Healing and Renewal in Marriage: Brad and Lisa Valencia's Journey of Faith, Redemption, and Personal Growth

WEBVTT
00:00:07.991 --> 00:00:10.135
Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast.
00:00:10.135 --> 00:00:21.007
If you're struggling in your marriage, or maybe you're wondering if it's even salvageable, before you give up or before you let things get too hard, let us come alongside you and help you solidify your marriage.
00:00:21.007 --> 00:00:25.652
We offer biblical encouragement and insight to help you strengthen your marriage.
00:00:25.652 --> 00:00:28.640
We offer biblical encouragement and insight to help you strengthen your marriage.
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:33.189
Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage podcast.
00:00:33.189 --> 00:00:34.555
We're Doug and Leslie Davis.
00:00:34.555 --> 00:00:37.985
We're really excited about the couple that we get to share with you all today.
00:00:38.246 --> 00:00:44.530
Today we've invited Brad and Lisa Valencia from Unrelenting Pursuit, and they're going to share their story with us.
00:00:44.892 --> 00:00:45.253
Welcome.
00:00:45.253 --> 00:00:46.765
We're glad that you're with us today.
00:00:47.299 --> 00:00:49.188
Thank you for having us we're thrilled to be here.
00:00:49.799 --> 00:00:56.204
Bren and Lisa tell us a little bit about how you got into marriage ministry and what that means for you.
00:00:57.848 --> 00:01:00.523
Oh okay, how we got into marriage.
00:01:00.523 --> 00:01:03.868
Ministry is my lovely husband.
00:01:03.868 --> 00:01:16.168
We were leading groups at church and we'd been really involved in that area for quite a while and God had kind of planted some things in my heart over the years that I had just kind of sat on but had never verbalized.
00:01:16.168 --> 00:01:24.152
And my husband comes home one day and he tells me we should be writing a book, doing a podcast and starting on social media.
00:01:24.152 --> 00:01:29.548
And I just gave him a deadpan look because I was so in shock.
00:01:29.548 --> 00:01:36.831
Honestly, we find it's a lot easier or for me I find it much easier to share from pain than it is to share from shame.
00:01:36.831 --> 00:01:47.762
So I really never thought that my husband would come alongside in such a public way to really share the darkest parts of our story so publicly.
00:01:47.762 --> 00:01:49.745
So I did not respond well.
00:01:50.947 --> 00:01:51.549
No, she didn't.
00:01:51.549 --> 00:01:54.093
She totally like kind of blew me off.
00:01:54.093 --> 00:02:01.242
I just I think God put it on my heart because I'm the shameful side If you guys had to pick that up there.
00:02:01.242 --> 00:02:23.049
I think God put that on my heart because, now that I've learned, I think it's selfish and you have an obligation to share the miracles that God's done in your life, and especially in ours, and so to hold it and keep it, even if it was painful to share it over and over to me.
00:02:23.049 --> 00:02:27.634
There was almost a sense of arrogance around not sharing it.
00:02:28.099 --> 00:02:29.223
I don't know if that makes sense.
00:02:29.304 --> 00:02:34.807
It was just something that was put on my heart, and I think that the more I've grown, the more I've realized the reason why.
00:02:34.807 --> 00:02:45.330
And, um, like I have no pride anymore, but it's, it's, um, it's our obligation to God's done such a work in our life.
00:02:45.330 --> 00:02:49.134
For us to hold on to it is it's unfair.
00:02:49.675 --> 00:02:50.256
That's how I feel.
00:02:50.256 --> 00:02:54.903
That is awesome, and not just because you're sharing your testimony.
00:02:54.903 --> 00:03:09.307
But I know that there may be, you know, some couples who are listening to this podcast today who realize that a little element of what you're going to share is something that they may either be going through or are coming out of.
00:03:09.307 --> 00:03:17.793
And the reason it's so important for you to you know, to acknowledge that God's given you this opportunity to share and that he broke down.
00:03:17.793 --> 00:03:32.169
You know, all of those walls of pride are because there's somebody, there's some couple who's very similar to you who right now desperately needs to know that God can bring healing to their marriage.
00:03:32.169 --> 00:03:35.445
With you sharing what God's done in your marriage.
00:03:35.445 --> 00:03:45.161
What an awesome thing, because that person who needs hope might be able to borrow the hope that they find that you found until they can see what God's going to do in their relationship.
00:03:45.139 --> 00:03:47.960
That's our whole intention that we get to be the hope that they find that you found, until they can see what God's going to do in their relationship.
00:03:47.960 --> 00:03:49.240
That's our, that's our whole intention, that we get to be the hope carriers.
00:03:49.240 --> 00:03:55.822
You know, if God can do it for us, he can do it for you, which is like a really beautiful picture of who God is.
00:03:57.465 --> 00:04:00.731
And so God has provided a lot of redemption in your marriage.
00:04:00.731 --> 00:04:02.081
Tell us a little bit about that.
00:04:02.081 --> 00:04:04.568
What have you guys overcome in your marriage?
00:04:09.479 --> 00:04:12.685
I'm going to summarize the first 10 years in about 30 seconds and then I just hand it over to Brennan.
00:04:12.685 --> 00:04:17.572
So I would say that we had felt like we had a really good marriage.
00:04:17.572 --> 00:04:27.964
We were married for 10 years, had three kids, you know, in the career, the house, all the things that you quote, unquote are the right things to have a good marriage.
00:04:27.964 --> 00:04:38.884
Going to church, both believed in the Lord, we were checking all of the boxes and we always say we emphasize this part of it that we had a what we felt was a good marriage.
00:04:38.884 --> 00:04:53.007
Because I think when most couples, if they even think about the idea of facing something like we walked through, they just automatically assume that you had a really bad marriage and so we want to remove that right away because we are all very capable of failing.
00:04:53.007 --> 00:05:00.223
So we just want to make sure that we preface that.
00:05:00.242 --> 00:05:05.747
So and then now I just hand it to's.
00:05:05.747 --> 00:05:09.209
I don't even know where to begin.
00:05:09.209 --> 00:05:14.591
I mean, like Lisa said, we had everything.
00:05:14.591 --> 00:05:20.355
If you saw us from the outside, it was, you know, little kids building a family.
00:05:20.355 --> 00:05:23.458
You know the whole American dream kind of deal.
00:05:23.458 --> 00:05:31.141
You know the whole american dream kind of deal.
00:05:31.161 --> 00:05:31.742
And, um, I, I grew up in church.
00:05:31.742 --> 00:05:36.701
So that's something I want to like emphasize to people listening before I get deep into my testimonies or our testimony.
00:05:36.701 --> 00:05:50.249
I grew up in church, like my uncles, my grandfather they're all pastors or were pastors Like this is something that I literally slept on pews under pews when I was little.
00:05:50.249 --> 00:05:50.910
Like this is.
00:05:50.910 --> 00:06:05.132
I grew up in the church saying that I knew all the answers, but I didn't have my own personal relationship, I would say, rooted and grounded my faith, right, what jesus really means.
00:06:06.055 --> 00:06:10.384
So in 2011, wow, it's been.
00:06:10.384 --> 00:06:11.706
It's been a little while.
00:06:11.706 --> 00:06:22.759
Yeah, so in 2011, I, uh, through work I was, I was able to get on a this, this unit and we travel around the nation doing different things and I would get deployed.
00:06:22.759 --> 00:06:26.470
And then come home and get deployed and come home, well, well, a few of these deployments.
00:06:26.470 --> 00:06:30.165
You know, it's not like the military, where the deployments are like years or anything like that.
00:06:30.165 --> 00:06:38.531
These were a couple of months long here and there, and during that time I started to compromise a lot of my beliefs.
00:06:38.531 --> 00:06:40.560
Really, that's what it came down to.
00:06:40.560 --> 00:06:50.091
I really just started to compromise little bits and pieces of what I stood for, because I wasn't grounded and rooted in what I needed to be Right.
00:06:50.733 --> 00:06:53.120
So I just started off very small.
00:06:53.120 --> 00:07:03.726
So it was starting off with going out for dinner and then maybe having a couple of drinks and that was it, and then go back to my hotel room.
00:07:03.726 --> 00:07:21.125
And then that progressed a little bit further and then I get back to my hotel room and then, as this is all progressing, these are like these little steps that I started taking to where I started looking at pornography and to me it was justifiable.
00:07:21.125 --> 00:07:29.709
It's okay I was away from my family, like this is better than quote unquote, better than going out and physically doing this right.
00:07:29.709 --> 00:07:31.939
This is something I rationalized in my head.
00:07:31.939 --> 00:07:33.023
I think a lot of people do.
00:07:33.764 --> 00:07:36.009
It's a slippery slope, isn't it Exactly?
00:07:36.348 --> 00:07:37.271
And it's not.
00:07:37.271 --> 00:07:39.120
That's not true.
00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:42.968
So to get that out there right now, that's not true.
00:07:42.968 --> 00:07:55.968
So that progressed and I started even during that, when I'd stay out later I'd start lying to Lisa and just telling her like, oh, I'm going to go to bed and then I would go back out.
00:07:55.968 --> 00:08:00.269
And so it was a very it was a weird time.
00:08:00.269 --> 00:08:02.047
It was something I've never done before.
00:08:02.047 --> 00:08:15.261
It just started, you know, but again it was these slow compromises that I made Right, so it wasn't like I woke up out of bed one day and said I'm going to throw my family away and I'm going to walk away from all this, and then I just went and did it.
00:08:15.261 --> 00:08:23.370
And I would argue that no one ever does that, that there's always small steps in the wrong direction, and so that's what I was doing.
00:08:23.370 --> 00:08:30.326
And then, as that progressed and I started staying out later, the enemy knows how to get you right.
00:08:30.326 --> 00:08:34.841
And and I still deal with insecurities to this day.
00:08:34.841 --> 00:08:42.087
And I would argue that there's men out there that say they don't and they do, but I, I still deal with insecurities today.
00:08:42.107 --> 00:08:42.769
But then there was.
00:08:42.769 --> 00:08:48.870
It was a big, a big thing in my life, and so, overcompensating that, and the enemy knows how to get you.
00:08:48.870 --> 00:09:02.154
He fed on those insecurities and so me thinking I wasn't wanted by other people, then that was something that was happening and being noticed.
00:09:02.154 --> 00:09:17.414
And then you know women coming up to me and talking to me and me entertaining that, and I was also putting myself in, you know, places I don't go and I was putting myself in areas that I've never really hung out.
00:09:17.414 --> 00:09:21.804
I never used to go to bars, I never used to go to these clubs and do all these things.
00:09:21.804 --> 00:09:28.499
And I started doing all that these clubs and do all these things and I started doing all that and so then that progressed to the.
00:09:28.499 --> 00:09:45.389
It wasn't that big of a jump to physically stepping out on my family right, physically inviting women and doing all these things, and so going from staying out and compromising my little bits here and there to full blown adultery.
00:09:46.292 --> 00:09:56.094
I mean, there's a timeline there, but it wasn't that big of a jump and I think people don't realize what they're dabbling in when they start compromising these little things.
00:09:56.094 --> 00:10:13.220
You know, since we've started this ministry, we've learned so much in the realm of church, specifically where there is the pornography problem that's a quiet, secret, sin Right and and and we have, you know, other ministries that we've linked up to that.
00:10:13.220 --> 00:10:16.509
We've learned a lot about this, but people don't think it's that big of a deal.
00:10:16.509 --> 00:10:19.244
But it's actually a huge deal.
00:10:19.244 --> 00:10:19.926
It's it.
00:10:19.926 --> 00:10:20.307
It just.
00:10:20.307 --> 00:10:24.201
It tears you apart, it changes your mental capacity, it changes everything about you.
00:10:24.201 --> 00:10:28.611
So I lived this for I don't know my timelines.
00:10:28.611 --> 00:10:29.312
It's horrible.
00:10:29.581 --> 00:10:30.499
I can remember everything.
00:10:30.580 --> 00:10:31.423
Yeah, she remembers everything.
00:10:31.423 --> 00:10:32.388
I mean that's how it goes.
00:10:33.520 --> 00:10:50.586
But I kept this secret and I would travel back home, keeping the secret, basically living two lives and one day because God know this, god always reveals the truth, always it's always going to come out, and that happened.
00:10:50.586 --> 00:10:58.168
And so Lisa found out and in my head, as soon as she found out I was, I was kicked out of the house and all those things.
00:10:58.168 --> 00:11:21.342
I think there's a little bit of a gray area there, but the end result was me leaving the home and I started bumming couches and hanging out and surrounding people, surrounding myself with people that were encouraging my behavior and I'm in the first responder world and so it's not that uncommon to get a divorce.
00:11:21.342 --> 00:11:27.323
And so it was this encouragement of like, oh well, this just happens, you know, and you're just going to deal with it.
00:11:27.323 --> 00:11:34.721
And in my head, everybody was going to be fine, right, the Lisa and the kids were going to be fine, I was going to be fine, we were just going to go our separate ways.
00:11:35.202 --> 00:11:44.671
And during this time, I wanted nothing to do with God, nothing, and everything I did was to turn my back on him and run the other way.
00:11:44.671 --> 00:11:53.250
Every single thing I did Didn't want to talk to my parents, because I didn't want them to talk to me about you're doing something bad, you know, but you know the whole thing.
00:11:53.250 --> 00:11:56.370
Even if they were doing it in a soft way, I didn't want to hear it.
00:11:56.370 --> 00:11:59.109
I didn't want to hear Lisa talking to me about anything like that.
00:11:59.109 --> 00:12:00.686
I didn't want to hear any of it.
00:12:00.686 --> 00:12:08.263
I just wanted to keep living this lie, because that's what it was.
00:12:08.263 --> 00:12:08.624
It was just a lie.
00:12:08.644 --> 00:12:20.664
And as this kept going on, I was driving home from another, another weekend of, you know, doing whatever I wanted, right, doing anything.
00:12:20.664 --> 00:12:24.773
But there was no hint of God in me, right?
00:12:24.773 --> 00:12:28.164
I wasn't thinking of him, I wasn't listening to anything, I didn't want any of that.
00:12:28.164 --> 00:12:48.572
So I just spent another weekend of just partying up, doing whatever I wanted, and I was driving back to where I was staying at that point and there was a long drive and as I was driving back again, listening to I don't know what song, whatever song it wasn't Christian, you know, had nothing like that I was just reminiscing, like, what I had done over the weekend.
00:12:48.572 --> 00:12:50.783
And just, you know, what am I going to have to do tomorrow?
00:12:50.783 --> 00:12:51.365
Kind of deal.
00:12:52.408 --> 00:12:54.394
And I had this.
00:12:54.394 --> 00:12:57.943
I call it my road to Damascus experience, and it wasn't.
00:12:57.943 --> 00:13:03.461
You know, there wasn't like the clouds split open and a light shines on my car and stops on my car.
00:13:03.461 --> 00:13:12.682
It was nothing like that, but it was just this heaviness of God right there and it was a choice he gave me and it wasn't.
00:13:12.682 --> 00:13:17.201
I wish it was audible, that'd be a really cool story, right, but it wasn't.
00:13:17.201 --> 00:13:18.905
It wasn't audible.
00:13:18.905 --> 00:13:22.452
Audible, but it was the loudest thing I had ever heard.
00:13:22.452 --> 00:13:33.433
And he just gave me a choice on the side of the road and he said you can choose to keep going the way you're going, that's up to you, or you can just turn back to me.
00:13:34.159 --> 00:13:44.326
So it wasn't turn back to me and my family's restored and in you know, 12 years we have this ministry that he's given us and all these opportunities.
00:13:44.326 --> 00:13:45.668
It was nothing like that.
00:13:45.668 --> 00:13:50.202
It was just literally, keep going down the path you're going or turn to me.
00:13:50.202 --> 00:14:04.051
And during that choice, you know I'm I'm pulled over the side of the road at this point and I'm emotional wreck and I felt this imminent death.
00:14:04.051 --> 00:14:07.676
Right, you know, we all know we're all going to die.
00:14:07.676 --> 00:14:11.844
You know that's not, but this was more of a.
00:14:11.844 --> 00:14:14.049
You know, sin leads to death.
00:14:14.049 --> 00:14:25.908
Yes, but this felt very, it felt like my last chance, even though I know that God's a God of chances, right, like he will be there, he wants to give us every opportunity we can.
00:14:25.908 --> 00:14:28.686
But this truly did feel like this was it.
00:14:28.686 --> 00:14:31.293
And it wasn't.
00:14:31.293 --> 00:14:38.450
I didn't feel a pressure to turn back to him, it was just this matter of fact, here's your choice.
00:14:38.450 --> 00:14:47.751
And so clearly I mean there's no, there's no surprise I did turn back to him, or else I wouldn't be standing here right now.
00:14:47.751 --> 00:14:52.499
And so clearly I mean there's no, there's no surprise I did turn back to him, or else I wouldn't be standing here right now.
00:14:52.499 --> 00:14:55.402
But I did, I just turned back to him and I was just, you know, asked for forgiveness and I'm just bawling and I don't know what to do next.
00:14:56.160 --> 00:15:02.094
And so my next phone call because I didn't know who, even who reached out to was Lisa.
00:15:02.094 --> 00:15:06.128
And again it was like what for me?
00:15:06.128 --> 00:15:06.809
What's okay?
00:15:06.809 --> 00:15:10.375
I turned back to him what's the next thing I can do of all this stuff that I've messed up?
00:15:10.375 --> 00:15:14.826
And so then I just asked Lisa if there was a way that we could even work this out.
00:15:14.826 --> 00:15:22.548
You know, this is by this point we had met with lawyers, we had signed divorce papers, we had done all that.
00:15:22.548 --> 00:15:24.292
We were just waiting for a judge to sign it.
00:15:24.292 --> 00:15:32.241
We, we were so far gone.
00:15:32.241 --> 00:15:35.606
And then I grew up and I think a lot of us grew up this way where this was the, the sin, that that was it.
00:15:35.606 --> 00:15:44.548
Like if you stepped over this, then you were done, even though I know God's God of forgiveness and I know these things.
00:15:44.548 --> 00:15:48.575
But this was like no, you can't do this, right, oh?
00:15:49.279 --> 00:15:51.749
you know what I'm understanding, like you can't come back from this.
00:15:51.749 --> 00:16:02.323
This is too far gone and we were far apart at this point, not necessarily, you know, physically, but spiritually, emotionally, like we were.
00:16:02.323 --> 00:16:04.090
We were done, we were done.
00:16:04.090 --> 00:16:27.601
So I called her back, asked her if there was any chance we could work this out and that really started this process of wow, this rollercoaster ride of reconciliation and rebuilding trust and and getting getting emotionally connected together again, getting physically connected, spiritually connected.
00:16:27.601 --> 00:16:32.783
It really just and it was a rollercoaster, you know, I wish I could say it was perfect.
00:16:32.802 --> 00:16:33.284
What are you talking?
00:16:33.304 --> 00:16:33.888
to immediately.
00:16:33.888 --> 00:16:42.227
I wish I could say that I walked through that door.
00:16:42.227 --> 00:16:46.014
You know, 100% changed right.
00:16:46.014 --> 00:16:47.235
I wish I could say that.
00:16:47.235 --> 00:16:47.416
And I?
00:16:47.416 --> 00:16:49.143
I wasn't.
00:16:49.143 --> 00:16:54.938
I was on the right track, but I still had to detox and I didn't have to detox.
00:16:54.938 --> 00:16:57.082
I didn't do drugs or anything like that.
00:16:57.082 --> 00:17:10.403
My detox was physical detox and it was removing myself from, from people calling me, removing myself from friendships that I've made, and and then and then the pornography.
00:17:10.403 --> 00:17:18.652
This was all a detox process and I and I look back and I get so mad at myself because I'm like God met me.
00:17:18.652 --> 00:17:26.042
I didn't want to be met, I didn't want to be met and he met me.
00:17:26.042 --> 00:17:46.763
And you know for me not to just immediately do a 180 and step away from everything I've never understood and maybe someone listening is the same way as I was I never understood the you know jesus leaving the 99 to go after the one.
00:17:46.763 --> 00:17:56.840
Yeah, never made sense to me because it's like what about the 99?
00:17:59.510 --> 00:18:03.320
But that's what it felt like is that he left the 99 to go get you?
00:18:03.320 --> 00:18:06.112
Yeah, you were the one, yeah.
00:18:06.353 --> 00:18:09.503
And so I I that's what I'm saying.
00:18:09.503 --> 00:18:11.951
It's like our you know this ministry.
00:18:11.951 --> 00:18:20.459
It was an obligation that I feel and it's the only way that I could really boast about what God continues to do in our lives.
00:18:20.459 --> 00:18:38.213
But I was still broken so much, and Lisa was broken too, and I had done all that to her, all that to her.
00:18:38.213 --> 00:18:42.280
And so it was this, this road, and I wish we could give you, like here's, the three steps to in a month, your marriage is going to be awesome.
00:18:42.280 --> 00:18:42.942
It wasn't like that.
00:18:42.942 --> 00:18:51.324
There was a road that we had to walk together, and there was times where Lisa definitely had to choose to continue to stay.
00:18:51.324 --> 00:18:55.320
There was times where I was like what, what is God?
00:18:55.320 --> 00:18:55.582
Even?
00:18:55.582 --> 00:18:57.335
Why did he meet me on the side of the road?
00:18:57.335 --> 00:19:05.381
If this is what's going on, if this is what I'm going to have to deal with the rest of my life, not against her, but against things I was still continuing to do.
00:19:05.381 --> 00:19:07.192
And so that was.
00:19:08.776 --> 00:19:33.488
It was a yeah, I mean the crazy thing about it even is an hour after Brad called me, which was a miracle that I had prayed for for months and months and months, because I really was a person who, before this all happened, I had an idea in my head that if something like this happened which it never would, obviously Right, but if it did I would I would never stick around.
00:19:33.488 --> 00:19:37.040
I would be gone, like why would you ever stick around for something like that?
00:19:37.040 --> 00:19:54.262
And so, when everything came out, I was really shocked by what God did in my life in that moment, which was this idea of reconciliation and forgiveness being just planted within me really quickly.
00:19:54.262 --> 00:19:58.881
Honestly, I felt like God gave me the closest I've ever had to.
00:19:58.881 --> 00:20:11.136
What I feel was a vision was just this moment where I saw Brad on the ground on his knees, and I felt like, just for a fraction of a second, what I felt like was the Lord's love for Brad.
00:20:11.136 --> 00:20:21.576
It was just like a glimpse, just just like the tiniest little glimpse, and it was overwhelming and it helped me to see him in a way that, um, superseded what my human reaction?
00:20:21.616 --> 00:20:28.521
Really not that I, anyone listening to this, please understand I had all the human reactions that you normally have with something like this.
00:20:28.521 --> 00:20:30.816
I was mad, I was angry at God.
00:20:30.816 --> 00:20:36.817
I was, you know, did not understand how in the world that I could be in this spot, like there was just.
00:20:36.817 --> 00:20:42.334
No, there's nothing that made sense to me about how we were at, where we were at.
00:20:42.334 --> 00:20:47.619
You know people will tell you like, well, can you look back and see where all the little cracks and things like that?
00:20:47.619 --> 00:20:57.095
Yes, can I say that at this point, our youngest, our third, was nine months old, and that's always a weird time, right, when you are navigating babies, and you know.
00:20:57.095 --> 00:21:11.705
So, yeah, you feel a little bit more disconnected because, quite frankly, you, you don't even feel like you're yourself yet, right, but other than that, no, there wasn't all of these signs and cracks that were just evident in our life, and so I was just kind of left with this.
00:21:11.705 --> 00:21:20.101
You know, what I felt was a really solid future, at least aspects of it, right, that were just crumbling before me.
00:21:20.101 --> 00:21:34.049
And you know, typically you hear stories like this and a betray, betrayer and betrayed, right, usually the betrayed is trying to come home, and you know then someone's like no, you can't come home, right, to come home.
00:21:34.049 --> 00:21:35.292
And you know then someone's like no, you can't come home Right.
00:21:35.313 --> 00:21:38.400
And for me, I was wanting, like, let's do this, let's, let's navigate what this looks like.
00:21:38.400 --> 00:21:46.733
And Brad was unwilling to reconcile, you know, of course, there was all of these things that were going on in his head and in his life and he wasn't ready to let go of those things.
00:21:46.733 --> 00:22:00.040
So God had to take me through a process of surrender that was gut-wrenching, because it's really hard to let go of something that's good Right, and my marriage was good Right.
00:22:00.040 --> 00:22:03.152
And I felt like, okay, well, god, I'm willing to do this thing.
00:22:03.152 --> 00:22:08.672
So, like, let's do this, like I'll, I'll take the miracle, now make it happen.
00:22:08.672 --> 00:22:19.060
And you know, god had to just walk me through this process of what it looked like to take my fingers off of something that I was grasping hold of so tightly.
00:22:19.060 --> 00:22:24.184
Did not think that I was somebody who liked control till I had no control Right.
00:22:24.184 --> 00:22:29.239
And all of a sudden I'm like I like it Isn't that how it usually comes out right.
00:22:29.559 --> 00:22:32.094
That's how it usually comes out when you lose it.
00:22:32.094 --> 00:22:37.219
That's when you realize how much that you know it's like, yeah, that's a glaring picture, yeah.
00:22:37.219 --> 00:22:40.371
That's how it goes, for sure, yeah.
00:22:40.412 --> 00:22:54.345
He really walked me through Um, and I would feel like at this time in my life too, it's when my faith really became a walking faith, if that makes sense, like it was no longer something that I was, you know.
00:22:54.869 --> 00:22:55.932
Yes, I was invested.
00:22:55.932 --> 00:22:57.355
Yes, I believed all those things.
00:22:57.355 --> 00:23:00.041
Now it was, I was desperate for it.
00:23:00.041 --> 00:23:09.757
It was this desperate hunger after what God was saying, what he was doing and his truth, cause I needed truth, I really just needed to be saturated in truth.
00:23:09.757 --> 00:23:36.394
And so he walked me through that journey and, even as I wanted to have two weeks by myself with just a scream in the woods I think that's where I what I felt I look at it as God's grace that I had these three little kids that needed an intense amount of attention and love, even though I didn't necessarily feel like it was God's grace at that time, but that it allowed me to see joy in the middle of the most painful things.
00:23:36.453 --> 00:23:43.078
Right, I mean, how can you look at a chubby, nine-month-old, smiling baby and not smile?
00:23:43.078 --> 00:23:48.136
Right, you get a chance and the opportunity, the daily routine of life that requires you to live.
00:23:48.136 --> 00:23:53.781
There was aspects of that that were God's grace in that time, and then he called me to forgive in the middle of all of that that were God's grace in that time.
00:23:53.781 --> 00:24:01.673
And then he called me to forgive in the middle of all of that, and this was when Brad was still in the doing everything right, which I felt was very unfair.
00:24:01.673 --> 00:24:08.624
So I was reading a book and it really came.
00:24:08.624 --> 00:24:12.488
It really was just like this bright light for me where it was like, well, you can choose who you're going to be.
00:24:12.488 --> 00:24:16.412
You're going to be a bitter and discouraged woman, or you can forgive and you can overcome.
00:24:16.412 --> 00:24:19.279
And I really felt like that was my fork in the road right.
00:24:19.279 --> 00:24:22.794
I could see the seeds of bitterness taking root in my life.
00:24:22.794 --> 00:24:25.378
That was not who I was Like.
00:24:25.378 --> 00:24:47.057
I normally I am a positive perspective, glass half full kind of person, but I the unfairness of this definitely was propelling me towards just really living in discouragement and bitterness and watching what I felt was my entire life just kind of imploding in front of me.
00:24:47.057 --> 00:25:12.405
And so God asked me to do those things in the middle of the mess and he taught me a thing or two about forgiveness, right, and all these misconceptions that we have around forgiveness which is like, well, I can't forgive you until you've, like, paid a price, right, I can't forgive you until you ask for it, I can't forgive you until I'm safe, Like all of these things that God had to, you know, really walk me through because it was for me.
00:25:12.405 --> 00:25:20.253
Ultimately, forgiveness was for me, it was for me to release all of the things that were controlling my mind and heart, that were not healthy for me.
00:25:20.253 --> 00:25:37.739
So he walked me through that and then I'll tell you this Um, I really was surprised by the fact that I had to do that over and over and over and over again because thought, once I did it and I took that step of obedience, that I would just be able to release it, that and surrender both of those things.
00:25:37.798 --> 00:25:40.311
I found very, you know, surprising.
00:25:40.311 --> 00:25:42.135
I guess I had to do that continually.
00:25:42.135 --> 00:25:44.622
Right, lord, I've surrendered it, pick it back up.
00:25:44.622 --> 00:25:46.855
I surrendered it, pick it back up.
00:25:46.855 --> 00:25:55.736
It's just very interesting how God, I feel like, is always continually teaching us those lessons on surrender and what that looks like.
00:25:55.736 --> 00:26:02.675
So God was doing this whole process with me before that phone call that Brad gave that night.
00:26:02.796 --> 00:26:16.336
And, honestly, because I had been praying and I had been, you know, at this point I was just praying for his salvation I really had had stopped putting my hope in the fact that our marriage was going to be reconciled.
00:26:16.336 --> 00:26:21.853
I was just like God, reveal yourself to him, like helping to turn to you, no matter what.
00:26:21.853 --> 00:26:28.019
I knew that I wanted a man who was going to be in my children's life as a, as a good father, no matter what.
00:26:28.019 --> 00:26:37.356
And so I had to even change the way that I was praying, because at first it was just, like you know, hit him upside the head, you know.
00:26:37.356 --> 00:26:42.325
And so God had to kind of shift the way that I was praying Right.
00:26:43.131 --> 00:26:51.215
And when he did call me and when we did have this miracle, an hour later our, our divorce attorney called and said papers are ready, the judge just needs to sign them.
00:26:51.215 --> 00:26:55.458
I did not have enough faith in that moment to say rip the papers up.
00:26:55.458 --> 00:26:57.883
I said, just hold on.
00:26:57.883 --> 00:27:04.575
I mean, that was that was like all the faith that I had in the world was just to tell him to just hold on to the papers.
00:27:05.436 --> 00:27:11.032
And then I really did expect Brad to kind of come in as this miraculously changed individual.
00:27:11.032 --> 00:27:28.257
I mean I'm like okay, like I'm in the middle of the miracle now, like this miracle that I've prayed for, he's going to come in and we're going to be able to have these like intense spiritual conversations about everything that's happened in the last, you know, nine months of our lives.
00:27:28.257 --> 00:27:31.683
And instead it was eggshells, right?
00:27:31.683 --> 00:27:50.356
And it was us looking at each other Like we knew each other forever and didn't know each other at all, and I'm afraid to say you know what we were really thinking or what we were really feeling, cause instead of it helping us to heal, it was just taking us both into a pit and just like sitting in there, right?
00:27:50.356 --> 00:27:59.903
So walking through the healing process was definitely an opportunity for both of us to learn a lot about our individual walks with Christ.
00:27:59.903 --> 00:28:04.459
Still, that's a lot to say, but there, there you have it.
00:28:04.839 --> 00:28:08.532
What I love about your story, though, is that it you know it's.
00:28:08.532 --> 00:28:16.044
It's one of the things that that we've tried to teach people also is that they have to be responsible for their walk with the Lord.
00:28:16.244 --> 00:28:16.724
Right Yep.
00:28:18.515 --> 00:28:20.773
And that's the key, that's the main thing.
00:28:21.215 --> 00:28:21.718
Absolutely.
00:28:22.210 --> 00:28:26.021
And from there God leads and guides.
00:28:26.021 --> 00:28:28.210
And, yes, it's a rocky road sometimes.
00:28:28.210 --> 00:28:40.866
Yes, it's really really hard, but when the Lord is leading and you're attending to your own walk with the Lord, then miracles do happen, don't they?
00:28:40.866 --> 00:28:41.869
Miracles do happen.
00:28:42.791 --> 00:28:48.692
And last month our interview was with a man named Randy Pryor, who had a story that was similar to yours.
00:28:48.692 --> 00:28:53.220
The difference is he wasn't able to reconcile.
00:28:53.220 --> 00:28:57.815
He was, but he continues to teach from his perspective.
00:28:57.815 --> 00:29:09.215
Surrender your life to the Lord and let God do what he wants to do, because you have to make sure that you're doing what God wants you to do before you can ever be the spouse that you should be.
00:29:09.215 --> 00:29:12.946
And so what did that process look like for the two of you?
00:29:12.946 --> 00:29:18.987
I'm so grateful that that God brought you to a place of reconciliation reconciliation.
00:29:18.987 --> 00:29:25.042
I'm so grateful that you know your marriage won out and it survived, because that doesn't always happen.
00:29:25.042 --> 00:29:31.859
And but, but here we know the process can be messy, and so it's okay if you don't share all the steps of the messy.
00:29:31.859 --> 00:29:39.403
But what were, what were the things that god did to bring you back to a place where your marriage is what it is today?
00:29:41.534 --> 00:30:03.490
like we said, it was super easy and yeah I'm not sure why, so that yeah unicorns right man, I think there were so many things that you know, we our number one piece of advice, exactly like you said, as we tell people, your individual pursuit of Christ is the key.
00:30:03.490 --> 00:30:13.940
That is our biggest piece of advice because, no matter what you need that, you absolutely unequivocally need that and we needed that for both of our healing.
00:30:13.940 --> 00:30:25.739
I mean, brad can talk about his battle with shame through all that, but for us, like that reconnecting side of things, yeah, it was messy, it wasn't perfect.
00:30:25.739 --> 00:30:36.352
It was us getting to know, almost like a, two new people, right, but at this point, two new people who were both very broken.
00:30:36.352 --> 00:30:50.193
So I would say the few things that we did right right away was because we moved immediately, which was, you know, always tell people, don't do anything major in the first year you know, and God used that.
00:30:50.494 --> 00:31:00.319
I'm so forever grateful when I look back at how God just surrounded us with levels of grace that we didn't even know we needed during that time.
00:31:00.319 --> 00:31:18.079
And, you know, even when I look back at financial decisions that we were making, you know, because you just stopped caring about things that you normally would care about right Like because this is so front and center, you know, you're so focused in emotionally, like that's taking all of your capacity right then to just heal.
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:31.106
So we got connected with a local church right away and you know it was truly a God ordained moment and church and we decided right away that we were going to meet with the pastor and we were going to be upfront about who we were and what we were going through.
00:31:31.106 --> 00:31:34.719
Decided right away that we were going to meet with the pastor and we were going to be upfront about who we were and what we were going through.
00:31:34.719 --> 00:31:44.344
I think that was a really big deal for both of us because the local pastor breathed hope over us in that moment Hope is so powerful.
00:31:45.911 --> 00:31:52.940
He didn't even bat an eye at the story Like that was the first time I had ever shared our story and it wasn't.
00:31:52.940 --> 00:31:56.464
It probably wasn't exactly what I did today.
00:31:56.464 --> 00:31:57.066
No, no.
00:31:57.066 --> 00:31:58.050
But it was.
00:31:58.050 --> 00:32:01.761
It was like we're both just trying to get through this.
00:32:01.761 --> 00:32:06.298
And I remember thinking like I'm waiting for him to just have this.
00:32:06.298 --> 00:32:08.423
You know, judgment face.
00:32:08.730 --> 00:32:12.353
You're in the back row for the rest of your life, yeah kind of deal right, and it wasn't.
00:32:12.512 --> 00:32:14.413
It was just this hope.
00:32:14.413 --> 00:32:15.818
And he saw.
00:32:15.818 --> 00:32:19.536
I wish I can remember exactly what he said.
00:32:19.536 --> 00:32:35.980
I don't even know if he remembered we still are close with them but he said something to the effect of like I could see where God can take you right, I could see what he could do with you, do in you, right.
00:32:35.980 --> 00:32:37.223
And so it was.
00:32:37.223 --> 00:32:39.769
It was, it was hope over us.
00:32:39.769 --> 00:32:51.401
And you know also, we didn't do, we didn't seek counseling, we didn't seek we don't recommend anything I'm saying right now other than get connected to your local church.
00:32:52.042 --> 00:32:53.164
But we did.
00:32:53.164 --> 00:32:55.348
We didn't seek anyone out for help.
00:32:55.970 --> 00:32:57.192
We felt so isolated.
00:32:57.231 --> 00:32:59.936
We did, and I don't know there was.
00:32:59.936 --> 00:33:02.083
There, for sure were resources for this.
00:33:02.083 --> 00:33:07.138
I don't know if it was as prevalent as it is now, but for sure there were resources, but we didn't.
00:33:07.138 --> 00:33:08.020
I know.
00:33:08.020 --> 00:33:10.203
For me it didn't even cross my mind, because I was.
00:33:10.203 --> 00:33:14.410
I was drowning in shame, like drowning in it.
00:33:14.410 --> 00:33:19.397
Even though God had delivered me, I was still just drowning in shame, and so I don't.
00:33:19.397 --> 00:33:22.144
I don't even know if it crossed your mind to go.
00:33:22.205 --> 00:33:22.586
It did.
00:33:22.586 --> 00:33:34.984
But you know anytime that you're talking about counseling, coaching, any kind of thing, it's only as effective as what you can actually do in there right, how honest as you can be, as willing as you are to do the work.
00:33:34.984 --> 00:33:47.962
I think in that moment I recognize we were not in a space where that was going to be the best avenue, in that moment, that we had some, but it would have probably been very helpful if we had actually gone.
00:33:48.316 --> 00:33:54.296
But I think, like during this time, yes, I was pursuing my walk with Christ.
00:33:54.296 --> 00:33:54.777
Right, I was.
00:33:54.777 --> 00:33:57.503
I was trying to learn to do that.
00:33:57.503 --> 00:34:07.619
I didn't know what that looked like and and it wasn't you know, I'm not going to blame my parents or my grandparents or uncle, it wasn't anything like that, it was just that I was always in it.
00:34:07.619 --> 00:34:16.541
So I didn't realize, like, well, what is this to really put like, to really dive into this, how do I do this?
00:34:16.541 --> 00:34:25.467
And so I was learning that and I was messing up, still messing up on stupid things, still trying to like shake all this stuff off.
00:34:26.056 --> 00:34:33.987
And it wasn't I don't know how many, what, like maybe a year, I don't even know the timeframe, but I finally got connected in a, in a men's.
00:34:33.987 --> 00:34:37.942
It was like a, it was a virtual, it was a nationwide like virtual men's thing.
00:34:37.942 --> 00:35:06.894
And I got connected in that and I started just doing the devotions they were setting out and really, one big thing and something we tell couples all the time when they start doing this is I started memorizing scripture, you know, and I think it's a lost I don't like putting it like this, but I think it's a lost art and but it's something that I dealt with a lot of temptations.
00:35:06.894 --> 00:35:21.447
Still right, I was still, I was still traveling for work, I still had the same job, we were still going out and doing stuff and and around the country, right, not just, you know, in and out, just you know, the East coast, west coast, all over the place.
00:35:21.447 --> 00:35:25.865
And so during that time it was like I would still have temptations that I'd have to deal with.
00:35:26.554 --> 00:35:40.251
And it wasn't until I had this, you know, epiphany, really this God moment where Jesus fought temptation by repeating, by memorizing scripture, by basically just fighting it with scripture.
00:35:40.251 --> 00:35:42.963
And it hit me.
00:35:42.963 --> 00:35:51.177
I'd heard that story countless times, like I had heard that story from the pulpit, I'd heard it in Sunday school, I'd heard it all over the place.
00:35:51.177 --> 00:35:59.599
But it hit me then because I'm like the perfect man to ever walk the earth right, sinless, perfect.
00:35:59.599 --> 00:36:03.445
And he fought temptation with scripture.
00:36:03.445 --> 00:36:05.208
And I'm like me.
00:36:05.208 --> 00:36:07.376
Why am I not doing that?
00:36:07.376 --> 00:36:10.663
So I started memorizing scripture to combat temptation.
00:36:10.702 --> 00:36:20.422
I didn't do, you know, behavior modifications or anything like that, where you know like, oh, I'm going to go run, you know, go go get my workout in, so I don't have to be tempted.
00:36:20.422 --> 00:36:34.110
I didn't do that because I did see, even though in my infancy of of breaking this shame and temptation, I did see that as more of a bandaid for me than it was of actual like.
00:36:34.110 --> 00:36:34.896
No, I want to.
00:36:34.896 --> 00:36:40.876
I want to change my heart and I know if I can transform this, if God can train, I can't do it.
00:36:40.876 --> 00:36:45.364
I know if God can work this through me then I won't be tempted.
00:36:46.146 --> 00:36:49.358
Now I look at that part of my life and it is.
00:36:49.358 --> 00:36:53.246
It's disgusting when I think about it.
00:36:53.246 --> 00:36:54.028
It really is.
00:36:54.028 --> 00:36:59.625
It makes me like I don't have those urges, those.
00:36:59.625 --> 00:37:05.166
I don't look that way because it just really is like something that I don't want in my life at all.
00:37:05.166 --> 00:37:16.065
But through that, the biggest thing I learned memorizing scripture, and then my priority, and still is to this day, is God, is Jesus.
00:37:16.065 --> 00:37:17.320
That is my priority.
00:37:17.320 --> 00:37:19.943
There's nothing else that gets in the way.
00:37:19.943 --> 00:37:29.139
That is my sole priority, and throughout the day and this is because of years of you- know, Didn't start off this way, didn't start off this way.
00:37:29.594 --> 00:37:31.541
Please don't hear that.
00:37:31.541 --> 00:37:42.300
This is from years of walking this out and and my discipline, like God, working on my discipline and pushing me, reading the Bible, doing devotions.
00:37:42.300 --> 00:37:43.344
This is years of it.
00:37:43.344 --> 00:37:47.076
But I I used to say get your priorities right.
00:37:47.076 --> 00:37:54.445
And then some good friends of ours were like, do you know that the word priorities was pluralized just in recent history?
00:37:54.445 --> 00:37:59.500
And I was like, yeah, it makes sense, because the definition doesn't even make it plural right.
00:37:59.500 --> 00:38:01.324
And so that really hit me.
00:38:01.324 --> 00:38:04.581
And now it's like no, I don't prior, my priorities aren't aligned.
00:38:04.581 --> 00:38:07.815
My priority is aligned and it is my walk with Christ.
00:38:07.815 --> 00:38:09.358
It is my daily devotions.
00:38:09.880 --> 00:38:13.628
I saturate my life daily now with Jesus.
00:38:13.628 --> 00:38:15.621
I listen to Caleb.
00:38:15.621 --> 00:38:20.800
I didn't used to listen to Caleb, it used to bother me so much, I just really did.
00:38:20.800 --> 00:38:22.862
And now like that's all.
00:38:22.862 --> 00:38:26.360
That's on my in my car or I'm playing Christian music through my phone, whatever it is.
00:38:26.454 --> 00:38:33.617
But I want to saturate my day with Jesus, like I want to start the day out with him and go throughout my day.
00:38:34.038 --> 00:38:46.795
I have things I have to do for work, I can't walk around and just, you know, read the Bible all day, but in a realistic way I saturate my life with him and I want to end my day with him.
00:38:47.137 --> 00:38:57.298
And because of all that, my like, the line of what I'm responsible for, what God has given me, has fallen into place.
00:38:57.298 --> 00:39:05.121
It doesn't mean that it's perfect and it doesn't mean that it's not hard, but it's fallen into place, right?
00:39:05.121 --> 00:39:10.309
My wife, then my kids, my marriage, then my kids.
00:39:10.309 --> 00:39:12.106
You know, then, it's just this.
00:39:12.106 --> 00:39:19.949
It just everything falls in place and because of him I'm able to lead like I need to lead, and and we're able to.
00:39:19.949 --> 00:39:35.342
You know, our ministry is called Unrelenting Pursuit, for a reason I haven't stopped my pursuit of since then right, I can't say before, but since then I haven't stopped my pursuit, my personal pursuit with Christ.
00:39:35.342 --> 00:39:46.797
I haven't stopped my pursuit to be a better husband through him, to be a better father through him, to be a better man through him, and I constantly want to pursue Lisa.
00:39:46.797 --> 00:39:53.048
So we want an unrelated pursuit in all aspects of our life pointing towards Christ.
00:39:53.414 --> 00:40:09.422
Yeah, and the more that I saw that in him, the more that I was able to navigate, obviously, the fear and all those things that were the battle in my own mind that was really taking place, the ownership I wanted to have over his behavior right.
00:40:09.422 --> 00:40:15.204
I wanted you know, whether or not it was good or bad, there was a level of ownership that I wanted to take right.
00:40:15.204 --> 00:40:27.447
Somehow it was my responsibility, and the more that I saw him lean into Christ, the more I could see that in myself and that process of surrender again, where I can't own his behavior right.
00:40:27.447 --> 00:40:33.108
There's, there's no level of anything I can do that makes Brad a better man.
00:40:33.108 --> 00:40:41.105
Brad has to be a better man because that is who he is called to be and ultimately that's his relationship with Christ that that compels that.
00:40:41.967 --> 00:40:45.378
You know, we developed the guardrails, we developed accountability.
00:40:45.378 --> 00:40:50.088
We walked out those steps right, that God showed us along the way.
00:40:50.088 --> 00:40:53.260
Right Cause we were going to do what we, whatever we could do.
00:40:53.260 --> 00:40:56.436
We were going to live like nobody else so that we could have our life like nobody else.
00:40:56.436 --> 00:41:00.177
Like Dave Ramsey says about money, right, we were going to do that with our marriage.
00:41:00.177 --> 00:41:13.018
We were going to set some, some ruthless standards that we were going to abide in in order to protect what we value most, and that's been a really beautiful picture of how we've been able to connect again.
00:41:13.018 --> 00:41:21.847
And I will tell you just to kind of give that hope carrier message, right Our marriage is better than either one of us could ever imagine that it could be.
00:41:21.847 --> 00:41:31.447
We have definitely faced the things that should have broken us and we have walked out the that got.
00:41:31.548 --> 00:41:33.315
Reconciliation is God's business.
00:41:33.315 --> 00:41:38.706
It's literally who he is Right, and so he entrusts us that ministry.
00:41:38.706 --> 00:41:41.018
He entrusts us with a ministry of reconciliation.
00:41:41.018 --> 00:41:46.916
So our marriage, like our lives, we get a chance to just live that out.
00:41:46.916 --> 00:41:58.364
It is so possible If you guys are willing to do the work, if you guys pursue Christ the two of you it's unbelievable what God can do in those places.
00:41:58.364 --> 00:42:11.623
It's amazing, and we have gotten to live that out, and so that's that's really why we have unrelenting pursuit, why we do what we do, because we get a chance to have that front row seat to continue to see what God can do.
00:42:11.623 --> 00:42:24.336
Not that every story has this magical ending, because that's not what it is, but our heart is to see people ultimately recognize that Jesus has them that there is hope for their future.
00:42:24.336 --> 00:42:29.476
No matter whether or not their marriage in and of itself is saved, there is still hope.
00:42:30.719 --> 00:42:32.262
I love that hope message.
00:42:32.262 --> 00:42:49.356
I think that that is just that's something that couples really, in fact, not just couples, that is something that people in general need to hear, and so because it's just such an important, important message, yeah, there's hope in Christ and I also appreciate sharing that.
00:42:49.836 --> 00:43:11.411
You know, growing up in church your whole life, but coming to a place where you realize that God was calling you into a very personal relationship with Jesus Christ and taking ownership not only of the things that were going on in your life but of that responsibility to surrender, humbly surrender, to the Lord, jesus Christ, what a powerful thing.
00:43:11.411 --> 00:43:18.275
And you know, I know that there's couples who are listening right now who are still, you know, still in the struggle.
00:43:18.275 --> 00:43:22.686
They're still in the hurt, they're still dealing with some of the things that lead to shame.
00:43:22.686 --> 00:43:29.215
And the message of hope that you've shared today is really, really powerful and I'm really grateful for it.
00:43:29.215 --> 00:43:43.547
But then also, what would you tell that couple who says we're in the process of trying to reconcile, we're in the process of working this out, but they just don't understand what the timeframe is going to be?
00:43:43.547 --> 00:43:44.449
What did you?
00:43:44.489 --> 00:43:44.829
learn.
00:43:45.255 --> 00:43:55.579
Because I know, I know I'm kind of lobbing this one to you, because we know that, um, you know it's not one of those things, just like you can't get three steps, there's not a specific time.
00:43:55.579 --> 00:44:00.155
But what did you learn about God's timing through what he's done in your relationship?
00:44:00.978 --> 00:44:05.472
Oh, I mean, it's God's timing is perfect.
00:44:05.472 --> 00:44:09.800
Yeah, um, but you want to rush it.
00:44:09.800 --> 00:44:11.641
Um, but you want to rush it I?
00:44:11.641 --> 00:44:26.300
Yes, to give a little example, I, I really did not heal, heal from my shame until just a couple of years ago.
00:44:26.300 --> 00:44:29.070
It really it was something that I didn't realize that was eating away at me, but that was just a couple of years ago.
00:44:29.070 --> 00:44:37.148
And and that that while I was spending time with God, while I was praying that this, you know he's speaking to me and just making me realize.
00:44:37.148 --> 00:44:42.346
You know that I need to let it go Right and really speak it to me that way.
00:44:42.346 --> 00:45:10.023
But you know, that's, I guess, his timing's perfect, even though, as humans, we want to rush it, but through, even though I wish that everything would have been done quickly and we would have been like happily ever after, immediately, there was such healing and learning through our walk yeah through all the trials we went through, through me not fully giving up everything through.
00:45:10.724 --> 00:45:14.358
You know, lisa, learning to let go of control and and doing all these things.
00:45:14.358 --> 00:45:17.666
There was so much in there that we learned that now.
00:45:17.666 --> 00:45:22.882
Yes, I do wish it would have been shorter, but looking back it was perfect.
00:45:23.465 --> 00:45:25.688
Yeah, that was part of the equipping that.
00:45:25.688 --> 00:45:28.981
God has done in your life for your ministry.
00:45:28.981 --> 00:45:30.304
Absolutely, that's what.
00:45:30.384 --> 00:45:33.268
I was going to say there's purpose in the process.
00:45:33.268 --> 00:45:38.838
That would be my encouragement to someone listening.
00:45:38.838 --> 00:45:46.202
I think what we have seen happen with couples is when you try to rush through the process right, you become satisfied with halfway healing.
00:45:47.056 --> 00:45:48.503
And that's not what God has for you.
00:45:48.503 --> 00:45:52.706
There's this element that you have to walk through.
00:45:52.706 --> 00:45:54.561
There are lessons that you have to learn.
00:45:54.561 --> 00:46:00.840
I would love to tell you that you're going to be just stick with it for six months and it's all going to be great.
00:46:00.840 --> 00:46:06.824
We often say that there's always something else that needs to be healed.
00:46:06.864 --> 00:46:17.599
I thought I was just going to say there's always something else, right, god's always showing you something else, another layer, like that's, that's life, it's just part of it.
00:46:17.599 --> 00:46:20.405
Not that we're just sitting there like with this gaping wound that we're still dealing with from infidelity.
00:46:20.405 --> 00:46:27.858
It's more just like who we are as individuals, the things that we need to address, like how we parent, how we operate in our marriage, who we are as people.
00:46:27.858 --> 00:46:36.798
Right, there's this level of recognition that our pursuit has to also be our unrelenting pursuit of growth which means there's always something else to heal from.
00:46:36.818 --> 00:46:39.309
Like that's, that's the reality.
00:46:39.309 --> 00:46:49.764
I think that's why we walk through this life with this, with this, you know, heavenly mindset, right, the eternal perspective, because it's never going to be perfect here on earth, that's okay.
00:46:52.135 --> 00:47:01.501
But the unrelenting ripple effect like that's the vision that comes to mind is this ripple effect that God is is providing because of the things that you have gone through.
00:47:01.501 --> 00:47:09.722
You know your children are going to have examples and encouragement from you guys.
00:47:09.722 --> 00:47:14.710
That wouldn't be there had you not gone through the same thing.
00:47:14.894 --> 00:47:22.804
You know the things that you're going to be able to teach them when they're old enough to start dating and start picking a husband or a wife.
00:47:22.804 --> 00:47:28.360
You know, and all the things this is going to be, this wealth of information.
00:47:28.360 --> 00:47:36.097
God has a testimony for you and it was about all the things that you have gone through.
00:47:36.097 --> 00:47:47.186
That's all part of the testimony, and they couldn't have saved you from that, because that was God's intention for you to know the things that you know right.
00:47:47.186 --> 00:47:51.543
How you learn them might have been different, but it was.
00:47:51.583 --> 00:48:08.646
God's intention for you to know the things that you know right and so you know, even though we we uh have our hearts broken because of the pain that that is gone through, and for our listeners right now, if you're going through those difficult things, our hearts are broken, that you have to go through the pain.
00:48:08.646 --> 00:48:15.106
However, those things that that God will do in the midst of it are things that are amazing.
00:48:15.106 --> 00:48:28.768
We get to see God's word played out in practical reality where, even in the midst of our hardest day, god works all things together for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.
00:48:28.768 --> 00:48:32.518
And so, again, just love the Lord and as you love the Lord.
00:48:32.518 --> 00:48:43.987
It's not going to stop that there's pain in the process, but you'll get to see, as you shared, there's purpose in the process and we're really grateful for that.
00:48:43.987 --> 00:48:51.005
And today we're just so thankful that Brad and Elisa Valencia have joined us and we want to encourage you.
00:48:51.005 --> 00:49:04.485
If you'd like to hear about the coaching they provide or you'd like to listen to the Unrelenting Pursuit podcast, go to their website, unrelentingpursuitorg, and we'll make sure that those are linked in the show notes.
00:49:04.485 --> 00:49:07.340
But again, thank you so much for joining us today.
00:49:07.400 --> 00:49:08.643
On the Vision Driven Marriage.
00:49:09.224 --> 00:49:10.306
Absolutely Thanks for having us.
00:49:10.306 --> 00:49:10.909
It was awesome.
00:49:15.335 --> 00:49:16.800
Thank much for joining us today on the Vision Driven Marriage Absolutely.
00:49:16.800 --> 00:49:17.221
Thanks for having us.
00:49:17.221 --> 00:49:17.521
It was awesome.
00:49:17.521 --> 00:49:18.043
Thank you guys Love it.
00:49:18.043 --> 00:49:26.728
And again for those of you who've been listening, we want to encourage you not only to let God speak to you and for you to seek after God's will for your own life, but we want you to know that we continue to pray that God will solidify your marriage.
00:49:26.728 --> 00:49:30.682
We're Doug and Leslie Davis, again thanking Brad and Lisa Valencia.
00:49:30.682 --> 00:49:32.666
This is the Vision Driven Marriage.
00:49:32.666 --> 00:49:35.552
God bless you.