Sit & Chat: Becoming Rejection Proof

NOTE: The written portion of this article is a lightly edited and abridged transcript, so it may seem more informal than usual.

Hello and welcome to The Aligned Actor podcast. I’m Amy Schloerb, your friendly fellow actor and mindfulness and mindset coach. And this is the podcast where I offer practical mindfulness tools and mindset shifts to help us all thrive in our full actor lives.

I am doing an episode in a new area again because I’m calling this type of episode a “Sit & Chat” because we can’t do a “Walk & Talk.” It’s way too hot in Los Angeles to be walking outside.

I want to tell you a little story. I’m part of my neighborhood WhatsApp group. Maybe you have this in your neighborhood.

Anyway, it’s this big group chat of a bunch of neighbors in the neighborhood, and we tend to warn each other about different things, like skunks, if they’re in the area, or coyotes, if they’re in the area, or door-to-door salespeople, because those are the most frightening of all.

And the other week, there was apparently a group of relentless door-to-door salespeople. And I actually saw them when I was out on walks with my dogs. And they would just not take “no” for an answer. People were talking about how, “I had to just close the door. He just kept talking. And I didn’t know what else to do.”

And I was like, “Yeah, I mean, that’s what they’re trained to do.” And then one person in the group actually commented and said what he had been hearing was that a lot of like sales teams are using former missionaries who just finished their big mission trip and they employ them because they’ve realized that these people have become really, really good at not caring about rejection.

They’re literally rejection proof.

They are kind of trained in their own training around the missionary stuff to not take no for an answer. And also to not care if people say no. And if people don’t want to hear what you have to say, you just either keep talking about it or you move on to the next place.

And so they started realizing that these people make really good salespeople, especially in the door to door space, because they don’t care if you close the door in their face. They’ll just move on to the next house.

And I bet you’re wondering why the heck I’m talking about this on a podcast for actors.

Am I now all of a sudden going to be like, “You should definitely use this tactic when trying to book work as an actor. Like, don’t take no for an answer. Just don’t let them say no. Just keep talking and talking and talking and talking. Until they say yes. Until you just finally wear them down. Just wear down casting and production until they hire you.”

No. Absolutely not. That is not what I’m saying.

But I do think we have something to learn from the door-to-door salespeople when it comes to becoming rejection-proof.

That’s what I really wanted to talk about in this episode is how do we get to that space of “Oh, okay, that door closed in my face. Guess I’ll just move on to the next door.”

And I totally, totally realize that being an actor is very different from being a door-to-door salesman. We are the product. So it is really hard to separate yourself from the sting of the rejection.

It feels personal. It feels like they’re rejecting you because it is you in the audition, right?

But, you know, I think that there are ways to do it. And it makes me remember in my life coach training program, we talked about compassion fatigue and how to deal with it as coaches.

And my mentor’s best advice for us was basically to lean all the way in. Really do care — empathy, all of that. Lean in as much as possible and then lean all the way back out.

So the idea here, I think it very much is the same for actors. Lean all the way in on that audition. Go all the way for it. Love your work. Love your craft. Love everything that you do as an actor. Really go for it. Don’t hold back.

But then when it’s done, get the heck out. Like, “It’s done. It’s over. Mic drop. Done. Over. Bye-bye.”

And in that way, releasing it, sort of then seeing it as like, “Okay, that work now is separate from me. Even though I’m in that tape, I produced that tape, or I was in that audition, I did the work in that audition.”

As much as you can separate yourself from it, I think that really helps.

And I wanted to go back actually to my episode that I did a couple weeks ago. The May 7th episode: Are You Leaving Your Auditions Unfinished? And this is the episode where I talked about “closing the loop.”

Because when we close the loop, then we have decided like, “Okay, that is finished. That is separate from me. That is over. That is complete.” And I can then move on. It makes it easier to move on.

I think it’s part of becoming rejection proof is being like, “Okay, well, I did that and maybe it’ll get me the result that I want. Maybe it won’t. It doesn’t matter, but it’s over.”

I can still work on being rejection-proof around it by separating myself from that.

The ways that we can go, “Okay, that door got closed in my face and that’s okay,” are very similar to all the ways that we “close the loop” on an audition that we have.

Here are some of the ones that I came up with for that episode. Copy and pasted here for ease and convenience.

* Mentally (or physically) cross that audition off your to do list. Put a big, ol’ check mark next to it. The satisfaction that we get from checking things off a list is thanks to the dopamine hit of completion. ✅

* Give yourself a little pat on the back and or say “Good job, me!” for the work that you just did. That little self-acknowledgement and celebration further activates dopamine in the brain and reinforces the idea that this audition is done. 💁🏼‍♀️

* Throw your hands up like the bakers on The Great British Bake Off when the hosts say, “Your time is up! Please step away from your bakes.” A physical action further reinforces the “it’s done” energy for your mind and body. 🙌🏻 EMBODYING

* Use a post-audition affirmation and mindfully redirect your focus back to that phrase whenever it drifts into the limbo land of “I wonder if I’ll book that.” 🤔➡️🤗

* “I did my work.”

* “My work is done.”

* “That audition is finished.”

* “I’m done with that audition.”

* “Checking it off and moving on with my day!”

* “Thank you! Next!”

* Practice knowing that each tape you submit and every audition you go on strengthens your reputation in the entertainment industry. You never know who will see your tape and what it will lead to. Thinking that “booking THIS job” is the only amazing outcome this audition could be leading to is a lack of imagination. 📈

* Many years ago, I built up a relationship with a commercial casting director who would call me in all the time. For whatever reason I never booked any of the commercials they were casting, but one day, seemingly out-of-the-blue I got a straight offer from them for a web series they were casting. They had liked my work over the years and knew that I would be great in this part.

An audition is just some completed acting work that shows off your talent and builds your reputation as a reliable actor. It’s done and complete just as it is. It’s completion and the fact that you share it with the industry is the ultimate audition success.

Overall, the idea here is, if that door gets closed in your face — and that’s going to happen a lot to us as actors — I just want you to move on to the next “house.” Just move on to the next house. It’s not personal. Nothing in this business is personal.

In fact, the people in my neighborhood who were rejecting the door-to-door salespeople, that really wasn’t personal either. It was like, “We don’t want to buy pest control service. Please stop talking about it.” That was it. It wasn’t like “You as a human being are a horrible person and I reject you!” — slam door in face — “I just don’t want what you’re selling.”

And here’s the good news that also separates actors from door-to-door salespeople. We’re never going to go ring casting’s doorbell and just be like, “Hello, would you like to buy some acting?”

That’s not how this business works.

What are we going to do?

We are going to respond to the request to be sold some of our acting.

Literally, casting directors are out there being like, “Okay, I have these roles that I have to cast. You, you, you, you, and you. Could you sell me some acting?”

The more we can separate our acting — the work that we do — from our physical bodies — who we are — the better.

And again, I understand that is not easy to do because we love it so much and it is our physical body doing the thing. We are our product. And so it is very hard to separate yourself from that.

But also you need to recognize that this is not personal. It’s a business.

So as much as we can separate ourselves, as much as we can go, “That is my acting work that I just did that I’m very proud of. And I then put it into this self-tape that I did or I left it in the room with you for that audition. I gave that to you. It’s what I sold you. And now I’m separate from that.” As much as we can do that, I think that’s good.

And then remember, move on to the next house.

You can become a door-to-door salesperson in the best way possible. And I think that will serve all of us very, very well.

So this episode got a little long for a “Sit & Chat” about becoming rejection proof, which is what I want us all to do. Just to bring us all back around to the main point of this episode.

Hopefully that wasn’t too long-winded, too swirly, twirly gumdrops and things. But yeah, that’s what I have for you today.

Thank you so much for joining me! If you found this content helpful and inspiring, I’d be honored if you’d leave a comment, share it with your actor pals, and check out my offerings below. Thanks!

Get Out of Your Head and Rock Your Next Audition 🎧

I’ve created a free guided meditation to help you get out of your head and into your character so that you can rock your next audition.

It’s going to help you calm your nerves, let go of distracting thoughts — How can I book this? What do they want? — and focus in on what your character wants, what’s going on in the scene, so that you can present your best work every time.

Access Your Presence and Feel Empowered in Your Actor Life 📖

The Aligned Actor Mindfulness Toolkit

This ebook is comprehensive collection of tools guaranteed to be the Dramamine you need for the roller coaster ride of #ActorLife. Whether you’re dealing with audition nerves, obsessively checking your email after submitting a self tape, or just learned your series has been canceled, there’s something here that will help you access your presence and feel grounded again.

I’m a professional actor, a mindfulness and mindset coach, and I’m ready to help you thrive in your actor life.

🎭 I’ve been a professional actress for almost 20 years. I’ve survived 3 industry shut downs - 2 strikes and 1 global pandemic. I’ve worked in TV, film, commercials, and produced my own award-winning web series.

🧠 I’ve been a life coach for 5 years, specializing in mindfulness and neurolinguistic programming and helping people become more aware and focused on making positive changes in their lives.

💖 I blend lived experience with powerful, proven coaching tools.

🎢 Let’s get you feeling resilient, empowered, focused, playful, relaxed, confident, and riding the acting career roller coaster without throwing up! 🤗