WEBVTT
00:00:00.007 --> 00:00:00.726
Hey everyone.
00:00:00.726 --> 00:00:01.717
Welcome to the show.
00:00:01.836 --> 00:00:06.006
I want to talk a little bit about cheating and what exactly that is.
00:00:06.708 --> 00:00:08.837
But first I'm going to introduce the show.
00:00:09.535 --> 00:00:10.525
Welcome everyone.
00:00:10.554 --> 00:00:15.744
This is solving disconnection and creating connected relationships for couples and parents.
00:00:16.074 --> 00:00:22.105
My name is Jason Polk, and I've worked this exclusively with couples as a therapist and coach for over 10 years.
00:00:22.355 --> 00:00:27.875
A common question that comes up in our practice is what exactly is cheating?
00:00:28.445 --> 00:00:31.914
And foundationally cheating is a betrayal of trust.
00:00:32.183 --> 00:00:39.594
For this topic, I'm gonna talk about synonyms and antonyms of cheating and infidelity.
00:00:39.954 --> 00:00:41.423
So first off, the synonym.
00:00:41.423 --> 00:00:52.194
Of cheating is unfaithfulness, deception, infidelity, betrayal, disloyalty and unfaithfulness.
00:00:52.584 --> 00:01:11.304
The spirit of cheating and infidelity involves doing something secretly that goes against explicit or implicit agreements, which it discovered could cause pain and lead to a lack of trust and possibly a reevaluation of the relationship.
00:01:12.293 --> 00:01:20.534
And so there are different types of cheating for instance, and this is a true story, there is financial, infidelity or cheating.
00:01:21.084 --> 00:01:32.813
if I tell my wife that I'm not gonna use the credit card, but then later reveal to her that I've charged$5,000 to it, that is a form of financial cheating and infidelity.
00:01:33.174 --> 00:01:35.634
And as I mentioned, that is a true story.
00:01:36.248 --> 00:01:41.799
The reason for this is that I in violated an explicit agreement.
00:01:42.009 --> 00:01:49.929
And when I informed her, and obviously it's better to tell her proactively than let her discover it, right?
00:01:50.409 --> 00:01:53.228
Because then the questions come up, were you gonna tell me?
00:01:53.558 --> 00:01:53.948
Right?
00:01:53.978 --> 00:01:55.058
Can I trust you?
00:01:55.058 --> 00:02:09.308
And when it was discovered, it caused her pain and made her reevaluate whether I am trustworthy or not and agreements are so important for couples because we need to have each other's backs.
00:02:09.308 --> 00:02:12.459
Stan takin shares in relationships.
00:02:12.758 --> 00:02:19.868
It's like we're in the foxhole together, we're stronger together, and we provide protection from the outside world.
00:02:20.438 --> 00:02:26.799
But within the foxhole, within the relationship, we need to be able to trust each other, right?
00:02:27.098 --> 00:02:37.989
We need to be able to have each other's backs and to know that, to know there's trust, to know there's faithfulness, and so we have more resources for the world.
00:02:38.229 --> 00:02:40.508
Hey, I know my partner has my back.
00:02:40.598 --> 00:02:42.068
I don't have to worry about that.
00:02:42.998 --> 00:02:48.008
And going back to the agreements, as I mentioned, cheating.
00:02:48.338 --> 00:02:52.209
Can sometimes violate an implicit agreement.
00:02:52.209 --> 00:02:58.808
For example, we will not seek emotional, physical, or sectional connections outside the relationship.
00:02:59.438 --> 00:03:06.329
And quick note, as a couple's therapist, I would remind the both of you to make explicit agreement.
00:03:06.868 --> 00:03:13.079
Because sometimes we don't even share, Hey, you know what cheating is if you have sex with someone outside of a relationship.
00:03:13.079 --> 00:03:22.019
But I think it's important to make that explicit because sometimes we just assume that's the case.
00:03:22.019 --> 00:03:29.998
And also what we typically associate with cheating is being physically intimate with someone else.
00:03:29.998 --> 00:03:33.568
But also, what about emotional affairs?
00:03:33.899 --> 00:03:51.088
For example, what if there is an implicit agreement and someone sought, pursued and engaged in emotional connection with someone outside the relationship who could be considered a potential partner and then kept that relationship secret?
00:03:51.838 --> 00:03:57.843
And like I mentioned, a couple may not have explicitly agreed that this is not okay.
00:03:57.843 --> 00:04:04.924
But suppose the involved partner has hurt the other partner with this connection.
00:04:05.373 --> 00:04:08.554
And usually it's done by intentionally keeping it a secret.
00:04:08.554 --> 00:04:12.424
In that case, this can be cheating and as a result.
00:04:12.679 --> 00:04:29.569
The hurt partner defines what cheating is, even if it hasn't been an explicit agreement, if there's been some deception, if you have kept that from your partner, then the hurt partner may consider this cheating.
00:04:30.319 --> 00:04:45.658
And again, what's most important is that the hurt partner defines what cheating is an emotional affair., there may be comfort that nothing physical happened, but the her partner may question, may reevaluate the relationship with such questions.
00:04:45.658 --> 00:04:47.908
Like, well, what if I haven't discovered this?
00:04:47.968 --> 00:04:49.649
Would if it had gone further?
00:04:49.649 --> 00:04:52.798
Or, what did you tell them about us?
00:04:52.798 --> 00:04:54.838
Or taking it further?
00:04:54.838 --> 00:04:58.499
Were you planning on leaving us the relationship?
00:04:58.499 --> 00:05:00.209
So let's talk about.
00:05:00.209 --> 00:05:01.738
The antonyms to cheating.
00:05:02.428 --> 00:05:03.988
What is the opposite of cheating?
00:05:04.499 --> 00:05:07.918
And that is loyalty, faithfulness, honesty.
00:05:08.069 --> 00:05:09.838
Openness, integrity.
00:05:09.838 --> 00:05:16.978
Again, the main element of cheating is that it was done secretly, so the other person would not find out.
00:05:17.963 --> 00:05:21.228
And let me share as a couple's therapist.
00:05:21.228 --> 00:05:24.769
Conditions that can create a breeding ground for cheating.
00:05:24.769 --> 00:05:32.769
And that is when partners are not open to each other and have drifted into roommate status.
00:05:33.309 --> 00:05:40.478
And this can create a breeding ground for partners to seek connection and intensity outside the relationship.
00:05:40.478 --> 00:05:52.689
Additionally, they may behave in ways that would hurt the other if discovered and often justifying their actions by rationalizing that they aren't getting what they wanted from the relationship anyway.
00:05:53.348 --> 00:06:06.759
And if you're in this situation, I recommend you go to therapy so you can negotiate your wants and needs in the current relationship and bring intensity to the relationship that way.
00:06:07.553 --> 00:06:19.853
And if cheating is discovered, couples therapy for infidelity can significantly increase the chances of recovery and fostering of a better relationship, provided there's motivation to do so.
00:06:20.903 --> 00:06:28.434
And so in conclusion, whether it's financial dishonesty, emotional secrecy, or physical infidelity.
00:06:28.689 --> 00:07:05.959
The court issue remains the same, is that cheating is a deception that undermines the foundation of the relationship, and it was done secretly, and it may have violated explicit or implicit agreements between partners and the hurt partner is who defines whether it's cheating or not, and the opposite of cheating, honesty, transparency, mutual respect are essential in preventing betrayal and obviously fostering a healthy, secure bond.
00:07:06.528 --> 00:07:17.598
And also honesty, transparency, openness are what are essential if you wish to recover from infidelity, and those are what is needed to recover.
00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:22.129
And they are also the antidote to cheating and infidelity.
00:07:22.819 --> 00:07:24.108
Thank you so much for listening.
00:07:24.108 --> 00:07:32.583
If this has resonated with you, or if you gotten anything from the podcast, please give us a five-star rating and share this with someone who could benefit from.
00:07:32.738 --> 00:07:33.699
This information
00:00:00.007 --> 00:00:00.726
Hey everyone.
00:00:00.726 --> 00:00:01.717
Welcome to the show.
00:00:01.836 --> 00:00:06.006
I want to talk a little bit about cheating and what exactly that is.
00:00:06.708 --> 00:00:08.837
But first I'm going to introduce the show.
00:00:09.535 --> 00:00:10.525
Welcome everyone.
00:00:10.554 --> 00:00:15.744
This is solving disconnection and creating connected relationships for couples and parents.
00:00:16.074 --> 00:00:22.105
My name is Jason Polk, and I've worked this exclusively with couples as a therapist and coach for over 10 years.
00:00:22.355 --> 00:00:27.875
A common question that comes up in our practice is what exactly is cheating?
00:00:28.445 --> 00:00:31.914
And foundationally cheating is a betrayal of trust.
00:00:32.183 --> 00:00:39.594
For this topic, I'm gonna talk about synonyms and antonyms of cheating and infidelity.
00:00:39.954 --> 00:00:41.423
So first off, the synonym.
00:00:41.423 --> 00:00:52.194
Of cheating is unfaithfulness, deception, infidelity, betrayal, disloyalty and unfaithfulness.
00:00:52.584 --> 00:01:11.304
The spirit of cheating and infidelity involves doing something secretly that goes against explicit or implicit agreements, which it discovered could cause pain and lead to a lack of trust and possibly a reevaluation of the relationship.
00:01:12.293 --> 00:01:20.534
And so there are different types of cheating for instance, and this is a true story, there is financial, infidelity or cheating.
00:01:21.084 --> 00:01:32.813
if I tell my wife that I'm not gonna use the credit card, but then later reveal to her that I've charged$5,000 to it, that is a form of financial cheating and infidelity.
00:01:33.174 --> 00:01:35.634
And as I mentioned, that is a true story.
00:01:36.248 --> 00:01:41.799
The reason for this is that I in violated an explicit agreement.
00:01:42.009 --> 00:01:49.929
And when I informed her, and obviously it's better to tell her proactively than let her discover it, right?
00:01:50.409 --> 00:01:53.228
Because then the questions come up, were you gonna tell me?
00:01:53.558 --> 00:01:53.948
Right?
00:01:53.978 --> 00:01:55.058
Can I trust you?
00:01:55.058 --> 00:02:09.308
And when it was discovered, it caused her pain and made her reevaluate whether I am trustworthy or not and agreements are so important for couples because we need to have each other's backs.
00:02:09.308 --> 00:02:12.459
Stan takin shares in relationships.
00:02:12.758 --> 00:02:19.868
It's like we're in the foxhole together, we're stronger together, and we provide protection from the outside world.
00:02:20.438 --> 00:02:26.799
But within the foxhole, within the relationship, we need to be able to trust each other, right?
00:02:27.098 --> 00:02:37.989
We need to be able to have each other's backs and to know that, to know there's trust, to know there's faithfulness, and so we have more resources for the world.
00:02:38.229 --> 00:02:40.508
Hey, I know my partner has my back.
00:02:40.598 --> 00:02:42.068
I don't have to worry about that.
00:02:42.998 --> 00:02:48.008
And going back to the agreements, as I mentioned, cheating.
00:02:48.338 --> 00:02:52.209
Can sometimes violate an implicit agreement.
00:02:52.209 --> 00:02:58.808
For example, we will not seek emotional, physical, or sectional connections outside the relationship.
00:02:59.438 --> 00:03:06.329
And quick note, as a couple's therapist, I would remind the both of you to make explicit agreement.
00:03:06.868 --> 00:03:13.079
Because sometimes we don't even share, Hey, you know what cheating is if you have sex with someone outside of a relationship.
00:03:13.079 --> 00:03:22.019
But I think it's important to make that explicit because sometimes we just assume that's the case.
00:03:22.019 --> 00:03:29.998
And also what we typically associate with cheating is being physically intimate with someone else.
00:03:29.998 --> 00:03:33.568
But also, what about emotional affairs?
00:03:33.899 --> 00:03:51.088
For example, what if there is an implicit agreement and someone sought, pursued and engaged in emotional connection with someone outside the relationship who could be considered a potential partner and then kept that relationship secret?
00:03:51.838 --> 00:03:57.843
And like I mentioned, a couple may not have explicitly agreed that this is not okay.
00:03:57.843 --> 00:04:04.924
But suppose the involved partner has hurt the other partner with this connection.
00:04:05.373 --> 00:04:08.554
And usually it's done by intentionally keeping it a secret.
00:04:08.554 --> 00:04:12.424
In that case, this can be cheating and as a result.
00:04:12.679 --> 00:04:29.569
The hurt partner defines what cheating is, even if it hasn't been an explicit agreement, if there's been some deception, if you have kept that from your partner, then the hurt partner may consider this cheating.
00:04:30.319 --> 00:04:45.658
And again, what's most important is that the hurt partner defines what cheating is an emotional affair., there may be comfort that nothing physical happened, but the her partner may question, may reevaluate the relationship with such questions.
00:04:45.658 --> 00:04:47.908
Like, well, what if I haven't discovered this?
00:04:47.968 --> 00:04:49.649
Would if it had gone further?
00:04:49.649 --> 00:04:52.798
Or, what did you tell them about us?
00:04:52.798 --> 00:04:54.838
Or taking it further?
00:04:54.838 --> 00:04:58.499
Were you planning on leaving us the relationship?
00:04:58.499 --> 00:05:00.209
So let's talk about.
00:05:00.209 --> 00:05:01.738
The antonyms to cheating.
00:05:02.428 --> 00:05:03.988
What is the opposite of cheating?
00:05:04.499 --> 00:05:07.918
And that is loyalty, faithfulness, honesty.
00:05:08.069 --> 00:05:09.838
Openness, integrity.
00:05:09.838 --> 00:05:16.978
Again, the main element of cheating is that it was done secretly, so the other person would not find out.
00:05:17.963 --> 00:05:21.228
And let me share as a couple's therapist.
00:05:21.228 --> 00:05:24.769
Conditions that can create a breeding ground for cheating.
00:05:24.769 --> 00:05:32.769
And that is when partners are not open to each other and have drifted into roommate status.
00:05:33.309 --> 00:05:40.478
And this can create a breeding ground for partners to seek connection and intensity outside the relationship.
00:05:40.478 --> 00:05:52.689
Additionally, they may behave in ways that would hurt the other if discovered and often justifying their actions by rationalizing that they aren't getting what they wanted from the relationship anyway.
00:05:53.348 --> 00:06:06.759
And if you're in this situation, I recommend you go to therapy so you can negotiate your wants and needs in the current relationship and bring intensity to the relationship that way.
00:06:07.553 --> 00:06:19.853
And if cheating is discovered, couples therapy for infidelity can significantly increase the chances of recovery and fostering of a better relationship, provided there's motivation to do so.
00:06:20.903 --> 00:06:28.434
And so in conclusion, whether it's financial dishonesty, emotional secrecy, or physical infidelity.
00:06:28.689 --> 00:07:05.959
The court issue remains the same, is that cheating is a deception that undermines the foundation of the relationship, and it was done secretly, and it may have violated explicit or implicit agreements between partners and the hurt partner is who defines whether it's cheating or not, and the opposite of cheating, honesty, transparency, mutual respect are essential in preventing betrayal and obviously fostering a healthy, secure bond.
00:07:06.528 --> 00:07:17.598
And also honesty, transparency, openness are what are essential if you wish to recover from infidelity, and those are what is needed to recover.
00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:22.129
And they are also the antidote to cheating and infidelity.
00:07:22.819 --> 00:07:24.108
Thank you so much for listening.
00:07:24.108 --> 00:07:32.583
If this has resonated with you, or if you gotten anything from the podcast, please give us a five-star rating and share this with someone who could benefit from.
00:07:32.738 --> 00:07:33.699
This information
