Last Wish

When I studied to be a pastor, one of my practical theology professors was Dr. Steve Brown. Steve is a native North Carolinian and went to college down the road from where I pastor now. From a North Carolina Methodist college to a Methodist seminary in Boston, Steve trained for and entered the pastorate. And then he became a Christian — not the usual progression for a minister. Eventually, Steve made his way to South Florida where he pastored Key Biscayne Presbyterian Church and founded Key Life Ministries. When the gospel got a hold of his heart and mind it transformed him. That transformation together with growing appreciation of the amazing grace of the gospel opened doors of opportunity. Steve came to find himself in many unique situations especially among the residents of Key Biscayne and Miami.

In one such encounter, Steve found himself ministering to the wife of a dear friend who moved in what Steve says, was “a very fast crowd.” She was dying of AIDS. Now, this was in the 1980’s and this new disease carried with it a lot of fear and stigma and was untreatable. In ministering to her, Steve was able to help her understand and then grasp the great love of the Father as seen in and through Jesus. When she died, she died with hope and convinced of the forgiveness and love of God for her.

The funeral took place in the couple’s home it was more like a cocktail party. The house was decorated with balloons and a jazz pianist played music while the guests mingled. You probably wouldn’t be surprised to hear that the guests at this funeral were not the sorts of people who went church. Though it was an unusual setting for a presbyterian minister, it wasn’t for Steve. Why was that? Well, I think in Steve’s mind, this was just the sort of place where Jesus would’ve been present.

Steve recalls the funeral in his book, Approaching God. When it was time for him to speak, Steve writes, this what he got up and said,

“I’m here…for only one reason. You needed someone to tell you the truth. I’m just one bad person telling other bad people the most important thing you will ever hear: God is God, and you should remember that. But if you go to him, he won’t be angry with you. In fact, he’ll love you. Our friend found that out, and we wanted to make sure you knew.”

—Steve Brown, Approaching God

When I first heard Steve Brown tell this story, I was inspired. It continues to inspire and move me. I’ve taken his words and his memory and turned it into a poem-story. The narrator’s perspective is from the vantage point of one of the guests. I’ve titled the poem, Last Wish.

It did not seem like a funeral With all the booze and balloons, Just a way to deny the noumenal Life and death caricatured like cartoons. In the cocktail hour’s jazzy mix of Celebration and intoxication, Smartly dressed people laugh and chuckle Hide their unease behind conversation. And unease there is as we grasp with white knuckles Our Scotch like a roller coaster’s seat bar — Hoping these tumblers won’t let us fling out Into eternity like some shooting star. How can we escape when Death at last comes For spouses — takes friends into finality? But our booze and balloons makes light and numbs Us to the end of our common reality. —— A man stands up, clears his throat to say Why we’re here — why he’s come today. Says, “You need someone to tell you what’s true. You’re bad people, but I am one too. I’ve been invited to come in this sad season For one purpose, for this very reason: And if you’ll take a moment and lend an ear, I’ll tell you what I hope you’ll never un-hear. Something you should not ignore or laugh at: God is God. You should remember that. And though He is, and that He is, you should see, But what I want you to know more importantly Is that, if you turn to Him, he won’t be angry with you, That He will be glad because He loves you. Our friend, the one whose death brings me to you, Found that out at the last, and it meant all in the end. She came to know Love which did not withhold but send, Love willing to die, and in dying make things new. Our friend’s last wish, why she sent me to you Was to make sure that you knew it too.”

Brown, Steve. Approaching God: Accepting the Invitation to Stand in the Presence of God. New York: Howard Books, 2008.