Lindsay: What's your price? To spend 24 hours with a book that contains everything ever said about you behind your back, or to only communicate with relatives through interpretive dance for one year? Or to only wear Crocs for the rest of your life.
Aron: Let's find out. Find out with us cuz it's time to play human values.
Your weekly stop for logical debates about illogical questions here to give each hypothetical the dialectical, but the O in Comedy game show and stick that patty whack, right we're the Tax Slack we're your hosts and Ruben Korney and Lindsay Hicks. Also joining us today is a very special guest comedian Paul G.
So kick off those Crocs. Lindsay, you wearing Crocs? Oh, I'm a one croc
Pallavi: shop.
Aron: If you're just tuning in now we're talking about clap sync. The industry term for everyone's slapping limbs around everywhere to try and make audio work. It
Pallavi: never works cuz there's always like a lag. Like there's always something . And then you, for me, I like second guess myself and I'm like, wait, should I wait to clap?
Cuz there's that
Aron: moment you are on the wrong show for second guessing yourself. Cuz we are gonna make you.
Pallavi: First guess myself. . Yeah. A
Aron: lot of first guessing. Lindsay, what's your relationship with with words today? My
Lindsay: relationship with words today is not great. Words are very hard
Pallavi: for me today. Fair enough.
Aron: Pavi, are you good with words today? How's your day been with words? Here's the
Pallavi: thing, I have sleep apnea and at a certain point in my tiredness, my brain fully shuts down and then my brain is like a baby in that I like lose vocabulary words one by one. So right now I'm kind of like, I'm a, if you caught me like an hour after this,
I would be fried, I'd be done. So
Lindsay: we're we're catching you in the final hour?
Pallavi: Yeah. In that, in the sunset. I shouldn't say sunset hours. That's not nice. But like in the , , we're ringing
Aron: the sponge dry. Exactly. Is that weird to refer to you as a sponge? I don't, I don't know if we know each other well enough for me to be calling you a sponge.
But I mean,
Pallavi: the only sponge I know is SpongeBob and he's pretty chill. So that's.
Aron: You're an interesting guest because you're a comedy writer, you're a standup comedian, and you're a biomedical engineer. You're like, all these things.
Pallavi: Yes, but I, I'm not, I haven't engineered anything in a minute.
Aron: Okay. I, yeah, I wanted to kind of understand the DNA of your, of, of you as a human, because it seems like there's so many sides of you.
Pallavi: Yeah, I've had that. Like my whole life, I think I've gotten pulled in a bunch of different directions. I started out in biotech, in biomedical engineering. I did like internships in like seventh grade and onwards. And then I did an undergrad. I did a master's. I worked in industry in biotech. And then I started my PhD when I started standup, and then standup and comedy kind of took over.
And then three years into my PhD I quit. And that turned into a second master's. And then during the pandemic, I was part of a team that created a 5 0 1 nonprofit, making open source medical devices, and I was co-executive director and now I'm kind of like sort of stepping back from it a little. Still love the, the whole group and everything, but I have so much other work that I have to do right now
So I do that. And then I also like, run a mutual aid kind of organization to tutor black students for free online. And so those are how I get like my stem out, you know what I mean? Like just volunteer. And then all of my paid gigs are through comedy , so like writing and standup. So I've kind of like taken the pressure off of the technical stuff, which is so much more fun.
That's really the opposite of most people's lives. That's how messed up the world.
Aron: Yeah, it was like your parents just tell their friends. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, don't worry about her so much. There's still comedy on the side to pay the bills.
Pallavi: No, they actually, they're like, yeah, yeah. She also does, uh, this volunteer stuff though.
It's still technical, so there's that. Like, they kind of like, no. Yeah, but my, I mean my parents, my dad is like, he, he'll tell everybody that I do stand up. He's like, chill with it. So I think eventu, I think the main concern is they just want me to do what? Like what every parent wants a kid to do. It's like buy a house and it's like none of us are buying houses now.
What are you crazy? None of us are getting afford that. Not a thing. That's not a thing anymore. That's a thing of the past.
Aron: That is a crazy ambition. a house that's
Pallavi: like smoking on airplanes. We don't do that anymore. buy houses.
Aron: I forgot that used to be a thing. Huh? Do you remember that? Like growing, of course you do.
I don't know, whatever. But like having the cigarette ash dispenser on your armrest on airplanes. Yes. You remember that? And there was gum shoved in them. And
Lindsay: in cars.
Pallavi: I don't remember the cars. Oh wait, kind of the cars one? Yeah, on the, on like
Lindsay: the armrest of cars or there was like little button where you flop open and
Aron: the cigarette lighter in the car.
Remember the cigarette lighter?
Pallavi: Yeah, for sure. For sure. Still in like a lot of cars, but yeah, the airplane thing. Wow.
Aron: Well, the cigarette lighter is in cars now. as a plug for charging.
Pallavi: Yeah, exactly. But yeah, the, the cigarette ashtray on airplanes. Man, that was a fun little thing to annoy your brother with when you were sitting next to him.
on the airplane.
Aron: I believe you. I have no siblings, but Lindsay might relate to
Lindsay: this. I, anything you can annoy a sibling with I think is a useful thing. How is your sibling older or younger? He's
Pallavi: older. I'm actually going to his baby shower this weekend. He's having my baby. Cute. I know. I'm so excited. Is it
Lindsay: his first
Pallavi: one?
Yes, it's my first like direct aunt moment. Um, so I'm, I'm really hyped. I went and visited them a couple weeks ago and um, my brother and I helped build the crib. We put together my crib Oh God. And we like tested the car seats and stuff and I was like, ah, I'm an auntie. I was like having a full moment
That is so cute.
Aron: I appreciate you say aunt, by the way. I also say aunt, but I feel like a lot of people say aunt,
Pallavi: oh, it's the British English. Cuz the first people that I called my aunts were Indian. And that's that colonialism for you, . Well,
Aron: right. All right. Cuz that's an Indian family. At least it's aunties are just, uh, right.
It's not, the term is like, not even your actual aunt,
Pallavi: but like Yeah. It's just like anybody of a certain generation above you. Um, that's, that's your auntie.
Lindsay: It's very endearing. Yeah. It's a very endearing term. Yeah. I. Lindsay,
Aron: what do, what do white Texans call their relatives? Well, it,
Pallavi: oh my God. The timing on that, they call it dog bark
Lindsay: They call it little dog bark. They go, she's having a very stressful evening. I don't understand what's
Pallavi: going on. Incredible.
Aron: All right, here's the deal. Let's play this game. So we're doing human values, or as the Italians call it,
Pallavi: Human values. Oh my God. Wow. Racist coming for POC Italian people. How dare you.
I heard
Lindsay: Italians
Aron: were on the table. No one is safe on this show.
Pallavi: I'm sick of the woke mob coming for Italian .
Aron: This is our stance. Okay. The way this all works is that we're going to learn three questions today from Kensington Hicks, and she's gonna tell us, what's your price to do something. And it's not about just what your price is, it's
Pallavi: the least.
The least amount of money I'd be willing to be paid to do something.
Aron: And the fun little garnish at the end of that meal as we look at the Meison Plus of it all is that we, as we reveal the answers, we're also gonna show what the audience poll had to say. Oh, we tend to pick out two people and what they submitted.
But on Human Values podcast.com, listeners can tell us their thoughts, the questions, and the poll answers, and it's just, listen, it's gonna be a bun. It's gonna be fun on it. Cool. Hell yeah. This is special cuz you don't know the questions for today.
Lindsay: I don't. We love a surprise question episode. I love it.
What's your price to spend 24 hours with a book that contains everything ever said about you behind your back?
Pallavi: This is okay. This is how much I would get paid to read this book. How much you would. How much I would charge to read this book. I go on Twitter every day and I can look in my mentions . I'm doing that for free.
You guys, I kind of wanna know like. So I could just look up specific people. I would pay to do that. I would pay . I
Aron: would pay. Would you, would you pay to spend 24 hours with it?
Pallavi: Yeah, I would pay to see what some people said behind my back and then I would pay a lot more for therapy after
Aron: I think . See, I think I'm with you.
I, I rarely know so definitively, so early on that I don't care about being paid for it. Cause I would just do it for free. But also you don't have to read it. Yeah,
Pallavi: I could just hold it. I could look up specific people like I don't have to. Everyone who's ever seen like my social media or like even like people who have vaguely in my life, but I would love to see like what one of my exes said about me to his new person.
You know what I mean? Or like what mutual friends have told, you know, other people, you know. I would love to see that. I would love to see. What my parents say about me to each other? No, I don't actually. I don't wanna see that. But no, I don't wanna
Aron: see that. I think that's the fear is if you open that, do you really wanna know what people say about you behind your back?
This is
Pallavi: a thousand percent toxic of me. Like I definitely should not be doing this. This is like me in my like base desire. This is like I'll pay to, I'll pay to read it and I'll never tell anyone about it. Does that make. Oh,
Aron: I thought you were being like, cool in aloof. I thought you were like, nah, it won't touch me.
No, no. It
Pallavi: will destroy me from within, but it's like a thousand per, and it's, you know, I, it's something that I'll never admit to anyone except I will need like, intense therapy to get over it. So I'm, I'm paying for that one. Like, I don't wanna, I don't have that much money.
Aron: You don't have to pay. You can get paid, but it sounds like it's zero.
Pallavi: No, no, no. But I'm paying .
Lindsay: Cause you want it so bad. You want.
Pallavi: Yeah, that's how messed up I, you guys are like, you don't have to pay for it. And I'm like, I'll pay. This is how bad of a negotiator I am. I'm like, take my money, gimme the book, .
Aron: Have you ever gone to like, um, an open, like foreign market and like tried to barter?
Oh
Pallavi: my God, no. Because my mom will sit there and like argue like, not even in, like she's banned from a things remembered. Do you know like those places that en engrave
Lindsay: you getting engraved? Yes. How did she get banned from a things you remembered? Because
Pallavi: she , she bought something like right at the register and it said, no refund.
And then she bought it and then she immediately was like, but what if I wanna re like want a refund for it? And they were like, you can't do that. You read the sign. And she just got in an argument with them cuz she was like, but what if I don't want it? And then it was like a huge like yelling match and I was like trying to pretend not to be the only brown girl in a things remembered in a mall in Utah and like it did not work.
After that, I'm like, I'll pay for like Incon. Like I just don't wanna handle, like I don't you. I don't wanna have to bargain or whatever. Like it's not worth the time or the effort unless it's like a crazy big thing, you know, like a car or a house or something. I'm like, I like just take it. I don't want to argue with you by the
Aron: way.
I wanna say, tell me if I'm misquoting this A brown girl in a things remembered in a mall in Utah. Sounds like the greatest name for like, Like a 2002 indie song.
Pallavi: I literally was gonna be like a Taylor Swift album if Taylor Swift was Brown . But really, but
Aron: truly. Okay, wait. So speaking of toxic and insane, I think I would really be afraid of it.
Like I, I, I, I think I wouldn't open it. I would, I would, I would do it for free. I would spend 24 hours with it, but then I start thinking about you guys. It's almost like, how could you not? How can you not open it? Just a crack. Lindsay, would you crack that slack?
Pallavi: I have a whole process I've worked on. Wait, wait, wait.
Don't pretend like crack that slack as a saying. Everybody says what?
Aron: I went to, I went to Subway this morning and they were like, yeah, you want to crack that slack with a, with a some avocado? And I was like, yeah, what does that mean? Crack some
Pallavi: slack. Crack some slack. Okay, we're gonna, you guys hashtag crack some.
Please get it trending. Yeah, , it's a movement.
Lindsay: So I've been thinking about how I would crack Slack , and I've got a little process I've worked out, which is crack it up. I, first of all, let me just say, I don't know if you guys have ever done this, but I used to have a little bit of a problem with social media looking at, oh no, people I used to date.
Ooh. And also, People who used to date people I was dating. Hmm. Got it. I'm not the first person to do it. I won't be the last. I know it's a common
Pallavi: thing. It sounds like you're cursing. Everyone who's listening to this podcast, , you're like, I shall not be the last, we'll carry this on .
Lindsay: And I didn't really think much of it.
I was just like, whatever. I'm just gonna see what so-and-so's doing. You know what I mean? But it hurt my feelings a little bit. But it was a little bit of a high where I was like, ouch. Ooh. Feels, Ooh, yeah. Ouch. No. Yeah. No. Yeah, no. Yeah.
Aron: It's very masochistic of you. Yeah. Was a little masochistic. Are you an emotional masochist?
Lindsay? Could be.
Lindsay: Ooh, ooh. I don't like it. It's something I'm sorting through.
Pallavi: I feel like I'm like, that a thousand, I'm like that too. I, I'm a hundred percent like that. Like I feel like some part of us is, . I miss the angst of our teenage years and how like deep everything cut and we're just trying to get back to that.
And then we do these crazy things. It's very toxic. . It's so toxic.
Lindsay: But I also was like, well, that information exists. I need to know. It's something I'm curious about. I need to know.
Pallavi: I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm like stalking my ex's ex. That's what I'm doing.
Lindsay: Yeah. Like didn't have the mindset of.
Aron: Have you met one?
Have you like gone out to find one and like befriended one of the ex's exes?
Pallavi: Are you training me or
Aron: Lindsay if it's a weird question that's overly invasive, it's usually aimed at Lindsay.
Pallavi: Oh, I, I will open, this is not invasive at all, but I have had my ex's ex be front row at a comedy show to see me, and then we talked about it while I was on stage.
What? Ooh, that's really fun. Oh, it was so fun. It was so much fun. I was like, it was like a kink comedy show. And then I was doing jokes and then I eventually was like, okay, my ex's ex is here. Let's talk about this. And then I was like, okay, on three, let's say what our ex's kink was or shared eggs. And I went 1, 2, 3.
And she went not showering enough. And I went, not fucking me . And it was. It was fun. Wow.
Aron: What is a i I, I feel like I know the answer now. What's a kink comedy show?
Pallavi: It's like we would do a set and then like, mine was like temperature play, so they would like put ice on me or something. It was very like, very tame, you know,
Lindsay: just like, oh, I see.
Silly. So they're doing little interstitial, kinky things between sets. I see. Yeah,
Pallavi: yeah, yeah. Got it. Sorry, I interrupted you, Lindsay. Have you stalked an X or an X'S X or anything? Well, I've
Lindsay: become friends with an X's. Before, but it wasn't really on purpose. But I did know that that person had dated the person I had dated because I'm crazy.
Pallavi: Oh, they didn't know you knew? Well, I don't think
Lindsay: they knew how much I knew. Oh, but here's the thing, I was talking to a therapist about it and I was like, Saying like, I did this, you know, I was looking at, and she was like, you were what? And I was like, yeah, I was looking at, and she was like, why would you do that?
And I was like, wait, how old is this therapist? Probably 53 or
Pallavi: 54. They don't know what it's like. They don't know the access we have. It's
Lindsay: true. , but she did have a point. She said, there's something I like to call pain shopping, which is when you need a little hit of something to make you feel connected.
Sometimes the way you feel connected is by finding a familiar pain and knowing where to go to get it. And I was like, oh, I've been pain shopping and I didn't even know it.
Pallavi: I didn't know that was a term, but I do that all the. All the time. Yeah, it's
Lindsay: a very normal thing. I think a lot of us do it, but ever since then, I stopped.
She said something about the pain shopping thing. I stopped. I don't look at, I don't look at X's. I don't look at, I don't look
Pallavi: at any of that stuff. Do you know what, okay. Similar thing happened in a different part of my life. Well, similar part of my life, but like. Uh, I was dealing with this fuckboy and I couldn't let him go.
I just kept going back to him and I had all this shame and all of this, like guilt about it. And then my therapist, I was like telling her, I was like, yeah, I hooked up with him again. Like, Ugh, I know it's bad. And she was like, it's not bad, it's not good. It's just a neutral thing and you'll get over it when you get over it.
And then I immediately got over it because she said that, take the power out of it. She took the power out of it. She identified it, got rid of my shame, guilt, no spiral. It was great. Incredible. Maybe I'll stop pain shopping. No. Now that I know what it is, maybe you've passed this gift on. To me,
Lindsay: it has made my life so much better.
Like I have so much less anxiety. That's
Pallavi: wonderful. I bet you like read books and stuff now and like hobbies.
Lindsay: I have so many different hobbies. I started drawing .
Pallavi: Why'd you point to your eyes? You went dry. Thank you. I was gonna ask that too. That's the first thing everybody draws is like an eye. Yeah, . So anyway,
Lindsay: when I think of.
Book this burn book of sorts, all about
Aron: me. Ooh, way to take it full circle. Well,
Lindsay: that's where, that's why I went there because this feels to me like a little bit of pain
Pallavi: shopping. It's pain shopping. That's why I was all in.
Lindsay: You know what they say in Al-Anon, what other people think of you is none of your business.
Ooh,
Pallavi: we are preaching today, .
Aron: Can I tell you I was, I was peeing this afternoon. Stick with me. Tell me
Pallavi: more. . Wait. Were you pain shopping cuz you might need to see a doctor about that ?
Aron: No, no. I was peeing today and in my head I had a thought, which is, I'm not kidding, I was as I was relieving myself, ah, I had a thought in my head, which was nothing's ever about me.
Pallavi: Ooh, that's also. I mean, the peeing was definitely about you and what you were drinking, but other than that, ab,
Aron: absolutely. . Oh, there was, listen, it was an antioxidant. Stream because I had,
Lindsay: we're talking so much about your pee right now. I cannot believe how much we're talking about your pee.
Pallavi: Yeah. We got we, me and Lindsay got deep and you were like, let me take it a little bit deeper.
Aron: Excuse me. I got deep. I told you, I, as I was midstream, I thought to myself, nothing's about me and I was likes, right. That's true. That's true. If anything, people say when you offend them, when you bother them, if anything happens in this drama, if you take a moment and think, huh? It's through the lens of they are processing their own reality and I happen to.
Uh, in front of them as they're doing it, and something I did triggered an internal process for them and has nothing to do with me. Like, if you say something that offends somebody and they say something nasty back to you, if you stop for a moment think, huh, they are insecure about blank and what I said triggered that this is a tumultuous, painful spot for them, has nothing to do with me.
It's very easy to not take their retaliation personally and let and do conflict resolution pretty quickly. Also taking
Lindsay: responsibility for things you may have done. You know what I mean? Like there's an interaction that happens between people that I do think is valuable, but I think that other people's opinions of you and things they say about you when you're not around may not actually be as much about, like it says more about them, that they're talking about you behind your back than it does about
Pallavi: you.
Guys, this feels like less of a podcast and more of a specific intervention for me based on the first question. And both of your like, enlightenment towards
Aron: it. Well, yeah. That's, that's mostly the goal. That's mostly the goals. We want you crying by the end of this. I needed this
Lindsay: today because these are all things, these are all things that I know that, that live in my brain, but are so easy to forget.
Yeah. Where suddenly I'm like freaking out because my friends went. Uh, show and didn't invite me, and suddenly I'm like, I'm ostracized from the community. I'm done.
Pallavi: That is so funny. I feel the same way. I'm like, but, but even for me, for me, it won't even be a specific event that everybody goes to. It'll just be, it'll hit me midday and I'm like, Why does no one love me?
Why no to call, talk to me today, like, and it's not even like an organized event. I'm just like, I felt like feeling that way. . Yeah, exactly.
Aron: Honestly, in the middle of the day. If you need positive affirmations, just hop on our show. Oh, do a quickie with us. Just do a quick, quick two minutes with us.
Pallavi: Quick affirmation.
Hell yeah.
Aron: That'd be a great podcast too. Listen, , I think it's pretty clear all of us, our prices are $0. We'd all be happy to have this book for 24 hours with us, right? Like I think we have a number.
Pallavi: Well, Lindsay, I don't know. Lindsay feels, I feel like she's on the other side of the spectrum to me. , or,
Aron: sorry, you're not $0 though, because it's a negative value for
Pallavi: me.
Yeah. I'm paying Aron zero and Lindsay's like, you can't pay me to do this . Well, if I had
Lindsay: it, I think I would be very tempted to read it just because, just out of curiosity, like there would be a couple people that I would be like, I don't wanna know what that bitch had to say. You know what I mean? Yeah.
But like for the mo, like I would not wanna know what my parents say. I probably already know. I would not wanna know what, like people I actually genuinely care about on the off chance that they said something that might hurt my, like some tiny thing that might hurt my feelings forever. Like I wanna, I don't wanna know that that's how I, that's how I become a demolished.
Pallavi: That just reminded me. Um, do you know what Id memory is? It's like photographic memory. It's what people think of when they think of photographic memory. Mm-hmm. , there are a few people in the world who have that Id memory and it's really, really difficult for them to like hold down like jobs or have relationships or things like that because they remember every single bad thing.
Like they remember everything like it just happened, including all the bad stuff. So it's like hard for them to let it go. It just reminds me.
Lindsay: That sounds
Pallavi: terrible. Yeah, I love being dumb. Oh my God, I'm so glad. I forgot so many things. , I said that before where I'm like, oh, remember when that bad thing happened?
I don't. I forgot it and it's great. And my friend's like, that's ptsd. And I'm like, let's talk about this later. You know what I mean? like,
Aron: I'm just, I for one, I'm glad Lindsay doesn't have it cuz I say a lot of dumb shit and I'm glad she doesn't carry it with her throughout.
Pallavi: You don't listen to this podcast right after you record it.
Aron: It's the only way I can fall asleep at night is listen to our voices . Okay, so Lindsay, bring it on home. Do you have a number just for
Lindsay: the stress of knowing that that information is there for 24 hours? Like I wouldn't sleep that well that night. I would have to like be processing what it meant for me for probably many years to come.
Like there's no way what is in there is gonna make. Better because nobody says it behind your back. If it's like a glowing, nice thing, like behind your back has very negative connotation in and of itself.
Aron: You are kicking this can so far away that we can't even see it anymore. Lindsay,
Lindsay: I'm just thinking with therapy and for, for like, basically I'm just gonna try to out for like five years of therapy after this, just for maintenance, a general maintenance.
So I'm gonna say $20,000.
Pallavi: Dang. All right. So far I'm losing
Aron: money. Are you a negative or are you gonna sit in the zero with me and just do it for free?
Pallavi: No, I'm doing negative. I said it, I'm sticking by it. , what's your number? Oh, yeah, I would pay, like, it would be like something I could afford, uh, probably like a hundred
Aron: bucks.
So it's negative a hundred for you? Zero for me, and 20,000 for Lindsay. Okay. Who do we wanna hear about first? Do we wanna listen? Uh, hear about Tiffany's number or Drew's number? Tiffany. Tiffany put half a million dollars and wrote, I don't think this should exist as some things are left Better unheard.
Pallavi: Tiffany on that Lindsay vibe. Yeah,
Aron: but Drew Drew's put in 50 bucks and said, I think people would pay for this book. Oh, there you go. Drew. I don't know what you mean.
Pallavi: Drew's toxic with me. .
Aron: All right. Talking about odd ways to communicate, be heard, be seen, et cetera. Lindsay, do you want to do a little shuffle?
Sally, sideways, down, down downtown town. How
Lindsay: could I say no to something like that? Yeah, I do. What's your price? To only communicate with relatives through interpretive dance for one year. For one year. So only relatives for one year, and relatives. So people that are related, like your family. What
Aron: is interpretive dance like?
What is what, what qualify? Like Yeah. What
Pallavi: qualifies as interpretive dance? Here, hold
Aron: on. Let's, let's go to Dr. Wikipedia. Okay. Wikipedia defines interpretive dance as a family of modern dance that started around 1900. It is translating human emotions, conditions, situations, and fantasies into movement. And this is all the stuff we know.
This is nothing new. It often includes grand, eloquent movements of the arms, turns and drops to the floor. It is frequently enhanced by lavish costumes, ribbons or spandex, body suits, see also dance, improv, free dance, and lyrical dance. Okay, here's the
Pallavi: thing. What is the thing I would be fine doing? Um, because I think it would be funny and also I think it, I think it would reach, it would like make you closer actually with your family, cuz you don't have language to speak to them too, so they'd have to like, interpret your dance, right?
Like your body movements. The only thing is, My brother's having a baby and I wanna be able to communicate with the baby. Yeah. Like, does that, you know what I mean? Like, I, I still get to hold the baby. Right?
Aron: Yeah. It's just, if you wanna tell him I'm proud of you, you have to do the worm.
Pallavi: Oh. That's the hardest thing.
Okay. That's raising the price cuz I'm gonna wanna baby talk to the baby. Well,
Aron: you do it through interpretive
Pallavi: dance, but I, I like, I verbally baby talk to like animals and kids and, you know what I mean? Like, it would be so hard to get me to stop. So I'm gonna say this is just because of that baby. It's gonna cost like so much.
I'm gonna say it's gonna cost like $200,000.
Aron: Alright, let's do this. Let's mark your sticker price there. Let's pin it. Pin it to win it, and let's take a little bit of yarn, throw it on a loom, lap it on over, and make a little blanket of thought and him to Lindsay. Lindsay, wrap yourself up in the thinking blanket.
It's time to think your thoughts. I love this. Where are they? How do they feel? And are they nice and warm? Okay, I'm
Lindsay: gonna put this thinking blanket.
Aron: Oh, and it's got a light scent of lilac or rosemary or sage, you. I pick
Lindsay: all talking to my relatives. I don't talk to, I mean I talk to my mom on the phone relatively often and my brother I guess, and my sister is clo, I'm close with my sister.
It'd be very hard to not talk to her. She lives in la. It would be a real bummer to not be able to like, cuz I feel like even if you're interpretive dancing, they're not getting the whole story. They may be understanding the emotion and some of like the basic details of what has happened, but you know, they're not getting all of.
The deep details that maybe they need. Also, if like, I need my sister to pick me up from the doctor, telling her an address in interpretive dance is just not something I feel physically able
Pallavi: to do. But what if you got so good at interpretive dance? You are able to, and then you're like, now I now, after this year is over.
I am better. I'm closer with my friends because I had to ask them to pick me up from the doctor. Mm-hmm. , I'm closer with my sister cuz she had to figure out what the fuck. I was interpretive dancing and now I know how to interpretive dance. Yeah, true.
Lindsay: And I bet it would be a little bit like a version of charades alone, you know?
Yeah. Like a poetic charades a little bit, which I think could be fun. Yeah.
Pallavi: They'd have. Learn how to communicate, like how to ask the right question.
Aron: I have a really dumb proposal. Can we do a few seconds of interpretive dance conversation, which no one will hear, and will be the only ones to carry that with us in life.
Okay.
Lindsay: Aron, why don't you interpretive dance something to us and we will try to guess what you're saying. Oh, so it's like charades. Yeah, but it, but it's
Aron: interpretive dance. I'm gonna pretend that you guys. My relative, and I'm trying to communicate to you something. All right. I know what I have to tell. I'm not, I know what I'm gonna be trying to tell you.
Lindsay: Okay. Can't. Heart. Your heart. You love, you're a butterfly. You're a butter. You're waking. You're fisting. Fisting. You're fisting. Birth. Birth.
Pallavi: You feel reborn.
Lindsay: You are a butterfly. You're, you. Ha, you're pooping. Oh, you have constipated. You're pooping in a boat. Yes,
Aron: I I'm, it was poop. That's right. Oh my goodness.
It was, I need to poo, so one of you said, I'm constipated and the other one, I mean, I don't, I don't have to poo, but I wanted to do a fist through a hole in my hand and see what you guys did with that. So thank you. Damn. We
Pallavi: both went fisting before we went shitting. So that's, Interesting. Yeah, I
Aron: don't know what we do with that.
I
Lindsay: honestly would be more shocked for you to bring up pooping than I would for you to be fisting. He
Pallavi: did just spend some time on peeing . Yeah,
Lindsay: we did go into the pee, which was honestly bizarre.
Aron: So you're telling me that it would've made more sense to you if on air on our fucking. Publicly broadcast show I mind to you that I want to fist to a relative.
Yeah.
Lindsay: You had already brought up pee and I just didn't think you'd bring up pee and poop in the same episode.
Aron: So you thought that the thing I would convey to a relative through interpretive dance is that I want to do fisting. Yeah. Yes. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? ,
Lindsay: I met your mom. You know, she'd love to talk about something
Aron: like that.
Oh God. You know what the worst part is, is now that you've said that, you know, you're getting a text from her as soon as she hears this episode about this. . Your mom listens to your
Pallavi: podcast? Oh yeah. Oh my God. She's a big fan. I'm Jewish. Oh, okay.
Aron: So I'm gonna say $60,000. I don't mind it that much. My mother already asks me to dance when she wants me to.
My father knows I'm insane. Um, my, my, my, my extended family all either know I'm insane or love that I'm insane. Yeah. Everyone in my family knows I'm weird. Yeah, it'd be fine. 60 grand. Sure.
Pallavi: 150,000. Oh wow. Mine was the highest. I feel like I need to raise it. Raise it. What you got? I'm gonna save $400,000.
I'm changing it because of the baby.
Lindsay: It's the baby. See, I don't have a baby on the way
Pallavi: in the family. Yeah, it might be even 500. I don't know. But it's the baby. I love this baby. I honestly,
Lindsay: if I had a, if I had a little niece or nephew coming, I would have a much higher price as well.
Aron: All right, so I think we got numbers there.
Do we wanna see what the listeners had to say? Do we wanna hear about Pierce or, oh, are you fucking kidding me? There's no way. This isn't a joke. Do we wanna hear about Pierce or Bronson? Whoa. No,
Pallavi: come on.
Aron: I'm sure Rob intentionally put them in that order for the joke. Rob, go laugh your life. Pierce. Let's do Pierce.
Rob's parents. I just, I spent Thanksgiving with our producer, Rob's family, by the way, and his parents said that they love whenever their son is mentioned on air. Aw, that's cute. Can we each say something about Rob real fast? Rob's the person, he produces the show. Rob is a
Lindsay: little sweet hockey boy, and he's also
Pallavi: smart.
I got an email from Rob
Aron: Uh, all right. Do we wanna hear about Pierce or Bronson Pierce? Pierce put a million Buckaroo Billies and said, I just moved back in with my parents after college. I'm pretty sure they would commit me to an insane asylum after a week.
Pallavi: Yeah. That's fair. If you're living with them, then like Yeah, that would
Lindsay: make it really hard
Pallavi: if you lived with them.
Oh, that would be really tough. Yeah. And
Aron: then grab your tissues ladies. Bronson wrote $2,000. I don't see my family that often. Usually around the holidays, but I can skip one year.
Pallavi: Aww. Aw. Bronson. Bronson, Bronson. We're your family now, buddy. Poor Bronson, you danced your way into our hearts. Oh,
Aron: speaking of our dancing your way into our hearts quick psa.
We love all you guys listening. Thank you all. We always do this in the show real quick cuz we just tell everyone, just thanks for all the crazy questions. You guys send in all the crazy answers you guys give us. All the crazy dollar amounts you guys tell us. It's just, it's crazy. And if Lindsay could summarize her feelings about you, our listeners, in two words, they would.
SpongeBob, Squarepants, , and we really mean that from the bottom of our heart. So if you wanna just spread the word, just share rate, review the podcast. And as Pvi always
says,
Pallavi: yeah, eat pie, you're gonna shit pie. Ooh, love
Lindsay: it. Ooh, that's
Pallavi: really
Aron: smart. All right on to question three. Lindsay, grab that baseball.
Throw it on a wiffle ball stand. Hit it outta the park. Bark, bark, bark.
Lindsay: Oh, okay. Sure. Oh, is this a fan submission? Yeah, this is a submission. So this one's from Luke Bi Kauflin, and the question is, what's your price to only wear Crocs for the rest of your life?
Pallavi: Wait. That sounds awesome. . All right. I have the worst
Aron: taste.
You might be our first guest ever who has a negative number? . That's their answer in the end, for the total. I gotta wanna be, do you know about all the different kinds of Crocs? There are other Crocs, like tennis shoe, crocs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pallavi: Stylish crux. Because I have friends who are mentally ill who love Crocs, and same
I'm only saying that because they're like obsessed with Crocs and like the little crock, like don't they have like jewelry things that you can put on the the charms, the little c croc, the charms,
Aron: charms. First of all, having friends that are mentally ill is literally our whole generation. So
Pallavi: that's kind of, I mean that's me for sure.
That's why I can say it guys. I can say it.
Aron: No, millennials. We are broken. We're
Pallavi: like mentally ill nails. Like, well, we're
Lindsay: just acknowledging it and nobody else was acknowledging it. I tr everyone's like, the numbers of people that who are mentally ill are the highest than ever. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.
They're not, the numbers aren't higher, but the people that are talking about it and being open about it are higher. That's like
Pallavi: the, that left-handed chart, like how the numbers increased once people started talking about it. Yeah. The left-handed. Okay,
Aron: wait. Okay. Crocs, what are your feelings about Crocs?
Would you wear Crocs?
Pallavi: I think they're fun. I've worn them in college like they were my painting shoes in college and like for, for art projects and stuff. Um, I feel like more people should wear Crocs cuz they seem comfortable, from what I remember. .
Lindsay: Right. I think they're very, I think there's a chance that Crocs are really good for
Pallavi: your feet.
I have no idea if that's true.
Aron: Well, they're just squishy little things that are squishing around your, your, where you're fishing. The
Pallavi: other thing though is that I don't like, That they're, I couldn't use them for everything because they are porous. Right? Like they have the holes in them. And I like, I feel like when I walk my dogs, like sometimes I'm like, I'm in Hollywood.
There's weird stuff on the ground. I need clothes, towed shoes, I need something. Oh, they've got a croc for
Lindsay: that. Okay. They have
Pallavi: winter Crocs. I'm looking this up right now.
Aron: Hold on. We're opening up the Crocs website. Everyone opened it up. Oh
Pallavi: my goodness. They got like a little fur on top. Oh
Lindsay: yeah. They got some
Pallavi: cozy shit.
Wait, but these all still have the little hold. Hold on. I've gotta see the close to. Do
Lindsay: you see the classic lined neo puff
Aron: boot? Oh wait, do you see that? They're 50% off right now cause it's Cyber Monday.
Pallavi: Are you guys literally sponsored by Crocs? What the fuck is happening? . I'm just really shopping
Lindsay: Crocs right now.
I have, I'm so curious about it. They have a full
Aron: clog. Wait, they have a cereal line? Do you see the cereal line? They have a Tricks Crock. A Honey Nut. Cheers. Crock and a Cinnamon Toast
Pallavi: Crunch. Crock. I have not seen this. Was, was there a time when Crocks almost went. Business. And then they had like a, oh, probably they had like a resurgence.
Wait,
Aron: do you see that Jonathan VanNess is posing with Crocs on the, their homepage? Not
Pallavi: surprised.
Lindsay: I don't see that, but I do
Aron: love that. Oh God, these, these crocs with the, the wool lining are really nice
Pallavi: Crocs with the fur. Looking at her .
Aron: Oh, they're called Jibbitz Charms. I hate that word. That's awful.
Jibbitz Charms are what they put in The Crock. They have socks
Pallavi: too. Croc socks. There's weed.
Aron: Crocs. Wait. Crocs at work for hospitality. Oh, that is a close towed Sandy right there.
Pallavi: Oh my goodness. There it is.
Lindsay: Yeah, but can you run in a, in a crock? What if I wanted to do a little running?
Aron: There's crock tennis shoes.
I was gonna buy them recently. You're literally
Pallavi: just promoting Crocs. All this episode. Now guys, you're just like, there's a crock for everything. . There's a crock.
Lindsay: For everything,
Aron: 1.5 million, 1.5 million, because there's some events where it won't be appropriate to be wearing Crocs, and I'll be ashamed They could hurt me professionally if I'm wearing Crocs at the wrong event.
I think over time I'm gonna wanna live a better life, and if I was able to get a decent house in la. 1.5 won't get me it, but it'll get me a decent enough one that I can feel okay about it. One five. 1 75. Lemme say 1.75.
Pallavi: Wait, so this means like if I get an acting job, then like I have to wear Crocs as the
Aron: character.
You're in Crocs. You're wearing Crocs
Pallavi: as the character. Then I have to estimate what my income would be as an actor. It's not gonna hurt your career. I feel like it would though, cuz like you build up, right? Like say I book a commercial and then I'm just like a nobody who's like, I have to wear Crocs in this Sketcher's commercial.
Then like, What if I lose out on that money? That's real. That's real. That's really real. So I would have to, I would say millions of dollars now because, like, what if I'm, what if I'm playing, uh, some role that, like what if my dream pilot got picked up and in it, I, I'm not a crock wearing character and like, Then I What if I don't get to do it anymore?
Aron: Yeah, but what if I'm just gonna spin that right back on you. Like Ajit, what if you're doing it? And they're like, wow, she is committed to those shoes. And I want to hire an actor who is committed to
Pallavi: their feet. I feel like they might just commit
Aron: me. That's a very funny play of words. Yep. I'm with you. That was funny.
That was very funny. Lindsay, give a funny point. , I don't have a funny point. No, no. I was asking you to award a funny point.
Pallavi: Oh, can I have a, you, you're awarding me a funny point cuz I have, I made it funny. Anyone
Aron: listening should know that it is very late at night that we're doing this episode and we are all falling apart for you to make you guys laugh.
So you're welcome.
Pallavi: We each get a funny point. I feel like we, we deserve it. . We
Lindsay: deserve it. We work
Pallavi: so hard. We work so hard. . We each
Lindsay: spent at least six minutes on a Crocs website, and I feel like that's our earning
Pallavi: it. I might order them because of this podcast. Like, you guys should really be sponsored by Crocs.
I don't understand why
Aron: you're not. Yeah, we might, we might need to work on that. Wait, wait. All right, so Pvi, what's your
price?
Pallavi: What do you think I could earn as an actor? I'm gonna say, oh, or like, what would I need? I
Aron: don't think it's relevant. I,
Pallavi: I feel like it is, I'm gonna say, here's the thing. This, I'm just gonna say $7 million because.
I don't know what I would miss out on and I wanna bet on myself, but also I don't need that much. Like I would just re distribute everything after like a house.
Aron: You're making it harder for us to get sponsored by Crocs cuz our guest just said they need 7 million because of how much their, their shoe line would derail her career.
So thank you for doing that. Yeah, that's one
Pallavi: way of looking at it. , any shoe
Lindsay: line? If it was, if it was any shoe line? If it was Adidas. If it was Manolo
Aron: Bolan. No, no. It is not any shoe line. It is not the same as Adidas for life. It's
Pallavi: worse because I could run in Adidas. Yeah, you could run
Lindsay: in
Aron: Adidas. It is worse than Adidas.
That's their saying.
Pallavi: Yeah, that's their, there's, there's slogan Crocs, worse than Adidas. Okay,
Aron: so 7 million. I'm gonna
Pallavi: say 7 million.
Aron: What did I say? I said one 5 million. 1.5. Yeah. No, I said 1 75. I said, then I upped it to 1 75. Okay. Lindsay, where do you live?
Lindsay: I really don't like Crocs. I know that they're trendy right now, and I feel like it's a very elder, millennial thing of me to not be into Crocs, but I've really seen some shit when it comes to Crocs.
You know what I mean? I'm from the south. They're all wearing camouflage crocs. The scariest people you know are wearing camouflage crocs, like, oh my God, it's a thing. It's a
Aron: real thing. They don't have jits right in their Crocs.
Lindsay: Oh, if you say Jit to them, you will catch hands.
Pallavi: What does that mean?
Lindsay: That means they'll hit you.
Pallavi: They'll hit you. No, I know the patch hands means I'm saying what could jts mean?
Aron: I didn't know. I thought that word meant groping, so I thought you were like, you know, if you're brunching jits, you are gonna get felt up. And I was like, what does that mean? I'm gonna
Pallavi: fucking feel you up, bro. Like, I'm gonna feel you up.
So, If you talk about crock charms to me, I'm fondling your balls, dude. , come at me one more time, bro. They're like the verbal affirmation that you're going, you're about to molest someone is . Very
Aron: strange. Oh god. All right, Lindsay, do, do you have a
Lindsay: number? Yeah. I'm gonna say for the rest of my life, there's upsides and downsides, but the downsides are worse than the upsides.
I'm gonna say 5 million.
Aron: I have a follow up question then. Do you guys wanna hear about Ariel's answer or Dave's. Dave. Dave said 20 grand. Okay. Wrote Crocs are super comfy. So I don't see the big deal about this. I would have a large collection of different colored Crocs for different occasions. Practical Dave.
Practical Dave. Practical Dave. Now Ariel said 750 grand and wrote, first off, I need money to relocate somewhere warmer. I'm not living in a Chicago winter with just Crocs. Good point. Good point. Mm-hmm. . Secondly, I'm not married yet, but I don't think Crocs have come up with something for a bride to wear.
Oh.
Pallavi: Bride Crocs. See if you're Indian on the Dias, I think you don't wear shoes, so it's
Aron: fine. Ooh. And if you're Jewish, then when you step on the glass at the end of your wedding, that is going right through your
Pallavi: shoe. You gotta wrap it in a crock. Yeah. Instead of that cloth. , you have to have a crock cloth
So the plastic
Aron: ticks out. Uh, our cultures have weird rules with feet and weddings. Lindsay, I don't know if yours does. Yeah,
Pallavi: what do Texans do? 10
Lindsay: shoes, whatever, wherever. Clearly Crocs, right? A lot of Crocs. There's a gonna be a lot of Crocs at a
Aron: Texas wedding, but don't mention it. Or you're getting groped
Linton, you wanna talk about what each of us costs to do all the stuff
Lindsay: today? I do. I do. The person who asked for the most money today was Pavi at. $7,399,900.
Pallavi: It's a crox.
Aron: Adding a minus in there really makes the math real weird.
Pallavi: I love math and that's why I did it this way. . Every time I come on a podcast I like, maybe we'll do a little bit of math because I'm just pro math.
I like that about you. It's my number one defining factor. . It's a language.
Lindsay: We all share math, and then next the middle. Was me at 5.1 million and then the lowest Aron. Was you at $1,810,000?
Pallavi: You cheap bitch .
Aron: What can I say? You ladies have got diamonds on the soles of your Crocs.
Pallavi: It's true. These, these gits are made of gold.
Ooh, golden
Lindsay: gits. .
Pallavi: I've got the golden Jit . Ooh,
Aron: I've got a Jordan chair. My cro. Ooh, ooh. Pami. It was wonderful having you onto Crock Talk today. We learned a lot about you. Thank you so
Pallavi: much for having me on Crock Talk. I love this podcast
Aron: Crock Talk. If people want to know everything there is to know about you, learn more about you, consume more about you, and just really get as invasive in your life as you'll permit, what can they do?
Date
Pallavi: me, just kidding. . Um. You could, I don't know. You could try.
Aron: Good luck. It's the beginning of our new process. We're gonna start setting up our guests with our listeners. Yeah, it's a whole new show.
Pallavi: It's a service. It's a service. We do a cervix service. Okay. I'm done. I'm Paula v Canalan everywhere. P A L L A V I G U N A L A N.
And I also have a podcast called City Council, and I spelled council, like counselor, like getting counseling instead of what people think. Because I thought I was clever at the time. . I think it's clever. Thank you. It's still clever. It holds
Aron: up. Oh, it holds up . It was a delight, a pleasure, an honor, a surprise.
And Lindsay
Lindsay: Joy. I couldn't remember if you said joy already and so I was really questioning it. I don't know, but it really was fun. I'm so, so happy that you got to come hang out with us.
Pallavi: Thanks for having me. It was so fun. I really, I enjoyed it and now I. That I do have a price on things and that I surprise myself and that I would pay for very negative things in my life.
And that's good to know. ,
Aron: we always like to ask a quick partying word from our guest. Do you have a piece of advice for Lindsay or for me? Not for both of us. One of us to get to give a piece of advice too. And then you get to go, Lindsay.
Pallavi: Register voters. Good one. I will. You're in Texas. Do.
Aron: Listener. You heard an episode of a podcast, goodbye,
Pallavi: goodbye.
Goodbye
Lindsay: Do you think that if I ask Paula to marry me, she would say yes or
Aron: no? I don't know. I want to ask her first.
Lindsay: Okay. You ask her first and then, and then I'll ask
Aron: her to, no, I'm scared of rejection and pain. Me too. You know, who doesn't give us pain or reject us as you, the listener. And we love that. We love that for us.
We love that. And we love how you guys all play along. If you wanna join in the fun run as fast as you can to your nearest browser, let us know you are worth. We're always putting up new questions and polls over@humanvaluespodcast.com. While you're there, help us be lazy. Share your own crazy white surprise questions again over@humanvaluespodcast.com.
Lindsay: If you enjoyed today's episode or if you just like the little show we do, be Macon please for the word. We appreciate it more than we could say with words in English, which is our first language to throw a little extra love. Please for the love of Sarah McLaughlin, leave us a review on your favorite podcasting app.
And I don't know, leave a rating while you're there if you really like us and maybe we'll choose
Aron: you for a shout out. I'm gonna rate you, Lindsay, and I rate you, uh, 5.1 stars. Ooh, thank you. You're welcome. That's outta five, by the way. It's a little special 0.1. Hmm. Speaking of thanks. Thank you all for listening.
We're your hosts, Lindsay Hicks and Aron Reuben Korney. Special thanks to our guests this week, Paula. Glan. Our
Lindsay: lead producer is Rob Goldman. Our producers are Ashanti Bron. Aron. Reuben Korney. Our editor is Andrew Sims. Our engineer is Jason Porto, and our music is by the beautiful Omer, Ben-Zvi. All
Aron: information research and advice shared on today's episode was expressed for entertainment purposes only.
Statements provided by the human values host, production team and guest not be taken as professional advice or fact. Human values
Lindsay: is a human content production.
Aron: Let's find out. Find out with us cuz it's time to play human values.
Your weekly stop for logical debates about illogical questions here to give each hypothetical the dialectical, but the O in Comedy game show and stick that patty whack, right we're the Tax Slack we're your hosts and Ruben Korney and Lindsay Hicks. Also joining us today is a very special guest comedian Paul G.
So kick off those Crocs. Lindsay, you wearing Crocs? Oh, I'm a one croc
Pallavi: shop.
Aron: If you're just tuning in now we're talking about clap sync. The industry term for everyone's slapping limbs around everywhere to try and make audio work. It
Pallavi: never works cuz there's always like a lag. Like there's always something . And then you, for me, I like second guess myself and I'm like, wait, should I wait to clap?
Cuz there's that
Aron: moment you are on the wrong show for second guessing yourself. Cuz we are gonna make you.
Pallavi: First guess myself. . Yeah. A
Aron: lot of first guessing. Lindsay, what's your relationship with with words today? My
Lindsay: relationship with words today is not great. Words are very hard
Pallavi: for me today. Fair enough.
Aron: Pavi, are you good with words today? How's your day been with words? Here's the
Pallavi: thing, I have sleep apnea and at a certain point in my tiredness, my brain fully shuts down and then my brain is like a baby in that I like lose vocabulary words one by one. So right now I'm kind of like, I'm a, if you caught me like an hour after this,
I would be fried, I'd be done. So
Lindsay: we're we're catching you in the final hour?
Pallavi: Yeah. In that, in the sunset. I shouldn't say sunset hours. That's not nice. But like in the , , we're ringing
Aron: the sponge dry. Exactly. Is that weird to refer to you as a sponge? I don't, I don't know if we know each other well enough for me to be calling you a sponge.
But I mean,
Pallavi: the only sponge I know is SpongeBob and he's pretty chill. So that's.
Aron: You're an interesting guest because you're a comedy writer, you're a standup comedian, and you're a biomedical engineer. You're like, all these things.
Pallavi: Yes, but I, I'm not, I haven't engineered anything in a minute.
Aron: Okay. I, yeah, I wanted to kind of understand the DNA of your, of, of you as a human, because it seems like there's so many sides of you.
Pallavi: Yeah, I've had that. Like my whole life, I think I've gotten pulled in a bunch of different directions. I started out in biotech, in biomedical engineering. I did like internships in like seventh grade and onwards. And then I did an undergrad. I did a master's. I worked in industry in biotech. And then I started my PhD when I started standup, and then standup and comedy kind of took over.
And then three years into my PhD I quit. And that turned into a second master's. And then during the pandemic, I was part of a team that created a 5 0 1 nonprofit, making open source medical devices, and I was co-executive director and now I'm kind of like sort of stepping back from it a little. Still love the, the whole group and everything, but I have so much other work that I have to do right now
So I do that. And then I also like, run a mutual aid kind of organization to tutor black students for free online. And so those are how I get like my stem out, you know what I mean? Like just volunteer. And then all of my paid gigs are through comedy , so like writing and standup. So I've kind of like taken the pressure off of the technical stuff, which is so much more fun.
That's really the opposite of most people's lives. That's how messed up the world.
Aron: Yeah, it was like your parents just tell their friends. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, don't worry about her so much. There's still comedy on the side to pay the bills.
Pallavi: No, they actually, they're like, yeah, yeah. She also does, uh, this volunteer stuff though.
It's still technical, so there's that. Like, they kind of like, no. Yeah, but my, I mean my parents, my dad is like, he, he'll tell everybody that I do stand up. He's like, chill with it. So I think eventu, I think the main concern is they just want me to do what? Like what every parent wants a kid to do. It's like buy a house and it's like none of us are buying houses now.
What are you crazy? None of us are getting afford that. Not a thing. That's not a thing anymore. That's a thing of the past.
Aron: That is a crazy ambition. a house that's
Pallavi: like smoking on airplanes. We don't do that anymore. buy houses.
Aron: I forgot that used to be a thing. Huh? Do you remember that? Like growing, of course you do.
I don't know, whatever. But like having the cigarette ash dispenser on your armrest on airplanes. Yes. You remember that? And there was gum shoved in them. And
Lindsay: in cars.
Pallavi: I don't remember the cars. Oh wait, kind of the cars one? Yeah, on the, on like
Lindsay: the armrest of cars or there was like little button where you flop open and
Aron: the cigarette lighter in the car.
Remember the cigarette lighter?
Pallavi: Yeah, for sure. For sure. Still in like a lot of cars, but yeah, the airplane thing. Wow.
Aron: Well, the cigarette lighter is in cars now. as a plug for charging.
Pallavi: Yeah, exactly. But yeah, the, the cigarette ashtray on airplanes. Man, that was a fun little thing to annoy your brother with when you were sitting next to him.
on the airplane.
Aron: I believe you. I have no siblings, but Lindsay might relate to
Lindsay: this. I, anything you can annoy a sibling with I think is a useful thing. How is your sibling older or younger? He's
Pallavi: older. I'm actually going to his baby shower this weekend. He's having my baby. Cute. I know. I'm so excited. Is it
Lindsay: his first
Pallavi: one?
Yes, it's my first like direct aunt moment. Um, so I'm, I'm really hyped. I went and visited them a couple weeks ago and um, my brother and I helped build the crib. We put together my crib Oh God. And we like tested the car seats and stuff and I was like, ah, I'm an auntie. I was like having a full moment
That is so cute.
Aron: I appreciate you say aunt, by the way. I also say aunt, but I feel like a lot of people say aunt,
Pallavi: oh, it's the British English. Cuz the first people that I called my aunts were Indian. And that's that colonialism for you, . Well,
Aron: right. All right. Cuz that's an Indian family. At least it's aunties are just, uh, right.
It's not, the term is like, not even your actual aunt,
Pallavi: but like Yeah. It's just like anybody of a certain generation above you. Um, that's, that's your auntie.
Lindsay: It's very endearing. Yeah. It's a very endearing term. Yeah. I. Lindsay,
Aron: what do, what do white Texans call their relatives? Well, it,
Pallavi: oh my God. The timing on that, they call it dog bark
Lindsay: They call it little dog bark. They go, she's having a very stressful evening. I don't understand what's
Pallavi: going on. Incredible.
Aron: All right, here's the deal. Let's play this game. So we're doing human values, or as the Italians call it,
Pallavi: Human values. Oh my God. Wow. Racist coming for POC Italian people. How dare you.
I heard
Lindsay: Italians
Aron: were on the table. No one is safe on this show.
Pallavi: I'm sick of the woke mob coming for Italian .
Aron: This is our stance. Okay. The way this all works is that we're going to learn three questions today from Kensington Hicks, and she's gonna tell us, what's your price to do something. And it's not about just what your price is, it's
Pallavi: the least.
The least amount of money I'd be willing to be paid to do something.
Aron: And the fun little garnish at the end of that meal as we look at the Meison Plus of it all is that we, as we reveal the answers, we're also gonna show what the audience poll had to say. Oh, we tend to pick out two people and what they submitted.
But on Human Values podcast.com, listeners can tell us their thoughts, the questions, and the poll answers, and it's just, listen, it's gonna be a bun. It's gonna be fun on it. Cool. Hell yeah. This is special cuz you don't know the questions for today.
Lindsay: I don't. We love a surprise question episode. I love it.
What's your price to spend 24 hours with a book that contains everything ever said about you behind your back?
Pallavi: This is okay. This is how much I would get paid to read this book. How much you would. How much I would charge to read this book. I go on Twitter every day and I can look in my mentions . I'm doing that for free.
You guys, I kind of wanna know like. So I could just look up specific people. I would pay to do that. I would pay . I
Aron: would pay. Would you, would you pay to spend 24 hours with it?
Pallavi: Yeah, I would pay to see what some people said behind my back and then I would pay a lot more for therapy after
Aron: I think . See, I think I'm with you.
I, I rarely know so definitively, so early on that I don't care about being paid for it. Cause I would just do it for free. But also you don't have to read it. Yeah,
Pallavi: I could just hold it. I could look up specific people like I don't have to. Everyone who's ever seen like my social media or like even like people who have vaguely in my life, but I would love to see like what one of my exes said about me to his new person.
You know what I mean? Or like what mutual friends have told, you know, other people, you know. I would love to see that. I would love to see. What my parents say about me to each other? No, I don't actually. I don't wanna see that. But no, I don't wanna
Aron: see that. I think that's the fear is if you open that, do you really wanna know what people say about you behind your back?
This is
Pallavi: a thousand percent toxic of me. Like I definitely should not be doing this. This is like me in my like base desire. This is like I'll pay to, I'll pay to read it and I'll never tell anyone about it. Does that make. Oh,
Aron: I thought you were being like, cool in aloof. I thought you were like, nah, it won't touch me.
No, no. It
Pallavi: will destroy me from within, but it's like a thousand per, and it's, you know, I, it's something that I'll never admit to anyone except I will need like, intense therapy to get over it. So I'm, I'm paying for that one. Like, I don't wanna, I don't have that much money.
Aron: You don't have to pay. You can get paid, but it sounds like it's zero.
Pallavi: No, no, no. But I'm paying .
Lindsay: Cause you want it so bad. You want.
Pallavi: Yeah, that's how messed up I, you guys are like, you don't have to pay for it. And I'm like, I'll pay. This is how bad of a negotiator I am. I'm like, take my money, gimme the book, .
Aron: Have you ever gone to like, um, an open, like foreign market and like tried to barter?
Oh
Pallavi: my God, no. Because my mom will sit there and like argue like, not even in, like she's banned from a things remembered. Do you know like those places that en engrave
Lindsay: you getting engraved? Yes. How did she get banned from a things you remembered? Because
Pallavi: she , she bought something like right at the register and it said, no refund.
And then she bought it and then she immediately was like, but what if I wanna re like want a refund for it? And they were like, you can't do that. You read the sign. And she just got in an argument with them cuz she was like, but what if I don't want it? And then it was like a huge like yelling match and I was like trying to pretend not to be the only brown girl in a things remembered in a mall in Utah and like it did not work.
After that, I'm like, I'll pay for like Incon. Like I just don't wanna handle, like I don't you. I don't wanna have to bargain or whatever. Like it's not worth the time or the effort unless it's like a crazy big thing, you know, like a car or a house or something. I'm like, I like just take it. I don't want to argue with you by the
Aron: way.
I wanna say, tell me if I'm misquoting this A brown girl in a things remembered in a mall in Utah. Sounds like the greatest name for like, Like a 2002 indie song.
Pallavi: I literally was gonna be like a Taylor Swift album if Taylor Swift was Brown . But really, but
Aron: truly. Okay, wait. So speaking of toxic and insane, I think I would really be afraid of it.
Like I, I, I, I think I wouldn't open it. I would, I would, I would do it for free. I would spend 24 hours with it, but then I start thinking about you guys. It's almost like, how could you not? How can you not open it? Just a crack. Lindsay, would you crack that slack?
Pallavi: I have a whole process I've worked on. Wait, wait, wait.
Don't pretend like crack that slack as a saying. Everybody says what?
Aron: I went to, I went to Subway this morning and they were like, yeah, you want to crack that slack with a, with a some avocado? And I was like, yeah, what does that mean? Crack some
Pallavi: slack. Crack some slack. Okay, we're gonna, you guys hashtag crack some.
Please get it trending. Yeah, , it's a movement.
Lindsay: So I've been thinking about how I would crack Slack , and I've got a little process I've worked out, which is crack it up. I, first of all, let me just say, I don't know if you guys have ever done this, but I used to have a little bit of a problem with social media looking at, oh no, people I used to date.
Ooh. And also, People who used to date people I was dating. Hmm. Got it. I'm not the first person to do it. I won't be the last. I know it's a common
Pallavi: thing. It sounds like you're cursing. Everyone who's listening to this podcast, , you're like, I shall not be the last, we'll carry this on .
Lindsay: And I didn't really think much of it.
I was just like, whatever. I'm just gonna see what so-and-so's doing. You know what I mean? But it hurt my feelings a little bit. But it was a little bit of a high where I was like, ouch. Ooh. Feels, Ooh, yeah. Ouch. No. Yeah. No. Yeah, no. Yeah.
Aron: It's very masochistic of you. Yeah. Was a little masochistic. Are you an emotional masochist?
Lindsay? Could be.
Lindsay: Ooh, ooh. I don't like it. It's something I'm sorting through.
Pallavi: I feel like I'm like, that a thousand, I'm like that too. I, I'm a hundred percent like that. Like I feel like some part of us is, . I miss the angst of our teenage years and how like deep everything cut and we're just trying to get back to that.
And then we do these crazy things. It's very toxic. . It's so toxic.
Lindsay: But I also was like, well, that information exists. I need to know. It's something I'm curious about. I need to know.
Pallavi: I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm like stalking my ex's ex. That's what I'm doing.
Lindsay: Yeah. Like didn't have the mindset of.
Aron: Have you met one?
Have you like gone out to find one and like befriended one of the ex's exes?
Pallavi: Are you training me or
Aron: Lindsay if it's a weird question that's overly invasive, it's usually aimed at Lindsay.
Pallavi: Oh, I, I will open, this is not invasive at all, but I have had my ex's ex be front row at a comedy show to see me, and then we talked about it while I was on stage.
What? Ooh, that's really fun. Oh, it was so fun. It was so much fun. I was like, it was like a kink comedy show. And then I was doing jokes and then I eventually was like, okay, my ex's ex is here. Let's talk about this. And then I was like, okay, on three, let's say what our ex's kink was or shared eggs. And I went 1, 2, 3.
And she went not showering enough. And I went, not fucking me . And it was. It was fun. Wow.
Aron: What is a i I, I feel like I know the answer now. What's a kink comedy show?
Pallavi: It's like we would do a set and then like, mine was like temperature play, so they would like put ice on me or something. It was very like, very tame, you know,
Lindsay: just like, oh, I see.
Silly. So they're doing little interstitial, kinky things between sets. I see. Yeah,
Pallavi: yeah, yeah. Got it. Sorry, I interrupted you, Lindsay. Have you stalked an X or an X'S X or anything? Well, I've
Lindsay: become friends with an X's. Before, but it wasn't really on purpose. But I did know that that person had dated the person I had dated because I'm crazy.
Pallavi: Oh, they didn't know you knew? Well, I don't think
Lindsay: they knew how much I knew. Oh, but here's the thing, I was talking to a therapist about it and I was like, Saying like, I did this, you know, I was looking at, and she was like, you were what? And I was like, yeah, I was looking at, and she was like, why would you do that?
And I was like, wait, how old is this therapist? Probably 53 or
Pallavi: 54. They don't know what it's like. They don't know the access we have. It's
Lindsay: true. , but she did have a point. She said, there's something I like to call pain shopping, which is when you need a little hit of something to make you feel connected.
Sometimes the way you feel connected is by finding a familiar pain and knowing where to go to get it. And I was like, oh, I've been pain shopping and I didn't even know it.
Pallavi: I didn't know that was a term, but I do that all the. All the time. Yeah, it's
Lindsay: a very normal thing. I think a lot of us do it, but ever since then, I stopped.
She said something about the pain shopping thing. I stopped. I don't look at, I don't look at X's. I don't look at, I don't look
Pallavi: at any of that stuff. Do you know what, okay. Similar thing happened in a different part of my life. Well, similar part of my life, but like. Uh, I was dealing with this fuckboy and I couldn't let him go.
I just kept going back to him and I had all this shame and all of this, like guilt about it. And then my therapist, I was like telling her, I was like, yeah, I hooked up with him again. Like, Ugh, I know it's bad. And she was like, it's not bad, it's not good. It's just a neutral thing and you'll get over it when you get over it.
And then I immediately got over it because she said that, take the power out of it. She took the power out of it. She identified it, got rid of my shame, guilt, no spiral. It was great. Incredible. Maybe I'll stop pain shopping. No. Now that I know what it is, maybe you've passed this gift on. To me,
Lindsay: it has made my life so much better.
Like I have so much less anxiety. That's
Pallavi: wonderful. I bet you like read books and stuff now and like hobbies.
Lindsay: I have so many different hobbies. I started drawing .
Pallavi: Why'd you point to your eyes? You went dry. Thank you. I was gonna ask that too. That's the first thing everybody draws is like an eye. Yeah, . So anyway,
Lindsay: when I think of.
Book this burn book of sorts, all about
Aron: me. Ooh, way to take it full circle. Well,
Lindsay: that's where, that's why I went there because this feels to me like a little bit of pain
Pallavi: shopping. It's pain shopping. That's why I was all in.
Lindsay: You know what they say in Al-Anon, what other people think of you is none of your business.
Ooh,
Pallavi: we are preaching today, .
Aron: Can I tell you I was, I was peeing this afternoon. Stick with me. Tell me
Pallavi: more. . Wait. Were you pain shopping cuz you might need to see a doctor about that ?
Aron: No, no. I was peeing today and in my head I had a thought, which is, I'm not kidding, I was as I was relieving myself, ah, I had a thought in my head, which was nothing's ever about me.
Pallavi: Ooh, that's also. I mean, the peeing was definitely about you and what you were drinking, but other than that, ab,
Aron: absolutely. . Oh, there was, listen, it was an antioxidant. Stream because I had,
Lindsay: we're talking so much about your pee right now. I cannot believe how much we're talking about your pee.
Pallavi: Yeah. We got we, me and Lindsay got deep and you were like, let me take it a little bit deeper.
Aron: Excuse me. I got deep. I told you, I, as I was midstream, I thought to myself, nothing's about me and I was likes, right. That's true. That's true. If anything, people say when you offend them, when you bother them, if anything happens in this drama, if you take a moment and think, huh? It's through the lens of they are processing their own reality and I happen to.
Uh, in front of them as they're doing it, and something I did triggered an internal process for them and has nothing to do with me. Like, if you say something that offends somebody and they say something nasty back to you, if you stop for a moment think, huh, they are insecure about blank and what I said triggered that this is a tumultuous, painful spot for them, has nothing to do with me.
It's very easy to not take their retaliation personally and let and do conflict resolution pretty quickly. Also taking
Lindsay: responsibility for things you may have done. You know what I mean? Like there's an interaction that happens between people that I do think is valuable, but I think that other people's opinions of you and things they say about you when you're not around may not actually be as much about, like it says more about them, that they're talking about you behind your back than it does about
Pallavi: you.
Guys, this feels like less of a podcast and more of a specific intervention for me based on the first question. And both of your like, enlightenment towards
Aron: it. Well, yeah. That's, that's mostly the goal. That's mostly the goals. We want you crying by the end of this. I needed this
Lindsay: today because these are all things, these are all things that I know that, that live in my brain, but are so easy to forget.
Yeah. Where suddenly I'm like freaking out because my friends went. Uh, show and didn't invite me, and suddenly I'm like, I'm ostracized from the community. I'm done.
Pallavi: That is so funny. I feel the same way. I'm like, but, but even for me, for me, it won't even be a specific event that everybody goes to. It'll just be, it'll hit me midday and I'm like, Why does no one love me?
Why no to call, talk to me today, like, and it's not even like an organized event. I'm just like, I felt like feeling that way. . Yeah, exactly.
Aron: Honestly, in the middle of the day. If you need positive affirmations, just hop on our show. Oh, do a quickie with us. Just do a quick, quick two minutes with us.
Pallavi: Quick affirmation.
Hell yeah.
Aron: That'd be a great podcast too. Listen, , I think it's pretty clear all of us, our prices are $0. We'd all be happy to have this book for 24 hours with us, right? Like I think we have a number.
Pallavi: Well, Lindsay, I don't know. Lindsay feels, I feel like she's on the other side of the spectrum to me. , or,
Aron: sorry, you're not $0 though, because it's a negative value for
Pallavi: me.
Yeah. I'm paying Aron zero and Lindsay's like, you can't pay me to do this . Well, if I had
Lindsay: it, I think I would be very tempted to read it just because, just out of curiosity, like there would be a couple people that I would be like, I don't wanna know what that bitch had to say. You know what I mean? Yeah.
But like for the mo, like I would not wanna know what my parents say. I probably already know. I would not wanna know what, like people I actually genuinely care about on the off chance that they said something that might hurt my, like some tiny thing that might hurt my feelings forever. Like I wanna, I don't wanna know that that's how I, that's how I become a demolished.
Pallavi: That just reminded me. Um, do you know what Id memory is? It's like photographic memory. It's what people think of when they think of photographic memory. Mm-hmm. , there are a few people in the world who have that Id memory and it's really, really difficult for them to like hold down like jobs or have relationships or things like that because they remember every single bad thing.
Like they remember everything like it just happened, including all the bad stuff. So it's like hard for them to let it go. It just reminds me.
Lindsay: That sounds
Pallavi: terrible. Yeah, I love being dumb. Oh my God, I'm so glad. I forgot so many things. , I said that before where I'm like, oh, remember when that bad thing happened?
I don't. I forgot it and it's great. And my friend's like, that's ptsd. And I'm like, let's talk about this later. You know what I mean? like,
Aron: I'm just, I for one, I'm glad Lindsay doesn't have it cuz I say a lot of dumb shit and I'm glad she doesn't carry it with her throughout.
Pallavi: You don't listen to this podcast right after you record it.
Aron: It's the only way I can fall asleep at night is listen to our voices . Okay, so Lindsay, bring it on home. Do you have a number just for
Lindsay: the stress of knowing that that information is there for 24 hours? Like I wouldn't sleep that well that night. I would have to like be processing what it meant for me for probably many years to come.
Like there's no way what is in there is gonna make. Better because nobody says it behind your back. If it's like a glowing, nice thing, like behind your back has very negative connotation in and of itself.
Aron: You are kicking this can so far away that we can't even see it anymore. Lindsay,
Lindsay: I'm just thinking with therapy and for, for like, basically I'm just gonna try to out for like five years of therapy after this, just for maintenance, a general maintenance.
So I'm gonna say $20,000.
Pallavi: Dang. All right. So far I'm losing
Aron: money. Are you a negative or are you gonna sit in the zero with me and just do it for free?
Pallavi: No, I'm doing negative. I said it, I'm sticking by it. , what's your number? Oh, yeah, I would pay, like, it would be like something I could afford, uh, probably like a hundred
Aron: bucks.
So it's negative a hundred for you? Zero for me, and 20,000 for Lindsay. Okay. Who do we wanna hear about first? Do we wanna listen? Uh, hear about Tiffany's number or Drew's number? Tiffany. Tiffany put half a million dollars and wrote, I don't think this should exist as some things are left Better unheard.
Pallavi: Tiffany on that Lindsay vibe. Yeah,
Aron: but Drew Drew's put in 50 bucks and said, I think people would pay for this book. Oh, there you go. Drew. I don't know what you mean.
Pallavi: Drew's toxic with me. .
Aron: All right. Talking about odd ways to communicate, be heard, be seen, et cetera. Lindsay, do you want to do a little shuffle?
Sally, sideways, down, down downtown town. How
Lindsay: could I say no to something like that? Yeah, I do. What's your price? To only communicate with relatives through interpretive dance for one year. For one year. So only relatives for one year, and relatives. So people that are related, like your family. What
Aron: is interpretive dance like?
What is what, what qualify? Like Yeah. What
Pallavi: qualifies as interpretive dance? Here, hold
Aron: on. Let's, let's go to Dr. Wikipedia. Okay. Wikipedia defines interpretive dance as a family of modern dance that started around 1900. It is translating human emotions, conditions, situations, and fantasies into movement. And this is all the stuff we know.
This is nothing new. It often includes grand, eloquent movements of the arms, turns and drops to the floor. It is frequently enhanced by lavish costumes, ribbons or spandex, body suits, see also dance, improv, free dance, and lyrical dance. Okay, here's the
Pallavi: thing. What is the thing I would be fine doing? Um, because I think it would be funny and also I think it, I think it would reach, it would like make you closer actually with your family, cuz you don't have language to speak to them too, so they'd have to like, interpret your dance, right?
Like your body movements. The only thing is, My brother's having a baby and I wanna be able to communicate with the baby. Yeah. Like, does that, you know what I mean? Like, I, I still get to hold the baby. Right?
Aron: Yeah. It's just, if you wanna tell him I'm proud of you, you have to do the worm.
Pallavi: Oh. That's the hardest thing.
Okay. That's raising the price cuz I'm gonna wanna baby talk to the baby. Well,
Aron: you do it through interpretive
Pallavi: dance, but I, I like, I verbally baby talk to like animals and kids and, you know what I mean? Like, it would be so hard to get me to stop. So I'm gonna say this is just because of that baby. It's gonna cost like so much.
I'm gonna say it's gonna cost like $200,000.
Aron: Alright, let's do this. Let's mark your sticker price there. Let's pin it. Pin it to win it, and let's take a little bit of yarn, throw it on a loom, lap it on over, and make a little blanket of thought and him to Lindsay. Lindsay, wrap yourself up in the thinking blanket.
It's time to think your thoughts. I love this. Where are they? How do they feel? And are they nice and warm? Okay, I'm
Lindsay: gonna put this thinking blanket.
Aron: Oh, and it's got a light scent of lilac or rosemary or sage, you. I pick
Lindsay: all talking to my relatives. I don't talk to, I mean I talk to my mom on the phone relatively often and my brother I guess, and my sister is clo, I'm close with my sister.
It'd be very hard to not talk to her. She lives in la. It would be a real bummer to not be able to like, cuz I feel like even if you're interpretive dancing, they're not getting the whole story. They may be understanding the emotion and some of like the basic details of what has happened, but you know, they're not getting all of.
The deep details that maybe they need. Also, if like, I need my sister to pick me up from the doctor, telling her an address in interpretive dance is just not something I feel physically able
Pallavi: to do. But what if you got so good at interpretive dance? You are able to, and then you're like, now I now, after this year is over.
I am better. I'm closer with my friends because I had to ask them to pick me up from the doctor. Mm-hmm. , I'm closer with my sister cuz she had to figure out what the fuck. I was interpretive dancing and now I know how to interpretive dance. Yeah, true.
Lindsay: And I bet it would be a little bit like a version of charades alone, you know?
Yeah. Like a poetic charades a little bit, which I think could be fun. Yeah.
Pallavi: They'd have. Learn how to communicate, like how to ask the right question.
Aron: I have a really dumb proposal. Can we do a few seconds of interpretive dance conversation, which no one will hear, and will be the only ones to carry that with us in life.
Okay.
Lindsay: Aron, why don't you interpretive dance something to us and we will try to guess what you're saying. Oh, so it's like charades. Yeah, but it, but it's
Aron: interpretive dance. I'm gonna pretend that you guys. My relative, and I'm trying to communicate to you something. All right. I know what I have to tell. I'm not, I know what I'm gonna be trying to tell you.
Lindsay: Okay. Can't. Heart. Your heart. You love, you're a butterfly. You're a butter. You're waking. You're fisting. Fisting. You're fisting. Birth. Birth.
Pallavi: You feel reborn.
Lindsay: You are a butterfly. You're, you. Ha, you're pooping. Oh, you have constipated. You're pooping in a boat. Yes,
Aron: I I'm, it was poop. That's right. Oh my goodness.
It was, I need to poo, so one of you said, I'm constipated and the other one, I mean, I don't, I don't have to poo, but I wanted to do a fist through a hole in my hand and see what you guys did with that. So thank you. Damn. We
Pallavi: both went fisting before we went shitting. So that's, Interesting. Yeah, I
Aron: don't know what we do with that.
I
Lindsay: honestly would be more shocked for you to bring up pooping than I would for you to be fisting. He
Pallavi: did just spend some time on peeing . Yeah,
Lindsay: we did go into the pee, which was honestly bizarre.
Aron: So you're telling me that it would've made more sense to you if on air on our fucking. Publicly broadcast show I mind to you that I want to fist to a relative.
Yeah.
Lindsay: You had already brought up pee and I just didn't think you'd bring up pee and poop in the same episode.
Aron: So you thought that the thing I would convey to a relative through interpretive dance is that I want to do fisting. Yeah. Yes. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? ,
Lindsay: I met your mom. You know, she'd love to talk about something
Aron: like that.
Oh God. You know what the worst part is, is now that you've said that, you know, you're getting a text from her as soon as she hears this episode about this. . Your mom listens to your
Pallavi: podcast? Oh yeah. Oh my God. She's a big fan. I'm Jewish. Oh, okay.
Aron: So I'm gonna say $60,000. I don't mind it that much. My mother already asks me to dance when she wants me to.
My father knows I'm insane. Um, my, my, my, my extended family all either know I'm insane or love that I'm insane. Yeah. Everyone in my family knows I'm weird. Yeah, it'd be fine. 60 grand. Sure.
Pallavi: 150,000. Oh wow. Mine was the highest. I feel like I need to raise it. Raise it. What you got? I'm gonna save $400,000.
I'm changing it because of the baby.
Lindsay: It's the baby. See, I don't have a baby on the way
Pallavi: in the family. Yeah, it might be even 500. I don't know. But it's the baby. I love this baby. I honestly,
Lindsay: if I had a, if I had a little niece or nephew coming, I would have a much higher price as well.
Aron: All right, so I think we got numbers there.
Do we wanna see what the listeners had to say? Do we wanna hear about Pierce or, oh, are you fucking kidding me? There's no way. This isn't a joke. Do we wanna hear about Pierce or Bronson? Whoa. No,
Pallavi: come on.
Aron: I'm sure Rob intentionally put them in that order for the joke. Rob, go laugh your life. Pierce. Let's do Pierce.
Rob's parents. I just, I spent Thanksgiving with our producer, Rob's family, by the way, and his parents said that they love whenever their son is mentioned on air. Aw, that's cute. Can we each say something about Rob real fast? Rob's the person, he produces the show. Rob is a
Lindsay: little sweet hockey boy, and he's also
Pallavi: smart.
I got an email from Rob
Aron: Uh, all right. Do we wanna hear about Pierce or Bronson Pierce? Pierce put a million Buckaroo Billies and said, I just moved back in with my parents after college. I'm pretty sure they would commit me to an insane asylum after a week.
Pallavi: Yeah. That's fair. If you're living with them, then like Yeah, that would
Lindsay: make it really hard
Pallavi: if you lived with them.
Oh, that would be really tough. Yeah. And
Aron: then grab your tissues ladies. Bronson wrote $2,000. I don't see my family that often. Usually around the holidays, but I can skip one year.
Pallavi: Aww. Aw. Bronson. Bronson, Bronson. We're your family now, buddy. Poor Bronson, you danced your way into our hearts. Oh,
Aron: speaking of our dancing your way into our hearts quick psa.
We love all you guys listening. Thank you all. We always do this in the show real quick cuz we just tell everyone, just thanks for all the crazy questions. You guys send in all the crazy answers you guys give us. All the crazy dollar amounts you guys tell us. It's just, it's crazy. And if Lindsay could summarize her feelings about you, our listeners, in two words, they would.
SpongeBob, Squarepants, , and we really mean that from the bottom of our heart. So if you wanna just spread the word, just share rate, review the podcast. And as Pvi always
says,
Pallavi: yeah, eat pie, you're gonna shit pie. Ooh, love
Lindsay: it. Ooh, that's
Pallavi: really
Aron: smart. All right on to question three. Lindsay, grab that baseball.
Throw it on a wiffle ball stand. Hit it outta the park. Bark, bark, bark.
Lindsay: Oh, okay. Sure. Oh, is this a fan submission? Yeah, this is a submission. So this one's from Luke Bi Kauflin, and the question is, what's your price to only wear Crocs for the rest of your life?
Pallavi: Wait. That sounds awesome. . All right. I have the worst
Aron: taste.
You might be our first guest ever who has a negative number? . That's their answer in the end, for the total. I gotta wanna be, do you know about all the different kinds of Crocs? There are other Crocs, like tennis shoe, crocs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pallavi: Stylish crux. Because I have friends who are mentally ill who love Crocs, and same
I'm only saying that because they're like obsessed with Crocs and like the little crock, like don't they have like jewelry things that you can put on the the charms, the little c croc, the charms,
Aron: charms. First of all, having friends that are mentally ill is literally our whole generation. So
Pallavi: that's kind of, I mean that's me for sure.
That's why I can say it guys. I can say it.
Aron: No, millennials. We are broken. We're
Pallavi: like mentally ill nails. Like, well, we're
Lindsay: just acknowledging it and nobody else was acknowledging it. I tr everyone's like, the numbers of people that who are mentally ill are the highest than ever. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.
They're not, the numbers aren't higher, but the people that are talking about it and being open about it are higher. That's like
Pallavi: the, that left-handed chart, like how the numbers increased once people started talking about it. Yeah. The left-handed. Okay,
Aron: wait. Okay. Crocs, what are your feelings about Crocs?
Would you wear Crocs?
Pallavi: I think they're fun. I've worn them in college like they were my painting shoes in college and like for, for art projects and stuff. Um, I feel like more people should wear Crocs cuz they seem comfortable, from what I remember. .
Lindsay: Right. I think they're very, I think there's a chance that Crocs are really good for
Pallavi: your feet.
I have no idea if that's true.
Aron: Well, they're just squishy little things that are squishing around your, your, where you're fishing. The
Pallavi: other thing though is that I don't like, That they're, I couldn't use them for everything because they are porous. Right? Like they have the holes in them. And I like, I feel like when I walk my dogs, like sometimes I'm like, I'm in Hollywood.
There's weird stuff on the ground. I need clothes, towed shoes, I need something. Oh, they've got a croc for
Lindsay: that. Okay. They have
Pallavi: winter Crocs. I'm looking this up right now.
Aron: Hold on. We're opening up the Crocs website. Everyone opened it up. Oh
Pallavi: my goodness. They got like a little fur on top. Oh
Lindsay: yeah. They got some
Pallavi: cozy shit.
Wait, but these all still have the little hold. Hold on. I've gotta see the close to. Do
Lindsay: you see the classic lined neo puff
Aron: boot? Oh wait, do you see that? They're 50% off right now cause it's Cyber Monday.
Pallavi: Are you guys literally sponsored by Crocs? What the fuck is happening? . I'm just really shopping
Lindsay: Crocs right now.
I have, I'm so curious about it. They have a full
Aron: clog. Wait, they have a cereal line? Do you see the cereal line? They have a Tricks Crock. A Honey Nut. Cheers. Crock and a Cinnamon Toast
Pallavi: Crunch. Crock. I have not seen this. Was, was there a time when Crocks almost went. Business. And then they had like a, oh, probably they had like a resurgence.
Wait,
Aron: do you see that Jonathan VanNess is posing with Crocs on the, their homepage? Not
Pallavi: surprised.
Lindsay: I don't see that, but I do
Aron: love that. Oh God, these, these crocs with the, the wool lining are really nice
Pallavi: Crocs with the fur. Looking at her .
Aron: Oh, they're called Jibbitz Charms. I hate that word. That's awful.
Jibbitz Charms are what they put in The Crock. They have socks
Pallavi: too. Croc socks. There's weed.
Aron: Crocs. Wait. Crocs at work for hospitality. Oh, that is a close towed Sandy right there.
Pallavi: Oh my goodness. There it is.
Lindsay: Yeah, but can you run in a, in a crock? What if I wanted to do a little running?
Aron: There's crock tennis shoes.
I was gonna buy them recently. You're literally
Pallavi: just promoting Crocs. All this episode. Now guys, you're just like, there's a crock for everything. . There's a crock.
Lindsay: For everything,
Aron: 1.5 million, 1.5 million, because there's some events where it won't be appropriate to be wearing Crocs, and I'll be ashamed They could hurt me professionally if I'm wearing Crocs at the wrong event.
I think over time I'm gonna wanna live a better life, and if I was able to get a decent house in la. 1.5 won't get me it, but it'll get me a decent enough one that I can feel okay about it. One five. 1 75. Lemme say 1.75.
Pallavi: Wait, so this means like if I get an acting job, then like I have to wear Crocs as the
Aron: character.
You're in Crocs. You're wearing Crocs
Pallavi: as the character. Then I have to estimate what my income would be as an actor. It's not gonna hurt your career. I feel like it would though, cuz like you build up, right? Like say I book a commercial and then I'm just like a nobody who's like, I have to wear Crocs in this Sketcher's commercial.
Then like, What if I lose out on that money? That's real. That's real. That's really real. So I would have to, I would say millions of dollars now because, like, what if I'm, what if I'm playing, uh, some role that, like what if my dream pilot got picked up and in it, I, I'm not a crock wearing character and like, Then I What if I don't get to do it anymore?
Aron: Yeah, but what if I'm just gonna spin that right back on you. Like Ajit, what if you're doing it? And they're like, wow, she is committed to those shoes. And I want to hire an actor who is committed to
Pallavi: their feet. I feel like they might just commit
Aron: me. That's a very funny play of words. Yep. I'm with you. That was funny.
That was very funny. Lindsay, give a funny point. , I don't have a funny point. No, no. I was asking you to award a funny point.
Pallavi: Oh, can I have a, you, you're awarding me a funny point cuz I have, I made it funny. Anyone
Aron: listening should know that it is very late at night that we're doing this episode and we are all falling apart for you to make you guys laugh.
So you're welcome.
Pallavi: We each get a funny point. I feel like we, we deserve it. . We
Lindsay: deserve it. We work
Pallavi: so hard. We work so hard. . We each
Lindsay: spent at least six minutes on a Crocs website, and I feel like that's our earning
Pallavi: it. I might order them because of this podcast. Like, you guys should really be sponsored by Crocs.
I don't understand why
Aron: you're not. Yeah, we might, we might need to work on that. Wait, wait. All right, so Pvi, what's your
price?
Pallavi: What do you think I could earn as an actor? I'm gonna say, oh, or like, what would I need? I
Aron: don't think it's relevant. I,
Pallavi: I feel like it is, I'm gonna say, here's the thing. This, I'm just gonna say $7 million because.
I don't know what I would miss out on and I wanna bet on myself, but also I don't need that much. Like I would just re distribute everything after like a house.
Aron: You're making it harder for us to get sponsored by Crocs cuz our guest just said they need 7 million because of how much their, their shoe line would derail her career.
So thank you for doing that. Yeah, that's one
Pallavi: way of looking at it. , any shoe
Lindsay: line? If it was, if it was any shoe line? If it was Adidas. If it was Manolo
Aron: Bolan. No, no. It is not any shoe line. It is not the same as Adidas for life. It's
Pallavi: worse because I could run in Adidas. Yeah, you could run
Lindsay: in
Aron: Adidas. It is worse than Adidas.
That's their saying.
Pallavi: Yeah, that's their, there's, there's slogan Crocs, worse than Adidas. Okay,
Aron: so 7 million. I'm gonna
Pallavi: say 7 million.
Aron: What did I say? I said one 5 million. 1.5. Yeah. No, I said 1 75. I said, then I upped it to 1 75. Okay. Lindsay, where do you live?
Lindsay: I really don't like Crocs. I know that they're trendy right now, and I feel like it's a very elder, millennial thing of me to not be into Crocs, but I've really seen some shit when it comes to Crocs.
You know what I mean? I'm from the south. They're all wearing camouflage crocs. The scariest people you know are wearing camouflage crocs, like, oh my God, it's a thing. It's a
Aron: real thing. They don't have jits right in their Crocs.
Lindsay: Oh, if you say Jit to them, you will catch hands.
Pallavi: What does that mean?
Lindsay: That means they'll hit you.
Pallavi: They'll hit you. No, I know the patch hands means I'm saying what could jts mean?
Aron: I didn't know. I thought that word meant groping, so I thought you were like, you know, if you're brunching jits, you are gonna get felt up. And I was like, what does that mean? I'm gonna
Pallavi: fucking feel you up, bro. Like, I'm gonna feel you up.
So, If you talk about crock charms to me, I'm fondling your balls, dude. , come at me one more time, bro. They're like the verbal affirmation that you're going, you're about to molest someone is . Very
Aron: strange. Oh god. All right, Lindsay, do, do you have a
Lindsay: number? Yeah. I'm gonna say for the rest of my life, there's upsides and downsides, but the downsides are worse than the upsides.
I'm gonna say 5 million.
Aron: I have a follow up question then. Do you guys wanna hear about Ariel's answer or Dave's. Dave. Dave said 20 grand. Okay. Wrote Crocs are super comfy. So I don't see the big deal about this. I would have a large collection of different colored Crocs for different occasions. Practical Dave.
Practical Dave. Practical Dave. Now Ariel said 750 grand and wrote, first off, I need money to relocate somewhere warmer. I'm not living in a Chicago winter with just Crocs. Good point. Good point. Mm-hmm. . Secondly, I'm not married yet, but I don't think Crocs have come up with something for a bride to wear.
Oh.
Pallavi: Bride Crocs. See if you're Indian on the Dias, I think you don't wear shoes, so it's
Aron: fine. Ooh. And if you're Jewish, then when you step on the glass at the end of your wedding, that is going right through your
Pallavi: shoe. You gotta wrap it in a crock. Yeah. Instead of that cloth. , you have to have a crock cloth
So the plastic
Aron: ticks out. Uh, our cultures have weird rules with feet and weddings. Lindsay, I don't know if yours does. Yeah,
Pallavi: what do Texans do? 10
Lindsay: shoes, whatever, wherever. Clearly Crocs, right? A lot of Crocs. There's a gonna be a lot of Crocs at a
Aron: Texas wedding, but don't mention it. Or you're getting groped
Linton, you wanna talk about what each of us costs to do all the stuff
Lindsay: today? I do. I do. The person who asked for the most money today was Pavi at. $7,399,900.
Pallavi: It's a crox.
Aron: Adding a minus in there really makes the math real weird.
Pallavi: I love math and that's why I did it this way. . Every time I come on a podcast I like, maybe we'll do a little bit of math because I'm just pro math.
I like that about you. It's my number one defining factor. . It's a language.
Lindsay: We all share math, and then next the middle. Was me at 5.1 million and then the lowest Aron. Was you at $1,810,000?
Pallavi: You cheap bitch .
Aron: What can I say? You ladies have got diamonds on the soles of your Crocs.
Pallavi: It's true. These, these gits are made of gold.
Ooh, golden
Lindsay: gits. .
Pallavi: I've got the golden Jit . Ooh,
Aron: I've got a Jordan chair. My cro. Ooh, ooh. Pami. It was wonderful having you onto Crock Talk today. We learned a lot about you. Thank you so
Pallavi: much for having me on Crock Talk. I love this podcast
Aron: Crock Talk. If people want to know everything there is to know about you, learn more about you, consume more about you, and just really get as invasive in your life as you'll permit, what can they do?
Date
Pallavi: me, just kidding. . Um. You could, I don't know. You could try.
Aron: Good luck. It's the beginning of our new process. We're gonna start setting up our guests with our listeners. Yeah, it's a whole new show.
Pallavi: It's a service. It's a service. We do a cervix service. Okay. I'm done. I'm Paula v Canalan everywhere. P A L L A V I G U N A L A N.
And I also have a podcast called City Council, and I spelled council, like counselor, like getting counseling instead of what people think. Because I thought I was clever at the time. . I think it's clever. Thank you. It's still clever. It holds
Aron: up. Oh, it holds up . It was a delight, a pleasure, an honor, a surprise.
And Lindsay
Lindsay: Joy. I couldn't remember if you said joy already and so I was really questioning it. I don't know, but it really was fun. I'm so, so happy that you got to come hang out with us.
Pallavi: Thanks for having me. It was so fun. I really, I enjoyed it and now I. That I do have a price on things and that I surprise myself and that I would pay for very negative things in my life.
And that's good to know. ,
Aron: we always like to ask a quick partying word from our guest. Do you have a piece of advice for Lindsay or for me? Not for both of us. One of us to get to give a piece of advice too. And then you get to go, Lindsay.
Pallavi: Register voters. Good one. I will. You're in Texas. Do.
Aron: Listener. You heard an episode of a podcast, goodbye,
Pallavi: goodbye.
Goodbye
Lindsay: Do you think that if I ask Paula to marry me, she would say yes or
Aron: no? I don't know. I want to ask her first.
Lindsay: Okay. You ask her first and then, and then I'll ask
Aron: her to, no, I'm scared of rejection and pain. Me too. You know, who doesn't give us pain or reject us as you, the listener. And we love that. We love that for us.
We love that. And we love how you guys all play along. If you wanna join in the fun run as fast as you can to your nearest browser, let us know you are worth. We're always putting up new questions and polls over@humanvaluespodcast.com. While you're there, help us be lazy. Share your own crazy white surprise questions again over@humanvaluespodcast.com.
Lindsay: If you enjoyed today's episode or if you just like the little show we do, be Macon please for the word. We appreciate it more than we could say with words in English, which is our first language to throw a little extra love. Please for the love of Sarah McLaughlin, leave us a review on your favorite podcasting app.
And I don't know, leave a rating while you're there if you really like us and maybe we'll choose
Aron: you for a shout out. I'm gonna rate you, Lindsay, and I rate you, uh, 5.1 stars. Ooh, thank you. You're welcome. That's outta five, by the way. It's a little special 0.1. Hmm. Speaking of thanks. Thank you all for listening.
We're your hosts, Lindsay Hicks and Aron Reuben Korney. Special thanks to our guests this week, Paula. Glan. Our
Lindsay: lead producer is Rob Goldman. Our producers are Ashanti Bron. Aron. Reuben Korney. Our editor is Andrew Sims. Our engineer is Jason Porto, and our music is by the beautiful Omer, Ben-Zvi. All
Aron: information research and advice shared on today's episode was expressed for entertainment purposes only.
Statements provided by the human values host, production team and guest not be taken as professional advice or fact. Human values
Lindsay: is a human content production.
