WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_02]: Christian parenting.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to Rockin' It, Grant.
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is Shellian, of course.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I've got Chris in the studio with me, and we have a virtual guest that we're looking forward to this and with Chris at a little moment when she recognized that Y'all had some past history together.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So I wanna kinda bring our audience back into that, Chris, because I was enjoying the moment the two of Y'all had.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So we have Jay Paylightner with us today.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And Jay, welcome to Rockin' It, Grant.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You guys have such a great time on this on your podcast, so I'm so delighted to hang with you.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And sorry, Shelley, especially saying hi to Chris.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We haven't talked for for decades.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Probably okay.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You do not have to apologize to me because what I wanted you to do was start with that conversation.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We had off air that you were telling Chris about right before we began typing.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's the reason I introduced you that way.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, for years I had Chris Howard's voicemail on my I saved it on my telephone because it was the moment that that conversation that message she left was the moment I became an author my first book was with Howard publishing
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[SPEAKER_00]: Twenty-two, twenty-three years ago, called, once upon a, excuse me, called once upon a tandem, a little, a little, twelve hundred word allegory that she liked and we put it together.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was a great fun.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was my first book and now, ladies, forty, forty-three books later.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm giving Chris the credit for that first book 43 books later and I've spoken in 25 states around the around the country and being a dad and being a grandparents, being a grandfather and how to live life right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I give Chris Howard all the credit to I give Chris all the credit for all that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I know you're going to be humble about that, but the reason that I had you repeat that for those that are listening is because I am so fond of tracing the seeds in our life and seeing the inception of what came out of the work and the fruit that comes from it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And so that's important to me to acknowledge that and I'm glad you started that way.
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[SPEAKER_03]: Actually, I mean, I think
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[SPEAKER_03]: It like it was amazing to me like you that was the beginning of like you said 40 books because you're incredibly talented and so funny and so fun to work with So that's I totally when I saw a thing.
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[SPEAKER_03]: I said Jay he is the fun to think this will be so fun So I'm so excited and to know all the things that you've done and today We're talking about a apparently a grand parenting book.
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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I
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[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, which is right up our alley.
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[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
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[SPEAKER_03]: You'll have to tell us how many grandkids you have, but I am up to 14 grandkids and 12 great grandkids with three more just right around the corner and I'm behind Chris.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I have six grandchildren and I think you're closer in my world right now, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I have eight grandkids and what I do my speaking I'll show my kids in their wives I have four sons, you know, you know, daughter and a four awesome daughters and law and I love them best But I'll show a photo of them and then I'll say I don't care about them at all anymore I don't care about it Because it's the it's the the eight grandkids that matter, but that it's a perfect segue into What we need to do as grandparents
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that is this, probably almost more important than pouring into the lives of your grandchildren.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's pouring to the lives of your grandchildren's parents.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We need to be heroes to our kids, the daughter's sons, sons and a lot of daughters and a lot.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a recurring theme in my talks and in my books.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, we're connecting with your grandkids is one thing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's just a joy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Not always a joy, but it's a joy, but we have to be very intentional about being heroes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: To that next generation so that we have good access because they're the gatekeepers and they're the moms and dads in the most cases So that's that's one of my points that's worth making in our in our time today.
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[SPEAKER_00]: What do you think?
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[SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely love that and I say that in fact my mom is 94 and You must I'm sorry so your mom is a great
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[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
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[SPEAKER_00]: 12 times.
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[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_03]: So my mom, 94, my daughter, Cory, and I were speaking to a general about generational things living.
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[SPEAKER_03]: International faith living at an event coming up here recently.
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[SPEAKER_03]: And one of the things that I really wanted to share was exactly that point that as grandparents, we have to fully support the parents.
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[SPEAKER_03]: that has to be the main job.
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[SPEAKER_03]: And then when you support the parents and their their decisions for their children and okay, I think then you have the children to be a part of your life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Um, even we need to support the parents in a way, even this is really really hard for Christian grandparents.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Even if mom and dad say, you know what mom, you know what dad, I don't want
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[SPEAKER_00]: because I want to cross that line.
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[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm talking in churches, to grandparents, there's a lot of heartache out there because the grandparents are scared of death that their grandkids are not going to join them in heaven.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they want to know how to...
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[SPEAKER_00]: how to cross that bridge, how to speak into the lives of the grandchildren, even if they don't have permission.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And there's all kinds of ways to do that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And in my book, a grand way to live, it's a 90-day devotional, and there are several of these devotional chapters devoted to devotional devotional, devotional, to how to speak into the lives of your grandchildren,
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[SPEAKER_03]: I love that and that's that's the books that we're talking about today at the grand way to live.
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[SPEAKER_03]: That was a title of it.
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[SPEAKER_03]: It's devotional so it is it's a book for the grandparents.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh absolutely for sure.
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[SPEAKER_03]: To help us get through everything we're doing and it is like please say grandparenting is like the funnest thing you'll ever do but it doesn't come without its issues.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, yes, and the book is done, it's for grandparents, but it's not just about grandparents, it's also about getting your own app together in a season of life that we're in, as grandparents.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We might have a little more time and we need to do.
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[SPEAKER_00]: about being your best self.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There are a little devotions on volunteering and mentoring.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And I did a deep dive in the scripture.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's so much in the scripture that we don't even realize on grand parenting, the generational connections, and what children need, and aging, and wisdom, and sharing the gospel with kids.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But there's nothing in the Bible about retirement.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Did you ever know the word?
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[SPEAKER_00]: There's no word.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I say, here's a line I came up with while back.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We've done so much, but there's still so much more to do.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I love that and you're on one of our themes when you talk about not retiring because Chris and I hit that early in often all the time that we can't fit on any place in God's word for that and there's no, we leave a gap in this generation when we retire with our experience and our wisdom that we need to speak into our families, our hard-earned walk in journey with the Lord which is why I like you positioning this book first.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We, I believe the subtitle, I won't say it correctly, but I remember that it was Christ in you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: What do we got there?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Faith, wisdom, and joy for every grandparent, but on some of the information I read, and this is Chris has found it for me, reflecting God's love to your grandchildren, begins.
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[SPEAKER_02]: with being in their lives and modeling Christ in you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I love that you start there because it doesn't matter what we say, if they don't see us finding our footing, our joy, our comfort, everything that we're wanting to give them, if they don't see us finding it first, and Christ, then we're a, a playing symbol, right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, there you go.
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[SPEAKER_00]: A key to that might be making spiritual truths
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[SPEAKER_00]: a natural part of your life, a natural part of the conversation, you know what, when you drag your, uh, drag your middle school around on a dark night when the stars out there and talk about the stars and know some constellations.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But there's a Ryan's belt in the Big Dipper and by the way, did you know that God
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[SPEAKER_00]: has counted all those stars and has named all those stars and he calls them each by name.
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[SPEAKER_00]: How did that happen?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, and then when I'll drag them out there when you see a rainbow and talk about the rainbow after Noah's arts flood, concepts that I think I came up with, I think I made the word up, a preable moments, a preable moments.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We know about teachful moments, you know,
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[SPEAKER_00]: when you're walking in the woods, you talk about poison ivy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, shopping with you grandkids, you talk about how to pick out a good melon kind of thing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But a prairie moment, let's say you're out on the sidewalk.
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[SPEAKER_00]: uh... doing chalk drawings with your grand with your old six-year-old five-year-old four-year-old granddaughter new chalk drawings and you hear a siren and you don't know what that siren is for but an ambulance or a police or something so you can stop and say well well one of what that is we don't know but but god knows so let's pray about that real quick
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[SPEAKER_00]: And suddenly you're talking, you're praying, you're nodding that, and then you go right back to drawing again.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like you're interrupting the day.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You those God moments are part of your day.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Right then, even if mom and dad don't really want you talking about Jesus,
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[SPEAKER_00]: Suddenly you have introduced them to the concept that there's a God who cares and loves them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So prayable moments if you last thought when you're driving with your kids, grandkids in the backseat, all buckled up safely, do that, you pass by a church and there's a cute little couple that just got married in the throne rice.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh look at that, a little marriage, that's a great thing and say let's pray for that couple and you kids in the back seat will go, what?
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[SPEAKER_00]: I go, yeah, we don't know who they are, what's pray for them and by the way we'll pray, we'll pray for my marriage, my good, my good, my beautiful wife, your grandma, I'll pray for your mom and dad's marriage and you know what?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Sophie, we're gonna pray for your husband who you haven't even met yet, we're gonna pray for for your future marriage, so that kind of thing make it a real life experience part of life I guess is the thought that's what grandparents can do.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I am absolutely in love with that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I do that, but I have not attached that name to it, prayable moments.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And so when I use that going forward, I will credit you with that, because that is ingenious, that's Holy Spirit inspired.
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[SPEAKER_02]: But that's a ribbon that we inspire to, is that it's not the lecture or the sermon necessarily that your grandchildren hear.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's when you are walking and talking with God that easily, and you just bring the Lord into the conversation and have a prayable moment, go on right on about fish and or whatever we're doing on the dog.
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[SPEAKER_02]: But when they see that Jesus is that
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[SPEAKER_02]: integral part of your life.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Those are the lessons that stay in.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So I love playable moments.
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[SPEAKER_03]: I think you did make up that term because we say teachable moments all the time, but we've never said playable moments.
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[SPEAKER_03]: So Jay, you did it.
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[SPEAKER_03]: I love it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I have that kind of stuff sprinkled all through my writings all the way through.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you for that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But let me say this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, prayable moments are wonderful because you don't have to plan them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They just show up.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But also girl ladies, Shelley and Chris, we can plan in prayable moments.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_00]: For instance, you can pull a needle point off the wall.
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[SPEAKER_00]: and say, isn't this a beautiful picture?
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[SPEAKER_00]: And then you show them the back of it, because the back, and they see all these knots and tangles and crazy stuff.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And you say, that's kind of like our perspective.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We're from underneath, but we look down here on earth and our lives are filled with knots and tangles.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But when you turn it over, you get God's perspective, which is this beautiful picture here.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So again, that's a playable moment, a teachful moment that you can kind of plan and orchestrate.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's why before our kids come over, we're going to pray.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to ask God to reveal some prayable moments and I promise you he will.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I promise you he will.
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[SPEAKER_03]: I love that.
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[SPEAKER_03]: And what I really love most is that they're just incorporating that, it is who you are.
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[SPEAKER_03]: It's not making something up.
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[SPEAKER_03]: You're doing what you do.
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[SPEAKER_03]: And I was thinking about that about my mom's generation too, because she is so much a part of our life and that generation, they didn't do like intentional things like
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[SPEAKER_03]: like a devotional every night and the things that sometimes we were like young moms are wanting what's the what's the formula what's the secret sauce what's the thing I can do and I think back about my mom and dad and they just lived Jesus all the time and that back in that general I send him more in sending night whizz night we never felt like we were dragged to church it's just what we did and that's how we became faithful
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[SPEAKER_03]: believers because we watched our parents just walk it out.
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[SPEAKER_03]: And so if you want all your young moms want us to say, do this, do this, do this, do this, is that the biggest thing to do is just walk out living with Jesus.
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[SPEAKER_03]: That's it.
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[SPEAKER_03]: That's it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I can fast, you know, I must be a wonderful father because I have started devotional planned devotional to my kids maybe 40 or 50 times and they last two days or last four days and then life gets busy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So again, that's kind of so more important than that is live in your life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: That's what again, that is a great first prey without ceasing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: and our life needs to be that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: The Holy Spirit is always there.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We have to have to resource it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We just have to put it in.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I say all the time that he's always speaking.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, his name is the word.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So he's always speaking.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's just whether or not we're here and, you know, something I wanted to hear you address, Jay, is we've been talking positively about what we can do to create these opportunities with our kids and our grandkids,
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[SPEAKER_02]: And you're experienced, what are some of the traps?
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[SPEAKER_02]: What are some of the things that grandparents do that create eight distance unintentionally with their kids and their grandkids?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, maybe I'll tell the story.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We will have to my,
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[SPEAKER_00]: My, I mean, the Chicago land area went up to Racine, Wisconsin to see Nana in grandpa four or five times a year when I was growing up, and it was a terrible place.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was white carpeting in the glass coffee tables, and there was no toys.
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[SPEAKER_00]: There was nothing for for grandkids to do, and I know that grandparents these days are doing better at little areas and haven't gifts and toys and some things, but we were down in my brother and I were down in grandpa's tool tool room and in the basement in his workshop.
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[SPEAKER_00]: and goofing around and pretending to be secret agents or something like that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And one of his tools kind of looked like a machine gun and we were playing goofing with it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And then when we were calling up the lunch, I put it under the cushion of the over stuff chair in the basement.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_00]: No problem.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Then we went home.
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[SPEAKER_00]: left it there, not a big deal, a month, a month later, Grandpa needed that to a basin wrench to do some work, some plumbing, and he couldn't find it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I got rid of mad at himself kind of thing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Again, Mark and I were, my brother and I were 10 or 11 years old, we didn't know any better.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It was just a mistake we made.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So then a month later, Nana found this wrench under the couch cushion, and
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[SPEAKER_00]: Those darn kids, those darn, they knew what they knew, Mark and I lost it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We were hiding their tools.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you laugh, but Grandpa never, never forgave me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Never gave me.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it was 11 years old.
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[SPEAKER_00]: went off to college.
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[SPEAKER_00]: My freshman year, he died.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We never spoke again.
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[SPEAKER_02]: No, how sad.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He didn't get.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and that's the point.
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[SPEAKER_00]: We might have spoken, you know, here a little bit here and there, but I mean, the idea of conversation with him never happened again.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It had the relationship.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And he doesn't, he didn't know what he missed.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He wasn't a bad guy.
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[SPEAKER_00]: He was a good provider of sports family,
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[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe, maybe I take this too far, but your grandkids can do it no wrong.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They're awesome.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Just assume they're gonna the shenanigans.
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[SPEAKER_00]: If they're mean spirit, if that's one thing.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But they're gonna mess up, they're gonna break things.
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[SPEAKER_00]: They're gonna be too busy, you know, one.
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[SPEAKER_00]: When you text them, when they're 13 and you text them something, they might not text you back.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You can't be mad at that or if they can't you know the whole family comes but they can't come you can't be angry with them because their kids they visit they got their own lives so don't put up those walls don't be that that's good advice that's a good advice
18:44.892 --> 18:45.353
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you.
18:45.373 --> 18:50.375
[SPEAKER_03]: I think what is a great thing from that too is you're doing something that wasn't modeled for you.
18:50.975 --> 18:56.818
[SPEAKER_03]: Like you don't have to have had the best grandparents in the world to be a great grandma.
18:57.058 --> 18:57.398
[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.
18:57.438 --> 19:00.719
[SPEAKER_03]: Just like you didn't have to have a great mom for you to be a great mom.
19:00.779 --> 19:01.780
[SPEAKER_03]: It starts with you.
19:04.618 --> 19:08.179
[SPEAKER_00]: So my dad was an awesome grandfather.
19:09.399 --> 19:12.060
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm going to say that next generation.
19:12.100 --> 19:12.540
[SPEAKER_00]: He got it.
19:12.820 --> 19:14.001
[SPEAKER_00]: So he modeled for me.
19:14.881 --> 19:15.321
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what?
19:15.341 --> 19:18.802
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of you grandfather's out there in your 50s.
19:18.902 --> 19:22.763
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to go off there and buy a red corvette just because you go through that.
19:23.444 --> 19:25.284
[SPEAKER_00]: My dad went out and bought a mini van.
19:25.964 --> 19:27.705
[SPEAKER_00]: So he could haul the grandkids around.
19:28.543 --> 19:35.265
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that would be one decision that we could make proactively the things we do in our life.
19:35.545 --> 19:37.986
[SPEAKER_00]: How do they impact our role as a grandparents?
19:38.066 --> 19:40.067
[SPEAKER_00]: And that would be the car we drive, I suppose.
19:40.707 --> 19:41.167
[SPEAKER_03]: I love that.
19:41.227 --> 19:42.388
[SPEAKER_03]: I still have a many van.
19:42.548 --> 19:44.208
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm on my fourth one, I guess.
19:44.268 --> 19:50.811
[SPEAKER_03]: And like this last time I thought, okay, is it time and not have it, but I've got 12 great grandchildren.
19:51.671 --> 19:54.092
[SPEAKER_03]: And I have three car seats in the car.
19:54.732 --> 19:57.393
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm equipped to take care of my grandkids.
19:58.456 --> 20:10.110
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, yes, that's absolutely that's one of my, one of my things that I drive home is, you know what, when you get that grand baby, uh, you don't want to wrestle mom and dad's car seat back into your car.
20:10.990 --> 20:20.656
[SPEAKER_00]: So by a car seat, go out and get the right car seat, it may not be used for a couple weeks in a row, but leave it back there so that you can just plop that grand kit in there and be safe.
20:21.037 --> 20:22.578
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, yeah, of course, you want to be safe.
20:22.618 --> 20:36.607
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, by a car seat, by two steels, by a stool that you can keep in your kitchen that's only about 12 inches high that your grand daughter can come up and learn how to roll out pie dough.
20:37.107 --> 20:47.262
[SPEAKER_00]: or your grandson, anybody can learn how to roll up either boys and girls, obviously, or how to pound an ale, so that you can pull that bench up to your, that stool up to your bench.
20:47.302 --> 20:51.068
[SPEAKER_00]: So, by those two old steps to, as soon as your grandkids can walk.
20:52.278 --> 20:52.859
[SPEAKER_02]: That's great.
20:53.459 --> 21:10.792
[SPEAKER_02]: Jay, a lot of times I hear and I know Chris is heard this is way off from grandparents that they want to be involved in their grandkids life and they are having their in a period where they have a few regrets about how they raise their own children and you know things they wish they would have done differently.
21:11.372 --> 21:19.238
[SPEAKER_02]: Speak to that grandparent that feels that way that has some regrets today and helping encourage that grandparent that's listening.
21:20.039 --> 21:32.515
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you've all heard this before that we serve a god of second chances and Not that you want to just burn your relationship with your own kids, but if you did and we all did We all said stuff.
21:32.875 --> 21:33.816
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not kids with teenagers.
21:33.856 --> 21:36.940
[SPEAKER_00]: We'd said stuff they said stuff that's like, oh man, I regret that
21:37.621 --> 21:44.385
[SPEAKER_00]: But grandkids, grandbabies, grand teenagers, give you a chance to get that right.
21:44.445 --> 21:47.827
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, he gave Jonah a second chance to go to another one.
21:48.208 --> 21:53.731
[SPEAKER_00]: He gave Peter a second chance after, after he, Peter denied him three times.
21:54.231 --> 21:58.034
[SPEAKER_00]: The woman about to get stoned for adultery.
21:58.892 --> 22:05.176
[SPEAKER_00]: Jesus gave him, her second chance, he didn't say go and sin no more, but so there's a second chance there.
22:05.456 --> 22:13.802
[SPEAKER_00]: So God is saying to us, go and sin no more, go and don't be a, go, don't, don't, don't put a wall, still open doors, interact.
22:14.362 --> 22:18.005
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the quick answer is start now.
22:19.205 --> 22:20.045
[SPEAKER_00]: Go moving forward.
22:20.486 --> 22:21.846
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't live with a bunch of regrets.
22:22.806 --> 22:24.607
[SPEAKER_00]: If there's apologies, we may do them.
22:25.107 --> 22:26.808
[SPEAKER_00]: But maybe just forge ahead.
22:26.928 --> 22:36.291
[SPEAKER_00]: Just forge ahead and admit at some point if you do that and be a gift and say yes to your kids and be an awesome father and grandfather.
22:36.791 --> 22:40.513
[SPEAKER_00]: Then you're going to be able to laugh back and say, you know what, man, I'm just, you know, I was it.
22:40.833 --> 22:43.434
[SPEAKER_00]: When you were teenagers, I was kind of, I came down hard on you, didn't I?
22:48.140 --> 22:53.526
[SPEAKER_00]: So grant, grant kit, being a grant parent, give you a chance to clear the error more often than you think.
22:54.101 --> 22:55.382
[SPEAKER_00]: He speaks with wisdom.
22:55.482 --> 23:00.266
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, what love the most is your excitement in your voice.
23:00.326 --> 23:04.069
[SPEAKER_03]: Just talking about grandkids because that's how we do.
23:04.189 --> 23:07.772
[SPEAKER_03]: And we love sharing our grandkids together and sharing stories and pigeons and all that.
23:07.792 --> 23:09.753
[SPEAKER_03]: And I can just hear that in your voice.
23:09.873 --> 23:10.834
[SPEAKER_03]: I love that so much.
23:11.334 --> 23:12.175
[SPEAKER_03]: Our time is up.
23:12.215 --> 23:18.460
[SPEAKER_03]: So we do want to say again, the book is called A Grand Way to Live Faith, Wisdom and Joy for every grandparent.
23:18.880 --> 23:21.182
[SPEAKER_03]: Jay, Pay, Lightner, any other.
23:21.242 --> 23:23.524
[SPEAKER_03]: What is the last thing you want to leave the audience with?
23:25.068 --> 23:28.570
[SPEAKER_00]: My name is impossible to spell and the grand way doesn't sound like anything.
23:28.610 --> 23:35.415
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you go on Amazon and do a search for Grand Parenting Devotionals, there's not too many out there.
23:35.435 --> 23:38.978
[SPEAKER_00]: It's only one or two out there, so you'll find it, Grand Parenting on Amazon.
23:39.258 --> 23:52.007
[SPEAKER_00]: But here you go, whether you live near or far, ask your kids to forward your grandchildren's
23:54.328 --> 24:12.461
[SPEAKER_00]: They're soccer schedules and their school count, so that you can have them and know them and maybe show up Maybe surprise them, maybe you just pray for them and maybe have something to ask for them about Whether then how was school you could say hey, you know, hey, how's how did you game go yesterday?
24:13.201 --> 24:14.102
[SPEAKER_00]: or that kind of thing.
24:14.142 --> 24:18.745
[SPEAKER_00]: So getting to their lives, that's a really easy way that we don't think about that.
24:19.005 --> 24:22.507
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's all digital and you can get a copy of your grandchildren's schedule.
24:23.007 --> 24:24.148
[SPEAKER_00]: Do that this week.
24:24.408 --> 24:30.832
[SPEAKER_00]: It's had a quick text to my mom and dad say, hey, what's Johnny's schedule for soccer or this this fall?
24:31.552 --> 24:32.373
[SPEAKER_00]: The school's schedule.
24:32.773 --> 24:37.676
[SPEAKER_00]: Really easy to do and it's a good reminder to pray for them and to interact there and show up.
24:38.176 --> 24:39.177
[SPEAKER_02]: that is so good.
24:39.217 --> 24:41.898
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, easy and intentional or two different things.
24:41.958 --> 24:47.782
[SPEAKER_02]: And so what we would do is be intentional about those easy things that we can do for those relationships.
24:48.322 --> 24:57.948
[SPEAKER_02]: Guys, if y'all have enjoyed this conversation and I cannot imagine why you would not because there's been some wisdom drops right here from J. Paylittner that have just been, um,
24:58.768 --> 24:59.669
[SPEAKER_02]: So good for me.
24:59.869 --> 25:06.795
[SPEAKER_02]: I took notes, Jay, while you were talking to her, down, prayable moments and other things that I want to carry with me forward.
25:06.835 --> 25:07.676
[SPEAKER_02]: So thank you very much.
25:07.716 --> 25:08.837
[SPEAKER_02]: Y'all look up, Jay.
25:09.237 --> 25:10.138
[SPEAKER_02]: Do all the things.
25:10.178 --> 25:13.000
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you need to do for us, hit like, subscribe.
25:13.060 --> 25:15.022
[SPEAKER_02]: Tell somebody about rockin' it, grand.
25:15.362 --> 25:16.583
[SPEAKER_02]: And we'll see you next week.
25:17.244 --> 25:18.364
[SPEAKER_02]: Great to see you, Jay.
25:18.384 --> 25:19.605
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, God bless.
25:19.626 --> 25:20.246
[SPEAKER_00]: Think, keep at it.
25:20.406 --> 25:21.227
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep at it, ladies.
25:21.367 --> 25:21.667
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
25:21.947 --> 25:22.348
[SPEAKER_02]: Bye-bye.
00:02.403 --> 00:03.444
[SPEAKER_02]: Christian parenting.
00:23.378 --> 00:25.099
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to Rockin' It, Grant.
00:25.139 --> 00:26.459
[SPEAKER_02]: This is Shellian, of course.
00:26.519 --> 00:39.025
[SPEAKER_02]: I've got Chris in the studio with me, and we have a virtual guest that we're looking forward to this and with Chris at a little moment when she recognized that Y'all had some past history together.
00:39.065 --> 00:45.067
[SPEAKER_02]: So I wanna kinda bring our audience back into that, Chris, because I was enjoying the moment the two of Y'all had.
00:45.547 --> 00:48.229
[SPEAKER_02]: So we have Jay Paylightner with us today.
00:48.689 --> 00:51.350
[SPEAKER_02]: And Jay, welcome to Rockin' It, Grant.
00:51.950 --> 00:58.575
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys have such a great time on this on your podcast, so I'm so delighted to hang with you.
00:59.055 --> 01:02.298
[SPEAKER_00]: And sorry, Shelley, especially saying hi to Chris.
01:02.798 --> 01:04.880
[SPEAKER_00]: We haven't talked for for decades.
01:04.980 --> 01:06.100
[SPEAKER_02]: Probably okay.
01:06.161 --> 01:11.624
[SPEAKER_02]: You do not have to apologize to me because what I wanted you to do was start with that conversation.
01:11.664 --> 01:16.148
[SPEAKER_02]: We had off air that you were telling Chris about right before we began typing.
01:16.188 --> 01:17.789
[SPEAKER_02]: It's the reason I introduced you that way.
01:19.535 --> 01:39.695
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, for years I had Chris Howard's voicemail on my I saved it on my telephone because it was the moment that that conversation that message she left was the moment I became an author my first book was with Howard publishing
01:40.335 --> 01:52.541
[SPEAKER_00]: Twenty-two, twenty-three years ago, called, once upon a, excuse me, called once upon a tandem, a little, a little, twelve hundred word allegory that she liked and we put it together.
01:52.561 --> 01:53.502
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a great fun.
01:53.522 --> 01:59.304
[SPEAKER_00]: It was my first book and now, ladies, forty, forty-three books later.
01:59.324 --> 01:59.404
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
02:00.625 --> 02:13.053
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm giving Chris the credit for that first book 43 books later and I've spoken in 25 states around the around the country and being a dad and being a grandparents, being a grandfather and how to live life right.
02:14.054 --> 02:19.197
[SPEAKER_00]: I give Chris Howard all the credit to I give Chris all the credit for all that.
02:19.737 --> 02:20.617
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.
02:21.617 --> 02:38.561
[SPEAKER_02]: I know you're going to be humble about that, but the reason that I had you repeat that for those that are listening is because I am so fond of tracing the seeds in our life and seeing the inception of what came out of the work and the fruit that comes from it.
02:38.601 --> 02:42.282
[SPEAKER_02]: And so that's important to me to acknowledge that and I'm glad you started that way.
02:42.582 --> 02:43.902
[SPEAKER_03]: Actually, I mean, I think
02:50.143 --> 03:02.412
[SPEAKER_03]: It like it was amazing to me like you that was the beginning of like you said 40 books because you're incredibly talented and so funny and so fun to work with So that's I totally when I saw a thing.
03:02.452 --> 03:12.719
[SPEAKER_03]: I said Jay he is the fun to think this will be so fun So I'm so excited and to know all the things that you've done and today We're talking about a apparently a grand parenting book.
03:12.739 --> 03:13.199
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I
03:13.199 --> 03:15.500
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, which is right up our alley.
03:15.720 --> 03:16.440
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
03:16.460 --> 03:27.004
[SPEAKER_03]: You'll have to tell us how many grandkids you have, but I am up to 14 grandkids and 12 great grandkids with three more just right around the corner and I'm behind Chris.
03:27.124 --> 03:32.186
[SPEAKER_02]: I have six grandchildren and I think you're closer in my world right now, right?
03:33.154 --> 04:00.844
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I have eight grandkids and what I do my speaking I'll show my kids in their wives I have four sons, you know, you know, daughter and a four awesome daughters and law and I love them best But I'll show a photo of them and then I'll say I don't care about them at all anymore I don't care about it Because it's the it's the the eight grandkids that matter, but that it's a perfect segue into What we need to do as grandparents
04:02.895 --> 04:07.861
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is this, probably almost more important than pouring into the lives of your grandchildren.
04:08.956 --> 04:12.880
[SPEAKER_00]: It's pouring to the lives of your grandchildren's parents.
04:13.821 --> 04:19.266
[SPEAKER_00]: We need to be heroes to our kids, the daughter's sons, sons and a lot of daughters and a lot.
04:19.746 --> 04:22.449
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a recurring theme in my talks and in my books.
04:23.470 --> 04:26.353
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, we're connecting with your grandkids is one thing.
04:26.393 --> 04:27.113
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just a joy.
04:27.133 --> 04:32.719
[SPEAKER_00]: Not always a joy, but it's a joy, but we have to be very intentional about being heroes.
04:33.499 --> 04:44.109
[SPEAKER_00]: To that next generation so that we have good access because they're the gatekeepers and they're the moms and dads in the most cases So that's that's one of my points that's worth making in our in our time today.
04:44.389 --> 04:44.789
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you think?
04:46.050 --> 04:55.359
[SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely love that and I say that in fact my mom is 94 and You must I'm sorry so your mom is a great
04:56.542 --> 04:58.103
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
04:58.123 --> 04:58.483
[SPEAKER_00]: 12 times.
04:58.863 --> 04:59.383
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
04:59.863 --> 05:12.288
[SPEAKER_03]: So my mom, 94, my daughter, Cory, and I were speaking to a general about generational things living.
05:12.308 --> 05:16.189
[SPEAKER_03]: International faith living at an event coming up here recently.
05:16.250 --> 05:24.753
[SPEAKER_03]: And one of the things that I really wanted to share was exactly that point that as grandparents, we have to fully support the parents.
05:25.773 --> 05:28.174
[SPEAKER_03]: that has to be the main job.
05:28.615 --> 05:36.859
[SPEAKER_03]: And then when you support the parents and their their decisions for their children and okay, I think then you have the children to be a part of your life.
05:38.020 --> 05:44.164
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, even we need to support the parents in a way, even this is really really hard for Christian grandparents.
05:45.044 --> 05:49.587
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if mom and dad say, you know what mom, you know what dad, I don't want
05:52.373 --> 05:54.015
[SPEAKER_00]: because I want to cross that line.
05:54.515 --> 06:07.087
[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm talking in churches, to grandparents, there's a lot of heartache out there because the grandparents are scared of death that their grandkids are not going to join them in heaven.
06:07.908 --> 06:08.989
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they want to know how to...
06:11.479 --> 06:16.220
[SPEAKER_00]: how to cross that bridge, how to speak into the lives of the grandchildren, even if they don't have permission.
06:16.440 --> 06:17.780
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's all kinds of ways to do that.
06:18.380 --> 06:37.264
[SPEAKER_00]: And in my book, a grand way to live, it's a 90-day devotional, and there are several of these devotional chapters devoted to devotional devotional, devotional, to how to speak into the lives of your grandchildren,
06:41.267 --> 06:47.049
[SPEAKER_03]: I love that and that's that's the books that we're talking about today at the grand way to live.
06:47.269 --> 06:48.289
[SPEAKER_03]: That was a title of it.
06:48.810 --> 06:52.291
[SPEAKER_03]: It's devotional so it is it's a book for the grandparents.
06:53.351 --> 06:54.471
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh absolutely for sure.
06:55.192 --> 07:04.775
[SPEAKER_03]: To help us get through everything we're doing and it is like please say grandparenting is like the funnest thing you'll ever do but it doesn't come without its issues.
07:06.726 --> 07:19.181
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, yes, and the book is done, it's for grandparents, but it's not just about grandparents, it's also about getting your own app together in a season of life that we're in, as grandparents.
07:19.962 --> 07:22.205
[SPEAKER_00]: We might have a little more time and we need to do.
07:24.006 --> 07:25.207
[SPEAKER_00]: about being your best self.
07:25.267 --> 07:28.568
[SPEAKER_00]: There are a little devotions on volunteering and mentoring.
07:28.648 --> 07:31.548
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did a deep dive in the scripture.
07:31.568 --> 07:43.232
[SPEAKER_00]: There's so much in the scripture that we don't even realize on grand parenting, the generational connections, and what children need, and aging, and wisdom, and sharing the gospel with kids.
07:43.812 --> 07:45.692
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's nothing in the Bible about retirement.
07:45.832 --> 07:47.113
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you ever know the word?
07:47.513 --> 07:48.193
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no word.
07:48.913 --> 07:51.976
[SPEAKER_00]: So I say, here's a line I came up with while back.
07:52.817 --> 07:56.681
[SPEAKER_00]: We've done so much, but there's still so much more to do.
07:57.517 --> 08:24.311
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that and you're on one of our themes when you talk about not retiring because Chris and I hit that early in often all the time that we can't fit on any place in God's word for that and there's no, we leave a gap in this generation when we retire with our experience and our wisdom that we need to speak into our families, our hard-earned walk in journey with the Lord which is why I like you positioning this book first.
08:25.071 --> 08:30.774
[SPEAKER_02]: We, I believe the subtitle, I won't say it correctly, but I remember that it was Christ in you.
08:30.834 --> 08:31.734
[SPEAKER_02]: What do we got there?
08:31.754 --> 08:42.459
[SPEAKER_02]: Faith, wisdom, and joy for every grandparent, but on some of the information I read, and this is Chris has found it for me, reflecting God's love to your grandchildren, begins.
08:43.199 --> 08:45.861
[SPEAKER_02]: with being in their lives and modeling Christ in you.
08:45.922 --> 09:02.797
[SPEAKER_02]: And I love that you start there because it doesn't matter what we say, if they don't see us finding our footing, our joy, our comfort, everything that we're wanting to give them, if they don't see us finding it first, and Christ, then we're a, a playing symbol, right?
09:02.817 --> 09:04.959
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, there you go.
09:05.339 --> 09:09.283
[SPEAKER_00]: A key to that might be making spiritual truths
09:10.590 --> 09:22.939
[SPEAKER_00]: a natural part of your life, a natural part of the conversation, you know what, when you drag your, uh, drag your middle school around on a dark night when the stars out there and talk about the stars and know some constellations.
09:23.220 --> 09:27.143
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's a Ryan's belt in the Big Dipper and by the way, did you know that God
09:27.823 --> 09:35.647
[SPEAKER_00]: has counted all those stars and has named all those stars and he calls them each by name.
09:36.047 --> 09:36.847
[SPEAKER_00]: How did that happen?
09:36.988 --> 09:53.316
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, and then when I'll drag them out there when you see a rainbow and talk about the rainbow after Noah's arts flood, concepts that I think I came up with, I think I made the word up, a preable moments, a preable moments.
09:54.336 --> 09:55.797
[SPEAKER_00]: We know about teachful moments, you know,
09:56.814 --> 09:59.559
[SPEAKER_00]: when you're walking in the woods, you talk about poison ivy.
09:59.599 --> 10:04.126
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, shopping with you grandkids, you talk about how to pick out a good melon kind of thing.
10:04.406 --> 10:08.593
[SPEAKER_00]: But a prairie moment, let's say you're out on the sidewalk.
10:09.412 --> 10:29.952
[SPEAKER_00]: uh... doing chalk drawings with your grand with your old six-year-old five-year-old four-year-old granddaughter new chalk drawings and you hear a siren and you don't know what that siren is for but an ambulance or a police or something so you can stop and say well well one of what that is we don't know but but god knows so let's pray about that real quick
10:31.513 --> 10:38.021
[SPEAKER_00]: And suddenly you're talking, you're praying, you're nodding that, and then you go right back to drawing again.
10:38.081 --> 10:39.924
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like you're interrupting the day.
10:39.944 --> 10:43.808
[SPEAKER_00]: You those God moments are part of your day.
10:43.828 --> 10:48.974
[SPEAKER_00]: Right then, even if mom and dad don't really want you talking about Jesus,
10:50.420 --> 10:54.626
[SPEAKER_00]: Suddenly you have introduced them to the concept that there's a God who cares and loves them.
10:55.247 --> 11:07.364
[SPEAKER_00]: So prayable moments if you last thought when you're driving with your kids, grandkids in the backseat, all buckled up safely, do that, you pass by a church and there's a cute little couple that just got married in the throne rice.
11:08.504 --> 11:14.606
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh look at that, a little marriage, that's a great thing and say let's pray for that couple and you kids in the back seat will go, what?
11:14.867 --> 11:25.691
[SPEAKER_00]: I go, yeah, we don't know who they are, what's pray for them and by the way we'll pray, we'll pray for my marriage, my good, my good, my beautiful wife, your grandma, I'll pray for your mom and dad's marriage and you know what?
11:25.771 --> 11:36.855
[SPEAKER_00]: Sophie, we're gonna pray for your husband who you haven't even met yet, we're gonna pray for for your future marriage, so that kind of thing make it a real life experience part of life I guess is the thought that's what grandparents can do.
11:37.816 --> 11:40.460
[SPEAKER_02]: I am absolutely in love with that.
11:40.620 --> 11:44.765
[SPEAKER_02]: I do that, but I have not attached that name to it, prayable moments.
11:45.166 --> 11:51.994
[SPEAKER_02]: And so when I use that going forward, I will credit you with that, because that is ingenious, that's Holy Spirit inspired.
11:52.835 --> 12:02.043
[SPEAKER_02]: But that's a ribbon that we inspire to, is that it's not the lecture or the sermon necessarily that your grandchildren hear.
12:02.543 --> 12:13.293
[SPEAKER_02]: It's when you are walking and talking with God that easily, and you just bring the Lord into the conversation and have a prayable moment, go on right on about fish and or whatever we're doing on the dog.
12:13.453 --> 12:15.995
[SPEAKER_02]: But when they see that Jesus is that
12:16.295 --> 12:18.136
[SPEAKER_02]: integral part of your life.
12:18.477 --> 12:19.818
[SPEAKER_02]: Those are the lessons that stay in.
12:19.838 --> 12:21.319
[SPEAKER_02]: So I love playable moments.
12:22.379 --> 12:29.584
[SPEAKER_03]: I think you did make up that term because we say teachable moments all the time, but we've never said playable moments.
12:30.125 --> 12:32.286
[SPEAKER_03]: So Jay, you did it.
12:32.586 --> 12:33.007
[SPEAKER_03]: I love it.
12:34.087 --> 12:37.508
[SPEAKER_00]: I have that kind of stuff sprinkled all through my writings all the way through.
12:38.908 --> 12:39.708
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you for that.
12:40.308 --> 12:41.128
[SPEAKER_00]: But let me say this.
12:41.769 --> 12:45.129
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, prayable moments are wonderful because you don't have to plan them.
12:45.669 --> 12:46.650
[SPEAKER_00]: They just show up.
12:47.450 --> 12:53.711
[SPEAKER_00]: But also girl ladies, Shelley and Chris, we can plan in prayable moments.
12:54.091 --> 12:54.671
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
12:54.691 --> 12:58.892
[SPEAKER_00]: For instance, you can pull a needle point off the wall.
12:59.767 --> 13:01.388
[SPEAKER_00]: and say, isn't this a beautiful picture?
13:01.808 --> 13:07.312
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you show them the back of it, because the back, and they see all these knots and tangles and crazy stuff.
13:08.053 --> 13:10.294
[SPEAKER_00]: And you say, that's kind of like our perspective.
13:10.675 --> 13:17.259
[SPEAKER_00]: We're from underneath, but we look down here on earth and our lives are filled with knots and tangles.
13:17.640 --> 13:21.763
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you turn it over, you get God's perspective, which is this beautiful picture here.
13:22.183 --> 13:28.347
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, that's a playable moment, a teachful moment that you can kind of plan and orchestrate.
13:30.863 --> 13:34.745
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why before our kids come over, we're going to pray.
13:34.985 --> 13:40.289
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to ask God to reveal some prayable moments and I promise you he will.
13:40.509 --> 13:41.470
[SPEAKER_00]: I promise you he will.
13:42.008 --> 13:42.548
[SPEAKER_03]: I love that.
13:42.588 --> 13:48.233
[SPEAKER_03]: And what I really love most is that they're just incorporating that, it is who you are.
13:48.253 --> 13:50.614
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not making something up.
13:50.694 --> 13:52.115
[SPEAKER_03]: You're doing what you do.
13:52.175 --> 14:04.605
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was thinking about that about my mom's generation too, because she is so much a part of our life and that generation, they didn't do like intentional things like
14:05.383 --> 14:31.773
[SPEAKER_03]: like a devotional every night and the things that sometimes we were like young moms are wanting what's the what's the formula what's the secret sauce what's the thing I can do and I think back about my mom and dad and they just lived Jesus all the time and that back in that general I send him more in sending night whizz night we never felt like we were dragged to church it's just what we did and that's how we became faithful
14:32.673 --> 14:36.579
[SPEAKER_03]: believers because we watched our parents just walk it out.
14:37.341 --> 14:44.632
[SPEAKER_03]: And so if you want all your young moms want us to say, do this, do this, do this, do this, is that the biggest thing to do is just walk out living with Jesus.
14:44.652 --> 14:44.913
[SPEAKER_03]: That's it.
14:44.933 --> 14:45.233
[SPEAKER_03]: That's it.
14:47.818 --> 15:01.944
[SPEAKER_00]: I can fast, you know, I must be a wonderful father because I have started devotional planned devotional to my kids maybe 40 or 50 times and they last two days or last four days and then life gets busy.
15:02.404 --> 15:06.966
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, that's kind of so more important than that is live in your life.
15:07.006 --> 15:10.247
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what again, that is a great first prey without ceasing.
15:11.267 --> 15:13.448
[SPEAKER_00]: and our life needs to be that.
15:13.468 --> 15:15.270
[SPEAKER_00]: The Holy Spirit is always there.
15:15.290 --> 15:16.670
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to have to resource it.
15:16.911 --> 15:18.091
[SPEAKER_00]: We just have to put it in.
15:18.211 --> 15:18.672
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.
15:18.732 --> 15:21.133
[SPEAKER_02]: I say all the time that he's always speaking.
15:21.213 --> 15:22.674
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, his name is the word.
15:23.014 --> 15:24.095
[SPEAKER_02]: So he's always speaking.
15:24.155 --> 15:37.723
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just whether or not we're here and, you know, something I wanted to hear you address, Jay, is we've been talking positively about what we can do to create these opportunities with our kids and our grandkids,
15:38.403 --> 15:41.126
[SPEAKER_02]: And you're experienced, what are some of the traps?
15:41.186 --> 15:49.435
[SPEAKER_02]: What are some of the things that grandparents do that create eight distance unintentionally with their kids and their grandkids?
15:50.797 --> 15:52.979
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, maybe I'll tell the story.
15:52.999 --> 15:54.621
[SPEAKER_00]: We will have to my,
15:56.413 --> 16:04.718
[SPEAKER_00]: My, I mean, the Chicago land area went up to Racine, Wisconsin to see Nana in grandpa four or five times a year when I was growing up, and it was a terrible place.
16:05.979 --> 16:08.920
[SPEAKER_00]: It was white carpeting in the glass coffee tables, and there was no toys.
16:08.940 --> 16:25.590
[SPEAKER_00]: There was nothing for for grandkids to do, and I know that grandparents these days are doing better at little areas and haven't gifts and toys and some things, but we were down in my brother and I were down in grandpa's tool tool room and in the basement in his workshop.
16:26.510 --> 16:30.112
[SPEAKER_00]: and goofing around and pretending to be secret agents or something like that.
16:30.933 --> 16:36.556
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of his tools kind of looked like a machine gun and we were playing goofing with it.
16:36.996 --> 16:44.980
[SPEAKER_00]: And then when we were calling up the lunch, I put it under the cushion of the over stuff chair in the basement.
16:45.340 --> 16:45.601
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
16:45.881 --> 16:46.581
[SPEAKER_00]: No problem.
16:47.081 --> 16:48.002
[SPEAKER_00]: Then we went home.
16:49.040 --> 16:58.148
[SPEAKER_00]: left it there, not a big deal, a month, a month later, Grandpa needed that to a basin wrench to do some work, some plumbing, and he couldn't find it.
16:58.168 --> 17:00.229
[SPEAKER_00]: I got rid of mad at himself kind of thing.
17:01.050 --> 17:05.554
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, Mark and I were, my brother and I were 10 or 11 years old, we didn't know any better.
17:05.574 --> 17:06.655
[SPEAKER_00]: It was just a mistake we made.
17:07.075 --> 17:13.440
[SPEAKER_00]: So then a month later, Nana found this wrench under the couch cushion, and
17:16.943 --> 17:20.927
[SPEAKER_00]: Those darn kids, those darn, they knew what they knew, Mark and I lost it.
17:21.207 --> 17:22.448
[SPEAKER_00]: We were hiding their tools.
17:22.928 --> 17:23.149
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
17:24.610 --> 17:26.972
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you laugh, but Grandpa never, never forgave me.
17:27.532 --> 17:28.293
[SPEAKER_00]: Never gave me.
17:28.714 --> 17:29.594
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it was 11 years old.
17:30.957 --> 17:31.797
[SPEAKER_00]: went off to college.
17:31.857 --> 17:33.198
[SPEAKER_00]: My freshman year, he died.
17:33.538 --> 17:34.378
[SPEAKER_00]: We never spoke again.
17:34.398 --> 17:36.559
[SPEAKER_02]: No, how sad.
17:37.679 --> 17:39.480
[SPEAKER_00]: He didn't get.
17:40.000 --> 17:41.140
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and that's the point.
17:43.381 --> 17:47.902
[SPEAKER_00]: We might have spoken, you know, here a little bit here and there, but I mean, the idea of conversation with him never happened again.
17:47.982 --> 17:49.163
[SPEAKER_02]: It had the relationship.
17:49.463 --> 17:51.043
[SPEAKER_00]: And he doesn't, he didn't know what he missed.
17:51.783 --> 17:52.624
[SPEAKER_00]: He wasn't a bad guy.
17:52.664 --> 17:54.244
[SPEAKER_00]: He was a good provider of sports family,
17:57.428 --> 18:00.910
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe, maybe I take this too far, but your grandkids can do it no wrong.
18:01.330 --> 18:02.231
[SPEAKER_00]: They're awesome.
18:02.511 --> 18:04.492
[SPEAKER_00]: Just assume they're gonna the shenanigans.
18:06.293 --> 18:08.194
[SPEAKER_00]: If they're mean spirit, if that's one thing.
18:08.574 --> 18:10.916
[SPEAKER_00]: But they're gonna mess up, they're gonna break things.
18:12.096 --> 18:14.518
[SPEAKER_00]: They're gonna be too busy, you know, one.
18:14.538 --> 18:19.821
[SPEAKER_00]: When you text them, when they're 13 and you text them something, they might not text you back.
18:23.816 --> 18:43.388
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't be mad at that or if they can't you know the whole family comes but they can't come you can't be angry with them because their kids they visit they got their own lives so don't put up those walls don't be that that's good advice that's a good advice
18:44.892 --> 18:45.353
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you.
18:45.373 --> 18:50.375
[SPEAKER_03]: I think what is a great thing from that too is you're doing something that wasn't modeled for you.
18:50.975 --> 18:56.818
[SPEAKER_03]: Like you don't have to have had the best grandparents in the world to be a great grandma.
18:57.058 --> 18:57.398
[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.
18:57.438 --> 19:00.719
[SPEAKER_03]: Just like you didn't have to have a great mom for you to be a great mom.
19:00.779 --> 19:01.780
[SPEAKER_03]: It starts with you.
19:04.618 --> 19:08.179
[SPEAKER_00]: So my dad was an awesome grandfather.
19:09.399 --> 19:12.060
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm going to say that next generation.
19:12.100 --> 19:12.540
[SPEAKER_00]: He got it.
19:12.820 --> 19:14.001
[SPEAKER_00]: So he modeled for me.
19:14.881 --> 19:15.321
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what?
19:15.341 --> 19:18.802
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of you grandfather's out there in your 50s.
19:18.902 --> 19:22.763
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to go off there and buy a red corvette just because you go through that.
19:23.444 --> 19:25.284
[SPEAKER_00]: My dad went out and bought a mini van.
19:25.964 --> 19:27.705
[SPEAKER_00]: So he could haul the grandkids around.
19:28.543 --> 19:35.265
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that would be one decision that we could make proactively the things we do in our life.
19:35.545 --> 19:37.986
[SPEAKER_00]: How do they impact our role as a grandparents?
19:38.066 --> 19:40.067
[SPEAKER_00]: And that would be the car we drive, I suppose.
19:40.707 --> 19:41.167
[SPEAKER_03]: I love that.
19:41.227 --> 19:42.388
[SPEAKER_03]: I still have a many van.
19:42.548 --> 19:44.208
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm on my fourth one, I guess.
19:44.268 --> 19:50.811
[SPEAKER_03]: And like this last time I thought, okay, is it time and not have it, but I've got 12 great grandchildren.
19:51.671 --> 19:54.092
[SPEAKER_03]: And I have three car seats in the car.
19:54.732 --> 19:57.393
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm equipped to take care of my grandkids.
19:58.456 --> 20:10.110
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, yes, that's absolutely that's one of my, one of my things that I drive home is, you know what, when you get that grand baby, uh, you don't want to wrestle mom and dad's car seat back into your car.
20:10.990 --> 20:20.656
[SPEAKER_00]: So by a car seat, go out and get the right car seat, it may not be used for a couple weeks in a row, but leave it back there so that you can just plop that grand kit in there and be safe.
20:21.037 --> 20:22.578
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, yeah, of course, you want to be safe.
20:22.618 --> 20:36.607
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, by a car seat, by two steels, by a stool that you can keep in your kitchen that's only about 12 inches high that your grand daughter can come up and learn how to roll out pie dough.
20:37.107 --> 20:47.262
[SPEAKER_00]: or your grandson, anybody can learn how to roll up either boys and girls, obviously, or how to pound an ale, so that you can pull that bench up to your, that stool up to your bench.
20:47.302 --> 20:51.068
[SPEAKER_00]: So, by those two old steps to, as soon as your grandkids can walk.
20:52.278 --> 20:52.859
[SPEAKER_02]: That's great.
20:53.459 --> 21:10.792
[SPEAKER_02]: Jay, a lot of times I hear and I know Chris is heard this is way off from grandparents that they want to be involved in their grandkids life and they are having their in a period where they have a few regrets about how they raise their own children and you know things they wish they would have done differently.
21:11.372 --> 21:19.238
[SPEAKER_02]: Speak to that grandparent that feels that way that has some regrets today and helping encourage that grandparent that's listening.
21:20.039 --> 21:32.515
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you've all heard this before that we serve a god of second chances and Not that you want to just burn your relationship with your own kids, but if you did and we all did We all said stuff.
21:32.875 --> 21:33.816
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not kids with teenagers.
21:33.856 --> 21:36.940
[SPEAKER_00]: We'd said stuff they said stuff that's like, oh man, I regret that
21:37.621 --> 21:44.385
[SPEAKER_00]: But grandkids, grandbabies, grand teenagers, give you a chance to get that right.
21:44.445 --> 21:47.827
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, he gave Jonah a second chance to go to another one.
21:48.208 --> 21:53.731
[SPEAKER_00]: He gave Peter a second chance after, after he, Peter denied him three times.
21:54.231 --> 21:58.034
[SPEAKER_00]: The woman about to get stoned for adultery.
21:58.892 --> 22:05.176
[SPEAKER_00]: Jesus gave him, her second chance, he didn't say go and sin no more, but so there's a second chance there.
22:05.456 --> 22:13.802
[SPEAKER_00]: So God is saying to us, go and sin no more, go and don't be a, go, don't, don't, don't put a wall, still open doors, interact.
22:14.362 --> 22:18.005
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the quick answer is start now.
22:19.205 --> 22:20.045
[SPEAKER_00]: Go moving forward.
22:20.486 --> 22:21.846
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't live with a bunch of regrets.
22:22.806 --> 22:24.607
[SPEAKER_00]: If there's apologies, we may do them.
22:25.107 --> 22:26.808
[SPEAKER_00]: But maybe just forge ahead.
22:26.928 --> 22:36.291
[SPEAKER_00]: Just forge ahead and admit at some point if you do that and be a gift and say yes to your kids and be an awesome father and grandfather.
22:36.791 --> 22:40.513
[SPEAKER_00]: Then you're going to be able to laugh back and say, you know what, man, I'm just, you know, I was it.
22:40.833 --> 22:43.434
[SPEAKER_00]: When you were teenagers, I was kind of, I came down hard on you, didn't I?
22:48.140 --> 22:53.526
[SPEAKER_00]: So grant, grant kit, being a grant parent, give you a chance to clear the error more often than you think.
22:54.101 --> 22:55.382
[SPEAKER_00]: He speaks with wisdom.
22:55.482 --> 23:00.266
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, what love the most is your excitement in your voice.
23:00.326 --> 23:04.069
[SPEAKER_03]: Just talking about grandkids because that's how we do.
23:04.189 --> 23:07.772
[SPEAKER_03]: And we love sharing our grandkids together and sharing stories and pigeons and all that.
23:07.792 --> 23:09.753
[SPEAKER_03]: And I can just hear that in your voice.
23:09.873 --> 23:10.834
[SPEAKER_03]: I love that so much.
23:11.334 --> 23:12.175
[SPEAKER_03]: Our time is up.
23:12.215 --> 23:18.460
[SPEAKER_03]: So we do want to say again, the book is called A Grand Way to Live Faith, Wisdom and Joy for every grandparent.
23:18.880 --> 23:21.182
[SPEAKER_03]: Jay, Pay, Lightner, any other.
23:21.242 --> 23:23.524
[SPEAKER_03]: What is the last thing you want to leave the audience with?
23:25.068 --> 23:28.570
[SPEAKER_00]: My name is impossible to spell and the grand way doesn't sound like anything.
23:28.610 --> 23:35.415
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you go on Amazon and do a search for Grand Parenting Devotionals, there's not too many out there.
23:35.435 --> 23:38.978
[SPEAKER_00]: It's only one or two out there, so you'll find it, Grand Parenting on Amazon.
23:39.258 --> 23:52.007
[SPEAKER_00]: But here you go, whether you live near or far, ask your kids to forward your grandchildren's
23:54.328 --> 24:12.461
[SPEAKER_00]: They're soccer schedules and their school count, so that you can have them and know them and maybe show up Maybe surprise them, maybe you just pray for them and maybe have something to ask for them about Whether then how was school you could say hey, you know, hey, how's how did you game go yesterday?
24:13.201 --> 24:14.102
[SPEAKER_00]: or that kind of thing.
24:14.142 --> 24:18.745
[SPEAKER_00]: So getting to their lives, that's a really easy way that we don't think about that.
24:19.005 --> 24:22.507
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's all digital and you can get a copy of your grandchildren's schedule.
24:23.007 --> 24:24.148
[SPEAKER_00]: Do that this week.
24:24.408 --> 24:30.832
[SPEAKER_00]: It's had a quick text to my mom and dad say, hey, what's Johnny's schedule for soccer or this this fall?
24:31.552 --> 24:32.373
[SPEAKER_00]: The school's schedule.
24:32.773 --> 24:37.676
[SPEAKER_00]: Really easy to do and it's a good reminder to pray for them and to interact there and show up.
24:38.176 --> 24:39.177
[SPEAKER_02]: that is so good.
24:39.217 --> 24:41.898
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, easy and intentional or two different things.
24:41.958 --> 24:47.782
[SPEAKER_02]: And so what we would do is be intentional about those easy things that we can do for those relationships.
24:48.322 --> 24:57.948
[SPEAKER_02]: Guys, if y'all have enjoyed this conversation and I cannot imagine why you would not because there's been some wisdom drops right here from J. Paylittner that have just been, um,
24:58.768 --> 24:59.669
[SPEAKER_02]: So good for me.
24:59.869 --> 25:06.795
[SPEAKER_02]: I took notes, Jay, while you were talking to her, down, prayable moments and other things that I want to carry with me forward.
25:06.835 --> 25:07.676
[SPEAKER_02]: So thank you very much.
25:07.716 --> 25:08.837
[SPEAKER_02]: Y'all look up, Jay.
25:09.237 --> 25:10.138
[SPEAKER_02]: Do all the things.
25:10.178 --> 25:13.000
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, you need to do for us, hit like, subscribe.
25:13.060 --> 25:15.022
[SPEAKER_02]: Tell somebody about rockin' it, grand.
25:15.362 --> 25:16.583
[SPEAKER_02]: And we'll see you next week.
25:17.244 --> 25:18.364
[SPEAKER_02]: Great to see you, Jay.
25:18.384 --> 25:19.605
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, God bless.
25:19.626 --> 25:20.246
[SPEAKER_00]: Think, keep at it.
25:20.406 --> 25:21.227
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep at it, ladies.
25:21.367 --> 25:21.667
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
25:21.947 --> 25:22.348
[SPEAKER_02]: Bye-bye.
