05/05 - Mental Holmes I - Mouth Of Flowers

(05/05 - Mental Holmes I - Mouth Of Flowers) Fucking hell. It's the finale of Mental Holmes I! It all hinges on the 'Mouth of Flowers'. What the bejibber is that? Hmm. Confusion! Tomathy Wilson, Aubrey Holmes, The Gerbil and Stanton Pulvertuft are in the game and it's all kicking off. According to Aubrey, Tomathy's wife is not answering the phone at home as she's 'out on the mickeys'! Jim The Slipper awaits...
But what about Aubrey's lunch box? Oh but that just might be it Holmes!
Tomathy: Blast! I should phone Eleanora to see that everything is alright. She could be worried sick!
Holmes: Ooh now that’s fierce cold. Brrr.
Tomathy: I know, I should’ve called her earlier. Wait, but oh, if I go back inside then we’ll be late for the meeting, no, no, I’ll call her on the way, there’s a Telephone Booth just outside Taylor’s Oil and Colour Merchants on Patrick Street.
Holmes: What is all this Tom-foolery?
The Gerbil: We’ve done it now.
Holmes: How’d you get out?
The Gerbil: No room for us AND the biscuits..,
Holmes: Get back in there!!!
Tomathy: No, I’ll phone her on the way, we can’t miss the meeting with the paper.
Tomathy: Right, eh, Holmes you don’t have to join me in here.
Holmes: It’s a bit tight too, isn’t it?
Tomathy: Peee-yooo, my boy… you don’t half reek… my eyes…
Holmes: Like me and the Rope Gansella! Akskskskskshshshsh!!!
Tomathy: Argh! Say it, don’t spray it!
Holmes: Is that your leg?
Tomathy: It’s ringing… Phooo, bloody cold this evening, I thought it was meant to be Summer hmm?
Holmes: It’d fuse yer nuts together for the warmth! I can rub ya if yis want…
Tomathy: Eh no thanks Aubrey. Still ringing, that’s unusual, she’s always home by 7-
Holmes: She’s gone out on the mickeys… DORT! Akskskskskshshshkskskh!
Tomathy: No answer, we must go home at once, something’s not right.
Holmes: Hah?
Tomathy: Come on! Go! Nowww!!
Holmes: Ah here…
Tomathy: The paper will have to wait for tomorrow.
Davey: Hello? Hello? Is that... Tomathy Wilson? It’s you isn’t it? You were at the scene of the crime today!
Tomathy: EH? Sorry chap, can’t talk now, in a terrible hurry… call my office in the morning.
Davey: No, Mr. Wilson, it was you who wanted to talk to me. I’m Davey Maybury... of the Examiner, you phoned me a few minutes ago, we were just on the way to Mangan’s…
Tomathy: Oh crumbs! Awfully sorry Davey, we do want to speak to you but something’s come up.
Davey: Oh yeah? About Jim the Slipper is it? Get a few shots Miley…
Holmes: Ah, AHHH! Get out of me face with that yoke!
Tomathy: I can’t possibly comment.
Davey: It is, isn’t it Mr Wilson? Off on another lead? A little bird told me that you go in for the amateur detecting of a weekend! What have you got?
Tomathy: I assure you it’s nothing like that, very mundane, just a crossed appointment, sorry, I’ll call you in the morning, first thing! Thank you for your time...
Holmes: Stop that or I’ll smash it off yer face!!!
Davey: You’ve got information for me Mr Wilson.
Tomathy: For the last time, we’ll discuss it tomorrow, really now, I must insist we be let on our way!
Holmes: Aghghgh! Blinded!
Davey: It’s half past seven. Don’t drag us out here for nothing Mr. Wilson. At least a titbit, something to get us going! Have to keep the story alive you know!
Tomathy: Listen if you really want to focus on someone, focus on my friend here, this is the great Aubrey Holmes, now he’s a real detective! A top dog in sleuthing, hot on the tail of Jim the Slipper! Now, if you please, we are in a rush!
Holmes: Hah? What are you sayin’? He’s opened up the clacker valve!!! Are you Madden the Head???
Davey: Amazing! Aubrey Holmes eh? This’ll make page 5 for sure! Miley, back to the office, have a write up to do! God bless you Gentlemen and mind the snipers!
And on go Aubrey and Tomathy to find the truth of serial killer Jim the Slipper in this aurally arousing finale to Mental Holmes I by Amplevoicepod. Podcasting done right.