I said about radio, basically, based on observation and what we see.
00:33:23.119 --> 00:33:26.160
Because we don't we do not know what goes on behind doors.
00:33:26.400 --> 00:33:32.160
But when you are an empath or skill, like again, my colleague, you see it and you hear it.
00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:34.160
And for the most part, you have a base.
00:33:34.480 --> 00:33:44.480
People have a base, and when that base changes, you you see where it's going, and you can pick up on people's energy because we all have it.
00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:52.400
It don't matter what my daily activities are day in and day out, my energy is going to show where I am mentally.
00:33:52.880 --> 00:34:03.920
Absolutely, and you know, um, listen, we're gonna segue into something, and I just want to put a disclaimer out there once more, okay?
00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:08.960
Because this is about suicidal ideation.
00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:14.480
Okay, so I want anybody who feels like they're gonna be triggered.
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:20.960
Vernita, if you feel you're gonna be triggered, Anya, let me know and we can end the interview.
00:34:21.360 --> 00:34:31.599
So if not, we'll go ahead and proceed because Anya just said some things just now um which made me want to segue into this.
00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:48.159
You know, when it comes to uh our men of color especially especially, I am starting to see a rise of men of color who is actually taking their life.
00:34:48.800 --> 00:34:52.480
You know, you know, we spoke on Nick Cannon and Ray J.
00:34:52.639 --> 00:34:59.599
They out in the public acting a damn fool, but then you have some of these men who are saying nothing.
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:01.920
And the next thing you know, they're gone.
00:35:02.079 --> 00:35:04.159
Say, for instance, the young man Twitch.
00:35:04.639 --> 00:35:15.360
He was in the public eye, everything going for beautiful wife, uh, beautiful children, home, career, all that, and then boom, gone.
00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:22.880
You know, so um this thing about suicidal ideation um and suicide is deep.
00:35:23.039 --> 00:35:28.159
And when I say it's deep, it's all over uh social media right now.
00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:36.719
I I wrote a book about it, wake up tomorrow, and I was gonna read something from it a little bit later before we close.
00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:47.760
But um why is it important to understand that many people want to end their life?
00:35:49.840 --> 00:35:57.280
Well, society, um again, I'm gonna go back to the society has molded us even though God created us.
00:35:57.519 --> 00:36:12.320
And so the the weight, and particularly men of color, the weight of this world is on them, unlike any other man, unlike the burden of the family, keeping the family together.
00:36:12.480 --> 00:36:16.800
Then you got out going out in the world and dealing with people.
00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:25.360
You got all these, you know, people you answer to, you walk up on somebody, and they immediately have the stereotype in their head.
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:28.079
Uh, and and you don't even have to say anything.
00:36:28.239 --> 00:36:37.280
The energy, the energy that someone brings to you, be it over the phone or be it in person, is a weight, it's heavy.
00:36:37.519 --> 00:36:44.159
And then and so they don't feel like they have anyone to go to because again, their ego and their pride is in the way.
00:36:44.800 --> 00:36:48.559
So they feel like they have no other option but to go.
00:36:48.880 --> 00:36:49.920
Yeah, yeah.
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:51.039
Yeah.
00:36:51.920 --> 00:36:55.760
No, I it only reason why I'm saying it is this.
00:36:56.000 --> 00:37:01.039
Um, I have dealt with suicidal ideation for many, many, many, many years.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:02.559
Many years.
00:37:02.880 --> 00:37:14.719
And I I've got to admit that every time I think about it, and I don't, it's it isn't that it isn't that I want to end my life.
00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:16.800
I want the the pain to stop.
00:37:17.039 --> 00:37:17.199
Right.
00:37:17.440 --> 00:37:19.039
I want the heaviness to stop.
00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:25.599
A mental pain is so much worse than the physical pain.
00:37:25.840 --> 00:37:28.480
How do you rid of how do you rid of mental pain?
00:37:28.639 --> 00:37:29.360
How do you do that?
00:37:29.519 --> 00:37:34.239
How do you, you know, wake up and all this heaviness is there and you get rid of that?
00:37:34.559 --> 00:37:37.039
It takes time, it doesn't go overnight.
00:37:37.280 --> 00:37:37.840
Yeah.
00:37:38.960 --> 00:37:45.599
If I may, I'm I'm gonna tell you the solution to it, never whether you agree with it or not, or or follow through.
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:48.000
100% how do you get rid of it?
00:37:48.159 --> 00:37:50.239
You need a shift in your mindset.
00:37:50.400 --> 00:37:55.840
We whatever we're looking at that's depressing us and making us stress out and making us want to kill ourselves.
00:37:56.000 --> 00:37:58.159
It is literally how you're looking at it.
00:37:58.400 --> 00:38:01.039
Literally, it's how you're perceiving it.
00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:03.920
You have to change your mind about what you're looking at.
00:38:04.000 --> 00:38:05.519
And let me give you an example.
00:38:05.679 --> 00:38:15.039
You've got two families where a child was murdered, and you got one family that's embracing the murderer that has forgiven him or her.
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:19.760
Then you got another family that's ready to go in and kill the person that killed their child.
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:22.800
Each one, there's nothing wrong with either of them.
00:38:23.039 --> 00:38:30.880
The difference is, however, the people that are embracing the person that murdered their child, it's not that they don't love their child.
00:38:31.119 --> 00:38:34.239
It's not that they are not they're not unhappy.
00:38:34.400 --> 00:38:36.880
It's that another life is being taken.
00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:42.000
This person is going to prison likely or getting the death penalty for what they did.
00:38:42.880 --> 00:38:53.920
Because the way they're looking at it, behaving another person and keeping that day in and day out and stressing yourself out literally is not going to fix that situation.
00:38:54.159 --> 00:38:57.440
So it's up to you to change your mindset.
00:38:57.599 --> 00:39:04.400
It's like my colleague said, it takes time to do that, but you have to first, and we're all in addiction, we all know what that is.
00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:07.280
You have to admit it and take the first step.
00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:08.639
But that's the answer.
00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:11.360
Whether they want to acknowledge it or take it or not.
00:39:11.519 --> 00:39:15.119
You gotta wake up and be like, oh, this is some bullshit, but okay.
00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:15.679
Yes.
00:39:16.400 --> 00:39:16.639
Okay.
00:39:18.159 --> 00:39:27.360
I'm not gonna let this truth, I'm not gonna let my kids stress me out, I'm not gonna let this job, I'm not gonna let no man, I'm not gonna let no child, I'm not gonna let anybody.
00:39:27.519 --> 00:39:36.719
It's literally a choice because somebody else is experiencing the same exact situation, but they are not allowing it to stress them out.
00:39:36.880 --> 00:39:38.320
Yes, that person is different.
00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:44.000
Yes, you're different, but you too can partake of this non-stress energy as well.
00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:44.639
It's okay.
00:39:44.880 --> 00:39:48.719
God's best is available for us day in and day out.
00:39:49.119 --> 00:39:53.920
It is there's no, I don't need to pray God's best for you because it's already available.
00:39:54.079 --> 00:39:57.360
My prayer is for you to recognize it and lean in.
00:39:57.519 --> 00:40:00.000
The problem is we're not leaning into it.
00:40:00.239 --> 00:40:02.079
So you want to be rid of it?
00:40:02.239 --> 00:40:03.599
Uh change your mind.
00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:06.239
And it doesn't mean you're not bad about it.
00:40:06.480 --> 00:40:08.639
It doesn't mean that you don't appreciate it.
00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:09.760
It doesn't mean that.
00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:11.920
Of course you don't appreciate it.
00:40:12.079 --> 00:40:13.760
Of course you don't like this over there.
00:40:13.920 --> 00:40:14.639
Of course not.
00:40:14.800 --> 00:40:17.679
But it doesn't mean that you have to sit and marinate in it.
00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:20.719
It's like sitting at the front door waiting for the shoe to drop.
00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:21.840
Why are you doing that?
00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:23.679
Don't you gotta use the bathroom?
00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:25.440
Don't you gotta feed yourself?
00:40:25.599 --> 00:40:27.360
Don't you gotta go take care of your husband?
00:40:27.440 --> 00:40:29.440
Why are you waiting at the front door?
00:40:29.599 --> 00:40:37.599
You just waiting at the front door so your life came to a standstill because you waiting for the shoe to drop at the door so you can open it up.
00:40:37.760 --> 00:40:40.239
It's coming whether you sit there or not.
00:40:40.400 --> 00:40:40.800
Right, right.
00:40:43.199 --> 00:40:43.840
Right.
00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:44.880
Right.
00:40:45.440 --> 00:40:46.960
What do you think, Bernada?
00:40:47.840 --> 00:40:49.920
I agree with my colleague there.
00:40:50.079 --> 00:40:58.559
Um, the way that I got it, because I had um subside audiations for years, but I changed the narrative.
00:40:58.719 --> 00:41:01.199
I changed my mindset, just like she said.
00:41:01.679 --> 00:41:09.440
I changed it instead of feeling like you know, my world's about to end and I gotta be able to do X, Y, and Z.
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:13.039
When I change that, okay, this is where I am.
00:41:13.760 --> 00:41:14.639
That's where I want to be.
00:41:14.800 --> 00:41:16.800
How am I gonna get there and get out of this phone?
00:41:17.039 --> 00:41:17.679
Yes, yeah.
00:41:18.159 --> 00:41:19.199
Change my narrative.
00:41:19.760 --> 00:41:22.960
So I I look at everything as a lesson, right?
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:23.440
Yes.
00:41:23.760 --> 00:41:26.960
So let's say for instance, uh my pipes first.
00:41:27.280 --> 00:41:31.119
Okay, I've lost in my mind here, I lost everything, blah, blah, blah.
00:41:31.280 --> 00:41:32.719
What am I gonna do, right?
00:41:33.519 --> 00:41:35.039
Let me tell you what I did.
00:41:35.920 --> 00:41:37.360
I said, you know, it could be worse.
00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:38.159
I could be dead.
00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:41.440
I could be X, Y, and Z.
00:41:42.639 --> 00:41:44.239
My my computer's gone somewhere.
00:41:44.719 --> 00:41:46.320
Um Okay.
00:41:46.880 --> 00:41:55.039
And so instead of being negative about things, I take everything as a positive or a positive, I flip it to positive, uh, no matter what it is.
00:41:55.280 --> 00:42:05.679
Whether I feel like really bad, because I I actually want to end my life because I gave wait, I didn't know that I was uh this big or a thousand.
00:42:06.079 --> 00:42:09.119
And I saw a picture of me and I was like, I'm done.
00:42:09.199 --> 00:42:10.000
Like I'm just done.
00:42:10.159 --> 00:42:12.159
I have all these health pictures I'm done, right?
00:42:13.039 --> 00:42:16.320
But I had to think and change, change my mindset.
00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:23.519
So um so I can fix it, I can fix that, I can fix this, but I had to change.
00:42:23.760 --> 00:42:27.679
And so once I change everything else, falling depressed.
00:42:27.920 --> 00:42:30.400
And so I'm like that with other people.
00:42:30.800 --> 00:42:38.719
You know, I try to get if they're depressed or they're you know talking about whatever, I I spit it, I put something positive on it.
00:42:41.360 --> 00:42:45.440
Were you able to tell anybody this is what you would think of?
00:42:46.880 --> 00:42:51.360
After I went through my not talking, close the door.
00:42:51.519 --> 00:42:54.239
I used to get depressed when I turned a different age.
00:42:54.480 --> 00:42:58.000
My birthday, because as a kid, my birthday was never celebrated.
00:42:58.159 --> 00:43:01.519
So when my birthday came, I thought it was a time to close the door.
00:43:01.679 --> 00:43:11.119
And I literally, from the time my birthday came, I close the door, and I would talk to people and answer my phone until the next day I said, Oh, it's overfiling.
00:43:12.320 --> 00:43:14.400
I didn't want to be recognized for things like that.
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:18.960
Do you think that was your your cue you were trying to give to people that you would hold?
00:43:21.519 --> 00:43:24.079
It was my cue, but everybody didn't pick up on it.
00:43:24.400 --> 00:43:25.679
Everybody did not pick up on it.
00:43:25.840 --> 00:43:26.239
Why is it?
00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:33.119
No, as a case when I tried to commit suicide, nobody really picked up on it.
00:43:33.519 --> 00:43:34.719
What do you think?
00:43:36.079 --> 00:43:37.920
Oh, because that wasn't a priority.
00:43:38.400 --> 00:43:39.039
Wow.
00:43:39.840 --> 00:43:40.480
Wow.
00:43:41.760 --> 00:43:44.559
So think about you know, think about people, you know.
00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:47.119
I didn't mean to do that.
00:43:47.199 --> 00:43:50.000
But that's what we do over here.
00:43:50.800 --> 00:43:58.880
But you know, sometimes you you like again, you don't know how different things will affect somebody, how it affects them later, how it affects them now.
00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:02.639
Um but if Again, we're talking about suicide ideation.
00:44:02.719 --> 00:44:04.079
You gotta change the narrative.
00:44:04.320 --> 00:44:04.800
Yes.
00:44:05.199 --> 00:44:14.559
Once you do that, and you do that successfully, not saying that you're not gonna ever be depressed again or you might not think about it again, but you're you're not gonna go and do it.
00:44:14.719 --> 00:44:16.159
Like you're not gonna do the plan.
00:44:16.320 --> 00:44:20.159
You're not gonna say, I'm gonna do X, Y, and Z to end this or whatever.
00:44:20.320 --> 00:44:20.800
Yeah.
00:44:21.119 --> 00:44:21.760
Yeah.
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:40.079
Well, I'm gonna tell you, I think that um, I think that we we miss a lot of the signals because I think that people think that suicide, people who want to commit suicide, that it's loud, you know, and that there's there's it is not loud.
00:44:40.480 --> 00:44:42.239
Step one, I'm gonna get rid of everything.
00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:44.559
Step two, it it is nothing like this.
00:44:44.639 --> 00:44:47.920
It's actually very subtle, and people miss it.
00:44:48.159 --> 00:44:56.239
Like people don't even realize that people who overwork themselves, you know, that that can be a signal, like, hmm.
00:44:56.400 --> 00:45:15.119
Not saying that that's that's everybody, but yeah, people who um overwork themselves, people who always trying to outdo or trying to prove themselves, you know, and I can I I can only just remember when I was a young girl, I was just over it.
00:45:15.280 --> 00:45:29.280
Now, I did attempt suicide, and this is when I was a teenager and I was living with my mom and the projects, and I wrote about it in this book, and I talked about um how I just laid there and I was waiting to go, honey.
00:45:29.360 --> 00:45:41.599
I was waiting to go, and I got pissed off because I woke up the next day and I was sick, and I still had to go to school, but people missed it.
00:45:41.679 --> 00:45:51.440
Uh and you're right, you it was because I feel like I was not a priority, I was not even seen, like it it was crazy, you know.
00:45:53.199 --> 00:45:59.519
Yeah, and it's like even when because when I did it, it was like the next day, it's like it didn't even happen, it didn't exist.
00:46:00.480 --> 00:46:07.920
You know, put her in that tub of water, get her back together so she can go out here and babysit these kids, you know.
00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:09.679
Wow.
00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:15.760
I mean, that's the reality of it, you know.
00:46:16.320 --> 00:46:23.119
So she can wash these kids get her, put her back together, she's gonna be all right, you know.
00:46:24.079 --> 00:46:26.159
Don't even talk about it ever again.
00:46:26.719 --> 00:46:27.440
It's done.
00:46:28.079 --> 00:46:31.679
Um so so how are you with that now?
00:46:31.760 --> 00:46:34.239
Like, you know, dealing with the suicidal ideation.
00:46:34.320 --> 00:46:37.039
And do you think catch you this too, real quick?
00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:42.880
Do you think that everybody has suicidal ideation?
00:46:42.960 --> 00:46:47.679
Is it or is it just you know, people with these mental health disorders?
00:46:48.800 --> 00:46:53.039
Oh, everybody has it, everybody has something traumatic that's happening.
00:46:53.199 --> 00:46:55.280
It's like, oh my god, my world is over.
00:46:55.440 --> 00:46:59.920
Right, you know, um, I need to just get out of here and not be here anymore.
00:47:01.039 --> 00:47:03.920
Some people are looking for a reaction, some people mean it.
00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:08.320
Yeah, um, but who are we to say whether that's the real one or that's not?
00:47:08.480 --> 00:47:12.320
And then who's gonna do something about it or who knows how to handle it?
00:47:12.480 --> 00:47:12.719
Right.
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:14.719
That's why mental health is so important.
00:47:14.800 --> 00:47:30.480
We need to pay attention to our surroundings, our people around us, and get training because you don't have to be a peer educator, you don't have to be a psychologist, a social worker, or anything like that to be there for somebody that might be, especially these kids, yeah, these men.
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:40.239
Um, I think social media is making people think life is just roses and in all the dandelions.
00:47:40.480 --> 00:47:44.239
It's not like their life is not real, it's not real.
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:50.880
And I didn't even try to be very careful with that as a life coach and one who is very present on um social media.
00:47:51.119 --> 00:47:53.440
I don't want people thinking that my life is perfect.
00:47:53.599 --> 00:47:58.239
So when I have my bad days, I tell people, listen, I I'm not okay today.
00:48:00.159 --> 00:48:04.880
I never want people thinking that my life is just roses, you know what I mean?
00:48:05.039 --> 00:48:13.679
That's why I really watch even when I listen, I post my husband, me and him, and I post him because I'm I'm in love with him, right?
00:48:13.760 --> 00:48:16.000
And I want the world to know that I'm in love with him.
00:48:16.239 --> 00:48:23.760
But I don't want the world to think that you know everything is just so perfect over here that we just over here walking on water, you know.
00:48:23.920 --> 00:48:40.719
I have my days, I have my days, and my husband will say, like, when I, you know, when I was going into my depressions when the first time I was here in Ohio, and he's like, You'll be gone for days, meaning in my mind, you know, he's saying it takes so much just to bring you back.
00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:48.800
So I really had to check myself on that, and like Anya said, you know, it's about your mindset.
00:48:48.880 --> 00:48:50.559
You really have to change that mindset.
00:48:50.719 --> 00:48:53.760
But there are some people who are unable to do that.
00:48:53.920 --> 00:48:58.800
Yeah, I mean I'll be even thinking about the the actor Robert Robin Williams.
00:48:59.039 --> 00:48:59.760
That's his name.
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:08.559
Yeah, we thought this this man funny, um, had money, had the life, the fame, everything.
00:49:08.880 --> 00:49:12.800
And he was walking around functionally depressed.
00:49:13.119 --> 00:49:14.000
It's crazy.
00:49:14.159 --> 00:49:24.159
And with suicidal ideations, and where one day he finally was like, This is the day, and what's so crazy about it, there were no signs.
00:49:25.280 --> 00:49:26.079
But were they?
00:49:26.159 --> 00:49:27.280
There probably was.
00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:29.119
Nobody was paying attention.
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:30.159
Right.
00:49:31.599 --> 00:49:32.639
Yeah, it probably was.
00:49:39.519 --> 00:49:41.119
Thank you so much for having me.
00:49:41.280 --> 00:49:43.280
I look forward to coming back to another day.
00:49:45.599 --> 00:49:49.920
I wish I could stay on for the whole time, but you guys are doing a great job.
00:49:50.079 --> 00:49:53.760
Thank you for having me, and I look forward to chatting with you guys another time.
00:49:57.760 --> 00:49:58.639
Thank you so much.
00:49:58.800 --> 00:49:59.280
Bye-bye.
00:50:02.000 --> 00:50:05.519
So listen, um, this is a deep subject.
00:50:05.840 --> 00:50:06.719
It really is.
00:50:07.360 --> 00:50:17.199
And I know that um you were even talking about some of your um some of your, you know, some of your childhood trauma things that you wanted to speak on.
00:50:17.360 --> 00:50:24.639
Um, do you think that some of the things that you went through as a child played a part in your suicidal ideations?
00:50:25.599 --> 00:50:26.639
Well, yeah.
00:50:26.880 --> 00:50:27.519
Yeah.
00:50:28.159 --> 00:50:28.639
Yeah.
00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:30.239
I went through a lot.
00:50:30.480 --> 00:50:31.519
Yeah, yeah.
00:50:31.760 --> 00:50:36.239
So not gonna touch on all the things, but yeah, it's a lot.
00:50:36.480 --> 00:50:37.760
Yeah, yeah.
00:50:38.079 --> 00:50:41.920
So, you know, I'm very high functioning.
00:50:42.159 --> 00:50:42.559
Yeah.
00:50:42.800 --> 00:50:56.320
Um people really don't know I'm depressed or be that I even be depressed because I just got an award for I am just a ray of sunshine when I'm at work because that's what I am, because that's what I know how to do.
00:50:56.480 --> 00:51:01.519
I mean, I really am happy all the time, but I'm also sad all the time too, and people don't know.
00:51:01.920 --> 00:51:02.320
Yeah.
00:51:02.559 --> 00:51:05.360
Um, do I have suicide ideations now?
00:51:05.519 --> 00:51:06.559
No, thank God.
00:51:06.800 --> 00:51:11.280
No, yeah, but have I in the past, yes, a lot.
00:51:11.760 --> 00:51:22.880
Have I I've gone as far as taking pills, drinking bleach, overdoing an alcohol, but I keep waking up, so God said I need to be here, so I need to stop.
00:51:25.679 --> 00:51:27.199
So I don't do any of that anymore.
00:51:27.519 --> 00:51:33.199
Yeah, well, we were talking about like how people really miss how really people really miss it.
00:51:33.440 --> 00:51:41.199
Because I'm telling you, I I'm telling you, when I was here in Ohio the last time, I remember I'll never forget.
00:51:41.360 --> 00:51:46.800
I laid in that bed and I said, if I do not wake up tomorrow, it will be okay.
00:51:47.440 --> 00:51:52.079
Because I was just, but everybody was like just missing it.
00:51:52.239 --> 00:51:54.159
It's like, y'all don't see me over here.
00:51:54.719 --> 00:51:58.320
You see me over here just in this bed, like y'all can just let me lay here.
00:51:58.480 --> 00:51:58.639
Sure.
00:51:59.039 --> 00:52:00.960
That's why you gotta have your inner circle.
00:52:01.039 --> 00:52:17.440
Like, I don't have an inner circle, I guess I need to get one, but but you gotta have those friends that know you that will pick up the phone or that are in the same town that you're in, and just be like, Okay, I heard from her in a couple hours.
00:52:17.519 --> 00:52:25.840
I and usually I talk to her like three, four times a day, or we text and let me go over here and see what's going on, and be that person to come and get you out the bed.
00:52:25.920 --> 00:52:26.800
Like, girl, what you doing?
00:52:26.880 --> 00:52:28.079
Like, what's really going on?
00:52:28.239 --> 00:52:32.000
So I think everybody needs that person, yeah.
00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:33.360
Gotta find that person.
00:52:33.440 --> 00:52:35.119
Well, I gotta find one because I ain't got one.
00:52:35.199 --> 00:52:39.199
Yeah, but once you get one, me, you can always call me, yeah.
00:52:39.360 --> 00:52:40.880
But what if I don't call you?
00:52:41.119 --> 00:52:42.000
Yeah, exactly.
00:52:42.079 --> 00:52:47.760
You right, but see, it goes back to just what you were saying, you know, you check on your people.
00:52:48.719 --> 00:52:49.360
Check on your people.
00:52:49.840 --> 00:52:51.360
What's Mernina not posted?
00:52:51.440 --> 00:52:53.519
We haven't seen any of her posts lately.
00:52:53.840 --> 00:52:56.639
Because she don't post, she ain't got no projects going on.
00:52:57.039 --> 00:53:01.119
Right, but you know what is crazy though, for real, for real, though.
00:53:01.280 --> 00:53:08.400
If I hadn't if I haven't heard, because I usually randomly text you about something crazy every now and again, you know.
00:53:08.480 --> 00:53:13.280
But if I haven't heard from you in a while, they'd be like, wait, hold on.
00:53:16.239 --> 00:53:21.360
Right, vice versa, because I'll be like, You good, or hang her, I was thinking about you, you know, stuff like that.
00:53:21.519 --> 00:53:31.199
I think people need that type of those type of people in their lives so that they can also hold them accountable or just be there, be that listening ear.
00:53:31.360 --> 00:53:35.199
You might just need to vent, be like, this is MFR and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:53:35.440 --> 00:53:37.679
Yeah, all right, and I feel good now.
00:53:38.159 --> 00:53:39.360
Yep, yep.
00:53:39.519 --> 00:53:42.639
Because I'm telling you, boy, especially with life, life.
00:53:42.880 --> 00:53:58.159
So, our property um that my daughter moved out of, and the property needs so much work, and um so when she moved out, um, it had it sat empty for a little while.
00:53:58.400 --> 00:54:02.639
Somebody broke in, they stole the hot water tank and the furnace girl.
00:54:02.800 --> 00:54:13.519
And it's like, God, I don't want what's going on, you know, and I can remember like I'm thinking, like, you know, just over this.
00:54:13.840 --> 00:54:16.480
You know, I'm just over this living thing.
00:54:16.639 --> 00:54:17.840
I'm so sick of it.
00:54:17.920 --> 00:54:19.280
It's like I'm a good person.
00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:30.239
Why do this, you know, you find yourself there, and I'm telling you, if you don't have your people that you can call and say, I'm not okay, but I'm fucked up right now and I need some help.
00:54:31.039 --> 00:54:41.679
You know, you don't have, I can only imagine those people who do not have absolutely nobody, not a husband, not a kid, not a friend, not a nobody.
00:54:41.840 --> 00:54:43.039
Can you imagine?
00:54:44.159 --> 00:54:55.679
Yeah, those are the people you see out here on the streets wandering around because now they didn't went to something, some substance or something else to help you know, take them away, like Calgon take me away.
00:54:55.840 --> 00:55:01.840
Yeah, um, and so now they out here real mentally messed up because of the substance.
00:55:02.000 --> 00:55:12.000
It's a lot of people like that, or it's a lot people out here shooting people, it's people out here going to do things to to people that they don't need to because they didn't lost it, they don't care, right?
00:55:12.320 --> 00:55:13.360
You know, right?
00:55:13.840 --> 00:55:16.320
So what have you done differently?
00:55:16.480 --> 00:55:25.360
What have you done differently just to make sure that you you know, okay, you said that you you are functionally depressed.
00:55:26.159 --> 00:55:33.920
What is so what are some of the things that you do to make sure that you keep your spirits up though on a day-to-day basis?
00:55:34.960 --> 00:55:41.119
I walk, I work out, I clean, I go and create something.
00:55:42.239 --> 00:55:43.840
Those are my things.
00:55:44.400 --> 00:55:48.239
Yes, working out, cleaning because cleaning relaxes me.
00:55:48.400 --> 00:55:50.239
Yeah, you have Bernita's.
00:55:50.320 --> 00:55:55.360
Well, you have Nita's creative simply made customs.
00:55:55.599 --> 00:55:56.800
Simply made customs.
00:55:56.880 --> 00:56:06.880
I keep forget every I don't know why I keep wanting to stay with your old name, but uh yes, so you so what it what what do you do with with that?
00:56:07.199 --> 00:56:08.719
Simply made customs.
00:56:09.360 --> 00:56:12.559
I like to help small business owners with their merch.
00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:24.800
I like to take um someone's um thoughts or you know, whatever their plan is for their their business or design, and I like to bring it to life.
00:56:24.960 --> 00:56:32.480
Like if you have a thought, you know, I want to start this clothing brand and I'm thinking about doing X, Y, and Z, I listen.
00:56:33.199 --> 00:56:40.719
I don't judge, but I listen and then I will go and create something based off of what their thoughts are.
00:56:40.880 --> 00:56:41.760
I love to do that.
00:56:41.920 --> 00:57:03.280
I love to work one-on-one with people in their events, their planning, um, to bring their creations to life, whether that's creating something with um through a t-shirt, through clothing, through um tumblers, cups, embroidery, sewing, whatever that, whatever it is, even if it's painting, you know.
00:57:03.440 --> 00:57:05.039
I just I am very creative.
00:57:05.199 --> 00:57:08.800
I like to create and I like to help people, no matter what it is.
00:57:09.039 --> 00:57:09.360
Yeah.
00:57:09.599 --> 00:57:13.760
And you say you feel like that definitely helps you with your depression.
00:57:14.000 --> 00:57:14.960
Oh, it does, yeah.
00:57:15.039 --> 00:57:15.599
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:57:15.760 --> 00:57:16.159
It does.
00:57:16.400 --> 00:57:16.960
100%.
00:57:18.239 --> 00:57:22.719
Um, I love riding my motorcycle, that's one of the things that I love doing.
00:57:23.599 --> 00:57:25.280
I'm scared of motorcycles.
00:57:25.519 --> 00:57:28.719
I love my motorcycle, that's what I I love doing.
00:57:28.880 --> 00:57:37.760
So when I cannot, and I have not really been, I I have this year a little bit, but I haven't really been able to ride it like I want to because of the weather.
00:57:37.920 --> 00:57:41.679
And that's one of the things here too that trigger me is the weather.
00:57:42.000 --> 00:57:44.079
When it's like it's when it's cold.
00:57:44.239 --> 00:57:46.000
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:57:46.159 --> 00:57:54.000
So our girl, our whole goal is to get me out of here as soon as possible because it's just um it's it's it's rough.
00:57:54.159 --> 00:58:02.559
It's rough as when you are dealing with with depression, um that you have to know your triggers.
00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:03.280
Yes.
00:58:03.599 --> 00:58:07.440
And the weather here is one of my triggers.
00:58:07.599 --> 00:58:12.000
It's just all winter long, only thing I could do is go to work and come home.
00:58:12.800 --> 00:58:14.639
Well, you can do other things.
00:58:14.880 --> 00:58:15.119
Yeah.
00:58:15.360 --> 00:58:17.360
So so here's a suggestion.
00:58:18.719 --> 00:58:22.239
Go to one of the like not David, is it Daven Busters?
00:58:22.320 --> 00:58:23.679
I don't know what y'all got down there.
00:58:24.079 --> 00:58:29.440
Um, and get on the play motorcycle and pretend you got to take your mind somewhere else.
00:58:29.760 --> 00:58:32.800
No, yeah, no, you you wash your mouth out with soap.
00:58:33.039 --> 00:58:33.920
You said what?
00:58:34.000 --> 00:58:43.360
No, so nobody who rides motorcycles don't have to tell them that.
00:58:46.880 --> 00:59:02.079
Or go in the garage, go in the garage, get on your motorcycle, starting up, and put on a video, like and put on a game video, like you go on through when you in the summertime, take your mind somewhere else.
00:59:02.239 --> 00:59:02.960
Okay, there we go.
00:59:03.119 --> 00:59:04.800
Yeah, there you go, there you go.
00:59:05.039 --> 00:59:06.079
Not doing that.
00:59:06.400 --> 00:59:07.679
Like this winter, I did.
00:59:07.840 --> 00:59:17.679
I got uh I got uh got on my motorcycle, started it up, let's turn the music on, and I'm sitting on it, and yeah, and that took the edge off.
00:59:17.840 --> 00:59:22.880
But one of the things I've been doing lately, I'm really trying to get involved in the community.
00:59:22.960 --> 00:59:32.480
You know, I'm uh starting this uh mentorship program, it's for girls 12 to 18, and I really uh want to really get into that.
00:59:32.719 --> 00:59:39.840
I don't want to see more women, more girls growing up and and ending up in my predicament.
00:59:40.159 --> 00:59:42.639
You know, that's a passion of mine as well.
00:59:42.880 --> 01:00:00.480
Yes, um because you know, as when we were back in young girls, young kids, there was no one or a place we could go that could teach you the life skills, yeah, what to look for, somebody to talk to about what's going on at home.
01:00:00.719 --> 01:00:14.559
Um, I'd be happy to help you with that as well because I have so much in this head that I have been through that could help the next person, the next young girl.
01:00:14.800 --> 01:00:28.159
And I also feel like one of the programs that you could offer in your program is teach them how to open a bank account, how to balance a checkbook, how to um we actually have part of the program is financial literacy.
01:00:28.239 --> 01:00:30.239
So we'll we're gonna be teaching that.
01:00:30.400 --> 01:00:37.519
Yes, and what yes, and how to um take care of yourself.
01:00:37.679 --> 01:00:38.639
Yep, you know, stay.
01:00:40.400 --> 01:00:41.519
Yes, life skills.
01:00:41.679 --> 01:00:44.480
What if you don't have pads?
01:00:44.719 --> 01:00:45.280
What do you do?
01:00:45.440 --> 01:00:46.159
Yeah, yeah.
01:00:46.320 --> 01:00:49.360
You know, yeah, where can you go and get X, Y, and Z?
01:00:49.519 --> 01:00:49.760
Right.
01:00:49.920 --> 01:00:55.760
You know, what if you're at home and your mom can't afford um soap powder and things like that?
01:00:55.840 --> 01:00:58.480
How can you make your own um how to sew?
01:00:58.639 --> 01:01:00.880
Because those are things I taught myself.
01:01:01.039 --> 01:01:01.440
Yeah.
01:01:01.599 --> 01:01:04.960
As a kid, I used to sew up my sneakers, I used to sew everything.
01:01:05.199 --> 01:01:06.480
So my socks, yes.
01:01:06.559 --> 01:01:06.800
Uh-huh.
01:01:07.039 --> 01:01:10.239
I had open open-toed shoes, like you know, uh-huh.
01:01:10.559 --> 01:01:11.920
I learned to sew them.
01:01:12.159 --> 01:01:12.480
Yeah.
01:01:12.639 --> 01:01:14.480
I learned I had holes in my socks.
01:01:14.639 --> 01:01:18.320
I learned to sew them just by hand.
01:01:18.480 --> 01:01:18.719
Yeah.
01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:26.800
You know, how do you how can you take if you only got so many pairs of jeans, how can you take those pair of jeans and make it seem like it's a different pair of jeans?
01:01:26.880 --> 01:01:26.960
Right.
01:01:27.280 --> 01:01:27.920
You can.
01:01:28.159 --> 01:01:29.039
I've done it.
01:01:29.280 --> 01:01:29.920
Yeah.
01:01:30.239 --> 01:01:31.440
Yeah, it's crazy.
01:01:31.519 --> 01:01:31.920
Yeah.
01:01:32.159 --> 01:01:32.639
Shh.
01:01:32.960 --> 01:01:36.639
That girl, that brought back memories of when I was a kid.
01:01:36.880 --> 01:01:45.360
And when I say when I say when I was a kid, I use that loosely because I I really I don't remember having a childhood at all.
01:01:45.840 --> 01:01:52.079
And I and and and the little child, mm-mm, the little childhood that I had, it was brief.
01:01:52.320 --> 01:01:53.039
It was brief.
01:01:53.199 --> 01:02:00.960
So I can remember, girl, like not having clothes, not having shoes, and all that.
01:02:01.199 --> 01:02:02.800
I can't even remember.
01:02:04.000 --> 01:02:20.800
I didn't even get a bro, but I didn't have no boobs, I think, until I was a teenager, but I can remember um not even having my first bra until I think I was maybe maybe 13.
01:02:21.119 --> 01:02:25.119
I'm not even sure because we wasn't taught that kind of stuff, you know.
01:02:25.280 --> 01:02:26.239
We didn't understand that.
01:02:26.559 --> 01:02:35.440
No, because and I think it's because our parents came from a different era where it was taboo, it wasn't talked about.
01:02:35.760 --> 01:02:36.800
Don't talk about that stuff.
01:02:37.039 --> 01:02:40.880
Yeah, because when I got my period, I thought I was dying.
01:02:41.360 --> 01:02:42.000
I did not know.
01:02:42.079 --> 01:02:42.719
I was 10.
01:02:42.880 --> 01:02:43.199
Oh wow.
01:02:43.760 --> 01:02:49.199
And when I went and ran downstairs to tell my mother that I I'm bleeding, I'm dying, girl.
01:02:49.280 --> 01:02:50.320
You just got your period.
01:02:50.480 --> 01:02:51.519
I was like, what?
01:02:51.679 --> 01:02:52.639
What is that?
01:02:52.880 --> 01:02:59.679
You know, and and I went to my aunties for the day, and okay, still nobody took the time.
01:03:01.039 --> 01:03:03.679
And I'm like, oh, okay.
01:03:04.159 --> 01:03:05.840
So now what does this mean?
01:03:06.000 --> 01:03:06.320
Yeah.
01:03:06.639 --> 01:03:09.840
You know, all the things, all the things.
01:03:10.159 --> 01:03:12.639
So I can remember sure.
01:03:12.719 --> 01:03:14.880
I can remember that too when I first got mine.
01:03:15.199 --> 01:03:18.880
Uh that wasn't even given a um a pad or anything.
01:03:18.960 --> 01:03:21.119
I was getting they tissue.
01:03:24.320 --> 01:03:24.880
And that was crazy.
01:03:24.960 --> 01:03:36.480
I know we're talking about all the way off the subject, but these are the crazy things that led us into this functional depression and the suicidal ideation stuff.
01:03:36.719 --> 01:03:39.760
Because you gotta still you still gotta show up to where you need to.
01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:40.719
You still gotta show up.
01:03:40.960 --> 01:03:48.800
Whether you babysitting some kids, whether you cleaning the house, whether you pulling some weeds, whether you cutting some grass, whether you gotta wipe a baseboard down.
01:03:49.199 --> 01:03:50.880
But I could go on and on.
01:03:51.199 --> 01:03:53.039
Girl, oh my goodness.
01:03:53.280 --> 01:03:56.800
One of these days we are gonna do a podcast on childhood trauma.
01:03:57.039 --> 01:03:58.880
But I gotta be ready for that myself.
01:03:59.360 --> 01:04:05.119
I'm pretty I'm pretty much over my past and um the things that I went through as a child.
01:04:05.360 --> 01:04:09.440
But just to speak of it, sometimes I get pissed because I'm like, well, just be down.
01:04:12.159 --> 01:04:12.960
But you know what?
01:04:13.039 --> 01:04:15.199
You can't be you here's the thing.
01:04:15.360 --> 01:04:27.039
So I don't get pissed about it anymore because had I not experienced some of the things that I experienced as a kid, I don't think that I would be as strong as I am today.
01:04:28.400 --> 01:04:28.960
Exactly.
01:04:29.440 --> 01:04:38.239
Because sometimes you need those life experiences, not that they're all good, but here I go again, flipping it to a positive, right?
01:04:38.800 --> 01:04:46.639
So sometimes you need those life experiences to help mold you into the woman that you become today.
01:04:46.880 --> 01:04:48.079
I'm 58, I think.
01:04:48.159 --> 01:04:50.559
Yeah, well, I'm gonna be 58, something like that.
01:04:50.719 --> 01:04:53.119
Uh I'm a very strong woman.
01:04:53.280 --> 01:04:54.559
Yeah, I'm very strong.
01:04:54.719 --> 01:04:57.280
I can I can handle a lot of things.
01:04:57.519 --> 01:05:01.599
Um, I flip when I need to flip, I'm calm when I need to be calm.
01:05:01.920 --> 01:05:06.719
Um, but these are also life lessons that I can teach the next generation.
01:05:06.880 --> 01:05:08.320
You can teach the next generation.
01:05:08.639 --> 01:05:09.119
Exactly.
01:05:09.280 --> 01:05:14.320
And spend it because if you didn't have it, you wouldn't have a book, you wouldn't have your books that you have.
01:05:14.559 --> 01:05:15.039
That's right.
01:05:15.199 --> 01:05:15.440
Right?
01:05:15.599 --> 01:05:15.920
That's right.
01:05:16.239 --> 01:05:19.440
You wouldn't be the author that you are if you haven't had these experiences.
01:05:19.760 --> 01:05:20.079
That's right.
01:05:20.320 --> 01:05:22.159
So, yes, we're high functioning.
01:05:22.320 --> 01:05:25.679
We've had suicidal audiations, but we came out of it.
01:05:25.840 --> 01:05:30.880
Now we want to make sure more people can come out of it so they can be their true selves as well.
01:05:31.440 --> 01:05:41.599
So give me some uh give some words, some last minute words that you would want for people to hear, some takeaways.
01:05:43.840 --> 01:05:45.039
Don't give up on yourself.
01:05:46.880 --> 01:05:51.360
Hold yourself accountable for the things that you do um that are not right.
01:05:51.519 --> 01:05:59.760
Once you hold yourself accountable to the whatever those things are, um, you can flip it and make it something positive because it's something that.
01:06:00.079 --> 01:06:00.960
You've learned from.
01:06:01.599 --> 01:06:04.719
And also, you know, just be there for other people.
01:06:05.920 --> 01:06:07.760
You know, just be a listening ear.
01:06:07.920 --> 01:06:09.199
Let people vent.
01:06:09.280 --> 01:06:10.719
Be there just to listen.
01:06:11.039 --> 01:06:12.559
Sometimes you just gotta listen.
01:06:12.800 --> 01:06:13.440
Yes.
01:06:13.760 --> 01:06:35.440
And I just want to say this too: when it comes to suicidal ideation and people who e are even considering um harming themselves, reach out and if you even tell one person, you can also um call 988, which is a um it's a national number, and you can talk to somebody there too.
01:06:35.599 --> 01:06:38.239
I just want people to know that there's help out there.
01:06:38.400 --> 01:06:41.679
You don't have to walk around with all this on you.
01:06:41.840 --> 01:06:46.800
And I know, listen, I get it, and I get it because I was there.
01:06:47.280 --> 01:06:47.920
I know.
01:06:48.239 --> 01:06:50.960
And sometimes people are like, you just need to talk to somebody.
01:06:51.280 --> 01:07:11.119
Sometimes you are so broken, but you don't want to talk to somebody, or you don't know how to say, hey, I have this going on, yes, you know, because you don't trust everybody either, exactly, and there's a and and there's still that stigma, you know, people judging you and thinking that you're crazy.
01:07:11.280 --> 01:07:15.599
I'm not crazy because I'm depressed, you know.
01:07:16.000 --> 01:07:17.440
That doesn't mean that you're crazy.
01:07:17.599 --> 01:07:20.159
I just got a lot going on, and I helped and I don't know.
01:07:20.320 --> 01:07:34.079
And let me tell you something the shit that we've been through as kids, the shit that we've been through as adults, people there are some people who would have died from it, and there are people who did not make it, okay?
01:07:35.920 --> 01:07:41.599
So that's the one thing that I always pat myself on the back about is that I woke up the next day.
01:07:41.840 --> 01:07:43.519
I woke up one more day.
01:07:43.679 --> 01:07:48.639
Yeah, you made it, you made it out one more day, and that's all you need to do.
01:07:48.719 --> 01:07:51.360
If you can get to tomorrow, you're good.
01:07:52.400 --> 01:07:58.000
You know, so that's the one thing I want to leave with people, leave with people.
01:07:58.320 --> 01:08:06.880
I want you to understand, I don't care who you call, you could pick up the phone and call a random number and say, I am in trouble.
01:08:07.440 --> 01:08:09.840
And you can worry about the embarrassment later.
01:08:10.400 --> 01:08:10.719
Yeah.
01:08:12.000 --> 01:08:15.119
Because I listen, I can remember, honey.
01:08:15.599 --> 01:08:23.279
See her last time in Ohio, and I put something on social media about me not being okay or whatever, whatever, whatever, or something.
01:08:23.439 --> 01:08:24.479
And I never forget.
01:08:24.800 --> 01:08:28.000
One of my relatives called me and was like, you need to take that down.
01:08:28.159 --> 01:08:30.560
You don't need to be telling people that you're not okay.
01:08:30.720 --> 01:08:31.920
I'm like, what?
01:08:32.880 --> 01:08:33.520
Really?
01:08:34.159 --> 01:08:36.800
So you're not concerned with the fact that I'm not okay.
01:08:36.880 --> 01:08:42.479
I'm telling you I'm not okay, but what you're concerned with is the fact that I have this on social media.
01:08:42.640 --> 01:08:43.119
That was me.
01:08:43.439 --> 01:08:44.479
That's what it looks like.
01:08:45.039 --> 01:08:51.359
Girl, we're trying to tell anybody that was listening, I'm not okay.
01:08:51.920 --> 01:08:52.880
I need help.
01:08:53.359 --> 01:08:54.479
Send help.
01:08:56.000 --> 01:08:57.359
Send help, send help.
01:08:57.600 --> 01:08:58.880
Call me, let me bend.
01:08:59.520 --> 01:09:01.439
Yeah, I ain't okay, you know.
01:09:01.680 --> 01:09:03.279
And I thought that's me.
01:09:03.439 --> 01:09:05.600
We don't have a problem with telling people I'm not okay.
01:09:05.680 --> 01:09:07.039
I'm yeah, I'm not okay.
01:09:07.279 --> 01:09:12.560
I'm not about to hide it, I'm not about to fake it, I'm not doing any of that, you know.
01:09:12.720 --> 01:09:18.800
Yeah, am I um a uh high functioning, functional, depre, depress, depressive?
01:09:19.039 --> 01:09:20.960
Yes, yes, ma'am.
01:09:21.680 --> 01:09:25.520
I fordo everything, I overachieve that is just who I am.
01:09:25.840 --> 01:09:31.279
And you know, listen, I was I was wondering, like, is this wrong for me to live this way?
01:09:31.439 --> 01:09:35.680
Maybe it is to somebody, I don't know, but this is how I function, okay.
01:09:36.000 --> 01:09:45.039
And I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, I think it's a bad thing when you do not express the fact that I am in trouble and I'm not okay.
01:09:45.199 --> 01:09:46.960
That's a bad thing, okay.
01:09:47.359 --> 01:09:55.760
But me working a hundred million hours and having a hundred million projects going on, and that's never gonna change for me.
01:09:56.000 --> 01:10:09.039
No, it's not listening you know, it's when the projects go away, it's when your mind is gonna be like, hold on, right, something ain't right, yeah, because that's stuff you need to keep functioning, yeah, yeah.
01:10:09.279 --> 01:10:11.439
And have your therapist on deck, honey.
01:10:11.680 --> 01:10:13.359
Ain't nothing wrong with having a little therapy.
01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:16.000
Ain't nothing wrong with having a little therapy.
01:10:16.159 --> 01:10:19.760
All right, so Vernita, where can everybody find you?
01:10:20.479 --> 01:10:28.000
They want to be like, I need some t-shirts, I need some oh simply make customs creations on Instagram.
01:10:28.159 --> 01:10:29.840
Okay, I'm on Facebook too.
01:10:29.920 --> 01:10:30.319
That's all.
01:10:30.399 --> 01:10:31.680
I don't have a website yet.
01:10:31.920 --> 01:10:33.359
No worries, find you on me.
01:10:33.439 --> 01:10:35.199
Well, no, that's I will at some point.
01:10:36.720 --> 01:10:41.039
Well, let me know because I know somebody does on one pagers and they're really nice.
01:10:41.279 --> 01:10:44.239
But all right, well, it was so nice having you here.
01:10:44.399 --> 01:10:49.680
Thank you for sitting down talking to me, and I'm hoping to see you again.
01:10:49.840 --> 01:10:50.880
I'm sure I will.
01:10:50.960 --> 01:10:54.159
Yeah, we're gonna have another another conversation.
01:10:54.720 --> 01:10:56.479
That'll work, that'll work.
01:10:57.119 --> 01:10:59.359
All right, you guys, you guys listen.
01:10:59.439 --> 01:11:03.840
Like I said, reach out and talk to somebody if you need help.
01:11:04.000 --> 01:11:08.399
Don't keep trying to walk around carrying all this inside.
01:11:08.560 --> 01:11:10.560
It is it's just too heavy.
01:11:10.800 --> 01:11:13.039
If you don't have that one person, I don't care.
01:11:13.119 --> 01:11:17.279
Just like I said, I got on social media and told people I need help.
01:11:17.600 --> 01:11:36.640
Okay, so you all know where to find me, Venus Channel on Facebook, Venus Channel on TikTok, the real the real Venus, K111 on Instagram, and y'all can always call me um at uh 330-696-2260.
01:11:36.880 --> 01:11:39.039
That is my business phone number.
01:11:39.359 --> 01:11:45.359
And you can also reach out to me on my website, which is kteimpact.org.
01:11:45.520 --> 01:11:49.600
So I want you all to have the most amazing day.
01:11:49.920 --> 01:11:52.079
Have the most amazing day, Vernita.
01:11:52.159 --> 01:11:54.319
I will be chatting with you a little later.
01:11:54.479 --> 01:11:56.720
And thanks for stopping by the couch.
01:11:56.960 --> 01:11:57.600
All right, thank you.