TRANSKRİPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:01.280 --> 00:00:05.200
You should require obedience from your children.
00:00:05.440 --> 00:00:22.800
This is going to sound self-serving or self-justifying, but part of your job as a dad is to teach your kids what the Bible says, to teach them to do what God is telling them to do, to teach them to obey all that He has commanded.
00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:25.120
This is not just the great commission, broadly speaking.
00:00:25.199 --> 00:00:30.000
This is part of our responsibility as parents, is to pass on the word to the next generation.
00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:37.600
And part of that word includes things like this: children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
00:00:37.759 --> 00:00:43.119
Honor your father and mother, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land.
00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:48.719
Also, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline instruction of the Lord.
00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:55.920
Part of my job as a dad is to teach my kids to obey me, to discipline them such that they obey me.
00:00:56.079 --> 00:00:58.399
Now, discipline is training.
00:00:58.560 --> 00:01:00.799
It's not just saying, it's not just telling.
00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:02.560
You know, teaching is not the same as telling.
00:01:02.719 --> 00:01:04.400
If it was, everyone would be a lot smarter.
00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:09.760
So it's not just telling them, but it's teaching, which requires developmental creativity.
00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:14.640
But I need to require and help them obey the Lord, right?
00:01:14.799 --> 00:01:19.120
When the Bible says, love your neighbor, I'm teaching my kids to love each other.
00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:22.079
How do I love uh the kid at school who's annoying?
00:01:22.159 --> 00:01:23.120
How do I love my sister?
00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:24.480
How do I be kind?
00:01:24.640 --> 00:01:28.400
How do so I'm I'm reinforcing to them, here's how you obey that.
00:01:28.560 --> 00:01:30.400
When you struggle to obey that, here's what you do.
00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:38.079
And so part of my job is to teach them to obey and hold them to that standard that they would be obeying their parents.
00:01:38.239 --> 00:01:40.400
And so here's some of what that looks like.
00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:43.439
So, you know, my kids are playing in the playroom.
00:01:43.599 --> 00:01:46.159
I hear my wife say, time to clean up.
00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:47.599
They go on ignoring her.
00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:50.239
Part of my job as the ruler of the household, right?
00:01:50.319 --> 00:01:52.480
So Titus chapter two talks about husbands.
00:01:52.640 --> 00:01:54.480
Uh, so it's talking about the qualifications of an elder.
00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:59.760
And it says, if a man does not manage his own household, how can he manage the church of God?
00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:04.799
But the word manage, I think, is best translated as to rule, that it's to lead.
00:02:04.879 --> 00:02:11.120
It's not just like middle management, but it's rulership, that I'm called to be the ruler of my household.
00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:14.000
And I want that rule to be congruent with the rule of Christ.
00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:15.120
I want to lead like Christ.
00:02:15.199 --> 00:02:24.879
I want to rule like some dictator, but I want to rule like Christ, which is warm, patient, congruent with the fruit of the Spirit, but it is my job to rule.
00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:32.080
And so part of my job is to make my kids listen to my wife, to cause my kids to respect my wife.
00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:38.800
And so some of that also comes from Genesis 2, that God put Adam in the garden to serve and protect or work and keep his garden.
00:02:38.879 --> 00:02:44.479
And so my household is mine to serve and work and keep and protect.
00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:52.000
And so when my kids ignore or disrespect my wife, that is the swiftest to discipline instinct that I have.
00:02:52.159 --> 00:02:54.479
That when I will remove them from the moment.
00:02:54.800 --> 00:02:57.439
So practically speaking, my wife says, time to clean up.
00:02:57.520 --> 00:02:59.039
They go on playing, ignoring her.
00:02:59.199 --> 00:03:03.280
Now, I'm not always there to reinforce it, but when I am, this is a dad swoop-in moment.
00:03:03.360 --> 00:03:04.960
So my wife and I on the same page of this.
00:03:05.039 --> 00:03:10.800
Sometimes it feels like if I cut in, I'm reinforcing disrespect to my wife, saying she's not capable of parenting.
00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:18.719
But there are times when I, as a dad, want to, with some aggression, cause my kids to respect.
00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:26.400
Another word for respect is fear the Lord and thus the authority that's proximate, which is my wife under my leadership of the home.
00:03:26.560 --> 00:03:37.280
And so I swoop in, I get on their level, I have them face me, and I say, when your mother speaks to you, you stop what you're doing and you look at her.
00:03:38.400 --> 00:03:42.719
And it's a pause, it's a calm, I'm not elevated, but I am stern.
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:48.000
When your mother asks you to do something, you had better not ignore her like she didn't speak.
00:03:49.599 --> 00:03:50.960
Do you understand what I'm saying?
00:03:51.439 --> 00:03:54.560
Okay, if you understand what I'm saying, say yes, dad.
00:03:54.800 --> 00:03:57.520
Okay, no, say yes, dad.
00:03:57.680 --> 00:03:58.479
Yes, dad.
00:03:58.560 --> 00:04:01.599
Now look at your mom in the eye and say, I'm sorry for ignoring you.
00:04:01.680 --> 00:04:02.719
I'm sorry for ignoring you.
00:04:02.879 --> 00:04:04.479
Now, what did she ask you to do?
00:04:04.639 --> 00:04:06.400
Oh, you don't remember because you weren't listening.
00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:08.000
Say, I'm sorry I wasn't listening.
00:04:08.080 --> 00:04:08.879
Can you tell me again?
00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:10.080
I'm sorry I wasn't listening.
00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:11.039
Can you
Load full transcript
tell me again?
00:04:11.199 --> 00:04:12.479
I said, time to clean up.
00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:13.599
It's time for dinner.
00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:15.840
Okay, kids, let's clean up together.
00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:16.720
Let me help you.
00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:22.399
So I take the toys out of their hands and I put them in the bucket and say, now let's do the rest together.
00:04:22.480 --> 00:04:26.000
And so I'm trying to teach them, here is how you obey.
00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:28.160
I'm modeling for you how to obey.
00:04:28.240 --> 00:04:31.120
Let me show you what the right response to what mom just said is.
00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:37.600
So I'm not just saying clean up and yelling down from the hall, but depending on age, so my kids are six and four.
00:04:37.680 --> 00:04:39.439
This is kind of works for five and three as well.
00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:43.519
I'm present, modeling for them, showing here is how we obey.
00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:45.680
We do this, we put this here, we do that, we put that there.
00:04:45.839 --> 00:04:48.639
And if they go on being disrespectful, I take them out of the environment.
00:04:48.800 --> 00:04:50.160
This is a go to timeout.
00:04:50.480 --> 00:04:51.600
I like timeouts.
00:04:51.680 --> 00:04:53.759
I know it's kind of faux pas now to do timeouts.
00:04:53.839 --> 00:04:58.160
I like timeouts because it takes them away from whatever was stimulating their disobedience.
00:04:58.240 --> 00:05:01.519
A lot of times it's all the other things that are more interesting to them than obeying.
00:05:01.680 --> 00:05:04.000
They're more interested in the toy or the person or the thing.
00:05:04.079 --> 00:05:07.839
And so let's get you away from the thing that's inhibiting your disobedience.
00:05:08.000 --> 00:05:13.040
Go to timeout, and I go with them in a timeout and I talk through here's what you did wrong.
00:05:13.199 --> 00:05:14.800
Let's go back and let's try again.
00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:19.759
So sometimes people say it's not good to send them in timeout because that's saying you're going away, you're sending them away from you.
00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:24.399
No, I'm sending them away from the thing that was tempting them to sin by disobeying their mom.
00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:26.319
And I'm then I go with them into the timeout.
00:05:26.480 --> 00:05:32.079
Maybe they go in there for 30 seconds to cool off, but then I go, I go to them in the timeout, we talk through it together.
00:05:32.240 --> 00:05:38.480
But it's my job as a dad to require that my kids respect and listen to my mom, to their to their mom.
00:05:38.639 --> 00:05:40.319
I guess my mom when grandma's around too.
00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:41.839
You respect and listen to grandma.
00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:44.319
But they're listening to mom, they're respectful, they're kind.
00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:48.240
Because I'm not just teaching them in those moments how to listen to their mom.
00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:51.519
I'm also teaching them how to
listen to and respect authority, generally speaking.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:55.920
Teachers, uh, Bible study leaders, uh, future pastors are going to be under.
00:05:56.000 --> 00:06:00.560
That it's you you respect by you, you stop and you listen and you orient and you turn.
00:06:00.720 --> 00:06:10.480
And so I do think a lot of this kind of licentious, gentle parenting, where you're not really getting on their level and engaging with them and teaching them how to obey this, right?
00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:13.120
Hey, like this, as you have teenagers, another way of doing this.
00:06:13.199 --> 00:06:14.800
You know, like, hey, let's put our phones down.
00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:16.079
Let's treat our phones like a landline.
00:06:16.399 --> 00:06:17.360
Kid goes on texting.
00:06:17.519 --> 00:06:20.079
Hey, sometimes you have to break the line of sight.
00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:21.920
Say, hey, your mother's talking to you.
00:06:22.079 --> 00:06:23.519
Did you hear what she said?
00:06:23.920 --> 00:06:24.959
Well, I'm still doing this.
00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:25.839
No, try again.
00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:28.399
What you can say is, hey, mom, can I finish this text message?
00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:29.519
Can I have one more minute?
00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:30.399
Try it like that.
00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:31.519
Hey, mom, can I?
00:06:31.759 --> 00:06:32.399
Yes, that's okay.
00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:34.319
So you're teaching them, try again.
00:06:34.399 --> 00:06:35.199
Don't say it like that.
00:06:35.279 --> 00:06:36.079
That was disrespectful.
00:06:36.240 --> 00:06:37.040
That was respectful.
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:45.199
And so you're not just shutting down all negotiation, but you're trying to age appropriately develop, hey, instead of saying this, you could say this.
00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:46.480
Why don't you try again?
00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:48.639
Okay, nope, you're not speaking to my wife like that.
00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:50.000
You speak to my wife like that again.
00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:53.439
Here's the consequence: no more phone for the next 48 hours.
00:06:53.680 --> 00:06:56.480
Would you like to try again, or would you like to not have your phone for the next four hours?
00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.040
So you're still giving choices where you're able.
00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:05.279
And so we want to reinforce and help model for them that when they're not sure how to obey, here's what obedience looks like.
00:07:05.439 --> 00:07:11.439
And so that's part of the teaching is uh prompting and giving examples of what obedience would look like.
00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:13.360
At every different age, that's different.
00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:26.480
But it's my job as a dad to require and hold the standard that they obey and listen to their parents, chiefly their mom, who's the more proximate parent, especially as the kids are younger, but then also with me.
00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:31.040
And this is not about yelling and screaming and throwing a fit and being dysregulated as a dad.
00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:38.800
This is about calm, direct, teaching, disciplinary words that help them see what obedience might look like and help them see that it's possible.
00:07:38.879 --> 00:07:41.360
Because sometimes for little minds, obedience feels impossible.
00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:44.959
How could I possibly put down the lightsaber when I'm having a lightsaber fight?
00:07:45.040 --> 00:07:45.759
It feels impossible.
00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:46.959
Here, let me show you how to do this.
00:07:47.040 --> 00:07:47.680
You can do this.
00:07:47.839 --> 00:07:49.519
And so I'm showing them the possibility of it.
00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:57.920
And so require obedience of your children, require that your kids respect their mothers and be a calm, present, but stern dad as you need to be.