Does Dating Require Playing a Little Game?

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Because I want to attract someone that will like my weird and goofy, but I also like, do you need is it necessary or do you need to play a little bit of this attraction game before you show all that, before they understand you?
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Do we naturally put on maybe a little bit of a show when we're trying to meet someone because they don't know our personalities yet?
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Welcome to Casually Spiraling with me, Julie Bishop.
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Just a tall girl in this world trying to make sense of life, dating, money, relationships, identity, culture.
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You know all the things.
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I learned that my thoughts don't always land with the people around me, so I'm here to break it all down, talk it out, probably over share, and maybe find some who don't think I'm totally crazy after all.
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Hi, you beautiful people, and welcome back to Casually Spiraling.
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We are back again.
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I've had a very busy week this week, actually, quite eventful.
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Um, I went to this event that my roommate invited me to because she's, you know, a professional model.
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So she got invited to this event that Flaunt Magazine was holding for BB Rex's new cover shoot, cover magazine, you know, cover, cover launch.
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Um, and it was at the Abbey, and she invited me.
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I was like, yeah, I'll go to a font magazine event, party, yeah, open bar, yeah, on a Wednesday, sure.
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I get off work in an hour.
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Let's go.
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Um, yeah, so that was so much fun.
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That was my first time at the Abbey.
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Um, for those of you that don't know LA or don't know the Abbey, it's the Pink Pony Club.
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If you know Pink Pony Club, um that's the it's a gay bar club that um Chapel Room talks about, and there are go-go dancers everywhere.
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They are all up on stage, they are on these bars, they are there's so much to look at.
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It was so much fun.
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So that was my first experience there, and oh my gosh, I was just like a deer, just like looking around, like, oh, look over there, look over there.
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Oh my gosh, gymnastics up on that bar, and then this guy was full on doing a Pilates workout up on this pole.
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And I was like, I think I know that Pilates move.
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I think that's a Pilates by Izzy workout.
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He's just full on doing up there, and it's the most ripped people ever, and just penises flying everywhere, and just so much to look at.
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Um, so yeah, that was a funny night.
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Um, and BB came out and performed a few songs and open bar.
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There was a little red carpet.
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Um, yeah, and that was so much fun, and then we were like, let's continue the night.
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So afterwards, we stayed out and we went to another bar, and there was like a DJ, but also a live band, like playing with the music.
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And then there was also this guy who's like maybe the curator or something.
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Um, you know, he has a mic and he's encouraging people and like trying to hype up the crowd and that that kind of thing.
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And we walk in, and me and my roommate were kind of like off to the side in the corner, and uh, he was immediately points and he's like, you two.
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And we were like, Us, what?
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Um, and he comes over and puts the mic right in my face.
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Thank God it was a Drake song.
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Thank God, all the lyrics just flew to me.
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Something came over and it just flew to me.
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Thank God, because what if he just shoved this microphone in my face, nothing else, said nothing.
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And what if I had nothing?
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Thank God, all the lyrics just flew out of me.
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I was rapping Drake headlines, and it just all came out so great.
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Um, thank God.
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And then he might have fallen in love a little bit, but that's fine.
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But he was so funny because he was just like talking to me, and then mid-conversation would just pull like he would talk to me and holding the mic off to the side, and then this mid-conversation, you know, because he's on the clock doing his job, just pulls the mic up and is like, Yeah, yeah, let's go, or whatever, like those stupid little phrases that they do are like, Hey, let's go, yeah.
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It's just mid-conversation, mid-sentence, talking like, oh yeah, what do you do?
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Oh yeah, da da da, yeah, let's go, crowd, and then mic away, then continue the conversation.
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Um, so yeah, it was it was a funny night, eventful night.
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Witnessed lots of things and killed it with my Drake rap, if I may say so myself.
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Um, and then what else has happened this week?
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I bought a table off of Facebook Marketplace, and Facebook Marketplace, I feel like always brings such interesting stories, just interesting people sometimes, experiences on there.
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Um, you never know quite how it's gonna go with these people.
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Um, so yeah, so I was buying this table and we were picking up at 10:30 p.m.
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because that's when this girl got back.
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And I was driving there with my roommate because she has a bigger car.
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I don't have a smaller car, and we need a new dining table.
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And it was a nice one and a good deal.
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So I'm like, let's go pick it up.
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And um, I was like, hopefully this person's normal.
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Thank God she was very normal and very cool.
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Shout out to you, very cool, thank God.
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Because this situation, we go, we carry the table down, and it doesn't quite fit in the trunk of my roommate's car.
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And we're like, oh no.
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We could get like two of the like the feet, the stands in, but we couldn't quite shimmy it in fully.
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And we're like, what do we do?
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And I am a girl with a toolbox.
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I do have a toolbox and I do have some Allen ranches.
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Shout out Jared, my dad.
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And but I didn't just didn't dawn on me to bring them with me.
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So they were at home, so I didn't have them on us, and now it's like 10 50 p.m.
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And Chris was like, Okay, auto zone closes um auto zone or auto part, whatever.
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Some kind of place, yeah, auto zone, I think it was.
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She's like, There's one seven minutes away.
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It closes at 11 p.m.
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Right now it's 10 50 p.m.
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So she zooms over there, and I stay on the side of the street um at 11 p.m.
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with this Facebook Marketplace Stranger Um with the table.
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But again, thank God she was normal and cool and we could just have actual conversation.
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But yeah, that's just me on the side of the road.
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But then while she's gone doing her saintly duties and zooming over for me to get these wrenches to get these certain screws off.
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Um, the girl, the Facebook Marketplace girl, has a little like tiny set of pliers, and she tries to just start um like twisting them off with those, and it does it does end up working.
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And Krista shows back up and I'm like, I'm so sorry.
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Good and bad news, but we did get the legs off.
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We did get the legs off, and you did all that, and I love you, and I'm so glad you kept the receipt because we didn't end up needing it.
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Um, but thank you so much.
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So, yeah, us girls, we took the table apart, we got it in the car, we took it home at midnight.
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We're like, well, let's put this table back together.
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So then I had my tools that I did have now that we're at home, easily put that table back together and got her up.
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And yeah, so we were just a couple girls with some tools, making it work, problem solving, and figuring it out.
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But that was my um one night this week at like midnight, um, all that took place.
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So we had quite the adventure, but hey, we got the table and we didn't get murdered by anyone on Facebook Marketplace, so that's always a win in those situations.
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And then also this week, I went to see my old coworker in her musical Jawbreakers.
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And oh my gosh, by the time this episode comes out, it's already gonna be over.
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Because the week and that I saw it, the day I saw it, it was supposed to be the last show.
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But it's been so successful and so good that they gave it an extra run.
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So it's getting three additional dates for the following weekend.
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But unfortunately, by the time this comes out, that'll be last weekend.
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But you guys, it was so good and full full transparency.
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Like I already bought the tickets, full transparency.
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I was so close to not going.
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I had a long day at work, and then I had to drive from Warwick and Beverly Hills back to Santa Monica because I'm dog sitting.
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I had to take these two dogs out on a uh a walk.
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That took like an hour, and then I had to change really fast.
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I hadn't eaten, and then I had to drive back like an hour back towards Hollywood to the theater.
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And I was like, I'm barely gonna make it on time.
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Do I even go?
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Blah blah blah.
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But I was like, just go, just go.
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You got this, you're gonna make it right on time and just go.
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You wanna go, you wanna see it, don't stay home.
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So I went and I made it on time.
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Um, thank God they were running a few minutes late, even to bring people into the theater.
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I went and it just filled me up with so much joy.
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The whole time I was just so gagged at how talented everyone was and how talented she was, and uh, it was just so good.
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It was so funny, it was campied, comedy, everything I love, and everyone was just so talented, and I don't think I've ever seen a show like right before.
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I think it's gonna, I think things are happening.
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There was a lot of big people there seeing the show, so I've never um yeah, I've never seen one right before it pops off.
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So it also just reminded me to go see more theater too, because I haven't in a long time.
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There's something about live performance and live shows.
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I need to see more comedy shows as well.
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That is just like so exciting and like adrenaline pumping.
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And I met a lot of cool people, I met a lot of actors, and I just felt like okay, this was the right place to be, right rooms to be in.
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Energy was high, and I was like so glad that I went.
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So, yeah, go see theater or live shows performances.
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Um, you won't regret it, even though it can be a hassle.
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Like, obviously, people live in LA.
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It's like I gotta drive all the way to the other side of the town, the amount of time it took me to find parking, and then I gotta walk there, and it's just a whole process, right?
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So it's so easy to talk yourself out of those things, but just go do it.
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It's nine times out of ten, always worth it, and it definitely was.
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And then today is October 1st, so Halloween is coming up, and let me tell you, I have not thought once about Halloween.
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I do this every year where I don't put any effort in and I don't think of any costumes, and then the day before someone's like, let's go out.
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Well, now I just have to use anything that I have in my closet to be able to put something together and half ass it when really I could think ahead, but it's already October 1st, and I had I like I'm so bad and I like don't enjoy the process of coming up with a good Halloween costume.
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I would just like the process of once I had a good idea and then going from there.
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But coming up with a good idea, I never want to do.
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And these holidays, too, are also just overrated, right?
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I think there comes a time where if you're like in this in-between time of going out or staying in or whatever, and they're just always so much hype around days like these, but then it always ends up after I was just saying, don't let things being a hassle take you down.
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Um, I'm about to flip it right on this.
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But like on these holidays, there's always huge covers to get into anywhere, huge lines, Ubers prices are so huge, and expectations are just already set so high that I feel like it ends up then being a disappointment.
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And honestly, I work on Halloween night anyway, which I'm not that mad about because then I'm like, oh, I've work, let's go out next weekend, you know.
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You know, so I don't know.
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I haven't thought about Halloween, have you guys?
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Or if any of you have a good idea for me for a costume, just let me know so I don't have to do the work of thinking one myself.
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Thank you very much.
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Thank you very much.
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And then last night I'm dog sitting, right?
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And I just had this rage, this surge of needing a sweet treat after dinner.
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And I have a major sweet tooth, right?
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And a lot of people say that, but they don't actually mean it.
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But if you know me, I actually do mean it, and I could sit there eating a can of frosting with a spoon, and I've done that many times, just ask my siblings, okay?
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So that's the type of person I am.
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Usually when people say something's too sweet and they can only have one or two bites, I'm like, I can finish that entire thing.
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I love that.
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So I do have a major sweet tooth, and I'm at that point of the week or end of week, two weeks, where I'm running out of my groceries, and I don't have the healthier options that tie me over when I have a craving like the drizzelicious or the dates.
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And I I posted this immediately on my social media, so you might have seen on there, but just recapping, because I just had to share like literally, this is my experience and what it's being like adult having sweet tea, sweet, big sweet tooth.
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Sorry.
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But I was like, okay, I must have something, I must have something, and I cannot go to bed until I don't, and there's nothing in this house, so I must go get something.
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So I was like, I was like, do I want ice cream?
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And I was like, no, I kind of don't.
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I kind of want cookies, you know, like cookies sound really good, like crumble cookies or insomnia.
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But the price of one of those is like the same price as a whole box of the grocery store, actually, even much cheaper.
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Um, so I'm like, maybe I'll just go to the grocery store.
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But I also kind of don't just want cookies, I kind of want ice cream on the cookies, like I don't just want one or the other, I kind of want both.
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So like I'm going there, I'm like, well, I have to get both.
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So I walk in and it's the end of the night.
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So I think the bakery items are on sale, right?
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Because they're trying to get rid of them.
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So I'm like, oh my gosh, this whole box of cookies for three dollars.
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Yes, chocolate chip cookies.
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But then I look to my right, and what's next to it?
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There's boxes and boxes of cakes that are only three dollars.
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And I see this chocolate cake with this buttercream chocolate icing on top, and I'm like, well, I see that now, and I can't not get it, right?
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Because I've seen it, I've seen it, and I must have it, and I can't not get that too.
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But I already have this idea in my head of the cookies with the ice cream, and I can't get that idea out of my head either.
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So what's a girl to do here?
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So I do indeed pick up that chocolate cake because now I can't not pick it up, and I do still have these chocolate chip cookies in my hand.
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So I go over to the ice cream aisle carrying both of these things, and I'm like, okay, is there a smaller option here?
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And there are those like mini tiny versions of a pint, it's not a full pint, obviously, because that's a measurement, just a little tiny amount of ice cream.
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So I'm like, okay, I'll get that.
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But honestly, like the restraint to just not get a pint of ice cream, because then to have also for the rest of the week was really hard.
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So, really, that was really brave of me, guys.
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It was really brave of me to get the smaller version of ice cream, but also I'm like, do I put the chocolate cake back?
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No, I don't.
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I can't.
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So I get the tiny ice cream, I get the chocolate cookies, and I get the chocolate cake, and then I go to line and I'm like, okay, well, I have to go to self-checkout.
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You cannot like have someone check you out and be like, this is all you're getting on a Monday night at 8 p.m.
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Yes, it is.
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I don't want any judgment, I don't want any thoughts, I don't want any conversations about it.
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So I must go to self-checkout.
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And there was a line, so I'm in the line waiting for a self-checkout to be available, and I reach into my purse because I need something to make me feel better.
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I see what I'm holding, I see the pile of things that I'm holding right now.
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I reach into my purse and I pull out my birth control.
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And I do this because I'm like, please tell me I'm getting my period soon because there must be why I'm having all these cravings.
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It must be.
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I need something as some kind of an excuse to ease my mind and make myself feel better.
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So I pull it out.
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And thank God, God, or someone was on my side, the universe, because yes, I'll be getting my period next week.
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So, yes, this is all okay.
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That means this is all okay now and accepted, and we're all good because you know that's why, right?
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Totally, that's what I can blame it on.
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So I go and check out, and then I get in my car and I just drive home in silence.
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I just drive home in silence with what I just did and what I'm about to do.
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And I did, I did went and I fucked it up, and I fucked up the cake, and I fucked up the cookies, and I fucked up the ice cream.
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Anyway, that's what it is going on in my mind as an adult with a big sweet tooth.
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Um, yeah.
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It's just it can't be stopped.
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And any of my friends that are listening that complained to about not having abs, I need you to shut it and move on.
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And this didn't happen and leave it alone.
00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:47.279
Okay.
00:17:47.759 --> 00:17:48.960
Thank you very much.
00:17:49.279 --> 00:17:49.599
Okay.
00:17:50.400 --> 00:17:58.160
The last thing that I did this week, and that's gonna bring us into our topic for today, was guys.
00:17:58.319 --> 00:17:59.200
I did it.
00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:02.480
Okay, okay, I did it.
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:04.319
I did it.
00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:07.119
I re-downloaded Hinge.
00:18:07.359 --> 00:18:09.519
Okay, I said it, I said it, I said it.
00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:10.240
Okay.
00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:14.799
But listen, I just want to be going on dates.
00:18:15.279 --> 00:18:16.400
So yeah, I did it.
00:18:16.480 --> 00:18:17.920
I'm like, let me just see.
00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:22.960
And of course, no, I haven't been on a date, and yes, I'm gonna pause it in a week.
00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:24.799
Okay, just leave me alone.
00:18:25.039 --> 00:18:26.880
Okay, uh, I did it.
00:18:28.079 --> 00:18:29.920
But again, how is it going?
00:18:30.240 --> 00:18:31.519
Maybe you're asking?
00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:34.559
Well, let me tell you how's it going?
00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:37.359
A man messaged me saying he needed me.
00:18:37.839 --> 00:18:41.119
I said, Okay, let's make that happen.
00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:42.319
Let's meet up.
00:18:43.920 --> 00:18:48.880
Because he said other things, but he's like, I need you, let's do this date, blah blah blah.
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:51.599
So I respond, Great, let's do it.
00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:53.519
Never hear from again.
00:18:54.160 --> 00:19:02.000
I matched with this other man who his preferences it said on his profile, like the long-term relationship is what he was looking for.
00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:04.559
You know what his first message to me was?
00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:08.400
Hey, you wanna just are you down to just have something casual?
00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:10.400
Casual?
00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:14.240
Why do you have on your profile that you're looking for a long-term relationship?
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:17.599
I don't think a long-term relationship is the same thing as casual.
00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:24.799
If you're looking for just casual, then just put that on your profile so then I can just exit you like on, yeah.
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:25.839
So this is how it's going.
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:26.720
This is how going.
00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:29.920
But anyway, besides the point, we're not getting into that today, okay?
00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:33.920
We're not gonna focus that I read down this app on my phone because I don't wanna hear it.
00:19:34.079 --> 00:19:37.599
I don't want to hear it and it's not even there, and I'm ignoring it, it's as if it's not even there.
00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:38.960
So, okay, anyway.
00:19:39.279 --> 00:20:01.599
But when I was making my profile and when I was picking my pictures and my prompts and this and that, okay, I I started finding out that I was like casually spiraling about like the idea between something, and that's what I'm conflicted with, and like, and I'm conflicted with I want to show my weird goofy self, right?
00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:05.200
Versus showing like your hot and pretty self.
00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:09.440
Because I have both sides, but how do you present yourself on there, right?
00:20:09.599 --> 00:20:25.759
Because I want to attract someone that will like my weird and goofy, but I also like, do you need is it necessary or do you need to play a little bit of this attraction game before you show all that, before they understand you?
00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:34.720
Do we naturally put on maybe a little bit of a show when we're trying to meet someone because they don't know our personalities yet?
00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:52.240
Or even when we do first meet them, you know, I think it's like at the beginning you wear makeup more often and you dress up, or um, maybe you're you they don't share yet that you're obsessed with something really weird or your guilty pleasures or this or that.
00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:54.880
There is that little bit of a front, right?
00:20:55.200 --> 00:21:04.000
So they don't fully, they don't know you yet, so they don't fully understand, they don't understand where the weird and goofiness comes from.
00:21:04.319 --> 00:21:07.759
So it's natural to kind of put this like facade on.
00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:13.279
This little facade that then like it then fades as you get to know someone, right?
00:21:13.359 --> 00:21:20.240
And then you're just fully comfortable with someone and just fully weird and goofy, but they knew you before that, right?
00:21:21.359 --> 00:21:30.559
So I have this desire to not play any games and not put any facade, and I'm like, I want personality picks and this and that.
00:21:31.359 --> 00:21:59.839
But maybe initially like and not that I want to play games or anything, but do you need to just first, you know, do those little things so you meet someone and attract someone, and then once you get to know them, then they understand all these other bits about you, or is it like well, I the right person will initially find my quirks attractive?
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:03.599
And this and that, and so on and so on.
00:22:03.759 --> 00:22:05.519
But maybe is that lazy a little bit?
00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:12.799
And maybe you just need to do play into the game of dating a little bit before they fully get to know you.
00:22:12.960 --> 00:22:18.480
You know, so this is something I was thinking about when making a profile and finding the balance, right?
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:26.720
Of like, yes, your personality, but also like attracting someone and putting in the effort to attract someone, right?
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:31.119
There is a little bit of balance and necessity to both.
00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:39.440
Um, but yeah, it just had me thinking, you know, is wanting to look hot on a dating app, is that a little less authentic?
00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:45.279
Or is that okay because you're attracting someone and then they'll meet you and then they'll get to know your personality?
00:22:45.519 --> 00:22:48.400
Or do you need to just like show a little bit of both?
00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:53.599
And not that your personality is not attractive and not hot, and that's not it.
00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:59.599
But you know, I like qualities I want someone is someone to be weird and goofy and have fun with.
00:23:00.720 --> 00:23:11.440
But how much straight up when they haven't met you yet and they're just swiping through an app and all they get to see, they don't get an explanation, they don't get to hear you, any of that.
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:15.039
All they have to go off of is what they're scrolling on, right?
00:23:15.119 --> 00:23:21.279
They don't have anything else to go off of for context to make anything make sense.
00:23:21.599 --> 00:23:34.640
So I was like, I want someone to like me for me, but also I'm like, okay, but they have to like find that attraction first, and then really get to know me, and then they would be more attracted to me, right?
00:23:34.799 --> 00:23:39.759
So maybe dating does require a little bit of a performance, you know?
00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:43.440
But what does like just being yourself actually mean?
00:23:43.680 --> 00:23:52.319
We always say just be yourself, but when you're meeting someone for the first time or just mashing with them on an app, they literally don't know you yet.
00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:57.440
They literally don't know you, or the perception can also be so off.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:24:11.119
You know, your weirdness isn't necessarily obvious without the context behind it on who you are, and the things that maybe your friends find hilarious about you might not just translate through just the hinge photos.
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:11.920
You know what I mean?
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:22.319
Like, but also at the same time, someone can't know that you're like secretly very goofy if your profile doesn't give anything of that to work with, right?
00:24:22.480 --> 00:24:32.160
Like I know when I'm looking at someone, if someone's not smiling in all their photos, and I do this see this a lot, I'm like, no, you don't seem like a fun, happy, silly person.
00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:34.400
So there's is this balance, right?
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:46.319
There is this balance that you're trying to find between showing your best self, but also showing your best self and your personality self as well, you know?
00:24:46.559 --> 00:24:49.599
And I don't think it's being fake or anything.
00:24:49.839 --> 00:24:57.920
It's just putting your best foot forward and actually like putting in the effort to flirt and trying to be attractive.
00:24:58.079 --> 00:24:59.359
I don't think that's a bad thing, you know.
00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:07.599
When you do get in relationships, it's like sometimes you do like, I want to dress up for my person and put in the effort in this or that because it's a whole thing.
00:25:07.839 --> 00:25:15.680
Now, of course, you also at the same time have your date all multiple times, most of the time you're in sweats or a t-shirt or this or that.
00:25:15.920 --> 00:25:21.839
But it's just the the trying aspect, and at the beginning of dating, you do need to try.
00:25:22.079 --> 00:25:27.039
Um, so yeah, I just started thinking about hmm, what's the balance here?
00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:32.000
What's the ratio of trying to create both of these things in one?
00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:40.559
And where should you lean more towards in this instinct when they don't know you yet and all they have to go off is these photos and these prompts.
00:25:40.799 --> 00:25:46.079
And maybe attraction is part of the authenticity as well, too, you know?
00:25:46.240 --> 00:26:00.079
You can want someone to think you're beautiful, you can want someone to see your photos and be like, damn, she's hot, but you can also want someone to think you're funny and be intrigued by you and then eventually know the deeply weird parts and goofy parts of you.
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:01.440
You know, it's okay.
00:26:01.519 --> 00:26:06.000
I think all of it is authentic and real to want all of that at the same time, right?
00:26:06.559 --> 00:26:13.839
But I guess the question is like, do we naturally perform when we are at the beginning stages of dating?
00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:17.839
Are we putting on this little facade, this little performance?
00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:29.440
When you first meet someone that you're attracted to, you might dress a little differently than you do on your normal day-to-day, and you're probably maybe a little more conscious about what you're saying, you know?
00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:32.960
You might try to be a little funnier or more try charming.
00:26:33.039 --> 00:26:48.000
Like these are the things, you know, when you have a crush and you're like, I'm acting different, and you start acting a little weird and a little different, and like you pay attention to a little more of the details, and you might not like immediately tell them every insecurity or this or that.
00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:52.000
You might leave some things to the imagination at first.
00:26:52.400 --> 00:26:59.119
You probably want to be showing like the best version of yourself, and that's not being dishonest, you know.
00:26:59.279 --> 00:27:00.559
So I think that's natural.
00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:11.440
Like when you have a crush on someone, we do this kind of basically in every new social situation, even when you're in a new club or like making friends or this or that.
00:27:11.599 --> 00:27:19.359
So I don't think it's fair to act like dating should be or is supposed to be completely unfiltered.
00:27:19.519 --> 00:27:24.960
You know, if everyone is putting on a little bit of a show when they're first meeting someone, right?
00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:32.720
And maybe ideally, in the most ideal situation, there's none of that whatsoever, and you just instantly don't have to have any of that.
00:27:33.039 --> 00:27:44.400
But there is like that little bit, that little bit of it's just trying and like flirting and making that attempt and putting that in that effort.
00:27:44.559 --> 00:27:48.480
But then where does it become like you're playing a game bullshit, right?
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:56.799
Because I don't want to play games, and like playing the game can be exhausting and it just seems like nonsense most of the time, right?
00:27:56.960 --> 00:28:11.519
Like where the game aspect is like pretending you're less interested than you actually are, or waiting three hours to text back to someone because you don't want to seem too eager or whatever.
00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:17.200
Like, okay, maybe don't respond right away every two seconds all the time.
00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:29.920
Maybe leave a little mystery and intrigue, but you don't have to be like, okay, let me wait 12 hours and 46 minutes to make sure they know I am and I'm playing this game.
00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:34.799
So they think this one type and they don't think I'm interested, and they think I'm this one type away, right?
00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:36.720
Like that it's just silly.
00:28:36.880 --> 00:28:40.400
I'm just like, oh, when I see my phone, okay, I'll respond when I can, right?
00:28:40.720 --> 00:29:01.839
Instead of like playing some kind of mind game or like trying to seem cooler than you are, and that you don't have your quirks and whatever and hiding them or change your personality because someone you think someone would like a different version, or becoming this strategic game instead of actually just enjoying getting to know someone, right?
00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:21.599
And I think there is a little bit of a difference between all that game stuff and playing a game and acting a certain way, like, oh yeah, this means nothing, like kind of bullshit versus like the little like facade and like presenting your best self at the top and you know putting in that effort.
00:29:21.839 --> 00:29:24.000
Because I do and I think everyone wants this.
00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:27.359
It's like I just want someone who likes me for me, right?
00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:35.759
But you also don't want to be lazy to the fact that and not acknowledge that dating does require effort, right?
00:29:36.319 --> 00:29:37.839
It does, unfortunately.
00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:39.119
So it does.
00:29:39.279 --> 00:29:48.079
And I hate that, but it does, it does require a lot of effort and a lot of work, especially now, because no one is getting out of the freaking house.
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:54.960
That's why I re-downloaded it because I'm like, I want to be going on dates, and I'm getting out of the house, but it seems like no one else is.
00:29:55.119 --> 00:29:57.920
And so how else do you get dates?
00:29:58.000 --> 00:29:59.440
Ugh, you know, we talk about this all the time.
00:29:59.599 --> 00:30:00.799
So annoying, right?
00:30:01.119 --> 00:30:14.480
But you do, you have to put yourself out there and you have to make yourself approachable and show interest and flirt and make plans, and you do have to take care of your appearance and your hygiene and put yourself together sometimes, you know.
00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:21.279
You have to give someone those reasons to want to get to know you who don't know you yet.
00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:25.920
I definitely need to work on sometimes it can be hard.
00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:30.400
I definitely do am conscious of making sure I'm like approachable in this or that.
00:30:30.559 --> 00:30:36.880
I know some people have like resting bitch faces, and sometimes it can be so awkward to make eye contact and this and that.
00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:47.279
So it is definitely like an intentional little game of like holding eye contact and like being open, and you have like it is an intentional thing, right?
00:30:47.359 --> 00:30:50.480
And but that doesn't mean that you're being fake and inauthentic.
00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:57.680
Just means you're putting in that effort and you're being conscious of how you are presenting yourself to the world.
00:30:57.920 --> 00:31:10.160
Maybe there is something maybe a little slightly unrealistic about expecting someone to immediately discover your personality and who you are right from the jump, but just by scrolling, right?
00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:13.839
Without also taking in the process of attraction.
00:31:14.480 --> 00:31:26.880
So you have to find that healthy balance of like effort and putting in that effort, but also, you know, making sure your personality still shines through even as you do that, right?
00:31:27.119 --> 00:31:35.039
So instead, I think maybe the way to think about it is my goal isn't to show someone everything about me immediately.
00:31:35.279 --> 00:31:46.079
Maybe it's like I'm going to show them enough of the real me that then they become intrigued and curious and about the rest, and they're like, who is this person?
00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:47.279
I want to find out more.
00:31:47.440 --> 00:31:59.440
And also she seems like, you know, she seems like she made effort and put herself together for this date or for this profile, even though I'm always spiraling and out of control inside.
00:31:59.519 --> 00:32:04.640
You know me, you know me here, but maybe you know that's the way to look at it, right?
00:32:04.799 --> 00:32:08.000
Because I think maybe before sometimes I was trying to do too much.
00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:13.440
I'm like, I need to show every single thing about me, but I only have these six photos to do that, right?
00:32:13.519 --> 00:32:20.079
So it seems a little intense and a little bit like too much, and then it became chaotic, I think.
00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:29.039
And you don't want to like have that too chaotic, you know, show a little bit, show who you are, and then they're intrigued, and then they can find out the rest.
00:32:29.279 --> 00:32:37.599
It's just like opening the door a little bit for more discovery and a crack inside of your world and your life and who you are.
00:32:37.839 --> 00:32:56.880
They don't have to know all my weirdness from the top right away, you know, maybe just a little hint, and and you get them in that attraction with also that little weird hint, and then they're like, Okay, I want her and to find her and find out what she's like, right?
00:32:57.119 --> 00:32:58.319
But I don't know.
00:32:58.720 --> 00:33:01.920
Again, I don't have a real answer.
00:33:02.079 --> 00:33:11.440
These are just like something that I started thinking about when I re-downloaded it for the 100th time, but I'm like, okay, maybe I'm like doing too much here.
00:33:11.680 --> 00:33:13.920
Like, definitely be intentional.
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:17.839
But how much should I be playing the game, right?
00:33:17.920 --> 00:33:21.519
And when does the effort then become a performance?
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:36.079
And finding that line, you know, finding that line where you're just putting in the effort and making sure you're putting in that effort for this attraction game, but you don't want to like it to become a performance and who you not actually are and not show any of that, right?
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:40.079
But it's also, you know, is something to think about.
00:33:40.319 --> 00:33:43.680
Is mystery actually part of the attraction?
00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:58.559
And to realize that someone may not immediately understand me, but then they have that attraction and want and desire to understand me and to, you know, discover, okay, what is happening there with her, with that specimen?
00:33:58.640 --> 00:34:00.400
What's going on there, right?
00:34:01.039 --> 00:34:19.360
So yeah, I think I'm just gonna let myself be hot and do that whole thing, but then I'm also gonna let myself be weird because I am a little bit and like I'm going to try to flirt, even though it's been a really long time, and sometimes I forget how.
00:34:19.519 --> 00:34:31.679
Um, but I'm gonna try and I'm gonna put in the effort, and I'm just gonna stop pretending that effort automatically means like I'm playing a game or I'm being fake, right?
00:34:32.159 --> 00:34:37.920
There's a lot of ambiguity about playing games or how much game is too much game.
00:34:38.159 --> 00:35:05.360
So maybe like dating isn't about performing, but it's about making sure the person you're performing is still you a little bit at the beginning, you know, and maybe I shouldn't just be like, no, I don't want to do that because my person is just gonna know me and understand me and like me for me, and like I don't want to have to put in that effort and like do the whole that whole thing, you know?
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:12.400
So maybe it's just not a one one straight line mindset, right?
00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:25.440
I think I have to be open to dancing with the idea of doing that little bit of gamey flirt, and that'll lead someone to get to know me, right?
00:35:25.519 --> 00:35:30.960
And maybe not just be so harsh on no, that's playing a game, and I'm tired of it, and I don't want to play those games.
00:35:31.119 --> 00:35:45.599
I think I know my line of what I do and what's flirty and what's fun and what's putting in the effort to gain that attraction, versus like, okay, you're just not being yourself and you're actually playing a game and that's not you, so that's not gonna work, right?
00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:51.760
So just finding that balance, I think, and that's that's where I concluded on that.
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:54.159
So we'll see how that goes.
00:35:54.320 --> 00:36:18.480
Obviously, I told you the how it started, and those few messages are just the stereotypical, and I'm not sure that it'll work in this app way, but maybe maybe I'll just try it out for a little bit and then move it into the well, obviously continue to have that in the real world and the energy that I'm putting out, and yeah, I don't know.
00:36:18.639 --> 00:36:33.599
It's all just an I don't know, but I do want to be putting in the effort, but when it's been so long, it's kinda gets harder because you've seen so much, you've seen so many things, the horrors, right?
00:36:33.679 --> 00:36:44.079
You're taken aback, so it makes you want to just hide and not put in the effort, but that's not gonna get you anywhere, so gotta put in the effort somehow.
00:36:44.159 --> 00:36:48.079
So, more updates to come on this adventure, I suppose.
00:36:48.320 --> 00:36:50.239
Hopefully, good updates.
00:36:50.559 --> 00:36:52.400
But you know, there's always something going on.
00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:56.800
I feel like I always got a story to tell one way or another, but yeah.
00:36:57.039 --> 00:37:05.360
So, yeah, today was an episode of a lot of fun stories and then figuring out my dating life, I suppose.
00:37:05.679 --> 00:37:18.079
But I have a lot more, I have something really exciting coming up for the pod that is in the works that will hopefully be coming up soon, and you will see and share.
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:31.039
Um, I've been having a lot of more fun on the social media and just sharing literally these day-to-day moments that just happen in the moment, and I'm like, well, this is interesting and real, and this or that.
00:37:31.119 --> 00:37:36.159
So let me just chat to you guys, like I'm on FaceTime with my friends, because that's what I would do.
00:37:36.320 --> 00:37:44.159
I do still have Snapchat, but it is just to stay in touch with a few people and I send these in the moment live updates of guys, this just happened.
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:48.719
So I'd like to like give that a little more to you guys and share that side a little more to you guys.
00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:49.920
So that's what I've been doing.
00:37:50.000 --> 00:38:02.480
So if you haven't followed the socials, get on there and follow that Instagram, Casually Aspiring Podcast, and follow the TikTok, Casually Aspiring Podcast, because you know, Alex Earl is seeing it, so you should probably too.
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:03.519
You should probably too.
00:38:03.679 --> 00:38:06.000
Okay, that's all I have for you this week.
00:38:06.159 --> 00:38:08.800
Happy Thursday, happy October.
00:38:09.119 --> 00:38:12.559
It's fall now, spooky season.
00:38:12.719 --> 00:38:14.880
You know, I love I do love horror.
00:38:15.119 --> 00:38:21.440
Um, so even though I had my qualms about Halloween coming up, I do love my horror.
00:38:21.599 --> 00:38:25.599
I want to go to Universal Horror Nights so bad, so hopefully that is coming up.
00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:29.039
Um, and yeah, let me know your fall plans.
00:38:29.199 --> 00:38:38.400
Let me know how you approach your um profiles on hinge or dating apps or just in general with dating that balance, right?
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:40.320
Of playing a game, but not actually.
00:38:40.559 --> 00:38:42.880
Um, yeah, comment down below.
00:38:43.039 --> 00:38:45.840
Let me know, and I will see you next week.