WEBVTT
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:02.560
Welcome to this unexpected life.
00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:10.320
Trying not to worry actually increases the power of the anxiety and the worry.
00:00:10.560 --> 00:00:20.239
That's why returning our focus, turning our mind back to the present, we focus on Jesus, which lowers that worry.
00:00:20.640 --> 00:00:27.440
A podcast for parents navigating the challenges of raising a child with disabilities or special needs.
00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:38.320
Here we share stories of hope, resilience, and messy faith to help you embrace your journey, work through grief, and thrive in your role.
00:00:38.640 --> 00:00:46.880
Whether you're just starting out or seeking encouragement to keep going, this is a space where your story matters.
00:00:47.200 --> 00:00:55.439
Join Carrie, your storytelling companion, as we explore the hope and healing found in Jesus Christ.
00:00:55.679 --> 00:00:57.600
One story at a time.
00:00:58.159 --> 00:01:03.359
Hello there and welcome to episode 63 on this Unexpected Life podcast.
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:12.000
So this month we heard from two moms of children with Spinobifida, which was really neat, especially since this month is Spinobifida Awareness Month.
00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:20.079
But today we're actually going to shift gears and hear from author Kristen Faith Evans on her newest book, The Frazzled Parents Guide to Less Stress.
00:01:20.239 --> 00:01:26.560
This is a 40-day devotional for releasing anxiety and tension when life feels overwhelming.
00:01:26.799 --> 00:01:35.200
So Kristen Faith Evans is an award-winning author, a national speaker, a licensed master social worker, and a special needs mom.
00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:40.000
She empowers others with the skills to thrive in their faith, mental health, and marriages.
00:01:40.319 --> 00:01:49.519
Kristen has an extensive list of awards, radio, and podcast shows that she's appeared on, including Folks on the Family, Family Life Radio, and Moody Radio.
00:01:49.599 --> 00:02:03.200
But in order to keep this intro brief, just know that you can always check the show notes for links to her resources, her website, her books, her social media, as well as she was also on this unexpected life when we first started in episode 14.
00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:05.359
So don't miss those links in the show notes.
00:02:05.599 --> 00:02:08.800
In today's episode, you're going to love this conversation with Kristen, though.
00:02:08.879 --> 00:02:12.479
We're going to talk about her book, This Devotional Resource for Parents.
00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:20.639
We break down what technology is doing to our stress levels, how it's actually distracting us from being able to help regulate our kids.
00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:24.000
She defines what Christ-centered mindfulness looks like.
00:02:24.159 --> 00:02:30.159
And then you're actually going to get an opportunity to practice some deep breathing along with breath prayer.
00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:32.560
Don't miss this interview with Kristen Faith Evans.
00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:34.479
I know you're going to enjoy it.
00:02:35.280 --> 00:02:37.199
Well, hello, Kristen.
00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:40.080
It is so good to have you back on the podcast.
00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:41.680
Thank you for being here.
00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:44.639
Thank you so much for having me, Carrie.
00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:52.159
So I am really excited to be able to talk about your new book, which is A Devotional.
00:02:52.479 --> 00:03:02.400
Can you just give the listeners a little bit of background about who you are and maybe kind of the you know 20,000-foot overview of your unexpected story?
00:03:02.719 --> 00:03:09.360
Yeah, so my husband and I we got married 25 years ago to go into ministry together.
00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:12.400
And then we had our first child three years later.
00:03:12.560 --> 00:03:18.000
We had our daughter, Bethany Grace, who has a severe chromosomal deletion.
00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:20.639
And so she has multiple disabilities.
00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:24.719
She's still on a feeding tube, intellectually disabled.
00:03:25.120 --> 00:03:33.199
And when she was born in the NICI for three months and came home, my world just fell apart.
00:03:33.520 --> 00:03:41.520
The stress on my mental health, my marriage, our family was just more than I was able to manage.
00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:48.719
And I I kind of spiraled, I really spiraled into a mental health and just faith crisis.
00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:57.840
And then I made the choice, I don't know how I'm going to recover, regain my health, heal my marriage.
00:03:58.159 --> 00:04:01.520
But with God's help, I began that slow process.
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:16.639
And so I had to learn how to manage my stress and thrive in this very painful, extremely difficult life situation as a mom until my marriage.
00:04:16.720 --> 00:04:20.800
And then I went back to graduate school because I wanted to help other parents.
00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:45.680
And so this book has kind of been a culmination of my journey personally of learning these skills, learning how to grow closer to God in the midst of my overwhelming stress to help other parents, but also to continue to remind me of how to thrive in this stress.
00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:47.279
Yeah, I find it interesting.
00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:59.040
We were talking about this right before we push record that a lot of times we're writing or speaking to the things that we ourselves need in those moments.
00:04:59.279 --> 00:05:02.160
And what has that been like for you in the recent months?
00:05:02.319 --> 00:05:05.360
Because you've gone through a lot of change and a lot of stress.
00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:15.199
Yeah, I actually um as I was writing this devotional, I practiced it myself.
00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:40.959
So, and and I realize how much I need it's a reminder when we're going through the stress that it's a reminder to return to our center, to return to Jesus, to be in the present moment, taking full deep breaths and just being grounded in who we are and in our God.
00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:45.199
And I actually, we were talking about this uh before we came on.
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:50.240
I I will actually be like, I am so stressed, I have anxiety, why?
00:05:50.480 --> 00:06:00.079
And then I will do one of the exercises where I, you know, physically release that stress and anxiety to God, and so I need this book.
00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:09.040
Reading through it, one of the things that really stuck out to me was what you just mentioned about breathing.
00:06:09.759 --> 00:06:14.560
And you talked about it, and I think I've talked about this previously on the podcast.
00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:19.759
How many times in a day that I catch myself holding my breath?
00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:24.639
Why is breathing so important in the middle of stress?
00:06:25.759 --> 00:06:30.240
I will try to not let my research nerdy person come out, but we do.
00:06:30.319 --> 00:06:34.319
We don't bring, I will try to tone it down.
00:06:34.480 --> 00:06:40.399
Um, this is like 75 professional journal studies, and then I'm gonna like boil down.
00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:44.879
So we don't breathe properly, especially when we're stressed.
00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:49.199
Our brains are in this loop, caught in the fight or flight.
00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:52.000
That's the easiest, the sympathetic nervous system.
00:06:52.240 --> 00:07:06.240
And when we breathe shallow and faster with our chest, we're literally not getting full oxygen, which makes it hard to concentrate, make decisions.
00:07:06.480 --> 00:07:21.279
It keeps it keeps us in the sloop of using the parts of our brain, like the amygdala, that keep telling our brain and body there's a threat, we need to be stressed, which has all sorts of long-term and short-term effects.
00:07:21.600 --> 00:08:04.000
And so the goal is to, we can hack our nervous system, the goal is to actually take diaphragmatic breaths from our belly, and when we do that, we're able to open up our lungs, get full 100% oxygen intake, which calms our body, triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, and we start to use our frontal lobe, and it calms the fear and emotional anxiety center of the body, and we're able to fully be present and respond to our children calmly.
00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:06.160
It's just fascinating.
00:08:06.560 --> 00:08:07.040
Yeah.
00:08:07.360 --> 00:08:15.759
So I think what I hear you saying is when we're stressed and not breathing, the part of our brain that is triggering is that fight or flight.
00:08:15.920 --> 00:08:20.319
So we're just gonna continue on this loop of stress, stress, stress, stress, stress.
00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:32.559
Your frontal lobe is what, from the stuff I've read, is what's gonna help you think logically instead of just reacting in emotion and anger, fear, all of those things.
00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:40.320
And so when we're actually doing this deep breathing, it's gonna calm down that amygdala and allow our frontal lobe to engage.
00:08:40.960 --> 00:08:47.840
It's funny, just as you were talking, I could feel myself like just trying to breathe, you know, a little bit different.
00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:55.679
So, I mean, listener, I just want you to just stop right now and just allow your diaphragm to fill.
00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:59.679
And I sometimes don't even feel like I do it very well.
00:08:59.919 --> 00:09:01.759
Could you show us how to do it?
00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:06.399
And we're gonna talk about your book, but let's this is such a huge part of this.
00:09:06.720 --> 00:09:08.399
So show us how to do this.
00:09:08.720 --> 00:09:15.039
It is the basic, and people are like, oh, take deep breaths, and it's become a cliche, right?
00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:26.559
But it is actually it's just critical, and actually the center of the book when I lead moms through it, explain usually a breath prayer.
00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:52.320
You know, God gives us our breath, yes, um, and he wants us to fully breathe in his peace, in his breath of life, we have to, you know, just sit sit with a good posture, and it is the opposite of what we do, so it feels weird because we don't breathe properly, and you can't go around breathing um like this all day.
00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:58.399
But the more we get in the habit, the more we'll do it, yeah, and the easier it'll become.
00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:01.679
So place a hand on your belly.
00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:09.519
I will just preface this with it will feel funny and unnatural because we don't do this often.
00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:21.440
So place a hand on your belly button, and we're gonna imagine that there's a balloon in our abdomen, and when we inhale, it's going to inflate.
00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:27.200
So you should feel your belly expand, and then when we exhale, the balloon's going to deflate.
00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:42.480
So you should kind of feel your body um deflating, and we're gonna breathe through our nose for three seconds slowly, and then we're gonna exhale through our mouth with pursed lips, like we're slowly blowing bubbles up.
00:10:42.720 --> 00:10:43.440
Okay, okay.
00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:47.360
So place your hand on your belly, and I'm gonna walk you through it.
00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:59.840
So slowly inhale through your nose, feel that balloon inflating, and then exhale through your mouth.
00:11:05.759 --> 00:11:09.279
Feel that balloon in your belly inflating.
00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:12.720
And that was so good.
00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:18.960
And I know from reading your book that we can do a breath prayer with that.
00:11:19.360 --> 00:11:28.480
What's an example of a breath prayer that we can pray while we're pausing to breathe in and then breathe out in those three seconds kind of in and out?
00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:48.639
So it's usually based on a verse of scripture, and so my favorite um to teach this is when we inhale, we're gonna inhale the breath of the Almighty, and then we exhibit, gives me life.
00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:53.600
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:58.639
I often think about that song, it's your breath in my lungs.
00:11:59.360 --> 00:12:02.960
So we pour out our praise, we pour out our praise.
00:12:03.200 --> 00:12:04.559
I think about that a lot.
00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:10.080
Just it that's a song that has just been special to me when I've had certain times of stress.
00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:17.840
Um, let everything that is within me that has breath praise the Lord, and just how He gives us our breath in our lungs.
00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:28.559
So, listener, if you didn't get a chance to do that, go back, listen, and do that that breathing exercise with Kristen and pray that breath prayer that she talked about.
00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:33.519
And you can rewind that on the audio or or catch the video in the YouTube.
00:12:33.919 --> 00:12:43.759
So, so I guess let's just talk about what are some of the reasons that us as parents and especially disability parents are so stressed today.
00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:45.759
What's contributing to all of that?
00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:52.159
Yeah, so technology is a big piece, we're constantly on call.
00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:59.039
So if you think about somebody text me or a doctor calls, and you have to answer that call.
00:13:00.159 --> 00:13:05.120
The expectation is that we respond quickly or immediately.
00:13:05.279 --> 00:13:10.399
And when we don't, it's like, okay, why didn't this person email me back or text me back?
00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:13.120
So that's one of the reasons we're on call.
00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:24.559
The other piece of technology is being on our phones, especially social media and looking at the news.
00:13:24.799 --> 00:13:29.919
There is a direct correlation with increasing anxiety and stress.
00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:30.559
Yeah.
00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:45.600
And and then you've got that our our children are on their devices, and then what happens is we aren't able to one be mindful ourselves, and so we're not in our bodies, we're not deep breathing.
00:13:45.840 --> 00:14:18.320
Two, we're not able to be fully mindful with our children and our spouses, and and then that increases the stress because if we're not being fully mindful, we're not seeing what happened right before our child got upset or had a problem, and it just creates this whole environment and neurological situation that's actually rewiring our brains and causing our bodies to stay in this chronic I'm on call state.
00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:19.600
Yeah.
00:14:19.919 --> 00:14:22.159
So that's one of the biggest reasons.
00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:31.919
Yeah, it's so interesting to meet just the timing of our interview today, because I have another interview this afternoon with Dr.
00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:44.240
Nicole Wilkie, who is from the Children Alliance for Orphans, and she just had a book come out about how technology is playing a role in children who are at risk.
00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:54.639
And our children, all of them, whether they are neurotypical or not, are at risk in this area.
00:14:55.039 --> 00:14:57.679
And I find it so interesting.
00:14:57.759 --> 00:15:13.600
Like there's so many studies that talk about even now when you have your phone in the room, might not even be on, but it's in the room, you are like aware that you have to respond all the time.
00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:20.639
And just yeah, I mean, it's just I I know there's so much research coming out that we just can't even keep up with it.
00:15:20.799 --> 00:15:26.879
But one of the things that you said, I think that impacted me is that I know.
00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:38.080
So uh back in September on the podcast, they did a whole series on caring for the caregiver, and I had several counselors on, and they were talking about uh regulation, right?
00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:45.039
Like we need to be able to self-regulate, but a lot of times, right, we're helping our children regulate.
00:15:45.360 --> 00:15:54.320
And then technology is brought into that, and when we're distracted, we're not able to help them regulate.
00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:59.200
I know one of the stories you shared in your book was about you helping your daughter put her shoes on.
00:15:59.519 --> 00:16:10.879
Can you share that story and maybe just some thoughts about what I was just talking about with the regulation piece and us not being present to do that with our kids or even with ourselves, honestly?
00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:11.840
Yeah.
00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:12.639
Yeah.
00:16:12.879 --> 00:16:15.919
So the the setting is it was a Sunday morning.
00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:17.120
It's hard enough.
00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:21.440
This was a couple of years ago when Bethany Grace was even younger.
00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:26.960
Um, and you know, she needs full assistance with getting dressed, putting her shoes on.
00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:32.960
And I was already in my mind, oh, we're late again, and you know, what are people gonna think?
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:35.200
And I should have gotten up earlier.
00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:44.399
So that guilt and that already my mind is concocting these scenarios of what people are gonna think, and so my anxiety is building.
00:16:44.559 --> 00:16:48.320
Anytime our minds are in the future, it increases anxiety.
00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:52.639
So here I am trying to get Bethany Grace to cooperate.
00:16:52.799 --> 00:17:03.360
I put her shoe on and she just looks at me like no, you know, she couldn't really say no, but and then she kicks it off.
00:17:03.519 --> 00:17:12.400
And so we're in this battle, and the more I get stressed, the more she's starting to really get dysregulated, melt down, and we were in this fight.
00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:15.279
I'm like, okay, I'm we're just never gonna make it.
00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:21.119
And so then I just paused, I took a deep breath, I pulled my mind back to the present moment.
00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:39.519
I looked at her, I thought about what is happening in me, and I even picked up the shoe, and so coming back to that present moment, I realized I haven't connected with Bethany Grace, I haven't wondered, okay, what's going on with her?
00:17:39.759 --> 00:17:41.680
Is she just tired?
00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:43.519
Is she not wanting to go to church?
00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:45.599
And just really came back.
00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:52.160
And when I picked up the shoe, something rattled in it, and I stuck my hand in it.
00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:55.440
There's a metal hair clip in the shoe.
00:17:55.839 --> 00:18:04.720
So then, of course, I'm like, oh, bad mom moment, because she couldn't tell me, she couldn't tell me it hurts, yeah.
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:34.079
Um, and so because I wasn't in the present moment, I hadn't been with her trying to connect, and so I took out the hair clip and I said, I'm sorry, and then we slipped her shoe on, and so it turned into this whole situation because I was not fully present in the moment with my daughter, yeah, and so but back to the regulation.
00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:49.359
The irony is we're trying to help our children regulate, however, we have to first be regulated ourselves because our children feed off of our emotions and our state.
00:18:49.519 --> 00:19:05.839
So if we are anxious, it increases their anxiety, if we are stressed, it actually increases their stress response system, and then when we are able to self-regulate ourselves, it models to them.
00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:12.960
And when we take a deep breath, it's actually a subconscious, a person in the room with you.
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:20.400
If you take a deep breath, it's kind of a suggestion, and they will actually do it without even thinking about it.
00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:25.119
Isn't that amazing how God created our bodies?
00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:29.039
And then just to be in community that way.
00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:33.039
Um that's it's a really cool thing.
00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:35.680
I I'm marveling over here.
00:19:36.240 --> 00:19:42.079
One of the things that you said is anytime our mind is in the future, we can you say that again?
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.920
Anytime our mind is in the future, is it increasing our anxiety?
00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:59.599
So if if our minds are in the past, a lot of times those negative emotions of regret, you know, reliving trauma, which is a whole nother conversation.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:03.599
So we start to feel sad or guilty if we're in the past.
00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:09.279
If our mind is in the future, oftentimes we're worrying, which we have to plan.
00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:11.039
We have to plan for our children.
00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:24.559
But at the point it becomes ineffective and there's nothing else we can do right now, then it activates that worry part of our brain, and the anxiety increases in the future.
00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:32.000
That's why returning our focus to the present moment lowers that anxiety.
00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:33.599
Yeah, for sure.
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:59.599
And I think what one of the things that you mentioned, even just in that moment with Bethany Grace, was that you were concerned about, worried about being late and people, what people were gonna think, which is also just like that kind of living in that land of what if, you know, which doesn't help any of us, you know, you know, and you're right, we do have to think about the future.
00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:07.920
We do have to plan special needs parents more than anybody, we're living in the future quite a bit.
00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:16.880
But how can we, and I think your devotion helps us, how can we just live in the present, not live in the land of what if?
00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:29.680
A lot of that is obviously trusting that God holds the future and that he was with us in the past, he has been present, right, in our trauma, but he's also gonna be present in the future.
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:32.079
Do you have any further thoughts about that?
00:21:32.799 --> 00:21:37.279
Yeah, you know, I just always go back to scripture and how God created us.
00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:40.319
He does not want us to be anxious or worried.
00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:57.359
In fact, so many times throughout the New Testament, we see where Jesus taught us to live in the day, the current day, in the present moment, to not worry about the future, that he holds the future in his hands.
00:21:57.519 --> 00:21:58.480
And it's hard to do.
00:21:58.559 --> 00:21:59.759
I'm not making, I'm not trying.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:05.759
To make it sound easy, especially for us special needs moms, there's so much.
00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:13.599
However, the more we can return to that center who is Jesus in the present moment.
00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:23.359
So trying not to worry actually increases the power of the anxiety and the worry.
00:22:23.519 --> 00:22:24.799
That's the irony.
00:22:25.119 --> 00:22:36.640
So that's why returning our focus, turning our mind back to the present, we focus on Jesus, which lowers that worry.
00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:38.720
Yeah, yeah, that's so good.
00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:40.000
It's so good.
00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:48.319
So let's dive, I guess, a little bit more into the book and how this devotional differs from other parenting books.
00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:50.880
I love sharing this.
00:22:51.039 --> 00:22:54.079
I was at a mom conference just about a month ago.
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:59.680
And as I explained it, you know, I could just see them calm while I explained this.
00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:06.160
So this devotional, you know, I share an example which, you know, directly ties in.
00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:08.480
Most of the time, they're kind of funny.
00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:12.000
Like I've spelt coffee on my shirt and I'm stressed from the pickup line.
00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:19.440
And but then, you know, I tie that in very much with the scripture, starting with the scripture.
00:23:19.599 --> 00:23:24.000
There's the peas, pray, ponder, practice, and plan.
00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:28.079
And I'm a very experiential practical person.
00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:29.200
That's my background.
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:40.880
And so we say that prayer of God, of basically applying, help me internalize the scripture and live this out.
00:23:41.039 --> 00:23:46.400
And then ponder, you know, a couple of reflection questions of how is this in my life?
00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:48.400
And then the practice.
00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:51.759
That's the piece that I'm most excited about.
00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:57.359
So the breath prayer, the deep breathing, that's a couple, you know, there's some breath prayers.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:24:06.720
There's also the best one to explain cast your cares and anxiety on him because he cares for you.
00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:12.400
So a lot of times we're in our heads, we're thinking, okay, God, I give you my anxiety.
00:24:12.559 --> 00:24:19.839
We may even feel it in our emotions, but the physical piece, I feel like, is the unique part.
00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:22.559
Each day is a different practice.
00:24:22.880 --> 00:24:28.319
And so as you think about that verse and you reflect on, okay, what am I anxious about?
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:29.920
What am I stressed about?
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:34.559
We clench our fist as we inhale.
00:24:35.119 --> 00:24:40.960
And as we exhale, God, I release this worry about my child surgery.
00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:44.799
And we may have 20 things we need to release.
00:24:46.079 --> 00:24:58.799
The best part about that is when we tense our muscles and relax them, it actually tells our brains, okay, I can calm down, the threat is gone.
00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:06.400
And we feel the difference between the tense, which is the tension we're feeling our bodies, we don't even realize is there.
00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:19.680
And as we release, it actually physically and neurologically calms, and we actually, as a whole person, holistically, we are physical beings too.
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:23.279
We release that tension and anxiety to God.
00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:25.839
Yeah, I love that.
00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:53.279
Like, even while you were doing it, I mean, it's hard to see on camera because you can't see my lap, but I was holding that in, and it is amazing just how God designed our bodies with what we need to also release the stress and release the worry, the anxiety, and all of that through, like you said, we do live in our heads so much, but then also how to physically do that in our bodies.
00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:59.440
And so, listener, I'm not sure if you caught it, but there's four parts to each devotional, each day.
00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:03.119
It's pray, ponder, practice, and plan.
00:26:03.839 --> 00:26:11.759
And so there's the there's the spiritual element, there's the mental element, but then there's also the physical and practical element.
00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:16.160
And I just think it's it's just an amazing resource.
00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:17.200
It really is.
00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:23.279
I am so excited that it is out in the world, Kristen, and that you that you did this.
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:28.640
I know one of the things that you talk about in the book is Christ-centered mindfulness.
00:26:28.799 --> 00:26:31.279
Now we hear that word all over the place.
00:26:31.519 --> 00:26:44.240
So, would you be willing to just kind of talk about the difference between mindfulness and Christ-centered mindfulness and how Christ-centered mindfulness is a benefit for us as disability parents?
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:49.920
So, especially in the Christian community, you hear the term mindfulness.
00:26:50.079 --> 00:27:00.000
It has become, I don't want to use the word trinity, but it's become very popular because people are realizing the science behind it.
00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:01.519
It is so critical.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:05.440
But a lot of times Christians will think, oh, Eastern religion.
00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:13.440
Okay, it does come from there, but it actually is a biblical practice.
00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:19.119
It became kind of popular in the 13th century with the Jesus prayer.
00:27:19.519 --> 00:27:23.359
Let every breath basically be of Jesus.
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:29.200
And so that's one way it's been in the Christian faith since Jesus.
00:27:29.359 --> 00:27:29.680
Right.
00:27:29.920 --> 00:27:43.359
So the difference as a Christian and a believer is we are aware of God's presence in the present moment in us around us.
00:27:43.599 --> 00:28:03.920
So being fully present and being mindful and practicing mindfulness, which there's all hundreds of mindfulness practices, but it boils down to being very present with your breath and realizing Christ is with you, Christ is my center in this moment.
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:06.480
Yeah, yeah, it's so good.
00:28:06.799 --> 00:28:12.559
Just made me think of all the times that Jesus went away by himself to pray.
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:17.279
He was modeling, he was modeling that.
00:28:17.759 --> 00:28:20.160
Yeah, just made me think of that.
00:28:21.680 --> 00:28:31.680
So I guess share a little bit more about the devotion and how it's set up, the different sections, and how you really don't have to read it from cover to cover.
00:28:32.079 --> 00:28:33.519
You can kind of pick up in the middle.
00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:35.920
Will you share a little bit about that part of it?
00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:51.680
Yeah, and actually in my note to parents before the devotions, I say, it says 40 days, but really the last thing I want is for you to feel like you have to do one a day or feel guilty because you miss one.
00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:59.119
I love to practice one of the devotions for a whole week, and I encourage parents to do that.
00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:08.079
Let's say, for example, your child's in the hospital, you know, especially for special needs moms and dads.
00:29:08.240 --> 00:29:10.079
Let's say your child's in the hospital.
00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:17.039
Pick one of the devotions and just practice that the whole week.
00:29:17.279 --> 00:29:49.839
And so it's set up to really meditate on that scripture, to really look at where you are today in terms of that scripture in your life, and then just practice, practice that prayer, practice that physical releasing of the tension uh in lots of different ways, and then the plan part is actually how you're going to do this several times throughout your day.
00:29:50.079 --> 00:29:52.480
Yeah, yeah, it's so good.
00:29:52.720 --> 00:30:09.039
I I love how you are saying just slow down and make it a practice because so often, maybe just in faith-based circles, we feel like we have to read, you know, we're reading through through the Bible in a year, which I'm doing that right now.
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:17.039
And I absolutely love it because it's this the season where I'm in, where I get behind, I'm not doing it perfectly.
00:30:17.359 --> 00:30:43.200
But sometimes we have seasons where, you know, if you just read a whole chapter or something, it's just not gonna soak in the way that just focusing on one verse for an entire week, and then you know, asking the Lord to show you new things about it, or maybe look at what God's trying to speak to you about Himself in that scripture, and then doing a breath prayer with it, right?
00:30:43.519 --> 00:30:51.039
To me, that's what God talks about meditating on scripture and how it can just become a part of fabric.
00:30:51.279 --> 00:31:05.119
So when that stress and anxiety and everything is coming up, the chaos is coming in, you know, like you said, being in the hospital, all of a sudden, wait a second, I remember last week that I just spent this whole week on this specific scripture.
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:14.000
So maybe there's a specific scripture that's in there that is just very meaningful to you that I would just love for you to share that with the listeners.
00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:31.279
Yeah, so one of my favorite days and verses in the book really captures the essence of physically internalizing the scripture and physically learning it and applying it is Psalm 131.2.
00:31:31.920 --> 00:31:37.519
It talks about how my body is soothed like a weaned child.
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:40.880
My soul within me is like a weaned child.
00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:49.680
And so this day we practice a progressive muscle relaxation exercise through our whole body.
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:57.200
And this is one of the mindfulness-based stress reduction exercises that's taught a lot.
00:31:57.440 --> 00:32:02.400
It's unique though, because it's prayer throughout.
00:32:02.640 --> 00:32:14.559
God's presence is in our body, and so as we go throughout our body, beginning with our heads, and then we tense kind of like we did with our fist, releasing anxiety.
00:32:14.799 --> 00:32:58.160
Well, when we scan our bodies, we realize oh, my shoulders do hurt, and oh, I am carrying a lot of weight emotionally and physically in my shoulders, and so when we get to our shoulders, for example, we tense, intense, intense for about five seconds, and then as we exhale and release, God take this heavy weight off my shoulders, I release this burden to you, and as we go throughout our whole body, we physically God heals us and He takes that burden and stress.
00:32:58.319 --> 00:33:01.039
So that is that's probably my favorite day.
00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:02.799
Yeah, that is so good.
00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:03.759
I love that.
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:15.119
I guess just to kind of wrap up, what are some easy ways, even just right now, that a parent who's listening could reduce their stress and anxiety just where they are?
00:33:16.319 --> 00:33:20.240
I would say this is easier said than done, but simplifying.
00:33:20.799 --> 00:33:23.759
Just simplifying what can I?
00:33:25.359 --> 00:33:28.799
We have our list, especially as special needs parrots.
00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:32.319
When I realized I'm never gonna get everything on there done.
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:38.240
And if I don't call that one doctor today, okay, that one's not life or death.
00:33:38.480 --> 00:33:43.440
So simplifying what notifications can I turn off on my phone?
00:33:43.599 --> 00:34:00.880
I don't need to get the news notifications, I don't need to get these app notifications, they can wait till later, and I will check social media at a specific time of day, not first thing when I wake up in the morning because that yes, that actually increases our cortisol.
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:12.159
So I would say simplify to where more and more we get in the habit of just being fully present with ourselves, with God and our child.
00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:14.559
Yeah, yeah, it's so good.
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:16.000
And it's such a good reminder.
00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:19.599
I know I just full disclosure here, everyone.
00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:24.880
I have gotten into such a bad habit of picking up my phone first thing in the morning.
00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:35.440
And one of the things I'm realizing is so I finally went out and I I've always had an alarm clock, just a very, you know, typical like standard alarm clock.
00:34:35.599 --> 00:34:39.599
And I bought one that does like the light that kind of wakes you up gradually.
00:34:40.320 --> 00:34:42.400
And I love that alarm clock.
00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:46.800
And but I still have my phone next to my bed.
00:34:47.280 --> 00:34:51.199
And I think some of it is I don't we don't have a home phone anymore, right?
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:52.960
A lot of people don't, right?
00:34:53.199 --> 00:35:04.159
We we don't have a landline, and so you think about okay, if there's an emergency in my family, all my family for the most part lives out of state, you know, I'm not gonna not gonna hear about it.
00:35:04.239 --> 00:35:07.519
I'm not gonna, you know, it's not gonna be around.
00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:10.480
But it's actually doing us so much damage.
00:35:11.599 --> 00:35:15.280
And then last week I realized, oh my goodness.
00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:21.280
So first thing I pick up in the morning, I check my phone, then I end up on Facebook, then I'm scrolling.
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:22.239
Yep, and so I did.
00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:28.480
I locked my phone down, and these are the things that are actually deleting us.
00:35:28.719 --> 00:35:33.199
I guess it's not really depriving us of our resiliency, right?
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:36.400
There it's eating away at our resiliency.
00:35:36.639 --> 00:35:39.119
Do you have any thoughts you want to share about that?
00:35:39.920 --> 00:35:51.119
Yeah, so as I was researching for my next book, one of the things I discovered, I kind of alluded to it, when we pick up our phone, first thing, that cortisol spikes.
00:35:51.199 --> 00:35:53.280
Yeah, and actually our blood sugar too.
00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:56.800
And yes, I like I said, I'm a research nerd.
00:35:57.119 --> 00:36:09.039
And one of the key things I I talk about in this book is replacing, substituting, and maybe have the phone on the table.
00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:13.599
You'll soon hear it in the middle of the night, but it's not where we can reach for it.
00:36:13.840 --> 00:36:17.119
First thing instead, substitute.
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:22.480
I wake up and I inhale that breath of life.
00:36:22.639 --> 00:36:37.440
Thank you, Lord, for this day, and just first thing centering our minds and our very breath and our day on Christ, as opposed to what someone has said on Facebook.
00:36:37.760 --> 00:36:45.119
Easier said than done, like I said, but if we can get in the habit, it's building habits, really, yeah, is what it's about.
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:54.159
Yeah, uh, so I I recommend that taking deep breaths first thing and three more times throughout the day.
00:36:54.559 --> 00:37:10.800
And then it's like you said, reading through the Bible is very important, however, in the reality of our days as special needs moms, yeah, those moments three or four times throughout the day, connecting with God in that breath prayer are just as effective.
00:37:11.360 --> 00:37:11.920
Yeah.
00:37:12.239 --> 00:37:16.000
And you know, it seems very doable, right?
00:37:16.159 --> 00:37:21.760
That we're gonna connect with our breath prayer once in the morning, three more times during the day.
00:37:22.079 --> 00:37:24.559
That is very attainable.
00:37:25.199 --> 00:37:29.840
And meditating on you said Psalm 131, verse 2.
00:37:30.400 --> 00:37:38.800
That is just that one scripture I'm gonna spend a whole week on, and and maybe we get to it two days out of the week or three days out of the week.
00:37:39.039 --> 00:37:39.360
Right.
00:37:39.599 --> 00:37:47.679
But still, it's very small things that is gonna build resiliency over time and reduce that anxiety and stress.
00:37:47.920 --> 00:38:00.239
So, Kristen, I will have all the links to everything in the show notes, but where can the listeners find you and find a copy of your newest book, This Devotional, about reducing stress?
00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:06.719
Yeah, so on Instagram, that's the main place, disability parenting.
00:38:07.039 --> 00:38:17.920
I have created a new YouTube channel from Frazzle to Calm where I actually guide you through these breath prayers and these releasing the tension anxiety.
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:21.360
I'm super excited, and I will be posting new videos on that.
00:38:21.599 --> 00:38:30.320
I have links to the book on Instagram and uh Facebook, but it's basically where you like to buy your favorite books.
00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:31.760
It's it's everywhere.
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:36.159
Amazon of corresponds and mobile, pretty much where you like to buy your books.
00:38:36.239 --> 00:38:40.880
And the audio, actually, I'm more excited about because I got to record the audio myself.
00:38:41.039 --> 00:38:47.199
Oh god, and so I'm more excited because especially as special needs moms, we listen to books.
00:38:47.519 --> 00:38:51.119
I literally will guide you through these exercises.
00:38:51.519 --> 00:38:52.639
That's really fun.
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:56.400
So, listeners, I will make sure to have, and I'm gonna show you the book.
00:38:56.559 --> 00:39:00.559
I have the hardcover copy, which I love hardcover because I'm a book nerd.
00:39:00.719 --> 00:39:04.239
And so The Frazzled Parents Guide to Less Stress.
00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:07.440
This is Kristen's new 40-day devotional.
00:39:07.679 --> 00:39:11.440
And so thank you again for coming on, being a guest.
00:39:11.599 --> 00:39:14.400
I'm really excited about this resource.
00:39:14.559 --> 00:39:23.920
I think it's super practical, but also something that's so needed right now, especially for moms and dads who are raising children with disabilities and special needs.
00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:25.360
So thank you.
00:39:26.880 --> 00:39:34.079
If you have enjoyed this podcast, would you do Carrie a favor and hit the subscribe button to where you listen to podcasts?
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:36.159
Also, leave a review.
00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:39.920
This helps the podcast to become more visible to others.
00:39:40.159 --> 00:39:50.719
If you would like to share your story on the podcast, visit Carrie's website, carriemholt.com backslash podcast, and fill out the form.
00:39:50.960 --> 00:39:59.119
You can find Carrie online on Facebook and Instagram, and on her Substack page at Cmholt.
00:39:59.840 --> 00:40:03.920
Thank you for joining us today on this unexpected life podcast.
00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:08.800
Real stories, real hope in this unexpected journey.
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:02.560
Welcome to this unexpected life.
00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:10.320
Trying not to worry actually increases the power of the anxiety and the worry.
00:00:10.560 --> 00:00:20.239
That's why returning our focus, turning our mind back to the present, we focus on Jesus, which lowers that worry.
00:00:20.640 --> 00:00:27.440
A podcast for parents navigating the challenges of raising a child with disabilities or special needs.
00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:38.320
Here we share stories of hope, resilience, and messy faith to help you embrace your journey, work through grief, and thrive in your role.
00:00:38.640 --> 00:00:46.880
Whether you're just starting out or seeking encouragement to keep going, this is a space where your story matters.
00:00:47.200 --> 00:00:55.439
Join Carrie, your storytelling companion, as we explore the hope and healing found in Jesus Christ.
00:00:55.679 --> 00:00:57.600
One story at a time.
00:00:58.159 --> 00:01:03.359
Hello there and welcome to episode 63 on this Unexpected Life podcast.
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:12.000
So this month we heard from two moms of children with Spinobifida, which was really neat, especially since this month is Spinobifida Awareness Month.
00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:20.079
But today we're actually going to shift gears and hear from author Kristen Faith Evans on her newest book, The Frazzled Parents Guide to Less Stress.
00:01:20.239 --> 00:01:26.560
This is a 40-day devotional for releasing anxiety and tension when life feels overwhelming.
00:01:26.799 --> 00:01:35.200
So Kristen Faith Evans is an award-winning author, a national speaker, a licensed master social worker, and a special needs mom.
00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:40.000
She empowers others with the skills to thrive in their faith, mental health, and marriages.
00:01:40.319 --> 00:01:49.519
Kristen has an extensive list of awards, radio, and podcast shows that she's appeared on, including Folks on the Family, Family Life Radio, and Moody Radio.
00:01:49.599 --> 00:02:03.200
But in order to keep this intro brief, just know that you can always check the show notes for links to her resources, her website, her books, her social media, as well as she was also on this unexpected life when we first started in episode 14.
00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:05.359
So don't miss those links in the show notes.
00:02:05.599 --> 00:02:08.800
In today's episode, you're going to love this conversation with Kristen, though.
00:02:08.879 --> 00:02:12.479
We're going to talk about her book, This Devotional Resource for Parents.
00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:20.639
We break down what technology is doing to our stress levels, how it's actually distracting us from being able to help regulate our kids.
00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:24.000
She defines what Christ-centered mindfulness looks like.
00:02:24.159 --> 00:02:30.159
And then you're actually going to get an opportunity to practice some deep breathing along with breath prayer.
00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:32.560
Don't miss this interview with Kristen Faith Evans.
00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:34.479
I know you're going to enjoy it.
00:02:35.280 --> 00:02:37.199
Well, hello, Kristen.
00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:40.080
It is so good to have you back on the podcast.
00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:41.680
Thank you for being here.
00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:44.639
Thank you so much for having me, Carrie.
00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:52.159
So I am really excited to be able to talk about your new book, which is A Devotional.
00:02:52.479 --> 00:03:02.400
Can you just give the listeners a little bit of background about who you are and maybe kind of the you know 20,000-foot overview of your unexpected story?
00:03:02.719 --> 00:03:09.360
Yeah, so my husband and I we got married 25 years ago to go into ministry together.
00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:12.400
And then we had our first child three years later.
00:03:12.560 --> 00:03:18.000
We had our daughter, Bethany Grace, who has a severe chromosomal deletion.
00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:20.639
And so she has multiple disabilities.
00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:24.719
She's still on a feeding tube, intellectually disabled.
00:03:25.120 --> 00:03:33.199
And when she was born in the NICI for three months and came home, my world just fell apart.
00:03:33.520 --> 00:03:41.520
The stress on my mental health, my marriage, our family was just more than I was able to manage.
00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:48.719
And I I kind of spiraled, I really spiraled into a mental health and just faith crisis.
00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:57.840
And then I made the choice, I don't know how I'm going to recover, regain my health, heal my marriage.
00:03:58.159 --> 00:04:01.520
But with God's help, I began that slow process.
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:16.639
And so I had to learn how to manage my stress and thrive in this very painful, extremely difficult life situation as a mom until my marriage.
00:04:16.720 --> 00:04:20.800
And then I went back to graduate school because I wanted to help other parents.
00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:45.680
And so this book has kind of been a culmination of my journey personally of learning these skills, learning how to grow closer to God in the midst of my overwhelming stress to help other parents, but also to continue to remind me of how to thrive in this stress.
00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:47.279
Yeah, I find it interesting.
00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:59.040
We were talking about this right before we push record that a lot of times we're writing or speaking to the things that we ourselves need in those moments.
00:04:59.279 --> 00:05:02.160
And what has that been like for you in the recent months?
00:05:02.319 --> 00:05:05.360
Because you've gone through a lot of change and a lot of stress.
00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:15.199
Yeah, I actually um as I was writing this devotional, I practiced it myself.
00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:40.959
So, and and I realize how much I need it's a reminder when we're going through the stress that it's a reminder to return to our center, to return to Jesus, to be in the present moment, taking full deep breaths and just being grounded in who we are and in our God.
00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:45.199
And I actually, we were talking about this uh before we came on.
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:50.240
I I will actually be like, I am so stressed, I have anxiety, why?
00:05:50.480 --> 00:06:00.079
And then I will do one of the exercises where I, you know, physically release that stress and anxiety to God, and so I need this book.
00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:09.040
Reading through it, one of the things that really stuck out to me was what you just mentioned about breathing.
00:06:09.759 --> 00:06:14.560
And you talked about it, and I think I've talked about this previously on the podcast.
00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:19.759
How many times in a day that I catch myself holding my breath?
00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:24.639
Why is breathing so important in the middle of stress?
00:06:25.759 --> 00:06:30.240
I will try to not let my research nerdy person come out, but we do.
00:06:30.319 --> 00:06:34.319
We don't bring, I will try to tone it down.
00:06:34.480 --> 00:06:40.399
Um, this is like 75 professional journal studies, and then I'm gonna like boil down.
00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:44.879
So we don't breathe properly, especially when we're stressed.
00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:49.199
Our brains are in this loop, caught in the fight or flight.
00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:52.000
That's the easiest, the sympathetic nervous system.
00:06:52.240 --> 00:07:06.240
And when we breathe shallow and faster with our chest, we're literally not getting full oxygen, which makes it hard to concentrate, make decisions.
00:07:06.480 --> 00:07:21.279
It keeps it keeps us in the sloop of using the parts of our brain, like the amygdala, that keep telling our brain and body there's a threat, we need to be stressed, which has all sorts of long-term and short-term effects.
00:07:21.600 --> 00:08:04.000
And so the goal is to, we can hack our nervous system, the goal is to actually take diaphragmatic breaths from our belly, and when we do that, we're able to open up our lungs, get full 100% oxygen intake, which calms our body, triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, and we start to use our frontal lobe, and it calms the fear and emotional anxiety center of the body, and we're able to fully be present and respond to our children calmly.
00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:06.160
It's just fascinating.
00:08:06.560 --> 00:08:07.040
Yeah.
00:08:07.360 --> 00:08:15.759
So I think what I hear you saying is when we're stressed and not breathing, the part of our brain that is triggering is that fight or flight.
00:08:15.920 --> 00:08:20.319
So we're just gonna continue on this loop of stress, stress, stress, stress, stress.
00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:32.559
Your frontal lobe is what, from the stuff I've read, is what's gonna help you think logically instead of just reacting in emotion and anger, fear, all of those things.
00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:40.320
And so when we're actually doing this deep breathing, it's gonna calm down that amygdala and allow our frontal lobe to engage.
00:08:40.960 --> 00:08:47.840
It's funny, just as you were talking, I could feel myself like just trying to breathe, you know, a little bit different.
00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:55.679
So, I mean, listener, I just want you to just stop right now and just allow your diaphragm to fill.
00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:59.679
And I sometimes don't even feel like I do it very well.
00:08:59.919 --> 00:09:01.759
Could you show us how to do it?
00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:06.399
And we're gonna talk about your book, but let's this is such a huge part of this.
00:09:06.720 --> 00:09:08.399
So show us how to do this.
00:09:08.720 --> 00:09:15.039
It is the basic, and people are like, oh, take deep breaths, and it's become a cliche, right?
00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:26.559
But it is actually it's just critical, and actually the center of the book when I lead moms through it, explain usually a breath prayer.
00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:52.320
You know, God gives us our breath, yes, um, and he wants us to fully breathe in his peace, in his breath of life, we have to, you know, just sit sit with a good posture, and it is the opposite of what we do, so it feels weird because we don't breathe properly, and you can't go around breathing um like this all day.
00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:58.399
But the more we get in the habit, the more we'll do it, yeah, and the easier it'll become.
00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:01.679
So place a hand on your belly.
00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:09.519
I will just preface this with it will feel funny and unnatural because we don't do this often.
00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:21.440
So place a hand on your belly button, and we're gonna imagine that there's a balloon in our abdomen, and when we inhale, it's going to inflate.
00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:27.200
So you should feel your belly expand, and then when we exhale, the balloon's going to deflate.
00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:42.480
So you should kind of feel your body um deflating, and we're gonna breathe through our nose for three seconds slowly, and then we're gonna exhale through our mouth with pursed lips, like we're slowly blowing bubbles up.
00:10:42.720 --> 00:10:43.440
Okay, okay.
00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:47.360
So place your hand on your belly, and I'm gonna walk you through it.
00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:59.840
So slowly inhale through your nose, feel that balloon inflating, and then exhale through your mouth.
00:11:05.759 --> 00:11:09.279
Feel that balloon in your belly inflating.
00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:12.720
And that was so good.
00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:18.960
And I know from reading your book that we can do a breath prayer with that.
00:11:19.360 --> 00:11:28.480
What's an example of a breath prayer that we can pray while we're pausing to breathe in and then breathe out in those three seconds kind of in and out?
00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:48.639
So it's usually based on a verse of scripture, and so my favorite um to teach this is when we inhale, we're gonna inhale the breath of the Almighty, and then we exhibit, gives me life.
00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:53.600
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:58.639
I often think about that song, it's your breath in my lungs.
00:11:59.360 --> 00:12:02.960
So we pour out our praise, we pour out our praise.
00:12:03.200 --> 00:12:04.559
I think about that a lot.
00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:10.080
Just it that's a song that has just been special to me when I've had certain times of stress.
00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:17.840
Um, let everything that is within me that has breath praise the Lord, and just how He gives us our breath in our lungs.
00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:28.559
So, listener, if you didn't get a chance to do that, go back, listen, and do that that breathing exercise with Kristen and pray that breath prayer that she talked about.
00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:33.519
And you can rewind that on the audio or or catch the video in the YouTube.
00:12:33.919 --> 00:12:43.759
So, so I guess let's just talk about what are some of the reasons that us as parents and especially disability parents are so stressed today.
00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:45.759
What's contributing to all of that?
00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:52.159
Yeah, so technology is a big piece, we're constantly on call.
00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:59.039
So if you think about somebody text me or a doctor calls, and you have to answer that call.
00:13:00.159 --> 00:13:05.120
The expectation is that we respond quickly or immediately.
00:13:05.279 --> 00:13:10.399
And when we don't, it's like, okay, why didn't this person email me back or text me back?
00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:13.120
So that's one of the reasons we're on call.
00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:24.559
The other piece of technology is being on our phones, especially social media and looking at the news.
00:13:24.799 --> 00:13:29.919
There is a direct correlation with increasing anxiety and stress.
00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:30.559
Yeah.
00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:45.600
And and then you've got that our our children are on their devices, and then what happens is we aren't able to one be mindful ourselves, and so we're not in our bodies, we're not deep breathing.
00:13:45.840 --> 00:14:18.320
Two, we're not able to be fully mindful with our children and our spouses, and and then that increases the stress because if we're not being fully mindful, we're not seeing what happened right before our child got upset or had a problem, and it just creates this whole environment and neurological situation that's actually rewiring our brains and causing our bodies to stay in this chronic I'm on call state.
00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:19.600
Yeah.
00:14:19.919 --> 00:14:22.159
So that's one of the biggest reasons.
00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:31.919
Yeah, it's so interesting to meet just the timing of our interview today, because I have another interview this afternoon with Dr.
00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:44.240
Nicole Wilkie, who is from the Children Alliance for Orphans, and she just had a book come out about how technology is playing a role in children who are at risk.
00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:54.639
And our children, all of them, whether they are neurotypical or not, are at risk in this area.
00:14:55.039 --> 00:14:57.679
And I find it so interesting.
00:14:57.759 --> 00:15:13.600
Like there's so many studies that talk about even now when you have your phone in the room, might not even be on, but it's in the room, you are like aware that you have to respond all the time.
00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:20.639
And just yeah, I mean, it's just I I know there's so much research coming out that we just can't even keep up with it.
00:15:20.799 --> 00:15:26.879
But one of the things that you said, I think that impacted me is that I know.
00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:38.080
So uh back in September on the podcast, they did a whole series on caring for the caregiver, and I had several counselors on, and they were talking about uh regulation, right?
00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:45.039
Like we need to be able to self-regulate, but a lot of times, right, we're helping our children regulate.
00:15:45.360 --> 00:15:54.320
And then technology is brought into that, and when we're distracted, we're not able to help them regulate.
00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:59.200
I know one of the stories you shared in your book was about you helping your daughter put her shoes on.
00:15:59.519 --> 00:16:10.879
Can you share that story and maybe just some thoughts about what I was just talking about with the regulation piece and us not being present to do that with our kids or even with ourselves, honestly?
00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:11.840
Yeah.
00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:12.639
Yeah.
00:16:12.879 --> 00:16:15.919
So the the setting is it was a Sunday morning.
00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:17.120
It's hard enough.
00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:21.440
This was a couple of years ago when Bethany Grace was even younger.
00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:26.960
Um, and you know, she needs full assistance with getting dressed, putting her shoes on.
00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:32.960
And I was already in my mind, oh, we're late again, and you know, what are people gonna think?
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:35.200
And I should have gotten up earlier.
00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:44.399
So that guilt and that already my mind is concocting these scenarios of what people are gonna think, and so my anxiety is building.
00:16:44.559 --> 00:16:48.320
Anytime our minds are in the future, it increases anxiety.
00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:52.639
So here I am trying to get Bethany Grace to cooperate.
00:16:52.799 --> 00:17:03.360
I put her shoe on and she just looks at me like no, you know, she couldn't really say no, but and then she kicks it off.
00:17:03.519 --> 00:17:12.400
And so we're in this battle, and the more I get stressed, the more she's starting to really get dysregulated, melt down, and we were in this fight.
00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:15.279
I'm like, okay, I'm we're just never gonna make it.
00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:21.119
And so then I just paused, I took a deep breath, I pulled my mind back to the present moment.
00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:39.519
I looked at her, I thought about what is happening in me, and I even picked up the shoe, and so coming back to that present moment, I realized I haven't connected with Bethany Grace, I haven't wondered, okay, what's going on with her?
00:17:39.759 --> 00:17:41.680
Is she just tired?
00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:43.519
Is she not wanting to go to church?
00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:45.599
And just really came back.
00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:52.160
And when I picked up the shoe, something rattled in it, and I stuck my hand in it.
00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:55.440
There's a metal hair clip in the shoe.
00:17:55.839 --> 00:18:04.720
So then, of course, I'm like, oh, bad mom moment, because she couldn't tell me, she couldn't tell me it hurts, yeah.
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:34.079
Um, and so because I wasn't in the present moment, I hadn't been with her trying to connect, and so I took out the hair clip and I said, I'm sorry, and then we slipped her shoe on, and so it turned into this whole situation because I was not fully present in the moment with my daughter, yeah, and so but back to the regulation.
00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:49.359
The irony is we're trying to help our children regulate, however, we have to first be regulated ourselves because our children feed off of our emotions and our state.
00:18:49.519 --> 00:19:05.839
So if we are anxious, it increases their anxiety, if we are stressed, it actually increases their stress response system, and then when we are able to self-regulate ourselves, it models to them.
00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:12.960
And when we take a deep breath, it's actually a subconscious, a person in the room with you.
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:20.400
If you take a deep breath, it's kind of a suggestion, and they will actually do it without even thinking about it.
00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:25.119
Isn't that amazing how God created our bodies?
00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:29.039
And then just to be in community that way.
00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:33.039
Um that's it's a really cool thing.
00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:35.680
I I'm marveling over here.
00:19:36.240 --> 00:19:42.079
One of the things that you said is anytime our mind is in the future, we can you say that again?
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.920
Anytime our mind is in the future, is it increasing our anxiety?
00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:59.599
So if if our minds are in the past, a lot of times those negative emotions of regret, you know, reliving trauma, which is a whole nother conversation.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:03.599
So we start to feel sad or guilty if we're in the past.
00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:09.279
If our mind is in the future, oftentimes we're worrying, which we have to plan.
00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:11.039
We have to plan for our children.
00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:24.559
But at the point it becomes ineffective and there's nothing else we can do right now, then it activates that worry part of our brain, and the anxiety increases in the future.
00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:32.000
That's why returning our focus to the present moment lowers that anxiety.
00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:33.599
Yeah, for sure.
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:59.599
And I think what one of the things that you mentioned, even just in that moment with Bethany Grace, was that you were concerned about, worried about being late and people, what people were gonna think, which is also just like that kind of living in that land of what if, you know, which doesn't help any of us, you know, you know, and you're right, we do have to think about the future.
00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:07.920
We do have to plan special needs parents more than anybody, we're living in the future quite a bit.
00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:16.880
But how can we, and I think your devotion helps us, how can we just live in the present, not live in the land of what if?
00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:29.680
A lot of that is obviously trusting that God holds the future and that he was with us in the past, he has been present, right, in our trauma, but he's also gonna be present in the future.
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:32.079
Do you have any further thoughts about that?
00:21:32.799 --> 00:21:37.279
Yeah, you know, I just always go back to scripture and how God created us.
00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:40.319
He does not want us to be anxious or worried.
00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:57.359
In fact, so many times throughout the New Testament, we see where Jesus taught us to live in the day, the current day, in the present moment, to not worry about the future, that he holds the future in his hands.
00:21:57.519 --> 00:21:58.480
And it's hard to do.
00:21:58.559 --> 00:21:59.759
I'm not making, I'm not trying.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:05.759
To make it sound easy, especially for us special needs moms, there's so much.
00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:13.599
However, the more we can return to that center who is Jesus in the present moment.
00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:23.359
So trying not to worry actually increases the power of the anxiety and the worry.
00:22:23.519 --> 00:22:24.799
That's the irony.
00:22:25.119 --> 00:22:36.640
So that's why returning our focus, turning our mind back to the present, we focus on Jesus, which lowers that worry.
00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:38.720
Yeah, yeah, that's so good.
00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:40.000
It's so good.
00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:48.319
So let's dive, I guess, a little bit more into the book and how this devotional differs from other parenting books.
00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:50.880
I love sharing this.
00:22:51.039 --> 00:22:54.079
I was at a mom conference just about a month ago.
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:59.680
And as I explained it, you know, I could just see them calm while I explained this.
00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:06.160
So this devotional, you know, I share an example which, you know, directly ties in.
00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:08.480
Most of the time, they're kind of funny.
00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:12.000
Like I've spelt coffee on my shirt and I'm stressed from the pickup line.
00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:19.440
And but then, you know, I tie that in very much with the scripture, starting with the scripture.
00:23:19.599 --> 00:23:24.000
There's the peas, pray, ponder, practice, and plan.
00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:28.079
And I'm a very experiential practical person.
00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:29.200
That's my background.
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:40.880
And so we say that prayer of God, of basically applying, help me internalize the scripture and live this out.
00:23:41.039 --> 00:23:46.400
And then ponder, you know, a couple of reflection questions of how is this in my life?
00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:48.400
And then the practice.
00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:51.759
That's the piece that I'm most excited about.
00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:57.359
So the breath prayer, the deep breathing, that's a couple, you know, there's some breath prayers.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:24:06.720
There's also the best one to explain cast your cares and anxiety on him because he cares for you.
00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:12.400
So a lot of times we're in our heads, we're thinking, okay, God, I give you my anxiety.
00:24:12.559 --> 00:24:19.839
We may even feel it in our emotions, but the physical piece, I feel like, is the unique part.
00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:22.559
Each day is a different practice.
00:24:22.880 --> 00:24:28.319
And so as you think about that verse and you reflect on, okay, what am I anxious about?
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:29.920
What am I stressed about?
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:34.559
We clench our fist as we inhale.
00:24:35.119 --> 00:24:40.960
And as we exhale, God, I release this worry about my child surgery.
00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:44.799
And we may have 20 things we need to release.
00:24:46.079 --> 00:24:58.799
The best part about that is when we tense our muscles and relax them, it actually tells our brains, okay, I can calm down, the threat is gone.
00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:06.400
And we feel the difference between the tense, which is the tension we're feeling our bodies, we don't even realize is there.
00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:19.680
And as we release, it actually physically and neurologically calms, and we actually, as a whole person, holistically, we are physical beings too.
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:23.279
We release that tension and anxiety to God.
00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:25.839
Yeah, I love that.
00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:53.279
Like, even while you were doing it, I mean, it's hard to see on camera because you can't see my lap, but I was holding that in, and it is amazing just how God designed our bodies with what we need to also release the stress and release the worry, the anxiety, and all of that through, like you said, we do live in our heads so much, but then also how to physically do that in our bodies.
00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:59.440
And so, listener, I'm not sure if you caught it, but there's four parts to each devotional, each day.
00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:03.119
It's pray, ponder, practice, and plan.
00:26:03.839 --> 00:26:11.759
And so there's the there's the spiritual element, there's the mental element, but then there's also the physical and practical element.
00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:16.160
And I just think it's it's just an amazing resource.
00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:17.200
It really is.
00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:23.279
I am so excited that it is out in the world, Kristen, and that you that you did this.
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:28.640
I know one of the things that you talk about in the book is Christ-centered mindfulness.
00:26:28.799 --> 00:26:31.279
Now we hear that word all over the place.
00:26:31.519 --> 00:26:44.240
So, would you be willing to just kind of talk about the difference between mindfulness and Christ-centered mindfulness and how Christ-centered mindfulness is a benefit for us as disability parents?
00:26:45.519 --> 00:26:49.920
So, especially in the Christian community, you hear the term mindfulness.
00:26:50.079 --> 00:27:00.000
It has become, I don't want to use the word trinity, but it's become very popular because people are realizing the science behind it.
00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:01.519
It is so critical.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:05.440
But a lot of times Christians will think, oh, Eastern religion.
00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:13.440
Okay, it does come from there, but it actually is a biblical practice.
00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:19.119
It became kind of popular in the 13th century with the Jesus prayer.
00:27:19.519 --> 00:27:23.359
Let every breath basically be of Jesus.
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:29.200
And so that's one way it's been in the Christian faith since Jesus.
00:27:29.359 --> 00:27:29.680
Right.
00:27:29.920 --> 00:27:43.359
So the difference as a Christian and a believer is we are aware of God's presence in the present moment in us around us.
00:27:43.599 --> 00:28:03.920
So being fully present and being mindful and practicing mindfulness, which there's all hundreds of mindfulness practices, but it boils down to being very present with your breath and realizing Christ is with you, Christ is my center in this moment.
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:06.480
Yeah, yeah, it's so good.
00:28:06.799 --> 00:28:12.559
Just made me think of all the times that Jesus went away by himself to pray.
00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:17.279
He was modeling, he was modeling that.
00:28:17.759 --> 00:28:20.160
Yeah, just made me think of that.
00:28:21.680 --> 00:28:31.680
So I guess share a little bit more about the devotion and how it's set up, the different sections, and how you really don't have to read it from cover to cover.
00:28:32.079 --> 00:28:33.519
You can kind of pick up in the middle.
00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:35.920
Will you share a little bit about that part of it?
00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:51.680
Yeah, and actually in my note to parents before the devotions, I say, it says 40 days, but really the last thing I want is for you to feel like you have to do one a day or feel guilty because you miss one.
00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:59.119
I love to practice one of the devotions for a whole week, and I encourage parents to do that.
00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:08.079
Let's say, for example, your child's in the hospital, you know, especially for special needs moms and dads.
00:29:08.240 --> 00:29:10.079
Let's say your child's in the hospital.
00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:17.039
Pick one of the devotions and just practice that the whole week.
00:29:17.279 --> 00:29:49.839
And so it's set up to really meditate on that scripture, to really look at where you are today in terms of that scripture in your life, and then just practice, practice that prayer, practice that physical releasing of the tension uh in lots of different ways, and then the plan part is actually how you're going to do this several times throughout your day.
00:29:50.079 --> 00:29:52.480
Yeah, yeah, it's so good.
00:29:52.720 --> 00:30:09.039
I I love how you are saying just slow down and make it a practice because so often, maybe just in faith-based circles, we feel like we have to read, you know, we're reading through through the Bible in a year, which I'm doing that right now.
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:17.039
And I absolutely love it because it's this the season where I'm in, where I get behind, I'm not doing it perfectly.
00:30:17.359 --> 00:30:43.200
But sometimes we have seasons where, you know, if you just read a whole chapter or something, it's just not gonna soak in the way that just focusing on one verse for an entire week, and then you know, asking the Lord to show you new things about it, or maybe look at what God's trying to speak to you about Himself in that scripture, and then doing a breath prayer with it, right?
00:30:43.519 --> 00:30:51.039
To me, that's what God talks about meditating on scripture and how it can just become a part of fabric.
00:30:51.279 --> 00:31:05.119
So when that stress and anxiety and everything is coming up, the chaos is coming in, you know, like you said, being in the hospital, all of a sudden, wait a second, I remember last week that I just spent this whole week on this specific scripture.
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:14.000
So maybe there's a specific scripture that's in there that is just very meaningful to you that I would just love for you to share that with the listeners.
00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:31.279
Yeah, so one of my favorite days and verses in the book really captures the essence of physically internalizing the scripture and physically learning it and applying it is Psalm 131.2.
00:31:31.920 --> 00:31:37.519
It talks about how my body is soothed like a weaned child.
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:40.880
My soul within me is like a weaned child.
00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:49.680
And so this day we practice a progressive muscle relaxation exercise through our whole body.
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:57.200
And this is one of the mindfulness-based stress reduction exercises that's taught a lot.
00:31:57.440 --> 00:32:02.400
It's unique though, because it's prayer throughout.
00:32:02.640 --> 00:32:14.559
God's presence is in our body, and so as we go throughout our body, beginning with our heads, and then we tense kind of like we did with our fist, releasing anxiety.
00:32:14.799 --> 00:32:58.160
Well, when we scan our bodies, we realize oh, my shoulders do hurt, and oh, I am carrying a lot of weight emotionally and physically in my shoulders, and so when we get to our shoulders, for example, we tense, intense, intense for about five seconds, and then as we exhale and release, God take this heavy weight off my shoulders, I release this burden to you, and as we go throughout our whole body, we physically God heals us and He takes that burden and stress.
00:32:58.319 --> 00:33:01.039
So that is that's probably my favorite day.
00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:02.799
Yeah, that is so good.
00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:03.759
I love that.
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:15.119
I guess just to kind of wrap up, what are some easy ways, even just right now, that a parent who's listening could reduce their stress and anxiety just where they are?
00:33:16.319 --> 00:33:20.240
I would say this is easier said than done, but simplifying.
00:33:20.799 --> 00:33:23.759
Just simplifying what can I?
00:33:25.359 --> 00:33:28.799
We have our list, especially as special needs parrots.
00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:32.319
When I realized I'm never gonna get everything on there done.
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:38.240
And if I don't call that one doctor today, okay, that one's not life or death.
00:33:38.480 --> 00:33:43.440
So simplifying what notifications can I turn off on my phone?
00:33:43.599 --> 00:34:00.880
I don't need to get the news notifications, I don't need to get these app notifications, they can wait till later, and I will check social media at a specific time of day, not first thing when I wake up in the morning because that yes, that actually increases our cortisol.
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:12.159
So I would say simplify to where more and more we get in the habit of just being fully present with ourselves, with God and our child.
00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:14.559
Yeah, yeah, it's so good.
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:16.000
And it's such a good reminder.
00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:19.599
I know I just full disclosure here, everyone.
00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:24.880
I have gotten into such a bad habit of picking up my phone first thing in the morning.
00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:35.440
And one of the things I'm realizing is so I finally went out and I I've always had an alarm clock, just a very, you know, typical like standard alarm clock.
00:34:35.599 --> 00:34:39.599
And I bought one that does like the light that kind of wakes you up gradually.
00:34:40.320 --> 00:34:42.400
And I love that alarm clock.
00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:46.800
And but I still have my phone next to my bed.
00:34:47.280 --> 00:34:51.199
And I think some of it is I don't we don't have a home phone anymore, right?
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:52.960
A lot of people don't, right?
00:34:53.199 --> 00:35:04.159
We we don't have a landline, and so you think about okay, if there's an emergency in my family, all my family for the most part lives out of state, you know, I'm not gonna not gonna hear about it.
00:35:04.239 --> 00:35:07.519
I'm not gonna, you know, it's not gonna be around.
00:35:07.840 --> 00:35:10.480
But it's actually doing us so much damage.
00:35:11.599 --> 00:35:15.280
And then last week I realized, oh my goodness.
00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:21.280
So first thing I pick up in the morning, I check my phone, then I end up on Facebook, then I'm scrolling.
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:22.239
Yep, and so I did.
00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:28.480
I locked my phone down, and these are the things that are actually deleting us.
00:35:28.719 --> 00:35:33.199
I guess it's not really depriving us of our resiliency, right?
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:36.400
There it's eating away at our resiliency.
00:35:36.639 --> 00:35:39.119
Do you have any thoughts you want to share about that?
00:35:39.920 --> 00:35:51.119
Yeah, so as I was researching for my next book, one of the things I discovered, I kind of alluded to it, when we pick up our phone, first thing, that cortisol spikes.
00:35:51.199 --> 00:35:53.280
Yeah, and actually our blood sugar too.
00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:56.800
And yes, I like I said, I'm a research nerd.
00:35:57.119 --> 00:36:09.039
And one of the key things I I talk about in this book is replacing, substituting, and maybe have the phone on the table.
00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:13.599
You'll soon hear it in the middle of the night, but it's not where we can reach for it.
00:36:13.840 --> 00:36:17.119
First thing instead, substitute.
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:22.480
I wake up and I inhale that breath of life.
00:36:22.639 --> 00:36:37.440
Thank you, Lord, for this day, and just first thing centering our minds and our very breath and our day on Christ, as opposed to what someone has said on Facebook.
00:36:37.760 --> 00:36:45.119
Easier said than done, like I said, but if we can get in the habit, it's building habits, really, yeah, is what it's about.
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:54.159
Yeah, uh, so I I recommend that taking deep breaths first thing and three more times throughout the day.
00:36:54.559 --> 00:37:10.800
And then it's like you said, reading through the Bible is very important, however, in the reality of our days as special needs moms, yeah, those moments three or four times throughout the day, connecting with God in that breath prayer are just as effective.
00:37:11.360 --> 00:37:11.920
Yeah.
00:37:12.239 --> 00:37:16.000
And you know, it seems very doable, right?
00:37:16.159 --> 00:37:21.760
That we're gonna connect with our breath prayer once in the morning, three more times during the day.
00:37:22.079 --> 00:37:24.559
That is very attainable.
00:37:25.199 --> 00:37:29.840
And meditating on you said Psalm 131, verse 2.
00:37:30.400 --> 00:37:38.800
That is just that one scripture I'm gonna spend a whole week on, and and maybe we get to it two days out of the week or three days out of the week.
00:37:39.039 --> 00:37:39.360
Right.
00:37:39.599 --> 00:37:47.679
But still, it's very small things that is gonna build resiliency over time and reduce that anxiety and stress.
00:37:47.920 --> 00:38:00.239
So, Kristen, I will have all the links to everything in the show notes, but where can the listeners find you and find a copy of your newest book, This Devotional, about reducing stress?
00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:06.719
Yeah, so on Instagram, that's the main place, disability parenting.
00:38:07.039 --> 00:38:17.920
I have created a new YouTube channel from Frazzle to Calm where I actually guide you through these breath prayers and these releasing the tension anxiety.
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:21.360
I'm super excited, and I will be posting new videos on that.
00:38:21.599 --> 00:38:30.320
I have links to the book on Instagram and uh Facebook, but it's basically where you like to buy your favorite books.
00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:31.760
It's it's everywhere.
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:36.159
Amazon of corresponds and mobile, pretty much where you like to buy your books.
00:38:36.239 --> 00:38:40.880
And the audio, actually, I'm more excited about because I got to record the audio myself.
00:38:41.039 --> 00:38:47.199
Oh god, and so I'm more excited because especially as special needs moms, we listen to books.
00:38:47.519 --> 00:38:51.119
I literally will guide you through these exercises.
00:38:51.519 --> 00:38:52.639
That's really fun.
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:56.400
So, listeners, I will make sure to have, and I'm gonna show you the book.
00:38:56.559 --> 00:39:00.559
I have the hardcover copy, which I love hardcover because I'm a book nerd.
00:39:00.719 --> 00:39:04.239
And so The Frazzled Parents Guide to Less Stress.
00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:07.440
This is Kristen's new 40-day devotional.
00:39:07.679 --> 00:39:11.440
And so thank you again for coming on, being a guest.
00:39:11.599 --> 00:39:14.400
I'm really excited about this resource.
00:39:14.559 --> 00:39:23.920
I think it's super practical, but also something that's so needed right now, especially for moms and dads who are raising children with disabilities and special needs.
00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:25.360
So thank you.
00:39:26.880 --> 00:39:34.079
If you have enjoyed this podcast, would you do Carrie a favor and hit the subscribe button to where you listen to podcasts?
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:36.159
Also, leave a review.
00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:39.920
This helps the podcast to become more visible to others.
00:39:40.159 --> 00:39:50.719
If you would like to share your story on the podcast, visit Carrie's website, carriemholt.com backslash podcast, and fill out the form.
00:39:50.960 --> 00:39:59.119
You can find Carrie online on Facebook and Instagram, and on her Substack page at Cmholt.
00:39:59.840 --> 00:40:03.920
Thank you for joining us today on this unexpected life podcast.
00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:08.800
Real stories, real hope in this unexpected journey.
