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Why This Conversation Matters
Most of us think safety is something we find: the right city, the right job, the right relationship. Melissa Indot spent the first half of her life testing that theory. Born in Malaysia, raised partly in the UK because of her father's job with Shell, then shipped off to boarding school at a young age, she built an entire identity around being a foreigner wherever she stood. In this episode of the Wholehearted Podcast, she and host Coen unpack what she learned instead: that safety isn't a place at all. It's a state of mind you can build, no matter where you are.
Who This Episode Is For
This is for anyone who's ever felt like a misfit, whether that's because you grew up between two cultures, spent your childhood trying to earn approval, or you're currently juggling five different passions and being told to just pick one. It's also for anyone who freezes up trying to make the "right" decision, or who's never been able to explain the difference between a gut instinct and plain old fear.
Key Takeaways
1. There are three kinds of power, and only one of them actually works long-term
Melissa lays out a framework she's built her life around: power over (control, dictatorship-style), power within (self-awareness and personal agency), and power behind (a quieter kind of leadership that makes room for other people's truths without losing your own). She argues that power within is the one that actually holds up, because it comes from knowing yourself well enough that you don't need to dominate a room to feel secure in it. Power behind, she says, is what happens in conversations exactly like this one: two people holding different truths without either one collapsing.
2. Instinct keeps you alive. Intuition tells you what to do with your life.
One of the clearest distinctions in the episode: instinct is fear-based and built for survival in the moment. Intuition, as Melissa describes it, is something older and quieter, generational wisdom she believes lives in the body and gets accessed by going still enough to feel it rather than think your way to it. Melissa reframes a trap a lot of people get stuck: waiting for certainty before they'll act. Instead of hunting for the "correct" choice, she suggests committing to whatever you choose and making the most of it.
3. Being multi-passionate isn't a flaw you need to fix
Both Coen and Melissa talk openly about being pulled in multiple directions at once, and the pressure to "pick a lane" that comes with that. Melissa shared about the unique perspectives that spending her life between the U.K. and Malaysia has given her. Coen shares how a random perfume-making class he took just for enjoyment taught him powerful lessons on storytelling, and recounts how a stray piece of wine knowledge that saved him in front of a client years after he'd forgotten why he even knew it. Their shared point: knowledge doesn't have to be useful on paper to be worth having.
Connect with Melissa
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissaindot/
Instagram: @melissaindot
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