Close the Gap Between Fine and Fully Alive: Human Design + Values Alignment with Stephanie Rousseau —Episode 22

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Welcome to our next level with Dana Hunter Fidella, where founders, leaders, and women who make a difference go to create your next level of personal and professional success.
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I'm your host, Dana Hunter Fridella, transformational success coach for exceptional women, and I'm on a mission to remind you of your limitless possibility and to show you how to create your next level so that it feels as good as it looks.
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Follow the show, my friend.
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Grab your iced coffee and turn up the volume to create her next level.
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Let's go.
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Welcome back to her next level.
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I'm so excited to introduce to you a very special guest and the only guest to date who has appeared in both Girls Who Recover podcast and also her next level podcast.
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Please help me welcome Stephanie Russo to the show.
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And Stephanie is an ICF certified coach, facilitator, and former educator who helps people get clear on who they are, what matters to them, and what they want next for their life, their career, or both.
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After more than 20 years in education, Stephanie made her own midlife career pivot into coaching.
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Today she works with people who have reached a point where life looks pretty good on paper, but something still feels off.
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She helps them uncover their values, innate strengths, and sense of purpose so they can make more intentional choices about what comes next.
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And Stephanie lives outside of Boston with her husband, two gorgeous daughters, a black lab, and two cats.
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When she's not coaching, there's a good chance she's on the soccer sidelines trying not to be too embarrassing.
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I can already hear that, Stephanie.
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It's like, mom, you're saying I'm that mom.
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And also, Stephanie and I met, I guess it's been some years ago now, as we were training to become alcoholist elite coaches in the industry.
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And it's so rare that you meet somebody and you just want to stay connected with them.
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And we've done, I think, a really good job of that, Stephanie.
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So I'm excited to sort of let our hair down for this conversation, to share your work in the world.
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And it's so interesting because over the last since we've met, we both have evolved and we've tried new things and we've grown and we've expanded.
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And we've sort of both hit this rhythm where it's in our practices, we have a shared goal of helping people be more in alignment with who they are so that they can create more of what they actually want versus what society tells us that we should want, right?
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So welcome, Stephanie, to the show.
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I'm so excited to have you.
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Thank you, Dana.
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I'm so excited to be here.
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And we're just gonna jump right in.
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So I told you we've done a good job staying connected.
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Stephanie was also one of the very first women who ever went through a one-on-one official human design conversation experience with me.
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And so we are going to have a conversation today on both human design and values alignment.
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And we'll talk about Stephanie's work in the world and also she gets to share her experience learning going deeper.
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You already knew your human design, but going deeper into what that means for you as a woman, as a mom, as a coach.
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And then we'll bridge human design with the work that you're doing in the world, and we'll have a blast doing it.
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So sound good to you?
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Oh, I love it.
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I love it.
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Okay.
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So I was not surprised to learn that Stephanie and I have similar designs.
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And so I never I've tried not to predict anybody's profile.
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I just feel like that's not fair.
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And I know I'm supposed to be doing human design because every time I pull somebody's chart, I'm like, yes, you know, something about it really excites me.
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So Stephanie went through the human design experience and she is a two-for spleenic projector.
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So I'm just gonna start with your permission, Stephanie, by explaining what that actually means, why we care about it, and then I'll ask you what it means to you.
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Does that that sounds good?
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Beautiful.
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So I have a special affinity for all of the energy types and especially projectors, because as you know, I am also a projector.
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And energy types simply tell us the way that we are set up energetically to move well through the world.
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So Western patriarchy and social conditioning would have us believe that we are here to be like most of the population is, I call them my energizer bunnies.
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I have um, and I have two out of my three daughters have this energizer bunny profile, also known as generators or manifesting generators.
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And generators or manifesting generators are set up to go and go and go, and they've got tons of energy.
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And once they get lit up about something, you cannot stop them.
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Projectors are way different than that.
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We actually have a finite amount of energy.
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It is non-renewable, which means once we've spent it, it is done, unless we're really close to a generator or a manifesting generator.
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And our gift is not how much we can do, it's how much we can see.
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And so another name for a projector is the seer.
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And one of the gifts uh that I've noticed Stephanie has, I also have have it is that we're able to sit down with a one-on-one or with a group of people and offer a perspective that others don't see for whatever reason.
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Not, and that's not good or bad.
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It's just oftentimes I think about projectors as, you know, we're at the top of a tree or with we're at the top of a mountain, or we're on the third floor of a building, and we can see things from that higher perspective that help guide the energy of other types.
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And it also helps us create efficiencies, it helps us create strategies, and it helps us create a way forward to make the world a better place, simply put.
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Where we get caught as projectors is like not only can we see it, we can also, we also know how to do it.
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But that's where this, that's where the gap happens, is that projectors aren't designed to do.
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We're designed to see, add value.
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And then in my house, I call it delegate.
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Yeah.
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And then so her profile is the two four, which is also known as the easy breezy genius.
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And I see that my two clients, two line clients have these natural gifts and talents that are so easy for other people to see, but often they don't see it for themselves.
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And then also the two lines create their biggest magic when they have time to go within to their internal wisdom.
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Stephanie also has a four as her second number, which gives her a beautiful balance of because the four is the people person and not just any people person, but your people person.
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And so intimate relationships, close relationships are your love language.
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Other people see you probably as being a people person.
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I definitely see that about you.
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And your biggest opportunities and strategies come through your people pipeline, which essentially is the people you already know and love, and maybe one step out of that outer circle, that inner circle.
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And the last thing is everybody in human design has a specific way that they're set up to make decisions.
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And Stephanie and I are both spleenic authorities, which means, like it or not, we know what we know and we know it immediately.
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We're a clear yes.
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And if it's not a clear yes, then we're a no.
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And oftentimes, splenic authority, I'm curious to hear how it shows up for you, Stephanie.
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It shows up as a feeling or a voice or just this inner knowing.
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And one rub with society is oftentimes we feel like we're expected to be able to explain logically how we knew what we knew, but splenic authority doesn't work that way.
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It's we knew it, our inner wisdom told us.
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And that's how we know it.
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We don't need to explain it.
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And it shows up in little things like I should take my umbrella for the day, even though it's sunny outside, or I don't want to work with this client because they feel like bad news to me, and I can't explain why.
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There's not any evidence to support that.
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It's just an inner knowing that is for us, it is immediate.
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So 2-4, spleenic projector.
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That's like the fastest reading I've ever done.
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But Stephanie, can you share a little bit more about what it was like to learn to go deeper in your human design, to learn more about who you are and how you're set up to thrive in the world?
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Yes, for sure.
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So I think I I knew I was a projector.
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I knew I was a two-four projector.
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To be honest, I didn't know as much about what the two-four part meant.
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And I didn't know as much about what the Scenic Authority meant, although I knew that was there.
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So just having that conversation with you was so illuminating and like life affirming, I keep saying, because hearing that I was a projector and what that means as the seer.
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I I was really focused prior to meeting with you on the projector as someone who needs to be invited.
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And I know that's part of it, but I was so focused on it.
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It was like, oh, I need to be invited.
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So like I I was like almost like, how do I like I was more passive, maybe.
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I'm not a passive person, but like was like, oh, I need an I need an invitation.
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I was like really like kind of tied to that.
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But to flip it and look at it is like, no, I'm I'm just I'm the seer.
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I can see so much.
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And I think I think one of the things you've said about like the in this text with the I can see so much and the easy breezy, some things that come naturally to me or come easy to me, like noticing things in my environment or noticing people and what they're doing, and just kind of like knowing what's going on at all times.
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I used to think that was just my like my anxiety or my my like that's my hypervigilance coming in.
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And it's like maybe a little bit of that, but actually it's like, and that's how it's my Enneagram type, which is a whole nother thing.
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But also, I just like see things.
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It's just easy for me.
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So it's not like it's a problem.
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I was kind of making it a problem and just just framing it in this way of like being someone who just that's just how I can just see things that maybe others can't or others can eventually, but they can't see it in the same way or as quickly as I can.
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The other piece of that that is so resonant to me is the the part about like desiring efficiency.
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And I'm sure that's because we do have a finite amount of energy.
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And so it's like, I don't have the energy to spend four hours on this terrible task when I could cut it down to 20 minutes by doing it, you know, in this systemized way or whatever.
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And that is I I get physic, I have a physical reaction when I experience inefficiencies.
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I'm like, why are they doing it this way?
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Like it's 2026.
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There are so many more efficient ways to do this.
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I get like, I get mad.
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I'm like, oh, that's because I just see how this could be so much better and easier for everyone involved, even if it doesn't affect me a lot.
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It's like I see an easier way to do this.
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And why are we not doing it?
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And yeah, like after meeting with you, I was like, that is a real gift.
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Like owning, I really started to own that piece more and be like, this is a gift I have that I should share more of and own it and just be proud of it and be like this, like when you were talking about identity before, like this is part of my identity.
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This is something I am good at.
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It's easy for me.
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And I think when things are easy for us though, we have this tendency to be like, well, it's just like easy for everyone.
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So, like, you know, because we're so conditioned to like, well, if it's not hard, then it's not worth it, or it's not a gift.
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It's not something I, you know, I can offer because it came easy.
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And so I've really started to like incorporate that as like, this is a gift that I can bring.
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And so let's do that.
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And that is exactly what you're here to do today.
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It's almost like you have a special pair of glasses as a projector, and you walk into a room and you see a few things.
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So the good things are you see what's working, you see the beauty, you see high-functioning experiences.
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And then on the other side of that coin, which makes us really valuable to anywhere in a family, on a team, as a business owner, and definitely as a coach, is that we can really quickly see the one thing that if you shifted it, it would change everything.
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Like if you just changed this over here, you would save yourself time, energy, money, constituent of uh satisfaction.
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And it's like also combined with that two line is that idea that your gifts, because they come so easily to you, two things.
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One should easily come to others, which they don't.
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So we overestimate people or underestimate them.
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And then the second thing is we discount our value because it feels easy.
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And you said one of the most powerful things, Stephanie.
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So I'm just gonna say it back to you, dear listener.
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If you have a two-line, one of the things I hear is it's it's feels easy, so it's not valuable.
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That so underneath that is this belief, this very Western patriarchal belief that in order for it to be worthy or valuable, we have to really fucking struggle for it.
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Really worked hard for that money, for that position, for that speaking opportunity.
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You should have grinded your fingers to the bone.
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And both the projector and the two line say, no way, Jose, it's supposed to be easy.
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And I can create so much value just by offering what I see.
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There is that sneaky little thing that you mentioned.
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And that's why I love opt-in podcasts.
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You know, like this is your podcast, or it's not.
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If it's not, you probably aren't even listening to this anymore.
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You know what I mean?
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And so having the strategy as a projector, a strategy is the way that you create the most success.
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It's the simplest way.
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The way you create the most success, opportunities, money, harmony, all the things.
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For us, we do wait for the invitation.
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That doesn't mean we wait to start a podcast or we wait to post on social media or we wait to go speak to a group, or we wait.
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It just, it just means that we're positioning ourselves to share what we see and what has happened for both of us.
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And I love witnessing this for you is when we do things like go on podcasts or we're on social media or we're sending something to our email list, people see what we see and they're like, oh my gosh, that's so interesting.
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Will you come and share this with my community?
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Will you come and lead a workshop, which is what part of the work that you're doing?
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And you know, that's how we got together.
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It's like, will you do this?
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Yeah, let's let's do it.
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So the invitations don't have to be hard.
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And in the meantime, we either need to be resting or doing things that fascinate us.
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So I just want to pause and hear what's coming through for you.
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Yeah, so this is a a little bit of a turn, but I just want to ask you, just totally put you on the spot here.
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When you are a projector, like I am, like you are, and you my my kids, I have one projector, one generator.
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Maybe she's a man-a-gen, I'm not sure, but I know my husband is uh one or the other.
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I think he's a man-a-gen, which didn't totally make sense to me, but he is, and and I see our energies are very different.
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And he can go for a long time.
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And also he might listen to this, but that's okay.
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He he knows.
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He probably won't, let's be honest.
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But he knows, like he I think he thinks that work needs to like he needs to work hard to continue to earn his his place and his job and his whatever.
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So we have that little bit of a fork in the road, if you will, of like I'm going this way, trying to lean into that projector energy of like, you know, being invited and and being okay with it being easy and and sort of just like, and then there's the whole money mindset thing of like the limitlessness of what I think I can create.
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And then I have and so I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna go rest now.
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So it's like a Tuesday at one, one o'clock.
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I hate when he's working from home because I'm like, if I lay down at one o'clock and he walks in, and he not that he's judging me, but he might be.
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I don't know, but he's not that energy type.
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So it's like living with someone.
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I guess the point is the question that's coming up for me is like, yes, I am I am fully like really stepping into embodying this, like, especially since we had that call and and owning my gifts.
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And also it's not a world set up for projectors that we live in here in this country of ours and this Western civilization of ours.
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It is very much not.
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So it's countercultural, and also even within my own home, I have a partner who is not that energy type and also has kind of a different mentality around work.
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And so it's it can get tricky.
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It can get tricky.
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Yes, it can.
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So I don't know what the question is for you exactly, I guess, like navigating that.
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Yeah, like how do you navigate the different types under the same roof?
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That is a gorgeous question because it applies not just to under the same roof, but let's say you're managing a team, you're gonna have likely all sorts of types of energetic types and profile types and authority types on your on your team.
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I'm actually doing a series of workshops for human design and leadership.
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So women in leadership, stay tuned.
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More info on that.
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But it applies, especially if you have a projector in the seat.
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And also, we're similar to manifestors.
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So, manifestors, by the way, if you're not familiar with what we're talking about, it's okay.
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We're gonna break it down.
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Many gen simply means manifesting generator.
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And generators and manifesting generators are set up to create a ton of energy.
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They're the life force of society.
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They, when they're lit up by something, they can go, go, go, go, go.
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And often they believe that the harder that they work, the more that they are valued, which is a society, just want to prepare yourself because in 2027, we're shifting into what's called a new paradigm where all of that is gonna, we're gonna break down, all that's gonna break down.
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But I want to answer your question.
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So, what is it like to be a projector in leadership, whether it's in leadership of your home, of your business, of your team, of your whatever you're leading?
00:19:12.079 --> 00:19:21.200
And it's this is that we one thing I love about human design is it empowers us to be advocates for the way we move well in the world.
00:19:21.359 --> 00:19:23.599
And so my husband doesn't want to hear about human design.
00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:27.279
He's like, listen, if you try to read my chart one more time, I'm gonna show you the door.
00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:29.200
Get out of here with the human design.
00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:33.359
But what he does understand is, hey, listen, I'm out of gas right now.
00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:35.039
I need some time to reset.
00:19:35.119 --> 00:19:36.480
I'm gonna go take a nap.
00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:40.079
Now, whether he judges that or not, that belongs to him.
00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:47.599
But at my house, my responsibility is to be in leadership to advocate for the way that I best thrive.
00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:52.240
And so we have this saying, it's like, what's the number one rule of nap time?
00:19:52.640 --> 00:19:54.319
And we're talking about my nap time, right?
00:19:54.400 --> 00:19:55.920
My kids don't take naps anymore.
00:19:56.079 --> 00:19:58.640
It's don't disturb mom during her nap time.
00:19:58.880 --> 00:20:00.000
That's the number one rule.
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:07.039
And behind that is a whole advocacy where I've said, listen, in order to thrive, I need to rest in the middle of the day.
00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:12.480
I have these energy bursts of two to four hours, and then I need a rest.
00:20:12.559 --> 00:20:14.960
And then there may or may not be a second one.
00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:18.559
And that is the way that I have set up in my life.
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:27.440
And when I was working for someone else, what that sounded like was I want to take all of my important meetings in the morning and I want hours to be flexible in the evening.
00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:30.880
And I'll get the work done because projectors are efficient.
00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:37.759
We can accomplish things way faster in fewer minutes than it takes the typical human.
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:39.200
I see you nodding.
00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:43.119
But essentially, it's advocating for the way that you thrive.
00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:55.839
And as a projector mom with multi-energetic kids, it also shows them, whether they ever speak the language of human design or not, what it means to advocate for what you need.
00:20:56.000 --> 00:21:13.200
But what that takes, and this is where we're gonna segue into the work that you're doing, is knowing what is important to you, how you thrive, and what matches in terms of your schedule, your needs, the things that you're saying yes to, and the things that you're saying no to.
00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:15.920
Helpful, was that helpful?
00:21:16.480 --> 00:21:19.119
I wrote down what you said because I love it so much.
00:21:19.279 --> 00:21:22.000
Advocating for the way that you thrive.
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:27.519
I think that's just like the best life lesson in all arenas.
00:21:27.839 --> 00:21:32.960
Like, and that could mean you knowing your human design, but nobody else, like you can just be like, This is what I need.
00:21:33.119 --> 00:21:36.960
I know this about myself, and so therefore I'm taking it.
00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:39.279
And yeah, don't disturb.
00:21:39.599 --> 00:21:40.960
Do not disturb.
00:21:41.119 --> 00:21:41.440
Yeah.
00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:42.000
Yes.
00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:42.559
Yeah.
00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:51.039
So if you had a if you had a boss, which you don't, I mean, neither of us have bosses, because we projectors typically are the boss, or we like to be the boss.
00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:54.960
But if you had someone that you were accountable to, right, which we were both married.
00:21:55.039 --> 00:21:56.480
So this is a good example.
00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:59.119
And you were a two four spleenate projector.
00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:03.440
Okay, so you You would say things like, I need some time to rest.
00:22:03.920 --> 00:22:08.240
Um, I'm studying this thing that I'm really excited about it, and I want you to support me.
00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:12.079
I'm asking for your support, even if you whether or not you understand or believe in it.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:18.240
As a spleenic, it would sound like, listen, I have a feeling about this, and I'm asking for you to trust me.
00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:24.960
As a two, it might sound like, I need some time, I need some alone time to process this.
00:22:25.119 --> 00:22:32.799
As a four, it might mean I need for us to get deep more deeply connected on this issue before we make a decision.
00:22:33.119 --> 00:22:43.519
So you you heard all those things come alive in real life because human design is all fun, but if you're not, you can't use it to make your life better, like it, then it was just for fun, which isn't a bad thing.
00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:50.400
But also, what if we use this to make our marriage better, to make our teams operate at higher levels?
00:22:50.559 --> 00:22:52.000
It creates higher retention.
00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:59.039
You're gonna be able to make more money because you're feeling more like you in the world, and you're not second-guessing yourself.
00:22:59.119 --> 00:23:02.559
We were talking about like how do projectors show up on social media.
00:23:02.799 --> 00:23:05.519
Our key phrase is this is what I see.
00:23:06.400 --> 00:23:09.279
We're not trying to convince anybody, we're not trying to sell anything.
00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:11.920
It's just offering this is what I see.
00:23:12.319 --> 00:23:13.680
So I love that.
00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:28.240
Tell more about the work that you're doing in the world because one of the things I see currently in the coaching landscape is it's taking a really long time for coaches to get to know their clients.
00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:35.759
And I've had many coaches, and although they they were they're all good, you know, like I have we both have keen eyes for people.
00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:45.119
I never felt like they really understood who I was and what was really important to me and until we had worked together for a long time.
00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:52.880
So I most recently worked with a woman for a year, and by the end of the year, I finally felt like she knew most of my buttons.
00:23:52.960 --> 00:23:54.000
Do you know what I mean?
00:23:54.240 --> 00:24:08.559
But as if we get clear, help people get clear and we're clear as their coach on how they move energetically through the world, their human design profile, or and and or and both, their values and what's important to them.
00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:18.480
It helps us as coaches help them collapse time between who they are, who they're becoming, and everything that they are here to create.
00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:22.880
Removing these obstacles of overthinking and who am I and is this important?
00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:23.599
I don't know.
00:24:23.759 --> 00:24:27.599
It's like removing all of that and offering this beautiful landscape of clarity.
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:31.920
So, Stephanie, please tell us about the work that you're doing in the world.
00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:38.480
And I will pass you the mic so you get to talk to us about what that looks like and the difference that it's making.
00:24:39.119 --> 00:24:39.519
Yes.
00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:45.839
Well, first I'm gonna start with a quick story about like why this work means so much to me.
00:24:46.000 --> 00:24:56.160
And it's it may or may not be relatable, but when you were talking about the four being like wanting that intimacy, like, yes, I I want that with like I have a lot of one-on-one friendships.
00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:58.160
I don't have a lot of like groups I'm part of.
00:24:58.240 --> 00:25:03.200
I have, and then my husband, I'm always like wanting to get in deeper about everything.
00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:09.039
So about 10 years ago, maybe more, uh, we went out for a date.
00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:12.000
Our kids were little little at the time, like toddlers.
00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:17.279
And we had like a day date or something, like because I couldn't go out at night when they were toddlers.
00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:18.880
I mean, I can barely go out at night now.
00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:21.519
But also because we're projectors, that's not what we do.
00:25:21.759 --> 00:25:23.119
We don't do night.
00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:23.839
Yes.
00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:24.640
Yes.
00:25:25.279 --> 00:25:25.920
Amen.
00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:32.079
So I we go out during the day and we went to this restaurant for like some apps and drinks or whatever it was.
00:25:32.319 --> 00:25:37.519
And I literally had like a like a stack of papers with me at the bar.
00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:49.680
It was like a list of values, like from I don't know where I got it from, but I was like, we need to like come to some consensus on what our values are, like as a team, as a family, what do we want?
00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:53.759
I think my husband was like, I just wanted a beer and some nachos.
00:25:54.000 --> 00:25:54.720
What is this?
00:25:54.880 --> 00:25:56.160
What are you doing?
00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:01.519
And um, we didn't really get too far with that conversation, but here's why.
00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:04.880
Because a list, there are not 100 values.
00:26:06.000 --> 00:26:12.480
The the most recent, truly the most recent research is what I'm working with from this woman named Susie Wells.
00:26:12.559 --> 00:26:14.480
She's a professor out of NYU.
00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:18.559
And she works in the field of values expression.
00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:22.000
So there's like formation, which is how we came about our values.
00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:24.000
And can I stop you just for a second?
00:26:24.079 --> 00:26:29.279
Because I want to get I wanna get on the same page around what do you mean when you say values?
00:26:29.519 --> 00:26:30.079
Oh, great.
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:31.279
Like what is values?
00:26:31.359 --> 00:26:32.000
What does that mean?
00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:35.680
Can you give us like a definition so we can work from the same place?
00:26:35.839 --> 00:26:36.160
Okay.
00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:36.880
Yes.
00:26:37.119 --> 00:26:37.599
Yes.
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:44.559
So values are like organizing principles that are choices about how you want to live your life.
00:26:44.880 --> 00:26:53.119
And those are based on what's most important to you and how you got to that is values formation.
00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:58.319
There might be some therapy to figure out why you are like, why do I care so much about affluence?
00:26:58.480 --> 00:26:59.200
Why do I care?
00:26:59.279 --> 00:27:00.400
You might judge yourself for that.
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:10.720
You might judge yourself for certain things because of, you know, like what society says we should think is important and what we actually think are important might have a little bit of a difference.
00:27:10.880 --> 00:27:11.920
So there's all this messaging.
00:27:12.000 --> 00:27:14.319
But anyway, so the that's what they are, though.
00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:18.400
They're organizing principles of how we choose to live our lives.
00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:27.119
And what's really important, there's two other important points about sort of like definition-wise, is that what they are not is virtues.
00:27:27.359 --> 00:27:29.119
For example, honesty.
00:27:29.519 --> 00:27:31.119
Honesty is not a value.
00:27:31.359 --> 00:27:35.519
Like, I think we would all agree that on more honesty is better.
00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:42.960
Like if that is a social construct that we can all get behind, like even people who are maybe more dishonest more often.
00:27:43.200 --> 00:27:50.000
I think that if you go a couple layers below, they would, you know, honesty would serve them well if they were doing it.
00:27:50.160 --> 00:27:56.480
But if we're talking about honesty, if we're talking about compassion, yeah, compassion's not a value.
00:27:56.640 --> 00:27:58.799
You might have that as like a character strength.
00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:02.000
You might really um live your life with that.
00:28:02.160 --> 00:28:08.799
You might be a compassionate person that might be almost like a personality trait, but values aren't personality traits either.
00:28:08.960 --> 00:28:20.240
They are really like choices that help you make decisions, organize your life, and really live like, well, hopefully live c as close to them as possible.
00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:25.440
And thus you feel like more in harmony, and as well as like living through your human design.
00:28:25.519 --> 00:28:35.039
Like there's so much overlap, overlap and not so much overlap, but like a yin-yang, like a complementary relationship of the values and the human design.
00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:38.640
So that I said values are not virtues, so they're not the same thing.
00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:44.480
Virtues, great, yes, please, more of them, more honesty, more compassion, more integrity.
00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:47.279
All of those, and those are often confused.
00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:49.440
Often people will say, like, oh, adventure.
00:28:49.599 --> 00:28:51.440
Yeah, I've confused them.
00:28:51.599 --> 00:28:57.039
And that's why these traditional values sheets have like 172 words on them.
00:28:57.200 --> 00:29:03.680
It's like pick out of this billion, billion word list of what's important to you, right?
00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:05.839
Because it's it seems like it goes beyond.
00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:15.039
I think I thought of value as like this is something that is important to you, which is true, but I definitely would have put things like compassion on that list.
00:29:15.200 --> 00:29:15.359
Yeah.
00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:24.880
So it's good to hear the difference between virtues are like an inherent thing, inherent goodness that makes that makes you a good human.
00:29:25.039 --> 00:29:27.440
And if you're listening, of course, you are a good human.
00:29:27.599 --> 00:29:34.720
Although I'm I need you to come talk to my nine-year-old about honesty because this does the whole thing that we're but now I'll know.
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:40.400
Now I know this is not a value of her, it's not a value, it's you know, it's just a little bit of confusion in the bird sheet.
00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:40.880
Okay.
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:45.519
So organizing principles, you're trying to take action to live your life around.
00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:51.119
And it doesn't have anything to do with your morals or your character or your personality.
00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:52.160
Okay, beautiful.
00:29:52.319 --> 00:29:52.880
Keep going.
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:53.599
Exactly.
00:29:53.759 --> 00:29:54.720
Great summary.
00:29:55.039 --> 00:30:03.759
So the other to add on to what you said almost, but the the last point I want to make about is that they're all neutral, all these values.
00:30:03.920 --> 00:30:07.680
There are 16 according to this structure that I work with in.
00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:13.039
There are 16 values, and there's no hierarchy of what's there's no better or worse.
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:22.240
It's not better to value non-sibi, which is a value that means um not for oneself or you know, helping other people one-on-one.
00:30:22.559 --> 00:30:30.319
That doesn't make you a better person, though we might get that messaging from the world that if you value that, that you know, that must be great.
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:33.200
If you value affluence, which is, you know, well.
00:30:33.599 --> 00:30:36.319
And I also like that's gonna be great if you're a woman.
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:38.559
Like that's definitely pushed on you if you're a woman.
00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:43.519
You should definitely be making your whole life and career about helping others.
00:30:43.599 --> 00:30:46.720
And God forbid you charge for what you do.
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:51.119
You should just be out there altruistically living for free.
00:30:51.759 --> 00:30:52.960
A hundred percent.
00:30:53.119 --> 00:30:53.680
Yes.
00:30:53.839 --> 00:30:54.319
Yes.
00:30:54.559 --> 00:30:58.400
And that's the messaging we get as women like our entire lives.
00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:04.240
So you think like, well, I should have this value, but you might all of us have all the values too.
00:31:04.319 --> 00:31:05.680
They're just on a spectrum.
00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:12.720
So you took this assessment called the values bridge that you were took, and we can talk about some of the results.
00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:21.759
But what that what it does is it gives you, it rank orders your values for you according to how you answered the questions.
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:29.440
And then it also gives you the order that you're currently living, like how much you're living each value.
00:31:29.599 --> 00:31:34.480
So then you can see, okay, I value this thing, but how is it showing up in my life at this moment?
00:31:34.720 --> 00:31:35.599
Do I have too much of it?
00:31:35.759 --> 00:31:37.039
Do I have too little of it?
00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:43.039
And so that is where the real and then there's, and then values can be in conflict with one another.
00:31:43.279 --> 00:31:45.440
And we'll talk about what some of that is too.
00:31:45.519 --> 00:31:54.319
One, you know, um, and we'll give some examples to make it super concrete, because unless we do that, it's it's hard to kind of like, it's very esoteric.
00:31:54.640 --> 00:32:02.240
So the reason that I was so drawn to this is because, you know, 10 plus years ago, I'm sitting at a bar with a list of values.
00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:19.440
Like I really care deeply about living in alignment and for myself, but also for all people, because I just believe the world would be like a better place if we were all living, you know, in and accepting, accepting ourselves.
00:32:19.519 --> 00:32:26.079
It like inherently makes you more self-compassionate, which I know is maybe what we talked about in the last episode I was on.
00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:27.359
Um, I think we did.
00:32:27.680 --> 00:32:32.640
Anyway, it makes you more self-compassionate because you're like, these are my value, kind of like human design.
00:32:32.799 --> 00:32:36.640
Like what I my experience with you is like, okay, this is me.
00:32:36.799 --> 00:32:37.279
Awesome.
00:32:37.440 --> 00:32:38.480
I love that for me.
00:32:38.640 --> 00:32:40.400
Let's go be more of that.
00:32:40.799 --> 00:32:41.119
Yeah.
00:32:41.279 --> 00:32:42.480
And same with the values.
00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:50.640
And then when you see a get when you see a gap, when you notice a gap, that's that like you talked about collapsing time working with a coach.
00:32:50.720 --> 00:32:53.680
I mean, I don't have to get them to guess where their gaps are.
00:32:53.759 --> 00:32:55.599
We've got some data to start with.
00:32:55.839 --> 00:32:58.480
Then it's then we excavate what's inside of them.
00:32:58.640 --> 00:33:06.960
Like, because these values have certain names and definitions and all of that, but it's gonna mean something different to everyone because we're all living our own lives.
00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:14.240
So I can ask, like, what does affluence affluence to you could mean something different than affluence means to me.
00:33:14.319 --> 00:33:22.319
You could be like, affluenced me means that I take my family to Europe every other month and on a private jet.
00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:28.720
And I could be like, okay, well, affluenced me means that we get to go skiing three times a year.
00:33:28.880 --> 00:33:30.400
Like that could be my definition.
00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:36.799
Those are very different amounts of money, but our we still value affluence, but it just looks different.
00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:42.400
So it's still very individual because everybody's experience of the value.
00:33:42.640 --> 00:33:52.079
But then the beautiful thing about this assessment and this whole world is that once you have the language, you have the language, you can say, I this is this is really important to me.
00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:55.759
Like eudaimonia, I know is one of your top value.
00:33:56.000 --> 00:33:57.839
Actually, do you mind if we get a little into you?
00:33:57.920 --> 00:33:59.440
Yeah, let's do it, let's make it real.
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:00.720
Let's make it real.
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:10.079
So I mentioned number 16, and Dana took the values burge, as have I, and the top three values.
00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:19.920
Hold on, let me just say something because I want, I want to, before we sign off today, I want us to be talking for sure about this concept of conditioning.
00:34:20.239 --> 00:34:22.159
Because I noticed that it came up for me.
00:34:22.239 --> 00:34:25.599
Can I just speak into my experience taking the values bridge assessment?
00:34:25.840 --> 00:34:25.920
Okay.
00:34:26.079 --> 00:34:26.639
Yeah, tell us.
00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:30.400
And I would consider myself super aware.
00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:36.800
Like I'm awake, I'm aware, I'm paying attention, uh, especially when it comes to, you know, something that I'm doing.
00:34:36.960 --> 00:34:38.400
And it's important to me.
00:34:38.719 --> 00:34:40.400
So we've talked about this.
00:34:40.639 --> 00:34:44.639
We've you we've we've used the word should a couple of times in this in this podcast.
00:34:44.719 --> 00:34:46.639
And I love should because it's a clear flag.
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:54.960
Like should means we are operating under the idea that what's happening needs to be different than what's what needs should be happening.
00:34:55.199 --> 00:34:57.119
So conditioning, we're gonna call it conditioning.
00:34:57.199 --> 00:34:58.800
We call it that in human design.
00:34:58.960 --> 00:35:06.559
And it's this message from society, family, culture, tradition, patriarchatic, like whatever, wherever it came from, it doesn't matter.
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:11.280
But it's this belief that I am not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
00:35:11.440 --> 00:35:25.199
So, for example, as a projector, it's like, well, you when I was a I mean, really in every career except for this one, I was operating under the idea that the longer and the harder I worked, the more valuable I was.
00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:30.559
So even when I was a teacher, I was there at 6:30 in the morning and I was leaving at 6 p.m.
00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:35.599
And it was worse when I was a principal, and it was worse when I had my consulting business.
00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:42.800
It was like I was working all the time because I thought that's what success, that's what it took to be successful.
00:35:42.960 --> 00:35:49.760
So there's this conditioning of, you know, and people we come by and honestly, I saw my mom do, that's what my mom did.
00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:54.639
My mom is a manifesting generator, she's got that kind of energy, and she was lit up about her work.
00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:56.159
So there's no blame here.
00:35:56.320 --> 00:35:59.360
It's just we do basically what we know and what we see.
00:35:59.519 --> 00:36:04.880
Now, as a projector, and I've got a projector kid who speaks this language of honoring her energy.
00:36:05.119 --> 00:36:06.960
Anyway, let me go back to my point.
00:36:07.280 --> 00:36:09.119
I was I was taking this test.
00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:15.840
There were some questions about, I'm sorry, I don't know what the word is, but it's this value of helping others.
00:36:16.079 --> 00:36:18.880
And I felt a lot of resistance come up there.
00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:22.719
And I was like, oh, I wonder so curious about where this is coming from.
00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:28.800
So there's this layer of, you're a woman, you're supposed to be helping, you know, first of all, fuck that.
00:36:29.119 --> 00:36:36.639
Then there's this second layer of, I'm in recovery, and the whole foundation of the 12-step program is helping others.
00:36:36.880 --> 00:36:46.559
Uh, maybe not all of them, but the one I'm in is because we come in selfish, beaten, broken by alcoholism, and have really only been thinking about ourselves for a long time.
00:36:46.719 --> 00:36:47.760
That is a true story.
00:36:47.920 --> 00:37:01.039
And also there's this messaging that, like, in order to, and this is my experience, but there's this wrestling of like, God, do I really just have to be helping people all the time, forever, in order for me to be valuable?
00:37:01.199 --> 00:37:02.880
So I don't know, is the question.
00:37:03.039 --> 00:37:05.360
I get to do it in recovery.
00:37:05.519 --> 00:37:12.239
I get to do it in my family, but there's always this tension of like, is this really, you know, this isn't feel-aligned for me?
00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:14.000
Um, and maybe that makes me an asshole.
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:17.840
But maybe that's just not a part of what my internal system.
00:37:19.119 --> 00:37:27.920
So I wanted to click higher than I did on, I was like, oh, I should click higher on like, oh yeah, I really want to be helping people all the time.
00:37:28.079 --> 00:37:30.320
And I would, I thought, God, that's so interesting.
00:37:30.559 --> 00:37:31.679
But let's go to the truth.
00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:37.119
Is the truth that I really want to be, quote, helping people all the time?
00:37:37.280 --> 00:37:43.280
And the answer is like, no, because my true belief, I don't know that that was an option, is nobody needs help.
00:37:43.440 --> 00:37:50.400
We just need to link arms with each other and create together and offer possibility and inspire each other.
00:37:50.639 --> 00:37:55.199
But I've never been in a position where like my health did any good for somebody.
00:37:55.360 --> 00:37:57.199
So I really struggled with that.
00:37:57.360 --> 00:38:02.719
There have been some, there have been many opportunities for me to support people.
00:38:02.960 --> 00:38:08.320
And I mean, you know, this is a coach, like this fine line between like enabling and empowering.
00:38:08.559 --> 00:38:17.440
And anyway, I'm gonna stop talking, but I want you to know I had resistance around that, like, oh, you should click higher, but I'm not going to, because that's not the truth for me.
00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:20.239
So this is such a great point.
00:38:20.320 --> 00:38:23.920
And I love that you brought this up because the resistance is real.
00:38:24.079 --> 00:38:29.519
And it's not just with that particular value, which is non-sibi, which is called non-sibi.
00:38:29.679 --> 00:38:31.760
It's like a lat has a Latin root, anyways.
00:38:31.840 --> 00:38:51.760
It just means not for oneself, helping others, helping others in like a an a more intimate way, then like there's another value called radius, which is like I want to change the world in like a systemic way, which I see, and and your values, I I like you, I try not to predict values, but when I see somebody's that it's not sometimes I'm wrong.
00:38:51.840 --> 00:38:53.119
I'm open to that, of course.
00:38:53.280 --> 00:39:10.800
But like when I see the values that I see for you, like the fact that what you just said, combined with what I know about you, your radius, your desire to make systemic change, that value for you is at number eight, right in the middle, up top, top half, and your value for non-sibi is 13.
00:39:11.199 --> 00:39:11.599
Yeah.
00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:18.880
That totally checks out with everything you just said, plus what I know about you and your work and your just being in the world.
00:39:19.199 --> 00:39:21.440
So that totally checks out.
00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:26.880
And remember when I said so that resistance is so real and so important.
00:39:27.039 --> 00:39:32.719
And that is why we I could say it, and Susie Welch herself says it all the time.
00:39:33.039 --> 00:39:38.079
Like we are values agnostic, no value is better or worse than another.
00:39:38.239 --> 00:39:49.440
Like in like, you know, as long as you're not hurting anyone or, you know, destroying anything, your values are your values and they're yours to own and and you know, get aligned with.
00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:51.199
And and that's just it.
00:39:51.360 --> 00:40:04.400
And and not, you know, but that resistance you're speaking to, I think comes from that values formation, like and that the messaging and the conditioning that that is sort of the the formation piece.
00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:14.079
And you are so evolved that you're like, you know, enough to say, like, actually, I know that's not like that's just not genuinely a value, a top value of mine.
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:24.639
It's some level of value because we all have some desire to just like help out, you know, the maybe the older woman who needs help getting across the street or like little acts like that.
00:40:24.719 --> 00:40:35.119
Like we have desire to help other humans in these daily interactions, but you don't want to be have that be like the organizing principle of your life.
00:40:35.199 --> 00:40:35.920
And you want to do that.
00:40:36.079 --> 00:40:42.159
And that's why and that's why I'm a coach and not a mental health professional or a therapist.
00:40:42.320 --> 00:40:59.599
There, I mean, they're beautiful professions, but I see coaching as a way to expand what is possible for the humans in front of me, create the next level, if you will, versus like hashing out whatever, whatever has come before now.
00:40:59.760 --> 00:41:01.679
So I'm glad that that tracks.
00:41:02.320 --> 00:41:02.800
Totally.
00:41:02.960 --> 00:41:10.639
And that's why like this values work aligns so well because this is about values expression, not how did we come by them?
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:12.559
We came by them, how we came by them.
00:41:12.719 --> 00:41:16.480
That's for a therapist or that's for whatever.
00:41:16.639 --> 00:41:18.639
That's not really the work we're doing in coaching.
00:41:18.719 --> 00:41:27.920
The work we're doing in coaching, because it's forward-looking, it's expansive, it's possibility, it's what are my values and what am I actually living right now?
00:41:28.079 --> 00:41:29.360
Where's the gap?
00:41:29.599 --> 00:41:31.199
What does that mean for me?
00:41:31.519 --> 00:41:35.199
What do I want to work towards in terms of like getting more aligned?
00:41:35.360 --> 00:41:36.320
I want to do a definition.
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:41.519
The word alignment is really being thrown around like pancakes at iHop right now.
00:41:41.679 --> 00:41:54.480
Okay, so alignment for me means what you want, what you believe, what you say, what you do, how you're moving in the world is all about the same.
00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:58.400
Versus I did this is an interesting example.
00:41:58.559 --> 00:42:02.239
So I joined Teach for America when I was running to college.
00:42:02.400 --> 00:42:08.480
And my sorority sisters, as I was like furiously trying to complete the application process, they're like, what this, what?
00:42:08.800 --> 00:42:09.840
You don't even like kids.
00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:10.880
What are you doing?
00:42:11.599 --> 00:42:13.280
Why are you teaching for America?
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:14.000
You know?
00:42:14.239 --> 00:42:19.840
And so although I slayed at teaching, I loved the years that I was in the classroom.
00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:22.880
I never looked at it as a helping profession.
00:42:23.119 --> 00:42:29.599
I looked at it as like, oh no, we're a part of a social justice movement designed to close the equity gap for kiddos.
00:42:29.760 --> 00:42:37.119
And, you know, and it was really more of a movement versus the traditional, dare I say this?
00:42:37.280 --> 00:42:37.840
I will.
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:42.639
The traditional, like, oh, teachers are there to help, you know, they're there to help.
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:45.119
And that's not ever how I saw it.
00:42:45.360 --> 00:42:47.760
Like, no, there's no, there's no helping.
00:42:47.840 --> 00:42:50.480
There's you remembering and then moving.
00:42:50.719 --> 00:42:51.039
Yes.
00:42:51.280 --> 00:42:51.440
Okay.
00:42:52.239 --> 00:42:54.400
The thought cut track that tracks with it.
00:42:54.480 --> 00:42:55.599
No, but that's okay.
00:42:55.760 --> 00:43:02.079
That tracks with everything that I see, and you're what what you value, you value that systemic change.
00:43:02.159 --> 00:43:03.360
That's what you're talking about.
00:43:03.519 --> 00:43:13.599
Like with Teach for America, like that wasn't about like being a one-on-one tutor to help somebody's math skills improve or their learn how to read or whatever.
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:19.199
That would be more like, you know, that's that one on you're talking about, like, that's what you care most about.
00:43:19.440 --> 00:43:24.239
Not most most, but like that is you care more about it than you do with uh helping one-on-one.
00:43:24.880 --> 00:43:28.639
And if I would have taken this assessment, you know, at different times, I feel like.
00:43:28.719 --> 00:43:35.519
So this is there's this other thing that came up, it's like, oh my gosh, Stephanie, I really like I I'm so happy that it's at eight.
00:43:35.599 --> 00:43:40.239
I would love for it to be like four or even three, this systemic change.
00:43:40.480 --> 00:43:52.480
But I, with my current experience of life with three small kids plus projector energy, it's like, okay, that is definitely gonna be coming back online.
00:43:52.639 --> 00:43:55.039
And for now, it shifted down to eight.
00:43:55.199 --> 00:43:59.760
But I still like when we're in conversation, I'm in conversations on the podcast or in front of an audience.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:02.239
Or with workshops or even one-on-one clients.
00:44:02.400 --> 00:44:17.280
It's like, gosh, we have a really big assignment here as a society, especially for women, to create more power, more voice, more opportunities, more and more deconditioning so that wit women can stand tall and be like, I'm a fucking projector.
00:44:17.360 --> 00:44:18.480
I don't have time for this.
00:44:18.639 --> 00:44:20.239
We got to get it done in the morning.
00:44:20.320 --> 00:44:22.159
I'm going to create magic in the morning.
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:25.840
And then I'm going to rest and I'm going to really, really own that.
00:44:26.000 --> 00:44:32.480
I'm going to stop giving myself so much shit and needing to push myself, which is never effective anyway.
00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:42.559
So anyway, there's gosh, this is opening up such a big conversation around what our actual values are and what we think maybe they should be.
00:44:43.280 --> 00:44:44.320
Yes, 100%.
00:44:44.639 --> 00:44:46.719
Like, so oh, maybe this was the thought.
00:44:46.960 --> 00:44:51.840
So Susie would off Susie often joke, I say what off, like she's 11 well.
00:44:52.239 --> 00:44:56.800
She jokes that like when people get what is it?
00:44:56.880 --> 00:45:02.719
Uh beholderism, which is the uh like you care about like beautiful things.
00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:14.400
Could be like you care a lot about your appearance, you care about how your home looks, you care about natural beauty, you care about how your landscaping looks, like not because you care what other people think of you, but because you really value beautiful things.
00:45:14.639 --> 00:45:20.239
And she says when people get that, they need a support group because they think like, oh, that makes me shallow.
00:45:20.400 --> 00:45:26.719
Like I shouldn't care because the conditioning we're taught, like not like caring about our parents is superficial.
00:45:26.880 --> 00:45:28.400
And it means that we're shallow.
00:45:28.480 --> 00:45:36.639
And it means that we don't care about the other more important problems of the world because we care about what our outfit looks like.
00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:38.880
When really like that's not it at all.
00:45:38.960 --> 00:45:46.960
And again, it's not better or worse than having non-sibi as a as a value, which is the help the helping value, if you will.
00:45:47.199 --> 00:45:48.480
It's no better or worse.
00:45:48.559 --> 00:45:51.360
It's just yours and it's yours to own and step into.
00:45:51.599 --> 00:45:53.519
And great.
00:45:53.760 --> 00:45:55.440
So I think like that's another.
00:45:55.519 --> 00:46:00.880
So so the way you're talking about non-sibi is kind of a different, is like it should be higher.
00:46:01.119 --> 00:46:02.800
Like you're like, it's too low.
00:46:03.199 --> 00:46:08.400
I need a support group for the too low non-sibi because I've always been taught to help, help, help.
00:46:08.880 --> 00:46:12.480
Well, yeah, and that speaks to the value of voice and community.
00:46:12.880 --> 00:46:18.079
So um support group being an empowering resource that you can have.
00:46:18.159 --> 00:46:19.920
I think projectors, we need that too.
00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:22.079
Like more, more projectors in the room.
00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:28.800
I was meeting with a client who has so in each your human design, everybody has a strongest sense.
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:36.239
So they are the tr they're the typical five, and then there's a there's internal vision, internal vision.
00:46:36.400 --> 00:46:37.039
That's mine.
00:46:37.199 --> 00:46:40.400
But she, my this, my client had external vision.
00:46:40.639 --> 00:46:46.000
So her gift, her strongest sense is seeing what makes a space beautiful.
00:46:46.320 --> 00:46:52.079
So I said, I bet your office is gorgeous, and she's about to transition into real estate.
00:46:52.320 --> 00:47:02.880
So I'm she um that's the perfect field for you because you can literally help someone see how to make their space beautiful, and you can help them make it that way if that if that calls to you.
00:47:03.039 --> 00:47:06.159
That's a gift, though, a gift, a value.
00:47:06.239 --> 00:47:20.159
And it sounds like both human design and values and the values work are encouraging us to really own that those parts of us that make us come alive, that make us special, that make us smile and get excited.
00:47:20.320 --> 00:47:23.679
You should have seen her face when she was talking about decorating her office.
00:47:23.840 --> 00:47:24.000
Yeah.
00:47:24.159 --> 00:47:25.519
And I'm like, I don't have that at all.
00:47:25.679 --> 00:47:29.119
I'm like, I, you know, I've got some plants just because I like oxygen.
00:47:29.280 --> 00:47:30.159
Yes, they make this.
00:47:30.639 --> 00:47:35.760
But my one of my closest friends is an interior designer, and she's like, turn your camera on, turn it around.
00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:37.360
I'm like, oh, I can't do it right now.
00:47:37.440 --> 00:47:41.119
I need you to come down and help me, which is a strength.
00:47:41.280 --> 00:47:55.119
So I don't need to expect myself to want to make the space beautiful, but I can be resourceful and find someone who loves to do that, link arms with them, show them what I see, and then help me make it beautiful.
00:47:55.280 --> 00:47:58.639
And then together we raise the consciousness of the world.
00:47:59.679 --> 00:48:00.320
Yes.
00:48:00.639 --> 00:48:02.400
Yes, and that's great, isn't that great?
00:48:02.559 --> 00:48:06.400
Like, and you're those two people you just mentioned, they probably have high beholderism.
00:48:06.559 --> 00:48:13.679
And they probably have an uh a, you know, like a natural ability to see things a certain way and to see what's gonna work and what's not gonna work.
00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:17.360
And so you call them when just like I do, because I don't have that.
00:48:17.519 --> 00:48:31.360
I ask others who do have it, and then they're lifted up and my living room looks 50 times better than it did before they started because I actually like, you know, and and I but I care about it.
00:48:31.679 --> 00:48:39.119
I care about it, I just don't have the the apt the strength, the aptitude for making it look that way.
00:48:39.440 --> 00:48:40.960
And I don't have the desire.
00:48:41.360 --> 00:48:44.239
Not only do I not have the skills, I don't want the skills.
00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:45.119
I don't want them.
00:48:45.679 --> 00:48:48.159
You're happy to have someone else's skills.
00:48:48.320 --> 00:48:48.880
Yeah.
00:48:49.679 --> 00:48:51.440
That checks out again with your results.
00:48:51.519 --> 00:48:52.960
Like you have it down at number 10.
00:48:53.679 --> 00:49:04.719
So I just can we just go through your top five because I think that listeners of this podcast who have gotten to know you because you are an open book.
00:49:04.880 --> 00:49:10.719
And I think that uh this might help it make help might make some of these terms really come alive for them.
00:49:10.880 --> 00:49:16.400
So and I know you'll be shocked to know that many of our values.
00:49:16.559 --> 00:49:19.519
I think in our top five, we overlap with three out of the five.
00:49:19.840 --> 00:49:20.079
Amazing.
00:49:20.480 --> 00:49:20.960
Not surprising.
00:49:21.039 --> 00:49:21.519
Not surprising.
00:49:21.840 --> 00:49:22.639
That's why we're friends.
00:49:23.039 --> 00:49:23.440
Exactly.
00:49:23.599 --> 00:49:25.440
That's why we connected in the first place.
00:49:25.760 --> 00:49:29.280
So your top value is agency.
00:49:30.239 --> 00:49:33.199
Agency is self-determination.
00:49:33.440 --> 00:49:38.960
You want to kind of carve your own path, you want to be kind of in charge of your life.
00:49:39.119 --> 00:49:49.039
This is why you work for yourself and not, you know, like that's why I always say now, like, I could never, there's very few circumstances.
00:49:49.280 --> 00:49:49.840
Very few.
00:49:49.920 --> 00:49:52.559
Now I don't want to say never, but there are very few circumstances.
00:49:52.639 --> 00:49:54.800
Like I could not go back to a school setting.
00:49:55.039 --> 00:49:58.400
I could if I like I had the credentials, like, but I couldn't.
00:49:58.559 --> 00:49:59.440
I could not do it.
00:49:59.519 --> 00:50:07.039
I cannot work in that type of environment or organization or being told, you know, being so restricted to things.
00:50:07.199 --> 00:50:10.000
So agency, like wanting to carve your own path.
00:50:10.239 --> 00:50:18.400
And what I'm looking at right now is this little graph that tells us like how close you are to living that value.
00:50:18.559 --> 00:50:23.039
And this does suggest that you want even a little bit more agency than you have now.
00:50:23.280 --> 00:50:24.559
Does that track your life?
00:50:24.800 --> 00:50:24.960
Yeah.
00:50:25.119 --> 00:50:26.079
Yeah, it absolutely does.
00:50:26.159 --> 00:50:30.000
You know, and that's what I was thinking about is like, I am so grateful.
00:50:30.159 --> 00:50:32.000
My I love my life.
00:50:32.159 --> 00:50:34.239
I like love it, love it.
00:50:34.480 --> 00:50:40.400
And there are other humans in it, you know, like my husband, and I do care about what he wants sometimes.
00:50:40.639 --> 00:50:44.639
And my small kids, and like I do care about what they want sometimes.
00:50:44.960 --> 00:50:52.960
And I would say that's the only that's the main thing that's creating any sort of disconnect.
00:50:53.199 --> 00:51:00.239
Because I'll be honest with you, and whether my husband hears this or not, like I'm I'm bored like a board, a free from a free woman.
00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:00.960
You know what I mean?
00:51:01.039 --> 00:51:08.639
Like, if I could just like go travel the world, live my life on my own, like do whatever I want all the time, I would be a happy woman.
00:51:08.719 --> 00:51:15.760
I'm very happy now, also with a healthy marriage and like a pretty adventurous, happy family.
00:51:16.079 --> 00:51:21.280
And there are, I don't want to use this word, so I'm not going to.
00:51:21.519 --> 00:51:31.920
There are factors like what you can do with a six-year-old, a nine, a nine-year-old, 11-year-old, and a high needs husband to move with total agency through the world.
00:51:32.079 --> 00:51:33.840
And I was chuckling when I took this.
00:51:33.920 --> 00:51:39.360
I was like, I really am, I think I'm slaying the day with it because my husband already is on board.
00:51:39.440 --> 00:51:42.159
He's he's basically like, whatever she wants, she's gonna get.
00:51:42.239 --> 00:51:49.199
So it's just better for the peace and the harmony in our family for us to just let her do what she wants.
00:51:49.360 --> 00:51:52.559
And that feels that feels good.
00:51:52.719 --> 00:51:56.159
And also there's that conditioning that's like, God, you're really selfish, you know.
00:51:56.320 --> 00:52:00.320
So I do have to build in questions like, what would you like to do?
00:52:00.559 --> 00:52:02.079
How do you feel about that?
00:52:02.239 --> 00:52:07.920
And that's how my husband and I have learned to work with each other is he respects my need for freedom and agency.
00:52:08.079 --> 00:52:13.039
And I respect his needs to have his voice heard and to have input.
00:52:13.360 --> 00:52:15.519
But that's definitely a learned behavior for me.
00:52:15.679 --> 00:52:20.079
It's not like did not come by it honestly, or oh not Jorel.
00:52:20.639 --> 00:52:21.119
Yes.
00:52:21.280 --> 00:52:21.920
Yeah.
00:52:22.400 --> 00:52:45.119
That's that that'll that is yes, I think that being, you know, being a mom and and obviously like caring about your family and your partner and your children and like that can definitely impact how much freedom or how much, you know, you're able to act on certain like certain things that you want to do.
00:52:45.280 --> 00:52:56.320
And also, I just it just made me think of there's this other, you know how like if you s if you went out right now and surveyed like 10, say 10 moms just for the sake of it, because we're women and we're moms.
00:52:56.400 --> 00:53:00.719
Let's say you surveyed 10 moms and you were like, is family one of your top values?
00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:02.800
They'd be like, Yep, 100%.
00:53:03.679 --> 00:53:05.039
It's not actually true.
00:53:05.199 --> 00:53:12.400
It's like the data bears out that actually only 11 of people have, I think that that that might be wrong.
00:53:12.480 --> 00:53:13.360
It might be 17.
00:53:13.440 --> 00:53:13.840
I don't know.
00:53:13.920 --> 00:53:14.559
The number's low.
00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:15.679
Where is mine?
00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:17.440
Because I tried to answer honestly.
00:53:17.519 --> 00:53:18.159
It's low, right?
00:53:18.960 --> 00:53:20.880
Number 11 out of 16.
00:53:21.360 --> 00:53:21.599
Yeah.
00:53:21.920 --> 00:53:30.239
So, and what's more is that this would suggest you want mine, also says this, so don't like and I felt a little bad about it at first.
00:53:30.320 --> 00:53:31.360
And I was like, No, it's okay.
00:53:31.519 --> 00:53:32.719
You want a little less.
00:53:32.960 --> 00:53:33.840
And that makes sense.
00:53:34.000 --> 00:53:44.559
Like this time of our lives, when our kids are little, like young, I wouldn't say little, they don't feel little anymore, but they're young, it is like, and I also have agency at the top.
00:53:44.719 --> 00:53:49.360
My family's also near the top, but still I'm like, okay, I could do a little less.
00:53:49.519 --> 00:53:52.079
Like it's just all consuming sometimes.
00:53:52.320 --> 00:53:54.719
So hold on, let me just make sure I understand what you're saying.
00:53:54.800 --> 00:53:57.280
Because it's it does track if this is if this is right.
00:53:57.519 --> 00:54:01.679
So I it it's currently at 11, but I wish it were lower.
00:54:01.840 --> 00:54:03.039
Is that what's come happening?
00:54:03.119 --> 00:54:04.719
Like I wish it were lower than 11.
00:54:05.039 --> 00:54:08.559
It's not that you I'm so glad you asked that because that is how I made it sound.
00:54:08.639 --> 00:54:12.719
It's not that you wish it was lower necessarily.
00:54:13.119 --> 00:54:16.800
I just meant that in terms of like on in numerical order.
00:54:17.119 --> 00:54:19.199
Yeah, no, no, it's it's 11.
00:54:19.360 --> 00:54:39.199
It's and it would still be 11 because that that's just like what your value and our values generally don't change from about our mid-20s on unless you have a major life event, like a marriage, a divorce, a death, a a move, something, a sick an illness, something major can definitely shift things.
00:54:39.360 --> 00:54:41.679
So other than that, though, they're pretty set.
00:54:41.760 --> 00:54:47.280
So you're you're like 11 is like kind of, you know, according to this, like where it should be.
00:54:47.679 --> 00:54:55.679
But the way you're living right now is you just have you want it to be at a at an 11.
00:54:55.920 --> 00:54:59.679
In reality, it might be taking up more space than you would like.
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:00.719
Yeah, yes.
00:55:00.960 --> 00:55:03.840
That tracks because they're up in my face all the time.
00:55:04.400 --> 00:55:05.280
All the time.
00:55:05.599 --> 00:55:06.880
They live here.
00:55:07.360 --> 00:55:07.840
All the time.
00:55:08.639 --> 00:55:10.559
They want so much from me.
00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:11.519
Yes.
00:55:11.760 --> 00:55:14.719
And it's beautiful and also agency.
00:55:15.199 --> 00:55:15.440
Yeah.
00:55:15.920 --> 00:55:26.400
And I will say, like, it's interesting to have two, you know, our mom, my husband's mom and my mom are similar in some ways, but and also they're very different, right?
00:55:26.480 --> 00:55:29.760
Like, we're not going many days without talking to his mom.
00:55:29.920 --> 00:55:33.280
Me, him, somebody's, she's like a part of our lives.
00:55:33.519 --> 00:55:34.400
We want to know what she thinks.
00:55:34.480 --> 00:55:35.360
We want to know what she's doing.
00:55:35.440 --> 00:55:36.480
Is she picking up the kids?
00:55:36.559 --> 00:55:37.840
Like, please pick up the kids.
00:55:38.079 --> 00:55:39.920
And then my mom, it'll be like weeks.
00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:41.519
I don't hear from her, you know?
00:55:41.840 --> 00:55:44.559
And they they both have multiple kids.
00:55:44.719 --> 00:55:53.440
And it's just like, I know that my mom cares about family, but I would say hers is down there too, maybe even lower than 11.
00:55:53.679 --> 00:55:56.639
I know that her agency is really up there high.
00:55:56.800 --> 00:56:05.920
So it's interesting because I do think that that was modeled for me, but I really tried to go within, outside of my conditioning, outside of my modeling.
00:56:06.000 --> 00:56:07.760
It's like, yeah, guys, I love you.
00:56:07.840 --> 00:56:09.519
You're everything I've ever wanted.
00:56:09.760 --> 00:56:13.039
But when my kids leave, like I've already got this plan, Stephanie.
00:56:13.199 --> 00:56:15.760
My youngest one is six, so we've got 12 years.
00:56:15.920 --> 00:56:21.440
The moment she leaves, I'm selling the house and we're gonna go travel and we're not gonna own anything.
00:56:21.679 --> 00:56:24.719
So it's like, yeah, bye, enjoy, we'll come visit you, you know.
00:56:24.800 --> 00:56:31.199
But like, I'm not keeping my house like the previous, the previous people who own this house, they sold it in their 70s.
00:56:31.360 --> 00:56:32.639
We live in this like big house.
00:56:32.800 --> 00:56:38.239
We need it right now because we have a bunch of kids, but the moment they leave, I am out of here.
00:56:38.559 --> 00:56:40.960
You know, like my husband can come if he wants to.
00:56:42.400 --> 00:56:44.400
Right now he's coming, but stay tuned.
00:56:44.719 --> 00:56:53.920
Since we're on the we keep mentioning your husband, I want to mention this other value of belovedness is the like romantic love value.
00:56:54.320 --> 00:56:55.280
Yeah, yeah.
00:56:55.760 --> 00:56:58.960
Nothing to do with how much you love your partner or care about your partner.
00:56:59.039 --> 00:57:01.119
So let's just like just like family centrism.
00:57:01.199 --> 00:57:03.599
That's nothing to do with how much you love or care about your family.
00:57:03.679 --> 00:57:07.280
It's just how much you want to organize your life around them.
00:57:07.519 --> 00:57:07.760
Yeah.
00:57:07.840 --> 00:57:09.039
Is it lower than family?
00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:11.039
What would you think?
00:57:11.280 --> 00:57:13.360
I don't think it's lower than family.
00:57:13.599 --> 00:57:15.280
Slightly lower, number 12.
00:57:15.440 --> 00:57:16.559
Yeah, that track.
00:57:16.880 --> 00:57:21.440
And you're right, like it doesn't have anything to do with how much I love my husband because I really do.
00:57:21.599 --> 00:57:22.800
We have a blast.
00:57:23.039 --> 00:57:28.639
I mean, this is the longest relationship I have ever had outside of the people that I grew up with.
00:57:28.800 --> 00:57:36.960
We've been together since like 16 years, Stephanie, which for me, I'm like, oh my God, that feels like a long time.
00:57:37.119 --> 00:57:41.280
Now, the other thing I want to say is this I have a three in my line.
00:57:41.360 --> 00:57:43.039
I'm a three-five projector.
00:57:43.199 --> 00:57:45.440
So threes, you need to watch out for us.
00:57:45.519 --> 00:57:47.360
Because one, you can't tell us what to do.
00:57:47.599 --> 00:57:50.719
We're never gonna learn it because somebody else told us.
00:57:50.880 --> 00:57:54.960
We are the great life experimenters, so we need to go try it for ourselves.
00:57:55.199 --> 00:58:00.480
So we're gonna go make all the mistakes and then save you time by telling us about how we messed it up.
00:58:00.639 --> 00:58:00.880
Yeah.
00:58:01.039 --> 00:58:02.480
And how we got it right.
00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:11.920
What that means, what that also means is that we're up to a lot of different things and we don't stick around long unless it's like really amazing.
00:58:12.159 --> 00:58:14.159
So, because we're on to the next thing.
00:58:14.239 --> 00:58:16.880
It's very Kanye West, or I'm sorry, that's Jay-Z.
00:58:16.960 --> 00:58:19.360
Like Kanye West is you can't tell me nothing.
00:58:19.440 --> 00:58:19.920
That's all.
00:58:20.400 --> 00:58:23.519
Jay-Z is like, on to the next one, on to the next one.
00:58:23.679 --> 00:58:25.920
Like that is me as a three-five.
00:58:26.079 --> 00:58:31.440
And so I used to feel so ashamed by the number of people I have dated.
00:58:31.519 --> 00:58:32.159
It's a lot.
00:58:32.320 --> 00:58:34.000
Like, you don't even want me to write it down.
00:58:34.079 --> 00:58:37.199
It would be a lot of people because I get bored easily.
00:58:37.360 --> 00:58:41.039
And that's not because I have ADHD, it's because I have a three in my line.
00:58:41.119 --> 00:58:42.559
I'm designed to experiment.
00:58:43.119 --> 00:58:51.519
So you can imagine there's a lot of adventure in our marriage because with one person for a really long time, there's got to be a lot of different experiments, adventures.
00:58:51.599 --> 00:58:54.320
Like we're off doing lots of different things a lot of the time.
00:58:54.639 --> 00:58:58.239
But the you called it beho- what what's the name of the value?
00:58:58.480 --> 00:59:00.480
Belovedness, the romantic love.
00:59:00.800 --> 00:59:01.440
Yeah.
00:59:01.840 --> 00:59:06.400
My life isn't centered around my husband or even my marriage.
00:59:06.559 --> 00:59:14.320
Like we have fun together and we do a lot of things, and we could probably even give a workshop on like how to stay married for 16 years and not kill each other.
00:59:14.639 --> 00:59:27.440
But the things that I'm like excited about and obsessing about, like he can come or not come, you know, like it isn't, I'm gonna plan this trip around that, you know, he's coming and it's all about us, and it's like, it's not that.
00:59:27.679 --> 00:59:37.039
Yeah, I get to do there's you know, he allows me a lot of freedom to do a lot of wild different things appropriate for us, right?
00:59:37.280 --> 00:59:46.079
And and that has been such a gift in the marriage, is that it's not like I'm not thinking about how do I center my marriage in every life decision.
00:59:46.400 --> 00:59:48.320
Yes, yep, exactly.
00:59:48.480 --> 00:59:53.519
And that that's exactly what this says is that you don't do that, and that is what you're suggesting.
00:59:53.599 --> 01:00:01.760
And you're what's called the authenticity gap, like how close you're living, and yours is like pretty much no gap there.
01:00:01.920 --> 01:00:08.159
Like you are, you are it is at number 12, and you are like, yep, that's how that's how I live.
01:00:08.320 --> 01:00:10.480
Like, that's just not an organizing principle.
01:00:10.719 --> 01:00:31.920
And then as you were just talking about adventure and wanting to experiment, and you just I was like, we have this other value called scope, which is extension extensionally, essentially like how much excitement and adventure and newness that you desire, and you're at number six.
01:00:32.079 --> 01:00:32.320
Yeah.
01:00:32.800 --> 01:00:39.599
That is like, you know, that's a top, that's a I would call that a top value, top third of your of your values, basically.
01:00:39.840 --> 01:00:49.039
So that desire for, you know, the excitement and variety and all of that, like that is very present for you.
01:00:49.119 --> 01:00:51.360
And there's not much of a gap here according to this either.
01:00:51.519 --> 01:00:54.559
It sounds like you make that a priority because you know that about yourself.
01:00:54.800 --> 01:00:55.440
I do.
01:00:55.760 --> 01:01:01.519
And as now that I'm more clear about my design, is that now I'm more selective.
01:01:01.840 --> 01:01:04.639
So I used to wear myself out doing all the things.
01:01:04.719 --> 01:01:13.280
Like we have this newspaper here called The Gambit, and they just published this episode, or this edition with all of the events for the whole fall.
01:01:13.599 --> 01:01:19.119
Pre-human design Dana would have opened that up and be like, we're doing this, this, this, this, this, this, this.
01:01:19.199 --> 01:01:24.559
And then I would have gone downstairs and put it all on my calendars, and we would have been at every single thing.
01:01:24.800 --> 01:01:27.039
That does not make for a happy productor.
01:01:27.199 --> 01:01:35.280
So what I did this time was I was discerning and I was like, what is gonna feel so exciting and adventurous?
01:01:35.519 --> 01:01:38.559
And also I get to only pick three things a month.
01:01:38.800 --> 01:01:39.280
Yes.
01:01:40.079 --> 01:01:40.800
Everything.
01:01:41.119 --> 01:01:41.360
Yeah.
01:01:41.519 --> 01:01:44.480
So and my husband's like, but what about Kate Passa Fest?
01:01:44.559 --> 01:01:46.800
And here's a here is uh another piece of advice.
01:01:46.880 --> 01:01:52.960
If you got a generator or a manifesting generator partner and you're a productor, you get to take the kids to that one, honey.
01:01:53.039 --> 01:01:54.000
Yes, you can go.
01:01:54.559 --> 01:01:58.159
Take the kids, like I'll give you the money, or if you like whatever, you can take my car.
01:01:58.239 --> 01:02:04.400
Like, here's all the resources, but I'm not going because that drains my energy.
01:02:04.559 --> 01:02:07.280
And also, since we've been already, it's not adventurous.
01:02:07.360 --> 01:02:09.920
I didn't like it last time and I said I'm done, you know?
01:02:10.079 --> 01:02:11.119
So yeah, yeah.
01:02:11.280 --> 01:02:12.559
You're like, where's the variety?
01:02:12.639 --> 01:02:13.360
I've already done that.
01:02:13.519 --> 01:02:14.159
Check that off.
01:02:14.320 --> 01:02:14.559
Yeah.
01:02:14.639 --> 01:02:15.039
Yeah.
01:02:15.280 --> 01:02:15.679
Yeah.
01:02:15.840 --> 01:02:21.360
So it would be so interesting to do like human design.
01:02:21.440 --> 01:02:31.039
So knowing that scope is high for you, but also knowing that you're gonna burn out if you do all the scopey things at the same time, knowing that about yourself.
01:02:31.199 --> 01:02:33.199
And that is the danger of somebody with high scope.
01:02:33.280 --> 01:02:43.039
Like if your energy is what like yours or mine, you can't live an adventure constantly because you will just drop from pure exhaustion and will not be fun.
01:02:43.199 --> 01:02:47.679
So my discernment discernment is where I'm where I was a line is aligned for me.
01:02:47.760 --> 01:02:51.360
It's like I'm very discerning for what adventure is gonna yes.
01:02:51.679 --> 01:02:52.079
Yes.
01:02:52.320 --> 01:02:52.719
Yeah.
01:02:52.880 --> 01:02:53.119
Yeah.
01:02:53.280 --> 01:03:01.199
Scope doesn't mean all the adventures, it just means you need a certain amount of it and you have happen to have hit the sweet spot of whatever that is for you.
01:03:01.440 --> 01:03:02.079
Yeah.
01:03:02.639 --> 01:03:05.760
So I'm just noticing the time.
01:03:05.840 --> 01:03:08.159
I'm curious if we can zoom out a little bit.
01:03:08.400 --> 01:03:09.039
Yeah.
01:03:09.599 --> 01:03:18.880
Because I know that listeners are going to want to know more about like what are their values and and what and how can they get more aligned with them.
01:03:19.039 --> 01:03:36.079
So I'm curious about, you know, because as the way I see it, speaking love language of projectors, is we've got a lot of women specifically who've been so we've been so heavily conditioned to believe that something is right, but it's not right for us.
01:03:36.239 --> 01:03:49.599
So we see this society that is laden with misdiagnoses, everybody's fucking taking medicine for whatever, anxiety, depression, and like no judgment around that.
01:03:49.679 --> 01:03:59.119
But that's all indicators, health issues, family issues, divorce rates, like stuff happening in schools, all evidence of misalignment.
01:04:00.400 --> 01:04:01.280
Misalignment.
01:04:01.519 --> 01:04:04.480
And so I'm curious about what do you want to say?
01:04:04.559 --> 01:04:41.280
Like, what does this work mean for a woman who gets to find out what her values gets to see the gap or the alignment between the way she's living her life right now, but the things she actually wants for it, and then the work of bridging that gap so that she can feel more alive in the world, more proud of who she actually is, more in ownership of what her gifts and her beliefs actually are, versus this like marionetting that I feel like we're doing as a society of women, of like, God, I couldn't possibly say that.
01:04:41.519 --> 01:04:43.920
You and I both have defined throat centers.
01:04:44.000 --> 01:04:46.480
And it's like, no, bitch, we're here to say what's true for us.
01:04:46.880 --> 01:04:47.840
That's our job.
01:04:48.239 --> 01:05:02.000
And if we don't do that, then we will start having issues with thyroid, with throat, with I'm not, I'm not gonna go Louise Hay, but essentially if you're built to do something and you're not doing it, it's gonna show up in your body.
01:05:02.159 --> 01:05:06.000
It's gonna show up in your happiness levels, it's gonna show up in your aliveness.
01:05:06.639 --> 01:05:19.280
And so can you speak to that in terms of the work that you do and helping women bridge that gap between who they actually are, who they actually are and what's happening right now?
01:05:19.519 --> 01:05:20.000
Yeah.
01:05:20.239 --> 01:05:30.639
So um, I mean, you already you already said a bit of it, but basically, like when I I call it like you're you're f your life is fine.
01:05:30.800 --> 01:05:32.719
You're like, my life is fine, like it's fine.
01:05:32.880 --> 01:05:40.480
You know it could be better, but you're also like doing that comparative social comparison thing where like, but it's not as bad as this one over here.
01:05:40.559 --> 01:05:41.599
So like it's fine.
01:05:41.760 --> 01:05:42.719
It's like a B.
01:05:42.880 --> 01:05:44.880
I'm gonna I'm like, I'm like 85.
01:05:45.199 --> 01:05:46.000
I'm good.
01:05:46.239 --> 01:05:48.960
I'm like, you know, you're fine, you're not bad.
01:05:49.280 --> 01:05:51.440
This is a phrase my husband uses all the time.
01:05:51.519 --> 01:05:52.480
It drives me nuts.
01:05:52.559 --> 01:05:53.840
I'm like, what is not bad?
01:05:54.079 --> 01:05:57.599
Like, I don't want a not bad life, I want a fucking great life.
01:05:57.840 --> 01:05:59.760
Yes, and I want that for all those.
01:06:00.239 --> 01:06:00.800
All the women.
01:06:00.960 --> 01:06:01.360
I want it.
01:06:01.440 --> 01:06:14.639
Well, I want it for all people, but like the women I work with specifically, like because of the conditioning and because of whatever other reasons, and because also raising humans is hard and exhausting.
01:06:14.960 --> 01:06:15.199
Amen.
01:06:15.920 --> 01:06:27.840
Don't take a beat to be like, you know, you're just like going, you're going, the kids are in daycare, the kids are in school, they got the appointments, they got the sports, they got the all the things, the house, like a dog, the whatever.
01:06:28.000 --> 01:06:30.159
And they're like, Hold on a second.
01:06:30.719 --> 01:06:31.920
What about me?
01:06:32.239 --> 01:06:33.440
Is this what I want?
01:06:33.760 --> 01:06:35.519
Like you have this feeling.
01:06:35.679 --> 01:06:41.119
So the women that I work with are like having this feeling of, huh, wait a minute.
01:06:41.440 --> 01:06:46.000
Like they've actually taken a second to be like, yeah, my life's like fine.
01:06:46.480 --> 01:06:48.320
But like I feel like it could be better.
01:06:48.639 --> 01:06:54.880
But I'm not exactly sure what that looks like, what that means, how it could be better, where to start, blah, blah, blah.
01:06:55.280 --> 01:06:56.000
Fuck fine.
01:06:56.159 --> 01:06:57.440
Can we just say fuck fine?
01:06:57.599 --> 01:07:05.199
Mama Gina has this, she had put out this great email last week about the most dangerous F-word for women is fine.
01:07:05.440 --> 01:07:05.840
Yes.
01:07:06.480 --> 01:07:09.119
For me, fine means you die inside, you know?
01:07:09.199 --> 01:07:11.440
Like, okay, maybe it's not that bad, right?
01:07:11.599 --> 01:07:13.920
But like, did you come here to be not that bad?
01:07:14.079 --> 01:07:15.039
No, you didn't.
01:07:15.199 --> 01:07:15.920
No, you didn't.
01:07:16.880 --> 01:07:17.760
No, you didn't.
01:07:17.920 --> 01:07:21.440
And it's one with one precious life.
01:07:21.679 --> 01:07:22.880
It could end at any time.
01:07:23.039 --> 01:07:24.559
Sorry to be morbid, but it could.
01:07:24.719 --> 01:07:25.679
Like, we don't know.
01:07:25.840 --> 01:07:27.440
We don't know what that looks like.
01:07:27.760 --> 01:07:34.000
So let's just like get in the present where we are, figure out what matters to us and close that gap.
01:07:34.159 --> 01:07:40.239
And so how I do that and how I'm excited about how I will be helping people do that.
01:07:40.400 --> 01:07:51.039
But we we do some other exercises around values and we look at the values bridge and we think we see, we see literally with this like graphic representation of where the gaps are.
01:07:51.360 --> 01:07:54.960
And then we talk about like, how are you feeling that in your life right now?
01:07:55.119 --> 01:07:59.599
And how is that that could be the feeling that they know it could be better, but they don't know how.
01:07:59.760 --> 01:08:01.360
This gives language to it.
01:08:01.599 --> 01:08:06.719
And this helps them see like it is like so voice, authentic self-expression.
01:08:06.800 --> 01:08:09.360
I have a high value of voice, you have a high value of voice.
01:08:09.679 --> 01:08:12.079
My gap is very high.
01:08:12.239 --> 01:08:13.440
And I'm like, there you go.
01:08:13.519 --> 01:08:14.960
I'm not saying what I want to say.
01:08:15.119 --> 01:08:17.279
And you I have open throat, is that right?
01:08:17.439 --> 01:08:21.359
Open No, you have defined throat, which means you have yeah, defined.
01:08:21.840 --> 01:08:25.199
Which means I care a lot about saying what I gotta say, but I'm not saying it enough.
01:08:25.279 --> 01:08:27.199
By the way, neither are you, according to this.
01:08:27.359 --> 01:08:29.119
You want you want more.
01:08:29.199 --> 01:08:30.159
You gotta do it even more.
01:08:30.479 --> 01:08:33.039
I think your gap is smaller than mine if it feels any better.
01:08:33.359 --> 01:08:34.399
There's no comparison.
01:08:34.560 --> 01:08:36.000
There's only us and us.
01:08:36.239 --> 01:08:39.600
So, but it's like it's what a fun conversation we could have about that.
01:08:39.680 --> 01:08:42.640
About like, okay, how do we do it even more than we are now?
01:08:42.960 --> 01:08:49.600
To bring us both into alignment with what we say we care about and live in that way as much as possible.
01:08:49.760 --> 01:08:53.520
And so that's Stephanie, that's why it pays to have a coach.
01:08:53.680 --> 01:08:59.840
Because you literally can say, Hey, listen, oh, you have your own business and you're trying to be more on social media, share your voice.
01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:02.000
Great, let's run an experiment on that.
01:09:02.159 --> 01:09:04.319
And you've got somebody running with you.
01:09:04.560 --> 01:09:05.279
Exactly.
01:09:05.600 --> 01:09:09.680
So it's not, we we don't leave, it's like, okay, here's your human design.
01:09:09.760 --> 01:09:10.800
Like, good luck with that.
01:09:10.960 --> 01:09:14.960
Like, no, you have an opportunity to continue the work for of integration if you want.
01:09:15.119 --> 01:09:16.159
Or you could try it on your own.
01:09:16.239 --> 01:09:17.520
That's that's fine too.
01:09:17.840 --> 01:09:19.279
Yes, a hundred percent.
01:09:19.439 --> 01:09:23.039
And can I can I just put this little plug-in for my program that's gonna be upcoming?
01:09:23.359 --> 01:09:28.479
Please tell wait, because the last the last question is clearly we're gonna want to work with you.
01:09:28.560 --> 01:09:31.439
And so tell us what you have coming up, tell us what that looks like.
01:09:31.600 --> 01:09:32.399
How can we find you?
01:09:32.479 --> 01:09:33.520
How can we work together?
01:09:34.079 --> 01:09:36.079
So I have two exciting things.
01:09:36.239 --> 01:09:49.520
One I created just for your podcast listeners, because I don't usually do one-offs, but I created a 90-minute session to take the assessment, to go through the results, identify the gaps.
01:09:49.680 --> 01:09:54.720
And you know, it's only 90 minutes, so we're not gonna like overhaul your entire life, and you might not want to.
01:09:54.880 --> 01:09:59.279
Most people don't, but identify your one next best step.
01:09:59.520 --> 01:10:01.119
And so that's a 90-minute session.
01:10:01.199 --> 01:10:04.399
I'll put the link, you can put the link in the show notes to that.
01:10:04.560 --> 01:10:15.439
Um, but to get really clear on what your values are and in what order and where the gaps might be to start to close it a little bit and live with more aliveness, if you will.
01:10:15.600 --> 01:10:23.439
And the second thing is uh because this is exactly what you're just saying, I have a program starting in November, a small group program called Evolve.
01:10:23.680 --> 01:10:26.720
And it has three kind of phases to it.
01:10:26.960 --> 01:10:34.560
The first, and because I'm a teacher and I love like alliteration and all of that, and a solid framework, say it is excavate.
01:10:34.640 --> 01:10:43.279
So excavate the the stuff out of you, you know, your values, data, and what matters to you, how you're feeling now, how you would love to feel.
01:10:43.520 --> 01:10:46.399
And then the second phase is evaluate.
01:10:46.560 --> 01:10:51.279
So that's kind of like evaluating where the gaps and you know, kind of picking.
01:10:51.439 --> 01:11:00.000
We can't necessarily work on hopefully you don't have so so many gaps, but we can't necessarily work on everything at the same time because can't make as much progress that way.
01:11:00.079 --> 01:11:05.760
So just kind of evaluating like what's the area of my life that would move the needle most for me.
01:11:05.840 --> 01:11:06.560
Is it my career?
01:11:06.720 --> 01:11:07.840
Is it my relationships?
01:11:08.000 --> 01:11:09.119
Is it my health?
01:11:09.359 --> 01:11:13.439
Is it my uh spirituality, whatever that is for you?
01:11:13.600 --> 01:11:19.840
And then finally, which is the missing piece, I feel like in so many, this is the value of working as a coach one-on-one.
01:11:20.000 --> 01:11:24.159
I'm gonna do in a small group because community, experiment.
01:11:24.960 --> 01:11:26.640
Experiment is the third E.
01:11:26.720 --> 01:11:44.560
And that's the long phase because I it's like all this data I can give you, and you too, human design reading, like there you go, send you, and I know you did some like one-offs to like get, you know, like to get it out there, but in general, we wouldn't give someone like here's here's some data, bye-bye.
01:11:44.800 --> 01:11:50.640
Like the experimenting and integrating it into your life, like that is where change is happening.
01:11:51.119 --> 01:11:55.920
In speed of insight all day long and sit on it and do nothing with it.
01:11:56.239 --> 01:12:08.560
So if we don't have the experimental piece, so that's why I'm really excited about this because it's like I feel like combining all the magical ingredients to how do we sign up for Evolve?
01:12:08.880 --> 01:12:14.960
So I have right now this a wait list, but maybe by the time this comes out, there will be a page to sign up.
01:12:15.039 --> 01:12:16.640
But if not, just hop on the wait list.
01:12:16.720 --> 01:12:19.039
That link will be in the show notes as well.
01:12:19.439 --> 01:12:22.079
So hop on the wait list and you'll be the first to know.
01:12:22.960 --> 01:12:27.760
Yeah, and if you're on my email list, I'm gonna put out a little blast about it because we're excited to fill that group.
01:12:27.920 --> 01:12:30.800
Everybody needs to be evolving 100%.
01:12:31.279 --> 01:12:31.680
Oh my gosh.
01:12:31.760 --> 01:12:38.159
And I want to just close, close with this or start to close is just taking the assessment was so insightful.
01:12:38.239 --> 01:12:39.680
It was like, oh yay.
01:12:39.840 --> 01:12:43.119
There were some spots where it's like, yes, this is important to me.
01:12:43.199 --> 01:12:45.359
I'm so glad to have language around it.
01:12:45.600 --> 01:12:55.039
And then there were also some things like um, we didn't get to talk about affluence, but it's like, gosh, before having my own business, affluence was huge.
01:12:55.199 --> 01:12:59.760
It was like all of my investment accounts were stacked, and I was building generational wealth.
01:12:59.840 --> 01:13:01.279
And I was like really excited about that.
01:13:01.439 --> 01:13:03.359
But then I was like, I'm gonna start my own business.
01:13:03.520 --> 01:13:06.000
I'm gonna bet on myself, I'm gonna invest in myself.
01:13:06.159 --> 01:13:19.119
So my practices in wealth build wealth building have taken a pause so that I can pour into my greatest investment, which I'm gonna say really close to the microphone so the girls in the back hear me is myself.
01:13:22.079 --> 01:13:27.760
So I'm excited that you're thank you also for the really generous offer of the one-on-one.
01:13:28.079 --> 01:13:30.000
Please take, please.
01:13:30.640 --> 01:13:35.359
Hopefully, you're like you're probably gonna have to limit because you know, they're gonna be coming for you.
01:13:35.600 --> 01:13:36.079
I don't know.
01:13:36.159 --> 01:13:40.159
I could talk about this stuff all day, every day, but my projector self might get tired.
01:13:40.319 --> 01:13:46.479
So everybody will need to just one conversation with you to get clear on values.
01:13:46.640 --> 01:13:47.920
I mean, priceless.
01:13:48.079 --> 01:14:06.000
And then the to be a part of investing in yourself via this group that you're hosting, via you being more clear on your human design and also on your values to help you evolve into the woman that you are here to be, there isn't a greater investment.
01:14:06.159 --> 01:14:09.600
And I'm just gonna call this out too, because I know there are a lot of moms up the line.
01:14:09.760 --> 01:14:16.399
You may have had this where it's like, I have this really incredible woman, she's a potential client, she's like, I can't work with you now.
01:14:16.560 --> 01:14:21.439
And there's this message of like, I'm not important enough to invest in myself.
01:14:21.680 --> 01:14:33.760
But I know for damn sure that if your if your kid needed money for a road trip or a new uniform for the soccer team, you wouldn't even take a full breath before you said yes.
01:14:33.920 --> 01:14:41.359
So, and I'm not like not to call anybody out, but to call everybody forward and say, sister, you are your greatest investment.
01:14:42.720 --> 01:14:50.079
So if there isn't a budget line in your budget, if that's what you do for you and your name on it, like today's the day where you make that happen.
01:14:50.319 --> 01:14:50.960
A hundred percent.
01:14:51.680 --> 01:14:53.520
What about your development, mom?
01:14:54.640 --> 01:14:55.359
For sure.
01:14:55.680 --> 01:14:56.319
Exactly.
01:14:56.560 --> 01:15:03.840
Yeah, and what and also it's curious, you know, we can go on about this, but spending money according to your values.
01:15:04.079 --> 01:15:08.960
That's a whole podcast to talk about spending in your values.
01:15:09.840 --> 01:15:14.239
Because I I do see, I do see that misalignment, and we'll just say that.
01:15:14.319 --> 01:15:23.199
And the and the point, the call, the call to action is okay, today is the day that 5% more you are investing in alignment with your own growth.
01:15:23.520 --> 01:15:27.039
And you're betting on your best investment with it, which is yourself.
01:15:27.439 --> 01:15:29.199
Stephanie, this has been a blast.
01:15:29.359 --> 01:15:32.880
I'm so grateful that you were willing to come back on the podcast.
01:15:33.119 --> 01:15:34.880
First, we'll call you a double winner.
01:15:35.039 --> 01:15:42.000
And listener, if you love Stephanie as much as I do, we're gonna make sure that you have all of her links, website, the wait list.
01:15:42.239 --> 01:15:43.439
You definitely want to get on that.
01:15:43.600 --> 01:15:48.640
Please take advantage of her 90-minute conversation as a gift to yourself.
01:15:48.880 --> 01:16:02.960
And Stephanie, if there's any last words that you want to say to the woman who has been living even in slight conditioning out of her out of her own values, what would you offer her as a closing invitation?
01:16:03.359 --> 01:16:14.880
I'm going to quote the great Mary Oliver who asks, like, I'm gonna maybe butcher the quote, but what is it you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?
01:16:15.279 --> 01:16:16.159
What is it?
01:16:17.279 --> 01:16:18.479
Wild and precious.
01:16:18.880 --> 01:16:19.920
Wild and precious.
01:16:20.800 --> 01:16:25.039
Hopefully, it is in alignment with your design and your values.
01:16:25.359 --> 01:16:29.680
Stephanie, thank you so much for coming to be a guest on her next level.
01:16:30.079 --> 01:16:31.359
Thank you so much for having me.
01:16:31.520 --> 01:16:32.720
This was a blast.
01:16:33.119 --> 01:16:34.159
A hot blast.
01:16:34.399 --> 01:16:35.279
See you next time.
01:16:36.159 --> 01:16:38.640
Whoa, did you just feel what I felt?
01:16:38.800 --> 01:16:51.760
There's a whole lot of that and so much more to help you create your next level of personal and professional success on upcoming episodes of Her Next Level Podcast, now ranked in the top 5% of podcasts globally.
01:16:52.000 --> 01:17:02.319
If you're a leader, a founder, an entrepreneur, or a woman who makes a difference in the world and you're ready to break through your glass ceilings and upper limits, let's make it happen together.
01:17:02.560 --> 01:17:06.800
In the show notes, you'll find a link to book a free one-on-one conversation with me.
01:17:06.960 --> 01:17:09.760
We'll get clear on what next level success looks like.
01:17:09.920 --> 01:17:13.760
We'll create powerfully aligned goals and a plan just for you.
01:17:13.920 --> 01:17:22.079
We'll talk about the things holding you back, and you will walk away with a roadmap for how to create your next level of personal and professional success.
01:17:22.239 --> 01:17:24.239
Because hear it from me, my friend.
01:17:24.560 --> 01:17:32.880
You deserve next level success and freedom and the full identity of a woman who knows what she's capable of and exactly who she is.
01:17:33.039 --> 01:17:34.560
And I want to help you get there.
01:17:34.720 --> 01:17:36.960
So book your free call in the notes.
01:17:37.199 --> 01:17:49.920
If you love this episode, follow the podcast, give us five stars, write a lovely review, share it with your best friend, share it with your neighbor, share it with your mom, share it with the extraordinary women in your life.
01:17:50.000 --> 01:17:53.359
And in case you haven't heard it today, I love you.
01:17:53.520 --> 01:18:00.880
I'm so proud of you, and I believe in your ability to create an extraordinary life you love, starting right now.
01:18:01.039 --> 01:18:02.560
I'll see you in the next episode.
01:18:04.079 --> 01:18:06.479
Whoa, did you just feel what I felt?
01:18:06.640 --> 01:18:19.600
There's a whole lot of that and so much more to help you create your next level of personal and professional success on upcoming episodes of Her Next Level Podcast, now ranked in the top 5% of podcasts globally.
01:18:19.920 --> 01:18:30.159
If you're a leader, a founder, an entrepreneur, or a woman who makes a difference in the world and you're ready to break through your glass ceilings and upper limits, let's make it happen together.
01:18:30.399 --> 01:18:34.720
In the show notes, you'll find a link to book a free one-on-one conversation with me.
01:18:34.880 --> 01:18:37.680
We'll get clear on what next level success looks like.
01:18:37.840 --> 01:18:41.600
We'll create powerfully aligned goals and a plan just for you.
01:18:41.760 --> 01:18:49.920
We'll talk about the things holding you back, and you will walk away with a roadmap for how to create your next level of personal and professional success.
01:18:50.159 --> 01:18:52.159
Because hear it from me, my friend.
01:18:52.399 --> 01:19:00.720
You deserve next level success and freedom and the full identity of a woman who knows what she's capable of and exactly who she is.
01:19:00.880 --> 01:19:02.399
And I want to help you get there.
01:19:02.560 --> 01:19:04.880
So book your free call in the notes.
01:19:05.039 --> 01:19:17.760
If you love this episode, follow the podcast, give us five stars, write a lovely review, share it with your best friend, share it with your neighbor, share it with your mom, share it with the extraordinary women in your life.
01:19:17.920 --> 01:19:21.199
And in case you haven't heard it today, I love you.
01:19:21.439 --> 01:19:28.720
I'm so proud of you, and I believe in your ability to create an extraordinary life you love, starting right now.
01:19:28.880 --> 01:19:30.399
I'll see you in the next episode.