Super Dwarf [0:15 - 0:20]: In the case of nuclear or radiological fallout, people living around potential targets.
Alex/Jake [0:25 - 0:25]: You.
Super Dwarf [0:26 - 0:28]: Shouldn'T leave your shelter until officials say so.
Alex/Jake [0:32 - 0:45]: This is the emergency broadcast system. This is not a test. Repeat. This is not a test. Citizens are advised to take the following steps. Stay alert to news media events or local emergency alert notifications.
Gotfree [1:01 - 1:17]: It has been brought to my attention that only 48% of our listeners are actually following the show. If you could be so kind, maybe elevate that to, I don't know, 49, 50? Higher, even. I would greatly appreciate it. Anyways, there you go, Godfrey.
Houston [1:17 - 1:18]: Good job. Good job.
Gotfree [1:18 - 1:20]: Previously. Hold the big red button.
Alex/Jake [1:20 - 1:25]: Hello, my big friends. I am Jake.
Gotfree [1:26 - 1:33]: I retract all three eyestalks and all three arms in vicarious embarrassment into my personage.
Alex/Jake [1:33 - 1:39]: And we are not dinner, me friend.
Houston [1:40 - 1:42]: If he gets eaten, I'm gonna laugh.
Super Dwarf [1:42 - 1:49]: Lady Ingray. Why he talk weird? Is man dumb? Me talk slow for you.
Alex/Jake [1:49 - 1:51]: Can you help us find a fusion core?
Super Dwarf [1:51 - 2:03]: Maybe help me introduce brothers. Me, honky, grumbly, munchy, snorty, Jeremy, sloppy stop.
Lady Grey [2:07 - 2:18]: I will cut you loose. But as you can see, I have seven super mutants here who will hunt you down and kill you. If you try to tell somebody where I am, we may know where you can get a fusion core.
Super Dwarf [2:18 - 2:34]: We are from vault 57. Overseer. Good man. Overseer. Fight scientists. Overseer. Nikolai Kloszinski. As many, many fusion corps vault is to the north. You can check.
Alex/Jake [2:34 - 2:46]: I would love to see if your brothers would be willing to go down and help guard Carl while we head up to your old vault. Would you all be willing to split up for a bit?
Super Dwarf [2:46 - 2:47]: We help Carl.
Alex/Jake [2:47 - 2:47]: Yes.
Super Dwarf [2:48 - 2:51]: We agree. We agree. We help Carl.
Alex/Jake [2:51 - 2:51]: Yeah.
Super Dwarf [2:52 - 2:55]: Some go with Carl, some stay behind.
Lady Grey [2:55 - 3:04]: We're heading to vault 57. We're gonna hurry up, get in, get out, be done. And come home as soon as possible, because I need all my boys back together.
Alex/Jake [3:07 - 3:23]: Well, welcome back for another adventure on the Big Red Button podcast. You've got your regular group of the stragglers and overseer. Dallas, what do you have in store for us this? Good evening, good sir.
Dallas [3:24 - 3:35]: So, what we have this evening is a little continuation of what happened last time. So last time. Shocking, right?
Gotfree [3:35 - 3:35]: Really?
Dallas [3:35 - 3:39]: No severe jumps in the timeline here.
Gotfree [3:39 - 3:43]: So, all of these notes that I've planned for the flashback, I need to go ahead and file away.
Houston [3:43 - 3:45]: Oh, thank God this is not a Christopher Nolan movie.
Dallas [3:45 - 3:47]: Yes. Put those back in your hatch.
Alex/Jake [3:48 - 3:58]: Did no one listen to the last two minutes of the show that I just played for us all? That gave us the whole flashback. That's where we're at. No. Okay.
Dallas [3:58 - 3:58]: No.
Alex/Jake [3:58 - 4:00]: Just rude. Just rude.
Houston [4:00 - 4:02]: That's not how editing works.
Dallas [4:02 - 4:08]: For those of you that like to start your podcast two minutes early or later than when they actually start.
Houston [4:10 - 4:11]: Guilty.
Dallas [4:11 - 4:49]: You guys are walking, and the party has split in half. Your party has not. But the seven super mutants that you had met had split off. Half are headed back to go talk to our friend Carl, defend him, perhaps because he is alone out there, and there are some crazy hungry cannibals that may or may not be heading his direction. And the rest of them are headed with you guys, along with Miss Lady Gray.
Alex/Jake [4:49 - 4:55]: Thank goodness she's with us and on our side, because we've seen what she's capable of.
Dallas [4:55 - 5:09]: It was touch and go there for a second as some people were trying to hit on her. She did build Godfrey a new eye out of a vintage camera to which.
Gotfree [5:09 - 5:20]: I am very appreciative of. The quality of this glass is super superb. You just don't find glass like this anymore. Been delightful.
Dallas [5:21 - 5:30]: It does have an added feature of low light vision, but the drawback is it does kind of cast like a red light.
Alex/Jake [5:30 - 5:31]: Oh, no.
Gotfree [5:31 - 5:35]: But have you seen how wide my aperture gets?
Dallas [5:36 - 5:38]: Normally, I don't think we're allowed to talk about that.
Alex/Jake [5:38 - 5:46]: Yeah, I was gonna say normally, I cover that, so. Hey, Godfrey, most people don't talk about our apertures.
Gotfree [5:46 - 5:48]: That's not an aperture, Keisha.
Alex/Jake [5:48 - 5:51]: It's a valve cross reference.
Dallas [5:52 - 6:04]: Three of the super mutants have traveled with you. Grumbly Honkin and Jeremy have traveled north along with lady Gray.
Houston [6:04 - 6:05]: Jeremy. Jeremy.
Dallas [6:06 - 6:10]: To go find their old overseer, because he.
Alex/Jake [6:10 - 6:13]: Mister Klozinski. Got it. Yeah.
Dallas [6:13 - 6:24]: Mister Klezenski is out there still, and he may be able to help you. You guys are on your journey, your quest, perhaps, to find him.
Alex/Jake [6:24 - 6:28]: All right. Hopefully, he doesn't slay us.
Dallas [6:28 - 6:32]: Hopefully not. That would be unfortunate.
Houston [6:32 - 6:35]: It will be surely a violent night indeed.
Dallas [6:37 - 6:42]: You guys are walking in the woods. You have not come across anything yet.
Gotfree [6:42 - 6:44]: I'm. I'm hovering.
Dallas [6:44 - 7:18]: Uh, some of you are hovering, trying to be quiet, because there have run into mongrels, uh, mutated, uh, animals that have almost taken you down. You've run into cultists out here that may still be lurking about as well. Uh, but you do feel more confident having three super mutants and a synth who has held her own in a fight already in this party as well. Is there anything you guys would like to do or talk about? As you guys are rolling?
Gotfree [7:19 - 7:25]: I would like to put this new aperture and low light sensitivity to the text. Okay, what do I perceive?
Dallas [7:25 - 7:29]: Okay, let's do some rolling while we're.
Gotfree [7:29 - 7:32]: Ooh, can I roll? Get a first roll of the night. Roll for perception.
Alex/Jake [7:33 - 7:38]: Roll first roll. Can we start that as a thing? Like an ongoing thing, like burst roll? No, absolutely.
Dallas [7:38 - 7:40]: Yeah, we can do whatever we want.
Gotfree [7:41 - 7:45]: Ooh, no rolling again. Rolled a sick.
Dallas [7:47 - 8:04]: So you kick on your new low light camera, but you realize that somebody has put the cap on the lens. It's not really picking up a whole lot of anything, so somebody's gonna have to take that off.
Alex/Jake [8:05 - 8:09]: All right, so I reach over and go, hey, Godfrey.
Gotfree [8:09 - 8:10]: Yes?
Alex/Jake [8:11 - 8:20]: If you're gonna try and look out, you should probably take the COVID off. Do I need to roll to take a roll?
Super Dwarf [8:20 - 8:20]: Yes.
Gotfree [8:20 - 8:22]: When are you gonna roll? Dexterity.
Alex/Jake [8:24 - 8:28]: As you're floating there, you kind of do this little bob and weave thing, and I just gotta.
Dallas [8:28 - 8:29]: Hold on.
Alex/Jake [8:29 - 8:31]: Let me see here. You just move.
Dallas [8:31 - 8:39]: It's going to be at your agility paired with repair, which is a one and a five.
Alex/Jake [8:39 - 8:44]: So I roll 15. That didn't go.
Dallas [8:44 - 8:47]: That's not even close. We need a six.
Houston [8:47 - 8:48]: Stop moving.
Gotfree [8:48 - 8:49]: Sounded so good.
Alex/Jake [8:50 - 8:54]: Stop moving so much, please. And I rolled a four.
Gotfree [8:54 - 8:57]: Oh, my God.
Alex/Jake [8:57 - 9:00]: For over here. He's spun himself around like.
Gotfree [9:01 - 9:03]: Where are you, Mister Wiggart?
Alex/Jake [9:03 - 9:05]: Over here. Quit moving so much.
Gotfree [9:05 - 9:07]: Well, you quit moving so much you.
Alex/Jake [9:07 - 9:11]: Can'T see where I am. You keep turning, but you got the.
Gotfree [9:11 - 9:14]: Cutest, inconsequential one of us. Hold still.
Dallas [9:15 - 9:51]: The one Jeremy, is looking visibly concerned at you, all fumbling and trying to get a lens cap off. And the synth, she is rolling her eyes. She is just not happy at the pairing of the people that has come with her on this journey. But some of the others, they seem to be thoroughly enjoying this show of an attempt to perform regular activities.
Alex/Jake [9:51 - 9:51]: Silly bro.
Dallas [9:52 - 9:52]: That is failing.
Alex/Jake [9:52 - 9:54]: Kicks are for trids.
Dallas [9:56 - 9:59]: Grumbly is laughing at you guys.
Alex/Jake [9:59 - 10:01]: What does that sound like? When grumbly laughs at us?
Dallas [10:01 - 10:04]: When grumbly laughs, it sounds.
Alex/Jake [10:09 - 10:12]: Oh, thank you. Thank you. I was very curious.
Houston [10:12 - 10:17]: How am I affiliated with you losers? Can't even get a lens cap off.
Alex/Jake [10:17 - 10:20]: Oh. Oh, you wanna show us how it's done then, do ya?
Super Dwarf [10:21 - 10:23]: Yeah, we would like to see this.
Houston [10:25 - 10:29]: I'm gonna roll for taking a Lynn's cap off. Cause apparently that's a thing we do.
Dallas [10:30 - 10:31]: Oh, boy.
Alex/Jake [10:33 - 10:35]: He rolled an 18.
Gotfree [10:35 - 10:38]: Master McKinley, hold still. I would come to.
Dallas [10:38 - 10:40]: You need to hit at least a two.
Alex/Jake [10:40 - 10:47]: Godfrey. Godfrey. Hold still too. You're all moving. Why are we doing this? Rolled a.
Dallas [10:50 - 11:05]: A little bit of your irradiated skin actually gets hung, and you pull a nail off while driving. So. Wow, this is going great.
Alex/Jake [11:05 - 11:06]: Swimmingly.
Houston [11:06 - 11:10]: Ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of our episode of Big Red Button. You know.
Alex/Jake [11:12 - 11:14]: Find out next week.
Dallas [11:14 - 11:30]: Goodbye. Like, how did our pals die? Trying to take a lens cap off. Join us next time. So Honkin is feeling sympathetic, so he picks up Godfrey.
Super Dwarf [11:30 - 11:33]: Come here, little buddy. Let me help you.
Gotfree [11:33 - 11:38]: I. I. Ooh. I'm oddly comforted by this.
Dallas [11:38 - 11:51]: So Honkins delicate hands, large sausage fingers, just deftly, like, he's picking out, like, an eyelash, reaches down and pops this lens cap off.
Alex/Jake [11:52 - 11:55]: Oh, you had to pinch the inner pieces.
Super Dwarf [11:55 - 11:58]: Oh, you never use a camera before?
Alex/Jake [11:58 - 12:02]: I've been in a vault. What would I take pictures of? The walls?
Super Dwarf [12:02 - 12:03]: Whole movie?
Alex/Jake [12:03 - 12:07]: Well, I was. I was single, so it's true.
Super Dwarf [12:07 - 12:12]: You do seem like you alone for a long time, even with people around.
Alex/Jake [12:15 - 12:17]: Called out. Yeah.
Dallas [12:17 - 12:22]: So he sets Godfrey back down and kind of pats him on top of the head. Thank you, sir.
Gotfree [12:23 - 12:23]: Thank you.
Dallas [12:23 - 12:31]: And starts moving along. Lady Grey eye eyes, you guys. And says.
Lady Grey [12:33 - 12:37]: I don't feel like we're gonna make it ten minutes out here with you three.
Alex/Jake [12:38 - 12:47]: Well, we've made it, at least. I look down at my pip boy. We've made it at least five days, thank you very much. Six, once it hits midnight.
Lady Grey [12:47 - 13:01]: So we're supposed to fight off cannibals, and you're supposed to be protecting your town, and you can't even get a lens cap off? All four of you tried and failed.
Dallas [13:01 - 13:06]: Miss. Wait. Three of you. I looked at the screen. Sorry, all three of you?
Alex/Jake [13:06 - 13:10]: You can't count now, you dummy. I thought synths were good at math.
Dallas [13:10 - 13:11]: Synths are bad at math.
Gotfree [13:11 - 13:13]: Please do not insult her.
Houston [13:13 - 13:18]: You are quite literally a computer and you can't count. Who's the idiot now?
Dallas [13:18 - 13:22]: My wifi's broken, thank you very much.
Gotfree [13:23 - 13:29]: Would you idiot shut up? She could squeeze your head in her pincer grip like a walnut.
Alex/Jake [13:29 - 13:32]: Well, that sounds kind of exciting, actually.
Gotfree [13:32 - 13:36]: Go. Oh, lord, I'm going to die. I'm going to die.
Dallas [13:36 - 13:37]: I'm a.
Lady Grey [13:39 - 13:50]: All three of you tried to take the lens cap off, and nobody could get it off. And you guys, you are going to try to take on the cannibals.
Alex/Jake [13:50 - 13:55]: Listen, we've made it this far and we haven't died yet, so.
Dallas [13:56 - 13:58]: Well, there's always today.
Houston [13:58 - 14:02]: As long as we don't encounter any cameras, I think we'll be good.
Gotfree [14:03 - 14:04]: We're golden, then.
Alex/Jake [14:04 - 14:09]: So now that Godfrey has the lens cap off, do you want to see the world now?
Dallas [14:09 - 14:15]: Yeah. You want to try to see what you can see. See with your CCTV camera.
Gotfree [14:15 - 14:17]: Am I going to roll for perception again?
Alex/Jake [14:18 - 14:22]: Rolls a 19. Oh, boy, Godfrey.
Houston [14:23 - 14:25]: He put the lens cap back on.
Gotfree [14:32 - 14:33]: What is going on here?
Alex/Jake [14:33 - 14:41]: Fine. I try to perceive. We've been walking in the dark for a while. I feel like my eyes are pretty dilated. I would like to roll for perception.
Dallas [14:42 - 14:44]: Okay, let's try this again.
Alex/Jake [14:44 - 14:46]: Oh, my gosh. Can I please do something good?
Dallas [14:46 - 14:47]: Okay.
Alex/Jake [14:47 - 14:48]: A three.
Dallas [14:48 - 14:53]: That's good. Okay, you needed an eight. Cause we're looking at perception and survival.
Alex/Jake [14:53 - 14:55]: All right, hold on. Let's see if I can get a nat one or something.
Dallas [14:55 - 14:56]: Don't roll again.
Gotfree [14:56 - 14:57]: Please. Please don't roll again.
Houston [14:58 - 14:59]: Oh, my gosh.
Alex/Jake [15:01 - 15:02]: I rolled a 20.
Gotfree [15:03 - 15:19]: Did you hear me say, please don't roll again? Please, for the love of God, don't roll again. For the love of whatever platinum chrome deity is overseeing this madness. Don't roll again.
Alex/Jake [15:21 - 15:23]: 20. Oh, no.
Dallas [15:23 - 15:32]: So you can see pretty well. And as you're walking, you look around.
Gotfree [15:32 - 15:42]: Oh, no. Master winger, watch out for that. As he trips over a root and faceplants into the dirt in front of him.
Dallas [15:42 - 15:43]: Yes.
Gotfree [15:43 - 15:46]: So did I just have a robotic, lucid dream where I took control?
Houston [15:47 - 15:48]: Was I game master?
Dallas [15:48 - 15:53]: For a moment, I felt you enter my body. Body power.
Gotfree [15:55 - 16:03]: Unlimited, oddly intimate power. Sorry. Sorry.
Alex/Jake [16:06 - 16:21]: Okay. That kind of you guys. I prop myself back up. You guys know when you accidentally, like, knock the wind out of yourself? I did that. My knees hit above my shoulders.
Houston [16:22 - 16:24]: I haven't breathed in 200 years.
Alex/Jake [16:25 - 16:28]: I don't think that's how your physiology works.
Dallas [16:29 - 16:36]: You did when you fell. Lose a health point. So you're down.
Alex/Jake [16:37 - 16:38]: You know what?
Dallas [16:38 - 16:39]: Just saying.
Alex/Jake [16:39 - 16:42]: But what do I see from down here on the ground?
Dallas [16:43 - 16:47]: You tripped over a sign that says, keep out.
Alex/Jake [16:48 - 17:01]: Hey, guys, I found. I found a thing. It says, tow peak, tau peak. Oh, it's upside down. Sorry. Hold on. Keep out. Oh. Oh, no. It says, keep out.
Super Dwarf [17:01 - 17:03]: Guys, we see the sign.
Alex/Jake [17:03 - 17:04]: Here you go.
Houston [17:04 - 17:07]: There may be some hope for the literacy rate in this country.
Alex/Jake [17:07 - 17:10]: Hey, it made sense. It would have been upside down. That's funny.
Dallas [17:12 - 17:22]: So Jeremy picks up the sign. And Jeremy then pulls out a pair of spectacles and puts them on and holds the sign out about arms.
Alex/Jake [17:22 - 17:23]: Jeremy needs reading glasses.
Dallas [17:23 - 17:25]: He's been alive for a long time.
Gotfree [17:26 - 17:28]: Jeremy, you look so distinguished.
Houston [17:28 - 17:30]: I like this Jeremy.
Dallas [17:30 - 17:33]: And as he's examining this, he tells.
Super Dwarf [17:33 - 17:36]: You, this looks like overseer handwriting.
Houston [17:36 - 17:38]: And that's the person we're looking for.
Super Dwarf [17:38 - 17:43]: I think we're on right trail. We keep going. Yes. You agree?
Alex/Jake [17:43 - 17:46]: Uh, as soon as I catch my breath. Is that okay?
Super Dwarf [17:46 - 17:53]: Yes. You know, you're okay with walking. Do you want Jeremy to carry you? Jeremy can carry you.
Alex/Jake [17:53 - 17:56]: Uh, can I ride on his shoulders kind of like when I was a kid?
Super Dwarf [17:57 - 18:00]: Yes, you are like small child. Come here.
Alex/Jake [18:01 - 18:03]: This sounds like the most fun I could have.
Dallas [18:03 - 18:16]: Yes, please. So Jeremy picks you up like a small, small child. And he puts you on his shoulder very gingerly and kind of pats you on the leg like you're a small child.
Alex/Jake [18:16 - 18:19]: Oh my gosh, guys, you look so small down there.
Super Dwarf [18:19 - 18:21]: You okay, little buddy?
Alex/Jake [18:21 - 18:24]: Yeah, I'm good up here. How tall are you, Jeremy?
Super Dwarf [18:25 - 18:29]: I only 9ft tall. Small super mutant.
Alex/Jake [18:29 - 18:33]: You're small super mu. I'm so high up here, guys. It's crazy.
Super Dwarf [18:34 - 18:35]: You be careful.
Houston [18:35 - 18:41]: Hey, Jeremy, could you like stick him in a tree or something so we can just wait, wait, so he just beat up.
Super Dwarf [18:41 - 18:46]: Might be safer if he stay in tree, Jake.
Gotfree [18:46 - 18:47]: Wouldn't we all.
Super Dwarf [18:47 - 18:49]: Would you like to be in tree?
Alex/Jake [18:49 - 18:52]: Uh, not, not in particular, no.
Houston [18:52 - 18:55]: Oh, just watch out for tree.
Super Dwarf [18:55 - 18:59]: Tree poke you and I. Ow.
Alex/Jake [18:59 - 19:01]: Hey. Yeah. Watch where you're walking. Nevermind. Can I get back down?
Super Dwarf [19:01 - 19:04]: Would you like to borrow glasses?
Dallas [19:04 - 19:13]: Jeremy pulls his glasses back out of his pocket and hands them to you. But you realize that each lens is about half the size of your head.
Alex/Jake [19:15 - 19:20]: Uh, who made these? This is huge. These are like the size of saucers.
Super Dwarf [19:21 - 19:25]: Lady Gray make those. Lady Gray take care of us.
Houston [19:25 - 19:27]: She used to work for lenscrafters.
Alex/Jake [19:27 - 19:29]: Don't know what that is.
Super Dwarf [19:29 - 19:34]: She very good at crafting lens, right? Nice.
Alex/Jake [19:34 - 19:57]: So I pull the lens really far away from my face and it looks like I'm like on the ground to Houston. It looks like I've got a little tiny peanut head. And I pull it closer. My head gets about normal size and I pull it away again like so my head looks tiny. And I pull it closer and it looks normal. I pull it away again. It looks tiny, like a little peanut head. Keep doing that.
Houston [19:57 - 20:03]: You pull the. Pull the lens away. Your head looks like what it is in reality, tiny peanut.
Super Dwarf [20:03 - 20:08]: I call you little buddy. I call you little peanut.
Alex/Jake [20:08 - 20:10]: What? No, no, no.
Houston [20:11 - 20:12]: I like you, Jeremy.
Alex/Jake [20:12 - 20:16]: No, I definitely like Jake the best. No, Jake is fine. No.
Gotfree [20:16 - 20:17]: Now little.
Houston [20:17 - 20:17]: No.
Alex/Jake [20:17 - 20:24]: Guys, guys. I was just examining the glass glasses. I didn't need a new nickname or anything.
Super Dwarf [20:24 - 20:26]: You are Jeremy's little peanuts.
Houston [20:26 - 20:28]: Ah, that's just such a great.
Super Dwarf [20:28 - 20:31]: Be careful with glasses. The only way I can read.
Houston [20:31 - 20:35]: You read there are books in this world involved?
Super Dwarf [20:35 - 20:41]: We are avid readers. Favorite author, Arthur McKinley. Great.
Alex/Jake [20:41 - 20:42]: Wait, what?
Houston [20:42 - 20:44]: Wait. No. What?
Gotfree [20:45 - 20:46]: Stop it.
Houston [20:46 - 20:46]: What?
Super Dwarf [20:46 - 20:51]: We have whole series. They're overseer read to us.
Houston [20:52 - 20:57]: They're. They're still around. What? My books are still what? I.
Alex/Jake [20:57 - 21:05]: And I gently. I gently tap the top of Jeremy's head. Jeremy. Jeremy. Do you know who that is right there?
Super Dwarf [21:05 - 21:06]: Who? Him?
Alex/Jake [21:06 - 21:09]: Yeah. No, the leathery one.
Super Dwarf [21:10 - 21:12]: Uh, he ghoul. He's a ghoul.
Alex/Jake [21:12 - 21:18]: That's, uh, Houston McKinley, the New York Post best selling author.
Super Dwarf [21:18 - 21:19]: No.
Houston [21:19 - 21:21]: Yeah, yeah, that's me.
Super Dwarf [21:21 - 21:22]: No way.
Houston [21:22 - 21:23]: That's me.
Super Dwarf [21:23 - 21:36]: In big honor, sir. Big honor. Little honor. You smaller than me, but my heart. Very big, enlarged, filled with happiness.
Houston [21:36 - 21:48]: I mean, I'm just. I'm just happy that someone finally out there appreciates my work. Like death. Like homicide on the euphrates.
Alex/Jake [21:49 - 21:49]: Just.
Houston [21:51 - 21:52]: That was one of my favorites.
Alex/Jake [21:53 - 21:54]: It was one of my favorites too.
Dallas [21:55 - 22:00]: Jeremy almost drops his little peanut as he reaches down.
Houston [22:01 - 22:02]: Hey.
Dallas [22:02 - 22:11]: And grabs Houston's hand and shakes him vigorously, almost pulling it out of his socket. I'm gonna actually need Houston to make a roll.
Alex/Jake [22:11 - 22:22]: Meanwhile, he's only got one. One hand on one leg. So I'm just flailing on his back with upside down. I think I'm losing blood flow.
Dallas [22:22 - 22:23]: Like this.
Houston [22:23 - 22:27]: Hey, buddy. This skin is basically beef jerky. Be careful.
Super Dwarf [22:27 - 22:30]: It's big honor, sir. Big, big honor.
Houston [22:30 - 22:32]: Well, the honor is all mine.
Dallas [22:33 - 22:47]: I'm going to need Houston to make a strength and survival check. So you got a five in strength and a zero in survival. So you're gonna need to roll. Roll at least a five.
Houston [22:47 - 22:49]: Rolling, rolling, rolling.
Gotfree [22:50 - 22:51]: Oh, hey.
Alex/Jake [22:53 - 22:53]: Okay.
Gotfree [22:53 - 22:57]: Tides and chance have turned, okay?
Alex/Jake [22:57 - 23:01]: So if you learned anything from me, maybe don't roll the second one.
Dallas [23:02 - 23:05]: No, you gotta roll the second, second one. It's part of the deal.
Alex/Jake [23:05 - 23:06]: You have to roll the second one.
Gotfree [23:06 - 23:07]: What?
Houston [23:07 - 23:16]: Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling. Big money, big money, big money. Actually, little money. This is golfer.
Alex/Jake [23:17 - 23:19]: You got a two and a three. Oh, my gosh.
Dallas [23:19 - 23:38]: So, as. As Jeremy is shaking Houston's hand and it is pulling Houston off of the ground, his leathery skin remains intact. And luckily, his over 200 years of being alive. Has just made his body used to this kind of wear and tear.
Houston [23:38 - 23:46]: I don't know where my body begins and the scars end. It's just. It's just all leather.
Super Dwarf [23:46 - 23:52]: It's okay. I need to know how series end, though. You wrote more, right?
Houston [23:52 - 23:56]: Yeah, yeah. But I never got to the finale.
Dallas [23:57 - 24:12]: All of the super mutants have gathered around, and they look like children at Christmas waiting for you to answer. And then the light just goes out as you told them that you never finished the series, and they look just so sad.
Houston [24:13 - 24:39]: Look. Look. You see? You see? I. You know, when I got done with homicide on the euphrates, and then. And then the larceny on the chinese quick Mart, it was just, you know, one thing after another. There was gonna be a movie deal on this one that took up all of my time and took out all of my time. And then the bombs dropped.
Gotfree [24:40 - 24:46]: You interpreted express as, like, a convenience store name, not a train, instead of.
Alex/Jake [24:47 - 24:49]: The chinese Amtrak or something.
Gotfree [24:49 - 24:52]: I just feel like we can't gossip with that.
Dallas [24:52 - 24:56]: I had a moment where I. I was like, I don't know. Maybe I just don't know what book he's talking about.
Super Dwarf [24:59 - 25:05]: But you have 200 years. You. You write more books after bombs drop. You have time.
Alex/Jake [25:05 - 25:05]: Look.
Dallas [25:05 - 25:06]: Look.
Super Dwarf [25:06 - 25:08]: You survive bombs.
Alex/Jake [25:09 - 25:14]: The little tiny voice crack in Jeremy's voice there. It was so good.
Houston [25:14 - 25:27]: Look, for the first 50 years, my hands were literally on fire. I couldn't even hold a pen. Like, I was just catatonic for, like, 50 years. Is that how that works?
Gotfree [25:27 - 25:36]: No hands were on fire for 50 years. Yes, sir. You do realize that water extinguishes fires?
Houston [25:36 - 25:41]: I don't know if you know this, Godfrey, but the water is irradiated. It just made it worse.
Gotfree [25:42 - 25:51]: I feel like the anti combustible gold qualities of water are irrelevant to its current radiation status.
Alex/Jake [25:51 - 25:57]: I think he's being hyperbolic, guys. I think it's. It's a metaphor or something, right?
Houston [25:57 - 26:15]: I was using artistic liberties here. I just. My hands weren't working because literally things were exploding around me, and I was in a lot of pain. Do you think I get like this without experiencing excruciating. Paid for a very, very, very long time?
Gotfree [26:16 - 26:18]: Master Winger. Is he being figurative again?
Alex/Jake [26:18 - 26:20]: No, I think that one was literal.
Gotfree [26:20 - 26:25]: The actual explosion. Felt his life just crumbling in the socioeconomic state.
Houston [26:25 - 26:26]: Well, that happened too.
Alex/Jake [26:26 - 26:31]: Yeah, when he met us, that's when everything implored.
Gotfree [26:31 - 26:34]: No, I would like to think that that's when life turned around for him.
Alex/Jake [26:34 - 26:35]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Houston [26:35 - 26:43]: You know, I thrived in an apocalyptic wasteland for 200 years. And then things fell apart right as I met you losers.
Gotfree [26:44 - 26:46]: That seems a bit harsh now.
Dallas [26:46 - 26:47]: Just a touch.
Gotfree [26:47 - 26:56]: I know I upgraded medic kit here recently, but I don't have any burn ointment, so if you could just slow down, Master McKinley, please.
Alex/Jake [26:56 - 26:58]: This is the best. This is the best.
Houston [26:58 - 27:04]: I like roasting people because I have been roasting for a very long time.
Gotfree [27:04 - 27:07]: Again, master winger. Figurative or literal?
Alex/Jake [27:07 - 27:08]: Figurative.
Gotfree [27:08 - 27:12]: Yeah. I mean, look at the statue. Well, we'll get into it.
Houston [27:12 - 27:13]: Figurative. Slightly literal.
Dallas [27:14 - 27:18]: So Jeremy looks down and looks. He looks sad as he flexes his hands.
Super Dwarf [27:18 - 27:23]: So sloppy. He write poetry all the time.
Houston [27:23 - 27:24]: Really?
Super Dwarf [27:24 - 27:29]: And him have large, large super mutant hands.
Gotfree [27:29 - 27:35]: So you want to talk culture? Poetry, you say?
Super Dwarf [27:36 - 27:38]: Yes. Sloppy. Right. Poetry.
Gotfree [27:38 - 27:41]: I need one right now.
Houston [27:41 - 27:42]: I need.
Gotfree [27:43 - 27:45]: I need.
Super Dwarf [27:45 - 27:46]: Sloppy. Not with us.
Alex/Jake [27:46 - 27:50]: You are a cruel man. You are so cruel.
Super Dwarf [27:50 - 28:02]: Sloppy. Sloppy. Go to your friend. Sloppy, conveniently, has gone with other groups.
Gotfree [28:03 - 28:08]: Well, obviously Sloppy must have recited them around the campfire.
Super Dwarf [28:08 - 28:12]: Sloppy write them. Sloppy, don't recite them.
Alex/Jake [28:12 - 28:16]: Yeah, Jeremy, what kind of friend would you be if you didn't have a couple of them memorized?
Dallas [28:16 - 28:16]: What?
Gotfree [28:16 - 28:24]: What was that campfire and all of those benches built for if not for reciting poetry? Well, Jeremy, surely one of them has stuck with you.
Alex/Jake [28:24 - 28:41]: No, this is cruel, William. This is so cruel. You're like. He has to use the voice to read something. Do a little sparkle transition. And now a dramatic reading from the collected sayings of Sloppy.
Dallas [28:42 - 28:45]: So Jeremy pulls out a note.
Super Dwarf [28:45 - 28:50]: Unfold little peanut hammy. Spectacles.
Alex/Jake [28:50 - 28:57]: Okay, so I slowly take the two saucer sized spectacles, hand them over the top.
Super Dwarf [29:02 - 29:53]: My hand, its spark startled cry. A flicker blue that paint sky fear and wondered. A tangled thread. Am I monster or something? Ahead, the mirrors show a stranger's face. A glint of power, a hidden grace. The world unchanged and yet renew. A mutant born misunderstood. The path unknown. A world to face. But in my heart I find my place. A mutant's dawn. A brand new start do light the way a different art.
Houston [29:55 - 29:59]: I really gotta finish that last book, Jeremy.
Dallas [30:00 - 30:06]: The other mutants are visibly sobbing as Jeremy finishes this.
Houston [30:06 - 30:18]: As a fellow slightly, you know, radiated human, like my. Like yourself. I understand your pain. And I really, really gotta finish that last book.
Alex/Jake [30:18 - 30:20]: Hey, Jeremy. Jeremy, do you have a kleenex?
Dallas [30:20 - 30:30]: Honkin nods his head and picks up Houston and hugs him tightly. And lost in the moment.
Houston [30:30 - 30:30]: Oh, my.
Dallas [30:31 - 30:39]: Blows his nose on Houston's shot.
Super Dwarf [30:39 - 30:48]: I understand pain. Houston, little man. I understand pain. Sloppy speak for all.
Houston [30:48 - 30:49]: No one knows.
Super Dwarf [30:49 - 30:51]: Sloppy speak for all.
Houston [30:51 - 30:59]: No one understands us. We're seen as monsters. Monsters.
Super Dwarf [30:59 - 31:03]: We're monsters on outside, but we soft on inside.
Alex/Jake [31:05 - 31:09]: They're having a cry fest over here, and I am losing it.
Houston [31:11 - 31:20]: Do you guys know how much therapy I need after 200 years of this wasteland? 200 years of therapy?
Alex/Jake [31:20 - 31:30]: Your emotional outburst sent me. I've said it before. And you told me to shut up. Look, apparently you just need to write poetry. Houston, it was beautiful. That was beautiful, Jeremy.
Houston [31:30 - 31:34]: Look, you still need to shut up. I'm talking to the mutants here, winger.
Gotfree [31:34 - 31:44]: It was. It was. It was transcendent. Thank you. Thank you. The glimmers of culture, humanity, bearing your emotions.
Houston [31:52 - 31:53]: It's the non humans.
Dallas [31:54 - 32:19]: The synth lady Gray looks like she is trying so hard to be sympathetic, but also not explode with exasperation with what she sees right now. So she puts a gentle hand on honkins. I was trying to think of how tall he would be. So she kind of pats honkins hand.
Lady Grey [32:20 - 32:24]: So if you are done having your moment.
Alex/Jake [32:24 - 32:26]: I think so, yeah.
Lady Grey [32:26 - 32:42]: We have things to do. And we have made so much. If there's anything out here, there's no way it's not hurt us. So can we please, please move on?
Alex/Jake [32:42 - 32:44]: Okay, fine.
Houston [32:44 - 32:45]: Fine.
Alex/Jake [32:45 - 32:47]: I thought women liked soft, sensitive men.
Super Dwarf [32:47 - 32:50]: I. Sorry, lady gray. I. Sorry.
Alex/Jake [32:51 - 33:00]: Fine. We can get on the road. We're just bonding, okay? Bonding. Houston, write the last book, dammit. Wanted to know my whole life.
Gotfree [33:00 - 33:05]: All right, wait, wait, wait. No, hold up. Stop.
Alex/Jake [33:05 - 33:06]: What? What is it?
Gotfree [33:06 - 33:08]: What is it? I've lost my lens cap.
Houston [33:10 - 33:19]: I think. Buddy, buddy, I think. I think we should just. I think we should just leave it. Because if we put it back on, it may not come back off.
Gotfree [33:19 - 33:20]: Wait, this.
Houston [33:20 - 33:20]: This.
Gotfree [33:22 - 33:26]: What if I. This glass is delicate. What if I get a scratch?
Houston [33:26 - 33:38]: Now, the question is, Dallas, is his lens cap, is his camera, like a Polaroid? Like, is he able to, like, print off whatever it is that he sees.
Dallas [33:38 - 33:46]: Or it is not. But I kind of wish that's what I had made it before. It is more like an old timey movie camera that is.
Houston [33:48 - 33:51]: Is there film attached or is it just a camera?
Dallas [33:51 - 34:00]: It's just a camera. He's getting real time right now. He has no. He doesn't have film in it. If he. If he could, we don't know. He doesn't have any in it right now.
Alex/Jake [34:00 - 34:02]: But it's directly just wired to his circuit.
Dallas [34:02 - 34:09]: Yeah, it is, like, bolted into his eye stock. Godfrey, are you gonna look for. Do you want to look for the cap?
Gotfree [34:10 - 34:14]: Yes, of course. Okay. Why do you think I.
Houston [34:14 - 34:14]: Hold.
Gotfree [34:14 - 34:18]: I entered the entire processional here. I would like to find the lens. Captain.
Dallas [34:18 - 34:31]: It is jarring sometimes when you directly talk to the game master, but also, I love it. So I'm gonna need a roll from everyone.
Houston [34:31 - 34:32]: Ew.
Alex/Jake [34:32 - 34:33]: From everyone.
Dallas [34:33 - 34:41]: From everyone. Cause you're all looking for this. We're invested. Except lady Grace. She has scouted out ahead. She's done Jeremy.
Alex/Jake [34:41 - 34:44]: Jeremy, can you put me down, please? I need to help find the lips.
Houston [34:44 - 34:45]: Yeah, put the peanut. Peanut.
Dallas [34:46 - 34:56]: So Jeremy grabs you, and all of the super mutants are kind of on their tiptoes, looking after the son of.
Gotfree [34:56 - 34:58]: A one eyed photoreceptor. 17.
Alex/Jake [34:59 - 35:01]: You rolled it. 18.
Gotfree [35:01 - 35:07]: I give up. I might as well listen. I might as well power down right now and hitch myself to the.
Alex/Jake [35:07 - 35:14]: I rolled the three. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Turn around again. Godfrey. Godfrey.
Super Dwarf [35:14 - 35:16]: Little Pina, do you see something?
Alex/Jake [35:16 - 35:22]: Godfrey, what? What is in your pincer right now? Turn around.
Gotfree [35:22 - 35:24]: What do you mean, what is in my pin?
Alex/Jake [35:24 - 35:25]: Turn your body around.
Gotfree [35:26 - 35:27]: Oh.
Alex/Jake [35:27 - 35:28]: Uh huh.
Houston [35:29 - 35:30]: Sorry.
Gotfree [35:30 - 35:32]: Yeah, carry on, everyone.
Dallas [35:33 - 35:38]: Also need everybody to continue to roll your perceptions, all right?
Alex/Jake [35:38 - 35:39]: Again. Oh, no.
Gotfree [35:40 - 35:50]: Yeah, I got a 17 and an 18. All right, I'm to the point now where I need to power down and hitch myself to one of these mutants and simply be drugged through the detritus. The ground.
Houston [35:50 - 35:52]: Big money, big money, big money.
Alex/Jake [35:52 - 35:56]: 1010. I don't. What does he have to.
Gotfree [35:57 - 35:58]: Oh, my.
Houston [35:58 - 35:59]: Big money, big money, big money.
Dallas [35:59 - 36:02]: Oh, a four closer.
Alex/Jake [36:02 - 36:03]: All right.
Dallas [36:03 - 36:05]: Jake, you didn't finish your rolls for.
Alex/Jake [36:05 - 36:12]: You, I did not. No. Here we go. Okay, I got a. Oh, hey. Got a four.
Dallas [36:12 - 36:21]: So whilst looking for the lens cap, you notice on the ground, an impression, sort of footprint.
Gotfree [36:21 - 36:23]: The dirt of Christopher Wilkin.
Dallas [36:24 - 36:29]: Sorry, I noticed an impression on the ground.
Alex/Jake [36:30 - 36:45]: Uh, so I kind of cocked my head to one side and then the other. Hey, guys. Hey, Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy, come back over here. And I start waving over my shoulder as I'm looking down at the ground. Jeremy, come over here for a second. Could you?
Dallas [36:45 - 36:46]: Stomp, stomp, stomp.
Alex/Jake [36:46 - 36:53]: Hey, can you stick your foot just, like, keep 1ft up in the air for a second and hover next to this spot right here?
Super Dwarf [36:54 - 36:54]: Like this?
Alex/Jake [36:54 - 37:11]: Yeah. Okay. Huh. You guys see the difference in the size of these prints here? They look different, right? Right. House, what? Do they look different? I don't. I can't.
Dallas [37:11 - 37:15]: I was waiting for somebody to speak up, so you hang on.
Gotfree [37:15 - 37:18]: Sorry, I put the lens cap on. Godfrey.
Dallas [37:18 - 37:21]: Godfrey, everybody roll. No, I'm just.
Houston [37:21 - 37:22]: Put it back.
Alex/Jake [37:24 - 37:31]: Godfrey, now that you know how it works, pinch the interior piece and put that in your bin. Put that inside you.
Gotfree [37:31 - 37:35]: Yes, fine. I'll put. I'll come back for you later.
Dallas [37:35 - 37:36]: Okay.
Gotfree [37:36 - 37:37]: Sorry.
Super Dwarf [37:37 - 37:40]: What was that inside you? Is that a little action figure?
Gotfree [37:40 - 37:41]: Nothing.
Super Dwarf [37:41 - 37:44]: I look like a little nothing. Okay.
Gotfree [37:45 - 37:49]: Nothing. It's my little peanut. Okay, carry on.
Dallas [37:49 - 37:50]: Oh, boy.
Alex/Jake [37:54 - 38:00]: Hey. Hey, Godfrey, generally, in the real world, we're not allowed to show our little peanut.
Gotfree [38:03 - 38:13]: Jeremy's been flashing his to every tree that we've passed through the last 20 minutes. So you obviously, your little pe. What are you referring to?
Alex/Jake [38:13 - 38:15]: Nothing. Nothing.
Gotfree [38:15 - 38:15]: Nothing.
Dallas [38:15 - 38:24]: Well, all right, I'm gonna need a roll from. We'll say Jake first. Jake, I need a roll from you.
Gotfree [38:24 - 38:27]: From Jake bloused, please set the dice back down.
Dallas [38:27 - 38:32]: And we're going to be using intelligence and science.
Alex/Jake [38:32 - 38:41]: Okay, so for intelligence, I have a seven. And I have. What was the other one that you needed? Science.
Dallas [38:42 - 38:43]: Science is two.
Alex/Jake [38:43 - 38:53]: Yep, two. All right, so intelligence, I have a seven. Science, I have a two. That means I need a nine or higher. All right, here we go. Rolling a.
Gotfree [38:54 - 38:55]: Oh.
Alex/Jake [38:55 - 38:55]: Got a six.
Dallas [38:55 - 38:58]: Tada. You did it.
Alex/Jake [38:58 - 38:58]: All right.
Dallas [38:58 - 39:00]: Got a six. Yeah.
Alex/Jake [39:00 - 39:01]: What did I do?
Dallas [39:03 - 39:25]: You use your knowledge of the local fan flora and fauna, and you realize that there are three toes in this footprint. That very large, comparable to Jeremy's foot. But this looks a little more almost lizard like, almost dinosaur like.
Alex/Jake [39:25 - 39:46]: Uh, hold on, wait a second. This footprint. So, Jeremy, your foot has 12345 toes. And it's big, but your foot looks like. Like a tiny foothold on one, two, three toes.
Gotfree [39:47 - 39:50]: Ew. Tried actual.
Alex/Jake [39:50 - 39:52]: I'm, uh.
Gotfree [39:53 - 39:54]: Wait, is this.
Alex/Jake [39:54 - 40:00]: No. Guys? Guys? Oh, no. Uh, guys? Guys?
Houston [40:00 - 40:01]: Oh, no.
Dallas [40:01 - 40:02]: Oh, no.
Alex/Jake [40:02 - 40:03]: Oh.
Lady Grey [40:04 - 40:06]: Mother of the institute.
Alex/Jake [40:06 - 40:10]: I think it's a deathclaw nest.
Gotfree [40:10 - 40:12]: Is that supposed to mean something?
Dallas [40:12 - 40:14]: We'll find out next time.
Alex/Jake [40:14 - 40:15]: What? What?
Dallas [40:16 - 40:19]: Next episode wait, wait, what? Red button.
Gotfree [40:19 - 40:26]: What? I was just beginning to perceive the cortisol levels of everyone in this group rising. Should I be afraid?
Alex/Jake [40:27 - 40:27]: Yes.
Gotfree [40:28 - 40:36]: Should I be? Hang on, let me take the Godfrey off. Like, should I be afraid? Yes, I should be afraid.
Super Dwarf [40:36 - 40:38]: Be very, very afraid.
Gotfree [40:38 - 40:44]: Oh, no, no. I'm back in Godfrey again. Cause it's phasing in and out of dimensions is. It's taxing on the system.
Houston [40:44 - 40:47]: Dallas, you magnificent illegitimate love child.
Alex/Jake [40:48 - 41:13]: I'm not gonna. I mean, look, if we're ending it here. Yeah. Deathclaws are not. Let's. Let's just break down the. The taxonomy of the name here. So, deathclaw comes from death and claw. Death meaning. Oh, crap, you're dead. And claw meaning, oh, crap, I died by being clawed to death, so, yeah, we should be scared.
Houston [41:13 - 41:14]: Linguist. You are not.
Gotfree [41:14 - 41:21]: Well, listen, I didn't know. I didn't know if this was, like, somebody naming their chihuahua deathclaw. Like, sure, yeah, the name is a.
Alex/Jake [41:21 - 41:31]: Little scary, but I'm not gonna give spoilers for next time. But the name is kind of a Dallas spoiler.
Houston [41:31 - 41:37]: Can we roll? And, like, we actually find out, like, if we get a good roll, we actually find out that it's a chihuahua.
Dallas [41:37 - 41:38]: I wish.
Gotfree [41:40 - 42:02]: No, we listen. We lost a lens cap at a celebrity meet and greet poetry slam session, and we lost the lens cap again and found a footprint. I don't think Dallas is going to keep everything.
Dallas [42:02 - 42:04]: What a rollercoaster of an egg.
Alex/Jake [42:04 - 42:09]: He's like, I didn't even get through, like, the first three boats. Bullet points of my notes for tonight.
Dallas [42:10 - 42:11]: But you're not wrong.
Alex/Jake [42:13 - 42:43]: Well, if you have enjoyed this kind of chaos, I guarantee you we have more of that in store for you. We are one of three shows as part of the Grapefruit network. We have, obviously, the big red button. That's what you've been listening to. But we also have a doctor and a lawyer walk into a bar, which is our pop culture chat show meets game night meets bar chat. It is a blast. So come check us out over there at doctorandlawyer show. And then we also have Potter.
Gotfree [42:43 - 42:48]: Plus, if you love this neurotic british robot, do we have a show for you.
Alex/Jake [42:48 - 43:10]: Oh, boy. Do we have a Williams helmed show all about Harry Potter, which is breaking down the HBO show that's going to be coming out and all of his fan theories around that and the surrounding Potter fandom. It's good stuff. Go give that a check. Check. Go give that a listen, please.
Gotfree [43:11 - 43:17]: Yes, the check, preferably that I can cash at any of the local financial institutions in the United States. Thank you.
Alex/Jake [43:17 - 43:44]: If you've enjoyed what you've heard here, like, Godfrey kind of broke the fourth wall in the beginning. We have some great listeners already, but only 48% of you, you are currently following us, so we would love to get that number at least, I don't know, 49, 50%. That would be cool. No, but in all sincerity, thank you all so much for listening and supporting the show. We're just eternally grateful for all of the outpouring of appreciation so far.
Dallas [43:45 - 43:45]: Yeah, it's been really cool.
Alex/Jake [43:45 - 44:09]: Andre T. Over on Podchaser said that he recently found us when he ran out of few podcasts that he normally listens to. I'm assuming those are his better podcasts. But he said that this is what it must feel like to listen to a serial radio show before tv in the forties, and he's loving what we're doing over here. Andre, thank you so much for the review and checking us out.
Gotfree [44:09 - 44:10]: Thank you, Andre.
Dallas [44:10 - 44:11]: Thanks, man.
Gotfree [44:11 - 44:11]: Yeah.
Alex/Jake [44:11 - 44:35]: If you all want to share your thoughts with us, please give us five stars. Leave your thoughts. And we're so, so very thankful for the large outpouring that we've gotten so far. And we're looking forward. I'm looking forward to the next episode, but I'm also terrified of the next episode. So with that, I'm Jake, and I think I peed a little.
Gotfree [44:35 - 44:38]: I'm Godfrey, and I am unable to urinate.
Houston [44:38 - 44:44]: I am the Indiana Express best selling author, Houston Jeremy.
Super Dwarf [44:44 - 44:46]: Little peanut. Peanut me a little bit.
Alex/Jake [44:48 - 44:53]: And we will see you all next time on the big red button. Bye.
Alex/Jake [0:25 - 0:25]: You.
Super Dwarf [0:26 - 0:28]: Shouldn'T leave your shelter until officials say so.
Alex/Jake [0:32 - 0:45]: This is the emergency broadcast system. This is not a test. Repeat. This is not a test. Citizens are advised to take the following steps. Stay alert to news media events or local emergency alert notifications.
Gotfree [1:01 - 1:17]: It has been brought to my attention that only 48% of our listeners are actually following the show. If you could be so kind, maybe elevate that to, I don't know, 49, 50? Higher, even. I would greatly appreciate it. Anyways, there you go, Godfrey.
Houston [1:17 - 1:18]: Good job. Good job.
Gotfree [1:18 - 1:20]: Previously. Hold the big red button.
Alex/Jake [1:20 - 1:25]: Hello, my big friends. I am Jake.
Gotfree [1:26 - 1:33]: I retract all three eyestalks and all three arms in vicarious embarrassment into my personage.
Alex/Jake [1:33 - 1:39]: And we are not dinner, me friend.
Houston [1:40 - 1:42]: If he gets eaten, I'm gonna laugh.
Super Dwarf [1:42 - 1:49]: Lady Ingray. Why he talk weird? Is man dumb? Me talk slow for you.
Alex/Jake [1:49 - 1:51]: Can you help us find a fusion core?
Super Dwarf [1:51 - 2:03]: Maybe help me introduce brothers. Me, honky, grumbly, munchy, snorty, Jeremy, sloppy stop.
Lady Grey [2:07 - 2:18]: I will cut you loose. But as you can see, I have seven super mutants here who will hunt you down and kill you. If you try to tell somebody where I am, we may know where you can get a fusion core.
Super Dwarf [2:18 - 2:34]: We are from vault 57. Overseer. Good man. Overseer. Fight scientists. Overseer. Nikolai Kloszinski. As many, many fusion corps vault is to the north. You can check.
Alex/Jake [2:34 - 2:46]: I would love to see if your brothers would be willing to go down and help guard Carl while we head up to your old vault. Would you all be willing to split up for a bit?
Super Dwarf [2:46 - 2:47]: We help Carl.
Alex/Jake [2:47 - 2:47]: Yes.
Super Dwarf [2:48 - 2:51]: We agree. We agree. We help Carl.
Alex/Jake [2:51 - 2:51]: Yeah.
Super Dwarf [2:52 - 2:55]: Some go with Carl, some stay behind.
Lady Grey [2:55 - 3:04]: We're heading to vault 57. We're gonna hurry up, get in, get out, be done. And come home as soon as possible, because I need all my boys back together.
Alex/Jake [3:07 - 3:23]: Well, welcome back for another adventure on the Big Red Button podcast. You've got your regular group of the stragglers and overseer. Dallas, what do you have in store for us this? Good evening, good sir.
Dallas [3:24 - 3:35]: So, what we have this evening is a little continuation of what happened last time. So last time. Shocking, right?
Gotfree [3:35 - 3:35]: Really?
Dallas [3:35 - 3:39]: No severe jumps in the timeline here.
Gotfree [3:39 - 3:43]: So, all of these notes that I've planned for the flashback, I need to go ahead and file away.
Houston [3:43 - 3:45]: Oh, thank God this is not a Christopher Nolan movie.
Dallas [3:45 - 3:47]: Yes. Put those back in your hatch.
Alex/Jake [3:48 - 3:58]: Did no one listen to the last two minutes of the show that I just played for us all? That gave us the whole flashback. That's where we're at. No. Okay.
Dallas [3:58 - 3:58]: No.
Alex/Jake [3:58 - 4:00]: Just rude. Just rude.
Houston [4:00 - 4:02]: That's not how editing works.
Dallas [4:02 - 4:08]: For those of you that like to start your podcast two minutes early or later than when they actually start.
Houston [4:10 - 4:11]: Guilty.
Dallas [4:11 - 4:49]: You guys are walking, and the party has split in half. Your party has not. But the seven super mutants that you had met had split off. Half are headed back to go talk to our friend Carl, defend him, perhaps because he is alone out there, and there are some crazy hungry cannibals that may or may not be heading his direction. And the rest of them are headed with you guys, along with Miss Lady Gray.
Alex/Jake [4:49 - 4:55]: Thank goodness she's with us and on our side, because we've seen what she's capable of.
Dallas [4:55 - 5:09]: It was touch and go there for a second as some people were trying to hit on her. She did build Godfrey a new eye out of a vintage camera to which.
Gotfree [5:09 - 5:20]: I am very appreciative of. The quality of this glass is super superb. You just don't find glass like this anymore. Been delightful.
Dallas [5:21 - 5:30]: It does have an added feature of low light vision, but the drawback is it does kind of cast like a red light.
Alex/Jake [5:30 - 5:31]: Oh, no.
Gotfree [5:31 - 5:35]: But have you seen how wide my aperture gets?
Dallas [5:36 - 5:38]: Normally, I don't think we're allowed to talk about that.
Alex/Jake [5:38 - 5:46]: Yeah, I was gonna say normally, I cover that, so. Hey, Godfrey, most people don't talk about our apertures.
Gotfree [5:46 - 5:48]: That's not an aperture, Keisha.
Alex/Jake [5:48 - 5:51]: It's a valve cross reference.
Dallas [5:52 - 6:04]: Three of the super mutants have traveled with you. Grumbly Honkin and Jeremy have traveled north along with lady Gray.
Houston [6:04 - 6:05]: Jeremy. Jeremy.
Dallas [6:06 - 6:10]: To go find their old overseer, because he.
Alex/Jake [6:10 - 6:13]: Mister Klozinski. Got it. Yeah.
Dallas [6:13 - 6:24]: Mister Klezenski is out there still, and he may be able to help you. You guys are on your journey, your quest, perhaps, to find him.
Alex/Jake [6:24 - 6:28]: All right. Hopefully, he doesn't slay us.
Dallas [6:28 - 6:32]: Hopefully not. That would be unfortunate.
Houston [6:32 - 6:35]: It will be surely a violent night indeed.
Dallas [6:37 - 6:42]: You guys are walking in the woods. You have not come across anything yet.
Gotfree [6:42 - 6:44]: I'm. I'm hovering.
Dallas [6:44 - 7:18]: Uh, some of you are hovering, trying to be quiet, because there have run into mongrels, uh, mutated, uh, animals that have almost taken you down. You've run into cultists out here that may still be lurking about as well. Uh, but you do feel more confident having three super mutants and a synth who has held her own in a fight already in this party as well. Is there anything you guys would like to do or talk about? As you guys are rolling?
Gotfree [7:19 - 7:25]: I would like to put this new aperture and low light sensitivity to the text. Okay, what do I perceive?
Dallas [7:25 - 7:29]: Okay, let's do some rolling while we're.
Gotfree [7:29 - 7:32]: Ooh, can I roll? Get a first roll of the night. Roll for perception.
Alex/Jake [7:33 - 7:38]: Roll first roll. Can we start that as a thing? Like an ongoing thing, like burst roll? No, absolutely.
Dallas [7:38 - 7:40]: Yeah, we can do whatever we want.
Gotfree [7:41 - 7:45]: Ooh, no rolling again. Rolled a sick.
Dallas [7:47 - 8:04]: So you kick on your new low light camera, but you realize that somebody has put the cap on the lens. It's not really picking up a whole lot of anything, so somebody's gonna have to take that off.
Alex/Jake [8:05 - 8:09]: All right, so I reach over and go, hey, Godfrey.
Gotfree [8:09 - 8:10]: Yes?
Alex/Jake [8:11 - 8:20]: If you're gonna try and look out, you should probably take the COVID off. Do I need to roll to take a roll?
Super Dwarf [8:20 - 8:20]: Yes.
Gotfree [8:20 - 8:22]: When are you gonna roll? Dexterity.
Alex/Jake [8:24 - 8:28]: As you're floating there, you kind of do this little bob and weave thing, and I just gotta.
Dallas [8:28 - 8:29]: Hold on.
Alex/Jake [8:29 - 8:31]: Let me see here. You just move.
Dallas [8:31 - 8:39]: It's going to be at your agility paired with repair, which is a one and a five.
Alex/Jake [8:39 - 8:44]: So I roll 15. That didn't go.
Dallas [8:44 - 8:47]: That's not even close. We need a six.
Houston [8:47 - 8:48]: Stop moving.
Gotfree [8:48 - 8:49]: Sounded so good.
Alex/Jake [8:50 - 8:54]: Stop moving so much, please. And I rolled a four.
Gotfree [8:54 - 8:57]: Oh, my God.
Alex/Jake [8:57 - 9:00]: For over here. He's spun himself around like.
Gotfree [9:01 - 9:03]: Where are you, Mister Wiggart?
Alex/Jake [9:03 - 9:05]: Over here. Quit moving so much.
Gotfree [9:05 - 9:07]: Well, you quit moving so much you.
Alex/Jake [9:07 - 9:11]: Can'T see where I am. You keep turning, but you got the.
Gotfree [9:11 - 9:14]: Cutest, inconsequential one of us. Hold still.
Dallas [9:15 - 9:51]: The one Jeremy, is looking visibly concerned at you, all fumbling and trying to get a lens cap off. And the synth, she is rolling her eyes. She is just not happy at the pairing of the people that has come with her on this journey. But some of the others, they seem to be thoroughly enjoying this show of an attempt to perform regular activities.
Alex/Jake [9:51 - 9:51]: Silly bro.
Dallas [9:52 - 9:52]: That is failing.
Alex/Jake [9:52 - 9:54]: Kicks are for trids.
Dallas [9:56 - 9:59]: Grumbly is laughing at you guys.
Alex/Jake [9:59 - 10:01]: What does that sound like? When grumbly laughs at us?
Dallas [10:01 - 10:04]: When grumbly laughs, it sounds.
Alex/Jake [10:09 - 10:12]: Oh, thank you. Thank you. I was very curious.
Houston [10:12 - 10:17]: How am I affiliated with you losers? Can't even get a lens cap off.
Alex/Jake [10:17 - 10:20]: Oh. Oh, you wanna show us how it's done then, do ya?
Super Dwarf [10:21 - 10:23]: Yeah, we would like to see this.
Houston [10:25 - 10:29]: I'm gonna roll for taking a Lynn's cap off. Cause apparently that's a thing we do.
Dallas [10:30 - 10:31]: Oh, boy.
Alex/Jake [10:33 - 10:35]: He rolled an 18.
Gotfree [10:35 - 10:38]: Master McKinley, hold still. I would come to.
Dallas [10:38 - 10:40]: You need to hit at least a two.
Alex/Jake [10:40 - 10:47]: Godfrey. Godfrey. Hold still too. You're all moving. Why are we doing this? Rolled a.
Dallas [10:50 - 11:05]: A little bit of your irradiated skin actually gets hung, and you pull a nail off while driving. So. Wow, this is going great.
Alex/Jake [11:05 - 11:06]: Swimmingly.
Houston [11:06 - 11:10]: Ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of our episode of Big Red Button. You know.
Alex/Jake [11:12 - 11:14]: Find out next week.
Dallas [11:14 - 11:30]: Goodbye. Like, how did our pals die? Trying to take a lens cap off. Join us next time. So Honkin is feeling sympathetic, so he picks up Godfrey.
Super Dwarf [11:30 - 11:33]: Come here, little buddy. Let me help you.
Gotfree [11:33 - 11:38]: I. I. Ooh. I'm oddly comforted by this.
Dallas [11:38 - 11:51]: So Honkins delicate hands, large sausage fingers, just deftly, like, he's picking out, like, an eyelash, reaches down and pops this lens cap off.
Alex/Jake [11:52 - 11:55]: Oh, you had to pinch the inner pieces.
Super Dwarf [11:55 - 11:58]: Oh, you never use a camera before?
Alex/Jake [11:58 - 12:02]: I've been in a vault. What would I take pictures of? The walls?
Super Dwarf [12:02 - 12:03]: Whole movie?
Alex/Jake [12:03 - 12:07]: Well, I was. I was single, so it's true.
Super Dwarf [12:07 - 12:12]: You do seem like you alone for a long time, even with people around.
Alex/Jake [12:15 - 12:17]: Called out. Yeah.
Dallas [12:17 - 12:22]: So he sets Godfrey back down and kind of pats him on top of the head. Thank you, sir.
Gotfree [12:23 - 12:23]: Thank you.
Dallas [12:23 - 12:31]: And starts moving along. Lady Grey eye eyes, you guys. And says.
Lady Grey [12:33 - 12:37]: I don't feel like we're gonna make it ten minutes out here with you three.
Alex/Jake [12:38 - 12:47]: Well, we've made it, at least. I look down at my pip boy. We've made it at least five days, thank you very much. Six, once it hits midnight.
Lady Grey [12:47 - 13:01]: So we're supposed to fight off cannibals, and you're supposed to be protecting your town, and you can't even get a lens cap off? All four of you tried and failed.
Dallas [13:01 - 13:06]: Miss. Wait. Three of you. I looked at the screen. Sorry, all three of you?
Alex/Jake [13:06 - 13:10]: You can't count now, you dummy. I thought synths were good at math.
Dallas [13:10 - 13:11]: Synths are bad at math.
Gotfree [13:11 - 13:13]: Please do not insult her.
Houston [13:13 - 13:18]: You are quite literally a computer and you can't count. Who's the idiot now?
Dallas [13:18 - 13:22]: My wifi's broken, thank you very much.
Gotfree [13:23 - 13:29]: Would you idiot shut up? She could squeeze your head in her pincer grip like a walnut.
Alex/Jake [13:29 - 13:32]: Well, that sounds kind of exciting, actually.
Gotfree [13:32 - 13:36]: Go. Oh, lord, I'm going to die. I'm going to die.
Dallas [13:36 - 13:37]: I'm a.
Lady Grey [13:39 - 13:50]: All three of you tried to take the lens cap off, and nobody could get it off. And you guys, you are going to try to take on the cannibals.
Alex/Jake [13:50 - 13:55]: Listen, we've made it this far and we haven't died yet, so.
Dallas [13:56 - 13:58]: Well, there's always today.
Houston [13:58 - 14:02]: As long as we don't encounter any cameras, I think we'll be good.
Gotfree [14:03 - 14:04]: We're golden, then.
Alex/Jake [14:04 - 14:09]: So now that Godfrey has the lens cap off, do you want to see the world now?
Dallas [14:09 - 14:15]: Yeah. You want to try to see what you can see. See with your CCTV camera.
Gotfree [14:15 - 14:17]: Am I going to roll for perception again?
Alex/Jake [14:18 - 14:22]: Rolls a 19. Oh, boy, Godfrey.
Houston [14:23 - 14:25]: He put the lens cap back on.
Gotfree [14:32 - 14:33]: What is going on here?
Alex/Jake [14:33 - 14:41]: Fine. I try to perceive. We've been walking in the dark for a while. I feel like my eyes are pretty dilated. I would like to roll for perception.
Dallas [14:42 - 14:44]: Okay, let's try this again.
Alex/Jake [14:44 - 14:46]: Oh, my gosh. Can I please do something good?
Dallas [14:46 - 14:47]: Okay.
Alex/Jake [14:47 - 14:48]: A three.
Dallas [14:48 - 14:53]: That's good. Okay, you needed an eight. Cause we're looking at perception and survival.
Alex/Jake [14:53 - 14:55]: All right, hold on. Let's see if I can get a nat one or something.
Dallas [14:55 - 14:56]: Don't roll again.
Gotfree [14:56 - 14:57]: Please. Please don't roll again.
Houston [14:58 - 14:59]: Oh, my gosh.
Alex/Jake [15:01 - 15:02]: I rolled a 20.
Gotfree [15:03 - 15:19]: Did you hear me say, please don't roll again? Please, for the love of God, don't roll again. For the love of whatever platinum chrome deity is overseeing this madness. Don't roll again.
Alex/Jake [15:21 - 15:23]: 20. Oh, no.
Dallas [15:23 - 15:32]: So you can see pretty well. And as you're walking, you look around.
Gotfree [15:32 - 15:42]: Oh, no. Master winger, watch out for that. As he trips over a root and faceplants into the dirt in front of him.
Dallas [15:42 - 15:43]: Yes.
Gotfree [15:43 - 15:46]: So did I just have a robotic, lucid dream where I took control?
Houston [15:47 - 15:48]: Was I game master?
Dallas [15:48 - 15:53]: For a moment, I felt you enter my body. Body power.
Gotfree [15:55 - 16:03]: Unlimited, oddly intimate power. Sorry. Sorry.
Alex/Jake [16:06 - 16:21]: Okay. That kind of you guys. I prop myself back up. You guys know when you accidentally, like, knock the wind out of yourself? I did that. My knees hit above my shoulders.
Houston [16:22 - 16:24]: I haven't breathed in 200 years.
Alex/Jake [16:25 - 16:28]: I don't think that's how your physiology works.
Dallas [16:29 - 16:36]: You did when you fell. Lose a health point. So you're down.
Alex/Jake [16:37 - 16:38]: You know what?
Dallas [16:38 - 16:39]: Just saying.
Alex/Jake [16:39 - 16:42]: But what do I see from down here on the ground?
Dallas [16:43 - 16:47]: You tripped over a sign that says, keep out.
Alex/Jake [16:48 - 17:01]: Hey, guys, I found. I found a thing. It says, tow peak, tau peak. Oh, it's upside down. Sorry. Hold on. Keep out. Oh. Oh, no. It says, keep out.
Super Dwarf [17:01 - 17:03]: Guys, we see the sign.
Alex/Jake [17:03 - 17:04]: Here you go.
Houston [17:04 - 17:07]: There may be some hope for the literacy rate in this country.
Alex/Jake [17:07 - 17:10]: Hey, it made sense. It would have been upside down. That's funny.
Dallas [17:12 - 17:22]: So Jeremy picks up the sign. And Jeremy then pulls out a pair of spectacles and puts them on and holds the sign out about arms.
Alex/Jake [17:22 - 17:23]: Jeremy needs reading glasses.
Dallas [17:23 - 17:25]: He's been alive for a long time.
Gotfree [17:26 - 17:28]: Jeremy, you look so distinguished.
Houston [17:28 - 17:30]: I like this Jeremy.
Dallas [17:30 - 17:33]: And as he's examining this, he tells.
Super Dwarf [17:33 - 17:36]: You, this looks like overseer handwriting.
Houston [17:36 - 17:38]: And that's the person we're looking for.
Super Dwarf [17:38 - 17:43]: I think we're on right trail. We keep going. Yes. You agree?
Alex/Jake [17:43 - 17:46]: Uh, as soon as I catch my breath. Is that okay?
Super Dwarf [17:46 - 17:53]: Yes. You know, you're okay with walking. Do you want Jeremy to carry you? Jeremy can carry you.
Alex/Jake [17:53 - 17:56]: Uh, can I ride on his shoulders kind of like when I was a kid?
Super Dwarf [17:57 - 18:00]: Yes, you are like small child. Come here.
Alex/Jake [18:01 - 18:03]: This sounds like the most fun I could have.
Dallas [18:03 - 18:16]: Yes, please. So Jeremy picks you up like a small, small child. And he puts you on his shoulder very gingerly and kind of pats you on the leg like you're a small child.
Alex/Jake [18:16 - 18:19]: Oh my gosh, guys, you look so small down there.
Super Dwarf [18:19 - 18:21]: You okay, little buddy?
Alex/Jake [18:21 - 18:24]: Yeah, I'm good up here. How tall are you, Jeremy?
Super Dwarf [18:25 - 18:29]: I only 9ft tall. Small super mutant.
Alex/Jake [18:29 - 18:33]: You're small super mu. I'm so high up here, guys. It's crazy.
Super Dwarf [18:34 - 18:35]: You be careful.
Houston [18:35 - 18:41]: Hey, Jeremy, could you like stick him in a tree or something so we can just wait, wait, so he just beat up.
Super Dwarf [18:41 - 18:46]: Might be safer if he stay in tree, Jake.
Gotfree [18:46 - 18:47]: Wouldn't we all.
Super Dwarf [18:47 - 18:49]: Would you like to be in tree?
Alex/Jake [18:49 - 18:52]: Uh, not, not in particular, no.
Houston [18:52 - 18:55]: Oh, just watch out for tree.
Super Dwarf [18:55 - 18:59]: Tree poke you and I. Ow.
Alex/Jake [18:59 - 19:01]: Hey. Yeah. Watch where you're walking. Nevermind. Can I get back down?
Super Dwarf [19:01 - 19:04]: Would you like to borrow glasses?
Dallas [19:04 - 19:13]: Jeremy pulls his glasses back out of his pocket and hands them to you. But you realize that each lens is about half the size of your head.
Alex/Jake [19:15 - 19:20]: Uh, who made these? This is huge. These are like the size of saucers.
Super Dwarf [19:21 - 19:25]: Lady Gray make those. Lady Gray take care of us.
Houston [19:25 - 19:27]: She used to work for lenscrafters.
Alex/Jake [19:27 - 19:29]: Don't know what that is.
Super Dwarf [19:29 - 19:34]: She very good at crafting lens, right? Nice.
Alex/Jake [19:34 - 19:57]: So I pull the lens really far away from my face and it looks like I'm like on the ground to Houston. It looks like I've got a little tiny peanut head. And I pull it closer. My head gets about normal size and I pull it away again like so my head looks tiny. And I pull it closer and it looks normal. I pull it away again. It looks tiny, like a little peanut head. Keep doing that.
Houston [19:57 - 20:03]: You pull the. Pull the lens away. Your head looks like what it is in reality, tiny peanut.
Super Dwarf [20:03 - 20:08]: I call you little buddy. I call you little peanut.
Alex/Jake [20:08 - 20:10]: What? No, no, no.
Houston [20:11 - 20:12]: I like you, Jeremy.
Alex/Jake [20:12 - 20:16]: No, I definitely like Jake the best. No, Jake is fine. No.
Gotfree [20:16 - 20:17]: Now little.
Houston [20:17 - 20:17]: No.
Alex/Jake [20:17 - 20:24]: Guys, guys. I was just examining the glass glasses. I didn't need a new nickname or anything.
Super Dwarf [20:24 - 20:26]: You are Jeremy's little peanuts.
Houston [20:26 - 20:28]: Ah, that's just such a great.
Super Dwarf [20:28 - 20:31]: Be careful with glasses. The only way I can read.
Houston [20:31 - 20:35]: You read there are books in this world involved?
Super Dwarf [20:35 - 20:41]: We are avid readers. Favorite author, Arthur McKinley. Great.
Alex/Jake [20:41 - 20:42]: Wait, what?
Houston [20:42 - 20:44]: Wait. No. What?
Gotfree [20:45 - 20:46]: Stop it.
Houston [20:46 - 20:46]: What?
Super Dwarf [20:46 - 20:51]: We have whole series. They're overseer read to us.
Houston [20:52 - 20:57]: They're. They're still around. What? My books are still what? I.
Alex/Jake [20:57 - 21:05]: And I gently. I gently tap the top of Jeremy's head. Jeremy. Jeremy. Do you know who that is right there?
Super Dwarf [21:05 - 21:06]: Who? Him?
Alex/Jake [21:06 - 21:09]: Yeah. No, the leathery one.
Super Dwarf [21:10 - 21:12]: Uh, he ghoul. He's a ghoul.
Alex/Jake [21:12 - 21:18]: That's, uh, Houston McKinley, the New York Post best selling author.
Super Dwarf [21:18 - 21:19]: No.
Houston [21:19 - 21:21]: Yeah, yeah, that's me.
Super Dwarf [21:21 - 21:22]: No way.
Houston [21:22 - 21:23]: That's me.
Super Dwarf [21:23 - 21:36]: In big honor, sir. Big honor. Little honor. You smaller than me, but my heart. Very big, enlarged, filled with happiness.
Houston [21:36 - 21:48]: I mean, I'm just. I'm just happy that someone finally out there appreciates my work. Like death. Like homicide on the euphrates.
Alex/Jake [21:49 - 21:49]: Just.
Houston [21:51 - 21:52]: That was one of my favorites.
Alex/Jake [21:53 - 21:54]: It was one of my favorites too.
Dallas [21:55 - 22:00]: Jeremy almost drops his little peanut as he reaches down.
Houston [22:01 - 22:02]: Hey.
Dallas [22:02 - 22:11]: And grabs Houston's hand and shakes him vigorously, almost pulling it out of his socket. I'm gonna actually need Houston to make a roll.
Alex/Jake [22:11 - 22:22]: Meanwhile, he's only got one. One hand on one leg. So I'm just flailing on his back with upside down. I think I'm losing blood flow.
Dallas [22:22 - 22:23]: Like this.
Houston [22:23 - 22:27]: Hey, buddy. This skin is basically beef jerky. Be careful.
Super Dwarf [22:27 - 22:30]: It's big honor, sir. Big, big honor.
Houston [22:30 - 22:32]: Well, the honor is all mine.
Dallas [22:33 - 22:47]: I'm going to need Houston to make a strength and survival check. So you got a five in strength and a zero in survival. So you're gonna need to roll. Roll at least a five.
Houston [22:47 - 22:49]: Rolling, rolling, rolling.
Gotfree [22:50 - 22:51]: Oh, hey.
Alex/Jake [22:53 - 22:53]: Okay.
Gotfree [22:53 - 22:57]: Tides and chance have turned, okay?
Alex/Jake [22:57 - 23:01]: So if you learned anything from me, maybe don't roll the second one.
Dallas [23:02 - 23:05]: No, you gotta roll the second, second one. It's part of the deal.
Alex/Jake [23:05 - 23:06]: You have to roll the second one.
Gotfree [23:06 - 23:07]: What?
Houston [23:07 - 23:16]: Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling. Big money, big money, big money. Actually, little money. This is golfer.
Alex/Jake [23:17 - 23:19]: You got a two and a three. Oh, my gosh.
Dallas [23:19 - 23:38]: So, as. As Jeremy is shaking Houston's hand and it is pulling Houston off of the ground, his leathery skin remains intact. And luckily, his over 200 years of being alive. Has just made his body used to this kind of wear and tear.
Houston [23:38 - 23:46]: I don't know where my body begins and the scars end. It's just. It's just all leather.
Super Dwarf [23:46 - 23:52]: It's okay. I need to know how series end, though. You wrote more, right?
Houston [23:52 - 23:56]: Yeah, yeah. But I never got to the finale.
Dallas [23:57 - 24:12]: All of the super mutants have gathered around, and they look like children at Christmas waiting for you to answer. And then the light just goes out as you told them that you never finished the series, and they look just so sad.
Houston [24:13 - 24:39]: Look. Look. You see? You see? I. You know, when I got done with homicide on the euphrates, and then. And then the larceny on the chinese quick Mart, it was just, you know, one thing after another. There was gonna be a movie deal on this one that took up all of my time and took out all of my time. And then the bombs dropped.
Gotfree [24:40 - 24:46]: You interpreted express as, like, a convenience store name, not a train, instead of.
Alex/Jake [24:47 - 24:49]: The chinese Amtrak or something.
Gotfree [24:49 - 24:52]: I just feel like we can't gossip with that.
Dallas [24:52 - 24:56]: I had a moment where I. I was like, I don't know. Maybe I just don't know what book he's talking about.
Super Dwarf [24:59 - 25:05]: But you have 200 years. You. You write more books after bombs drop. You have time.
Alex/Jake [25:05 - 25:05]: Look.
Dallas [25:05 - 25:06]: Look.
Super Dwarf [25:06 - 25:08]: You survive bombs.
Alex/Jake [25:09 - 25:14]: The little tiny voice crack in Jeremy's voice there. It was so good.
Houston [25:14 - 25:27]: Look, for the first 50 years, my hands were literally on fire. I couldn't even hold a pen. Like, I was just catatonic for, like, 50 years. Is that how that works?
Gotfree [25:27 - 25:36]: No hands were on fire for 50 years. Yes, sir. You do realize that water extinguishes fires?
Houston [25:36 - 25:41]: I don't know if you know this, Godfrey, but the water is irradiated. It just made it worse.
Gotfree [25:42 - 25:51]: I feel like the anti combustible gold qualities of water are irrelevant to its current radiation status.
Alex/Jake [25:51 - 25:57]: I think he's being hyperbolic, guys. I think it's. It's a metaphor or something, right?
Houston [25:57 - 26:15]: I was using artistic liberties here. I just. My hands weren't working because literally things were exploding around me, and I was in a lot of pain. Do you think I get like this without experiencing excruciating. Paid for a very, very, very long time?
Gotfree [26:16 - 26:18]: Master Winger. Is he being figurative again?
Alex/Jake [26:18 - 26:20]: No, I think that one was literal.
Gotfree [26:20 - 26:25]: The actual explosion. Felt his life just crumbling in the socioeconomic state.
Houston [26:25 - 26:26]: Well, that happened too.
Alex/Jake [26:26 - 26:31]: Yeah, when he met us, that's when everything implored.
Gotfree [26:31 - 26:34]: No, I would like to think that that's when life turned around for him.
Alex/Jake [26:34 - 26:35]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Houston [26:35 - 26:43]: You know, I thrived in an apocalyptic wasteland for 200 years. And then things fell apart right as I met you losers.
Gotfree [26:44 - 26:46]: That seems a bit harsh now.
Dallas [26:46 - 26:47]: Just a touch.
Gotfree [26:47 - 26:56]: I know I upgraded medic kit here recently, but I don't have any burn ointment, so if you could just slow down, Master McKinley, please.
Alex/Jake [26:56 - 26:58]: This is the best. This is the best.
Houston [26:58 - 27:04]: I like roasting people because I have been roasting for a very long time.
Gotfree [27:04 - 27:07]: Again, master winger. Figurative or literal?
Alex/Jake [27:07 - 27:08]: Figurative.
Gotfree [27:08 - 27:12]: Yeah. I mean, look at the statue. Well, we'll get into it.
Houston [27:12 - 27:13]: Figurative. Slightly literal.
Dallas [27:14 - 27:18]: So Jeremy looks down and looks. He looks sad as he flexes his hands.
Super Dwarf [27:18 - 27:23]: So sloppy. He write poetry all the time.
Houston [27:23 - 27:24]: Really?
Super Dwarf [27:24 - 27:29]: And him have large, large super mutant hands.
Gotfree [27:29 - 27:35]: So you want to talk culture? Poetry, you say?
Super Dwarf [27:36 - 27:38]: Yes. Sloppy. Right. Poetry.
Gotfree [27:38 - 27:41]: I need one right now.
Houston [27:41 - 27:42]: I need.
Gotfree [27:43 - 27:45]: I need.
Super Dwarf [27:45 - 27:46]: Sloppy. Not with us.
Alex/Jake [27:46 - 27:50]: You are a cruel man. You are so cruel.
Super Dwarf [27:50 - 28:02]: Sloppy. Sloppy. Go to your friend. Sloppy, conveniently, has gone with other groups.
Gotfree [28:03 - 28:08]: Well, obviously Sloppy must have recited them around the campfire.
Super Dwarf [28:08 - 28:12]: Sloppy write them. Sloppy, don't recite them.
Alex/Jake [28:12 - 28:16]: Yeah, Jeremy, what kind of friend would you be if you didn't have a couple of them memorized?
Dallas [28:16 - 28:16]: What?
Gotfree [28:16 - 28:24]: What was that campfire and all of those benches built for if not for reciting poetry? Well, Jeremy, surely one of them has stuck with you.
Alex/Jake [28:24 - 28:41]: No, this is cruel, William. This is so cruel. You're like. He has to use the voice to read something. Do a little sparkle transition. And now a dramatic reading from the collected sayings of Sloppy.
Dallas [28:42 - 28:45]: So Jeremy pulls out a note.
Super Dwarf [28:45 - 28:50]: Unfold little peanut hammy. Spectacles.
Alex/Jake [28:50 - 28:57]: Okay, so I slowly take the two saucer sized spectacles, hand them over the top.
Super Dwarf [29:02 - 29:53]: My hand, its spark startled cry. A flicker blue that paint sky fear and wondered. A tangled thread. Am I monster or something? Ahead, the mirrors show a stranger's face. A glint of power, a hidden grace. The world unchanged and yet renew. A mutant born misunderstood. The path unknown. A world to face. But in my heart I find my place. A mutant's dawn. A brand new start do light the way a different art.
Houston [29:55 - 29:59]: I really gotta finish that last book, Jeremy.
Dallas [30:00 - 30:06]: The other mutants are visibly sobbing as Jeremy finishes this.
Houston [30:06 - 30:18]: As a fellow slightly, you know, radiated human, like my. Like yourself. I understand your pain. And I really, really gotta finish that last book.
Alex/Jake [30:18 - 30:20]: Hey, Jeremy. Jeremy, do you have a kleenex?
Dallas [30:20 - 30:30]: Honkin nods his head and picks up Houston and hugs him tightly. And lost in the moment.
Houston [30:30 - 30:30]: Oh, my.
Dallas [30:31 - 30:39]: Blows his nose on Houston's shot.
Super Dwarf [30:39 - 30:48]: I understand pain. Houston, little man. I understand pain. Sloppy speak for all.
Houston [30:48 - 30:49]: No one knows.
Super Dwarf [30:49 - 30:51]: Sloppy speak for all.
Houston [30:51 - 30:59]: No one understands us. We're seen as monsters. Monsters.
Super Dwarf [30:59 - 31:03]: We're monsters on outside, but we soft on inside.
Alex/Jake [31:05 - 31:09]: They're having a cry fest over here, and I am losing it.
Houston [31:11 - 31:20]: Do you guys know how much therapy I need after 200 years of this wasteland? 200 years of therapy?
Alex/Jake [31:20 - 31:30]: Your emotional outburst sent me. I've said it before. And you told me to shut up. Look, apparently you just need to write poetry. Houston, it was beautiful. That was beautiful, Jeremy.
Houston [31:30 - 31:34]: Look, you still need to shut up. I'm talking to the mutants here, winger.
Gotfree [31:34 - 31:44]: It was. It was. It was transcendent. Thank you. Thank you. The glimmers of culture, humanity, bearing your emotions.
Houston [31:52 - 31:53]: It's the non humans.
Dallas [31:54 - 32:19]: The synth lady Gray looks like she is trying so hard to be sympathetic, but also not explode with exasperation with what she sees right now. So she puts a gentle hand on honkins. I was trying to think of how tall he would be. So she kind of pats honkins hand.
Lady Grey [32:20 - 32:24]: So if you are done having your moment.
Alex/Jake [32:24 - 32:26]: I think so, yeah.
Lady Grey [32:26 - 32:42]: We have things to do. And we have made so much. If there's anything out here, there's no way it's not hurt us. So can we please, please move on?
Alex/Jake [32:42 - 32:44]: Okay, fine.
Houston [32:44 - 32:45]: Fine.
Alex/Jake [32:45 - 32:47]: I thought women liked soft, sensitive men.
Super Dwarf [32:47 - 32:50]: I. Sorry, lady gray. I. Sorry.
Alex/Jake [32:51 - 33:00]: Fine. We can get on the road. We're just bonding, okay? Bonding. Houston, write the last book, dammit. Wanted to know my whole life.
Gotfree [33:00 - 33:05]: All right, wait, wait, wait. No, hold up. Stop.
Alex/Jake [33:05 - 33:06]: What? What is it?
Gotfree [33:06 - 33:08]: What is it? I've lost my lens cap.
Houston [33:10 - 33:19]: I think. Buddy, buddy, I think. I think we should just. I think we should just leave it. Because if we put it back on, it may not come back off.
Gotfree [33:19 - 33:20]: Wait, this.
Houston [33:20 - 33:20]: This.
Gotfree [33:22 - 33:26]: What if I. This glass is delicate. What if I get a scratch?
Houston [33:26 - 33:38]: Now, the question is, Dallas, is his lens cap, is his camera, like a Polaroid? Like, is he able to, like, print off whatever it is that he sees.
Dallas [33:38 - 33:46]: Or it is not. But I kind of wish that's what I had made it before. It is more like an old timey movie camera that is.
Houston [33:48 - 33:51]: Is there film attached or is it just a camera?
Dallas [33:51 - 34:00]: It's just a camera. He's getting real time right now. He has no. He doesn't have film in it. If he. If he could, we don't know. He doesn't have any in it right now.
Alex/Jake [34:00 - 34:02]: But it's directly just wired to his circuit.
Dallas [34:02 - 34:09]: Yeah, it is, like, bolted into his eye stock. Godfrey, are you gonna look for. Do you want to look for the cap?
Gotfree [34:10 - 34:14]: Yes, of course. Okay. Why do you think I.
Houston [34:14 - 34:14]: Hold.
Gotfree [34:14 - 34:18]: I entered the entire processional here. I would like to find the lens. Captain.
Dallas [34:18 - 34:31]: It is jarring sometimes when you directly talk to the game master, but also, I love it. So I'm gonna need a roll from everyone.
Houston [34:31 - 34:32]: Ew.
Alex/Jake [34:32 - 34:33]: From everyone.
Dallas [34:33 - 34:41]: From everyone. Cause you're all looking for this. We're invested. Except lady Grace. She has scouted out ahead. She's done Jeremy.
Alex/Jake [34:41 - 34:44]: Jeremy, can you put me down, please? I need to help find the lips.
Houston [34:44 - 34:45]: Yeah, put the peanut. Peanut.
Dallas [34:46 - 34:56]: So Jeremy grabs you, and all of the super mutants are kind of on their tiptoes, looking after the son of.
Gotfree [34:56 - 34:58]: A one eyed photoreceptor. 17.
Alex/Jake [34:59 - 35:01]: You rolled it. 18.
Gotfree [35:01 - 35:07]: I give up. I might as well listen. I might as well power down right now and hitch myself to the.
Alex/Jake [35:07 - 35:14]: I rolled the three. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Turn around again. Godfrey. Godfrey.
Super Dwarf [35:14 - 35:16]: Little Pina, do you see something?
Alex/Jake [35:16 - 35:22]: Godfrey, what? What is in your pincer right now? Turn around.
Gotfree [35:22 - 35:24]: What do you mean, what is in my pin?
Alex/Jake [35:24 - 35:25]: Turn your body around.
Gotfree [35:26 - 35:27]: Oh.
Alex/Jake [35:27 - 35:28]: Uh huh.
Houston [35:29 - 35:30]: Sorry.
Gotfree [35:30 - 35:32]: Yeah, carry on, everyone.
Dallas [35:33 - 35:38]: Also need everybody to continue to roll your perceptions, all right?
Alex/Jake [35:38 - 35:39]: Again. Oh, no.
Gotfree [35:40 - 35:50]: Yeah, I got a 17 and an 18. All right, I'm to the point now where I need to power down and hitch myself to one of these mutants and simply be drugged through the detritus. The ground.
Houston [35:50 - 35:52]: Big money, big money, big money.
Alex/Jake [35:52 - 35:56]: 1010. I don't. What does he have to.
Gotfree [35:57 - 35:58]: Oh, my.
Houston [35:58 - 35:59]: Big money, big money, big money.
Dallas [35:59 - 36:02]: Oh, a four closer.
Alex/Jake [36:02 - 36:03]: All right.
Dallas [36:03 - 36:05]: Jake, you didn't finish your rolls for.
Alex/Jake [36:05 - 36:12]: You, I did not. No. Here we go. Okay, I got a. Oh, hey. Got a four.
Dallas [36:12 - 36:21]: So whilst looking for the lens cap, you notice on the ground, an impression, sort of footprint.
Gotfree [36:21 - 36:23]: The dirt of Christopher Wilkin.
Dallas [36:24 - 36:29]: Sorry, I noticed an impression on the ground.
Alex/Jake [36:30 - 36:45]: Uh, so I kind of cocked my head to one side and then the other. Hey, guys. Hey, Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy, come back over here. And I start waving over my shoulder as I'm looking down at the ground. Jeremy, come over here for a second. Could you?
Dallas [36:45 - 36:46]: Stomp, stomp, stomp.
Alex/Jake [36:46 - 36:53]: Hey, can you stick your foot just, like, keep 1ft up in the air for a second and hover next to this spot right here?
Super Dwarf [36:54 - 36:54]: Like this?
Alex/Jake [36:54 - 37:11]: Yeah. Okay. Huh. You guys see the difference in the size of these prints here? They look different, right? Right. House, what? Do they look different? I don't. I can't.
Dallas [37:11 - 37:15]: I was waiting for somebody to speak up, so you hang on.
Gotfree [37:15 - 37:18]: Sorry, I put the lens cap on. Godfrey.
Dallas [37:18 - 37:21]: Godfrey, everybody roll. No, I'm just.
Houston [37:21 - 37:22]: Put it back.
Alex/Jake [37:24 - 37:31]: Godfrey, now that you know how it works, pinch the interior piece and put that in your bin. Put that inside you.
Gotfree [37:31 - 37:35]: Yes, fine. I'll put. I'll come back for you later.
Dallas [37:35 - 37:36]: Okay.
Gotfree [37:36 - 37:37]: Sorry.
Super Dwarf [37:37 - 37:40]: What was that inside you? Is that a little action figure?
Gotfree [37:40 - 37:41]: Nothing.
Super Dwarf [37:41 - 37:44]: I look like a little nothing. Okay.
Gotfree [37:45 - 37:49]: Nothing. It's my little peanut. Okay, carry on.
Dallas [37:49 - 37:50]: Oh, boy.
Alex/Jake [37:54 - 38:00]: Hey. Hey, Godfrey, generally, in the real world, we're not allowed to show our little peanut.
Gotfree [38:03 - 38:13]: Jeremy's been flashing his to every tree that we've passed through the last 20 minutes. So you obviously, your little pe. What are you referring to?
Alex/Jake [38:13 - 38:15]: Nothing. Nothing.
Gotfree [38:15 - 38:15]: Nothing.
Dallas [38:15 - 38:24]: Well, all right, I'm gonna need a roll from. We'll say Jake first. Jake, I need a roll from you.
Gotfree [38:24 - 38:27]: From Jake bloused, please set the dice back down.
Dallas [38:27 - 38:32]: And we're going to be using intelligence and science.
Alex/Jake [38:32 - 38:41]: Okay, so for intelligence, I have a seven. And I have. What was the other one that you needed? Science.
Dallas [38:42 - 38:43]: Science is two.
Alex/Jake [38:43 - 38:53]: Yep, two. All right, so intelligence, I have a seven. Science, I have a two. That means I need a nine or higher. All right, here we go. Rolling a.
Gotfree [38:54 - 38:55]: Oh.
Alex/Jake [38:55 - 38:55]: Got a six.
Dallas [38:55 - 38:58]: Tada. You did it.
Alex/Jake [38:58 - 38:58]: All right.
Dallas [38:58 - 39:00]: Got a six. Yeah.
Alex/Jake [39:00 - 39:01]: What did I do?
Dallas [39:03 - 39:25]: You use your knowledge of the local fan flora and fauna, and you realize that there are three toes in this footprint. That very large, comparable to Jeremy's foot. But this looks a little more almost lizard like, almost dinosaur like.
Alex/Jake [39:25 - 39:46]: Uh, hold on, wait a second. This footprint. So, Jeremy, your foot has 12345 toes. And it's big, but your foot looks like. Like a tiny foothold on one, two, three toes.
Gotfree [39:47 - 39:50]: Ew. Tried actual.
Alex/Jake [39:50 - 39:52]: I'm, uh.
Gotfree [39:53 - 39:54]: Wait, is this.
Alex/Jake [39:54 - 40:00]: No. Guys? Guys? Oh, no. Uh, guys? Guys?
Houston [40:00 - 40:01]: Oh, no.
Dallas [40:01 - 40:02]: Oh, no.
Alex/Jake [40:02 - 40:03]: Oh.
Lady Grey [40:04 - 40:06]: Mother of the institute.
Alex/Jake [40:06 - 40:10]: I think it's a deathclaw nest.
Gotfree [40:10 - 40:12]: Is that supposed to mean something?
Dallas [40:12 - 40:14]: We'll find out next time.
Alex/Jake [40:14 - 40:15]: What? What?
Dallas [40:16 - 40:19]: Next episode wait, wait, what? Red button.
Gotfree [40:19 - 40:26]: What? I was just beginning to perceive the cortisol levels of everyone in this group rising. Should I be afraid?
Alex/Jake [40:27 - 40:27]: Yes.
Gotfree [40:28 - 40:36]: Should I be? Hang on, let me take the Godfrey off. Like, should I be afraid? Yes, I should be afraid.
Super Dwarf [40:36 - 40:38]: Be very, very afraid.
Gotfree [40:38 - 40:44]: Oh, no, no. I'm back in Godfrey again. Cause it's phasing in and out of dimensions is. It's taxing on the system.
Houston [40:44 - 40:47]: Dallas, you magnificent illegitimate love child.
Alex/Jake [40:48 - 41:13]: I'm not gonna. I mean, look, if we're ending it here. Yeah. Deathclaws are not. Let's. Let's just break down the. The taxonomy of the name here. So, deathclaw comes from death and claw. Death meaning. Oh, crap, you're dead. And claw meaning, oh, crap, I died by being clawed to death, so, yeah, we should be scared.
Houston [41:13 - 41:14]: Linguist. You are not.
Gotfree [41:14 - 41:21]: Well, listen, I didn't know. I didn't know if this was, like, somebody naming their chihuahua deathclaw. Like, sure, yeah, the name is a.
Alex/Jake [41:21 - 41:31]: Little scary, but I'm not gonna give spoilers for next time. But the name is kind of a Dallas spoiler.
Houston [41:31 - 41:37]: Can we roll? And, like, we actually find out, like, if we get a good roll, we actually find out that it's a chihuahua.
Dallas [41:37 - 41:38]: I wish.
Gotfree [41:40 - 42:02]: No, we listen. We lost a lens cap at a celebrity meet and greet poetry slam session, and we lost the lens cap again and found a footprint. I don't think Dallas is going to keep everything.
Dallas [42:02 - 42:04]: What a rollercoaster of an egg.
Alex/Jake [42:04 - 42:09]: He's like, I didn't even get through, like, the first three boats. Bullet points of my notes for tonight.
Dallas [42:10 - 42:11]: But you're not wrong.
Alex/Jake [42:13 - 42:43]: Well, if you have enjoyed this kind of chaos, I guarantee you we have more of that in store for you. We are one of three shows as part of the Grapefruit network. We have, obviously, the big red button. That's what you've been listening to. But we also have a doctor and a lawyer walk into a bar, which is our pop culture chat show meets game night meets bar chat. It is a blast. So come check us out over there at doctorandlawyer show. And then we also have Potter.
Gotfree [42:43 - 42:48]: Plus, if you love this neurotic british robot, do we have a show for you.
Alex/Jake [42:48 - 43:10]: Oh, boy. Do we have a Williams helmed show all about Harry Potter, which is breaking down the HBO show that's going to be coming out and all of his fan theories around that and the surrounding Potter fandom. It's good stuff. Go give that a check. Check. Go give that a listen, please.
Gotfree [43:11 - 43:17]: Yes, the check, preferably that I can cash at any of the local financial institutions in the United States. Thank you.
Alex/Jake [43:17 - 43:44]: If you've enjoyed what you've heard here, like, Godfrey kind of broke the fourth wall in the beginning. We have some great listeners already, but only 48% of you, you are currently following us, so we would love to get that number at least, I don't know, 49, 50%. That would be cool. No, but in all sincerity, thank you all so much for listening and supporting the show. We're just eternally grateful for all of the outpouring of appreciation so far.
Dallas [43:45 - 43:45]: Yeah, it's been really cool.
Alex/Jake [43:45 - 44:09]: Andre T. Over on Podchaser said that he recently found us when he ran out of few podcasts that he normally listens to. I'm assuming those are his better podcasts. But he said that this is what it must feel like to listen to a serial radio show before tv in the forties, and he's loving what we're doing over here. Andre, thank you so much for the review and checking us out.
Gotfree [44:09 - 44:10]: Thank you, Andre.
Dallas [44:10 - 44:11]: Thanks, man.
Gotfree [44:11 - 44:11]: Yeah.
Alex/Jake [44:11 - 44:35]: If you all want to share your thoughts with us, please give us five stars. Leave your thoughts. And we're so, so very thankful for the large outpouring that we've gotten so far. And we're looking forward. I'm looking forward to the next episode, but I'm also terrified of the next episode. So with that, I'm Jake, and I think I peed a little.
Gotfree [44:35 - 44:38]: I'm Godfrey, and I am unable to urinate.
Houston [44:38 - 44:44]: I am the Indiana Express best selling author, Houston Jeremy.
Super Dwarf [44:44 - 44:46]: Little peanut. Peanut me a little bit.
Alex/Jake [44:48 - 44:53]: And we will see you all next time on the big red button. Bye.
