WEBVTT
1
00:00:02.899 --> 00:00:04.120
Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe.
2
00:00:04.179 --> 00:00:04.980
And I'm Rob Beckett.
3
00:00:05.219 --> 00:00:08.929
Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob
4
00:00:08.990 --> 00:00:10.769
and I discuss what it's like to be a parent
5
00:00:10.789 --> 00:00:14.050
during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky.
6
00:00:18.570 --> 00:00:20.789
Yeah!
7
00:00:20.989 --> 00:00:21.449
Yeah!
8
00:00:23.429 --> 00:00:25.300
So, in an effort to make some kind of sense
9
00:00:25.379 --> 00:00:26.760
of the current situation... And to.
10
00:00:26.699 --> 00:00:30.140
Make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills.
11
00:00:30.359 --> 00:00:33.020
Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about
12
00:00:33.060 --> 00:00:34.140
how well they're coping.
13
00:00:34.340 --> 00:00:35.299
Or hopefully not.
14
00:00:35.939 --> 00:00:37.820
And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with
15
00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:40.060
your tales of lockdown parenting woe.
16
00:00:40.259 --> 00:00:43.280
Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing.
17
00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:50.140
Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with.
18
00:00:50.399 --> 00:00:52.539
Rob Beckett. I'm there, Kate.
19
00:00:53.020 --> 00:00:58.560
And Josh Whittakin. There you go. That is George, who
20
00:00:58.600 --> 00:01:01.100
turned five in lockdown, and Arthur, who is two and
21
00:01:01.119 --> 00:01:01.460
a half.
22
00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:04.400
Oh, very nice. I think they did it better than
23
00:01:04.739 --> 00:01:05.200
their mum.
24
00:01:05.579 --> 00:01:08.400
Yeah, she didn't deliver it with as much passion as
25
00:01:08.439 --> 00:01:08.980
I was hoping.
26
00:01:09.379 --> 00:01:11.939
No, but I didn't know whether that was... Sometimes when
27
00:01:11.959 --> 00:01:13.680
I talk to my kids, I talk to them like
28
00:01:13.719 --> 00:01:14.159
they talk.
29
00:01:14.200 --> 00:01:15.379
Do you ever do that? Yeah.
30
00:01:15.420 --> 00:01:16.859
And then you feel like, why am I saying that?
31
00:01:16.879 --> 00:01:17.700
That's how I speak.
32
00:01:17.719 --> 00:01:19.930
I think I speak too loudly to my daughter. Like,
33
00:01:19.989 --> 00:01:22.590
I up my loudness. Why am I doing that? Do
34
00:01:22.629 --> 00:01:24.799
you do that? I suppose I'm kind of talking to
35
00:01:24.810 --> 00:01:27.560
a foreign person if I'm buying a coffee abroad. You know,
36
00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:30.000
that kind of terrible Brit abroad.
37
00:01:30.120 --> 00:01:32.019
Well, Lou always tells me I'm too loud.
38
00:01:32.439 --> 00:01:32.799
Yeah.
39
00:01:33.180 --> 00:01:35.599
But I think she's too quiet. She's like middle class
40
00:01:35.739 --> 00:01:36.500
whispered quiet.
41
00:01:36.519 --> 00:01:36.700
Yeah.
42
00:01:37.239 --> 00:01:39.829
Oh, no, I don't want to put anyone out. You just, yeah,
43
00:01:40.049 --> 00:01:41.510
she's like, my foot's on fire.
44
00:01:41.709 --> 00:01:42.129
Could someone.
45
00:01:43.500 --> 00:01:44.019
How are you, Rob?
46
00:01:44.420 --> 00:01:44.620
Good?
47
00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:48.159
Yeah, I'm good. You know, not too bad. The kids
48
00:01:48.299 --> 00:01:52.069
are behaving. I'm quite excited about autumn.
49
00:01:52.090 --> 00:01:55.549
I like autumn. I'm going to say it's the best season.
50
00:01:57.250 --> 00:01:57.790
Or spring.
51
00:01:57.890 --> 00:01:58.530
I think spring.
52
00:01:58.629 --> 00:02:01.329
Yeah, the two transitional ones. I enjoy them the best.
53
00:02:01.670 --> 00:02:05.549
Summer's too hot. Winter's too cold. The anticipation of autumn,
54
00:02:05.870 --> 00:02:07.530
like knowing Christmas is coming.
55
00:02:07.709 --> 00:02:09.150
Getting a coat out the loft.
56
00:02:09.189 --> 00:02:12.069
Getting a coat out the bloody loft. The leaves, the
57
00:02:12.110 --> 00:02:14.099
first hot chocolate, the first mulled wine.
58
00:02:15.099 --> 00:02:17.189
This is how it started. I had a Bartridge promo.
59
00:02:17.310 --> 00:02:20.590
Premier League season has started. I absolutely love it.
60
00:02:20.610 --> 00:02:20.969
I know.
61
00:02:21.310 --> 00:02:23.430
I know this ain't the podcast for it. Fucking hell,
62
00:02:23.469 --> 00:02:25.250
I love sport. I love it.
63
00:02:25.770 --> 00:02:26.050
Love it.
64
00:02:26.129 --> 00:02:28.740
There's football on all day, every day. I don't want
65
00:02:28.939 --> 00:02:30.719
people to go back into the stadiums. I want to
66
00:02:30.740 --> 00:02:33.300
watch five games a day and just sit there and
67
00:02:33.319 --> 00:02:35.159
just get fat and be a big mess on the
68
00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:36.180
sofa like in Wally.
69
00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:36.979
That's all I want.
70
00:02:37.159 --> 00:02:38.900
I'm not going to lie. I've hardly seen any of it.
71
00:02:38.930 --> 00:02:42.099
Why aren't you watching it? Where are your children, Rob?
72
00:02:42.340 --> 00:02:44.550
They get so tired in the week from school. I
73
00:02:44.569 --> 00:02:45.110
just let them just.
74
00:02:45.210 --> 00:02:46.490
We just stay indoors at the weekend.
75
00:02:46.909 --> 00:02:47.210
Oh, right.
76
00:02:47.250 --> 00:02:49.789
Yeah, well, I was at a kind of farm. And
77
00:02:49.830 --> 00:02:53.550
then on Sunday, I listened to the Man City game
78
00:02:53.849 --> 00:02:54.750
while I cooked dinner.
79
00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:55.599
Really?
80
00:02:55.879 --> 00:02:58.060
Well, the way I get all my boxing and combat
81
00:02:58.080 --> 00:03:00.860
sports in is I offer Sunday morning to get up
82
00:03:00.900 --> 00:03:01.340
with the kids.
83
00:03:01.379 --> 00:03:02.039
And I'll get up at like 6am.
84
00:03:02.949 --> 00:03:04.750
And then say to Lou, I think I've said this before,
85
00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:06.110
you stay in bed, but then I can get all
86
00:03:06.129 --> 00:03:08.129
the boxing done early and just let them play in
87
00:03:08.180 --> 00:03:08.620
the other room.
88
00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:13.319
That's the advantage of two. My daughter, I'd say she's
89
00:03:13.360 --> 00:03:15.199
not the best independent play.
90
00:03:15.539 --> 00:03:17.159
No, they're not. They get bored. That's why it's quite
91
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:18.060
handy having the other one.
92
00:03:18.379 --> 00:03:21.120
I did a test the other morning to see how
93
00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:25.050
long she could just do stuff without calling for me
94
00:03:25.210 --> 00:03:26.650
when we were in the kitchen. I was just drinking
95
00:03:26.729 --> 00:03:30.169
a cup of tea. 15 seconds. That's how long I lasted.
96
00:03:30.469 --> 00:03:34.080
I was trying to read an interview. Trying to read
97
00:03:34.120 --> 00:03:37.060
an interview with Gary Lineker in the, in the paper.
98
00:03:37.639 --> 00:03:39.919
And over two hours, I failed to read the interview
99
00:03:39.960 --> 00:03:40.419
with Gary Lineker.
100
00:03:42.629 --> 00:03:45.849
I just, I can't believe, I think, because I text
101
00:03:45.889 --> 00:03:47.219
this to you so we can talk about it.
102
00:03:47.490 --> 00:03:50.129
I can't believe what people without kids do at weekends.
103
00:03:50.810 --> 00:03:51.490
Oh, mate.
104
00:03:51.530 --> 00:03:54.439
Did you see, it was Joel Domet's post. Him and
105
00:03:54.479 --> 00:03:57.020
his wife, Hannah, lovely couple. We love, Joel's a friend
106
00:03:57.080 --> 00:03:57.280
of ours.
107
00:03:57.300 --> 00:03:58.020
Lovely people, yeah.
108
00:03:58.080 --> 00:04:02.639
He went on a, Not a coffee-making class, right?
109
00:04:02.759 --> 00:04:04.360
Yeah.
110
00:04:04.580 --> 00:04:06.900
They went on a Saturday morning to this place where
111
00:04:06.919 --> 00:04:09.379
they teach you how to do patterns on top of
112
00:04:09.419 --> 00:04:11.819
the coffee. So it's not coffee-making, it's just how to
113
00:04:11.879 --> 00:04:12.259
move the.
114
00:04:12.300 --> 00:04:15.520
Is that all that was? Drawing a fucking... you know,
115
00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:18.110
muscly arm or whatever it is Joel wants to draw
116
00:04:18.129 --> 00:04:19.069
on top of a coffee.
117
00:04:19.269 --> 00:04:20.149
Yeah, exactly.
118
00:04:20.189 --> 00:04:24.470
So it was just showing them how to draw a, like, whether,
119
00:04:24.629 --> 00:04:25.930
if you want a picture or a smiley face or
120
00:04:25.949 --> 00:04:27.170
whatever on the top of a coffee.
121
00:04:27.310 --> 00:04:29.870
But this is what, this is the time people have
122
00:04:29.930 --> 00:04:32.920
on their hands, Rob. Yeah. I just don't have a
123
00:04:33.019 --> 00:04:38.399
moment when I'm not, I worked every evening and day
124
00:04:38.579 --> 00:04:39.180
last week.
125
00:04:39.500 --> 00:04:39.699
Yeah.
126
00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:46.110
And by Friday, I was a fucking mess. Yeah. So
127
00:04:46.149 --> 00:04:48.069
I'm in a text group with my dad and my
128
00:04:48.110 --> 00:04:50.990
brother where we'll talk about Plymouth Argyle and other football,
129
00:04:51.069 --> 00:04:53.329
it turns out. Although it's really only for Plymouth Argyle,
130
00:04:53.350 --> 00:04:55.110
but my dad really does watch too much Premier League
131
00:04:55.129 --> 00:04:58.410
football for the group. Just like my dad was watching,
132
00:04:58.709 --> 00:05:02.670
what even was the game? Like Spurs v Newcastle. Do
133
00:05:02.689 --> 00:05:05.480
you know how unlikely it is? I have to look
134
00:05:05.509 --> 00:05:07.779
at the fixture list and think in two weeks there's
135
00:05:07.800 --> 00:05:09.839
a fixture I want to watch. And I have to
136
00:05:09.879 --> 00:05:12.360
do two weeks of social manoeuvres to get myself in
137
00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:12.980
the position.
138
00:05:16.050 --> 00:05:17.310
I've just found out what it was. It was a
139
00:05:17.589 --> 00:05:18.709
latte art course.
140
00:05:19.149 --> 00:05:20.350
I mean, come on, mate.
141
00:05:20.389 --> 00:05:22.540
I don't think I've looked and appreciated what is on
142
00:05:22.560 --> 00:05:23.399
the top of a coffee.
143
00:05:24.439 --> 00:05:24.990
No, of course not.
144
00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:26.879
From it being ready and me drinking it, there's not
145
00:05:26.899 --> 00:05:29.079
enough time for me to look at the top of it.
146
00:05:29.100 --> 00:05:31.680
But also, do you know why Joel is drinking his coffee?
147
00:05:31.980 --> 00:05:34.759
He's drinking his coffee for pleasure and he doesn't need
148
00:05:34.790 --> 00:05:38.050
it because he's had... 11 hours sleep. You're making a
149
00:05:38.089 --> 00:05:40.470
coffee and you're having to mainline it because you've got
150
00:05:40.509 --> 00:05:44.129
up at 6am to watch boxing while your two children
151
00:05:44.350 --> 00:05:45.170
sit in the other room.
152
00:05:45.189 --> 00:05:48.170
Trying to convince myself that I'm the lucky one. Yeah, yeah.
153
00:05:48.209 --> 00:05:50.490
Trying to tell yourself that no one's ever felt a
154
00:05:50.500 --> 00:05:50.939
love like you.
155
00:05:51.000 --> 00:05:53.540
How shit is my life? Actually, Josh, thanks for bringing
156
00:05:53.560 --> 00:05:53.800
that up.
157
00:05:54.040 --> 00:05:56.879
How awful is my life that I think I've won
158
00:05:56.939 --> 00:05:59.339
this weekend by getting up at half five, six to
159
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.699
have a coffee and watch boxing in the dark?
160
00:06:01.879 --> 00:06:03.339
Do you know what I do as well, Rob? I
161
00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:07.639
got up at 5.50 on Friday. Because she's potty training
162
00:06:07.660 --> 00:06:09.540
at the moment. Well, she's kind of potty trained, but
163
00:06:09.560 --> 00:06:13.300
she's going through it, right? And that really messes up
164
00:06:13.339 --> 00:06:16.199
the sleep. So her sleep's gone to shit. And they've
165
00:06:16.220 --> 00:06:18.399
told us at nursery that that will mess up the
166
00:06:18.420 --> 00:06:19.370
sleep for a couple of weeks.
167
00:06:19.850 --> 00:06:22.490
Why is it messing up the sleep, the potty training?
168
00:06:22.709 --> 00:06:26.610
I think it's because they are concentrating on not doing
169
00:06:26.629 --> 00:06:27.889
a wee at night and stuff like that.
170
00:06:27.930 --> 00:06:29.670
But you've got nappy on in the evening, have they not?
171
00:06:29.829 --> 00:06:32.730
Yeah, I know. But apparently it's a very regular thing.
172
00:06:32.870 --> 00:06:35.759
They're not as relaxed, blah, blah, blah. So I was
173
00:06:35.819 --> 00:06:38.620
up at 5.50 and I was sat there watching the
174
00:06:38.759 --> 00:06:44.500
fucking clangers, trying to get my phone at an angle
175
00:06:44.579 --> 00:06:46.420
where my body was masking it enough where I could
176
00:06:46.459 --> 00:06:50.339
look at it without feeling guilt. And I was just
177
00:06:50.379 --> 00:06:53.079
trying to convince myself that actually it's great that she's
178
00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:54.459
got up this early because we get a lot of
179
00:06:54.519 --> 00:06:56.680
one-on-one time that we wouldn't get otherwise. And I'm thinking,
180
00:06:56.720 --> 00:06:57.600
what am I doing?
181
00:06:57.879 --> 00:07:00.019
Well, yeah, it's not one-on-one time. It's a three-way with
182
00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:00.519
the clangers.
183
00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:03.250
It's a three-way with the clangers, which is a very
184
00:07:03.310 --> 00:07:07.269
specialist website if you've ever been on it. So we
185
00:07:07.290 --> 00:07:08.709
went to a farm this weekend, Rob.
186
00:07:08.769 --> 00:07:08.949
Yep.
187
00:07:09.290 --> 00:07:10.550
So first thing, walk in.
188
00:07:10.689 --> 00:07:11.889
Very nice. Very nice.
189
00:07:11.949 --> 00:07:16.829
Walk in. First sign, you think, oh, look what's in this. First,
190
00:07:16.870 --> 00:07:19.300
I'll just read it to you. Sad news. It starts,
191
00:07:19.500 --> 00:07:20.040
sad news.
192
00:07:20.120 --> 00:07:20.569
Oh, no.
193
00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:25.040
It's with great sadness that we've had Einstein put to sleep.
194
00:07:26.519 --> 00:07:28.879
He was an old otter that developed a few health problems.
195
00:07:28.939 --> 00:07:31.779
Then there's a photo of Einstein. Otters are territorial, so
196
00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:34.959
introducing another otter to keep Darwin company is not an
197
00:07:35.019 --> 00:07:37.620
easy thing. It would have to be female and then
198
00:07:37.639 --> 00:07:40.480
they may not get on. Darwin is currently happy and
199
00:07:40.500 --> 00:07:43.160
showing no signs of depression. We will monitor his behaviour
200
00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:43.879
over the coming weeks.
201
00:07:43.930 --> 00:07:46.889
How do you know if a otter's depressed? It keeps
202
00:07:46.949 --> 00:07:47.750
ordering dominoes.
203
00:07:50.769 --> 00:07:53.350
He's listening to Bon Iver for the tenth time that day.
204
00:07:53.430 --> 00:07:56.930
He's just got Radiohead on loop in his little cave
205
00:07:56.949 --> 00:07:57.829
whenever they sleep in.
206
00:07:57.949 --> 00:08:01.189
That was the opening thing I saw.
207
00:08:01.730 --> 00:08:05.689
Also as well, who is going to this farm that regularly?
208
00:08:06.329 --> 00:08:07.550
To be like, where's the other otter?
209
00:08:08.149 --> 00:08:08.769
Well, exactly.
210
00:08:08.850 --> 00:08:11.389
I mean, surely just move over it. And then if
211
00:08:11.449 --> 00:08:14.110
anyone asks, because really, if you're that bothered, you'll ask.
212
00:08:14.550 --> 00:08:14.829
Yeah.
213
00:08:15.170 --> 00:08:18.189
You don't need to get new people to know. I
214
00:08:18.250 --> 00:08:20.920
wouldn't at my house have a sign on the front.
215
00:08:21.160 --> 00:08:23.319
As anyone comes in with sad news, the man that
216
00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:26.459
used to live here died. You've got to move on
217
00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:27.339
at some point, haven't you?
218
00:08:27.560 --> 00:08:29.660
Yeah, you can't do that. It's too bleak a news
219
00:08:29.699 --> 00:08:31.959
to start off with. Just wait for someone to ask.
220
00:08:32.080 --> 00:08:35.279
Just put in two different otters that are friends. They
221
00:08:35.299 --> 00:08:38.120
look like the original otters, and you're fine. Anyway, it
222
00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:39.659
was a bleak start to the farm.
223
00:08:39.879 --> 00:08:40.759
Have you ever fed a cow?
224
00:08:40.970 --> 00:08:43.500
I've never fed a cow, Rob. I'm presuming you have,
225
00:08:43.570 --> 00:08:45.990
otherwise this is a real conversational cold respect.
226
00:08:46.070 --> 00:08:47.710
Their tongues are mental.
227
00:08:47.750 --> 00:08:49.769
Oh, yeah, they do have a big old tongue, don't they?
228
00:08:50.250 --> 00:08:50.909
You can look.
229
00:08:51.090 --> 00:08:54.909
Oh, mate, the kids love a cow's tongue. It's so funny.
230
00:08:55.429 --> 00:08:57.610
You can put the food on a fence post, they
231
00:08:57.649 --> 00:08:59.889
just lick it off. They put their tongue out really fine,
232
00:08:59.909 --> 00:09:01.370
you can throw a bit of carrot in their mouth.
233
00:09:01.690 --> 00:09:04.509
It's a great laugh. LAUGHTER You can put a bit
234
00:09:04.529 --> 00:09:05.250
of carrot in their mouth.
235
00:09:05.470 --> 00:09:08.470
Yeah, so this one, we go to this farm in Bromley,
236
00:09:08.850 --> 00:09:12.210
where Down is, Down in Kent, called Christmas Tree Farm.
237
00:09:12.230 --> 00:09:13.830
You can just launch a bit of carrot in its mouth.
238
00:09:13.870 --> 00:09:14.289
It loves it.
239
00:09:14.570 --> 00:09:15.669
I'll tell you what I'll do is I'll send you
240
00:09:15.710 --> 00:09:17.289
a picture of a cow's tongue and then we'll stick
241
00:09:17.389 --> 00:09:18.070
it on Instagram.
242
00:09:19.110 --> 00:09:19.830
Kids love it, mate.
243
00:09:20.070 --> 00:09:21.649
But was it all right apart from that, then, no
244
00:09:21.669 --> 00:09:22.090
cow tongue?
245
00:09:22.169 --> 00:09:24.669
It was fine. Yeah, you know, it's a farm at
246
00:09:24.700 --> 00:09:25.200
the end of the day.
247
00:09:26.269 --> 00:09:29.070
Did you enjoy it? Are you all right, John? You've
248
00:09:29.110 --> 00:09:30.009
been working too much.
249
00:09:30.269 --> 00:09:32.350
No, no, at the end of the day, a farm's
250
00:09:32.370 --> 00:09:33.889
just a farm, isn't it?
251
00:09:35.129 --> 00:09:37.149
It's not a zoo. I know it's not a zoo.
252
00:09:37.190 --> 00:09:40.070
I'm just saying, though, you said you worked every day
253
00:09:40.090 --> 00:09:40.889
and night last week.
254
00:09:40.909 --> 00:09:42.970
You seem a little bit stressed.
255
00:09:43.289 --> 00:09:44.090
So tired.
256
00:09:44.470 --> 00:09:46.269
So what's your sleeping pattern like at the moment, then,
257
00:09:46.289 --> 00:09:47.389
if you're working day and night?
258
00:09:47.820 --> 00:09:50.539
Well, when I work in the evenings, I am... Oh,
259
00:09:50.820 --> 00:09:52.100
that's a big tongue you've just sent.
260
00:09:51.980 --> 00:09:52.240
Me, Rob.
261
00:09:52.259 --> 00:09:53.700
It's a big.
262
00:09:53.519 --> 00:09:54.009
Tongue, isn't it?
263
00:09:54.529 --> 00:09:56.190
That's a big old tongue, isn't it?
264
00:09:56.230 --> 00:09:57.750
Their mouths are mental, cows.
265
00:09:58.220 --> 00:09:58.600
Yeah.
266
00:09:58.899 --> 00:09:59.659
It's great fun.
267
00:10:00.019 --> 00:10:01.639
Did you just Google the words cow's tongue?
268
00:10:01.940 --> 00:10:03.139
I've got a couple of bookmarks.
269
00:10:05.720 --> 00:10:08.379
I love to deliver into the news of how much
270
00:10:08.440 --> 00:10:09.360
fun a cow's tongue is.
271
00:10:09.779 --> 00:10:12.139
I've sent you another one. It always looks like an alien.
272
00:10:12.659 --> 00:10:15.090
Oh, wow. I don't like that one. That's creepy.
273
00:10:17.240 --> 00:10:19.539
I'll put them both on the Instagram group so you
274
00:10:19.559 --> 00:10:20.039
can have a look.
275
00:10:20.179 --> 00:10:21.419
If you haven't listened to the episode, it's going to
276
00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:24.899
be a strange turn of events on the Instagram. Yeah,
277
00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:25.940
so that's it.
278
00:10:26.299 --> 00:10:28.059
So you're just burnt out, are you, Josh?
279
00:10:28.080 --> 00:10:30.279
Just completely burnt out. Oh, Josh.
280
00:10:30.360 --> 00:10:31.370
It's going to be all right, mate.
281
00:10:31.750 --> 00:10:34.330
Yeah, it'll be fine. We will do your emails on Friday.
282
00:10:34.710 --> 00:10:36.509
If you've got any, this is how to get in touch.
283
00:10:38.070 --> 00:10:43.909
Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdownparents
284
00:10:44.330 --> 00:10:48.809
or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting. And you can also send
285
00:10:48.870 --> 00:10:54.649
us stuff P.O. Box 76748 London E99DW.
286
00:10:55.340 --> 00:10:57.919
All right, Josh, who have we got this week?
287
00:10:58.879 --> 00:11:01.759
Well, that is a difficult question. It's either Ben Bailey-Smith
288
00:11:01.820 --> 00:11:04.759
or Doc Brown. We should explain that his kind of
289
00:11:04.820 --> 00:11:08.110
stage name and his name When he was a rapper
290
00:11:08.139 --> 00:11:11.070
was Doc Brown, but he also goes by his actual name,
291
00:11:11.090 --> 00:11:12.129
which is Ben Bailey Smith.
292
00:11:12.610 --> 00:11:15.210
Yes. So he was a rapper for Mark Ronson as
293
00:11:15.250 --> 00:11:17.750
Doc Brown, did comedy as Doc Brown, but now he
294
00:11:18.129 --> 00:11:20.590
writes and acts as Ben Bailey Smith.
295
00:11:20.809 --> 00:11:24.250
So throughout, it's not that we're getting his name wrong.
296
00:11:24.490 --> 00:11:27.389
It's just that we're switching between the two because we're unprofessional.
297
00:11:27.730 --> 00:11:29.870
We panicked. You went Doc, I went Ben.
298
00:11:30.049 --> 00:11:30.230
Yeah.
299
00:11:30.409 --> 00:11:34.620
Anyway, it's a great interview if you can get past that. Hello,
300
00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:36.120
Doc Brown, a.k.a.
301
00:11:36.179 --> 00:11:37.580
Ben Bailey-Smith. How's it going?
302
00:11:37.860 --> 00:11:40.200
Very well. Very well. How are you guys? It's been
303
00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:40.539
a minute.
304
00:11:42.059 --> 00:11:45.070
It's lovely to talk to you in a formal setting
305
00:11:45.110 --> 00:11:47.179
as opposed to when we're setting up our mics. Rob's
306
00:11:47.230 --> 00:11:51.570
very excited because he was a big fan of Dez.
307
00:11:52.149 --> 00:11:52.570
Oh, yeah.
308
00:11:52.809 --> 00:11:54.769
That Dez show was great. You was in Dez, weren't you,
309
00:11:54.830 --> 00:11:55.429
as a copper?
310
00:11:55.870 --> 00:11:58.870
I was, yeah. I mean, it was a bittersweet experience
311
00:11:58.889 --> 00:12:01.710
watching it because they cut so many of my scenes that...
312
00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:05.559
By the time you actually met me, it was like, Oh, right.
313
00:12:05.620 --> 00:12:07.779
There seemed to be a lot of familiarity around this dude,
314
00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:08.679
but he's just appeared.
315
00:12:08.720 --> 00:12:09.960
Yeah, because I thought that.
316
00:12:10.360 --> 00:12:12.139
First of all, I saw you carry it because you're
317
00:12:12.179 --> 00:12:15.169
carrying a bin liner of body parts. And I'm like,
318
00:12:15.509 --> 00:12:18.409
I swear it's not Brown, it's Ben, isn't it? And
319
00:12:18.470 --> 00:12:21.169
I thought, Ben's an amazing actor. He'd be like, do
320
00:12:21.210 --> 00:12:23.049
more than that. And then using it properly later on.
321
00:12:23.169 --> 00:12:24.909
But when he was chatting to you later on, it
322
00:12:24.950 --> 00:12:26.429
did feel like you were like best mates. And I
323
00:12:26.429 --> 00:12:28.289
was like, it's the first time the bloke with the
324
00:12:28.309 --> 00:12:29.049
bag's spoken.
325
00:12:29.330 --> 00:12:32.769
Exactly. So as you can imagine, for mums, that's a
326
00:12:32.809 --> 00:12:35.759
terrible thing, right? Because my mum was like, no. I
327
00:12:35.799 --> 00:12:38.299
thought you, you know, I thought it just seemed like
328
00:12:38.320 --> 00:12:41.899
you were an extra, you know, is that your, okay.
329
00:12:42.879 --> 00:12:45.840
You know how mums are, they never get it. They're
330
00:12:46.059 --> 00:12:48.820
just like, oh, so it was like a little sort
331
00:12:48.840 --> 00:12:52.909
of walk-on thing. No, it fucking wasn't. I don't know,
332
00:12:52.929 --> 00:12:55.669
but they just cut it back, right? So like I said,
333
00:12:55.690 --> 00:12:58.090
it's bittersweet because I also think it's the best thing
334
00:12:58.129 --> 00:13:01.230
I've ever been on. Wow, I would dispute that, Doc.
335
00:13:01.600 --> 00:13:04.159
Because I want to talk to you about reading the
336
00:13:04.259 --> 00:13:05.789
story on CBeebies.
337
00:13:06.309 --> 00:13:08.330
Oh, no, there's a story behind that as well.
338
00:13:08.470 --> 00:13:09.649
I've seen it.
339
00:13:10.009 --> 00:13:12.879
Like that, Josh. Because the thing is, like, obviously, this
340
00:13:12.889 --> 00:13:17.000
is a parenting pod. It's interesting now because, you know,
341
00:13:17.419 --> 00:13:20.120
my peers, my comic peers, such as you two boys,
342
00:13:20.580 --> 00:13:23.470
you know, you're starting to have kids now. You know,
343
00:13:23.509 --> 00:13:25.220
which is exactly the same as in my friend group.
344
00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:27.980
All my friends are having kids now, whereas I was
345
00:13:28.019 --> 00:13:28.559
a young dad.
346
00:13:28.759 --> 00:13:30.539
I remember when we started, I don't know, you had kids.
347
00:13:30.840 --> 00:13:31.960
I already had kids, right?
348
00:13:32.139 --> 00:13:32.799
Yeah.
349
00:13:33.019 --> 00:13:35.899
What's your kids set up, Ben? And how old was
350
00:13:35.919 --> 00:13:37.570
you when you had kids for the listeners?
351
00:13:38.179 --> 00:13:40.789
I was 26. So if you can imagine having kids
352
00:13:40.850 --> 00:13:43.230
at 26, I mean, that's, you know, in the old days,
353
00:13:43.250 --> 00:13:45.669
that wouldn't have been old, right? Like in our parents' era.
354
00:13:45.990 --> 00:13:47.710
But in our era, that's kind of young.
355
00:13:47.730 --> 00:13:49.789
Because I was 30 and that was still quite young.
356
00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:53.279
Yeah, that's still quite young. It was a complete head fuck, man.
357
00:13:53.419 --> 00:13:57.460
I was like, not ready at all. But then at
358
00:13:57.539 --> 00:13:59.179
the same time, you're never ready, are you? So you
359
00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:01.139
just sort of find a way. I think the tricky
360
00:14:01.159 --> 00:14:04.500
thing for me was that, you know, I was a
361
00:14:04.559 --> 00:14:08.409
youth worker. My first daughter was born. I had no,
362
00:14:08.590 --> 00:14:11.129
I mean, when I was little, I wanted to be
363
00:14:11.169 --> 00:14:12.929
in show business. But, you know, by the time I
364
00:14:12.950 --> 00:14:14.470
become a young man, I just thought it's like a dream.
365
00:14:14.490 --> 00:14:16.450
Do you know what I mean? It's a pipe dream.
366
00:14:16.610 --> 00:14:18.750
Now I've got a kid. You just got to be sensible,
367
00:14:18.769 --> 00:14:22.519
do your job. So the first couple of years of
368
00:14:22.659 --> 00:14:27.029
my eldest, who's, you know, she's 15 this year. I mean, crazy.
369
00:14:27.669 --> 00:14:28.450
Wow.
370
00:14:28.590 --> 00:14:30.690
Yeah. So the first couple of years of her, I
371
00:14:30.730 --> 00:14:33.110
was just like, I've got two girls, but the first
372
00:14:33.149 --> 00:14:34.909
two years of her, I was just doing youth work,
373
00:14:34.960 --> 00:14:39.480
you know, and then I'd started working with this comedian
374
00:14:39.539 --> 00:14:41.620
and helping out and stuff. And I wound up in
375
00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:44.519
comedy and I was doing standup when the second one
376
00:14:44.559 --> 00:14:47.470
was born. So I had a baby and a toddler
377
00:14:48.149 --> 00:14:49.909
when I would have met you guys, you know, like,
378
00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:51.639
talking 2008 2009 and in 2010 I had a baby
379
00:14:51.720 --> 00:14:57.799
and a toddler so It was intense. And you know
380
00:14:57.840 --> 00:15:00.000
how it is when you're starting out. I lived out
381
00:15:00.039 --> 00:15:03.059
a suitcase. I was just not, I was not about.
382
00:15:03.470 --> 00:15:06.690
And I have to say it was really, really, really difficult.
383
00:15:06.870 --> 00:15:07.190
It was.
384
00:15:07.409 --> 00:15:09.610
Because when you start on the open mic circuit, you
385
00:15:09.649 --> 00:15:12.389
literally gig five nights a week and you're driving to
386
00:15:12.409 --> 00:15:14.370
the middle of nowhere for no money. So the thought
387
00:15:14.409 --> 00:15:16.559
of trying to do that with tiny kids at home,
388
00:15:16.620 --> 00:15:17.720
I mean, I just don't know how you did it.
389
00:15:17.740 --> 00:15:19.840
It was a struggle for me as like a single bloke.
390
00:15:19.879 --> 00:15:22.820
Bruv, I was in all the competitions doing the open mics.
391
00:15:23.570 --> 00:15:24.710
And then the rest of the time I was just
392
00:15:24.769 --> 00:15:27.429
driving funnier comics around, like Carl Donnelly. I used to
393
00:15:27.480 --> 00:15:30.039
drive Carl Donnelly everywhere. Because I had a car. Do
394
00:15:30.059 --> 00:15:32.120
you know what I mean? I had a car. You'd
395
00:15:32.139 --> 00:15:37.480
get the bookers off the curb or Christian Knowles, people
396
00:15:37.500 --> 00:15:40.409
like that. They'd be in touch and feel, oh, it's happening,
397
00:15:40.450 --> 00:15:44.529
it's happening. They'd be like, yeah, can you drive Carl
398
00:15:44.590 --> 00:15:49.350
Donnelly to Stafford and back? Because there's a middle spot
399
00:15:49.389 --> 00:15:51.500
with your name on it, baby. You're going to be huge.
400
00:15:53.159 --> 00:15:55.000
And were you driving him in a car that had
401
00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:56.370
a child seat in the back?
402
00:15:56.620 --> 00:15:58.970
Yeah, definitely. It would have been my old, it would have,
403
00:15:58.990 --> 00:16:03.289
them times it would have been my VW Golf. And
404
00:16:03.470 --> 00:16:06.110
in 2010, I started to get a bit gassed because 2000,
405
00:16:06.110 --> 00:16:09.370
I don't know if you guys remember, but like without
406
00:16:09.409 --> 00:16:11.289
blowing my own trumpet, like there was just a year
407
00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:14.159
where I just suddenly just got bookings up the arse.
408
00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:18.129
I was, I had money and I bought an Audi A4,
409
00:16:19.799 --> 00:16:22.019
And that was just like with the black one with
410
00:16:22.039 --> 00:16:26.669
the leather interior, cream leather interior. And I just felt
411
00:16:26.750 --> 00:16:31.429
like an absolute boss in my council flat with the
412
00:16:31.509 --> 00:16:32.070
Audi A4.
413
00:16:32.190 --> 00:16:35.710
It's a classic mum's car, isn't it? The old Audi A4.
414
00:16:35.730 --> 00:16:36.590
That's what you call it.
415
00:16:36.769 --> 00:16:38.370
What are you on about?
416
00:16:38.409 --> 00:16:40.220
That was a beast. 2.0.
417
00:16:40.200 --> 00:16:43.240
I used to hide the baby seat so I still
418
00:16:43.259 --> 00:16:44.019
look like a G.
419
00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:52.460
LAUGHTER Let's go back to this CBB story.
420
00:16:52.700 --> 00:16:56.360
Oh yeah, sorry. So obviously you have kids and your
421
00:16:56.399 --> 00:16:58.980
focus changes, right? You know, when you used to look
422
00:16:59.019 --> 00:17:02.480
at Google images of like fit actresses or like an
423
00:17:02.620 --> 00:17:04.440
actor that you rated or a comedian or whatever, and
424
00:17:04.460 --> 00:17:08.069
you'd always see that Google image result of them at
425
00:17:08.089 --> 00:17:11.569
the premiere of some kids movie with their kids. And
426
00:17:11.589 --> 00:17:13.730
you think, oh, actually that's pretty cool, isn't it? Like
427
00:17:13.829 --> 00:17:16.509
one day, like, but you can't imagine you doing it.
428
00:17:16.569 --> 00:17:19.109
And then when you have kids, you start thinking about
429
00:17:19.950 --> 00:17:22.180
You stop thinking about adult content all the time. You
430
00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:24.839
realize everything you do has adult content. And you think, well,
431
00:17:24.859 --> 00:17:27.660
it'd be quite cool to have something that my kids
432
00:17:27.700 --> 00:17:31.900
could enjoy. So, you know, obviously they were little. They'd
433
00:17:31.940 --> 00:17:35.160
watch the CBeebies bedtime stories. And I thought, I know
434
00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:38.180
people at CBeebies. I don't know anyone at CBeebies, but
435
00:17:38.200 --> 00:17:39.980
it can't be that much of a leap. I must
436
00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:43.440
be able to stick my nose in there. I started
437
00:17:43.460 --> 00:17:47.630
making calls and I got in touch with the commissioner
438
00:17:47.650 --> 00:17:51.980
at CBeebies. And she was like, join the fucking queue, mate.
439
00:17:52.019 --> 00:17:56.890
Judi Dench is waiting to do this. I thought they'd
440
00:17:56.910 --> 00:17:59.089
just snap my hand off. I thought they'd just be like, oh,
441
00:17:59.109 --> 00:17:59.490
my God.
442
00:17:59.529 --> 00:18:00.109
Yeah, brilliant.
443
00:18:00.809 --> 00:18:02.869
Get in there. Do something for the kids. So I
444
00:18:02.910 --> 00:18:06.990
actually waited years to get on the CBeebies. And by
445
00:18:07.029 --> 00:18:08.650
the time I got on it, my kids were too
446
00:18:08.690 --> 00:18:12.680
old to care. They didn't watch CBeebies anymore. It was
447
00:18:12.720 --> 00:18:15.180
kind of fruitless. But the other story to it was
448
00:18:15.220 --> 00:18:16.900
that I thought they shot it in London, but they
449
00:18:16.920 --> 00:18:19.759
shot it in Manchester. I think C... children's TV had
450
00:18:19.799 --> 00:18:23.559
moved up there and yeah you know Manchester for me
451
00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:25.740
was always like if I'm going Manchester because I've got
452
00:18:25.799 --> 00:18:27.500
two of my best friends live up there like it's
453
00:18:27.660 --> 00:18:30.240
always a reunion you get on it you know you
454
00:18:30.269 --> 00:18:31.970
know those guys that you know where it's like if
455
00:18:31.990 --> 00:18:34.049
you meet them you're getting on it so I meet
456
00:18:34.089 --> 00:18:36.549
up with my friends Cy and Matt and obviously we
457
00:18:36.609 --> 00:18:39.069
get on it but I ended up having an all-nighter
458
00:18:39.369 --> 00:18:41.930
and I hadn't looked at the call sheet so I
459
00:18:41.930 --> 00:18:44.430
was just thinking I'll be afternoon or whatever you know
460
00:18:44.450 --> 00:18:47.059
when your phone rings in the hotel not your mobile
461
00:18:47.509 --> 00:18:50.710
The hotel room phone. You know there's a problem if
462
00:18:50.750 --> 00:18:52.230
your hotel phone.
463
00:18:53.329 --> 00:18:53.650
Rings.
464
00:18:54.390 --> 00:18:56.930
And it was like the third time. And the reception
465
00:18:56.950 --> 00:19:00.440
was like, there's a driver waiting here for you downstairs.
466
00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:02.700
You've got to come down. It was like frantic. I
467
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:05.740
was like, oh, my God. I was fully clothed, just
468
00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:09.519
passed out on my bed. and I just got up
469
00:19:09.880 --> 00:19:12.640
fully clothed and just went downstairs, got in the car
470
00:19:13.220 --> 00:19:16.519
and within like, cause it was the holiday in media city.
471
00:19:16.619 --> 00:19:19.720
So it was like two minutes away. So within, within
472
00:19:19.819 --> 00:19:22.609
five minutes I was sat in a room with, um,
473
00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:25.779
Kerry and this other dude, Alex, who were like the
474
00:19:25.819 --> 00:19:28.599
people that babysat my kids while I was doing comedy
475
00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:30.799
in those early years. So I was just tripping out.
476
00:19:30.819 --> 00:19:35.710
I hadn't slept with the CBeebies guys. And they're just
477
00:19:35.809 --> 00:19:39.250
caking makeup on my face. I like smelling salts, trying
478
00:19:39.269 --> 00:19:40.490
to make my eyes look less hard shot.
479
00:19:40.490 --> 00:19:42.960
You must have stank.
480
00:19:42.369 --> 00:19:43.549
As well, mate.
481
00:19:43.549 --> 00:19:44.250
Oh, mate.
482
00:19:44.250 --> 00:19:48.140
I was just so not how I planned to you know, prepare.
483
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:50.500
My voice was going.
484
00:19:50.599 --> 00:19:51.559
Did they know you'd been out?
485
00:19:51.640 --> 00:19:53.880
I think I probably told someone, probably told the makeup
486
00:19:53.940 --> 00:19:57.019
assistant or something. Oh, mate, I was a mess and
487
00:19:57.039 --> 00:20:00.190
I was just really annoyed. But then, you know. People
488
00:20:00.230 --> 00:20:02.349
would hit me up online and say, oh, my kids
489
00:20:02.410 --> 00:20:04.650
love this telling or they love that telling of the book.
490
00:20:04.670 --> 00:20:05.700
So I think I got away with it.
491
00:20:05.710 --> 00:20:08.019
The most emotional they've ever seen because you were crying throughout,
492
00:20:08.039 --> 00:20:11.880
weren't you? No one's ever seen someone deliver it looking
493
00:20:11.900 --> 00:20:12.440
so despairing.
494
00:20:12.859 --> 00:20:13.740
I felt awful.
495
00:20:13.779 --> 00:20:17.440
Eating the kebab was a bit nuts. Oh, I can't
496
00:20:17.460 --> 00:20:18.619
wait to watch that now, knowing.
497
00:20:18.700 --> 00:20:20.349
Yeah, knowing, knowing behind the curtain.
498
00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:23.089
And you've also done a children's picture book as well.
499
00:20:23.599 --> 00:20:25.680
you're really ticking the boxes to get to, you know,
500
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:27.809
win over your children with your output.
501
00:20:27.880 --> 00:20:29.970
Yeah, and what I've learned is, and what you will
502
00:20:29.990 --> 00:20:34.990
learn is, that you're the king now, but that just lessens,
503
00:20:35.029 --> 00:20:37.190
they eat away at it every day until you get
504
00:20:37.210 --> 00:20:39.809
to the point now where both my kids are so
505
00:20:39.890 --> 00:20:43.690
embarrassed of everything that I do. Unless I'm like, like
506
00:20:43.769 --> 00:20:45.990
every now and again, they'll go, do you know so-and-so?
507
00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:49.000
So at the moment, the only claim to fame I have,
508
00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:51.720
which you guys will have in the future, is that
509
00:20:51.779 --> 00:20:54.519
I know Dominic Holland. Do you know what I mean?
510
00:20:54.539 --> 00:20:59.559
From the circuit. Because Dom's son is Spider-Man. So that's
511
00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:02.470
one of the only things, really, that my kids are like,
512
00:21:02.750 --> 00:21:06.630
oh my God, you're one away from Spider-Man. I'm like, actually,
513
00:21:06.789 --> 00:21:10.049
I remember Spider-Man from, I think maybe it was Best
514
00:21:10.130 --> 00:21:12.369
of All, you know, one of those festival gigs where
515
00:21:12.390 --> 00:21:14.230
you see the older comics with their kids, you know?
516
00:21:14.259 --> 00:21:16.299
I was like, yeah, I remember him. I remember him,
517
00:21:16.339 --> 00:21:18.799
side of the stage. And they're like, what? That's like
518
00:21:18.819 --> 00:21:24.259
the best thing. i'm like i'm doing movies tv shows
519
00:21:24.279 --> 00:21:26.839
i've worked with some of the greatest comics in well
520
00:21:26.859 --> 00:21:29.119
the greatest comics in the uk and they're just like
521
00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:31.039
don't give a shit mate don't give a shit you
522
00:21:31.059 --> 00:21:32.160
know spider-man's.
523
00:21:31.880 --> 00:21:35.680
Dad and what's it like for now then so the
524
00:21:35.960 --> 00:21:38.180
teenagers is it just they just want to avoid your
525
00:21:38.200 --> 00:21:39.460
all-cost type of vibe.
526
00:21:39.279 --> 00:21:44.240
Yeah and it's extra difficult because bizarrely i am quite
527
00:21:44.380 --> 00:21:48.180
popular with like my older daughter's age group like with
528
00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:51.369
sort of 14 15 16 year olds they just love
529
00:21:51.410 --> 00:21:53.490
loads of stuff that i've done or they grew up
530
00:21:53.549 --> 00:21:56.230
on my children's show that i did for cbbc so
531
00:21:56.269 --> 00:21:59.450
it's always been quite problematic going to her school because
532
00:21:59.670 --> 00:22:02.609
kids get weird when i'm when i'm around so it's
533
00:22:02.670 --> 00:22:07.609
another reason that she doesn't she doesn't like me Oh, really? Yeah.
534
00:22:07.630 --> 00:22:09.670
So when you were doing the school drop-off, you was
535
00:22:09.769 --> 00:22:11.670
doing the kids' TV show.
536
00:22:12.029 --> 00:22:12.509
It was Bedlam.
537
00:22:12.529 --> 00:22:14.529
When she was in year seven, it was actually Bedlam.
538
00:22:14.549 --> 00:22:15.289
There was one day.
539
00:22:15.309 --> 00:22:16.829
It was the hardest night.
540
00:22:17.509 --> 00:22:19.750
Yeah, it was, man. The older one. She went to
541
00:22:20.529 --> 00:22:22.839
a secondary school that none of her friends from primary
542
00:22:22.859 --> 00:22:25.759
school went to, right? So as you get, you get
543
00:22:25.859 --> 00:22:29.019
anxious as a dad, right? So I would be like
544
00:22:29.059 --> 00:22:31.579
trying to find out, is there anybody I know who's
545
00:22:31.599 --> 00:22:32.759
got a kid that age and might be going to
546
00:22:32.779 --> 00:22:35.089
the same school? I can introduce them and whatnot. And
547
00:22:35.109 --> 00:22:37.809
I did a show with these DJs, these female, two
548
00:22:37.849 --> 00:22:40.250
female DJs. And I was just chatting about all my
549
00:22:40.269 --> 00:22:42.930
kids going to secondary school this, this, this September. I'm
550
00:22:42.970 --> 00:22:45.950
really like prang about it. And they said, what school?
551
00:22:45.990 --> 00:22:47.220
And I told them, they were like, Oh, I've got
552
00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:48.980
a friend. Her daughter's going to that school. And I
553
00:22:48.980 --> 00:22:51.259
was like, what hooked me up? So I did that
554
00:22:51.319 --> 00:22:53.880
like parent date thing where you, you go meet a
555
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:56.400
parent and we went to get pizza with the girls,
556
00:22:56.440 --> 00:22:58.420
with her girl and my girl and they hit it off.
557
00:22:58.900 --> 00:23:01.480
So it really took a lot of anxiety away. But then,
558
00:23:03.339 --> 00:23:05.180
it wasn't her first day, but in that first week,
559
00:23:05.900 --> 00:23:08.059
I went to meet her. This is three years ago.
560
00:23:08.079 --> 00:23:11.000
I went to meet her outside. It would be nice
561
00:23:11.019 --> 00:23:13.660
to meet her. And I bumped into that parent. So
562
00:23:13.680 --> 00:23:18.109
I'm chatting to this woman. And as I'm chatting, there's
563
00:23:18.430 --> 00:23:22.289
kids freaking out around me. And then it becomes like,
564
00:23:22.390 --> 00:23:25.670
it goes from a trickle to like 10 kids to
565
00:23:25.670 --> 00:23:29.569
15 to like 30, then to like 50. And people
566
00:23:29.630 --> 00:23:32.930
are demanding photos and they want me to like, rap
567
00:23:32.970 --> 00:23:35.829
into the phone and all this business and this woman's
568
00:23:35.849 --> 00:23:39.210
just standing there watching and as it died down she
569
00:23:39.230 --> 00:23:41.690
was like is there something about you i don't know
570
00:23:41.710 --> 00:23:44.390
because i'd never told her i'd never told her anything
571
00:23:44.450 --> 00:23:47.539
of what i did you know so yeah like that's
572
00:23:47.599 --> 00:23:50.019
embarrassing i think for a kid that's trying to establish
573
00:23:50.039 --> 00:23:52.680
themselves yeah and that's that's been a constant battle and
574
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:55.440
now my little one has started secondary school this month
575
00:23:56.200 --> 00:23:58.079
So it's another new school that I have to deal with.
576
00:23:58.119 --> 00:23:59.819
I just haven't gone. I haven't gone in.
577
00:24:00.119 --> 00:24:02.289
Do you reckon it was more so because of the
578
00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:03.140
kids' TV.
579
00:24:03.089 --> 00:24:05.819
Stuff you did? Yeah, yeah, 100%.
580
00:24:05.819 --> 00:24:06.049
100%.
581
00:24:06.049 --> 00:24:09.069
It's like the kids' TV stuff and all the old
582
00:24:09.210 --> 00:24:12.029
raps that are online, you know, like the Russell Howard shit.
583
00:24:12.210 --> 00:24:14.789
That stuff. Like, kids pass that stuff around.
584
00:24:15.049 --> 00:24:17.000
You don't think they watched the So You Think You're
585
00:24:17.019 --> 00:24:23.309
Funny 2008 fight? LAUGHTER A purist.
586
00:24:23.390 --> 00:24:24.980
I check the hits every day.
587
00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:30.420
I check the hits. Yeah, it's weird.
588
00:24:30.619 --> 00:24:35.630
Do you, like, with a 15-year-old... She's back at school now, presumably.
589
00:24:35.970 --> 00:24:39.259
But during lockdown and stuff, we... is she keeping to herself?
590
00:24:39.480 --> 00:24:41.700
Cause we spoke to Catherine Ryan and like her teenagers
591
00:24:41.740 --> 00:24:44.440
basically living her own life and same Carrie Godley under
592
00:24:44.480 --> 00:24:45.099
the same roof.
593
00:24:45.240 --> 00:24:45.579
Yeah.
594
00:24:45.640 --> 00:24:49.230
Like Catherine and, and, and Carrie are great examples. Cause I,
595
00:24:49.309 --> 00:24:51.450
I've spoken to over the years, I've spoken to them
596
00:24:51.490 --> 00:24:53.369
loads about this cause they were two of the only
597
00:24:53.450 --> 00:24:56.650
comics that I knew who had kids around my age,
598
00:24:57.180 --> 00:24:59.400
you know? So we've always talked about stuff like that.
599
00:25:00.250 --> 00:25:03.210
And yeah, lockdown was weird because I think I was
600
00:25:03.230 --> 00:25:06.400
probably more worried about her than she was about herself
601
00:25:06.500 --> 00:25:07.619
and her own life. Do you know what I mean?
602
00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:09.200
I'd always be like, make sure you're talking to your
603
00:25:09.220 --> 00:25:10.799
friends online. Do you know what I mean? Make sure
604
00:25:10.819 --> 00:25:13.819
you're getting in that WhatsApp group and having a chat,
605
00:25:13.920 --> 00:25:17.099
keeping connected. She was like, listen, I'm fine. And she
606
00:25:17.140 --> 00:25:21.380
was actually absolutely fine. I think lockdown was probably more
607
00:25:21.480 --> 00:25:25.980
complicated for parents just like because we're anxious anyway. Do
608
00:25:26.000 --> 00:25:28.339
you know what I mean? You just start freaking out
609
00:25:28.359 --> 00:25:29.099
about everything.
610
00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:30.599
Did you do homeschooling?
611
00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:33.380
I didn't really need to because I've got girls. My
612
00:25:33.420 --> 00:25:35.420
friends who've got boys, it's like a fucking nightmare, man.
613
00:25:35.640 --> 00:25:39.740
Trying to get them to concentrate for an hour on
614
00:25:39.779 --> 00:25:43.019
schoolwork when they're not in school. Whereas girls, they love
615
00:25:43.059 --> 00:25:46.220
a task. They love a sit-down task, young girls. That's
616
00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:50.660
why they're so far ahead of us educationally because they're
617
00:25:50.720 --> 00:25:55.500
wired differently in terms of concentration. I don't think girls
618
00:25:55.559 --> 00:25:57.599
are smarter than boys or boys are smarter than girls.
619
00:25:58.000 --> 00:26:01.680
All that's totally equal. But the energy, the difference in
620
00:26:01.740 --> 00:26:05.349
that testosterone is so profound, I think.
621
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:08.750
Living in a house of... So you had one girl.
622
00:26:09.069 --> 00:26:10.049
I had two girls, yeah.
623
00:26:10.109 --> 00:26:12.970
Yeah, and then you had the second. Were you like, oh, great,
624
00:26:12.990 --> 00:26:15.819
a house of... two girls and me, which is your
625
00:26:15.859 --> 00:26:16.920
situation as well, Rob.
626
00:26:17.240 --> 00:26:18.099
You got two girls, Rob?
627
00:26:18.380 --> 00:26:19.480
Yeah, I've got two girls, yeah.
628
00:26:19.500 --> 00:26:21.299
Do you find yourself outnumbered?
629
00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:22.440
Yeah, yeah.
630
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:24.910
Lou started calling it the fanny club and they all shout,
631
00:26:25.109 --> 00:26:26.509
you're not in the fanny club at me, which I
632
00:26:26.529 --> 00:26:27.450
think is quite brutal.
633
00:26:27.750 --> 00:26:28.160
That is.
634
00:26:29.309 --> 00:26:30.869
That's insane, isn't it?
635
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:33.289
It would be a big decision for you to join
636
00:26:33.329 --> 00:26:35.410
the Fanny Club. Yeah, I know.
637
00:26:35.690 --> 00:26:40.130
Imagine that. What a tour show that would be. But
638
00:26:40.670 --> 00:26:41.630
I find that, because I've.
639
00:26:41.509 --> 00:26:45.670
Got four brothers, and there was loads of boys and
640
00:26:45.750 --> 00:26:48.470
cousins of boys, so I actually found it really refreshing
641
00:26:48.509 --> 00:26:49.390
to have girls.
642
00:26:49.150 --> 00:26:49.569
In the house.
643
00:26:49.710 --> 00:26:51.349
And your mum must have been over the moon.
644
00:26:51.390 --> 00:26:54.569
Yeah, so she's been desperate to buy a doll from
645
00:26:54.609 --> 00:26:56.710
a market for my kid, which she did, and has
646
00:26:56.730 --> 00:26:57.589
been putting a draw since.
647
00:26:57.910 --> 00:27:01.289
Hopefully she won't listen to this. But she bought.
648
00:27:01.150 --> 00:27:03.359
Literally, I thought it was like six weeks old. She
649
00:27:03.380 --> 00:27:05.319
bought a doll that was like three foot tall. I
650
00:27:05.359 --> 00:27:07.619
was like, she's got about eight years until she can
651
00:27:07.640 --> 00:27:09.980
play with that. But yeah, so she was desperate for it.
652
00:27:10.059 --> 00:27:12.400
And for me, I just, I found it nicer having
653
00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:14.829
girls rather than just like all boys.
654
00:27:14.930 --> 00:27:16.390
And it's weird.
655
00:27:16.430 --> 00:27:18.069
Some blokes are a bit like, oh, when you're going
656
00:27:18.089 --> 00:27:20.309
for the boy then? I was like, I'm really not bothered.
657
00:27:20.569 --> 00:27:23.190
But I don't, I'm just, I'm happy with girls totally.
658
00:27:23.250 --> 00:27:25.789
I've got no inclinations. I've got to have a boy.
659
00:27:25.809 --> 00:27:28.079
I mean, if people do, that's fine. But I really don't.
660
00:27:28.170 --> 00:27:29.319
No, I mean, I used to.
661
00:27:29.339 --> 00:27:30.299
Some men are obsessed by it.
662
00:27:30.299 --> 00:27:32.579
Yeah, I used to. When I found out that we
663
00:27:32.619 --> 00:27:34.680
were going to have another kid, I really, I can't lie.
664
00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:36.559
I really wanted it to be a boy just to
665
00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:38.609
even it up. But it's so funny the way it's
666
00:27:38.650 --> 00:27:43.069
worked out in that the younger one, she is like
667
00:27:43.150 --> 00:27:46.930
my sort of surrogate son. I mean, she's way more
668
00:27:46.950 --> 00:27:50.660
of a tomboy. She watches football with me and we're
669
00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:53.619
able to talk about stats and individual players.
670
00:27:54.210 --> 00:27:57.089
Do you know what I mean? Which is just like.
671
00:27:57.190 --> 00:27:58.990
That's the dream, bro.
672
00:27:59.029 --> 00:28:00.930
And that's what you want. It's not about the gender.
673
00:28:00.990 --> 00:28:01.630
You just want someone to.
674
00:28:01.589 --> 00:28:05.049
Watch football with you. That is the dream. We watched
675
00:28:05.069 --> 00:28:06.910
Palace Everton the other day and she was like, look,
676
00:28:06.990 --> 00:28:12.940
if you refresh the BBC football table on the website mid-game,
677
00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:15.390
we're joint top of the league with Everton. She's like,
678
00:28:15.410 --> 00:28:18.009
as long as the score stays the same, we're joined up.
679
00:28:18.029 --> 00:28:19.470
She's like, I've never seen it in my lifetime. I
680
00:28:19.490 --> 00:28:22.369
was like, actually, that is quite a profound moment for
681
00:28:22.390 --> 00:28:22.910
a Palace fan.
682
00:28:25.789 --> 00:28:28.470
So do they get on dock? Like, are they, because
683
00:28:28.509 --> 00:28:30.869
obviously they're, I always think this is weird. Like when
684
00:28:30.910 --> 00:28:33.910
you get, because when we, I've got one kid and
685
00:28:33.950 --> 00:28:36.349
all you can see in them is kind of how
686
00:28:36.390 --> 00:28:38.329
they're an obvious kind of amalgamation.
687
00:28:38.369 --> 00:28:38.589
Yeah.
688
00:28:38.630 --> 00:28:40.210
They're like half you and half your partner.
689
00:28:40.390 --> 00:28:40.690
Yeah.
690
00:28:40.829 --> 00:28:42.670
And then when the second one comes along, people are
691
00:28:42.690 --> 00:28:45.380
always like, they're such different characters. And I'm like, Do
692
00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:46.509
they get on or they.
693
00:28:46.769 --> 00:28:50.750
Yeah, I think it's all kind of biological. So the
694
00:28:50.829 --> 00:28:55.779
second child will be completely, almost seem completely the opposite.
695
00:28:56.130 --> 00:28:59.960
And that's not an accident because the second child, biologically,
696
00:29:01.240 --> 00:29:03.980
every animal is focused on survival. So the second child
697
00:29:04.019 --> 00:29:07.349
in a human family is just like trying to establish
698
00:29:08.150 --> 00:29:10.910
who they are, like what their character is. So they
699
00:29:10.930 --> 00:29:13.759
just find something that's not like any other member of
700
00:29:13.799 --> 00:29:16.640
the family so that they're able to stand out and
701
00:29:16.759 --> 00:29:21.200
basically survive and thrive. So they are like chalk and cheese,
702
00:29:21.240 --> 00:29:24.440
my two. But that's kind of why they get on.
703
00:29:24.480 --> 00:29:28.769
They really complement each other. So one gives the other
704
00:29:28.849 --> 00:29:31.349
one something that they don't have. Do you know what
705
00:29:31.809 --> 00:29:34.549
I mean? So my older one's super, super organized and
706
00:29:34.569 --> 00:29:38.769
the little one's totally the opposite. But then being totally
707
00:29:38.789 --> 00:29:40.579
the opposite, the little one has got a more of
708
00:29:40.619 --> 00:29:43.700
a kind of what would you call it like just
709
00:29:43.759 --> 00:29:47.190
a freewheeling positive outlook on life whereas the old one
710
00:29:47.210 --> 00:29:51.230
because she's so organized and so focused on everything being
711
00:29:51.289 --> 00:29:54.049
right will get more upset when things don't go right
712
00:29:54.190 --> 00:29:56.190
do you mean whereas the little one's more relaxed when
713
00:29:56.230 --> 00:29:58.869
things don't go right So they really compliment each other
714
00:29:58.910 --> 00:30:02.069
because they both need both of those attributes. You know
715
00:30:02.089 --> 00:30:04.329
what I mean? And that's how it works. And you'll
716
00:30:04.369 --> 00:30:06.710
find the same, Josh, when you have your second. That's
717
00:30:06.730 --> 00:30:10.099
just how they develop. It's fascinating to watch. And what
718
00:30:10.140 --> 00:30:12.339
I've learned, I guess, is I used to always look
719
00:30:12.359 --> 00:30:13.700
at the kids just like you do. It's like it's
720
00:30:13.740 --> 00:30:16.059
half my missus, half me. Then as they get older,
721
00:30:16.079 --> 00:30:18.559
you realize, no, no, I've got the equation all wrong.
722
00:30:19.019 --> 00:30:22.079
It's a third your missus, a third you. And the
723
00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.880
third is something, it's probably actually 20% your missus, 20% you.
724
00:30:27.420 --> 00:30:31.380
And then 60% is just this new being. And that's
725
00:30:31.420 --> 00:30:33.759
when you really start to build the respect for them.
726
00:30:34.299 --> 00:30:36.380
Because I think when they're really little, you don't really
727
00:30:36.420 --> 00:30:41.930
respect them. You're like, mate, I work your ass. I
728
00:30:41.970 --> 00:30:44.970
put you around in a wheeled throne. I don't respect you.
729
00:30:44.990 --> 00:30:48.190
I just work for you. It doesn't mean I have
730
00:30:48.210 --> 00:30:48.740
to respect you.
731
00:30:50.069 --> 00:30:52.130
Are you a strict parent doc I imagine you've been
732
00:30:52.170 --> 00:30:54.329
quite chilled and sort of like calm with it I
733
00:30:54.349 --> 00:30:55.329
can't imagine you like I.
734
00:30:55.289 --> 00:30:58.329
Think I'm I'm I think I'm both like I'm definitely
735
00:30:58.390 --> 00:31:01.130
chilled I definitely try and get in I engage with
736
00:31:01.170 --> 00:31:03.319
them and I don't want to not get what they're
737
00:31:03.339 --> 00:31:05.720
talking about you know I recognize that there's some things
738
00:31:05.740 --> 00:31:08.880
I just have to let go like TikTok's huge and
739
00:31:08.900 --> 00:31:11.559
I yeah so like my approach TikTok is I just
740
00:31:11.579 --> 00:31:14.559
need to make sure it's safe without like killing their
741
00:31:14.819 --> 00:31:16.019
vibe you know.
742
00:31:16.279 --> 00:31:18.740
But it's hard to keep it safe, that algorithm stuff
743
00:31:18.779 --> 00:31:18.920
of it.
744
00:31:18.940 --> 00:31:19.279
Of course.
745
00:31:19.359 --> 00:31:20.240
Yeah, the algorithm.
746
00:31:20.279 --> 00:31:22.759
It's mad with TikTok. Are you on TikTok? Because it
747
00:31:22.779 --> 00:31:25.279
seems like that'd be a great thing for you.
748
00:31:25.660 --> 00:31:29.380
Yeah, and you know what? Various people in my little
749
00:31:29.599 --> 00:31:32.640
team have said the same thing. But you know when
750
00:31:32.660 --> 00:31:39.200
you've just got the social media sort of... Lethargy. I've
751
00:31:39.220 --> 00:31:41.200
just got to that point where I don't even do
752
00:31:41.269 --> 00:31:45.009
Facebook or Twitter anymore. I just got Instagram and that's it.
753
00:31:45.150 --> 00:31:48.190
It's mainly because I find it draining. I find it
754
00:31:48.210 --> 00:31:50.170
like pressure. You know that feeling where you've got a
755
00:31:50.210 --> 00:31:53.000
gig tonight and you don't really want to do it,
756
00:31:53.049 --> 00:31:55.049
but you have to do it. That's kind of how
757
00:31:55.109 --> 00:31:58.609
I feel about the socials. It's like, I should post
758
00:31:58.710 --> 00:32:03.420
something humorous. show people that I'm busy, you know.
759
00:32:03.440 --> 00:32:05.289
There's a pressure for kids to do that. We do
760
00:32:05.309 --> 00:32:07.490
that because it's our job, but they feel like that
761
00:32:07.509 --> 00:32:08.640
as well. I haven't got any likes for a bit.
762
00:32:08.650 --> 00:32:11.809
I've got to do something. And I just don't, I can't,
763
00:32:11.890 --> 00:32:13.809
I just can't get my head around how much pressure
764
00:32:13.829 --> 00:32:16.569
there is on school kids to have a good output
765
00:32:16.630 --> 00:32:17.289
on content.
766
00:32:17.349 --> 00:32:20.009
I can't imagine how bad.
767
00:32:20.059 --> 00:32:21.299
Can you imagine growing up with it, Josh?
768
00:32:22.299 --> 00:32:26.279
And also the thought of reading my tweets. If you'd said,
769
00:32:26.660 --> 00:32:28.400
here's a list of the tweets you'd have sent between
770
00:32:28.420 --> 00:32:31.470
the age of 13 and 18. I'd rather gouge my
771
00:32:31.490 --> 00:32:34.220
eyes out than read that kind of shit.
772
00:32:34.759 --> 00:32:40.740
I know 30-year-olds now. I've got 30-year-old friends who periodically delete,
773
00:32:41.559 --> 00:32:43.920
like they go back into their accounts and just delete
774
00:32:44.039 --> 00:32:45.509
all the shit they were saying when they were like 25.
775
00:32:45.500 --> 00:32:47.720
Do you know what I mean? Because they find it
776
00:32:48.099 --> 00:32:50.789
so cringy. Well, also time moves on, doesn't it?
777
00:32:50.819 --> 00:32:54.660
Like what can be socially acceptable 10 years ago to now,
778
00:32:55.279 --> 00:32:55.980
it's mad, isn't it?
779
00:32:56.299 --> 00:32:59.269
And out of context can look... And he could lose
780
00:32:59.289 --> 00:32:59.589
your job.
781
00:32:59.630 --> 00:33:02.690
Yeah, you could lose your job. People lose their job
782
00:33:02.789 --> 00:33:04.490
over Twitter. I think that was part of the reason
783
00:33:04.529 --> 00:33:07.210
I just quit a few years back. I remember like
784
00:33:07.569 --> 00:33:09.690
there was one tweet. And I think it's probably the
785
00:33:09.730 --> 00:33:11.500
last thing that really made me laugh on Twitter before
786
00:33:11.539 --> 00:33:15.000
I left where it said like people speculating about how
787
00:33:15.039 --> 00:33:18.289
they were going to defeat Thanos in Endgame. And someone
788
00:33:18.309 --> 00:33:21.130
just tweeted like the Avengers is going to defeat Thanos
789
00:33:21.170 --> 00:33:26.990
by going back to his tweets from 2013. And I thought,
790
00:33:27.009 --> 00:33:30.130
that's it, man. That's the world we're in now. I'm out.
791
00:33:30.150 --> 00:33:31.710
Like I'm out. Yeah.
792
00:33:31.809 --> 00:33:34.009
I'm going to get drunk and say something dumb. And
793
00:33:34.029 --> 00:33:36.549
I was not, I can't do it because we know
794
00:33:36.609 --> 00:33:39.470
how we are in our soul, especially as comedians. We're not,
795
00:33:39.890 --> 00:33:42.380
we're not mean people. We're just trying to find things
796
00:33:42.519 --> 00:33:45.779
that will make people gasp and laugh at this in,
797
00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:48.539
in equal measure, you know? Cause like, the element of
798
00:33:48.579 --> 00:33:52.829
surprise is such a huge part of just great laughs. Yeah.
799
00:33:53.089 --> 00:33:56.769
Do you look at the social media of your daughters? Yeah.
800
00:33:57.130 --> 00:33:59.910
And, and, and I, I stay on top of, I mean,
801
00:33:59.950 --> 00:34:02.579
obviously I follow them, but like I, I stay on
802
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:05.460
top of like just what their status is. So like
803
00:34:05.579 --> 00:34:08.599
we have an agreement, like you're on TikTok, you're on Instagram,
804
00:34:08.619 --> 00:34:11.659
you it's private, right? That's, that's rule number one. You
805
00:34:11.679 --> 00:34:15.150
have a private account. And I have, I've got my
806
00:34:15.210 --> 00:34:17.510
public Instagram account, but I have a private one as well,
807
00:34:17.550 --> 00:34:19.380
which is just for my friends so I can post
808
00:34:19.429 --> 00:34:22.059
boring stuff about my kids. And I don't post my
809
00:34:22.099 --> 00:34:24.940
kids on my public account because I just don't want to...
810
00:34:24.780 --> 00:34:27.000
I just don't... You know how it is. I don't
811
00:34:27.019 --> 00:34:29.929
want to throw them under the... I don't want people saying, oh,
812
00:34:29.940 --> 00:34:33.079
your kid's ugly or your kid's mean to my kid
813
00:34:33.099 --> 00:34:35.360
or whatever it is. I don't want to have those
814
00:34:35.409 --> 00:34:38.030
discussions with people that I don't know. So I've got
815
00:34:38.050 --> 00:34:40.210
a private account. And, uh, and.
816
00:34:40.329 --> 00:34:42.429
That's how I saw it on your private account, right?
817
00:34:42.769 --> 00:34:43.070
Yeah.
818
00:34:43.130 --> 00:34:46.110
So they don't really post, they don't really post. They
819
00:34:46.130 --> 00:34:48.949
just sort of, they're on there to stalk, you know,
820
00:34:48.989 --> 00:34:51.539
they just look, they follow celebrities. That's what kids do.
821
00:34:52.039 --> 00:34:52.260
Yeah.
822
00:34:52.320 --> 00:34:54.849
You know, and I get scared when I see. kids
823
00:34:54.929 --> 00:34:57.889
that are in their year that are in like posting
824
00:34:57.909 --> 00:35:00.730
in their bikinis public accounts they some of them have
825
00:35:00.750 --> 00:35:03.510
got their fucking number you can just click message and
826
00:35:03.550 --> 00:35:06.300
it gives you their phone number bloody hell my god
827
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:08.940
do you mean and i'm like that is insane yeah
828
00:35:09.460 --> 00:35:13.360
that's insane on a public account and you're 14 15
829
00:35:13.360 --> 00:35:15.159
year old girl and in the makeup and in the
830
00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:18.409
bikini you look 18 19 yeah And you've got your
831
00:35:18.429 --> 00:35:21.989
phone number. Those filters are mad. You can look so
832
00:35:22.030 --> 00:35:25.820
much older and it's just awful. So that's the terrifying
833
00:35:25.909 --> 00:35:31.400
side of it. Like I say, it's not that terrifying
834
00:35:31.440 --> 00:35:33.880
when you consider I've got this far and I'm a
835
00:35:33.940 --> 00:35:40.420
relatively irresponsible person. If you just keep talking, you'll find
836
00:35:40.440 --> 00:35:42.800
that it's fine. My kids always feel that they can
837
00:35:42.840 --> 00:35:45.610
come to me. And now like with periods and stuff,
838
00:35:45.670 --> 00:35:48.289
I mean, I'm not great in talking about the details,
839
00:35:48.349 --> 00:35:50.869
but it's amazing how that we are able to talk
840
00:35:50.909 --> 00:35:54.320
about that stuff. And I think it's because I've just
841
00:35:54.820 --> 00:35:57.519
made myself available. That's the key. You can't be their friend.
842
00:35:57.639 --> 00:36:00.679
You can't be their bestie. Forget that. but you can
843
00:36:00.739 --> 00:36:02.199
be emotionally available.
844
00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:04.800
I can't imagine, I haven't got sisters, but I can't
845
00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:07.630
imagine my dad, if I had a sister talking to
846
00:36:07.650 --> 00:36:11.510
her about her period, like back in the 80s or 90s.
847
00:36:12.489 --> 00:36:14.210
It just wouldn't happen, would it? It was just something
848
00:36:14.230 --> 00:36:16.809
that wasn't spoken about. It was sort of like, it
849
00:36:16.849 --> 00:36:18.230
felt like shame to talk about it.
850
00:36:18.530 --> 00:36:20.719
I think my dad would have like shoved a pick
851
00:36:20.780 --> 00:36:23.039
fork into his foot and made it seem like it
852
00:36:23.099 --> 00:36:27.059
was a horrific gardening accident, just so he could... Get
853
00:36:27.099 --> 00:36:28.000
the fuck out of there.
854
00:36:30.300 --> 00:36:32.969
With the 15 year old, have you spoken to her about,
855
00:36:33.010 --> 00:36:35.909
you know, like, um, drinking or relationships or going out
856
00:36:35.929 --> 00:36:38.030
and about? Cause it's getting to, at the moment, obviously
857
00:36:38.050 --> 00:36:40.030
with lockdown, you can't as much, but it's only like,
858
00:36:40.050 --> 00:36:41.670
you know, a year or two away from going out
859
00:36:41.730 --> 00:36:42.610
and socializing.
860
00:36:42.630 --> 00:36:45.360
We've talked about sex. I wouldn't say we've talked about drinking.
861
00:36:45.400 --> 00:36:49.400
And I think that's because, um, me and my missus,
862
00:36:49.460 --> 00:36:53.639
I mean, we drink a lot. I think they look
863
00:36:53.659 --> 00:36:56.929
at it and it's just like, ew. Like, Have you
864
00:36:56.969 --> 00:36:59.349
seen what dad says when he's had like seven of these?
865
00:36:59.730 --> 00:37:06.409
It's so embarrassing. I think they'll kind of like, it's there.
866
00:37:06.550 --> 00:37:09.559
It's not like taboo. I mean, it's not like, you know,
867
00:37:09.659 --> 00:37:12.840
if you're in a family where drinking is strictly off
868
00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:15.420
the limits, you know, and the parents don't only drink
869
00:37:15.460 --> 00:37:18.179
at Christmas or whatever it is, then maybe the kids
870
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:20.199
are going to be way more like, Ooh, drinking.
871
00:37:20.900 --> 00:37:21.219
Yeah.
872
00:37:21.239 --> 00:37:23.550
Then who knows? My parents were drinkers and not like,
873
00:37:24.019 --> 00:37:26.780
The first booze I had was stuff that I'd stolen
874
00:37:26.800 --> 00:37:27.440
from my parents.
875
00:37:28.079 --> 00:37:32.369
I think it being normalised is really useful. So it's
876
00:37:32.429 --> 00:37:36.030
not feeling like your first drink is some illicit thing
877
00:37:36.050 --> 00:37:39.050
that you've had to get an ID and all that.
878
00:37:39.070 --> 00:37:44.369
I remember trying beer and I remember having a hooch
879
00:37:44.429 --> 00:37:44.949
at home.
880
00:37:45.449 --> 00:37:46.360
Hooch, now you're talking.
881
00:37:46.380 --> 00:37:50.119
Now I'm talking your language. And it just means it's normalised.
882
00:37:50.639 --> 00:37:54.090
I mean, some people might look at the way I
883
00:37:54.110 --> 00:37:56.119
have drunk to excess in the last 20 years and say,
884
00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:58.679
maybe I am not the right person to talk about it.
885
00:37:58.679 --> 00:38:05.219
I will put you forward to like lead the discussion,
886
00:38:05.239 --> 00:38:09.219
chip in at the end. How have you spoken about
887
00:38:09.239 --> 00:38:11.219
the sex thing? What, how'd you approach that subject?
888
00:38:11.559 --> 00:38:11.739
Yeah.
889
00:38:11.780 --> 00:38:15.460
You know, I thought it would be impossible and really cringy,
890
00:38:15.539 --> 00:38:18.869
but actually they've really helped, you know? And also like
891
00:38:18.889 --> 00:38:23.230
you find just obviously being online, sex is everywhere. It's, it's,
892
00:38:23.389 --> 00:38:27.360
it's sort of, in or underneath everything that you see online.
893
00:38:28.230 --> 00:38:31.190
So it's sort of come up in conversation. They've made
894
00:38:31.230 --> 00:38:34.610
it easier in a way. They'll be saying like, whatever,
895
00:38:34.869 --> 00:38:38.460
this TikTok or this Instagram celebrity or whatever is going
896
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:40.820
out with this person or she was pregnant, they broke
897
00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:43.619
up because she cheated. Whatever it is, you sort of
898
00:38:44.539 --> 00:38:47.239
get into the conversation that way in a way that
899
00:38:47.300 --> 00:38:51.360
doesn't feel like judgy on you or us or like
900
00:38:51.460 --> 00:38:54.599
we're talking about sex in in the wild in the
901
00:38:54.679 --> 00:38:57.639
wild world basically out there in the world and that's
902
00:38:57.699 --> 00:39:00.099
kind of made it easier and we do talk about
903
00:39:00.119 --> 00:39:02.619
it pretty frankly and it's I'm glad we did it
904
00:39:02.639 --> 00:39:05.239
because I never had that conversation that conversation was never
905
00:39:05.280 --> 00:39:06.039
had in my house.
906
00:39:06.219 --> 00:39:08.909
Oh no I'm panicking even thinking about talking about sex
907
00:39:08.929 --> 00:39:10.929
with my mum already it's making me cringe.
908
00:39:10.710 --> 00:39:12.590
Do you know what I mean it just wasn't something
909
00:39:12.610 --> 00:39:13.309
that was done I.
910
00:39:13.289 --> 00:39:15.510
Can't imagine you having that chat with your daughters though
911
00:39:15.570 --> 00:39:18.869
Rob like that's like you're too matter-of-fact.
912
00:39:18.739 --> 00:39:20.260
It's weird because you want to be cool about it,
913
00:39:20.260 --> 00:39:22.389
but you don't want to be that dad who's like,
914
00:39:22.469 --> 00:39:22.789
hey girls.
915
00:39:22.809 --> 00:39:25.269
You don't want to be that dad. I guess it's
916
00:39:25.289 --> 00:39:28.489
important with daughters. Yeah, it is just bodies. It's important
917
00:39:28.510 --> 00:39:29.110
with daughters.
918
00:39:29.159 --> 00:39:31.480
It's one of the worst openings. It's just bodies, guys.
919
00:39:31.519 --> 00:39:33.500
It's just bodies rubbing in a way, isn't it? Isn't
920
00:39:33.519 --> 00:39:35.969
that right, Lou? Lou, you tell them. Bye!
921
00:39:36.699 --> 00:39:40.090
I suppose the darker side of it is the sort
922
00:39:40.130 --> 00:39:45.860
of sexual harassment, sexual violence side, right? Because... Boys, you know,
923
00:39:46.360 --> 00:39:49.119
it does happen, but it's much, much rarer, right? Boys,
924
00:39:49.179 --> 00:39:51.139
you've got to get them ready to get beaten up
925
00:39:51.199 --> 00:39:53.739
or mugged or something like that. Someone's going to try
926
00:39:53.780 --> 00:39:56.079
you on the street at some point. This is what
927
00:39:56.179 --> 00:40:00.679
you should try and do, you know, just run really fast.
928
00:40:01.079 --> 00:40:05.119
You know, with girls, you've sort of got to explain, okay, look,
929
00:40:05.659 --> 00:40:10.329
like there are guys who are looking at you like food, right?
930
00:40:10.670 --> 00:40:14.489
Those guys exist, right? you know, from, from all the
931
00:40:14.530 --> 00:40:17.110
way up to like sexual predators to just down to like,
932
00:40:17.550 --> 00:40:20.210
just like horny guys on the street, you know? Yeah.
933
00:40:20.670 --> 00:40:22.710
So that's, that's the conversation you're kind, you kind of
934
00:40:22.789 --> 00:40:23.369
have to have.
935
00:40:23.389 --> 00:40:24.190
Yeah, it's just as a warning.
936
00:40:24.210 --> 00:40:26.079
If you've got a teenager, you can't just like throw
937
00:40:26.119 --> 00:40:29.559
them to the walls. Yeah. You've got to say like.
938
00:40:29.619 --> 00:40:33.719
I'll go to the shops. Good luck. It's a shocker
939
00:40:33.760 --> 00:40:35.099
on your own if you make good luck.
940
00:40:35.420 --> 00:40:38.079
And, and, and, and again, again, girls are just brilliant
941
00:40:38.119 --> 00:40:41.670
because their emotional intelligence is so high or so much
942
00:40:41.710 --> 00:40:47.210
higher than boys that they, they sense things around safety.
943
00:40:47.949 --> 00:40:51.650
So they already go to the toilet in pairs. They
944
00:40:51.690 --> 00:40:54.679
text each other. When they go out, they go Westfield
945
00:40:54.699 --> 00:40:57.099
or whatever it is. They text each other, make sure
946
00:40:57.119 --> 00:40:58.860
the other one's got home. They're already doing that shit.
947
00:40:59.739 --> 00:41:05.119
I have never, ever sent that text. To a boy
948
00:41:05.559 --> 00:41:08.539
or a man in my entire life. You ever think
949
00:41:08.659 --> 00:41:13.769
if the police came round and say, Rob, Josh Widdicombe's
950
00:41:13.809 --> 00:41:18.079
been found, like, face down, hamster teeth, trousers around his ankles.
951
00:41:18.119 --> 00:41:21.099
You'd think, he was fine when I left him in
952
00:41:21.860 --> 00:41:24.000
the park. What's he done on the way home?
953
00:41:24.019 --> 00:41:27.340
Normally he just undoes a zip, not the whole down.
954
00:41:27.719 --> 00:41:30.110
This next episode's going to get the best figures yet.
955
00:41:30.190 --> 00:41:32.570
This is going to be an absolute win.
956
00:41:32.590 --> 00:41:34.750
Do you find that your daughters sort of nag you
957
00:41:34.809 --> 00:41:36.329
and tell you off a little bit and sort of
958
00:41:36.429 --> 00:41:37.690
almost act like your pet?
959
00:41:37.889 --> 00:41:39.820
All the time. All the time. All the time. So,
960
00:41:40.349 --> 00:41:44.429
Before it was when, like, with smoking, they had such
961
00:41:44.469 --> 00:41:46.780
a go at me about that, I had to quit.
962
00:41:47.219 --> 00:41:54.119
With stuff like playing my music too loud. Oh, that's mad.
963
00:41:54.219 --> 00:41:57.659
Like, there's loads of things I've done like that. Were
964
00:41:57.679 --> 00:42:00.199
you secretly smoking when they're telling you to quit? Are
965
00:42:00.219 --> 00:42:02.039
you like a teenager having to go to, like.
966
00:42:02.059 --> 00:42:04.780
A gas station down the street? Yeah, I was. Exactly that.
967
00:42:04.880 --> 00:42:08.280
And then, like, you're transported back to being a teenager. You're, like, getting, like,
968
00:42:08.699 --> 00:42:10.679
polos and the polos aren't strong enough so you get
969
00:42:10.699 --> 00:42:14.199
the extra strong mint like get into the house go
970
00:42:14.239 --> 00:42:17.000
straight to the bathroom like splash your face with water
971
00:42:17.019 --> 00:42:20.039
or even better have a shower you know listerine the
972
00:42:20.059 --> 00:42:22.380
whole night and they're still like where have you been.
973
00:42:27.289 --> 00:42:29.110
Do you ever have disagreements with your missus about what
974
00:42:29.130 --> 00:42:31.289
like you know if you're being too harsh of them
975
00:42:31.349 --> 00:42:33.289
or being too relaxed and stuff like that is there
976
00:42:33.309 --> 00:42:34.809
anything that's sort of been a sticking point.
977
00:42:36.300 --> 00:42:39.059
Yeah, I'd say both ways that that happens. That happens
978
00:42:39.119 --> 00:42:41.760
a lot. I think most of the time, if you can,
979
00:42:41.960 --> 00:42:43.820
even if you and your missus are at loggerheads, you've
980
00:42:43.900 --> 00:42:47.940
got to try and present a united front. Yeah, because
981
00:42:48.039 --> 00:42:50.780
if one of you appears to be the soft touch
982
00:42:50.920 --> 00:42:53.110
or one of you appears to be the cool parent.
983
00:42:54.210 --> 00:42:56.769
both parents will lose. You're both going to lose. Do
984
00:42:56.829 --> 00:42:58.730
you know what I mean? Because it's going to create
985
00:42:58.969 --> 00:43:01.909
resentment between you two or it's going to create imbalance
986
00:43:01.929 --> 00:43:04.989
within the family unit. So you've got to sort of
987
00:43:05.030 --> 00:43:07.710
back each other all the time. And then behind closed doors,
988
00:43:07.750 --> 00:43:09.570
you go, I disagree with that.
989
00:43:09.989 --> 00:43:10.489
Yeah.
990
00:43:10.530 --> 00:43:12.659
You can't, you can't do it in front of the kids.
991
00:43:12.929 --> 00:43:13.179
Yeah.
992
00:43:13.219 --> 00:43:16.519
We thought about like what type of schools to go to,
993
00:43:16.639 --> 00:43:19.679
like what they should, should and shouldn't be allowed to do.
994
00:43:19.780 --> 00:43:22.820
Like we argue about social media all the time. And
995
00:43:22.860 --> 00:43:25.780
I'm like, There's certain things where I feel like, okay,
996
00:43:26.420 --> 00:43:28.699
we'll present a united front, but behind closed doors, I'm like,
997
00:43:29.239 --> 00:43:31.340
I actually know a bit more about this than you,
998
00:43:31.460 --> 00:43:33.960
and vice versa, you know, with other stuff. I'll be like,
999
00:43:34.039 --> 00:43:36.400
you know what? I have to, like, bow down. You
1000
00:43:36.440 --> 00:43:38.960
know this shit better than me, so we'll go your
1001
00:43:39.019 --> 00:43:41.570
way on it. But if you have those conversations in
1002
00:43:41.610 --> 00:43:45.190
front of them, they're like, oh, no one's steering this shit.
1003
00:43:45.210 --> 00:43:48.210
Yeah.
1004
00:43:48.710 --> 00:43:52.469
Got a free ride. You know? But it's a scary thought, right?
1005
00:43:52.670 --> 00:43:54.710
Because you remember when you first clocked out about your parents. Oh,
1006
00:43:54.730 --> 00:43:58.050
my God, they're not superheroes. Yeah. They're just like lame
1007
00:43:58.170 --> 00:44:00.159
humans trying their best and failing.
1008
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:03.280
I don't know why they put it, but it's spot on.
1009
00:44:03.280 --> 00:44:06.320
Like all of us. Like all of us. And you
1010
00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:09.550
really feel it profoundly when you have kids. It makes
1011
00:44:09.590 --> 00:44:10.909
you want to pick up the phone and go, Dad,
1012
00:44:11.789 --> 00:44:14.030
I'm sorry. I'm such a dick, man. This is hard.
1013
00:44:14.369 --> 00:44:14.650
Yeah.
1014
00:44:14.750 --> 00:44:16.809
This is hard. I get it now.
1015
00:44:16.829 --> 00:44:17.300
I get it.
1016
00:44:17.349 --> 00:44:20.190
I get why it wasn't working out for you. Like perfectly,
1017
00:44:20.349 --> 00:44:23.090
you know, you go to your therapist and you're like,
1018
00:44:23.329 --> 00:44:25.610
can I take back every one of the last seven years?
1019
00:44:25.789 --> 00:44:28.170
Because I don't think it was all my parents' fault.
1020
00:44:31.590 --> 00:44:34.500
Do you feel like your music's a big thing for you, doc?
1021
00:44:34.579 --> 00:44:37.500
Obviously I like, were you, are they into the same
1022
00:44:37.559 --> 00:44:40.239
music as you? Are you, are you sharing that with them?
1023
00:44:40.519 --> 00:44:44.420
Were you like really like, you must've been really hoping
1024
00:44:44.440 --> 00:44:46.710
that would be a, kind of bonding thing.
1025
00:44:46.530 --> 00:44:49.110
Right definitely and i still do i mean me and
1026
00:44:49.130 --> 00:44:51.889
my wife have pushed a good music on them from
1027
00:44:51.949 --> 00:44:57.030
the start and it's had i would say mild to
1028
00:44:57.429 --> 00:45:01.000
decent success like mild to average yeah because at the
1029
00:45:01.019 --> 00:45:04.280
end of the day you can't stop kids from listening
1030
00:45:04.340 --> 00:45:07.320
to pop music like music that is now is for
1031
00:45:07.360 --> 00:45:10.579
kids do you mean yeah so whatever is now if
1032
00:45:10.619 --> 00:45:14.510
you're like 15 16 that's your music And everyone older
1033
00:45:14.590 --> 00:45:16.670
has to sort of try and work out why it's good.
1034
00:45:16.989 --> 00:45:19.880
But it just speaks to them. So even though it
1035
00:45:19.920 --> 00:45:24.079
might seem unlistenable to us, to them, it's like with
1036
00:45:24.099 --> 00:45:26.099
like a dog whistle, do you know what I mean?
1037
00:45:26.139 --> 00:45:28.400
There's a different kind of creature can hear it and
1038
00:45:28.440 --> 00:45:29.599
we just can't hear it in the same way.
1039
00:45:29.619 --> 00:45:31.179
Do you find yourself trying to get into it?
1040
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:34.260
Yes, and some stuff I do. Some stuff I'm like, whoa, actually,
1041
00:45:34.360 --> 00:45:37.289
the production on this is insane. Like the song that
1042
00:45:37.349 --> 00:45:39.949
they loved a few months back, actually start of lockdown,
1043
00:45:40.010 --> 00:45:45.719
was the Say So tune, Doja Cat. And the Dua
1044
00:45:45.760 --> 00:45:50.420
Lipa tune. If you don't want to see me dancing
1045
00:45:50.440 --> 00:45:53.860
with somebody. And listening to the production on those songs,
1046
00:45:53.909 --> 00:45:56.449
I was like, it's incredible. We play it loud in
1047
00:45:56.469 --> 00:45:59.210
the kitchen. We all have a little dance around. But
1048
00:45:59.309 --> 00:46:03.309
on the whole, I would say we've managed to sort
1049
00:46:03.349 --> 00:46:06.650
of wheedle in some good stuff here and there. They
1050
00:46:06.690 --> 00:46:08.630
both like the Beatles. Do you know what I mean?
1051
00:46:08.650 --> 00:46:11.579
They both like. some of the old indie that I
1052
00:46:11.659 --> 00:46:13.820
used to like. They both like a bit of UK
1053
00:46:13.860 --> 00:46:16.679
Garage from the 90s. You know, we snuck in like
1054
00:46:16.739 --> 00:46:17.409
bits and pieces.
1055
00:46:17.469 --> 00:46:19.409
I bet you love it when someone uses a sample
1056
00:46:19.550 --> 00:46:20.849
of something in like a new song.
1057
00:46:20.869 --> 00:46:24.130
You're like, that's actually an old one. Oh, yeah. That's
1058
00:46:24.170 --> 00:46:27.329
like the dad's dream. Yeah. I bet you're going to struggle, Josh.
1059
00:46:27.369 --> 00:46:28.269
They're not going to like Blur.
1060
00:46:28.489 --> 00:46:29.510
They won't like Blur.
1061
00:46:29.699 --> 00:46:31.760
Oh, my kids like Blur. Oh, do they? Oh, there
1062
00:46:31.820 --> 00:46:33.019
you go.
1063
00:46:33.380 --> 00:46:35.760
I think the Beatles is a big one. Like we got,
1064
00:46:36.699 --> 00:46:40.260
early on, she didn't really realise that. Now we listen
1065
00:46:40.420 --> 00:46:47.050
exclusively to Moana and Gary Barlow's theme tune for Paddington,
1066
00:46:47.070 --> 00:46:53.510
the Nickelodeon, and Robbie Williams' Tiger That Came to Tea song. Astonishingly,
1067
00:46:53.550 --> 00:46:56.909
she's into two solo Take That singles, which is astonishing.
1068
00:46:57.570 --> 00:47:01.090
But I want to just be playing the Beatles and
1069
00:47:01.130 --> 00:47:03.429
stuff so it seeps in. You know when people hear
1070
00:47:03.489 --> 00:47:06.099
about that? But the moment I try and put any
1071
00:47:06.139 --> 00:47:08.519
music on, She tries to put her own on. So
1072
00:47:08.579 --> 00:47:10.119
I'd prefer complete silence.
1073
00:47:10.159 --> 00:47:12.380
That's an ongoing battle. That is an ongoing battle. But
1074
00:47:12.420 --> 00:47:15.860
it will even itself out bit by bit. Some of
1075
00:47:15.909 --> 00:47:18.489
the best songs will become earworms. So like my younger one,
1076
00:47:19.110 --> 00:47:21.590
you know, she's just started secondary school, but she bumps
1077
00:47:21.610 --> 00:47:23.449
the Beach Boys, Queen.
1078
00:47:23.929 --> 00:47:24.650
Oh, wow.
1079
00:47:25.050 --> 00:47:27.909
So eclectic. The Goodfellas soundtrack she loves.
1080
00:47:28.130 --> 00:47:28.650
Blimey.
1081
00:47:28.989 --> 00:47:31.849
And then like AJ Tracy. I'm like, okay.
1082
00:47:32.539 --> 00:47:34.539
And is she telling her friends that she likes this
1083
00:47:34.559 --> 00:47:36.599
stuff or is that kind of her family kind of music?
1084
00:47:36.619 --> 00:47:41.420
Certain friends. She quite likes being the black sheep because
1085
00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:43.820
all her friends listen to pop. There's a couple of
1086
00:47:43.860 --> 00:47:46.039
friends she'll go listen to this, but the rest of
1087
00:47:46.059 --> 00:47:47.739
the time she keeps it to herself and she knows
1088
00:47:47.780 --> 00:47:48.510
that she's a freak.
1089
00:47:48.699 --> 00:47:50.050
Do you know what I mean?
1090
00:47:50.090 --> 00:47:52.929
The older one just listens to pop, Harry Styles, you know,
1091
00:47:52.989 --> 00:47:53.469
all that stuff.
1092
00:47:53.630 --> 00:47:56.190
Do you find like, because I quite like the idea of,
1093
00:47:56.570 --> 00:47:59.150
because obviously I don't know yet what my daughter's going
1094
00:47:59.170 --> 00:48:01.429
to be like, But when we had Lucy Beaumont on
1095
00:48:01.469 --> 00:48:04.250
and she was like quite pleased that I think she
1096
00:48:04.269 --> 00:48:05.929
said her daughter was a bit of a weirdo or
1097
00:48:05.949 --> 00:48:08.130
something like that. I'm quite excited by the idea of
1098
00:48:08.170 --> 00:48:11.389
having a quite an eccentric child or a daughter that
1099
00:48:11.429 --> 00:48:13.329
wants to kind of kick against the mainstream.
1100
00:48:13.969 --> 00:48:16.650
Absolutely. And I think the one thing that both my
1101
00:48:16.670 --> 00:48:19.360
kids share is they've got that. And I think a
1102
00:48:19.389 --> 00:48:22.010
part of that, I have to say, I'm not trying
1103
00:48:22.030 --> 00:48:23.590
to blow my own trumpet, but a part of it,
1104
00:48:24.380 --> 00:48:27.280
it has to be down to the fact that my
1105
00:48:27.340 --> 00:48:30.739
life is not linear do you mean yeah as much
1106
00:48:30.800 --> 00:48:32.719
as i wasn't around in the early days when i
1107
00:48:32.719 --> 00:48:35.139
was doing a lot of stand-up later on it was
1108
00:48:35.179 --> 00:48:37.460
the complete opposite you know i was around all the
1109
00:48:37.519 --> 00:48:40.820
time you know hanging out we get to do amazing
1110
00:48:40.880 --> 00:48:43.360
things you know when i went to host the baftas
1111
00:48:43.429 --> 00:48:45.849
in la i got that they they paid for me
1112
00:48:45.889 --> 00:48:47.469
to take them with me do you mean so they
1113
00:48:47.489 --> 00:48:49.929
were in hollywood yeah and i've taken them around the
1114
00:48:49.969 --> 00:48:53.530
world on tours we go to glastonbury every year thanks
1115
00:48:53.550 --> 00:48:57.519
to comedy yeah i mean So they've grown up at Glastonbury.
1116
00:48:57.599 --> 00:48:59.800
Yeah, if kids are exposed to stuff, then they will
1117
00:48:59.820 --> 00:49:03.400
be of broader interest. I mean, if either of mine
1118
00:49:03.420 --> 00:49:05.460
wanted a Fiat 500, I'd be absolutely devastated.
1119
00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:10.909
With Glastonbury, I'm fascinated by kids going to Glastonbury. Because
1120
00:49:10.929 --> 00:49:13.070
I've got friends that will take their kids to Glastonbury.
1121
00:49:13.090 --> 00:49:17.050
And I think I just feel so frustrated to be
1122
00:49:17.090 --> 00:49:19.550
that close to the party, but not able to be
1123
00:49:19.670 --> 00:49:21.420
in the party. if you know what i mean.
1124
00:49:21.360 --> 00:49:24.880
Okay so you've got to be really smart yeah you've
1125
00:49:24.940 --> 00:49:28.539
got to it's very very difficult to do with little
1126
00:49:28.559 --> 00:49:31.199
kids and i never did it so what we used
1127
00:49:31.219 --> 00:49:33.480
to do is we used to take them to whenever
1128
00:49:33.539 --> 00:49:36.280
i did latitude we take them there best of all
1129
00:49:36.730 --> 00:49:39.329
camp best of all very sort of child friendly yeah
1130
00:49:40.019 --> 00:49:42.059
With Glass, though, we always made a pact. Me and
1131
00:49:42.079 --> 00:49:44.400
my missus was like, no, it's just us two. They
1132
00:49:44.420 --> 00:49:48.000
can go and stay at my sister's. Done. Then as
1133
00:49:48.039 --> 00:49:50.619
they got older, they'd just be like, they'd watch it
1134
00:49:50.679 --> 00:49:53.989
on TV. And they'd go, what? This looks like a
1135
00:49:54.090 --> 00:49:57.130
better version of Best of All and Latitude. And we're like, yeah,
1136
00:49:57.289 --> 00:49:57.519
it is.
1137
00:49:57.829 --> 00:49:59.849
It's the daddy.
1138
00:49:59.889 --> 00:50:03.070
So we just bit the bullet and said, let's do it.
1139
00:50:03.190 --> 00:50:05.829
But there's strategic ways of doing it. So if you
1140
00:50:05.849 --> 00:50:09.030
know other comics or artists or even just friends who
1141
00:50:09.090 --> 00:50:11.809
are going with kids, You can work it out. So
1142
00:50:11.869 --> 00:50:14.789
say you do three, four nights, right? And there's two
1143
00:50:14.849 --> 00:50:18.210
or three other families. Then you go, right, mum's night,
1144
00:50:19.309 --> 00:50:21.780
Thursday night, dad's night, Saturday night. Do you know what
1145
00:50:21.800 --> 00:50:22.510
I mean? Yes.
1146
00:50:23.219 --> 00:50:23.800
That's a great plan.
1147
00:50:23.860 --> 00:50:27.039
And if it's just you and your missus, then what
1148
00:50:27.119 --> 00:50:29.500
we usually do is we say, you have a night
1149
00:50:29.539 --> 00:50:32.300
and I'll have a night. Just go out and be weird,
1150
00:50:32.360 --> 00:50:36.179
get weird, do whatever, and I'll just hold the fort.
1151
00:50:36.239 --> 00:50:39.179
And what's the morning like? 7 a.m waking up in
1152
00:50:39.219 --> 00:50:40.099
a tent.
1153
00:50:39.960 --> 00:50:51.739
With little ones it's horrendous.
1154
00:50:47.199 --> 00:50:48.820
Yeah you want to be the one that's got the
1155
00:50:48.880 --> 00:50:51.199
set who's got the second night for the one that's
1156
00:50:51.239 --> 00:50:52.900
going out you don't want to be burning your first
1157
00:50:52.920 --> 00:50:55.300
night and then you're staring down the barrel of you're
1158
00:50:55.320 --> 00:50:56.519
staying in there yeah.
1159
00:50:56.590 --> 00:50:59.789
Um we've got one final question Ben this is your
1160
00:50:59.829 --> 00:51:03.150
chance to basically have a little moan about your partner
1161
00:51:03.429 --> 00:51:05.409
is there one thing that frustrates you about the way
1162
00:51:05.429 --> 00:51:07.550
they parent that you couldn't actually say to their face
1163
00:51:07.570 --> 00:51:11.130
without it kicking off but is a fair thing that
1164
00:51:11.150 --> 00:51:13.329
you can now drop here and if she hears it
1165
00:51:13.349 --> 00:51:17.170
then maybe she'll take it on board wow.
1166
00:51:16.670 --> 00:51:21.030
I would say it's the coffee the sort of coffee
1167
00:51:21.090 --> 00:51:25.309
morning chats that she has with other mums and then
1168
00:51:25.900 --> 00:51:29.920
comes home with this horror story. You've got to delete
1169
00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:32.469
this app or you should never be able to do this.
1170
00:51:32.610 --> 00:51:36.329
And I'm like, that just feels like it's something that
1171
00:51:36.409 --> 00:51:39.269
someone said that they read in The Guardian or something
1172
00:51:39.309 --> 00:51:42.250
and now everyone's freaking out. Do you know what I mean?
1173
00:51:42.269 --> 00:51:42.489
Yeah.
1174
00:51:42.530 --> 00:51:46.769
My position has always been and always will be, let's
1175
00:51:47.130 --> 00:51:48.030
talk it out first.
1176
00:51:48.449 --> 00:51:48.710
Yes.
1177
00:51:48.730 --> 00:51:50.760
Because you can get freaked out. And I have this
1178
00:51:50.800 --> 00:51:52.139
argument with my sister all the time because she gets
1179
00:51:52.219 --> 00:51:56.090
super freaked out. about certain things. I know this damages kids.
1180
00:51:56.659 --> 00:52:00.710
Maybe it does, but what's going on in that house? Otherwise,
1181
00:52:00.730 --> 00:52:03.789
it's just anecdotal to me. Maybe it did damage that kid,
1182
00:52:03.829 --> 00:52:05.150
but what's going on in that kid's house?
1183
00:52:05.570 --> 00:52:05.949
Yeah, exactly.
1184
00:52:06.699 --> 00:52:08.900
Like, cause in my house we, we, we chat about
1185
00:52:08.940 --> 00:52:11.969
this stuff and you know, I like to give my
1186
00:52:12.010 --> 00:52:15.250
kids enough rope to hang themselves with, so to speak,
1187
00:52:15.269 --> 00:52:18.769
you know, like let them, let them make their own mistakes,
1188
00:52:18.869 --> 00:52:22.460
but also give them the tools to understand like this
1189
00:52:22.579 --> 00:52:25.679
might be problematic. I'm not just going to blanket ban shit.
1190
00:52:25.739 --> 00:52:26.219
Do you know what I mean?
1191
00:52:26.730 --> 00:52:29.389
My mum had a panic when Grand Theft Auto came
1192
00:52:29.489 --> 00:52:31.300
out and they got one kid at school that was
1193
00:52:31.360 --> 00:52:33.539
playing it for ages and got unwell or had a
1194
00:52:33.579 --> 00:52:35.500
seizure or something like that. He can't play that game
1195
00:52:35.519 --> 00:52:37.079
in case you have a seizure. I was like, he's
1196
00:52:37.099 --> 00:52:40.840
been playing it for like 20 hours. It's all different.
1197
00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:44.139
Listen, I think the main thing is just recognise your
1198
00:52:44.179 --> 00:52:46.500
kid is not you and your kid is not going
1199
00:52:46.539 --> 00:52:50.179
to be in your image. They're going to have elements
1200
00:52:50.280 --> 00:52:52.849
of you. But they're just going to work it out themselves,
1201
00:52:52.929 --> 00:52:54.909
no matter what you do. And if you really try
1202
00:52:54.949 --> 00:52:57.269
and force the issue, they're going to go the other way.
1203
00:52:58.010 --> 00:53:01.159
So the best thing to do is just talk it out.
1204
00:53:01.889 --> 00:53:05.159
And when they do make a horrific mistake, you can
1205
00:53:05.199 --> 00:53:10.699
just absolutely love the I told you so. That's what
1206
00:53:10.739 --> 00:53:11.090
I live for.
1207
00:53:11.099 --> 00:53:14.250
Thanks, Ben. That's been amazing. Cheers, mate.
1208
00:53:14.429 --> 00:53:14.909
Cheers, lads.
1209
00:53:16.909 --> 00:53:21.239
Ben Bailey Smith, stroke Doc Brown, depending on, I kept
1210
00:53:21.280 --> 00:53:23.199
calling him Doc and thinking I should call him Ben.
1211
00:53:23.239 --> 00:53:25.280
Yeah, but then I was calling him Ben and I thought, oh,
1212
00:53:25.300 --> 00:53:26.929
should I call him Doc a couple of times as well?
1213
00:53:26.949 --> 00:53:27.829
Oh, mate.
1214
00:53:27.909 --> 00:53:28.650
It's a nightmare, isn't it?
1215
00:53:29.090 --> 00:53:32.190
Yeah, but there we go. Wonderful man. Really nice to
1216
00:53:32.230 --> 00:53:32.710
speak to him.
1217
00:53:33.070 --> 00:53:33.570
Yeah.
1218
00:53:33.630 --> 00:53:35.880
I'm absolutely dreading the teenage years.
1219
00:53:37.010 --> 00:53:39.909
Mate, that, that, all I'm, I'm just looking asleep tonight.
1220
00:53:40.300 --> 00:53:41.719
I was just horrified about that.
1221
00:53:42.059 --> 00:53:44.519
Imagine if your daughter, but also, who are these lunatics
1222
00:53:44.880 --> 00:53:47.159
whose daughter's on TikTok and their phone.
1223
00:53:46.960 --> 00:53:47.519
Number's on it?
1224
00:53:47.940 --> 00:53:49.360
I'd go mental.
1225
00:53:49.719 --> 00:53:49.940
Yeah.
1226
00:53:50.199 --> 00:53:52.639
I'd buy every phone in South East London and Friday
1227
00:53:52.659 --> 00:53:54.170
the River just so she couldn't get another one.
1228
00:53:54.179 --> 00:53:55.110
I'd go to every shop.
1229
00:53:55.429 --> 00:53:57.250
You can't stop them going on social media because do
1230
00:53:57.269 --> 00:53:58.909
you remember the kid at school that didn't have a
1231
00:53:58.949 --> 00:54:02.230
TV and what a kind of social pariah they were?
1232
00:54:02.510 --> 00:54:04.469
You can't be those parents that have got the kid
1233
00:54:04.510 --> 00:54:05.150
that's got no.
1234
00:54:05.590 --> 00:54:06.969
Yeah, no, I think they can have a phone. If
1235
00:54:06.989 --> 00:54:08.489
they have social media, it's a private account.
1236
00:54:08.809 --> 00:54:09.829
They can have a phone, but it's got to be
1237
00:54:09.849 --> 00:54:11.590
a Nokia 3310. Yeah, Snake.
1238
00:54:11.650 --> 00:54:12.610
Just getting really good at Snake.
1239
00:54:13.849 --> 00:54:17.510
Impressive moves with Snake. You could save 10 text messages.
1240
00:54:17.719 --> 00:54:20.460
I can't wait to watch that CBeebies bedtime story thing now,
1241
00:54:20.500 --> 00:54:21.559
you know, when he was half cut.
1242
00:54:21.880 --> 00:54:24.239
Do you know what, mate? Romesh did it, of course.
1243
00:54:24.679 --> 00:54:25.900
I don't know how he fitted it in, but he
1244
00:54:25.920 --> 00:54:29.739
did manage it. I've got the same agent as Romesh,
1245
00:54:29.760 --> 00:54:31.280
and I said to her, when I saw him, I
1246
00:54:31.320 --> 00:54:33.420
texted her, I was like, Get me on that bloody
1247
00:54:33.460 --> 00:54:36.300
CBeebies thing, presuming the call would come the next week
1248
00:54:36.340 --> 00:54:39.280
that I've been drafted in. Not a fucking sniff. Not
1249
00:54:39.320 --> 00:54:40.250
heard a word about it.
1250
00:54:41.429 --> 00:54:43.670
I want to go down the list and see who's
1251
00:54:43.710 --> 00:54:44.010
done it.
1252
00:54:44.469 --> 00:54:45.030
It's really good.
1253
00:54:45.050 --> 00:54:46.570
Who's got picked above Josh Willingham.
1254
00:54:46.610 --> 00:54:50.179
Mate, the list is, I'd say it's probably got the
1255
00:54:50.239 --> 00:54:53.659
strongest booking list outside of the Graham Norton show.
1256
00:54:55.179 --> 00:54:56.010
Or Desert Island Discs.
1257
00:54:56.219 --> 00:54:57.389
Yeah, or Desert Island Discs.
1258
00:54:57.429 --> 00:54:59.170
Desert Island Discs is an absolute lottery.
1259
00:54:59.190 --> 00:55:00.869
It'll be like Ant & Dec, and then it'll be like, oh,
1260
00:55:01.809 --> 00:55:05.159
Philippa Singleton, who once wrote an amazing play in 1943.
1261
00:55:05.150 --> 00:55:07.909
Like, fuck off, Philippa. Who are you?
1262
00:55:08.289 --> 00:55:10.309
Rob, you are aware it's on Radio 4, mate. That's
1263
00:55:10.329 --> 00:55:12.489
getting eight times the listeners as the Ant & Dec one.
1264
00:55:13.030 --> 00:55:14.670
It's only because they're too fucking old to change the
1265
00:55:14.690 --> 00:55:15.849
channel on their old radios.
1266
00:55:16.130 --> 00:55:20.250
I was listening to Desert Island Discs. Like, like, like,
1267
00:55:20.610 --> 00:55:22.050
what do I mean by like, like on the radio.
1268
00:55:22.679 --> 00:55:25.239
And so that, so it went into like next week,
1269
00:55:26.059 --> 00:55:29.619
this is how out of touch the continuity announced was.
1270
00:55:29.659 --> 00:55:33.469
He went next week. We're joined by the comedian, Michael McIntyre.
1271
00:55:37.090 --> 00:55:39.269
Oh my Lord.
1272
00:55:39.630 --> 00:55:42.750
Uh, anyway, thank you to Ben. Uh, all do search
1273
00:55:42.829 --> 00:55:46.829
out his hungover, um, children's story on CBBs and do
1274
00:55:46.869 --> 00:55:49.969
search out his, um, his kids books. Um, thank you
1275
00:55:49.989 --> 00:55:52.469
to everyone for listening. We'll be back on Friday. with
1276
00:55:52.610 --> 00:55:56.800
various tales from your emails. I didn't mean that to rhyme.
1277
00:55:56.900 --> 00:55:57.619
It sounded great.
1278
00:55:57.699 --> 00:55:58.860
It was great, wasn't it?
1279
00:55:58.920 --> 00:56:02.469
Chatting to a rapper, it's really rubbing off on you.
1280
00:56:02.889 --> 00:56:05.289
Anyway, see you next time. See you on Friday.
1281
00:56:05.309 --> 00:56:06.030
Bye.
1
00:00:02.899 --> 00:00:04.120
Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe.
2
00:00:04.179 --> 00:00:04.980
And I'm Rob Beckett.
3
00:00:05.219 --> 00:00:08.929
Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob
4
00:00:08.990 --> 00:00:10.769
and I discuss what it's like to be a parent
5
00:00:10.789 --> 00:00:14.050
during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky.
6
00:00:18.570 --> 00:00:20.789
Yeah!
7
00:00:20.989 --> 00:00:21.449
Yeah!
8
00:00:23.429 --> 00:00:25.300
So, in an effort to make some kind of sense
9
00:00:25.379 --> 00:00:26.760
of the current situation... And to.
10
00:00:26.699 --> 00:00:30.140
Make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills.
11
00:00:30.359 --> 00:00:33.020
Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about
12
00:00:33.060 --> 00:00:34.140
how well they're coping.
13
00:00:34.340 --> 00:00:35.299
Or hopefully not.
14
00:00:35.939 --> 00:00:37.820
And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with
15
00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:40.060
your tales of lockdown parenting woe.
16
00:00:40.259 --> 00:00:43.280
Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing.
17
00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:50.140
Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with.
18
00:00:50.399 --> 00:00:52.539
Rob Beckett. I'm there, Kate.
19
00:00:53.020 --> 00:00:58.560
And Josh Whittakin. There you go. That is George, who
20
00:00:58.600 --> 00:01:01.100
turned five in lockdown, and Arthur, who is two and
21
00:01:01.119 --> 00:01:01.460
a half.
22
00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:04.400
Oh, very nice. I think they did it better than
23
00:01:04.739 --> 00:01:05.200
their mum.
24
00:01:05.579 --> 00:01:08.400
Yeah, she didn't deliver it with as much passion as
25
00:01:08.439 --> 00:01:08.980
I was hoping.
26
00:01:09.379 --> 00:01:11.939
No, but I didn't know whether that was... Sometimes when
27
00:01:11.959 --> 00:01:13.680
I talk to my kids, I talk to them like
28
00:01:13.719 --> 00:01:14.159
they talk.
29
00:01:14.200 --> 00:01:15.379
Do you ever do that? Yeah.
30
00:01:15.420 --> 00:01:16.859
And then you feel like, why am I saying that?
31
00:01:16.879 --> 00:01:17.700
That's how I speak.
32
00:01:17.719 --> 00:01:19.930
I think I speak too loudly to my daughter. Like,
33
00:01:19.989 --> 00:01:22.590
I up my loudness. Why am I doing that? Do
34
00:01:22.629 --> 00:01:24.799
you do that? I suppose I'm kind of talking to
35
00:01:24.810 --> 00:01:27.560
a foreign person if I'm buying a coffee abroad. You know,
36
00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:30.000
that kind of terrible Brit abroad.
37
00:01:30.120 --> 00:01:32.019
Well, Lou always tells me I'm too loud.
38
00:01:32.439 --> 00:01:32.799
Yeah.
39
00:01:33.180 --> 00:01:35.599
But I think she's too quiet. She's like middle class
40
00:01:35.739 --> 00:01:36.500
whispered quiet.
41
00:01:36.519 --> 00:01:36.700
Yeah.
42
00:01:37.239 --> 00:01:39.829
Oh, no, I don't want to put anyone out. You just, yeah,
43
00:01:40.049 --> 00:01:41.510
she's like, my foot's on fire.
44
00:01:41.709 --> 00:01:42.129
Could someone.
45
00:01:43.500 --> 00:01:44.019
How are you, Rob?
46
00:01:44.420 --> 00:01:44.620
Good?
47
00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:48.159
Yeah, I'm good. You know, not too bad. The kids
48
00:01:48.299 --> 00:01:52.069
are behaving. I'm quite excited about autumn.
49
00:01:52.090 --> 00:01:55.549
I like autumn. I'm going to say it's the best season.
50
00:01:57.250 --> 00:01:57.790
Or spring.
51
00:01:57.890 --> 00:01:58.530
I think spring.
52
00:01:58.629 --> 00:02:01.329
Yeah, the two transitional ones. I enjoy them the best.
53
00:02:01.670 --> 00:02:05.549
Summer's too hot. Winter's too cold. The anticipation of autumn,
54
00:02:05.870 --> 00:02:07.530
like knowing Christmas is coming.
55
00:02:07.709 --> 00:02:09.150
Getting a coat out the loft.
56
00:02:09.189 --> 00:02:12.069
Getting a coat out the bloody loft. The leaves, the
57
00:02:12.110 --> 00:02:14.099
first hot chocolate, the first mulled wine.
58
00:02:15.099 --> 00:02:17.189
This is how it started. I had a Bartridge promo.
59
00:02:17.310 --> 00:02:20.590
Premier League season has started. I absolutely love it.
60
00:02:20.610 --> 00:02:20.969
I know.
61
00:02:21.310 --> 00:02:23.430
I know this ain't the podcast for it. Fucking hell,
62
00:02:23.469 --> 00:02:25.250
I love sport. I love it.
63
00:02:25.770 --> 00:02:26.050
Love it.
64
00:02:26.129 --> 00:02:28.740
There's football on all day, every day. I don't want
65
00:02:28.939 --> 00:02:30.719
people to go back into the stadiums. I want to
66
00:02:30.740 --> 00:02:33.300
watch five games a day and just sit there and
67
00:02:33.319 --> 00:02:35.159
just get fat and be a big mess on the
68
00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:36.180
sofa like in Wally.
69
00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:36.979
That's all I want.
70
00:02:37.159 --> 00:02:38.900
I'm not going to lie. I've hardly seen any of it.
71
00:02:38.930 --> 00:02:42.099
Why aren't you watching it? Where are your children, Rob?
72
00:02:42.340 --> 00:02:44.550
They get so tired in the week from school. I
73
00:02:44.569 --> 00:02:45.110
just let them just.
74
00:02:45.210 --> 00:02:46.490
We just stay indoors at the weekend.
75
00:02:46.909 --> 00:02:47.210
Oh, right.
76
00:02:47.250 --> 00:02:49.789
Yeah, well, I was at a kind of farm. And
77
00:02:49.830 --> 00:02:53.550
then on Sunday, I listened to the Man City game
78
00:02:53.849 --> 00:02:54.750
while I cooked dinner.
79
00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:55.599
Really?
80
00:02:55.879 --> 00:02:58.060
Well, the way I get all my boxing and combat
81
00:02:58.080 --> 00:03:00.860
sports in is I offer Sunday morning to get up
82
00:03:00.900 --> 00:03:01.340
with the kids.
83
00:03:01.379 --> 00:03:02.039
And I'll get up at like 6am.
84
00:03:02.949 --> 00:03:04.750
And then say to Lou, I think I've said this before,
85
00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:06.110
you stay in bed, but then I can get all
86
00:03:06.129 --> 00:03:08.129
the boxing done early and just let them play in
87
00:03:08.180 --> 00:03:08.620
the other room.
88
00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:13.319
That's the advantage of two. My daughter, I'd say she's
89
00:03:13.360 --> 00:03:15.199
not the best independent play.
90
00:03:15.539 --> 00:03:17.159
No, they're not. They get bored. That's why it's quite
91
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:18.060
handy having the other one.
92
00:03:18.379 --> 00:03:21.120
I did a test the other morning to see how
93
00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:25.050
long she could just do stuff without calling for me
94
00:03:25.210 --> 00:03:26.650
when we were in the kitchen. I was just drinking
95
00:03:26.729 --> 00:03:30.169
a cup of tea. 15 seconds. That's how long I lasted.
96
00:03:30.469 --> 00:03:34.080
I was trying to read an interview. Trying to read
97
00:03:34.120 --> 00:03:37.060
an interview with Gary Lineker in the, in the paper.
98
00:03:37.639 --> 00:03:39.919
And over two hours, I failed to read the interview
99
00:03:39.960 --> 00:03:40.419
with Gary Lineker.
100
00:03:42.629 --> 00:03:45.849
I just, I can't believe, I think, because I text
101
00:03:45.889 --> 00:03:47.219
this to you so we can talk about it.
102
00:03:47.490 --> 00:03:50.129
I can't believe what people without kids do at weekends.
103
00:03:50.810 --> 00:03:51.490
Oh, mate.
104
00:03:51.530 --> 00:03:54.439
Did you see, it was Joel Domet's post. Him and
105
00:03:54.479 --> 00:03:57.020
his wife, Hannah, lovely couple. We love, Joel's a friend
106
00:03:57.080 --> 00:03:57.280
of ours.
107
00:03:57.300 --> 00:03:58.020
Lovely people, yeah.
108
00:03:58.080 --> 00:04:02.639
He went on a, Not a coffee-making class, right?
109
00:04:02.759 --> 00:04:04.360
Yeah.
110
00:04:04.580 --> 00:04:06.900
They went on a Saturday morning to this place where
111
00:04:06.919 --> 00:04:09.379
they teach you how to do patterns on top of
112
00:04:09.419 --> 00:04:11.819
the coffee. So it's not coffee-making, it's just how to
113
00:04:11.879 --> 00:04:12.259
move the.
114
00:04:12.300 --> 00:04:15.520
Is that all that was? Drawing a fucking... you know,
115
00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:18.110
muscly arm or whatever it is Joel wants to draw
116
00:04:18.129 --> 00:04:19.069
on top of a coffee.
117
00:04:19.269 --> 00:04:20.149
Yeah, exactly.
118
00:04:20.189 --> 00:04:24.470
So it was just showing them how to draw a, like, whether,
119
00:04:24.629 --> 00:04:25.930
if you want a picture or a smiley face or
120
00:04:25.949 --> 00:04:27.170
whatever on the top of a coffee.
121
00:04:27.310 --> 00:04:29.870
But this is what, this is the time people have
122
00:04:29.930 --> 00:04:32.920
on their hands, Rob. Yeah. I just don't have a
123
00:04:33.019 --> 00:04:38.399
moment when I'm not, I worked every evening and day
124
00:04:38.579 --> 00:04:39.180
last week.
125
00:04:39.500 --> 00:04:39.699
Yeah.
126
00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:46.110
And by Friday, I was a fucking mess. Yeah. So
127
00:04:46.149 --> 00:04:48.069
I'm in a text group with my dad and my
128
00:04:48.110 --> 00:04:50.990
brother where we'll talk about Plymouth Argyle and other football,
129
00:04:51.069 --> 00:04:53.329
it turns out. Although it's really only for Plymouth Argyle,
130
00:04:53.350 --> 00:04:55.110
but my dad really does watch too much Premier League
131
00:04:55.129 --> 00:04:58.410
football for the group. Just like my dad was watching,
132
00:04:58.709 --> 00:05:02.670
what even was the game? Like Spurs v Newcastle. Do
133
00:05:02.689 --> 00:05:05.480
you know how unlikely it is? I have to look
134
00:05:05.509 --> 00:05:07.779
at the fixture list and think in two weeks there's
135
00:05:07.800 --> 00:05:09.839
a fixture I want to watch. And I have to
136
00:05:09.879 --> 00:05:12.360
do two weeks of social manoeuvres to get myself in
137
00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:12.980
the position.
138
00:05:16.050 --> 00:05:17.310
I've just found out what it was. It was a
139
00:05:17.589 --> 00:05:18.709
latte art course.
140
00:05:19.149 --> 00:05:20.350
I mean, come on, mate.
141
00:05:20.389 --> 00:05:22.540
I don't think I've looked and appreciated what is on
142
00:05:22.560 --> 00:05:23.399
the top of a coffee.
143
00:05:24.439 --> 00:05:24.990
No, of course not.
144
00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:26.879
From it being ready and me drinking it, there's not
145
00:05:26.899 --> 00:05:29.079
enough time for me to look at the top of it.
146
00:05:29.100 --> 00:05:31.680
But also, do you know why Joel is drinking his coffee?
147
00:05:31.980 --> 00:05:34.759
He's drinking his coffee for pleasure and he doesn't need
148
00:05:34.790 --> 00:05:38.050
it because he's had... 11 hours sleep. You're making a
149
00:05:38.089 --> 00:05:40.470
coffee and you're having to mainline it because you've got
150
00:05:40.509 --> 00:05:44.129
up at 6am to watch boxing while your two children
151
00:05:44.350 --> 00:05:45.170
sit in the other room.
152
00:05:45.189 --> 00:05:48.170
Trying to convince myself that I'm the lucky one. Yeah, yeah.
153
00:05:48.209 --> 00:05:50.490
Trying to tell yourself that no one's ever felt a
154
00:05:50.500 --> 00:05:50.939
love like you.
155
00:05:51.000 --> 00:05:53.540
How shit is my life? Actually, Josh, thanks for bringing
156
00:05:53.560 --> 00:05:53.800
that up.
157
00:05:54.040 --> 00:05:56.879
How awful is my life that I think I've won
158
00:05:56.939 --> 00:05:59.339
this weekend by getting up at half five, six to
159
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.699
have a coffee and watch boxing in the dark?
160
00:06:01.879 --> 00:06:03.339
Do you know what I do as well, Rob? I
161
00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:07.639
got up at 5.50 on Friday. Because she's potty training
162
00:06:07.660 --> 00:06:09.540
at the moment. Well, she's kind of potty trained, but
163
00:06:09.560 --> 00:06:13.300
she's going through it, right? And that really messes up
164
00:06:13.339 --> 00:06:16.199
the sleep. So her sleep's gone to shit. And they've
165
00:06:16.220 --> 00:06:18.399
told us at nursery that that will mess up the
166
00:06:18.420 --> 00:06:19.370
sleep for a couple of weeks.
167
00:06:19.850 --> 00:06:22.490
Why is it messing up the sleep, the potty training?
168
00:06:22.709 --> 00:06:26.610
I think it's because they are concentrating on not doing
169
00:06:26.629 --> 00:06:27.889
a wee at night and stuff like that.
170
00:06:27.930 --> 00:06:29.670
But you've got nappy on in the evening, have they not?
171
00:06:29.829 --> 00:06:32.730
Yeah, I know. But apparently it's a very regular thing.
172
00:06:32.870 --> 00:06:35.759
They're not as relaxed, blah, blah, blah. So I was
173
00:06:35.819 --> 00:06:38.620
up at 5.50 and I was sat there watching the
174
00:06:38.759 --> 00:06:44.500
fucking clangers, trying to get my phone at an angle
175
00:06:44.579 --> 00:06:46.420
where my body was masking it enough where I could
176
00:06:46.459 --> 00:06:50.339
look at it without feeling guilt. And I was just
177
00:06:50.379 --> 00:06:53.079
trying to convince myself that actually it's great that she's
178
00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:54.459
got up this early because we get a lot of
179
00:06:54.519 --> 00:06:56.680
one-on-one time that we wouldn't get otherwise. And I'm thinking,
180
00:06:56.720 --> 00:06:57.600
what am I doing?
181
00:06:57.879 --> 00:07:00.019
Well, yeah, it's not one-on-one time. It's a three-way with
182
00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:00.519
the clangers.
183
00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:03.250
It's a three-way with the clangers, which is a very
184
00:07:03.310 --> 00:07:07.269
specialist website if you've ever been on it. So we
185
00:07:07.290 --> 00:07:08.709
went to a farm this weekend, Rob.
186
00:07:08.769 --> 00:07:08.949
Yep.
187
00:07:09.290 --> 00:07:10.550
So first thing, walk in.
188
00:07:10.689 --> 00:07:11.889
Very nice. Very nice.
189
00:07:11.949 --> 00:07:16.829
Walk in. First sign, you think, oh, look what's in this. First,
190
00:07:16.870 --> 00:07:19.300
I'll just read it to you. Sad news. It starts,
191
00:07:19.500 --> 00:07:20.040
sad news.
192
00:07:20.120 --> 00:07:20.569
Oh, no.
193
00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:25.040
It's with great sadness that we've had Einstein put to sleep.
194
00:07:26.519 --> 00:07:28.879
He was an old otter that developed a few health problems.
195
00:07:28.939 --> 00:07:31.779
Then there's a photo of Einstein. Otters are territorial, so
196
00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:34.959
introducing another otter to keep Darwin company is not an
197
00:07:35.019 --> 00:07:37.620
easy thing. It would have to be female and then
198
00:07:37.639 --> 00:07:40.480
they may not get on. Darwin is currently happy and
199
00:07:40.500 --> 00:07:43.160
showing no signs of depression. We will monitor his behaviour
200
00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:43.879
over the coming weeks.
201
00:07:43.930 --> 00:07:46.889
How do you know if a otter's depressed? It keeps
202
00:07:46.949 --> 00:07:47.750
ordering dominoes.
203
00:07:50.769 --> 00:07:53.350
He's listening to Bon Iver for the tenth time that day.
204
00:07:53.430 --> 00:07:56.930
He's just got Radiohead on loop in his little cave
205
00:07:56.949 --> 00:07:57.829
whenever they sleep in.
206
00:07:57.949 --> 00:08:01.189
That was the opening thing I saw.
207
00:08:01.730 --> 00:08:05.689
Also as well, who is going to this farm that regularly?
208
00:08:06.329 --> 00:08:07.550
To be like, where's the other otter?
209
00:08:08.149 --> 00:08:08.769
Well, exactly.
210
00:08:08.850 --> 00:08:11.389
I mean, surely just move over it. And then if
211
00:08:11.449 --> 00:08:14.110
anyone asks, because really, if you're that bothered, you'll ask.
212
00:08:14.550 --> 00:08:14.829
Yeah.
213
00:08:15.170 --> 00:08:18.189
You don't need to get new people to know. I
214
00:08:18.250 --> 00:08:20.920
wouldn't at my house have a sign on the front.
215
00:08:21.160 --> 00:08:23.319
As anyone comes in with sad news, the man that
216
00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:26.459
used to live here died. You've got to move on
217
00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:27.339
at some point, haven't you?
218
00:08:27.560 --> 00:08:29.660
Yeah, you can't do that. It's too bleak a news
219
00:08:29.699 --> 00:08:31.959
to start off with. Just wait for someone to ask.
220
00:08:32.080 --> 00:08:35.279
Just put in two different otters that are friends. They
221
00:08:35.299 --> 00:08:38.120
look like the original otters, and you're fine. Anyway, it
222
00:08:38.159 --> 00:08:39.659
was a bleak start to the farm.
223
00:08:39.879 --> 00:08:40.759
Have you ever fed a cow?
224
00:08:40.970 --> 00:08:43.500
I've never fed a cow, Rob. I'm presuming you have,
225
00:08:43.570 --> 00:08:45.990
otherwise this is a real conversational cold respect.
226
00:08:46.070 --> 00:08:47.710
Their tongues are mental.
227
00:08:47.750 --> 00:08:49.769
Oh, yeah, they do have a big old tongue, don't they?
228
00:08:50.250 --> 00:08:50.909
You can look.
229
00:08:51.090 --> 00:08:54.909
Oh, mate, the kids love a cow's tongue. It's so funny.
230
00:08:55.429 --> 00:08:57.610
You can put the food on a fence post, they
231
00:08:57.649 --> 00:08:59.889
just lick it off. They put their tongue out really fine,
232
00:08:59.909 --> 00:09:01.370
you can throw a bit of carrot in their mouth.
233
00:09:01.690 --> 00:09:04.509
It's a great laugh. LAUGHTER You can put a bit
234
00:09:04.529 --> 00:09:05.250
of carrot in their mouth.
235
00:09:05.470 --> 00:09:08.470
Yeah, so this one, we go to this farm in Bromley,
236
00:09:08.850 --> 00:09:12.210
where Down is, Down in Kent, called Christmas Tree Farm.
237
00:09:12.230 --> 00:09:13.830
You can just launch a bit of carrot in its mouth.
238
00:09:13.870 --> 00:09:14.289
It loves it.
239
00:09:14.570 --> 00:09:15.669
I'll tell you what I'll do is I'll send you
240
00:09:15.710 --> 00:09:17.289
a picture of a cow's tongue and then we'll stick
241
00:09:17.389 --> 00:09:18.070
it on Instagram.
242
00:09:19.110 --> 00:09:19.830
Kids love it, mate.
243
00:09:20.070 --> 00:09:21.649
But was it all right apart from that, then, no
244
00:09:21.669 --> 00:09:22.090
cow tongue?
245
00:09:22.169 --> 00:09:24.669
It was fine. Yeah, you know, it's a farm at
246
00:09:24.700 --> 00:09:25.200
the end of the day.
247
00:09:26.269 --> 00:09:29.070
Did you enjoy it? Are you all right, John? You've
248
00:09:29.110 --> 00:09:30.009
been working too much.
249
00:09:30.269 --> 00:09:32.350
No, no, at the end of the day, a farm's
250
00:09:32.370 --> 00:09:33.889
just a farm, isn't it?
251
00:09:35.129 --> 00:09:37.149
It's not a zoo. I know it's not a zoo.
252
00:09:37.190 --> 00:09:40.070
I'm just saying, though, you said you worked every day
253
00:09:40.090 --> 00:09:40.889
and night last week.
254
00:09:40.909 --> 00:09:42.970
You seem a little bit stressed.
255
00:09:43.289 --> 00:09:44.090
So tired.
256
00:09:44.470 --> 00:09:46.269
So what's your sleeping pattern like at the moment, then,
257
00:09:46.289 --> 00:09:47.389
if you're working day and night?
258
00:09:47.820 --> 00:09:50.539
Well, when I work in the evenings, I am... Oh,
259
00:09:50.820 --> 00:09:52.100
that's a big tongue you've just sent.
260
00:09:51.980 --> 00:09:52.240
Me, Rob.
261
00:09:52.259 --> 00:09:53.700
It's a big.
262
00:09:53.519 --> 00:09:54.009
Tongue, isn't it?
263
00:09:54.529 --> 00:09:56.190
That's a big old tongue, isn't it?
264
00:09:56.230 --> 00:09:57.750
Their mouths are mental, cows.
265
00:09:58.220 --> 00:09:58.600
Yeah.
266
00:09:58.899 --> 00:09:59.659
It's great fun.
267
00:10:00.019 --> 00:10:01.639
Did you just Google the words cow's tongue?
268
00:10:01.940 --> 00:10:03.139
I've got a couple of bookmarks.
269
00:10:05.720 --> 00:10:08.379
I love to deliver into the news of how much
270
00:10:08.440 --> 00:10:09.360
fun a cow's tongue is.
271
00:10:09.779 --> 00:10:12.139
I've sent you another one. It always looks like an alien.
272
00:10:12.659 --> 00:10:15.090
Oh, wow. I don't like that one. That's creepy.
273
00:10:17.240 --> 00:10:19.539
I'll put them both on the Instagram group so you
274
00:10:19.559 --> 00:10:20.039
can have a look.
275
00:10:20.179 --> 00:10:21.419
If you haven't listened to the episode, it's going to
276
00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:24.899
be a strange turn of events on the Instagram. Yeah,
277
00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:25.940
so that's it.
278
00:10:26.299 --> 00:10:28.059
So you're just burnt out, are you, Josh?
279
00:10:28.080 --> 00:10:30.279
Just completely burnt out. Oh, Josh.
280
00:10:30.360 --> 00:10:31.370
It's going to be all right, mate.
281
00:10:31.750 --> 00:10:34.330
Yeah, it'll be fine. We will do your emails on Friday.
282
00:10:34.710 --> 00:10:36.509
If you've got any, this is how to get in touch.
283
00:10:38.070 --> 00:10:43.909
Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdownparents
284
00:10:44.330 --> 00:10:48.809
or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting. And you can also send
285
00:10:48.870 --> 00:10:54.649
us stuff P.O. Box 76748 London E99DW.
286
00:10:55.340 --> 00:10:57.919
All right, Josh, who have we got this week?
287
00:10:58.879 --> 00:11:01.759
Well, that is a difficult question. It's either Ben Bailey-Smith
288
00:11:01.820 --> 00:11:04.759
or Doc Brown. We should explain that his kind of
289
00:11:04.820 --> 00:11:08.110
stage name and his name When he was a rapper
290
00:11:08.139 --> 00:11:11.070
was Doc Brown, but he also goes by his actual name,
291
00:11:11.090 --> 00:11:12.129
which is Ben Bailey Smith.
292
00:11:12.610 --> 00:11:15.210
Yes. So he was a rapper for Mark Ronson as
293
00:11:15.250 --> 00:11:17.750
Doc Brown, did comedy as Doc Brown, but now he
294
00:11:18.129 --> 00:11:20.590
writes and acts as Ben Bailey Smith.
295
00:11:20.809 --> 00:11:24.250
So throughout, it's not that we're getting his name wrong.
296
00:11:24.490 --> 00:11:27.389
It's just that we're switching between the two because we're unprofessional.
297
00:11:27.730 --> 00:11:29.870
We panicked. You went Doc, I went Ben.
298
00:11:30.049 --> 00:11:30.230
Yeah.
299
00:11:30.409 --> 00:11:34.620
Anyway, it's a great interview if you can get past that. Hello,
300
00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:36.120
Doc Brown, a.k.a.
301
00:11:36.179 --> 00:11:37.580
Ben Bailey-Smith. How's it going?
302
00:11:37.860 --> 00:11:40.200
Very well. Very well. How are you guys? It's been
303
00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:40.539
a minute.
304
00:11:42.059 --> 00:11:45.070
It's lovely to talk to you in a formal setting
305
00:11:45.110 --> 00:11:47.179
as opposed to when we're setting up our mics. Rob's
306
00:11:47.230 --> 00:11:51.570
very excited because he was a big fan of Dez.
307
00:11:52.149 --> 00:11:52.570
Oh, yeah.
308
00:11:52.809 --> 00:11:54.769
That Dez show was great. You was in Dez, weren't you,
309
00:11:54.830 --> 00:11:55.429
as a copper?
310
00:11:55.870 --> 00:11:58.870
I was, yeah. I mean, it was a bittersweet experience
311
00:11:58.889 --> 00:12:01.710
watching it because they cut so many of my scenes that...
312
00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:05.559
By the time you actually met me, it was like, Oh, right.
313
00:12:05.620 --> 00:12:07.779
There seemed to be a lot of familiarity around this dude,
314
00:12:07.840 --> 00:12:08.679
but he's just appeared.
315
00:12:08.720 --> 00:12:09.960
Yeah, because I thought that.
316
00:12:10.360 --> 00:12:12.139
First of all, I saw you carry it because you're
317
00:12:12.179 --> 00:12:15.169
carrying a bin liner of body parts. And I'm like,
318
00:12:15.509 --> 00:12:18.409
I swear it's not Brown, it's Ben, isn't it? And
319
00:12:18.470 --> 00:12:21.169
I thought, Ben's an amazing actor. He'd be like, do
320
00:12:21.210 --> 00:12:23.049
more than that. And then using it properly later on.
321
00:12:23.169 --> 00:12:24.909
But when he was chatting to you later on, it
322
00:12:24.950 --> 00:12:26.429
did feel like you were like best mates. And I
323
00:12:26.429 --> 00:12:28.289
was like, it's the first time the bloke with the
324
00:12:28.309 --> 00:12:29.049
bag's spoken.
325
00:12:29.330 --> 00:12:32.769
Exactly. So as you can imagine, for mums, that's a
326
00:12:32.809 --> 00:12:35.759
terrible thing, right? Because my mum was like, no. I
327
00:12:35.799 --> 00:12:38.299
thought you, you know, I thought it just seemed like
328
00:12:38.320 --> 00:12:41.899
you were an extra, you know, is that your, okay.
329
00:12:42.879 --> 00:12:45.840
You know how mums are, they never get it. They're
330
00:12:46.059 --> 00:12:48.820
just like, oh, so it was like a little sort
331
00:12:48.840 --> 00:12:52.909
of walk-on thing. No, it fucking wasn't. I don't know,
332
00:12:52.929 --> 00:12:55.669
but they just cut it back, right? So like I said,
333
00:12:55.690 --> 00:12:58.090
it's bittersweet because I also think it's the best thing
334
00:12:58.129 --> 00:13:01.230
I've ever been on. Wow, I would dispute that, Doc.
335
00:13:01.600 --> 00:13:04.159
Because I want to talk to you about reading the
336
00:13:04.259 --> 00:13:05.789
story on CBeebies.
337
00:13:06.309 --> 00:13:08.330
Oh, no, there's a story behind that as well.
338
00:13:08.470 --> 00:13:09.649
I've seen it.
339
00:13:10.009 --> 00:13:12.879
Like that, Josh. Because the thing is, like, obviously, this
340
00:13:12.889 --> 00:13:17.000
is a parenting pod. It's interesting now because, you know,
341
00:13:17.419 --> 00:13:20.120
my peers, my comic peers, such as you two boys,
342
00:13:20.580 --> 00:13:23.470
you know, you're starting to have kids now. You know,
343
00:13:23.509 --> 00:13:25.220
which is exactly the same as in my friend group.
344
00:13:25.320 --> 00:13:27.980
All my friends are having kids now, whereas I was
345
00:13:28.019 --> 00:13:28.559
a young dad.
346
00:13:28.759 --> 00:13:30.539
I remember when we started, I don't know, you had kids.
347
00:13:30.840 --> 00:13:31.960
I already had kids, right?
348
00:13:32.139 --> 00:13:32.799
Yeah.
349
00:13:33.019 --> 00:13:35.899
What's your kids set up, Ben? And how old was
350
00:13:35.919 --> 00:13:37.570
you when you had kids for the listeners?
351
00:13:38.179 --> 00:13:40.789
I was 26. So if you can imagine having kids
352
00:13:40.850 --> 00:13:43.230
at 26, I mean, that's, you know, in the old days,
353
00:13:43.250 --> 00:13:45.669
that wouldn't have been old, right? Like in our parents' era.
354
00:13:45.990 --> 00:13:47.710
But in our era, that's kind of young.
355
00:13:47.730 --> 00:13:49.789
Because I was 30 and that was still quite young.
356
00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:53.279
Yeah, that's still quite young. It was a complete head fuck, man.
357
00:13:53.419 --> 00:13:57.460
I was like, not ready at all. But then at
358
00:13:57.539 --> 00:13:59.179
the same time, you're never ready, are you? So you
359
00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:01.139
just sort of find a way. I think the tricky
360
00:14:01.159 --> 00:14:04.500
thing for me was that, you know, I was a
361
00:14:04.559 --> 00:14:08.409
youth worker. My first daughter was born. I had no,
362
00:14:08.590 --> 00:14:11.129
I mean, when I was little, I wanted to be
363
00:14:11.169 --> 00:14:12.929
in show business. But, you know, by the time I
364
00:14:12.950 --> 00:14:14.470
become a young man, I just thought it's like a dream.
365
00:14:14.490 --> 00:14:16.450
Do you know what I mean? It's a pipe dream.
366
00:14:16.610 --> 00:14:18.750
Now I've got a kid. You just got to be sensible,
367
00:14:18.769 --> 00:14:22.519
do your job. So the first couple of years of
368
00:14:22.659 --> 00:14:27.029
my eldest, who's, you know, she's 15 this year. I mean, crazy.
369
00:14:27.669 --> 00:14:28.450
Wow.
370
00:14:28.590 --> 00:14:30.690
Yeah. So the first couple of years of her, I
371
00:14:30.730 --> 00:14:33.110
was just like, I've got two girls, but the first
372
00:14:33.149 --> 00:14:34.909
two years of her, I was just doing youth work,
373
00:14:34.960 --> 00:14:39.480
you know, and then I'd started working with this comedian
374
00:14:39.539 --> 00:14:41.620
and helping out and stuff. And I wound up in
375
00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:44.519
comedy and I was doing standup when the second one
376
00:14:44.559 --> 00:14:47.470
was born. So I had a baby and a toddler
377
00:14:48.149 --> 00:14:49.909
when I would have met you guys, you know, like,
378
00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:51.639
talking 2008 2009 and in 2010 I had a baby
379
00:14:51.720 --> 00:14:57.799
and a toddler so It was intense. And you know
380
00:14:57.840 --> 00:15:00.000
how it is when you're starting out. I lived out
381
00:15:00.039 --> 00:15:03.059
a suitcase. I was just not, I was not about.
382
00:15:03.470 --> 00:15:06.690
And I have to say it was really, really, really difficult.
383
00:15:06.870 --> 00:15:07.190
It was.
384
00:15:07.409 --> 00:15:09.610
Because when you start on the open mic circuit, you
385
00:15:09.649 --> 00:15:12.389
literally gig five nights a week and you're driving to
386
00:15:12.409 --> 00:15:14.370
the middle of nowhere for no money. So the thought
387
00:15:14.409 --> 00:15:16.559
of trying to do that with tiny kids at home,
388
00:15:16.620 --> 00:15:17.720
I mean, I just don't know how you did it.
389
00:15:17.740 --> 00:15:19.840
It was a struggle for me as like a single bloke.
390
00:15:19.879 --> 00:15:22.820
Bruv, I was in all the competitions doing the open mics.
391
00:15:23.570 --> 00:15:24.710
And then the rest of the time I was just
392
00:15:24.769 --> 00:15:27.429
driving funnier comics around, like Carl Donnelly. I used to
393
00:15:27.480 --> 00:15:30.039
drive Carl Donnelly everywhere. Because I had a car. Do
394
00:15:30.059 --> 00:15:32.120
you know what I mean? I had a car. You'd
395
00:15:32.139 --> 00:15:37.480
get the bookers off the curb or Christian Knowles, people
396
00:15:37.500 --> 00:15:40.409
like that. They'd be in touch and feel, oh, it's happening,
397
00:15:40.450 --> 00:15:44.529
it's happening. They'd be like, yeah, can you drive Carl
398
00:15:44.590 --> 00:15:49.350
Donnelly to Stafford and back? Because there's a middle spot
399
00:15:49.389 --> 00:15:51.500
with your name on it, baby. You're going to be huge.
400
00:15:53.159 --> 00:15:55.000
And were you driving him in a car that had
401
00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:56.370
a child seat in the back?
402
00:15:56.620 --> 00:15:58.970
Yeah, definitely. It would have been my old, it would have,
403
00:15:58.990 --> 00:16:03.289
them times it would have been my VW Golf. And
404
00:16:03.470 --> 00:16:06.110
in 2010, I started to get a bit gassed because 2000,
405
00:16:06.110 --> 00:16:09.370
I don't know if you guys remember, but like without
406
00:16:09.409 --> 00:16:11.289
blowing my own trumpet, like there was just a year
407
00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:14.159
where I just suddenly just got bookings up the arse.
408
00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:18.129
I was, I had money and I bought an Audi A4,
409
00:16:19.799 --> 00:16:22.019
And that was just like with the black one with
410
00:16:22.039 --> 00:16:26.669
the leather interior, cream leather interior. And I just felt
411
00:16:26.750 --> 00:16:31.429
like an absolute boss in my council flat with the
412
00:16:31.509 --> 00:16:32.070
Audi A4.
413
00:16:32.190 --> 00:16:35.710
It's a classic mum's car, isn't it? The old Audi A4.
414
00:16:35.730 --> 00:16:36.590
That's what you call it.
415
00:16:36.769 --> 00:16:38.370
What are you on about?
416
00:16:38.409 --> 00:16:40.220
That was a beast. 2.0.
417
00:16:40.200 --> 00:16:43.240
I used to hide the baby seat so I still
418
00:16:43.259 --> 00:16:44.019
look like a G.
419
00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:52.460
LAUGHTER Let's go back to this CBB story.
420
00:16:52.700 --> 00:16:56.360
Oh yeah, sorry. So obviously you have kids and your
421
00:16:56.399 --> 00:16:58.980
focus changes, right? You know, when you used to look
422
00:16:59.019 --> 00:17:02.480
at Google images of like fit actresses or like an
423
00:17:02.620 --> 00:17:04.440
actor that you rated or a comedian or whatever, and
424
00:17:04.460 --> 00:17:08.069
you'd always see that Google image result of them at
425
00:17:08.089 --> 00:17:11.569
the premiere of some kids movie with their kids. And
426
00:17:11.589 --> 00:17:13.730
you think, oh, actually that's pretty cool, isn't it? Like
427
00:17:13.829 --> 00:17:16.509
one day, like, but you can't imagine you doing it.
428
00:17:16.569 --> 00:17:19.109
And then when you have kids, you start thinking about
429
00:17:19.950 --> 00:17:22.180
You stop thinking about adult content all the time. You
430
00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:24.839
realize everything you do has adult content. And you think, well,
431
00:17:24.859 --> 00:17:27.660
it'd be quite cool to have something that my kids
432
00:17:27.700 --> 00:17:31.900
could enjoy. So, you know, obviously they were little. They'd
433
00:17:31.940 --> 00:17:35.160
watch the CBeebies bedtime stories. And I thought, I know
434
00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:38.180
people at CBeebies. I don't know anyone at CBeebies, but
435
00:17:38.200 --> 00:17:39.980
it can't be that much of a leap. I must
436
00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:43.440
be able to stick my nose in there. I started
437
00:17:43.460 --> 00:17:47.630
making calls and I got in touch with the commissioner
438
00:17:47.650 --> 00:17:51.980
at CBeebies. And she was like, join the fucking queue, mate.
439
00:17:52.019 --> 00:17:56.890
Judi Dench is waiting to do this. I thought they'd
440
00:17:56.910 --> 00:17:59.089
just snap my hand off. I thought they'd just be like, oh,
441
00:17:59.109 --> 00:17:59.490
my God.
442
00:17:59.529 --> 00:18:00.109
Yeah, brilliant.
443
00:18:00.809 --> 00:18:02.869
Get in there. Do something for the kids. So I
444
00:18:02.910 --> 00:18:06.990
actually waited years to get on the CBeebies. And by
445
00:18:07.029 --> 00:18:08.650
the time I got on it, my kids were too
446
00:18:08.690 --> 00:18:12.680
old to care. They didn't watch CBeebies anymore. It was
447
00:18:12.720 --> 00:18:15.180
kind of fruitless. But the other story to it was
448
00:18:15.220 --> 00:18:16.900
that I thought they shot it in London, but they
449
00:18:16.920 --> 00:18:19.759
shot it in Manchester. I think C... children's TV had
450
00:18:19.799 --> 00:18:23.559
moved up there and yeah you know Manchester for me
451
00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:25.740
was always like if I'm going Manchester because I've got
452
00:18:25.799 --> 00:18:27.500
two of my best friends live up there like it's
453
00:18:27.660 --> 00:18:30.240
always a reunion you get on it you know you
454
00:18:30.269 --> 00:18:31.970
know those guys that you know where it's like if
455
00:18:31.990 --> 00:18:34.049
you meet them you're getting on it so I meet
456
00:18:34.089 --> 00:18:36.549
up with my friends Cy and Matt and obviously we
457
00:18:36.609 --> 00:18:39.069
get on it but I ended up having an all-nighter
458
00:18:39.369 --> 00:18:41.930
and I hadn't looked at the call sheet so I
459
00:18:41.930 --> 00:18:44.430
was just thinking I'll be afternoon or whatever you know
460
00:18:44.450 --> 00:18:47.059
when your phone rings in the hotel not your mobile
461
00:18:47.509 --> 00:18:50.710
The hotel room phone. You know there's a problem if
462
00:18:50.750 --> 00:18:52.230
your hotel phone.
463
00:18:53.329 --> 00:18:53.650
Rings.
464
00:18:54.390 --> 00:18:56.930
And it was like the third time. And the reception
465
00:18:56.950 --> 00:19:00.440
was like, there's a driver waiting here for you downstairs.
466
00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:02.700
You've got to come down. It was like frantic. I
467
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:05.740
was like, oh, my God. I was fully clothed, just
468
00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:09.519
passed out on my bed. and I just got up
469
00:19:09.880 --> 00:19:12.640
fully clothed and just went downstairs, got in the car
470
00:19:13.220 --> 00:19:16.519
and within like, cause it was the holiday in media city.
471
00:19:16.619 --> 00:19:19.720
So it was like two minutes away. So within, within
472
00:19:19.819 --> 00:19:22.609
five minutes I was sat in a room with, um,
473
00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:25.779
Kerry and this other dude, Alex, who were like the
474
00:19:25.819 --> 00:19:28.599
people that babysat my kids while I was doing comedy
475
00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:30.799
in those early years. So I was just tripping out.
476
00:19:30.819 --> 00:19:35.710
I hadn't slept with the CBeebies guys. And they're just
477
00:19:35.809 --> 00:19:39.250
caking makeup on my face. I like smelling salts, trying
478
00:19:39.269 --> 00:19:40.490
to make my eyes look less hard shot.
479
00:19:40.490 --> 00:19:42.960
You must have stank.
480
00:19:42.369 --> 00:19:43.549
As well, mate.
481
00:19:43.549 --> 00:19:44.250
Oh, mate.
482
00:19:44.250 --> 00:19:48.140
I was just so not how I planned to you know, prepare.
483
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:50.500
My voice was going.
484
00:19:50.599 --> 00:19:51.559
Did they know you'd been out?
485
00:19:51.640 --> 00:19:53.880
I think I probably told someone, probably told the makeup
486
00:19:53.940 --> 00:19:57.019
assistant or something. Oh, mate, I was a mess and
487
00:19:57.039 --> 00:20:00.190
I was just really annoyed. But then, you know. People
488
00:20:00.230 --> 00:20:02.349
would hit me up online and say, oh, my kids
489
00:20:02.410 --> 00:20:04.650
love this telling or they love that telling of the book.
490
00:20:04.670 --> 00:20:05.700
So I think I got away with it.
491
00:20:05.710 --> 00:20:08.019
The most emotional they've ever seen because you were crying throughout,
492
00:20:08.039 --> 00:20:11.880
weren't you? No one's ever seen someone deliver it looking
493
00:20:11.900 --> 00:20:12.440
so despairing.
494
00:20:12.859 --> 00:20:13.740
I felt awful.
495
00:20:13.779 --> 00:20:17.440
Eating the kebab was a bit nuts. Oh, I can't
496
00:20:17.460 --> 00:20:18.619
wait to watch that now, knowing.
497
00:20:18.700 --> 00:20:20.349
Yeah, knowing, knowing behind the curtain.
498
00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:23.089
And you've also done a children's picture book as well.
499
00:20:23.599 --> 00:20:25.680
you're really ticking the boxes to get to, you know,
500
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:27.809
win over your children with your output.
501
00:20:27.880 --> 00:20:29.970
Yeah, and what I've learned is, and what you will
502
00:20:29.990 --> 00:20:34.990
learn is, that you're the king now, but that just lessens,
503
00:20:35.029 --> 00:20:37.190
they eat away at it every day until you get
504
00:20:37.210 --> 00:20:39.809
to the point now where both my kids are so
505
00:20:39.890 --> 00:20:43.690
embarrassed of everything that I do. Unless I'm like, like
506
00:20:43.769 --> 00:20:45.990
every now and again, they'll go, do you know so-and-so?
507
00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:49.000
So at the moment, the only claim to fame I have,
508
00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:51.720
which you guys will have in the future, is that
509
00:20:51.779 --> 00:20:54.519
I know Dominic Holland. Do you know what I mean?
510
00:20:54.539 --> 00:20:59.559
From the circuit. Because Dom's son is Spider-Man. So that's
511
00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:02.470
one of the only things, really, that my kids are like,
512
00:21:02.750 --> 00:21:06.630
oh my God, you're one away from Spider-Man. I'm like, actually,
513
00:21:06.789 --> 00:21:10.049
I remember Spider-Man from, I think maybe it was Best
514
00:21:10.130 --> 00:21:12.369
of All, you know, one of those festival gigs where
515
00:21:12.390 --> 00:21:14.230
you see the older comics with their kids, you know?
516
00:21:14.259 --> 00:21:16.299
I was like, yeah, I remember him. I remember him,
517
00:21:16.339 --> 00:21:18.799
side of the stage. And they're like, what? That's like
518
00:21:18.819 --> 00:21:24.259
the best thing. i'm like i'm doing movies tv shows
519
00:21:24.279 --> 00:21:26.839
i've worked with some of the greatest comics in well
520
00:21:26.859 --> 00:21:29.119
the greatest comics in the uk and they're just like
521
00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:31.039
don't give a shit mate don't give a shit you
522
00:21:31.059 --> 00:21:32.160
know spider-man's.
523
00:21:31.880 --> 00:21:35.680
Dad and what's it like for now then so the
524
00:21:35.960 --> 00:21:38.180
teenagers is it just they just want to avoid your
525
00:21:38.200 --> 00:21:39.460
all-cost type of vibe.
526
00:21:39.279 --> 00:21:44.240
Yeah and it's extra difficult because bizarrely i am quite
527
00:21:44.380 --> 00:21:48.180
popular with like my older daughter's age group like with
528
00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:51.369
sort of 14 15 16 year olds they just love
529
00:21:51.410 --> 00:21:53.490
loads of stuff that i've done or they grew up
530
00:21:53.549 --> 00:21:56.230
on my children's show that i did for cbbc so
531
00:21:56.269 --> 00:21:59.450
it's always been quite problematic going to her school because
532
00:21:59.670 --> 00:22:02.609
kids get weird when i'm when i'm around so it's
533
00:22:02.670 --> 00:22:07.609
another reason that she doesn't she doesn't like me Oh, really? Yeah.
534
00:22:07.630 --> 00:22:09.670
So when you were doing the school drop-off, you was
535
00:22:09.769 --> 00:22:11.670
doing the kids' TV show.
536
00:22:12.029 --> 00:22:12.509
It was Bedlam.
537
00:22:12.529 --> 00:22:14.529
When she was in year seven, it was actually Bedlam.
538
00:22:14.549 --> 00:22:15.289
There was one day.
539
00:22:15.309 --> 00:22:16.829
It was the hardest night.
540
00:22:17.509 --> 00:22:19.750
Yeah, it was, man. The older one. She went to
541
00:22:20.529 --> 00:22:22.839
a secondary school that none of her friends from primary
542
00:22:22.859 --> 00:22:25.759
school went to, right? So as you get, you get
543
00:22:25.859 --> 00:22:29.019
anxious as a dad, right? So I would be like
544
00:22:29.059 --> 00:22:31.579
trying to find out, is there anybody I know who's
545
00:22:31.599 --> 00:22:32.759
got a kid that age and might be going to
546
00:22:32.779 --> 00:22:35.089
the same school? I can introduce them and whatnot. And
547
00:22:35.109 --> 00:22:37.809
I did a show with these DJs, these female, two
548
00:22:37.849 --> 00:22:40.250
female DJs. And I was just chatting about all my
549
00:22:40.269 --> 00:22:42.930
kids going to secondary school this, this, this September. I'm
550
00:22:42.970 --> 00:22:45.950
really like prang about it. And they said, what school?
551
00:22:45.990 --> 00:22:47.220
And I told them, they were like, Oh, I've got
552
00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:48.980
a friend. Her daughter's going to that school. And I
553
00:22:48.980 --> 00:22:51.259
was like, what hooked me up? So I did that
554
00:22:51.319 --> 00:22:53.880
like parent date thing where you, you go meet a
555
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:56.400
parent and we went to get pizza with the girls,
556
00:22:56.440 --> 00:22:58.420
with her girl and my girl and they hit it off.
557
00:22:58.900 --> 00:23:01.480
So it really took a lot of anxiety away. But then,
558
00:23:03.339 --> 00:23:05.180
it wasn't her first day, but in that first week,
559
00:23:05.900 --> 00:23:08.059
I went to meet her. This is three years ago.
560
00:23:08.079 --> 00:23:11.000
I went to meet her outside. It would be nice
561
00:23:11.019 --> 00:23:13.660
to meet her. And I bumped into that parent. So
562
00:23:13.680 --> 00:23:18.109
I'm chatting to this woman. And as I'm chatting, there's
563
00:23:18.430 --> 00:23:22.289
kids freaking out around me. And then it becomes like,
564
00:23:22.390 --> 00:23:25.670
it goes from a trickle to like 10 kids to
565
00:23:25.670 --> 00:23:29.569
15 to like 30, then to like 50. And people
566
00:23:29.630 --> 00:23:32.930
are demanding photos and they want me to like, rap
567
00:23:32.970 --> 00:23:35.829
into the phone and all this business and this woman's
568
00:23:35.849 --> 00:23:39.210
just standing there watching and as it died down she
569
00:23:39.230 --> 00:23:41.690
was like is there something about you i don't know
570
00:23:41.710 --> 00:23:44.390
because i'd never told her i'd never told her anything
571
00:23:44.450 --> 00:23:47.539
of what i did you know so yeah like that's
572
00:23:47.599 --> 00:23:50.019
embarrassing i think for a kid that's trying to establish
573
00:23:50.039 --> 00:23:52.680
themselves yeah and that's that's been a constant battle and
574
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:55.440
now my little one has started secondary school this month
575
00:23:56.200 --> 00:23:58.079
So it's another new school that I have to deal with.
576
00:23:58.119 --> 00:23:59.819
I just haven't gone. I haven't gone in.
577
00:24:00.119 --> 00:24:02.289
Do you reckon it was more so because of the
578
00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:03.140
kids' TV.
579
00:24:03.089 --> 00:24:05.819
Stuff you did? Yeah, yeah, 100%.
580
00:24:05.819 --> 00:24:06.049
100%.
581
00:24:06.049 --> 00:24:09.069
It's like the kids' TV stuff and all the old
582
00:24:09.210 --> 00:24:12.029
raps that are online, you know, like the Russell Howard shit.
583
00:24:12.210 --> 00:24:14.789
That stuff. Like, kids pass that stuff around.
584
00:24:15.049 --> 00:24:17.000
You don't think they watched the So You Think You're
585
00:24:17.019 --> 00:24:23.309
Funny 2008 fight? LAUGHTER A purist.
586
00:24:23.390 --> 00:24:24.980
I check the hits every day.
587
00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:30.420
I check the hits. Yeah, it's weird.
588
00:24:30.619 --> 00:24:35.630
Do you, like, with a 15-year-old... She's back at school now, presumably.
589
00:24:35.970 --> 00:24:39.259
But during lockdown and stuff, we... is she keeping to herself?
590
00:24:39.480 --> 00:24:41.700
Cause we spoke to Catherine Ryan and like her teenagers
591
00:24:41.740 --> 00:24:44.440
basically living her own life and same Carrie Godley under
592
00:24:44.480 --> 00:24:45.099
the same roof.
593
00:24:45.240 --> 00:24:45.579
Yeah.
594
00:24:45.640 --> 00:24:49.230
Like Catherine and, and, and Carrie are great examples. Cause I,
595
00:24:49.309 --> 00:24:51.450
I've spoken to over the years, I've spoken to them
596
00:24:51.490 --> 00:24:53.369
loads about this cause they were two of the only
597
00:24:53.450 --> 00:24:56.650
comics that I knew who had kids around my age,
598
00:24:57.180 --> 00:24:59.400
you know? So we've always talked about stuff like that.
599
00:25:00.250 --> 00:25:03.210
And yeah, lockdown was weird because I think I was
600
00:25:03.230 --> 00:25:06.400
probably more worried about her than she was about herself
601
00:25:06.500 --> 00:25:07.619
and her own life. Do you know what I mean?
602
00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:09.200
I'd always be like, make sure you're talking to your
603
00:25:09.220 --> 00:25:10.799
friends online. Do you know what I mean? Make sure
604
00:25:10.819 --> 00:25:13.819
you're getting in that WhatsApp group and having a chat,
605
00:25:13.920 --> 00:25:17.099
keeping connected. She was like, listen, I'm fine. And she
606
00:25:17.140 --> 00:25:21.380
was actually absolutely fine. I think lockdown was probably more
607
00:25:21.480 --> 00:25:25.980
complicated for parents just like because we're anxious anyway. Do
608
00:25:26.000 --> 00:25:28.339
you know what I mean? You just start freaking out
609
00:25:28.359 --> 00:25:29.099
about everything.
610
00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:30.599
Did you do homeschooling?
611
00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:33.380
I didn't really need to because I've got girls. My
612
00:25:33.420 --> 00:25:35.420
friends who've got boys, it's like a fucking nightmare, man.
613
00:25:35.640 --> 00:25:39.740
Trying to get them to concentrate for an hour on
614
00:25:39.779 --> 00:25:43.019
schoolwork when they're not in school. Whereas girls, they love
615
00:25:43.059 --> 00:25:46.220
a task. They love a sit-down task, young girls. That's
616
00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:50.660
why they're so far ahead of us educationally because they're
617
00:25:50.720 --> 00:25:55.500
wired differently in terms of concentration. I don't think girls
618
00:25:55.559 --> 00:25:57.599
are smarter than boys or boys are smarter than girls.
619
00:25:58.000 --> 00:26:01.680
All that's totally equal. But the energy, the difference in
620
00:26:01.740 --> 00:26:05.349
that testosterone is so profound, I think.
621
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:08.750
Living in a house of... So you had one girl.
622
00:26:09.069 --> 00:26:10.049
I had two girls, yeah.
623
00:26:10.109 --> 00:26:12.970
Yeah, and then you had the second. Were you like, oh, great,
624
00:26:12.990 --> 00:26:15.819
a house of... two girls and me, which is your
625
00:26:15.859 --> 00:26:16.920
situation as well, Rob.
626
00:26:17.240 --> 00:26:18.099
You got two girls, Rob?
627
00:26:18.380 --> 00:26:19.480
Yeah, I've got two girls, yeah.
628
00:26:19.500 --> 00:26:21.299
Do you find yourself outnumbered?
629
00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:22.440
Yeah, yeah.
630
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:24.910
Lou started calling it the fanny club and they all shout,
631
00:26:25.109 --> 00:26:26.509
you're not in the fanny club at me, which I
632
00:26:26.529 --> 00:26:27.450
think is quite brutal.
633
00:26:27.750 --> 00:26:28.160
That is.
634
00:26:29.309 --> 00:26:30.869
That's insane, isn't it?
635
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:33.289
It would be a big decision for you to join
636
00:26:33.329 --> 00:26:35.410
the Fanny Club. Yeah, I know.
637
00:26:35.690 --> 00:26:40.130
Imagine that. What a tour show that would be. But
638
00:26:40.670 --> 00:26:41.630
I find that, because I've.
639
00:26:41.509 --> 00:26:45.670
Got four brothers, and there was loads of boys and
640
00:26:45.750 --> 00:26:48.470
cousins of boys, so I actually found it really refreshing
641
00:26:48.509 --> 00:26:49.390
to have girls.
642
00:26:49.150 --> 00:26:49.569
In the house.
643
00:26:49.710 --> 00:26:51.349
And your mum must have been over the moon.
644
00:26:51.390 --> 00:26:54.569
Yeah, so she's been desperate to buy a doll from
645
00:26:54.609 --> 00:26:56.710
a market for my kid, which she did, and has
646
00:26:56.730 --> 00:26:57.589
been putting a draw since.
647
00:26:57.910 --> 00:27:01.289
Hopefully she won't listen to this. But she bought.
648
00:27:01.150 --> 00:27:03.359
Literally, I thought it was like six weeks old. She
649
00:27:03.380 --> 00:27:05.319
bought a doll that was like three foot tall. I
650
00:27:05.359 --> 00:27:07.619
was like, she's got about eight years until she can
651
00:27:07.640 --> 00:27:09.980
play with that. But yeah, so she was desperate for it.
652
00:27:10.059 --> 00:27:12.400
And for me, I just, I found it nicer having
653
00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:14.829
girls rather than just like all boys.
654
00:27:14.930 --> 00:27:16.390
And it's weird.
655
00:27:16.430 --> 00:27:18.069
Some blokes are a bit like, oh, when you're going
656
00:27:18.089 --> 00:27:20.309
for the boy then? I was like, I'm really not bothered.
657
00:27:20.569 --> 00:27:23.190
But I don't, I'm just, I'm happy with girls totally.
658
00:27:23.250 --> 00:27:25.789
I've got no inclinations. I've got to have a boy.
659
00:27:25.809 --> 00:27:28.079
I mean, if people do, that's fine. But I really don't.
660
00:27:28.170 --> 00:27:29.319
No, I mean, I used to.
661
00:27:29.339 --> 00:27:30.299
Some men are obsessed by it.
662
00:27:30.299 --> 00:27:32.579
Yeah, I used to. When I found out that we
663
00:27:32.619 --> 00:27:34.680
were going to have another kid, I really, I can't lie.
664
00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:36.559
I really wanted it to be a boy just to
665
00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:38.609
even it up. But it's so funny the way it's
666
00:27:38.650 --> 00:27:43.069
worked out in that the younger one, she is like
667
00:27:43.150 --> 00:27:46.930
my sort of surrogate son. I mean, she's way more
668
00:27:46.950 --> 00:27:50.660
of a tomboy. She watches football with me and we're
669
00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:53.619
able to talk about stats and individual players.
670
00:27:54.210 --> 00:27:57.089
Do you know what I mean? Which is just like.
671
00:27:57.190 --> 00:27:58.990
That's the dream, bro.
672
00:27:59.029 --> 00:28:00.930
And that's what you want. It's not about the gender.
673
00:28:00.990 --> 00:28:01.630
You just want someone to.
674
00:28:01.589 --> 00:28:05.049
Watch football with you. That is the dream. We watched
675
00:28:05.069 --> 00:28:06.910
Palace Everton the other day and she was like, look,
676
00:28:06.990 --> 00:28:12.940
if you refresh the BBC football table on the website mid-game,
677
00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:15.390
we're joint top of the league with Everton. She's like,
678
00:28:15.410 --> 00:28:18.009
as long as the score stays the same, we're joined up.
679
00:28:18.029 --> 00:28:19.470
She's like, I've never seen it in my lifetime. I
680
00:28:19.490 --> 00:28:22.369
was like, actually, that is quite a profound moment for
681
00:28:22.390 --> 00:28:22.910
a Palace fan.
682
00:28:25.789 --> 00:28:28.470
So do they get on dock? Like, are they, because
683
00:28:28.509 --> 00:28:30.869
obviously they're, I always think this is weird. Like when
684
00:28:30.910 --> 00:28:33.910
you get, because when we, I've got one kid and
685
00:28:33.950 --> 00:28:36.349
all you can see in them is kind of how
686
00:28:36.390 --> 00:28:38.329
they're an obvious kind of amalgamation.
687
00:28:38.369 --> 00:28:38.589
Yeah.
688
00:28:38.630 --> 00:28:40.210
They're like half you and half your partner.
689
00:28:40.390 --> 00:28:40.690
Yeah.
690
00:28:40.829 --> 00:28:42.670
And then when the second one comes along, people are
691
00:28:42.690 --> 00:28:45.380
always like, they're such different characters. And I'm like, Do
692
00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:46.509
they get on or they.
693
00:28:46.769 --> 00:28:50.750
Yeah, I think it's all kind of biological. So the
694
00:28:50.829 --> 00:28:55.779
second child will be completely, almost seem completely the opposite.
695
00:28:56.130 --> 00:28:59.960
And that's not an accident because the second child, biologically,
696
00:29:01.240 --> 00:29:03.980
every animal is focused on survival. So the second child
697
00:29:04.019 --> 00:29:07.349
in a human family is just like trying to establish
698
00:29:08.150 --> 00:29:10.910
who they are, like what their character is. So they
699
00:29:10.930 --> 00:29:13.759
just find something that's not like any other member of
700
00:29:13.799 --> 00:29:16.640
the family so that they're able to stand out and
701
00:29:16.759 --> 00:29:21.200
basically survive and thrive. So they are like chalk and cheese,
702
00:29:21.240 --> 00:29:24.440
my two. But that's kind of why they get on.
703
00:29:24.480 --> 00:29:28.769
They really complement each other. So one gives the other
704
00:29:28.849 --> 00:29:31.349
one something that they don't have. Do you know what
705
00:29:31.809 --> 00:29:34.549
I mean? So my older one's super, super organized and
706
00:29:34.569 --> 00:29:38.769
the little one's totally the opposite. But then being totally
707
00:29:38.789 --> 00:29:40.579
the opposite, the little one has got a more of
708
00:29:40.619 --> 00:29:43.700
a kind of what would you call it like just
709
00:29:43.759 --> 00:29:47.190
a freewheeling positive outlook on life whereas the old one
710
00:29:47.210 --> 00:29:51.230
because she's so organized and so focused on everything being
711
00:29:51.289 --> 00:29:54.049
right will get more upset when things don't go right
712
00:29:54.190 --> 00:29:56.190
do you mean whereas the little one's more relaxed when
713
00:29:56.230 --> 00:29:58.869
things don't go right So they really compliment each other
714
00:29:58.910 --> 00:30:02.069
because they both need both of those attributes. You know
715
00:30:02.089 --> 00:30:04.329
what I mean? And that's how it works. And you'll
716
00:30:04.369 --> 00:30:06.710
find the same, Josh, when you have your second. That's
717
00:30:06.730 --> 00:30:10.099
just how they develop. It's fascinating to watch. And what
718
00:30:10.140 --> 00:30:12.339
I've learned, I guess, is I used to always look
719
00:30:12.359 --> 00:30:13.700
at the kids just like you do. It's like it's
720
00:30:13.740 --> 00:30:16.059
half my missus, half me. Then as they get older,
721
00:30:16.079 --> 00:30:18.559
you realize, no, no, I've got the equation all wrong.
722
00:30:19.019 --> 00:30:22.079
It's a third your missus, a third you. And the
723
00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.880
third is something, it's probably actually 20% your missus, 20% you.
724
00:30:27.420 --> 00:30:31.380
And then 60% is just this new being. And that's
725
00:30:31.420 --> 00:30:33.759
when you really start to build the respect for them.
726
00:30:34.299 --> 00:30:36.380
Because I think when they're really little, you don't really
727
00:30:36.420 --> 00:30:41.930
respect them. You're like, mate, I work your ass. I
728
00:30:41.970 --> 00:30:44.970
put you around in a wheeled throne. I don't respect you.
729
00:30:44.990 --> 00:30:48.190
I just work for you. It doesn't mean I have
730
00:30:48.210 --> 00:30:48.740
to respect you.
731
00:30:50.069 --> 00:30:52.130
Are you a strict parent doc I imagine you've been
732
00:30:52.170 --> 00:30:54.329
quite chilled and sort of like calm with it I
733
00:30:54.349 --> 00:30:55.329
can't imagine you like I.
734
00:30:55.289 --> 00:30:58.329
Think I'm I'm I think I'm both like I'm definitely
735
00:30:58.390 --> 00:31:01.130
chilled I definitely try and get in I engage with
736
00:31:01.170 --> 00:31:03.319
them and I don't want to not get what they're
737
00:31:03.339 --> 00:31:05.720
talking about you know I recognize that there's some things
738
00:31:05.740 --> 00:31:08.880
I just have to let go like TikTok's huge and
739
00:31:08.900 --> 00:31:11.559
I yeah so like my approach TikTok is I just
740
00:31:11.579 --> 00:31:14.559
need to make sure it's safe without like killing their
741
00:31:14.819 --> 00:31:16.019
vibe you know.
742
00:31:16.279 --> 00:31:18.740
But it's hard to keep it safe, that algorithm stuff
743
00:31:18.779 --> 00:31:18.920
of it.
744
00:31:18.940 --> 00:31:19.279
Of course.
745
00:31:19.359 --> 00:31:20.240
Yeah, the algorithm.
746
00:31:20.279 --> 00:31:22.759
It's mad with TikTok. Are you on TikTok? Because it
747
00:31:22.779 --> 00:31:25.279
seems like that'd be a great thing for you.
748
00:31:25.660 --> 00:31:29.380
Yeah, and you know what? Various people in my little
749
00:31:29.599 --> 00:31:32.640
team have said the same thing. But you know when
750
00:31:32.660 --> 00:31:39.200
you've just got the social media sort of... Lethargy. I've
751
00:31:39.220 --> 00:31:41.200
just got to that point where I don't even do
752
00:31:41.269 --> 00:31:45.009
Facebook or Twitter anymore. I just got Instagram and that's it.
753
00:31:45.150 --> 00:31:48.190
It's mainly because I find it draining. I find it
754
00:31:48.210 --> 00:31:50.170
like pressure. You know that feeling where you've got a
755
00:31:50.210 --> 00:31:53.000
gig tonight and you don't really want to do it,
756
00:31:53.049 --> 00:31:55.049
but you have to do it. That's kind of how
757
00:31:55.109 --> 00:31:58.609
I feel about the socials. It's like, I should post
758
00:31:58.710 --> 00:32:03.420
something humorous. show people that I'm busy, you know.
759
00:32:03.440 --> 00:32:05.289
There's a pressure for kids to do that. We do
760
00:32:05.309 --> 00:32:07.490
that because it's our job, but they feel like that
761
00:32:07.509 --> 00:32:08.640
as well. I haven't got any likes for a bit.
762
00:32:08.650 --> 00:32:11.809
I've got to do something. And I just don't, I can't,
763
00:32:11.890 --> 00:32:13.809
I just can't get my head around how much pressure
764
00:32:13.829 --> 00:32:16.569
there is on school kids to have a good output
765
00:32:16.630 --> 00:32:17.289
on content.
766
00:32:17.349 --> 00:32:20.009
I can't imagine how bad.
767
00:32:20.059 --> 00:32:21.299
Can you imagine growing up with it, Josh?
768
00:32:22.299 --> 00:32:26.279
And also the thought of reading my tweets. If you'd said,
769
00:32:26.660 --> 00:32:28.400
here's a list of the tweets you'd have sent between
770
00:32:28.420 --> 00:32:31.470
the age of 13 and 18. I'd rather gouge my
771
00:32:31.490 --> 00:32:34.220
eyes out than read that kind of shit.
772
00:32:34.759 --> 00:32:40.740
I know 30-year-olds now. I've got 30-year-old friends who periodically delete,
773
00:32:41.559 --> 00:32:43.920
like they go back into their accounts and just delete
774
00:32:44.039 --> 00:32:45.509
all the shit they were saying when they were like 25.
775
00:32:45.500 --> 00:32:47.720
Do you know what I mean? Because they find it
776
00:32:48.099 --> 00:32:50.789
so cringy. Well, also time moves on, doesn't it?
777
00:32:50.819 --> 00:32:54.660
Like what can be socially acceptable 10 years ago to now,
778
00:32:55.279 --> 00:32:55.980
it's mad, isn't it?
779
00:32:56.299 --> 00:32:59.269
And out of context can look... And he could lose
780
00:32:59.289 --> 00:32:59.589
your job.
781
00:32:59.630 --> 00:33:02.690
Yeah, you could lose your job. People lose their job
782
00:33:02.789 --> 00:33:04.490
over Twitter. I think that was part of the reason
783
00:33:04.529 --> 00:33:07.210
I just quit a few years back. I remember like
784
00:33:07.569 --> 00:33:09.690
there was one tweet. And I think it's probably the
785
00:33:09.730 --> 00:33:11.500
last thing that really made me laugh on Twitter before
786
00:33:11.539 --> 00:33:15.000
I left where it said like people speculating about how
787
00:33:15.039 --> 00:33:18.289
they were going to defeat Thanos in Endgame. And someone
788
00:33:18.309 --> 00:33:21.130
just tweeted like the Avengers is going to defeat Thanos
789
00:33:21.170 --> 00:33:26.990
by going back to his tweets from 2013. And I thought,
790
00:33:27.009 --> 00:33:30.130
that's it, man. That's the world we're in now. I'm out.
791
00:33:30.150 --> 00:33:31.710
Like I'm out. Yeah.
792
00:33:31.809 --> 00:33:34.009
I'm going to get drunk and say something dumb. And
793
00:33:34.029 --> 00:33:36.549
I was not, I can't do it because we know
794
00:33:36.609 --> 00:33:39.470
how we are in our soul, especially as comedians. We're not,
795
00:33:39.890 --> 00:33:42.380
we're not mean people. We're just trying to find things
796
00:33:42.519 --> 00:33:45.779
that will make people gasp and laugh at this in,
797
00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:48.539
in equal measure, you know? Cause like, the element of
798
00:33:48.579 --> 00:33:52.829
surprise is such a huge part of just great laughs. Yeah.
799
00:33:53.089 --> 00:33:56.769
Do you look at the social media of your daughters? Yeah.
800
00:33:57.130 --> 00:33:59.910
And, and, and I, I stay on top of, I mean,
801
00:33:59.950 --> 00:34:02.579
obviously I follow them, but like I, I stay on
802
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:05.460
top of like just what their status is. So like
803
00:34:05.579 --> 00:34:08.599
we have an agreement, like you're on TikTok, you're on Instagram,
804
00:34:08.619 --> 00:34:11.659
you it's private, right? That's, that's rule number one. You
805
00:34:11.679 --> 00:34:15.150
have a private account. And I have, I've got my
806
00:34:15.210 --> 00:34:17.510
public Instagram account, but I have a private one as well,
807
00:34:17.550 --> 00:34:19.380
which is just for my friends so I can post
808
00:34:19.429 --> 00:34:22.059
boring stuff about my kids. And I don't post my
809
00:34:22.099 --> 00:34:24.940
kids on my public account because I just don't want to...
810
00:34:24.780 --> 00:34:27.000
I just don't... You know how it is. I don't
811
00:34:27.019 --> 00:34:29.929
want to throw them under the... I don't want people saying, oh,
812
00:34:29.940 --> 00:34:33.079
your kid's ugly or your kid's mean to my kid
813
00:34:33.099 --> 00:34:35.360
or whatever it is. I don't want to have those
814
00:34:35.409 --> 00:34:38.030
discussions with people that I don't know. So I've got
815
00:34:38.050 --> 00:34:40.210
a private account. And, uh, and.
816
00:34:40.329 --> 00:34:42.429
That's how I saw it on your private account, right?
817
00:34:42.769 --> 00:34:43.070
Yeah.
818
00:34:43.130 --> 00:34:46.110
So they don't really post, they don't really post. They
819
00:34:46.130 --> 00:34:48.949
just sort of, they're on there to stalk, you know,
820
00:34:48.989 --> 00:34:51.539
they just look, they follow celebrities. That's what kids do.
821
00:34:52.039 --> 00:34:52.260
Yeah.
822
00:34:52.320 --> 00:34:54.849
You know, and I get scared when I see. kids
823
00:34:54.929 --> 00:34:57.889
that are in their year that are in like posting
824
00:34:57.909 --> 00:35:00.730
in their bikinis public accounts they some of them have
825
00:35:00.750 --> 00:35:03.510
got their fucking number you can just click message and
826
00:35:03.550 --> 00:35:06.300
it gives you their phone number bloody hell my god
827
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:08.940
do you mean and i'm like that is insane yeah
828
00:35:09.460 --> 00:35:13.360
that's insane on a public account and you're 14 15
829
00:35:13.360 --> 00:35:15.159
year old girl and in the makeup and in the
830
00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:18.409
bikini you look 18 19 yeah And you've got your
831
00:35:18.429 --> 00:35:21.989
phone number. Those filters are mad. You can look so
832
00:35:22.030 --> 00:35:25.820
much older and it's just awful. So that's the terrifying
833
00:35:25.909 --> 00:35:31.400
side of it. Like I say, it's not that terrifying
834
00:35:31.440 --> 00:35:33.880
when you consider I've got this far and I'm a
835
00:35:33.940 --> 00:35:40.420
relatively irresponsible person. If you just keep talking, you'll find
836
00:35:40.440 --> 00:35:42.800
that it's fine. My kids always feel that they can
837
00:35:42.840 --> 00:35:45.610
come to me. And now like with periods and stuff,
838
00:35:45.670 --> 00:35:48.289
I mean, I'm not great in talking about the details,
839
00:35:48.349 --> 00:35:50.869
but it's amazing how that we are able to talk
840
00:35:50.909 --> 00:35:54.320
about that stuff. And I think it's because I've just
841
00:35:54.820 --> 00:35:57.519
made myself available. That's the key. You can't be their friend.
842
00:35:57.639 --> 00:36:00.679
You can't be their bestie. Forget that. but you can
843
00:36:00.739 --> 00:36:02.199
be emotionally available.
844
00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:04.800
I can't imagine, I haven't got sisters, but I can't
845
00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:07.630
imagine my dad, if I had a sister talking to
846
00:36:07.650 --> 00:36:11.510
her about her period, like back in the 80s or 90s.
847
00:36:12.489 --> 00:36:14.210
It just wouldn't happen, would it? It was just something
848
00:36:14.230 --> 00:36:16.809
that wasn't spoken about. It was sort of like, it
849
00:36:16.849 --> 00:36:18.230
felt like shame to talk about it.
850
00:36:18.530 --> 00:36:20.719
I think my dad would have like shoved a pick
851
00:36:20.780 --> 00:36:23.039
fork into his foot and made it seem like it
852
00:36:23.099 --> 00:36:27.059
was a horrific gardening accident, just so he could... Get
853
00:36:27.099 --> 00:36:28.000
the fuck out of there.
854
00:36:30.300 --> 00:36:32.969
With the 15 year old, have you spoken to her about,
855
00:36:33.010 --> 00:36:35.909
you know, like, um, drinking or relationships or going out
856
00:36:35.929 --> 00:36:38.030
and about? Cause it's getting to, at the moment, obviously
857
00:36:38.050 --> 00:36:40.030
with lockdown, you can't as much, but it's only like,
858
00:36:40.050 --> 00:36:41.670
you know, a year or two away from going out
859
00:36:41.730 --> 00:36:42.610
and socializing.
860
00:36:42.630 --> 00:36:45.360
We've talked about sex. I wouldn't say we've talked about drinking.
861
00:36:45.400 --> 00:36:49.400
And I think that's because, um, me and my missus,
862
00:36:49.460 --> 00:36:53.639
I mean, we drink a lot. I think they look
863
00:36:53.659 --> 00:36:56.929
at it and it's just like, ew. Like, Have you
864
00:36:56.969 --> 00:36:59.349
seen what dad says when he's had like seven of these?
865
00:36:59.730 --> 00:37:06.409
It's so embarrassing. I think they'll kind of like, it's there.
866
00:37:06.550 --> 00:37:09.559
It's not like taboo. I mean, it's not like, you know,
867
00:37:09.659 --> 00:37:12.840
if you're in a family where drinking is strictly off
868
00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:15.420
the limits, you know, and the parents don't only drink
869
00:37:15.460 --> 00:37:18.179
at Christmas or whatever it is, then maybe the kids
870
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:20.199
are going to be way more like, Ooh, drinking.
871
00:37:20.900 --> 00:37:21.219
Yeah.
872
00:37:21.239 --> 00:37:23.550
Then who knows? My parents were drinkers and not like,
873
00:37:24.019 --> 00:37:26.780
The first booze I had was stuff that I'd stolen
874
00:37:26.800 --> 00:37:27.440
from my parents.
875
00:37:28.079 --> 00:37:32.369
I think it being normalised is really useful. So it's
876
00:37:32.429 --> 00:37:36.030
not feeling like your first drink is some illicit thing
877
00:37:36.050 --> 00:37:39.050
that you've had to get an ID and all that.
878
00:37:39.070 --> 00:37:44.369
I remember trying beer and I remember having a hooch
879
00:37:44.429 --> 00:37:44.949
at home.
880
00:37:45.449 --> 00:37:46.360
Hooch, now you're talking.
881
00:37:46.380 --> 00:37:50.119
Now I'm talking your language. And it just means it's normalised.
882
00:37:50.639 --> 00:37:54.090
I mean, some people might look at the way I
883
00:37:54.110 --> 00:37:56.119
have drunk to excess in the last 20 years and say,
884
00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:58.679
maybe I am not the right person to talk about it.
885
00:37:58.679 --> 00:38:05.219
I will put you forward to like lead the discussion,
886
00:38:05.239 --> 00:38:09.219
chip in at the end. How have you spoken about
887
00:38:09.239 --> 00:38:11.219
the sex thing? What, how'd you approach that subject?
888
00:38:11.559 --> 00:38:11.739
Yeah.
889
00:38:11.780 --> 00:38:15.460
You know, I thought it would be impossible and really cringy,
890
00:38:15.539 --> 00:38:18.869
but actually they've really helped, you know? And also like
891
00:38:18.889 --> 00:38:23.230
you find just obviously being online, sex is everywhere. It's, it's,
892
00:38:23.389 --> 00:38:27.360
it's sort of, in or underneath everything that you see online.
893
00:38:28.230 --> 00:38:31.190
So it's sort of come up in conversation. They've made
894
00:38:31.230 --> 00:38:34.610
it easier in a way. They'll be saying like, whatever,
895
00:38:34.869 --> 00:38:38.460
this TikTok or this Instagram celebrity or whatever is going
896
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:40.820
out with this person or she was pregnant, they broke
897
00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:43.619
up because she cheated. Whatever it is, you sort of
898
00:38:44.539 --> 00:38:47.239
get into the conversation that way in a way that
899
00:38:47.300 --> 00:38:51.360
doesn't feel like judgy on you or us or like
900
00:38:51.460 --> 00:38:54.599
we're talking about sex in in the wild in the
901
00:38:54.679 --> 00:38:57.639
wild world basically out there in the world and that's
902
00:38:57.699 --> 00:39:00.099
kind of made it easier and we do talk about
903
00:39:00.119 --> 00:39:02.619
it pretty frankly and it's I'm glad we did it
904
00:39:02.639 --> 00:39:05.239
because I never had that conversation that conversation was never
905
00:39:05.280 --> 00:39:06.039
had in my house.
906
00:39:06.219 --> 00:39:08.909
Oh no I'm panicking even thinking about talking about sex
907
00:39:08.929 --> 00:39:10.929
with my mum already it's making me cringe.
908
00:39:10.710 --> 00:39:12.590
Do you know what I mean it just wasn't something
909
00:39:12.610 --> 00:39:13.309
that was done I.
910
00:39:13.289 --> 00:39:15.510
Can't imagine you having that chat with your daughters though
911
00:39:15.570 --> 00:39:18.869
Rob like that's like you're too matter-of-fact.
912
00:39:18.739 --> 00:39:20.260
It's weird because you want to be cool about it,
913
00:39:20.260 --> 00:39:22.389
but you don't want to be that dad who's like,
914
00:39:22.469 --> 00:39:22.789
hey girls.
915
00:39:22.809 --> 00:39:25.269
You don't want to be that dad. I guess it's
916
00:39:25.289 --> 00:39:28.489
important with daughters. Yeah, it is just bodies. It's important
917
00:39:28.510 --> 00:39:29.110
with daughters.
918
00:39:29.159 --> 00:39:31.480
It's one of the worst openings. It's just bodies, guys.
919
00:39:31.519 --> 00:39:33.500
It's just bodies rubbing in a way, isn't it? Isn't
920
00:39:33.519 --> 00:39:35.969
that right, Lou? Lou, you tell them. Bye!
921
00:39:36.699 --> 00:39:40.090
I suppose the darker side of it is the sort
922
00:39:40.130 --> 00:39:45.860
of sexual harassment, sexual violence side, right? Because... Boys, you know,
923
00:39:46.360 --> 00:39:49.119
it does happen, but it's much, much rarer, right? Boys,
924
00:39:49.179 --> 00:39:51.139
you've got to get them ready to get beaten up
925
00:39:51.199 --> 00:39:53.739
or mugged or something like that. Someone's going to try
926
00:39:53.780 --> 00:39:56.079
you on the street at some point. This is what
927
00:39:56.179 --> 00:40:00.679
you should try and do, you know, just run really fast.
928
00:40:01.079 --> 00:40:05.119
You know, with girls, you've sort of got to explain, okay, look,
929
00:40:05.659 --> 00:40:10.329
like there are guys who are looking at you like food, right?
930
00:40:10.670 --> 00:40:14.489
Those guys exist, right? you know, from, from all the
931
00:40:14.530 --> 00:40:17.110
way up to like sexual predators to just down to like,
932
00:40:17.550 --> 00:40:20.210
just like horny guys on the street, you know? Yeah.
933
00:40:20.670 --> 00:40:22.710
So that's, that's the conversation you're kind, you kind of
934
00:40:22.789 --> 00:40:23.369
have to have.
935
00:40:23.389 --> 00:40:24.190
Yeah, it's just as a warning.
936
00:40:24.210 --> 00:40:26.079
If you've got a teenager, you can't just like throw
937
00:40:26.119 --> 00:40:29.559
them to the walls. Yeah. You've got to say like.
938
00:40:29.619 --> 00:40:33.719
I'll go to the shops. Good luck. It's a shocker
939
00:40:33.760 --> 00:40:35.099
on your own if you make good luck.
940
00:40:35.420 --> 00:40:38.079
And, and, and, and again, again, girls are just brilliant
941
00:40:38.119 --> 00:40:41.670
because their emotional intelligence is so high or so much
942
00:40:41.710 --> 00:40:47.210
higher than boys that they, they sense things around safety.
943
00:40:47.949 --> 00:40:51.650
So they already go to the toilet in pairs. They
944
00:40:51.690 --> 00:40:54.679
text each other. When they go out, they go Westfield
945
00:40:54.699 --> 00:40:57.099
or whatever it is. They text each other, make sure
946
00:40:57.119 --> 00:40:58.860
the other one's got home. They're already doing that shit.
947
00:40:59.739 --> 00:41:05.119
I have never, ever sent that text. To a boy
948
00:41:05.559 --> 00:41:08.539
or a man in my entire life. You ever think
949
00:41:08.659 --> 00:41:13.769
if the police came round and say, Rob, Josh Widdicombe's
950
00:41:13.809 --> 00:41:18.079
been found, like, face down, hamster teeth, trousers around his ankles.
951
00:41:18.119 --> 00:41:21.099
You'd think, he was fine when I left him in
952
00:41:21.860 --> 00:41:24.000
the park. What's he done on the way home?
953
00:41:24.019 --> 00:41:27.340
Normally he just undoes a zip, not the whole down.
954
00:41:27.719 --> 00:41:30.110
This next episode's going to get the best figures yet.
955
00:41:30.190 --> 00:41:32.570
This is going to be an absolute win.
956
00:41:32.590 --> 00:41:34.750
Do you find that your daughters sort of nag you
957
00:41:34.809 --> 00:41:36.329
and tell you off a little bit and sort of
958
00:41:36.429 --> 00:41:37.690
almost act like your pet?
959
00:41:37.889 --> 00:41:39.820
All the time. All the time. All the time. So,
960
00:41:40.349 --> 00:41:44.429
Before it was when, like, with smoking, they had such
961
00:41:44.469 --> 00:41:46.780
a go at me about that, I had to quit.
962
00:41:47.219 --> 00:41:54.119
With stuff like playing my music too loud. Oh, that's mad.
963
00:41:54.219 --> 00:41:57.659
Like, there's loads of things I've done like that. Were
964
00:41:57.679 --> 00:42:00.199
you secretly smoking when they're telling you to quit? Are
965
00:42:00.219 --> 00:42:02.039
you like a teenager having to go to, like.
966
00:42:02.059 --> 00:42:04.780
A gas station down the street? Yeah, I was. Exactly that.
967
00:42:04.880 --> 00:42:08.280
And then, like, you're transported back to being a teenager. You're, like, getting, like,
968
00:42:08.699 --> 00:42:10.679
polos and the polos aren't strong enough so you get
969
00:42:10.699 --> 00:42:14.199
the extra strong mint like get into the house go
970
00:42:14.239 --> 00:42:17.000
straight to the bathroom like splash your face with water
971
00:42:17.019 --> 00:42:20.039
or even better have a shower you know listerine the
972
00:42:20.059 --> 00:42:22.380
whole night and they're still like where have you been.
973
00:42:27.289 --> 00:42:29.110
Do you ever have disagreements with your missus about what
974
00:42:29.130 --> 00:42:31.289
like you know if you're being too harsh of them
975
00:42:31.349 --> 00:42:33.289
or being too relaxed and stuff like that is there
976
00:42:33.309 --> 00:42:34.809
anything that's sort of been a sticking point.
977
00:42:36.300 --> 00:42:39.059
Yeah, I'd say both ways that that happens. That happens
978
00:42:39.119 --> 00:42:41.760
a lot. I think most of the time, if you can,
979
00:42:41.960 --> 00:42:43.820
even if you and your missus are at loggerheads, you've
980
00:42:43.900 --> 00:42:47.940
got to try and present a united front. Yeah, because
981
00:42:48.039 --> 00:42:50.780
if one of you appears to be the soft touch
982
00:42:50.920 --> 00:42:53.110
or one of you appears to be the cool parent.
983
00:42:54.210 --> 00:42:56.769
both parents will lose. You're both going to lose. Do
984
00:42:56.829 --> 00:42:58.730
you know what I mean? Because it's going to create
985
00:42:58.969 --> 00:43:01.909
resentment between you two or it's going to create imbalance
986
00:43:01.929 --> 00:43:04.989
within the family unit. So you've got to sort of
987
00:43:05.030 --> 00:43:07.710
back each other all the time. And then behind closed doors,
988
00:43:07.750 --> 00:43:09.570
you go, I disagree with that.
989
00:43:09.989 --> 00:43:10.489
Yeah.
990
00:43:10.530 --> 00:43:12.659
You can't, you can't do it in front of the kids.
991
00:43:12.929 --> 00:43:13.179
Yeah.
992
00:43:13.219 --> 00:43:16.519
We thought about like what type of schools to go to,
993
00:43:16.639 --> 00:43:19.679
like what they should, should and shouldn't be allowed to do.
994
00:43:19.780 --> 00:43:22.820
Like we argue about social media all the time. And
995
00:43:22.860 --> 00:43:25.780
I'm like, There's certain things where I feel like, okay,
996
00:43:26.420 --> 00:43:28.699
we'll present a united front, but behind closed doors, I'm like,
997
00:43:29.239 --> 00:43:31.340
I actually know a bit more about this than you,
998
00:43:31.460 --> 00:43:33.960
and vice versa, you know, with other stuff. I'll be like,
999
00:43:34.039 --> 00:43:36.400
you know what? I have to, like, bow down. You
1000
00:43:36.440 --> 00:43:38.960
know this shit better than me, so we'll go your
1001
00:43:39.019 --> 00:43:41.570
way on it. But if you have those conversations in
1002
00:43:41.610 --> 00:43:45.190
front of them, they're like, oh, no one's steering this shit.
1003
00:43:45.210 --> 00:43:48.210
Yeah.
1004
00:43:48.710 --> 00:43:52.469
Got a free ride. You know? But it's a scary thought, right?
1005
00:43:52.670 --> 00:43:54.710
Because you remember when you first clocked out about your parents. Oh,
1006
00:43:54.730 --> 00:43:58.050
my God, they're not superheroes. Yeah. They're just like lame
1007
00:43:58.170 --> 00:44:00.159
humans trying their best and failing.
1008
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:03.280
I don't know why they put it, but it's spot on.
1009
00:44:03.280 --> 00:44:06.320
Like all of us. Like all of us. And you
1010
00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:09.550
really feel it profoundly when you have kids. It makes
1011
00:44:09.590 --> 00:44:10.909
you want to pick up the phone and go, Dad,
1012
00:44:11.789 --> 00:44:14.030
I'm sorry. I'm such a dick, man. This is hard.
1013
00:44:14.369 --> 00:44:14.650
Yeah.
1014
00:44:14.750 --> 00:44:16.809
This is hard. I get it now.
1015
00:44:16.829 --> 00:44:17.300
I get it.
1016
00:44:17.349 --> 00:44:20.190
I get why it wasn't working out for you. Like perfectly,
1017
00:44:20.349 --> 00:44:23.090
you know, you go to your therapist and you're like,
1018
00:44:23.329 --> 00:44:25.610
can I take back every one of the last seven years?
1019
00:44:25.789 --> 00:44:28.170
Because I don't think it was all my parents' fault.
1020
00:44:31.590 --> 00:44:34.500
Do you feel like your music's a big thing for you, doc?
1021
00:44:34.579 --> 00:44:37.500
Obviously I like, were you, are they into the same
1022
00:44:37.559 --> 00:44:40.239
music as you? Are you, are you sharing that with them?
1023
00:44:40.519 --> 00:44:44.420
Were you like really like, you must've been really hoping
1024
00:44:44.440 --> 00:44:46.710
that would be a, kind of bonding thing.
1025
00:44:46.530 --> 00:44:49.110
Right definitely and i still do i mean me and
1026
00:44:49.130 --> 00:44:51.889
my wife have pushed a good music on them from
1027
00:44:51.949 --> 00:44:57.030
the start and it's had i would say mild to
1028
00:44:57.429 --> 00:45:01.000
decent success like mild to average yeah because at the
1029
00:45:01.019 --> 00:45:04.280
end of the day you can't stop kids from listening
1030
00:45:04.340 --> 00:45:07.320
to pop music like music that is now is for
1031
00:45:07.360 --> 00:45:10.579
kids do you mean yeah so whatever is now if
1032
00:45:10.619 --> 00:45:14.510
you're like 15 16 that's your music And everyone older
1033
00:45:14.590 --> 00:45:16.670
has to sort of try and work out why it's good.
1034
00:45:16.989 --> 00:45:19.880
But it just speaks to them. So even though it
1035
00:45:19.920 --> 00:45:24.079
might seem unlistenable to us, to them, it's like with
1036
00:45:24.099 --> 00:45:26.099
like a dog whistle, do you know what I mean?
1037
00:45:26.139 --> 00:45:28.400
There's a different kind of creature can hear it and
1038
00:45:28.440 --> 00:45:29.599
we just can't hear it in the same way.
1039
00:45:29.619 --> 00:45:31.179
Do you find yourself trying to get into it?
1040
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:34.260
Yes, and some stuff I do. Some stuff I'm like, whoa, actually,
1041
00:45:34.360 --> 00:45:37.289
the production on this is insane. Like the song that
1042
00:45:37.349 --> 00:45:39.949
they loved a few months back, actually start of lockdown,
1043
00:45:40.010 --> 00:45:45.719
was the Say So tune, Doja Cat. And the Dua
1044
00:45:45.760 --> 00:45:50.420
Lipa tune. If you don't want to see me dancing
1045
00:45:50.440 --> 00:45:53.860
with somebody. And listening to the production on those songs,
1046
00:45:53.909 --> 00:45:56.449
I was like, it's incredible. We play it loud in
1047
00:45:56.469 --> 00:45:59.210
the kitchen. We all have a little dance around. But
1048
00:45:59.309 --> 00:46:03.309
on the whole, I would say we've managed to sort
1049
00:46:03.349 --> 00:46:06.650
of wheedle in some good stuff here and there. They
1050
00:46:06.690 --> 00:46:08.630
both like the Beatles. Do you know what I mean?
1051
00:46:08.650 --> 00:46:11.579
They both like. some of the old indie that I
1052
00:46:11.659 --> 00:46:13.820
used to like. They both like a bit of UK
1053
00:46:13.860 --> 00:46:16.679
Garage from the 90s. You know, we snuck in like
1054
00:46:16.739 --> 00:46:17.409
bits and pieces.
1055
00:46:17.469 --> 00:46:19.409
I bet you love it when someone uses a sample
1056
00:46:19.550 --> 00:46:20.849
of something in like a new song.
1057
00:46:20.869 --> 00:46:24.130
You're like, that's actually an old one. Oh, yeah. That's
1058
00:46:24.170 --> 00:46:27.329
like the dad's dream. Yeah. I bet you're going to struggle, Josh.
1059
00:46:27.369 --> 00:46:28.269
They're not going to like Blur.
1060
00:46:28.489 --> 00:46:29.510
They won't like Blur.
1061
00:46:29.699 --> 00:46:31.760
Oh, my kids like Blur. Oh, do they? Oh, there
1062
00:46:31.820 --> 00:46:33.019
you go.
1063
00:46:33.380 --> 00:46:35.760
I think the Beatles is a big one. Like we got,
1064
00:46:36.699 --> 00:46:40.260
early on, she didn't really realise that. Now we listen
1065
00:46:40.420 --> 00:46:47.050
exclusively to Moana and Gary Barlow's theme tune for Paddington,
1066
00:46:47.070 --> 00:46:53.510
the Nickelodeon, and Robbie Williams' Tiger That Came to Tea song. Astonishingly,
1067
00:46:53.550 --> 00:46:56.909
she's into two solo Take That singles, which is astonishing.
1068
00:46:57.570 --> 00:47:01.090
But I want to just be playing the Beatles and
1069
00:47:01.130 --> 00:47:03.429
stuff so it seeps in. You know when people hear
1070
00:47:03.489 --> 00:47:06.099
about that? But the moment I try and put any
1071
00:47:06.139 --> 00:47:08.519
music on, She tries to put her own on. So
1072
00:47:08.579 --> 00:47:10.119
I'd prefer complete silence.
1073
00:47:10.159 --> 00:47:12.380
That's an ongoing battle. That is an ongoing battle. But
1074
00:47:12.420 --> 00:47:15.860
it will even itself out bit by bit. Some of
1075
00:47:15.909 --> 00:47:18.489
the best songs will become earworms. So like my younger one,
1076
00:47:19.110 --> 00:47:21.590
you know, she's just started secondary school, but she bumps
1077
00:47:21.610 --> 00:47:23.449
the Beach Boys, Queen.
1078
00:47:23.929 --> 00:47:24.650
Oh, wow.
1079
00:47:25.050 --> 00:47:27.909
So eclectic. The Goodfellas soundtrack she loves.
1080
00:47:28.130 --> 00:47:28.650
Blimey.
1081
00:47:28.989 --> 00:47:31.849
And then like AJ Tracy. I'm like, okay.
1082
00:47:32.539 --> 00:47:34.539
And is she telling her friends that she likes this
1083
00:47:34.559 --> 00:47:36.599
stuff or is that kind of her family kind of music?
1084
00:47:36.619 --> 00:47:41.420
Certain friends. She quite likes being the black sheep because
1085
00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:43.820
all her friends listen to pop. There's a couple of
1086
00:47:43.860 --> 00:47:46.039
friends she'll go listen to this, but the rest of
1087
00:47:46.059 --> 00:47:47.739
the time she keeps it to herself and she knows
1088
00:47:47.780 --> 00:47:48.510
that she's a freak.
1089
00:47:48.699 --> 00:47:50.050
Do you know what I mean?
1090
00:47:50.090 --> 00:47:52.929
The older one just listens to pop, Harry Styles, you know,
1091
00:47:52.989 --> 00:47:53.469
all that stuff.
1092
00:47:53.630 --> 00:47:56.190
Do you find like, because I quite like the idea of,
1093
00:47:56.570 --> 00:47:59.150
because obviously I don't know yet what my daughter's going
1094
00:47:59.170 --> 00:48:01.429
to be like, But when we had Lucy Beaumont on
1095
00:48:01.469 --> 00:48:04.250
and she was like quite pleased that I think she
1096
00:48:04.269 --> 00:48:05.929
said her daughter was a bit of a weirdo or
1097
00:48:05.949 --> 00:48:08.130
something like that. I'm quite excited by the idea of
1098
00:48:08.170 --> 00:48:11.389
having a quite an eccentric child or a daughter that
1099
00:48:11.429 --> 00:48:13.329
wants to kind of kick against the mainstream.
1100
00:48:13.969 --> 00:48:16.650
Absolutely. And I think the one thing that both my
1101
00:48:16.670 --> 00:48:19.360
kids share is they've got that. And I think a
1102
00:48:19.389 --> 00:48:22.010
part of that, I have to say, I'm not trying
1103
00:48:22.030 --> 00:48:23.590
to blow my own trumpet, but a part of it,
1104
00:48:24.380 --> 00:48:27.280
it has to be down to the fact that my
1105
00:48:27.340 --> 00:48:30.739
life is not linear do you mean yeah as much
1106
00:48:30.800 --> 00:48:32.719
as i wasn't around in the early days when i
1107
00:48:32.719 --> 00:48:35.139
was doing a lot of stand-up later on it was
1108
00:48:35.179 --> 00:48:37.460
the complete opposite you know i was around all the
1109
00:48:37.519 --> 00:48:40.820
time you know hanging out we get to do amazing
1110
00:48:40.880 --> 00:48:43.360
things you know when i went to host the baftas
1111
00:48:43.429 --> 00:48:45.849
in la i got that they they paid for me
1112
00:48:45.889 --> 00:48:47.469
to take them with me do you mean so they
1113
00:48:47.489 --> 00:48:49.929
were in hollywood yeah and i've taken them around the
1114
00:48:49.969 --> 00:48:53.530
world on tours we go to glastonbury every year thanks
1115
00:48:53.550 --> 00:48:57.519
to comedy yeah i mean So they've grown up at Glastonbury.
1116
00:48:57.599 --> 00:48:59.800
Yeah, if kids are exposed to stuff, then they will
1117
00:48:59.820 --> 00:49:03.400
be of broader interest. I mean, if either of mine
1118
00:49:03.420 --> 00:49:05.460
wanted a Fiat 500, I'd be absolutely devastated.
1119
00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:10.909
With Glastonbury, I'm fascinated by kids going to Glastonbury. Because
1120
00:49:10.929 --> 00:49:13.070
I've got friends that will take their kids to Glastonbury.
1121
00:49:13.090 --> 00:49:17.050
And I think I just feel so frustrated to be
1122
00:49:17.090 --> 00:49:19.550
that close to the party, but not able to be
1123
00:49:19.670 --> 00:49:21.420
in the party. if you know what i mean.
1124
00:49:21.360 --> 00:49:24.880
Okay so you've got to be really smart yeah you've
1125
00:49:24.940 --> 00:49:28.539
got to it's very very difficult to do with little
1126
00:49:28.559 --> 00:49:31.199
kids and i never did it so what we used
1127
00:49:31.219 --> 00:49:33.480
to do is we used to take them to whenever
1128
00:49:33.539 --> 00:49:36.280
i did latitude we take them there best of all
1129
00:49:36.730 --> 00:49:39.329
camp best of all very sort of child friendly yeah
1130
00:49:40.019 --> 00:49:42.059
With Glass, though, we always made a pact. Me and
1131
00:49:42.079 --> 00:49:44.400
my missus was like, no, it's just us two. They
1132
00:49:44.420 --> 00:49:48.000
can go and stay at my sister's. Done. Then as
1133
00:49:48.039 --> 00:49:50.619
they got older, they'd just be like, they'd watch it
1134
00:49:50.679 --> 00:49:53.989
on TV. And they'd go, what? This looks like a
1135
00:49:54.090 --> 00:49:57.130
better version of Best of All and Latitude. And we're like, yeah,
1136
00:49:57.289 --> 00:49:57.519
it is.
1137
00:49:57.829 --> 00:49:59.849
It's the daddy.
1138
00:49:59.889 --> 00:50:03.070
So we just bit the bullet and said, let's do it.
1139
00:50:03.190 --> 00:50:05.829
But there's strategic ways of doing it. So if you
1140
00:50:05.849 --> 00:50:09.030
know other comics or artists or even just friends who
1141
00:50:09.090 --> 00:50:11.809
are going with kids, You can work it out. So
1142
00:50:11.869 --> 00:50:14.789
say you do three, four nights, right? And there's two
1143
00:50:14.849 --> 00:50:18.210
or three other families. Then you go, right, mum's night,
1144
00:50:19.309 --> 00:50:21.780
Thursday night, dad's night, Saturday night. Do you know what
1145
00:50:21.800 --> 00:50:22.510
I mean? Yes.
1146
00:50:23.219 --> 00:50:23.800
That's a great plan.
1147
00:50:23.860 --> 00:50:27.039
And if it's just you and your missus, then what
1148
00:50:27.119 --> 00:50:29.500
we usually do is we say, you have a night
1149
00:50:29.539 --> 00:50:32.300
and I'll have a night. Just go out and be weird,
1150
00:50:32.360 --> 00:50:36.179
get weird, do whatever, and I'll just hold the fort.
1151
00:50:36.239 --> 00:50:39.179
And what's the morning like? 7 a.m waking up in
1152
00:50:39.219 --> 00:50:40.099
a tent.
1153
00:50:39.960 --> 00:50:51.739
With little ones it's horrendous.
1154
00:50:47.199 --> 00:50:48.820
Yeah you want to be the one that's got the
1155
00:50:48.880 --> 00:50:51.199
set who's got the second night for the one that's
1156
00:50:51.239 --> 00:50:52.900
going out you don't want to be burning your first
1157
00:50:52.920 --> 00:50:55.300
night and then you're staring down the barrel of you're
1158
00:50:55.320 --> 00:50:56.519
staying in there yeah.
1159
00:50:56.590 --> 00:50:59.789
Um we've got one final question Ben this is your
1160
00:50:59.829 --> 00:51:03.150
chance to basically have a little moan about your partner
1161
00:51:03.429 --> 00:51:05.409
is there one thing that frustrates you about the way
1162
00:51:05.429 --> 00:51:07.550
they parent that you couldn't actually say to their face
1163
00:51:07.570 --> 00:51:11.130
without it kicking off but is a fair thing that
1164
00:51:11.150 --> 00:51:13.329
you can now drop here and if she hears it
1165
00:51:13.349 --> 00:51:17.170
then maybe she'll take it on board wow.
1166
00:51:16.670 --> 00:51:21.030
I would say it's the coffee the sort of coffee
1167
00:51:21.090 --> 00:51:25.309
morning chats that she has with other mums and then
1168
00:51:25.900 --> 00:51:29.920
comes home with this horror story. You've got to delete
1169
00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:32.469
this app or you should never be able to do this.
1170
00:51:32.610 --> 00:51:36.329
And I'm like, that just feels like it's something that
1171
00:51:36.409 --> 00:51:39.269
someone said that they read in The Guardian or something
1172
00:51:39.309 --> 00:51:42.250
and now everyone's freaking out. Do you know what I mean?
1173
00:51:42.269 --> 00:51:42.489
Yeah.
1174
00:51:42.530 --> 00:51:46.769
My position has always been and always will be, let's
1175
00:51:47.130 --> 00:51:48.030
talk it out first.
1176
00:51:48.449 --> 00:51:48.710
Yes.
1177
00:51:48.730 --> 00:51:50.760
Because you can get freaked out. And I have this
1178
00:51:50.800 --> 00:51:52.139
argument with my sister all the time because she gets
1179
00:51:52.219 --> 00:51:56.090
super freaked out. about certain things. I know this damages kids.
1180
00:51:56.659 --> 00:52:00.710
Maybe it does, but what's going on in that house? Otherwise,
1181
00:52:00.730 --> 00:52:03.789
it's just anecdotal to me. Maybe it did damage that kid,
1182
00:52:03.829 --> 00:52:05.150
but what's going on in that kid's house?
1183
00:52:05.570 --> 00:52:05.949
Yeah, exactly.
1184
00:52:06.699 --> 00:52:08.900
Like, cause in my house we, we, we chat about
1185
00:52:08.940 --> 00:52:11.969
this stuff and you know, I like to give my
1186
00:52:12.010 --> 00:52:15.250
kids enough rope to hang themselves with, so to speak,
1187
00:52:15.269 --> 00:52:18.769
you know, like let them, let them make their own mistakes,
1188
00:52:18.869 --> 00:52:22.460
but also give them the tools to understand like this
1189
00:52:22.579 --> 00:52:25.679
might be problematic. I'm not just going to blanket ban shit.
1190
00:52:25.739 --> 00:52:26.219
Do you know what I mean?
1191
00:52:26.730 --> 00:52:29.389
My mum had a panic when Grand Theft Auto came
1192
00:52:29.489 --> 00:52:31.300
out and they got one kid at school that was
1193
00:52:31.360 --> 00:52:33.539
playing it for ages and got unwell or had a
1194
00:52:33.579 --> 00:52:35.500
seizure or something like that. He can't play that game
1195
00:52:35.519 --> 00:52:37.079
in case you have a seizure. I was like, he's
1196
00:52:37.099 --> 00:52:40.840
been playing it for like 20 hours. It's all different.
1197
00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:44.139
Listen, I think the main thing is just recognise your
1198
00:52:44.179 --> 00:52:46.500
kid is not you and your kid is not going
1199
00:52:46.539 --> 00:52:50.179
to be in your image. They're going to have elements
1200
00:52:50.280 --> 00:52:52.849
of you. But they're just going to work it out themselves,
1201
00:52:52.929 --> 00:52:54.909
no matter what you do. And if you really try
1202
00:52:54.949 --> 00:52:57.269
and force the issue, they're going to go the other way.
1203
00:52:58.010 --> 00:53:01.159
So the best thing to do is just talk it out.
1204
00:53:01.889 --> 00:53:05.159
And when they do make a horrific mistake, you can
1205
00:53:05.199 --> 00:53:10.699
just absolutely love the I told you so. That's what
1206
00:53:10.739 --> 00:53:11.090
I live for.
1207
00:53:11.099 --> 00:53:14.250
Thanks, Ben. That's been amazing. Cheers, mate.
1208
00:53:14.429 --> 00:53:14.909
Cheers, lads.
1209
00:53:16.909 --> 00:53:21.239
Ben Bailey Smith, stroke Doc Brown, depending on, I kept
1210
00:53:21.280 --> 00:53:23.199
calling him Doc and thinking I should call him Ben.
1211
00:53:23.239 --> 00:53:25.280
Yeah, but then I was calling him Ben and I thought, oh,
1212
00:53:25.300 --> 00:53:26.929
should I call him Doc a couple of times as well?
1213
00:53:26.949 --> 00:53:27.829
Oh, mate.
1214
00:53:27.909 --> 00:53:28.650
It's a nightmare, isn't it?
1215
00:53:29.090 --> 00:53:32.190
Yeah, but there we go. Wonderful man. Really nice to
1216
00:53:32.230 --> 00:53:32.710
speak to him.
1217
00:53:33.070 --> 00:53:33.570
Yeah.
1218
00:53:33.630 --> 00:53:35.880
I'm absolutely dreading the teenage years.
1219
00:53:37.010 --> 00:53:39.909
Mate, that, that, all I'm, I'm just looking asleep tonight.
1220
00:53:40.300 --> 00:53:41.719
I was just horrified about that.
1221
00:53:42.059 --> 00:53:44.519
Imagine if your daughter, but also, who are these lunatics
1222
00:53:44.880 --> 00:53:47.159
whose daughter's on TikTok and their phone.
1223
00:53:46.960 --> 00:53:47.519
Number's on it?
1224
00:53:47.940 --> 00:53:49.360
I'd go mental.
1225
00:53:49.719 --> 00:53:49.940
Yeah.
1226
00:53:50.199 --> 00:53:52.639
I'd buy every phone in South East London and Friday
1227
00:53:52.659 --> 00:53:54.170
the River just so she couldn't get another one.
1228
00:53:54.179 --> 00:53:55.110
I'd go to every shop.
1229
00:53:55.429 --> 00:53:57.250
You can't stop them going on social media because do
1230
00:53:57.269 --> 00:53:58.909
you remember the kid at school that didn't have a
1231
00:53:58.949 --> 00:54:02.230
TV and what a kind of social pariah they were?
1232
00:54:02.510 --> 00:54:04.469
You can't be those parents that have got the kid
1233
00:54:04.510 --> 00:54:05.150
that's got no.
1234
00:54:05.590 --> 00:54:06.969
Yeah, no, I think they can have a phone. If
1235
00:54:06.989 --> 00:54:08.489
they have social media, it's a private account.
1236
00:54:08.809 --> 00:54:09.829
They can have a phone, but it's got to be
1237
00:54:09.849 --> 00:54:11.590
a Nokia 3310. Yeah, Snake.
1238
00:54:11.650 --> 00:54:12.610
Just getting really good at Snake.
1239
00:54:13.849 --> 00:54:17.510
Impressive moves with Snake. You could save 10 text messages.
1240
00:54:17.719 --> 00:54:20.460
I can't wait to watch that CBeebies bedtime story thing now,
1241
00:54:20.500 --> 00:54:21.559
you know, when he was half cut.
1242
00:54:21.880 --> 00:54:24.239
Do you know what, mate? Romesh did it, of course.
1243
00:54:24.679 --> 00:54:25.900
I don't know how he fitted it in, but he
1244
00:54:25.920 --> 00:54:29.739
did manage it. I've got the same agent as Romesh,
1245
00:54:29.760 --> 00:54:31.280
and I said to her, when I saw him, I
1246
00:54:31.320 --> 00:54:33.420
texted her, I was like, Get me on that bloody
1247
00:54:33.460 --> 00:54:36.300
CBeebies thing, presuming the call would come the next week
1248
00:54:36.340 --> 00:54:39.280
that I've been drafted in. Not a fucking sniff. Not
1249
00:54:39.320 --> 00:54:40.250
heard a word about it.
1250
00:54:41.429 --> 00:54:43.670
I want to go down the list and see who's
1251
00:54:43.710 --> 00:54:44.010
done it.
1252
00:54:44.469 --> 00:54:45.030
It's really good.
1253
00:54:45.050 --> 00:54:46.570
Who's got picked above Josh Willingham.
1254
00:54:46.610 --> 00:54:50.179
Mate, the list is, I'd say it's probably got the
1255
00:54:50.239 --> 00:54:53.659
strongest booking list outside of the Graham Norton show.
1256
00:54:55.179 --> 00:54:56.010
Or Desert Island Discs.
1257
00:54:56.219 --> 00:54:57.389
Yeah, or Desert Island Discs.
1258
00:54:57.429 --> 00:54:59.170
Desert Island Discs is an absolute lottery.
1259
00:54:59.190 --> 00:55:00.869
It'll be like Ant & Dec, and then it'll be like, oh,
1260
00:55:01.809 --> 00:55:05.159
Philippa Singleton, who once wrote an amazing play in 1943.
1261
00:55:05.150 --> 00:55:07.909
Like, fuck off, Philippa. Who are you?
1262
00:55:08.289 --> 00:55:10.309
Rob, you are aware it's on Radio 4, mate. That's
1263
00:55:10.329 --> 00:55:12.489
getting eight times the listeners as the Ant & Dec one.
1264
00:55:13.030 --> 00:55:14.670
It's only because they're too fucking old to change the
1265
00:55:14.690 --> 00:55:15.849
channel on their old radios.
1266
00:55:16.130 --> 00:55:20.250
I was listening to Desert Island Discs. Like, like, like,
1267
00:55:20.610 --> 00:55:22.050
what do I mean by like, like on the radio.
1268
00:55:22.679 --> 00:55:25.239
And so that, so it went into like next week,
1269
00:55:26.059 --> 00:55:29.619
this is how out of touch the continuity announced was.
1270
00:55:29.659 --> 00:55:33.469
He went next week. We're joined by the comedian, Michael McIntyre.
1271
00:55:37.090 --> 00:55:39.269
Oh my Lord.
1272
00:55:39.630 --> 00:55:42.750
Uh, anyway, thank you to Ben. Uh, all do search
1273
00:55:42.829 --> 00:55:46.829
out his hungover, um, children's story on CBBs and do
1274
00:55:46.869 --> 00:55:49.969
search out his, um, his kids books. Um, thank you
1275
00:55:49.989 --> 00:55:52.469
to everyone for listening. We'll be back on Friday. with
1276
00:55:52.610 --> 00:55:56.800
various tales from your emails. I didn't mean that to rhyme.
1277
00:55:56.900 --> 00:55:57.619
It sounded great.
1278
00:55:57.699 --> 00:55:58.860
It was great, wasn't it?
1279
00:55:58.920 --> 00:56:02.469
Chatting to a rapper, it's really rubbing off on you.
1280
00:56:02.889 --> 00:56:05.289
Anyway, see you next time. See you on Friday.
1281
00:56:05.309 --> 00:56:06.030
Bye.
