WEBVTT
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There is a conversation you are avoiding with your team that is costing you everything.
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Now, the truth is, you might not even realize that you had to have the conversation at all.
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But all of your frustrations, all of the having to repeat things over and over, all of the behaviors that you don't want to see, but you don't really want to create a whole problem, or even those high performers who give their notice and you're totally blindsided.
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This conversation solves all of that.
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And today on Managing Made Simple, we are going to talk about not only what this conversation is, but how to have it.
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So it goes from being the hard conversation that you're avoiding to the easiest way to communicate with your team.
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Welcome to Managing Made Simple, a real talk podcast about the ins and outs of leading a team.
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I'm Leah Garvin, your host, and bring a decade of experience driving team operations in places like Google, Apple, and Microsoft on a mission to make leading your team easier.
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From delegating to feedback to one-on-ones and more, each week is a mini masterclass on making leading your team easier.
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Whether you're managing one person or a hundred, everyone is welcome to hang out on Managing Made Simple.
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Everybody knows the words, hey, can we talk?
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Send us spiraling.
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I mean, imagine if it's someone that you just started dating and they say, Oh, can we talk?
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You think, okay, they're either gonna say it's time to break up or they wanna take the relationship to a place that maybe you didn't want to take it at all.
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If it is an employee, you think if they say, hey, can we talk, that means they're gonna quit.
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And if it's your boss saying that, it means, oh, you think you're getting fired.
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There's this bias that we have around having a conversation that when someone brings up a conversation, it's never good.
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It's never like, hey, can we talk?
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I want to give you a million dollars.
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Because it just doesn't come up that way.
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And I think knowing this and acknowledging that, yeah, there's a lot of baggage with presenting a conversation or giving feedback or whatever, when we know that, we can start to say, okay, I get it.
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Yes, I have been avoiding some of these moments because I don't want to make it no whole thing.
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Now, besides the fact that conversations themselves can be really waited, well, giving feedback, it also has a bad rap.
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I mean, I talk about it a lot on the show that feedback is is often associated with criticism, something you have to do better, maybe something someone noticed about you that you didn't even realize you were doing, and now you feel kind of embarrassed, and you're feeling like, well, how long have I been doing that for?
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And it it so when you have to give feedback to your employees, they're already showing up a little bit on the defense.
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And then for you as the manager, you're feeling like, well, I have feedback to share.
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Maybe I have given it.
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Maybe an employee's gotten defensive, maybe I don't want to give the feedback and then they were doing pretty good in this other area, and now they're mad, and now their performance gets worse.
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There's all of these stories that we create, some that have been completely backed up.
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I'm not saying they're made-up stories, but there's all this baggage that comes with feedback.
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And so we start to avoid conversations.
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We stop giving it, or we give it indirectly, or we're not very specific, or we don't even want to bring something up because it doesn't feel like it's worth it.
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And then there's conversations that we didn't realize we were avoiding.
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How about those employees that are doing a great job?
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And you think, okay, they are set, they're handled, I got to deal with all these people that are problematic.
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I got so much to do over here.
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I'm gonna let that person just run with it because they're crushing it.
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That employee, that one that never really gets a lot of attention, that is your highest flight risk because that person's looking around and thinking, does anybody notice that I'm doing a good job here?
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Do I have a future here?
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Is there a path for me?
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Is my work being recognized?
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Hey, I'm going above and beyond.
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I want someone to notice.
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I want someone to like, you know, tell me what the plan is for my next promotion, for my growth here.
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And that employee that's doing a great job, they know their value.
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And so they're probably already looking at other options outside.
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And it is on you to be proactively reaching out to them and communicating with them so that they know, oh, wait, like there's totally a path for me here.
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I'm great.
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All of these problems, all of these situations are solved by having a conversation.
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And I call that conversation the sit-down.
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This is a 30-minute conversation.
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It's not ours.
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A conversation you can have anytime.
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You can have the sit-down with your employees every single week.
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You can utilize it for every single one, one of your one-on-ones, right?
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We talked about one-on-ones last week.
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This is the framework that you can use for it.
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And it is where you start by owning your own responsibility, kind of where you sit in the situation.
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So you start with saying, hey, and the sit-down has three steps.
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First, you take responsibility for how you're showing up in that dynamic.
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And the sit-down has three steps.
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First, you take responsibility for how you're showing up in the dynamic.
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Second, you give that feedback or specific recognition.
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And third, you share an action plan.
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So you come away with some next steps.
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30 minutes, three steps, and it literally solves the issues with the low performers, the behavior you're not wanting to see, someone that dropped the ball that's not taking responsibility.
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All of that is fixed.
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And it re-engages your high performers because they see, oh wow, this boss, they recognize, hey, they haven't checked in with me.
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They're telling me the specific things that I'm doing well, and we are making a plan for how I can keep growing.
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It is both sides.
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It is the one conversation to rule them all.
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And I'm sharing this framework because as I started to think about all of the patterns that showed up on every single team that I work with, Fortune 500s or companies with three employees, the issue was the same.
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There were these conversations that leaders were avoiding.
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And again, a lot of times it was because they didn't even think they needed to have it.
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And so a problem that seemed like, oh, the person showing up late to the team meeting, you know, and it's it's not really a big deal.
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But then other people started to complain, and then I said something, but then they were like, Well, how am I supposed to expect to be doing and it and it turned into this issue, and so like I'm not gonna bring it up again.
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Or the employee that says, Yep, uh, you ask him to do something, they say, I'm on it, it's on my list, and then it doesn't kind of get finished, and then you're like, hey, where is that?
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They're like, no, no, I got busy, I've got it.
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And you are thinking to yourself, no, you don't got it because it's not getting done, and you're getting frustrated, and they feel like, hey, get off my back.
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I told you I've got it.
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And you don't know how to approach that conversation.
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And then again, the employee that is quietly deciding to leave because they feel like, gosh, all you do is spend time with the problem people.
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I want to know that someone cares about me.
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All of this is fixed with a sit-down.
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30 minutes, three steps.
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And I'm gonna show you with a very specific example for recognition, and then a very specific example for constructive feedback.
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So you have the script, the literal thing to say when you have to have a sit-down.
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And I'm telling you, I've been using these for conversations with my clients.
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I've been using these, this framework for one-on-ones.
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It is the structure that takes out the guesswork.
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So when you're thinking to yourself, gosh, I want to have this conversation, I need to, I just don't know what to say.
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Right?
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That's why I put together my free guide, legarvin.com slash convo, C-O-N-V-O.
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This shows you how to apply the sit-down across five different sticky situations.
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So definitely grab that free guide there.
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And I'm gonna walk through these two situations in a second and you're gonna see how easy it is.
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Okay, so let's start with high performer.
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You want to, you realize, like, oh gosh, I haven't checked in with this person in a while and they're crushing it.
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And if I lost them, like, oh my gosh, I I would lose my 10X or I cannot afford to lose them.
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And maybe you're worried that if you have the conversation and you bring it up in the wrong way, they're gonna say, the only way I'm gonna stay here is if you pay me more.
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And you can't pay them more right now.
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So you're like, well, I don't want to bring this up.
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I don't really know what to say.
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I can't really offer them anything.
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So you don't have a conversation.
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And then that person leaves and you realize, gosh, why didn't I have the conversation?
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Well, that's what you're gonna do right now.
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So I'm gonna go and I set up my 30-minute meeting.
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Let's say my employee is Tina, and I start the conversation.
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Step one, taking responsibility.
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I say, hey Tina, um, you have been doing such an awesome job.
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And I realize like I have been so busy, so focused on the deadline, so focused on the launch that uh I haven't stopped to sit down with you and tell you how great, how great of a help you've been, and what great of a job you've been doing on these launches, on these things, and and really keeping a great culture on the team.
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And that's on me.
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Like I want to make sure that I'm regularly connecting with you.
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Step one, okay?
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Boom.
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Tina's like, whoa, this boss, she's taking responsibility.
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She's recognizing that I'm doing a job.
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Like, oh my gosh, I'm listening now.
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Tina is listening, ears open to what I have to say next.
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Step two, give the specific recognition.
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So, Tina, on that last launch, like, I know that uh, you know, you already had a solid plan and you were gonna crush it anyway.
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But the way that you went above and beyond and started sharing proactive updates, looking into the data and making sure that um anything that was a little bit off had an action plan around it, and then getting every single team member aligned, that kind of behavior is exactly what we want to see on this team.
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And this is what's gonna set you up to be a manager, say for probably in the next year or so, once we have a space open for that.
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Um, and Tina's like, oh my gosh, you saw specifically what I was doing.
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I was busting my butt around for this thing.
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It didn't go unnoticed.
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Okay.
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So I said Tina the specific feedback and why it was important.
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Now I said, so step three, what's Tina's action plan?
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So, Tina, we have another launch coming up, and I'd love for you to use that same framework.
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Like, let's use that as the way we we run launches.
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And in that, if you can start to teach other people on the team how to do that, that's gonna free you up for more growth.
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And then we're really gonna be tracking to that promotion for next year.
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How does that sound?
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Oh my gosh, Tina is going to stay with you at least for the next year to get that promotion and maybe for life, because you did those three steps.
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You owned your role as a boss to make sure Tina feels supported.
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You shared that specific recognition.
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She knows exactly what to keep doing.
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And third, you made an action plan super clear with a timeline so she knows, oh, okay, this is all for something.
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It's not for nothing.
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Wow.
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I want you to sit with that for a minute because I want that to sink in.
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That conversation is how you keep your high performers from leaving.
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And it's so simple.
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That's the power of the sit down.
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Now I want to look at before we wrap the constructive feedback because that's probably where you need to be doing it the most.
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You have that employee that is, let's use the example I shared before.
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They they show up for work, they're busy, you don't quite know what they're doing, and they're always saying, Yep, I'll get to it, I'll get to it, I'll get to it, and that never gets done.
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And you're having to chase things down, and a lot of times you're having to do that thing because it never got done and it need it was time sensitive, and they didn't seem to care about that, right?
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Okay, so you are frustrated because I'll get to it is kind of bogus and you're tired of it.
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And they've been saying it for a long time, maybe a couple of years, okay, and you're done.
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So you go, and this is we're gonna call this Joey, okay?
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So you go to Joey and you say, Hey Joey, um I I wanted to take a few minutes to check in.
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You know, I realize I've been really busy and I've been throwing a lot of stuff at you, sending a lot of requests, and um I realize it might have gotten confusing about priorities and what's needed to be done when.
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And I want to take responsibility for that because I know if a lot of stuff came onto my plate, I would be a little bit overwhelmed.
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So that's really on me.
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Step one, you took responsibility for your actions.
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You also gave Joey the benefit of the doubt that there's a lot going on.
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When you do that, step one, take responsibility, saying the words in that way, Joey's walls came down.
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He's listening.
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Okay.
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You didn't come at me saying, Joey, why didn't you finish this?
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Why didn't you do this?
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What's going on with this?
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Where Joey's like, nope, peace out, not listening.
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I'm just gonna keep doing things the way I was doing it.
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So you the walls came down by starting to take responsibility, how much work there is, not accusing anybody of anything, and sharing that empathy.
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I know I would be a little bit not sure to where to start, okay, if that happened to me.
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Step two, the specific feedback.
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Um, and Joey, the last few weeks, uh, when I've shared something to get done, you've said I'm on it, it's on my list, and I I know that, and I know you have a system.
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Um, at the same time, a lot of the stuff was time sensitive, and I want to make sure you're really clear on the priorities because when stuff doesn't get done by the end of the day, then I've got to add it to my list.
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And not only does it get confusing between what you know you versus I should be working on, um, it's it's loaded me up in a way that I can't be handling other projects.
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So I want to make sure we're really clear.
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Now Joey's like, oh, wait a second.
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Okay, it's about clarity.
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I'm not a bad person, I'm not a bad employee, right?
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So he's listening now.
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And so this is causing an issue.
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Okay, it's not about just, oh, I'm micromanaging you.
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It's a prioritization, it's a time management, and we're missing deadlines.
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Step three, let's make an action plan.
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Okay, Joey.
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So going forward, let's try this.
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When I assign you something, if it's something just to go on the backlog, I'll say, you know, get to it when you get to it.
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But if it's it needs to be done by today, I'm gonna say, hey, can you get this done by the end of the day?
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And if you say yes, the expectation that is that it gets done by the end of the day.
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Now, if there's too many things on the list, I am asking you to respond and say, hey, what what's the trade-off here?
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So please, Joey, when I write you an email and ask you to take care of something, look at the full to-do list and and make sure, yeah, there is space for this, or ask me what comes off the list to make space for that.
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Can we do that?
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Does that work?
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What questions do you have, right?
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You're asking Joey, yep, we're good, we're bought in.
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Does he have any concerns?
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And then we go from there.
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Now you have set a new expectation with Joey around what you want to see, you've given feedback around what not what's not working, and there's an action plan, something that you're gonna check in on that he's agreed to.
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Now, the beauty of the sit-down is because you were so clear.
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Now, if you follow up with an email after that, you say, hey, Joey, wanted to recap what we talked about.
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By the end, you know, I'm gonna have this two category of asks, the ones that are time sensitive, we'll do it this in this way.
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Good.
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Did I recap, did I capture this right?
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You are in like implicitly creating some documentation so that if you have to follow up later, you already have that in the bag.
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And it doesn't feel threatening.
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It doesn't feel like you're building a case about him.
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It's it's showing, hey, I just want to be clear on the same page in case I miss something, in case you miss something.
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This is the power of the sit-down.
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You see how non-threatening that was?
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You're frustrated about Joey missing all this stuff and just like saying he'll get to him when he gets to it.
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But instead of bringing that frustration, you took responsibility and you said, okay, yeah, I would be, I would be a little bit not sure what to, you know, where to go with this if this stuff all seemed like it was like equal priority.
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So you're recognizing that, and now he's listening, and now he has something to try.
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You've given a specific guardrails around it.
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This is the power of the sit-down.
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And I I encourage you to try it in your one-on-ones, to use this on a weekly basis, because this is going to make it so much easier to address whatever needs to be addressed in your team.
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I'm literally using this framework for like all conversations right now, and it is working because when you start by owning how you're showing up, when you start by taking responsibility, anybody is eager to listen to what you have to say.
00:15:51.679 --> 00:15:52.399
Literally.
00:15:52.559 --> 00:16:00.799
I'm even using this with executive presentations, encouraging them, well, how do you bring people along around a change so that they feel heard and understood?
00:16:00.879 --> 00:16:10.799
And like, hey, if the rug got pulled up from under them because there was a re-org or a priority shift or a big change, owning responsibility and saying, hey, like this was a lot to process.
00:16:10.879 --> 00:16:13.440
I understand that this must be a tough situation.
00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:16.559
People are listening, not like, hey, it's a tough economy out there.
00:16:16.720 --> 00:16:18.399
We gotta deal with it.
00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:20.240
Nobody responds well to that.
00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:21.600
We've got to understand.
00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:26.960
We are dealing with humans that have human feelings and human responses to things.
00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:29.120
The sit-down is your answer.
00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:39.200
30 minutes, three steps, and for examples of how to apply this to five of the stickiest kind of situations that show up on your team, similar to what I want what I talked about today.
00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:43.200
Head to Leagarvin.com slash convo and you'll get that free guide.
00:16:43.279 --> 00:16:45.840
And that's gonna really show you exactly what to say.
00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:47.519
All right, you've got this.
00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:48.879
Practice the sit down.
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:51.440
I'm so excited to hear how it's going.
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:53.279
So I always love to hear from listeners.
00:16:53.440 --> 00:17:00.159
Of course, reach out as you're trying it, and I know this is gonna make things so much easier for you with your teams.
00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:01.440
See you next time.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.120
There is a conversation you are avoiding with your team that is costing you everything.
00:00:05.280 --> 00:00:10.160
Now, the truth is, you might not even realize that you had to have the conversation at all.
00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:23.440
But all of your frustrations, all of the having to repeat things over and over, all of the behaviors that you don't want to see, but you don't really want to create a whole problem, or even those high performers who give their notice and you're totally blindsided.
00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:25.920
This conversation solves all of that.
00:00:26.160 --> 00:00:33.039
And today on Managing Made Simple, we are going to talk about not only what this conversation is, but how to have it.
00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:39.520
So it goes from being the hard conversation that you're avoiding to the easiest way to communicate with your team.
00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:44.640
Welcome to Managing Made Simple, a real talk podcast about the ins and outs of leading a team.
00:00:44.719 --> 00:00:52.719
I'm Leah Garvin, your host, and bring a decade of experience driving team operations in places like Google, Apple, and Microsoft on a mission to make leading your team easier.
00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:58.640
From delegating to feedback to one-on-ones and more, each week is a mini masterclass on making leading your team easier.
00:00:58.799 --> 00:01:03.600
Whether you're managing one person or a hundred, everyone is welcome to hang out on Managing Made Simple.
00:01:04.319 --> 00:01:06.799
Everybody knows the words, hey, can we talk?
00:01:07.040 --> 00:01:08.640
Send us spiraling.
00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:12.719
I mean, imagine if it's someone that you just started dating and they say, Oh, can we talk?
00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:20.079
You think, okay, they're either gonna say it's time to break up or they wanna take the relationship to a place that maybe you didn't want to take it at all.
00:01:20.319 --> 00:01:25.280
If it is an employee, you think if they say, hey, can we talk, that means they're gonna quit.
00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:28.560
And if it's your boss saying that, it means, oh, you think you're getting fired.
00:01:28.719 --> 00:01:36.239
There's this bias that we have around having a conversation that when someone brings up a conversation, it's never good.
00:01:36.480 --> 00:01:38.480
It's never like, hey, can we talk?
00:01:38.560 --> 00:01:40.000
I want to give you a million dollars.
00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:42.560
Because it just doesn't come up that way.
00:01:42.799 --> 00:01:53.680
And I think knowing this and acknowledging that, yeah, there's a lot of baggage with presenting a conversation or giving feedback or whatever, when we know that, we can start to say, okay, I get it.
00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:58.640
Yes, I have been avoiding some of these moments because I don't want to make it no whole thing.
00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:05.280
Now, besides the fact that conversations themselves can be really waited, well, giving feedback, it also has a bad rap.
00:02:05.519 --> 00:02:21.039
I mean, I talk about it a lot on the show that feedback is is often associated with criticism, something you have to do better, maybe something someone noticed about you that you didn't even realize you were doing, and now you feel kind of embarrassed, and you're feeling like, well, how long have I been doing that for?
00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:26.879
And it it so when you have to give feedback to your employees, they're already showing up a little bit on the defense.
00:02:27.199 --> 00:02:32.719
And then for you as the manager, you're feeling like, well, I have feedback to share.
00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:34.240
Maybe I have given it.
00:02:34.400 --> 00:02:43.680
Maybe an employee's gotten defensive, maybe I don't want to give the feedback and then they were doing pretty good in this other area, and now they're mad, and now their performance gets worse.
00:02:43.919 --> 00:02:48.719
There's all of these stories that we create, some that have been completely backed up.
00:02:48.800 --> 00:02:53.360
I'm not saying they're made-up stories, but there's all this baggage that comes with feedback.
00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:57.520
And so we start to avoid conversations.
00:02:57.680 --> 00:03:07.039
We stop giving it, or we give it indirectly, or we're not very specific, or we don't even want to bring something up because it doesn't feel like it's worth it.
00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:11.120
And then there's conversations that we didn't realize we were avoiding.
00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:15.120
How about those employees that are doing a great job?
00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:20.159
And you think, okay, they are set, they're handled, I got to deal with all these people that are problematic.
00:03:20.319 --> 00:03:22.240
I got so much to do over here.
00:03:22.319 --> 00:03:25.360
I'm gonna let that person just run with it because they're crushing it.
00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:35.680
That employee, that one that never really gets a lot of attention, that is your highest flight risk because that person's looking around and thinking, does anybody notice that I'm doing a good job here?
00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:37.520
Do I have a future here?
00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:39.039
Is there a path for me?
00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:40.639
Is my work being recognized?
00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:42.159
Hey, I'm going above and beyond.
00:03:42.240 --> 00:03:43.199
I want someone to notice.
00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:48.319
I want someone to like, you know, tell me what the plan is for my next promotion, for my growth here.
00:03:48.560 --> 00:03:52.800
And that employee that's doing a great job, they know their value.
00:03:53.039 --> 00:03:56.000
And so they're probably already looking at other options outside.
00:03:56.159 --> 00:04:04.479
And it is on you to be proactively reaching out to them and communicating with them so that they know, oh, wait, like there's totally a path for me here.
00:04:04.560 --> 00:04:05.520
I'm great.
00:04:06.159 --> 00:04:12.159
All of these problems, all of these situations are solved by having a conversation.
00:04:12.400 --> 00:04:15.039
And I call that conversation the sit-down.
00:04:15.280 --> 00:04:17.279
This is a 30-minute conversation.
00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:18.720
It's not ours.
00:04:19.199 --> 00:04:22.240
A conversation you can have anytime.
00:04:22.480 --> 00:04:25.519
You can have the sit-down with your employees every single week.
00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:29.040
You can utilize it for every single one, one of your one-on-ones, right?
00:04:29.120 --> 00:04:30.480
We talked about one-on-ones last week.
00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:32.879
This is the framework that you can use for it.
00:04:33.279 --> 00:04:39.360
And it is where you start by owning your own responsibility, kind of where you sit in the situation.
00:04:39.759 --> 00:04:45.920
So you start with saying, hey, and the sit-down has three steps.
00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:50.160
First, you take responsibility for how you're showing up in that dynamic.
00:04:50.560 --> 00:04:52.240
And the sit-down has three steps.
00:04:52.720 --> 00:04:55.839
First, you take responsibility for how you're showing up in the dynamic.
00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:59.600
Second, you give that feedback or specific recognition.
00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:02.000
And third, you share an action plan.
00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:03.439
So you come away with some next steps.
00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:14.319
30 minutes, three steps, and it literally solves the issues with the low performers, the behavior you're not wanting to see, someone that dropped the ball that's not taking responsibility.
00:05:14.480 --> 00:05:15.920
All of that is fixed.
00:05:16.240 --> 00:05:23.199
And it re-engages your high performers because they see, oh wow, this boss, they recognize, hey, they haven't checked in with me.
00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:29.279
They're telling me the specific things that I'm doing well, and we are making a plan for how I can keep growing.
00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:31.439
It is both sides.
00:05:31.519 --> 00:05:34.560
It is the one conversation to rule them all.
00:05:34.879 --> 00:05:50.079
And I'm sharing this framework because as I started to think about all of the patterns that showed up on every single team that I work with, Fortune 500s or companies with three employees, the issue was the same.
00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:53.360
There were these conversations that leaders were avoiding.
00:05:53.519 --> 00:05:56.879
And again, a lot of times it was because they didn't even think they needed to have it.
00:05:57.120 --> 00:06:03.920
And so a problem that seemed like, oh, the person showing up late to the team meeting, you know, and it's it's not really a big deal.
00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:12.800
But then other people started to complain, and then I said something, but then they were like, Well, how am I supposed to expect to be doing and it and it turned into this issue, and so like I'm not gonna bring it up again.
00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:21.680
Or the employee that says, Yep, uh, you ask him to do something, they say, I'm on it, it's on my list, and then it doesn't kind of get finished, and then you're like, hey, where is that?
00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:23.600
They're like, no, no, I got busy, I've got it.
00:06:23.839 --> 00:06:31.279
And you are thinking to yourself, no, you don't got it because it's not getting done, and you're getting frustrated, and they feel like, hey, get off my back.
00:06:31.360 --> 00:06:32.319
I told you I've got it.
00:06:32.399 --> 00:06:34.560
And you don't know how to approach that conversation.
00:06:34.800 --> 00:06:43.920
And then again, the employee that is quietly deciding to leave because they feel like, gosh, all you do is spend time with the problem people.
00:06:44.079 --> 00:06:46.399
I want to know that someone cares about me.
00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:49.199
All of this is fixed with a sit-down.
00:06:49.439 --> 00:06:51.439
30 minutes, three steps.
00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:58.959
And I'm gonna show you with a very specific example for recognition, and then a very specific example for constructive feedback.
00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:04.399
So you have the script, the literal thing to say when you have to have a sit-down.
00:07:04.639 --> 00:07:09.040
And I'm telling you, I've been using these for conversations with my clients.
00:07:09.199 --> 00:07:11.600
I've been using these, this framework for one-on-ones.
00:07:12.079 --> 00:07:14.560
It is the structure that takes out the guesswork.
00:07:14.720 --> 00:07:19.279
So when you're thinking to yourself, gosh, I want to have this conversation, I need to, I just don't know what to say.
00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:19.680
Right?
00:07:19.759 --> 00:07:24.720
That's why I put together my free guide, legarvin.com slash convo, C-O-N-V-O.
00:07:25.120 --> 00:07:29.279
This shows you how to apply the sit-down across five different sticky situations.
00:07:29.439 --> 00:07:31.680
So definitely grab that free guide there.
00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:36.560
And I'm gonna walk through these two situations in a second and you're gonna see how easy it is.
00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:39.600
Okay, so let's start with high performer.
00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:44.480
You want to, you realize, like, oh gosh, I haven't checked in with this person in a while and they're crushing it.
00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:50.319
And if I lost them, like, oh my gosh, I I would lose my 10X or I cannot afford to lose them.
00:07:50.480 --> 00:07:57.439
And maybe you're worried that if you have the conversation and you bring it up in the wrong way, they're gonna say, the only way I'm gonna stay here is if you pay me more.
00:07:57.600 --> 00:07:58.959
And you can't pay them more right now.
00:07:59.120 --> 00:08:00.639
So you're like, well, I don't want to bring this up.
00:08:00.720 --> 00:08:01.519
I don't really know what to say.
00:08:01.600 --> 00:08:03.199
I can't really offer them anything.
00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:04.879
So you don't have a conversation.
00:08:05.120 --> 00:08:09.120
And then that person leaves and you realize, gosh, why didn't I have the conversation?
00:08:09.279 --> 00:08:11.199
Well, that's what you're gonna do right now.
00:08:11.519 --> 00:08:14.879
So I'm gonna go and I set up my 30-minute meeting.
00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:17.759
Let's say my employee is Tina, and I start the conversation.
00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:19.120
Step one, taking responsibility.
00:08:19.199 --> 00:08:22.959
I say, hey Tina, um, you have been doing such an awesome job.
00:08:23.040 --> 00:08:39.039
And I realize like I have been so busy, so focused on the deadline, so focused on the launch that uh I haven't stopped to sit down with you and tell you how great, how great of a help you've been, and what great of a job you've been doing on these launches, on these things, and and really keeping a great culture on the team.
00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:40.159
And that's on me.
00:08:40.240 --> 00:08:42.960
Like I want to make sure that I'm regularly connecting with you.
00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:44.639
Step one, okay?
00:08:44.799 --> 00:08:45.200
Boom.
00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:48.879
Tina's like, whoa, this boss, she's taking responsibility.
00:08:49.039 --> 00:08:51.200
She's recognizing that I'm doing a job.
00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:53.120
Like, oh my gosh, I'm listening now.
00:08:53.360 --> 00:08:56.399
Tina is listening, ears open to what I have to say next.
00:08:56.639 --> 00:08:59.120
Step two, give the specific recognition.
00:08:59.360 --> 00:09:06.639
So, Tina, on that last launch, like, I know that uh, you know, you already had a solid plan and you were gonna crush it anyway.
00:09:06.799 --> 00:09:24.080
But the way that you went above and beyond and started sharing proactive updates, looking into the data and making sure that um anything that was a little bit off had an action plan around it, and then getting every single team member aligned, that kind of behavior is exactly what we want to see on this team.
00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:30.559
And this is what's gonna set you up to be a manager, say for probably in the next year or so, once we have a space open for that.
00:09:30.720 --> 00:09:34.879
Um, and Tina's like, oh my gosh, you saw specifically what I was doing.
00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:37.039
I was busting my butt around for this thing.
00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:38.320
It didn't go unnoticed.
00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:38.720
Okay.
00:09:38.879 --> 00:09:41.919
So I said Tina the specific feedback and why it was important.
00:09:42.080 --> 00:09:45.679
Now I said, so step three, what's Tina's action plan?
00:09:45.919 --> 00:09:50.240
So, Tina, we have another launch coming up, and I'd love for you to use that same framework.
00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:54.080
Like, let's use that as the way we we run launches.
00:09:54.240 --> 00:10:00.000
And in that, if you can start to teach other people on the team how to do that, that's gonna free you up for more growth.
00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:02.960
And then we're really gonna be tracking to that promotion for next year.
00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:04.480
How does that sound?
00:10:04.799 --> 00:10:13.120
Oh my gosh, Tina is going to stay with you at least for the next year to get that promotion and maybe for life, because you did those three steps.
00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:16.799
You owned your role as a boss to make sure Tina feels supported.
00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:18.720
You shared that specific recognition.
00:10:18.799 --> 00:10:20.399
She knows exactly what to keep doing.
00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:26.879
And third, you made an action plan super clear with a timeline so she knows, oh, okay, this is all for something.
00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:28.320
It's not for nothing.
00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:29.440
Wow.
00:10:29.840 --> 00:10:34.000
I want you to sit with that for a minute because I want that to sink in.
00:10:34.320 --> 00:10:38.480
That conversation is how you keep your high performers from leaving.
00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:40.000
And it's so simple.
00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:41.679
That's the power of the sit down.
00:10:42.720 --> 00:10:48.720
Now I want to look at before we wrap the constructive feedback because that's probably where you need to be doing it the most.
00:10:48.960 --> 00:10:53.919
You have that employee that is, let's use the example I shared before.
00:10:54.240 --> 00:11:03.600
They they show up for work, they're busy, you don't quite know what they're doing, and they're always saying, Yep, I'll get to it, I'll get to it, I'll get to it, and that never gets done.
00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:12.799
And you're having to chase things down, and a lot of times you're having to do that thing because it never got done and it need it was time sensitive, and they didn't seem to care about that, right?
00:11:13.039 --> 00:11:20.320
Okay, so you are frustrated because I'll get to it is kind of bogus and you're tired of it.
00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:24.960
And they've been saying it for a long time, maybe a couple of years, okay, and you're done.
00:11:25.279 --> 00:11:28.960
So you go, and this is we're gonna call this Joey, okay?
00:11:29.120 --> 00:11:37.120
So you go to Joey and you say, Hey Joey, um I I wanted to take a few minutes to check in.
00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:47.600
You know, I realize I've been really busy and I've been throwing a lot of stuff at you, sending a lot of requests, and um I realize it might have gotten confusing about priorities and what's needed to be done when.
00:11:47.679 --> 00:11:53.360
And I want to take responsibility for that because I know if a lot of stuff came onto my plate, I would be a little bit overwhelmed.
00:11:53.440 --> 00:11:54.720
So that's really on me.
00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:58.480
Step one, you took responsibility for your actions.
00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:02.399
You also gave Joey the benefit of the doubt that there's a lot going on.
00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:08.399
When you do that, step one, take responsibility, saying the words in that way, Joey's walls came down.
00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:09.519
He's listening.
00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:10.080
Okay.
00:12:10.399 --> 00:12:12.799
You didn't come at me saying, Joey, why didn't you finish this?
00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:13.440
Why didn't you do this?
00:12:13.519 --> 00:12:14.240
What's going on with this?
00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:16.799
Where Joey's like, nope, peace out, not listening.
00:12:16.879 --> 00:12:19.120
I'm just gonna keep doing things the way I was doing it.
00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:27.200
So you the walls came down by starting to take responsibility, how much work there is, not accusing anybody of anything, and sharing that empathy.
00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:31.440
I know I would be a little bit not sure to where to start, okay, if that happened to me.
00:12:31.919 --> 00:12:34.480
Step two, the specific feedback.
00:12:34.639 --> 00:12:44.320
Um, and Joey, the last few weeks, uh, when I've shared something to get done, you've said I'm on it, it's on my list, and I I know that, and I know you have a system.
00:12:44.399 --> 00:12:55.600
Um, at the same time, a lot of the stuff was time sensitive, and I want to make sure you're really clear on the priorities because when stuff doesn't get done by the end of the day, then I've got to add it to my list.
00:12:55.759 --> 00:13:05.039
And not only does it get confusing between what you know you versus I should be working on, um, it's it's loaded me up in a way that I can't be handling other projects.
00:13:05.200 --> 00:13:07.279
So I want to make sure we're really clear.
00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:09.919
Now Joey's like, oh, wait a second.
00:13:10.159 --> 00:13:12.080
Okay, it's about clarity.
00:13:12.240 --> 00:13:14.960
I'm not a bad person, I'm not a bad employee, right?
00:13:15.039 --> 00:13:16.399
So he's listening now.
00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:18.720
And so this is causing an issue.
00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:22.080
Okay, it's not about just, oh, I'm micromanaging you.
00:13:22.159 --> 00:13:25.120
It's a prioritization, it's a time management, and we're missing deadlines.
00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:27.200
Step three, let's make an action plan.
00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:28.240
Okay, Joey.
00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:29.759
So going forward, let's try this.
00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:35.679
When I assign you something, if it's something just to go on the backlog, I'll say, you know, get to it when you get to it.
00:13:35.840 --> 00:13:40.879
But if it's it needs to be done by today, I'm gonna say, hey, can you get this done by the end of the day?
00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:45.039
And if you say yes, the expectation that is that it gets done by the end of the day.
00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:51.519
Now, if there's too many things on the list, I am asking you to respond and say, hey, what what's the trade-off here?
00:13:51.679 --> 00:14:02.399
So please, Joey, when I write you an email and ask you to take care of something, look at the full to-do list and and make sure, yeah, there is space for this, or ask me what comes off the list to make space for that.
00:14:02.639 --> 00:14:03.279
Can we do that?
00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:04.320
Does that work?
00:14:04.639 --> 00:14:05.919
What questions do you have, right?
00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:07.840
You're asking Joey, yep, we're good, we're bought in.
00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:09.120
Does he have any concerns?
00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:10.799
And then we go from there.
00:14:11.279 --> 00:14:22.480
Now you have set a new expectation with Joey around what you want to see, you've given feedback around what not what's not working, and there's an action plan, something that you're gonna check in on that he's agreed to.
00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:27.200
Now, the beauty of the sit-down is because you were so clear.
00:14:27.360 --> 00:14:31.840
Now, if you follow up with an email after that, you say, hey, Joey, wanted to recap what we talked about.
00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:37.120
By the end, you know, I'm gonna have this two category of asks, the ones that are time sensitive, we'll do it this in this way.
00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:37.360
Good.
00:14:37.600 --> 00:14:39.519
Did I recap, did I capture this right?
00:14:39.759 --> 00:14:46.399
You are in like implicitly creating some documentation so that if you have to follow up later, you already have that in the bag.
00:14:46.639 --> 00:14:48.000
And it doesn't feel threatening.
00:14:48.080 --> 00:14:50.639
It doesn't feel like you're building a case about him.
00:14:50.799 --> 00:14:56.080
It's it's showing, hey, I just want to be clear on the same page in case I miss something, in case you miss something.
00:14:56.559 --> 00:14:58.320
This is the power of the sit-down.
00:14:58.639 --> 00:15:00.639
You see how non-threatening that was?
00:15:00.879 --> 00:15:05.360
You're frustrated about Joey missing all this stuff and just like saying he'll get to him when he gets to it.
00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:15.120
But instead of bringing that frustration, you took responsibility and you said, okay, yeah, I would be, I would be a little bit not sure what to, you know, where to go with this if this stuff all seemed like it was like equal priority.
00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:19.279
So you're recognizing that, and now he's listening, and now he has something to try.
00:15:19.440 --> 00:15:22.080
You've given a specific guardrails around it.
00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:24.639
This is the power of the sit-down.
00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:36.960
And I I encourage you to try it in your one-on-ones, to use this on a weekly basis, because this is going to make it so much easier to address whatever needs to be addressed in your team.
00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:51.440
I'm literally using this framework for like all conversations right now, and it is working because when you start by owning how you're showing up, when you start by taking responsibility, anybody is eager to listen to what you have to say.
00:15:51.679 --> 00:15:52.399
Literally.
00:15:52.559 --> 00:16:00.799
I'm even using this with executive presentations, encouraging them, well, how do you bring people along around a change so that they feel heard and understood?
00:16:00.879 --> 00:16:10.799
And like, hey, if the rug got pulled up from under them because there was a re-org or a priority shift or a big change, owning responsibility and saying, hey, like this was a lot to process.
00:16:10.879 --> 00:16:13.440
I understand that this must be a tough situation.
00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:16.559
People are listening, not like, hey, it's a tough economy out there.
00:16:16.720 --> 00:16:18.399
We gotta deal with it.
00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:20.240
Nobody responds well to that.
00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:21.600
We've got to understand.
00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:26.960
We are dealing with humans that have human feelings and human responses to things.
00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:29.120
The sit-down is your answer.
00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:39.200
30 minutes, three steps, and for examples of how to apply this to five of the stickiest kind of situations that show up on your team, similar to what I want what I talked about today.
00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:43.200
Head to Leagarvin.com slash convo and you'll get that free guide.
00:16:43.279 --> 00:16:45.840
And that's gonna really show you exactly what to say.
00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:47.519
All right, you've got this.
00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:48.879
Practice the sit down.
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:51.440
I'm so excited to hear how it's going.
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:53.279
So I always love to hear from listeners.
00:16:53.440 --> 00:17:00.159
Of course, reach out as you're trying it, and I know this is gonna make things so much easier for you with your teams.
00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:01.440
See you next time.
