WEBVTT
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Shannon’s sharp, she's really sharp, she's the sharpest
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tool in the box. Her head is pounding, got
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a new hometown, no contact is treating her well.
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She's cutting to the heart of the matter, she's dancing
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on the cutting edge. Hear that piercing laughter?
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She's finally backed off the ledge. She's keen to
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punch a Nazi. She's got a searing stare.
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If there's a hill to die on, trust me, she'll be
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there. Shannon’s sharp, she's really sharp. She's
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the sharpest tool in the box. Ah, I see what's
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happening here. You want me to actually believe
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myself when I'm competent? The fuck? HI welcome
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to Shannon’s sharp I’m shannon ecker and i'm having
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to discover that i'm actually really hot, that
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i'm really that bitch! i really am hot shit and
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um it's unfortunate because i don't know what
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to do about it and i'm starting to realize that
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like oh i'm literally the last person to find
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this out. I have, I’ve struggled with feeling
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underestimated and there have been some shifts
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in my like world view and perspective on how
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people act and how they work to make me go, “oh
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oh oh oh oh oh oh man ew” with the way that people
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have treated me! Of like, oh if uh if this face
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fills in all of those question marks that I've
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had and pinned for this like, what the fuck was
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this one face? that this person made that I've
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never quite understood? Turns out that face was
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envy. It turns out that some of those faces were
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jealousy and I had no idea because I had such
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shit self -worth for so long, for my entire fucking
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life so far, that I had no idea what there was
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about me to be jealous of. I didn't know that
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I had any worth. And I think some of that's on
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purpose because it meant that I was going to
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very specific people to seek my worth and to
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seek any value that I have. And so now that I've
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found some value and I've found ways to value
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myself, to like myself, to actually see what
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I'm worth, the math be mathing. The math is mathing.
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Other people's faces were some of that equation
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that I did not realize, of this like, oh there
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have been so many reactions that I was not equipped
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or like aware of, in a very autistic sense of
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like that canon autistic moment of like, wait
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did everybody actually hate me? Turns out some
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of that hate was because of envy and jealousy.
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I addressed the gossip and shit last episode
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and I really don't feel like revisiting it but
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I will say that some of that has shifted my view
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on who I am. Because I'm like, wait a minute, since
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when was I someone like since when did I have
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a life for people to be jealous of? since when
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did I have a face for people to be jealous of, like
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huh? So adjusting with that we're gonna check
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out my resume. We’re gonna check out my resume
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for where I've been and what I'm bringing
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to the career that I'm just gonna poof into existence.
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So My job history has been pretty limited. I
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kind of say that I've never had a quote real
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job because most of my positions were all like
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graduate and student positions. I did work at
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like Belk, one seasonal thing, so I guess that
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counts. I was a tutor for most of college, and
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so I kind of like teaching people things. I like
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being able to put ideas together and help communicate
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it. I don't know. I kind of lost my last position
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with COVID and ended up leaving the grad program,
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which allowed me to do student work. And since
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then, it's been COVID and moving and rebuilding.
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And I spent two years in vocational rehab. I
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went to vocational rehab. I did the work. We
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worked with multiple job developers, both trying
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to find stuff in person that I could do part
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time or online stuff. Yeah, it was a mess. And
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none of the developers were able to help me.
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I kept... applying for a long time and at the
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same time the rise of AI meant like by the time
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I got what was it the the online only job developer
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he was like yeah you're uh it doesn't really
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matter that you've been applying to like 10 jobs
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a week for the last how many months because your
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resume was getting booted out by the AI. Thats
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why no one responds to you and that was… that
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was that was difficult. I don't even know
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if it's true. Um, I didn't like working with him
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and, uh, he multiple times confused me with someone
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else who had kids and multiple times insisted
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on me changing my pronouns. So if anything, I
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think I learned what is required right now to
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make it in this current job market. And, um,
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I'm not, I'm not running that race anymore. I'm
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out. And I'm lucky. what i'm wanting to do is
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not just make a difference and make money
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but kind of allow us to live a different quality
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of life. because we're currently able to make
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it, it's just pretty pretty broke. We’re able to
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make it but you know, broke, in debt and stuff
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like that to where um… I need to get working, you
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know? And so there was a pivot of realizing that
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going through a normal route was not helpful.
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And I look back on it a little differently. But
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most of the people that knew me. in Greenville
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were encouraging me to go on disability. My family
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encouraged me multiple times to go on disability.
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And I'm not letting the government have that
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much access to me, to my, no, because you are
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limited on anything that you can do. And ultimately,
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that would just keep me even more subservient
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to my family. And I left that shit a long way
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behind. And I'm also not to the level of needing
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disability. Although they sure would have liked
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it if I was. Okay so I have significant like
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academic history but then I burnt out like
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a lot of people. I went, even with all my medical
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stuff that happened in high school, I still graduated
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in four years, went immediately into a graduate
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program. And I'll talk about that next month
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because it was a very big awakening. I don't
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think I was ready. I don't think I was mature
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enough to have been able to deal with it. But
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it taught me some lessons that I desperately
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needed at that time. That was a big change, and
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that was kind of the last time. It should be
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no surprise to me that I burnt myself to a crisp
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going from a very stressful final semester of
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college to working full -time at an in -person
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thing. That semester, I think I worked up to
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three jobs at once. Yeah, guaranteed to burn
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myself out. But I needed funds. I needed finances.
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And it was the first time I'd ever had money
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of my own. And it was difficult, as usual. But
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I was really insistent on cutting those strings
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as early as I could of, you know, since I was
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already engaged by the time I graduated and we
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got married so quickly. I was very motivated
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to get our own things, to get our own phones,
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to get on our own thing, to take care of our
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finances as a married couple with lots of attempted
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interference. But hey, that was an early lesson
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that we learned, which was don't let your parents
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or in -laws dictate your financial health, your
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financial anything. Don't do that. They don't
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know what's best, but they will definitely try
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to tell you that they do. Anyway, I'm ready to
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get back out in the world because I've been working
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towards it for a long time. I just had to realize,
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oh, there's no path because I haven't found it
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yet. I haven't walked it yet. I need to get out
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there and get moving on the vision that I've
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been developing and the body of work that I've
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started building. I don't know what publishing
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is going to look like, but I'm excited to find
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out when that bridge gets here. What's important
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right now is that I'm having to look on paper
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and still go, oh, I am ready for this. Like,
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I am even on paper ready for this. And it's not
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about what I learned in school. Although that
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is great. I was a psychology major. I went into
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school with big ambitions, wanting to do a psych
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and social double major and a double minor in
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music and women's studies. Yep. Wingate University.
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It was so small and I love that. I love how small
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it was. It was incredibly walkable. I kind of,
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with my health issues and like, I don't know,
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trauma, I kind of needed to be a big fish in
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a small pond. And that ended up being kind of
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useful. One of the reasons why that senior year
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final semester was so stressful. Oh, that's going
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to have to be a whole episode. Oh, that's going
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to be a whole different episode. There was like
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an evil ex -roommate that tried to keep me and
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the other roommates from graduating. It was so
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stressful. And I still didn't learn my lesson
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about envious mean women. Anyway. So much so
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that there was, yeah, it was it was a perfect
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storm for me to burn out. And I didn't know I'd
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get any of this back. Like I've spent a lot of
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time trying to recover from burnout. That's been
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the last like two years minimum. I didn't start
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recovering from burnout. And I wasn't going to
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be capable of any kind of that of like nervous
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system regulation and actually taking care of
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myself until I went no contact in 2024. So that's
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another part of my resume. There's there's a
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weird amount of like, Oh, yeah. One of those
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sides of the family always picked on me for being
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book smart, but not street smart. And I mean,
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considering that I wasn't actually allowed to
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gain any street smarts because I was kept in
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a bubble is also, you know, part of the cruelty.
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So I always didn't believe that I could
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actually acquire life skills because I was being
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kept down by people who preferred me infantilized
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and quiet and incapable. Because then I had to
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go to them. So looking back and going, oh, I've
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had to make a lot of really hard choices that
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has taught me about the world, taught me about
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what you have to do to get to healing, to get
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to any kind of happiness. I've moved cross country.
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Like there was such a big change, change after
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change after change that getting settled has
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taken time. So let's see, we have a social resume
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of like, I've done big change. And I've also
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cut off the awful people. And that has created,
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well, a happiness that I wouldn't trade for anything.
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And that's its own kind of being able to step
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up here and say, here's how I've made myself
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happy, healthy and safe. Just like my family
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always promised me. It's such a hard thing to
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stand up here and say, yeah, my entire resume
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is based off of things that I had to fight hell
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just to get done. And things that almost killed
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me and things that have transformed me into,
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I don't know, a really traumatized, tired person.
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I don't know. I'm not just traumatized. I'm not
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just tired. But out of everything that I've been
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through, I understand on paper, it would make
00:13:19.990 --> 00:13:22.889
sense if I came out a villain. Like, it would
00:13:22.889 --> 00:13:25.950
make sense if I came out all of this bitter and
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hardened and cruel, just like the people that
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raised me. So it's... I look back at my life
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and I look back at all the things and I'm like,
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oh, I think I was supposed to turn evil!
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like it's easier to hate me if I just went and
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turned evil instead of having to look at themselves
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for trying to turn me evil but like I'm not the
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one ultimately who's evil here. I refuse. I refuse.
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y 'all would love if I just decided to be evil,
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y 'all would love if I just decided to make this
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my villain era. If I successfully got turned into
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someone who I'm not. I'm not cruel, I'm not a villain.
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I have had such a horrible hard time understanding
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the people who hurt me because ultimately I don't..
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I don't.. I don't fucking get it! I don't get how you
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can want to hurt people. I don't get How you can
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promise someone the world and love and affection
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and protection and then stab them in the back
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at every turn. I don't understand how someone
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does that. And so like some of my life experience
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is just being able to walk away and go, well,
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I have chosen a life that's not like that. And
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I know how to protect myself from people like
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that. That's valuable information. as I said,
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psych major. I’m, by the time
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I graduated and especially with health issues
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and being bullied by my fucking family, um, I
00:14:55.629 --> 00:14:57.830
ended up dropping the sociology degree. I ended
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up dropping music theory. That's what I dropped
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the music minor because I found out that you
00:15:02.429 --> 00:15:04.789
had to pass music theory to get it. And I, I
00:15:04.789 --> 00:15:09.250
will see how much I love music theory now, but
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I could not have handled it. That being said,
00:15:12.940 --> 00:15:15.500
those choir classes that I took in my first and
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last semesters of college were some of the happiest
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moments I have because singing and being in chorus,
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in a choir, it just, it's a beautiful experience.
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It's frission and that kind of, you know, church
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isn't really powerful because of what's being
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said. It's powerful because of the music. You
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feel God in this place because there's a very
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specific chord measures that makes you feel that.
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Speaking of, I've got really extensive music
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experience. I didn't give myself credit for it
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for a long time, but I was my father's shadow
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at all of his big music things, at all of his...
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band events when I was really young and then
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throughout you know all the various failed bands
00:16:01.940 --> 00:16:04.860
that ended up falling apart definitely not because
00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:08.019
of his failures um but at that time I was just
00:16:08.019 --> 00:16:10.559
always going being his roadie like helping set
00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:13.240
up stuff taking pictures being useful which is
00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:15.100
why I didn't understand why my friends treating
00:16:15.100 --> 00:16:18.799
me as a toy a prop or a photographer was not
00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:22.100
actually friendship it was just using me so um
00:16:22.100 --> 00:16:25.039
that being said I'm a fantastic photographer
00:16:26.190 --> 00:16:28.830
Like, I'm a good photographer. I'm good at reading
00:16:28.830 --> 00:16:33.330
people. I spent many years as a narcissist therapist.
00:16:33.649 --> 00:16:37.350
So I'm real good at hunting through ugly emotions
00:16:37.350 --> 00:16:39.629
that people don't want to hold. I'm real good
00:16:39.629 --> 00:16:41.789
at being able to cut through some bullshit now
00:16:41.789 --> 00:16:44.750
that I actually know what it is. Now that I actually
00:16:44.750 --> 00:16:46.789
know when people are playing in my fucking face.
00:16:47.809 --> 00:16:53.440
So there's a level of like... life lessons emotional
00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:58.299
intelligence actual fucking psych degree um and
00:16:58.299 --> 00:17:00.940
like I said next month I'll talk about the like
00:17:00.940 --> 00:17:04.880
therapy specific things and and grad school but
00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:11.000
I'm good at finding and examining and analyzing
00:17:11.000 --> 00:17:16.759
and talking obviously because this is like I'm
00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:18.740
understanding it's kind of rare to be able to
00:17:18.740 --> 00:17:20.640
just stand here and talk to yourself to just
00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:23.079
stand here and and be entertained and crack yourself
00:17:23.079 --> 00:17:26.319
up and all of that and it's really fascinating
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:31.119
that the coping mechanisms that I've chosen um
00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:33.680
or that my body chose for me depending on how
00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:37.059
you believe um of talking of getting stuff out
00:17:37.059 --> 00:17:40.819
of uh having to externalize and examine over
00:17:40.819 --> 00:17:43.140
and over and over again means that I'm pretty
00:17:43.140 --> 00:17:45.559
fucking comfortable talking I'm pretty good at
00:17:45.559 --> 00:17:48.579
this I'm pretty good at going back through the
00:17:48.579 --> 00:17:50.819
um as I mentioned the train and the first thing
00:17:50.819 --> 00:17:52.680
these are my tracks I know where we've been I
00:17:52.680 --> 00:17:54.380
know how to get back where I'm trying to go I'm
00:17:54.380 --> 00:17:58.700
good but that self -trust is the biggest fucking
00:17:58.700 --> 00:18:02.200
resume I've got because as I said I'm picky I
00:18:02.200 --> 00:18:06.960
also have extreme trust issues So I like building
00:18:06.960 --> 00:18:09.720
my own self -trust with myself has been an adventure
00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:13.619
involving having to go back and look at me the
00:18:13.619 --> 00:18:15.460
times that I was right. The times that I did
00:18:15.460 --> 00:18:18.460
actually make the right choice. The times that
00:18:18.460 --> 00:18:22.759
I needed validation. The times that I got through
00:18:22.759 --> 00:18:28.119
it on my fucking own. And the times that I did
00:18:28.119 --> 00:18:31.400
see correctly and was punished for it. And yeah,
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:36.349
to look back on those and go. I was right. Oh
00:18:36.349 --> 00:18:39.269
my God, I was right. Oh my God, I was right.
00:18:40.230 --> 00:18:44.529
Oh my God, I was right. I was, I was right. I
00:18:44.529 --> 00:18:50.829
was right. I was right. And then I read the book
00:18:50.829 --> 00:18:53.490
that I've written. It helps me put myself back
00:18:53.490 --> 00:18:56.069
together again. That's why art is valuable. That's
00:18:56.069 --> 00:18:59.089
why this creation and the holding of this art
00:18:59.089 --> 00:19:01.329
before I get it published is because I need this.
00:19:02.670 --> 00:19:04.710
When I have sleep issues, when I have moments
00:19:04.710 --> 00:19:07.430
of being triggered, when I regress back to a
00:19:07.430 --> 00:19:09.650
former self who has really ugly opinions about
00:19:09.650 --> 00:19:11.829
herself and the world, I have to hold her hand
00:19:11.829 --> 00:19:15.950
and say the world is cruel, but I am not. I am
00:19:15.950 --> 00:19:19.670
not. And like, damn, that's the biggest thing
00:19:19.670 --> 00:19:22.470
I could put on a resume. I am not what the world
00:19:22.470 --> 00:19:24.470
tried to make me into. I'm not what my family
00:19:24.470 --> 00:19:27.630
tried to crush me into. I'm not even the conservative
00:19:27.630 --> 00:19:29.769
that they would have been happy with. Like, I
00:19:29.769 --> 00:19:33.640
refuse to hate people. You can't make me a villain.
00:19:33.779 --> 00:19:38.359
I refuse. This is all just one big hero's journey.
00:19:39.000 --> 00:19:41.759
And it's taken me a long time of refusing where
00:19:41.759 --> 00:19:45.039
I need to go to recognize like, oh, I've got
00:19:45.039 --> 00:19:49.279
a destiny to go get to, bitch. And so I'll be
00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:53.680
here on my little podcast, doing my shit, making
00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:57.740
my art, writing my books, making my music. Maybe
00:19:57.740 --> 00:19:59.279
one day actually being in front of people or
00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:02.549
getting to talk to people. But I'm finally believing
00:20:02.549 --> 00:20:06.109
that, like, I'm prepared for this. Like, the
00:20:06.109 --> 00:20:07.970
only thing that I'm probably not prepared for
00:20:07.970 --> 00:20:10.349
is because I'm still chronically ill. Like, I
00:20:10.349 --> 00:20:13.670
can't just pick up a tour. I can't just go get
00:20:13.670 --> 00:20:16.029
on stage. I have migraines. I have a lot of,
00:20:16.049 --> 00:20:19.430
like, things that set me back, which is why I'm
00:20:19.430 --> 00:20:22.849
trying to do things from my house and from my
00:20:22.849 --> 00:20:26.430
phone and with no help because I don't. need
00:20:26.430 --> 00:20:30.069
it to make a difference I don't need to have
00:20:30.069 --> 00:20:32.309
a bunch of polish to be able to affect someone
00:20:32.309 --> 00:20:35.930
and you know what I kept myself alive a long
00:20:35.930 --> 00:20:38.950
time and even when I did that I did a whole lot
00:20:38.950 --> 00:20:43.490
of pulling other people up talking to them and
00:20:43.490 --> 00:20:46.329
actually not being someone who's it's not awful
00:20:46.329 --> 00:20:49.890
to say hey I'm hurting hey I want to hurt myself
00:20:49.890 --> 00:20:52.630
or hey you know I I was someone that was safe
00:20:52.630 --> 00:20:55.950
to bring self -harm to that it was safe to have
00:20:55.950 --> 00:20:58.410
someone who actually fucking gives a shit when
00:20:58.410 --> 00:21:00.589
you go through bad stuff and nobody gave a shit
00:21:00.589 --> 00:21:04.670
that i was going through bad stuff but i learned
00:21:04.670 --> 00:21:08.089
that that is some of the hardest weight to carry
00:21:08.089 --> 00:21:10.710
and it's given me empathy for other people who
00:21:10.710 --> 00:21:14.990
currently deal with it so i've had a lot of experiences
00:21:14.990 --> 00:21:16.970
that have prepared me for this whether that's
00:21:16.970 --> 00:21:20.769
like i said i don't need to sell you on the vision
00:21:20.769 --> 00:21:23.730
but just trust i've got one I've got one and
00:21:23.730 --> 00:21:25.750
it's going to build for a long time because I
00:21:25.750 --> 00:21:30.789
don't make quick plans. I don't make quick plans.
00:21:31.029 --> 00:21:33.609
And I just realized that I won a game that I
00:21:33.609 --> 00:21:37.950
was playing for almost 30 years. And I'm done
00:21:37.950 --> 00:21:41.630
playing games. I'm just going to do what I want.
00:21:42.089 --> 00:21:44.710
I'm just going to make shit that I like. I'm
00:21:44.710 --> 00:21:47.509
going to do things that impresses me and keep
00:21:47.509 --> 00:21:50.650
moving. And I do believe that it's going to be
00:21:50.650 --> 00:21:55.380
wanted somewhere. But as I said, and no one is
00:21:55.380 --> 00:21:58.960
listening, it's okay. It's okay. I don't need
00:21:58.960 --> 00:22:02.339
an audience. I am my own audience. I contain
00:22:02.339 --> 00:22:07.849
multitudes and, you know. I don't need someone
00:22:07.849 --> 00:22:10.789
here to fix everything because I was taught to
00:22:10.789 --> 00:22:14.569
go to people to fix everything. I was taught
00:22:14.569 --> 00:22:18.190
to rely. I was taught to not have a voice. I
00:22:18.190 --> 00:22:21.049
was taught to do all of these things that I have,
00:22:21.089 --> 00:22:23.150
all of these patterns that I have ripped out
00:22:23.150 --> 00:22:27.009
at the root. They're gone now. But now I can
00:22:27.009 --> 00:22:30.190
maybe talk to people about how I did it. How
00:22:30.190 --> 00:22:35.089
and why to be able to give people a playbook.
00:22:35.710 --> 00:22:39.289
Of how dysfunctional families work. Of how certain
00:22:39.289 --> 00:22:41.450
types of emotional manipulation and abuse work.
00:22:41.630 --> 00:22:45.230
Of how to spot that shit. And I'm gonna write
00:22:45.230 --> 00:22:47.490
it. And I'm gonna speak it. And I don't care
00:22:47.490 --> 00:22:50.769
if it upsets people. Because the people who do
00:22:50.769 --> 00:22:54.809
need it might not be quite as loud as the people
00:22:54.809 --> 00:22:57.569
who are angry. The people who need it might be
00:22:57.569 --> 00:22:59.609
quiet. There might be someone who will never,
00:22:59.670 --> 00:23:02.730
ever, ever tell me that I affected them and it
00:23:02.730 --> 00:23:05.380
saved their life. Because I know that there have
00:23:05.380 --> 00:23:08.220
been writers that I feel like that. Andrea Gibson
00:23:08.220 --> 00:23:11.059
passed before I could meet them and tell them
00:23:11.059 --> 00:23:15.980
that they saved me. And I know the power of my
00:23:15.980 --> 00:23:18.500
poetry. I know what I've got in that book. You
00:23:18.500 --> 00:23:22.339
cannot read it and come out unchanged. And I
00:23:22.339 --> 00:23:24.339
am excited to get to share that with the world.
00:23:24.359 --> 00:23:27.059
But right now, right now I need it. Right now
00:23:27.059 --> 00:23:30.279
I need to remind me of what I'm capable of, of
00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:33.380
what I've built, of what I've spent this isolation,
00:23:33.539 --> 00:23:37.119
this hermit period building and preparing for.
00:23:37.559 --> 00:23:39.579
All right, all that was serious. You're gonna
00:23:39.579 --> 00:23:42.799
get a skit now. You're gonna get a skit now.
00:23:42.940 --> 00:23:45.519
I told you I'd break out my voices eventually.
00:23:49.240 --> 00:23:56.099
Now, Miss Ecker, you have brought me your resume
00:23:56.099 --> 00:23:59.619
today and I am so excited to interview you for
00:23:59.619 --> 00:24:03.599
our Shannon's Sharp host. Excuse me. Host
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:06.819
position. Now, what do you think that you bring
00:24:06.819 --> 00:24:09.700
to this position? What makes you special? Where
00:24:09.700 --> 00:24:16.660
have you been? Hi. Well, I've spent a lot of
00:24:16.660 --> 00:24:23.200
time in academia and I've gained a lot of personal
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:26.390
knowledge. Honey, you're going to have to work
00:24:26.390 --> 00:24:30.589
on your interview skills, sweetheart. Would you
00:24:30.589 --> 00:24:35.089
like to have someone reach out to you and practice?
00:24:35.450 --> 00:24:37.950
Because you are shaking, sweetheart, and you're
00:24:37.950 --> 00:24:39.809
going to start crying, and that's going to throw
00:24:39.809 --> 00:24:47.009
off the interview. Yeah, yeah, I'll go fix that.
00:24:49.769 --> 00:24:54.380
Okay, I'm back. Yes, I have gathered myself and
00:24:54.380 --> 00:24:56.799
I'd like to take this seriously. All right. Okay.
00:24:57.119 --> 00:25:00.039
Okay. Well, that's quite nice. And I have here,
00:25:00.140 --> 00:25:03.599
it says that you have had a work gap of almost
00:25:03.599 --> 00:25:06.680
five years. Can you explain that for me, please?
00:25:08.299 --> 00:25:14.529
Uh -huh. Yep. COVID happened and I... almost
00:25:14.529 --> 00:25:18.230
died and I almost killed myself and then I almost
00:25:18.230 --> 00:25:21.730
got poisoned and then I moved across the country
00:25:21.730 --> 00:25:24.390
and then I put myself back together and all this
00:25:24.390 --> 00:25:27.890
time I've had a marriage that's like really fantastic
00:25:27.890 --> 00:25:31.410
and supportive so like… I can find the good things
00:25:31.410 --> 00:25:35.869
anywhere. I'm prepared for this. okay that's quite
00:25:35.869 --> 00:25:39.829
nice um it says here that you've never uh you've
00:25:39.829 --> 00:25:42.869
never hailed a real job. Would you say that that's
00:25:42.869 --> 00:25:48.170
a true statement? Well, I know that none of my
00:25:48.170 --> 00:25:50.950
jobs have lasted quite that long, but I did hold
00:25:50.950 --> 00:25:56.450
a regular retail position. And I worked up in
00:25:56.450 --> 00:26:00.509
the Wingate Writing Center to be an intern that
00:26:00.509 --> 00:26:03.829
was kind of a leadership position. And I led
00:26:03.829 --> 00:26:07.670
a small team of tutors. That's nice, sweetheart.
00:26:07.890 --> 00:26:11.140
I love... Your leadership skills that you might
00:26:11.140 --> 00:26:12.859
bring to this. They are absolutely going to be
00:26:12.859 --> 00:26:15.259
used while you are standing in a box talking
00:26:15.259 --> 00:26:19.299
to yourself. Good job. Good job. Okay. So your
00:26:19.299 --> 00:26:24.240
leadership skills. Do you have anything of more
00:26:24.240 --> 00:26:33.000
value, sweetheart? Well, I can sing. That's wonderful.
00:26:33.380 --> 00:26:35.440
That's wonderful. Can you sing me something?
00:26:37.539 --> 00:26:41.299
No. Okay, well, if you're going to announce that
00:26:41.299 --> 00:26:43.940
you're a singer, you need to be ready to back
00:26:43.940 --> 00:26:50.240
it up. Oh, I'm sorry. I have a nice speaking
00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:55.119
voice, even when I'm not singing. I might do
00:26:55.119 --> 00:26:58.759
voiceover work one day. Is that what you want?
00:26:58.839 --> 00:27:01.859
Well, honey, you're going to have to learn to
00:27:01.859 --> 00:27:05.279
speak with more authority. You're going to learn
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:07.519
to speak with more authority if you work here.
00:27:07.619 --> 00:27:10.819
Is that okay? I do. You know, I think that you
00:27:10.819 --> 00:27:14.039
can learn as you go. You seem very motivated,
00:27:14.259 --> 00:27:18.480
ma 'am. Yeah, I've gotten that a lot. Yep, I
00:27:18.480 --> 00:27:22.680
do definitely bring my enthusiasm and energy
00:27:22.680 --> 00:27:26.700
and intelligence to every project that I do.
00:27:26.839 --> 00:27:31.779
Some would even say that I am extra or even a
00:27:31.779 --> 00:27:36.720
goody two -shoes. well, that's nice, sweetheart,
00:27:36.720 --> 00:27:39.079
because we need people that can follow the rules.
00:27:39.579 --> 00:27:43.079
Because someone who doesn't care about the rules
00:27:43.079 --> 00:27:45.880
wouldn't care about copyright. Okay. All right.
00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:52.640
Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Well, with that answer,
00:27:52.759 --> 00:27:55.920
I think that we have been able to make a decision.
00:27:56.990 --> 00:28:00.509
I think you're hired on a probationary basis
00:28:00.509 --> 00:28:04.309
for the first season. I can't wait to see what
00:28:04.309 --> 00:28:08.910
you do with it. And, well, if you fall on your
00:28:08.910 --> 00:28:13.369
face, just know no one can see your face because
00:28:13.369 --> 00:28:20.809
you're audio only. Yes, thank you, ma 'am. So
00:28:20.809 --> 00:28:25.759
I'm hired? Yes. Yes, you are hired. We... had
00:28:25.759 --> 00:28:31.839
very low hopes for you. And well, good luck.
00:28:32.339 --> 00:28:35.880
You're hired. Good luck in the real world since
00:28:35.880 --> 00:28:39.400
you've only had graduate positions, honey. You'll
00:28:39.400 --> 00:28:43.799
do fine. Thank you, ma 'am. Thank you. Okay.
00:28:44.599 --> 00:28:48.339
Do I show up tomorrow? Is there a uniform? Oh,
00:28:48.359 --> 00:28:51.319
no, honey. You've got a face for radio. Please
00:28:51.319 --> 00:28:56.990
don't come in looking too much. Thanks. Bye,
00:28:57.230 --> 00:29:02.769
I guess. Thank you, sweetie. Bye -bye. The door's
00:29:02.769 --> 00:29:06.029
right there, honey. This is my office. Go on.
00:29:06.990 --> 00:29:13.690
Oh, sorry. Okay, bye. Well, now that it's just
00:29:13.690 --> 00:29:17.829
us, do you... as the listeners have any suggestions
00:29:17.829 --> 00:29:22.990
for our new host, because I have my doubts about
00:29:22.990 --> 00:29:28.529
her. However, she seemed very plucky and I can
00:29:28.529 --> 00:29:32.630
just see that she's got more audacity than it's
00:29:32.630 --> 00:29:35.410
good for. And you know what? I think she's going
00:29:35.410 --> 00:29:42.470
to do just fine here. I do. this skit and other
00:29:42.470 --> 00:29:48.089
skits brought to you by jar cannabis um no i'm
00:29:48.089 --> 00:29:50.349
always this funny but to be very fair i'm in
00:29:50.349 --> 00:29:52.849
so much pain all the time we're switching yep
00:29:52.849 --> 00:29:54.970
this is switching to the ad just you know this
00:29:54.970 --> 00:29:56.549
is the ad we're done with that skit thank you
00:29:56.549 --> 00:30:00.990
um i'll be trying that voice maybe again another
00:30:00.990 --> 00:30:06.529
time for an hr uh update or something so jar
00:30:06.529 --> 00:30:10.220
cannabis When we moved to New Hampshire, I mean,
00:30:10.279 --> 00:30:12.240
a pretty big part of thinking about moving to
00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:14.500
New England was about the legality of this because
00:30:14.500 --> 00:30:20.039
it is such a, well, hotly debated issue and medical
00:30:20.039 --> 00:30:22.700
cannabis isn't even legal in the state that I
00:30:22.700 --> 00:30:24.859
came from. So it's legal here and it's legal
00:30:24.859 --> 00:30:30.539
in every state around us. Recreationally, jar
00:30:30.539 --> 00:30:33.259
cannabis has a bunch of different locations.
00:30:33.259 --> 00:30:36.279
And if we're very honest, I don't. really want
00:30:36.279 --> 00:30:37.980
to put a lot of information here because I know
00:30:37.980 --> 00:30:40.519
it can make people uncomfortable about anything
00:30:40.519 --> 00:30:42.880
having to do with marijuana or cannabis or whatever.
00:30:43.039 --> 00:30:46.099
So with this and with the other ads, I'm just
00:30:46.099 --> 00:30:48.039
going to start putting them in the description
00:30:48.039 --> 00:30:51.559
in the notes because I figured out a way to turn
00:30:51.559 --> 00:30:54.619
on ads. I figured out a way to make this work.
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:58.759
And so I'm not really… these are free ads
00:30:58.759 --> 00:31:01.759
and I don't really want to clutter up. the poor
00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:04.539
listeners ears with a bunch of ads or with
00:31:04.539 --> 00:31:06.059
a bunch of stuff that as you can always tell
00:31:06.059 --> 00:31:09.119
is unresearched and off the cuff so I'll put
00:31:09.119 --> 00:31:11.079
some stuff in there it's well so these are local
00:31:11.079 --> 00:31:13.380
things so if you're not in the area you won't
00:31:13.380 --> 00:31:15.519
really be able to use it they're not shipping
00:31:15.519 --> 00:31:19.700
they're not whatever um but in the meantime I
00:31:19.700 --> 00:31:22.880
hope that you are able to, if you need pain relief,
00:31:23.059 --> 00:31:26.519
find pain relief because Jar Cannabis is a really
00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:30.000
fantastic business that does medical and recreational
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:32.259
stuff. But all the recreational stuff is obviously
00:31:32.259 --> 00:31:36.660
still medical quality. Yeah, it's how I'm able
00:31:36.660 --> 00:31:39.039
to function. I am absolutely going to steal this
00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:43.960
joke that I'm high functioning autistic. So if
00:31:43.960 --> 00:31:45.579
you see me and I'm functioning, I'm probably
00:31:45.579 --> 00:31:48.690
high. But you know what? There's a difference
00:31:48.690 --> 00:31:52.049
between like a medical, something like that.
00:31:52.329 --> 00:31:54.490
If you have any concerns about it, don't talk
00:31:54.490 --> 00:31:58.769
to me. Talk to someone else. Because it helps
00:31:58.769 --> 00:32:01.410
and it has saved me in a certain amount of ways
00:32:01.410 --> 00:32:04.589
of I'm able to get moving. I have fibromyalgia
00:32:04.589 --> 00:32:06.410
and migraines and a lot of stuff. I've talked
00:32:06.410 --> 00:32:08.650
about it. I'm going to give you my pain scale
00:32:08.650 --> 00:32:12.710
now because ultimately it is the only thing that
00:32:12.710 --> 00:32:15.289
can take me from an eight. Maybe back down to
00:32:15.289 --> 00:32:19.369
a six or from a six down to like a five. They
00:32:19.369 --> 00:32:22.130
can help me immediately. It also I have enough
00:32:22.130 --> 00:32:25.470
like autism and enough anxiety and stuff to where
00:32:25.470 --> 00:32:29.670
it helps physically. It helps mentally. And if
00:32:29.670 --> 00:32:32.069
it helps you, I'm glad. If it doesn't help you,
00:32:32.190 --> 00:32:34.869
I'm sorry. And if you don't like it, that's too
00:32:34.869 --> 00:32:40.549
bad. All right. Moving on. Let's talk about Fallout.
00:32:41.529 --> 00:32:46.859
I'm excited. Fallout is one of my favorite franchises.
00:32:47.559 --> 00:32:51.599
Okay, so to recap, we have been through a little
00:32:51.599 --> 00:32:54.220
thing of me talking about what I'm bringing to
00:32:54.220 --> 00:32:57.539
this, what I've learned, what I've gathered,
00:32:57.799 --> 00:33:00.819
and then I had a really dumb little interview
00:33:00.819 --> 00:33:05.420
with some very, very bitchy lady. I'm glad I
00:33:05.420 --> 00:33:07.599
got hired, I'm glad I got the position, and now
00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:10.420
y 'all got a behind -the -scenes look at my HR
00:33:10.420 --> 00:33:14.380
lady being mean to me. I am ready for this. I
00:33:14.380 --> 00:33:19.099
am terrified. I am doing it scared. Here we go.
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:24.720
Do I need to audition for my own podcast? The
00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:27.819
answer should be no, but because I'm me, I'm
00:33:27.819 --> 00:33:31.460
a little crazy, I'm very autistic, I'm very traumatized,
00:33:31.539 --> 00:33:34.980
and I come from a lifetime background of self
00:33:34.980 --> 00:33:37.519
-hatred and self -harm. I have had to prove to
00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:42.529
myself with, like, concrete... a sledgehammer
00:33:42.529 --> 00:33:46.430
style, uh, “you're worth this, you deserve this,
00:33:46.549 --> 00:33:48.990
oh my god, stop being mean to yourself, fuck!”
00:33:49.309 --> 00:33:52.809
that, um, enough to actually make me believe
00:33:52.809 --> 00:33:56.049
it. It's taken years, and I'm quite thrilled
00:33:56.049 --> 00:33:59.549
to be here. I wouldn't be going for this if I
00:33:59.549 --> 00:34:02.049
didn't think that I had earned it, if I didn't
00:34:02.049 --> 00:34:06.809
think that it was worth betting on me. And I'm
00:34:06.809 --> 00:34:13.119
doing it, bitch. Now let's go into Fallout. Because
00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:16.380
you get some jokes. You get some happy stuff.
00:34:16.679 --> 00:34:20.179
You get some sad trauma dumping. And then you
00:34:20.179 --> 00:34:22.500
get to hear about my favorite fandoms. I'm excited.
00:34:22.840 --> 00:34:25.500
This is a very relevant one right now. Fallout
00:34:25.500 --> 00:34:28.679
I've loved since I... What was it? It was one
00:34:28.679 --> 00:34:30.079
of the first video games that I ever played.
00:34:30.579 --> 00:34:32.400
Bethesda will always have a special place in
00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:34.679
my heart. That means Skyrim. That means Fallout.
00:34:34.780 --> 00:34:39.289
That does not mean Starfield. But it does mean
00:34:39.289 --> 00:34:45.010
modding on Skyrim and Fallout. I have spent many,
00:34:45.130 --> 00:34:51.469
many hours modding these games on PS4 and Xbox.
00:34:51.969 --> 00:34:55.769
I have vowed to myself to not do modding again
00:34:55.769 --> 00:34:59.030
until I have a PC. Because as soon as I know
00:34:59.030 --> 00:35:02.309
what's happening, Bethesda goes and changes things
00:35:02.309 --> 00:35:06.550
and all of my mods were lost! Come on, Todd Howard!
00:35:07.360 --> 00:35:10.800
Okay, so speaking of Todd Howard, he's one of
00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:13.579
the executive producers on the TV show. I kind
00:35:13.579 --> 00:35:15.599
of debated whether I would talk about the games
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:19.059
or the TV show or all of them. I think because
00:35:19.059 --> 00:35:21.099
this is such an early episode, I'm going to give
00:35:21.099 --> 00:35:24.179
an overview with no spoilers and I'll do individual
00:35:24.179 --> 00:35:27.440
ones on the TV show and on the individual games
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:32.260
in future episodes. Fallout, the world of Fallout
00:35:32.260 --> 00:35:35.719
is incredibly cathartic because As we have a
00:35:35.719 --> 00:35:37.739
president who is currently threatening nuclear
00:35:37.739 --> 00:35:43.000
genocide on an entire civilization. We have a
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:48.840
very tongue -in -cheek video game world in which...
00:35:49.179 --> 00:35:52.199
Yeah, there was nuclear war. It's an alternate
00:35:52.199 --> 00:35:55.639
history that actually happens before any kind
00:35:55.639 --> 00:35:58.780
of World War III. It happens back where in the
00:35:58.780 --> 00:36:02.420
50s, they develop nuclear power for the home.
00:36:02.500 --> 00:36:04.960
And it's this whole thing. I don't actually have
00:36:04.960 --> 00:36:07.579
all of the years and stuff memorized from that.
00:36:07.659 --> 00:36:11.119
But the entire thing... is kind of infused with
00:36:11.119 --> 00:36:15.099
this retro 50s and 60s aesthetic because of the
00:36:15.099 --> 00:36:18.079
way that the history of the game works. And so
00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:23.179
you have Fallout 4, I think shows a really nice
00:36:23.179 --> 00:36:26.880
snapshot of what your pre -war stuff looks like.
00:36:27.019 --> 00:36:29.539
looks like because it starts with you in the
00:36:29.539 --> 00:36:32.639
pre -war time um all of the fallout games have
00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:34.659
different protagonists uh completely different
00:36:34.659 --> 00:36:37.860
they're not super like it's completely an RPG
00:36:37.860 --> 00:36:41.099
you get to create your character. Um which i have,
00:36:41.099 --> 00:36:43.480
i do really love a character creation screen.
00:36:43.480 --> 00:36:47.699
i love it, no i need to get that nose right! i need
00:36:47.699 --> 00:36:50.400
to get her hair right! i'm gonna be looking at
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:52.059
her for the rest of the thing i want it to look
00:36:52.059 --> 00:36:54.360
right! yeah i spent a lot of time on the character
00:36:54.360 --> 00:36:57.719
creation screens. I'm itching to open up another
00:36:57.719 --> 00:37:01.739
Fallout 4 playthrough again. Oh, Fallout 4 I
00:37:01.739 --> 00:37:04.659
think is my favorite. It's only like closely,
00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:09.639
well, a close second would be the TV show, honestly.
00:37:09.900 --> 00:37:11.739
To anyone who's never played it or who might
00:37:11.739 --> 00:37:13.619
not like video games, I urge you to go watch
00:37:13.619 --> 00:37:15.659
the, yes, it's an Amazon Prime show, but it's
00:37:15.659 --> 00:37:20.280
good. it's got two seasons now completely out
00:37:20.280 --> 00:37:22.920
i'm not going to talk about those but it is one
00:37:22.920 --> 00:37:26.400
where it is made with so much love so much authenticity
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:31.239
so much commitment that i have had multiple times
00:37:31.239 --> 00:37:34.199
of that like yearly bethesda itch to go play
00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:36.500
something and i'm like nope let's watch the tv
00:37:36.500 --> 00:37:39.579
show It's so good. It kind of gives you all of
00:37:39.579 --> 00:37:42.659
the nostalgia, except without all of the glitches.
00:37:42.659 --> 00:37:45.719
Without all of the motherfucking bugs that Bethesda
00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:48.679
embeds. It's not a bug. It's a feature. No! No,
00:37:48.760 --> 00:37:55.539
Todd! It's a bug! So, Fallout can be a little
00:37:55.539 --> 00:37:59.360
stressful to play, especially if, as I do, you
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:03.849
play heavily modded. I may I'm probably assigning
00:38:03.849 --> 00:38:06.630
too much to it because the way I play it, you
00:38:06.630 --> 00:38:08.389
mod it till it breaks and then you back off.
00:38:10.530 --> 00:38:12.730
And that's one of the reasons why I love Bethesda.
00:38:12.750 --> 00:38:16.230
It has such modding capabilities and even a modding
00:38:16.230 --> 00:38:19.250
community, which is interesting. Bethesda has
00:38:19.250 --> 00:38:21.130
changed enough recently to where like some of
00:38:21.130 --> 00:38:22.889
those modders are not getting paid. However,
00:38:23.030 --> 00:38:26.309
now mods, certain mods are. paid and I don't
00:38:26.309 --> 00:38:28.590
really know how it works it was really I really
00:38:28.590 --> 00:38:30.590
loved the modding and then they changed everything
00:38:30.590 --> 00:38:36.750
and I said come on man um also uh for anyone
00:38:36.750 --> 00:38:38.570
that doesn't know or like video games or whatever
00:38:38.570 --> 00:38:41.210
modding is pretty rare on a console and since
00:38:41.210 --> 00:38:44.090
I have never played with a pc um it's not something
00:38:44.090 --> 00:38:46.730
that I got to do and Bethesda allows for modding
00:38:46.730 --> 00:38:49.630
on consoles a console such as like an xbox I
00:38:49.630 --> 00:38:53.690
mean even a switch is a console um yeah so I
00:38:54.550 --> 00:38:57.530
It can get real frustrating to play a full round.
00:38:57.610 --> 00:39:01.130
Also, a video game takes many, many hours. So
00:39:01.130 --> 00:39:04.150
having a TV show that gives you the same thrill
00:39:04.150 --> 00:39:06.989
as a video game is pretty rare, especially whenever
00:39:06.989 --> 00:39:10.630
it's so well crafted that it brings all the good
00:39:10.630 --> 00:39:12.969
things about it. And I will say, I think each
00:39:12.969 --> 00:39:15.090
season is kind of highlighting a different game.
00:39:15.269 --> 00:39:17.130
Not that they're going through it, but there
00:39:17.130 --> 00:39:19.630
are kind of nods and Easter eggs. Season two
00:39:19.630 --> 00:39:23.690
was New Vegas, which is one of the most critically...
00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:27.900
like acclaimed games of the series um it's not
00:39:27.900 --> 00:39:30.860
made by the same studio which is maybe why people
00:39:30.860 --> 00:39:35.539
like it um and it's that was the yeah that was
00:39:35.539 --> 00:39:37.420
season two that one takes place in like vegas
00:39:37.420 --> 00:39:40.199
all of the fallout series take place in a different
00:39:40.199 --> 00:39:46.219
area um fallout 4 takes place in uh like boston
00:39:46.219 --> 00:39:49.360
and the the commonwealth up there uh fallout
00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:53.949
3 takes place around dc um New Vegas, like I
00:39:53.949 --> 00:39:57.210
said, takes place in Vegas. And I think Fallout
00:39:57.210 --> 00:40:01.090
3 is going to be what's on season three of the
00:40:01.090 --> 00:40:02.849
TV show. And I need to go back and play that,
00:40:02.929 --> 00:40:05.690
honestly, because I forgot. Like, all I remember
00:40:05.690 --> 00:40:08.210
is that Liam Neeson is your dad and you have
00:40:08.210 --> 00:40:10.170
to go save him. And there's something about a
00:40:10.170 --> 00:40:15.250
water purifier? And Liberty Prime. Yeah. So there's
00:40:15.250 --> 00:40:18.030
all different factions. Most Bethesda games are
00:40:18.030 --> 00:40:21.230
kind of oriented by factions. You can go whether
00:40:21.230 --> 00:40:23.889
you consider them like... clubs or rankings or
00:40:23.889 --> 00:40:26.869
whatever it's uh you know grouped around a group
00:40:26.869 --> 00:40:29.409
that you can either with a lot of the Bethesda
00:40:29.409 --> 00:40:32.010
games you end up just kind of owning and like
00:40:32.010 --> 00:40:34.429
taking over some said faction by the end of it
00:40:34.429 --> 00:40:37.949
but there's usually an element of choice I know
00:40:37.949 --> 00:40:41.949
Skyrim you can do all of them but like in you
00:40:41.949 --> 00:40:44.670
have to pick certain ones in New Vegas because
00:40:44.670 --> 00:40:46.269
they don't like each other stuff like that and
00:40:46.269 --> 00:40:48.070
that's actually pretty well nodded at in the
00:40:48.070 --> 00:40:52.090
show I love that so My favorite is Fallout 4.
00:40:52.489 --> 00:40:54.590
Yeah, I'm itching for another playthrough. It's
00:40:54.590 --> 00:40:57.630
really good. But what makes it so cool is that
00:40:57.630 --> 00:41:00.469
you're navigating a post -apocalyptic nuclear
00:41:00.469 --> 00:41:06.730
wasteland. So if we have this split of history
00:41:06.730 --> 00:41:11.150
and everybody's kind of frozen around the aesthetic
00:41:11.150 --> 00:41:13.070
of when these bombs dropped, which was still
00:41:13.070 --> 00:41:17.469
frozen in this kind of... 50s, 60s, but also
00:41:17.469 --> 00:41:21.250
this kind of nuclear cyberpunk almost. It's an
00:41:21.250 --> 00:41:25.010
interesting balance of certain aesthetics of
00:41:25.010 --> 00:41:28.530
the 50s or like Nuka -Cola instead of Coca -Cola
00:41:28.530 --> 00:41:31.829
and the currency in the wasteland is bottle caps.
00:41:32.230 --> 00:41:35.969
Or because of the nuclear power, they developed
00:41:35.969 --> 00:41:42.800
like automatons and robots. fallout 4 has a whole
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:45.460
thing a whole dlc about robots and you get to
00:41:45.460 --> 00:41:48.300
be able to like build them and stuff i'm so particular
00:41:48.300 --> 00:41:51.619
and so partial about fallout 4 because it also
00:41:51.619 --> 00:41:55.900
includes a really like it also includes building
00:41:55.900 --> 00:41:59.380
settlements. And I'm so sold on a video game.
00:41:59.440 --> 00:42:03.860
You can build settlements. It's so intense and
00:42:03.860 --> 00:42:07.000
so heavy that some of the mods that I picked
00:42:07.000 --> 00:42:09.360
were just for modding. There's one called Sim
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:12.260
Settlements. I never quite managed to do it without
00:42:12.260 --> 00:42:14.719
breaking it in some way or without it fucking
00:42:14.719 --> 00:42:17.780
up my save because I didn't realize I'd overloaded
00:42:17.780 --> 00:42:20.039
it. But it was really interesting in that it
00:42:20.039 --> 00:42:23.079
kind of automates it. And there's so much that
00:42:23.079 --> 00:42:25.769
you can go do and like, Has this turned into
00:42:25.769 --> 00:42:27.969
a Fallout 4 thing? Yeah, fuck it. We'll make
00:42:27.969 --> 00:42:30.630
it Fallout 4. Because it's, like, it's my favorite
00:42:30.630 --> 00:42:34.110
to start with. I know that Fallout 76 I have
00:42:34.110 --> 00:42:37.110
not played, and it's both heavily based in the
00:42:37.110 --> 00:42:40.250
whole base building game, but it's also, as far
00:42:40.250 --> 00:42:42.809
as I understand, multiplayer. And the number
00:42:42.809 --> 00:42:44.429
one thing that would make me hate a game is if
00:42:44.429 --> 00:42:47.449
I built a whole, like, if I built my thing and
00:42:47.449 --> 00:42:49.409
then another player came around to fuck it up.
00:42:50.230 --> 00:42:56.030
That's why I could never get with MMORPGs, massively
00:42:56.030 --> 00:42:59.730
multiplayer online roleplay games, of a bunch
00:42:59.730 --> 00:43:01.630
of other people interacting online. No, thank
00:43:01.630 --> 00:43:05.190
you. I want my first person RPG, my first person
00:43:05.190 --> 00:43:08.769
shooter, my first person whatever. I'd like to
00:43:08.769 --> 00:43:14.019
do it myself. Thank you. There's very few games
00:43:14.019 --> 00:43:17.539
in which you can play together, a couch co -op.
00:43:17.659 --> 00:43:21.340
Some of the old Halo games were like that. Video
00:43:21.340 --> 00:43:23.239
games is one of the things that my husband and
00:43:23.239 --> 00:43:25.880
I bonded so much over. We both love it. There's
00:43:25.880 --> 00:43:29.119
no, oh, my partner loves video games. No, we're
00:43:29.119 --> 00:43:31.119
sitting on the couch watching it together. There
00:43:31.119 --> 00:43:33.659
are certain games that... are more technical
00:43:33.659 --> 00:43:36.519
or where if we're very honest where the fights
00:43:36.519 --> 00:43:39.159
are a little bit bigger and it's rewarding to
00:43:39.159 --> 00:43:41.880
actually be good at it those are the ones where
00:43:41.880 --> 00:43:45.840
where my husband brian plays um right now we're
00:43:45.840 --> 00:43:49.239
playing god of war and i like the story i like
00:43:49.239 --> 00:43:51.579
the story part i as long as i get to choose like
00:43:51.579 --> 00:43:53.539
the story and make sure that the characters dripped
00:43:53.539 --> 00:43:57.219
out i'm good and there's some games the one that
00:43:57.219 --> 00:44:02.579
we play together is a lego star wars the switch
00:44:02.579 --> 00:44:07.119
where you can like hook it up to your TV. We
00:44:07.119 --> 00:44:09.699
have two controllers and you can do a two person
00:44:09.699 --> 00:44:13.280
Lego. We have the Skywalker saga, which is so
00:44:13.280 --> 00:44:17.840
fun. I had the original 3DS Star Wars Lego and
00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:21.619
it's both similar and enough like Easter eggs
00:44:21.619 --> 00:44:23.639
and everything, but completely different. I love
00:44:23.639 --> 00:44:27.500
it. I talked about Star Wars last month. And
00:44:27.500 --> 00:44:29.920
Star Wars Lego apparently needs to be added.
00:44:30.159 --> 00:44:32.960
Lego adaptations in general are pretty damn funny.
00:44:33.460 --> 00:44:37.440
So there's no Lego Fallout, but there is a Lego
00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:42.219
Horizon Zero Dawn. That's when I should do a
00:44:42.219 --> 00:44:44.340
different episode on. Horizon's really fun and
00:44:44.340 --> 00:44:48.300
has an even weirder world building than Fallout.
00:44:48.559 --> 00:44:54.480
Fantastic. So Fallout is just, it's cool. It's
00:44:54.480 --> 00:44:56.260
cool. You get to build stuff. You get to shoot
00:44:56.260 --> 00:44:58.579
stuff. If you like blowing stuff up, you get
00:44:58.579 --> 00:45:00.260
little mini nukes to shoot at people. There's
00:45:00.260 --> 00:45:04.039
ghouls. There's ghouls which are like irradiated
00:45:04.039 --> 00:45:07.639
humans. That's really fun. There's super mutants.
00:45:08.559 --> 00:45:14.510
There's giant irradiated monsters. A rad scorpion,
00:45:14.510 --> 00:45:17.769
which is a giant fucking scorpion. A yaoguai,
00:45:17.909 --> 00:45:21.929
which is an irradiated bear. A deathclaw, which
00:45:21.929 --> 00:45:29.730
is a experiment. It looks real funky. What else
00:45:29.730 --> 00:45:31.969
do we have? There's a couple of these that you
00:45:31.969 --> 00:45:34.050
get to see in the show. Like, season two featured
00:45:34.050 --> 00:45:37.369
a deathclaw, and it was appropriately scary.
00:45:37.909 --> 00:45:41.110
It was good. One of the other major hallmarks
00:45:41.110 --> 00:45:44.630
of Fallout is Vault -Tec. It's Amazon, basically,
00:45:44.630 --> 00:45:49.210
which makes it so damn ironic that it is Amazon
00:45:49.210 --> 00:45:51.889
that is creating this show, which is Fallout
00:45:51.889 --> 00:45:56.170
and even the show itself are huge critics of
00:45:56.170 --> 00:46:01.489
capitalism and of this kind of... Ooh, I can't
00:46:01.489 --> 00:46:02.889
say that. That's too big of a spoiler. Shit.
00:46:03.190 --> 00:46:06.190
But anyway, understanding that during capitalism
00:46:06.190 --> 00:46:07.829
and stuff like that, there's always someone pulling
00:46:07.829 --> 00:46:12.449
the strings that war makes money. And one of
00:46:12.449 --> 00:46:16.550
the taglines of the entire series is war. War
00:46:16.550 --> 00:46:19.429
never changes. And I think a lot of the heart
00:46:19.429 --> 00:46:21.929
of that is about criticizing capitalism and criticizing
00:46:21.929 --> 00:46:25.619
this kind of obsession with money. um and how
00:46:25.619 --> 00:46:28.420
power kills and power creates vacuums and shit
00:46:28.420 --> 00:46:31.039
like that so i really appreciate some of the
00:46:31.039 --> 00:46:34.719
even philosophical qualities of how fallout kind
00:46:34.719 --> 00:46:37.099
of looks at the world it's funny it's brutal
00:46:37.099 --> 00:46:40.820
it's bloody but it also makes you ask questions
00:46:40.820 --> 00:46:43.440
about like the world as we know it the world
00:46:43.440 --> 00:46:47.239
as it could exist in the future and like this
00:46:47.239 --> 00:46:54.139
is going to be from the good place in a flip
00:46:54.139 --> 00:46:57.280
of that is the world views between the wastelanders
00:46:57.280 --> 00:46:59.960
the people who are fighting each other the like
00:46:59.960 --> 00:47:03.480
bandits and barbarians and various uh groups
00:47:03.480 --> 00:47:06.559
and factions that all want to kill each other
00:47:06.559 --> 00:47:12.920
um you then have vault tech who made vaults literally
00:47:12.920 --> 00:47:18.039
of course so they build bunkers and sold it as
00:47:18.039 --> 00:47:23.500
a uh protection for the nuclear war of vault
00:47:23.500 --> 00:47:26.039
tech. Keep yourself safe, buy a vault for your
00:47:26.039 --> 00:47:28.940
family so that whenever the bombs do drop, you
00:47:28.940 --> 00:47:33.840
can go safely to your vault. And just stay there.
00:47:34.380 --> 00:47:37.320
And in fact, it even mentions this in the TV
00:47:37.320 --> 00:47:40.639
show of like, that's its own kind of like colonization.
00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:44.599
They're the colonists. They're the colonizers
00:47:44.599 --> 00:47:48.639
of believing that they'll stay safely, you know,
00:47:48.639 --> 00:47:51.559
tucked away for 200 years. And then after 200
00:47:51.559 --> 00:47:53.800
years, they're going to come back up and populate
00:47:53.800 --> 00:47:57.599
the surface and, you know, take back over the
00:47:57.599 --> 00:48:01.030
world. many of the protagonists of these Fallout
00:48:01.030 --> 00:48:03.650
games get out of the vault to then have to be
00:48:03.650 --> 00:48:06.690
faced with the wasteland, with what's out there,
00:48:06.750 --> 00:48:11.409
with the irradiated monsters and unkind humans
00:48:11.409 --> 00:48:14.789
and Vault -Tec and the vaultees and the people
00:48:14.789 --> 00:48:19.889
who live in the vault are so... And so kind of
00:48:19.889 --> 00:48:22.469
in this bubble of they believe in a certain way
00:48:22.469 --> 00:48:25.550
of life. This is a little bit of what one of
00:48:25.550 --> 00:48:27.989
the characters in season one of Fallout kind
00:48:27.989 --> 00:48:30.849
of has to go through this. She comes from a vault
00:48:30.849 --> 00:48:32.929
perspective and is having to be faced with the
00:48:32.929 --> 00:48:38.349
horror and the, you know, inhuman just bloodbath
00:48:38.349 --> 00:48:40.449
and the morals that she never would have understood.
00:48:40.530 --> 00:48:46.840
And it's a really fun. It's a fun juxtaposition
00:48:46.840 --> 00:48:48.980
of these two different worldviews, and I think
00:48:48.980 --> 00:48:51.039
it's very heavily an allegory to religion. There
00:48:51.039 --> 00:48:53.980
are tons of religious allegories, including a
00:48:53.980 --> 00:48:59.360
faction that worships Children of Adam, where
00:48:59.360 --> 00:49:03.920
it's a religion about the nuclear power, of they
00:49:03.920 --> 00:49:06.929
worship the atom at the center of... I don't
00:49:06.929 --> 00:49:08.469
honestly, I don't know enough about nuclear power
00:49:08.469 --> 00:49:10.250
to understand what it means. However, they basically
00:49:10.250 --> 00:49:14.130
worship the bomb and the radiation from it. That's
00:49:14.130 --> 00:49:19.969
wild. Fallout 4 has the best DLCs of the games,
00:49:20.030 --> 00:49:24.650
I think. One of them is... where the Children
00:49:24.650 --> 00:49:27.929
of Adam faction you can go join. It's actually
00:49:27.929 --> 00:49:34.349
fictionally placed in Bar Harbor. So in Bar Harbor,
00:49:34.369 --> 00:49:36.769
Maine. So it's called Far Harbor. And that one's
00:49:36.769 --> 00:49:40.710
a really fun one. Questioning about synths, which
00:49:40.710 --> 00:49:44.889
is another, like the Institute in Vault -Tec.
00:49:44.929 --> 00:49:47.369
These are all these big kind of... Whether it's
00:49:47.369 --> 00:49:49.369
a shadowy corporation or whatever, it's a faction.
00:49:49.449 --> 00:49:52.550
It's kind of this, all the factions have what
00:49:52.550 --> 00:49:54.070
they believe to be the way that the world should
00:49:54.070 --> 00:49:56.510
work. You've got the Brotherhood of Steel, who
00:49:56.510 --> 00:49:59.789
are trying to like, they're trying to hoard and
00:49:59.789 --> 00:50:03.530
collect all of the technology and wipe out any
00:50:03.530 --> 00:50:06.789
so -called abominations. And kind of to take
00:50:06.789 --> 00:50:11.670
over the United States, retake it over by might.
00:50:12.380 --> 00:50:16.699
And they have cool weapons and the iconic Fallout
00:50:16.699 --> 00:50:20.619
power armor. Vault -Tec is very much about the
00:50:20.619 --> 00:50:26.699
vaults. What's another one? The Institute is
00:50:26.699 --> 00:50:28.880
a really interesting option that they give you
00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:33.280
because they're kind of the bad guys. But Far
00:50:33.280 --> 00:50:35.880
Harbor actually lets you look at the synths a
00:50:35.880 --> 00:50:38.039
little bit differently and kind of like a synth
00:50:38.039 --> 00:50:44.659
sanctuary. One of them is that robot -specific
00:50:44.659 --> 00:50:47.480
one where you go on a long quest. I'm not going
00:50:47.480 --> 00:50:50.880
to lie, I hate that one. I think that if it was
00:50:50.880 --> 00:50:52.920
written a little better, I think if the ending
00:50:52.920 --> 00:50:55.780
was different, it would be so satisfying. But
00:50:55.780 --> 00:51:01.119
I really thought that that villain was... I was
00:51:01.119 --> 00:51:05.539
pretty disappointed. Although the layer that
00:51:05.539 --> 00:51:07.780
you get from that is really interesting to build
00:51:07.780 --> 00:51:12.079
in. Pain in the ass, but cool. What's another
00:51:12.079 --> 00:51:14.980
one? The best one. My favorite one. The one that
00:51:14.980 --> 00:51:17.559
I just... I'm itching. I want to go back to this
00:51:17.559 --> 00:51:19.780
certain playthrough that I have on my Xbox One.
00:51:20.420 --> 00:51:23.519
However, my cat sat on it too much and I think
00:51:23.519 --> 00:51:25.619
she got some debris in it and it won't start.
00:51:25.760 --> 00:51:29.039
It won't even turn on. So I need to send it to
00:51:29.039 --> 00:51:32.190
get it cleaned. But I just... I'm just going
00:51:32.190 --> 00:51:34.489
to let this one playthrough that I left hang
00:51:34.489 --> 00:51:38.510
in sad limbo purgatory because I don't want to
00:51:38.510 --> 00:51:41.389
turn it on. It won't turn on, but it is such
00:51:41.389 --> 00:51:45.309
a well -done playthrough, and I was so far into
00:51:45.309 --> 00:51:51.269
this one DLC. Let me introduce you to Vault -Tec
00:51:51.269 --> 00:51:56.170
Barbie Playhouse. Vault 88 is the coolest thing
00:51:56.170 --> 00:51:58.289
that I have to play with video games. I just
00:51:58.289 --> 00:52:00.480
want to play. I just want that. I just want that
00:52:00.480 --> 00:52:04.099
as a game by itself. I'm going to, whenever I
00:52:04.099 --> 00:52:05.840
reboot this, I'm going to do it again on PS4.
00:52:05.900 --> 00:52:09.559
We're going to delete the game and reinstall
00:52:09.559 --> 00:52:11.239
the game because one of the updates didn't...
00:52:11.239 --> 00:52:14.699
If you do video games, you get it. So I have
00:52:14.699 --> 00:52:16.280
to redo that and then do that and then I'll start
00:52:16.280 --> 00:52:19.019
over. And then I'm going to install mods, which,
00:52:19.059 --> 00:52:20.739
shit, I don't think I actually explained what
00:52:20.739 --> 00:52:26.360
a mod is. Mods are created... um applications
00:52:26.360 --> 00:52:29.480
that you run that kind of enhance or add something
00:52:29.480 --> 00:52:32.739
to your game they can even take things out like
00:52:32.739 --> 00:52:35.659
uh there's ones that will like advance you to
00:52:35.659 --> 00:52:37.800
a different start of the game that's one where
00:52:37.800 --> 00:52:39.480
it's like i'll just go ahead and start vault
00:52:39.480 --> 00:52:42.800
88 and do that anyway i just wish i could just
00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:45.900
teleport straight to this game and in the last
00:52:45.900 --> 00:52:47.619
playthrough i had that i don't want to let go
00:52:47.619 --> 00:52:52.219
of I had fully built that vault. I fully constructed
00:52:52.219 --> 00:52:58.809
that vault. It was so pretty. So... Like I mentioned
00:52:58.809 --> 00:53:04.570
of the building and whatever, Vault 88 is a DLC
00:53:04.570 --> 00:53:08.289
that lets you build a vault that gives you all
00:53:08.289 --> 00:53:10.469
these pieces. You have to build it piece by piece,
00:53:10.530 --> 00:53:13.710
wall piece by wall piece. You can light it up
00:53:13.710 --> 00:53:16.909
with electricity. I got that thing lit up. I
00:53:16.909 --> 00:53:21.449
had it wired up. And there are certain mods that
00:53:21.449 --> 00:53:24.349
can help make it easier, such as a lighting mod,
00:53:24.409 --> 00:53:27.030
which is how I made it work. certain lighting
00:53:27.030 --> 00:53:31.630
mods, items and stuff. Like, bitch, you're telling
00:53:31.630 --> 00:53:34.750
me that I get to build a playhouse and then decorate
00:53:34.750 --> 00:53:37.510
it and it's populated with people that I get
00:53:37.510 --> 00:53:39.610
to give them jobs and get to make sure they're
00:53:39.610 --> 00:53:41.650
happy and healthy and I get to give them weapons
00:53:41.650 --> 00:53:46.829
and then like, you mean my dolls play? You know
00:53:46.829 --> 00:53:51.050
what? More girls in video games. Play Vault 88,
00:53:51.050 --> 00:53:54.409
damn it. Get you a Vault -Tec Barbie playhouse,
00:53:54.530 --> 00:53:58.349
bitch. I don't know how to make a mod, but it'd
00:53:58.349 --> 00:54:00.449
be really cool. I don't know how to do a live
00:54:00.449 --> 00:54:03.949
stream, but I've built this. God damn it. I've
00:54:03.949 --> 00:54:06.650
been chasing this one like finished, completed
00:54:06.650 --> 00:54:10.849
vault that I have made it probably two different
00:54:10.849 --> 00:54:13.369
times over. That would be really fun to do with
00:54:13.369 --> 00:54:16.889
some kind of a live stream of like, build my
00:54:16.889 --> 00:54:23.739
Barbie vault playhouse with me. No, I had a lot
00:54:23.739 --> 00:54:25.980
of fun with it. I had so much fun with it and
00:54:25.980 --> 00:54:28.500
I'll have fun starting over. But this time I'll
00:54:28.500 --> 00:54:30.380
be taking notes and making sure I can reference
00:54:30.380 --> 00:54:35.440
how to do it correctly. But building a vault,
00:54:35.519 --> 00:54:38.599
it is kind of a very, it's a very specific to
00:54:38.599 --> 00:54:41.760
me. I love it. Some people just can't stand that
00:54:41.760 --> 00:54:43.320
and they don't even do it because they're like,
00:54:43.340 --> 00:54:44.699
I can't get the lights to work. I don't like
00:54:44.699 --> 00:54:46.460
it. I don't want to build a vault. What's the
00:54:46.460 --> 00:54:49.039
fucking point? It depends on your play style.
00:54:51.530 --> 00:54:56.530
the vault the vault 88 thing is so goddamn big
00:54:56.530 --> 00:55:01.769
that I figured out how to connect like three
00:55:01.769 --> 00:55:04.829
or four different areas of that cave and I it's
00:55:04.829 --> 00:55:06.670
like I'm so proud I need to go back and make
00:55:06.670 --> 00:55:09.849
sure I can repeat it because that's so cool sorry
00:55:09.849 --> 00:55:12.349
there's few things that I've done on a on a video
00:55:12.349 --> 00:55:15.150
game that I'm like proud of I'm like that's my
00:55:15.150 --> 00:55:18.750
playthrough right there that's my girl and I
00:55:18.750 --> 00:55:23.559
can't get it My poor PS4. Sorry, my poor Xbox.
00:55:24.780 --> 00:55:30.360
So I'll just have to further load down our tired
00:55:30.360 --> 00:55:33.400
PS4 or delete some kind of save so I have the
00:55:33.400 --> 00:55:36.739
room for it to go build me my Barbie Vault Playhouse.
00:55:39.519 --> 00:55:42.099
It's really goofy. I wish that I could describe
00:55:42.099 --> 00:55:45.099
it in a way that's like... You have to actually
00:55:45.099 --> 00:55:46.840
imagine what a vault is. But the fact that you
00:55:46.840 --> 00:55:49.039
can build it, there's different rooms, there's
00:55:49.039 --> 00:55:52.880
different... It's just... Let me have this. Let
00:55:52.880 --> 00:55:57.920
me have this. Come on. So there are many, many
00:55:57.920 --> 00:56:01.179
reasons to play Fallout and Fallout 4 specifically,
00:56:01.260 --> 00:56:03.860
but I got so excited thinking about this. I need
00:56:03.860 --> 00:56:09.519
to go play. I need to go get my game. I think
00:56:09.519 --> 00:56:12.880
that's a wonderful place to stop. I am feeling
00:56:12.880 --> 00:56:14.440
better than I did when I first started recording
00:56:14.440 --> 00:56:15.860
this. And that's because I've been laughing.
00:56:15.900 --> 00:56:18.099
Because how many times have I said, heal through
00:56:18.099 --> 00:56:20.219
laughing, bitch. It's good for you. It gives
00:56:20.219 --> 00:56:23.500
you endorphins and it makes you breathe. All
00:56:23.500 --> 00:56:27.239
right. I think I'll finish this out at like a
00:56:27.239 --> 00:56:30.559
six. Yeah, that's pretty good for me. My hip
00:56:30.559 --> 00:56:33.099
was hurting really bad the last week or two.
00:56:33.219 --> 00:56:35.639
But I've been trying to rest and I've been stretching
00:56:35.639 --> 00:56:37.519
and I've been doing my shadow work and crying.
00:56:37.639 --> 00:56:41.039
And now it's feeling better. I can still make
00:56:41.039 --> 00:56:44.760
it crack, but that's fine. Yeah, and my head's
00:56:44.760 --> 00:56:49.239
not great, but it's been worse. It's been worse
00:56:49.239 --> 00:56:52.739
and it'll be worse and I'll be fine. But Fallout
00:56:52.739 --> 00:56:55.519
has helped me kind of embrace some of the weird
00:56:55.519 --> 00:56:59.960
nihilistic staring into the voidness of, yeah,
00:57:00.039 --> 00:57:03.719
we're living in scary fucking times. So it's
00:57:03.719 --> 00:57:07.239
a little cathartic to look at this. Humanity
00:57:07.239 --> 00:57:10.400
will persist. Even after the bombs, even after
00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:12.960
whatever, humanity will keep kicking. And that
00:57:12.960 --> 00:57:16.800
is such a touching message in the times that
00:57:16.800 --> 00:57:19.320
we're in. I think that tells you how bad things
00:57:19.320 --> 00:57:22.320
are. That I find it quite touching that people
00:57:22.320 --> 00:57:24.420
will still hate each other and still fight for
00:57:24.420 --> 00:57:27.400
power in, what was it? I think this is supposed
00:57:27.400 --> 00:57:31.840
to be like 200 years in the future. Yeah. War
00:57:31.840 --> 00:57:38.739
never changes. Humanity is questionable. I kind
00:57:38.739 --> 00:57:41.099
of choose to believe in this, like, people are
00:57:41.099 --> 00:57:43.980
bad, but humanity is good. Or even just that
00:57:43.980 --> 00:57:47.280
humanity is still moving in the right direction.
00:57:48.280 --> 00:57:51.380
There's just a NASA mission to the moon. And
00:57:51.380 --> 00:57:54.079
now humans have been further from the planet
00:57:54.079 --> 00:57:57.539
than ever before. The last time we went to the
00:57:57.539 --> 00:58:00.699
moon, women couldn't open a credit card on their
00:58:00.699 --> 00:58:02.880
own. And now there are women running mission
00:58:02.880 --> 00:58:08.820
control. The same week. that a absolute fucking
00:58:08.820 --> 00:58:13.039
maniac is threatening and terrorizing the entire
00:58:13.039 --> 00:58:17.320
world you just gotta find you've got to find
00:58:17.320 --> 00:58:21.579
the good there's bad everywhere it's easy to
00:58:21.579 --> 00:58:23.599
be bad that's what i'm talking about with the
00:58:23.599 --> 00:58:27.000
villain stuff man it's easy to be bad it's easy
00:58:27.000 --> 00:58:29.119
to make the bad choice it's easy to take the
00:58:29.119 --> 00:58:32.719
easy and cruel route it is hard to choose to
00:58:32.719 --> 00:58:35.800
be good it is hard to see the good in the world
00:58:35.800 --> 00:58:38.000
when everything's fucking falling apart. And
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:40.900
we are being pushed to hate each other. We are
00:58:40.900 --> 00:58:43.820
being pushed to dislike each other and to not
00:58:43.820 --> 00:58:47.860
actually see the similarities and manipulation.
00:58:50.219 --> 00:58:52.800
But we're moving in the right direction. And
00:58:52.800 --> 00:58:55.639
I have to hold on to that. Well, like I said,
00:58:55.659 --> 00:58:58.260
I'll talk about the next place. Sorry, the good
00:58:58.260 --> 00:59:02.230
place next month. which has also really helped
00:59:02.230 --> 00:59:05.070
me throughout my life examine like my own philosophy
00:59:05.070 --> 00:59:08.630
and my own morals. And, you know, I'll end it
00:59:08.630 --> 00:59:11.030
with saying that roleplay games and video games,
00:59:11.110 --> 00:59:13.710
I know they can get a bad rap. Maybe that's not
00:59:13.710 --> 00:59:16.510
quite the hot take it used to be from like my
00:59:16.510 --> 00:59:19.110
generation. I wasn't allowed to play video games
00:59:19.110 --> 00:59:23.170
until I turned 18. Like I wasn't allowed a console
00:59:23.170 --> 00:59:29.099
until I was already in college. So I... I do
00:59:29.099 --> 00:59:31.699
appreciate both the storytelling of the genre
00:59:31.699 --> 00:59:34.719
and the medium and also the way that RPGs are
00:59:34.719 --> 00:59:37.619
designed to help you. You get to ask those questions.
00:59:37.739 --> 00:59:40.280
You also get to ask them and answer multiple
00:59:40.280 --> 00:59:42.460
ways. You can play it multiple times. You can
00:59:42.460 --> 00:59:46.079
look at different avenues. yeah i'd like to look
00:59:46.079 --> 00:59:47.659
at a little bit more to like the storytelling
00:59:47.659 --> 00:59:50.940
of video games and even the way that it's improved
00:59:50.940 --> 00:59:55.880
ghost of tsushima oh man the storytelling in
00:59:55.880 --> 00:59:58.880
that i can't wait to play ghost of yotei i need
00:59:58.880 --> 01:00:02.400
a ps5 to play ghost of yotei erika ishii i'm
01:00:02.400 --> 01:00:05.780
coming okay okay so there are just fantastic
01:00:05.780 --> 01:00:08.960
games out there that make you ask the questions
01:00:08.960 --> 01:00:12.519
that i think are as impactful as like as fiction
01:00:12.519 --> 01:00:16.650
novels at teaching people about the questions
01:00:16.650 --> 01:00:18.849
that we ask ourselves, the answers we get, like
01:00:18.849 --> 01:00:21.309
the kind of the morality, the story, the history
01:00:21.309 --> 01:00:25.070
stuff. Yeah, I think that video games are a fantastic
01:00:25.070 --> 01:00:29.030
genre. And the fact that they're so big, they're
01:00:29.030 --> 01:00:32.010
so wide, you getting to put yourself in the position
01:00:32.010 --> 01:00:34.190
of this character and ask yourself whether you're
01:00:34.190 --> 01:00:36.190
role playing or whether you're playing as what
01:00:36.190 --> 01:00:39.409
you would want to do. Either way, that imagination,
01:00:39.730 --> 01:00:42.130
those askings like that helps you grow. I love
01:00:42.130 --> 01:00:44.909
it. Um, so yeah, I'm sure there are plenty of
01:00:44.909 --> 01:00:46.750
video games where the whole like, ah, it's just
01:00:46.750 --> 01:00:52.010
violence, whatever. Okay. Okay. And there's still
01:00:52.010 --> 01:00:54.230
plenty of ones where you get to do fun stuff
01:00:54.230 --> 01:00:59.409
and blow stuff up. You get to like have followers
01:00:59.409 --> 01:01:02.389
and, and people that you get to know and you
01:01:02.389 --> 01:01:04.150
figure out their story. You understand why they
01:01:04.150 --> 01:01:07.809
work and they help you. Like, it's just interesting
01:01:07.809 --> 01:01:11.320
ways of interacting with the world. Through the
01:01:11.320 --> 01:01:14.980
lens of play, but also through imagination. I
01:01:14.980 --> 01:01:16.659
just, yeah, I can say a lot about video games.
01:01:17.619 --> 01:01:20.300
And Fallout is one of my favorites of that. It
01:01:20.300 --> 01:01:23.239
asks questions that I like being asked. That
01:01:23.239 --> 01:01:25.960
I like that people will ask themselves because
01:01:25.960 --> 01:01:29.119
so much of it is about power. About what you're
01:01:29.119 --> 01:01:32.659
willing to do to live. What you're willing to
01:01:32.659 --> 01:01:34.539
do to keep yourself and the people you like safe.
01:01:34.679 --> 01:01:40.239
Who you define as who's you. Yeah. And the kind
01:01:40.239 --> 01:01:46.900
of enmity that's created by scarcity and by lies,
01:01:47.039 --> 01:01:53.219
honestly. So Fallout is a beautiful example of
01:01:53.219 --> 01:01:58.239
it's deeper than it looks. It's always political.
01:01:58.320 --> 01:02:01.119
And trust me, girl, I'll always find a way to
01:02:01.119 --> 01:02:03.780
both make it funny and make it political. You
01:02:03.780 --> 01:02:08.260
get both. You get both. I'll stop talking about
01:02:08.260 --> 01:02:10.039
this now. I'm running out of steam. That's fine.
01:02:10.460 --> 01:02:13.880
I hope that you find something that helps you
01:02:13.880 --> 01:02:16.940
deal with the sadness of right now. That helps
01:02:16.940 --> 01:02:18.760
you deal with the heaviness of right now. If
01:02:18.760 --> 01:02:22.139
right now that deals with a kind of a nihilistic,
01:02:22.219 --> 01:02:27.480
post -apocalyptic nuclear wasteland, I'm right
01:02:27.480 --> 01:02:29.619
there with you. If that's not your speed, I hope
01:02:29.619 --> 01:02:32.119
you find something that does. Whether it's herbal
01:02:32.119 --> 01:02:35.829
or doom scrolling or whatever you need. I hope
01:02:35.829 --> 01:02:39.769
you get it. You are loved. Stay safe. Stay sharp.
01:02:39.889 --> 01:02:45.789
And I will talk to y 'all later. Bye. Oh, and
01:02:45.789 --> 01:02:48.929
also I got you a bonus poem this month. You're
01:02:48.929 --> 01:02:52.869
welcome. Have a nice day, sweetie. This is a
01:02:52.869 --> 01:02:57.610
poem by Shannon Ecker. This one also comes with
01:02:57.610 --> 01:03:03.230
a bit of a experience. I'm on my porch. It's
01:03:03.230 --> 01:03:06.849
raining. And the sound is too good to give up.
01:03:08.389 --> 01:03:12.969
Close your eyes. Wherever you are. Not driving!
01:03:13.150 --> 01:03:15.570
If you're not driving, open your eyes. Okay.
01:03:19.030 --> 01:03:20.849
Go ahead and close them. Close them on the 405,
01:03:20.929 --> 01:03:22.969
actually. Okay, so if you're on the 405, I want
01:03:22.969 --> 01:03:24.570
you to close your eyes, and I want you to grab
01:03:24.570 --> 01:03:31.409
the wheel. Oh, I'm gonna... If I ever have a
01:03:31.409 --> 01:03:33.010
blooper reel, this is where it should go. Alright.
01:03:35.880 --> 01:03:39.880
This is a poem by Shannon Ecker called Unlimited.
01:03:40.880 --> 01:03:50.440
With bonus, rain patter. Unlimited. My past in
01:03:50.440 --> 01:03:55.239
closets unsafe. Flight from my captors unbound.
01:03:55.840 --> 01:04:00.880
My concealed rage unleashed. My clouded silence
01:04:00.880 --> 01:04:06.179
unrefined. Claiming my boundaries. Unrepentant.
01:04:06.179 --> 01:04:14.690
My future calls, unlimited. All right, that's
01:04:14.690 --> 01:04:17.230
everything for this episode of Shannon's Sharp.
01:04:17.449 --> 01:04:19.710
If you want more of me, I'm at Shanshan Ecker
01:04:19.710 --> 01:04:22.250
on Instagram, TikTok, Substack, and Pinterest.
01:04:22.550 --> 01:04:24.710
I've also got separate Instagrams at Shannon
01:04:24.710 --> 01:04:27.050
Ecker author for poetry and publishing and at
01:04:27.050 --> 01:04:29.389
Siren underscore Cassandra if you like mermaids.
01:04:29.610 --> 01:04:31.389
I'm Shannon Ecker and you'll be hearing from
01:04:31.389 --> 01:04:33.449
me next month. Take care of yourselves out there
01:04:33.449 --> 01:04:34.650
and once again, stay sharp.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.200
Shannon’s sharp, she's really sharp, she's the sharpest
00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:10.500
tool in the box. Her head is pounding, got
00:00:10.500 --> 00:00:15.300
a new hometown, no contact is treating her well.
00:00:16.379 --> 00:00:22.199
She's cutting to the heart of the matter, she's dancing
00:00:22.199 --> 00:00:28.899
on the cutting edge. Hear that piercing laughter?
00:00:29.679 --> 00:00:35.399
She's finally backed off the ledge. She's keen to
00:00:35.399 --> 00:00:40.960
punch a Nazi. She's got a searing stare.
00:00:41.939 --> 00:00:48.679
If there's a hill to die on, trust me, she'll be
00:00:48.679 --> 00:00:55.439
there. Shannon’s sharp, she's really sharp. She's
00:00:55.439 --> 00:01:13.019
the sharpest tool in the box. Ah, I see what's
00:01:13.019 --> 00:01:15.319
happening here. You want me to actually believe
00:01:15.319 --> 00:01:23.650
myself when I'm competent? The fuck? HI welcome
00:01:23.650 --> 00:01:26.689
to Shannon’s sharp I’m shannon ecker and i'm having
00:01:26.689 --> 00:01:29.150
to discover that i'm actually really hot, that
00:01:29.150 --> 00:01:32.170
i'm really that bitch! i really am hot shit and
00:01:32.170 --> 00:01:38.250
um it's unfortunate because i don't know what
00:01:38.250 --> 00:01:40.769
to do about it and i'm starting to realize that
00:01:40.769 --> 00:01:43.489
like oh i'm literally the last person to find
00:01:43.489 --> 00:01:49.290
this out. I have, I’ve struggled with feeling
00:01:49.290 --> 00:01:51.799
underestimated and there have been some shifts
00:01:51.799 --> 00:01:55.400
in my like world view and perspective on how
00:01:55.400 --> 00:01:59.599
people act and how they work to make me go, “oh
00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:08.759
oh oh oh oh oh oh man ew” with the way that people
00:02:08.759 --> 00:02:15.710
have treated me! Of like, oh if uh if this face
00:02:15.710 --> 00:02:18.129
fills in all of those question marks that I've
00:02:18.129 --> 00:02:20.150
had and pinned for this like, what the fuck was
00:02:20.150 --> 00:02:22.729
this one face? that this person made that I've
00:02:22.729 --> 00:02:24.509
never quite understood? Turns out that face was
00:02:24.509 --> 00:02:26.810
envy. It turns out that some of those faces were
00:02:26.810 --> 00:02:30.870
jealousy and I had no idea because I had such
00:02:30.870 --> 00:02:33.629
shit self -worth for so long, for my entire fucking
00:02:33.629 --> 00:02:37.889
life so far, that I had no idea what there was
00:02:37.889 --> 00:02:42.650
about me to be jealous of. I didn't know that
00:02:42.650 --> 00:02:44.490
I had any worth. And I think some of that's on
00:02:44.490 --> 00:02:46.110
purpose because it meant that I was going to
00:02:46.110 --> 00:02:48.229
very specific people to seek my worth and to
00:02:48.229 --> 00:02:52.050
seek any value that I have. And so now that I've
00:02:52.050 --> 00:02:58.469
found some value and I've found ways to value
00:02:58.469 --> 00:03:01.169
myself, to like myself, to actually see what
00:03:01.169 --> 00:03:07.870
I'm worth, the math be mathing. The math is mathing.
00:03:08.009 --> 00:03:11.889
Other people's faces were some of that equation
00:03:11.889 --> 00:03:14.710
that I did not realize, of this like, oh there
00:03:14.710 --> 00:03:16.969
have been so many reactions that I was not equipped
00:03:16.969 --> 00:03:20.669
or like aware of, in a very autistic sense of
00:03:20.669 --> 00:03:24.069
like that canon autistic moment of like, wait
00:03:24.069 --> 00:03:26.330
did everybody actually hate me? Turns out some
00:03:26.330 --> 00:03:27.849
of that hate was because of envy and jealousy.
00:03:27.849 --> 00:03:32.870
I addressed the gossip and shit last episode
00:03:32.870 --> 00:03:34.849
and I really don't feel like revisiting it but
00:03:34.849 --> 00:03:37.430
I will say that some of that has shifted my view
00:03:37.430 --> 00:03:40.430
on who I am. Because I'm like, wait a minute, since
00:03:40.430 --> 00:03:44.610
when was I someone like since when did I have
00:03:44.610 --> 00:03:47.189
a life for people to be jealous of? since when
00:03:47.189 --> 00:03:48.969
did I have a face for people to be jealous of, like
00:03:48.969 --> 00:03:54.449
huh? So adjusting with that we're gonna check
00:03:54.449 --> 00:03:57.129
out my resume. We’re gonna check out my resume
00:03:57.129 --> 00:04:01.289
for where I've been and what I'm bringing
00:04:01.289 --> 00:04:04.270
to the career that I'm just gonna poof into existence.
00:04:04.270 --> 00:04:10.419
So My job history has been pretty limited. I
00:04:10.419 --> 00:04:14.120
kind of say that I've never had a quote real
00:04:14.120 --> 00:04:17.519
job because most of my positions were all like
00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:21.699
graduate and student positions. I did work at
00:04:21.699 --> 00:04:25.920
like Belk, one seasonal thing, so I guess that
00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:31.120
counts. I was a tutor for most of college, and
00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:33.660
so I kind of like teaching people things. I like
00:04:33.660 --> 00:04:36.279
being able to put ideas together and help communicate
00:04:36.279 --> 00:04:41.939
it. I don't know. I kind of lost my last position
00:04:41.939 --> 00:04:45.439
with COVID and ended up leaving the grad program,
00:04:45.680 --> 00:04:49.199
which allowed me to do student work. And since
00:04:49.199 --> 00:04:53.240
then, it's been COVID and moving and rebuilding.
00:04:53.379 --> 00:04:57.759
And I spent two years in vocational rehab. I
00:04:57.759 --> 00:05:00.519
went to vocational rehab. I did the work. We
00:05:00.519 --> 00:05:04.180
worked with multiple job developers, both trying
00:05:04.180 --> 00:05:05.920
to find stuff in person that I could do part
00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:12.980
time or online stuff. Yeah, it was a mess. And
00:05:12.980 --> 00:05:15.079
none of the developers were able to help me.
00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:19.699
I kept... applying for a long time and at the
00:05:19.699 --> 00:05:22.620
same time the rise of AI meant like by the time
00:05:22.620 --> 00:05:25.480
I got what was it the the online only job developer
00:05:25.480 --> 00:05:28.560
he was like yeah you're uh it doesn't really
00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:30.980
matter that you've been applying to like 10 jobs
00:05:30.980 --> 00:05:34.000
a week for the last how many months because your
00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:36.639
resume was getting booted out by the AI. Thats
00:05:36.639 --> 00:05:39.519
why no one responds to you and that was… that
00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:41.480
was that was difficult. I don't even know
00:05:41.480 --> 00:05:44.209
if it's true. Um, I didn't like working with him
00:05:44.209 --> 00:05:47.189
and, uh, he multiple times confused me with someone
00:05:47.189 --> 00:05:49.769
else who had kids and multiple times insisted
00:05:49.769 --> 00:05:52.709
on me changing my pronouns. So if anything, I
00:05:52.709 --> 00:05:55.949
think I learned what is required right now to
00:05:55.949 --> 00:05:59.230
make it in this current job market. And, um,
00:05:59.410 --> 00:06:01.810
I'm not, I'm not running that race anymore. I'm
00:06:01.810 --> 00:06:13.329
out. And I'm lucky. what i'm wanting to do is
00:06:13.329 --> 00:06:15.870
not just make a difference and make money
00:06:15.870 --> 00:06:18.430
but kind of allow us to live a different quality
00:06:18.430 --> 00:06:21.350
of life. because we're currently able to make
00:06:21.350 --> 00:06:25.569
it, it's just pretty pretty broke. We’re able to
00:06:25.569 --> 00:06:28.430
make it but you know, broke, in debt and stuff
00:06:28.430 --> 00:06:34.389
like that to where um… I need to get working, you
00:06:34.389 --> 00:06:37.250
know? And so there was a pivot of realizing that
00:06:37.250 --> 00:06:42.819
going through a normal route was not helpful.
00:06:42.980 --> 00:06:46.839
And I look back on it a little differently. But
00:06:46.839 --> 00:06:51.100
most of the people that knew me. in Greenville
00:06:51.100 --> 00:06:54.319
were encouraging me to go on disability. My family
00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:56.120
encouraged me multiple times to go on disability.
00:06:56.579 --> 00:06:58.500
And I'm not letting the government have that
00:06:58.500 --> 00:07:03.220
much access to me, to my, no, because you are
00:07:03.220 --> 00:07:05.500
limited on anything that you can do. And ultimately,
00:07:05.519 --> 00:07:07.920
that would just keep me even more subservient
00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:11.959
to my family. And I left that shit a long way
00:07:11.959 --> 00:07:15.800
behind. And I'm also not to the level of needing
00:07:15.800 --> 00:07:19.240
disability. Although they sure would have liked
00:07:19.240 --> 00:07:27.399
it if I was. Okay so I have significant like
00:07:27.399 --> 00:07:32.560
academic history but then I burnt out like
00:07:32.560 --> 00:07:36.769
a lot of people. I went, even with all my medical
00:07:36.769 --> 00:07:39.050
stuff that happened in high school, I still graduated
00:07:39.050 --> 00:07:41.910
in four years, went immediately into a graduate
00:07:41.910 --> 00:07:44.949
program. And I'll talk about that next month
00:07:44.949 --> 00:07:47.990
because it was a very big awakening. I don't
00:07:47.990 --> 00:07:49.649
think I was ready. I don't think I was mature
00:07:49.649 --> 00:07:51.829
enough to have been able to deal with it. But
00:07:51.829 --> 00:07:54.230
it taught me some lessons that I desperately
00:07:54.230 --> 00:07:58.660
needed at that time. That was a big change, and
00:07:58.660 --> 00:08:01.120
that was kind of the last time. It should be
00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:04.079
no surprise to me that I burnt myself to a crisp
00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:09.519
going from a very stressful final semester of
00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:13.860
college to working full -time at an in -person
00:08:13.860 --> 00:08:17.019
thing. That semester, I think I worked up to
00:08:17.019 --> 00:08:21.160
three jobs at once. Yeah, guaranteed to burn
00:08:21.160 --> 00:08:25.629
myself out. But I needed funds. I needed finances.
00:08:25.850 --> 00:08:29.149
And it was the first time I'd ever had money
00:08:29.149 --> 00:08:32.690
of my own. And it was difficult, as usual. But
00:08:32.690 --> 00:08:36.450
I was really insistent on cutting those strings
00:08:36.450 --> 00:08:39.389
as early as I could of, you know, since I was
00:08:39.389 --> 00:08:42.210
already engaged by the time I graduated and we
00:08:42.210 --> 00:08:46.470
got married so quickly. I was very motivated
00:08:46.470 --> 00:08:49.950
to get our own things, to get our own phones,
00:08:50.049 --> 00:08:51.830
to get on our own thing, to take care of our
00:08:51.830 --> 00:08:55.950
finances as a married couple with lots of attempted
00:08:55.950 --> 00:08:59.990
interference. But hey, that was an early lesson
00:08:59.990 --> 00:09:04.590
that we learned, which was don't let your parents
00:09:04.590 --> 00:09:09.649
or in -laws dictate your financial health, your
00:09:09.649 --> 00:09:13.879
financial anything. Don't do that. They don't
00:09:13.879 --> 00:09:16.100
know what's best, but they will definitely try
00:09:16.100 --> 00:09:20.759
to tell you that they do. Anyway, I'm ready to
00:09:20.759 --> 00:09:23.059
get back out in the world because I've been working
00:09:23.059 --> 00:09:25.000
towards it for a long time. I just had to realize,
00:09:25.139 --> 00:09:27.879
oh, there's no path because I haven't found it
00:09:27.879 --> 00:09:30.500
yet. I haven't walked it yet. I need to get out
00:09:30.500 --> 00:09:32.659
there and get moving on the vision that I've
00:09:32.659 --> 00:09:36.879
been developing and the body of work that I've
00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:39.700
started building. I don't know what publishing
00:09:39.700 --> 00:09:41.720
is going to look like, but I'm excited to find
00:09:41.720 --> 00:09:45.700
out when that bridge gets here. What's important
00:09:45.700 --> 00:09:48.200
right now is that I'm having to look on paper
00:09:48.200 --> 00:09:52.500
and still go, oh, I am ready for this. Like,
00:09:52.500 --> 00:09:55.240
I am even on paper ready for this. And it's not
00:09:55.240 --> 00:09:58.159
about what I learned in school. Although that
00:09:58.159 --> 00:10:03.100
is great. I was a psychology major. I went into
00:10:03.100 --> 00:10:08.559
school with big ambitions, wanting to do a psych
00:10:08.559 --> 00:10:12.679
and social double major and a double minor in
00:10:12.679 --> 00:10:17.820
music and women's studies. Yep. Wingate University.
00:10:18.039 --> 00:10:21.919
It was so small and I love that. I love how small
00:10:21.919 --> 00:10:24.960
it was. It was incredibly walkable. I kind of,
00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:27.179
with my health issues and like, I don't know,
00:10:27.220 --> 00:10:29.299
trauma, I kind of needed to be a big fish in
00:10:29.299 --> 00:10:31.299
a small pond. And that ended up being kind of
00:10:31.299 --> 00:10:34.580
useful. One of the reasons why that senior year
00:10:34.580 --> 00:10:38.940
final semester was so stressful. Oh, that's going
00:10:38.940 --> 00:10:40.740
to have to be a whole episode. Oh, that's going
00:10:40.740 --> 00:10:43.139
to be a whole different episode. There was like
00:10:43.139 --> 00:10:46.340
an evil ex -roommate that tried to keep me and
00:10:46.340 --> 00:10:49.279
the other roommates from graduating. It was so
00:10:49.279 --> 00:10:52.980
stressful. And I still didn't learn my lesson
00:10:52.980 --> 00:10:59.039
about envious mean women. Anyway. So much so
00:10:59.039 --> 00:11:00.899
that there was, yeah, it was it was a perfect
00:11:00.899 --> 00:11:04.460
storm for me to burn out. And I didn't know I'd
00:11:04.460 --> 00:11:06.559
get any of this back. Like I've spent a lot of
00:11:06.559 --> 00:11:09.000
time trying to recover from burnout. That's been
00:11:09.000 --> 00:11:11.879
the last like two years minimum. I didn't start
00:11:11.879 --> 00:11:13.700
recovering from burnout. And I wasn't going to
00:11:13.700 --> 00:11:16.620
be capable of any kind of that of like nervous
00:11:16.620 --> 00:11:19.039
system regulation and actually taking care of
00:11:19.039 --> 00:11:25.019
myself until I went no contact in 2024. So that's
00:11:25.019 --> 00:11:26.700
another part of my resume. There's there's a
00:11:26.700 --> 00:11:30.350
weird amount of like, Oh, yeah. One of those
00:11:30.350 --> 00:11:32.309
sides of the family always picked on me for being
00:11:32.309 --> 00:11:35.750
book smart, but not street smart. And I mean,
00:11:35.769 --> 00:11:38.070
considering that I wasn't actually allowed to
00:11:38.070 --> 00:11:40.850
gain any street smarts because I was kept in
00:11:40.850 --> 00:11:44.830
a bubble is also, you know, part of the cruelty.
00:11:44.909 --> 00:11:48.629
So I always didn't believe that I could
00:11:48.629 --> 00:11:51.610
actually acquire life skills because I was being
00:11:51.610 --> 00:11:55.309
kept down by people who preferred me infantilized
00:11:55.309 --> 00:11:58.259
and quiet and incapable. Because then I had to
00:11:58.259 --> 00:12:02.240
go to them. So looking back and going, oh, I've
00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:07.360
had to make a lot of really hard choices that
00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:09.279
has taught me about the world, taught me about
00:12:09.279 --> 00:12:12.940
what you have to do to get to healing, to get
00:12:12.940 --> 00:12:15.980
to any kind of happiness. I've moved cross country.
00:12:16.179 --> 00:12:19.519
Like there was such a big change, change after
00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:22.259
change after change that getting settled has
00:12:22.259 --> 00:12:26.370
taken time. So let's see, we have a social resume
00:12:26.370 --> 00:12:29.750
of like, I've done big change. And I've also
00:12:29.750 --> 00:12:32.210
cut off the awful people. And that has created,
00:12:32.370 --> 00:12:37.210
well, a happiness that I wouldn't trade for anything.
00:12:37.990 --> 00:12:41.470
And that's its own kind of being able to step
00:12:41.470 --> 00:12:44.350
up here and say, here's how I've made myself
00:12:44.350 --> 00:12:48.389
happy, healthy and safe. Just like my family
00:12:48.389 --> 00:12:52.740
always promised me. It's such a hard thing to
00:12:52.740 --> 00:12:55.820
stand up here and say, yeah, my entire resume
00:12:55.820 --> 00:12:58.840
is based off of things that I had to fight hell
00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:02.299
just to get done. And things that almost killed
00:13:02.299 --> 00:13:05.480
me and things that have transformed me into,
00:13:05.659 --> 00:13:10.720
I don't know, a really traumatized, tired person.
00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:13.720
I don't know. I'm not just traumatized. I'm not
00:13:13.720 --> 00:13:17.250
just tired. But out of everything that I've been
00:13:17.250 --> 00:13:19.990
through, I understand on paper, it would make
00:13:19.990 --> 00:13:22.889
sense if I came out a villain. Like, it would
00:13:22.889 --> 00:13:25.950
make sense if I came out all of this bitter and
00:13:25.950 --> 00:13:29.110
hardened and cruel, just like the people that
00:13:29.110 --> 00:13:34.269
raised me. So it's... I look back at my life
00:13:34.269 --> 00:13:35.710
and I look back at all the things and I'm like,
00:13:35.750 --> 00:13:38.799
oh, I think I was supposed to turn evil!
00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:41.960
like it's easier to hate me if I just went and
00:13:41.960 --> 00:13:44.399
turned evil instead of having to look at themselves
00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:48.080
for trying to turn me evil but like I'm not the
00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:52.799
one ultimately who's evil here. I refuse. I refuse.
00:13:52.799 --> 00:13:57.460
y 'all would love if I just decided to be evil,
00:13:57.460 --> 00:14:00.580
y 'all would love if I just decided to make this
00:14:00.580 --> 00:14:05.779
my villain era. If I successfully got turned into
00:14:05.779 --> 00:14:10.179
someone who I'm not. I'm not cruel, I'm not a villain.
00:14:10.179 --> 00:14:13.860
I have had such a horrible hard time understanding
00:14:13.860 --> 00:14:17.500
the people who hurt me because ultimately I don't..
00:14:17.500 --> 00:14:20.940
I don't.. I don't fucking get it! I don't get how you
00:14:20.940 --> 00:14:23.690
can want to hurt people. I don't get How you can
00:14:23.690 --> 00:14:26.610
promise someone the world and love and affection
00:14:26.610 --> 00:14:28.769
and protection and then stab them in the back
00:14:28.769 --> 00:14:30.590
at every turn. I don't understand how someone
00:14:30.590 --> 00:14:34.230
does that. And so like some of my life experience
00:14:34.230 --> 00:14:36.850
is just being able to walk away and go, well,
00:14:37.090 --> 00:14:40.250
I have chosen a life that's not like that. And
00:14:40.250 --> 00:14:43.169
I know how to protect myself from people like
00:14:43.169 --> 00:14:47.350
that. That's valuable information. as I said,
00:14:47.370 --> 00:14:50.210
psych major. I’m, by the time
00:14:50.210 --> 00:14:52.610
I graduated and especially with health issues
00:14:52.610 --> 00:14:55.629
and being bullied by my fucking family, um, I
00:14:55.629 --> 00:14:57.830
ended up dropping the sociology degree. I ended
00:14:57.830 --> 00:15:00.710
up dropping music theory. That's what I dropped
00:15:00.710 --> 00:15:02.429
the music minor because I found out that you
00:15:02.429 --> 00:15:04.789
had to pass music theory to get it. And I, I
00:15:04.789 --> 00:15:09.250
will see how much I love music theory now, but
00:15:09.250 --> 00:15:12.860
I could not have handled it. That being said,
00:15:12.940 --> 00:15:15.500
those choir classes that I took in my first and
00:15:15.500 --> 00:15:17.320
last semesters of college were some of the happiest
00:15:17.320 --> 00:15:21.200
moments I have because singing and being in chorus,
00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:24.360
in a choir, it just, it's a beautiful experience.
00:15:24.519 --> 00:15:28.759
It's frission and that kind of, you know, church
00:15:28.759 --> 00:15:31.340
isn't really powerful because of what's being
00:15:31.340 --> 00:15:34.399
said. It's powerful because of the music. You
00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:37.539
feel God in this place because there's a very
00:15:37.539 --> 00:15:40.240
specific chord measures that makes you feel that.
00:15:42.419 --> 00:15:45.259
Speaking of, I've got really extensive music
00:15:45.259 --> 00:15:48.720
experience. I didn't give myself credit for it
00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:51.120
for a long time, but I was my father's shadow
00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:54.279
at all of his big music things, at all of his...
00:15:56.220 --> 00:15:59.100
band events when I was really young and then
00:15:59.100 --> 00:16:01.940
throughout you know all the various failed bands
00:16:01.940 --> 00:16:04.860
that ended up falling apart definitely not because
00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:08.019
of his failures um but at that time I was just
00:16:08.019 --> 00:16:10.559
always going being his roadie like helping set
00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:13.240
up stuff taking pictures being useful which is
00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:15.100
why I didn't understand why my friends treating
00:16:15.100 --> 00:16:18.799
me as a toy a prop or a photographer was not
00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:22.100
actually friendship it was just using me so um
00:16:22.100 --> 00:16:25.039
that being said I'm a fantastic photographer
00:16:26.190 --> 00:16:28.830
Like, I'm a good photographer. I'm good at reading
00:16:28.830 --> 00:16:33.330
people. I spent many years as a narcissist therapist.
00:16:33.649 --> 00:16:37.350
So I'm real good at hunting through ugly emotions
00:16:37.350 --> 00:16:39.629
that people don't want to hold. I'm real good
00:16:39.629 --> 00:16:41.789
at being able to cut through some bullshit now
00:16:41.789 --> 00:16:44.750
that I actually know what it is. Now that I actually
00:16:44.750 --> 00:16:46.789
know when people are playing in my fucking face.
00:16:47.809 --> 00:16:53.440
So there's a level of like... life lessons emotional
00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:58.299
intelligence actual fucking psych degree um and
00:16:58.299 --> 00:17:00.940
like I said next month I'll talk about the like
00:17:00.940 --> 00:17:04.880
therapy specific things and and grad school but
00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:11.000
I'm good at finding and examining and analyzing
00:17:11.000 --> 00:17:16.759
and talking obviously because this is like I'm
00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:18.740
understanding it's kind of rare to be able to
00:17:18.740 --> 00:17:20.640
just stand here and talk to yourself to just
00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:23.079
stand here and and be entertained and crack yourself
00:17:23.079 --> 00:17:26.319
up and all of that and it's really fascinating
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:31.119
that the coping mechanisms that I've chosen um
00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:33.680
or that my body chose for me depending on how
00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:37.059
you believe um of talking of getting stuff out
00:17:37.059 --> 00:17:40.819
of uh having to externalize and examine over
00:17:40.819 --> 00:17:43.140
and over and over again means that I'm pretty
00:17:43.140 --> 00:17:45.559
fucking comfortable talking I'm pretty good at
00:17:45.559 --> 00:17:48.579
this I'm pretty good at going back through the
00:17:48.579 --> 00:17:50.819
um as I mentioned the train and the first thing
00:17:50.819 --> 00:17:52.680
these are my tracks I know where we've been I
00:17:52.680 --> 00:17:54.380
know how to get back where I'm trying to go I'm
00:17:54.380 --> 00:17:58.700
good but that self -trust is the biggest fucking
00:17:58.700 --> 00:18:02.200
resume I've got because as I said I'm picky I
00:18:02.200 --> 00:18:06.960
also have extreme trust issues So I like building
00:18:06.960 --> 00:18:09.720
my own self -trust with myself has been an adventure
00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:13.619
involving having to go back and look at me the
00:18:13.619 --> 00:18:15.460
times that I was right. The times that I did
00:18:15.460 --> 00:18:18.460
actually make the right choice. The times that
00:18:18.460 --> 00:18:22.759
I needed validation. The times that I got through
00:18:22.759 --> 00:18:28.119
it on my fucking own. And the times that I did
00:18:28.119 --> 00:18:31.400
see correctly and was punished for it. And yeah,
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:36.349
to look back on those and go. I was right. Oh
00:18:36.349 --> 00:18:39.269
my God, I was right. Oh my God, I was right.
00:18:40.230 --> 00:18:44.529
Oh my God, I was right. I was, I was right. I
00:18:44.529 --> 00:18:50.829
was right. I was right. And then I read the book
00:18:50.829 --> 00:18:53.490
that I've written. It helps me put myself back
00:18:53.490 --> 00:18:56.069
together again. That's why art is valuable. That's
00:18:56.069 --> 00:18:59.089
why this creation and the holding of this art
00:18:59.089 --> 00:19:01.329
before I get it published is because I need this.
00:19:02.670 --> 00:19:04.710
When I have sleep issues, when I have moments
00:19:04.710 --> 00:19:07.430
of being triggered, when I regress back to a
00:19:07.430 --> 00:19:09.650
former self who has really ugly opinions about
00:19:09.650 --> 00:19:11.829
herself and the world, I have to hold her hand
00:19:11.829 --> 00:19:15.950
and say the world is cruel, but I am not. I am
00:19:15.950 --> 00:19:19.670
not. And like, damn, that's the biggest thing
00:19:19.670 --> 00:19:22.470
I could put on a resume. I am not what the world
00:19:22.470 --> 00:19:24.470
tried to make me into. I'm not what my family
00:19:24.470 --> 00:19:27.630
tried to crush me into. I'm not even the conservative
00:19:27.630 --> 00:19:29.769
that they would have been happy with. Like, I
00:19:29.769 --> 00:19:33.640
refuse to hate people. You can't make me a villain.
00:19:33.779 --> 00:19:38.359
I refuse. This is all just one big hero's journey.
00:19:39.000 --> 00:19:41.759
And it's taken me a long time of refusing where
00:19:41.759 --> 00:19:45.039
I need to go to recognize like, oh, I've got
00:19:45.039 --> 00:19:49.279
a destiny to go get to, bitch. And so I'll be
00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:53.680
here on my little podcast, doing my shit, making
00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:57.740
my art, writing my books, making my music. Maybe
00:19:57.740 --> 00:19:59.279
one day actually being in front of people or
00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:02.549
getting to talk to people. But I'm finally believing
00:20:02.549 --> 00:20:06.109
that, like, I'm prepared for this. Like, the
00:20:06.109 --> 00:20:07.970
only thing that I'm probably not prepared for
00:20:07.970 --> 00:20:10.349
is because I'm still chronically ill. Like, I
00:20:10.349 --> 00:20:13.670
can't just pick up a tour. I can't just go get
00:20:13.670 --> 00:20:16.029
on stage. I have migraines. I have a lot of,
00:20:16.049 --> 00:20:19.430
like, things that set me back, which is why I'm
00:20:19.430 --> 00:20:22.849
trying to do things from my house and from my
00:20:22.849 --> 00:20:26.430
phone and with no help because I don't. need
00:20:26.430 --> 00:20:30.069
it to make a difference I don't need to have
00:20:30.069 --> 00:20:32.309
a bunch of polish to be able to affect someone
00:20:32.309 --> 00:20:35.930
and you know what I kept myself alive a long
00:20:35.930 --> 00:20:38.950
time and even when I did that I did a whole lot
00:20:38.950 --> 00:20:43.490
of pulling other people up talking to them and
00:20:43.490 --> 00:20:46.329
actually not being someone who's it's not awful
00:20:46.329 --> 00:20:49.890
to say hey I'm hurting hey I want to hurt myself
00:20:49.890 --> 00:20:52.630
or hey you know I I was someone that was safe
00:20:52.630 --> 00:20:55.950
to bring self -harm to that it was safe to have
00:20:55.950 --> 00:20:58.410
someone who actually fucking gives a shit when
00:20:58.410 --> 00:21:00.589
you go through bad stuff and nobody gave a shit
00:21:00.589 --> 00:21:04.670
that i was going through bad stuff but i learned
00:21:04.670 --> 00:21:08.089
that that is some of the hardest weight to carry
00:21:08.089 --> 00:21:10.710
and it's given me empathy for other people who
00:21:10.710 --> 00:21:14.990
currently deal with it so i've had a lot of experiences
00:21:14.990 --> 00:21:16.970
that have prepared me for this whether that's
00:21:16.970 --> 00:21:20.769
like i said i don't need to sell you on the vision
00:21:20.769 --> 00:21:23.730
but just trust i've got one I've got one and
00:21:23.730 --> 00:21:25.750
it's going to build for a long time because I
00:21:25.750 --> 00:21:30.789
don't make quick plans. I don't make quick plans.
00:21:31.029 --> 00:21:33.609
And I just realized that I won a game that I
00:21:33.609 --> 00:21:37.950
was playing for almost 30 years. And I'm done
00:21:37.950 --> 00:21:41.630
playing games. I'm just going to do what I want.
00:21:42.089 --> 00:21:44.710
I'm just going to make shit that I like. I'm
00:21:44.710 --> 00:21:47.509
going to do things that impresses me and keep
00:21:47.509 --> 00:21:50.650
moving. And I do believe that it's going to be
00:21:50.650 --> 00:21:55.380
wanted somewhere. But as I said, and no one is
00:21:55.380 --> 00:21:58.960
listening, it's okay. It's okay. I don't need
00:21:58.960 --> 00:22:02.339
an audience. I am my own audience. I contain
00:22:02.339 --> 00:22:07.849
multitudes and, you know. I don't need someone
00:22:07.849 --> 00:22:10.789
here to fix everything because I was taught to
00:22:10.789 --> 00:22:14.569
go to people to fix everything. I was taught
00:22:14.569 --> 00:22:18.190
to rely. I was taught to not have a voice. I
00:22:18.190 --> 00:22:21.049
was taught to do all of these things that I have,
00:22:21.089 --> 00:22:23.150
all of these patterns that I have ripped out
00:22:23.150 --> 00:22:27.009
at the root. They're gone now. But now I can
00:22:27.009 --> 00:22:30.190
maybe talk to people about how I did it. How
00:22:30.190 --> 00:22:35.089
and why to be able to give people a playbook.
00:22:35.710 --> 00:22:39.289
Of how dysfunctional families work. Of how certain
00:22:39.289 --> 00:22:41.450
types of emotional manipulation and abuse work.
00:22:41.630 --> 00:22:45.230
Of how to spot that shit. And I'm gonna write
00:22:45.230 --> 00:22:47.490
it. And I'm gonna speak it. And I don't care
00:22:47.490 --> 00:22:50.769
if it upsets people. Because the people who do
00:22:50.769 --> 00:22:54.809
need it might not be quite as loud as the people
00:22:54.809 --> 00:22:57.569
who are angry. The people who need it might be
00:22:57.569 --> 00:22:59.609
quiet. There might be someone who will never,
00:22:59.670 --> 00:23:02.730
ever, ever tell me that I affected them and it
00:23:02.730 --> 00:23:05.380
saved their life. Because I know that there have
00:23:05.380 --> 00:23:08.220
been writers that I feel like that. Andrea Gibson
00:23:08.220 --> 00:23:11.059
passed before I could meet them and tell them
00:23:11.059 --> 00:23:15.980
that they saved me. And I know the power of my
00:23:15.980 --> 00:23:18.500
poetry. I know what I've got in that book. You
00:23:18.500 --> 00:23:22.339
cannot read it and come out unchanged. And I
00:23:22.339 --> 00:23:24.339
am excited to get to share that with the world.
00:23:24.359 --> 00:23:27.059
But right now, right now I need it. Right now
00:23:27.059 --> 00:23:30.279
I need to remind me of what I'm capable of, of
00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:33.380
what I've built, of what I've spent this isolation,
00:23:33.539 --> 00:23:37.119
this hermit period building and preparing for.
00:23:37.559 --> 00:23:39.579
All right, all that was serious. You're gonna
00:23:39.579 --> 00:23:42.799
get a skit now. You're gonna get a skit now.
00:23:42.940 --> 00:23:45.519
I told you I'd break out my voices eventually.
00:23:49.240 --> 00:23:56.099
Now, Miss Ecker, you have brought me your resume
00:23:56.099 --> 00:23:59.619
today and I am so excited to interview you for
00:23:59.619 --> 00:24:03.599
our Shannon's Sharp host. Excuse me. Host
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:06.819
position. Now, what do you think that you bring
00:24:06.819 --> 00:24:09.700
to this position? What makes you special? Where
00:24:09.700 --> 00:24:16.660
have you been? Hi. Well, I've spent a lot of
00:24:16.660 --> 00:24:23.200
time in academia and I've gained a lot of personal
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:26.390
knowledge. Honey, you're going to have to work
00:24:26.390 --> 00:24:30.589
on your interview skills, sweetheart. Would you
00:24:30.589 --> 00:24:35.089
like to have someone reach out to you and practice?
00:24:35.450 --> 00:24:37.950
Because you are shaking, sweetheart, and you're
00:24:37.950 --> 00:24:39.809
going to start crying, and that's going to throw
00:24:39.809 --> 00:24:47.009
off the interview. Yeah, yeah, I'll go fix that.
00:24:49.769 --> 00:24:54.380
Okay, I'm back. Yes, I have gathered myself and
00:24:54.380 --> 00:24:56.799
I'd like to take this seriously. All right. Okay.
00:24:57.119 --> 00:25:00.039
Okay. Well, that's quite nice. And I have here,
00:25:00.140 --> 00:25:03.599
it says that you have had a work gap of almost
00:25:03.599 --> 00:25:06.680
five years. Can you explain that for me, please?
00:25:08.299 --> 00:25:14.529
Uh -huh. Yep. COVID happened and I... almost
00:25:14.529 --> 00:25:18.230
died and I almost killed myself and then I almost
00:25:18.230 --> 00:25:21.730
got poisoned and then I moved across the country
00:25:21.730 --> 00:25:24.390
and then I put myself back together and all this
00:25:24.390 --> 00:25:27.890
time I've had a marriage that's like really fantastic
00:25:27.890 --> 00:25:31.410
and supportive so like… I can find the good things
00:25:31.410 --> 00:25:35.869
anywhere. I'm prepared for this. okay that's quite
00:25:35.869 --> 00:25:39.829
nice um it says here that you've never uh you've
00:25:39.829 --> 00:25:42.869
never hailed a real job. Would you say that that's
00:25:42.869 --> 00:25:48.170
a true statement? Well, I know that none of my
00:25:48.170 --> 00:25:50.950
jobs have lasted quite that long, but I did hold
00:25:50.950 --> 00:25:56.450
a regular retail position. And I worked up in
00:25:56.450 --> 00:26:00.509
the Wingate Writing Center to be an intern that
00:26:00.509 --> 00:26:03.829
was kind of a leadership position. And I led
00:26:03.829 --> 00:26:07.670
a small team of tutors. That's nice, sweetheart.
00:26:07.890 --> 00:26:11.140
I love... Your leadership skills that you might
00:26:11.140 --> 00:26:12.859
bring to this. They are absolutely going to be
00:26:12.859 --> 00:26:15.259
used while you are standing in a box talking
00:26:15.259 --> 00:26:19.299
to yourself. Good job. Good job. Okay. So your
00:26:19.299 --> 00:26:24.240
leadership skills. Do you have anything of more
00:26:24.240 --> 00:26:33.000
value, sweetheart? Well, I can sing. That's wonderful.
00:26:33.380 --> 00:26:35.440
That's wonderful. Can you sing me something?
00:26:37.539 --> 00:26:41.299
No. Okay, well, if you're going to announce that
00:26:41.299 --> 00:26:43.940
you're a singer, you need to be ready to back
00:26:43.940 --> 00:26:50.240
it up. Oh, I'm sorry. I have a nice speaking
00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:55.119
voice, even when I'm not singing. I might do
00:26:55.119 --> 00:26:58.759
voiceover work one day. Is that what you want?
00:26:58.839 --> 00:27:01.859
Well, honey, you're going to have to learn to
00:27:01.859 --> 00:27:05.279
speak with more authority. You're going to learn
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:07.519
to speak with more authority if you work here.
00:27:07.619 --> 00:27:10.819
Is that okay? I do. You know, I think that you
00:27:10.819 --> 00:27:14.039
can learn as you go. You seem very motivated,
00:27:14.259 --> 00:27:18.480
ma 'am. Yeah, I've gotten that a lot. Yep, I
00:27:18.480 --> 00:27:22.680
do definitely bring my enthusiasm and energy
00:27:22.680 --> 00:27:26.700
and intelligence to every project that I do.
00:27:26.839 --> 00:27:31.779
Some would even say that I am extra or even a
00:27:31.779 --> 00:27:36.720
goody two -shoes. well, that's nice, sweetheart,
00:27:36.720 --> 00:27:39.079
because we need people that can follow the rules.
00:27:39.579 --> 00:27:43.079
Because someone who doesn't care about the rules
00:27:43.079 --> 00:27:45.880
wouldn't care about copyright. Okay. All right.
00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:52.640
Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Well, with that answer,
00:27:52.759 --> 00:27:55.920
I think that we have been able to make a decision.
00:27:56.990 --> 00:28:00.509
I think you're hired on a probationary basis
00:28:00.509 --> 00:28:04.309
for the first season. I can't wait to see what
00:28:04.309 --> 00:28:08.910
you do with it. And, well, if you fall on your
00:28:08.910 --> 00:28:13.369
face, just know no one can see your face because
00:28:13.369 --> 00:28:20.809
you're audio only. Yes, thank you, ma 'am. So
00:28:20.809 --> 00:28:25.759
I'm hired? Yes. Yes, you are hired. We... had
00:28:25.759 --> 00:28:31.839
very low hopes for you. And well, good luck.
00:28:32.339 --> 00:28:35.880
You're hired. Good luck in the real world since
00:28:35.880 --> 00:28:39.400
you've only had graduate positions, honey. You'll
00:28:39.400 --> 00:28:43.799
do fine. Thank you, ma 'am. Thank you. Okay.
00:28:44.599 --> 00:28:48.339
Do I show up tomorrow? Is there a uniform? Oh,
00:28:48.359 --> 00:28:51.319
no, honey. You've got a face for radio. Please
00:28:51.319 --> 00:28:56.990
don't come in looking too much. Thanks. Bye,
00:28:57.230 --> 00:29:02.769
I guess. Thank you, sweetie. Bye -bye. The door's
00:29:02.769 --> 00:29:06.029
right there, honey. This is my office. Go on.
00:29:06.990 --> 00:29:13.690
Oh, sorry. Okay, bye. Well, now that it's just
00:29:13.690 --> 00:29:17.829
us, do you... as the listeners have any suggestions
00:29:17.829 --> 00:29:22.990
for our new host, because I have my doubts about
00:29:22.990 --> 00:29:28.529
her. However, she seemed very plucky and I can
00:29:28.529 --> 00:29:32.630
just see that she's got more audacity than it's
00:29:32.630 --> 00:29:35.410
good for. And you know what? I think she's going
00:29:35.410 --> 00:29:42.470
to do just fine here. I do. this skit and other
00:29:42.470 --> 00:29:48.089
skits brought to you by jar cannabis um no i'm
00:29:48.089 --> 00:29:50.349
always this funny but to be very fair i'm in
00:29:50.349 --> 00:29:52.849
so much pain all the time we're switching yep
00:29:52.849 --> 00:29:54.970
this is switching to the ad just you know this
00:29:54.970 --> 00:29:56.549
is the ad we're done with that skit thank you
00:29:56.549 --> 00:30:00.990
um i'll be trying that voice maybe again another
00:30:00.990 --> 00:30:06.529
time for an hr uh update or something so jar
00:30:06.529 --> 00:30:10.220
cannabis When we moved to New Hampshire, I mean,
00:30:10.279 --> 00:30:12.240
a pretty big part of thinking about moving to
00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:14.500
New England was about the legality of this because
00:30:14.500 --> 00:30:20.039
it is such a, well, hotly debated issue and medical
00:30:20.039 --> 00:30:22.700
cannabis isn't even legal in the state that I
00:30:22.700 --> 00:30:24.859
came from. So it's legal here and it's legal
00:30:24.859 --> 00:30:30.539
in every state around us. Recreationally, jar
00:30:30.539 --> 00:30:33.259
cannabis has a bunch of different locations.
00:30:33.259 --> 00:30:36.279
And if we're very honest, I don't. really want
00:30:36.279 --> 00:30:37.980
to put a lot of information here because I know
00:30:37.980 --> 00:30:40.519
it can make people uncomfortable about anything
00:30:40.519 --> 00:30:42.880
having to do with marijuana or cannabis or whatever.
00:30:43.039 --> 00:30:46.099
So with this and with the other ads, I'm just
00:30:46.099 --> 00:30:48.039
going to start putting them in the description
00:30:48.039 --> 00:30:51.559
in the notes because I figured out a way to turn
00:30:51.559 --> 00:30:54.619
on ads. I figured out a way to make this work.
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:58.759
And so I'm not really… these are free ads
00:30:58.759 --> 00:31:01.759
and I don't really want to clutter up. the poor
00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:04.539
listeners ears with a bunch of ads or with
00:31:04.539 --> 00:31:06.059
a bunch of stuff that as you can always tell
00:31:06.059 --> 00:31:09.119
is unresearched and off the cuff so I'll put
00:31:09.119 --> 00:31:11.079
some stuff in there it's well so these are local
00:31:11.079 --> 00:31:13.380
things so if you're not in the area you won't
00:31:13.380 --> 00:31:15.519
really be able to use it they're not shipping
00:31:15.519 --> 00:31:19.700
they're not whatever um but in the meantime I
00:31:19.700 --> 00:31:22.880
hope that you are able to, if you need pain relief,
00:31:23.059 --> 00:31:26.519
find pain relief because Jar Cannabis is a really
00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:30.000
fantastic business that does medical and recreational
00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:32.259
stuff. But all the recreational stuff is obviously
00:31:32.259 --> 00:31:36.660
still medical quality. Yeah, it's how I'm able
00:31:36.660 --> 00:31:39.039
to function. I am absolutely going to steal this
00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:43.960
joke that I'm high functioning autistic. So if
00:31:43.960 --> 00:31:45.579
you see me and I'm functioning, I'm probably
00:31:45.579 --> 00:31:48.690
high. But you know what? There's a difference
00:31:48.690 --> 00:31:52.049
between like a medical, something like that.
00:31:52.329 --> 00:31:54.490
If you have any concerns about it, don't talk
00:31:54.490 --> 00:31:58.769
to me. Talk to someone else. Because it helps
00:31:58.769 --> 00:32:01.410
and it has saved me in a certain amount of ways
00:32:01.410 --> 00:32:04.589
of I'm able to get moving. I have fibromyalgia
00:32:04.589 --> 00:32:06.410
and migraines and a lot of stuff. I've talked
00:32:06.410 --> 00:32:08.650
about it. I'm going to give you my pain scale
00:32:08.650 --> 00:32:12.710
now because ultimately it is the only thing that
00:32:12.710 --> 00:32:15.289
can take me from an eight. Maybe back down to
00:32:15.289 --> 00:32:19.369
a six or from a six down to like a five. They
00:32:19.369 --> 00:32:22.130
can help me immediately. It also I have enough
00:32:22.130 --> 00:32:25.470
like autism and enough anxiety and stuff to where
00:32:25.470 --> 00:32:29.670
it helps physically. It helps mentally. And if
00:32:29.670 --> 00:32:32.069
it helps you, I'm glad. If it doesn't help you,
00:32:32.190 --> 00:32:34.869
I'm sorry. And if you don't like it, that's too
00:32:34.869 --> 00:32:40.549
bad. All right. Moving on. Let's talk about Fallout.
00:32:41.529 --> 00:32:46.859
I'm excited. Fallout is one of my favorite franchises.
00:32:47.559 --> 00:32:51.599
Okay, so to recap, we have been through a little
00:32:51.599 --> 00:32:54.220
thing of me talking about what I'm bringing to
00:32:54.220 --> 00:32:57.539
this, what I've learned, what I've gathered,
00:32:57.799 --> 00:33:00.819
and then I had a really dumb little interview
00:33:00.819 --> 00:33:05.420
with some very, very bitchy lady. I'm glad I
00:33:05.420 --> 00:33:07.599
got hired, I'm glad I got the position, and now
00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:10.420
y 'all got a behind -the -scenes look at my HR
00:33:10.420 --> 00:33:14.380
lady being mean to me. I am ready for this. I
00:33:14.380 --> 00:33:19.099
am terrified. I am doing it scared. Here we go.
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:24.720
Do I need to audition for my own podcast? The
00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:27.819
answer should be no, but because I'm me, I'm
00:33:27.819 --> 00:33:31.460
a little crazy, I'm very autistic, I'm very traumatized,
00:33:31.539 --> 00:33:34.980
and I come from a lifetime background of self
00:33:34.980 --> 00:33:37.519
-hatred and self -harm. I have had to prove to
00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:42.529
myself with, like, concrete... a sledgehammer
00:33:42.529 --> 00:33:46.430
style, uh, “you're worth this, you deserve this,
00:33:46.549 --> 00:33:48.990
oh my god, stop being mean to yourself, fuck!”
00:33:49.309 --> 00:33:52.809
that, um, enough to actually make me believe
00:33:52.809 --> 00:33:56.049
it. It's taken years, and I'm quite thrilled
00:33:56.049 --> 00:33:59.549
to be here. I wouldn't be going for this if I
00:33:59.549 --> 00:34:02.049
didn't think that I had earned it, if I didn't
00:34:02.049 --> 00:34:06.809
think that it was worth betting on me. And I'm
00:34:06.809 --> 00:34:13.119
doing it, bitch. Now let's go into Fallout. Because
00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:16.380
you get some jokes. You get some happy stuff.
00:34:16.679 --> 00:34:20.179
You get some sad trauma dumping. And then you
00:34:20.179 --> 00:34:22.500
get to hear about my favorite fandoms. I'm excited.
00:34:22.840 --> 00:34:25.500
This is a very relevant one right now. Fallout
00:34:25.500 --> 00:34:28.679
I've loved since I... What was it? It was one
00:34:28.679 --> 00:34:30.079
of the first video games that I ever played.
00:34:30.579 --> 00:34:32.400
Bethesda will always have a special place in
00:34:32.400 --> 00:34:34.679
my heart. That means Skyrim. That means Fallout.
00:34:34.780 --> 00:34:39.289
That does not mean Starfield. But it does mean
00:34:39.289 --> 00:34:45.010
modding on Skyrim and Fallout. I have spent many,
00:34:45.130 --> 00:34:51.469
many hours modding these games on PS4 and Xbox.
00:34:51.969 --> 00:34:55.769
I have vowed to myself to not do modding again
00:34:55.769 --> 00:34:59.030
until I have a PC. Because as soon as I know
00:34:59.030 --> 00:35:02.309
what's happening, Bethesda goes and changes things
00:35:02.309 --> 00:35:06.550
and all of my mods were lost! Come on, Todd Howard!
00:35:07.360 --> 00:35:10.800
Okay, so speaking of Todd Howard, he's one of
00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:13.579
the executive producers on the TV show. I kind
00:35:13.579 --> 00:35:15.599
of debated whether I would talk about the games
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:19.059
or the TV show or all of them. I think because
00:35:19.059 --> 00:35:21.099
this is such an early episode, I'm going to give
00:35:21.099 --> 00:35:24.179
an overview with no spoilers and I'll do individual
00:35:24.179 --> 00:35:27.440
ones on the TV show and on the individual games
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:32.260
in future episodes. Fallout, the world of Fallout
00:35:32.260 --> 00:35:35.719
is incredibly cathartic because As we have a
00:35:35.719 --> 00:35:37.739
president who is currently threatening nuclear
00:35:37.739 --> 00:35:43.000
genocide on an entire civilization. We have a
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:48.840
very tongue -in -cheek video game world in which...
00:35:49.179 --> 00:35:52.199
Yeah, there was nuclear war. It's an alternate
00:35:52.199 --> 00:35:55.639
history that actually happens before any kind
00:35:55.639 --> 00:35:58.780
of World War III. It happens back where in the
00:35:58.780 --> 00:36:02.420
50s, they develop nuclear power for the home.
00:36:02.500 --> 00:36:04.960
And it's this whole thing. I don't actually have
00:36:04.960 --> 00:36:07.579
all of the years and stuff memorized from that.
00:36:07.659 --> 00:36:11.119
But the entire thing... is kind of infused with
00:36:11.119 --> 00:36:15.099
this retro 50s and 60s aesthetic because of the
00:36:15.099 --> 00:36:18.079
way that the history of the game works. And so
00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:23.179
you have Fallout 4, I think shows a really nice
00:36:23.179 --> 00:36:26.880
snapshot of what your pre -war stuff looks like.
00:36:27.019 --> 00:36:29.539
looks like because it starts with you in the
00:36:29.539 --> 00:36:32.639
pre -war time um all of the fallout games have
00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:34.659
different protagonists uh completely different
00:36:34.659 --> 00:36:37.860
they're not super like it's completely an RPG
00:36:37.860 --> 00:36:41.099
you get to create your character. Um which i have,
00:36:41.099 --> 00:36:43.480
i do really love a character creation screen.
00:36:43.480 --> 00:36:47.699
i love it, no i need to get that nose right! i need
00:36:47.699 --> 00:36:50.400
to get her hair right! i'm gonna be looking at
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:52.059
her for the rest of the thing i want it to look
00:36:52.059 --> 00:36:54.360
right! yeah i spent a lot of time on the character
00:36:54.360 --> 00:36:57.719
creation screens. I'm itching to open up another
00:36:57.719 --> 00:37:01.739
Fallout 4 playthrough again. Oh, Fallout 4 I
00:37:01.739 --> 00:37:04.659
think is my favorite. It's only like closely,
00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:09.639
well, a close second would be the TV show, honestly.
00:37:09.900 --> 00:37:11.739
To anyone who's never played it or who might
00:37:11.739 --> 00:37:13.619
not like video games, I urge you to go watch
00:37:13.619 --> 00:37:15.659
the, yes, it's an Amazon Prime show, but it's
00:37:15.659 --> 00:37:20.280
good. it's got two seasons now completely out
00:37:20.280 --> 00:37:22.920
i'm not going to talk about those but it is one
00:37:22.920 --> 00:37:26.400
where it is made with so much love so much authenticity
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:31.239
so much commitment that i have had multiple times
00:37:31.239 --> 00:37:34.199
of that like yearly bethesda itch to go play
00:37:34.199 --> 00:37:36.500
something and i'm like nope let's watch the tv
00:37:36.500 --> 00:37:39.579
show It's so good. It kind of gives you all of
00:37:39.579 --> 00:37:42.659
the nostalgia, except without all of the glitches.
00:37:42.659 --> 00:37:45.719
Without all of the motherfucking bugs that Bethesda
00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:48.679
embeds. It's not a bug. It's a feature. No! No,
00:37:48.760 --> 00:37:55.539
Todd! It's a bug! So, Fallout can be a little
00:37:55.539 --> 00:37:59.360
stressful to play, especially if, as I do, you
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:03.849
play heavily modded. I may I'm probably assigning
00:38:03.849 --> 00:38:06.630
too much to it because the way I play it, you
00:38:06.630 --> 00:38:08.389
mod it till it breaks and then you back off.
00:38:10.530 --> 00:38:12.730
And that's one of the reasons why I love Bethesda.
00:38:12.750 --> 00:38:16.230
It has such modding capabilities and even a modding
00:38:16.230 --> 00:38:19.250
community, which is interesting. Bethesda has
00:38:19.250 --> 00:38:21.130
changed enough recently to where like some of
00:38:21.130 --> 00:38:22.889
those modders are not getting paid. However,
00:38:23.030 --> 00:38:26.309
now mods, certain mods are. paid and I don't
00:38:26.309 --> 00:38:28.590
really know how it works it was really I really
00:38:28.590 --> 00:38:30.590
loved the modding and then they changed everything
00:38:30.590 --> 00:38:36.750
and I said come on man um also uh for anyone
00:38:36.750 --> 00:38:38.570
that doesn't know or like video games or whatever
00:38:38.570 --> 00:38:41.210
modding is pretty rare on a console and since
00:38:41.210 --> 00:38:44.090
I have never played with a pc um it's not something
00:38:44.090 --> 00:38:46.730
that I got to do and Bethesda allows for modding
00:38:46.730 --> 00:38:49.630
on consoles a console such as like an xbox I
00:38:49.630 --> 00:38:53.690
mean even a switch is a console um yeah so I
00:38:54.550 --> 00:38:57.530
It can get real frustrating to play a full round.
00:38:57.610 --> 00:39:01.130
Also, a video game takes many, many hours. So
00:39:01.130 --> 00:39:04.150
having a TV show that gives you the same thrill
00:39:04.150 --> 00:39:06.989
as a video game is pretty rare, especially whenever
00:39:06.989 --> 00:39:10.630
it's so well crafted that it brings all the good
00:39:10.630 --> 00:39:12.969
things about it. And I will say, I think each
00:39:12.969 --> 00:39:15.090
season is kind of highlighting a different game.
00:39:15.269 --> 00:39:17.130
Not that they're going through it, but there
00:39:17.130 --> 00:39:19.630
are kind of nods and Easter eggs. Season two
00:39:19.630 --> 00:39:23.690
was New Vegas, which is one of the most critically...
00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:27.900
like acclaimed games of the series um it's not
00:39:27.900 --> 00:39:30.860
made by the same studio which is maybe why people
00:39:30.860 --> 00:39:35.539
like it um and it's that was the yeah that was
00:39:35.539 --> 00:39:37.420
season two that one takes place in like vegas
00:39:37.420 --> 00:39:40.199
all of the fallout series take place in a different
00:39:40.199 --> 00:39:46.219
area um fallout 4 takes place in uh like boston
00:39:46.219 --> 00:39:49.360
and the the commonwealth up there uh fallout
00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:53.949
3 takes place around dc um New Vegas, like I
00:39:53.949 --> 00:39:57.210
said, takes place in Vegas. And I think Fallout
00:39:57.210 --> 00:40:01.090
3 is going to be what's on season three of the
00:40:01.090 --> 00:40:02.849
TV show. And I need to go back and play that,
00:40:02.929 --> 00:40:05.690
honestly, because I forgot. Like, all I remember
00:40:05.690 --> 00:40:08.210
is that Liam Neeson is your dad and you have
00:40:08.210 --> 00:40:10.170
to go save him. And there's something about a
00:40:10.170 --> 00:40:15.250
water purifier? And Liberty Prime. Yeah. So there's
00:40:15.250 --> 00:40:18.030
all different factions. Most Bethesda games are
00:40:18.030 --> 00:40:21.230
kind of oriented by factions. You can go whether
00:40:21.230 --> 00:40:23.889
you consider them like... clubs or rankings or
00:40:23.889 --> 00:40:26.869
whatever it's uh you know grouped around a group
00:40:26.869 --> 00:40:29.409
that you can either with a lot of the Bethesda
00:40:29.409 --> 00:40:32.010
games you end up just kind of owning and like
00:40:32.010 --> 00:40:34.429
taking over some said faction by the end of it
00:40:34.429 --> 00:40:37.949
but there's usually an element of choice I know
00:40:37.949 --> 00:40:41.949
Skyrim you can do all of them but like in you
00:40:41.949 --> 00:40:44.670
have to pick certain ones in New Vegas because
00:40:44.670 --> 00:40:46.269
they don't like each other stuff like that and
00:40:46.269 --> 00:40:48.070
that's actually pretty well nodded at in the
00:40:48.070 --> 00:40:52.090
show I love that so My favorite is Fallout 4.
00:40:52.489 --> 00:40:54.590
Yeah, I'm itching for another playthrough. It's
00:40:54.590 --> 00:40:57.630
really good. But what makes it so cool is that
00:40:57.630 --> 00:41:00.469
you're navigating a post -apocalyptic nuclear
00:41:00.469 --> 00:41:06.730
wasteland. So if we have this split of history
00:41:06.730 --> 00:41:11.150
and everybody's kind of frozen around the aesthetic
00:41:11.150 --> 00:41:13.070
of when these bombs dropped, which was still
00:41:13.070 --> 00:41:17.469
frozen in this kind of... 50s, 60s, but also
00:41:17.469 --> 00:41:21.250
this kind of nuclear cyberpunk almost. It's an
00:41:21.250 --> 00:41:25.010
interesting balance of certain aesthetics of
00:41:25.010 --> 00:41:28.530
the 50s or like Nuka -Cola instead of Coca -Cola
00:41:28.530 --> 00:41:31.829
and the currency in the wasteland is bottle caps.
00:41:32.230 --> 00:41:35.969
Or because of the nuclear power, they developed
00:41:35.969 --> 00:41:42.800
like automatons and robots. fallout 4 has a whole
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:45.460
thing a whole dlc about robots and you get to
00:41:45.460 --> 00:41:48.300
be able to like build them and stuff i'm so particular
00:41:48.300 --> 00:41:51.619
and so partial about fallout 4 because it also
00:41:51.619 --> 00:41:55.900
includes a really like it also includes building
00:41:55.900 --> 00:41:59.380
settlements. And I'm so sold on a video game.
00:41:59.440 --> 00:42:03.860
You can build settlements. It's so intense and
00:42:03.860 --> 00:42:07.000
so heavy that some of the mods that I picked
00:42:07.000 --> 00:42:09.360
were just for modding. There's one called Sim
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:12.260
Settlements. I never quite managed to do it without
00:42:12.260 --> 00:42:14.719
breaking it in some way or without it fucking
00:42:14.719 --> 00:42:17.780
up my save because I didn't realize I'd overloaded
00:42:17.780 --> 00:42:20.039
it. But it was really interesting in that it
00:42:20.039 --> 00:42:23.079
kind of automates it. And there's so much that
00:42:23.079 --> 00:42:25.769
you can go do and like, Has this turned into
00:42:25.769 --> 00:42:27.969
a Fallout 4 thing? Yeah, fuck it. We'll make
00:42:27.969 --> 00:42:30.630
it Fallout 4. Because it's, like, it's my favorite
00:42:30.630 --> 00:42:34.110
to start with. I know that Fallout 76 I have
00:42:34.110 --> 00:42:37.110
not played, and it's both heavily based in the
00:42:37.110 --> 00:42:40.250
whole base building game, but it's also, as far
00:42:40.250 --> 00:42:42.809
as I understand, multiplayer. And the number
00:42:42.809 --> 00:42:44.429
one thing that would make me hate a game is if
00:42:44.429 --> 00:42:47.449
I built a whole, like, if I built my thing and
00:42:47.449 --> 00:42:49.409
then another player came around to fuck it up.
00:42:50.230 --> 00:42:56.030
That's why I could never get with MMORPGs, massively
00:42:56.030 --> 00:42:59.730
multiplayer online roleplay games, of a bunch
00:42:59.730 --> 00:43:01.630
of other people interacting online. No, thank
00:43:01.630 --> 00:43:05.190
you. I want my first person RPG, my first person
00:43:05.190 --> 00:43:08.769
shooter, my first person whatever. I'd like to
00:43:08.769 --> 00:43:14.019
do it myself. Thank you. There's very few games
00:43:14.019 --> 00:43:17.539
in which you can play together, a couch co -op.
00:43:17.659 --> 00:43:21.340
Some of the old Halo games were like that. Video
00:43:21.340 --> 00:43:23.239
games is one of the things that my husband and
00:43:23.239 --> 00:43:25.880
I bonded so much over. We both love it. There's
00:43:25.880 --> 00:43:29.119
no, oh, my partner loves video games. No, we're
00:43:29.119 --> 00:43:31.119
sitting on the couch watching it together. There
00:43:31.119 --> 00:43:33.659
are certain games that... are more technical
00:43:33.659 --> 00:43:36.519
or where if we're very honest where the fights
00:43:36.519 --> 00:43:39.159
are a little bit bigger and it's rewarding to
00:43:39.159 --> 00:43:41.880
actually be good at it those are the ones where
00:43:41.880 --> 00:43:45.840
where my husband brian plays um right now we're
00:43:45.840 --> 00:43:49.239
playing god of war and i like the story i like
00:43:49.239 --> 00:43:51.579
the story part i as long as i get to choose like
00:43:51.579 --> 00:43:53.539
the story and make sure that the characters dripped
00:43:53.539 --> 00:43:57.219
out i'm good and there's some games the one that
00:43:57.219 --> 00:44:02.579
we play together is a lego star wars the switch
00:44:02.579 --> 00:44:07.119
where you can like hook it up to your TV. We
00:44:07.119 --> 00:44:09.699
have two controllers and you can do a two person
00:44:09.699 --> 00:44:13.280
Lego. We have the Skywalker saga, which is so
00:44:13.280 --> 00:44:17.840
fun. I had the original 3DS Star Wars Lego and
00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:21.619
it's both similar and enough like Easter eggs
00:44:21.619 --> 00:44:23.639
and everything, but completely different. I love
00:44:23.639 --> 00:44:27.500
it. I talked about Star Wars last month. And
00:44:27.500 --> 00:44:29.920
Star Wars Lego apparently needs to be added.
00:44:30.159 --> 00:44:32.960
Lego adaptations in general are pretty damn funny.
00:44:33.460 --> 00:44:37.440
So there's no Lego Fallout, but there is a Lego
00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:42.219
Horizon Zero Dawn. That's when I should do a
00:44:42.219 --> 00:44:44.340
different episode on. Horizon's really fun and
00:44:44.340 --> 00:44:48.300
has an even weirder world building than Fallout.
00:44:48.559 --> 00:44:54.480
Fantastic. So Fallout is just, it's cool. It's
00:44:54.480 --> 00:44:56.260
cool. You get to build stuff. You get to shoot
00:44:56.260 --> 00:44:58.579
stuff. If you like blowing stuff up, you get
00:44:58.579 --> 00:45:00.260
little mini nukes to shoot at people. There's
00:45:00.260 --> 00:45:04.039
ghouls. There's ghouls which are like irradiated
00:45:04.039 --> 00:45:07.639
humans. That's really fun. There's super mutants.
00:45:08.559 --> 00:45:14.510
There's giant irradiated monsters. A rad scorpion,
00:45:14.510 --> 00:45:17.769
which is a giant fucking scorpion. A yaoguai,
00:45:17.909 --> 00:45:21.929
which is an irradiated bear. A deathclaw, which
00:45:21.929 --> 00:45:29.730
is a experiment. It looks real funky. What else
00:45:29.730 --> 00:45:31.969
do we have? There's a couple of these that you
00:45:31.969 --> 00:45:34.050
get to see in the show. Like, season two featured
00:45:34.050 --> 00:45:37.369
a deathclaw, and it was appropriately scary.
00:45:37.909 --> 00:45:41.110
It was good. One of the other major hallmarks
00:45:41.110 --> 00:45:44.630
of Fallout is Vault -Tec. It's Amazon, basically,
00:45:44.630 --> 00:45:49.210
which makes it so damn ironic that it is Amazon
00:45:49.210 --> 00:45:51.889
that is creating this show, which is Fallout
00:45:51.889 --> 00:45:56.170
and even the show itself are huge critics of
00:45:56.170 --> 00:46:01.489
capitalism and of this kind of... Ooh, I can't
00:46:01.489 --> 00:46:02.889
say that. That's too big of a spoiler. Shit.
00:46:03.190 --> 00:46:06.190
But anyway, understanding that during capitalism
00:46:06.190 --> 00:46:07.829
and stuff like that, there's always someone pulling
00:46:07.829 --> 00:46:12.449
the strings that war makes money. And one of
00:46:12.449 --> 00:46:16.550
the taglines of the entire series is war. War
00:46:16.550 --> 00:46:19.429
never changes. And I think a lot of the heart
00:46:19.429 --> 00:46:21.929
of that is about criticizing capitalism and criticizing
00:46:21.929 --> 00:46:25.619
this kind of obsession with money. um and how
00:46:25.619 --> 00:46:28.420
power kills and power creates vacuums and shit
00:46:28.420 --> 00:46:31.039
like that so i really appreciate some of the
00:46:31.039 --> 00:46:34.719
even philosophical qualities of how fallout kind
00:46:34.719 --> 00:46:37.099
of looks at the world it's funny it's brutal
00:46:37.099 --> 00:46:40.820
it's bloody but it also makes you ask questions
00:46:40.820 --> 00:46:43.440
about like the world as we know it the world
00:46:43.440 --> 00:46:47.239
as it could exist in the future and like this
00:46:47.239 --> 00:46:54.139
is going to be from the good place in a flip
00:46:54.139 --> 00:46:57.280
of that is the world views between the wastelanders
00:46:57.280 --> 00:46:59.960
the people who are fighting each other the like
00:46:59.960 --> 00:47:03.480
bandits and barbarians and various uh groups
00:47:03.480 --> 00:47:06.559
and factions that all want to kill each other
00:47:06.559 --> 00:47:12.920
um you then have vault tech who made vaults literally
00:47:12.920 --> 00:47:18.039
of course so they build bunkers and sold it as
00:47:18.039 --> 00:47:23.500
a uh protection for the nuclear war of vault
00:47:23.500 --> 00:47:26.039
tech. Keep yourself safe, buy a vault for your
00:47:26.039 --> 00:47:28.940
family so that whenever the bombs do drop, you
00:47:28.940 --> 00:47:33.840
can go safely to your vault. And just stay there.
00:47:34.380 --> 00:47:37.320
And in fact, it even mentions this in the TV
00:47:37.320 --> 00:47:40.639
show of like, that's its own kind of like colonization.
00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:44.599
They're the colonists. They're the colonizers
00:47:44.599 --> 00:47:48.639
of believing that they'll stay safely, you know,
00:47:48.639 --> 00:47:51.559
tucked away for 200 years. And then after 200
00:47:51.559 --> 00:47:53.800
years, they're going to come back up and populate
00:47:53.800 --> 00:47:57.599
the surface and, you know, take back over the
00:47:57.599 --> 00:48:01.030
world. many of the protagonists of these Fallout
00:48:01.030 --> 00:48:03.650
games get out of the vault to then have to be
00:48:03.650 --> 00:48:06.690
faced with the wasteland, with what's out there,
00:48:06.750 --> 00:48:11.409
with the irradiated monsters and unkind humans
00:48:11.409 --> 00:48:14.789
and Vault -Tec and the vaultees and the people
00:48:14.789 --> 00:48:19.889
who live in the vault are so... And so kind of
00:48:19.889 --> 00:48:22.469
in this bubble of they believe in a certain way
00:48:22.469 --> 00:48:25.550
of life. This is a little bit of what one of
00:48:25.550 --> 00:48:27.989
the characters in season one of Fallout kind
00:48:27.989 --> 00:48:30.849
of has to go through this. She comes from a vault
00:48:30.849 --> 00:48:32.929
perspective and is having to be faced with the
00:48:32.929 --> 00:48:38.349
horror and the, you know, inhuman just bloodbath
00:48:38.349 --> 00:48:40.449
and the morals that she never would have understood.
00:48:40.530 --> 00:48:46.840
And it's a really fun. It's a fun juxtaposition
00:48:46.840 --> 00:48:48.980
of these two different worldviews, and I think
00:48:48.980 --> 00:48:51.039
it's very heavily an allegory to religion. There
00:48:51.039 --> 00:48:53.980
are tons of religious allegories, including a
00:48:53.980 --> 00:48:59.360
faction that worships Children of Adam, where
00:48:59.360 --> 00:49:03.920
it's a religion about the nuclear power, of they
00:49:03.920 --> 00:49:06.929
worship the atom at the center of... I don't
00:49:06.929 --> 00:49:08.469
honestly, I don't know enough about nuclear power
00:49:08.469 --> 00:49:10.250
to understand what it means. However, they basically
00:49:10.250 --> 00:49:14.130
worship the bomb and the radiation from it. That's
00:49:14.130 --> 00:49:19.969
wild. Fallout 4 has the best DLCs of the games,
00:49:20.030 --> 00:49:24.650
I think. One of them is... where the Children
00:49:24.650 --> 00:49:27.929
of Adam faction you can go join. It's actually
00:49:27.929 --> 00:49:34.349
fictionally placed in Bar Harbor. So in Bar Harbor,
00:49:34.369 --> 00:49:36.769
Maine. So it's called Far Harbor. And that one's
00:49:36.769 --> 00:49:40.710
a really fun one. Questioning about synths, which
00:49:40.710 --> 00:49:44.889
is another, like the Institute in Vault -Tec.
00:49:44.929 --> 00:49:47.369
These are all these big kind of... Whether it's
00:49:47.369 --> 00:49:49.369
a shadowy corporation or whatever, it's a faction.
00:49:49.449 --> 00:49:52.550
It's kind of this, all the factions have what
00:49:52.550 --> 00:49:54.070
they believe to be the way that the world should
00:49:54.070 --> 00:49:56.510
work. You've got the Brotherhood of Steel, who
00:49:56.510 --> 00:49:59.789
are trying to like, they're trying to hoard and
00:49:59.789 --> 00:50:03.530
collect all of the technology and wipe out any
00:50:03.530 --> 00:50:06.789
so -called abominations. And kind of to take
00:50:06.789 --> 00:50:11.670
over the United States, retake it over by might.
00:50:12.380 --> 00:50:16.699
And they have cool weapons and the iconic Fallout
00:50:16.699 --> 00:50:20.619
power armor. Vault -Tec is very much about the
00:50:20.619 --> 00:50:26.699
vaults. What's another one? The Institute is
00:50:26.699 --> 00:50:28.880
a really interesting option that they give you
00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:33.280
because they're kind of the bad guys. But Far
00:50:33.280 --> 00:50:35.880
Harbor actually lets you look at the synths a
00:50:35.880 --> 00:50:38.039
little bit differently and kind of like a synth
00:50:38.039 --> 00:50:44.659
sanctuary. One of them is that robot -specific
00:50:44.659 --> 00:50:47.480
one where you go on a long quest. I'm not going
00:50:47.480 --> 00:50:50.880
to lie, I hate that one. I think that if it was
00:50:50.880 --> 00:50:52.920
written a little better, I think if the ending
00:50:52.920 --> 00:50:55.780
was different, it would be so satisfying. But
00:50:55.780 --> 00:51:01.119
I really thought that that villain was... I was
00:51:01.119 --> 00:51:05.539
pretty disappointed. Although the layer that
00:51:05.539 --> 00:51:07.780
you get from that is really interesting to build
00:51:07.780 --> 00:51:12.079
in. Pain in the ass, but cool. What's another
00:51:12.079 --> 00:51:14.980
one? The best one. My favorite one. The one that
00:51:14.980 --> 00:51:17.559
I just... I'm itching. I want to go back to this
00:51:17.559 --> 00:51:19.780
certain playthrough that I have on my Xbox One.
00:51:20.420 --> 00:51:23.519
However, my cat sat on it too much and I think
00:51:23.519 --> 00:51:25.619
she got some debris in it and it won't start.
00:51:25.760 --> 00:51:29.039
It won't even turn on. So I need to send it to
00:51:29.039 --> 00:51:32.190
get it cleaned. But I just... I'm just going
00:51:32.190 --> 00:51:34.489
to let this one playthrough that I left hang
00:51:34.489 --> 00:51:38.510
in sad limbo purgatory because I don't want to
00:51:38.510 --> 00:51:41.389
turn it on. It won't turn on, but it is such
00:51:41.389 --> 00:51:45.309
a well -done playthrough, and I was so far into
00:51:45.309 --> 00:51:51.269
this one DLC. Let me introduce you to Vault -Tec
00:51:51.269 --> 00:51:56.170
Barbie Playhouse. Vault 88 is the coolest thing
00:51:56.170 --> 00:51:58.289
that I have to play with video games. I just
00:51:58.289 --> 00:52:00.480
want to play. I just want that. I just want that
00:52:00.480 --> 00:52:04.099
as a game by itself. I'm going to, whenever I
00:52:04.099 --> 00:52:05.840
reboot this, I'm going to do it again on PS4.
00:52:05.900 --> 00:52:09.559
We're going to delete the game and reinstall
00:52:09.559 --> 00:52:11.239
the game because one of the updates didn't...
00:52:11.239 --> 00:52:14.699
If you do video games, you get it. So I have
00:52:14.699 --> 00:52:16.280
to redo that and then do that and then I'll start
00:52:16.280 --> 00:52:19.019
over. And then I'm going to install mods, which,
00:52:19.059 --> 00:52:20.739
shit, I don't think I actually explained what
00:52:20.739 --> 00:52:26.360
a mod is. Mods are created... um applications
00:52:26.360 --> 00:52:29.480
that you run that kind of enhance or add something
00:52:29.480 --> 00:52:32.739
to your game they can even take things out like
00:52:32.739 --> 00:52:35.659
uh there's ones that will like advance you to
00:52:35.659 --> 00:52:37.800
a different start of the game that's one where
00:52:37.800 --> 00:52:39.480
it's like i'll just go ahead and start vault
00:52:39.480 --> 00:52:42.800
88 and do that anyway i just wish i could just
00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:45.900
teleport straight to this game and in the last
00:52:45.900 --> 00:52:47.619
playthrough i had that i don't want to let go
00:52:47.619 --> 00:52:52.219
of I had fully built that vault. I fully constructed
00:52:52.219 --> 00:52:58.809
that vault. It was so pretty. So... Like I mentioned
00:52:58.809 --> 00:53:04.570
of the building and whatever, Vault 88 is a DLC
00:53:04.570 --> 00:53:08.289
that lets you build a vault that gives you all
00:53:08.289 --> 00:53:10.469
these pieces. You have to build it piece by piece,
00:53:10.530 --> 00:53:13.710
wall piece by wall piece. You can light it up
00:53:13.710 --> 00:53:16.909
with electricity. I got that thing lit up. I
00:53:16.909 --> 00:53:21.449
had it wired up. And there are certain mods that
00:53:21.449 --> 00:53:24.349
can help make it easier, such as a lighting mod,
00:53:24.409 --> 00:53:27.030
which is how I made it work. certain lighting
00:53:27.030 --> 00:53:31.630
mods, items and stuff. Like, bitch, you're telling
00:53:31.630 --> 00:53:34.750
me that I get to build a playhouse and then decorate
00:53:34.750 --> 00:53:37.510
it and it's populated with people that I get
00:53:37.510 --> 00:53:39.610
to give them jobs and get to make sure they're
00:53:39.610 --> 00:53:41.650
happy and healthy and I get to give them weapons
00:53:41.650 --> 00:53:46.829
and then like, you mean my dolls play? You know
00:53:46.829 --> 00:53:51.050
what? More girls in video games. Play Vault 88,
00:53:51.050 --> 00:53:54.409
damn it. Get you a Vault -Tec Barbie playhouse,
00:53:54.530 --> 00:53:58.349
bitch. I don't know how to make a mod, but it'd
00:53:58.349 --> 00:54:00.449
be really cool. I don't know how to do a live
00:54:00.449 --> 00:54:03.949
stream, but I've built this. God damn it. I've
00:54:03.949 --> 00:54:06.650
been chasing this one like finished, completed
00:54:06.650 --> 00:54:10.849
vault that I have made it probably two different
00:54:10.849 --> 00:54:13.369
times over. That would be really fun to do with
00:54:13.369 --> 00:54:16.889
some kind of a live stream of like, build my
00:54:16.889 --> 00:54:23.739
Barbie vault playhouse with me. No, I had a lot
00:54:23.739 --> 00:54:25.980
of fun with it. I had so much fun with it and
00:54:25.980 --> 00:54:28.500
I'll have fun starting over. But this time I'll
00:54:28.500 --> 00:54:30.380
be taking notes and making sure I can reference
00:54:30.380 --> 00:54:35.440
how to do it correctly. But building a vault,
00:54:35.519 --> 00:54:38.599
it is kind of a very, it's a very specific to
00:54:38.599 --> 00:54:41.760
me. I love it. Some people just can't stand that
00:54:41.760 --> 00:54:43.320
and they don't even do it because they're like,
00:54:43.340 --> 00:54:44.699
I can't get the lights to work. I don't like
00:54:44.699 --> 00:54:46.460
it. I don't want to build a vault. What's the
00:54:46.460 --> 00:54:49.039
fucking point? It depends on your play style.
00:54:51.530 --> 00:54:56.530
the vault the vault 88 thing is so goddamn big
00:54:56.530 --> 00:55:01.769
that I figured out how to connect like three
00:55:01.769 --> 00:55:04.829
or four different areas of that cave and I it's
00:55:04.829 --> 00:55:06.670
like I'm so proud I need to go back and make
00:55:06.670 --> 00:55:09.849
sure I can repeat it because that's so cool sorry
00:55:09.849 --> 00:55:12.349
there's few things that I've done on a on a video
00:55:12.349 --> 00:55:15.150
game that I'm like proud of I'm like that's my
00:55:15.150 --> 00:55:18.750
playthrough right there that's my girl and I
00:55:18.750 --> 00:55:23.559
can't get it My poor PS4. Sorry, my poor Xbox.
00:55:24.780 --> 00:55:30.360
So I'll just have to further load down our tired
00:55:30.360 --> 00:55:33.400
PS4 or delete some kind of save so I have the
00:55:33.400 --> 00:55:36.739
room for it to go build me my Barbie Vault Playhouse.
00:55:39.519 --> 00:55:42.099
It's really goofy. I wish that I could describe
00:55:42.099 --> 00:55:45.099
it in a way that's like... You have to actually
00:55:45.099 --> 00:55:46.840
imagine what a vault is. But the fact that you
00:55:46.840 --> 00:55:49.039
can build it, there's different rooms, there's
00:55:49.039 --> 00:55:52.880
different... It's just... Let me have this. Let
00:55:52.880 --> 00:55:57.920
me have this. Come on. So there are many, many
00:55:57.920 --> 00:56:01.179
reasons to play Fallout and Fallout 4 specifically,
00:56:01.260 --> 00:56:03.860
but I got so excited thinking about this. I need
00:56:03.860 --> 00:56:09.519
to go play. I need to go get my game. I think
00:56:09.519 --> 00:56:12.880
that's a wonderful place to stop. I am feeling
00:56:12.880 --> 00:56:14.440
better than I did when I first started recording
00:56:14.440 --> 00:56:15.860
this. And that's because I've been laughing.
00:56:15.900 --> 00:56:18.099
Because how many times have I said, heal through
00:56:18.099 --> 00:56:20.219
laughing, bitch. It's good for you. It gives
00:56:20.219 --> 00:56:23.500
you endorphins and it makes you breathe. All
00:56:23.500 --> 00:56:27.239
right. I think I'll finish this out at like a
00:56:27.239 --> 00:56:30.559
six. Yeah, that's pretty good for me. My hip
00:56:30.559 --> 00:56:33.099
was hurting really bad the last week or two.
00:56:33.219 --> 00:56:35.639
But I've been trying to rest and I've been stretching
00:56:35.639 --> 00:56:37.519
and I've been doing my shadow work and crying.
00:56:37.639 --> 00:56:41.039
And now it's feeling better. I can still make
00:56:41.039 --> 00:56:44.760
it crack, but that's fine. Yeah, and my head's
00:56:44.760 --> 00:56:49.239
not great, but it's been worse. It's been worse
00:56:49.239 --> 00:56:52.739
and it'll be worse and I'll be fine. But Fallout
00:56:52.739 --> 00:56:55.519
has helped me kind of embrace some of the weird
00:56:55.519 --> 00:56:59.960
nihilistic staring into the voidness of, yeah,
00:57:00.039 --> 00:57:03.719
we're living in scary fucking times. So it's
00:57:03.719 --> 00:57:07.239
a little cathartic to look at this. Humanity
00:57:07.239 --> 00:57:10.400
will persist. Even after the bombs, even after
00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:12.960
whatever, humanity will keep kicking. And that
00:57:12.960 --> 00:57:16.800
is such a touching message in the times that
00:57:16.800 --> 00:57:19.320
we're in. I think that tells you how bad things
00:57:19.320 --> 00:57:22.320
are. That I find it quite touching that people
00:57:22.320 --> 00:57:24.420
will still hate each other and still fight for
00:57:24.420 --> 00:57:27.400
power in, what was it? I think this is supposed
00:57:27.400 --> 00:57:31.840
to be like 200 years in the future. Yeah. War
00:57:31.840 --> 00:57:38.739
never changes. Humanity is questionable. I kind
00:57:38.739 --> 00:57:41.099
of choose to believe in this, like, people are
00:57:41.099 --> 00:57:43.980
bad, but humanity is good. Or even just that
00:57:43.980 --> 00:57:47.280
humanity is still moving in the right direction.
00:57:48.280 --> 00:57:51.380
There's just a NASA mission to the moon. And
00:57:51.380 --> 00:57:54.079
now humans have been further from the planet
00:57:54.079 --> 00:57:57.539
than ever before. The last time we went to the
00:57:57.539 --> 00:58:00.699
moon, women couldn't open a credit card on their
00:58:00.699 --> 00:58:02.880
own. And now there are women running mission
00:58:02.880 --> 00:58:08.820
control. The same week. that a absolute fucking
00:58:08.820 --> 00:58:13.039
maniac is threatening and terrorizing the entire
00:58:13.039 --> 00:58:17.320
world you just gotta find you've got to find
00:58:17.320 --> 00:58:21.579
the good there's bad everywhere it's easy to
00:58:21.579 --> 00:58:23.599
be bad that's what i'm talking about with the
00:58:23.599 --> 00:58:27.000
villain stuff man it's easy to be bad it's easy
00:58:27.000 --> 00:58:29.119
to make the bad choice it's easy to take the
00:58:29.119 --> 00:58:32.719
easy and cruel route it is hard to choose to
00:58:32.719 --> 00:58:35.800
be good it is hard to see the good in the world
00:58:35.800 --> 00:58:38.000
when everything's fucking falling apart. And
00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:40.900
we are being pushed to hate each other. We are
00:58:40.900 --> 00:58:43.820
being pushed to dislike each other and to not
00:58:43.820 --> 00:58:47.860
actually see the similarities and manipulation.
00:58:50.219 --> 00:58:52.800
But we're moving in the right direction. And
00:58:52.800 --> 00:58:55.639
I have to hold on to that. Well, like I said,
00:58:55.659 --> 00:58:58.260
I'll talk about the next place. Sorry, the good
00:58:58.260 --> 00:59:02.230
place next month. which has also really helped
00:59:02.230 --> 00:59:05.070
me throughout my life examine like my own philosophy
00:59:05.070 --> 00:59:08.630
and my own morals. And, you know, I'll end it
00:59:08.630 --> 00:59:11.030
with saying that roleplay games and video games,
00:59:11.110 --> 00:59:13.710
I know they can get a bad rap. Maybe that's not
00:59:13.710 --> 00:59:16.510
quite the hot take it used to be from like my
00:59:16.510 --> 00:59:19.110
generation. I wasn't allowed to play video games
00:59:19.110 --> 00:59:23.170
until I turned 18. Like I wasn't allowed a console
00:59:23.170 --> 00:59:29.099
until I was already in college. So I... I do
00:59:29.099 --> 00:59:31.699
appreciate both the storytelling of the genre
00:59:31.699 --> 00:59:34.719
and the medium and also the way that RPGs are
00:59:34.719 --> 00:59:37.619
designed to help you. You get to ask those questions.
00:59:37.739 --> 00:59:40.280
You also get to ask them and answer multiple
00:59:40.280 --> 00:59:42.460
ways. You can play it multiple times. You can
00:59:42.460 --> 00:59:46.079
look at different avenues. yeah i'd like to look
00:59:46.079 --> 00:59:47.659
at a little bit more to like the storytelling
00:59:47.659 --> 00:59:50.940
of video games and even the way that it's improved
00:59:50.940 --> 00:59:55.880
ghost of tsushima oh man the storytelling in
00:59:55.880 --> 00:59:58.880
that i can't wait to play ghost of yotei i need
00:59:58.880 --> 01:00:02.400
a ps5 to play ghost of yotei erika ishii i'm
01:00:02.400 --> 01:00:05.780
coming okay okay so there are just fantastic
01:00:05.780 --> 01:00:08.960
games out there that make you ask the questions
01:00:08.960 --> 01:00:12.519
that i think are as impactful as like as fiction
01:00:12.519 --> 01:00:16.650
novels at teaching people about the questions
01:00:16.650 --> 01:00:18.849
that we ask ourselves, the answers we get, like
01:00:18.849 --> 01:00:21.309
the kind of the morality, the story, the history
01:00:21.309 --> 01:00:25.070
stuff. Yeah, I think that video games are a fantastic
01:00:25.070 --> 01:00:29.030
genre. And the fact that they're so big, they're
01:00:29.030 --> 01:00:32.010
so wide, you getting to put yourself in the position
01:00:32.010 --> 01:00:34.190
of this character and ask yourself whether you're
01:00:34.190 --> 01:00:36.190
role playing or whether you're playing as what
01:00:36.190 --> 01:00:39.409
you would want to do. Either way, that imagination,
01:00:39.730 --> 01:00:42.130
those askings like that helps you grow. I love
01:00:42.130 --> 01:00:44.909
it. Um, so yeah, I'm sure there are plenty of
01:00:44.909 --> 01:00:46.750
video games where the whole like, ah, it's just
01:00:46.750 --> 01:00:52.010
violence, whatever. Okay. Okay. And there's still
01:00:52.010 --> 01:00:54.230
plenty of ones where you get to do fun stuff
01:00:54.230 --> 01:00:59.409
and blow stuff up. You get to like have followers
01:00:59.409 --> 01:01:02.389
and, and people that you get to know and you
01:01:02.389 --> 01:01:04.150
figure out their story. You understand why they
01:01:04.150 --> 01:01:07.809
work and they help you. Like, it's just interesting
01:01:07.809 --> 01:01:11.320
ways of interacting with the world. Through the
01:01:11.320 --> 01:01:14.980
lens of play, but also through imagination. I
01:01:14.980 --> 01:01:16.659
just, yeah, I can say a lot about video games.
01:01:17.619 --> 01:01:20.300
And Fallout is one of my favorites of that. It
01:01:20.300 --> 01:01:23.239
asks questions that I like being asked. That
01:01:23.239 --> 01:01:25.960
I like that people will ask themselves because
01:01:25.960 --> 01:01:29.119
so much of it is about power. About what you're
01:01:29.119 --> 01:01:32.659
willing to do to live. What you're willing to
01:01:32.659 --> 01:01:34.539
do to keep yourself and the people you like safe.
01:01:34.679 --> 01:01:40.239
Who you define as who's you. Yeah. And the kind
01:01:40.239 --> 01:01:46.900
of enmity that's created by scarcity and by lies,
01:01:47.039 --> 01:01:53.219
honestly. So Fallout is a beautiful example of
01:01:53.219 --> 01:01:58.239
it's deeper than it looks. It's always political.
01:01:58.320 --> 01:02:01.119
And trust me, girl, I'll always find a way to
01:02:01.119 --> 01:02:03.780
both make it funny and make it political. You
01:02:03.780 --> 01:02:08.260
get both. You get both. I'll stop talking about
01:02:08.260 --> 01:02:10.039
this now. I'm running out of steam. That's fine.
01:02:10.460 --> 01:02:13.880
I hope that you find something that helps you
01:02:13.880 --> 01:02:16.940
deal with the sadness of right now. That helps
01:02:16.940 --> 01:02:18.760
you deal with the heaviness of right now. If
01:02:18.760 --> 01:02:22.139
right now that deals with a kind of a nihilistic,
01:02:22.219 --> 01:02:27.480
post -apocalyptic nuclear wasteland, I'm right
01:02:27.480 --> 01:02:29.619
there with you. If that's not your speed, I hope
01:02:29.619 --> 01:02:32.119
you find something that does. Whether it's herbal
01:02:32.119 --> 01:02:35.829
or doom scrolling or whatever you need. I hope
01:02:35.829 --> 01:02:39.769
you get it. You are loved. Stay safe. Stay sharp.
01:02:39.889 --> 01:02:45.789
And I will talk to y 'all later. Bye. Oh, and
01:02:45.789 --> 01:02:48.929
also I got you a bonus poem this month. You're
01:02:48.929 --> 01:02:52.869
welcome. Have a nice day, sweetie. This is a
01:02:52.869 --> 01:02:57.610
poem by Shannon Ecker. This one also comes with
01:02:57.610 --> 01:03:03.230
a bit of a experience. I'm on my porch. It's
01:03:03.230 --> 01:03:06.849
raining. And the sound is too good to give up.
01:03:08.389 --> 01:03:12.969
Close your eyes. Wherever you are. Not driving!
01:03:13.150 --> 01:03:15.570
If you're not driving, open your eyes. Okay.
01:03:19.030 --> 01:03:20.849
Go ahead and close them. Close them on the 405,
01:03:20.929 --> 01:03:22.969
actually. Okay, so if you're on the 405, I want
01:03:22.969 --> 01:03:24.570
you to close your eyes, and I want you to grab
01:03:24.570 --> 01:03:31.409
the wheel. Oh, I'm gonna... If I ever have a
01:03:31.409 --> 01:03:33.010
blooper reel, this is where it should go. Alright.
01:03:35.880 --> 01:03:39.880
This is a poem by Shannon Ecker called Unlimited.
01:03:40.880 --> 01:03:50.440
With bonus, rain patter. Unlimited. My past in
01:03:50.440 --> 01:03:55.239
closets unsafe. Flight from my captors unbound.
01:03:55.840 --> 01:04:00.880
My concealed rage unleashed. My clouded silence
01:04:00.880 --> 01:04:06.179
unrefined. Claiming my boundaries. Unrepentant.
01:04:06.179 --> 01:04:14.690
My future calls, unlimited. All right, that's
01:04:14.690 --> 01:04:17.230
everything for this episode of Shannon's Sharp.
01:04:17.449 --> 01:04:19.710
If you want more of me, I'm at Shanshan Ecker
01:04:19.710 --> 01:04:22.250
on Instagram, TikTok, Substack, and Pinterest.
01:04:22.550 --> 01:04:24.710
I've also got separate Instagrams at Shannon
01:04:24.710 --> 01:04:27.050
Ecker author for poetry and publishing and at
01:04:27.050 --> 01:04:29.389
Siren underscore Cassandra if you like mermaids.
01:04:29.610 --> 01:04:31.389
I'm Shannon Ecker and you'll be hearing from
01:04:31.389 --> 01:04:33.449
me next month. Take care of yourselves out there
01:04:33.449 --> 01:04:34.650
and once again, stay sharp.
