00:00:02
Speaker 1: Life Audio. Hey friend, Heather Creekmore here. I'm glad you're listening to the Compared to Who show today. Hey, be honest with me for a second. When was the last time you lay in bed, wide awake, running through the same thought loop? Maybe it was a comment your friend made and you're not quite sure what she meant by it. Maybe it was what you ate for dinner. Maybe it was that weird remark your coworker made about your jeans. Maybe it was the number on the scale that morning or the photo you got tagged in that you immediately wanted deleted. You know the loop. Replay. Analyze. Catastrophize. Plan on how to fix it tomorrow. Plan some more. Plan some more. Worry. Worry. Repeat. Friend, I'm so glad you're listening to Compared to You podcast today because that's what we're talking about. We're talking about that loop. And it's not just about body image. It's not just about food. We're talking about all the things that we could tend to obsess over. It's the obsessing, the overthinking, the fixating. It's that mental treadmill so many of us live on. Here's what I want you to sit with today. The loop isn't really about the thing you think it's about. It's not about your genes or the scale or the comment. It's about something underneath, something your heart is reaching for, maybe even aching for. And I think if we can name it, we can finally begin to get free of it. That's where we're going today. I'm so glad you're here for it. Hey, our final 40-day journey started yesterday. Yes, that's right. We've decided this will be the last time we offer the 40-day journey. So if you had the thought, I'm going to do that someday, your someday is now. You've only missed one session. You can watch the replay, but go right now to improvebodyimage.com and look for the 40-day journey tab. This is literally your last chance to join us. We've decided we're going to go a different direction for what's ahead. We've got good stuff coming up for you, but the 40-day journey is going to change. So if you wanted to be part of it, go join us now. Now let's talk about how to stop overthinking. I always love to start by just defining the terms. So when we talk about overthinking, what are we talking about? I think honestly, a lot of us have just normalized this, like overthinking is the way we live. And so to stop and call it overthinking might even feel a little strange. But see if any of this sounds familiar. Overthinking is like when you rehearse a conversation 40 times before you have it. or 40 times after you've had it, thinking about all the things you could have, would have, should have said. Overthinking looks like standing in front of the mirror, doing a mental inventory of everything wrong before you walk out the door, just so you're prepared. You're prepared. If anyone says anything, you know what's coming. Overthinking looks like Googling your symptoms at 1 a.m., Or it looks like rereading a text five or even 50 times, looking for hidden meaning. Overthinking could just be hyper fixating on something that may not be all that important in the scheme of your life, but somehow to you in that particular day, that moment, that season, it is all you can think about. It's like a computer virus in your brain and all you can see is the issue, the challenge, the problem. All you can spin around is how to solve it. how it should be solved. You see, I have an embarrassing confession to make. A few weeks ago, I got stuck here, like totally and completely could not sleep at night for three days, stuck. And the topic, it's so embarrassing. I really don't even want to share with you what it was. It had nothing to do with my body or body image. It was a kid's issue around high school gym class. I will spare you the details lest I get caught up in arguing my case again, But just let me summarize by saying that I felt like I spotted an injustice and I couldn't stop reeling over it. Like I said, I lost a few nights of sleep. I read emails that I sent like 100 times after I sent them. I could not get my heart rate to come down. I just stayed keyed up trying to solve something for one of my kids related to gym class. Now, oh goodness, that's like embarrassing. And yet, I'm sharing because I have a feeling maybe you do it too or you've done it too. You see, for decades, my overthinking, my reeling, my spinning was mostly related to body and food. And my inner monologue sounded something like this. Did I eat too much today? Why did I eat that thing I swore I'd never eat? Does this outfit make me look 10 times bigger? What did she mean when she looked at me like that? What's happening with my face? I didn't look like this 10 years ago. But here's what's wild. Most of us think the problem is the content of the thoughts. Like if I could just solve the actual issue, like solve my son's problem with his class, or if I could just lose the weight or fix the relationship or just nail that presentation or find the magic cream to turn back the hands of time and the signs of aging on my face, then the overthinking would stop. But friend, I've walked with a lot of women through this and I've lived a lot of it myself. And here's what I've learned. The content isn't the real issue. It's the grip. The grip is the issue. It's not what you're thinking about. It's why you can't put it down. So let's go there. Why can't you put it down? I want to suggest something that might feel a little uncomfortable, but I think it's true. Obsessing, overthinking, fixating at its root, it's about control. It's our heart's way of trying to manage something that feels unmanageable. It's our minds saying, if I just think about this hard enough, long enough, from enough angles, I can prevent the bad outcome. I can protect myself. I can guarantee the result. I can solve the problem. And overthinking, we like it because it feels productive. It feels like vigilance. It feels responsible, even spiritual sometimes. Like if you just pray about it and think about it enough, then you're covering all your bases. But underneath that busy mental activity is usually a very simple and very human fear. I am not in control and I desperately need desperately, desperately want to be. Oh friends, wanting to be in control. Can you relate? Well, let's talk about my stupid gym class example. You've got to understand that if I were fighting this gym class fight in a court of law, I would have won easily. I did one whole semester of law school before I decided it wasn't for me, but I know how to make a great rational and logical argument. I was fighting a policy that the school said existed, but when I actually found the policy, it was written the opposite of the way it was presented to me, and I thought I had found a way to control my situation through my excellent argumentation skills. But I still lost. The powers that be weren't impressed by my logic or understanding of policy. And they got to choose. I was not in control. And the lesson for me in all of it may be just a little bit embarrassing. With body image specifically, this feels even more confusing. Because our bodies are one of the few things that feel like they should be controllable, right? I mean, goodness, that's what all the messages around us say. You just eat less and move more and you get the results. Except any middle-aged woman understands that bodies don't cooperate that neatly. Genetics, hormones, aging, illness, seasons of life. Oh, friends, bodies of all ages seem to have a mind of their own. And the obsessing, all of our obsessing, most of the time it's not about vanity. It's just not. I hate it when Christian influencers try to oversimplify the body image argument, telling people just not to be so vain. That's not it. It's about something deeper. It's about how we women are trying to find just one little piece of life that we can pin down and manage when everything else feels uncertain. Or another way to say that is when everything else feels out of our control. Boy, wouldn't it be nice to just be able to control one thing, like our bodies, like our weight, like our appearance, like the size we wear. And that's the heart posture under the loop. If I can just control this, my body, or this outcome, or this person's opinion of me, then I will finally feel safe. That's what we want. The overthinking, it's not striving. The fixation is the reaching. It's exhausting because we're trying to make ourselves feel safe on our own. We're trying to secure safety for ourselves, but we're trying to do something that only God can. actually do, which is deliver the peace and safety and security and assurance that only comes through resting in Him, not through our ability to control every outcome. So what does the Bible have to say? To those of us who are stuck in this loop, this overthinking, I want to have something under control loop. Well, I just wrote a new book. I can't wait to tell you more about it over the next couple of weeks. It launches in February. It's called Did I Say the Right Thing? and a million other micro fears that keep Christian women stuck. And in it, I talk about these control issues. So I hope you can pre-order it on Amazon now if you like, but I'll be telling you a lot more about it over the weeks to come. But in the book, I talk about Martha. You remember Martha. I think about Martha all the time. I am such a Martha. But in Luke 10, we see Martha. She's in the kitchen. She's busy. Scripture says she's anxious and troubled about many things. There's multiple things pulling at her mind all at once. And Jesus doesn't rebuke her for caring about the meal. He gently says, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but only one thing is necessary. catch that he's not asking her to stop thinking. He's inviting her to stop trying to hold it all by herself. Or think about Matthew 6, where Jesus asks, can any one of you, by worrying, add a single hour to your life? That's basically Jesus naming the exact lie overthinking sells us. If we just think hard enough, we can secure the outcome. And Jesus says gently, but plainly, you can't. You can't control the outcome. You're worried. You're obsessing. You're fixating. It doesn't actually buy you the control that it promises you. Here's the good news, though. And I don't want to rush past this. The answer isn't just stop thinking about it because if it were that easy, you would have done it already. And oh my goodness, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that that's what I did. I was laying in bed saying over and over again, stop thinking about stupid gym class, Heather. Stop thinking about stupid gym class. Think of something else. This is not important. Stop thinking about this. And you know what? It didn't work. It just didn't. I could not talk myself out of obsessing over it. It wasn't possible to just tell myself to stop. And as I think now about what I should have done differently, I think the answer is I needed to surrender control, not try to minimize it, tell myself it wasn't important or try to Jedi mind trick myself into not worrying anymore. Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. Be happy. No, because it was important. It was important to me at the time. So it's not about minimizing. It's about taking that desire for control and giving it back to the one who actually has control and then trusting him for the outcome. You see, there is someone who actually holds what you are straining and clenching so hard to hold on to. 1 Peter 5, 7 says to cast all your anxieties on him. Maybe you've heard it, cast your cares on him because he cares for you. It doesn't say manage your anxiety more efficiently. It says cast it, hand it off. That's a posture of trust. And you have to take that posture of trust, that posture of surrender and replace that your posture of control. That's the only thing that works here, friend. You see, the obsessive loop says, I have to hold this or it will fall apart. I can't let go. I can't let go. I have to hold on. I have to hold on. If I don't clench it hard, I will lose it. It's all over. It's going to go bad. I have that conversation with so many of you around your bodies and your food. No, unless I obsess over it, unless I worry about it, it's all going to fall apart. Letting go means letting go and everything's going to go bad if I let go. So I've got to clench tighter. But the gospel says, oh friend, you were never meant to hold it. It's not all up to you. You can trust God. You can have faith that he's already holding you. Like I said, this is one of the topics I dig deep into in my new book called, Did I Say the Right Thing? Because this is so central to all of these issues. right? So much of what I've learned in the last 10 years of walking with women through body image issues is that every issue we face related to food and body comes down to an issue of what do I really believe? Am I really willing to trust God with every part of me and my life? Or have I compartmentalized faith and belief and going to heaven someday with kind of the way I want to run my life down here? It's a big question, friend, and I explore it in this book, so I really hope you'll check it out. But I'm not going to leave you hanging until February. There's a whole lot more here, but today I just want to get real practical and And just give you something really tangible to walk away with. If you are obsessing, overthinking, maybe you're spiraling out over a kid issue like I was earlier. Maybe you're spiraling out over your body image or your food. So let's talk it through, okay? Thing one, right? You have to name what you're actually trying to control. So the next time you catch the loop starting, I want you to just pause and ask, what outcome am I trying to guarantee right now? And let me just make this real real. Like for the gym class example, my outcome was not necessarily about whether or not my kid would participate in this class and getting the right ruling on that. It was really about worrying as to whether or not my kid was going to be okay if the outcome was not what he was hoping for. I wanted to guarantee that my kid would be okay. Oh friend, I'm sure if you're a mom, you've done it too. But I have no guarantee of that. I could get him through that trial. The outcome could have been exactly what we wanted and he still could have found something new to struggle with. Surrender, trusting God with our own issues, with our kid issues, it's all tough. But had I named that, had I named what I was actually trying to control, I think it would have made a difference. So what is it for you? Is it that the comment messed you up because you really need her to think well of you? Is it that the number on the scale messed you up because you need that number to be a certain number so you know you're okay, so you feel safe, so you feel secure, so you feel confident? Oh, maybe it's just like you need to know what's going to happen before it happens because otherwise life just feels really scary. But friend, if you can name what you're actually trying to control, it takes the fog out and it puts it into the light. And things that are in the light are easier to hand over to the Lord than things that are left just kind of vague and swirly. And I don't really know what's going on here. I just can't stop the spiral. Number two, I want you to notice the false promise. You see, overthinking, the ruminating whispers, keep going, you're almost safe. But ask yourself honestly, has more thinking ever actually delivered the safety it promises? Or does it just deliver more thinking and more overthinking? Recognizing that the loop doesn't pay off is a big step toward being willing to exit it. Oh, friend. It's an idol to believe that I can control a situation by thinking about it. Like seriously, it's kind of funny and maybe a little odd if we stop and think about that. But how do we actually believe that we have that much power? We don't. But we sure do fool ourselves into somehow feeling like maybe we do. Maybe if I just think and strategize and plan and think and think and think and overthink, then I can control it. Oh friend, but that's just a lie. Okay. Third, practice the trade, not just the stop. Okay. Don't just try to white knuckle. I'm not thinking about this. I'm not thinking about this, right? That rarely if ever works. Instead, I want you to actively trade the thought. I can't control this outcome, but I can trust the one who can. Say it out loud as many times as you need to. Make it a physical act, closing your hand and then opening it like you're releasing something. I call this the open-handed faith prayer in my new book or OHFP, O-H-F-P. open-handed faith prayer. But just this physical act of opening your hands reinforces to your brain what you're trying to tell it and trying to get it to believe. It's I'm unclenching my fist. I'm loosening my grip because I am not in control and I'm lifting my open hands and up to the Lord because I know God is in control. And number four, friend, if you're obsessing over body image issues specifically, then let me encourage you, let your body just be a body, not a project. If this overthinking and ruminating is showing up for you in your body image specifically, I want you to ask yourself, am I treating my body like something to manage and perfect or am I treating it like the gift that it is? to steward and live in and serve God through. There's a difference between reasonable care and obsessive control. One trusts God with the outcome. The other tries to be its own God over the outcome. Like I said at the start, we started another 40-day journey this week. This is going to be the last one we ever do. It's super affordable, even though you might have missed the first session. Goodness, even if you missed the first two sessions, there's six sessions total Watch the replays. Just join us. Join us. We've had almost 500 women go through it and leave changed. This could be the next best step for you. I hope you'll consider jumping in. You don't have to live your life overthinking about body image issues and food. And fifth and finally, bring it to community. It's got to get out of your head. Obsessive thoughts thrive in isolation because it's There, the obsessive thoughts are only accountable to you. But if you say that thought out loud to a friend, a spouse, a counselor, it loses power the second it leaves the privacy of your mind. This is another reason why we believe the 40-day journey has been so helpful. But in the 40-day journey, you're with a like-minded group of Christian women from around the world who are struggling in the same ways you are. How can I guarantee that? Because I've seen it work over and over again over the last couple of years. But here's the truth, friend. We all hear the same lies and nothing is more shocking to a woman who struggled in isolation than when she hears another woman ask the same questions she's been struggling with or confess the same obsessive thoughts that she's had for years. Friend, freedom does not come in isolation. If you're like many of the women I've worked with, you're probably super competent and super smart and not used to needing help. But that's an American model for life, not a biblical model for life. Scripture says we need each other. We need accountability. We need to confess to each other. We need to be in community. Jesus didn't do life alone. Why do you think you can? It's almost impossible to find freedom from these issues that grip us if we are trying to do it alone. When you bring your obsessive overthinking to light in community, power, the grip of The lies, they all loosen. So here's what I want to leave you with today. That loop you keep running. That doesn't mean you're broken or you're dramatic or you're too much. It's proof that you're human. But that also means you're carrying weight you never were designed to carry alone. God did not design us that way. Obsessing isn't a character flaw to white knuckle away. It's really a heart cry for safety and control that only makes sense in light of how much you actually care. The invitation here isn't to care less. It's not to become apathetic and I don't care. I'm just not going to worry about that. I don't care. I don't care. It's to hand the caring off to someone big enough to hold it. And isn't that the real test of faith? Saying, God, this is precious to me. but I'm going to trust you with it. So today, whatever's looping in your mind, the body thing, the relationship thing, the did I say the wrong thing thing, I want you to do what Martha needed to do. Set down the many things for one moment and choose the one necessary thing, sitting at his feet, trusting he's already got what you're trying to hold so hard. You are not who your thoughts say you are. You are not what your body does or doesn't do or does or doesn't look like. You are held, you are known, and you are so deeply loved by a God who never asked you to be in control in the first place. Friend, I'm so glad you listened today. I hope you are too. If this episode landed for you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it today or consider leaving us a review. Those reviews help other listeners find the show and help other women find encouragement. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1: Life Audio. Hey friend, Heather Creekmore here. I'm glad you're listening to the Compared to Who show today. Hey, be honest with me for a second. When was the last time you lay in bed, wide awake, running through the same thought loop? Maybe it was a comment your friend made and you're not quite sure what she meant by it. Maybe it was what you ate for dinner. Maybe it was that weird remark your coworker made about your jeans. Maybe it was the number on the scale that morning or the photo you got tagged in that you immediately wanted deleted. You know the loop. Replay. Analyze. Catastrophize. Plan on how to fix it tomorrow. Plan some more. Plan some more. Worry. Worry. Repeat. Friend, I'm so glad you're listening to Compared to You podcast today because that's what we're talking about. We're talking about that loop. And it's not just about body image. It's not just about food. We're talking about all the things that we could tend to obsess over. It's the obsessing, the overthinking, the fixating. It's that mental treadmill so many of us live on. Here's what I want you to sit with today. The loop isn't really about the thing you think it's about. It's not about your genes or the scale or the comment. It's about something underneath, something your heart is reaching for, maybe even aching for. And I think if we can name it, we can finally begin to get free of it. That's where we're going today. I'm so glad you're here for it. Hey, our final 40-day journey started yesterday. Yes, that's right. We've decided this will be the last time we offer the 40-day journey. So if you had the thought, I'm going to do that someday, your someday is now. You've only missed one session. You can watch the replay, but go right now to improvebodyimage.com and look for the 40-day journey tab. This is literally your last chance to join us. We've decided we're going to go a different direction for what's ahead. We've got good stuff coming up for you, but the 40-day journey is going to change. So if you wanted to be part of it, go join us now. Now let's talk about how to stop overthinking. I always love to start by just defining the terms. So when we talk about overthinking, what are we talking about? I think honestly, a lot of us have just normalized this, like overthinking is the way we live. And so to stop and call it overthinking might even feel a little strange. But see if any of this sounds familiar. Overthinking is like when you rehearse a conversation 40 times before you have it. or 40 times after you've had it, thinking about all the things you could have, would have, should have said. Overthinking looks like standing in front of the mirror, doing a mental inventory of everything wrong before you walk out the door, just so you're prepared. You're prepared. If anyone says anything, you know what's coming. Overthinking looks like Googling your symptoms at 1 a.m., Or it looks like rereading a text five or even 50 times, looking for hidden meaning. Overthinking could just be hyper fixating on something that may not be all that important in the scheme of your life, but somehow to you in that particular day, that moment, that season, it is all you can think about. It's like a computer virus in your brain and all you can see is the issue, the challenge, the problem. All you can spin around is how to solve it. how it should be solved. You see, I have an embarrassing confession to make. A few weeks ago, I got stuck here, like totally and completely could not sleep at night for three days, stuck. And the topic, it's so embarrassing. I really don't even want to share with you what it was. It had nothing to do with my body or body image. It was a kid's issue around high school gym class. I will spare you the details lest I get caught up in arguing my case again, But just let me summarize by saying that I felt like I spotted an injustice and I couldn't stop reeling over it. Like I said, I lost a few nights of sleep. I read emails that I sent like 100 times after I sent them. I could not get my heart rate to come down. I just stayed keyed up trying to solve something for one of my kids related to gym class. Now, oh goodness, that's like embarrassing. And yet, I'm sharing because I have a feeling maybe you do it too or you've done it too. You see, for decades, my overthinking, my reeling, my spinning was mostly related to body and food. And my inner monologue sounded something like this. Did I eat too much today? Why did I eat that thing I swore I'd never eat? Does this outfit make me look 10 times bigger? What did she mean when she looked at me like that? What's happening with my face? I didn't look like this 10 years ago. But here's what's wild. Most of us think the problem is the content of the thoughts. Like if I could just solve the actual issue, like solve my son's problem with his class, or if I could just lose the weight or fix the relationship or just nail that presentation or find the magic cream to turn back the hands of time and the signs of aging on my face, then the overthinking would stop. But friend, I've walked with a lot of women through this and I've lived a lot of it myself. And here's what I've learned. The content isn't the real issue. It's the grip. The grip is the issue. It's not what you're thinking about. It's why you can't put it down. So let's go there. Why can't you put it down? I want to suggest something that might feel a little uncomfortable, but I think it's true. Obsessing, overthinking, fixating at its root, it's about control. It's our heart's way of trying to manage something that feels unmanageable. It's our minds saying, if I just think about this hard enough, long enough, from enough angles, I can prevent the bad outcome. I can protect myself. I can guarantee the result. I can solve the problem. And overthinking, we like it because it feels productive. It feels like vigilance. It feels responsible, even spiritual sometimes. Like if you just pray about it and think about it enough, then you're covering all your bases. But underneath that busy mental activity is usually a very simple and very human fear. I am not in control and I desperately need desperately, desperately want to be. Oh friends, wanting to be in control. Can you relate? Well, let's talk about my stupid gym class example. You've got to understand that if I were fighting this gym class fight in a court of law, I would have won easily. I did one whole semester of law school before I decided it wasn't for me, but I know how to make a great rational and logical argument. I was fighting a policy that the school said existed, but when I actually found the policy, it was written the opposite of the way it was presented to me, and I thought I had found a way to control my situation through my excellent argumentation skills. But I still lost. The powers that be weren't impressed by my logic or understanding of policy. And they got to choose. I was not in control. And the lesson for me in all of it may be just a little bit embarrassing. With body image specifically, this feels even more confusing. Because our bodies are one of the few things that feel like they should be controllable, right? I mean, goodness, that's what all the messages around us say. You just eat less and move more and you get the results. Except any middle-aged woman understands that bodies don't cooperate that neatly. Genetics, hormones, aging, illness, seasons of life. Oh, friends, bodies of all ages seem to have a mind of their own. And the obsessing, all of our obsessing, most of the time it's not about vanity. It's just not. I hate it when Christian influencers try to oversimplify the body image argument, telling people just not to be so vain. That's not it. It's about something deeper. It's about how we women are trying to find just one little piece of life that we can pin down and manage when everything else feels uncertain. Or another way to say that is when everything else feels out of our control. Boy, wouldn't it be nice to just be able to control one thing, like our bodies, like our weight, like our appearance, like the size we wear. And that's the heart posture under the loop. If I can just control this, my body, or this outcome, or this person's opinion of me, then I will finally feel safe. That's what we want. The overthinking, it's not striving. The fixation is the reaching. It's exhausting because we're trying to make ourselves feel safe on our own. We're trying to secure safety for ourselves, but we're trying to do something that only God can. actually do, which is deliver the peace and safety and security and assurance that only comes through resting in Him, not through our ability to control every outcome. So what does the Bible have to say? To those of us who are stuck in this loop, this overthinking, I want to have something under control loop. Well, I just wrote a new book. I can't wait to tell you more about it over the next couple of weeks. It launches in February. It's called Did I Say the Right Thing? and a million other micro fears that keep Christian women stuck. And in it, I talk about these control issues. So I hope you can pre-order it on Amazon now if you like, but I'll be telling you a lot more about it over the weeks to come. But in the book, I talk about Martha. You remember Martha. I think about Martha all the time. I am such a Martha. But in Luke 10, we see Martha. She's in the kitchen. She's busy. Scripture says she's anxious and troubled about many things. There's multiple things pulling at her mind all at once. And Jesus doesn't rebuke her for caring about the meal. He gently says, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but only one thing is necessary. catch that he's not asking her to stop thinking. He's inviting her to stop trying to hold it all by herself. Or think about Matthew 6, where Jesus asks, can any one of you, by worrying, add a single hour to your life? That's basically Jesus naming the exact lie overthinking sells us. If we just think hard enough, we can secure the outcome. And Jesus says gently, but plainly, you can't. You can't control the outcome. You're worried. You're obsessing. You're fixating. It doesn't actually buy you the control that it promises you. Here's the good news, though. And I don't want to rush past this. The answer isn't just stop thinking about it because if it were that easy, you would have done it already. And oh my goodness, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that that's what I did. I was laying in bed saying over and over again, stop thinking about stupid gym class, Heather. Stop thinking about stupid gym class. Think of something else. This is not important. Stop thinking about this. And you know what? It didn't work. It just didn't. I could not talk myself out of obsessing over it. It wasn't possible to just tell myself to stop. And as I think now about what I should have done differently, I think the answer is I needed to surrender control, not try to minimize it, tell myself it wasn't important or try to Jedi mind trick myself into not worrying anymore. Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. Be happy. No, because it was important. It was important to me at the time. So it's not about minimizing. It's about taking that desire for control and giving it back to the one who actually has control and then trusting him for the outcome. You see, there is someone who actually holds what you are straining and clenching so hard to hold on to. 1 Peter 5, 7 says to cast all your anxieties on him. Maybe you've heard it, cast your cares on him because he cares for you. It doesn't say manage your anxiety more efficiently. It says cast it, hand it off. That's a posture of trust. And you have to take that posture of trust, that posture of surrender and replace that your posture of control. That's the only thing that works here, friend. You see, the obsessive loop says, I have to hold this or it will fall apart. I can't let go. I can't let go. I have to hold on. I have to hold on. If I don't clench it hard, I will lose it. It's all over. It's going to go bad. I have that conversation with so many of you around your bodies and your food. No, unless I obsess over it, unless I worry about it, it's all going to fall apart. Letting go means letting go and everything's going to go bad if I let go. So I've got to clench tighter. But the gospel says, oh friend, you were never meant to hold it. It's not all up to you. You can trust God. You can have faith that he's already holding you. Like I said, this is one of the topics I dig deep into in my new book called, Did I Say the Right Thing? Because this is so central to all of these issues. right? So much of what I've learned in the last 10 years of walking with women through body image issues is that every issue we face related to food and body comes down to an issue of what do I really believe? Am I really willing to trust God with every part of me and my life? Or have I compartmentalized faith and belief and going to heaven someday with kind of the way I want to run my life down here? It's a big question, friend, and I explore it in this book, so I really hope you'll check it out. But I'm not going to leave you hanging until February. There's a whole lot more here, but today I just want to get real practical and And just give you something really tangible to walk away with. If you are obsessing, overthinking, maybe you're spiraling out over a kid issue like I was earlier. Maybe you're spiraling out over your body image or your food. So let's talk it through, okay? Thing one, right? You have to name what you're actually trying to control. So the next time you catch the loop starting, I want you to just pause and ask, what outcome am I trying to guarantee right now? And let me just make this real real. Like for the gym class example, my outcome was not necessarily about whether or not my kid would participate in this class and getting the right ruling on that. It was really about worrying as to whether or not my kid was going to be okay if the outcome was not what he was hoping for. I wanted to guarantee that my kid would be okay. Oh friend, I'm sure if you're a mom, you've done it too. But I have no guarantee of that. I could get him through that trial. The outcome could have been exactly what we wanted and he still could have found something new to struggle with. Surrender, trusting God with our own issues, with our kid issues, it's all tough. But had I named that, had I named what I was actually trying to control, I think it would have made a difference. So what is it for you? Is it that the comment messed you up because you really need her to think well of you? Is it that the number on the scale messed you up because you need that number to be a certain number so you know you're okay, so you feel safe, so you feel secure, so you feel confident? Oh, maybe it's just like you need to know what's going to happen before it happens because otherwise life just feels really scary. But friend, if you can name what you're actually trying to control, it takes the fog out and it puts it into the light. And things that are in the light are easier to hand over to the Lord than things that are left just kind of vague and swirly. And I don't really know what's going on here. I just can't stop the spiral. Number two, I want you to notice the false promise. You see, overthinking, the ruminating whispers, keep going, you're almost safe. But ask yourself honestly, has more thinking ever actually delivered the safety it promises? Or does it just deliver more thinking and more overthinking? Recognizing that the loop doesn't pay off is a big step toward being willing to exit it. Oh, friend. It's an idol to believe that I can control a situation by thinking about it. Like seriously, it's kind of funny and maybe a little odd if we stop and think about that. But how do we actually believe that we have that much power? We don't. But we sure do fool ourselves into somehow feeling like maybe we do. Maybe if I just think and strategize and plan and think and think and think and overthink, then I can control it. Oh friend, but that's just a lie. Okay. Third, practice the trade, not just the stop. Okay. Don't just try to white knuckle. I'm not thinking about this. I'm not thinking about this, right? That rarely if ever works. Instead, I want you to actively trade the thought. I can't control this outcome, but I can trust the one who can. Say it out loud as many times as you need to. Make it a physical act, closing your hand and then opening it like you're releasing something. I call this the open-handed faith prayer in my new book or OHFP, O-H-F-P. open-handed faith prayer. But just this physical act of opening your hands reinforces to your brain what you're trying to tell it and trying to get it to believe. It's I'm unclenching my fist. I'm loosening my grip because I am not in control and I'm lifting my open hands and up to the Lord because I know God is in control. And number four, friend, if you're obsessing over body image issues specifically, then let me encourage you, let your body just be a body, not a project. If this overthinking and ruminating is showing up for you in your body image specifically, I want you to ask yourself, am I treating my body like something to manage and perfect or am I treating it like the gift that it is? to steward and live in and serve God through. There's a difference between reasonable care and obsessive control. One trusts God with the outcome. The other tries to be its own God over the outcome. Like I said at the start, we started another 40-day journey this week. This is going to be the last one we ever do. It's super affordable, even though you might have missed the first session. Goodness, even if you missed the first two sessions, there's six sessions total Watch the replays. Just join us. Join us. We've had almost 500 women go through it and leave changed. This could be the next best step for you. I hope you'll consider jumping in. You don't have to live your life overthinking about body image issues and food. And fifth and finally, bring it to community. It's got to get out of your head. Obsessive thoughts thrive in isolation because it's There, the obsessive thoughts are only accountable to you. But if you say that thought out loud to a friend, a spouse, a counselor, it loses power the second it leaves the privacy of your mind. This is another reason why we believe the 40-day journey has been so helpful. But in the 40-day journey, you're with a like-minded group of Christian women from around the world who are struggling in the same ways you are. How can I guarantee that? Because I've seen it work over and over again over the last couple of years. But here's the truth, friend. We all hear the same lies and nothing is more shocking to a woman who struggled in isolation than when she hears another woman ask the same questions she's been struggling with or confess the same obsessive thoughts that she's had for years. Friend, freedom does not come in isolation. If you're like many of the women I've worked with, you're probably super competent and super smart and not used to needing help. But that's an American model for life, not a biblical model for life. Scripture says we need each other. We need accountability. We need to confess to each other. We need to be in community. Jesus didn't do life alone. Why do you think you can? It's almost impossible to find freedom from these issues that grip us if we are trying to do it alone. When you bring your obsessive overthinking to light in community, power, the grip of The lies, they all loosen. So here's what I want to leave you with today. That loop you keep running. That doesn't mean you're broken or you're dramatic or you're too much. It's proof that you're human. But that also means you're carrying weight you never were designed to carry alone. God did not design us that way. Obsessing isn't a character flaw to white knuckle away. It's really a heart cry for safety and control that only makes sense in light of how much you actually care. The invitation here isn't to care less. It's not to become apathetic and I don't care. I'm just not going to worry about that. I don't care. I don't care. It's to hand the caring off to someone big enough to hold it. And isn't that the real test of faith? Saying, God, this is precious to me. but I'm going to trust you with it. So today, whatever's looping in your mind, the body thing, the relationship thing, the did I say the wrong thing thing, I want you to do what Martha needed to do. Set down the many things for one moment and choose the one necessary thing, sitting at his feet, trusting he's already got what you're trying to hold so hard. You are not who your thoughts say you are. You are not what your body does or doesn't do or does or doesn't look like. You are held, you are known, and you are so deeply loved by a God who never asked you to be in control in the first place. Friend, I'm so glad you listened today. I hope you are too. If this episode landed for you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it today or consider leaving us a review. Those reviews help other listeners find the show and help other women find encouragement. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living. Bye-bye.
