1:08
Welcome back to another transformative episode of lead between the lines. Today, I'm joined by my friend and trusted facilitator, Jessica. Our connection runs deep and our conversations are often ones that reveal the layers that we miss on our own. As to high achieving women navigating work, family and growth, we're unpacking the delicate balance between power. And vulnerability. Especially when it comes to the roles we hold in our lives and careers. From the subtleties of receiving support to the shifts and our beliefs around earning and self-worth today's discussion touches on the invisible threads that shape how we show up in the world. So let's dive in and explore the spaces between the lines.
Lois StGermaine:
2:03
Hello, my friend! Hello! So, Jessica's life has been busy lately and she, we, we I don't know. Is there anybody else that you talk to when you count texting more than you talk to me? But your life has been busy lately. So I sent you a message this morning about something that came up while I was listening to another podcast. Um, and they were talking about the ability to hold money versus make money. And I started reflecting on how I have operated, and I used to operate under the notion of I'll just out earn my spending, and then I don't have to figure out how to control my spending because I'll just keep out earning it. And that worked for a very long time for me. I know, didn't dawn on me. Well, before I tell you that up until the last, like probably four or five years where my ability to earn has kind of stagnated or slowed down dramatically. And I can't, or couldn't put my finger on why, like what was different. I know I have the ability to earn, but for some reason I'm not. And when on my walk, when everything clears, it's like the, all the clouds in my head clear when I'm out walking. I recognize that in the past, I was always happy to prove someone wrong. Like, don't get me wrong. I like, I like a good revenge motivation of yeah, just hide and watch and see what I can do. And. My husband came along, you know, 20 years ago now and actually believed in me and believed that I could generate tons of money and that I could be this person. And I feel like all of a sudden, especially when I started to wind down my corporate career, the pressure for me to live up to his expectation and, right? Five one reflector. So give me all the projections of a line five. That pressure got me into fear of letting him down because I respected. His position, and I loved that he saw me that way. And I was afraid that if I failed somehow that he would no longer see me like that. And I think there's a lot to unpack here, including. Which I know you and I have talked about a lot, especially being the primary household financial contributor of being able to receive, not just money, but love, respect, and like all of that stuff. So I want, let's, let's unpack a little and see. What your thoughts are. So when you sent me the message this morning, my first thought, cause you said help. And I was, um, last night at 10 o'clock frantically scheduling a grocery pickup early this morning, because my schedule is so packed today. And I thought, why am I not just asking someone else? To go to the grocery store for me. But yet. I thought I needed to do it myself. It's so funny, when you messaged me and you said you're done with your walk and now you're going to grocery pickup, my first thought was like, why are you going for grocery pickup? Because I have a belief, if I have not, uh, scheduled the task in advance and made everyone aware, and so I just did it myself. It's classic, it's classic, uh, working, I'm going to say it's classic, classic working mom, um, to go ahead and, and do all the things. I actually heard Cody Sanchez, um, this week on Instagram, I don't know if you saw it, but she said something to the effect of, you can, you can want your wife to be a traditional wife. She said, But if she's working nine to five, don't expect her to be a traditional wife. Um, and I have found myself walking that line. I want to be a traditional wife. I want to do all those things. Um, but I'm also working the hours. And so I'm, I'm constantly fighting that balance and it just goes right back to. receiving, but in order for me to receive that help, I have to ask for the help and I'm not very good at the asking. I actually think that I'm, well, I was going to say I'm pretty good at the receiving, but I'm not. Uh, I know this. I know this. That's why I do, I do all the, I got it. I got it. I just feel like that little girl who's like, no, no, mom, I can do it. I can do it all myself. That's, that's who I really am. It's so funny because, um, Randy has been home the last couple weeks quite a bit because he's at a lull in his job and one day I asked him to let's work on the garage because I started working out again and the my treadmill was behind where he sits and he smokes. So I'm like, I can't work out in the smoking area rearranged and I wanted to, you know, clean out all the dust and get get it nicer. And I couldn't let him do it by himself. I had to be out there micromanaging how he was doing it because I just knew he wouldn't do it right. And it was the same thing, like right before we jumped on, one of the kitchen lights was blown and I asked him to, I said, will you change that for me? And he's like, yeah, but you need to get the light bulb out. Or I'll forget and I'm like, well, I can't actually get the light bulb out. Cause I'm not tall enough to reach. So then it came, if we changed the light bulb, I'm like, how, why can't I just stay out of it? Well, I think they're also used to us being in it because we have two light bulbs in the kitchen that need to be changed. And he has said, he'll do them. So. I'm allowing that to be done and not saying anything else. But yeah, I think it, it all goes together. It's all receiving. Um, I, I have the opposite story of you where you always felt like you could out earn your spending. I just like to pile my money up and look at it. Um, so I'm a big saver. It's like, I don't ever trust that I could earn that money again. Um, I know I can like. If I logically think about it, I know I can, but there's something subconscious that says I need a pile of money just in case. Yeah. Yeah. And I did, I was the opposite. I thought, I don't, I don't need to save money. I'll just make more, like, I'm going to have fun. I'm going to invest and, and you know, I'm not. I want to say I'm not wasteful with money because my money goes to, um, personal development and books and food. Like, we're big foodies, so we spend a lot on food, but I love to cook and I love to bake and I love, like, all those things. So, it's not like I'm hoarding, like, you're gonna come when I die and find all these unopened boxes of stuff that I never, um, That I just bought that were junk. Like that's not where my money goes. So, yeah, I just, I just thought it was really interesting, like getting, recognizing that it turned into a fear of loss of someone's respect, how they viewed someone's love that kind of had blocked me. And it'll be interesting, like now with that recognition, what that opens up. And does that unlock the floodgates again and stick around? We'll find out. Well, yeah, it was like, as you say that I'm thinking aloud for myself and it's probably, I want to have the money just in case someone needs something because mine is, I need, I need to. Take care of everyone. Right. I want to make sure everyone is happy. Um, and so it's, uh, the, the constant making sure the bucket is full. So I can always go pull from it. Yeah. It's so interesting. And I think, uh, I mean, a lot of what we go through as women, right. You talk about the traditional mom or traditional wife, whatever, however you want to phrase that. It is. There's so many unseen tasks that happen that we just handle that nobody even knows. They don't even know it's happening, like in the family, like your family has no idea. The constant schedule running in my head. Constant. Like I woke up this morning. What are all the things that must get done today? my daughter needs it. Bank account opened. That needs to be scheduled in to, to today. Tomorrow we're traveling up to, um, Belton to UMHB. And so this morning when I was on my walk, I was looking to see what the estimated travel time is because we're going to be traveling about that time tomorrow, no one knows that I'm looking this stuff up. I'm seeing what time the bank opens and closes. I'm seeing what, what's the traffic looks like for tomorrow. Um, all in invisible tasks. What, uh, cause I think a lot of this, what I'm seeing and I'm recognizing more and more is how my shadow operating system or winning strategy is actually playing into all of these things. So remind me again, what yours is. Well, I don't remember it exactly, but it's something to the effect of, um, everything being appropriate. And, uh, because being appropriate basically keeps the peace, uh, keeps everyone happy. So that your whole planning all the time and like, you're especially, you're in the perfect job, right? As a program manager, like, I am just keep looking so far ahead to make sure that all of the pieces fit and that everything stays on track so that you can hit those deadlines, right? And that's constantly knocking out obstacles. Yeah. So interesting. So, mine is protect the reputation at all costs, right? But what it's really saying is. I'm going to listen for any gaps or spaces where I can jump in and be the hero, right? Save the day so that I look worthy. So that I don't look unworthy. Mm hmm. Some sense. And I'm gonna segue into like another, Thing that was happening yesterday that you helped me with last night was I have been so excited about the program that I'm going to bring out for the last two months that I've been working on it and building it and refining it. And I sat down this week to start recording all of the scripts that I had laid out. And yesterday, um, about day six or seven ish in recording my brain, my operating system started whispering. This is just fluff. People are going to be mad that you asked them to pay for this. This isn't valuable at all. I don't know. Like, you need to go redo all 21 scripts and insert more meat. Like, they're not meaty enough. And up until that point, my operating system was like, this is good stuff, right? Or I was overriding enough to know that this is good stuff. Like I am genuinely excited about it. And then that whisper comes and I kept recording. But the whole time I'm like, God, is this just fluff? Should it be deeper? Is it enough? And, you know, finally I sent it to you, sent you a couple episodes last night to say, am I imagining it? No, no, it's good. It's really good. And I also think that if it was me recording it, I'd be looking at it as, is it appropriate? Are people going to get mad? People going to like this? Like mine is more of, of that, um, background noise that would be running. Yeah. Well, and it's interesting, right? Because I've said, I want to build a brand that is, It's not fluff, that it's like a grounded luxury brand where it's not flashy things. It's like mastering the mind and understanding and going deep. And it's for the woman that like really, really wants to make impact. And so I keep playing that as this. You know, helping the brand, hurting the brand. How do I do this? Like, how do I fall so in love with the brand that everyone else is going to fall in love with it? Or not everyone, but anyone attracted to me is going to fall in love with it. And it's just so much that that operating system, the subconscious, I just started reading, um, Jim Forton's new book, um, yeah, came out. So he was talking about that, about. There's so much in the subconscious that is running the show that we are so unaware of that if we don't become aware of it, like, we end up somewhere that we never planned to be. Yes. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's how, that's how I got to where I am, like in my job. Some of it was subconscious and some of it was, was conscious, right? I consciously wanted to achieve a certain amount of income. And so I looked for roles that matched the income I wanted and the skillset that I had, but the skillset that I had, it didn't realize it was actually being. You know, driven by my subcom, my subconscious, right? Because I'm always looking out for the obstacle, planning ahead, trying to make sure everyone is just like I talked about earlier, pre wired, aligned. We have all the conflicts resolved before we go forward. Um, and so that's all like that subconscious pattern running. Um, and when you. I also wanted to comment back to what you were talking about with your work. And I think it's exactly the right thing for you to do to always be looking at it from the filter of, um, does it align to my brand? Am I in love with it? Um, because I think as you start to become more in love with it, as you continue to refine, is it aligned to my brand? It just becomes, um, better, sharper. Um, and I think that you have to start. I know you're questioning, is it deep enough? And I'm, I'm thinking like it is deep enough and it's as deep as the person wants to go. Um, that's really, that was coming to mind because I think you can give someone like a very simple quote to ruminate on. And for one person, it will just be the face value. And for another person, they can write. 30 pages on the impact that book made in their life, right? It's, it has to do with the person and I think your people are very Um, thoughtful and insightful, intelligent, and they're the people that might not be necessarily writing 30 pages, but I think that they are going deep and they can, um, take concepts. And I think it's important to present concepts simply, um, and then take that to different levels of depth. Yeah, I think I, um, tend to want to Give you my 30 years of learning right in one shot, because I think that you need all that background, like how I got to this point to, uh, understand the concept that I'm presenting and I know that's not true, but, you know, I discount how important even, like, the moments that I had this morning of recognizing that, oh, this is why you're afraid to earn more because you think if you don't or if you do and then you spend it, that Your husband is going to lose faith in you, or lose belief in you, or whatever, but by me not, like, doing what he already sees me as, I'm already, like, chipping away at that faith. And, yeah, I discount those kind of moments. To your point of just simplifying it and allowing people to start recognizing these things as they come up and connecting dots. Right? That's really, I feel like my thing, right? I, I see blind spots, you know, as a reflector, I can see what's not being said and lead between the lines. Podcast. And I, we all discount our gift, right? Our genius, because it comes so easy to us. We just think that other people do that. It's not true. Yeah. You you're famous for the, uh, the face Paul, like I'm famous for the face Palm after I listened to some advice you give me or some reflection. You'd give me, I'm like, Oh yeah, I didn't see that. It was very obvious, but I just, I missed it. Yeah. Um, I also think that. You absolutely just defined wisdom because wisdom is taking all of your experience and being able to distill it down to a simple concept and convey that concept. Like that's, that's wisdom. And that is the piece that that people want. Um, your people are busy and they've got a lot going on and they're achieving quickly and they would rather have the five minutes of wisdom than 50 minutes of the history that got you to the wisdom. Enjoy the story. Just make it short, make it sweet, give me the points. Reader's Digest version. That's right. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, um, what my audience loves about this approach that I'm doing is you just said it, right? We don't want, they don't have time. They're busy women. They're families, work, careers, companies. You know, visions, future casting, all of that. What I think I remind people is to slow down and take that stillness, even if it's in five minute pockets of time where you can just catch your breath. Reset, recalibrate, and then off to world domination is what I've been saying lately. Like I'm all for world domination. I think, um, I've actually like coined this next season of my life, my reclamation era, because I'm going to remember who the hell I am. And I'm going to chase whatever I want to chase as hard as I possibly can, which also includes Rest and silence and quiet and stillness. Like I think that piece we forget, especially like you're still in the raising kids time, so stillness and peace, it's much harder for you to find that it is for me. Uh, it's in the morning. It's always in the morning. It's, it's when I, I, I can sleep past my stillness time, but then the, then the day is not, um, it can still be productive, but it doesn't feel as grounded, um, if I don't start with quiet time, exercise, good food, and then start my day. I love that you say that. That's, that's true. That's pretty much, that's how I've been doing it for a few years now. And it seems to help. And I can tell when I don't do it, my team can tell when I don't do it. Um, I just, I'm a little edgier, um, not in the good way. A big part of the reinvention roadmap that just came out is about thinking like an elite athlete. And I don't know if we talked about this last time or not, but if we did, you get some more of it. I love that you just said it's. Quiet time, exercise, food. You don't show up to work until you've like done your prep, right. And you're so that you can show up in the most optimal version of yourself. And I think we forget that. Like we think we can just run and run and run and run. And maybe when we were younger, but it's true, it's true. We can override a lot of that when we were younger. Yeah. But it gets to the point where. That, to me, becomes way more important than the actual action you do when you sit down in your office. Well, and sleep. We should probably not forget sleep either. Like, I've always, I've always been a big proponent of sleep. I do, I've always done things differently than the people around me. I work with, um, probably the first thing I did differently was sleep. Um, people would come, there's just like some sort of badge of honor of like, Oh my God, four hours of sleep last night. And I always look at those people and I'm like, Oh, that does not work for me. Um, I have to get fully rested. Um, and so that is sometimes why I miss the morning. Routine because the sleep is the number one thing for me. Um, but to your point, like that's. Athletes to elite athletes, elite performers. Um, they focus on those things. They focus on sleep. They focus on nutrition. They focus on getting their mind right. Um, they get all, they get themselves right before they go into the game. Yeah. And you have a golfer who, I mean, you talk about mental prep. That game is all mental, right? And that's, if we could take anything. Any learning from elite athletes, be it Olympics or pro players, or even, you know, division one College players.
27:53
All right. Let's pause right here. If you're serious about stepping up, if you're done with the old stories and ready to embrace your next level, you're going to want to hear this because this piece isn't just an add on it's the foundation. So let's talk about the reinvention roadmap. Imagine the re-invention roadmap as your strategic playbook, a manual, not for incremental steps, but for radical identity elevation. This is about evolving into the woman who can hold the kind of power. That brings your deepest vision to life with unwavering presence and clarity. Without this deep internal work, you risk collapsing back into the familiar arms of your current identity. You'll find yourself slipping back into patterns of old beliefs and outdated tactics, inadvertently stepping away from your boldest ambitions. This is where most high-achievers falter. Aiming for bigger circumstances. while, anchored in a smaller identity. The reality is to create your desired impact. You must first become the woman who can sustain the level of power and resilience that your vision requires. This roadmap isn't about making surface level tweaks. It's about consciously deconstructing. What no longer serves you. And rebuilding from a place of deliberate design. It's a confrontation with the shadow operating system. The default way of being that keeps you playing small. The roadmap guide you through pivotal transformations that dissolve old narratives and reveal the true landscape of your potential. Abandoning the roadmap means abandoning the very structure you need to stop sabotaging your vision. It's a self-sustaining mechanism calling you to hold yourself accountable, to embody a relentless committed version to yourself. That doesn't flinch at the first sign of resistance. By evolving your identity. You unlock the capacity to hold and wield the power, your legacy demands. If you're ready to evolve beyond your current identity and step into the woman who can hold the power, her legacy demands. Go to the show notes and claim your re-invention roadmap now. Don't just think about it. Take the first step and transform who you're becoming.
Lois StGermaine:
30:30
I mean your son is high school and he's concerned with these things, right? He's already thinking in that mindset of how do I put my body in optimal position, uh, position? No. Optimal position. I don't know what the word is. Performant. Yeah, yeah. Like whatever it is. State. It's, um, yeah, an optimal state. So that when I step onto the T I'm, I can just rely on my muscle memory and all of that. Right. Which includes practice. And I think, especially as entrepreneurs, we forget that practice is required. Right. Even your skill sets. We, I don't know. There's just something about getting old that we think that we can learn something like this and that it doesn't take practice because we've already practiced stuff for years, but there's no, we can't discount practice. We forget about the practice that we've done for years. When we go to learn a new skill, I'm trying to learn lettering, hand lettering. I was so annoyed because I I wanted to already know how to do it. Um, I'm like, oh, I have to just do stroke, stroke, strokes, like. Time after time, it's really monotonous, but this is the practice that builds the skill. Um, and even, even at work, I'll go to do like a PowerPoint and I want to present information that I haven't presented before. My slide is so ugly the first time. And I have a slide that I use now that has been shared amongst my whole team because. I started with ugly and then I had someone say, Oh, why don't you do this? And why don't you do that? So I took that feedback and I refined it. Then I shared the slide on a big screen and I saw, I don't like the way these things look on the big screen when someone else is receiving it. And so then I went and refined again, but it is that just constant iteration. And it's starting with ugly. You have to sort of, you just have to do that. That's a humbling moment. Whenever you're used to being an expert and you don't want to look stupid. You had that in a recent podcast. Like I don't want to look dumb. I've gotten to my place by. Looking smart, being an expert in where, in what I do, um, but there's always something new to be learned. Well, it's interesting. That kind of brings us full circle to where we started, right? Of me not wanting to disappoint someone's expectation because I had built. The reputation of that type of person. And it always comes back to that. And I think the more we are successful, the less risky we want to be, because we're losing what we have more than we are driven to continue creating. I would agree. 100 percent agree because when I look at big goals, it goes back to our last conversation where we're talking 2x or 10x. Well, 10x looks pretty risky. 2x, I can probably do that. And so it's, it's, And there's something fun about achieving the two X there. There is some, like, there's just a little bit of a dopamine hit. Cause you achieved a goal, uh, where the 10 X it's like, you just keep working and you have to make sure that you have all the micro goals along the way. Yeah. That's interesting. Cause I read a thing or heard something a while back about that. And the dopamine actually comes. Yeah. Before you achieve the thing. Oh yeah. I heard her read that too. Yeah. And we associate it with the actual, like achieving the result, but that isn't when it actually comes. And if we can remember that we can get the dopamine along the way to the goal and not like have it hit at the very end. So. Because the hit at the very end is, is like a flash in the pan. It's so quick. And then it's over and that's what leaves you with the feeling and on to the next right onto the next and there's nothing wrong with that at all, but just like, it's all about understanding, like, I feel like when I started this journey and entrepreneurship. I started it under the guise of how I climbed the corporate ladder was wrong. And I was, it was a broken model that I needed to learn the new way, right? The, the easy way, if you will, right? Cause that's the story that you see online, make a hundred thousand dollars in 12 hours on your launch, whatever it is. And. It took me this long to figure out that it wasn't broken at all. It was my way and it worked for me. And now I get to, again, in my reclamation era, remember that that's how I work. And I'm smarter. I've done a lot more subconscious work. I understand how I operate now. And I just feel like I can take all those pieces, uh, the drive and the ambition and the, the masculine part of me that I actually love and use it to my benefit with this new found subconscious. understanding and the feminine part of me can, can thrive in this and I can receive and I can ask for help and I can try and practice and do all the things and still be driven as hell towards some big vision. It's uh, it's the leverage, like you're basically leveraging what you've learned so that you can go, I'm going to say it faster. Well, it's true. I keep saying I'm an old lady. I don't have as much time left, so I gotta keep moving. I gotta go fast. Yeah, it's just like what I was saying with the slide. Like, next time I go to build a slide like that, it's going to be a lot faster because I've refined, I practiced, I iterated, and now it's, now that I have that knowledge, and so all the knowledge that you've built. Um, you had to do it that way in order to acquire what, what you have. Um, and now, you know, it's like in a little package and you can just reuse it. And now with the subconscious stuff, it's sort of like a, I guess that's what I was looking for. It's like a hack. Knowing the subconscious piece. You're like, Oh, Oh, sneaky, little underlying thought is there that I didn't realize was there. I got it this time. Yeah. And that's the key, right? That's the key to any transformation. I think, like, which is why I made the roadmap and I actually contemplated changing it to the, uh, to the reinvention cycle, because. You don't just do it once and then you know it, right? It's something every time that you want to strive for something different or reach a new goal or a new level or whatever. You go through this entire process of going deeper inside of yourself and learning more about who you are, how you tick all the operating, um, processes that, that you have, and then you cut and refine and fix and change and all of that in order to now become this next version. Yeah. I see the, um, the agile, I don't know if you just, You know, it's like, it starts out as a flat line, then it comes up and it curves and then it goes in a circle and it goes around and like, you just keep iterating. Um, and you pick up something new each time you pick up, uh, well, an agile, you're picking up new scope or new requirements, um, to iterate, to improve your product, um, when your product is you, you're just picking up like. A new skill or a new, um, thought that you found something to help you. And you just keep, yeah, it's definitely a circular pattern. Yeah. And it's just like cleaning up all that rogue code in your program that isn't actually useful anymore. Right. And you're cleaning that out. And like, we call it like cleaning up all the leakiness that we have inside. Yeah. That's coming out and it's. That it's a it's constant. It's not a one time thing. And I think we like a journey to look linear. And to your point, it's just us. We just keep looping. Yeah. Yeah. And I think you actually I think you have actually, um, at some point showed it as a spiral because it isn't like you're just going in a circle over and over again, which is That's sort of gives that impression. But when you start going in a spiral and you're sort of building up, um, but it definitely isn't linear. Well, and it's interesting, right? Because I know what you're referring to when I brought that out. It kind of looked like a tornado. Yes. Yeah. It's a sphere. And half is in the dark and half is in the light, because the shadows that you deal with today, the next time you come around, right, you're a little bit higher, you have a different view of it, you face them again. And you think, didn't I already deal with this, but I haven't dealt with it at my current level. And we think that it's not box checking, like we love, I can't check it off and say, okay, done. Don't ever have to look at that again. It's like, Nope, here it is again in a different view because you're different and you just keep seeing it again and again and again and again, all at different levels, right? You hear people talk about that, you know, new level, new devil. And that's what it is. Yeah. Cause you probably thought, uh, you were good with. With the money thing. Cause you're like, I can always make more money. And now you've found a new thought behind that. And you're like, Oh, that's, that's what's driving that. That's what has driven the money. And that this is what's doing it now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So now it's all about me going back inside and believing and trusting again in. My ability to do that and do it even bigger and greater. And, and I faced whatever comes at that point. All right. I feel like this is a good place for us to wrap up this week. And thank you as always for lending your perspective. It always adds so much to the conversation
42:48
As we close today's episode, consider where you may be holding back or playing smaller than, you know, you're capable of. Whether it's in receiving setting boundaries or even trusting your own path. These are great places where transformation begins, where you can reclaim your own narrative. And my hope is that our conversation has sparked something within you, a challenge to rewrite what success balance, and even self-worth mean in your life. So until next time. Lead boldly live between the lines. And remember your journey to mastery is as much about embracing your depths as it is about celebrating your peaks. See you next week.
Welcome back to another transformative episode of lead between the lines. Today, I'm joined by my friend and trusted facilitator, Jessica. Our connection runs deep and our conversations are often ones that reveal the layers that we miss on our own. As to high achieving women navigating work, family and growth, we're unpacking the delicate balance between power. And vulnerability. Especially when it comes to the roles we hold in our lives and careers. From the subtleties of receiving support to the shifts and our beliefs around earning and self-worth today's discussion touches on the invisible threads that shape how we show up in the world. So let's dive in and explore the spaces between the lines.
Lois StGermaine:
2:03
Hello, my friend! Hello! So, Jessica's life has been busy lately and she, we, we I don't know. Is there anybody else that you talk to when you count texting more than you talk to me? But your life has been busy lately. So I sent you a message this morning about something that came up while I was listening to another podcast. Um, and they were talking about the ability to hold money versus make money. And I started reflecting on how I have operated, and I used to operate under the notion of I'll just out earn my spending, and then I don't have to figure out how to control my spending because I'll just keep out earning it. And that worked for a very long time for me. I know, didn't dawn on me. Well, before I tell you that up until the last, like probably four or five years where my ability to earn has kind of stagnated or slowed down dramatically. And I can't, or couldn't put my finger on why, like what was different. I know I have the ability to earn, but for some reason I'm not. And when on my walk, when everything clears, it's like the, all the clouds in my head clear when I'm out walking. I recognize that in the past, I was always happy to prove someone wrong. Like, don't get me wrong. I like, I like a good revenge motivation of yeah, just hide and watch and see what I can do. And. My husband came along, you know, 20 years ago now and actually believed in me and believed that I could generate tons of money and that I could be this person. And I feel like all of a sudden, especially when I started to wind down my corporate career, the pressure for me to live up to his expectation and, right? Five one reflector. So give me all the projections of a line five. That pressure got me into fear of letting him down because I respected. His position, and I loved that he saw me that way. And I was afraid that if I failed somehow that he would no longer see me like that. And I think there's a lot to unpack here, including. Which I know you and I have talked about a lot, especially being the primary household financial contributor of being able to receive, not just money, but love, respect, and like all of that stuff. So I want, let's, let's unpack a little and see. What your thoughts are. So when you sent me the message this morning, my first thought, cause you said help. And I was, um, last night at 10 o'clock frantically scheduling a grocery pickup early this morning, because my schedule is so packed today. And I thought, why am I not just asking someone else? To go to the grocery store for me. But yet. I thought I needed to do it myself. It's so funny, when you messaged me and you said you're done with your walk and now you're going to grocery pickup, my first thought was like, why are you going for grocery pickup? Because I have a belief, if I have not, uh, scheduled the task in advance and made everyone aware, and so I just did it myself. It's classic, it's classic, uh, working, I'm going to say it's classic, classic working mom, um, to go ahead and, and do all the things. I actually heard Cody Sanchez, um, this week on Instagram, I don't know if you saw it, but she said something to the effect of, you can, you can want your wife to be a traditional wife. She said, But if she's working nine to five, don't expect her to be a traditional wife. Um, and I have found myself walking that line. I want to be a traditional wife. I want to do all those things. Um, but I'm also working the hours. And so I'm, I'm constantly fighting that balance and it just goes right back to. receiving, but in order for me to receive that help, I have to ask for the help and I'm not very good at the asking. I actually think that I'm, well, I was going to say I'm pretty good at the receiving, but I'm not. Uh, I know this. I know this. That's why I do, I do all the, I got it. I got it. I just feel like that little girl who's like, no, no, mom, I can do it. I can do it all myself. That's, that's who I really am. It's so funny because, um, Randy has been home the last couple weeks quite a bit because he's at a lull in his job and one day I asked him to let's work on the garage because I started working out again and the my treadmill was behind where he sits and he smokes. So I'm like, I can't work out in the smoking area rearranged and I wanted to, you know, clean out all the dust and get get it nicer. And I couldn't let him do it by himself. I had to be out there micromanaging how he was doing it because I just knew he wouldn't do it right. And it was the same thing, like right before we jumped on, one of the kitchen lights was blown and I asked him to, I said, will you change that for me? And he's like, yeah, but you need to get the light bulb out. Or I'll forget and I'm like, well, I can't actually get the light bulb out. Cause I'm not tall enough to reach. So then it came, if we changed the light bulb, I'm like, how, why can't I just stay out of it? Well, I think they're also used to us being in it because we have two light bulbs in the kitchen that need to be changed. And he has said, he'll do them. So. I'm allowing that to be done and not saying anything else. But yeah, I think it, it all goes together. It's all receiving. Um, I, I have the opposite story of you where you always felt like you could out earn your spending. I just like to pile my money up and look at it. Um, so I'm a big saver. It's like, I don't ever trust that I could earn that money again. Um, I know I can like. If I logically think about it, I know I can, but there's something subconscious that says I need a pile of money just in case. Yeah. Yeah. And I did, I was the opposite. I thought, I don't, I don't need to save money. I'll just make more, like, I'm going to have fun. I'm going to invest and, and you know, I'm not. I want to say I'm not wasteful with money because my money goes to, um, personal development and books and food. Like, we're big foodies, so we spend a lot on food, but I love to cook and I love to bake and I love, like, all those things. So, it's not like I'm hoarding, like, you're gonna come when I die and find all these unopened boxes of stuff that I never, um, That I just bought that were junk. Like that's not where my money goes. So, yeah, I just, I just thought it was really interesting, like getting, recognizing that it turned into a fear of loss of someone's respect, how they viewed someone's love that kind of had blocked me. And it'll be interesting, like now with that recognition, what that opens up. And does that unlock the floodgates again and stick around? We'll find out. Well, yeah, it was like, as you say that I'm thinking aloud for myself and it's probably, I want to have the money just in case someone needs something because mine is, I need, I need to. Take care of everyone. Right. I want to make sure everyone is happy. Um, and so it's, uh, the, the constant making sure the bucket is full. So I can always go pull from it. Yeah. It's so interesting. And I think, uh, I mean, a lot of what we go through as women, right. You talk about the traditional mom or traditional wife, whatever, however you want to phrase that. It is. There's so many unseen tasks that happen that we just handle that nobody even knows. They don't even know it's happening, like in the family, like your family has no idea. The constant schedule running in my head. Constant. Like I woke up this morning. What are all the things that must get done today? my daughter needs it. Bank account opened. That needs to be scheduled in to, to today. Tomorrow we're traveling up to, um, Belton to UMHB. And so this morning when I was on my walk, I was looking to see what the estimated travel time is because we're going to be traveling about that time tomorrow, no one knows that I'm looking this stuff up. I'm seeing what time the bank opens and closes. I'm seeing what, what's the traffic looks like for tomorrow. Um, all in invisible tasks. What, uh, cause I think a lot of this, what I'm seeing and I'm recognizing more and more is how my shadow operating system or winning strategy is actually playing into all of these things. So remind me again, what yours is. Well, I don't remember it exactly, but it's something to the effect of, um, everything being appropriate. And, uh, because being appropriate basically keeps the peace, uh, keeps everyone happy. So that your whole planning all the time and like, you're especially, you're in the perfect job, right? As a program manager, like, I am just keep looking so far ahead to make sure that all of the pieces fit and that everything stays on track so that you can hit those deadlines, right? And that's constantly knocking out obstacles. Yeah. So interesting. So, mine is protect the reputation at all costs, right? But what it's really saying is. I'm going to listen for any gaps or spaces where I can jump in and be the hero, right? Save the day so that I look worthy. So that I don't look unworthy. Mm hmm. Some sense. And I'm gonna segue into like another, Thing that was happening yesterday that you helped me with last night was I have been so excited about the program that I'm going to bring out for the last two months that I've been working on it and building it and refining it. And I sat down this week to start recording all of the scripts that I had laid out. And yesterday, um, about day six or seven ish in recording my brain, my operating system started whispering. This is just fluff. People are going to be mad that you asked them to pay for this. This isn't valuable at all. I don't know. Like, you need to go redo all 21 scripts and insert more meat. Like, they're not meaty enough. And up until that point, my operating system was like, this is good stuff, right? Or I was overriding enough to know that this is good stuff. Like I am genuinely excited about it. And then that whisper comes and I kept recording. But the whole time I'm like, God, is this just fluff? Should it be deeper? Is it enough? And, you know, finally I sent it to you, sent you a couple episodes last night to say, am I imagining it? No, no, it's good. It's really good. And I also think that if it was me recording it, I'd be looking at it as, is it appropriate? Are people going to get mad? People going to like this? Like mine is more of, of that, um, background noise that would be running. Yeah. Well, and it's interesting, right? Because I've said, I want to build a brand that is, It's not fluff, that it's like a grounded luxury brand where it's not flashy things. It's like mastering the mind and understanding and going deep. And it's for the woman that like really, really wants to make impact. And so I keep playing that as this. You know, helping the brand, hurting the brand. How do I do this? Like, how do I fall so in love with the brand that everyone else is going to fall in love with it? Or not everyone, but anyone attracted to me is going to fall in love with it. And it's just so much that that operating system, the subconscious, I just started reading, um, Jim Forton's new book, um, yeah, came out. So he was talking about that, about. There's so much in the subconscious that is running the show that we are so unaware of that if we don't become aware of it, like, we end up somewhere that we never planned to be. Yes. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's how, that's how I got to where I am, like in my job. Some of it was subconscious and some of it was, was conscious, right? I consciously wanted to achieve a certain amount of income. And so I looked for roles that matched the income I wanted and the skillset that I had, but the skillset that I had, it didn't realize it was actually being. You know, driven by my subcom, my subconscious, right? Because I'm always looking out for the obstacle, planning ahead, trying to make sure everyone is just like I talked about earlier, pre wired, aligned. We have all the conflicts resolved before we go forward. Um, and so that's all like that subconscious pattern running. Um, and when you. I also wanted to comment back to what you were talking about with your work. And I think it's exactly the right thing for you to do to always be looking at it from the filter of, um, does it align to my brand? Am I in love with it? Um, because I think as you start to become more in love with it, as you continue to refine, is it aligned to my brand? It just becomes, um, better, sharper. Um, and I think that you have to start. I know you're questioning, is it deep enough? And I'm, I'm thinking like it is deep enough and it's as deep as the person wants to go. Um, that's really, that was coming to mind because I think you can give someone like a very simple quote to ruminate on. And for one person, it will just be the face value. And for another person, they can write. 30 pages on the impact that book made in their life, right? It's, it has to do with the person and I think your people are very Um, thoughtful and insightful, intelligent, and they're the people that might not be necessarily writing 30 pages, but I think that they are going deep and they can, um, take concepts. And I think it's important to present concepts simply, um, and then take that to different levels of depth. Yeah, I think I, um, tend to want to Give you my 30 years of learning right in one shot, because I think that you need all that background, like how I got to this point to, uh, understand the concept that I'm presenting and I know that's not true, but, you know, I discount how important even, like, the moments that I had this morning of recognizing that, oh, this is why you're afraid to earn more because you think if you don't or if you do and then you spend it, that Your husband is going to lose faith in you, or lose belief in you, or whatever, but by me not, like, doing what he already sees me as, I'm already, like, chipping away at that faith. And, yeah, I discount those kind of moments. To your point of just simplifying it and allowing people to start recognizing these things as they come up and connecting dots. Right? That's really, I feel like my thing, right? I, I see blind spots, you know, as a reflector, I can see what's not being said and lead between the lines. Podcast. And I, we all discount our gift, right? Our genius, because it comes so easy to us. We just think that other people do that. It's not true. Yeah. You you're famous for the, uh, the face Paul, like I'm famous for the face Palm after I listened to some advice you give me or some reflection. You'd give me, I'm like, Oh yeah, I didn't see that. It was very obvious, but I just, I missed it. Yeah. Um, I also think that. You absolutely just defined wisdom because wisdom is taking all of your experience and being able to distill it down to a simple concept and convey that concept. Like that's, that's wisdom. And that is the piece that that people want. Um, your people are busy and they've got a lot going on and they're achieving quickly and they would rather have the five minutes of wisdom than 50 minutes of the history that got you to the wisdom. Enjoy the story. Just make it short, make it sweet, give me the points. Reader's Digest version. That's right. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, um, what my audience loves about this approach that I'm doing is you just said it, right? We don't want, they don't have time. They're busy women. They're families, work, careers, companies. You know, visions, future casting, all of that. What I think I remind people is to slow down and take that stillness, even if it's in five minute pockets of time where you can just catch your breath. Reset, recalibrate, and then off to world domination is what I've been saying lately. Like I'm all for world domination. I think, um, I've actually like coined this next season of my life, my reclamation era, because I'm going to remember who the hell I am. And I'm going to chase whatever I want to chase as hard as I possibly can, which also includes Rest and silence and quiet and stillness. Like I think that piece we forget, especially like you're still in the raising kids time, so stillness and peace, it's much harder for you to find that it is for me. Uh, it's in the morning. It's always in the morning. It's, it's when I, I, I can sleep past my stillness time, but then the, then the day is not, um, it can still be productive, but it doesn't feel as grounded, um, if I don't start with quiet time, exercise, good food, and then start my day. I love that you say that. That's, that's true. That's pretty much, that's how I've been doing it for a few years now. And it seems to help. And I can tell when I don't do it, my team can tell when I don't do it. Um, I just, I'm a little edgier, um, not in the good way. A big part of the reinvention roadmap that just came out is about thinking like an elite athlete. And I don't know if we talked about this last time or not, but if we did, you get some more of it. I love that you just said it's. Quiet time, exercise, food. You don't show up to work until you've like done your prep, right. And you're so that you can show up in the most optimal version of yourself. And I think we forget that. Like we think we can just run and run and run and run. And maybe when we were younger, but it's true, it's true. We can override a lot of that when we were younger. Yeah. But it gets to the point where. That, to me, becomes way more important than the actual action you do when you sit down in your office. Well, and sleep. We should probably not forget sleep either. Like, I've always, I've always been a big proponent of sleep. I do, I've always done things differently than the people around me. I work with, um, probably the first thing I did differently was sleep. Um, people would come, there's just like some sort of badge of honor of like, Oh my God, four hours of sleep last night. And I always look at those people and I'm like, Oh, that does not work for me. Um, I have to get fully rested. Um, and so that is sometimes why I miss the morning. Routine because the sleep is the number one thing for me. Um, but to your point, like that's. Athletes to elite athletes, elite performers. Um, they focus on those things. They focus on sleep. They focus on nutrition. They focus on getting their mind right. Um, they get all, they get themselves right before they go into the game. Yeah. And you have a golfer who, I mean, you talk about mental prep. That game is all mental, right? And that's, if we could take anything. Any learning from elite athletes, be it Olympics or pro players, or even, you know, division one College players.
27:53
All right. Let's pause right here. If you're serious about stepping up, if you're done with the old stories and ready to embrace your next level, you're going to want to hear this because this piece isn't just an add on it's the foundation. So let's talk about the reinvention roadmap. Imagine the re-invention roadmap as your strategic playbook, a manual, not for incremental steps, but for radical identity elevation. This is about evolving into the woman who can hold the kind of power. That brings your deepest vision to life with unwavering presence and clarity. Without this deep internal work, you risk collapsing back into the familiar arms of your current identity. You'll find yourself slipping back into patterns of old beliefs and outdated tactics, inadvertently stepping away from your boldest ambitions. This is where most high-achievers falter. Aiming for bigger circumstances. while, anchored in a smaller identity. The reality is to create your desired impact. You must first become the woman who can sustain the level of power and resilience that your vision requires. This roadmap isn't about making surface level tweaks. It's about consciously deconstructing. What no longer serves you. And rebuilding from a place of deliberate design. It's a confrontation with the shadow operating system. The default way of being that keeps you playing small. The roadmap guide you through pivotal transformations that dissolve old narratives and reveal the true landscape of your potential. Abandoning the roadmap means abandoning the very structure you need to stop sabotaging your vision. It's a self-sustaining mechanism calling you to hold yourself accountable, to embody a relentless committed version to yourself. That doesn't flinch at the first sign of resistance. By evolving your identity. You unlock the capacity to hold and wield the power, your legacy demands. If you're ready to evolve beyond your current identity and step into the woman who can hold the power, her legacy demands. Go to the show notes and claim your re-invention roadmap now. Don't just think about it. Take the first step and transform who you're becoming.
Lois StGermaine:
30:30
I mean your son is high school and he's concerned with these things, right? He's already thinking in that mindset of how do I put my body in optimal position, uh, position? No. Optimal position. I don't know what the word is. Performant. Yeah, yeah. Like whatever it is. State. It's, um, yeah, an optimal state. So that when I step onto the T I'm, I can just rely on my muscle memory and all of that. Right. Which includes practice. And I think, especially as entrepreneurs, we forget that practice is required. Right. Even your skill sets. We, I don't know. There's just something about getting old that we think that we can learn something like this and that it doesn't take practice because we've already practiced stuff for years, but there's no, we can't discount practice. We forget about the practice that we've done for years. When we go to learn a new skill, I'm trying to learn lettering, hand lettering. I was so annoyed because I I wanted to already know how to do it. Um, I'm like, oh, I have to just do stroke, stroke, strokes, like. Time after time, it's really monotonous, but this is the practice that builds the skill. Um, and even, even at work, I'll go to do like a PowerPoint and I want to present information that I haven't presented before. My slide is so ugly the first time. And I have a slide that I use now that has been shared amongst my whole team because. I started with ugly and then I had someone say, Oh, why don't you do this? And why don't you do that? So I took that feedback and I refined it. Then I shared the slide on a big screen and I saw, I don't like the way these things look on the big screen when someone else is receiving it. And so then I went and refined again, but it is that just constant iteration. And it's starting with ugly. You have to sort of, you just have to do that. That's a humbling moment. Whenever you're used to being an expert and you don't want to look stupid. You had that in a recent podcast. Like I don't want to look dumb. I've gotten to my place by. Looking smart, being an expert in where, in what I do, um, but there's always something new to be learned. Well, it's interesting. That kind of brings us full circle to where we started, right? Of me not wanting to disappoint someone's expectation because I had built. The reputation of that type of person. And it always comes back to that. And I think the more we are successful, the less risky we want to be, because we're losing what we have more than we are driven to continue creating. I would agree. 100 percent agree because when I look at big goals, it goes back to our last conversation where we're talking 2x or 10x. Well, 10x looks pretty risky. 2x, I can probably do that. And so it's, it's, And there's something fun about achieving the two X there. There is some, like, there's just a little bit of a dopamine hit. Cause you achieved a goal, uh, where the 10 X it's like, you just keep working and you have to make sure that you have all the micro goals along the way. Yeah. That's interesting. Cause I read a thing or heard something a while back about that. And the dopamine actually comes. Yeah. Before you achieve the thing. Oh yeah. I heard her read that too. Yeah. And we associate it with the actual, like achieving the result, but that isn't when it actually comes. And if we can remember that we can get the dopamine along the way to the goal and not like have it hit at the very end. So. Because the hit at the very end is, is like a flash in the pan. It's so quick. And then it's over and that's what leaves you with the feeling and on to the next right onto the next and there's nothing wrong with that at all, but just like, it's all about understanding, like, I feel like when I started this journey and entrepreneurship. I started it under the guise of how I climbed the corporate ladder was wrong. And I was, it was a broken model that I needed to learn the new way, right? The, the easy way, if you will, right? Cause that's the story that you see online, make a hundred thousand dollars in 12 hours on your launch, whatever it is. And. It took me this long to figure out that it wasn't broken at all. It was my way and it worked for me. And now I get to, again, in my reclamation era, remember that that's how I work. And I'm smarter. I've done a lot more subconscious work. I understand how I operate now. And I just feel like I can take all those pieces, uh, the drive and the ambition and the, the masculine part of me that I actually love and use it to my benefit with this new found subconscious. understanding and the feminine part of me can, can thrive in this and I can receive and I can ask for help and I can try and practice and do all the things and still be driven as hell towards some big vision. It's uh, it's the leverage, like you're basically leveraging what you've learned so that you can go, I'm going to say it faster. Well, it's true. I keep saying I'm an old lady. I don't have as much time left, so I gotta keep moving. I gotta go fast. Yeah, it's just like what I was saying with the slide. Like, next time I go to build a slide like that, it's going to be a lot faster because I've refined, I practiced, I iterated, and now it's, now that I have that knowledge, and so all the knowledge that you've built. Um, you had to do it that way in order to acquire what, what you have. Um, and now, you know, it's like in a little package and you can just reuse it. And now with the subconscious stuff, it's sort of like a, I guess that's what I was looking for. It's like a hack. Knowing the subconscious piece. You're like, Oh, Oh, sneaky, little underlying thought is there that I didn't realize was there. I got it this time. Yeah. And that's the key, right? That's the key to any transformation. I think, like, which is why I made the roadmap and I actually contemplated changing it to the, uh, to the reinvention cycle, because. You don't just do it once and then you know it, right? It's something every time that you want to strive for something different or reach a new goal or a new level or whatever. You go through this entire process of going deeper inside of yourself and learning more about who you are, how you tick all the operating, um, processes that, that you have, and then you cut and refine and fix and change and all of that in order to now become this next version. Yeah. I see the, um, the agile, I don't know if you just, You know, it's like, it starts out as a flat line, then it comes up and it curves and then it goes in a circle and it goes around and like, you just keep iterating. Um, and you pick up something new each time you pick up, uh, well, an agile, you're picking up new scope or new requirements, um, to iterate, to improve your product, um, when your product is you, you're just picking up like. A new skill or a new, um, thought that you found something to help you. And you just keep, yeah, it's definitely a circular pattern. Yeah. And it's just like cleaning up all that rogue code in your program that isn't actually useful anymore. Right. And you're cleaning that out. And like, we call it like cleaning up all the leakiness that we have inside. Yeah. That's coming out and it's. That it's a it's constant. It's not a one time thing. And I think we like a journey to look linear. And to your point, it's just us. We just keep looping. Yeah. Yeah. And I think you actually I think you have actually, um, at some point showed it as a spiral because it isn't like you're just going in a circle over and over again, which is That's sort of gives that impression. But when you start going in a spiral and you're sort of building up, um, but it definitely isn't linear. Well, and it's interesting, right? Because I know what you're referring to when I brought that out. It kind of looked like a tornado. Yes. Yeah. It's a sphere. And half is in the dark and half is in the light, because the shadows that you deal with today, the next time you come around, right, you're a little bit higher, you have a different view of it, you face them again. And you think, didn't I already deal with this, but I haven't dealt with it at my current level. And we think that it's not box checking, like we love, I can't check it off and say, okay, done. Don't ever have to look at that again. It's like, Nope, here it is again in a different view because you're different and you just keep seeing it again and again and again and again, all at different levels, right? You hear people talk about that, you know, new level, new devil. And that's what it is. Yeah. Cause you probably thought, uh, you were good with. With the money thing. Cause you're like, I can always make more money. And now you've found a new thought behind that. And you're like, Oh, that's, that's what's driving that. That's what has driven the money. And that this is what's doing it now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So now it's all about me going back inside and believing and trusting again in. My ability to do that and do it even bigger and greater. And, and I faced whatever comes at that point. All right. I feel like this is a good place for us to wrap up this week. And thank you as always for lending your perspective. It always adds so much to the conversation
42:48
As we close today's episode, consider where you may be holding back or playing smaller than, you know, you're capable of. Whether it's in receiving setting boundaries or even trusting your own path. These are great places where transformation begins, where you can reclaim your own narrative. And my hope is that our conversation has sparked something within you, a challenge to rewrite what success balance, and even self-worth mean in your life. So until next time. Lead boldly live between the lines. And remember your journey to mastery is as much about embracing your depths as it is about celebrating your peaks. See you next week.
