11: Keep the Spark Alive in Your Relationship with Abby Medcalf, Ph.D.

 

Dr. Abby Medcalf is a Relationship Maven, TEDx speaker, and author who has helped thousands of people create happy, connected relationships. With her unique background in both business and counseling, she brings a fresh, effective perspective to relationships. She's the author of the #1 Amazon best-selling book, Be Happily Married, Even if Your Partner Won't Do a Thing and the host of the top-rated Relationships Made Easy Podcast.

 

 

 

[01.34] Dr. Abby Medcalf kicks off talking about a plate that is always full but never overflowing.

 

[01.49] Time Management Problems vs. Attention Management Problems. Plus, one of the best tips Abby ever got: don’t WORK on projects, FINISH them!

 

[04.10] Shiny things, and how an addiction to the new makes you less likely to finish projects. The solution? When something new is added, something else has to come off the plate.

 

[05.32] Using humor as a tool to prevent stress and overwhelm. 

 

[07.13] Adding resources as a way to make your life easier.

 

[08.22] Impatience, resentment, and anger: the signs that something needs to come off your plate (or that you need to add resources).

 

[11.17] The lens of Gratitude, and how it can keep you from overwhelm.

 

[12.49] Mini stress relievers, and a BIG tip that will completely change the way you start your days.

 

[16.00] The influence of stress on a relationship: setting yourself up on the opposite team to your partner and an important insight on shared resources (with an emphasis on the value of adding outside resources!)

 

[19.18] The reason that most couples seek help. 

 

[20.10] Bringing the spark back into your relationship, including a quick win exercise.

 

[22.46] It’s not what you say, it’s what you mean – your INTENTION makes all the difference.

 

[24.30] Beyond therapy – using the tools learned daily.

 

[26.44] Using these tools even if your partner won’t do a thing…

 

[28.27] Unconditional love.

 

[29.07] Be Happily Married, Even if Your Partner Won't Do a Thing – a great book for everybody, even if you’re single!

 

[29.44] A rapid-fire round of questions where Abby tells us what it means to feel successful, an accomplishment she’s most proud of, what she’s most looking forward to this year, and what’s going to keep her up after this interview.

 

 

 

Connect with everything Abby Medcalf (including her podcast and blog) via her website abbymedcalf.com

 

 

 

Buy a copy of Abby’s best-selling book - Be Happily Married, Even if Your Partner Won't Do a Thing on Amazon

 

Abby’s TEDx Talk - The Real Reasons Relationships Fail 

 

 

 

“We lose about 400% of productivity when we multi-task.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf

 

“I don’t work on projects, I finish projects.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf

 

“We’re so excited about the beginning, we’re not really focusing on the finish line.” – Tara Rae Bradford

 

“Resentment is always something that lets you know you have too much on your plate.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf 

 

“If you’re set up in an opposite team than your partner then someone’s going to win and someone’s going to lose.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf

 

“You and your partner are a shared resource.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf

 

“You can’t look to your partner to take something off your plate, because it’s the same plate.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf 

 

“What we all want is that deep connection where we really feel that we’re not alone.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf 

 

“Men like to have sex to feel close and women need to feel close to have sex.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf 

 

“If you want to bring your spark back, pay attention to your partner outside the bedroom.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf 

 

“Your partner doesn’t hear what you say, they hear what you mean.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf

 

“And we have to release the desire to control other people's behavior.” – Tara Rae Bradford

 

“Your partner doesn’t hear what you say, they hear what you mean.” – Dr. Abby Medcalf