Fireside Chat - Optimistically Cautious: Raising Travel-Aware Kids

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Someday your kid is gonna call you from somewhere you're not.
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Maybe another city, maybe another state, maybe another country, and they're gonna say,"I messed up.
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I don't know what to do, and I need help." And in that moment, you're gonna find out whether all of those conversations you had, all of those rules, all of those little freedoms actually became something they knew how to use when you weren't standing beside them.
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That's the part of parenting I've been thinking about a lot lately, because there's a point where the question quietly changes.
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It stops being,"How do I keep my kids safe while they travel with me?" And becomes,"Have I taught them enough to travel without me?" That shift has been hitting me a lot lately.
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My daughter is a senior in high school now, and we've already started having conversations about senior trips, traveling with friends, and what that kind of independence should actually look like.
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And I realized something.
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Someday, probably sooner than I'd like to admit, both of my kids are gonna be out there doing this without me.
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They're gonna take trips that I didn't plan.
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They're gonna end up in places they've never been.
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Plans are gonna change.
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Things are going to feel uncomfortable sometimes.
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And they're gonna have to make decisions without looking over at me first.
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That's the part that makes me nervous.
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Not because I think the world is too scary for them.
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Actually, I want the opposite.
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I want them to travel.
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I want them to see places I've never seen.
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I want them to be adventurous and spontaneous and curious.
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I want them to find places they absolutely fall in love with and come home with stories I've never heard before.
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Shoot, take me with you.
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But I also want them to know how to move through those experiences without me.
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And the older they get, the more I realize that teaching kids how to travel is about so much more than packing a suitcase or getting through an airport.
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The Internet can teach them that part.
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What I'm talking about is knowing how to handle yourself when something changes, knowing enough about where you are that you're not completely lost if the person beside you isn't there, and knowing when something feels off and trusting yourself enough to leave, or knowing how to ask for help, And knowing that if everything does go sideways, there's somebody that they can call, no questions asked in the moment, just,"Where are you?
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Are you okay?
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I'm coming." I don't have all of this figured out.
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Let me preface all of this with that.
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I didn't sit down when my kids were five years old and create some perfect plan for raising independent travelers.
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Honestly, a lot of this has developed as they've gotten older, and I've realized, oh, we're running out of practice time.
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Because right now, I still get to be that safety net.
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I can give them a little freedom while I'm two floors up in the hotel or 10 minutes away, somewhere else in the same theme park, close enough that they can try things on their own, but I'm still there if they need me.
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But eventually, I won't be, and neither will my husband.
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And at some point, every parent has to trust that all of those little conversations and all of those moments where you loosen the rein just a little bit actually became something they can carry with them.
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So this episode isn't about raising kids who are afraid of the world.
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It's about raising kids who know how to move through it confidently, independently, and with enough awareness to know when something doesn't feel right.
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Optimistically cautious, that's what I like to call it, Because I think that is exactly how I want my kids to travel.
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And maybe if you're raising future travelers, too, that's the balance you're trying to find as well.
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Welcome back to The Last Postcard.
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I'm your host, Dominique Ortiz.
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Every trip starts with a destination.
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Not every trip ends with answers.
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Usually on this show, we're digging into a disappearance, a survival story, a strange mystery, or one of those travel rabbit holes that makes you wonder how a trip went so completely sideways.
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But every once in a while, I wanna step away from someone else's story and talk about something that connects directly back to why I started incorporating travel awareness into this podcast in the first place.
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And this week, that conversation is personal because I'm not just a traveler.
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I'm a parent raising two kids who are getting closer and closer to traveling without me.
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And while I definitely have my own opinions about what preparing them for that should look like, I don't want this entire conversation to come from just my perspective.
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So while I was putting this episode together, I asked a few other frequent travelers and travel professionals what they thought young people really needed to know before they started traveling more independently.
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And what I found interesting was that even though everybody approached the question a little differently, the answers kept coming back to the same general idea: pay attention, know enough to take care of yourself, and trust yourself when something doesn't feel right.
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And that really stuck with me because when I talk about raising travel-aware kids, I'm not talking about raising kids who think something terrible is waiting around every corner.
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I don't want that.
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I want them excited to travel, and I want them comfortable walking into unfamiliar places.
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I want them willing to explore and meet people and experience cultures that are different from their own.
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I just want them doing all of that with their eyes open.
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And I think that's a much harder thing to teach than how to book a flight.
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So today we're talking about what travel awareness actually looks like as your kids grow up, how much freedom you give them while you can still be their safety net, and the conversations I think we need to have before they start traveling without us.
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And probably just as importantly, how we teach them to be cautious without teaching them to be afraid, because those are two very different things.
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I think when people hear travel aware, they can assume I mean knowing how to book a flight, read a boarding pass, or make sure you packed the right shoes, and those things definitely matter, but that's not what I really mean.
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For me, travel awareness is more about how you move through a place once you're there.
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Can you walk into an unfamiliar environment and actually notice what's happening around you?
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Can you tell when something feels normal for that place and, and when something feels a little off?
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Can you enjoy yourself without becoming so distracted that you stop paying attention altogether?
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That's the piece that I care about, and I think some of that came from my own background.
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Between the military, law enforcement, and just traveling a lot over the years, I naturally pay attention to things.
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Not in some dramatic, constantly looking for danger kind of way.
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I just notice things.
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Where are the exits?
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Who's around me?
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What does the environment feel like?
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Is something happening that doesn't really fit?
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And I've realized over time that my kids don't automatically see the world the same way I do, and honestly, why would they?
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A lot of that awareness came from experiences they haven't had yet.
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So instead of expecting them to just magically develop it in one day, I've started trying to get them to practice it while they're still with me.
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Sometimes I'll do it almost without them realizing.
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We'll be sitting somewhere, and I'll say,"What do you notice?" And usually the first response is something incredibly helpful like,"About what?" Which is fair, so I'll narrow it down.
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"Okay, look around.
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Does anything seem out of place?" Or,"If we got separated right now, where would you go?" Or maybe we're sitting in a restaurant and I'll ask,"If there's a fire right now, how would you get out?" And I'm not trying to make the dinner stressful, I promise.
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We're still eating, but I want them to get used to looking around, because I think eventually you want that to stop being an exercise, and you want it to become instinct.
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The little feeling that says,"Something about this just doesn't feel right," or,"I probably shouldn't go that way," or,"I don't know why, but I want to leave." And I really want my kids to understand that they're allowed to listen to that feeling.
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They don't need to stand there and collect evidence.
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They don't need to convince themselves,"Well, nothing's actually happened yet." If you feel uncomfortable, that matters.
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You can leave.
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You can change your mind.
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You can ask for help.
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And while I was putting this episode together, I didn't want this entire conversation to come only from me.
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So like I said, I reached out to other frequent travelers, travel advisors, parents, and people who spend a lot of time in the travel space and asked what they thought young people really needed to know before they started traveling more independently.
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And again, it was super interesting.
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Even though everybody came at it from their own perspective, a lot of the same ideas kept coming back One person talked about trusting your instincts and staying aware of your surroundings.
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Another said,"If it feels wrong, take a pause.
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Figure out why." And I love that wording, take a pause.
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Not panic, not automatically assuming the worst, just pause.
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Look around.
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Ask yourself what changed.
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Give yourself time to breathe, correct, and make a decision.
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That feels much closer to the kind of awareness I want my kids to have, because I don't want them walking around expecting danger.
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That would make travel miserable.
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I want them expecting the trip to be great, and I want them assuming most people are decent.
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I want them trying the food, talking to the people, wandering around, and enjoying wherever they are.
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But I also want them to keep enough of themselves switched on that they notice when the environment changes.
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And that matters even more when you start traveling outside of what feels familiar, because what's normal at home may not be normal somewhere else.
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That could be another country or just another city.
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People interact differently.
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Expectations can be different.
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Rules can be different.
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And I think part of being a good traveler is respecting that enough to learn a little before you go.
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Not because you've become an expert on every place you visit, but because understanding the environment helps you move through it better.
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And the more you understand what normal looks like where you are, the easier it is to recognize when something doesn't fit.
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That, to me, is really the foundation.
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Not fear, not a gigantic mental checklist, just awareness.
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Enough to enjoy the experience and still trust yourself if something starts to feel differently The truth is, I didn't start thinking about any of this as travel awareness.
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We just traveled with our kids, and when they were little, the expectations were pretty simple because they were little.
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Stay close, hold my hand.
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If we get separated, find somebody who can help you.
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That kind of thing.
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I wasn't sitting there thinking,"Okay, today we're gonna build independent travelers." I was just parenting, and I think a lot of what they learned happened because they were with us all the time.
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They watched how we moved through airports.
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They watched how we handled hotels.
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They watched what happened when plans changed.
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Then at some point, the whole dynamic started shifting.
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Instead of automatically following us everywhere, they started asking for little pieces of independence.
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"Hey, can we go back to the room?" Or,"Can we go down to the pool?" Or,"Hey, can we go do this thing by ourselves?" And I remember realizing that every one of those little questions was really asking me the same thing: Do you trust us to handle this without you?
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That was probably the first time I really started thinking about all of this differently, because once they start asking for that kind of freedom, you have to decide whether you're saying no because something is actually unsafe or because you're just not emotionally ready for them to be old enough to do it, and I have absolutely had both reactions.
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There have been times when one of them asked to do something, and my immediate answer in my head was,"Nope." Then I sat there for a minute and realized,"Okay, wait.
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Why not?
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They're old enough.
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They know what they're doing.
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I'm literally still in the same building.
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Maybe this is one of those moments where I need to let them try." And that has probably been one of the biggest changes for me as they've gotten older.
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I'm not really teaching them how to follow me anymore.
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I'm teaching them how to think when I'm not right beside them, and that's a very different kind of parenting because when kids are little,"because I said so" can get you pretty far.
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When they're teenagers, not so much, especially not in my house.
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My son wants to understand everything.
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If I give him a rule, there's a very good chance I'm getting a follow-up question, and then another one, and probably another one after that, and sometimes I'm like,"I promise, there is not a hidden loophole here." But I also know that when he's asking why, he's usually trying to understand how the decision works.
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My daughter is different.
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She's more likely to wanna know exactly what I mean.
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"Okay, so you said I can go.
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How far can I go?
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What time do I need to be back?" She wants to know where the boundary is, and that has made me realize that you can raise two kids in the same house and still have to loosen the reins differently with each one.
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There really is no magic age where I think,"Okay, now you're officially ready." Sometimes one kid is ready for something before the other one would have been, and sometimes the situation matters more than the age.
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And sometimes the kid is ready before the parent is.
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And that's probably the part that I had to work on the most because my instinct is still to protect them.
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Of course it is.
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But if I never let them practice making decisions while I'm still close enough to help, eventually I'm just going to hand them independence all at once and hope they know what to do with it, and I don't want that.
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I would rather give them little pieces of freedom now, let them try, let them show me what they can handle.
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And if something doesn't go perfectly, we can talk about it and adjust the next time.
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Because that's really how this has evolved for us, not through some perfect plan, just a lot of small moments where I've realized,"Okay, I think they're ready for a little bit more And I think where this really started clicking for me was when I realized I didn't have to wait for some big milestone to start giving them more responsibility.
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It could be really small, something as simple as packing their own bag.
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And I know that sounds almost silly, but it actually tells you a lot.
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When they were younger, I would have them lay everything out first so we could go through it together, not because I needed the suitcase arranged in a certain way.
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I wanted them to think through the trip.
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How long are we going?
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What are we actually doing?
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What do you think you need?
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And then eventually, I stopped checking every single thing, which is how you end up with a kid forgetting something and realizing very quickly that mom is not always going to magically fix it.
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Sometimes the lesson is just,"Well, I guess you're doing laundry." And honestly, I'm okay with that.
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That kind of mistake is safe.
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It's annoying, it's inconvenient, but it teaches them something.
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The same thing happened in airports.
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For years, they just followed us.
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They didn't need to know the gate because we knew the gate.
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They didn't need to pay attention to the monitor because we were paying attention to the monitor.
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Then at some point, I started turning it back on them.
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Where are we going?
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What gate are we at?
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Did it change?
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And sometimes they knew, and sometimes they didn't, but this is kind of the point.
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I was still there.
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They could get it wrong while the stakes were low, and that's what I'm trying to do a lot more of now.
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Let them be the one who figures something out while I'm still close enough to help them if they need it.
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Because I really think there is a difference between doing something for your kid and standing beside them while they learn how to do it themselves.
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And I know I've done both.
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There are definitely times when I've thought this would be so much faster if I just did it, and it would be.
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And if I'm being completely honest, sometimes this part is frustrating, especially when you feel like you've explained the same thing five times.
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You're standing there thinking,"We have talked about this.
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How are we still here?" Or you realize they're still relying on you for something that you thought they would be doing more independently by now.
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I have those moments.
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I'm not standing there patiently smiling every single time thinking,"What a beautiful learning opportunity." Sometimes I'm annoyed, sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I just wanna do it myself so we can move on.
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But then I have to remind myself that repetition is part of it.
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They're learning, and I'm learning too, because faster is not always the goal anymore, especially now.
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Now I'm thinking more about whether they could handle the same situation if I wasn't standing right there, and that changes how you approach things.
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Sometimes instead of automatically solving the problem, I have to let them sit in it for a second, let them think, let them ask questions, let them try.
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If they really get stuck, then I can step in.
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That has been one of the biggest shifts for me personally, and I'm still there.
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I'm just trying not to be the answer to every single thing, and I'm definitely not perfect at it.
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I think this whole stage is a lot of repetition and a lot of growing alongside your kids.
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You give them a little more responsibility.
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Sometimes they handle it exactly the way you hoped, and sometimes they don't, so you talk about it again, and you try again.
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And hopefully over time, all of those little moments start turning into confidence because I would rather they have a hundred small experiences where they eventually realize,"Oh, I can do this," than have adulthood be the first time anybody expects them to figure it all out on their own.
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There's one moment recently that really made me stop and think,"Okay, some of this is actually sticking." We were staying at a hotel, and I was exhausted.
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The kids wanted to go down to the pool, and they're both teenagers, so I told them they could go without me.
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Nothing about that felt unreasonable.
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They were together, they had their phones, and I was only a few floors away, so they left.
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And maybe three or four minutes later, I just had this feeling, not panic, not some huge red flag, just that little internal mom radar that said,"Go downstairs." So I did.
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And as soon as I got to the pool, my son came over and he said,"Mom, I am really glad you're here." He had noticed a couple men nearby who kept looking at his sister, and he didn't like it.
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Now, nothing had actually happened.
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Nobody approached them.
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Nobody said anything.
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Nobody touched them.
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There was no incident.
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I wanna make that very clear.
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But he was uncomfortable.
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And before I even got downstairs, he had already decided they probably weren't gonna stay.
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That was the part that mattered to me.
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He didn't wait for somebody to cross some obvious line.
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He didn't convince himself that he was overreacting.
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He just recognized,"I don't like this," and he was ready to leave.
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And that's exactly what I mean when I talk about wanting my kids to trust themselves.
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Because I think we sometimes teach our kids, especially polite kids, that they need a reason to leave, that they need proof, that they need to be able to explain exactly what somebody did wrong, and I don't necessarily think that they do.
00:18:56.268 --> 00:18:58.268
Sometimes discomfort is enough.
00:18:58.377 --> 00:18:59.097
You can leave.
00:18:59.107 --> 00:18:59.887
You can move.
00:19:00.087 --> 00:19:00.968
You can call me.
00:19:01.327 --> 00:19:05.847
You can decide that something feels off and not stick around long enough to find out whether you were right.
00:19:06.268 --> 00:19:18.548
And I think that moment at the pool gave me a little bit of confidence too, because the whole point of giving them small pieces of independence is not that nothing uncomfortable will ever happen, Is that when something does happen, they know what to do with that feeling.
00:19:18.877 --> 00:19:20.587
And in that moment, my son did.
00:19:20.788 --> 00:19:25.478
He noticed something didn't feel right, trusted himself, and was already making the decision to leave.
00:19:26.137 --> 00:19:29.357
That's the kind of thing you can't really teach in one conversation.
00:19:29.627 --> 00:19:31.198
It comes from repetition.
00:19:31.238 --> 00:19:40.788
It comes from all those little moments where you ask them to look around and think for themselves, and then one day they do it without you asking, and that's when you realize,"All right.
00:19:41.107 --> 00:19:48.907
Maybe they're carrying more of this than I thought." That pool moment is also a good example of something I've been trying to explain to my daughter lately.
00:19:49.438 --> 00:19:52.488
I can trust you and still not trust the environment.
00:19:52.788 --> 00:19:57.097
Those are not the same thing, and that comes up a lot now because she is a senior.
00:19:57.448 --> 00:20:00.637
Senior trip conversations are starting to feel very real.
00:20:00.948 --> 00:20:01.847
And I trust her.
00:20:01.867 --> 00:20:03.067
I really actually do.
00:20:03.077 --> 00:20:04.387
I trust the way she thinks.
00:20:04.417 --> 00:20:06.948
I trust the decisions she's made so far.
00:20:07.317 --> 00:20:13.458
I trust that if something feels wrong, she's more likely to listen to that feeling now than she would have been a few years ago.
00:20:13.887 --> 00:20:19.238
But that doesn't automatically mean I'm comfortable with every possible version of a senior trip.
00:20:20.077 --> 00:20:24.298
Because when I look at some of those situations, I'm not just looking at my kid.
00:20:24.678 --> 00:20:29.607
I'm looking at the whole environment she would be stepping into, and that's where I get a little hung up.
00:20:29.867 --> 00:20:44.817
You can have a really responsible kid in a really unpredictable setting, And once you add a group of teenagers, a lot of freedom, excitement, no real adult structure, and people making decisions on the fly, the situation can change really fast.
00:20:45.367 --> 00:20:48.188
That doesn't mean I think everybody is going to do something terrible.
00:20:48.188 --> 00:20:56.887
It just means I know enough about the people to know that one person's decision can affect everybody else in the room, and that's the part that I want her to understand.
00:20:57.258 --> 00:21:05.657
Sometimes you can be making a perfectly good decision and still end up in a situation that changes around you because of what somebody else decides to do.
00:21:06.117 --> 00:21:16.597
And when that happens, I want her to be comfortable stepping back and saying,"Nope, this isn't for me." That's why our conversations about senior travel have not really been about whether I trust her.
00:21:16.917 --> 00:21:26.978
They've been more about what kind of first experience makes sense, because there's a big difference between giving a teenager independence and dropping them into the hardest possible version of it.
00:21:27.458 --> 00:21:32.387
I'm much more comfortable with the idea of her traveling with a smaller group of friends and having some space.
00:21:32.768 --> 00:21:35.607
Maybe Adrian and I are nearby, not hovering.
00:21:35.998 --> 00:21:37.637
Like, keep us in the same city.
00:21:37.708 --> 00:21:39.657
They have their plans, we have ours.
00:21:39.917 --> 00:21:44.268
They go do their thing, and if something goes sideways, we're still close enough to help.
00:21:44.718 --> 00:21:46.827
To me, that feels like a better next step.
00:21:47.198 --> 00:21:51.167
Not because I wanna control everything she does, actually the opposite.
00:21:51.468 --> 00:21:53.738
I want her to practice having real freedom.
00:21:53.837 --> 00:21:58.667
I just don't think the first time should also be the moment where every safety net disappears.
00:21:59.167 --> 00:22:02.607
And I know not every parent is going to agree with me on that, and that's okay.
00:22:02.988 --> 00:22:07.788
I think that's one of those things where every family has to decide what feels right for their kid.
00:22:08.107 --> 00:22:13.337
But for me, I keep coming back to the same question: Is this helping her grow into independence?
00:22:13.768 --> 00:22:18.357
Or am I asking her to prove she can handle more than she's ever had the chance to practice?
00:22:18.867 --> 00:22:23.238
Those are two very different things, And I think that's the balance I'm trying to find right now.
00:22:23.528 --> 00:22:31.577
Give her room, trust her, let her make more of her own decisions, but still be thoughtful about the environment she's being asked to make them in.
00:22:31.907 --> 00:22:36.498
Because sometimes the answer is not no, sometimes it's not like that.
00:22:37.008 --> 00:22:50.417
Let's find the version that gives you the freedom without throwing you straight into the deep end I think one of the harder parts of preparing kids for independence is realizing that eventually you have to talk about things you would honestly rather not have to talk about.
00:22:50.917 --> 00:22:54.948
And I don't mean because the topics are shameful, I mean because they're uncomfortable.
00:22:55.357 --> 00:23:06.038
There are conversations that are just easier to avoid when your kids are still young enough that you can tell yourself,"We have time." But then they get older, and they start going more places without you.
00:23:06.137 --> 00:23:07.397
Their circle gets bigger.
00:23:07.407 --> 00:23:21.397
They hear more, they see more, and suddenly the'we have time' starts turning into,'Okay, we probably need to talk about this now.' And that's how I feel about things like alcohol, parties, peer pressure, consent, all of it.
00:23:21.867 --> 00:23:26.728
Not because I think talking about those things means I expect my kids to run out and make terrible decisions.
00:23:26.768 --> 00:23:27.708
Actually, the opposite.
00:23:27.768 --> 00:23:34.288
I would rather they hear some of this from me first, because I know what it feels like to learn something after the fact.
00:23:35.097 --> 00:23:39.417
My first real experience with alcohol was actually not something I planned at all.
00:23:39.478 --> 00:23:43.238
I was twenty years old, I didn't drink, and I was really sick.
00:23:43.607 --> 00:23:53.278
My throat hurt so bad that I barely wanted to eat anything, and I had already been taking Advil Cold and Sinus, trying to make myself feel better before I ever went out.
00:23:53.867 --> 00:23:59.268
Some of my friends were hanging out at a campground, and they convinced me to come hang out with everybody anyway.
00:23:59.758 --> 00:24:03.938
I knew alcohol was there, that wasn't a secret, but I also knew these people.
00:24:04.038 --> 00:24:05.067
They were my friends.
00:24:05.097 --> 00:24:06.278
They knew I didn't drink.
00:24:06.667 --> 00:24:12.268
So it genuinely never crossed my mind that somebody would hand me alcohol without telling me what it was.
00:24:12.827 --> 00:24:16.657
At one point, they gave me a little cup of something and told me it was medicine.
00:24:16.938 --> 00:24:20.958
They said it would help my throat enough that I could actually eat something, and so I drank it.
00:24:21.228 --> 00:24:29.167
It burned, it tasted awful, but at the time, of the very few things I could actually taste, it honestly tasted like cough syrup to me.
00:24:29.597 --> 00:24:32.468
And here's the part that made it even easier for me to believe them.
00:24:32.577 --> 00:24:33.167
It worked.
00:24:33.198 --> 00:24:34.317
My throat felt better.
00:24:34.337 --> 00:24:35.498
I was able to eat.
00:24:35.817 --> 00:24:37.557
So in my head, that confirmed it.
00:24:37.617 --> 00:24:39.067
"Okay, they gave me medicine.
00:24:39.157 --> 00:24:44.988
This is what it is." I had no reason in that moment to question it or to know that it was Jäger.
00:24:45.048 --> 00:24:46.008
I had no idea.
00:24:46.337 --> 00:24:48.377
And even now, I know what you're thinking.
00:24:48.428 --> 00:24:52.647
All these years later, I can look back at that and think,"How did I not know?
00:24:53.278 --> 00:24:59.008
How did I not realize?" But if I'm being completely honest, no filter, I didn't know.
00:24:59.768 --> 00:25:00.478
I was naive.
00:25:00.498 --> 00:25:05.198
I trusted the people I was with, and the environment itself didn't feel suspicious to me.
00:25:05.637 --> 00:25:10.768
Everything at that campground was being poured out of two-liter bottles of soda and into red Solo cups.
00:25:10.778 --> 00:25:15.807
So later, when I was drinking what I thought was just Coke, nothing about the cup looked strange.
00:25:15.837 --> 00:25:25.067
Nothing about the setup made me stop and think,"Wait, what is this?" And because I was sick, I really couldn't taste much anyway, so to me, it just tasted like flat Coke.
00:25:25.708 --> 00:25:29.708
And that's how I ended up drinking rum and Cokes without realizing there was rum in them.
00:25:29.837 --> 00:25:32.147
And now on top of that, I was already sick.
00:25:32.188 --> 00:25:33.837
I had cold medicine in my system.
00:25:34.178 --> 00:25:41.127
I was unknowingly drinking alcohol, and I didn't have any real experience with impairment to understand what my body was telling me.
00:25:41.617 --> 00:25:51.178
Looking back, of course my head was foggy, but in the moment, I didn't know how to separate I feel weird because I'm sick from I feel weird because something else is happening.
00:25:51.877 --> 00:25:57.317
And I think that's the part of the story that I really want to resonate with you because I wasn't trying to get drunk.
00:25:57.347 --> 00:25:58.738
I wasn't experimenting.
00:25:58.798 --> 00:26:02.018
I wasn't sitting there knowingly making some reckless decision.
00:26:02.107 --> 00:26:04.198
I didn't understand what I was consuming.
00:26:04.678 --> 00:26:10.637
And by the time I understood that something was really wrong, I was already so impaired that I could barely see straight.
00:26:11.028 --> 00:26:12.498
I was vomiting in the bushes.
00:26:12.538 --> 00:26:14.157
I couldn't get myself home.
00:26:14.478 --> 00:26:18.008
And when I look back at that now as a parent, that's what scares me.
00:26:18.577 --> 00:26:28.048
Not because I think my kids are gonna go make the exact same mistake, but because I know how easy it is for us as adults to look at a situation afterward and say,"You should have known.
00:26:28.417 --> 00:26:29.857
How did you not know?
00:26:30.377 --> 00:26:31.377
Why would you drink that?
00:26:32.117 --> 00:26:40.698
Why did you trust them?" And sometimes the honest answer is because at the time, nothing in my experience told me I needed to be suspicious.
00:26:41.127 --> 00:26:42.218
I was twenty.
00:26:42.508 --> 00:26:44.607
I thought I understood the situation I was in.
00:26:44.637 --> 00:26:47.438
I trusted the people around me, and I was wrong.
00:26:47.758 --> 00:26:50.837
That's why I think naivety matters in these conversations.
00:26:51.057 --> 00:26:56.048
We can't assume kids will automatically recognize something just because it seems obvious to us now.
00:26:56.518 --> 00:27:03.127
A lot of what feels obvious to us only feels obvious because we already learned it, sometimes, like me, the hard way.
00:27:03.577 --> 00:27:17.698
And I don't want my kids' first lesson about impairment or about questioning what somebody hands them or about realizing that even people they trust can make a bad decision involving them to happen when they're far away from home and already unable to think clearly.
00:27:18.298 --> 00:27:21.327
And that same idea carries over into consent also.
00:27:21.678 --> 00:27:33.538
I don't want the first time my son thinks about whether he's allowed to change his mind to be after somebody has already crossed a boundary, and I don't want my daughter thinking that being polite means she has to stay somewhere she no longer wants to be.
00:27:34.167 --> 00:27:45.268
And I don't want either of them assuming that because somebody is older, louder, more confident, or acting like they're in charge, that somehow means that person gets to override what feels safe.
00:27:45.778 --> 00:27:49.248
Those are conversations we've had in different ways since they were younger.
00:27:49.528 --> 00:27:52.048
The conversation just changes as they grow.
00:27:52.307 --> 00:27:54.417
When they're little, the idea is pretty simple.
00:27:55.038 --> 00:27:56.397
Your body belongs to you.
00:27:56.538 --> 00:27:57.557
You can say no.
00:27:57.998 --> 00:28:00.298
If something makes you uncomfortable, tell us.
00:28:00.637 --> 00:28:05.228
As they get older, the situations become more complicated, but the basic idea really doesn't.
00:28:05.528 --> 00:28:07.097
You're still allowed to say no.
00:28:07.188 --> 00:28:08.807
You're still allowed to change your mind.
00:28:09.067 --> 00:28:12.647
You're still allowed to leave, and that's probably the bigger point for me.
00:28:12.688 --> 00:28:18.678
I don't want my kids to think that growing up means they suddenly have to stop listening to themselves just so they can fit in.
00:28:19.428 --> 00:28:22.157
Because peer pressure does not always look dramatic.
00:28:22.617 --> 00:28:30.008
Sometimes it's just somebody saying,"Come on, everyone else is doing it," or,"Don't be boring," or,"It's fine.
00:28:30.877 --> 00:28:39.597
Nothing's gonna happen." And that's where I want them to be comfortable enough with themselves to say,"Maybe, but I still don't want to," and let that be enough.
00:28:39.667 --> 00:28:43.718
No big speech, no explanation, no proving their case, just no.
00:28:44.377 --> 00:29:00.498
I think that's one of the harder things to teach because kids spend so much of their lives being told to listen to adults, follow directions, be respectful, do what they're supposed to do, and then at some point, we expect them to understand that being an adult does not automatically give somebody authority over them in every situation.
00:29:01.038 --> 00:29:11.667
That's a nuance they have to learn, and I would much rather talk about it awkwardly at home than have them learn it in a moment where they're scared, embarrassed, or not sure what they're allowed to do.
00:29:12.107 --> 00:29:16.117
So yes, some of these conversations are uncomfortable, and they probably should be.
00:29:16.198 --> 00:29:16.958
That's okay.
00:29:17.317 --> 00:29:19.387
I can deal with an awkward conversation.
00:29:19.657 --> 00:29:29.758
What I don't want is for silence to be the reason my kid doesn't know that they have options There's another thing I keep coming back to with my kids, and honestly, I probably need the reminder too.
00:29:30.248 --> 00:29:31.317
Know your own trip.
00:29:31.637 --> 00:29:37.048
And I say that as somebody who becomes an absolute passenger princess when I travel with my husband.
00:29:37.508 --> 00:29:40.557
If he's driving, I am very comfortable letting him drive.
00:29:40.597 --> 00:29:42.557
If he knows where we're going, even better.
00:29:42.928 --> 00:29:48.018
I might be working on the podcast, answering messages, reading something, eating snacks, whatever.
00:29:48.387 --> 00:29:51.048
And if he says we need to leave at 8:00, I'm like,"Perfect.
00:29:51.048 --> 00:29:51.768
8:00 it is.
00:29:52.097 --> 00:30:01.817
Where are we going again?" So I'm fully aware that I'm not always the best example of this, But the difference is if I had to take over, I could, and that's really what I want my kids to understand.
00:30:01.827 --> 00:30:03.748
You can travel with somebody you trust.
00:30:03.748 --> 00:30:05.768
You can let somebody else be the planner.
00:30:06.038 --> 00:30:08.988
You can absolutely relax and let somebody else take the lead.
00:30:09.357 --> 00:30:16.468
But you should not be so disconnected from your own trip that if that person suddenly isn't there, you have no idea what's happening.
00:30:16.877 --> 00:30:33.268
That's something I've been thinking about, especially with my daughter, because I don't want her growing up thinking,"As long as I'm with somebody I trust, I don't have to pay attention." Trusting somebody doesn't mean handing over all of your awareness, and I think that's an easy thing to do, especially when one person in the group is naturally the organizer.
00:30:34.018 --> 00:30:35.268
Every family has that person.
00:30:35.327 --> 00:30:44.077
Every friend group has that person, the one who has the reservation pulled up before anyone else even realizes they need it, while everyone else is just following behind them.
00:30:44.438 --> 00:30:45.827
And there's nothing wrong with that.
00:30:46.157 --> 00:30:50.837
But if that person walked away for 10 minutes, would you know where you're supposed to be?
00:30:51.538 --> 00:30:54.798
That's the part I care about, because travel changes.
00:30:55.087 --> 00:31:01.998
A perfectly good plan can fall apart really fast, and suddenly the person who usually handles everything is stressed too.
00:31:02.357 --> 00:31:05.117
Now everybody has to figure out what happens next.
00:31:05.488 --> 00:31:09.728
One of the people I asked for input on this episode said something I thought was really good.
00:31:10.107 --> 00:31:15.968
They said,"Young travelers need to know what to do when the trip goes south." And I think that's exactly it.
00:31:16.028 --> 00:31:19.678
Not know every possible answer, just know how to start.
00:31:19.837 --> 00:31:20.758
Don't panic.
00:31:21.008 --> 00:31:22.157
Figure out what changed.
00:31:22.538 --> 00:31:25.417
Figure out who can actually help, and then ask the question.
00:31:25.928 --> 00:31:36.647
It sounds simple, but it takes practice because if your parents have always handled every problem for you, walking up to an airline counter by yourself can feel like a very big deal.
00:31:37.307 --> 00:31:41.167
Same thing with having to go to the hotel front desk and explain that something's wrong.
00:31:41.798 --> 00:31:47.557
Those are the little moments where confidence matters, and that's something I want my kids to practice while I'm still there.
00:31:48.038 --> 00:32:00.857
Sometimes instead of answering the question for them, I can just say,"Go ask." And I know that sounds small, but the first few times you make your kid walk up and solve something themselves, you can almost see the hesitation.
00:32:01.567 --> 00:32:02.587
But then they do it.
00:32:03.178 --> 00:32:08.038
They get an answer, and suddenly it's not such a big deal anymore, and that's what I want.
00:32:08.077 --> 00:32:10.137
I don't need them to know everything.
00:32:10.367 --> 00:32:11.347
I don't know everything.
00:32:11.788 --> 00:32:19.518
I just want them to trust that if the plan changes, they can figure out the next step, because that's what independence really looks like to me.
00:32:20.258 --> 00:32:25.917
Not having every answer before you leave home, but just knowing you can find one when you need it.
00:32:26.917 --> 00:32:31.248
And there's one thing I want both my kids to know without ever having to wonder about it.
00:32:31.798 --> 00:32:34.337
If something goes wrong, call me.
00:32:34.877 --> 00:32:37.038
I don't care if you made a bad decision.
00:32:37.107 --> 00:32:39.097
I don't care if you broke a rule.
00:32:39.387 --> 00:32:46.417
I don't care if you're embarrassed or already thinking,"Mom is going to kill me." Call me.
00:32:47.087 --> 00:32:50.607
Because there's a huge difference between consequences and safety.
00:32:51.117 --> 00:32:53.008
Those are not the same conversation.
00:32:53.048 --> 00:32:57.798
If you did something you weren't supposed to do, we can deal with that later, and we probably will.
00:32:58.218 --> 00:33:06.218
But if you're scared, stuck, uncomfortable, or in a situation you don't know how to get out of, I want the first thing out of my mouth to be,"Where are you?
00:33:06.708 --> 00:33:13.698
Are you okay?" And then we'll figure out what happens next That is something I feel really strongly about.
00:33:13.758 --> 00:33:21.367
I never want one of my kids to stay in a bad situation because they're more afraid of getting in trouble with me than they are of what's happening around them.
00:33:21.688 --> 00:33:24.208
That would defeat everything I'm trying to teach them.
00:33:24.577 --> 00:33:27.948
And I know that's easier to say now than it may be in the actual moment.
00:33:28.028 --> 00:33:36.307
If I get a phone call in the middle of the night and one of them says,"I messed up," I'm sure I'm gonna have about fifty thoughts at once.
00:33:36.367 --> 00:33:51.597
Fear, anger, relief that they called, probably a very strong,"What were you thinking?" But that can't be the first thing that they hear because if they're already scared, then somebody in that conversation has to be calm, and I want that to be me.
00:33:51.857 --> 00:33:54.488
I want them to hear,"Okay, I'm here.
00:33:54.718 --> 00:33:59.307
Tell me where you are." And sometimes that may mean I can physically come get them.
00:33:59.377 --> 00:34:00.448
Sometimes it may not.
00:34:00.788 --> 00:34:02.657
Maybe someday they're hours away.
00:34:02.778 --> 00:34:04.397
Maybe they're in another country.
00:34:05.127 --> 00:34:08.717
Then my job becomes helping them think through the next step.
00:34:09.117 --> 00:34:11.478
Where can you go right now that feels safe?
00:34:11.847 --> 00:34:13.358
Who is around that can help?
00:34:13.927 --> 00:34:18.277
What do we need to do until I can get to you or get somebody trustworthy to you?
00:34:18.967 --> 00:34:21.378
That's why all of these conversations matter to me.
00:34:21.407 --> 00:34:24.168
Not because I think I can prevent every bad decision.
00:34:24.197 --> 00:34:24.998
I can't.
00:34:25.387 --> 00:34:26.847
They're going to make mistakes.
00:34:26.847 --> 00:34:28.847
They're going to misread situations.
00:34:28.867 --> 00:34:32.338
They're going to trust people they probably shouldn't have trusted.
00:34:32.757 --> 00:34:34.768
Things are absolutely going to go wrong.
00:34:34.818 --> 00:34:36.277
That's part of being an adult.
00:34:36.717 --> 00:34:42.288
What I want them to understand is that one bad decision doesn't mean they have to keep making bad decisions.
00:34:42.827 --> 00:34:45.568
If you went somewhere and now you wanna leave, leave.
00:34:46.027 --> 00:34:49.918
If the person who is supposed to drive you can't safely drive anymore, call somebody.
00:34:50.748 --> 00:34:55.538
If everybody else wants to stay and you don't, you're allowed to be the one who goes.
00:34:56.117 --> 00:34:59.378
If you realize you're in over your head, just say it.
00:34:59.527 --> 00:35:02.327
You're not trapped by the choice that got you there.
00:35:02.617 --> 00:35:04.668
You can make a different choice next.
00:35:04.998 --> 00:35:06.887
That's the part that I want them to remember.
00:35:07.257 --> 00:35:09.018
And then once they're safe, we can talk.
00:35:09.168 --> 00:35:10.237
We can be mad.
00:35:10.237 --> 00:35:12.757
We can figure out what should have happened differently.
00:35:13.338 --> 00:35:22.228
And there are still probably gonna be consequences, but I want them to know that home is never something they should be afraid to call, even when they mess up, especially when they mess up.
00:35:22.697 --> 00:35:38.398
Because if that phone call ever comes, I want their first thought to be,"My mom will get me home safe," not,"I can't tell my mom." And as much as I want to prepare my kids well, I know I can't prepare them for every mistake, and honestly, I don't want to.
00:35:38.737 --> 00:35:41.117
Some mistakes are just part of learning how to travel.
00:35:41.117 --> 00:35:44.697
If you pack your own bag and forget something, it's probably not an emergency.
00:35:45.057 --> 00:35:46.668
Maybe you wear the same thing twice.
00:35:46.728 --> 00:35:47.938
Maybe you do some laundry.
00:35:48.248 --> 00:35:50.818
Or maybe you have to go buy some underwear and be annoyed about it.
00:35:50.918 --> 00:35:51.597
That's okay.
00:35:51.947 --> 00:35:53.838
You'll probably remember next time.
00:35:54.168 --> 00:35:55.097
Same thing with money.
00:35:55.117 --> 00:36:04.878
If you spend everything on the first thing you see because you absolutely have to have it, then later you may realize,"Well, that wasn't my best choice." Again, okay.
00:36:05.297 --> 00:36:08.637
That lesson cost you some souvenir money, but you survived.
00:36:09.117 --> 00:36:14.027
Those are the kinds of mistakes I'm willing to let happen because I think inconvenience is a pretty good teacher.
00:36:14.347 --> 00:36:20.027
It's uncomfortable enough that you remember it, but not so serious that the lesson comes with some huge consequence.
00:36:20.588 --> 00:36:24.208
And I think as my kids get older, that's something I have to keep reminding myself of.
00:36:24.527 --> 00:36:26.978
I don't need to rescue every bad choice.
00:36:27.237 --> 00:36:30.597
Someday, they may book a terrible flight because it was way cheaper.
00:36:31.597 --> 00:36:33.307
Maybe it has ridiculous layovers.
00:36:33.338 --> 00:36:45.538
Maybe they're exhausted by the time they get where they're going, and maybe they call me afterward and say,"That was awful." And I will probably say,"Yeah, but you said it was, uh,$30 cheaper.
00:36:45.757 --> 00:36:51.018
Was it worth it?" Now they know something about how they like to travel, and that's useful.
00:36:51.467 --> 00:36:54.487
They're going to have trips where something doesn't go the way they hoped.
00:36:54.967 --> 00:37:00.748
The hotel isn't great, they took a wrong turn, they completely misjudged how long something was gonna take.
00:37:01.077 --> 00:37:02.547
Those are stories.
00:37:02.648 --> 00:37:04.208
Those are lessons.
00:37:04.538 --> 00:37:06.338
Those are things you laugh about later.
00:37:06.918 --> 00:37:12.297
Where I get more protective is where the mistake can take away their ability to make the next decision.
00:37:12.827 --> 00:37:14.237
That's the difference for me.
00:37:14.248 --> 00:37:20.657
I don't want their first real lesson about impairment to happen when they're already too impaired to think clearly.
00:37:21.277 --> 00:37:28.217
I don't want their first lesson about trusting their instincts to happen after they've ignored them long enough for something to become dangerous.
00:37:28.617 --> 00:37:32.518
Those are the things I would rather talk about ahead of time, teach ahead of time.
00:37:32.827 --> 00:37:36.807
Not because talking about it guarantees they'll never make a bad choice, it doesn't.
00:37:37.117 --> 00:37:39.168
But at least they're not starting from zero.
00:37:39.577 --> 00:37:42.128
And I think that's something I've taken from my own life too.
00:37:42.148 --> 00:37:47.547
There are plenty of things I learned because I made the mistake myself, and I turned out just fine.
00:37:47.887 --> 00:37:54.648
But that doesn't mean my kids need to repeat every one of my mistakes just to learn and earn the same knowledge.
00:37:55.157 --> 00:37:57.728
If I learned something useful, I can give it to them.
00:37:58.367 --> 00:38:05.097
Then they can go out into the world and come up with entirely new mistakes I never even thought to warn them about, because I'm sure they will.
00:38:05.148 --> 00:38:06.387
That's kind of their job.
00:38:06.748 --> 00:38:13.507
And maybe mine is just knowing the difference between the mistakes I need to prevent and the ones I need to step back and let teach them something.
00:38:14.507 --> 00:38:21.818
I think this is probably the part of the whole conversation that is hardest for me to put into words, because I don't want my kids to need me forever.
00:38:21.858 --> 00:38:23.507
I want them to know they can call me.
00:38:23.547 --> 00:38:24.967
I want them to know that I'm there.
00:38:25.277 --> 00:38:27.418
I want them to still want to tell me things.
00:38:27.827 --> 00:38:30.617
But I don't want to be the only reason they know how to function.
00:38:31.617 --> 00:38:35.998
And I think I'm starting to feel that more now because my daughter is a senior.
00:38:36.427 --> 00:38:38.527
There's a very real shift happening.
00:38:38.538 --> 00:38:40.307
She's driving herself places.
00:38:40.318 --> 00:38:42.228
She's making more of her own plans.
00:38:42.498 --> 00:38:45.878
She's doing more without us, and I actually love that.
00:38:46.407 --> 00:38:49.748
I know people talk about missing when their kids were little, and I get it.
00:38:50.018 --> 00:38:54.987
There are things I miss too, but I also really like watching this version of them happen.
00:38:55.307 --> 00:38:56.858
I like hearing their opinions.
00:38:56.898 --> 00:38:59.717
I like seeing what they choose when I'm not choosing for them.
00:38:59.998 --> 00:39:02.438
I like watching them become more themselves.
00:39:02.717 --> 00:39:05.967
I think that's why I don't want fear to be the thing that keeps them close.
00:39:05.998 --> 00:39:12.568
I don't want to spend all this time teaching travel awareness and accidentally teaching them that the world is something they should be scared of.
00:39:12.918 --> 00:39:15.507
That would be the exact opposite of what I want.
00:39:15.518 --> 00:39:16.538
I want them to go.
00:39:16.538 --> 00:39:19.137
I want them to have trips I had nothing to do with.
00:39:19.148 --> 00:39:25.248
I want them to find places I've never been and come back talking about them like I need to put them on my list.
00:39:25.797 --> 00:39:28.217
I want them to have their own stories.
00:39:28.538 --> 00:39:38.458
And yes, I would still like a text that says,"Made it." That's probably never going to change, but I also know that eventually I'm not gonna be the person who gets every update.
00:39:39.177 --> 00:39:46.438
Someday they'll have a partner, a spouse, a best friend, somebody else who becomes their first call, and I'm okay with that.
00:39:46.447 --> 00:39:47.628
I want that for them too.
00:39:47.657 --> 00:39:50.527
I just hope I'm always still somewhere in the circle.
00:39:50.878 --> 00:39:59.307
Not because I need to know everything, but just because I want them to know there's never an age where they have to prove they can handle every single thing alone.
00:39:59.858 --> 00:40:05.987
I think sometimes independence gets confused with never needing anybody, and I don't think that's what independence is.
00:40:06.237 --> 00:40:10.717
To me, it's knowing you can handle yourself and also knowing when you need help.
00:40:11.088 --> 00:40:12.108
That's a skill too.
00:40:12.327 --> 00:40:13.577
I see that in my own life.
00:40:13.588 --> 00:40:16.168
When I travel by myself, I am fully capable.
00:40:16.197 --> 00:40:16.967
I figure it out.
00:40:17.257 --> 00:40:18.668
I handle what needs to be handled.
00:40:19.057 --> 00:40:24.137
And then when I travel with Adrian, suddenly I'm asking what time we're leaving, where we're going.
00:40:24.148 --> 00:40:28.288
He's over there acting like a human GPS, and honestly, I love it.
00:40:28.677 --> 00:40:33.427
I like having somebody I trust enough to relax around, and I want my kids to have that too.
00:40:34.168 --> 00:40:37.768
But I also want them capable of taking over if they need to.
00:40:38.007 --> 00:40:38.918
That's really the goal.
00:40:39.047 --> 00:40:44.418
Not hyper-independence, not acting like you never need anybody, just knowing I can do this.
00:40:44.717 --> 00:40:46.728
If I get stuck, I know who I can call.
00:40:47.257 --> 00:40:57.148
And I think what I hope all of this turns into for them is not fear, not overthinking every possible bad thing, just confidence with a little awareness sitting in the background.
00:40:57.498 --> 00:40:59.038
Go have the experience.
00:40:59.038 --> 00:41:00.438
Go be spontaneous.
00:41:00.438 --> 00:41:02.188
Go somewhere I've never been.
00:41:02.197 --> 00:41:03.228
Get a little lost.
00:41:03.237 --> 00:41:04.268
Figure something out.
00:41:04.728 --> 00:41:07.958
Call me and tell me the ridiculous story afterwards.
00:41:08.168 --> 00:41:10.248
Shoot, take me with you sometimes.
00:41:10.277 --> 00:41:11.487
I'll follow your lead.
00:41:11.858 --> 00:41:18.478
But mostly I want them to go knowing they can handle themselves and knowing that if they ever can't, they're not alone.
00:41:19.478 --> 00:41:21.077
Optimistically cautious.
00:41:21.608 --> 00:41:26.157
That's still the phrase I keep coming back to because I want them excited about the world.
00:41:26.628 --> 00:41:29.228
I just want them prepared enough to move through it well.
00:41:30.148 --> 00:41:32.907
And that really just brings me to this week's Travel Tip Tuesday.
00:41:33.318 --> 00:41:37.447
Know enough about your own trip that you could take over if you had to.
00:41:37.768 --> 00:41:38.927
You don't have to be the planner.
00:41:38.947 --> 00:41:40.737
You don't have to be the one who booked everything.
00:41:40.748 --> 00:41:43.367
You don't have to memorize every confirmation number.
00:41:43.737 --> 00:41:49.438
But you should know enough that if the person who normally handles everything suddenly couldn't, you wouldn't be completely lost.
00:41:49.737 --> 00:41:53.188
And yes, I am saying this as a self-proclaimed passenger princess.
00:41:53.458 --> 00:41:55.927
I fully support letting somebody else take the lead.
00:41:56.307 --> 00:41:59.757
I just think there's a difference between relaxing and completely checking out.
00:42:00.757 --> 00:42:08.108
At least know the basics of where you're going, how you're getting there, and where you can find the information you need if the plan changes.
00:42:08.177 --> 00:42:08.987
That's really it.
00:42:09.347 --> 00:42:11.307
Let somebody else plan the trip if that's their thing.
00:42:11.347 --> 00:42:16.248
Enjoy not being the one in charge, but make sure that if you ever need to step in, you can.
00:42:17.248 --> 00:42:19.898
And before you go, there's one more thing I want to leave you with.
00:42:19.987 --> 00:42:24.188
Someone should know where you are, and that's something that we need to teach our children as well.
00:42:24.217 --> 00:42:28.458
I know this has come up in quite a few of our episodes already, and I can't stress it enough.
00:42:28.907 --> 00:42:31.518
Someone should always know where you are.
00:42:31.768 --> 00:42:38.507
Not every second, not every detail, just enough that if you didn't show up where you were supposed to, somebody would notice.
00:42:39.007 --> 00:42:40.338
That's something I do for myself.
00:42:40.347 --> 00:42:42.838
If I'm traveling alone, Adrian knows the basics.
00:42:42.867 --> 00:42:47.768
If I'm getting into an Uber or a Lyft by myself, I will usually send him the ride information.
00:42:48.068 --> 00:42:52.978
Not because I expect something bad to happen, it just gives somebody a starting point if something does.
00:42:53.338 --> 00:42:56.257
And I want my kids to carry some version of that with them too.
00:42:56.938 --> 00:43:03.307
Not because I need them reporting every move, just because independence doesn't have to mean nobody knows where you are.
00:43:03.827 --> 00:43:05.088
Tell somebody where you're headed.
00:43:05.188 --> 00:43:07.407
Let somebody know if the plan changes.
00:43:07.657 --> 00:43:10.407
And if you said you would check in, actually check in.
00:43:10.847 --> 00:43:14.688
It's such a small thing, but small things matter when something goes sideways.
00:43:14.947 --> 00:43:17.088
So before you go, leave a breadcrumb.
00:43:17.637 --> 00:43:27.577
Make sure somebody you trust knows enough to find the trail if they ever need to I think when I really get to the heart of this episode, it comes back to a few questions.
00:43:28.108 --> 00:43:29.228
Did I give them enough?
00:43:29.737 --> 00:43:31.018
Did I teach them enough?
00:43:31.677 --> 00:43:35.487
Did I give them enough room to figure things out while I was still close enough to help?
00:43:36.128 --> 00:43:39.248
And I don't think there's ever a perfect answer to any of those.
00:43:39.288 --> 00:43:42.518
There's no moment where somebody tells you,"Okay, you did it.
00:43:42.768 --> 00:43:47.507
They're ready to go." At some point, you just have to trust what you poured into them.
00:43:47.617 --> 00:43:48.918
Trust the conversations.
00:43:48.927 --> 00:43:50.128
Trust the practice.
00:43:50.387 --> 00:43:53.487
Trust the little moments where you let them do more on their own.
00:43:53.818 --> 00:43:57.398
Trust that even the things that felt small at the time actually mattered.
00:43:57.827 --> 00:44:00.338
And then eventually, trust them.
00:44:01.077 --> 00:44:04.458
That's probably the part I'm growing into now, especially with my daughter.
00:44:04.717 --> 00:44:09.088
She's getting closer and closer to that point where I'm not gonna be the built-in safety net every time.
00:44:09.487 --> 00:44:11.927
And strangely, that doesn't make me wanna hold tighter.
00:44:11.958 --> 00:44:14.717
It makes me wanna make sure I use the time I still have well.
00:44:15.068 --> 00:44:25.268
I wanna keep giving them chances to think for themselves and make the low stakes mistakes while I'm still nearby because eventually they're gonna have to do it without me, and I really do want that for them.
00:44:25.858 --> 00:44:26.807
I want them to go.
00:44:26.807 --> 00:44:29.047
I want them to see more of the world than I have.
00:44:29.047 --> 00:44:30.918
I want them to have their own stories.
00:44:31.268 --> 00:44:37.478
I want them to be curious enough to try something new and confident enough to change course when something doesn't feel right.
00:44:37.958 --> 00:44:43.898
I want them to be the kind of travelers who can fully enjoy the experience without checking out of what is actually happening around them.
00:44:44.538 --> 00:44:45.998
And that's what I keep coming back to.
00:44:46.318 --> 00:44:54.717
Optimistically cautious, not scared, not paranoid, not expecting the worst, just aware enough to move through the world with confidence.
00:44:55.327 --> 00:44:58.307
And maybe that is really all any of us can do as parents.
00:44:58.668 --> 00:44:59.697
Teach them what we know.
00:45:00.157 --> 00:45:01.637
Give them room to practice.
00:45:02.117 --> 00:45:07.807
Be there when they need us, and trust that when it's finally their turn to go without us, enough of it stuck.
00:45:08.297 --> 00:45:10.757
Because the goal was never to keep them close forever.
00:45:10.818 --> 00:45:15.427
The goal was to help them become the kind of people who know how to go and how to come home.
00:45:16.427 --> 00:45:18.068
This has been The Last Postcard.
00:45:18.077 --> 00:45:25.277
If this episode made you think about the way you're preparing your own kids to travel without you, I would love to hear what that looks like in your family.
00:45:25.737 --> 00:45:34.338
Come join us in The Last Postcard podcast community on Facebook and tell me, what is one thing you really want your kids to know before they start traveling on their own?
00:45:34.737 --> 00:45:43.288
And if you're on TikTok, you can find me there too for clips from the show, mini travel stories, and some of the behind-the-scenes pieces that don't always make it into an episode.
00:45:43.797 --> 00:45:50.967
If you haven't already, make sure you follow The Last Postcard wherever you listen, so the next episode is waiting for you when it drops.
00:45:51.628 --> 00:46:01.088
Until next time, travel smart and stay curious because every journey leaves a story behind This was a SIX-Eight Lifestyle production