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Welcome to this unexpected life.
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So that grace and reminders of grace and how he loved me no matter what, it did the opposite of what I feared.
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It led to a higher standard of me wanting to do better.
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And then again, it also changed my whole internal environment from one of negativity to one of gratitude.
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A podcast for parents navigating the challenges of raising a child with disabilities or special needs.
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Here we share stories of hope, resilience, and messy faith to help you embrace your journey, work through grief, and thrive in your role.
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Whether you're just starting out or seeking encouragement to keep going, this is a space where your story matters.
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Join Carrie, your storytelling companion, as we explore the hope and healing found in Jesus Christ.
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One story at a time.
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Hello there and welcome back to this Unexpected Life Podcast.
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This is episode 60, and we're finishing up our month on the theme of caring for the caregiver.
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My guest today is Brandis Lardner.
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She is the founder of Grace Filled Plate and author of the book Fully Nourished.
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For nearly a decade, she has helped women move beyond dieting to experience lasting freedom with food by caring for the whole person, body, mind, and spirit.
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So Brandis' unexpected story is one around food freedom, and she helps women find that freedom through learning to invite Jesus into the messy moments when we're running to unhealthy habits to cope with our lives instead of God.
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One of the things I asked her about was how do we tell the difference between rest and escape, especially when we're under the stress of caregiving?
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Her answer was to notice our grip.
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What is our heart posture toward that activity?
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And what does that activity bring into our lives?
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Is it peace and wisdom or something else?
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I know you're going to enjoy my conversation today with Brandis Lardner.
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So hello and welcome to this Unexpected Life Podcast.
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My guest is Brandis Lardner.
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Brandis, thank you for being here.
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Oh, thank you so much for having me.
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I've been really looking forward to this.
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So if you would just start, give a quick overview who you are, where you're from, your family, if you'd like to show that part.
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Sure.
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So yeah, she said I'm Brandis, and I am a blogger and author over at Grace Filled Plate, and I help Christian women find food freedom through their faith.
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And this is something that I learned just through many years of my own struggles.
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And I'm super excited to be here because I've always had a heart for caregivers because I've seen so many women email or through my programs, just the struggles that come along with caring for others.
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And so I'm just really excited to be able to speak to your audience and then share this, your message with those women in my community too.
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Yeah, that's so exciting.
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So take us back to your unexpected story.
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The person that you were before God began changing how you looked at food, your body, and yourself.
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And what did you think you needed to fix?
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Just share, share your testimony.
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For sure.
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Yeah.
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So I grew up in the 90s, and 90 was 90s was the era of the supermodel.
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So, like kids today, really date myself, wanted to want to be, you know, YouTubers or influencers, it was the era of the supermodel.
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And so I fell prey to one of the little schools that were trying to bring girls in and put them with a photographer and get their modeling cards and all of this.
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And while that never turned into anything, praise the Lord, I did meet with a photographer who had told me at that young age that I needed to lose X amount of pounds.
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And I look back at the photos and it was absolutely ridiculous advice.
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You know, I was a healthy young child.
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And so at that age, I think with all of the formative years, physically, emotionally, mentally going on my first diet at that time, it just really interrupted my regular course of life with an obsession over food and body image to the point where my entire worth and value were not only tied to how I looked, but how I ate on a daily basis.
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And it literally became the narrative of my entire life.
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And the Lord, in his great mercy, uses our greatest struggles to become the things that he uses to make us more like Jesus.
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And that journey out that spanned over a couple of decades is something I would never trade now, but it was pretty rigorous and exhausting.
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And so those years of struggling with food and even an eating disorder and being inpatient treatment and trying all of the world's methods of changed really showed me that God's word is the truth and it holds the answer to all of our struggles.
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I just needed a little help knowing how to apply it.
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And that was the journey that he led me on and that has now allowed me to share that message with other women.
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How those hard struggles are really beckonings of the Lord to rely on him.
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As I know your listeners well know, probably.
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Yeah.
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And I love how you said that the greatest struggles are what God uses to draw us to him if we allow it to, and to choose to step into that space.
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I think a lot of times when we struggle with a certain thing, and usually it does come from our childhood, whether it's a situation like you had, or words that were spoken over us, or different things, that all of a sudden we we have anxiety, we have the need for control, or we're fearful.
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And we have this like core belief that we're more worthy if we're performing or doing all these things, or maybe it's because of the way our kids' behavior is or how they act, or being a caregiver, and we think that we have to fix it.
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So why is it so important to look beneath the behavior rather than simply just trying to change, to work harder, to try harder to fix it?
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Isn't it so interesting?
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Because as you're talking about even the parental role and how we can assign worth and value to ourselves, I remember being it's being the simplest thing like dust on my baseboards or dirty dishes that I couldn't get to at the end of the night, and allowing those things to make me feel like I was less than.
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And it really is, like you said, it's it echoes things that happened from our childhood or voices that we've heard from outside experiences, or the enemy that's finding those weaknesses within us and really capitalizing on them.
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And so it really takes a coach's mindset, like the way you would help your best friend or your daughter or your niece to work through a personal challenge is really the mindset that we need with ourselves because we go from seeing something to automatically judging it.
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Like we just automatically have an opinion about it and the narrative that it pulls behind it.
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But when we stop judging, we can start learning.
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And just like in our own lives, like if someone were to criticize us, we would automatically become defensive and we just put a wall up.
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Like we're not listening, no matter how good their advice is, we don't care, right?
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We've put a wall up.
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And so that same critical mindset that comes from within us, right?
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That we say to ourselves all the time, I mean, oh, I could have written a book with all my negative little sayings that kind of swirled around in my mind, we just shut down, right?
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We just shut down.
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And so rather than judging it and being like, I have to fix that so I'm okay, get curious, just like you would with a friend, right?
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Like, why is that happening, sweetie?
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Like if a if a child is misbehaving, we could try to fix the behavior.
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And the oftentimes that's what's needed, right?
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Like addressing the behavior, but sometimes there's a core belief under it or a uh a behavior that is being coming from maybe they're hungry, right?
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Maybe they're tired, maybe they had a lot of sugar, maybe they didn't sleep that well that last time.
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There's often a reason that we can at least make things a little bit easier to navigate.
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And the same thing goes for yourself.
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When we can set aside judgment and just get curious, there's often not completely logical reasons, but good reasons why we're doing the things we do and why we're saying the things we say.
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And when you start to notice, like I did, that I was really hoping my negative self-talk would make me try harder or do better, then I can look at it and say, hmm, interesting.
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Is that helping?
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Right?
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And it turns out it actually just made me feel bad.
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And so when we observe, we can learn, and then we can actually go to God's word and get to the root of it, like the self-worth or the things that play from the past, right?
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Rather than addressing in my case and the women who I work with, how we're eating or how we're emotional eating.
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What if we went to verses that talked about worth and value and how the Lord is pleased with us?
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And that kind of calms that deeper desire.
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So fix it is totally normal.
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I get it.
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We all want a that quick fix, but God isn't going to allow us to a serve a solution.
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He really wants us to get to the heart of it all.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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And I think as women, we all have those tapes that are kind of running in our heads.
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One of the things I struggle with is just feeling like I have to explain myself all the time and the need to be understood.
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And obviously that's played out in our journey with our son with disabilities, because there are times where he'll say something to someone and he just has no filter.
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And I feel like I have to make excuses.
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And so I think deep down sometimes it's the rejection, like this person, this friend's gonna reject us because we're too needy, or because our son said this and he's not gonna have friends, and all of these things.
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And it is so important for us to get curious about why why is that negative self-talk?
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Or why do I feel like I have to do this behavior over and over and over again to fix something that is wrong with me and is deep inside.
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I don't know.
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Do you have any thoughts about that?
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Absolutely, yeah.
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Well, I mean, the Lord made us to seek that fellowship with him, to find our worth and value in him.
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So anytime we're seeking that approval from an outside source, from another broken human being, we're gonna be really disappointed.
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And those kind of that like chasm between our feelings and being able to feel accepted, like from other people, that's a reminder, I think, for us that we really need to go to the Lord and that it's his opinion and really to get back to what he says.
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And a lot of these things that I've worked on over the years, it's not like I read it in his word and oh man, now I feel it.
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You know, it took believing it by faith.
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Like the way I'm doing this now is broken.
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It's not helping.
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In fact, I'm making things worse.
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I believe in my heart that God's worth is truth.
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I may not be like on board with it yet, but I'm going to act as if I'm going to step in the water and watch the sea part kind of thing before it happens, because that's really my very best option.
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And then things can kind of start to shift and change.
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But I think also just not condemning ourselves.
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I think it's really normal to want to be accepted.
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It's really normal to want other people to like you.
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It's not a character flaw, but when it becomes so important that we forget about what God says, then we want to shift those perspectives and really bring in that truth.
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Uh, but I imagine it's really hard in those situations.
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Um, but having to manage other people's emotions would be exhausting.
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And so eventually we just gotta let it go for our own sanity.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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So I think a lot of times, you know, as caregivers and and whatever it is that that hole that we're trying to fill, right?
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There is this, even when we know Jesus as our savior, there's still, I think, that God-shaped hole that we have to continually run to him to get our worth and value from him.
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And I know personally in my own life, and I think for other people who have children with disabilities or raising children, because of the trauma, because of the hard, we're running to something.
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And it might be eating, it might be the phone, it might be this.
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So I think one of the things that I want the listeners to hear from you is that whatever it is we're turning to in a difficult or hard season isn't necessarily a statement about who we are.
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Could you speak into that a little bit more?
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Sure.
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Um I think everyone has a thing.
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And some are more obvious than others.
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Uh, food is a challenge, right?
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Because it's something we we manage every day.
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But again, it's very normal to want to fill ourselves with something.
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But then, like you mentioned, there's a piece that is longing for God.
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And no matter what it is that we try to fill it with, it's never going to work.
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It's just like if we're not physically hungry and yet we're eating for emotional reasons, we're never going to be satisfied because you can't satisfy an emotional need with food.
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And recognizing it is a really healthy starting point.
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It's a very helpful starting point because so often we will judge the behavior and say it's really bad or I should stop, but that doesn't get you anywhere.
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Like we spoke about earlier, why am I turning to this thing?
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And then even having a thread of compassion for yourself, because when we turn to coping mechanisms, it's because something painful is going on in our lives.
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And anyone else, right, we would want to scoop them up and help them.
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And yet we come in with that judgmental mindset that doesn't allow us to have that compassion towards ourselves.
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So noticing what it is that may be happening and coming from a place of gentleness can really make a big difference instead of condemning.
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Because no matter what the struggle is, whether it's shopping or pornography or you know, eating food, they all come from a place of escape often and relief.
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And how can we begin to find that relief through our relationship with the Lord by casting our care, by trusting in Him?
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And when we have that honest look, then we're able to get to the root a little more easily.
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So definitely put away our thoughts about what should happen and start to notice the reasons behind it.
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Because if you are assuming it's just cravings, right?
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Like I'm eating just because the food tastes good, I mean, that's some information and it certainly could be true, but then you're never gonna get to the root of the problem.
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You're gonna keep cutting out food groups or trying new things.
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Or if you think it's always the carbs that throw us off, right?
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Then we're gonna cut out carbs and then we're gonna cut out this and that.
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And we're still focused on the wrong thing.
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We're focused on trying to fix the food.
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But when you pay attention and you notice certain times of day or certain thoughts or certain emotions lead you to the point where you just don't care about anything and all you want is an escape, the best thing we can do then is address that root feeling with God's word and actually sometimes put the things like the food or the other struggle on the back burner for a bit so that we can actually focus on the true issue at hand.
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Yeah, definitely.
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And I think one of the themes that's coming out is that compassion and lack of judgment on ourselves because it's a journey.
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And I think one of the things that you mentioned to me is you thought if I just have more discipline, if I just have more discipline, this will be better.
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Can you speak to that a little bit too?
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Yeah.
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We often think it's a discipline problem because we think if I just had self-control, I this whole situation would be different.
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But the reality is, at least when I speak with women in my program or in my community, these are women who show a ton of discipline in their lives.
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In fact, they are paying their mortgage on time, they are showing up to work, they have built businesses or run ministries or do child care at church.
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They get up in the morning when they don't want to get up and they wash dishes when they don't want to wash dishes.
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That is a sign of discipline.
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So I would encourage the listener, you know, those who struggle to not label themselves as someone who is undisciplined.
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It's just really not helpful.
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And again, it kind of shuts us down to finding the solution.
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I'm actually someone who has a lot of discipline, but for some reason, I'm running to food when I really want to be running to God.
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What's underneath that?
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And then we can again, we're we keep kind of coming back to the same thing, right?
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Getting to the root of it all, uh, but it's noticing these sort of patterns and what the reasons are that allow us to get to the root because we have a lot of discipline in many areas of our lives.
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But sometimes, I mean, food was the one area where I felt like I had freedom, like I could treat myself.
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In fact, I remember when I went on that first diet, like crying to my mom, like, food is all I have.
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So it wasn't that the diet created the issue, it revealed something that already existed.
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Food is all I have.
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Are you gonna take that too?
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And then every food restriction that came with each following diet felt more like an attack on my coping mechanism.
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And it was really scary because it was never about the food.
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It was about what the food did for me.
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And so we have discipline.
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So maybe rather than always keeping focused on the challenge area, we come into using that area of discipline, that fruit of discipline that we have in getting into God's word and getting to the root and rewiring our thoughts so that that battle with the food or whatever it is doesn't feel so heightened and doesn't feel so impossible to navigate like it does sometimes.
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Right.
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And I think what I hear you saying is we maybe we're under stress or it's trauma, and it's the coping mechanism that can become unhealthy when we're not running to the Lord and we're running to something else to fill it.
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But then we try to, we notice, oh, wait, this has become a habit that, you know, that I've established my son's in the hospital.
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I deserve a dessert because we've been in the hospital 60 times, or that that's my story, like, or whatever it is, like you fill in the blank listener, as you're listening to this, my coping mechanism is A, B, or C.
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Then it becomes a habit, and then we feel like we have to fix it with discipline.
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When the truth is we need to be curious and figure out what is it that we're trying to fill, and how can we run to the Lord to fill that when we're stressed, when we're tired, when we are just at the end of our rope.
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How do you tell the difference?
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And I think this can be hard to answer, but how do you tell the difference between, you know what, I've been caregiving all day and I've been under stress, and I've been using that discipline to care for my child and call the doctor, take them to the hospital, run interference at school, whatever, whatever it is, as being a caregiver.
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And now it's the end of the day, my child is finally in bed, and I just need some time to rest.
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So I might pick up a book or I might do this.
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How do you know when maybe it's becoming an escape, or it's actually I'm choosing this as my method of rest from the stress of my everyday life?
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Do you have any thoughts about that?
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Yeah, yeah.
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I I would say notice your grip on something.
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So if you're like, oh, guess what?
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You can't read a book tonight, you're like, oh, okay, great, I'll find something else to do.
00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:38.480
But if you're like, guess what, you can't eat ice cream tonight and you want to throw a toddler panic attack in the in the kitchen, then we might have elevated it beyond self-care.
00:20:38.559 --> 00:20:41.519
Because here's the reality: food is self-care.
00:20:41.599 --> 00:20:43.119
We're not villainizing eating.
00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:46.720
There can certainly come a time where you eat even as a treat.
00:20:47.039 --> 00:20:50.799
But it's going to be our heart posture that's really going to make a difference.
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:56.319
So is this done sitting next to your husband on the couch during a great conversation?
00:20:56.559 --> 00:21:03.359
Or are you like sneaking in and out of the pantry and grabbing bits of whatever it is in secret?
00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:08.480
So it's kind of could be the same food, but two different experiences.
00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:18.480
And I think if we tune in to our internal right compass, the Holy Spirit within us, yeah, it's like, is there peace and wisdom in this?
00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:29.599
Because my goodness, if it's been an exhausting day and you're just hungry and you need a big hearty meal, my goodness, eat it and give yourself permission to be satiated.
00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:41.680
But when we're just eating food out of repetition for the crunch and the hand-to-mouth meditation that it gives you, you know, that kind of zoning out, then that's not really self-care.
00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:46.640
Now, the reality is sometimes things gotta get messy before they get better.
00:21:46.799 --> 00:21:53.200
And I'll encourage women, invite Jesus in even into your most unlovely moments.
00:21:53.440 --> 00:22:01.440
I mean, I remember sitting with tubs of ice cream, or I mean, I I did some crazy stuff with food.
00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:06.880
I would go to McDonald's and say, Oh, I'm getting stuff for a party and take the five McFlurries home.
00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:12.960
And I had to invite Jesus into those moments and the Holy Spirit because He's wisdom.
00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:17.440
And not, I'm not saying this out of irreverence because we do want to bring God our best.
00:22:17.599 --> 00:22:18.160
But guess what?
00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:19.200
He's there anyways.
00:22:19.279 --> 00:22:26.559
And just like David poured out everything that he had on the table before God and he wasn't ashamed.
00:22:26.799 --> 00:22:36.960
We can invite God into whatever those hard moments are and just say, while we're eating, Holy Spirit, what is it that I'm trying to calm and quench or feel?
00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:39.359
And he will give you wisdom.
00:22:39.519 --> 00:22:43.759
So don't feel like you've got to get it perfect before you can invite God in.
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:50.240
This is our heavenly father that ran to the prodigal son covered in muck and mud, who wasted his inheritance.
00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:51.440
He didn't judge him.
00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:52.880
He wanted to be with him.
00:22:53.039 --> 00:23:00.880
So even when we're in that moment, whatever your struggle is, I believe we can invite the Lord in before it's better and he will help us get there.
00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:02.319
And that's really where we learn.
00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:04.559
In fact, my husband does an interview.
00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:18.960
I did an interview with him that I have in my program where he talks about his struggle with drugs and how he would literally be thanking God for his freedom while he was doing something he didn't wish that he was doing because he just couldn't break the chains on his own.
00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:22.000
So he thought I might as well bring the Lord in.
00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:25.759
And then he he got through it, but he had to bring God in.
00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:33.440
Again, not out of irreverence or that we want to be sinful purposefully, but sometimes we just need that help to break the pattern.
00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:40.559
And so noticing it, asking for wisdom, bringing the Lord in, and then just seeking peace.
00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:45.119
If you don't have peace about it, it's probably best to skip it, right?
00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:46.079
If you can.
00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:46.880
Yeah.
00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:47.359
Yeah.
00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:51.519
And I just want people to pause and hear that statement.
00:23:51.839 --> 00:23:55.599
Invite Jesus into your most unlovely moments.
00:23:55.839 --> 00:23:59.440
That brings tears to my eyes because we do feel that way.
00:23:59.519 --> 00:24:03.119
We feel like we just have to shut him out and we we have to get better.
00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:09.279
We have to fix this on our own before we can invite him into those spaces.
00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:14.319
You know, this month on the podcast, this episode is wrapping up caring for the caregiver.
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:26.559
And I think that is number one on the list of the things that we can do is invite Jesus into our unlovely moments of like, Lord, I'm stuck here and I can't get out and I need you.
00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:31.279
And whatever that looks like, sometimes it might not be even something of our own doing, right?
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:36.240
It might be just the chaos around us of caregiving for our kids.
00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:39.920
You mentioned the word self-care earlier.
00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:47.519
And I think a lot of times that can just feel like it's one more thing I have to do for myself.
00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:55.200
How can we how can we care for ourselves when we don't feel like there's any margin for that at all?
00:24:56.000 --> 00:25:06.640
And and what are some of those habits of self-regulation that we can start doing that are healthy instead of unhealthy?
00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:15.599
That doesn't maybe feel like another thing that I just have to do to fix, you know, the chaos, the trauma that's going on around me right now.
00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:22.319
I I know I remember reading lists about self-care, and you're like, oh my goodness, I'm not taking a bubble bath.
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:23.039
Are you kidding me?
00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:29.920
And that may be the perfect thing for someone, but just these generic lists just didn't work for me.
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:41.119
And so I think probably a lot of the times for women, self-care anymore is probably creating margin and saying no, if at all possible, like giving yourself a little bit of space.
00:25:41.279 --> 00:25:44.400
It's not necessarily adding more.
00:25:44.799 --> 00:25:53.599
It's it's like giving yourself a little bit of room to breathe because you may not even know what helps you if you're so busy always caring for others.
00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:54.960
And I'm not a caregiver.
00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:56.880
My heart is for caregivers.
00:25:57.200 --> 00:26:00.880
I definitely think about it a lot when talking with my women.
00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:05.519
So I don't want to share anything that you're like, oh my goodness, she doesn't know what she's talking about because I don't know what I'm talking about.
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:12.880
But I do think that we can look for the minimum effective dose of what it is that we need.
00:26:13.119 --> 00:26:18.799
Because honestly, sometimes we can feel like it has to be this grandiose opportunity, right?
00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:31.119
We set these unrealistic expectations and that will set us up for failure because we can't necessarily go away for an hour, but does five minutes sitting in the sun, right?
00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:40.880
While your kids are watching a show or something, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, where you can just release and feel better for it.
00:26:41.039 --> 00:26:49.119
If self-care makes you feel worse at the end, you've got more to do and it didn't overall release stress, then maybe we need to look for something else.
00:26:49.279 --> 00:26:51.920
But I'm someone who needs space and time.
00:26:52.079 --> 00:27:01.839
I don't like having a bunch of things on my schedule, and I've just had to learn that about myself and give myself that permission to do what works for me.
00:27:01.920 --> 00:27:06.240
And so asking for help, letting a B minus be a good enough, right?
00:27:06.319 --> 00:27:08.880
Sometimes we're all like, oh, if it's not an A plus, it doesn't count.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:09.599
No, you know what?
00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:15.519
You can B minus clean all day, and it's way better than getting overwhelmed and not getting anything done.
00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:23.279
So self-care happens a lot in our minds, and then creating that space where we have a little bit of room to breathe.
00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:42.400
But I do think specifically when we're talking about things like food, and that's that's my area where I mostly focus on the curse of unrealistic expectations can hit us there too, where we become so paralyzed by all the conflicting information about what is good for us.
00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:44.559
Um, it used to be just like what you ate.
00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:53.119
Now there's like a time of day that you should be eating, and like there's just so much information that it becomes impossible to do it.
00:27:53.279 --> 00:28:02.400
And to an already overloaded mind and schedule, it's really expected to just kind of shut things out and do whatever, right?
00:28:02.559 --> 00:28:04.160
Just we just don't even want to deal with it.
00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:04.880
We just do whatever.
00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:10.799
And so I would like to share just the permission to do a little bit better.
00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:31.279
We don't need perfect meals to feel better, but we do need nourishment and sometimes just thinking about what's the next step that would be a little bit more satisfying, or maybe we rely on healthy convenience food, but it's way better than not being prepared and then getting overwhelmed and not having something available.
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:34.319
And so that's something I'll often work with ladies about.
00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:40.319
Like, what are some of those grab and go things that we can run into the grocery store and have it in and out, right?
00:28:40.480 --> 00:28:45.359
A bag of frozen rice, a rotisserie chicken, and a bag of salad totally counts.
00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:48.319
Or, you know, we're going to the fast food restaurant.
00:28:48.480 --> 00:29:00.079
But rather than feeling like defeated because you had to pick up food to eat because people needed to eat, what if you had a go-to thing that you did when you went to this fast food restaurant and that food fast food restaurant?
00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:03.359
So self-care doesn't have to fit perfection.
00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:06.880
In fact, it's far, far better if it fits into your real life.
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:09.359
And we can talk about that some more if you'd find it helpful.
00:29:09.599 --> 00:29:15.359
Yeah, I think it's really good because a lot of times I think all moms can say we come last, right?
00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:18.799
For the most part in our families, taking care of children.
00:29:19.039 --> 00:29:23.839
And there could be moms listening who are like, I don't have the capacity to prep meals.
00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:26.000
And sometimes even I get just so overwhelmed.
00:29:26.319 --> 00:29:31.839
I've been doing meal prep and planning for 26 years, and it gets old.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:37.759
The older I get, almost the harder it is because there's a level of decision fatigue there.
00:29:38.319 --> 00:29:43.039
And as caregivers, we already have so much decision fatigue.
00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:52.880
So I would love for you, but I do know that when I eat better and I nourish my body better, I am a better caregiver.
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:55.599
I am more present for my family.
00:29:56.000 --> 00:30:01.119
And there's so many things that God has created to nourish our bodies.
00:30:01.200 --> 00:30:09.920
Like I think there's a reason why we get hungry three times a day because we need to run to the Father and He needs to be your nourishment.
00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:17.759
So I would love for you to just, I guess, talk about what are some ways that we can nourish our bodies in just crazy hectic seasons of life.
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:19.440
For sure.
00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:26.480
I think it can help to begin to let go of those unrealistic expectations that I spoke about.
00:30:26.640 --> 00:30:26.880
Yeah.
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:41.440
Sometimes it could be helpful to jot down all of the things you think you should be doing in your eating because it will totally open your mind to seeing why we can often get overwhelmed and feel like it's just too much.
00:30:41.759 --> 00:30:48.240
The reality is that in order to be, you know, well cared for, it's pretty simple.
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:56.640
Almost every healthy eating plan has one thing in common where it's going to be mostly God food most of the time.
00:30:57.039 --> 00:31:01.440
And I use mostly because it doesn't have to be all.
00:31:01.680 --> 00:31:09.839
And in fact, if you're in a season where you're relying fully on prepared seat food, just changing one meal a day, maybe you're like, you know what?
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:25.440
I'm gonna focus on breakfast, on or I'm gonna prepare one dinner a week, or I'm gonna find something that's sort of a go-to easy meal for lunch three times a week, like something super doable, we can always take that step along the continuum to better food.
00:31:25.519 --> 00:31:28.319
Like we, there's always room for improvement, but we don't need to keep improving.
00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:45.200
And so if we can really let go of all of those ideas and begin to focus on aiming for a little more real food than we're already eating, the more that we can do that, the more we'll begin to notice actually what works for us.
00:31:45.440 --> 00:31:53.839
The reason why there's so many plans out there and every single plan has someone who says it's the best thing ever is because everyone's different.
00:31:54.160 --> 00:32:02.400
What fuels you, what fuels me, what kind of foods I like, whether I feel better with more carbs or no carbs or how much protein I like.
00:32:02.559 --> 00:32:04.319
I mean, it's it's endless, right?
00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:12.480
Because you are unique and the Heavenly Father created you and He knows what's going to help you feel your best.
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:18.960
And so letting go of the expectations and asking the Holy Spirit to provide, show me how I can fuel myself well.
00:32:19.119 --> 00:32:23.440
He will answer that prayer, he will help you find peace in the situation.
00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:33.200
And here's the reality: you're gonna get it wrong sometimes and you're gonna wish you hadn't done this or wish you had done that, but it's all learning.
00:32:33.279 --> 00:32:45.440
And so when we let go of all the unrealistic expectations and we just try to fuel ourselves a little bit better than we did previously, we'll start to learn what we like, what works for us, and what helps us feel better.
00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:56.960
Because, like you said, Carrie, you're right, when we're well fueled, it's so much easier to care for our loved ones, but it's probably not like an exact like 35% carbs, 30%, you know, fat.
00:32:57.119 --> 00:32:59.119
It's probably not that perfect meal that works for you.
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:02.720
It's probably just that was a pretty nourishing meal, right?
00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:03.920
It was, it was thoughtful.
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:10.400
I took a moment to put it on a plate, or you know, it wasn't just um an afterthought.
00:33:10.559 --> 00:33:22.880
And so realizing that and letting go of those unrealistic expectations can definitely make it easier to start to think in a way that's actually going to work for us because a sandwich is okay.
00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:30.799
Like a sandwich can be a really balanced meal and you'll move on and you'll be able to serve your family well and stop thinking about food, right?
00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:34.160
You're fueled, you move on, and you're you're serving your family.
00:33:34.480 --> 00:33:34.880
Yeah.
00:33:35.119 --> 00:33:40.079
And I think one of the things that you're saying is it's releasing that all or nothing mindset.
00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:49.279
It's the small step forward of maybe I'm just gonna plan one sit-down home-cooked meal this week or whatever it is.
00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:52.319
That is a step towards nourishment.
00:33:52.559 --> 00:34:00.880
And they always say, you know, if you don't buy it at the grocery store, if you don't want it to be in your pantry and run to it when you're stressed or whatever.
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:08.000
But it is just taking that simple step forward of this doesn't have to be all or nothing, but I can take that simple step forward.
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:11.280
And this is really gonna help me.
00:34:11.599 --> 00:34:26.159
So I know one of the things that you mentioned, um, just kind of off-mic, I always, you know, for those of you who are listening, I always give my guests like a questionnaire to fill out and they kind of help guide the conversation because I want to know what you're passionate about.
00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:28.000
What God taught you, what is your story?
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:30.000
What's the unexpected parts of your story?
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:31.840
Where has God met you in those?
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:39.599
I think one of the things you share with me is that you expected God to just meet you by giving you more willpower, more discipline.
00:34:39.840 --> 00:34:42.559
Instead, he met you with so much grace.
00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:49.199
Can you share a little bit about what that looked like and how that impacted your relationship with God?
00:34:50.079 --> 00:34:50.880
Absolutely.
00:34:51.119 --> 00:35:01.039
Yeah, so my blog is called Grace Filled Plate because this has truly been, I mean, it's the grace of God that leads to transformation, to change, to repentance, right?
00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:05.039
It's not that harsh, criticizing voice.
00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:18.559
And I was afraid of grace when it came to eating for a while because I thought that if I ever gave myself grace in my eating, I would just eat junk food and I would eat whatever I wanted and I'd never get off the couch or do anything.
00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:20.559
But I misunderstood.
00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:24.239
God's grace is a higher standard.
00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:28.159
And so it also meets us in our gaps.
00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:39.360
Where we often live before is when we would notice a character flaw or something that we were doing that we wish we hadn't, we go into automatic condemnation, criticism.
00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:53.760
The more that I focused on God's grace and how he chose me despite all of my struggles, the more of those struggles reminded me of all who he was and praise for him.
00:35:54.079 --> 00:36:00.079
So in the past, right, I would do something I wish I hadn't, I'd get all mad at myself, me, me, me, I, I, I.
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:04.960
Like the rest of my day was spent thinking all about me and how horrible I was, right?
00:36:05.119 --> 00:36:06.320
And all these things.
00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:21.199
But when grace came in and I truly embraced that I'm covered by the blood of Jesus, that God sees me as transformed, like he sees me as Jesus because I'm covered with his blood.
00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:24.239
Those human moments, right?
00:36:24.320 --> 00:36:31.920
Those moments where I was doing things or struggling with old habits, I would quickly like repent, right?
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:40.239
Turn, turn around, Lord, agree with him that I wish I hadn't been there, and then celebrate that he had Jesus had already paid for my struggles.
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:48.239
And so now the very thing that kept me stuck and in my own depression and anxiety, because all I could do was think about how horrible I was.
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:48.639
Yeah.
00:36:48.800 --> 00:36:53.440
Now I'm thinking about how amazing God is and what a change of posture.
00:36:53.599 --> 00:36:58.480
One is like sitting over here, like caved in, oh, it's me, I don't like myself, yada yada.
00:36:58.800 --> 00:37:10.559
Oh, talk about depressing, versus looking up and going, thank you, Jesus, with hands held high, what you've done for me, and that your sacrifice was enough not only to cover my sin, but the sins of the entire world.
00:37:10.719 --> 00:37:19.760
And so that grace and reminders of grace and how he loved me no matter what, it did the opposite of what I feared.
00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:23.119
It led to a higher standard of me wanting to do better.
00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:29.360
And then again, it also changed my whole internal environment from one of negativity to one of gratitude.
00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:42.239
And that in of itself made it so much easier to not even need that coping mechanism of food because now I'm focusing on all who God is and what is he calling me to, and why is he making me better to go help other people?
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:45.039
And so now I'm aligned with his will for my life.
00:37:45.119 --> 00:37:47.199
And that was really where grace was.
00:37:47.360 --> 00:37:50.559
The grace piece also is that strength in the moment.
00:37:50.960 --> 00:38:02.159
If we've struggled with something for decades like I did, I know anytime that I said no or I was able to walk away from the fridge in a moment of struggle, I knew it wasn't me.
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:10.880
It was only the kindness of God that showed up in those moments that made it possible for me to walk past the thing that I was struggled with for decades.
00:38:11.039 --> 00:38:18.320
And so that was a testimony, and that was also his grace, so that I could share his message of freedom with others.
00:38:18.480 --> 00:38:30.559
And when we get our eyes off of who we are and onto who God is and what he is doing and what he's allowed us to be a part of, that makes our experience so much different.
00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:53.199
And just to celebrate him and how he's going to redeem every struggle, every tear, every moment for our good and for his glory really does change things and it gives us the strength to keep going because we know that there's hope, we know that there's transformation, and it's all about Jesus, and it's not all about what I did and how I set myself free.
00:38:53.519 --> 00:38:56.400
It was truly him showing up and doing a remarkable work.
00:38:56.480 --> 00:38:58.400
And that's the message that the world needs.
00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:00.079
Yeah, absolutely.
00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:04.719
And I love how you emphasize that it is his grace, his kindness.
00:39:05.039 --> 00:39:13.360
He's not trying to browbeat us into these robots, but he's stepping, he stepped into relationship with us.
00:39:13.599 --> 00:39:17.280
I just had this conversation with my daughter about righteousness.
00:39:17.519 --> 00:39:21.760
I a student in our class said, you know, righteousness is us doing these things.
00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:28.880
And and yes, we can choose obedience to God, but actually he clothes us in righteousness through salvation.
00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:33.519
And righteousness is his gift to us because of what he did for us.
00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:36.719
And I think there's just so much freedom in that.
00:39:36.960 --> 00:39:41.760
I can step into these hard spaces because I know that God is with me.
00:39:42.159 --> 00:39:49.840
He's gonna give me the grace and everything I need to make the choices today, to get through the hard things today, to care for my children today.
00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:52.639
He's gonna give me the strength that I need.
00:39:52.880 --> 00:39:59.199
So, kind of as we wrap up, what do you think it means to be a fully nourished person?
00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:02.960
Going beyond just food, but being a fully nourished person.
00:40:03.360 --> 00:40:08.159
I think it's recognizing that we're so much more than a body, right?
00:40:08.320 --> 00:40:13.599
We tend to focus so much on the physical body that we have, but it's so temporary.
00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:16.960
And it's just part of the picture of who God made us to be.
00:40:17.199 --> 00:40:36.639
We have emotional selves that need to be nourished through self-care, you know, those minimum effective doses of self-care that we may even have, mental nourishment, which is having things to think about besides managing your kiddos or negative self-talk, where we talk about shifting our mind to grace and who God is.
00:40:36.800 --> 00:40:39.119
And of course, spiritual nourishment.
00:40:39.280 --> 00:40:49.440
And when we begin to recognize that God made us so complex, we can begin to put more effort into the areas that will actually make a difference.
00:40:49.599 --> 00:40:50.960
Like imagine, right?
00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:57.280
If we were emotionally healthy, would food be as much of a struggle?
00:40:57.840 --> 00:40:58.559
Not really, right?
00:40:58.639 --> 00:41:06.800
So sometimes the best effort that we can do is on mental nourishment, changing our mind and making it a happy place to be.
00:41:06.960 --> 00:41:15.599
And then things like food or other outlets or struggles that we have will naturally simmer down where they won't feel so insurmountable.
00:41:15.679 --> 00:41:23.119
And so seeing yourself as more than just the physical body, observing, like we said, without judgment, maybe you could even do that.
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:29.360
Like, is this how am I doing physically with my health or mentally with my health or emotionally or mentally?
00:41:29.440 --> 00:41:34.159
Like I kind of separate that because I think of like the thought life of that's happening.
00:41:34.639 --> 00:41:43.840
Sometimes that's gonna be, oftentimes, that's gonna be the best place that you could put your effort in serving the whole person, not necessarily a food plan.
00:41:44.079 --> 00:41:44.400
Yeah.
00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:48.400
And I liked what you said earlier about writing down those shoulds.
00:41:48.559 --> 00:41:55.039
You know, a lot of times we have shoulds in all of those areas, but it is that minimum effective dose.
00:41:55.199 --> 00:42:09.760
Maybe it's just I listened to the word of God this morning for five minutes, you know, on my drive to taking my kids to school, or I prayed through washing dishes and asked the Lord to be present with me in these, in these messy moments.
00:42:09.920 --> 00:42:12.639
I love that it's not the all or nothing thinking.
00:42:12.800 --> 00:42:17.360
It is where can I let God into these spaces and have him help me through this?
00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:20.800
So I guess to close, I would love for you to just share.
00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:24.480
I know you talked about Gracefield Plate, which we'll have the links in the show notes.
00:42:24.639 --> 00:42:25.519
I know you have a book.
00:42:25.679 --> 00:42:27.119
Tell me the name of your book again.
00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:28.320
Fully Nourished.
00:42:28.400 --> 00:42:28.719
That's right.
00:42:28.800 --> 00:42:30.960
So I know you have a book called Fully Nourished.
00:42:31.119 --> 00:42:35.679
So I would just love to hear about your coaching and what you offer women in this space.
00:42:35.920 --> 00:42:37.039
Yeah, for sure.
00:42:37.199 --> 00:42:42.239
So, yes, over at gracefoldplate.com, you can find links to my podcast.
00:42:42.400 --> 00:42:44.320
I also have some devotionals.
00:42:44.400 --> 00:42:48.000
Um, you can even find them on Amazon along with my book, Fully Nourished.
00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:57.360
With a busy life, probably the devotionals would be a great place to start because they're little snippets with some nuggets that you can really chew on each and every day.
00:42:57.440 --> 00:43:03.840
And then for women who would like more support and deeper connection, we have a coaching program as well.
00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:10.079
And one of our members who just went through over a decade of caregiving just started a caregivers group as well.
00:43:10.239 --> 00:43:17.920
So women who are caregivers can get together and share specifically about how that season of life is impacting their food struggles.
00:43:18.159 --> 00:43:19.440
Yeah, that's so good.
00:43:19.599 --> 00:43:22.719
So, listener, just so you know, we'll have all the links to that in the show notes.
00:43:22.800 --> 00:43:26.800
And I took a peek at your devotionals and it looks really, really good too.
00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:39.760
So, Brandis, thank you so much for being and here today and closing out this month on caring for the caregiver, because I think this is a space that all women struggle with in one capacity or another.
00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:47.280
And if it's not food, it's something else that we need freedom from, that we need Christ to allow him to have freedom in our lives.
00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:50.159
And so I know this is going to be really helpful to the listeners.
00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:51.039
So thank you.
00:43:51.360 --> 00:43:52.239
Thank you.
00:43:53.199 --> 00:44:00.320
If you have enjoyed this podcast, would you do Carrie a favor and hit the subscribe button to where you listen to podcasts?
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Also, leave a review.
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00:44:17.199 --> 00:44:25.440
You can find Carrie online on Facebook and Instagram, and on her Substack page at CM Holt.
00:44:26.159 --> 00:44:30.239
Thank you for joining us today on this unexpected life podcast.
00:44:30.559 --> 00:44:35.039
Real stories, real hope in this unexpected journey.
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:02.399
Welcome to this unexpected life.
00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:11.679
So that grace and reminders of grace and how he loved me no matter what, it did the opposite of what I feared.
00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:15.119
It led to a higher standard of me wanting to do better.
00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:21.359
And then again, it also changed my whole internal environment from one of negativity to one of gratitude.
00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:28.719
A podcast for parents navigating the challenges of raising a child with disabilities or special needs.
00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:39.600
Here we share stories of hope, resilience, and messy faith to help you embrace your journey, work through grief, and thrive in your role.
00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:48.079
Whether you're just starting out or seeking encouragement to keep going, this is a space where your story matters.
00:00:48.399 --> 00:00:56.640
Join Carrie, your storytelling companion, as we explore the hope and healing found in Jesus Christ.
00:00:56.960 --> 00:00:58.960
One story at a time.
00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:03.920
Hello there and welcome back to this Unexpected Life Podcast.
00:01:04.079 --> 00:01:09.280
This is episode 60, and we're finishing up our month on the theme of caring for the caregiver.
00:01:09.519 --> 00:01:11.760
My guest today is Brandis Lardner.
00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:16.400
She is the founder of Grace Filled Plate and author of the book Fully Nourished.
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For nearly a decade, she has helped women move beyond dieting to experience lasting freedom with food by caring for the whole person, body, mind, and spirit.
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So Brandis' unexpected story is one around food freedom, and she helps women find that freedom through learning to invite Jesus into the messy moments when we're running to unhealthy habits to cope with our lives instead of God.
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One of the things I asked her about was how do we tell the difference between rest and escape, especially when we're under the stress of caregiving?
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Her answer was to notice our grip.
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What is our heart posture toward that activity?
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And what does that activity bring into our lives?
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Is it peace and wisdom or something else?
00:01:58.799 --> 00:02:02.480
I know you're going to enjoy my conversation today with Brandis Lardner.
00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:06.400
So hello and welcome to this Unexpected Life Podcast.
00:02:06.480 --> 00:02:08.000
My guest is Brandis Lardner.
00:02:08.159 --> 00:02:10.000
Brandis, thank you for being here.
00:02:10.400 --> 00:02:12.240
Oh, thank you so much for having me.
00:02:12.400 --> 00:02:14.479
I've been really looking forward to this.
00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:21.120
So if you would just start, give a quick overview who you are, where you're from, your family, if you'd like to show that part.
00:02:21.599 --> 00:02:21.840
Sure.
00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:34.800
So yeah, she said I'm Brandis, and I am a blogger and author over at Grace Filled Plate, and I help Christian women find food freedom through their faith.
00:02:34.879 --> 00:02:39.680
And this is something that I learned just through many years of my own struggles.
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And I'm super excited to be here because I've always had a heart for caregivers because I've seen so many women email or through my programs, just the struggles that come along with caring for others.
00:02:52.159 --> 00:02:59.599
And so I'm just really excited to be able to speak to your audience and then share this, your message with those women in my community too.
00:02:59.840 --> 00:03:01.520
Yeah, that's so exciting.
00:03:01.840 --> 00:03:06.400
So take us back to your unexpected story.
00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:13.439
The person that you were before God began changing how you looked at food, your body, and yourself.
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And what did you think you needed to fix?
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Just share, share your testimony.
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For sure.
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Yeah.
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So I grew up in the 90s, and 90 was 90s was the era of the supermodel.
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So, like kids today, really date myself, wanted to want to be, you know, YouTubers or influencers, it was the era of the supermodel.
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And so I fell prey to one of the little schools that were trying to bring girls in and put them with a photographer and get their modeling cards and all of this.
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And while that never turned into anything, praise the Lord, I did meet with a photographer who had told me at that young age that I needed to lose X amount of pounds.
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And I look back at the photos and it was absolutely ridiculous advice.
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You know, I was a healthy young child.
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And so at that age, I think with all of the formative years, physically, emotionally, mentally going on my first diet at that time, it just really interrupted my regular course of life with an obsession over food and body image to the point where my entire worth and value were not only tied to how I looked, but how I ate on a daily basis.
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And it literally became the narrative of my entire life.
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And the Lord, in his great mercy, uses our greatest struggles to become the things that he uses to make us more like Jesus.
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And that journey out that spanned over a couple of decades is something I would never trade now, but it was pretty rigorous and exhausting.
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And so those years of struggling with food and even an eating disorder and being inpatient treatment and trying all of the world's methods of changed really showed me that God's word is the truth and it holds the answer to all of our struggles.
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I just needed a little help knowing how to apply it.
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And that was the journey that he led me on and that has now allowed me to share that message with other women.
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How those hard struggles are really beckonings of the Lord to rely on him.
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As I know your listeners well know, probably.
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Yeah.
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And I love how you said that the greatest struggles are what God uses to draw us to him if we allow it to, and to choose to step into that space.
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I think a lot of times when we struggle with a certain thing, and usually it does come from our childhood, whether it's a situation like you had, or words that were spoken over us, or different things, that all of a sudden we we have anxiety, we have the need for control, or we're fearful.
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And we have this like core belief that we're more worthy if we're performing or doing all these things, or maybe it's because of the way our kids' behavior is or how they act, or being a caregiver, and we think that we have to fix it.
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So why is it so important to look beneath the behavior rather than simply just trying to change, to work harder, to try harder to fix it?
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Isn't it so interesting?
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Because as you're talking about even the parental role and how we can assign worth and value to ourselves, I remember being it's being the simplest thing like dust on my baseboards or dirty dishes that I couldn't get to at the end of the night, and allowing those things to make me feel like I was less than.
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And it really is, like you said, it's it echoes things that happened from our childhood or voices that we've heard from outside experiences, or the enemy that's finding those weaknesses within us and really capitalizing on them.
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And so it really takes a coach's mindset, like the way you would help your best friend or your daughter or your niece to work through a personal challenge is really the mindset that we need with ourselves because we go from seeing something to automatically judging it.
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Like we just automatically have an opinion about it and the narrative that it pulls behind it.
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But when we stop judging, we can start learning.
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And just like in our own lives, like if someone were to criticize us, we would automatically become defensive and we just put a wall up.
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Like we're not listening, no matter how good their advice is, we don't care, right?
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We've put a wall up.
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And so that same critical mindset that comes from within us, right?
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That we say to ourselves all the time, I mean, oh, I could have written a book with all my negative little sayings that kind of swirled around in my mind, we just shut down, right?
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We just shut down.
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And so rather than judging it and being like, I have to fix that so I'm okay, get curious, just like you would with a friend, right?
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Like, why is that happening, sweetie?
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Like if a if a child is misbehaving, we could try to fix the behavior.
00:08:07.279 --> 00:08:09.120
And the oftentimes that's what's needed, right?
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Like addressing the behavior, but sometimes there's a core belief under it or a uh a behavior that is being coming from maybe they're hungry, right?
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Maybe they're tired, maybe they had a lot of sugar, maybe they didn't sleep that well that last time.
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There's often a reason that we can at least make things a little bit easier to navigate.
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And the same thing goes for yourself.
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When we can set aside judgment and just get curious, there's often not completely logical reasons, but good reasons why we're doing the things we do and why we're saying the things we say.
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And when you start to notice, like I did, that I was really hoping my negative self-talk would make me try harder or do better, then I can look at it and say, hmm, interesting.
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Is that helping?
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Right?
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And it turns out it actually just made me feel bad.
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And so when we observe, we can learn, and then we can actually go to God's word and get to the root of it, like the self-worth or the things that play from the past, right?
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Rather than addressing in my case and the women who I work with, how we're eating or how we're emotional eating.
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What if we went to verses that talked about worth and value and how the Lord is pleased with us?
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And that kind of calms that deeper desire.
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So fix it is totally normal.
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I get it.
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We all want a that quick fix, but God isn't going to allow us to a serve a solution.
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He really wants us to get to the heart of it all.
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Yeah, absolutely.
00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:43.519
And I think as women, we all have those tapes that are kind of running in our heads.
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One of the things I struggle with is just feeling like I have to explain myself all the time and the need to be understood.
00:09:50.799 --> 00:10:01.279
And obviously that's played out in our journey with our son with disabilities, because there are times where he'll say something to someone and he just has no filter.
00:10:01.440 --> 00:10:04.720
And I feel like I have to make excuses.
00:10:04.960 --> 00:10:18.559
And so I think deep down sometimes it's the rejection, like this person, this friend's gonna reject us because we're too needy, or because our son said this and he's not gonna have friends, and all of these things.
00:10:18.799 --> 00:10:25.039
And it is so important for us to get curious about why why is that negative self-talk?
00:10:25.600 --> 00:10:35.120
Or why do I feel like I have to do this behavior over and over and over again to fix something that is wrong with me and is deep inside.
00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:35.519
I don't know.
00:10:35.600 --> 00:10:37.120
Do you have any thoughts about that?
00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:39.200
Absolutely, yeah.
00:10:39.360 --> 00:10:46.720
Well, I mean, the Lord made us to seek that fellowship with him, to find our worth and value in him.
00:10:46.879 --> 00:10:56.240
So anytime we're seeking that approval from an outside source, from another broken human being, we're gonna be really disappointed.
00:10:56.480 --> 00:11:13.519
And those kind of that like chasm between our feelings and being able to feel accepted, like from other people, that's a reminder, I think, for us that we really need to go to the Lord and that it's his opinion and really to get back to what he says.
00:11:13.679 --> 00:11:20.559
And a lot of these things that I've worked on over the years, it's not like I read it in his word and oh man, now I feel it.
00:11:20.639 --> 00:11:24.080
You know, it took believing it by faith.
00:11:24.159 --> 00:11:26.960
Like the way I'm doing this now is broken.
00:11:27.039 --> 00:11:27.840
It's not helping.
00:11:27.919 --> 00:11:30.240
In fact, I'm making things worse.
00:11:30.559 --> 00:11:33.200
I believe in my heart that God's worth is truth.
00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:45.200
I may not be like on board with it yet, but I'm going to act as if I'm going to step in the water and watch the sea part kind of thing before it happens, because that's really my very best option.
00:11:45.360 --> 00:11:48.240
And then things can kind of start to shift and change.
00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:50.879
But I think also just not condemning ourselves.
00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:54.000
I think it's really normal to want to be accepted.
00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:56.879
It's really normal to want other people to like you.
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It's not a character flaw, but when it becomes so important that we forget about what God says, then we want to shift those perspectives and really bring in that truth.
00:12:07.039 --> 00:12:10.000
Uh, but I imagine it's really hard in those situations.
00:12:10.080 --> 00:12:13.279
Um, but having to manage other people's emotions would be exhausting.
00:12:13.360 --> 00:12:16.799
And so eventually we just gotta let it go for our own sanity.
00:12:17.039 --> 00:12:18.480
Yeah, absolutely.
00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:19.759
Absolutely.
00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:29.600
So I think a lot of times, you know, as caregivers and and whatever it is that that hole that we're trying to fill, right?
00:12:29.919 --> 00:12:40.159
There is this, even when we know Jesus as our savior, there's still, I think, that God-shaped hole that we have to continually run to him to get our worth and value from him.
00:12:40.879 --> 00:12:52.080
And I know personally in my own life, and I think for other people who have children with disabilities or raising children, because of the trauma, because of the hard, we're running to something.
00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:56.159
And it might be eating, it might be the phone, it might be this.
00:12:56.399 --> 00:13:09.919
So I think one of the things that I want the listeners to hear from you is that whatever it is we're turning to in a difficult or hard season isn't necessarily a statement about who we are.
00:13:10.480 --> 00:13:12.879
Could you speak into that a little bit more?
00:13:14.639 --> 00:13:15.120
Sure.
00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:17.600
Um I think everyone has a thing.
00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:20.639
And some are more obvious than others.
00:13:20.879 --> 00:13:22.559
Uh, food is a challenge, right?
00:13:22.639 --> 00:13:25.759
Because it's something we we manage every day.
00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:30.720
But again, it's very normal to want to fill ourselves with something.
00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:35.519
But then, like you mentioned, there's a piece that is longing for God.
00:13:35.759 --> 00:13:41.120
And no matter what it is that we try to fill it with, it's never going to work.
00:13:41.279 --> 00:13:52.080
It's just like if we're not physically hungry and yet we're eating for emotional reasons, we're never going to be satisfied because you can't satisfy an emotional need with food.
00:13:52.320 --> 00:13:56.559
And recognizing it is a really healthy starting point.
00:13:56.720 --> 00:14:06.240
It's a very helpful starting point because so often we will judge the behavior and say it's really bad or I should stop, but that doesn't get you anywhere.
00:14:06.399 --> 00:14:10.320
Like we spoke about earlier, why am I turning to this thing?
00:14:10.399 --> 00:14:22.240
And then even having a thread of compassion for yourself, because when we turn to coping mechanisms, it's because something painful is going on in our lives.
00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:26.080
And anyone else, right, we would want to scoop them up and help them.
00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:32.879
And yet we come in with that judgmental mindset that doesn't allow us to have that compassion towards ourselves.
00:14:33.039 --> 00:14:42.399
So noticing what it is that may be happening and coming from a place of gentleness can really make a big difference instead of condemning.
00:14:42.720 --> 00:14:54.320
Because no matter what the struggle is, whether it's shopping or pornography or you know, eating food, they all come from a place of escape often and relief.
00:14:54.720 --> 00:15:02.639
And how can we begin to find that relief through our relationship with the Lord by casting our care, by trusting in Him?
00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:07.440
And when we have that honest look, then we're able to get to the root a little more easily.
00:15:07.519 --> 00:15:15.519
So definitely put away our thoughts about what should happen and start to notice the reasons behind it.
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:18.799
Because if you are assuming it's just cravings, right?
00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:26.240
Like I'm eating just because the food tastes good, I mean, that's some information and it certainly could be true, but then you're never gonna get to the root of the problem.
00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:28.799
You're gonna keep cutting out food groups or trying new things.
00:15:28.960 --> 00:15:31.759
Or if you think it's always the carbs that throw us off, right?
00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:34.320
Then we're gonna cut out carbs and then we're gonna cut out this and that.
00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:37.279
And we're still focused on the wrong thing.
00:15:37.440 --> 00:15:39.440
We're focused on trying to fix the food.
00:15:39.679 --> 00:16:01.919
But when you pay attention and you notice certain times of day or certain thoughts or certain emotions lead you to the point where you just don't care about anything and all you want is an escape, the best thing we can do then is address that root feeling with God's word and actually sometimes put the things like the food or the other struggle on the back burner for a bit so that we can actually focus on the true issue at hand.
00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:03.519
Yeah, definitely.
00:16:03.759 --> 00:16:12.480
And I think one of the themes that's coming out is that compassion and lack of judgment on ourselves because it's a journey.
00:16:12.639 --> 00:16:21.919
And I think one of the things that you mentioned to me is you thought if I just have more discipline, if I just have more discipline, this will be better.
00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:24.559
Can you speak to that a little bit too?
00:16:25.120 --> 00:16:25.679
Yeah.
00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:32.639
We often think it's a discipline problem because we think if I just had self-control, I this whole situation would be different.
00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:42.799
But the reality is, at least when I speak with women in my program or in my community, these are women who show a ton of discipline in their lives.
00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:51.120
In fact, they are paying their mortgage on time, they are showing up to work, they have built businesses or run ministries or do child care at church.
00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:56.080
They get up in the morning when they don't want to get up and they wash dishes when they don't want to wash dishes.
00:16:56.159 --> 00:16:58.320
That is a sign of discipline.
00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:06.079
So I would encourage the listener, you know, those who struggle to not label themselves as someone who is undisciplined.
00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:08.240
It's just really not helpful.
00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:11.200
And again, it kind of shuts us down to finding the solution.
00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:20.079
I'm actually someone who has a lot of discipline, but for some reason, I'm running to food when I really want to be running to God.
00:17:20.240 --> 00:17:21.519
What's underneath that?
00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:25.039
And then we can again, we're we keep kind of coming back to the same thing, right?
00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:37.920
Getting to the root of it all, uh, but it's noticing these sort of patterns and what the reasons are that allow us to get to the root because we have a lot of discipline in many areas of our lives.
00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:44.960
But sometimes, I mean, food was the one area where I felt like I had freedom, like I could treat myself.
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:52.240
In fact, I remember when I went on that first diet, like crying to my mom, like, food is all I have.
00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:57.200
So it wasn't that the diet created the issue, it revealed something that already existed.
00:17:57.440 --> 00:17:58.319
Food is all I have.
00:17:58.480 --> 00:17:59.759
Are you gonna take that too?
00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:07.519
And then every food restriction that came with each following diet felt more like an attack on my coping mechanism.
00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:10.240
And it was really scary because it was never about the food.
00:18:10.319 --> 00:18:13.119
It was about what the food did for me.
00:18:13.359 --> 00:18:15.359
And so we have discipline.
00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:39.440
So maybe rather than always keeping focused on the challenge area, we come into using that area of discipline, that fruit of discipline that we have in getting into God's word and getting to the root and rewiring our thoughts so that that battle with the food or whatever it is doesn't feel so heightened and doesn't feel so impossible to navigate like it does sometimes.
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:40.160
Right.
00:18:40.400 --> 00:18:54.559
And I think what I hear you saying is we maybe we're under stress or it's trauma, and it's the coping mechanism that can become unhealthy when we're not running to the Lord and we're running to something else to fill it.
00:18:54.640 --> 00:19:02.079
But then we try to, we notice, oh, wait, this has become a habit that, you know, that I've established my son's in the hospital.
00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:14.160
I deserve a dessert because we've been in the hospital 60 times, or that that's my story, like, or whatever it is, like you fill in the blank listener, as you're listening to this, my coping mechanism is A, B, or C.
00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:18.000
Then it becomes a habit, and then we feel like we have to fix it with discipline.
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:32.559
When the truth is we need to be curious and figure out what is it that we're trying to fill, and how can we run to the Lord to fill that when we're stressed, when we're tired, when we are just at the end of our rope.
00:19:32.799 --> 00:19:34.240
How do you tell the difference?
00:19:34.319 --> 00:19:53.119
And I think this can be hard to answer, but how do you tell the difference between, you know what, I've been caregiving all day and I've been under stress, and I've been using that discipline to care for my child and call the doctor, take them to the hospital, run interference at school, whatever, whatever it is, as being a caregiver.
00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:59.599
And now it's the end of the day, my child is finally in bed, and I just need some time to rest.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:02.720
So I might pick up a book or I might do this.
00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:13.759
How do you know when maybe it's becoming an escape, or it's actually I'm choosing this as my method of rest from the stress of my everyday life?
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:15.519
Do you have any thoughts about that?
00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:17.039
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:17.279 --> 00:20:21.200
I I would say notice your grip on something.
00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:24.160
So if you're like, oh, guess what?
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:27.599
You can't read a book tonight, you're like, oh, okay, great, I'll find something else to do.
00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:38.480
But if you're like, guess what, you can't eat ice cream tonight and you want to throw a toddler panic attack in the in the kitchen, then we might have elevated it beyond self-care.
00:20:38.559 --> 00:20:41.519
Because here's the reality: food is self-care.
00:20:41.599 --> 00:20:43.119
We're not villainizing eating.
00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:46.720
There can certainly come a time where you eat even as a treat.
00:20:47.039 --> 00:20:50.799
But it's going to be our heart posture that's really going to make a difference.
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:56.319
So is this done sitting next to your husband on the couch during a great conversation?
00:20:56.559 --> 00:21:03.359
Or are you like sneaking in and out of the pantry and grabbing bits of whatever it is in secret?
00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:08.480
So it's kind of could be the same food, but two different experiences.
00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:18.480
And I think if we tune in to our internal right compass, the Holy Spirit within us, yeah, it's like, is there peace and wisdom in this?
00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:29.599
Because my goodness, if it's been an exhausting day and you're just hungry and you need a big hearty meal, my goodness, eat it and give yourself permission to be satiated.
00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:41.680
But when we're just eating food out of repetition for the crunch and the hand-to-mouth meditation that it gives you, you know, that kind of zoning out, then that's not really self-care.
00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:46.640
Now, the reality is sometimes things gotta get messy before they get better.
00:21:46.799 --> 00:21:53.200
And I'll encourage women, invite Jesus in even into your most unlovely moments.
00:21:53.440 --> 00:22:01.440
I mean, I remember sitting with tubs of ice cream, or I mean, I I did some crazy stuff with food.
00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:06.880
I would go to McDonald's and say, Oh, I'm getting stuff for a party and take the five McFlurries home.
00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:12.960
And I had to invite Jesus into those moments and the Holy Spirit because He's wisdom.
00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:17.440
And not, I'm not saying this out of irreverence because we do want to bring God our best.
00:22:17.599 --> 00:22:18.160
But guess what?
00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:19.200
He's there anyways.
00:22:19.279 --> 00:22:26.559
And just like David poured out everything that he had on the table before God and he wasn't ashamed.
00:22:26.799 --> 00:22:36.960
We can invite God into whatever those hard moments are and just say, while we're eating, Holy Spirit, what is it that I'm trying to calm and quench or feel?
00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:39.359
And he will give you wisdom.
00:22:39.519 --> 00:22:43.759
So don't feel like you've got to get it perfect before you can invite God in.
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:50.240
This is our heavenly father that ran to the prodigal son covered in muck and mud, who wasted his inheritance.
00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:51.440
He didn't judge him.
00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:52.880
He wanted to be with him.
00:22:53.039 --> 00:23:00.880
So even when we're in that moment, whatever your struggle is, I believe we can invite the Lord in before it's better and he will help us get there.
00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:02.319
And that's really where we learn.
00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:04.559
In fact, my husband does an interview.
00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:18.960
I did an interview with him that I have in my program where he talks about his struggle with drugs and how he would literally be thanking God for his freedom while he was doing something he didn't wish that he was doing because he just couldn't break the chains on his own.
00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:22.000
So he thought I might as well bring the Lord in.
00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:25.759
And then he he got through it, but he had to bring God in.
00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:33.440
Again, not out of irreverence or that we want to be sinful purposefully, but sometimes we just need that help to break the pattern.
00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:40.559
And so noticing it, asking for wisdom, bringing the Lord in, and then just seeking peace.
00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:45.119
If you don't have peace about it, it's probably best to skip it, right?
00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:46.079
If you can.
00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:46.880
Yeah.
00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:47.359
Yeah.
00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:51.519
And I just want people to pause and hear that statement.
00:23:51.839 --> 00:23:55.599
Invite Jesus into your most unlovely moments.
00:23:55.839 --> 00:23:59.440
That brings tears to my eyes because we do feel that way.
00:23:59.519 --> 00:24:03.119
We feel like we just have to shut him out and we we have to get better.
00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:09.279
We have to fix this on our own before we can invite him into those spaces.
00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:14.319
You know, this month on the podcast, this episode is wrapping up caring for the caregiver.
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:26.559
And I think that is number one on the list of the things that we can do is invite Jesus into our unlovely moments of like, Lord, I'm stuck here and I can't get out and I need you.
00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:31.279
And whatever that looks like, sometimes it might not be even something of our own doing, right?
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:36.240
It might be just the chaos around us of caregiving for our kids.
00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:39.920
You mentioned the word self-care earlier.
00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:47.519
And I think a lot of times that can just feel like it's one more thing I have to do for myself.
00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:55.200
How can we how can we care for ourselves when we don't feel like there's any margin for that at all?
00:24:56.000 --> 00:25:06.640
And and what are some of those habits of self-regulation that we can start doing that are healthy instead of unhealthy?
00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:15.599
That doesn't maybe feel like another thing that I just have to do to fix, you know, the chaos, the trauma that's going on around me right now.
00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:22.319
I I know I remember reading lists about self-care, and you're like, oh my goodness, I'm not taking a bubble bath.
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:23.039
Are you kidding me?
00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:29.920
And that may be the perfect thing for someone, but just these generic lists just didn't work for me.
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:41.119
And so I think probably a lot of the times for women, self-care anymore is probably creating margin and saying no, if at all possible, like giving yourself a little bit of space.
00:25:41.279 --> 00:25:44.400
It's not necessarily adding more.
00:25:44.799 --> 00:25:53.599
It's it's like giving yourself a little bit of room to breathe because you may not even know what helps you if you're so busy always caring for others.
00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:54.960
And I'm not a caregiver.
00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:56.880
My heart is for caregivers.
00:25:57.200 --> 00:26:00.880
I definitely think about it a lot when talking with my women.
00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:05.519
So I don't want to share anything that you're like, oh my goodness, she doesn't know what she's talking about because I don't know what I'm talking about.
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:12.880
But I do think that we can look for the minimum effective dose of what it is that we need.
00:26:13.119 --> 00:26:18.799
Because honestly, sometimes we can feel like it has to be this grandiose opportunity, right?
00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:31.119
We set these unrealistic expectations and that will set us up for failure because we can't necessarily go away for an hour, but does five minutes sitting in the sun, right?
00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:40.880
While your kids are watching a show or something, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, where you can just release and feel better for it.
00:26:41.039 --> 00:26:49.119
If self-care makes you feel worse at the end, you've got more to do and it didn't overall release stress, then maybe we need to look for something else.
00:26:49.279 --> 00:26:51.920
But I'm someone who needs space and time.
00:26:52.079 --> 00:27:01.839
I don't like having a bunch of things on my schedule, and I've just had to learn that about myself and give myself that permission to do what works for me.
00:27:01.920 --> 00:27:06.240
And so asking for help, letting a B minus be a good enough, right?
00:27:06.319 --> 00:27:08.880
Sometimes we're all like, oh, if it's not an A plus, it doesn't count.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:09.599
No, you know what?
00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:15.519
You can B minus clean all day, and it's way better than getting overwhelmed and not getting anything done.
00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:23.279
So self-care happens a lot in our minds, and then creating that space where we have a little bit of room to breathe.
00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:42.400
But I do think specifically when we're talking about things like food, and that's that's my area where I mostly focus on the curse of unrealistic expectations can hit us there too, where we become so paralyzed by all the conflicting information about what is good for us.
00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:44.559
Um, it used to be just like what you ate.
00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:53.119
Now there's like a time of day that you should be eating, and like there's just so much information that it becomes impossible to do it.
00:27:53.279 --> 00:28:02.400
And to an already overloaded mind and schedule, it's really expected to just kind of shut things out and do whatever, right?
00:28:02.559 --> 00:28:04.160
Just we just don't even want to deal with it.
00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:04.880
We just do whatever.
00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:10.799
And so I would like to share just the permission to do a little bit better.
00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:31.279
We don't need perfect meals to feel better, but we do need nourishment and sometimes just thinking about what's the next step that would be a little bit more satisfying, or maybe we rely on healthy convenience food, but it's way better than not being prepared and then getting overwhelmed and not having something available.
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:34.319
And so that's something I'll often work with ladies about.
00:28:34.400 --> 00:28:40.319
Like, what are some of those grab and go things that we can run into the grocery store and have it in and out, right?
00:28:40.480 --> 00:28:45.359
A bag of frozen rice, a rotisserie chicken, and a bag of salad totally counts.
00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:48.319
Or, you know, we're going to the fast food restaurant.
00:28:48.480 --> 00:29:00.079
But rather than feeling like defeated because you had to pick up food to eat because people needed to eat, what if you had a go-to thing that you did when you went to this fast food restaurant and that food fast food restaurant?
00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:03.359
So self-care doesn't have to fit perfection.
00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:06.880
In fact, it's far, far better if it fits into your real life.
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:09.359
And we can talk about that some more if you'd find it helpful.
00:29:09.599 --> 00:29:15.359
Yeah, I think it's really good because a lot of times I think all moms can say we come last, right?
00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:18.799
For the most part in our families, taking care of children.
00:29:19.039 --> 00:29:23.839
And there could be moms listening who are like, I don't have the capacity to prep meals.
00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:26.000
And sometimes even I get just so overwhelmed.
00:29:26.319 --> 00:29:31.839
I've been doing meal prep and planning for 26 years, and it gets old.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:37.759
The older I get, almost the harder it is because there's a level of decision fatigue there.
00:29:38.319 --> 00:29:43.039
And as caregivers, we already have so much decision fatigue.
00:29:43.200 --> 00:29:52.880
So I would love for you, but I do know that when I eat better and I nourish my body better, I am a better caregiver.
00:29:53.200 --> 00:29:55.599
I am more present for my family.
00:29:56.000 --> 00:30:01.119
And there's so many things that God has created to nourish our bodies.
00:30:01.200 --> 00:30:09.920
Like I think there's a reason why we get hungry three times a day because we need to run to the Father and He needs to be your nourishment.
00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:17.759
So I would love for you to just, I guess, talk about what are some ways that we can nourish our bodies in just crazy hectic seasons of life.
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:19.440
For sure.
00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:26.480
I think it can help to begin to let go of those unrealistic expectations that I spoke about.
00:30:26.640 --> 00:30:26.880
Yeah.
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:41.440
Sometimes it could be helpful to jot down all of the things you think you should be doing in your eating because it will totally open your mind to seeing why we can often get overwhelmed and feel like it's just too much.
00:30:41.759 --> 00:30:48.240
The reality is that in order to be, you know, well cared for, it's pretty simple.
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:56.640
Almost every healthy eating plan has one thing in common where it's going to be mostly God food most of the time.
00:30:57.039 --> 00:31:01.440
And I use mostly because it doesn't have to be all.
00:31:01.680 --> 00:31:09.839
And in fact, if you're in a season where you're relying fully on prepared seat food, just changing one meal a day, maybe you're like, you know what?
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:25.440
I'm gonna focus on breakfast, on or I'm gonna prepare one dinner a week, or I'm gonna find something that's sort of a go-to easy meal for lunch three times a week, like something super doable, we can always take that step along the continuum to better food.
00:31:25.519 --> 00:31:28.319
Like we, there's always room for improvement, but we don't need to keep improving.
00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:45.200
And so if we can really let go of all of those ideas and begin to focus on aiming for a little more real food than we're already eating, the more that we can do that, the more we'll begin to notice actually what works for us.
00:31:45.440 --> 00:31:53.839
The reason why there's so many plans out there and every single plan has someone who says it's the best thing ever is because everyone's different.
00:31:54.160 --> 00:32:02.400
What fuels you, what fuels me, what kind of foods I like, whether I feel better with more carbs or no carbs or how much protein I like.
00:32:02.559 --> 00:32:04.319
I mean, it's it's endless, right?
00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:12.480
Because you are unique and the Heavenly Father created you and He knows what's going to help you feel your best.
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:18.960
And so letting go of the expectations and asking the Holy Spirit to provide, show me how I can fuel myself well.
00:32:19.119 --> 00:32:23.440
He will answer that prayer, he will help you find peace in the situation.
00:32:23.680 --> 00:32:33.200
And here's the reality: you're gonna get it wrong sometimes and you're gonna wish you hadn't done this or wish you had done that, but it's all learning.
00:32:33.279 --> 00:32:45.440
And so when we let go of all the unrealistic expectations and we just try to fuel ourselves a little bit better than we did previously, we'll start to learn what we like, what works for us, and what helps us feel better.
00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:56.960
Because, like you said, Carrie, you're right, when we're well fueled, it's so much easier to care for our loved ones, but it's probably not like an exact like 35% carbs, 30%, you know, fat.
00:32:57.119 --> 00:32:59.119
It's probably not that perfect meal that works for you.
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:02.720
It's probably just that was a pretty nourishing meal, right?
00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:03.920
It was, it was thoughtful.
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:10.400
I took a moment to put it on a plate, or you know, it wasn't just um an afterthought.
00:33:10.559 --> 00:33:22.880
And so realizing that and letting go of those unrealistic expectations can definitely make it easier to start to think in a way that's actually going to work for us because a sandwich is okay.
00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:30.799
Like a sandwich can be a really balanced meal and you'll move on and you'll be able to serve your family well and stop thinking about food, right?
00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:34.160
You're fueled, you move on, and you're you're serving your family.
00:33:34.480 --> 00:33:34.880
Yeah.
00:33:35.119 --> 00:33:40.079
And I think one of the things that you're saying is it's releasing that all or nothing mindset.
00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:49.279
It's the small step forward of maybe I'm just gonna plan one sit-down home-cooked meal this week or whatever it is.
00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:52.319
That is a step towards nourishment.
00:33:52.559 --> 00:34:00.880
And they always say, you know, if you don't buy it at the grocery store, if you don't want it to be in your pantry and run to it when you're stressed or whatever.
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:08.000
But it is just taking that simple step forward of this doesn't have to be all or nothing, but I can take that simple step forward.
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:11.280
And this is really gonna help me.
00:34:11.599 --> 00:34:26.159
So I know one of the things that you mentioned, um, just kind of off-mic, I always, you know, for those of you who are listening, I always give my guests like a questionnaire to fill out and they kind of help guide the conversation because I want to know what you're passionate about.
00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:28.000
What God taught you, what is your story?
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:30.000
What's the unexpected parts of your story?
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:31.840
Where has God met you in those?
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:39.599
I think one of the things you share with me is that you expected God to just meet you by giving you more willpower, more discipline.
00:34:39.840 --> 00:34:42.559
Instead, he met you with so much grace.
00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:49.199
Can you share a little bit about what that looked like and how that impacted your relationship with God?
00:34:50.079 --> 00:34:50.880
Absolutely.
00:34:51.119 --> 00:35:01.039
Yeah, so my blog is called Grace Filled Plate because this has truly been, I mean, it's the grace of God that leads to transformation, to change, to repentance, right?
00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:05.039
It's not that harsh, criticizing voice.
00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:18.559
And I was afraid of grace when it came to eating for a while because I thought that if I ever gave myself grace in my eating, I would just eat junk food and I would eat whatever I wanted and I'd never get off the couch or do anything.
00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:20.559
But I misunderstood.
00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:24.239
God's grace is a higher standard.
00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:28.159
And so it also meets us in our gaps.
00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:39.360
Where we often live before is when we would notice a character flaw or something that we were doing that we wish we hadn't, we go into automatic condemnation, criticism.
00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:53.760
The more that I focused on God's grace and how he chose me despite all of my struggles, the more of those struggles reminded me of all who he was and praise for him.
00:35:54.079 --> 00:36:00.079
So in the past, right, I would do something I wish I hadn't, I'd get all mad at myself, me, me, me, I, I, I.
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:04.960
Like the rest of my day was spent thinking all about me and how horrible I was, right?
00:36:05.119 --> 00:36:06.320
And all these things.
00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:21.199
But when grace came in and I truly embraced that I'm covered by the blood of Jesus, that God sees me as transformed, like he sees me as Jesus because I'm covered with his blood.
00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:24.239
Those human moments, right?
00:36:24.320 --> 00:36:31.920
Those moments where I was doing things or struggling with old habits, I would quickly like repent, right?
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:40.239
Turn, turn around, Lord, agree with him that I wish I hadn't been there, and then celebrate that he had Jesus had already paid for my struggles.
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:48.239
And so now the very thing that kept me stuck and in my own depression and anxiety, because all I could do was think about how horrible I was.
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:48.639
Yeah.
00:36:48.800 --> 00:36:53.440
Now I'm thinking about how amazing God is and what a change of posture.
00:36:53.599 --> 00:36:58.480
One is like sitting over here, like caved in, oh, it's me, I don't like myself, yada yada.
00:36:58.800 --> 00:37:10.559
Oh, talk about depressing, versus looking up and going, thank you, Jesus, with hands held high, what you've done for me, and that your sacrifice was enough not only to cover my sin, but the sins of the entire world.
00:37:10.719 --> 00:37:19.760
And so that grace and reminders of grace and how he loved me no matter what, it did the opposite of what I feared.
00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:23.119
It led to a higher standard of me wanting to do better.
00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:29.360
And then again, it also changed my whole internal environment from one of negativity to one of gratitude.
00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:42.239
And that in of itself made it so much easier to not even need that coping mechanism of food because now I'm focusing on all who God is and what is he calling me to, and why is he making me better to go help other people?
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:45.039
And so now I'm aligned with his will for my life.
00:37:45.119 --> 00:37:47.199
And that was really where grace was.
00:37:47.360 --> 00:37:50.559
The grace piece also is that strength in the moment.
00:37:50.960 --> 00:38:02.159
If we've struggled with something for decades like I did, I know anytime that I said no or I was able to walk away from the fridge in a moment of struggle, I knew it wasn't me.
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:10.880
It was only the kindness of God that showed up in those moments that made it possible for me to walk past the thing that I was struggled with for decades.
00:38:11.039 --> 00:38:18.320
And so that was a testimony, and that was also his grace, so that I could share his message of freedom with others.
00:38:18.480 --> 00:38:30.559
And when we get our eyes off of who we are and onto who God is and what he is doing and what he's allowed us to be a part of, that makes our experience so much different.
00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:53.199
And just to celebrate him and how he's going to redeem every struggle, every tear, every moment for our good and for his glory really does change things and it gives us the strength to keep going because we know that there's hope, we know that there's transformation, and it's all about Jesus, and it's not all about what I did and how I set myself free.
00:38:53.519 --> 00:38:56.400
It was truly him showing up and doing a remarkable work.
00:38:56.480 --> 00:38:58.400
And that's the message that the world needs.
00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:00.079
Yeah, absolutely.
00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:04.719
And I love how you emphasize that it is his grace, his kindness.
00:39:05.039 --> 00:39:13.360
He's not trying to browbeat us into these robots, but he's stepping, he stepped into relationship with us.
00:39:13.599 --> 00:39:17.280
I just had this conversation with my daughter about righteousness.
00:39:17.519 --> 00:39:21.760
I a student in our class said, you know, righteousness is us doing these things.
00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:28.880
And and yes, we can choose obedience to God, but actually he clothes us in righteousness through salvation.
00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:33.519
And righteousness is his gift to us because of what he did for us.
00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:36.719
And I think there's just so much freedom in that.
00:39:36.960 --> 00:39:41.760
I can step into these hard spaces because I know that God is with me.
00:39:42.159 --> 00:39:49.840
He's gonna give me the grace and everything I need to make the choices today, to get through the hard things today, to care for my children today.
00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:52.639
He's gonna give me the strength that I need.
00:39:52.880 --> 00:39:59.199
So, kind of as we wrap up, what do you think it means to be a fully nourished person?
00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:02.960
Going beyond just food, but being a fully nourished person.
00:40:03.360 --> 00:40:08.159
I think it's recognizing that we're so much more than a body, right?
00:40:08.320 --> 00:40:13.599
We tend to focus so much on the physical body that we have, but it's so temporary.
00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:16.960
And it's just part of the picture of who God made us to be.
00:40:17.199 --> 00:40:36.639
We have emotional selves that need to be nourished through self-care, you know, those minimum effective doses of self-care that we may even have, mental nourishment, which is having things to think about besides managing your kiddos or negative self-talk, where we talk about shifting our mind to grace and who God is.
00:40:36.800 --> 00:40:39.119
And of course, spiritual nourishment.
00:40:39.280 --> 00:40:49.440
And when we begin to recognize that God made us so complex, we can begin to put more effort into the areas that will actually make a difference.
00:40:49.599 --> 00:40:50.960
Like imagine, right?
00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:57.280
If we were emotionally healthy, would food be as much of a struggle?
00:40:57.840 --> 00:40:58.559
Not really, right?
00:40:58.639 --> 00:41:06.800
So sometimes the best effort that we can do is on mental nourishment, changing our mind and making it a happy place to be.
00:41:06.960 --> 00:41:15.599
And then things like food or other outlets or struggles that we have will naturally simmer down where they won't feel so insurmountable.
00:41:15.679 --> 00:41:23.119
And so seeing yourself as more than just the physical body, observing, like we said, without judgment, maybe you could even do that.
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:29.360
Like, is this how am I doing physically with my health or mentally with my health or emotionally or mentally?
00:41:29.440 --> 00:41:34.159
Like I kind of separate that because I think of like the thought life of that's happening.
00:41:34.639 --> 00:41:43.840
Sometimes that's gonna be, oftentimes, that's gonna be the best place that you could put your effort in serving the whole person, not necessarily a food plan.
00:41:44.079 --> 00:41:44.400
Yeah.
00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:48.400
And I liked what you said earlier about writing down those shoulds.
00:41:48.559 --> 00:41:55.039
You know, a lot of times we have shoulds in all of those areas, but it is that minimum effective dose.
00:41:55.199 --> 00:42:09.760
Maybe it's just I listened to the word of God this morning for five minutes, you know, on my drive to taking my kids to school, or I prayed through washing dishes and asked the Lord to be present with me in these, in these messy moments.
00:42:09.920 --> 00:42:12.639
I love that it's not the all or nothing thinking.
00:42:12.800 --> 00:42:17.360
It is where can I let God into these spaces and have him help me through this?
00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:20.800
So I guess to close, I would love for you to just share.
00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:24.480
I know you talked about Gracefield Plate, which we'll have the links in the show notes.
00:42:24.639 --> 00:42:25.519
I know you have a book.
00:42:25.679 --> 00:42:27.119
Tell me the name of your book again.
00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:28.320
Fully Nourished.
00:42:28.400 --> 00:42:28.719
That's right.
00:42:28.800 --> 00:42:30.960
So I know you have a book called Fully Nourished.
00:42:31.119 --> 00:42:35.679
So I would just love to hear about your coaching and what you offer women in this space.
00:42:35.920 --> 00:42:37.039
Yeah, for sure.
00:42:37.199 --> 00:42:42.239
So, yes, over at gracefoldplate.com, you can find links to my podcast.
00:42:42.400 --> 00:42:44.320
I also have some devotionals.
00:42:44.400 --> 00:42:48.000
Um, you can even find them on Amazon along with my book, Fully Nourished.
00:42:48.159 --> 00:42:57.360
With a busy life, probably the devotionals would be a great place to start because they're little snippets with some nuggets that you can really chew on each and every day.
00:42:57.440 --> 00:43:03.840
And then for women who would like more support and deeper connection, we have a coaching program as well.
00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:10.079
And one of our members who just went through over a decade of caregiving just started a caregivers group as well.
00:43:10.239 --> 00:43:17.920
So women who are caregivers can get together and share specifically about how that season of life is impacting their food struggles.
00:43:18.159 --> 00:43:19.440
Yeah, that's so good.
00:43:19.599 --> 00:43:22.719
So, listener, just so you know, we'll have all the links to that in the show notes.
00:43:22.800 --> 00:43:26.800
And I took a peek at your devotionals and it looks really, really good too.
00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:39.760
So, Brandis, thank you so much for being and here today and closing out this month on caring for the caregiver, because I think this is a space that all women struggle with in one capacity or another.
00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:47.280
And if it's not food, it's something else that we need freedom from, that we need Christ to allow him to have freedom in our lives.
00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:50.159
And so I know this is going to be really helpful to the listeners.
00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:51.039
So thank you.
00:43:51.360 --> 00:43:52.239
Thank you.
00:43:53.199 --> 00:44:00.320
If you have enjoyed this podcast, would you do Carrie a favor and hit the subscribe button to where you listen to podcasts?
00:44:00.559 --> 00:44:02.480
Also, leave a review.
00:44:02.719 --> 00:44:06.239
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00:44:06.480 --> 00:44:16.960
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00:44:17.199 --> 00:44:25.440
You can find Carrie online on Facebook and Instagram, and on her Substack page at CM Holt.
00:44:26.159 --> 00:44:30.239
Thank you for joining us today on this unexpected life podcast.
00:44:30.559 --> 00:44:35.039
Real stories, real hope in this unexpected journey.
