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Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules, and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide.
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Welcome to your journey of awakening. Welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners, are you ready to hear me talk?
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Because I got something to say.
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Okay, I'm so thrilled that you're here, this means so much to you, I want you to recognize that the fact that you're here means that there is some motivation, some inspiration, a calling from your higher self that saying there is possibility. So just remind yourself, when those sneaky thoughts come in about, you know, life will be miserable without alcohol and this like kind of empty void? Why do you keep coming back? If that is true, right? Because inside of you, you know the truth that it is possible, one of my favorite, favorite thoughts. And this actually comes from Matthew, my partner that he really held on to when he changed his relationship to alcohol was someday I won't want to either, wow, what a difference in the vibration, I just want you to maybe even say that out loud to yourself. Take a deep breath, someday, I won't want to either.
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This is a process, right. And I just came out of the beginning of a six month mastermind that I am in from with my coach. And there's, it's, you know, change is hard. There's resistance. But what I what I learned and what I'm learning all the time, is that resistance is the sign that we're headed to a breakthrough, if we can move through that resistance on the other side of that is going to pay off there is a big reward. So alcohol isn't working for you, you have resistance to changing it. And then you also have resistance to not drinking, right when you're when you're met with an urge or whatever. But so I spent three days in the first part of our mastermind, which is the live event and I was a virtual attendee. But there was other people that were actually live and it was it was really one of the most inspiring experiences that I've I've been through because, yes, are there strategies for business? Yes.
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Are there strategies for changing your relationship with alcohol? Absolutely. But if you haven't watched the, the my training about the five myths of quitting drinking, you should definitely go do that. It's free on my website. There is the first part is all about your thoughts and your beliefs. So if you go into a night of not drinking, or if you start the process of examining your relationship with alcohol and committing to a new way, and you have the thought that my life is going to be miserable without this and that's all you're focusing your mind on, or it will never be the same, right?
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We think alcohol enhances our experience. But what I what I know from my firsthand experience on the other side of alcohol, and not just on the other side of the drinking, but on the other side of my beliefs, everything starts with our mind.
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So we can talk all day long about you know, dependent habitual dependency and you know, we inherit from inherited from our parents and all of this kind of thing like that. We are more pre that's what I wanted to say more predisposed to addiction or whatever. But the reason that I choose never to think about those things I don't like the term alcoholic. I don't like the term alcoholism. I do think it's important to confront that there is an addiction and a habit when there's nothing wrong with that we're addicted. Too many things. And the human gets addicted to things very easily.
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This is why our brains are actually so brilliant and very efficient. So we can just say that without making it mean anything without having any weight. But once we start labeling ourselves as like, I'm an alcoholic, I am an addict, I have elk, I have this disease.
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Now we've just given some of our power away to something outside of ourselves. And, you know, you've heard me talk about this, and I'm going to do a whole episode on self concept. But this is the whole point is that you get to decide what's useful for you. So it doesn't even matter if it's someone else else's experience, even if they found an alcohol gene. I don't care because what does that do?
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That puts me in a victim mindset that now I am a victim to my circumstances, right? And yes, victims do exist in the world, there are perpetrators and victims of specific circumstances. And I do believe this, right. But when we are a victim to our mind of victim to a circumstance, we have now just given all of our control away, right. And I have my own theories about what creates, you know, this genetic predisposition. But the thing that we know now is the study of epigenetics is that our genes can change in our waking living time, we can actually change our genes for our offspring, we can actually change our genes while we are living. We know this. Joe Dispenza talks about this work, and there's many, many people that study the science of epigenetics. So, if it's not a useful place for you to go, then don't go there. All you need to be focused on is the emotion that you want to create in your body. Right. And so, one of the practices that we did, during one of our breakout sessions in the mastermind, was putting ourselves in this as at least how I interpreted it, putting ourselves in the emotion of the result that our clients will, will create the result what our clients come to us for.
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Okay? And so we what I believe that that is, is emotional freedom from alcohol, okay, so we eliminate you eliminate your desire and your attachment to alcohol. That's the solution from alcohol exhaustion, you're out like what I call alcohol exhaustion, or alcohol overwhelm. When you're just it's not even like you're, you know, alcohol exhaustion is your there's like an obsessive compulsiveness. With alcohol, it's not even that you're craving it all day, but you just like wake up thinking about you go to bed thinking about it, you're hungover you're planning for it's like all just in your brain, you want to quit, like you've just can't get space between you and the thoughts about alcohol. So that's alcohol exhaustion. So you do these specific things to reduce your desire and your attachment to alcohol. And then once you know how to reduce your desire and attachment, you just keep doing those same things until eventually it your attachment and your desire for alcohol are eliminated, but the result of eliminating alcohol exhaustion, what you get at the end is freedom is emotional freedom from alcohol, which is liberation, you are liberating that your soul you are creating vitality. So the opposite I think of like overwhelming exhaustion is is vitality is a life like you are essentially giving yourself life back. So the distinction between alcohol exhaustion and alcohol freedom is such a stark contrast that it is very, very easy of a place to step into in an embodied way.
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Okay, so if you've never if you've maybe taken breaks from alcohol, and this is why it's not about quitting drinking, this is why it is all about your mindset is all about your beliefs about alcohol, right?
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And you don't just believe things that you don't believe you have to generate evidence to start to believe them. But there are some things that you do believe that have a positive vibration. Like this is how I take care of myself, or my friends love me no matter what, right? You have to find this.
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The thoughts in your brain that work one scenario at a time we have to step out of black and white thinking and really go into very specific circumstances because once we start into black and white thinking, we're back back into black and white drinking. So we don't want to be in the all or nothing, right?
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Like, I can never drink again, or life will be miserable or, like, what do you know is actually better when you don't drink? Well, when I have a discussion with my partner and we're not drinking, like we actually can come to up, like a really healthy conclusion. And we can solve problems better.
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When I, you know, put my kids to bed at night, and I'm really present with them. And I'm not just waiting to get back to my wine, it really allows me to just be in the gratitude of being a mom and just like loving being, like in awe about their growth, or, you know, when I don't drink the night before I go play golf or perform. Like, I feel really good about x. I'm just so excited about, you know, this really fun part of my life, right? So we all have things that we we do have evidence for.
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It's just that when we go into resistance, resistance creates black and white thinking. And it's just not useful, right? So just notice your mind, we all do it, I do it all the time. It's like either, like all or nothing, right? I'm not just solving like one problem at a time, like this very specific thing. And when you write it down, you realize, oh, my gosh, my brain goes to you know, it's doom and gloom, versus Okay, all I need to do is like, call the tax guy like or something like that, right? Like, a lot of times, there's just one next step, that's going to alleviate a lot of that stress, right? All I need to do is focus on really catching up with my friends and being in the energy of what it feels like to be.
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To have people that I love in my life, right to have sacred sisterhood, or whatever intention you have, for, you know, when you're not drinking when you're deciding not to drink. So you have everyone has had the experience of waking up from a night of not drinking and thinking. Thank god. Oh my gosh, I am so happy. I didn't drink last night. Yes, right. We've all had that experience of like, you almost like don't remember until you're just like fully embodied and you don't feel like you want to die. Right? Well, this is what the feeling of freedom from alcohol feels like that you have access to all the time for the rest of your life.
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Right now what we do as humans is we so easily skip over that.
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And the other thing that's interesting about alcohol is that it also is associated with our positive emotions to when we feel accomplished when we feel excited when we are in a good mood, right we associate those things they are also those vibrations in our body are also triggers for alcohol so we don't even know what it feels like in our body. To feel accomplishment to feel pride to feel good to feel to have an orgasm without alcohol to really just like be in the arms of your lover to just really like get a hug from your best friend right like you know that like you're drunk all the time doing these things but but actually paying attention to what is pleasure what is a pleasurable emotion we all were just wanting to get happy all the time. We just want to be to the happy but yet we can't we can't really describe it right?
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So for me alcohol when I go into like the distinct that thank God moment, like for me, I'm my thoughts are I never have to feel that way again. I and I just say my eyes to myself, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for giving yourself for giving us the opportunity to express experience this life, right to have the capacity to step into our fullest potential in any moment to experience every single facet of our human experience, fully present fully alive, fully available, aligned, right like Thank you. That is the feeling. So when I get into that feeling, it feels like the deepest catharsis the deepest like breath of air, it feels like buoyancy like floating and saltwater on the ocean or just like being held by a hammock swinging It feels like a trust fall without any hesitation. It feels like the biggest hug you can just lean into feels like just collapsing on the earth and, and feeling the softness in the magnetic frequency of the earth. And it is available to me all the time.
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Now, do I take myself there often? And do I forget that I have access to that? Yes, because I have a human brain too. And my lifestyle, my brain still presents problems to me all the time. But when I put myself intentionally in that place, and I take action from that place from that vibration, and I take action towards something that I have resistance to normally that doesn't feel good, or when I'm just thinking about you. And when I'm just thinking about my clients, I'm like, Oh my gosh, they just don't know. They just don't know how good this feels. Like, I never have to think about alcohol ever, again, is amazing.
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It's amazing. I love it. It's like the best thing that has ever happened to me. And sometimes I can't even believe how much pain I was in how much I did think about it, how was consumed my life. And like literally for nothing. But I do believe everything's a blessing.
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And I do believe the journey of awakening from alcohol is the most profound transformation that you can ever go through.
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And I will say that, again, more than building a business more than being a mother more than making a million dollars like more than traveling. It is the most profound expense experience of stepping into a life of self authority and self alignment with what is possible for the capacity in which you can experience in your life and a self concept. It is such a stark contrast, but not when you're a victim when you are a fucking boss, right when you show up, because to throw a better party than alcohol ever could is when you have really won the lottery.
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Right. And so I call emotional freedom from alcohol, my winning the lottery experience, and it is a winning the lottery experience. I have access to all day every day for the rest of my life. And this is what I teach my clients how to do also to have a winning the lottery experience for themselves, no matter what the circumstances of their lives are all day, every day in a winning the lottery experience of life is inner resourcing at the highest level.
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And this is available to you because I know that you're almost there. I know that you have done this in so many other areas you have had to go inside and reach and dig deep and pull up your bootstraps and you have had to do hard things. Right?
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And this isn't even like, oh, we can do hard things. Right? Like yeah, but it's because it feels so good. Right? Like, sobriety doesn't have to be hard. It's not hard. It's amazing. It is like living in a fucking hammock. I'm swearing a lot on this show. But I don't care I'm so pumped up about being in this emotion for you guys like it is like living in a hammock and not going anywhere and you have access to putting yourself in that vibration. And that is the vibration that's going to get you through your next triggered experience. I want you to really practice what it's like to wake up from that find that relief that thing God feeling in your body and describe it to yourself. And then I want you to put yourself in that place and let your Higher Self move out all the you move you get yourself into that place so you can remove all the obstacles of the think the thoughts that are of a of a of a version of yourself that you have outgrown.
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Right there are old thoughts that are just there like it's like when we just like keep clothes around that just don't fit us anymore. We don't like right it's that's what these old alcohol thoughts are. So you put yourself in this vibration where you're just like clear, it feels so good. And then I want you to tap into that wisdom. What is the thought that you need? That you want to take with you when you take action to go out on a Friday night to show up to a party to spend the weekend at home by yourself to go on a date to cook dinner for your family without drinking? What is that thought that arises in you when you put yourself in that state of emotional freedom from alcohol or Okay, even if you've never really experienced it, I want you just to imagine you can take some of my descriptive words and just like ask myself, what does this look like in my body does this feel like in my body, and the reason this is the winning the lottery experience, is because I have this access to do this all day, every day. And what that has done for me is it's a lowered my cortisol at my resting cortisol levels, right?
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Because alcohol creates an increase in your resting cortisol level, even when you're not drinking. So if you're a habitual drinker in any way, like if you just drink regularly, it doesn't matter what that is, you have an increase in cortisol.
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And it's, you also interpret your world through the vibration you're feeling. So if you're always feeling like crap, if you're always feeling overwhelmed, or exhausted, or kind of have a victim mentality, or life is happening, you know, to me, kind of vibe, and you're, you're, you're never becoming aware of your thoughts. You're never like noticing, like, oh, I have this tendency to have a negative thought here, okay, let me just like explore that your life is going to be an expression of that your life is going to be an expression of that vibration that you're feeling most of the time. Now, it doesn't mean that it's true, right? It doesn't mean like, that you're, you know, down and out, or that you're at rock bottom. But it's just, it's our perception, our interpretation of the world is what creates our experience. So we can shift our perspective without having to change any circumstance, we can shift our perspective without having to take a different action. The only action is really just examining your mind.
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And really, it really, really, really, really, really processing and being with the energy of emotion, and not making it a big deal, right, making it a like, I get to explore this practice, I just have to tell you this quote, because I can't let it slide.
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Elena Brower, who is an amazing yoga instructor, and just like, whatever, like the most graceful person I've ever encountered in my life, I hope to get to work with her and meet her someday. I take her yoga classes often on glow, she said to this morning in her class, commit to the mystery, and not to the confusion, commit more to the mystery and less to the confusion, right? Like the mystery is the same thing as the confusion. But it's just a different lens. It's like, what if we were committed? What if we were committed to the mystery of what life was like on the other side of alcohol, who you could become what was possible? Versus I don't know how to get there. I don't know what I'm doing.
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Everything's too hard. Right?
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Like, oh, what if it was just a surprise, like I would if it was just like this package that you get to open and it is like every single day. So I'm just going to briefly tell you of a scenario that I had a last night, last weekend, two weekends ago that never would have come to fruition in this way and not exhausted me. And I would have just had such a like less of an enhanced experience. And you know, we have this thought that alcohol enhances our experiences. But the only reason that in enhances our experience and I've said this so many times is that it inhibits the thoughts that are in the way of us just being present, right than they are of us experiencing the experience. It can't something that actually limits our capacity for full brain function can't enhance our experience.
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Like it's just not possible. So it doesn't even make sense. So I want you to understand, too, when you get into the space of what does it feel like to find relief from alcohol naturally like that, that morning after when you're don't drink? And if you can't think of that, you know, just imagine a time where you really felt relief, right?
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Like think about if you've ever wanted to quit a job and you were just thinking about it all the time, and you postponed it and you like were just miserable at your work and you put it off and you put it off and you put it off and you kept going over this and I'm like no this scenario so hard. And I would do this so much differently. If I ever do it again. And you put it off and you're go over the conversation you're gonna have with your boss and you finally do it, you rip the band aid off and you're so relieved and they're like, Okay, cool. I wish you good luck. And like you were just creating this whole scenario in your head that didn't even It was not even true, right? Like, they were like, yeah, like growth happens.
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We're excited for you or they offer you a promotion. What can we do to get you to stay like, right? Like this scenario is actually like the best case scenario. But you've been carrying this thing around for so long and you're like, oh my gosh, I feel so much better.
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Like, I don't have to carry that around anymore. Well, that is what this feeling is like, also, it's just like, oh my gosh, it's just like this deep catharsis, right? So you can get yourself into a place where you have felt that maybe if it's not around alcohol but it is, it really is a self concept that we get to be in where we can just be in the world more gracefully, more present, less reactive, with more like humility, more willingness to just be in a place of unconditional love instead of like, wow, that person's an asshole. I said this earlier i My mom was visiting and I was we were talking about like, this person this like drunk person heckling people at the there's like this like toboggan slide thing that you can go on at the mountain during the summer. And they were like heckling people, it's a family place for not going fast, right?
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And they ended up getting kicked out. And it's like, I could just be like, Oh, that person such a jerk that person such an ass, right. But it's like, any adult that does those kinds of things that treats other people like that doesn't love themselves, right? So when I think about it through that lens, like oh my gosh, like, That guy doesn't feel good inside, right? He's reflecting how he feels on the inside out through his mouth.
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Like he feels so bad on the inside, that he actually has to verbalize it and try to make other people feel bad. And like that just like feels really sad for me. He probably wasn't loved as a child, he may have been an experience of, you know, does it make it right? Does should he be held responsible for his actions? Absolutely. Should he get to stay? No. But like, I just don't like when we're when we call people to jerks. And when we're all angry and righteous about how other people behave, it only hurts us, right?
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So it is a self concept. It's a state of being that you get to be in like all the time, you just get to feel more love for more people more often. It's amazing. And it's not righteousness. It's like, yeah, I totally get it. Like I totally get how hard it is to change your relationship to alcohol, right? It feels really hard when you're in it. But I'm here to tell you that it's actually much more simple than you think.
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Because it's just a shift of perspective. So freedom from alcohol is an experience like in and of itself is like a whole new life. And that is what I'm offering you is like this emotional awakening. And I think about freedom from alcohol is a winning the lottery experience.
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And these are some of my thoughts that make it that there's nothing I need to resource outside of myself, my time is all mine, like, I get to be in charge of it, like there's nothing outside of me, that is gonna then eventually be out of my control, I have less stress.
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Alcohol doesn't define how I get to show up in the world. I do.
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None of my experiences are limited. They're all like, like when as soon as you consume alcohol, you have just limited yourself. I and this isn't like a judgment. But this is really what I believe I believe people that drink even if it's not a problem for them, are still still have a cap on their potential. Because it limits our experience. In a does like once you've drank you know what that is. So it's like the you've already had that experience. But if you continue to drink in the same scenarios again, and again, like if you always drink when you go to a wedding and you never don't have the experience of not drinking at a wedding, then you never know what that experience is like it limits your potential. It limits your potential in any one moment. So none of my experiences are limited, they can be as amazing as I want them to be or as not amazing as I want them to be, depending on my mind. I am in control of my self care. My capacity for what's possible is expanded, I can drop into this place whenever I feel stressed.
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Like I can now use the cultivation of this state of the self concept the state of being as as an experience that I can just drop into whenever I want to and like I had kind of forgot that until we have this practice. And like oh, like I can use that for myself now all the time because it's like, it is the way I see the world now, but I mean, I do experience stress. So when I can remind myself like, Oh, you have emotional freedom from alcohol, what does that feel like in your body and it's just so, so, so good. So if you are ready to have this winning the lottery experience, I would love for you to join me here in one on one private coaching. It's amazing.
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You're going to love it. We're going to crush it together. So just schedule a console and we will get you going.
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I think you're amazing. And I'm so glad that you're here. Hey, if you are finally ready to get alcohol out of your way for good and discover what lies ahead, I want to invite you into the stop drinking and start living program where you will learn to do what alcohol does for you on your own, but way better. The best part is you don't have to do any of it alone. Just click the link in the show notes or visit my website Mary Wagstaff coach.com To schedule a call with me where together we will plan the next phase of your life on purpose. I'll talk to you soon
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Do you ever feel like you're outgrowing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area, you just can't figure out you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a Holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20 year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules, and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide.
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Welcome to your journey of awakening. Welcome back to the show my beautiful listeners, are you ready to hear me talk?
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Because I got something to say.
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Okay, I'm so thrilled that you're here, this means so much to you, I want you to recognize that the fact that you're here means that there is some motivation, some inspiration, a calling from your higher self that saying there is possibility. So just remind yourself, when those sneaky thoughts come in about, you know, life will be miserable without alcohol and this like kind of empty void? Why do you keep coming back? If that is true, right? Because inside of you, you know the truth that it is possible, one of my favorite, favorite thoughts. And this actually comes from Matthew, my partner that he really held on to when he changed his relationship to alcohol was someday I won't want to either, wow, what a difference in the vibration, I just want you to maybe even say that out loud to yourself. Take a deep breath, someday, I won't want to either.
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This is a process, right. And I just came out of the beginning of a six month mastermind that I am in from with my coach. And there's, it's, you know, change is hard. There's resistance. But what I what I learned and what I'm learning all the time, is that resistance is the sign that we're headed to a breakthrough, if we can move through that resistance on the other side of that is going to pay off there is a big reward. So alcohol isn't working for you, you have resistance to changing it. And then you also have resistance to not drinking, right when you're when you're met with an urge or whatever. But so I spent three days in the first part of our mastermind, which is the live event and I was a virtual attendee. But there was other people that were actually live and it was it was really one of the most inspiring experiences that I've I've been through because, yes, are there strategies for business? Yes.
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Are there strategies for changing your relationship with alcohol? Absolutely. But if you haven't watched the, the my training about the five myths of quitting drinking, you should definitely go do that. It's free on my website. There is the first part is all about your thoughts and your beliefs. So if you go into a night of not drinking, or if you start the process of examining your relationship with alcohol and committing to a new way, and you have the thought that my life is going to be miserable without this and that's all you're focusing your mind on, or it will never be the same, right?
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We think alcohol enhances our experience. But what I what I know from my firsthand experience on the other side of alcohol, and not just on the other side of the drinking, but on the other side of my beliefs, everything starts with our mind.
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So we can talk all day long about you know, dependent habitual dependency and you know, we inherit from inherited from our parents and all of this kind of thing like that. We are more pre that's what I wanted to say more predisposed to addiction or whatever. But the reason that I choose never to think about those things I don't like the term alcoholic. I don't like the term alcoholism. I do think it's important to confront that there is an addiction and a habit when there's nothing wrong with that we're addicted. Too many things. And the human gets addicted to things very easily.
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This is why our brains are actually so brilliant and very efficient. So we can just say that without making it mean anything without having any weight. But once we start labeling ourselves as like, I'm an alcoholic, I am an addict, I have elk, I have this disease.
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Now we've just given some of our power away to something outside of ourselves. And, you know, you've heard me talk about this, and I'm going to do a whole episode on self concept. But this is the whole point is that you get to decide what's useful for you. So it doesn't even matter if it's someone else else's experience, even if they found an alcohol gene. I don't care because what does that do?
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That puts me in a victim mindset that now I am a victim to my circumstances, right? And yes, victims do exist in the world, there are perpetrators and victims of specific circumstances. And I do believe this, right. But when we are a victim to our mind of victim to a circumstance, we have now just given all of our control away, right. And I have my own theories about what creates, you know, this genetic predisposition. But the thing that we know now is the study of epigenetics is that our genes can change in our waking living time, we can actually change our genes for our offspring, we can actually change our genes while we are living. We know this. Joe Dispenza talks about this work, and there's many, many people that study the science of epigenetics. So, if it's not a useful place for you to go, then don't go there. All you need to be focused on is the emotion that you want to create in your body. Right. And so, one of the practices that we did, during one of our breakout sessions in the mastermind, was putting ourselves in this as at least how I interpreted it, putting ourselves in the emotion of the result that our clients will, will create the result what our clients come to us for.
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Okay? And so we what I believe that that is, is emotional freedom from alcohol, okay, so we eliminate you eliminate your desire and your attachment to alcohol. That's the solution from alcohol exhaustion, you're out like what I call alcohol exhaustion, or alcohol overwhelm. When you're just it's not even like you're, you know, alcohol exhaustion is your there's like an obsessive compulsiveness. With alcohol, it's not even that you're craving it all day, but you just like wake up thinking about you go to bed thinking about it, you're hungover you're planning for it's like all just in your brain, you want to quit, like you've just can't get space between you and the thoughts about alcohol. So that's alcohol exhaustion. So you do these specific things to reduce your desire and your attachment to alcohol. And then once you know how to reduce your desire and attachment, you just keep doing those same things until eventually it your attachment and your desire for alcohol are eliminated, but the result of eliminating alcohol exhaustion, what you get at the end is freedom is emotional freedom from alcohol, which is liberation, you are liberating that your soul you are creating vitality. So the opposite I think of like overwhelming exhaustion is is vitality is a life like you are essentially giving yourself life back. So the distinction between alcohol exhaustion and alcohol freedom is such a stark contrast that it is very, very easy of a place to step into in an embodied way.
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Okay, so if you've never if you've maybe taken breaks from alcohol, and this is why it's not about quitting drinking, this is why it is all about your mindset is all about your beliefs about alcohol, right?
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And you don't just believe things that you don't believe you have to generate evidence to start to believe them. But there are some things that you do believe that have a positive vibration. Like this is how I take care of myself, or my friends love me no matter what, right? You have to find this.
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The thoughts in your brain that work one scenario at a time we have to step out of black and white thinking and really go into very specific circumstances because once we start into black and white thinking, we're back back into black and white drinking. So we don't want to be in the all or nothing, right?
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Like, I can never drink again, or life will be miserable or, like, what do you know is actually better when you don't drink? Well, when I have a discussion with my partner and we're not drinking, like we actually can come to up, like a really healthy conclusion. And we can solve problems better.
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When I, you know, put my kids to bed at night, and I'm really present with them. And I'm not just waiting to get back to my wine, it really allows me to just be in the gratitude of being a mom and just like loving being, like in awe about their growth, or, you know, when I don't drink the night before I go play golf or perform. Like, I feel really good about x. I'm just so excited about, you know, this really fun part of my life, right? So we all have things that we we do have evidence for.
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It's just that when we go into resistance, resistance creates black and white thinking. And it's just not useful, right? So just notice your mind, we all do it, I do it all the time. It's like either, like all or nothing, right? I'm not just solving like one problem at a time, like this very specific thing. And when you write it down, you realize, oh, my gosh, my brain goes to you know, it's doom and gloom, versus Okay, all I need to do is like, call the tax guy like or something like that, right? Like, a lot of times, there's just one next step, that's going to alleviate a lot of that stress, right? All I need to do is focus on really catching up with my friends and being in the energy of what it feels like to be.
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To have people that I love in my life, right to have sacred sisterhood, or whatever intention you have, for, you know, when you're not drinking when you're deciding not to drink. So you have everyone has had the experience of waking up from a night of not drinking and thinking. Thank god. Oh my gosh, I am so happy. I didn't drink last night. Yes, right. We've all had that experience of like, you almost like don't remember until you're just like fully embodied and you don't feel like you want to die. Right? Well, this is what the feeling of freedom from alcohol feels like that you have access to all the time for the rest of your life.
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Right now what we do as humans is we so easily skip over that.
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And the other thing that's interesting about alcohol is that it also is associated with our positive emotions to when we feel accomplished when we feel excited when we are in a good mood, right we associate those things they are also those vibrations in our body are also triggers for alcohol so we don't even know what it feels like in our body. To feel accomplishment to feel pride to feel good to feel to have an orgasm without alcohol to really just like be in the arms of your lover to just really like get a hug from your best friend right like you know that like you're drunk all the time doing these things but but actually paying attention to what is pleasure what is a pleasurable emotion we all were just wanting to get happy all the time. We just want to be to the happy but yet we can't we can't really describe it right?
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So for me alcohol when I go into like the distinct that thank God moment, like for me, I'm my thoughts are I never have to feel that way again. I and I just say my eyes to myself, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for giving yourself for giving us the opportunity to express experience this life, right to have the capacity to step into our fullest potential in any moment to experience every single facet of our human experience, fully present fully alive, fully available, aligned, right like Thank you. That is the feeling. So when I get into that feeling, it feels like the deepest catharsis the deepest like breath of air, it feels like buoyancy like floating and saltwater on the ocean or just like being held by a hammock swinging It feels like a trust fall without any hesitation. It feels like the biggest hug you can just lean into feels like just collapsing on the earth and, and feeling the softness in the magnetic frequency of the earth. And it is available to me all the time.
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Now, do I take myself there often? And do I forget that I have access to that? Yes, because I have a human brain too. And my lifestyle, my brain still presents problems to me all the time. But when I put myself intentionally in that place, and I take action from that place from that vibration, and I take action towards something that I have resistance to normally that doesn't feel good, or when I'm just thinking about you. And when I'm just thinking about my clients, I'm like, Oh my gosh, they just don't know. They just don't know how good this feels. Like, I never have to think about alcohol ever, again, is amazing.
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It's amazing. I love it. It's like the best thing that has ever happened to me. And sometimes I can't even believe how much pain I was in how much I did think about it, how was consumed my life. And like literally for nothing. But I do believe everything's a blessing.
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And I do believe the journey of awakening from alcohol is the most profound transformation that you can ever go through.
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And I will say that, again, more than building a business more than being a mother more than making a million dollars like more than traveling. It is the most profound expense experience of stepping into a life of self authority and self alignment with what is possible for the capacity in which you can experience in your life and a self concept. It is such a stark contrast, but not when you're a victim when you are a fucking boss, right when you show up, because to throw a better party than alcohol ever could is when you have really won the lottery.
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Right. And so I call emotional freedom from alcohol, my winning the lottery experience, and it is a winning the lottery experience. I have access to all day every day for the rest of my life. And this is what I teach my clients how to do also to have a winning the lottery experience for themselves, no matter what the circumstances of their lives are all day, every day in a winning the lottery experience of life is inner resourcing at the highest level.
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And this is available to you because I know that you're almost there. I know that you have done this in so many other areas you have had to go inside and reach and dig deep and pull up your bootstraps and you have had to do hard things. Right?
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And this isn't even like, oh, we can do hard things. Right? Like yeah, but it's because it feels so good. Right? Like, sobriety doesn't have to be hard. It's not hard. It's amazing. It is like living in a fucking hammock. I'm swearing a lot on this show. But I don't care I'm so pumped up about being in this emotion for you guys like it is like living in a hammock and not going anywhere and you have access to putting yourself in that vibration. And that is the vibration that's going to get you through your next triggered experience. I want you to really practice what it's like to wake up from that find that relief that thing God feeling in your body and describe it to yourself. And then I want you to put yourself in that place and let your Higher Self move out all the you move you get yourself into that place so you can remove all the obstacles of the think the thoughts that are of a of a of a version of yourself that you have outgrown.
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Right there are old thoughts that are just there like it's like when we just like keep clothes around that just don't fit us anymore. We don't like right it's that's what these old alcohol thoughts are. So you put yourself in this vibration where you're just like clear, it feels so good. And then I want you to tap into that wisdom. What is the thought that you need? That you want to take with you when you take action to go out on a Friday night to show up to a party to spend the weekend at home by yourself to go on a date to cook dinner for your family without drinking? What is that thought that arises in you when you put yourself in that state of emotional freedom from alcohol or Okay, even if you've never really experienced it, I want you just to imagine you can take some of my descriptive words and just like ask myself, what does this look like in my body does this feel like in my body, and the reason this is the winning the lottery experience, is because I have this access to do this all day, every day. And what that has done for me is it's a lowered my cortisol at my resting cortisol levels, right?
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Because alcohol creates an increase in your resting cortisol level, even when you're not drinking. So if you're a habitual drinker in any way, like if you just drink regularly, it doesn't matter what that is, you have an increase in cortisol.
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And it's, you also interpret your world through the vibration you're feeling. So if you're always feeling like crap, if you're always feeling overwhelmed, or exhausted, or kind of have a victim mentality, or life is happening, you know, to me, kind of vibe, and you're, you're, you're never becoming aware of your thoughts. You're never like noticing, like, oh, I have this tendency to have a negative thought here, okay, let me just like explore that your life is going to be an expression of that your life is going to be an expression of that vibration that you're feeling most of the time. Now, it doesn't mean that it's true, right? It doesn't mean like, that you're, you know, down and out, or that you're at rock bottom. But it's just, it's our perception, our interpretation of the world is what creates our experience. So we can shift our perspective without having to change any circumstance, we can shift our perspective without having to take a different action. The only action is really just examining your mind.
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And really, it really, really, really, really, really processing and being with the energy of emotion, and not making it a big deal, right, making it a like, I get to explore this practice, I just have to tell you this quote, because I can't let it slide.
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Elena Brower, who is an amazing yoga instructor, and just like, whatever, like the most graceful person I've ever encountered in my life, I hope to get to work with her and meet her someday. I take her yoga classes often on glow, she said to this morning in her class, commit to the mystery, and not to the confusion, commit more to the mystery and less to the confusion, right? Like the mystery is the same thing as the confusion. But it's just a different lens. It's like, what if we were committed? What if we were committed to the mystery of what life was like on the other side of alcohol, who you could become what was possible? Versus I don't know how to get there. I don't know what I'm doing.
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Everything's too hard. Right?
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Like, oh, what if it was just a surprise, like I would if it was just like this package that you get to open and it is like every single day. So I'm just going to briefly tell you of a scenario that I had a last night, last weekend, two weekends ago that never would have come to fruition in this way and not exhausted me. And I would have just had such a like less of an enhanced experience. And you know, we have this thought that alcohol enhances our experiences. But the only reason that in enhances our experience and I've said this so many times is that it inhibits the thoughts that are in the way of us just being present, right than they are of us experiencing the experience. It can't something that actually limits our capacity for full brain function can't enhance our experience.
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Like it's just not possible. So it doesn't even make sense. So I want you to understand, too, when you get into the space of what does it feel like to find relief from alcohol naturally like that, that morning after when you're don't drink? And if you can't think of that, you know, just imagine a time where you really felt relief, right?
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Like think about if you've ever wanted to quit a job and you were just thinking about it all the time, and you postponed it and you like were just miserable at your work and you put it off and you put it off and you put it off and you kept going over this and I'm like no this scenario so hard. And I would do this so much differently. If I ever do it again. And you put it off and you're go over the conversation you're gonna have with your boss and you finally do it, you rip the band aid off and you're so relieved and they're like, Okay, cool. I wish you good luck. And like you were just creating this whole scenario in your head that didn't even It was not even true, right? Like, they were like, yeah, like growth happens.
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We're excited for you or they offer you a promotion. What can we do to get you to stay like, right? Like this scenario is actually like the best case scenario. But you've been carrying this thing around for so long and you're like, oh my gosh, I feel so much better.
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Like, I don't have to carry that around anymore. Well, that is what this feeling is like, also, it's just like, oh my gosh, it's just like this deep catharsis, right? So you can get yourself into a place where you have felt that maybe if it's not around alcohol but it is, it really is a self concept that we get to be in where we can just be in the world more gracefully, more present, less reactive, with more like humility, more willingness to just be in a place of unconditional love instead of like, wow, that person's an asshole. I said this earlier i My mom was visiting and I was we were talking about like, this person this like drunk person heckling people at the there's like this like toboggan slide thing that you can go on at the mountain during the summer. And they were like heckling people, it's a family place for not going fast, right?
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And they ended up getting kicked out. And it's like, I could just be like, Oh, that person such a jerk that person such an ass, right. But it's like, any adult that does those kinds of things that treats other people like that doesn't love themselves, right? So when I think about it through that lens, like oh my gosh, like, That guy doesn't feel good inside, right? He's reflecting how he feels on the inside out through his mouth.
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Like he feels so bad on the inside, that he actually has to verbalize it and try to make other people feel bad. And like that just like feels really sad for me. He probably wasn't loved as a child, he may have been an experience of, you know, does it make it right? Does should he be held responsible for his actions? Absolutely. Should he get to stay? No. But like, I just don't like when we're when we call people to jerks. And when we're all angry and righteous about how other people behave, it only hurts us, right?
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So it is a self concept. It's a state of being that you get to be in like all the time, you just get to feel more love for more people more often. It's amazing. And it's not righteousness. It's like, yeah, I totally get it. Like I totally get how hard it is to change your relationship to alcohol, right? It feels really hard when you're in it. But I'm here to tell you that it's actually much more simple than you think.
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Because it's just a shift of perspective. So freedom from alcohol is an experience like in and of itself is like a whole new life. And that is what I'm offering you is like this emotional awakening. And I think about freedom from alcohol is a winning the lottery experience.
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And these are some of my thoughts that make it that there's nothing I need to resource outside of myself, my time is all mine, like, I get to be in charge of it, like there's nothing outside of me, that is gonna then eventually be out of my control, I have less stress.
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Alcohol doesn't define how I get to show up in the world. I do.
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None of my experiences are limited. They're all like, like when as soon as you consume alcohol, you have just limited yourself. I and this isn't like a judgment. But this is really what I believe I believe people that drink even if it's not a problem for them, are still still have a cap on their potential. Because it limits our experience. In a does like once you've drank you know what that is. So it's like the you've already had that experience. But if you continue to drink in the same scenarios again, and again, like if you always drink when you go to a wedding and you never don't have the experience of not drinking at a wedding, then you never know what that experience is like it limits your potential. It limits your potential in any one moment. So none of my experiences are limited, they can be as amazing as I want them to be or as not amazing as I want them to be, depending on my mind. I am in control of my self care. My capacity for what's possible is expanded, I can drop into this place whenever I feel stressed.
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Like I can now use the cultivation of this state of the self concept the state of being as as an experience that I can just drop into whenever I want to and like I had kind of forgot that until we have this practice. And like oh, like I can use that for myself now all the time because it's like, it is the way I see the world now, but I mean, I do experience stress. So when I can remind myself like, Oh, you have emotional freedom from alcohol, what does that feel like in your body and it's just so, so, so good. So if you are ready to have this winning the lottery experience, I would love for you to join me here in one on one private coaching. It's amazing.
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You're going to love it. We're going to crush it together. So just schedule a console and we will get you going.
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I think you're amazing. And I'm so glad that you're here. Hey, if you are finally ready to get alcohol out of your way for good and discover what lies ahead, I want to invite you into the stop drinking and start living program where you will learn to do what alcohol does for you on your own, but way better. The best part is you don't have to do any of it alone. Just click the link in the show notes or visit my website Mary Wagstaff coach.com To schedule a call with me where together we will plan the next phase of your life on purpose. I'll talk to you soon
