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The DARVO Pattern: When the Person Who Hurt You Makes Themselves the Victim
Dr. George Vergolias introduces The Unstressed Exec and explains DARVO, a manipulation pattern coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, describing how it shifts accountability so the harmed person becomes the problem.
He breaks down each stage with examples, explains why DARVO works by exploiting empathy, moral identity threat, and social uncertainty, and cites research showing it increases self-doubt, self-blame, and guilt in the confronter.
Dr. Vergolias outlines where DARVO appears in intimate relationships, workplaces, family systems, and high-conflict divorces, and presents a composite corporate case study illustrating the sequence and organizational enabling.
He offers real-time recognition signs and a six-part response framework:
- internal awareness
- avoid defending against attacks
- acknowledge distress without guilt
- use a broken-record approach
- document interactions
- disengage via formal channels when needed
00:00 Welcome to the Show
01:28 DARVO Explained
03:14 The Three Stages
08:51 Why DARVO Works
13:09 Where It Shows Up
20:09 Corporate Case Study
24:35 Spotting It Live
28:57 How to Respond
37:05 Closing Reflections
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About the Host – The Unstressed Exec
Meet Dr. George Vergolias — a clinical and forensic corporate psychologist turned executive coach with 20+ years at the intersection of leadership, mental resilience, and high performance. George has advised Fortune 500 companies, guided C-suite leaders through crisis, and coached high-achievers to reclaim clarity, calm, and purpose without losing their edge.
On The Unstressed Exec, George brings powerful insights from the boardroom to the mic — helping leaders navigate stress, burnout, conflict, and transformation with practical tools and no-BS wisdom.
If you're ready to lead with strength and sanity, tune in. And when you're ready to go deeper, reach out for one-on-one executive or leadership coaching. This isn’t therapy — it’s your next level. Let’s build the life and leadership you actually want.
🎯 Listen. Grow. Lead — at The Unstressed Exec
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