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Repair Any Relationship & Break Through The Power Struggle Phase
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What happens when a Fearful Avoidant finally realizes you’re done trying?
When someone with a Fearful Avoidant attachment style senses that you’re no longer pursuing them, investing in the relationship, or waiting for them to come back, it can trigger a surprising emotional cycle. Their fear of abandonment may suddenly activate—even if they were previously the one creating distance.
In this episode, Thais Gibson breaks down four major stages a Fearful Avoidant may experience when they realize you’re truly pulling away. From abandonment fears and sudden pursuit to nostalgia and eventually rewriting the story of the relationship, you’ll learn what can be happening beneath the confusing hot-and-cold behavior.
If you’re a Fearful Avoidant yourself, this episode can also help you recognize the subconscious fears driving these patterns—including fears of abandonment, being trapped, helplessness, and unworthiness—and understand why healing these wounds is essential for creating healthier relationships.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
• Why a Fearful Avoidant’s fear of abandonment can activate when you stop trying
• Why Fearful Avoidants can swing from distancing themselves to suddenly pursuing you
• Why pursuit doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ready to recommit to the relationship
• How the Fearful Avoidant’s anxious and avoidant sides create hot-and-cold behavior
• Why Fearful Avoidants may begin reminiscing and idealizing past memories after gaining distance
• The questions they may ask themselves after a relationship ends
• How subconscious fears of abandonment, entrapment, helplessness, and unworthiness influence relationships
• Why Fearful Avoidants may eventually focus on everything that was wrong with the relationship
• How healing underlying attachment wounds can help break painful push-pull patterns
Timestamps:
00:00 – What Happens When a Fearful Avoidant Knows You’re Done
00:58 – #1: Their Fear of Abandonment Activates
01:44 – The Anxious & Avoidant Sides of the Fearful Avoidant
02:50 – #2: They Swing Into Pursuit
03:28 – Pursuit Doesn’t Always Mean They Want the Relationship Back
04:03 – Thais’ Personal Fearful Avoidant Experience
05:13 – How Push-Pull Patterns Affect Other People
06:20 – How Fearful Avoidant Patterns Spill Into Other Areas of Life
07:24 – #3: Reminiscing & Nostalgia
08:50 – #4: Rewriting the Story
09:39 – How the Fearful Avoidant Finally Moves On
Meet Thais
Thais Gibson, PhD, is a Best-Selling Author, Pastoral Counselor, Relationship Coach, and the founder of The Personal Development School (PDS). Between 2013 and 2019, she developed Integrated Attachment Theory® (IAT), the Six-Step Method to Becoming Secure, a framework rooted in neuroscience, attachment theory, psychology, and spirituality, trademarked in October 2021. IAT works across six pillars:
✔ Rewire Your Attachment Core Wounds
✔ Learn Your Attachment Needs
✔ Regulate Your Nervous System Somatically
✔ Learn Healthy Boundaries
✔ Improve Communication
✔ Rewire Your Unhealthy Protest Behaviors
Since opening in 2020, PDS has grown to serve over 70,000 students in 145 countries, achieving a 97% satisfaction rate and helping people reprogram their subconscious patterns and build thriving, secure relationships.
Helpful Resources:
🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz
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📘 Become an IAT Relationship Coach
https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/iat?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=iat&utm_medium=organic&el=podcast
📚 Read the New Attachment Theory Book
https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/book/the-new-attachment-theory?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=the-new-attachment-theory&utm_medium=organic&el=podcast
🎧 Discover Podcast Episodes
https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/podcast?utm_source=podcast&utm_campaign=podcast-page&utm_medium=organic&el=podcast
📝 Read the PDS Blog
https://blog.personaldevelopmentschool.com/
Let’s Connect on Socials:
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🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thaisgibson
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