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There is no pain in divorce quite like the slow, deliberate erasure of a parent from a child's life. It has a name — parental alienation — and it is not just bad co-parenting. It is a strategy. And the most dangerous thing you can do when it is being used against you is wait, hope, and trust that the legal system will notice on its own. It won't. Not unless you know exactly what to document, when to act, and how to make a judge understand — fast — what is being systematically done to your family.
Becky Sampson sits down with Kevin Hickey — divorce and child custody attorney based in Fort Smith, Arkansas, with 26 years in the trenches and 15 years of specialized parental alienation practice — for one of the most strategically critical conversations in the Divorcing Strong series. Over the course of his career, Kevin has handled high-conflict custody cases involving parental alienation across 13 different states, representing the targeted parent in some of the most emotionally taxing and legally complex family court battles imaginable. What sets Kevin apart is not just his case history — it is his philosophy. He does not wait for the damage to become undeniable. He believes in early intervention: identifying the patterns early, responding in a way that protects the child immediately, and building a case that gives a judge something specific and objective to act on before the alienation has time to take root. Because in parental alienation cases, Kevin will tell you plainly — patience is not a virtue. It is a liability.
If your child is pulling away, repeating phrases that sound exactly like your ex, or if you are being kept off school forms, hidden from appointments, and lied to about extracurricular activities — this episode is the strategy session you did not know you needed.
🎯 In This Episode, You'll Learn:
- How an area of law chose Kevin — and why parental alienation became personal — Kevin's candid account of coming out of law school with no intention of becoming a divorce attorney, taking a couple of high-profile divorces early in his career, and suddenly being one — then, 15 years into his practice, starting to encounter cases where one parent was systematically driving a wedge between the other and their children, feeling "lost as to how to fight these cases" especially when the alienating parent had narcissistic tendencies, and making the decision that this could not keep happening — that there had to be a way to fight back and stop it
- What parental alienation actually is — the full definition — the complete behavioral pattern that constitutes parental alienation: not a single incident, not a bad mood, but a consistent, pattern-based campaign by one parent (the alienating parent) to drive a wedge between the other (the target parent) and their children — and why the distinction between "bad co-parenting" and "parental alienation" matters legally, emotionally, and strategically
- The gatekeeping playbook — what it looks like in practice — the specific, documented tactics Kevin sees most frequently: being kept off school enrollment forms and medical records, not being told when appointments are scheduled or who the doctor is, being given the wrong time for extracurricular activities ("they told you 3:00 , it was at 1:00 , you show up and it's already over"), negative comments about you to the children, and a litany of smaller, individually deniable actions that, taken together, form an unmistakable pattern
- The early warning signs in your children — how to recognize when alienation has already begun: behavioral changes in your child, a sudden emotional distance that wasn't there before, and — the most chilling signal — your child spontaneously using phrasing, wording, or talking points that could only have come from your ex; why recognizing these signs early is not paranoia but pattern recognition, and why acting on them immediately is your most powerful protective move
- Why early intervention is everything — and what it looks like — Kevin's clearest strategic directive: the moment you suspect alienation, you cannot wait; what an attorney can do in the earliest stages (making sure you have maximum time with your children, alerting opposing counsel explicitly about what their client is doing, filing for a temporary or emergency hearing so the judge gets up to speed immediately) and why every week of delay is a week the other parent's narrative is solidifying unopposed
- The "Kevin calendar" — your single most powerful legal weapon — the documentation method Kevin gives every client from day one: get a physical calendar, call it your case calendar, and on the day something happens, write it down — screenshot of a text, a note from the parenting app, a missed appointment, a wrong time given for a baseball game; why the resistance to documentation ("I don't want to have to do that") is exactly the resistance the alienating parent is counting on, and why the parent who documents wins
- The single biggest misperception about family court — the assumption Kevin corrects with nearly every client: the judge does not know anything about your case; the judge has not read every text, every email, every deposition, every interrogatory; the judge has read what has been filed — and will hear only what you can prove at the hearing; why "the judge already knows" is the most dangerous assumption you can bring into a courtroom, and why your entire legal strategy must be built around telling your story clearly, concisely, and with evidence that gives a judge something specific to act on
- Objective vs. emotional — the presentation skill that decides cases — the specific reframe Kevin teaches: the moment you walk into a hearing, a custody evaluation, or a meeting with the attorney ad litem, you do not get to be the parent who is in pain — you get to be the parent who is organized, calm, and specific; what objective documentation sounds like in practice ("Five times in the last four months, she scheduled an appointment without informing me first — here are the dates") vs. what emotional testimony costs you ("she's a terrible person and she did this"); why being the reasonable one in the room is not just a personality preference but your most effective legal posture
- Working with your attorney — the timeline method that saves money and wins cases — Kevin's direct instruction to every new client: put together a running narrative timeline and send it to me; do not edit it, do not decide what's relevant, do not leave things out because you think they might not matter — send it all, because the detail you think is insignificant might be the exact thing your attorney can build a case around; why confidentiality rules exist specifically to make this honesty possible and safe
- Narcissistic personalities in parental alienation cases — what makes them different — Kevin's frank assessment of the specific challenge posed by alienating parents with narcissistic tendencies: they are master manipulators, they are evasive under direct questioning, and they are very good at appearing reasonable to people who do not know them; why standard family court processes — designed for parents who are acting in good faith — are systematically ill-equipped to catch what a high-functioning narcissist is doing; and why an attorney who understands this dynamic from the start is not a luxury but a requirement
- The vetting challenge — how to know which parent is actually the target — Kevin's honest disclosure that even experienced attorneys sometimes enter a case representing who they believe is the target parent, only to realize partway through that the picture is more complicated; how Kevin has refined his intake vetting over the years to identify this earlier; and why this disclosure is actually the most important signal of an attorney whose allegiance is to the truth rather than to the client's preferred narrative
- The pattern documentation principle — why specific beats emotional every time — the closing strategic frame of the entire episode: the attorney ad litem, the custody evaluator, and the judge are all looking for the same thing — something concrete to hang their decision on; the parent who arrives with dates, patterns, and documented incidents gives them that; the parent who arrives with emotion, frustration, and generalizations gives them nothing; and why the parent who understands this distinction soonest has already taken the first step toward winning
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🎙️ About Kevin Hickey:
Kevin Hickey is a divorce and child custody attorney based in Fort Smith, Arkansas, with 26 years of family law experience and a 15-year specialization in high-conflict custody cases involving parental alienation. Over the course of his career, he has handled parental alienation cases across 13 different states, consistently representing the targeted parent — the one being systematically erased — against alienating parents who are often master manipulators with narcissistic tendencies and the skills to appear reasonable to everyone except the people who know them. Kevin's signature contribution to the field is his emphasis on early intervention: identifying the behavioral patterns of alienation before they solidify, responding immediately with the legal tools available (emergency hearings, time maximization, opposing counsel notification), and building a documentation-first strategy that gives a judge something specific and objective to act on. He developed his practice in this area after encountering cases early in his career where parents were getting away with systematic child alienation — and deciding that was not acceptable.
🔗 Connect with KEVIN HICKEY
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kevinthelawyer/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HickeyHullLawPartners
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kevinthelawyer
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjnggXXgWzVHivEd8YDqLog
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevinhickey2/
Website: https://www.hickeyandhull.com/
🎧About Divorcing Strong™ Podcast:
Hosted by Becky Sampson, CEO of Only Subpoenas™, the Divorcing Strong™ Podcast is where real stories meet real strategies for surviving and thriving through divorce. Each episode brings expert insights from top divorce attorneys, family law specialists, financial planners, and healing coaches to help you protect your rights and step into YOU 2.0.
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⚠️ DISCLAIMER: The content on this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, or mental health advice. Please consult a licensed attorney, financial advisor, or mental health professional for guidance specific to your situation. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
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