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Welcome back to Two Crows podcast.
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I'm your host, Tylar Holmes.
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And for emotional support, I have Jordan.
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Hello.
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I've never been here before.
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You've never been here.
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This is new for you.
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First time.
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First time recording.
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Yeah.
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First time.
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Well, I'm on this.
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Okay.
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On, on Two Crows.
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Yes.
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Oh, well, no, because there was a trauma.
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We talked about it.
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Oh, we did.
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We had a twofer.
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Okay.
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Nevermind.
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It's your third time back.
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It is.
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So today I decided last minute to record while we were recording a different episode of wacky
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news.
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My absolutely terrifying dream I had last night.
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Which was terrifying.
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Which mind you, I woke up in the middle of the night and I went back to sleep and continue
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to the same dream.
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Which yeah, when that happens, it's.
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And it was a good dream.
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It was a long dream.
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So it started out where I was just at an event with my children.
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And I started like not remembering things.
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Like I'd be talking and all of a sudden I couldn't recall a word that I wanted to recall
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within the story that I was trying to say and I could not think of the word.
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And so then my second oldest son told me I should go to the doctor.
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So I went to the doctor and they did some scans and it was like real life.
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Like I felt like the amount of time it would take to do all this stuff.
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Oh my God.
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Okay.
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So I went in for scans.
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I did MRI, a CT scan and they did some like brain mapping type scan too.
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Or they put like, or like an EEG maybe or EKG, EEG.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So they did all of that.
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And then they told me I had early onset Alzheimer's.
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And then they told me that it was still early and to watch out for certain things.
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And so times going by, I'm like taking the kids to things.
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No one believes me.
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No one in my family believes me.
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None.
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No one around me believes me.
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My job doesn't believe me.
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And they're all just telling me I'm too young, which I've heard my whole life with my medical
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stuff.
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Sorry that it exists.
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I'm sorry for my age and I wish that I didn't have these things too.
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I get it.
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I'm too young.
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Yeah.
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So I start like trying to go back to people that I know I would recognize if my brain
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took me back to, like I started not remembering the more recent stuff and only remembered
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stuff from a while ago because that was starting to happen.
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And in my dream, I would go in and out of knowing what was going on.
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Like in my dream, I would all of a sudden not know what was going on at all and be stuck
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and I'd get lost.
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So I kept getting lost and ending up in different places.
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And then I would come to, and I wouldn't know where I am or who these people around me are
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because they're strangers.
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And I would try to find my way back home.
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But some of these times I had gotten like really far from home and had to like figure
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it out because I didn't have my stuff with me or money.
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And people thought I was crazy because I told them like what happened and how I got there
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and that I didn't remember.
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So I end up back in California because that's where my family is.
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And I'm still living on my own with the kids, but somehow affording to do that in California.
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Because no one would like believe me even in the medical community, even though my doctor
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gave me this diagnosis and I had all these scans, like I couldn't get help or support
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like in the home or with the kids or anything.
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And I was scared.
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And for some reason, Evelyn was younger than she is, but the rest of the kids were the
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right ages.
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But I kept ending up alone with Evelyn.
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And Evelyn and I was scared of that because I'm like, okay, I don't know if I'm not going
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to remember who she is because she's my youngest child.
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And all of a sudden I have this kid with me and I don't know who they are.
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Which kept happening.
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And then Evelyn would think I was messing with her.
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Which was really sad.
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Like when I would come to and she would tell me what happened, I would like start crying.
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And I woke up in my eyes, like around my eyes, I think I was actually crying in my sleep
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because I had like crusty stuff all around my eyes.
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So then I somehow ended up, so my kids were in a pro like a summer camp thing.
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So they were away for a week.
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And I somehow had one of those moments where I didn't, I was younger.
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I was like 10 years old in my mind.
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Like that's all I could remember was everything up till 10.
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I knew I was an adult, but I only remembered everything up until 10 years old.
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And I somehow ended up at my father's house and my stepmom was there.
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And my stepmom did not believe me.
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My stepmom and I do not get along in real life.
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She did not believe me.
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And she kept buying everything like grocery wise, like they weren't going to kick me out
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or anything.
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They were going to let me stay there and be like, okay, we're going to take care of you.
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But she kept buying everything I was allergic to.
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Like on purpose, I couldn't eat.
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And I ended up losing like 70 pounds.
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This was over a long period of time.
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Like this was like, I ended up like being stuck at this like 10 year old mindset for
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like a while.
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And so people were taking care of the kids and stuff.
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And I was stuck at my dad's house and I didn't want to leave.
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Because at that time when I was 10, I was having a lot of issues with my mom.
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And so I didn't want to go to her house.
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I wanted to stay at my dad's house.
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And so I ended up losing a bunch of weight because there was nothing I could eat at their
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house.
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And so then eventually I came to a little bit and I'm like, where are my kids?
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And I was freaking out.
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So I went back up to where like my mom's side of the family are.
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And that's who was watching the kids.
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And my mom was like, oh, you look so good.
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I was like, because I lost 70 pounds because I haven't been eating.
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Which by the way, you losing 70 pounds would be no, that would be really bad.
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So at the weight I am right now, if I lost 70 pounds, I would be 110 pounds.
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Yeah.
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Which is no.
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And I'm five foot nine.
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I'm five foot nine.
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I'm not short.
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So we're not short.
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So no.
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Actually, I'd be less than that.
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I'm 170.
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I'm probably less now, but I was 175 like a week and a half ago and I've lost more weight.
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But yeah, so I'd be like under that.
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I was very, very thin.
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Also, weird side note, when I was that thin, I lost my boobs and everyone kept making me
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still wear my big bras because I had paid so much money for them.
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So I was wearing these big bras and my shirts were obviously showing my bras for like way
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too big.
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And I'm like really embarrassed and I don't know what's going on like half the time and
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I'm really confused and I was getting angry because I was so confused and no one was helping
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me.
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And so I started getting really angry and like not aggressive physically, but like verbally.
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And so people are getting mad at me for like cussing and like getting angry and telling
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them like this is what's freaking going on.
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And somehow we end up at the zoo and yeah.
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So we end up at the zoo, the San Diego Zoo or Wild Ammo Park, sorry, the Safari Park.
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And I get lost there and people think that I'm faking it to try to get into where animals
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are.
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And because I'm like wandering around like where I'm not supposed to be trying to find
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people like anyone to help me.
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And yeah, so they think that I'm faking it to get into where the animals are.
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I end up in the hospital for them to evaluate me and I tell them and they get my records
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and they believe me like what's going on.
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And I'm like I need help.
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And they try to convince my family what's going on and that it's not going to get better.
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And that was the other thing I was trying to come to terms with.
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This was never going to get better.
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It's only going to get worse.
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And I am so confused all the time and it was very, I felt so alone.
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Like I've never felt so alone.
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And then there was times where I was surrounded by people that I would know in my life, but
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I didn't know them in my dream.
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And I felt like really alone.
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These people are trying to convince me I know them.
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And I'm like, I don't freaking know you.
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Like, oh, but it was absolutely terrifying.
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And it's now one of my biggest fears.
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So I get on early onset Alzheimer's.
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Right.
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I mean, definitely one of my biggest fears.
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Yeah, like not remembering Evelyn was probably like the saddest part.
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And then I felt so guilty like when I would come to and then I would know who she was
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and know that I hurt her by being like, I don't know you're not my daughter.
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Right.
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Get away from me.
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Yeah.
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Like that's scary.
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But I mean, at least the good news is you're not alone.
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You know?
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Yeah.
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So, but it's not going to happen.
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I don't know.
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I keep forgetting things.
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I think that's why I think that's why this happened is because I keep like forgetting
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words and like while I'm talking, I don't know if it's anxiety or what it is, but like
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that's what scared me was like the other day I kept forgetting.
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Like I could not think of the words that I was trying to say.
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And I knew that they were there, but I could not get the word.
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I mean, I think that could have a lot to do with anxiety.
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Like I'm not a doctor, obviously, but like I do that.
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I do that to the world.
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I'll forget a word.
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And it's like I just sit there and I'm just blank.
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Yeah.
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The word is completely left.
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There's you know, and then it comes to I don't know.
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I think that's a part of neurodivergency maybe.
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Maybe.
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I don't know.
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It's scary.
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Yeah.
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And yeah, that's scary.
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Yeah.
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And then it kept happening one day and I'm like, I don't know.
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Maybe it was lack of sleep.
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I mean, it could have been because you definitely had some days there where you were not sleeping
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at all.
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And I would maybe sleep like micro sleep and I would not get to REM, that's for sure.
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I was not like I would think I had slept and I woke up and it had been like 10 minutes
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since I closed my eyes.
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Oh jeez.
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And I didn't fall asleep right away when I closed my eyes either.
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So it's like I barely and then I kept like jerking my body kept jerking me awake for
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like a week straight.
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Every time I was like almost asleep, my body would jerk me awake and that's still happening
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but not every time.
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But yeah, they increased the dose of one of my medications and that started happening.
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So yeah, that could definitely be why I keep forgetting words.
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And they're mostly nouns that I'm forgetting, which is weird.
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You know, well, I think I'd have to really think about it but I feel like I just feel
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like at a base level, we probably have more nouns than we do any other part of speech.
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Just because of the wide range of everything a noun could like what person place thing,
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idea, you know, like when you really think about it.
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I think we probably do have more nouns than anything else.
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So I think that makes sense.
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Okay.
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I, yeah.
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I mean, that is scary.
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That's a scary thought.
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Maybe I'll mention it at my doctor's appointment on the 19th.
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Yeah.
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I've had everything scanned but my brain.
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So might as well get the brain scan too.
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Cause like they look for plaque buildup in your brain for like dementia and Alzheimer's.
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But I cut out gluten so that should help.
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Exactly.
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You know, you cut out the gluten and...
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Okay.
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I didn't cut out gluten though because I cut out all bread.
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I have not had bread or crackers or any of that.
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I have had beer.
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Yes, yes, yes.
250
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But not a lot.
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So mainly I drink gluten-free beer because I drink the sours and they're gluten-free
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or I have apple cider.
253
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Right.
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Which I think is gluten-free.
255
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I believe so.
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But I did have a queen bee.
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00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:01,680
Yes.
258
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But I mean, of course.
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Which is not, I don't think it's gluten-free.
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No.
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But I mean, you also don't think, I don't think you have celiac.
262
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I don't have celiac.
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I have a gluten sensitivity that causes me to be allergic to other things.
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So with my mast cell activation syndrome, gluten acts as an allergen.
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And so it activates that the mast cells and then they think, so those get activated thinking
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I'm having an allergic reaction.
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And so I end up, it ends up thinking I'm allergic to things like the sun, like randomly I'll
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be allergic to certain spices or grass or pollen.
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And it gets worse and worse every year because every time that happens, my body gets more
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reactive to allergens.
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Right.
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So that's why I'm supposed to cut out gluten.
273
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Not because I'm allergic to it, but because it causes my body to think it's allergic to
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it.
275
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Right.
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Oh.
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And I was getting rashes on the backs of my arms and that stopped after I stopped eating
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gluten.
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So that's good at least.
280
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Doing something.
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And my bloating all went away.
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Right.
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I lost weight.
284
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So it's not all bad, I guess.
285
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And gluten-free buns.
286
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:40,320
Both of them are horrible at the grocery store, but they're really good at restaurants.
287
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,320
Interesting.
288
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:42,320
Huh.
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00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,240
The restaurants by my house.
290
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:51,320
So two of them have two different gluten-free buns, but both of them are good.
291
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Like they stay together.
292
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:57,840
I got some at the grocery store and they were falling apart and like all of the are kind
293
00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:58,840
of like dry.
294
00:15:58,840 --> 00:15:59,840
Yuck.
295
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:03,800
I'd rather just have lettuce around my burger.
296
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:09,760
So I've just been doing lettuce wraps at home.
297
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You know, cheese also works as a wrap.
298
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,960
I haven't seen cheese wraps.
299
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:19,960
That seems greasy.
300
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:25,520
Yeah, it would definitely be a mess.
301
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And the flatulence.
302
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,240
The flatulence.
303
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,240
Yeah.
304
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And that you definitely don't get from bean burritos.
305
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,360
That's for sure.
306
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,360
Yeah.
307
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaking of flatulence.
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00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:44,400
Films and flatulence.
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00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:52,120
If you're not on our Patreon, even the smallest tier, which is $3 a month to support the podcast
310
00:16:52,120 --> 00:17:00,440
gets you our Patreon only episodes, which are us reviewing films, which are both good
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00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,880
and bad films.
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00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:12,080
I tell you ahead of time on the Instagram what the films are going to be so that you
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can watch them.
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Most of them should be free to watch.
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If they're not, we'll let you know.
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But we try to do mostly free if you have the streaming service to watch the shows.
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Some of them have ads.
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We deal with it.
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Yeah, and don't be mad at us if we say it doesn't have ads and it has ads.
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Because streaming sites change so often.
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And it depends on your country.
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So possibly it'll be free in one country and it's not free in another country.
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So if you have ExpressVPN, sponsor us.
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There you go.
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You can choose what country you're going to be in and you can watch the shows that are
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00:17:56,360 --> 00:18:00,880
on that streaming service from that country.
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00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,600
So it'll open up a whole variety of shows.
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When I was in Europe, it had very different shows from when I was here.
329
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:11,640
And there was a show I was watching when I was in France that I could not find here.
330
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:17,400
Yeah, I had that happen too with Germany.
331
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,320
It was a show about a throuple.
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00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:26,120
I was getting really invested in this show too.
333
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:35,480
And it was a throuple and they were having some issues.
334
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,120
But they were a thing.
335
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They were a thing.
336
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,600
She was a prostitute.
337
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:48,320
So their third was a prostitute, a worker of the night.
338
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:55,240
And the husband, like their marriage got kind of stale.
339
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The husband hired her, but they didn't sleep together.
340
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Like he just wanted to talk.
341
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,200
Okay, interesting.
342
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:10,120
And then the wife found out about this and then hired her without telling her who she
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was.
344
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:16,720
And then was like, oh, I see what you liked in her.
345
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Then they got together with her.
346
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,280
I need to find the show study.
347
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,640
It was like called like, I don't know.
348
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,240
Was it English language?
349
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,240
Yeah.
350
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,880
Oh, was it like British?
351
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:37,040
No, I think it was American, but it was, but the show was wasn't on Netflix here.
352
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,680
It was on Netflix there.
353
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,040
Oh, it was weird.
354
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,360
Yeah, that sucks.
355
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:48,000
When you find a show that is, you know, that you like and then.
356
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,040
But yeah, I guess I don't have Netflix anymore.
357
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,040
Right.
358
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,600
Well, yeah, if you had a VPN, you could find it.
359
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:54,600
That's true.
360
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,040
I should go over to someone's house.
361
00:19:56,040 --> 00:20:02,240
When I was pet sitting, I would watch things on Netflix at their houses when they had Netflix.
362
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:06,840
Like I was able to watch Wednesday while I was pet sitting.
363
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:07,840
Wednesday.
364
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,560
Yeah, the Wednesday Addams show.
365
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,000
Oh, okay.
366
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,000
Yeah.
367
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,000
Yeah.
368
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,000
Yeah.
369
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,000
So that's that.
370
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:23,360
And hopefully I don't have Alzheimer's or dementia.
371
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:24,360
You don't.
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00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,360
You're not.
373
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:30,960
That was the most terrifying dream.
374
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,880
Oh, absolutely.
375
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,200
That's yeah, that would rock me.
376
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:41,040
Like that was more scary than my like horror, like grotesque dreams.
377
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,040
Yeah.
378
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,720
Yeah, that's no, that's.
379
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:45,720
Yeah.
380
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:53,200
So join our Patreon, like, share, comment, do all the things.
381
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,640
And hello.
382
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,600
Hello, world.
383
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:00,600
Goodbye.
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00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:27,600
And Crows out.
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000
Welcome back to Two Crows podcast.
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I'm your host, Tylar Holmes.
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And for emotional support, I have Jordan.
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Hello.
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00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:14,240
I've never been here before.
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You've never been here.
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00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:17,600
This is new for you.
8
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,600
First time.
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00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,600
First time recording.
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Yeah.
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First time.
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Well, I'm on this.
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00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:23,600
Okay.
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00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:24,600
On, on Two Crows.
15
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:25,600
Yes.
16
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:26,600
Oh, well, no, because there was a trauma.
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We talked about it.
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00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,600
Oh, we did.
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00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,600
We had a twofer.
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00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:31,600
Okay.
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00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:32,600
Nevermind.
22
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It's your third time back.
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00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,320
It is.
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00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:42,520
So today I decided last minute to record while we were recording a different episode of wacky
25
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,120
news.
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00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:50,140
My absolutely terrifying dream I had last night.
27
00:00:50,140 --> 00:00:52,360
Which was terrifying.
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00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:58,520
Which mind you, I woke up in the middle of the night and I went back to sleep and continue
29
00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:01,560
to the same dream.
30
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,360
Which yeah, when that happens, it's.
31
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:06,360
And it was a good dream.
32
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It was a long dream.
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00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:18,240
So it started out where I was just at an event with my children.
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And I started like not remembering things.
35
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:26,520
Like I'd be talking and all of a sudden I couldn't recall a word that I wanted to recall
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00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:31,240
within the story that I was trying to say and I could not think of the word.
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00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:37,120
And so then my second oldest son told me I should go to the doctor.
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00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:41,600
So I went to the doctor and they did some scans and it was like real life.
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00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,680
Like I felt like the amount of time it would take to do all this stuff.
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00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,160
Oh my God.
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00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,160
Okay.
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00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:48,160
So I went in for scans.
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I did MRI, a CT scan and they did some like brain mapping type scan too.
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Or they put like, or like an EEG maybe or EKG, EEG.
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00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,120
Okay.
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00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,120
Yeah.
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00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,120
Yeah.
48
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,120
So they did all of that.
49
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:10,880
And then they told me I had early onset Alzheimer's.
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00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:15,640
And then they told me that it was still early and to watch out for certain things.
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00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:19,960
And so times going by, I'm like taking the kids to things.
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00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,840
No one believes me.
53
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,920
No one in my family believes me.
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00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:24,920
None.
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00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,320
No one around me believes me.
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My job doesn't believe me.
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And they're all just telling me I'm too young, which I've heard my whole life with my medical
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stuff.
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Sorry that it exists.
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I'm sorry for my age and I wish that I didn't have these things too.
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I get it.
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I'm too young.
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Yeah.
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So I start like trying to go back to people that I know I would recognize if my brain
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00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:58,960
took me back to, like I started not remembering the more recent stuff and only remembered
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stuff from a while ago because that was starting to happen.
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And in my dream, I would go in and out of knowing what was going on.
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Like in my dream, I would all of a sudden not know what was going on at all and be stuck
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and I'd get lost.
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00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,400
So I kept getting lost and ending up in different places.
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And then I would come to, and I wouldn't know where I am or who these people around me are
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because they're strangers.
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00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,880
And I would try to find my way back home.
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But some of these times I had gotten like really far from home and had to like figure
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00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,920
it out because I didn't have my stuff with me or money.
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And people thought I was crazy because I told them like what happened and how I got there
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and that I didn't remember.
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00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:46,360
So I end up back in California because that's where my family is.
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And I'm still living on my own with the kids, but somehow affording to do that in California.
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Because no one would like believe me even in the medical community, even though my doctor
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00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:03,360
gave me this diagnosis and I had all these scans, like I couldn't get help or support
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like in the home or with the kids or anything.
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00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,280
And I was scared.
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00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,480
And for some reason, Evelyn was younger than she is, but the rest of the kids were the
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00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,480
right ages.
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00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:18,280
But I kept ending up alone with Evelyn.
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00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:22,040
And Evelyn and I was scared of that because I'm like, okay, I don't know if I'm not going
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00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,040
to remember who she is because she's my youngest child.
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00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:30,000
And all of a sudden I have this kid with me and I don't know who they are.
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00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,160
Which kept happening.
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00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:35,280
And then Evelyn would think I was messing with her.
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Which was really sad.
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Like when I would come to and she would tell me what happened, I would like start crying.
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00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:45,080
And I woke up in my eyes, like around my eyes, I think I was actually crying in my sleep
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00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:50,720
because I had like crusty stuff all around my eyes.
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00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:57,600
So then I somehow ended up, so my kids were in a pro like a summer camp thing.
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00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,480
So they were away for a week.
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00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:04,600
And I somehow had one of those moments where I didn't, I was younger.
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00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,240
I was like 10 years old in my mind.
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00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,400
Like that's all I could remember was everything up till 10.
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00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:14,240
I knew I was an adult, but I only remembered everything up until 10 years old.
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00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:18,320
And I somehow ended up at my father's house and my stepmom was there.
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00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,560
And my stepmom did not believe me.
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00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:25,820
My stepmom and I do not get along in real life.
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00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:27,340
She did not believe me.
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00:05:27,340 --> 00:05:31,020
And she kept buying everything like grocery wise, like they weren't going to kick me out
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00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:32,020
or anything.
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00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:35,680
They were going to let me stay there and be like, okay, we're going to take care of you.
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But she kept buying everything I was allergic to.
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Like on purpose, I couldn't eat.
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00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:45,400
And I ended up losing like 70 pounds.
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This was over a long period of time.
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00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,460
Like this was like, I ended up like being stuck at this like 10 year old mindset for
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00:05:50,460 --> 00:05:51,460
like a while.
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00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:53,520
And so people were taking care of the kids and stuff.
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00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,760
And I was stuck at my dad's house and I didn't want to leave.
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00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:02,920
Because at that time when I was 10, I was having a lot of issues with my mom.
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00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:04,680
And so I didn't want to go to her house.
119
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,960
I wanted to stay at my dad's house.
120
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:11,640
And so I ended up losing a bunch of weight because there was nothing I could eat at their
121
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:15,480
house.
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00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:19,280
And so then eventually I came to a little bit and I'm like, where are my kids?
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And I was freaking out.
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So I went back up to where like my mom's side of the family are.
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And that's who was watching the kids.
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And my mom was like, oh, you look so good.
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I was like, because I lost 70 pounds because I haven't been eating.
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Which by the way, you losing 70 pounds would be no, that would be really bad.
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So at the weight I am right now, if I lost 70 pounds, I would be 110 pounds.
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Yeah.
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Which is no.
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And I'm five foot nine.
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I'm five foot nine.
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I'm not short.
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So we're not short.
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So no.
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Actually, I'd be less than that.
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I'm 170.
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I'm probably less now, but I was 175 like a week and a half ago and I've lost more weight.
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But yeah, so I'd be like under that.
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I was very, very thin.
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Also, weird side note, when I was that thin, I lost my boobs and everyone kept making me
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still wear my big bras because I had paid so much money for them.
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So I was wearing these big bras and my shirts were obviously showing my bras for like way
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too big.
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And I'm like really embarrassed and I don't know what's going on like half the time and
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I'm really confused and I was getting angry because I was so confused and no one was helping
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me.
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And so I started getting really angry and like not aggressive physically, but like verbally.
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And so people are getting mad at me for like cussing and like getting angry and telling
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them like this is what's freaking going on.
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And somehow we end up at the zoo and yeah.
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So we end up at the zoo, the San Diego Zoo or Wild Ammo Park, sorry, the Safari Park.
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And I get lost there and people think that I'm faking it to try to get into where animals
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are.
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And because I'm like wandering around like where I'm not supposed to be trying to find
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people like anyone to help me.
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And yeah, so they think that I'm faking it to get into where the animals are.
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I end up in the hospital for them to evaluate me and I tell them and they get my records
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and they believe me like what's going on.
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And I'm like I need help.
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And they try to convince my family what's going on and that it's not going to get better.
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And that was the other thing I was trying to come to terms with.
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This was never going to get better.
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It's only going to get worse.
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And I am so confused all the time and it was very, I felt so alone.
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Like I've never felt so alone.
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And then there was times where I was surrounded by people that I would know in my life, but
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I didn't know them in my dream.
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And I felt like really alone.
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These people are trying to convince me I know them.
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And I'm like, I don't freaking know you.
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Like, oh, but it was absolutely terrifying.
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And it's now one of my biggest fears.
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So I get on early onset Alzheimer's.
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Right.
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I mean, definitely one of my biggest fears.
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Yeah, like not remembering Evelyn was probably like the saddest part.
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And then I felt so guilty like when I would come to and then I would know who she was
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and know that I hurt her by being like, I don't know you're not my daughter.
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Right.
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Get away from me.
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Yeah.
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Like that's scary.
185
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But I mean, at least the good news is you're not alone.
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You know?
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Yeah.
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So, but it's not going to happen.
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I don't know.
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I keep forgetting things.
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I think that's why I think that's why this happened is because I keep like forgetting
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words and like while I'm talking, I don't know if it's anxiety or what it is, but like
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that's what scared me was like the other day I kept forgetting.
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Like I could not think of the words that I was trying to say.
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And I knew that they were there, but I could not get the word.
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I mean, I think that could have a lot to do with anxiety.
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Like I'm not a doctor, obviously, but like I do that.
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I do that to the world.
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I'll forget a word.
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And it's like I just sit there and I'm just blank.
201
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Yeah.
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The word is completely left.
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There's you know, and then it comes to I don't know.
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I think that's a part of neurodivergency maybe.
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Maybe.
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I don't know.
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It's scary.
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Yeah.
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And yeah, that's scary.
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Yeah.
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And then it kept happening one day and I'm like, I don't know.
212
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Maybe it was lack of sleep.
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00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:17,280
I mean, it could have been because you definitely had some days there where you were not sleeping
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at all.
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00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:26,560
And I would maybe sleep like micro sleep and I would not get to REM, that's for sure.
216
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:31,560
I was not like I would think I had slept and I woke up and it had been like 10 minutes
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since I closed my eyes.
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Oh jeez.
219
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,760
And I didn't fall asleep right away when I closed my eyes either.
220
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So it's like I barely and then I kept like jerking my body kept jerking me awake for
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like a week straight.
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Every time I was like almost asleep, my body would jerk me awake and that's still happening
223
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but not every time.
224
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But yeah, they increased the dose of one of my medications and that started happening.
225
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:03,000
So yeah, that could definitely be why I keep forgetting words.
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And they're mostly nouns that I'm forgetting, which is weird.
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You know, well, I think I'd have to really think about it but I feel like I just feel
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like at a base level, we probably have more nouns than we do any other part of speech.
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Just because of the wide range of everything a noun could like what person place thing,
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idea, you know, like when you really think about it.
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I think we probably do have more nouns than anything else.
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So I think that makes sense.
233
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Okay.
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I, yeah.
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I mean, that is scary.
236
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That's a scary thought.
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Maybe I'll mention it at my doctor's appointment on the 19th.
238
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Yeah.
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I've had everything scanned but my brain.
240
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:08,640
So might as well get the brain scan too.
241
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:16,760
Cause like they look for plaque buildup in your brain for like dementia and Alzheimer's.
242
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:21,400
But I cut out gluten so that should help.
243
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Exactly.
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You know, you cut out the gluten and...
245
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:25,280
Okay.
246
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:33,120
I didn't cut out gluten though because I cut out all bread.
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I have not had bread or crackers or any of that.
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I have had beer.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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But not a lot.
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So mainly I drink gluten-free beer because I drink the sours and they're gluten-free
252
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or I have apple cider.
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Right.
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Which I think is gluten-free.
255
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I believe so.
256
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But I did have a queen bee.
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Yes.
258
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But I mean, of course.
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Which is not, I don't think it's gluten-free.
260
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No.
261
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But I mean, you also don't think, I don't think you have celiac.
262
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I don't have celiac.
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I have a gluten sensitivity that causes me to be allergic to other things.
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So with my mast cell activation syndrome, gluten acts as an allergen.
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And so it activates that the mast cells and then they think, so those get activated thinking
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I'm having an allergic reaction.
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And so I end up, it ends up thinking I'm allergic to things like the sun, like randomly I'll
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be allergic to certain spices or grass or pollen.
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And it gets worse and worse every year because every time that happens, my body gets more
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reactive to allergens.
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Right.
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So that's why I'm supposed to cut out gluten.
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Not because I'm allergic to it, but because it causes my body to think it's allergic to
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it.
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Right.
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Oh.
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And I was getting rashes on the backs of my arms and that stopped after I stopped eating
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gluten.
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So that's good at least.
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Doing something.
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And my bloating all went away.
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Right.
283
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I lost weight.
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So it's not all bad, I guess.
285
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And gluten-free buns.
286
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Both of them are horrible at the grocery store, but they're really good at restaurants.
287
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,320
Interesting.
288
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:42,320
Huh.
289
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The restaurants by my house.
290
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So two of them have two different gluten-free buns, but both of them are good.
291
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Like they stay together.
292
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I got some at the grocery store and they were falling apart and like all of the are kind
293
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of like dry.
294
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Yuck.
295
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:03,800
I'd rather just have lettuce around my burger.
296
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So I've just been doing lettuce wraps at home.
297
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You know, cheese also works as a wrap.
298
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,960
I haven't seen cheese wraps.
299
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That seems greasy.
300
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:25,520
Yeah, it would definitely be a mess.
301
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And the flatulence.
302
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The flatulence.
303
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Yeah.
304
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,360
And that you definitely don't get from bean burritos.
305
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,360
That's for sure.
306
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,360
Yeah.
307
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaking of flatulence.
308
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:44,400
Films and flatulence.
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00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:52,120
If you're not on our Patreon, even the smallest tier, which is $3 a month to support the podcast
310
00:16:52,120 --> 00:17:00,440
gets you our Patreon only episodes, which are us reviewing films, which are both good
311
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,880
and bad films.
312
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:12,080
I tell you ahead of time on the Instagram what the films are going to be so that you
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can watch them.
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00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,120
Most of them should be free to watch.
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If they're not, we'll let you know.
316
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:24,620
But we try to do mostly free if you have the streaming service to watch the shows.
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Some of them have ads.
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We deal with it.
319
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:35,160
Yeah, and don't be mad at us if we say it doesn't have ads and it has ads.
320
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,960
Because streaming sites change so often.
321
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,400
And it depends on your country.
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00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:46,560
So possibly it'll be free in one country and it's not free in another country.
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00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:50,240
So if you have ExpressVPN, sponsor us.
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00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,520
There you go.
325
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,360
You can choose what country you're going to be in and you can watch the shows that are
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00:17:56,360 --> 00:18:00,880
on that streaming service from that country.
327
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,600
So it'll open up a whole variety of shows.
328
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,600
When I was in Europe, it had very different shows from when I was here.
329
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:11,640
And there was a show I was watching when I was in France that I could not find here.
330
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:17,400
Yeah, I had that happen too with Germany.
331
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,320
It was a show about a throuple.
332
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:26,120
I was getting really invested in this show too.
333
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:35,480
And it was a throuple and they were having some issues.
334
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,120
But they were a thing.
335
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:41,120
They were a thing.
336
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,600
She was a prostitute.
337
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:48,320
So their third was a prostitute, a worker of the night.
338
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:55,240
And the husband, like their marriage got kind of stale.
339
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,640
The husband hired her, but they didn't sleep together.
340
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,760
Like he just wanted to talk.
341
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,200
Okay, interesting.
342
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:10,120
And then the wife found out about this and then hired her without telling her who she
343
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,120
was.
344
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:16,720
And then was like, oh, I see what you liked in her.
345
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:20,600
Then they got together with her.
346
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,280
I need to find the show study.
347
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,640
It was like called like, I don't know.
348
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,240
Was it English language?
349
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,240
Yeah.
350
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,880
Oh, was it like British?
351
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:37,040
No, I think it was American, but it was, but the show was wasn't on Netflix here.
352
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,680
It was on Netflix there.
353
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,040
Oh, it was weird.
354
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,360
Yeah, that sucks.
355
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:48,000
When you find a show that is, you know, that you like and then.
356
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,040
But yeah, I guess I don't have Netflix anymore.
357
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,040
Right.
358
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,600
Well, yeah, if you had a VPN, you could find it.
359
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:54,600
That's true.
360
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,040
I should go over to someone's house.
361
00:19:56,040 --> 00:20:02,240
When I was pet sitting, I would watch things on Netflix at their houses when they had Netflix.
362
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:06,840
Like I was able to watch Wednesday while I was pet sitting.
363
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:07,840
Wednesday.
364
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,560
Yeah, the Wednesday Addams show.
365
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,000
Oh, okay.
366
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,000
Yeah.
367
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,000
Yeah.
368
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,000
Yeah.
369
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,000
So that's that.
370
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:23,360
And hopefully I don't have Alzheimer's or dementia.
371
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:24,360
You don't.
372
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,360
You're not.
373
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:30,960
That was the most terrifying dream.
374
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,880
Oh, absolutely.
375
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,200
That's yeah, that would rock me.
376
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:41,040
Like that was more scary than my like horror, like grotesque dreams.
377
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,040
Yeah.
378
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,720
Yeah, that's no, that's.
379
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:45,720
Yeah.
380
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:53,200
So join our Patreon, like, share, comment, do all the things.
381
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,640
And hello.
382
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,600
Hello, world.
383
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:00,600
Goodbye.
384
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:27,600
And Crows out.
